Confabulation Is Your Parent Lying?

Is My Parent Lying? Confabulation: What It Is And How to Deal With It

Confabulation may not be a term you are familiar with, but one whose symptoms you will recognize. If your parent is confabulating, it can be very challenging to deal with and even harder to know how to respond. You may wonder- is my parent lying to me? How do I know if the information they are giving me is reliable?

In many situations, you may know for a fact that something your parent is telling you isn’t true- that the recollection of events didn’t happen. However, in other cases, you may be relying on your parent to say to you whether they saw a healthcare provider or complied with medical directives. Most confabulation occurs as a symptom of Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia, but other causes exist. We will guide you through this emotionally draining condition and offer some coping and communication techniques.

Confabulation By Amanda Lambert

Confabulation and Caregiving

One of the more disturbing aspects of confabulation is when your parent accuses you or another caregiver of stealing or mistreating them. Dementia is often characterized by paranoia and delusions, which can be heartbreaking and stressful. Your parent is someone you had mutual trust with, and it is almost as if they are a different person now.

What Causes Confabulation?

There are two main situations under which confabulation occurs. The first type is in response to a question that the person feels pressured to answer and may make up something incorrect rather than say that they don’t know. The other situation occurs spontaneously, and these confabulations can be quite bizarre or fantastic. Other times your parent’s stories may be benign, like making up a story about what they did on the weekend even though it never occurred. The leading causes of confabulation are Alzheimer’s disease, Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome, or traumatic head injury. Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome results from an alcohol use problem, and Alzheimer’s disease is the most common form of dementia. Regardless of the cause, most people who have symptoms of confabulation usually have damage in two areas of the brain: the frontal lobes and the corpus callosum. The frontal lobe is crucial for memory.

Consequences of Confabulation Associated with Dementia

If you recognize confabulation in a parent, it is essential to realize that they are not lying and completely believe what they are telling you. Your parent is subconsciously creating stories as a way to conceal their memory loss. They don’t know that they aren’t telling the truth and have no doubt what they are saying is true. Confabulation can affect your relationship with your parent and complicate the caregiving situation due to other dementia behaviors.

Confabulation and Safety

If a person acts on the thoughts they have, it can be catastrophic. For example, if your parent believes that someone will pick them up to go “home,” and they go out into the cold and wander. Or, they think that they can cook or drive safely when they can’t.

Confabulation and Relationships

Even though you may understand and accept that your parent’s confabulation is unavoidable, others may not feel that way. Family and friends may be shocked and confused by confabulation, which only further alienates your parent from others.

Techniques to Coping with Confabulation

There are ways to cope with a parent who confabulates, and by following these suggestions, things may improve. Anything that creates more stability and calm will help. • Use Validation Therapy Techniques Validation therapy is a way to approach This article is sponsored by Home Care Assistance, for more info visit > www.homecareassistance.com

adults who have Alzheimer’s or dementia with empathy, comfort, and reassurance. Rather than correcting or getting angry with the person who confabulates, validation therapy recommends the following: • Stay calm and focused. Breathe deeply. • Reminisce and talk about the past. • Acknowledge the emotion behind the false memory. • Reassure and don’t correct • Create a Memory Book Memory books are a great way to create a photo album or scrapbook of important events in your parent’s life. When someone confabulates, they are losing track of the past. Memory books can provide comfort and stability by reminding people of the positive people and events in their life. • Understanding the Purpose of Confabulation If you understand the purpose of confabulation, it will help you learn how to respond in a caring and compassionate way. • People with dementia are confused and overwhelmed by memory loss and confusion. Confabulation is a way of making sense of their situation. • When a person is asked a question and doesn’t know the answer, it can be disempowering. Confabulation is a way of gaining relevance in the world and providing a sense of control over surroundings. • Filling in memory gaps is a way of creating an alternate reality that is reassuring. • Emotional Regulation of Responses How you respond to your parent who confabulates has a significant impact on their stress and comfort level. We have some suggestions for anyone who is caring for a parent with dementia who confabulates. • Using clear and simple language • Reduce stress in the environment such as loud noises and lots of people • Minimize distractions • Stay calm and don’t get angry • Allow your parent time for processing information

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Can You Afford to Retire?

Can you afford to retire? The pandemic has pushed many people to confront this question earlier than they may have planned. The answer may be more complicated than you think, and an incorrect answer could be costly. To correctly answer the question, it may help to build a retirement income and expenses pyramid.

Longevity risk is one reason that the answer is complicated. Many people retiring today lives twentyfive years or longer after they retire; think of that as being unemployed for 25 years. In addition, that twentyfive-year period is filled with three different phases with different sets of expenses: the Go-Go years, the Slow-Go years, and the No-Go years. Another complication is that your lifestyle when you retire may be totally different, with a different set of expenses; it’s a whole new budget. Finally, your sources of income are likely to be different and subject to new sets of risks.

On Wednesday, October 27th from noon to 1:30 p.m. Susan Moore of Moore Wealth Management, Inc. will be conducting a complimentary webinar that covers how to build your pyramid, estimating what your income and expenses will be during retirement. There will be both a live and recorded version. Please call the Moore Wealth Management office for further information or reservations at 334.270.1672 or email sarah@ moorewealthmanagement.com. If you miss the webinar, we also offer free consultations that are without obligation.

A pyramid approach attempts to prioritize the sources of income and expenses. First, you build the foundation of the pyramid with your guaranteed sources of income which include Social Security, some types of annuities and pensions. This involves a whole set of questions: when to take Social Security to maximize it for your circumstances; when and how to take income from the annuities; and which pension option to take and is your pension safe (is it at risk because of underfunding)?

Once you’ve determined the guaranteed sources of income that make up the foundation, then you must budget and figure out your essential expenses, which include food, housing, healthcare, and taxes. These expenses may vary widely in the three phases of Go-Go, Slow-Go and No-Go. This too involves a whole set of questions: how to maximize your healthcare coverage and minimize your costs; can you afford to age in place or do you need to plan to downsize into independent or assisted living options; and how to minimize taxes on Social Security and avoid higher Medicare premiums.

Then you build the middle level of the pyramid which includes your variable sources of income from savings and investment portfolios and your desired expenses like vacations, hobbies, entertainment and taking care of family. Like the essential expenses, these may vary widely depending up on the three phases. A portfolio producing an income is subject to different risks than one in which you are accumulating assets. Conventional wisdom was that a safe withdrawal rate from a portfolio was 4%; new studies show that in a low interest rate world the “new” safe withdrawal rate is 2.5% to 3%. ¹ In addition, a portfolio producing an income is subject to greater risks of sustained losses than a portfolio providing no distributions.

Finally, you are ready to build the top of the pyramid which include your legacy plans: helping to fund grandchildren’s education, gifts to family while you’re alive and at your death; and philanthropic giving while you’re alive and at your death. These should be funded with your longerterm holdings or illiquid investments.

Retiring is complicated. The old adage applies: if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Build your pyramid!

Financial Thoughts with Susan Moore

By Susan Clayton Moore, J.D.

Principal of Moore Wealth Management, Inc.

Susan Clayton Moore, J.D., is a financial advisor and wealth manager of Moore Wealth Management, Inc., with offices in Auburn, Montgomery, and Alexander City, AL. Susan has under advisement over $170 million (as of 3.31.2021) in brokerage and advisory assets through Kestra Financial and has been a financial planner over 38 years. Contact Susan at 334.270.1672. Email contact is susan@ moorewealthmanagement.com.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and may not necessarily reflect those held by Kestra Investment Services, LLC or Kestra Advisory Services, LLC. This is for general information only and is not intended to provide specific investment advice or recommendations for any individual. It is suggested that you consult your financial professional, attorney or tax advisor with regard to your individual situation.

Securities offered through Kestra Investment Services, LLC (Kestra IS), member FINRA/SIPC. Investment Advisory Services offered through Kestra Advisory Services, LLC (Kestra AS), an affiliate of Kestra IS. Kestra IS or Kestra AS are not affiliated with Moore Wealth Management, Inc.

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¹https://www.onefpa.org/journal/Pages/The%204%20Percent%20 Rule%20Is%20Not%20Safe%20in%20a%20Low-Yield%20World.aspx