Workbook preview by UniversityParent

Dear Parents and Families, This year, UniversityParent celebrates its 10th year in business. In this time, we’ve partnered with hundreds of universities to publish over 2 million parent handbooks; we’ve sent thousands of email newsletters to parents; and millions of parents have visited UniversityParent.com. Gathering from our experience, we’ve developed this comprehensive, well-researched Guide to Supporting Your Student’s Freshman Year. I originally started UniversityParent because I realized that my own parents had many questions about the university and local community that were different from my questions as a student. My parents were interested in a very different side of the college experience than I was, and they didn’t know where to go (besides asking me) for information and advice.

WELCOME TO OUR COMMUNITY

Welcome to Our Community

I also learned from working on campus and serving in the student government that the university wanted to have a strong relationship with parents but that it was difficult for a number of reasons. Many schools don’t have the staff time or financial resources to provide comprehensive information for parents. Another challenge for parents seeking connection to their students’ campus experience is known as FERPA (Family Educational Rights & Privacy Act). FERPA is the reason that schools don’t share student grades with parents. Many parents think the school is shutting them out, when in fact a federal law has mandated this stance. I wanted to sort through issues like this and create a helpful go-to guide to make parenting from afar easier. Studies consistently show that students with engaged parents have far better college outcomes than those that don’t – or than those with overly-involved parents (2007 National Survey of Student Engagement). There is a delicate balance between acting as a coach and acting in place of the student. As I expanded from making the first guide for the University of Colorado at Boulder, I discovered that most parent questions are universal. While each student’s experience is different, students face similar challenges and often turn to their parents for guidance. In this book, we hope to answer any question you might have about how to best support your son or daughter during this new life stage. If your concern is not addressed in these pages, please visit our online resource at www.universityparent.com for more information. Enjoy these wonderful years with your student! Warmly,

Sarah Schupp Founder & CEO, UniversityParent 3

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Summer

TABLE OF CONTENTS

TABLE OF CONTENTS

looking forward

TABLE OF CONTENTS

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Chapter 1:

Get ready SUMMER How Will Your Parenting Role Change? - Lucy Ewing

he ever-shifting nature of the parent’s role is never more obvious than when a son or daughter enters college. We don’t reinvent ourselves overnight, and the process isn’t always smooth, but usually the new dynamic is mutually positive. Our students appreciate the chance to be independent; we learn to take the back seat and admire the transformation. Both parents and students find that relationships can become stronger during the college years. You might notice the change playing out during the weekly telephone or Skype chat (initiated by the student…remember, we’re striving to provide more space). Parents begin to receive more than they give. “Instead of leading him, I let my son take the CEO role while I’m more like a member of the board of directors,” says one parent. Agrees another, “I gradually moved away from being a caretaker with lots of advice to being a listener.” In high school, our students may have felt as if most of their interactions with us were characterized by power struggles and interrogations. Now, as we invite them to direct the dialogue, that perception disappears. “I confided in my mother much more once I started college,” one student recalls. Another says, with appreciation, “it’s more like my parents and I are having a conversation than that they’re trying to steer me one way or the other.” Situations will still arise where parents and students revert to earlier roles. When dealing with difficult roommates, unresponsive landlords, and serious breakups, students often seek out their parents’ expertise and intuition. Observes a student, “Sometimes the roles can switch back in a period of stress, when you need your parent to still be the parent. It’s all about flexibility, with the student transitioning into adulthood and the parent being okay dealing with the swings.” Another student agrees: “I want my parents to be confident in my decision-making skills, and give me space for self discovery, but I still need them to be inthe-know in case of an emergency.” 8

“...it’s more like my parents and I are having a conversation than that they’re trying to steer me one way or the other.”

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It’s a balancing act…and also a matter of letting go. In college, my son and daughter learned they can do things for themselves that I probably was too involved with throughout their earlier years. A friend, and parent of three college students, sums it up: “College is an incredibly maturing time for children and for parents. It’s time for parents to back off and not need to know everything that’s going on in their students’ lives. The kids need to be responsible for themselves…so down the road they can learn how to be responsible for others.”

Check-ups & Shots: What Your Student Needs - Diane Schwemm,

he college will want completed health forms before your student arrives on campus. Vaccination requirements vary - find this information on the college website. Some schools require a physical exam; others ask for additional medical documentation if your student plans to participate in sports.

Here is a typical list of required and recommended vaccinations: Tetanus/Diphtheria (TD) (or Tdap, which also protects against Acellular Pertussis, or

whooping cough) – TD and Tdap are part of a normal childhood vaccination schedule. If the last dose was given more than ten years ago, your student may need another.

Measles/Mumps/Rubella (MMR) (2 doses) – This also is a standard childhood vaccine, so chances are your son or daughter is protected. Hepatitis B or A/B (3 doses) – Hepatitis is a serious communicable illness. Three doses are required, so be sure to leave plenty of time.

Meningococcal MCV4 or MPSV4 – Meningitis is a dangerous illness that can spread quickly in the close quarters of college classrooms and residence halls. The meningococcal vaccine is either required or highly recommended for all new students. Varicella (2 doses or proof of immunity) – The “chicken pox” vaccine is either required or recommended.

Tuberulosis Screening Form – This requirement has become more common. If the school determines your student has risk factors for TB (this includes many international students), it may require a TB skin test. 9

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HPV – This vaccine is not generally required but is recommended by the Center for Disease Control. It protects against human papillomaviruses that can cause cervical cancer and other serious diseases.

Seasonal flu vaccine – The seasonal flu vaccine is an important part of

preventative health care, so make sure your college student is protected. Many student health centers offer free shots as the flu season gets under way. Medical, religious, and personal exemptions to vaccine requirements are allowed by law in some states, but be aware that, during a severe outbreak on campus, exempted students in some situations may be subject to quarantine or even excluded from school. The CDC website has information on all the above illnesses and can help you locate missing vaccination records.

College Health Insurance Options - Suzanne Shaffer

ost colleges require that students carry health insurance, and college students are subject to the “individual coverage mandate” of the recently implemented Affordable Care Act (ACA). As she moves away from home, what are your options for making sure that your student continues to be well covered for preventive care, minor illnesses, and in case of emergencies?

Your current health insurance

The ACA allows your student to stay on your healthcare plan until the age of 26 even if she has a pre-existing condition. This may be the best option for your student’s health insurance needs. It can save time and money during the college years and also during those first few post-college years as she is getting situated financially. Be aware, however, that different states have different laws regarding coverage requirements. If your student attends school in another state, before being allowed to waive the student health insurance plan offered by the college, you may need to provide proof that your insurance will cover your out-of-area student at an acceptable level. Start this process early in the summer so that the paperwork is ready in time for fall registration.

Student health plans

Most accredited colleges and universities offer student health insurance plans at reduced rates until graduation. With the implementation of the ACA, these plans will cover pre-existing conditions, as well as a host of other services such as emergency medical treatment, prescription drug coverage and mental health coverage. Typically, student health insurance plans allow your student to receive care at the university health center for free, with co-pays when accessing off-campus providers. When researching plans on the school website, make sure to find out how coverage works when your student isn’t on campus (for example, during vacations). Student health insurance plans satisfy the “minimum essential health coverage” mandated by the ACA.

Catastrophic insurance

If your student is enrolled at a 2-year college or online, student health plans will not be available. Your student might opt for a catastrophic insurance plan designed to protect your finances in the event of a major medical expense like surgery. These plans are inexpensive but omit the benefits of routine health services, annual checkups and prescription coverage. This type of insurance is considered high risk even though it is low cost. 10

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Insurance exchanges

As a result of the ACA, your student is eligible to purchase insurance through healthcare.gov’s “Health Insurance Marketplace.” The government offers tax subsidies to qualifying adults – when your student signs up for a plan, her payment will be calculated along with the subsidies she can receive based on annual income. The healthcare exchanges may cover your student at a lower rate than what you are paying to include her on your plan. Because of the Affordable Care Act, there will be a tax penalty for anyone who is not insured. Your student will need some form of health insurance when entering college. Choose the option that best suits your budget and your student’s health needs.

Other Insurance Must-Haves for Freshmen - Suzanne Shaffer

s our students enter college, what types of insurance do they need? In addition to health insurance, which is mandatory, consider these options:

Content (Renters)

Whether your student lives on or off campus, it’s wise to protect him against theft, and this type of insurance costs relatively little, often under $200 for a year’s worth of coverage. If your student lives in a dorm, your homeowners or renters insurance policy may extend to cover his belongings. Most policies limit a student’s coverage to 10% of the parent’s coverage. In other words, if your homeowners policy has a personal property limit of $300,000, your student’s belongings are covered up to $30,000, after the deductible. Consider talking with an insurance representative to better understand the coverage available specific to your student’s living situation.

Tuition

Provided through a third party, tuition insurance is low cost and will protect you from losing any prepaid tuition if an emergency arises and your student needs to withdraw midsemester. Individual college refund policies may differ depending on whether the student 11

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is receiving financial aid. Before investing in this type of insurance, ask the college about its policy regarding refunding tuition. Many colleges send out information regarding tuition insurance when they mail or e-mail the tuition bill, and refund policies should be readily located on the school website.

Car

If your student takes a car to college, you need to alert your insurance company. Depending on where he attends school, you may have to make changes to meet minimum coverage requirements for that state, which in turn may impact your premiums. Even if your student doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take a car, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a good idea to keep him on your policy so he can drive during school breaks. Call your agent to see if his living situation qualifies you for a discount.

Identity Theft

Identity theft is a growing concern, and college students are particularly vulnerable due to their online presence and penchant for using unsecured wireless networks to complete financial transactions. To make matters worse, according to a recent survey, young adults aged 18-24 took an average of 132 days to realize they had been affected by identity theft! In addition to considering identify theft insurance, review the identity protection tips on p. with your student.

Laptop

In addition to contents insurance, you should consider insuring your studentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s laptop. This type of coverage is affordable, often with an annual premium of under $100. The laptop will be covered for accidental damage such as drops and spills as well as theft, fire, flood, natural disasters and lightning strikes. You can also purchase a laptop tracking service that will give you the location if the laptop is lost or stolen.

Notes to Self

- Victor Schwartz, M.D.

hile many students are thrilled at the prospect of “leaving the nest” and embracing their newfound independence, others are anxious about leaving the comfort and security of home. Still others approach the transition confidently but flounder once they get to school. To navigate this period as smoothly as possible, students and parents should put together a transition plan.

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A Healthy Emotional Transition to College Life

Before arriving for Orientation, you and your student should both get on the college’s website and acquaint yourselves with everything the school has to offer. Encourage your student to find out about services available on campus and get an initial sense of what clubs and activities might interest her. Strong and positive social connections are a key part of maintaining emotional and mental health. And knowing where the advising center, health service and counseling services are located will make it easier for your student to drop in. If a new student has a history of medical or emotional health issues, it is very important that parents and clinicians work together to determine how she will continue treatment, how she might receive medications (if needed) and how often she will be in contact with her therapist or doctor either at home or one on or near campus. Be sure to work out any issues with insurance coverage in order to effectively eliminate another potential source of stress. Before school starts, it will be helpful to contact the counseling and disabilities office (if there might be need for accommodations) so that there is a coordinated plan between student, family, and home-based as well as potential campus-based clinicians...

Roommates 101 - Suzanne Shaffer

our student is probably looking forward to dorm living like it’s portrayed in the movies. Before she graduates from college, however, she will have at least one roommate horror story. It goes with the territory. Some amount of conflict is inevitable when living in such close quarters. Roommates can be messy, thoughtless, and rude. To avoid the worst-case scenario (having to change roommates and/or dorm rooms), encourage your student to follow these tips designed to foster peaceful coexistence.

Set some ground rules

First and foremost, before moving in together (or very soon after), you and your roommate should set some ground rules. To start, discuss pet peeves (clothes on the floor), study distractions (talking on the phone, loud music), visitors (especially of the intimate kind), and cleaning. Agree that you will speak up if something bothers you.

Be considerate

If your roommate is sleeping, keep the noise level down. The same goes for studying. If something you do annoys your roommate, stop doing it. This is common courtesy. Be accommodating of reasonable requests. 13

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Stay out of her space and away from her stuff

Some people don’t like other people using their stuff. Respect that. Don’t borrow anything without asking (food, clothing, personal items, makeup, movies, etc.). Carve out your own space and stay out of hers.

Keep it clean

Your roommate is less likely to turn into a slob if you create a chore list and cleanliness expectations at the beginning of the year. You yourself don’t have to be the queen of organization, but out of respect for your roommate you can at least pick up your half of the room and throw out trash once a week.

Address disagreements

Serious roommate problems arise when they’re allowed to fester. If something’s bothering you, sit down and talk to your roommate about it. Brainstorm some changes together (her opinion matters, too). If you can’t reach a compromise, go to your RA (Resident Advisor) for help. Your RA has been trained to mediate just this kind of situation. No matter how big a problem this may seem to your student while she’s going through it, ultimately it’s a blip on the radar screen of life. She’ll be stronger for developing conflict resolution skills that will help her maintain positive relationships in college and beyond. Roommates may be a fact of life for years to come!

The Rules of Communication - Priscilla Childress

here’s one concern most parents share when a child leaves for college: “Will I ever hear from him?” We worry that our students will choose not to call to demonstrate their independence, or will simply forget amid the hustle and bustle of freshman year.

Thank goodness it doesn’t usually play out like that. Yes, the amount of communication will change, but with some planning, you can stay connected with your college student. Here are a few tips on what to do and what not to do. Write letters (but don’t expect one in return). Your student probably gets dozens of e-mails each day and they’re easy to ignore. An old-fashioned piece of mail will stand out, and be a mood boost for your student. Letters and cards are a fun way to keep students up-to-date on what’s happening “back home.” Enclose articles from the local paper, or a photo from a younger sibling’s birthday party or soccer game. Encourage other family members to write, too.

Text your student. Texting is the quickest way to get in touch without being too intrusive. Be patient and understand that your student might not text back right away. He has a lot going on – he’s in class, at the dining hall or library, at meetings and sports practices, even just hanging out with friends.

Post on his Facebook page but not too often. The last thing you want is for your student to feel like you’re stalking him on Facebook or keeping track of his very move, but a brief, supportive message now and then will be appreciated.

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Call – but don’t expect him to answer every time, or to return your call promptly. Things have sure changed since we had to call our own parents from the hall phone in our dorm! We happen to know our students carry their cell phones on their bodies. It’s okay to call “just to say hi” but, again, remember that you may not hear back immediately. It can help to set a simple expectation ahead of time for these unscheduled calls: “I’ll leave a voice mail to let you know if it can wait or if it’s important and I’d like to hear back by the end of the day.” Whatever you do, don’t be the parent who panics and calls the Dean of Students claiming your student is missing because you haven’t talked to him in an hour. (Yes, it really happens!)

Schedule a weekly phone or Skype call. Choose a specific time each week, based on your student’s schedule, when you can catch up. And then don’t be too disappointed when, even with an established routine, your student sometimes is late calling or forgets altogether. He’s busy with his new life, so go ahead and get busy with your own. You’ll have that much more to talk about next time!

Student Loans: It’s Not Free Money! Counsel your student with this basic rule of thumb: spend less than you’re granted. Those student loans have to be repaid at some point. The less you borrow, the less you have to repay. The bulk of your loans will go directly to pay your tuition and fees. Set aside the remainder in a savings account to draw only as needed. Resist the urge to splurge. Create a budget for your living expenses that uses 90% of the money available. At the end of the term, pay down the loan with the 10% you have left over. Next term, aim for using just 88% of the money available – make a game of it and you’ll win with significantly smaller loan payments after graduation. 15

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Talks We Hope You’ll Have Before Your Student Leaves Home…a College Perspective - Jo Calhoun

s parents, you have invested years in preparing your students for this “independence day” when they start college. You are still their most important influence, their touch point and role model. Before they go, please have a series of “pre-game” talks to help them be ready. Here are your talking points:

Anxiety about change – It’s normal and it’s reasonable. Coach your student on ways to keep calm and trust the process (getting involved, practicing self-care, reaching out to others, exploring the campus, searching out resources). Safety – The availability of drugs and alcohol is a given. (It was a given in high school!) Your students need to know what you expect and how to keep themselves safe. Finding a new group of friends means heightened peer pressure. Be sure your students know how to set personal boundaries, travel in groups, protect their friends, and challenge inappropriate behavior. Most campuses offer workshops on safety; be sure your student attends. Truth and consequences – Living in the close quarters of residence halls

requires compliance with community norms that can seem arbitrary, but that also help students grow to self-govern. Be sure your student understands the consequences of residence hall violations and accepts responsibility appropriately (as parents, you do not want to be intervening here). Fake IDs are illegal. Underage possession of alcohol? Yes, that, too. Students are not immune from prosecution just because a behavior violation occurs on campus. Encourage them to tell the truth and to accept the consequences of their behavior.

Groundedness – One of the wonderful things about college is that students have a new, wide-ranging buffet of choices and opportunities. They discover their academic passions, develop professional skills, find lifelong mentors and friends, explore new geography. They also try on new identities (some of which can be disconcerting for parents). Help your students stay grounded. Continue to remind them of who they are – of their strengths, of the family circle of love that surrounds them, of your confidence in them. “You can do this” may be the most important conversation you have before you send your student to college with your love and your blessing.

Be sure your students know how to set personal boundaries, travel in groups, protect their friends, and challenge inappropriate behavior. 16

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NOTES

WRITER BIOGRAPHIES

UniversityParent

Guidebook Writer Biographies Jo Calhoun has worked in Student Affairs for over thirty years, most recently as Associate Provost at the University of Denver. Prior to that, she held administrative positions at Grinnell College in Iowa and the State University of New York at Binghamton. Her specializations include first year programs, academic advising, career services, and parent relations. Currently Jo serves as an adjunct faculty member in the Morgridge College of Education at the University of Denver. Priscilla Childress has worked with college Parent and Family Programs for the past five years. She is the mother of Lane, a graduate student, and Ruth Ann, a college junior. Priscilla volunteers with the Kappa Delta National Leadership Team, St. Jude and the American Cancer Society Relay for Life. Her hobbies include writing, traveling and hiking. Priscilla is a contributing writer to UniversityParent and also a contributor to sororityparent.com. She is a graduate of Millsaps College in Jackson, MS. Lucy Ewing is a national board certified teacher in the Boulder Valley School District

in Boulder, Colorado, as well as a columnist and college essay coach. Her two children are recent college graduates. She and her software engineer husband enjoy music, movies, hikes, and visiting their children on both coasts.

Susan Jones is CEO of Quad2Quad, the award-winning mobile app for college visits. For more than three decades, she was a psychotherapist in Washington D.C. specializing in substance abuse, and she spent ten years with Dunbar Educational Consultants, counseling students and families on the college admission process. Most importantly, Susan is the mother of two grown sons who successfully navigated the college alcohol culture and had very enjoyable and productive experiences while emerging as solid citizens with no regrets. Judy McNary, CFP® owns McNary Financial Planning in Broomfield, Colorado. She regularly contributes personal finance articles to publications including The Wall Street Journal, Consumer Reports, and Investment News and was featured as a finance coach on “The Invested Life,” a web-based reality series produced by MSN Money. A parent of three children in their twenties, Judy frequently counsels millennials on money matters. She recently published Coin: The Irreverent Yet Practical Guide to Money Management for Recent College Graduates (visit http://coininthebank.com). When not at work, Judy spends her time skiing, hiking, traveling, and scuba diving. Evanne Montoya is a writer, editor, and marketing product manager at

UniversityParent. A recent graduate of Whitworth University, the college experience, as well as the impact her own parents had on her success, are still fresh in her mind. At Whitworth, Evanne was a reporter and editor for the Whitworthian student newspaper. She graduated in 2013 with a double major in Journalism and Spanish and minors in visual communication and dance.

teacher, academic advisor and administrator. She also has weathered the college parenting experience successfully with three daughters. She began her website, College Parent Central, five years ago to help college parents navigate the delicate balance of support, guidance, appropriate involvement – and knowing when to get out of the way. Her experiences as both the parent of college students and as a professional in higher education provide Vicki with a special perspective on college parenting.

Marjorie Savage is the Director of the University of Minnesota Parent Program, serving as the liaison between the University and the parents of its 29,000 undergraduates. She has developed nationally acclaimed parent/family programming centered on communication and technology and is a frequent speaker and consultant, both nationally and internationally, on the topic of family-college relations. Marjorie has written numerous articles and is the author of a book for college parents, You’re on Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years.

WRITER BIOGRAPHIES

Vicki Nelson has more than thirty years experience in higher education as a college

Dr. Victor Schwartz is the Medical Director of The Jed Foundation, the nation’s leading organization working to promote emotional health and prevent suicide among America’s college students. Having previously served the student populations of Yeshiva University and New York University for more than two decades, he is nationally recognized as a college mental health leader. He co-authored Mental Health Care in the College Community, and writes about college students and emotional health for The Huffington Post.

Diane Schwemm is a writer and editor at UniversityParent. She and her husband have three teenaged sons, one of whom is a college freshman, which is why the subject of parenting college students inspires her. She has an M.A. in English from the University of Chicago and used to write young adult fiction (penning dozens of Sweet Valley High titles). Diane loves to read, hike, garden, and spend time with family and friends.

Suzanne Shaffer counsels parents and students in the college admission process and the importance of early college preparation. Her Parents Countdown to College Coach blog offers timely tips for parents and students, and provides parents with resources to help their collegebound teens navigate the college maze. She is a regular contributor as a college expert on Manilla.com, iGrad, Galtime, Unigo Expert Network, Student Advisor, and College Money Insider. Amanda Taylor is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a behavioral health counselor at the University of Colorado, Boulder’s Wardenburg Health Center. Amanda lives in Louisville, Colorado and she enjoys spending time with her kids, reading, traveling, and being in nature.

The UniversityParent Guide to Supporting Your Student’s Freshman Year is packed with practical advice and insightful reflections. Our expert contributors answer your questions — even the ones you didn’t know you had.

How can I help my student create a budget and stick to it? What if there’s roommate conflict? When should my freshman consider dropping a course? How do I talk to my student about staying healthy? Is it too soon to start planning for study abroad? How can I support my student during finals? What are some fun ways to connect with other parents? UniversityParent is proud to support family relationships during this important time of transition. With room to add your own notes, the Guide can be personalized and referenced throughout the year. Thanks for letting us share your journey.