New Beginnings: Learn to Accept Life’s Changes

By Bob Calhoune

THE LIFE JOURNEY IS defined in large part by ‘hellos and goodbyes’, a path of arriving and leaving, taking and letting go, embracing and releasing—from womb to grave. In this second half of life, with decades of perspective and experience, we are more likely to accept and understand the pattern, grateful to have lived through the changes and for the endurance required. To everything there is a season…

Richness and meaning in life’s second half may reflect how we let go and how we chose to fill new spaces. Alla Renee Bozarth, in her book Life is Goodbye Life is Hello, Grieving Well through All Kinds of Loss, reminds us the art of good grieving is central to opening up to new beginnings at any age with any change or loss. Doing the necessary ‘goodbye’ work, honoring it, giving it the time needed, creates healthy space for the next ‘hello’.

The most painful losses are tragic, unplanned, often taking a lifetime to reconcile. Most other losses, no less disorienting or painful, are natural lifecycle changes coming into focus as we age—empty nesting, retirement, aging parents, physical changes, deaths, downsizing, disappointments, changes in status, interests, relationships and letting go of activities, once offering us a sense of accomplishment and pleasure, because we no longer can or should perform them.

When younger, the focus was getting to the next stage, next adventure past the acne years, college exams, career choice, juggling childcare, climbing career ladders. In the second half of life, it can be challenging to keep that ‘hello’ attitude—seeing the ‘letting go’ as opening space for new possibilities, passions, purpose, new ways to spend time, do what we love, positively impact the world and a space for a deeper acceptance of self and of life as it is.

What can refill the space left, the void of what must be grieved, left behind? What is ready to blossom, how can we go deeper at 50, 65, or 79?

Some new beginnings are welcome releases from a burden, a ‘get out of jail’ card, a freedom to be ones true self, (think retiring from a demanding job, changing a habit, addiction, an unhealthy pattern, or simply having more time and flexibility to pursue an interest or passion that has been on the back burner for years). Other new beginnings are literally gifts of our modern times—new hips, knees, cataract surgery, hearing aids, life-saving heart procedures and cancer treatments. Be grateful.

A 93-year-old acquaintance of mine, who published her first book at age 90, recently shared some sage wisdom. “We need to be intentional in spending the time we are given. As we gain years, it is easy to allow, for example, medicine and health issues to fill the void, take front and center in our thoughts and conversations, leading to feelings of vulnerability. Rather be intentional, careful not to allow behaviors and attitudes to fill the space that may stand in the way of living fully.”

Conscious aging is courageously accepting life changes, staying awake for new opportunities to be creative, express compassion toward self and others on the journey, and positively contribute to family, friends and the world, and to leave a little room to be surprised by the ‘door’ that unexpectedly opens inviting you to step through.

Grieve well, live well. Be grateful in the process.