see you soon mr. jenks VIETNAM 1971
An unorganized telling of how it felt to go to war, told by my bestfriend and grandfather, Mr.Richard Jenks. Vietnam Veteran 1971-1972 “Tell them these were my experiences, not everyones�- R.Jenks
table of contents
1before i go p.6-11
2 see you soon
p.14-21
3 coming home
p.24-31
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before i go
6
“I wanted to run home and run straight to ma.”
Before the war was a weird time in life. I was right inbetween an adult and a young boy. I spent most of my time hanging out with my brothers and being young. I argued with my mother and father until their ears fell off. until one day when I was informed that I was going to go to war. I, for a moment, even felt more like a man than ever. Talking about going to war felt very adult to me. Until the day I left. I wanted to run home and run straight to ma. Theres nothing like a hug from your mom and you don’t understand it until youre freezing your ass off with a bunch of guys that you’ve never seen before, not knowing if you’ll ever get to feel what a hug from your mom feels like ever again.
7
I was 18 when I left for Vietnam. A little bald faced, freckly blonde kid who weighed close to nothing. I built a lot of old cars in my freetime and worked with my dads friend Jim who built peoples decks. I thought it was the worst. I would be sweating for 8 hours in the Michigan summer heat and feel like I was dying. Man, if I could take back those complaints. I was happy to go to war, support my country and all. But I was also happy to not have to build another damn deck. I was living the good life and hanging out with everyone before I found out. My days consisted of work, friends, music and coca-cola.
before i go
8
9
before i go
10
“I just knew I had to go and that’s that.”
I knew I wasn’t a college man. The army was my way to do something different. There were lots of guys that went to war from my home town. A lot of them were planning on doing it their entire lives I think. I though I was going to work on cars for a living. I would’ve been happy with that. I didn’t know a lot about war before I was 18. The schools talked about it in your class but not like they do now. They just told you what the government told them. So I didn’t know what to expect. For some reason I didn’t really think about it before I left. I just knew I had to go and that’s that.
11
2 12
see you soon
13
“jungle sam” I didn’t really know where I was going so I got a few maps before I left. I learned the different war areas that the we had over there so I thought I would be able to tell where I was when I was there. But to be honest, I was so young that I would just follow whoever was leading us different places. I couldn’t tell you where I was most of the time. A lot of vietnam was greeen when we got there. We were in a jungle setting for some time. I made a friend named Sam that was only with me for about a month. I called him Jungle Sam because he knew exactly where we were as if he were living in the jungle for a long time before that. You had to be careful of what you touched over there. Sometimes the trees had poison sap and you would’nt dare touch that shit.
14
15
see you soon
16
“i miss you more than you know” I can’t even imagine the damage it did to my mom. Knowing her son was in a war and not having anyway to know if I was alive when she fell asleep. We were probably both laying awake all night in constant wonder. These letters are the only way she could know that I was still alive and thats pain.
17
see you soon
18
“Love + mis you mom” I rarely slept , like most army men. We all would lay down and just sit in silent trying to digest what we saw that day and hoping that our families were doing alright. The war is a different kind of hurt. When our mothers would write us and ask us how we were doing we would always say we are okay even if we weren’t incase we die, so that they had a little bit of peace with it. No one wants to worry their mother.
19
see you soon
20
21
3 22
coming home
23
Leaving for war was scary but so was coming home. I came back to a slow, small town. When you’re away you day dream about coming home and giving everyone a hug and feeling peace and wholeness. But thats not it at all. Coming home and hugging everyone was the best damn feeling in the entire world but everything around you feels like a weird dream and you forget how to act comfortably. People thought I was messed up in the head but I was actually better off than most of my crew.
coming home
24
25
coming home
26
“War
ruins your damn brain and gives you that PTSd” I wanted to talk to my family and friends about the war but I just couldn’t. Even saying the word Vietnam brought me back and that’s the last thing I wanted. War ruins your damn brain and gives you that PTSD everyone talks about.You feel broken when you come home. It takes time to adjust and nobody understood that unless they went. And they asked the stupidest questions. No one needs to know if you killed anyone. Everyone was so nosey and just kept asking how the hell I survived and who I killed. I would tell them, “I protected my country the best I could” and end the conversation. The only one who never asked about what was actually happened was ma. All she cared about was that I was home.
27
My family all wanted to see pictures. I don’t know what they were thinking. We didn’t spend time taking damn pictures. I do have one and I couldn’t even tell you who took the photo. I showed everyone the picture and they all wanted some big story behind it. That’s how you know for sure that they didn’t actually learn what happened in Vietnam. It’s too brutal for most people.
coming home
28
29
“ ...I fell in love with her. And now I’ve been in love with her for years.”
coming home
30
When I came home I didn’t go out much. I was kind of angry at my friends that didn’t go but was also happy that most of them didn’t have to see what I saw. I went to one party towards the end of the summer in 1972. That is about 3 or 4 months after I got home. This party was special, just one of those field parties with too many idiots smoking and drinking. Until a long haired lady walked in with her friend. She was one of those idiots smoking doobs. But I fell in love with her. And now I’ve been in love with her for years. I told her everything about war when she asked because I knew she wouldn’t take pity on me, she would just listen. We would sit in my car for hours talking about the war. Even if we were just sitting in my driveway. We would talk about it as long as no one else could hear because I didn’t want them to. I’m glad I had that one person who would just listen because no one else probably does and I think she is the reason I was okay after I got back.
31
A thank you from the man himself, Mr. Richard Jenks I know that this was more for me than for anyone. I can read it when I turn old enough to start forgetting things. If anyone else does read it though, I want to thank them. And apologize to them for having to read my boring life. I don’t want anyone to think I am special or feel bad for me because there were tons of other men there.
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