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JULY 2021

The

Pride Issue

THE LEADING MAGAZINE FOR LGBTQI WOMEN AND NON-BINARY PEOPLE

FEAR STREET’S

Kiana Madeira

“I HAVE NEVER SEEN A HORROR FILM ” Y R O T S E V O L R E E U Q A D THAT HA

MAE

MARTIN & CHARLOTTE RITCHIE

GLIDE

COTTAGE

IASIA

CORE

FOR PRIDE

BROWN

CONTENTS UPFRONT 04 Dictum 05 Publisher’s letter 06 Your shout

10

08 Trending

26

36

FEATURES

CULTURE

REAL TALK

10 Kiana Madeira

26 Feel Good

36 Tonic Housing

20 Queer Trends

34 Primadonna Festival

39 Valentino Vecchietti

22 Get the look: The Bold Type

40 Dear Ali

COVER PHOTO ANDREW ECCLES / NETFLIX

42 What’s it like to...

Throughout the issue you will see this symbol, which indicates that there is digital content available related to that particular feature. You will be able to access this complementary content when you purchase our digital edition from divadigital.co.ukk or directly through the DIVA branded app, available on the App Store, Google Play, Kindle Newsstand and Windows Store.

(Please note that additional content may not be available via all of our third-party digital suppliers.

However, buying the issue using one of the methods above will give you access to this content.)

45

46 SEX

ESCAPE

44 My secret sex diary

46 Glide For Pride

45 Sexy Bits

50 Explore

...and DIVA regular sections 30 Screen | 32 Books | 33 Music 3

DICTUM

UPFRONT | DICTUM Tell us about your proudest moment EDITOR’S LETTER

SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW

One look at social media and you’d think we were living in an LGBTQI utopia. Not to mention my inbox. Press release after rainbow-hued press release about trainers, wine, sex toys, all having a rebrand for June. “Proudly pork any hole with precise perfection”? Rainbow you better don’t.

Everywhere I look, companies are telling me to be proud.

So why don’t I feel it? Maybe it’s because this morning, I read about a queer bookshop in Edinburgh that has had to close its doors because of “heightened levels of harassment”. Because Stonewall’s head of media has been forced to step down amidst a

“tsunami of transphobia” that has left his mental health in tatters. Because, across the world, LGBTQI people are living under the spectre of government-sanctioned homo, bi and transphobia. We’re living through a crisis. Tell me how a pair of rainbow Uggs will fix that?

Rainbow capitalism isn’t new, of course. But it feels louder and more obnoxious at the moment, coming off the back of a long and exhausting year of loss and lockdowns. If you’re feeling frustrated with Pride month too, come in and make yourself comfortable.

In this issue, you won’t find hollow attempts at activism or allyship. Instead, we’re getting scared silly with Fear Street’s Kiana Madeira, feeling good with Mae Martin and Charlotte Ritchie, and celebrating cottagecore, pillow princesses and roller skating.

And guess what? We’ll still be here next month, when all those companies have packed up their rainbows for another year.

Carrie Lyell carrie@divamag.co.uk | @Seej

DIVA

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4 JULY 2021

Editor-in-chief Carrie Lyell “Getting stuck on a cargo net at Go Ape. I thought they were going to have to call the fire brigade” Managing editor Roxy Bourdillon “Being an honorary member of Dykes On Bikes. Spent most of the day clinging on for dear life!”

Sub-editor Kat Halstead “Making my mum proud by going to actual clown school and graduating with a red nose. #LifeSkills” Music editor Laura Howard Screen editor Kat Halstead Books editor Erica Gillingham Travel editor Joanna Whitehead Designer Fernando Safont Big thanks to: Georgina Anthony, Hannah Golanski, Matthew Riley, Gigi Peterkin, Polly Angelova, Martine Hess Advertising sales@divamag.co.uk Events social manager Kat Stephens | kat@divamag.co.uk Subscriptions For information, see page 43 Subscriptions help kat@divamag.co.uk If you need a back issue to complete your set, email kat@divamag.co.uk. If you have difficulty reading the printed word, you can get DIVA on audio cassette on subscription. Contact Feminist Audio Books on 0161 273 8038 or email books@ feministaudiobooks.org.uk THE AUGUST ISSUE OF DIVA IS ON SALE FROM FRIDAY 30 JULY AT DIVADIGITAL.CO.UK AND DIVADIRECT.INFO .

Postal address DIVA MAGAZINE Ground floor 2 Woodbury Grove London N12 0DR editorial@divamag.co.uk divamag.co.uk Newstrade distribution Select Publisher Services Ltd, PO BOX 6337, Bournemouth, BH1 9EH Distribution help kat@divamag.co.uk Printed in UK by CPUK Print Publishing (cp-uk.co.uk) Published by DIVA MEDIA GROUP LIMITED Publisherr Linda Riley linda@divamag.co.uk All rights reserved © DMG 2016 ISSN 1353 4912 DIVA is published monthly in the UK by DIVA Media Group Limited. The mention or appearance or likeness of any person or organisation in articles or advertising in DIVA is not to be taken as any indication of sexual, social or political orientation of such persons or organisations. No responsibility can be assumed for unsolicited materials and submission is construed as permission to publish without further correspondence at the fee payable at our usual rates.

Advertisers are advised that all copy is their sole responsibility under the Trade Protection Act. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the publishers.

UPFRONT | PUBLISHER’S LETTER

A letter from our publisher

W

riting this letter while Pride month is in full flow, and with Pride In London having been postponed from its usual slot in early July until September, it’s worth mentioning that the veteran human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell, who was instrumental at the very start of what was then called the Gay Liberation Front back in the early 1970s, has organised a protest march on 24 July, which will assemble at 1pm at Parliament Square and follow the route of the first “gay pride” march in 1972, culminating in a big queer picnic on Hyde Park. DIVA is proud to support Peter’s mission to “reclaim Pride”, and we hope to see you all there.

Peter has long advocated for London’s Pride event to return to its roots but, for many years, we’ve been told that it is impossible to hold a march without the expenditure of considerable funds and, in order to obtain those funds, the sponsorship of large corporations has had to be secured. But although it’s great to see business supporting the LGBTQI community, it cannot be ignored that, in recent years, the emphasis away from the community and towards corporations has shifted rather too far. So much so, in fact, that the number of LGBTQI people permitted to march has been reduced to accommodate sponsored floats.

I believe it is time that the capital’s premier LGBTQI event had a major rethink. Yes, it’s wonderful that so many large organisations decide to demonstrate their support by spending money on sponsorship and floats while kitting out their staff in rainbow-adorned t-shirts, but perhaps – and in order to demonstrate their true commitment to our community – they could spend a little less on their floats and a little more on sponsoring smaller Prides across the country.

There are dozens – if not hundreds – of these smaller events that receive a fraction of the publicity or funding enjoyed

by Pride In London, and venturing out of the metropolis to support smaller, community-based events would, in my view, send a hugely positive message and, more importantly, make a real difference to communities that struggle to make their voices heard.

Incidentally, while we’re on the subject of Peter Tatchell, have you seen the Netflix documentary Hating Peter Tatchell yet? It’s really informative and heartwarming and highlights an amazing career, spanning half a century of fighting for the rights of the under-represented, marginalised and oppressed. Seriously, if Peter didn’t exist, someone would have to invent him!

There’s not a great deal of positivity we can take from the pandemic, but I have enjoyed the virtual events that have taken place throughout the year and during this Pride month. Technology has made events and communities far more accessible than ever before and although, like most people, I am itching to get back to real-life events, let’s spare a thought for those of us who can’t get out as much as they would like and do our best to keep some of these virtual events going, even after lockdown restrictions have been fully lifted.

Finally, I recently interviewed Franco Stevens, the founder of US lesbian title Curve magazine which has now become a foundation with the aim of creating and maintaining a queer women’s archive. You can watch the interview on DIVA’s website and you can find out how tough it is to run a lesbian magazine. With Curve no longer in print, DIVA is one of only a handful of magazines left for women who love women, which some might say are a dying breed.

We want to keep going as long as you want to read our work, so please help us to support you by taking out a subscription and urging your friends to do the same.

That’s all from me. See you next month.

Linda Riley Publisher

5

UPFRONT | YOUR SHOUT FAVE ACCOUNTS INSTAGRAM OUR THIS MONTH

YOUR SHOUT

You said it...

Opinions expressed by correspondents and contributors do not necessarilyy reflect the views of the editors of DIVA magazine or its publishers.

the sun?

@forevrmancunian What better way to start Pride month off, than by reading my first ever @DIVAmagazine in

@scousepie Happy Pride month to that time I was going off about intersectional feminism in Bad Girls and @KateHeppell tagged the editor of @DIVAmagazine and they literally published it and I got to read all the comments from the joyous lesbians

JOIN Z THE BUivZamagazine @andreaM37549010

k.com/d .uk faceboo @divamag.co letters magazine @DIVA

So much easier to order direct thank you @DIVAmagazine I shall enjoy reading this Bad Girls reunited @simonelahbib and #LineOfDuty @jed1e Order your @DIVAmagazine great interview with @therealmandana1 and @simonelahbib

Subscribe to

DIVA

Hey hot stuff!

Want a monthly date with your favourite magazine?

Then turn to page 43 and #SubscribeWithPride...

6 JULY 2021

@Torz_S4 So good to see Simone and Mandana back in DIVA magazine. There are not many TV shows that still have the same impact as Bad Girls 20 years on. @LawGeordie Enjoying the sun in the garden, reading @DIVAmagazine.

Loving the Queer Icons And Their Cats feature but, important question, why don’t we get to know the cats’ names?!?! (You

know you’re a crazy cat lady when… ) @easyqueenie The difference in the availability of queer stories between my mid teens and today is incredible. Back then, I was getting my queer news/ info from a subscription to @DIVAmagazine that I had sent to one of those WH Smith’s cabinets in central Manchester so no one would know. @sharonamcguire Great article in @DIVAmagazine highlighting the inequalities in Japan that do not meet #OlympicCharter #OlympicAgenda2020 and #humanrights. No wonder athletes don’t feel supported to come out. Come on #EqualityActJapan @mariannelizabth I was reading @DIVAmagazine that arrived today & I’ve just realised I’m going to both of @doddleoddle’s first shows back (the hmv one in Liverpool and the first one of the tour in Manchester). The atmosphere will be ~unmatched~ @steph_greeny Thrilled to receive this gal’s face in the post.

So excited to read my first @DIVAmagazine with the wonderful @doddleoddle – I tried the dots but am too old and smiley

@blessthemessy

HAPPY PRIDE Y’ALL!!!!!

Can’t wait to celebrate, educate, and learn together and from our community this month! To all my fellow Queers – I LOVE YOU, YOU BEAUTIFUL, MAGICAL, RESILIENT, HUMANS. xo

@adeleroberts

Thank you so much to everyone getting involved with #strideforpride. Ran to the park today with my Katie with our progressive #Pride flag to celebrate!

@lesbiansaremiracles

Artwork by Evelyn Harris (@evelynharrisart), from our May issue,

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TRENDING

UPFRONT | TRENDING Notable Quotables

They Said

“The lady was trying to recall where she had left all of the fucks she had to giveth...”

“There are times I enjoy when strangers call me ‘sir’ or in some other way clearly think I’m a guy — not bc I’m a guy, but bc it’s refreshing to get misgendered in a new way.”

Meryl Wilsner adding some much-needed satire to a Twitter discussion on “nonbinary people don’t owe you androgyny”

Jameela Jamil on yet another one of her fabulous Legendary looks (although it could just as easily be her commenting on life in general...)

“Hi My name is Kaylee and I’m queer!

Happy Pride Month”

“Every day we wake up, we are given another opportunity & chance to be who we want & wish to be.

I’ve spent the majority of my life growing in front of all of you... you’ve seen the good, the bad, & everything in between.”

Legacies star Kaylee Bryant keeping her coming-out game simple

h t n o m s i h T IN S NUMBER

Lesbian bars

21

remaining in the US according to a recent article by commercialobserver.com

14% 4% %

rtion of LGBTQI people who have experienced some form of unequal treatment from healthcare staff

21 8 JULY 2021

their sexualityy or ggender identityy according to a new guide for LGBT+ patients on what to expect from their doctor

LGBTQI people who

have been denied bail after being illegally detained in the city of Ho in Ghana

67

Countries in the world that

criminalise same-sex relationships

63%

Proportion of Gen Z who believe the country is

“going in the wrong direction” compared to 61% of baby boomers who believe it’s

“on the right track ”

according to data from the 2021 BCW/PSB Generations Report

WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON, POLLY ANGELOVA

Demi Lovato tweeting about coming out as non-binary

UPFRONT | TRENDING

Sara Ramírez The actor is set to play a non-binary character in the Sex And The City reboot

1

One Last Stop 2

All aboard the sapphic romance train (in bookshops near you now)

Måneskin The Eurovision winners looking fabulous on the cover of Vanity Fair Italia’s Pride issue

T PS AND

BOTT MS

3

4

What we’re rating and hating at DIVA HQ this month

Burning your own books because they’re labelled “women’s fiction”?

So (Fahrenheit) 451

Say hello to our latest obsessions

PICK’N’MIX

In The Heights Hollywood strikes again, leaving out darker-skinned actors from the cast

1

DEMI LOVATEE Perfect for showing off your non-binary finery foxfisher.teemill. com £20

2

FLAG WATCH Never be late again AND support trans folks skagen.com £119

3

PIN-UP BIKINI Serving retro femme style all summer long unique-vintage. com £77

4

TRUCKER JACKET

Boris Johnson

Dapper denim to celebrate pronouns this Pride levi.com £120

Flying from London to Cornwall isn’t the best way to kick off climate change discussions...

What are your tops and bottoms this month? Let us know @DIVAmagazine

Jeanette Winterson

9

What’s hot in the community, from lesbian earrings to cottagecore

22

Get the look Channel the cutting-edge style of The Bold Type’s Kadena

10 JULY 2021

How far would you go for the one you love? Surprise them with Hayley Kiyoko tickets? Let them name the cat?

How about trying your luck against an all-powerful witch-demon on a murderous rampage from beyond the grave? Well, it might be time to up your game, because that is the level of commitment between high school sweethearts Deena (Kiana Madeira) and Sam (Olivia Scott Welch) in Netflix’s new, and quite frankly terrifying, Fear Street trilogy.

I admit I mostly watched these films from behind a cushion, asking my girlfriend at regular intervals whether it was safe to peep out again yet. But while I was panic-stricken, I was also incredibly moved by the tender sapphic romance that is the beating heart of Fear Street.

“They are horror films and there’s craziness happening all around them,” Kiana explains when I phone her at her Brooklyn home. “But then you have this love story between these two young women who love each other so fearlessly and are willing to fight against all the odds. That’s so rare to see on screen and so power>>> ful and important.”

KIANA MADEIRA OPENS UP ABOUT PLAYING THE QUEER LEAD IN NETFLIX’S TERRIFYINGLY BRILLIANT FEAR STREET TRILOGY WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON

More info on Contents page 3

PHOTOS ANDREW ECCLES ©NETFLIX

FEATURES 20

A celebration of queer trends

scream queen

FEATURES | COVER STORY

“I have never seen a horror film that had a queer love story”

11

Inspired by R. L. Stine’s beloved YA series, and spanning three different time periods, the Fear Street flicks are co-written by Leigh Janiak (who also directs) and Phil Graziadei.

The story centres around a group of friends connecting the dots between a series of slayings in their hometown of Shadyside and realising, to their despair, that they are the killer’s next targets.

Shooting was intense. Unsurprisingly. I mean, just watching Fear Street is pretty full on, so I can only imagine how Kiana must have felt in the middle of it all. She confides, “I had those nervous jumps for maybe a year after filming. Deena goes through a lot throughout the course of the three films. I took on the responsibility to really dive into the circumstances. There were often times where the things that we were filming felt real.”

But beyond all the blood, guts and gore, Fear Street takes on weighty topics like discrimination, persecution and human resilience.

Fear Street Part 1: 1994 serves up teen angst and 90s nostalgia with a side of bloodcurdling terror.

Fear Street Part 2: 1978 is an ode to slashers set at a summer camp. And, perhaps most frighteningly of all, Fear Street Part 3: 1666 explores the witch trials in harrowing detail.

When Kiana researched this particular chapter of real-life history, she was shocked by what she discovered.

“It’s tragic, some of the things that happened to women, queer people and minorities. And to a certain extent, it’s still happening today. These movies shine a light on that.” Does she consider the trilogy feminist? “I’ve never thought about it specifically in that way, but these films are featuring some badass women. I wouldn’t shy away from saying that they’re feminist at all.”

Spotlighting strong women is just one of the ways these films break the slasher mould. Kiana reflects, “The queer community, people of colour, women, all minorities are very underrepresented, especially in horror. I hope that after these three movies come out, that could be the start of a new era. They’re groundbreaking in multiple ways, but, you know, I’m leading the films. I’m a mixed-race person, I’m a woman and I’m playing a queer woman. I have never seen a >>> >>>

12 JULY 2021

“I know what it feels like to love someone and want to protect them”

FEATURES | COVER STORY

13

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Top and bottom: Olivia Scott Welch as Sam and Kiana Madeira as Deena. Here: The murderous witch-demon exacts her revenge...

16 JULY 2021

FEATURES | COVER STORY horror film that had a queer love story and such a beautiful one at that.”

Throughout our call Kiana comes across as articulate, thoughtful and empathetic. Her devotion to her craft is clear. Although she was always a shy kid, she decided to pursue a career in performing after falling in love with Grease’s Danny Zuko aged five. When she was 10, she signed with an agent and soon began booking roles. A combination of talent and work ethic led to parts in popular shows like Sacred Lies and Trinkets, before she landed the lead in all three Fear Street films.

Part of the reason Kiana was so drawn to this project was the opportunity to play a gay character. “It was a first for me and I was really excited to dive into that. I felt a big responsibility to represent the queer community on screen. It’s not something that I take lightly.”

I tell Kiana that my favourite thing about Deena is her strength.

In a genre that all too often depicts LGBTQI folks as disposable victims or unhinged psychopaths, Deena is an absolute powerhouse – brave, passionate and fiercely loyal. In short, she’s the queer horror hero we’ve been waiting for. “My main objective was to come from my heart, because I’m playing this character who is willing to do anything for the woman that she loves. I can really relate in that way. I am straight and Deena is queer.

That was my way in, because I know what it feels like to love someone and want to protect them.”

She describes working with co-star Olivia Scott Welch as “amazing”. “We had chemistry from the very beginning.” In the final round of auditions Kiana did chemistry reads with multiple actors, but as soon as she met Olivia, something clicked. “I was like, ‘Woah, this is special and this feels different’. I really hope that chemistry shines out on screen, because I really felt it while we were filming.”

Why does Kiana think these two characters make such a compelling couple? “Olivia plays Sam in a different way than I play Deena. Olivia plays Sam with a different kind of strength, maybe not so much of a physical strength but inner mental strength. She was willing to go through so much to be with Deena.”

Kiana and Olivia discussed their characters’ relationship extensively

>>>

“We had chemistry from the very beginning” with director Leigh. “We had a lot of conversations around how we would navigate it, wanting to make it as authentic and real as possible for us as actors, and to tell the story in a way that does it justice. That really gave us the space to play in a safe way and in a way that allowed us to surrender and give it our all.”

Until recently, Kiana mostly worked with male directors and, she’s quick to point out, thoroughly enjoyed those experiences. But I wonder, does anything feel different when

a woman is at the helm? She mulls it over before replying, “I think I do feel more comfortable working with female directors, especially when we have intimate scenes. Maybe it’s because I’ve felt safer going to them if I have questions about physicality. I can relate to them in that way.”

Before we say our farewells, I ask Kiana if there’s anything else she’d like to share with DIVA readers. “If I could just leave a message for the queer community. I want them to know that I see you. I love you. I want to tell everyone to know that they are worthy of love and being loved, and most importantly God loves you. I really want to leave everyone with that message.”

Fear Street Part 1: 1994 is available globally on Netflix from 2 July. Fear Street Part 2: 1978 is out on 9 July and Fear Street Part 3: 1666 follows on 16 July 17

FEATURES | COVER STORY Kiana and Olivia are both a director’s dream.

They are focused and thoughtful and so talented. They worked so hard to keep their characters grounded in authenticity amidst the insane circumstances they find themselves in and that really shows in their performances.

How did you help them prepare for their roles?

We spent a lot of time discussing how to keep the characters rooted in an honest and truthful human experience. Yes, these are horror movies with crazy, violent genre elements, but at the end of the day it’s really a love story and that’s what propels the entire trilogy. I also made Spotify playlists that I shared with them, and the whole cast, to get them oriented into time and place and vibe.

Bringing FEAR STREET to life

What do you think Deena and Sam’s relationship adds to the films?

The ultimate experience of the movies rests on their love. For me, their relationship hopefully elevates the movies beyond all the blood and death and gives a human, emotional face to all the people of Shadyside who have been proclaimed “outsiders” throughout the cursed centuries afflicting their town.

DIRECTOR AND CO-WRITER LEIGH JANIAK ON LGBTQI REPRESENTATION AND HER HORROR HALL OF FAME

What attracted you to the Fear Street trilogy?

I read the Fear Street books when I was a teenager, so to help bring them to life was beyond awesome for me. But that was just the beginning of what made me excited for the project. The opportunity to create a universe with three connected films that span three different time periods was beyond anything I could have dreamed.

Were you already a big horror fan before this project?

Yes! I love that in horror, in genre, you can tell a scary, fun, popcorny story, that is also still about something – and I love that it allows you to explore a world where nothing is certain, anything can happen. This awful, great possibility of what if...

What are some of your favourite horror films?

I love so many, but my favourites, if I had to choose a few: Scream, Halloween, The Shining, The Thing, Jaws, Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.

18 JULY 2021

“At the end of the day it’s really a love story” The Fear Street trilogy is based on R. L. Stine’s books, but are there any other films that influenced you?

Yeah! Part 1: 1994 was inspired by the great slashers of the 90s. Scream above all else, but also I Know What You Did Last Summer, The Faculty. Part 2: 1978 pays homage to the heyday of slasher – Halloween, Friday The 13th, Nightmare On Elm Street. And then Part 3: 1666: Terrence Malick’s The New World, which I think is just this visceral portrayal of something beautiful and pure corrupted and made rotten. It’s horrifying and incredible.

I really enjoyed the romance between Deena and Sam. What was it like working with Kiana and Olivia?

It’s also fantastic to see so much diverse representation. What are your thoughts about the portrayal of women, LGBTQI folks and people of colour in the horror genre?

Historically it’s pretty abhorrent – a serious, disturbing mixture of stereotype and underrepresentation. This is changing, but like any change, it can’t come fast enough.

Is this something you were conscious about when you were making these films?

Definitely! One of the great opportunities in creating the three movies was to bake into the narrative a story of people that society (and films) have historically painted as “other”. It was a chance to tell a story of characters who traditionally wouldn’t live past the first act of a horror film. It’s exciting and awesome and I feel lucky to be given the freedom and support by my producers and Netflix to do it.

Finally, would you describe the Fear Street films as feminist?

Yes. Gender equality and its representation is personally important to me and it’s subsequently, of course, baked into the films. And I hope that continuing to make things that show equal representation – for gender, sexuality, race and beyond – ultimately will help make it so this kind of equality is just a given.

Coming soon...

d i v a c o n n e c t s . c o m

Cottagecore, frogs and lesbian earrings:

A celebration of queer trends Owing to a number of lockdowns and restrictions, most of us have found ourselves spending an extensive amount of time at home this past year. But if the pandemic has given us anything, it’s an opportunity to step away from society’s expectations of gender expression. In the comfort of our homes, we have experimented with the way we present ourselves, and with the power of social media, new trends have flourished.

Take the so-called “lesbian earrings”. “The bolder, the better” is the mantra that has inspired thousands of queer women to hang everything from tea bags to bubble blowers from their ears. These creative, kitschy and unconventional pieces might seem like nothing more than a playful addition to your jewellery box, but there is more to the story.

Throughout history, LGBTQI people have used signifiers such as piercings, nail polish and hankies to signal their sexuality to potential partners.

Nowadays, femmes, in particular, rely on similar social cues. Considering that many femmes are “straight-passing” in the sense that they fit in with the stereotype for what a cisgender heterosexual woman is supposed to look like, it can be challenging to find ways to communicate their queer identity while remaining true to their personal style. In the past, a subtle layer of nail polish on the ring finger has done the trick, but today, queer women are turning to a trend that is far from discrete.

These boundary-pushing, and oftentimes outlandish, earrings demand attention, but specifically not attention from men. While earrings are deemed

20 JULY 2021

a traditionally feminine accessory in the Western world, lesbian earrings stand out because they allow you to express femininity in a way that does not cater to the male gaze. Who knew that wearing a pair of dangly Greggs’ vegan sausage roll replicas could challenge the conventional understanding of femininity? In other words, they have become a part of a shared language uniting wlw (women-loving women). Despite being nicknamed lesbian earrings, these pieces of jewellery are popular among queer women and non-binary people across the spectrum. They can be worn in cel-

These trends serve as a form of unspoken communication between queer people” ebration of queer identity, as a signifier or simply for the fun of it.

Olivia Liu sees lesbian earrings as an expression of queer joy, emphasising that the whimsical nature of the trend does not mean it is insignificant. “When we put these kinds of limitations on expression of sexuality, it appeals to the very heteronormative culture we’re trying to escape from,” warns the 22-year-old, who runs Futomomo, an Etsy shop selling lesbian earrings. They described the concept as “taking anything that seems entirely non-functional as jewellery and transforming it into exactly that”.

Liu explains that, as a queer person, they appreciate the act of repurposing seemingly mundane objects in a creative way so as to appeal to the rest of the community. “I think that the traditional exclusion of queer people, and marginalised people in general, has led us to practice making space for ourselves,” they said.

Cottagecore is another trend that has taken hold over the course of the pandemic. On the surface, it looks like puff sleeves and lace hems, cottages that smell of freshly baked bread and butter, gingham dresses and straw hats, apple orchards and warm sunsets. Cottagecore is associated with pastoral life, as it borrows aesthetics from the traditional British countryside and romanticises a world away from the hectic city. It revolves around the dream of a more peaceful reality, where people live in tune with each other and nature. Like with many other trends, it is not exclusive to LGBTQI people, but it centres around the queer community.

“Cottagecore is absolutely escapism as it allows queer and marginalised people to imagine a life in the past without the shadow of oppression hanging over them,” says the founder of @cottagecoreblackfolks, Noemie Sérieux. The 23-year-old says that people of privileged backgrounds do not understand what it’s like to not only be oppressed in your present, but to look back to the past and realise the oppression you are experiencing now is the kindest version your people have known. “Cottagecore allows queer women to reimagine the past in a kinder, softer, more loving light,” she said, quoting Maya Angelou: “The

WORDS MARTINE AAMODT HESS

WHAT DO DRIED ORANGE SLICES, CERAMIC FROGS, SOY SAUCE PACKETS AND A GIRL IN RED SPOTIFY CODE HAVE IN COMMON? THEY’RE ALL THINGS YOU CAN HANG FROM YOUR EARS – AND QUEER WOMEN ARE HERE FOR IT

FEATURES | QUEER TRENDS

Clockwise from top left: Lesbian earrings, cottagecore pear, Olivia Liu, Noemie Sérieux and cottagecore cake

ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”

Similar to the lesbian earring trend, the cottagecore aesthetic has become a popular phenomenon thanks to social media. While the term was first coined on Tumblr in 2018, its popularity has been revived, particularly among wlw on TikTok, after the pandemic encouraged a more domesticated life. Confined to our homes, the interest in traditional crafts such as baking, sewing and knitting has boomed and so has the love of cottagecore style. It has become a safe space that brings together a community sharing a common fantasy. Aside from the organic scenery and aesthetic dresses, the dream is to build LGBTQI communes where you can live a harmonious life and express your queer identity without fear of judgment.

Owing to the TikTok algorithm, which personalises each feed based

MARTINE AAMODT HESS is a freelance journalist and co-founder of itsnuet.com. @martineahess

on individual interests, it has become easier than ever before for queer women to find each other and indulge in their passions. “Cottagecore was a thriving community long before 2020.

The only difference now is more people know it’s there to welcome them if they want to participate,” says Sérieux. This supportive community has only grown stronger since the start of the pandemic. It became a sanctuary at a time when people have been deprived of physical LGBTQI spaces. In many ways, cottagecore is the dream of recreating the acceptance and likemindedness which can be found in these queer online communities.

Because TikTok helps connect people based on niche interests, it is no surprise that the rise of the platform has brought along the birth of a number of subcultures beyond the lesbian earrings and cottagecore trends. For example, users of the app have deemed Sweater Weather the bisexual anthem, while Norwegian mu-

sician Girl In Red is the artist of choice among wlw. Frogs and mushrooms are other examples of trends that have become increasingly popular in the queer community over the past year. Why? “Frogs and mushrooms are not traditionally thought of as cute, and so people might be more drawn to them as non-normative imageries,” suggests Liu. For some of these trends, it can be more challenging to draw a direct connection to queerness, but what they all have in common is they serve as a form of unspoken communication between queer people. Considering the LGBTQI community’s dark and painful past where safety depended on hiding your true identity, it is worth celebrating that so many people now feel free to embrace bold expressions of gender and sexuality. It will be interesting to see which trends we bring with us, and the new ones that will come to life as the world slowly returns to normal.

21

By far the best part of dramedy The Bold Type is the groundbreaking love story between Kat Edison and Adena El Amin, played beautifully by Aisha Dee and Nikohl Boosheri. It’s a rare treat to see an on-screen romance between two queer women of colour and we’re thrilled that they’re back for the fifth and final season.

While the show has had issues when it comes to diversity (check out Aisha’s brilliant Instagram post on the topic for more about this), Kadena never fails to make our gay hearts happy. Oh, and their outfits are pretty epic, too.

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Her clothing choices reflect her passion for activism and in the brand new season she can be spotted sporting a tee with the slogan “Support Black Designers”. Costume designer Mandi Line reveals she sources several stunning pieces by BIPOC creatives via the Black Designer Database (blackdesignerdatabase.com).

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Kat’s fashion fluidity “In terms of Aisha’s evolution, if you look back at the first season, she was fucking dope, wearing weird angles and lengths – she wasn’t grounded at all. When you see her at the beginning of the [fifth] season, she’s effortlessly cool in an R13 leopard cashmere blazer with an AllSaints coat and white combat boots. She’s been very fluid in her taste of partners and, as a queer woman myself, I really wanted to show that fluidity in her fashion.”

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Costume designer Mandi Line speaking to InStyle 23

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The literary festival amplifying underrepresented voices

26 JULY 2021

More info on Contents page 3

hilarious and full of heart. Take its handling of Mae’s gender. In real life Mae, who uses they/them and she/her pronouns, came out as non-binary in a low-key Instagram post earlier this year. In Feel Good, the character of Mae identifies “err, kind of like an Adam Driver or a Ryan Gosling”.

During a conversation about Mae’s identity, it is beautifully tender when George says to Mae, “You tell me and I’ll use the right words”.

With its unique blend of idiosyncratic humour and reassuring warmth, it’s no wonder the series has proved such a triumph with queer and straight audiences alike. Even Hollywood superstar Elliot Page is a fan. He told The New York Times, “Mae’s integrity, vulnerability and intelligence sets them apart, both as

PHOTOS NETFLIX

CULTURE 34

We can’t wait for...

Primadonna

The first season of Feel Good gave comfort to viewers in the throes of lockdown, provided groundbreaking bisexual and non-binary representation, and inspired some extremely racy erotic fan fiction. I discover this last titbit while Zooming with comedian Mae Martin, who co-writes the show with their co-creator Joe Hampson and plays a fictionalised version of themselves in it, and star of Call The Midwife, Ghosts and Fresh Meat Charlotte Ritchie, aka Mae’s on-screen on-off girlfriend, George.

As a viewer, you can’t help but root for Feel Good’s central couple.

Their love story is sweetly romantic and joyful, but it’s also messy and realistic. While the programme tackles heavy stuff like codependency, addiction and trauma, above all it is

CULTURE | FEEL GOOD MAE: I wasn’t prepared for the level of artistic talent of people doing the fan art. It came from all over the world.

And erotic fan fiction. A couple of people wrote some amazing Mae and George fan fiction, which I love. One of them was set in 17th century England and it was Lady George and her maid Mae. It was absolutely outrageous.

CHARLOTTE: I love that kind of fanfic.

I really do. It’s a very satisfying creative outlet.

It sounds fantastic! I remember when the show came out, a lot of people were talking about how relatable your characters were. Mae, your portrayal of someone grappling with their gender identity was very powerful. It really seemed to resonate when your character said in season one, “I’m not a boy. I’m not even a girl. I’m a failed version of both.” Did you hear from many people who related to that storyline?

MAE: So many people, which is incredibly touching. My character is figuring it all out and a lot of people can relate to that feeling of uncertainty and confusion. There’s a lot of pressure now, in the public conversation around gender, to have a soundbite and be really strong in your identity so that you can contribute to this conversation. And a lot of people are not at that place yet. They are struggling with it. So that was nice, to have people get in touch and say that they related.

a person and as a creative force to be reckoned with”.

Here’s what Mae and Charlotte had to say about making the second and final instalment of this mustsee sitcom.

What was the reaction like for the first season of Feel Good?

MAE: It really took the edge off those first few months of lockdown, because I was getting this tidal wave of support and really touching messages from people across all demographics.

CHARLOTTE: When you are doing it you are so concerned with the darker side to the show, I forgot that the show makes people feel good. I know that the name of the show is that! But I was surprised at how many people were like, “It’s made me feel nice”.

A lot of people can relate to that feeling of uncertainty and confusion” CHARLOTTE: That’s what was so lovely. This is a very specific story about two people, but it managed to speak to so many people’s experiences. That says a lot about how being particularly honest or personal can actually really connect with people.

After season one was such a huge success, how did you feel going into series two?

MAE: Scared. I felt a lot of responsibil-

ity. When there’s so little representation, there’s a pressure to represent everyone. We wanted fans of the first series to feel satisfied, but we also wanted to challenge ourselves and go deeper with the issues we’re exploring.

CHARLOTTE: Also, what I found exciting about the new series is that there’s a step-up with them in terms of their maturity levels. Definitely as an actor, it is cool, I mean it is a gift, to have a character that progresses, learns and keeps evolving.

I love the fact that Mae and George are both bisexual and they’re in a couple. That’s not something I’ve seen much on TV. Plus so much bi representation on screen relies on damaging tropes and negative stereotypes. Mae, is that something that was in your mind when you and Joe were writing the scripts?

MAE: Joe and I try to never get too in our heads about any kind of political message we’re trying to convey. We’re just very intent on making rich and authentic characters. But I’ve definitely experienced tons of biphobia within the LGBT community and also outside of it. It’s wild because so many people fall into that bracket. It’s quite a broad umbrella, so it was really important to me to, first of all, address Mae (the character)’s biphobia, and the double standard when it comes to George. And also show two relatively interesting bi characters that aren’t just defined by their bisexuality.

You certainly achieved that. Let’s talk about the new season. What was it like shooting in a pandemic?

CHARLOTTE: It was in the second lockdown. You were allowed to film, but there was just extensive testing.

MAE: Our noses were red raw, deep into our brains.

CHARLOTTE: We isolated together for the two months. We were in flats in the same building, so it was day in, day out, Feel Good.

MAE: It was very domestic, very fun.

You can know someone for years, but you don’t see them in their pyjamas a lot, you know?

CHARLOTTE: I felt like I was on a holiday camp. We played poker, did whisky tasting.

MAE: We did a disco with a queer soc>>> cer team.

27

Clockwise from above: Mae and Charlotte embark on an Egyptian-themed escape room, getting up close and personal, frolicking in the woods and Mae’s parents – played by Lisa Kudrow and Adrian Lukis

28 JULY 2021

CULTURE | FEEL GOOD CHARLOTTE: They’re called Goal Diggers.

MAE: And they did a 70s disco on Zoom, so we danced and that was our big event.

>>>

While you were hanging out at your flats, did you talk a lot about your characters?

CHARLOTTE: We did. We had long conversations.

MAE: Rather deep chats. I cried a lot.

CHARLOTTE: I cried a bit.

MAE: Yeah, you did actually.

CHARLOTTE: Only sometimes! It was good to narrow down our world for that time, because it allowed us to be fully immersed in it. And we did talk extensively. I love working with Mae, because we are really good friends now and we talk at length about things, disagree on things and are at this stage of being quite open and honest with each other. I treasure that.

Speaking of being open with each other, the second season features more funny, interesting sex scenes.

The roleplays were especially ridiculous and entertaining. How do you even keep a straight face when you’re performing that sort of material?

CHARLOTTE: We’re at this stage now where we know each other so well. In the first series there was a lot of giggling, because we were friends before, so when you get intimate and feeling exposed... But it wasn’t [like that] on the second series. It wasn’t at all. It was great.

MAE: And we had the rehearsals to figure out the mechanics of how you put your hand down someone’s trousers...

CHARLOTTE: ...Without actually putting your hand down their trousers.

Because you have to be very respectful of everybody’s space. It’s working out how you do that without doing that.

I was also very excited about Lisa Kudrow returning as Mae’s mother. Are you guys basically best mates now?

MAE: Coming to film season two, it felt like seeing a friend again. I’m just so lucky to be able to say that about someone who is so loved by so many people. And yeah, we kept in touch.

We’ll speak on Zoom next week and catch up again. We’re quite similar

in some ways. We get on really, really well.

In what ways are you similar?

MAE: I think we’re both...

CHARLOTTE: Blonde!

MAE: [Laughs] We’re both blonde!

And we’re both quite analytical and can be introverted. I also would like to say, it is a big ask to ask someone to fly over here during this insane year and she just was up for doing that.

Being particularly honest or personal can actually really connect with people” She’s so great in this show. And Mae, congratulations on your BAFTA nomination. How did you feel when you found out?

MAE: So good, so excited. I couldn’t believe it.

What are your thoughts about being in the female category?

MAE: I mean, you know...

CHARLOTTE: It would be nice if there was more nuance in the category.

MAE: I can’t think of a practical solution, but it’s a little jarring that the language doesn’t reflect how I feel about myself. As long as I can wave that banner and clarify, that’s fine. I don’t want to take away from it, how honoured I am to be included, but it’s definitely weird.

It is weird. But also, the BAFTAS are such a big deal and you, a BAFTAnominated actor, are bringing attention to an important conversation about gender identity.

MAE: Yeah, it’s all positive.

We’re in this transitional

time. I hope in the future there will be a less gendered world, so that there is more space for people like me to feel more comfortable.

Hear, hear! I’d love to know, what has making Feel Good taught you?

CHARLOTTE: It’s taught me so much.

I feel like I have been growing up at the same time as doing this show.

I’ve personally definitely been thinking more about who I am and how I navigate the world and all that kind of thing. The conversations I’ve had with Mae and the nuance and empathy in the show has taught me and challenged me on lots of things.

I’m eternally grateful for having done the show.

MAE: I’ve learned so much as well through writing. And writing opposing viewpoints to my own, trying to imagine what it would be like to be my own parent or date me has been very humbling and very interesting.

And I’ve never made any television or acted before, so in a practical sense I’ve learned a lot about the mechanics of telling a story. I can’t overstate how much I’ve learnt. And with Charlotte by my side.

CHARLOTTE: We’re steering the ship together. Or you’re more steering the ship. It’s your show. I’m up on the crow’s nest, looking out for danger.

You make a great team. Before we wrap this up, is there anything else you would like DIVA readers to know?

MAE: I would like them to know that I’m really excited about the soundtrack of Feel Good.

CHARLOTTE: I would like them to know that we finally farted in front of each other.

Wow. That’s a big step.

MAE: Try living together!

CHARLOTTE: It was a no-go, but then it was not. It’s domestic.

MAE: It really married our relationship. When you cross that threshold, there’s no going back and it becomes a punchline. We did a lot of scaring each other too. A lot of hiding around the corner. Really, our nerves were shot. When the time came to film, we were shells.

Both seasons of Feel Good are available to watch on Netflix now 29

CULTURE | SCREEN

BY KAT HALSTEAD

SCREEN

Pick of the Month

Directed by Arantxa Echevarría

TOVE

Directed by Zaida Bergroth

News

TV

Film

DVD

CARMEN & LOLA

An intimate and joyful portrait of Moomins creator Tove Jansson, this bright, sumptuously realised film explores the beloved artist from her bohemian lifestyle in 1940s Helsinki and her relationship with her disdainful artist father to her fiery love affair with theatre director Vivica Bandler (an enigmatic Krista Kosonen) – which inspired Moomin characters Thingumy and Bob and their intimate secret language – and her blossoming romance with longterm love Tuulikki Pietilä (Joanna Haartti). Alma Pöysti’s performance in the lead role is an absolute revelation; a mixture of quiet determination and sprightly vitality in a story of love, freedom and independence that will reveal Tove’s hippo-like creations in a fascinating new light.

A festival darling that won best director and supporting actress at Spain’s national Goya awards, as well as earning two nominations at Cannes, Carmen & Lola is the heady and beautifully told story of two teenagers growing up in a Roma community in the suburbs of Madrid. Lola is a dedicated student and graffiti artist with an eye on bettering her prospects and a finger hovering over the keyboard of local lesbian chat rooms, while Carmen’s future is entrenched in the gypsy tradition of young marriage and dreams of a job in a hair salon. But when the two lock eyes in the local market, a connection sparks a series of secret encounters, intimate touches and overwhelming feelings that force the pair to re-evaluate their place in their strict patriarchal community.

Available on DVD now and on demand from 5 July

FEEL GOOD SEASON 2

Created by Mae Martin and Joe Hampson

In cinemas from 9 July

AHEAD OF THE CURVE

Directed by Jen Rainin and Rivkah Beth Medow

KAT HALSTEAD is a writer and movie buff with a penchant for female-led flicks. @kathalstead 30 JULY 2021

Illuminating, empowering and revolutionary, Ahead Of The Curve charts the history of iconic lesbian lifestyle magazine Curve from its grassroots launch in 1990 by Franco Stevens – who maxed out a handful of credit cards, got lucky on the horses, then set about making history – through years of travelling the country winning one subscription at a time to landing its first major cover star and lawsuits over its name (originally Deneuve, much to the chagrin of a certain French actress). Revisiting Stevens in the present day, a decade after being forced to sell the magazine due to injury, the film not only explores the enormous impact Curve had in the past, but, in the shadow of potential closure, reassess what the LGBTQI community needs from the brand today.

Available on Apple TV now

We fell almost as hard for Season 1 as Mae and George fell for each other, as the show explored the complexities of infatuation, addiction, sexuality, gender and so much more in a vulnerable, painful, sometimes funny, often dark way that we’ve rarely seen on screen. In this eagerly awaited second season we’re rooting for Mae (Martin) and George (Charlotte Ritchie) to reconnect after they both go their separate ways to try and get their lives back on track – Mae in the direction of rehab and George in the direction of a work colleague and, well, bees. Brave, honest and sharply observed, it’s a welcome return for the Canadian stand-up and their incredible comedic cast.

Streaming on Netflix now

PHOTO LUKE VARLEY

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BOOKS

CULTURE | BOOKS Book of the Month

SUMMER READING

POETRY

C+NTO & OTHERED POEMS Joelle Taylor

Part memoir, part poetic magic trick, Joelle Taylor’s C+nto & Othered Poems is absolutely incredible. In this latest collection from the legendary slam poet, Taylor imagines glass display cabinets — known as vitrines — descending on beloved queer haunts of the 80s and 90s, specifically the lesbian bars and nightlife spots that meant so much to so many. In an act of mourning for those spaces and the women, especially butch women, who have been lost, Taylor reanimates them within the walls of the fictional bar Maryville, writing their stories of struggle and survival alongside her own. A celebration, a reclamation and a tribute to the dyke bars and the butches who left their mark, this book reminds the reader that to exist as we do is a form of protest.

On the page or in performance, this is work that should not be missed.

The Westbourne Press, £10.99

New titles from LGBTQI authors...

Everyone In This Room Will Someday Be Dead Emily Austin Fiction, Atlantic Books, £14.99

Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir Akwaeke Emezi Memoir, Faber & Faber, £14.99

Rise To The Sun Leah Johnson Young Adult, Scholastic, £7.99

The Sex Lives Of African Women Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah Nonfiction, Little, Brown, £16.99

The Breakup Monologues: The Unexpected Joys Of Heartbreak Rosie Wilby Nonfiction, Green Tree, £16.99

12 Bytes: How We Got Here.

Where We Might Go Next.

Jeanette Winterson Essays, Vintage, £16.99

Cack-Handed Gina Yashere Memoir, HarperCollins, £16.99

FICTION

SHORT FICTION

BLACK WATER SISTER

A NATURAL HISTORY OF TRANSITION

Zen Cho

ERICA GILLINGHAM is a queer poet, writer and bookseller with a PhD in lesbian love stories and kissing. @ericareadsqueer 32 JULY 2021

When the voice of your dead grandmother calls you a lesbian inside your head, you’d think you might start paying attention. Except Jessamyn doesn’t yet know the Malay word “pengkid” or that it’s her Ah Ma speaking to her. She’s too distracted helping her parents move from the United States to Malaysia, a country they haven’t lived in for 19 years, and in maintaining her long-distance relationship with girlfriend Sharanya. When Ah Ma overhears gossip between the aunties and uncles, though, she decides to use Jessamyn to help her carry out an overdue revenge promised to the goddess Black Water Sister. From the opening lines of the novel, Zen Cho grabs the reader and doesn’t let go.

Macmillan, £14.99

Callum Angus

A man gives birth to a cocoon. A woman lies down to become rock.

The nuns of a 17th-century convent grow facial hair and Adam’s apples — but only in winter. In this enlivening debut short story collection, A Natural History Of Transition, Callum Angus centres the trans experience of the body, specifically from the perspectives of majority trans-masculine characters. In these tales, natural phenomenon, unexplained occurrences and a resistance to any form of stasis weave their way into the happenings, whether the preoccupations are impending-future or centuries old. For devotees of Carmen Maria Machado, Kirsty Logan and Julia Armfield, this book breathes life into wonder and horror.

Metonymy Press, £11.99

CULTURE | MUSIC

Home Video

We will never tire of blissing out to the soothing sound of Lucy Dacus’ vocals. Lucky for us, she is back with Home Video, her third and arguably most transformative album to date. There’s a gorgeous poeticism to Lucy’s songwriting, and her latest single, VBS, is no exception. The track is a look back at her time spent at vacation bible schools growing up, drawing on themes of retrospection and self-discovery, as the album title would suggest. Now embarking on a lengthy US tour until the autumn, we can only hope that Lucy will be able to venture to UK shores again soon.

MUSIC

LUCY DACUS

BY LAURA HOWARD

Pick of the Month

ALBUM

ALBUM

CHARLOTTE DAY WILSON Alpha

Charlotte Day Wilson’s debut album is finally due to land on 9 July, and it’s every bit worth the wait. The record is introduced by If I Could, a gospel R&B ballad that tells of “the desire to protect and save someone from their demons”, according to Wilson. No spoilers, but the accompanying video has been directed and produced to the same high standard of that set by her Prism Prize award-winning piece for Work, back in 2018. We strongly encourage you to give it a watch. Alpha marks a step into a bold new era for Wilson as she taps into her true authentic self, and we love to see it! Moving and artfully executed, we’re certain that you’ll be instantly entranced by this impressive debut.

ALBUM

NOVAA

She’s A Rose

PHOTOS PERCY WALKER-SMITH, EBRU YILDIZ

Quench your thirst for serenity with the forthcoming album from Berlin’s rising alt-pop artist, NOVAA. Delicate electronics and eloquent lyrics flow from start to finish, skilfully interlacing intimate subjects and tranquil soundscapes to deliver a poignant message of hope and healing in these testing times. With She’s A Rose, NOVAA opens up to listeners about her own experiences and overcoming the struggles she faced along the way. “If you struggle with something similar, I see you, I feel you, you got this, you are loved,” NOVAA writes.

EP

SOPHIE KILBURN

My Room Made Public

It’s 2021, we have the world at our fingertips, but how much of our lives should we share? Sophie Kilburn digs deep and offers up her perspective with her debut EP, My Room Made Public. Influenced by the likes of Haim and Maggie Rogers, Sophie masterfully fuses fiery guitar riffs with snappy pop melodies to produce a sound that will stay with you long after your first listen.

We’d also like to give a shoutout to Sophie for penning the most iconic 2021 lyric to date: “I’m seeing red, my plants are dead, I’m in love with my therapist.” Listen to opening single Movements now, with the full EP expected this summer.

SINGLE

WILLOW

TRANSPARENTSOUL

Inspired by her mother, actor and once frontwoman to nu-metal band Wicked Wisdom, WILLOW takes a genre-defying leap to explore her rock heritage on her latest single, t r a n s p a r e n t s o u l featuring Travis Barker. This standout single is a playful middle finger to anyone who might have mistakenly typecast WILLOW as just an R&B/pop artist. A heady combination of spirituality and angsty pop-punk, t r a n s p a r e n t s o u l is an exciting teaser of what’s to come from her forthcoming fifth album, due out this summer.

LAURA HOWARD is a friendly northern muso and aspiring radio DJ. @howardoyoudo 33

We can’t wait for..

PRIMADONNA

34 JULY 2021

Some of the highlights from the 2019 festival

PHOTOS ADAM RAZVI

CULTURE | PRIMADONNA Fancy hanging out in a field with hundreds of women for the weekend? Let me make this (even) more appealing: if you’re into arts and culture, love reading, maybe even want to be an author one day, then you’ll love Primadonna. It’s a literary festival in Suffolk that’s also a little bit rock’n’roll, and it’s coming back this July for a sun-soaked weekend of big ideas and small wonders.

Primadonna has all the things you’d expect from a book festival – big-name writers, poets, performances, readings, interviews and analysis – and plenty more that you might not: live music, DJs, comedy, cook-a-longs, kids and craft activities, wellness and film premieres. For those interested in a career as a writer (and half of those who came to the first Primadonna were), you get a money-can’t-buy experience that will help your literary ambitions. At our festival, you can share a meadow, marquee or perhaps even a margarita with the best in the business: there are workshops and advice surgeries, opportunities to pitch your work to an agent or publisher and, for the first time this year, a Creative Writing “Masters” programme with modules delivered

by Kit de Waal, Shelley Silas, Christy Lefteri and other bestselling authors.

All of this is organised by a team of women from across the entertainment and publishing worlds who are driven by a desire to put women and non-binary people, as well as queer, black and minority ethnic, workingclass and disabled artists at the top of the bill. These women – we call ourselves the “Primadonnas” – include lesbian icon Sandi Toksvig, star of stage, radio and screen. Sandi has long been a campaigner for gay rights and gender equality, co-founding the Women’s Equality Party with Catherine Mayer (another Primadonna) in 2015, and she brings that championing of the lesbian community and her commitment to diversity and inclusion to the festival. She is, of course, also an author, with more than 20 books to her name, so she knows a thing or two about good writing.

This year Primadonna will feature some brilliant names from the world of books, TV, music and food. Tracey Thorn, author and one half of the band Everything But The Girl, will introduce us to her new book, My

PRIMADONNA DIRECTOR CATHERINE RILEY LOOKS AHEAD TO A WEEKEND OF “THE WORLD AS IT SHOULD BE”

Rock’n’Roll Friend. Grace Dent and Andi Oliver, queens of the TV top table, will talk food, glorious food in an irreverent conversation about their obsession with eating. Funny woman Helen Lederer (of Ab Fab fame) will feature in a no-holds-barred confessional with publisher Lisa Milton (another Primadonna). Shola Mos-Shogbamimu (famously Piers Morgan’s nemesis) will feature in “Piers Off”, a session looking at resistance and changing the narrative. And journalist and author Bee Rowlatt, who led the campaign for a statue of Mary Wollstonecraft on Newington Green, will talk all things monumental with historian Alex von Tunzelmann.

Additional names confirmed so far are Exciting Times author and

Primadonna is eclectic, anarchic and designed for you by people like you” Women’s Prize longlistee Naoise Dolan; Michele Roberts, author of 12 highly acclaimed novels and former Booker shortlistee; Adele Parks, author of 20 bestselling novels that have been translated into more than 30 languages; writer and activist Sophie Williams, author of Anti-Racist Ally and the upcoming Millennial Black; writer and theatre-maker Stella Duffy; Rosie Wilby, comedian and presenter of The Breakup Monologues; and musician Debbie Smith of Curve, Echobelly and Ye Nuns fame.

These fabulous women will cover everything from menopause to queers in the canon, riot grrrl to self-care in a weekend of events that will make you think, might make you mad and will definitely make you smile. And that’s just the daytime stuff: music, comedy and film go on well into the evening, or you might prefer the mornings, when there are yoga workshops and other wellness treats. The festival has

Primadonna runs from 30 July – 1 August at the Museum of East Anglian Life in Stowmarket, Suffolk.

Tickets are £153.75 for

an adult weekend pass (£123 concessions, £76.88 for juniors, under-fives are free). Use codes PDEARLYBIRDADULT,

something for everyone, and that’s the point: Primadonna is eclectic, anarchic and designed for you, by people like you. We call it “the world as it should be”, and we think by the end of the weekend, you’ll agree that it is.

Alongside famous names, the line-up will also include people you might not have heard of... yet. Primadonna is a testing ground for new talent. This means that there are fresh ideas around every corner, and new favourites to be discovered at every turn. It’s also part of our commitment to showcase emerging talent, giving a hand-up to creatives who wouldn’t get the same profile anywhere else.

The festival was borne out of these ambitions: to create a space where all ideas are welcome and everyone can be heard. But it was also out of necessity. We were tired of being the token individuals on panels, in conferences, at meetings. The token woman. The token person of colour.

The token queer. We wanted to create a space – a whole weekend, in fact – where we were the majority, not the tick-box exercise. And when we did, it was a riotous three days that left everyone with a warm glow, a new community and some amazing memories.

Some even left with a book deal.

So this summer, we’re doing it all again. We’re moving to a new venue which gives us room to grow, while maintaining the magic of our first festival: beautiful surroundings, an intimate atmosphere and a safe space to talk, share ideas and make new friends. And the best-ever festival toilets and showers – vital, we know.

If you’re not sure about your summer plans, put aside three days for yourself, and that field full of women (and some men, and all those in between). Come alone, or in a group: either way, you’ll be among friends with the sun on your face, a cold drink in your hand, and a smile spread from ear to ear. That’s the Primadonna vibe.

We know by the end of July the UK will be getting back to normal: but we won’t be. We’re staying extraordinary, and we want you to join us.

PDEARLYBIRDCONCESSION and PDEARLYBIRDJUNIOR for tickets at £120, £100 and £65 respectively. To find out more visit primadonnafestival.com.

35

REALTALK 39

Valentino Vecchietti Redesigning the Pride Progress flag to include intersex

40

Dear Ali Ali Hendry has some advice for readers’ problems

42

What’s it like to...

Former Marine iAsia Brown talks switching careers

36 JULY 2021

Just the Tonic T

onic Housing is a community-led, notfor-profit organisation with the aim of creating vibrant and inclusive urban LGBTQI affirming retirement communities in the UK where people can share common experiences, find mutual support and enjoy later life. Ahead of the opening of Tonic@Bankhouse, the organisation’s first scheme, later this summer, we met CEO Anna Kear to find out more.

Why do you think a scheme like this hasn’t existed in the UK previously?

There have been plans/dreams to meet the needs of LGBT+ elders, to my knowledge since 1994, but making that a reality has been an almost impossible challenge. Housing is a highly capitalised industry.

The requirement to raise capital of circa £50 million, minimum, for a development in London, to create an LGBT+ housing with care project of a scale to cover the running costs

DIVA MEETS ANNA KEAR, CEO OF AN ORGANISATION WORKING TO MAKE LGBTQI+ RETIREMENT HOMES A REALITY INTERVIEW CARRIE LYELL

was the main barrier (noting that access to public funding was denied to LGBT+ activities during Section 28 years). Mainstream investors are not interested in niche projects that are considered risky/uncharted territory, and supportive charities cannot access this level of funding, so the options were extremely limited. In the US the tax credit system to developers has unlocked this barrier.

What have been your highs and lows since joining the organisation in 2018?

One of the highs has to be getting the mayoral decision on our funding and the amazing wide-ranging press coverage Tonic achieved to raise the profile of the too often unheard voices of LGBT+ elders. For me, the enduring high is that I’ve had the honour and pleasure of working with wonderful people, who welcomed an “unknown” queer housing geek into their mists.

Tonic now has an amazingly talented team and it has been a delight to see it grow. This is the most personal job

REAL TALK | TONIC HOUSING We are in discussions with a major landowner/developer in London about our next project, though the financing of this is very much dependent upon the success and demand shown for our first scheme. Tonic would love to consider other UK opportunities, and we hope to have the capacity to do this once the first homes are secured.

The view from Tonic@ Bankhouse. Right: CEO Anna Kear

How do you ensure your schemes remain a safe and affirming space for everyone under the LGBTQI umbrella, when needs can be overlapping and in opposition?

This is what makes Tonic different, as we have sought to make sure we create a community asset in perpetuity (long-term ownership), so that we can ensure our schemes remain a safe and affirming space for everyone under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella. Tonic will always own a share of the properties on a 125-year lease and we have a legal agreement with One Housing on our joint commitment to be an LGBT+ affirming community, with a full-time Tonic community manager. Practically, this means working with all residents on issues of inclusivity and respect, through positive affirmation.

I’ve ever done. The lows have been many. This has taken far too long to get to this point, as I was first made aware of the empty apartments at Bankhouse in December 2018. I’ve been fighting daily to justify why Tonic is needed and jumping hurdles and barriers constantly to outwit those that sought to stand in our way.

We would not have achieved this without the strength of our community coming together and supporting Tonic, which fills me with huge pride and keeps me going. I never really understood what resilience meant until I did this job.

What criteria does a person need to meet to be eligible for a Tonic property?

For the Tonic@Bankhouse scheme people need to be 55 or over to be eligible, as this is a planning requirement for the development. Tonic can only provide shared ownership apartments at the moment, so people need to also be able to purchase a minimum 25% share of the property. There

are affordable rented apartments in Bankhouse provided by One Housing.

More details on this can be found on our website (tonichousing.org.uk/ living-at-tonicbankhouse).

Do you have residents ready to move into Tonic@Bankhouse this summer?

We have a significant number of people interested in purchasing Tonic@ Bankhouse apartments and becoming part of our first LGBT+ affirming community. We set up our Register of Interest, and we are in contact directly with many people to discuss what they want and what we can offer at Bankhouse. Community is everything to us – we want to make sure that people are happy if they choose Tonic and that they will be as much a part of it as we are. There are many existing residents at Bankhouse, who rent from One Housing, who will be part of the Tonic’s LGBT+ affirming community.

Where are you with plans to launch similar schemes elsewhere in London/the UK?

Going forward, how will you make sure Tonic represents and responds to the needs of the LGBTQI community as a whole?

Going back to the start, Tonic is community-led, which means that it is run by people with lived experience. Our founders are committed to the need

I’ve been fighting daily to justify why Tonic is needed... I never really understood what resilience meant until I did this job” to have diversity in our governance (including, but not limited to gender, race, disability and socio-economic background). We are currently developing how we make this more >>>

37

REAL TALK | TONIC HOUSING

Tonic@Bankhouse outdoor space

THE COMMUNITY VIEW

KIMBERLY GILLINGWATER, TONIC HOUSING COMMUNITY PANEL MEMBER

“Tonic have been very clear in their need of our voices and experiences in shaping the brand and services, and in turn I have felt our views have helped shape Tonic’s journey. From branding ideas through to particular services extended, we have been asked for feedback and input. I feel very privileged to be part of this journey, almost energised, knowing I have assisted in some small way towards building a safe and thriving space for our community. A space that allows myself and others like me to live our lives out – it feels great!

“The Community Panel is extremely respectful and kind; it’s a coming together of individuals with their own stories and experiences, but all knowing how needed this service is for our ageing community. My priority at the moment is to ensure I help get the message out to our community, knowing

38 JULY 2021

this really is going to be an inclusive space. Some of our community have had to live double lives in secrecy, so it’s a challenge in itself to change old ways of thinking.

“Being seen and acknowledged as an integral part of the LGBTQI+ community is the biggest challenge facing our ageing [members]. Tonic has become a trailblazer in this regard; providing a service that hones in on our needs, while preserving our identity, is so essential.

“In the future, I hope to see lots of Tonic-led community developments throughout the UK. The Tonic team’s dedication and commitment towards getting safe and thriving spaces for our ageing LGBTQI+ will see that happen, but as a charity, we need more backing from local councils and the government to ensure more inclusive spaces are built.”

inclusive with recruitment, board trainees, resident involvement and our Community Panel of volunteers, whose recommendations go to the board.

>>>

What would you say to those who might question why a space like Tonic is necessary?

There are many who do question this and they are usually, but not exclusively, straight and/or younger. Tonic has a strong advocacy role in our work, so we aim to educate people on the issues, but we do ask for kindness in return. Not everyone has the privileges you may have and we should be kind, thankful and generous to those who fought for the privileges that we now have. Getting older happens to us all, our bodies and minds can become frailer, but we are not defined by it. We are the person we have always been and we should respect and treat people as we would like to be treated.

What advice might you have for an older LGBTQI person or relative who might be struggling to advocate for their needs or the needs of a loved one in a retirement or care home setting?

They can contact us at Tonic or our colleagues at Opening Doors, who run the Pride in Care accreditation scheme.

We recognised in our Building Safe Choices report that there is a real lack of funded support available to LGBT+ older people in this situation. Our colleagues at Stonewall Housing have recently been awarded some charitable funding to recruit an older person’s adviser post and we have committed to continue to work together to campaign and seek funding for improved advocacy services for our community.

What’s the dream for Tonic Housing?

An amazing, vibrant LGBT+ community-led housing organisation that can enable many different local and diverse projects to achieve their vision sooner and with less barriers. We want to show the world what older LGBT+ community living looks like and change perceptions on ageing being a sad and lonely experience. We are currently applying to become a Registered Provider of Social Housing, so that we can provide affordable rented homes in future as well as other tenures. If we are successful, Tonic will become the first LGBT+ Registered Housing Provider. I will be extremely proud when we achieve that.

Find out more about Tonic Housing at tonichousing.org.uk

REAL TALK | VALENTINO VECCHIETTI

Why I redesigned the Pride Progress flag to include intersex We need to see flags that include, support and celebrate our community, says VALENTINO VECCHIETTI

I

t plays like a video in slow motion in my mind: the hot, early afternoon sun.

The bright splash of our yellow flag with its purple ring, slowly sweeping across the vivid blue sky. The imposing white stone buildings lining the street.

We were in the centre of London and on either side of us was a cacophony of colours and people pressed together.

They were cheering and waving behind barriers, as our small group of intersex people and allies walked the Pride route in 2018. I remember feeling apprehensive.

I wasn’t sure what would happen or how we would be received. I have experienced a lifetime of shame and stigma. But overwhelmingly, the good will of the crowd that day meant that, even if they didn’t know what intersex was, when they saw us waving our flags, signs and placards, they cheered and waved back. Somehow all the details didn’t matter because it felt like suddenly we were all together. We were marching for equality, for visibility, for a place in this world. Facing my fear, I grasped in that moment a vision that one day all intersex people would be able to live freely and openly, and celebrate our existence. I was engulfed with emotions, but also a resounding sense of hope.

In that same year, the Pride Progress flag was born. Previously, civil rights activist Amber Hikes had redesigned the rainbow flag to include black and brown stripes to represent people of colour.

Daniel Quasar later built on that, including the colours of the trans flag. When I saw the new flag, it instantly made sense to me that it should exist. It felt like a joyful visual and cultural statement of inclusion and I wished our intersex flag could be included too. I also wished that the crowds at Pride knew more about intersex. So for 2021, I have redesigned the Pride Progress flag to make it intersex inclusive. When I posted our new flag on our Intersex Equality Rights UK Instagram, for our intersex inclusion cam-

paign, we had such an amazing response.

Intersex people and allies across the world told us that it’s bringing them so much joy.

The word intersex and how we use it is more complicated than it seems. We all need different language for different contexts. And we need to respect the terms with which people choose to refer to themselves, while also needing terms that can work legislatively.

In the UK, the government has used the umbrella term “variations in sex characteristics” (VSC), and this will likely be used when we gain legislative inclusion. The umbrella term “intersex” is often used in cultural and empowering contexts. The different language used to describe us in medical settings is seen by some as pathologising. Whatever term we choose to use to describe ourselves, whether intersex, VSC, variation of sex development, a named variation or the medical term “disorder of sex development” (DSD), it’s about respecting and acknowledging each other’s choices.

However, culturally we have a flag which was designed in 2013 by Morgan Carpenter of Intersex Human Rights Australia (IHRA). This cultural symbol of hope, unity and resistance is not called the VSC flag or the DSD flag. It is called the intersex flag and many of us feel inspired, empowered and joyful when we see it.

We need to see flags that include, support and celebrate our community.

This is why I designed our new intersexinclusive Pride Progress flag. It creates significant cultural inclusion and I hope that organisations will show support and allyship by using it. We are freely sharing our graphic for anyone to use in their social media posts. People can also message us on our Instagram account if they would like a high resolution image to make into a flag.

Wishing you a happy Pride season!

“I grasped in that moment a vision that one day all intersex people would be able to live freely and openly”

VALENTINO VECCHIETTI

is a writer, academic, intersex human rights campaigner and a lesbian. They founded Intersex Equality Rights UK. @ValentinoInter

39

DO E A YOU HMAVWE CAN PROBELLEP WITH? H rali@

REAL TALK | DEAR ALI

Dear Ali...

ea Email d o.uk g.c a divam

THIS MONTH, ALI TACKLES GRIEF AND MOVING THROUGH DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOSS

Dear Ali, I have been plagued by mental health problems for which I have had counselling advice off and on for the last 10 years. I was fortunate to have counselling provided free, which explored past experiences and assisted me in recognising my thinking and how it impacts on my life. At the time my father was ill and has subsequently died while this counselling was ongoing.

I feel like I am trying to be stoic in this grief, and don’t want to crumble mentally in case I fall in the gutter metaphorically. How do I grieve? I haven’t properly cried. We didn’t have a funeral, partly due to my dad’s wishes and because of Covid. I have to live with the upset of not seeing my dad in hospital, his decline – beyond a few online conversations – or being able to touch him. I haven’t been involved in a relationship for a long time. There is most probably a story there...

S Dear S, Thank you for getting in touch. Grief is a timely subject as everyone has experienced some kind of loss because of the current pandemic. This could be loss of freedom, losing a loved one, losing our jobs, financial resources, community, access to friends, family and partners. For some, this has given rise to cumulative grief.

It is great that you have accessed counselling over the years, more recently using it to explore bereavement. Do you want to consider accessing more? As you know through your experiences, grief does not adhere to a timeframe.

ALI HENDRY is a holistic relationship coach. She currently has space for new clients. alihendry.co.uk Follow Ali on Twitter @ali_hendry and Clubhouse the_ali_h 40 JULY 2021

My role as a holistic relationship coach is to help people gain clarity on where they are at, where they want to be, and how they can get there. I am not a counsellor or therapist; they look at the past with a view to healing. My honours degree in psychology prompted a drive to research and explore human behaviour, and my certification in holistic coaching led me to value the importance of mind, body and spirit. Unresolved grief can inhabit those three spheres, which exhausts our (already depleted) energy levels.

Let’s explore the areas you have raised in your email.

WHAT IS GRIEF? Grief is a collection of naturally occurring valid emotions relating to a loss.

When it comes to emotions and feelings, they have their own identities and can give rise to each other.

Q Emotions sit within the unconscious mind and show up in measurable, physiological reactions. They arise from external stimuli, such as a death. Examples of emotions are anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, love, desire, hope.

Q Feelings are conscious, mental experiences, often reactions to emotions. They are tricky to measure, and sometimes we attempt to hide them. You might be feeling numb, vulnerable, courageous, powerful, grateful, optimistic.

THE IMPACT OF GRIEF You mentioned that you haven’t been in a relationship for a while. There seems to be a question related to whether your experiences of grief and mental health issues are affecting this. How does it feel to focus on exploring working towards a healthy mental state, to support a clearer way forward?

Feelings of vulnerability around starting an intimate relationship may be heightened right now. Be gentle on yourself. You are the one that is in your own presence 24/7. What can you do to bring more loving kindness into your life? These could be small, simple, free activities. Think about what you would do for a good

3 WAYS TO SUPPORT A GRIEVING FRIEND

IN THEIR TEDX TALK – A GRIEF CASSEROLE: HOW TO HELP YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY THROUGH LOSS – SINGER-SONGWRITER KATE SCHUTT SUGGESTS PICKING ONE OF THESE ACTS TO SHOW UP AND BE PRESENT FOR YOUR GRIEVING FRIEND. THESE COULD RELATE TO ALL LOSSES.

1

Just send the message. Acknowledge their pain and remove responsibility for a reply. For example, “This must be so difficult for you, I can’t imagine what you are going though, no need to respond.”

2

Do a simple chore or errand to give them a moment’s peace. If you live far away, call a service local to them.

3

Cook or buy them a meal, or get food delivered. We all have to eat.

friend in this situation, and do it for yourself.

GRIEF NEEDS A WITNESS Having grief acknowledged and validated can help us move through our emotions. Rituals play an important part in this. For bereavement this would be a funeral, which has not been possible. Visiting the hospital could also be a ritual, which again was denied to you.

To mark the end of a romantic relationship, rituals can include writing a letter (that does not get sent), following a cutting the cord meditation, visiting a significant location and saying goodbye. Can you borrow from any of these ideas?

What else could you do in the absence of being able to attend a funeral? Are there any elements you can replicate now with your family and friends that would have formed part of the memorial process?

SEEKING NEW APPROACHES Your dad is with you and he is not with you. How can you acknowledge both these states?

Finding a supportive community is a great place to start. Whether these are strangers with a shared experience that you access via social media, or friends and family who have experienced grief and loss.

Think of these connections as a twoway sharing opportunity.

WHAT IS LIFE TEACHING YOU? Notice how you respond to this question. Does it instil rage, resentment, confusion, cynicism? Look at what is coming up for you and think about the information it is giving you.

Some people find it useful to do a grief timeline exercise. This brings awareness to all types of loss we have experienced in our lives so far. Draw a line with your birth at one end and your current age at the other.

Underneath the line (like roots trailing into the earth) plot all the losses you have experienced. Include everything you want, such as death of a pet, loss of location through moving house or school, loss of a job, loss of loved ones due to death, a change in identity. Some people view disability as a loss – others view it as a transition. Work out whether the

changes in your mental health feel like a disability and/or a loss.

Once you have plotted the losses, above the line (like plant shoots rising from the earth) write the learning opportunities that each has brought you. What are you getting from looking at your timeline?

BEING POWERFULLY PRESENT

More info on Contents page 3

You have been through one of the most, if not the most challenging situations in your life. It is understandable you are wary of collapsing into the gutter. So far you have shown up for yourself every day. You continue to put one foot in front of the other, and that is enough. Time will do its own thing. By focussing on the past we give it power, so work on being in the present, because that is all we have.

Being present brings us into our own power. You’ve got this.

ALI RECOMMENDS WEBSITE mariecurie.org.uk End-of-life charity offering a free support line on all aspects of bereavement. Their blog features an article exploring grief in lockdown.

BOOK Grief Works by psychotherapist Julia Samuel A compassionate look at how to live and learn from loss, with courage and hope. It includes stories of people surviving bereavement relating to a parent, sibling, child, partner, and facing our own death.

ARTICLE https://bit.ly/ CumulativeGriefHandout Description of cumulative grief and practical advice from Queen City Hospice.

41

| WHAT’S IT LIKE TO...

What was it like serving under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?

How much did your experiences contribute to your career switch?

When you don’t show parts of you, you don’t find parts of you. It took for me to have a mental breakdown to figure out that I’m talented. I had to take the spiritual journey back to myself. Somewhere in between 17 and 30 I had no idea who iAsia was. Taking that journey back to myself was really, really important. One day, I walked into work and I said, “I’m getting out”. I found a woman who I absolutely loved, who I wanted to be with. I didn’t want my career to impact her career, and this would have. My wife still serves, but I made the choice to leave.

I knew I wanted to go into the military, but I truly didn’t understand the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell culture, and what it really meant, until I was fully in it.

I joined at 17. Those are your dating years. Those are your suffering in silence years. Imagine being in love. When you’re that age, there’s nothing else in the world. It’s intense. But you can’t talk about it. If you talk about it, you’re gonna lose your job, your house, your benefits.

You’ ll lose everything that you worked for. I’ve had my commanding officers come to my office and light candles, try to pray for me. It was a wild time. It took a part of me away that I didn’t know was missing for a very, very long time.

I was almost belligerent with it. During my interview, I was like, “My wife is in Japan. Our daughter is studying.” I put gay on the table, like it was a cake. And that cake came with me.

That was my luggage.

Absolutely. I came to a company where they just let me run wild. When I say I can be my true authentic self, I’ve rolled through campus on roller skates, I do my conferences on roller skates, I come into team meetings on roller skates. You really get to be you.

How difficult was the adjustment to civilian life? How supportive were Microsoft?

What’s it like to…

switch careers?

FORMER MARINE IASIA BROWN TELLS DIVA ABOUT TRANSITIONING TO CIVILIAN LIFE AND BEGINNING A CAREER IN TECH iAsia Brown is a data and AI specialist at Microsoft. A former Marine, the New York native now helps fellow veterans make the transition from civilian life and find their feet in the tech world.

Find out more about iAsia at iasiabrown.com

What are you most proud of in your career?

I’m really, really sticking to my promise to myself to bring people along. I don’t care if I move one step. If I put one foot on that next step of the ladder, I’m going to reach back down and bring somebody with me.

42 JULY 2021

What words of advice would you give your teenage self?

Prioritise profession over passion. Stay true to yourself. Know yourself and figure out who you are before you’re out here trying to figure out anybody else.

It was hard. You might take the uniform physically off, but you’re still wearing it and you won’t even realise you’re still wearing it.

Sometimes you’re like, “Do I belong here? Do I fit?” There are times you’re overwhelmed, battling PTSD, shock, imposter syndrome. Trying to shed those layers off. I’ve had an amazing support system since I came to Microsoft and I’ve been able to pay it forward. In my last year I’ve helped about 103 veterans into tech.

What is success for you?

Being able to mentor people during the day, go skating with my wife, tuck my daughter into bed every single night, and playing with my dog. And I feel successful when someone else is successful.

Because if I win, you win. You win, I win too. It doesn’t take anything from me.

WORDS CARRIE LYELL

It must take time to unlearn the survival mechanisms from the military. Was there any reluctance, at first, to be fully out at work?

Did you pick Microsoft because you knew it would be a company that embraces all of you?

This summer, show your true colours and #SubscribeWithPride

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SEX | MY SECRET SEX DIARY

My secret sex diary TESSA EXPLAINS WHY SHE’S PROUD TO BE A PILLOW PRINCESS AS TOLD TO ROXY BOURDILLON

I am such a pillow princess. I much prefer receiving to giving. I might be the one lying back, but the way I see it, I’m also the one in ultimate control.

I call the shots and I’m vocal about what I want. When I’m in bed with my girlfriend, I tell her in graphic detail exactly what I’d like her to do to me. She loves that. Then I lie back and enjoy.

Sexually, we are complete opposites and that makes us super compatible.

She is very butch, very handsome and calls herself a touch-me-not. She doesn’t want anything done to her. That doesn’t mean she’s broken. She is naturally a giver and gets her pleasure from doing stuff to me.

She says her biggest turn on is seeing how much she can turn me on. Her favourite thing is when I talk dirty while she tops me. I love it when she goes down on me, fingers me or uses a vibrator on me. That all feels amazing, but the thing I love most of all is seeing the desire on her face as she watches me.

Our communication is great, which I think is one of the reasons we’re so good together. From the start, we’ve been clear about who we are and what we need. Nobody feels like they are missing out or not being allowed to be their true selves.

There is a lot of stigma around being a pillow princess. I’ve had people tell me I’m lazy, selfish and “not a real lesbian”. I find that last one particularly offensive. I really don’t think another person knows what my sexuality is better than I do. Just because I am a certain way in bed, that doesn’t make me any less gay or mean I’m just experimenting.

Being a pillow princess is totally legitimate.

Live and let live! Why is it so shameful for a woman to embrace her own pleasure? Why should something that happens in private between two consenting adults be judged so harshly?

In the past, I’ve had relationships where I’ve felt guilty about this part of myself. I’ve argued with girlfriends about it. I’ve tried being more sexually giving, but that’s never worked out long term. It’s just not who I am. I felt bad about that for a long time. I’m so thankful to have finally found someone who gets me, accepts me and loves having sex with me.

“I’ve had people tell me I’m lazy, selfish and ‘not a real lesbian’”

Want to share your secret sex diary?

Email roxy@divamag.co.uk

44 JULY 2021

SEX | SEXY BITS TALK

PRIDETASTIC TOYS

PILLOW FIGHTS AND LINGERIE

1

Kitty Whip Flog with all the colours of the rainbow £22 from savagex.co.uk

2

Go Fuck Yourself Let’s get one thing straight: this vibrator is epic £19.99 from etsy. com/uk/shop/ GFYTOYUK

3

Soft Rope Restraints “Sorry I can’t make the parade. I’m a little tied up...” £24.99 from lovehoney.co.uk

4

True Blue Suction Strap-on Dildo Perfect for G/P-spot play and celebrating trans pride £35.85 from wetforher.com

On Aussie TV show You Can’t Ask That, nine lesbians were asked the same question: “Is it all pillow fights and lingerie? How does sex work?”

Their responses were fascinating. Many of the participants spoke about their love of sex toys and scissoring. Sydneysider Jannette reckoned lesbian sex is especially sensual: “It’s more feeling.

More touching.” “Old-school butch dyke” Sam commented, “Having a bit more familiarity with your partner’s body because you have the same bodies allows you to take their body to other places easier”. She said that fisting is not as “scary as it sounds” and confirmed that she buys a new strap-on for each new partner “out of respect”. Meanwhile Rosie, a trans woman from Sydney, explained, “A lot of the straight sex that I experienced was very much a race to the finish line. That’s very much not what sex is nor should be.”

SEXY BITS

TOP 5

CAMPAIGN

#VULVATALK

5

Cowgirl Unicorn Premium Sex Machine For the queer horndog who has everything £1,268.12 from prowler.co.uk

Period-care brand Callaly has launched a new campaign, We Need To Talk About Vulvas. According to its research:

46%

29%

40%

of 16 to 24-year-olds are not confident they know what a vulva is

of 16 to 35-year-olds have worried about whether their vulva is abnormal

of 16 to 24-year-olds and 37% of 25 to 34-year-olds covet a “neat, symmetricalshaped vulva”

For educational resources, real-life stories and a gallery of diverse imagery, visit Callaly’s digital hub at calla.ly/gb/vulva-talk#introduction.

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ESCAPE 50

Explore The best UK museums to visit this summer

46 JULY 2021

Glide For Pride

CARRIE LYELL MEETS FILMMAKER FRIT TAM TO FIND OUT ABOUT AN EPIC SUMMER HOLIDAY

PHOTOS EMILY NICHOLL, FRANKIE DEWAR, RACHEL SARAH

ESCAPE | GLIDE FOR PRIDE

While most of us will be topping up our vitamin D in the UK this year, maybe even hopping on our bikes, Frit Tam’s is not your usual summer holiday. The 32-year-old adventure filmmaker is rollerblading and cycling his way across England, meeting people from the LGBTQIA+ community as he goes, and is 25 days into an epic two-month trip when I call for a chat to find out more about Glide For Pride and how it’s going.“It’s going really well,” Frit says enthusiastically.

“I think I’m a bit surprised at how it’s going, actually!”

I’m amazed at just how eager and full of beans he is, despite tales of sore bums, burnout and even getting trapped under the bike on a busy road

There have been moments where I’ve thought, ‘What am I doing?’” somewhere in the English countryside.

“There have been moments where I’ve thought, ‘What am I doing?’” Frit admits. “But mostly when I’m chugging up a hill. The trip has been very up and down – not just terrain-wise, but emotionally.” I’m also amazed that, prior to the trip, Frit didn’t even know how to rollerblade. “I was highly underprepared!” he laughs.

Why on earth would you decide to rollerblade the length of the country when you’ve never been on skates before? Taking me back to the beginning, Frit explains: “I was pitching for an adventure grant at the end of 2019 and looking into unusual ways to travel. I somehow stumbled across rollerblading marathons. As a kid, I always wanted to learn how to skate in some kind of capacity, so I thought, ‘What better way to motivate myself to learn how to skate than do it as part of a challenge?’ So I submitted my idea of rollerblading and cycling across the country.” Sending in his “silly, wacky” idea, Frit thought there was no way he was going to win. So when he was picked, and the >>>

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initial elation wore off, there was a sinking sensation. “Now I have to learn how to rollerblade...” he laughs. “‘Learning on the job’ is probably an accurate description of how my skating is going. Sometimes, when my girlfriend is with me, I use her as a brace going down really steep bits!”

Thankfully, Frit has a little more experience on the bike, and it is cycling where he’s getting most of the mileage on this 1,600 km trip, beginning in Newcastle on 15 May and due to finish in Brighton on 24 July. During the first lockdown, he built up his endurance, riding further with the help of girlfriend Frankie. “That was a really good time to learn, because at the time no one was driving so the roads were really clear... Frankie taught me how to ride longer distances and treat it as a marathon and not as a sprint.

I had been the sort of person where I’d use all my momentum to get up a hill as quickly as possible and I just couldn’t do it. She taught me to basically whack all my gears down and just sit and slog it out. Worse case scenario, you just get off the bike and push.”

48 JULY 2021

When I was growing up, I thought there were no [LGBTQIA+] stories” Glide For Pride isn’t about trying to get from one end of the country to the other as fast as possible. Yes, it’s a physical challenge, but more importantly, it’s a search for community and belonging. From learning about Anne Lister at her home, Shibden Hall, to meeting young activists and rollerblading down Manchester’s Canal Street, it’s an immersive experience, and Frit has built in as much time as possible to visit sites of significance, meet people and find out about the stories that make up our community. “I knew I wanted to attach it to something more substantial than just travelling around, which is where the LGBTQIA+ element came into it,” he says. “When I was growing up, I thought there were no stories, largely because of Section 28. But all

the way through history, there are millions of people who understand what I’ve been going through. If I’d known about those stories and I’d known about people living healthy, happy, wholesome lives, then maybe I would have seen a better trajectory for myself as I was growing up, rather than thinking that I would literally die alone.”

As for those connections and conversations, there have been “so many” highlights, says Frit, and meeting people has been his favourite part of Glide For Pride. “I’m in the early stages of my transgender journey, so speaking to other transgender people, on a personal note, has been really positive and really impactful.

Secondly, I spoke to a 13-year-old lesbian activist who just blew me away in terms of how mature she is around LGBTQIA+ rights. It gave me a real hope for future generations. But on the flip side of that, I interviewed a 71-year-old lesbian who works for OLGA (Older Lesbian and Gay Association)... In their heyday they were providing services for the older community. She’s pretty bleak about

ESCAPE | GLIDE FOR PRIDE

the experiences of the older community in terms of feeling forgotten and how people are being treated in care homes and in hospitals. I’m 32 and I don’t think about myself being 71, for example, so that was really eyeopening.” From the people Frit has met so far, through the chats they’ve had, one theme is emerging, he says.

“At the end of the day, we might have similar experiences but, actually, we’re such a large community, and those experiences can really differ...

To be lumped together is something that I’m questioning.”

Travelling as a visibly queer person, even in a country like the UK, isn’t without challenges and we may ask ourselves what we should share or how open to be. While Frit says he, Frankie and two other filmmakers documenting the trip – Rachel Sarah and George Holden – haven’t encountered any overt homophobia or transphobia so far, he has found himself “self-censoring” at times. “I’m not wearing anything that is overtly advertising the trip or the purpose behind it, so at a glance people wouldn’t know why it is that I’m cycling, or why

it is that I’m rollerblading. People have asked, being friendly, ‘Where are you going?’ And then I make a split-second decision. Do I tell them the full story of Glide For Pride, or do I just tell them I’m cycling to the next place that I’m going to? Sometimes I have not told them, and diverted the conversation to the weather. Most people have been really nice about it. I did find in one place in particular, I was staying in a room above a pub, your quintessential out-in-the-sticks pub. I didn’t feel comfortable telling them about the trip. In the morning, as I was packing up my stuff, Rachel was having a conversation with the owner. Afterwards, she said, ‘I told them about the trip, because it just started coming up’.

And it was totally fine. The guy who owns the pub [said], ‘My daughter’s gay, I’ve been trying to understand how to talk to her about it... about what being gay at that age might look like and what it might involve and how I can best support her’. It’s really interesting that I feel like I have to self-censor and I wonder sometimes if I deprive myself of meaningful conversations by doing that.”

That has been one of many little epiphanies that Frit has encountered so far on this trip. Three weeks in, covering a relatively small distance, he already has so many new perspectives on his body and what it can do, on his identity and on his place in the community. And these are lessons that Frit can take off the bike and into other areas of his life. “I hope so!” he laughs. “I hope I remember.” Of all the lessons Frit has learned so far, the most surprising has been just how open and willing people have been to meet with him and talk about issues around gender identity and sexual orientation. “It’s a real honour to have access to these stories,” he says. “They’re talking about something that is very personal.” And, of course, it can be very draining as well. “I often leave these conversations feeling really warm and loved up with the community, but it takes a lot out of you. I don’t think I anticipated how emotionally consuming they would be... I think I was quite an empathetic person before, but listening to the number of stories that I have so far has made me hugely more empathetic. I’ve heard some people say that empathy is a superpower and, to a degree, I agree. But it’s exhausting as well!”

At the end of the trip, Frit won’t just have thighs of steel and a killer tan, but footage of the trip – rollerblade faceplants, interviews and all – which will then be turned into a feature-length film. “The older I get and the more that I become embedded in the community and more involved in the community, the more I realise that we are a long way from where we should be. I want to try and lift us up a little bit and help those in the formative years of understanding their sexual orientation or their gender identity and give them references – real people – who are living great lives, or have lived amazing lives in the past.” With a crowdfunding campaign launching on 1 July, Frit hopes the film – the first of its kind in the adventure film space – will bring a little of pride, and a lot of adventure, into all of our lives.

Follow Frit’s #GlideForPride on Instagram at @frit_tam and support the film’s crowdfunder when it launches on 1 July: igg.me/at/glide-for-pride 49

EXPLORE

It’s official – we’re out of lockdown! Well, that’s the current state of play, although by the time this glossy mag finds its way to you, it’s entirely possible that the parameters may have shifted once more.

To celebrate the fact that Things Are Open Again, we’ve picked out some of the best museums around the UK that are worth checking out this summer. While only a handful of travel destinations remain on the government’s green list, we’re continuing to focus on UK-based activities that are within the realm of possibility. But fear not – international travel will return...

V&A, Dundee The sparkling new jewel in Dundee’s crown, the V&A has turned this coastal city into an international destination for art and design lovers. Night Fever: Designing Club Culture is a major new exhibition exploring the relationship between club culture and design – from Studio 54 to The Haçienda.

It’s been described as “a sizzling tonic of sensory stimulation”

by The Guardian, so don your dancing shoes and prepare to reach for the lasers. vam.ac.uk/dundee/exhibitions/ night-fever-designing-club-culture

Shibden Hall, West Yorkshire

JOANNA WHITEHEAD is a Yorkshire lass based in London. @MsWhitehead100 50 JULY 2021

The home of Yorkshire’s best-loved lesbian, Anne Lister, has reopened to the public! Re-enact your favourite Gentleman Jack scenes (within reason) in this beautiful 15th-century building where Lister lived, loved and wrote her infamous diaries. Located in the picturesque Shibden Valley, Shibden Hall is surrounded by beautifully restored gardens containing

walking trails and a boating lake. The Brontë Parsonage is also less than 30 minutes’ drive away if you fancy making a day of it. museums.calderdale.gov.uk/visit/shibden-hall bronte.org.uk

National Football Museum, Manchester Football fanatics assemble! Fans of the beautiful game will find plenty to enjoy at this paean to soccer, which has pledged to increase its representation of women’s football to 50% of its displays by 2022. As well as an extensive collection of footballing memorabilia, including the 1966 World Cup ball, visitors can try their hand at commentary or a penalty shoot-out. Score! nationalfootballmuseum.com

Turner Contemporary, Margate Beautifully situated on the Kent coastline, Margate’s Turner gallery is always worth a visit. Place, Space and Who is a new exhibit by British artist Barbara Walker using sound and portraiture to explore identity and belonging among five women and girls from the African Diaspora living in Kent. New works by Steve McQueen and Ellen Harvey are also on display. turnercontemporary.org

PHOTO MICHAEL MCGURK

GOT AN IDEA FOR A TRAVEL HACK? SEND US YOUR TIPS TO TRAVEL@ DIVAMAG.CO.UK OR TWEET US @DIVAMAGAZINE

Night Fever: Designing Club Culture

EXPERIENCE THE WORLD AS IT SHOULD BE Primadonna is the UK’s most exciting, welcoming and radical festival of literature and the arts, and the ˛rst to centre the voices of women and those on the margins.

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Museum of East Anglia, Stowmarket, Suffolk 3-day adult pass: £128.13 (concessions available)

1A U J U ST

Join us to hear from exciting new authors alongside established bestsellers, meet publishers and agents, enjoy live music and comedy, sample delicious food and drink, and experience much more besides at a uniquely anarchic and joyous festival of everything creative.