Fairport Climber Talks About Mt. Everest’s Tragic Month
55 PLUS Issue 58 • July / August 2019 For Active Adults in the Rochester Area
Pamela Reed Sanchez
WANTS YOU TO HAVE FUN HEAD OF THE SENECA PARK ZOO SAYS A VISIT TO THE ZOO SHOULD BE FUN, TRANSFORMATIONAL
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Couple Getting Ready to Go RVing Full Time Why Women Fall Short on Retirement Funds
The Physician House Calls program provides a convenient, manageable way for you to get the high-quality medical care you deserve in the comfort of your own home. For over 10 years, our medical team has provided one-on-one primary care, medical assessments and care coordination. Our team will work with you to develop a comprehensive care plan that will give you and your family peace of mind. This program is available to individuals 65 years and older.
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 �� Summer Concert Series Tuesday July th – Bob and Dee Folk Duo Ballads Violins & Bluegrass Tuesday July rd – NightFall ’ s and ’ s featuring hits from the Rolling Stones and Beatles Tuesday August th – The Devines Chicago Style Electric Blues Tuesday August th – The Bob Greco Band The Temptations through today All concerts are – pm Please bring a lawn chair • Rain or shine Enter at The Village Square Entrance
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CONTENTS
July / August 2019
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Savvy Senior 6 12 CLIMBING • Kevin Flynn, a Fairport climber, talks Financial Health 8 about the risks, joy of climbing Mt. Everest Dining Out 10 ADVENTURE Memories 44 16 • Couple to go RVing full time Addyman’s Corner 46 Long-term Care 48 55 PLUS Q&A CPA Thomas Wolf, 57, spends entire career at Rochester firm moving all the way up to managing partner; talks about passion for golfing, biking 4
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55 PLUS - July / August 2019
19 OUTDOORS
• Why you should go glamping — camping made easy
22 PASSION • Meet Curtis Rivers, the force behind Mood Makers Books, Sankofa Festival
24 INVESTING
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28 VACATION • In many cases, getting out of a timeshare deal is not easy
30 COVER
• Pamela Reed Sanches, the head of
Seneca Park Zoo, wants you to have fun
37 SECOND ACT • Former chef now in charge The Village in Rochester
40 SUPPORT • Grandparents for Grandparents Support Group in Henrietta helps grandparents raise grandchildren
• Why women fall short on investing
42 INVOLVEMENT
26 VOLUNTER
• For many, Bob Hegeman exemplifies spirit of community
• Volunteers love working as docents at museums
Had a Stroke. Back on Stage.
Musician Todd Hobin KNOW THE SIGNS • CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY
Central New York music legend Todd Hobin knew nothing about stroke — but he does now. That’s why he’s raising awareness about stroke risk factors and its signs and symptoms.
F.
FACE DROOPING
A. S.
ARM WEAKNESS
SPEECH DIFFICULTY
T.
TIME TO CALL 911
Fact: Stroke is the fifth leading cause of death and a leading cause of disability in the U.S. Important to know: Stroke can happen to both men and women — at any age. Good news: Stroke is preventable by managing medical risk factors and healthy lifestyle choices. What to do: Time lost is brain lost. So it’s vital to know the signs of a stroke — F.A.S.T. Four words to live by: Call 911 and say, “Take me to Crouse.“ When it comes to stroke, every moment matters. As one of just 10 hospitals in New York State tohave earned Comprehensive Stroke Center status, and with the region’s newest ER and hybrid ORs, Crouse offers the most advanced technology for rapid stroke diagnosis and treatment
Read Todd’s story and learn more: crouse.org/toddhobin.
July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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savvy senior By Jim Miller
A
How Retirees Can Find Cheap Travel Accommodations
ccommodations are typically one of the costliest travel expenses. But if you’re willing to do a little research and preplanning, there are a number of ways you can lower (or eliminate) your lodging costs and live more like a local when you travel. Here are some different options to consider and some websites that can help you locate them. B&B Clubs — If you like staying in bed and breakfasts and have a spare bedroom yourself, check out the Evergreen Club (EvergreenClub.com) and the Affordable Travel Club (AffordableTravelClub.net). These are B&B clubs for travelers over ages 50 or 40 that offer affordable lodging in the spare bedroom of other club members, or they may stay with you when they’re on the road. You pay a modest gratuity of around $20 per night, with breakfast. And the clubs charge membership fees of $65 to $75 per year. Lower Cost Rentals — There are literally millions of privately-owned properties in the United States and abroad that are offered as short-term rentals. This has become a very popular alternative to hotels for retirees. Renting a fully furnished apartment or house is usually cheaper than hotel rooms of comparable quality, and they almost always offer more space, a homier feel and a kitchen, which can save you the expense eating out every meal. Short-term rentals are offered through the individual property owners or property-management companies. Some of the best sites for finding them include Airbnb.com, HomeAway.com and FlipKey.com. These sites are free to use for travelers. Another nifty site you should check out is The Freebird Club (FreebirdClub.com) that connects 50-plus
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travelers with 50-plus hosts. Unlike Airbnb and the other previously listed lodging rental sites, Freebird users pay a $31 fee to join and to have their identities verified. They then fill out a questionnaire asking where they’d like to travel and how much interaction they’d like to have with their hosts. On the other end, hosts are not offering rental properties and a key in a drop box, but their own homes, along with conversation and companionship, for much less than the price of a hotel. House Sitting — If you have a flexible schedule and you don’t mind doing a few household chores when you travel, house sitting is another option that offers lodging for free. How it works is you live in someone else’s home while they’re away for a long weekend or even a few months. And in exchange for the free accommodations, you take care of certain responsibilities such as their pets, lawn, garden, mail, etc. To find these opportunities, try sites like Nomador.com, MindMyHouse.com, HouseCarers.com and TrustedHousesitters.com – they all charge a small membership fee. Home Swapping — Another way to get free accommodations when you travel is by swapping homes with someone who’s interested in visiting the area where you live. To make a swap, you’ll need to join an online home exchange service where you can list your home and get access to thousands of other listings. Then you simply email the owners of houses or apartments you’re interested in – or they email you – and you make arrangements. Most home exchange sites like HomeExchange.com, HomeLink. org and Intervac-HomeExchange. com charge membership fees ranging from $50 to $150.
55PLUS roc55.com
Editor and Publisher Wagner Dotto
Associate Editor Lou Sorendo
Writers & Contributing Writers Deborah J. Sergeant Christine Green, John Addyman Ernst Lamothe Jr. Christopher Malone
Columnists
Jim Terwilliger, Susan Suben Jim Miller, Bruce Frassinelli Donna Cordello
Advertising
Anne Westcott, Linda Covington
Office Assistant Nancy Nitz
Layout and Design Dylon Clew-Thomas
Cover Photo
Chuck Wainwright 55 PLUS –A Magazine for Active Adults in the Rochester Area is published six times a year by Local News, Inc., which also publishes In Good Health–Rochester—Genesee Valley’s Healthcare Newspaper.
Mailing Address PO Box 525 Victor, NY 14564 © 2019 by 55 PLUS – A Magazine for Active Adults in the Rochester Area. No material may be reproduced in whole or in part from this publication without the express written permission of the publisher. PRSRT STD US Postage PAID Buffalo, NY Permit No. 4725
How to Reach Us P.O. Box 525 Victor, NY 14564 Voice: 585-421-8109 Fax: 585-421-8129 Editor@roc55.com
July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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financial health By Jim Terwilliger
O
Managing Income Taxes in Retirement
ne would think that by the time you reach retirement, your income tax picture would be simpler. After all, you’ve paid taxes throughout your working career. You’ve paid your “dues.” While your tax bill might be lower (driven by lower income), your tax return generally is not at all simpler. In many cases, it is more complex. This is due to the variety of income types most retirees see. These income streams are taxed differently. Further, some interact in a way that results in so-called “stealth” taxes, creating an additional tax bill beyond your marginal tax rate for incremental additions of income. One example is found with Social Security at the lower end of the retirement income scale where additional income can increase the taxable
portion of Social Security benefits. An example at higher incomes is where additional income can increase Medicare premiums and surcharges. Let’s take a look at the myriad of income sources retirees might see and the variety of ways they are, or are not, taxed.
Income not subject to income taxes Fortunately, not all income is taxable. Non-taxable sources include: • Life insurance proceeds — Death benefits payable to beneficiaries are not taxable. • Municipal bond interest — “Muni” bond interest is free of federal income tax and is not taxed at the state level if the issuing municipality is within the state. But this interest is included in modified adjusted gross
income which is used to determine if a Medicare participant must pay a higher premium. • US Savings Bonds (EE and HH) interest — While taxable by the federal government, such interest is not taxed by New York state. • Qualified distributions from Roth IRAs or Roth 401(k)s — Certain rules need to be followed to avoid taxes and a penalty for non-qualified distributions. Regardless, distributions of contributions are not taxed, nor are they subject to early withdrawal penalties. • Pensions from federal, state or local government — While taxable by the federal government, such pensions are tax-free in New York state.
Income partially taxed Some retirement-related income sources are partially taxed. They include: • Social Security — the portion of Social Security benefits taxed at ordinary rates can range from 0% to 85%, depending on other household income. Fortunately, such benefits are not taxed by New York state. • IRAs, 401(k)s and deferred annuities containing post-tax dollars (basis) — Only the non-basis portion of distributions is subject to income taxes.
Income taxed at favorable rates A good example here includes: • Long-term capital gains and qualified dividends — Here the tax rate is 0%, 15%, or 20%, depending on overall taxable income. For 2019, long-term capital gains and qualified dividends are taxed at 0% for taxable incomes up to $39,375 for single filers and $78,750 for married. The top rate is 20% for taxpayers with taxable incomes above $434,550 and $488,850, respectively.
Income taxed fully at ordinary rates (10% to 37% marginal federal tax rates)
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Examples that we know all-towell include: • Traditional employer pensions — Company pensions are taxed at both the federal and state levels. Pensions from federal, state or local governments, while taxable by the feder55 PLUS - July / August 2019
al government, are not taxed by New York state. • Earned income — W-2 income and net self-employment income is fully taxed. This income is also taxed an additional 7.65% for Social Security and Medicare contributions. If self-employed, the latter contributions are almost doubled since the taxpayer is both an employee and employer. • IRAs, 401(k)s, and other retirement distributions containing pre-tax dollars — These distributions generally are fully taxed federally. An exception exists for IRA distributions going directly to qualified charities (qualified charitable distributions). These distributions are non-taxable for taxpayers older than age 70-1/2. Another exception exists in New York where the first $20K/person/year in distributions is exempt from state taxes for ages 59-1/2 and older.
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Ready for Retirement? Learn about your Medicare options. Whether you are just turning 65 or new to Medicare, now is a good time to learn about Medicare and how to choose a plan that may meet your needs.
Planning Opportunities A major disruption occurs at age 70 1/2 when required minimum distributions (RMDs) start. In addition to increasing the marginal tax rate, these distributions can also trigger additional “stealth” taxes through an increase in adjusted gross income. Prior to age 70 1/2, there may be opportunities to enact partial conversions of IRAs to Roth IRAs at a relatively-low marginal tax rate, resulting in reduced RMDs later. Often, this can be enhanced by delaying the start Social Security to age 70 in order to maximize Social Security benefits and moderate taxable income during this time period.
Putting it all together Given all these moving parts, we spend a lot of time on tax planning in our work with retired clients and their tax professionals. The objective is to develop a tax-planning strategy that maximizes the probability that their retirement goals will be met. James Terwilliger, CFP®, is senior vice president, senior planning adviser, CNB Wealth Management, Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. He can be reached at 585-419-0670 ext. 50630 or by email at jterwilliger@cnbank.com.
Cancer Survivors – Come Row with Us
Join others at a free meeting near you. We’ll cover common questions such as:
• What’s the difference between Medicare Parts A, B, C and D? • When can you enroll in a plan? • How does your current plan compare with a Medicare plan? • Can you save money with a Medicare plan? • Could you be eligible for vision, dental, hearing and other benefits?
Consider Medicare if: You’re turning 65 soon, or you celebrated your 65th birthday within the last 3 months You’ve recently moved to NEW YORK
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Attend a free meeting or call today: *Irondequoit Public Library* 1290 TItus Av (WALK-IN 10-3pm) Rochester, NY 14617 July 25, 2019 11am-12pm - FORMAL EVT
For more information please call: David Pettinelli General Agent Manager at (585) 739-6017, TTY 711
*Irondequoit Public Library* 1290 TItus Av (WALK-IN 10-3pm) Rochester, NY 14617 August 27, 2019 11am-12pm - FORMAL EVT *Irondequoit Public Library* 1290 TItus Av (WALK-IN 10-3pm) Rochester, NY 14617 September 18, 2019 11am-12pm - FORMAL EVT
A sales person will be present with information and applications. For accommodation of persons with special needs at sales meetings, call (585) 739-6017, TTY 711. Plans are insured through UnitedHealthcare Insurance Company or one of its affiliated companies, a Medicare Advantage organization with a Medicare contract and a Medicare-approved Part D sponsor. Enrollment in the plan depends on the plan’s contract renewal with Medicare. Y0066_170905_093518_Approved
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July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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DiningOut By Christopher Malone
Restaurant
Guide
The cheeseburger and grilled cheese garbage plates at Nick Tahou Hots.
Nick Tahou Hots
Eatery serves a staple that’s an all-American food tradition
W
hen it comes to the residents of the Rochester area, garbage plates are not a new food concept. It’s a Rochester delicacy and, dare I say, a tradition. If a garbage plate was consumed for the first or only time outside of the Western New York, perhaps a pilgrimage to the food staple’s mecca should be on your road trip itinerary. Nick Tahou Hots, 320 W. Main St., is a notable name, which sounds as if it
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could be a beachside restaurant with a notable marketing shtick and clothing line. However, it’s a dingy-looking diner located in a landlocked urban Upstate New York city. Before my review I had yet to enjoy a garbage plate in or just outside of Rochester. When attempting to eat an out-of-Roc version, it’s been reiterated numerous times that it’s not the same – period. These are also notable late night or early morning dishes popular post-bar scene crowd.
For those unfamiliar with a garbage plate: In the words of my friend Sarah, “It’s pretty much all the scraps of food found at a picnic piled on to one plate.” It’s true. Unfortunately, the United States cookout culture, albeit some of the simple and best food to nosh on, doesn’t have much aesthetic pizzazz. Aside condiments and other ingredients to top on, the color palette of a Nick Tahou garbage plate ranges from mayonnaise off-white to crispy
The cheeseburger garbage plate. black-and-tan. The amount of food for the price is incredibly reasonable. The cheeseburger garbage plate ($8.80), the grilled cheese plate ($7.87), two soft beverages ($1.52 each), a sausage sandwich ($2.78), and a side of baked brown beans ($2.31) came to $27 total. Each garbage plate ordered came with a main ingredient atop home fries and macaroni salad. The two cheeseburgers were cooked on the well side, but they weren’t dried out. The patties were topped with American cheese, onion pieces, a schmear of mustard, and the in-house Texas hotstyle sauce. The same toppings came with the grilled cheese plate as well. The two grilled-to-golden-brownperfection cheese sanwiches were cut diagonally, and placed strategically. The schmear of mustard graced the halves, and the Texas-style chili sauce was dumped on. With every bite of burger or grilled cheese, some mac salad and/or home fries are picked up for each bite. For garbage plates being unattractive piles of food, there is a method to presentation. There isn’t a lot of added salt to the dishes, so feel free to salt to preferred taste. The home fries were hot and crispy. The mac salad was light on the mayo, and the elbow noodles were accompanied by diced veggies. The garbage plates also come with a few slices of Italian bread, which, if saved until the next day, will get questionably hard overnight. I returned to the counter where diners order and pick up the food – there’s no table service, and customers are required to take care of their trays — and ordered a sausage sandwich with the works and an order of the baked beans.
Nick Tahou’s grilled cheese garbage plate.
The sausage sandwich with the works. The sausage sandwich, which comes in a bun, is also topped with the bit of mustard, onion bits, and Texas hot style. One of the staff mentioned that the beans are cold; as a first time eater at Nick Tahou’s, I am unsure if the beans are normally cold (this being a warning) or sometimes hot. The sausage sandwich was really good, and the meat was much tastier than the burger. The beans on the other hand – meh. I hope these come out hot on a regular basis, because cold baked beans are not the way to go. The consistency of the side dish was fine, but temperature did break it. Aside the beans and the mac salad, which thankfully was not hot, the rest of the meal was prepared in sight and made as ordered. Nick Tahou Hots is a pure definition of a greasy spoon eatery. The quasi diner serves a particular staple that’s definitively an all-American food tradition. The garbage plate is to
our country as poutine is to Canada. Is it healthy? No. It’s it worth trying? Absolutely. Although not all the elements of the experience were remarkable, you can’t go wrong with the guilty pleasure food high a garbage plate promises. Nick Tahou Hots has been around for more than 100 years, and may the legacy continue for many more.
Nick Tahou Hot Address 320 W. Main St., Rochester, NY 14608 Phone 585-436-0184 Website/Social www.garbageplate.com www.facebook.com (search “Nick Tahou Hots”) Hours Daily: 10 a.m. – midnight. July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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55+ climbing
Kevin Flynn is all smiles atop Mt. Vinson. At 16,066 feet, it’s the highest peak in Antarctica.
Fairport Climber: Everest’s Dangers, Joys By Mike Costanza
Kevin Flynn has climbed mountains all over the world and ascended Mount Everest twice. He shares his experience and talks about Everest’s 2019 climbing season, one of the deadliest in history
I
t pays to know the risks before you head up the highest mountain in the world. “The biggest risk is overextending yourself really, really high on the mountain, deep within the death zone,” says 62-year-old Kevin Flynn. “Hard to recover from that mistake.” Flynn should know. The Fairport resident has climbed mountains all over the world and ascended Everest twice. The second time, he made it to the peak. Eleven climbers died on the mountain’s slopes last May, making 2019 the deadliest climbing season in four years. Everest, in the Himalayas, straddles the border of Nepal and China. At 29,029 feet — the highest point above sea level on the planet — the mountain offers myriad dangers, even for experienced climbers. Temperatures at the summit average no more than -2 degrees F. in July, the warmest 12
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month of the year. The windspeeds on its slopes annually average over 100 mph, and deadly storms can spring up quickly. Altogether, the weather leaves Everest’s peak accessible for only a few weeks each year. “It’s typically somewhere between May 10 and May 30, but not all of those days are guaranteed to be good,” Flynn explains. Even great climbing weather can’t make up for a lack of oxygen. The air grows thinner as you ascend Everest, eventually falling to just under 4.9 psi at the peak — close to a third of the air pressure at sea level. In the “death zone,” which runs from about 26,247 feet to the summit, lack of oxygen begins killing the body’s cells. Oxygen deprivation can cause a number of physical symptoms, including fatigue, weakness and a persistent, wracking cough, but one of the greatest risks is to the brain. Climbers can suffer such maladies as high-altitude cerebral edema, a
swelling of the brain that might lead to nausea, vomiting and difficulties thinking and reasoning. “Your overall mental acuity is just not as sharp,” Flynn explains. T h e re ’ s a l s o t h e d a n g e r o f avalanches, and of being crushed by the huge blocks that break away from the mountain without warning. Veteran climbers advise those who want to summit Everest to carefully train and prepare for the effort, and be in peak condition. To acclimate themselves to the thinning air, climbers usually take two or three trips up and down the mountain, stopping for several days at each of the camps that are located at progressively higher elevations. They also carry oxygen, though that doesn’t completely make up for the effects of the high altitudes. “Even though you’re breathing the supplemental gas, for every step you take, you might take two or three breaths,” Flynn explains. “It just is a long, slow slog.”
Climbing right after high school Flynn, who co-owns and is a partner at the Pittsford marketing firm Flynn, LLC — formerly Martino Flynn, LLC — climbed his first mountain just after graduating from high school in Pittsford. He still remembers how it felt to stand atop 4,961-foot Mt. Haystack, one of the high peaks in the New York state’s Adirondack Mountains. “It was the first time I was above timberline, and I thought, ‘Wow, this is amazing,’� he said. “I kind of fell in love with the Adirondacks, and with mountains in general.� Since then, Flynn has climbed a multitude of mountains, including the Seven Summits, a collection of the tallest mountains on each of the seven continents that includes Everest and Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa. He’s also a two-time 46’er, meaning he’s made it to the tops of all 46 of the Adirondack High Peaks twice. The second time, he went with his wife, Maggie, who is also a 46’er. Those mountains rise to at least 4,000 feet. Flynn first headed up Everest in 2002, but only made it to High Camp. Located at about 26,200 feet, it’s the last stop before the mountaintop. “I just didn’t feel ready to go for the summit. I was hoping to wait for one more night, and to go the next evening,� he says. “That just didn’t work out.� Two years later, at the age of 47, Flynn headed up Everest’s southeast ridge route, one of a party of 12 climbers and 25 sherpas. The sherpas, who are native to the Himalayas, hauled supplies up the mountain for the party, and assisted the climbers when needed. International Mountain Guides, which organizes mountain climbing expeditions around the world, also brought in supplies and provided additional logistical support. Late on May 14, 2004, Flynn, four other veteran climbers and four sherpas left the High Camp for the summit. “The beginning of that day was actually pretty great,� he says. “I was feeling good, and it was a beautiful, starry night.� We a t h e r d e l a y s a n d o t h e r complications slowed the team’s progress, one sherpa became too ill to go on, and another’s oxygen system failed. Finally, on May 15, Flynn
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and his sherpa, Mingma Tshering, approached the top of Everest. By then, he was feeling the effects of the journey. “About the last, maybe, hour or so, it was like someone pulled the plug from me,” Flynn says. Finally, the pair stood on atop Everest. Flynn didn’t raise his ice axe in triumph. “I just sat down, and it was like, no real joy at that point,” he says. “I knew it was going to be real hard to get down.” They managed to return to the High Camp nearly 24 hours after they’d left. Flynn eventually learned that he’d contracted pneumonia on the trip up the mountain, had a fever of 101 and was badly dehydrated.
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accomplishment and appreciation,” Flynn explains. “And then, there’s this great camaraderie — I’ve met many people from different cultures.” “Mount Everest: Confessions of an Amateur Peak Bagger,” which Flynn co-wrote with former Rochester Democrat and Chronicle outdoor writer Gary Fallesen, chronicles some of Flynn’s experiences. Videos that he has produced about climbing Mt.’s McKinley, Kilimanjaro and Elbrus are sold around the world. Sometime in the future, Flynn plans to return to Everest with Maggie, but this time he won’t go any higher than the lowest of camp. “I’d like to see my sherpa, Mingma, who was so great on my summit day.”
What Went Wrong on Everest?
eteran climber Kevin Flynn offered a few thoughts about what happened in May, one of the deadliest months in Mount Everest’s history.
Overcrowding
Desperately poor Nepal depends upon the sale of climbing permits for Everest, which cost $11,000 each, according to Flynn. Officials issued 381 climbing permits in 2019 — the most ever. The torrent of climbers, plus the relatively small weather window for ascents, left the mountain’s slopes overcrowded. One photo showed a huge
Kevin Flynn 14
“Thank God I was with my sherpa,” Flynn says. “I probably wouldn’t have made the summit, and I probably wouldn’t have made it back down without him.” Only after receiving intravenous injections of fluids did Flynn begin to feel better. All of the people in his party made it back that day. Other climbers haven’t fared so well. On average, seven people have died annually on Everest since 2000. This year, the mountain claimed 11 lives. Having his plug pulled w h i l e s u m m i t t i n g E v e re s t d i d not drain Flynn’s enthusiasm for mountaineering, and he has continued to make his way up mountains. “It’s a great sense of
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number of climbers standing chestto-back in a long line on the ridge leading to the summit. The traffic jam forced some to spend way too long on the mountain. Delays on the return trip from the summit are particularly dangerous. “The large majority of the accidents and deaths are on the way down, because you’ve spent yourself,” Flynn explains. In some cases, climbers’ oxygen just ran out. There are reports that some who were on their way up or down the mountain stepped over dead bodies to proceed.
Inadequate Preparation Ascending Everest — and coming back alive — requires mountaineering experience, good equipment and careful physical and mental preparation. To put it mildly, Flynn believes some of the mountain guide companies that are leading expeditions, particularly those based in Nepal, might not have properly vetted those they agreed to take up the mountain. “If you can fog a mirror and write a check, you can get on the team,” Flynn asserts. As a result, everyone on Everest’s slopes last May might not have been ready to ascend them.
Climbers’ Errors When you’re climbing a mountain,
bad decisions pose the greatest danger. “It’s usually not one thing that’s wrong,” Flynn explains. “Maybe you make three bad decisions.” Say, you’re really fatigued, but the weather is good, so you go on. “Then, the weather turns bad, and you make a bad decision,” he says. “You get the ‘summit or die’ mentality.’” That mindset can prove fatal.
Ignoring Others in Trouble? It has been reported that during the last season, some climbers didn’t stop to aid those who were in trouble on Everest. Flynn, who never encountered that situation, says that if it occurred on Everest this year, those involved might not have realized others were in dire straits. Heavy clothing and equipment, fatigue, oxygen deprivation and other conditions could have prevented them from seeing those problems clearly. “Sometimes, you just don’t know if the person’s resting,” Flynn says. “There have probably been some other cases where they just thought ‘Oh, that guy, he’s just taking a break. I’m at the edge of my own abilities, so I’m pushing on.’” On the other hand, Flynn is angered by reports that some climbers might have known others on the trail were in danger, and been able to help them, but didn’t.
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Neuroscience Institute July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS 3754_NEU_55+Bi-weekly_7.25x10_MECH_3.indd 1
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6/10/19 4:05 PM
55+
55+ adventure
Pritchard’s 44-foot-long Forrest River Charleston RV boasts a number of amenities.
Sterling Couple to Go RVing Full Time Couple’s bucket list includes visiting at least 300 sites around the country, including Alaska, New Mexico By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant “On the Road Again” isn’t just a Willie Nelson hit. To Patty Pritchard, 59, and her husband, Brian, 58, it’s their dream. The couple put their Sterling home on the market ealier this season and once it’s sold, they plan to go RVing full time with their dog, Ellie Mae. She retired from Upstate Pain Management in the Syracuse area. The RV cost $250,000 used. It’s a 2016 Forest River Charleston 430 RB. Patty retired from nursing at Upstate Pain Management a few years ago. Once Brian retires from Novelis as a crew coordinator, the camping enthusiasts plan to pull out their Forrest River Charleston RV and not look back — except for visiting their family in New York. Going full-time RVing means they can begin tackling the 300-plus venues on the travel bucket list in earnest, something that their working life and house maintenance has prevented them from doing.
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“Now, we’re in our motor home May 1 to Nov. 1, going all over New York,” Patty said. “We don’t even go in our house.” She said that some of their trips are planned and some are spontaneous, “Let’s just go.” They just purchased a friend’s motor home in Arizona in September, relishing the drive back to New York. “It has all the amenities of a fivestar hotel,” Patty said. It boasts an electric fireplace, king size Sleep Number bed, dishwasher, induction cook top, microwave convection oven, on-demand hot water shower unit, full-sized refrigerator, stacking washer and dryer. At 350 square feet (plus the same in underneath storage), the RV rivals a studio apartment. One whole side of the 44-foot-long RV offers a 38-foot slide out to expand the living space when parked. On the other side, 20 feet slides out.
Patty and her husband Brian Pritchard. Couple plans to sell their home in Sterling and travel full time in their RV. “You can take a shower going down the road,” Patty said, “but it may not be the smartest idea.” Their rolling home keeps them quite comfortable as they take extended trips. They hope to visit Four Corners Monument, where one can stand on the adjoining border lines of Utah,
Pritchard’s RV has a wide range of amenities, including electric fireplace, king size Sleep Number bed, dishwasher, induction cook top, microwave convection oven, on-demand hot water shower unit, and a full-sized refrigerator. It’s a 2016 Forest River Charleston 430 RB valued at $250,000. Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona at once. There’s also a balloon festival in New Mexico, plus Alaska, and the eastern coast of Canada. In addition to appeasing their travel bug, the couple has embraced the minimalist lifestyle. “You can only have what you take with you,” Patty said. “We like that idea. If you buy a pair of jeans, you have to get rid of a pair of jeans. If you buy a shirt, you have to get rid of a shirt. You don’t go to Costco and get 20 pounds of meat because there’s no place to put it.” The Pritchards tow their car with them so that when they set up camp, they can more easily drive into town for supplies or take day trips to nearby attractions. Once they go full time, they plan to stay in New York in the RV for the summer with family and take care of any routine health care appointments then. They belong to RV organizations for tips, ideas and camaraderie. Through one such group, they have insurance that covers their RV. Though the Pritchards plan to stay
in RV parks for the most part, they also occasionally stay in parking lots for a quick, overnight stay. “ Yo u a l w a y s n e e d t o a s k about parking lots because of city ordinances,” Patty said. “They don’t always allow motor homes. A lot of truck stops let you stop for the night.” They plan to use their children’s mailing addresses and rely upon them to forward their mail to wherever they camp. They have internet hotspots through their phone and some campsites offer WiFi, which they can use to keep in touch, pay bills or stream a movie on a rainy day. Their combined family includes Patty’s son and daughter and Brian’s son, plus nine grandchildren among them. One of the children lives in Florida and the rest of the children live in New York. “They think it’s great we’re doing it and they’re very happy,” Patty said. Like a mash-up of mid-life downsizing and the tiny house movement, the Pritchards’ decision enables them to live simpler, as well as spend more time traveling and exploring nature, both activities the
couple enjoys. Brian has been a seasonal RVer since his early 20s. The couple had known each other since third grade, but reconnected 10 years ago, marrying in 2012. He had a fifth wheel at the time and introduced Patty to RVing. “Since the first time we went camping, it was impossible to get me back in the house from April to September,” she said. “We close the house down for the summer. We plug in at the house. We eat, cook and live in the driveway.” Meeting new people is the part they enjoy the best about their travels. Their new friends hail from every walk of life. “They’re all welcoming and warm,” Patty said. “You could be walking the dog and someone will say, ‘Hi, come on over and sit by the fire.’ Some are passing acquaintances others friends for life. “You see a lot of veterans. The stories they have to tell! Some will make you smile, warm your heart or just make you cry. It’s an amazing lifestyle — a blessed lifestyle.” July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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Glamping: Camping Made Easy
‘Glamping is ideal for travelers 55 and up who are looking for a novel and restorative getaway’ By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant
I
f setting up a camp and sleeping on the cold, hard ground in a tent doesn’t sound like a good time anymore, glamping may be the easiest way you can connect with nature without roughing it. “Glamping” is a portmanteau of “glamorous” and “camping.” Instead of roughing it in a sleeping bag or lumpy cot, campers at most glamping facilities sleep between high thread-count sheets on a queensized bed on a raised platform. Most glamping sites provide a bedside chair and table, outside chairs, and picnic facilities. Instead of tiny, leaky tents, they enjoy a spacious safari-style tent, tipi or yurt. Plus, campers don’t have to set up a thing. The food is lots easier, too. Instead of relying on their skills as an angler and hauling in all the other food they want to eat, guests are served by their glamping hosts, who usually treat their guests to gourmet meals made from local foods. “Glamping is ideal for travelers 55 and up who are looking for a novel and restorative getaway,” said Emily Leedy, marketing manager at Firelight Camps in Ithaca. “The defining experience of glamping is an unforgettable night’s sleep in a furnished tent with luxury amenities instead of the hassles of traditional camping, like carting gear and pitching a tent. There’s magic in the contrast of being supremely comfortable in a plush bed while breathing crisp air and listening to birdsong.” Hosts also provide thoughtful appointments like available massage therapists and spa treatments, communal campfires and recommendations to local events and activities. Think of glamping as an upscale B&B, but
Glamping photos are courtesy Firelight Camps at La Tourelle Resort and Spa. outdoors. “Luxury camping is ideal for older adults because you get all the benefits of sleeping in the forest without the effort of having to set up camp,” said Rachael Shafer, co-owner of Posh Primitive in Chestertown, near Lake George. “Folks are recognizing the value of investing in experiences, rather than buying stuff required to camp.” Glamping facilities like to offer their own special amenities and features. At Mountain Horse Farm in the Finger Lakes town of Naples, guests sleep in a traditional Sioux tipi. “Glamping is a wonderful way to connect to nature and each other, without giving up luxury,” said owner Suzanne Vullers. “Add a couple’s massage or other wellness offering to make your stay at Mountain Horse Farm even more special.” The facility functions as a horse and cow rescue. Guests can choose to groom horses or cuddle a cow as part of their getaway. Mountain Horse also hosts horsemanship clinics presented by guest industry experts. Glamping offered the perfect way for Toni Hobbins of Madison, July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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“We went hiking and swimming,” Hobbins said. “There was so much to do — or you can choose to do nothing.” She added that all of her guests were well over 55 years old and enjoyed a good time relaxing and visiting area attractions like the Adirondack Experience in Blue Mountain Lake, New York. “Every single person thought it was a wonderful place and had such a good time,” Hobbins said. She encourages potential glampers to investigate where they intend to go. “There are a lot of glamping areas now in New York, New England and across the country,” Hobbins said. “See which ones look good and have good reviews.”
Glamping Sites Where They Are:
Glamping sites in New York include: Ithaca — Firelight Camps (www. firelightcamps.com; 607-229-1644) Rockaway Park — Camp Rockaway (www.camprockaway.com) Ghent — Collective Hudson Valley (www.collectiveretreats.com) Chestertown - Posh Primitive (www. poshprimitive.com, 518-744-6808) Roxbury — Bellfire Tipi (www.bellfirefarm.com) Woodstock — Glamping at Woodstock Meadows (www.facebook. com/glampingatwoodstockmeadows)
Firelight photo by Rita Kapoor Wojick. Conn., to celebrate her 80th birthday. She had heard of Posh Primitive from her niece two years ago and decided she needed to gather her best eight friends to go glamping. “I went camping when the kids were little,” Hobbins said. “It was roughing it. This is not roughing it at all but being outdoors in the natural world. It is very pleasant. Each site is well furnished and the beds are comfortable. They had very good bedding.” That’s a big contrast to her memories of camping with her three
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children: hauling a tent trailer, cooking endless pots of spaghetti and waking up sore. “The name is ‘posh’ and it really is,” Hobbins said of her most recent experience at Posh Primitive. “The owners put a lot of time and effort into making it special.” She liked the enclosed showers and real bathroom available for guests, as well as the meals provided. Breakfast and dinner are served at the campsite, and guests may ask for a boxed lunch to take with them wherever they’re headed for the day.
Naples — Mountain Horse Farm (www.mountainhorsefarm.com) Johnsburg — Camp Orenda (https://camporenda.com, 518251-5001) Darien Center — Glamping at Darien Lake (www.sixflags.com/darienlake/accommodations/glamping, 585-599-2211) East Meredith — Harmony Hill Retreat (http://harmonyhillretreat. com, 877-278-6609) Research at www.glamping. com/destinations/north-america/ united-states to find a glamping site out of state.
Social Security
Q&A Q: I am nearing my full retirement age, but I plan to keep working after I apply for Social Security benefits. Will my benefits be reduced because of my income? A.: No. If you start receiving benefits after you’ve reached your full retirement age, you can work while you receive Social Security and your current benefit will not be reduced. If you keep working, it could mean a higher benefit for you in the future. Higher benefits can be important to you later in life and increase the future benefit amounts your survivors could receive. If you begin receiving benefits before your full retirement age, your earnings could reduce your monthly benefit amount. After you reach full retirement age, we recalculate your benefit amount to leave out the months when we reduced or withheld benefits due to your excess earnings. Learn more about Social Security reading our publication, “How Work Affects Your Benefits,” at www. socialsecurity.gov/pubs/10069.html. Q: My spouse and I have been married for over 30 years and we are about to retire. Will there be any reduction in benefits because we are married? A: None at all. We calculate lifetime earnings independently to determine each spouse’s Social Security benefit amount, and couples aren’t penalized because they are married. When both spouses meet all other eligibility requirements to receive Social Security retirement benefits, each spouse receives a monthly benefit amount based on his or her own earnings. If one member of the couple earned low wages or failed to earn enough Social Security credits to be insured for retirement benefits, he or she may be eligible to receive benefits as a spouse. Learn more about earning Social Security credits by reading our publication, How You Earn Credits, at www. socialsecurity.gov/pubs.
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55+passion
Curtis Rivers has run Mood Makers Books in Village Gate since 1994.
Promoting Books, the Theater ‘The professor’ is still running his bookstore — Mood Makers Books in Rochester — while nurturing the careers of playwriters, actors, directors By Christine Green
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hey called Curtis Rivers “the professor” even though he was just a young recruit in the Air Force. But he loved to read, to write and talk all about books. His buddies smiled at his full bookshelf and ribbed the professor for being so, well, bookish. “I always had a bookshelf, and it was always full of books. The guys gave me the name ‘the professor ’ because none of them had books in their room.” Rivers, 78, is no longer in the Air Force, but he is still surrounded by books at his bookstore, Mood Makers Books in Rochester. Rivers is a Nashville native who, like so many others, came to Rochester in the ‘60s to work for Kodak. He and his wife, Marie, just celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary and have three grown children and three grandchildren.
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Mood Makers Books In March of 1994 Rivers and his wife opened Mood Makers Books, on the third floor of Village Gate. At first the store only displayed and sold art by Curtis’s brother, Thurman Rivers. Patrons enjoyed the art but wanted more and requested gifts, cards and books. Soon Curtis and Marie had to expand their space and inventory. Mood Makers Books is still housed in Village Gate but currently occupies a large first floor space. Mood Makers offers a large array of books by and for the AfricanAmerican community, including several books by local authors. They have a beautifully stocked children’s section, women’s studies section and spirituality and religion sections, among others. They still sell gift items including figurines, stationary and calendars. Community involvement is a high
priority for Rivers and he makes sure that everyone who enters feels at ease and at home. Cozy couches beckon customers to “sit, stay awhile.” And people do. “When I was working at Kodak, I always wanted to open a bookstore. But I didn’t want it to just be another bookstore. I wanted it to integrate into the African American community as a place where you could come and actually feel at home. Most people that come in here they feel at home and they sit on the couch. Sometimes we get a bunch of folks in here and they argue and talk about all kinds of stuff. It’s like a home. They come in here and say, ‘this is the coolest place I’ve ever been in.’”
Sankofa Festival In addition to maintaining Mood Makers and cultivating community at the store, he is also a leader in the
More About Mood Makers Books, Sankofa Festival Visit Mood Makers Books on the first floor of Village Gate, 274 Goodman St. N., Rochester. Learn more about the Sankofa Festival by visiting www. muccc.org. Starting Aug. 18 and running through Sept. 1, Sankofa will feature full-length plays, one-act plays, and a “Night of Tens” showcasing 10-minute plays. Rochester theater community. “I was always — even in the Air Force — part of community theater,” he added. In 2006 Rivers and his theater company, MMB Theater 1 Project, founded the Sankofa Evening of Theater and Jazz, a festival celebrating the African-American theater arts in Rochester at the Multi-use Community Cultural Center (MuCCC) on Atlantic Avenue. Starting Aug. 18 and running through Sept. 1, Sankofa will feature full-length plays, one act plays, and a “Night of Tens” showcasing 10-minute plays. “We’re going to concentrate on original plays by Rochester and surrounding area playwrights,” noted Rivers. The Sankofa festival has become a much-anticipated event for writers, actors, and theater-goers all over the area, including Jose DaCosta of Chili. Several years ago, Rivers encouraged DaCosta to audition for one of his plays and has enjoyed being a part of the festival ever since. He pointed out that Rivers is extremely supportive of everyone involved in Sankofa: “If you’re a playwright he offers you the opportunity to present and display your words and hopefully get selected into the festival,” said DaCosta. “He gives people who may not be playwrights, but who have an interest in directing, an opportunity to direct other people’s plays. And if you’re a fledgling actor or actress like myself he gives you an opportunity to perform and to share your skills if they are selected by the director.” Karen Cully, of Irondequoit, met Rivers through her work with the Bronze Collective Theater Fest in 2016. Last year her play, “The Green Book Chronicles” was the lead play for Sankofa. “It was because of Curtis that I was able to produce so many plays,” she said. “And it was because of Curtis specifically that I was able to get started and was encouraged as a
playwright. I’m just so grateful.” In addition to mentoring and supporting local playwrights, directors and actors, Rivers provides them free rehearsal area in an upstairs space at Village Gate. He also hosts staged readings at the bookstores. “He gives playwrights a platform and a way to produce which we didn’t have before the Bronze [Collective Theater] and before Sankofa,” said Cully. Rivers began writing his memoirs based on his journals from the last 50 years. But as he was working on them, he realized that “I’m not a novelist, I’m a playwright!” He adapted what he had worked on into a set of 10 different plays called “Backyard Stories from 1018 15th Ave South.” Fifteenth Avenue was the street he grew up on as a young person in Nashville. He was in the process of producing two of the plays in the “Backyard Stories” series for a show at the end of June. It’s clear that Rivers has made a big impact on the Rochester theater and literary community by providing a platform for many people looking to make their big break. “One thing I didn’t emphasize enough is Curtis’ focus on inclusion and diversity of the people he engages in the Sankofa Festival,” said DaCosta. “He has been particularly encouraging to black and Hispanic females at all levels of participation — playwrights,directors and actors. He has effectively grown the base of artistic contributors to the festival while steadily growing his audience. I’m impressed with not only his foresight for the Sankofa Festival but his support of other playwrights and other theater groups in terms of presenting an opportunity for people who want to participate in the local theater scene. I just give him kudos for keeping Mood Makers Books going at the same time. I give him a lot of props!”
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55+ investing
Why Women Fall Short on Retirement Funds CNBC report: Nearly three-quarters of women will ‘face significant savings shortfalls’ in retirement By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant
S
etting aside enough money for is essential for retirement; however, a March 19 story by Nadine El-Bawab on CNBC’s website states that almost three-quarters of women will “face significant savings shortfalls if they plan to retire at age 67.” Several reasons contribute to their financial shortfall. Women don’t tend to make as much as men during their working lives, which means that they won’t have as much to save. “In addition to generally making 80% of what men make, according to the US Bureau of Labor and Statistics, women tend to take more time off from the workplace to care for a child or an aging family member,” said Deanna LaPier, financial adviser with Brighton Securities in Rochester. “Any extended time off from the workplace can mean smaller pension or Social Security payments in retirement, and means we have less time to contribute to our 401k and 403b plans.” She added that since many women
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may work parttime, for themselves, or rely upon their husbands as the primary wage e a r n e r, t h e y won’t have the money to set aside for retirement. In m a n y households, the LaPier w o m a n ’ s income is considered secondary. “The fact is, a man is not a financial plan,” LaPier said. Women need to plan for living longer. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, women outlive men by an average of five years. Since many women outlive their husbands, women should plan on enough income to cover those extra years without relying on a husband to help them. Zachary Harrington, financial
adviser with NorthLanding Financial Partners in Rochester, said that women comprise onethird of the household heads whom he advises. He plans based upon a healthy woman living to age 94, just to be Harrington sure, since “there’s about a 30 percent chance of a healthy female living to age 94.” Especially during the final years of life, health care expenses usually increase and do so at a rate higher than general inflation. Harrington said that over her life expectancy, a woman can anticipate healthcare costs to multiply five times. Social Security usually provides up to a 2% cost of living adjustment and most pensions provide no cost of living adjustment. That’s why longevity is a big concern for financial planning. How women invest also factors into why they tend to fall short financially in retirement. “ Wo m e n t e n d t o b e re a l l y conservative investors, relative to where they should be,” Harrington said. “They lose out on the time value of their money. A 50-year-old woman on a 15-year time horizon until retirement has just 15 years of savings to play catch up.” It doesn’t take extremely risky investments or severe scrimping to save more. He said if a woman in this position dedicates 15% to investment savings instead of just 10%, she would be in a much better position upon retirement. He views six times your salary set aside by age 50 as a good goal for retirement. Harrington said that it’s important to develop a budget to guide in trimming frivolous expenses and putting that money into a savings vehicle like a 401k or IRA. Adam Mark, certified financial planner and president of Wealth Management Group LLC in Rochester, also advises ramping up the savings plans to save as much as possible. “Educate yourself,” he said. “Have confidence and work with professionals who know how to get there. Maybe financial planning is unfamiliar space
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for some women but that’s no reason it has to be scary.” Planning for retirement also includes determining retirement goals. Anticipating travel, costly hobbies or renovating a home, for example, will require more income saved, working later or working part-time while retired. “There’s no one-size-fits all plan,” Mark said. “A general rule for a conservative client for retirement savings [is] to not plan on taking out more than 3-to-4% of your nest egg per year during retirement.” Gina DiMonda, president of ES&L Trust Services in Rochester, advises women who don’t have much saved to consider the “catch-up” provision that allows an additional $ 6 , 0 0 0 contribution to a 401k, 403b, S A R S E P, o r DiMonda governmental 457b annually for people 50 and older. “That’s up to $25,000 of your pay you can save,” DiMonda said. For those with a Simple 401k or Roth IRA, the catch-up amount is $1,000 annually. DiMonda encourages women to invest with a more aggressive, yet well-balanced portfolio, rather than investing with no risk but lower returns. Doing so many require assistance to get it right. “It’s important for them to meet with a professional,” DiMonda said. “The majority of our clients are women who need help in creating their portfolio.”
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July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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55+ volunteer Peg Rachfal, a docent at Memorial Art Gallery, giving students a tour.
Volunteers Love Working as Docents at Museums They say they enjoy the flexible hours, the contact with the public and the learning involved in becoming a docent By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant
A
fter traveling for 11 years, re t i re e B a r b a r a Q u i n n wanted to stay home and spend more time volunteering. Since she had worked as a primary grade teacher in Hamlin, working with children made sense to her. Quinn, now 73, became a docent for Rochester Museum & Science Center. “Docent” is derived from the Latin word “docere,” which means “to teach.” That’s a main function of the role: teaching the public about a museum’s exhibits. “It exercises my ‘teaching muscles’
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working with children,” Quinn said. “They’re excited because they’re on a field trip. We have fun for an hour and then they leave with their teachers. It’s like grandparenting.” Most of her grandchildren live far away, and the one that lives nearby is 11 — not quite so small anymore. Quinn also likes socializing with like-minded adults at the museum. “I love the other docents,” she said. “They are not all teachers, but come from different walks of life. They’re curious, funny and interested in the world around them.” She enjoys the flexibility of serving
as a docent at the museum since — once she completed the training — she can work as often or as little as she would like. Some weeks, it’s three or five hours of leading tours; Quinn other weeks, she doesn’t come in and spends more time with her husband, Ray Marciszewski. Quinn also volunteers for the Rochester chapter of No One Left Behind, which supports relocating interpreters from combat zones. When not volunteering, Quinn participates in a teacher book club, visits with grandchildren and gardens. Mary Ann Monley, administrator of volunteer services and tours for Memorial Art Gallery, views docent work as “a great extension of learning.” Docents pay the musem $125 to become involved in the program because of the cost of the materials involved; however, scholarships are available. Docent candidates attend several months of training weekly for a few hours and complete reading assignments to prepare for leading groups. Docents can also audit art classes at University of Rochester and Nazareth College for free. P a y i n g t h e i r o w n w a y, t h e museum’s docents also take group trips to other art museums, including some in Europe. They also attend meetings twice a month to stay updated on the museum’s changing exhibits. At Sonnenberg Gardens, the docents don’t necessarily need gardening skills; however, interest and knowledge of plants and flowers can only help. The facility also includes historic structures, so knowledge of architecture and interest in history would also assist someone who wants to volunteer as a docent. Accepted docent applicants complete orientation and shadow a docent until they learn
the ropes. Kimberly Burkard, marketing and membership manager at Sonnenberg, sees the position as “a nice way to get to meet people. You interface with the public and meet people from the area and outside the area. “We don’t require people to be an expert. Someone who wants to learn more about gardening, this could be a good place to volunteer.” Sonnenberg Gardens doesn’t require a minimum number of volunteer hours, but does request that docents come prepared to serve at least half a day each time they volunteer. Docents also serve at The National Susan B. Anthony Museum & House in Rochester. Sara Meinhold, director of volunteer services, welcomes mature adults as docents. “Volunteers who are 55-plus bring deep connections and understandings about Susan B. Anthony’s life and work,” Meinhold said. “Whether their link is through years living in the Rochester area, their occupation or an appreciation for the role reform has played in American history, our volunteers connect deeply to Susan B. Anthony’s passion and are able to share that with our curious guests.” Volunteers attend orientation and receive hands-on training in their chosen position. Docents-to-be shadow those with experience as part of their training to become a certified tour guide. The museum asks volunteers to give six hours minimum per month, usually in two, three-hour shifts. Within three hours, a docent can complete two tours. “Due to the rise in interest around women’s rights and the suffrage centennial, we have a number of prearranged group tours as well as school programs, so there are myriad possibilities for filling one’s commitment,” Meinhold said. “Our docents draw inspiration from the stories they share, the time they spend with guests from around the world, and opportunities to deepen their understanding of history and current events,” Meinhold said. “Through reading and attendance at regular volunteer meetings, our docents connect with new perspectives on history while investigating their own biases, resulting in a deeper understanding of our shared history and their role in it.”
Got Time and Love to Share?
Sonnenberg Gardens is looking for Volunteers We welcome your help in keeping Sonnenberg’s story alive for another 100 years Call us or submit an application at sonnenberg.org/volunteer to get started Summer 2019: Looking for Tour Guides plus Wine Center & Special Event Volunteers
Sonnenberg Gardens, 151 Charlotte Street, Canandaigua, NY 585-394-4922 • www.sonnenberg.org
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55+ vacation
Get Timeshare Savvy In many cases, getting out of a timeshare deal is not easy By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant
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f you own a timeshare and want to get out of the contract, you have plenty of company. Mike Finn, attorney, and president and owner of Finn Law Group, P.A. in Largo, Fla., has for the past eight years shifted the focused his firm’s practice to the consumer aspects of terminating timeshare contracts. So many people want out that he has plenty of clients. Finn said that he knows of many other law firms in his area doing the same thing. He has a few clients from the Rochester area, since the law regarding such contracts pertains to the location of the timeshare company’s offices. Part of the reason that Finn has so much timeshare contract work is that many from the older end of the baby boomer generation are trying to downsize and simplify their lives. Many aren’t traveling as much because of health concerns. Finn said that it’s common for them to discover that their children do not want to take over their timeshare and the
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annual maintenance fees associated with them. Many timeshares are difficult to sell. Timeshare companies would rather keep their customers paying annual maintenance fees than turning in properties, which would force them to market them and sell them to a new client. That’s one reason the contracts are so difficult to break. Some people bought their timeshare as a cost-effective way to vacation at a top resort each year, knowing that it’s reserved for their use; however, in more recent years, companies selling timeshares have moved away from that deeded model. More consumers want flexibility, so timeshare companies began selling contracts related to “points” to spend at their resorts in many locations, but not one specific unit. Finn said that the “travel club” model does provide more options to buyers; however, simply renting a suite at a hotel wherever one would like to stay does the same thing —
and without maintenance fees. Using a travel club is basically like booking a hotel room and paying extra for cleaning and maintenance. The rise of Airbnb, online booking and more travel package options have hurt the timeshare business. But Finn added that despite these changes, sales of timeshares are still brisk. Some people buying timeshares do not fully understand the contract and feel pressured into buying them. “A lot of people succumb to that type of influence,” Finn said. “If you’re on vacation and you have time to spend dreaming about a lifestyle where it’s a constant vacation at a bargain rate, people will buy into that.” Because of the difficulty in reselling timeshares and the rise of scam artists posing as legitimate buyers of timeshares, the industry has fallen out of favor with other consumers. For those interested in buying a timeshare, Finn advises looking at the established lodging companies
that operate a timeshare division, such as Holiday Inn, Marriot and Hilton, to ensure that the company is legitimate. Because of his firsthand knowledge of helping so many people get out of their timeshares, Finn thinks that staying at a hotel “is a smarter way to travel” because it carries no lasting financial obligation compared with a timeshare. The average cost of a timeshare is around $20,000, plus the annual maintenance fees. Just based on the $20,000 cost, it sounds like a bargain. Staying 100 nights (or close to 14 years’ worth of annual, week-long vacations) recoups the cost for a comparable luxury suite costing $200 per night. After that point, a timeshare owner would enjoy free lodging, except for the maintenance fees. “Those maintenance fees are approximately what it would cost to go on Travelocity or Expedia and book a vacation experience,” Finn said. “As a former CPA, I question, what is the value of a timeshare? Where is the savings?” Finn believes that timeshare salesmen underplay the maintenance costs and focus on a comparison chart between the cost of the timeshare amortized over a 20-year period compared to staying in a hotel. “Since you no longer own the timeshare and have a deed but have points, what are you paying maintenance fees for?” he asked. For people who want to get out of their timeshare, he advises people to first simply ask the company first. That may not be successful, however. The mortgage-based contract doesn’t anticipate a termination, but is a contract in perpetuity. “You’d think the resorts would say, ‘You’ve been a good customer 20 years and you don’t want to travel anymore and the kids don’t want it anymore. So, we’ll let you go and we’ll take your interest back and not give you any money back.’ If they’re still selling timeshares, they could resell.” Since timeshare sellers typically don’t do this, it’s up to consumers to sell their timeshare to someone else. That’s difficult, unless it’s in a travel hotspot. Finn said that only about 5% of timeshares are in such a desirable
location, such as Hawaii or a ski resort in Colorado or Nevada, which would net them some resale value. Timeshares in places like Orlando are nearly worthless. “Before calling someone like me, reach out to a reputable real estate broker who specializes in timeshare and doesn’t want any money upfront,” Finn said. “Find out if there’s any resale value. You may not get much money but at least you won’t have to pay someone like me to get you out of your timeshare.”
Saving on traveling So how can you save on travel? Look at travel packages. Many travel agents in the area can help you find great package deals, if you’re not inclined to look yourself. “It may look like you can go cheaper on your own instead of a package, but you have to pay for the admission to everything separately,” said Lynn DiMaria, owner of DiMaria Travel Agency in Brighton. “Most of these things are included in escorted groups. It’s a better deal.” Group travel can also offer advantages when going abroad. “When you don’t know the language in a foreign country it’s easier to travel in a group,” DiMaria added. Group travel can provide more safety and relieve travelers of the need to drive, plan entertainment and find restaurants. DiMaria said that popular group travel venues include Europe, European river cruises, Washington D.C., “canyon country” in the Western US and New Orleans. At Town & Country Travel Inc. in Pittsford, owner Teresa Johnson books quite a few European river cruises and group tours of European destinations, too. She said that travelers like the all-inclusive aspect. “You pay one price, unlike ocean cruises where shore excursions are separate,” Johnson said. While travelers can book trips online by themselves, Johnson said that travel agents belong to consortiums that work with preferred providers. “We can pass on deals to clients,” Johnson said. “Plus, they get our services. If anything happens, you have a 24-7 service number.”
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55+ cover
Pamela Sanchez Wants You to Have Fun
CEO and president of Seneca Park Zoo Society says a visit to the zoo should be fun, transformational and leave visitors ‘changed’ By John Addyman
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amela Reed Sanchez wants you to have a good time. And she wants more. Here’s an example: “I had a win today,” she explained. “A 10-year-old girl came out of the gift shop with her friend, just the two of them, and she’s putting something in her little purse. And she said, ‘I bought a straw. I went to the zoo and I bought a straw for $7.’ “She bought one of our reusable metal straws. She didn’t buy a plush animal. She bought something that she could use every day and stop using plastic straws. That’s a win,” Sanchez said. The girl was smiling, self-satisfied, and leaving the zoo in just the way
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Sanchez wanted her to — changed. “We want people to feel that they’ve had a personalized experience, that they learned something, and they are moved to do something differently because of what they learned here,” she said. Sanchez, 55, is the president and CEO of the Seneca Park Zoo Society. She is responsible for people who interact with guests — taking admission, serving meals, providing classes, designing experiences, working the gift shop, and taking the zoo’s message out to a much wider community. Monroe County owns the zoo, manages the care and feeding of the animals and collects 60 percent of the general admission and membership
fees. The rest goes to the Zoo Society. So much of the experiences people have in interacting with the animals belong to Sanchez, who believes the varied elements of her career led her to this spot and this job five years ago. At Seneca Park Zoo, she has about 30 full-time employees and approximately 100 seasonal and parttime workers under her wing who come to work with a unique singlemindedness in their approach to the zoo’s mission and one another. For two years running, the zoo was named one of Rochester’s top places to work by the Democrat & Chronicle and recently won a special “Mindfulness” award, also from the D&C. She believes in “transformational
Pamela Reed Sanchez at the Seneca Park Zoo on May 23. Photo by Chuck Wainwright. July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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moments,” something she learned about when she led the Actors Theatre in Phoenix. Part of that transformational philosophy is teaching people just how much zoos are different and important today. That is an all-day, everyday task, she said. To make her point, she highlights a study done by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, which asked millennials, “Do you support the mission of zoos and aquariums?” Seventy-five percent of millennials said, “No.” The association asked the question a different way: “The mission of zoos and aquariums is to save animals from extinction; do you support the mission of zoos and aquariums?” Seventy-five percent of millennials said, ‘Yes.” And there’s the goal of the Seneca Park Zoo: “We’re a conservation o rg a n i z a t i o n a n d w e ’ re d o i n g meaningful work,” she said. “We’re doing it here. We’re doing it in concert with 240 other accredited zoos and we’re doing it internationally. “We want to tell the story of what a zoo means and take away the stigma of the word ‘zoo.’ Our mission is to care for and conserve wildlife and wild places.”
More than a destination Her vision, the Zoo Society’s vision, is to be a leader in education and conservation action for species survival. “It doesn’t matter how big your campus is or how big your budget is to be a national leader. It’s about doing innovative work and work that’s scalable to other places, and that’s what we’re doing here.” Look around at the signs throughout the zoo that tell about a particular animal species that resides there. Those signs tell about the animal, tell why its existence is important, and what you can do to keep that animal thriving. It’s a message that Sanchez can’t stress enough. There are 35,000 African elephants walking the earth today. Without major intervention, they’ll be gone in 10-15 years. Elephants! Seneca Park has two red pandas. There are only 4,000 left in the world. And the park’s duo is not a breeding pair.
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Approach the Seneca Zoo, and you are very much on the mind of Sanchez and everyone who works inside. To become transformed, you have to be engaged. “We want people to feel that they’ve had a personalized experience,” she said, “from the moment they get here, that they’ve learned something, that they are moved to do something differently because of what they learned.” Like buying a metal straw. If you’re a “Game of Thrones” fan, you’ll recall in the last episode that Bran the Broken became king because he, like no other person, knew all the stories of the Seven Kingdoms. Stories are powerful, thought provoking, memorable and conjure up images. Everyone you meet at Seneca Zoo has been trained to speak clearly and make eye contact — you’re the most important person to them at the moment — and each employee has a story to tell about the animals and what the zoo is doing to help them survive.
Sanchez has advanced degrees in public administration and nonprofit management. She taught those subjects as a professor at Arizona State. She also taught managing diversity and environmental energy policy, and organizational change and development. Educated in Irondequoit and Russell Sage College in Albany, she started her career in hospital administration in London, finished her advanced studies at Syracuse, then ended up at Arizona State. From academia, she took a job as director of development at the Heard Museum in Phoenix. “That’s where my work in cultural organizations began,” she said.
Transformative episodes Then that transformation experience thing bit her. “I left the Heard Museum to start my own company and my phone started ringing. “The Actors Theatre of Phoenix
What Makes Pamela Reed Sanchez Tick?
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‘This zoo is a happy place’
ook at what Pamela Reed Sanchez has accomplished, and what’s on her plate — an expansion of the zoo, new services, and urgent efforts to save animal species — and you have to wonder, where does she get the energy? “I get up every morning and work out,” Sanchez, 55, says. She also runs, although a stress fracture has slowed her down this year. She has completed 11 halfmarathons and two full marathons. With the recent injury, her routine has tempered some. “I hike and I bird. Everywhere. When the weather is decent, meaning not raining, I try a different trail every weekend. I go all over the place. High Acres. Keuka. Montezuma. I stay close. I love to be near the water. I like Huckleberry Swamp. The cacophony of frog and bird sounds there is wonderful. “Also, I shut down once a year for 10 days. I go to a beach in a warm
climate in March. I let my shoulders drop. I breathe. I only started that a few years ago. I read, I snorkel, I hike, I explore. I tune out of work and I come back much better.” She also writes, and is preparing a book on diversity and inclusion in nature-based organizations. “I’m learning to carve out time to focus on that,” she said. In meaningful ways, Sanchez also draws positive vibes from the animals that surround her every day at the Seneca Park Zoo. “Our animals are not behind bars. They’re not really enclosed. If they’re happy, your perception of them is positive. Before, in the old zoos, the animals felt stressed, felt lonely and we in the zoo couldn’t talk to you about species survival. Here, you’re so close to the animals. Since 2012, we’ve provided a more natural habitat for the animals, a better experience for the animals. This zoo is a happy place. When the animals aren’t stressed, and you’re not stressed.”
called. It was too exciting an opportunity to turn down. The work they were doing, what they were putting on stage, the truly transformational moments they were giving audiences. To me, that’s what great professional organizations do — they give people those transformational moments. “Once you have one of those moments, you don’t look at the world the same way. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a dance performance in a theater or you’re coming here to learn about the plight of elephants.” Sanchez came back east to take a job as the director of development at the George Eastman House. “This is where I wanted to be, where I wanted to raise my daughter, Reed Sanchez. “She’s getting her master ’s degree in literacy at Brockport so she can teach second grade in a city school. We had a very happy, full life in Phoenix, so moving back here was a big deal.” Sanchez job at Eastman House e v e n t u a l l y i n c l u d e d re s o u rc e development, but she wanted a little more. “I wanted a leadership role,” she said. “The leader.” Another headhunter ’s call came, and this time the Seneca Park Zoo Society was beckoning. “I was turning 50, my daughter was leaving for college. It was a transitional point in my life,” Sanchez said. “I asked myself, ‘What’s next for me? Is there something different I should be considering?’ I had had a taste of a leadership role when the museum was going through its search for new director, and I had practice as director. I was asking myself, ‘Do I want to be a community leader or do I want to continue to be a No. 2?’ I decided I wanted to be a community leader.“ She took the job at the Zoo Society as the executive director in 2014. Last year, she asked her board to be named the CEO and president. “It was a title change only,” she explained. “In my annual review, I told the board that change mattered to me because when you meet people in the corporate world, it levels the playing field. It matters. It does feel different, having people in the corporate world understand that my role is not less than theirs. We’re not losing money here — we’re a $6.5
Meet these and other animals at Seneca Park Zoo in Rochester. Photos provided.
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million organization and have had clean audits and balanced budgets for 22 straight years.” The zoo is about to rebuild the entrance building to accommodate tropical species like gorillas. That and a new restaurant are the big projects. Sanchez also has plans for her office: a new desk will go along one wall, so she can look directly out her window and check on the river otters below. Out that same window, she can see the wonderment of kids coming to the zoo and the adults who use those kids as an excuse to visit and revisit. She can see people reading the informative signs about the zoo’s animals. She can see people enjoying snacks held in biodegradable containers. She can see people engaging with the animals, appreciating them, loving them. And she can see the little girl with the metal straw, on her way home to teach her family and friends about saving the animals.
Raising Funds, Saving Species Real mission of Seneca Park Zoo is all about conservation
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amela Reed Sanchez has created a lot of ambassadorships. Endangered species need a lot of friends. Beer drinkers. Baseball players. Birthday kids. Ice hockey players. Sleepover participants. Part of her job is raising money for the Seneca Park Zoo Society, yes, but that just feeds the bigger task — helping to make sure animal species is saved and nurtured. Every accredited zoo is committed to that, but Sanchez and Seneca Park have blazed some new paths. “The best conversations I have with people over the age of 21 are about conservation, about what’s really happening with animals all
over the world today, and how they can help us save animals. When I hear someone say, ‘I didn’t know that,’ it’s a payday for me,” Sanchez said. To widen her reach, Sanchez has tapped ambassadors on the shoulder. She and Rochester Red Wings baseball team General Manager Dan Mason had a talk about how the zoo could do a promotion that would drive traffic to see the animals and learn about them. They came up with Naked Mole Rat Month, complete with a 1,000-hat giveaway. “Dan suggested the naked mole rats,” she said. “He told me, ‘We think they’re really cool. We’ve done our research. That’s going to be the one animal that really gets people.’
Pamela Sanchez: The Transformer
me comes when I see the applicant pool for hiring,” she said. “I don’t see diversity, particularly in terms of people of color. Interestingly, I also don’t see it in terms of sexual orientation. “Ten years from now, the seats of power are going to be occupied by people who are millennials today, who live in an urban core, and are people of color. One thing that all three of those groups have in common, and this is an over-generalization, is that they’re disconnected from nature. “If you are disconnected from nature and sitting on city council or making a business decision on where you’re locating a company or some source you’re going to get your toilet paper from, are you thinking about the environment? Are you thinking about clean water? Clean air? Do we all deserve to have those things? Why aren’t people of color interested in working for the zoo society? “We’re changing. I have our urban ecologist workforce development program (a zoo society outreach to schools). We’re getting kids interested at an early age in what a nature-based career can be. Those kids are going to be working with middle school kids at city of Rochester recreation centers, so they become role models for the even younger kids.”
Zoo Society leader restructures Seneca Park treasure
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amela Reed Sanchez learned it, taught it, and practices it: organizational transformation. How did she do that at the Seneca Park Zoo? “First, I observed quite a lot,” she said, explaining how she spent her first months as the Seneca Park Zoo Society executive director. “After three or four months, I started asking questions. I did a gap analysis: What audiences aren’t we serving and why aren’t we? Why do people feel their children ‘age out’ of zoos at age 6? You should never age out at the zoo. “I didn’t read anyone’s personal files. I gave everybody a fresh start. Everyone had an equal opportunity to impress or not impress, to show up or not show up.” After a year at the helm, she restructured the entire organization the Zoo Society manages — food, gifts, admissions, educational and outreach programs, marketing, communications, social media, along with Monroe County), information technology, and all the business structures. To get everyone on the team headed in the right direction, “we
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developed a statement of workplace values and ethics, and that’s something we revisit every year,” she said. “It’s a statement of how we work together, and that we’re all here for our mission and vision. I believe when you come to work knowing what your vision is and wanting to achieve it, and we have rules for how we behave with one another based on ethics, you can create a pretty outstanding work culture, and we have.” Employee values include honesty and transparency (“We don’t lie; we tell the truth and we share,” Sanchez said), accountability, willingness to change, team above self, partnership and collaboration, diversity and inclusion. “Diversity is who we are and inclusion is how we behave,” Sanchez explained. “We have a diverse group of people, we are a diverse community, we have different beliefs, different skin tones, different gender identities, all kinds of things. That’s who we are. That’s what this world is made up of. Inclusion is making sure everyone who comes here feels welcomed and they belong, whether they’re on my staff or come through the front gate as a visitor or a volunteer.” “The biggest sense of diversity for
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“So, they created this logo with the naked mole rat. I’ve seen the hats in Wegmans and around town. People love them,” she said. “This year we’re doing a naked mole rat T-shirt night at a Red Wings game.” The zoo regularly holds Zoo Brew nights and they’re packed and fun. A portion of every ticket sold goes to the International Elephant Foundation. In May, the zoo hosted a special Cinco de Rhino night, with Seneca’s Bill the Rhino as the star for the evening. It resulted in more tickets being sold and more contributions to the International Rhino Foundation. “I reached out to the Rochester Amerks ice hockey team. We were looking for a way to tell people the zoo was open in the middle of winter and to raise awareness of polar bear conservation,” Sanchez said. “Then we thought, ‘What do polar bears and ice hockey players have in common?’” Quickly born was the “Defend the Ice” program, a month-long partnership. “We had the zoo mobile at games, the players signed special polar bear jerseys and we auctioned them off. We raised about $5,000 for Polar Bear International. We had some people from Polar Bear International come down for the puck drop. Now PBI is trying to get other zoos to do the same thing.” Seneca Park also has zoo camps, programs for teachers, scout workshops, Bunk with Beasts sleepovers, Kinderzoo and other special events. Every event, every hat, every game jersey, every brew, every party and overnight event are additional chances to create new ambassadors committed to saving animals.
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55 PLUS - July / August 2019
55+ second
act Michael Matteo is now the general manager at Village at Unity on the west side of Rochester. He was trained in the hospitality industry and worked as a chef for a number of years, including as executive chef at Marriott Hotels.
It Takes a Village A former executive chef at Marriott now serving as general manager of The Village in Rochester, Michael Matteo focuses on bringing performing arts to his residents By Christine Green
M
ichael Matteo had to get his hands on a Mickey Mouse costume, stat. A 7-year-old girl had chosen to visit her grandmother at The Village at Unity, a senior living community in Rochester, instead of taking the trip to Disney World her parents offered. But she missed her “Nonnie,” so off to Rochester they went. Matteo, general manager at The Village, called his life enrichment department, and they found the mouse suit. When Nonnie’s little granddaughter walked through the front doors at The Village, Mickey was there to greet her. Joining Mickey that day was a group of “Mouseketeers”
(Village staff) singing the Mickey Mouse Club theme song. Matteo still has a set of mouse ears in his office to commemorate the Disney day he created for a very lucky family. For Matteo, 59, this kind of attention to detail is part of his everyday managing style at work. “He cares for the residents and also cares for his staff, wanting the best for both,” said Erin Stoianoff, performing arts coordinator at The Village. “I enjoy working with Mike. He has some really great ideas and is always willing to go above and beyond to help with anything you need. I’d say The Village is lucky to have him.”
Matteo hasn’t always been working in senior living. He started his career at the first home of the Rochester Red Wings — Silver Stadium on Norton Street — as a kid parking cars and selling hot dogs and pizza at the concession stands. Childhood dreams of being a lawyer went out the window. “I don’t want to be a lawyer anymore,” he told his surprised parents. “I want to work in hotels and be in the food business.” As a Boy Scout, Matteo was an explorer in food service. When it was time for college, he attended Rochester Institute of Technology for his degree in food hotel and tourism industries July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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management. During his time at RIT and after graduation, he worked at Marriott. “I worked my way through their kitchens as a production supervisor, banquet chef, and as a line cook, until I got promoted to executive chef when I was about 24,” he recalled. He loved the work until it was time for a family. “I still loved the business, but I didn’t love the 60, 70, 80 hours a week. I wanted to be a dad,” he said. That’s when Matteo took on the role of instructor at Canopy’s Restaurant through SUNY’s Rochester Educational Opportunity Center. “We taught educationally and economically disadvantaged adults how to be in the restaurant business,” Matteo said. “We taught them to be waiters and waitresses, to be cooks, and how to order and budget. At the end of the 24-week program, we would try to place students either in school or in the industry.” In 1994, Matteo took the reins as food service director at The Village. What he saw when he first started was encouraging. “I saw food being prepared that was real, that wasn’t coming out of a freezer,” he said. “It wasn’t hospital food, and I said, ‘Oh my gosh, I think I can do this!’” He enjoyed his time in the kitchens, but what really made him enthused were the residents. He enjoyed serving them delicious food, talking with them, and he enjoyed making sure they were having a good experience at The Village. Eventually, Matteo became senior director of operations, and then in July 2018, he was promoted to general manager.
Following a passion “I get to lead an amazing group of people that just do fantastic work with our residents, because it stopped being work some time ago and became a calling,” he said. “We do this because we love it. We love our residents, and we are honored to be part of their journey through life as they go from stage to stage.” While Matteo is still passionate about quality food service, he also strives to make all aspects of life at The Village top notch. A particular passion is its performing arts program. Residents can participate in a variety
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Michael Matteo at his Steuben County home with tables he built himself. of programs involving music, art, reader’s theater and a drama club. “We have quite a few residents who like to express themselves through art, music, and acting because it makes them happy but also gives them a sense of purpose again,” said Stoianoff. “Mike has been the No. 1 supporter and a driving force for the arts program at The Village.” An important part of The Village arts programming is the center ’s relationship with Rochester’s School of the Arts. The Village “adopted” them for the 2018-2019 school year and now students come to The Village to perform for and with residents one to two times a month. Residents also travel to SOTA to visit students and enjoy programming at the school. “We not only support the school with money and with our time, but every time they come here for an event, we have a real lunch and every time we go there, we’re bringing real food. It’s just become this tradition,” said Stoianoff. Alan Tirre, the SOTA assistant principal, is thrilled with how the program is going and appreciates how sharing a meal brings students and Village residents together. “We’re able to break bread together and to see the actors interacting with the residents and vice versa,” he said. “It’s wonderful. It brings such joy to both of their lives.”
Tirre went on to say how important the partnership has become for students who get to share everything from poetry and creative writing to full-blown Broadway-style shows and Shakespearean plays. “We’ve really been able to broaden the artistic experiences of the residents and in turn the experiences of our students,” he said. “We now have about 400 surrogate grandparents that we didn’t have before. This partnership is as much an enrichment for our students as it is for residents.” When Matteo isn’t donning mouse ears at The Village, he can be found enjoying country life in the Steuben County town of Prattsburgh with his wife, Louise. They stay busy by boating on Keuka Lake, biking or building custom furniture from handhewn hemlock. Together, they’ve built everything from farmhouse tables and end tables to flower boxes and picnic tables. They also like to travel and regularly visit their four children who live in South Carolina, New Jersey, Ohio and Texas. But what he likes best of all is just sitting on the porch of the home they built together. “We watch the evening tire. We’re on the porch and we’ve got some tea and the evening is just unfolding around us and we say, ‘Man is this nice.’ The family motto is ‘Life Got Good,’” Matteo said.
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55+ support Camaraderie Helps Grandparents Rearing Grandchildren Henrietta group designed for grandparents who raise grandchildren By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant
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nita Tichacek of Henrietta believes in the power of community. That’s part of why she helped found Grandparents for Grandparents Support Group. Back in 2010, she and her husband, Charles, became the guardian of her grandson, Lucas. The boy’s mother struggled with mental health issues. Caring for Lucas, who is on the autism spectrum, had become too much for the mother. She left her parents’ home when Lucas was 3 and the Tichaceks have reared him solely ever since. Lucas’ mother visits every two weeks and has maintained a good relationship with him. Ti c h a c e k , s e n i o r re c re a t i o n supervisor for the town’s Parks & Recreation Department, got to know another grandmother in a similar situation who was rearing two grandchildren. The two women decided they should meet periodically and invite other grandparents in that role to join them. Catholic Family Charities helped the women start the grandparents group, which meets twice a month at the main meeting room at Henrietta Parks & Recreation Department. The state’s Office of Youth Development supplies funding to pay for childcare during the group’s meetings. Tichacek volunteers her time to lead the group. “We have a great town that’s very supportive, that’s looking to help families,” Tichacek said. The group meets the first Thursday and third Wednesday of each month since many participants’ grandchildren have obligations with extra-curricular activities. From four to 12 adults attend, and childcare is provided.
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“These grandparents don’t have common interests with parents who are much younger, like at school events,” Tichacek said. “They don’t have things in common with their friends who are empty nesters.” Meeting with other grandparents rearing grandchildren also helps them stay up-to-date and swap tips for the various issues facing today’s parents. Sometimes the meeting features guest speakers. Usually, they go around the room — “kind of like an
AA meeting,” Tichacek quipped — and update each other on what’s going on. “We try to give ideas as to what to do if they’re having a crisis,” Tichacek said. “If it has to do with courts, we share about the family courts we’ve been in. If it’s special needs, we share resources. Then we try to help and support each other. At different times, we’ve all had issues that are more immediate.” Special needs children, custody battles, drug abusing parents, adjusting to adoption, connecting to grandchildren, learning about current parenting methods — the group discusses all of these topics and more. The group also hosts get-togethers for the whole family, which Tichacek said helps the children realize that others their age have grandparents in the role of parents. Although Tichacek said that “you don’t have as much energy” rearing children as a grandparent compared with earlier parenthood, “you’re much more confident the second time around. It brings joy to our lives. We may be tired, but we feel much younger in so many ways. It gives life a purpose and drive to keep going.” She added that her grandson, now 13, struggled some initially because classmates would ask questions like, “Why is your mom so old?” compared with their own mothers; however, “as time has passed, we’ve become more of family unit,” Tichacek said. “We’re more comfortable with each other. We couldn’t think of it any other way.” The age difference doesn’t matter as much to Lucas anymore. Tichacek also acknowledged the helpful input of Lucas’ teachers, who have underscored the idea that families
come in different shapes and sizes. “It gives him security,” she said. “He knows we’re always there for him.” The grandparents in the group have also discussed that they’re glad they can provide stability in their grandchildren’s lives that they would not otherwise have. Some of the youngsters have parents who cannot rear them because of incarceration, mental health issues or drug problems. While some can care for their children later, some will never regain custody. “When they move in with their grandparent s, they have more structure and security,” Tichacek said. “They may not want it at first, but they need it.” She has talked with Lucas all along as to why he lives with her and Charles, at a level which he could understand at the time. “He’s very happy living with us,” she said. “This is the family he knows. He’s very secure in that.” She encourages other grandparents rearing their grandchildren to seek or start a group. “Go to your town or library to see if you can start a group,” Tichacek said. “You don’t need expertise. It’s helpful to have support. It’s also for your grandchildren so they know there’s other kids in the same boat.” Emilee Burndell, director of Wayne County parent education program, also said that a support group can help. “Becoming a primary caregiver again of young children after raising adult children can come with many emotions,” she said. Whatever the situation, the grandparent that is now raising their grandchildren can benefit from workshop and support groups.” She said that parent education program’s groups give guided information, skills and local resources d e s i g n e d t o h e l p c a re g i v i n g grandparents. The curriculum includes topic of child development, discipline, legal issues, caring for oneself as a caregiver and advocacy. “Many participants feel confident, comfortable, and not alone,” Burndell said. “Support group and workshop forum provide a safe opportunity discussion about sensitive issues. For example, explaining to children why parents are unable to care for them. In addition, learning parenting best practices to our ever-changing society.”
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55+ involvement
Building a Firm Foundation For many, Bob Hegeman exemplifies spirit of community By John Addyman
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hen Habitat for Humanity wanted to build two h o u s e s i n Wa y n e County, they looked for a supervisor for the work. They found Bob Hegeman. When Laurel House Comfort Care Home in Newark was struggling to get on its feet with a huge renovation project to be completed — with very few available dollars — whom did people think of? Was it the person who might make the hospice home a reality? Bob Hegeman. As the St. Michael’s Family Festival struggled with demise of the traditional NewarkFest right in front of the church, whom did people turn to for leadership? Bob Hegeman. The Boy Scouts were looking for someone to start a venture patrol, a high-adventure group that would travel and do things many teens never attempt. The leader had to be inexhaustible, caring, smart, great with kids, and free. Someone raised Bob Hegeman’s hand. You run into people like this so very seldom in your life; someone whose well of endurance is remarkably deep — a person whose heart beats so often for others. The neighbor who, when you show up on his doorstep with a certain look on your face, reaches for his toolbox; a giver in the extreme; someone who doesn’t know how to say, “No.” Bob Hegeman is that person, that community embodiment of the better angels of our nature. The Wayne County vice president for construction for Habitat for Humanity, he has led several house-
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building projects. He is a guy who doesn’t go anywhere without a tool belt handy. He has been the prime moving force for the St. Michael’s Parish Festival. He kept the annual event alive when NewarkFest died and left the church in the lurch. Pick any morning on South Main Street in early June every year, and Hegeman was somewhere, doing something near the church, setting up. But not this year. Reconstruction of Route 81 in front of the church has cancelled the 2019 festival. “We’ll see about next year,” Hegeman said. He has been active in Boy Scouts for years at the high-activity Venture Scouts level, leading camping and canoeing adventures deep into the Adirondacks. When he got interested in Laurel House Comfort Care Home, it was still in the impossible dream stage. Over two years, he has led a small, dedicated volunteer crew who did perhaps $100,000 in renovation work, to make the former office building a welcoming, safe hospice home. Even though he is not a member, the Newark Rotary bestowed on him the Service Above Self Award last year in a special ceremony. One of the nominations read, “Long before I knew Bob, I wondered who was behind the work force building those Habitat for Humanity homes in the area. What a successful program, combining community support with the sweat labor of families in need. What a great combination! Nothing builds a family’s confidence and selfesteem more than owning their own home. Bob Hegeman has had a part in the construction of several homes.” In November, Hegeman earned
the Newark Chamber of Commerce Alex Eligh Service Award, which noted his service to Laurel House, St. Michael’s Church and the Boy Scouts. Out of high school, Hegeman worked as a carpenter for Rochester Lumber. In 1968, Uncle Sam had a spot for him managing the nighttime motor pool in the Mekong Delta in Vietnam. “We went over the Cambodian border,” he said, shaking his head. How did that go? “I got shot at,” he noted. His unit was deactivated in 1970, and he came back to Rochester Lumber. “There was a law that they had to give you your job back. But there was all-new management and all-new employees,” he said. He no longer fit in. A story many veterans would share. Next came a stint repairing asbestos siding, and finally a spot building apartments in Rochester. He then supervised work crews in Palmyra and drove a garbage truck for 12 years.
Man of many talents Spring Valley Greenhouses hired him a bit more than 30 years ago to do, well, everything. “I was in maintenance and sales and did trade shows and I still have my CDL, so I do deliveries,” he said. Along the way he met Martha Bill at the Manchester Firemen’s Carnival. Their parents knew each other, and when the fireworks went off, Hegeman was hooked. Bill worked in a bank, then for newspapers, finally retiring after 24 years with what is now Gatehouse Media in Canandaigua as the business manager.
Hegeman has discovered that he’s always busy, partially because he has a hard time saying “no.” Once Habitat for Humanity latched onto him, he dove into lots of roles. “Each new home requires about 400 hours of sweat equity,” he said. “I did everything. I love building.” His Habitat journey started in Ontario County; when Wayne County’s chapter opened up, they went looking for Hegeman. “Right off the bat, they wanted me to build a house,” he said. At St. Michael’s festival, he started out working at game booth, then pizza booths, and then he found himself as co-chairman. After NewarkFest dissolved, St. Michael’s festival struggled on, with Hegeman taking an ever-more-active role. “I can’t stand back and watch something die,” he said. “I have to push forward; I can’t stand by. Sometimes the only way you can get something to happen is to grab the bull by the horns. I’m the type of person who has found it easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.” Bob and Martha have two children, both married — Brian, a computer programmer, and his wife, Kylie, a teacher; and Erin, a doula (midwife), and her husband, Brett, who is in wine sales. The couple has three grandkids: Quinn, Eli and Anika. The Hegeman journey into scouting started when Brian was in Cub Scouts. Dad became den leader, then cub master, then scout master, and spent seven years doing that. “Then the Finger Lakes Council asked me to start a Venture crew in Newark. It was a very, very successful program,” he said. Venture scouting, he said, “is anything you want it to be. It’s high adventure, drum majorette, hiking, canoeing, kayaking, climbing, shooting sports, anything.” His kids did the high peaks in the Adirondacks and snowshoed six miles around a mountain. Here’s a guy in his late 60s leading teens across deep snow. How? Just what kind of athlete is Bob Hegeman? “I’m not a big guy,” he said. “I do have a lot of stamina. I stay active all the time.” Ask the guys who worked with him on getting Laurel House ready for residents. In the construction photos, you’ll see Hegeman doing something
Bob Hegeman has been involved in many volunteer work in Wayne County. The vice president for construction for Habitat for Humanity, he has led several house-building projects. He is a guy who doesn’t go anywhere without a tool belt handy. and three or four guys watching him or looking for water. “Everything was done to ADA specs,” said Hegeman. “I wouldn’t do the work any other way.” He and his all-volunteer team solved problems, such as jacking up the center of a building, for instance. He redesigned the architectural drawings to make more livable spaces. “Now the whole place is super-sealed and soundproof,” he said.
Leaving a legacy Like so many others with a commitment to Laurel House, he has experienced someone dying slowly in a hospital. “I was sitting in the hospital 23 hours a day with all the hustle and bustle of the hospital. People shouldn’t have to spend their last hours in that kind of atmosphere. Here at Laurel
House, our residents are with people who want to be there, who don’t get paid for it,” he said. When Laurel House welcomed its first resident recently, Hegeman had to be there, to see the culmination of his work fulfilled. He was there with the family during the man’s last night on earth. He was there when the funeral director arrived. For years, Laurel House was a dream for a slowly building group of neighbors. Now it had become a reality and was fulfilling the dream as a place where someone could die in peace, with friends and family near, at no cost to the family or resident. Now Hegeman’s work is pretty much done. What’s next? “I’d like to get involved in reclaiming some zombie houses,” he said. “I’ve also talked to Family Promise. I’d be willing to get involved in rehabs. I love building.” July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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memories By Donna Cordello
Days Gone By Lessons learned by ‘Old School’ lifestyles
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here were six of us in my home, sharing one tiny bathroom where you could pee, brush your teeth in the sink and soak a foot in the tub all at the same time. You can always count on someone banging on the door, yelling ‘how long you gonna be?” Like it or not, we were always mindful of others’ needs. My father never graduated from high school and my mother never went to college. We didn’t have luxuries and struggled to make ends meet. But the first thing they taught my three younger brothers and I didn’t require a higher education or even money. Our first words were “please” and “thank you” and we were expected to be polite. Without realizing it at the time, we got to grow up in an era where we learned all the good stuff we’d need for our future by just living our simple and ordinary lives. It was very different than the world we live in today. Instead of being coerced to go outside to play, we were forced to go back inside — usually when the streetlights came on. We’d ride bikes, convert yards into ball fields and chase butterflies. We picked fruit off bushes and trees without having to wash them first and wiped our sticky hands on our shirts. We were in constant motion and ate healthy snacks. We swam until our lips turned blue and had snow ball fights until our mittens stiffened into ice. We jumped into piles of leaves and made wishes on dandelions. In the evenings, we’d lie on our backs in the grass and look for fireflies and constellations. We enjoyed and appreciated nature’s wonder. When we watched TV, we only had three channels to choose from and were always fiddling with the an-
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tenna to get a clear picture. Our favorite shows revolved around families, talking horses, friendly ghosts and a loyal dog. We weren’t inundated with images of blood and gore and we never worried about kids carrying weapons or random acts of violence. If we ever complained to our parents that we were bored, they’d tell us to find something to do, and we did. On the days we couldn’t go outside, we’d play board games, cards, jacks, marbles or color. We even played a silly hand game with a string of yarn. Even our storebought toys, like Slinkies, yo-yos and hula hoops, required some kind of skill and effort on our part. We pretended to be cowboys, sheriffs, good guys and thugs. We used our imaginations and learned how to entertain ourselves. “No” and “we can’t afford it” were standard and ordinary answers. We realized that if we wanted something, we’d have to earn it. So, we babysat, had paper routes, raked leaves and shoveled driveways. We learned the value of money. Our work ethic was developed at a young age and prepared us for future employment. We relied on home remedies more than prescriptions and our parents slathered us with Vick’s vapor rub when we had colds. We didn’t eat food that came out of boxes and could be cooked within minutes. There wasn’t an “organic” section in the supermarket. We had to research subjects in encyclopedias and made trips to the library for book reports. We learned math without calculators and spelling without spell check. We practiced cursive writing and had our own unique signatures. We didn’t need computers
to figure out change at a register. The uniforms we wore at our school never defined which kids lived in the big houses and which kids ate the welfare cheese. We were unaffected by designer labels and expensive sneakers. We didn’t base our opinions about others for what they possessed, but about who they were. We weren’t divided by social status and blended together on teams.
Take down the facade We didn’t look up to reality stars or aspire to be like them. We admired entertainers for their skills and talents and it didn’t matter what they looked like. Actors didn’t have to be skinny. Musicians weren’t required to be gorgeous or handsome, and they never performed in bathing suits or underwear. We didn’t burn our flag but pledged allegiance to it. We respected other people’s opinions without turning against them because of it. When our President John F. Kennedy was assassinated, both Republicans and Democrats alike cried the same tears as they watched his young son salute his casket. We had more tolerance and empathy for others. Churches were the core and foundation of every neighborhood, and bells would permeate throughout our streets. Going to mass was non-negotiable and we worshipped on our holy days. We said prayers and most everyone believed in someone or something that was good and kind. We had strong family ties, which included grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and saw them on a regular basis. We had conversations with the people at our table. We introduced
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addyman’s corner By John Addyman
Dorm Living at NYS Fair. A Lesson on Snoring
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ver the years, I’ve learned to be wary of people who tell me, “Oh, you’ll have a good time” as they invite me to something I don’t want to do or go someplace I don’t want to be. A few weeks ago, I visited two old friends, Jim and Rosemary Caruso, both of whom were in hospitals. They had helped us raise our kids and are dear friends. When I walked down the hall to Rosemary’s room, I heard her call my name out 30 feet before I got to her door. She had seen me coming, and we hadn’t seen each other in years. Rosemary is a very positive person, no matter what the circumstance. She has welcoming smiles and hugs for everybody. Something like 30 years ago, her happy charm talked me into something I will never forget. “Why don’t you come with us?’ she had asked me then. “You’ll love it. You’ll have a good time.” She was talking about the New York State Fair in Syracuse. She was a chaperone for some of the 4-H kids and that meant she’d be sleeping in the dorm with the girls. Jim would be in the boys’ dorm, also as a chaperone. My wife would be keeping Rosemary company. Wouldn’t I like to keep Jim company? “What kind of ‘dorm’ are we talking about?” I asked, thinking about college days. “Oh, it’s a place with beds and showers and bathrooms and it’s right on the fairgrounds and we can park very close,” Rosemary said. “How much does this cost?” I asked. “It’s free,” Rosemary said. “I’ll go,” I said. Free always sounds good to me. And I thought about it: I’d been a camp counselor who slept in a threesided lean-to in a camp on the side of
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a mountain in Huguenot. I’d been in college dorms and spent time in the Poconos at environmental camp in February, and my travels as a corporate person had taken me to some pretty strange hotels, so how bad could this dorm be? How bad, you say? Put this in your mind: The dorm “room” — the size of an airplane hangar — had dust balls the size of Arkansas. And I’m allergic to dust. Picture the sheep barns and horse barns and cattle barns right next door. We were, after all, in the 4-H section. I’m allergic to all those furry creatures. Picture guys who walk into the dorm at 1 a.m. and can’t find their lockers, their beds, their keys, their shoes or their boxes of doughnuts. So they take everything out of every locker until they find something familiar — and either put it on or eat it. And the bunks: I chose one with a new-looking mattress on the bottom level, which turned out to be a supremely bad choice. In my years of marriage, I had developed — and earned — a little potbelly. A little one. I got into that bunk and for the first time in years, I was able to look down the bed and see my feet. The bunk made that possible because there was a valley in the middle of it right where my butt was. All that night, whenever I rolled to the left or right, I was climbing uphill, with a b e d that faithfully creaked and groaned — and echoed — in this very large room.
All geared up My wife had partially prepared me for the experience. “You need a pillow and a sleeping
bag,” she told me. “I don’t have a sleeping bag,” I told her. “You do now,” she said. “You’re going to use Elisabeth’s.” Elisabeth is my middle daughter, who was about 4 years old at the time. And I spent my first night in the dorm sleeping on top of a Snoopy sleeping bag that was two feet too short. “Nice sleeping bag,” Jim Caruso said as he got ready for bed. He smirked as he climbed into his bunk about six feet from mine. And the good news and fun were yet to come. “My dad snores,” Cindy Caruso, Jim’s youngest daughter, had warned me. “I snore, so it’s OK,” I told her. She put her hand on my shoulder. “Mr. Addyman, my dad SNORES,” she said earnestly. “I can hold my own when it comes to snoring,” I told her confidently. “Ask my wife and kids.” “Nobody snores like our dad,” Cindy told me. Her hand was still compassionately on my shoulder. “I bet,” I said.
“Don’t,” she advised. The hand came off my shoulder. Jim settled in. I settled in. Everybody else settled in. The lights were dimmed. Did I tell you Jim is a big guy, very gregarious in spirit? His nighttime sounds are something special. Picture a brontosaurus nudging through a pile of lily pads looking for something to eat at the bottom of a stone quarry. Record those sounds on a digital system, feed them through an echo chamber (remember this place was like a hangar with a very high ceiling), then play everything back — about six feet from your ear. Yes, old Jim could out-snore me. Jim can out-snore a shift in the earth’s crust. That dorm ceiling was a good 25 feet above us. No acoustic tile. No sound-deadening measures. The sounds coming out of Jim were allowed to billow and reverberate and mingle with one another. It wasn’t one top fuel dragster doing a smoky burnout — it was five. Although the room could accommodate 168 people, there were very few people in it that night. All of us who were there remember Jim. I went into the bathroom, about 75 feet away, at 4:10 a.m. A young man was standing there, looking out the window. He watched me paddling around, dodging the puddles of water on the floor from the showers. And he spoke: “Are you with that other guy?” he asked me. “What ‘other guy’ are we talking about?” I asked. “The one with the lungs,” he said. “I am,” I confessed. “Whew!” he said, walking away and shaking his head. I stood by the window where he had been. I could hear how quiet it was outside. Then I leaned toward the dorm area. Yep, I could clearly hear Jim sawing redwoods and crushing 100-pound bags of peanuts. Actually, I liked the fair and staying in the dorm with Jim that night. One night was enough, though. It gave me an appreciation of simple things: Holiday Inns, Hampton Inns, Residence Inns … Next morning, Jim woke up refreshed and smiling, full of his wonderful self. He was the only one.
memories By Donna Cordello
Days Gone By Lessons learned by ‘Old School’ lifestyles continued from 44 ourselves to new classmates and acknowledged strangers we passed on the street. We were friendly and more of a “we” society instead of a “me” one. Sometimes, we’d have fights with each other. We would try reasoning and when that didn’t work, it would escalate to yelling, a roll in the dirt or sometimes, even a punch or two. But, when it was over, it would be over and we would move on to the next day. We learned how to resolve disagreements without the aid of our parents. If we misbehaved, our parents punished us and we were grounded. If we did something inappropriate at school, we would be sent to the principal’s office. If we erred, we wouldn’t be able to attend special events, we’d get detentions, or we’d have to write an essay. Sometimes, it was all three. We knew that no matter which choices we made, good or bad, there would always be consequences.
Ignorance is bliss It was an age of innocence and ignorance. We didn’t wear seatbelts, and even took turns sitting on my dad’s lap when he drove. We were uneducated about nicotine addiction, second-hand smoke and the dangers of drinking and driving. We didn’t realize that the cribs being used and some of the toys we played with were dangerous. I guess we learn from past mistakes. Hopefully, future generations will learn from the ones we are making now. We are living in a world of self -entitlement and instant gratification where everything we want or need is
at our disposal. We don’t have to wait, work or even think like we used to. We have access to spontaneous facts, we go to fast food restaurants and we have entertainment at our fingertips. We are encouraged to buy now and pay later for the things we can’t afford. We aren’t patient anymore because we don’t need to be. Our society is becoming more anti-social and unaware of their surroundings, as well. Whether walking on sidewalks, sunbathing on beaches, or sitting in dining rooms and every place in between, everybody is looking down on their phones, oblivious to window displays, the sounds of crashing waves and interacting with the people they are with. Electronics might make our lives easier and even more enjoyable. But, it’s not necessarily better, because all of our coping skills, interpersonal relationships, and everything we learned was through using all of our senses and living in the real world, instead of a virtual one. I wish every kid had the childhood people my age had before technology took over, one where we didn’t “LOL” but really did laugh out loud. Where we didn’t text, but talked. Where we weren’t mesmerized staring at a monitor but got fresh air every day. Where we took little black and white photos capturing special times with family and friends instead of posting “selfies.” It might have been a smaller world, but we knew we were never the center of it. We weren’t brought up to be entitled, but rather to be grateful. We weren’t distracted with iPads, cell phones, electronic games and computers. And, because we had less, we acquired so much more. July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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long-term care By Susan Suben
‘How Are You?’
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ost often, caregivers forget to take care of themselves b e c a u s e t h e y a re s o consumed with caring for their loved one’s needs. This can cause stress. The consequence of stress can be frustration. Frustration can lead to burnout. Burnout can cause health issues for the caregiver. The American Medical Association created a caregiver self-assessment questionnaire, “How Are You”, which is outlined below. Answer the yes/no questions and see how you are feeling. During the past week or so, I have…. 1. Had trouble keeping my mind on what I was doing 2. Felt that I couldn’t leave my relative alone 3. Had difficulty making decisions 4. Felt completely overwhelmed 5. Felt useful and needed 6. Felt lonely 7. Been upset that my relative has changed so much from his/her former self 8. Felt loss of privacy and/or personal time 9. Been edgy or irritable 10. Had sleep disturbed because of caring for my relative 11. Had crying spell(s) 12. Felt strained between work and family responsibilities 13. Had back pain 14. Felt ill 15. Been satisfied with the support my family has given me 16. Found my relative’s living situation to be inconvenient or a barrier to care 17. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “not stressful” to 10 being “extremely stressful”, please rate your current level of stress
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18. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “very healthy” to 10 being “very ill”, please rate your current health compared to what it was this time last year.
“How are You?” If you answered most questions “yes” (questions 5 and 15, if answered “no” are counted as a “yes”; a “yes” should be counted as a “no”), you may need to make some changes in your mindset and behavior to alleviate your stress. Here are some tips that I found helpful when I was caring for both of my parents. Ask for help! When someone offers to help you, do you say, “I’m fine”? The bravest thing you can do is ask for help. This may be difficult. Other family members may not be able to do what you expect them to do and this can lead to disappointment and resentment. Have a family meeting and determine what each family member is capable of handling. You may have to do the hands-on caregiving but maybe someone can do the laundry, go to the supermarket or pay the bills. If you communicate assertively and respectfully, not aggressively, to let other family members know what you are feeling and what you need from them, you will reduce your stress level. Learn to delegate and relinquish control. Take a time out! Attempt to set aside time as often as possible to nurture yourself. Socialize with friends. Take a bubble bath. Go to a movie. Go to church or synagogue. Caregiving is an uncontrollable event. Don’t deprive yourself. Thoughts modify behavior! The premise
of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), developed by Albert Ellis, suggests that if we identify selfdefeating thoughts and feelings, challenge the rationality of those feelings, and replace them with healthier, more productive beliefs, we will lead happier lives. The three major “musts” of REBT that contribute to irrational behavior: – I must do well under all circumstances and win the approval of others or else I am not worthy. – Other people must do the right thing or they are not worthy and should be punished. – Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience. According to REBT, these three “musts” lead to frustration, anxiety, resentment, anger and inflexibility. The necessity of assuming the role of caregiver can happen at any time. How you respond to it will make all the difference in how you feel and act. You are not perfect, nor are the people around you, nor is life. Accept your circumstances, especially ones you cannot change. Accept your limitations and the limitations of those around you. Be kind to yourself. Thinking positively will ultimately change your behavior. It will help you accept your role of caregiver in a more productive, less critical way. Take care of your health! See your doctor for annual physicals. Exercise, get enough sleep and eat nutritiously. You are not alone! Join a support group. Sharing your experiences with other caregivers helps you make new friends and learn new strategies. The caregiver mantra that you should repeat to yourself every day is: You are as meaningful as the person you care for…
Susan Suben, MS, CSA, is president of Long Term Care Associates, Inc. and Elder Care Planning. She is a consultant for Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. She can be reached at 800-422-2655 or by email at susansuben@31greenbush.com.
55+ q&a
By Ernst Lamothe Jr.
Thomas Wolf, 57 CPA spends entire career at Rochester firm moving all the way up to managing partner; talks about passion for golfing, biking Q: What got you into the field? A: I had a friend of mine that was working at the company [Mengel Metzger & Barr, a CPA firm based in Rochester]. After graduating from Rochester Institute of Technology I was looking for a job. They were not looking for an entry-level person, but they said they would interview me. I must have done something right because they offered me a job on the spot and I have been working there ever since that day in 1983. The firm has really grown from a staff of 25 when I started to about 130 and I am so happy that I made that decision to interview. Q: What are some of the aspects of your job that you love? A: Working with people face to face and helping them reach their professional goals is one of my greatest satisfactions. People have dreams that they want to accomplish. It can be running their own business, buying a vacation home, creating wealth for their family and I am lucky enough to help them with that. It is very satisfying to see people achieve that goal and look to do even greater things. Everybody needs some help figuring out their grand plans and that can’t be done without creating a specific plan for yourself or your business. Q: How has the industry changed since you started? A: First when I started in 1983 we didn’t have computers. Everything had to be done by hand. As technology has come into place, it made the process easier on one hand. However, with the tax rules changing, it has also made things more complex. Another shift is the people who are coming into the field. You don’t have the large numbers of people wanting to be accountants
‘When I started, you were expected to work 55 to 65 hours a week and that was just common place. But now with the influx of millennials they really appreciate the idea of work-life balance.’ -Thomas Wolf as you used to, so retention is very important. When I started, you were expected to work 55 to 65 hours a week and that was just common place. But now with the influx of millennials they really appreciate the idea of work-life balance. I have seen our firm looking to help employees find that balance and respond to what the workforce is looking for. It is the only way you can retain good quality people and that is something we believe in. Q: What has been one of the great shifts in dealing with clients throughout the years. A: The biggest change is that you are helping transition families from turning over their business from one generation to another. There are a lot of emotions and psychological elements that go with that transition. You start by seeing certain families own their businesses when their kids were smaller and formed a great relationship with them. Now those same children have grown up and they are taking the leadership role of the business while the parents are working with their children to take up that mantle and vision for the business going forward. Q: How do you spend your spare time? A: Golfing is one of my favorite activities. I am a member of the Penfield Country Club but my true passion is traveling internationally
Thomas Wolf, 57, of Penfield, is a certified public accountant and a managing partner at Mengel Metzger & Barr, a CPA firm based in Rochester. to golf. I have golfed at St. Andrews, considered one of the oldest golf courses in the world in Scotland. I have golfed in Ireland and many other places. I also enjoy cycling where I will ride anywhere from 10 to 40 miles. Q: Why is keeping in shape important to you? A: At any age, it is essential to be as fit as you can but especially as you get older. Keeping in shape gives you the opportunity to do all the things professionally and personally that you want to do. It is also very therapeutic to exercise and I find it relaxing. That is how I feel when I go cycling. Q: What life advice do you offer to others? A: You really have to live in the moment and enjoy the present. You can’t take anything for granted. I had friends that have passed away at much younger ages than expected. It makes you realize that every day is a gift. You have to make the most out of it. Spend quality time with friends and family every chance you get. Cherish one another. Tomorrow is not always going to be there so don’t take anything for granted. July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS
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55 PLUS - July / August 2019
I’m ready to live. That’s why I’m making the move to Chapel Oaks—while I’m still young enough to enjoy the pool, the fitness center, the excursions, dining, entertainment and all the friendly people. Lots of people my age want to slow down. Not me, I’m just getting started.
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