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M.D.
or Liz Lehmann, this is personal. Her grandmother had the classic dowager's hump, her mother was the incredible shrinking woman, and she's been battling Osteopenia for 15 years.
“Like many women, I kept looking for alternatives to the drugs,” said Lehmann.
Until she found this really interesting device, called a bioDensity machine, that strengthens bones naturally. It's similar to a workout machine for muscles in a gym, but it's optimized for bones.
As Lehmann explained, “The best you can do with weight-bearing exercises is about 1% increase in bone density. With the bioDensity machine
someone can reach up to 14% density increase per year, based on clinical studies. The results will vary, of course, depending on genetics, diet and your general health.”
The reason the bioDensity machine is so good at strengthening bones is because it's based on the science of osteogenic loading.
(osteo bone; → genic producing → ) Since the 1880's, doctors have known that bones remodel themselves after a load is placed on them, known as Wolff's Law.
As it turns out, bones and muscles are similar and different – both have the use-it-or-lose-it process.
To build muscles you have to do
long workouts a couple times a week and your muscles need a day or two to recover.
Bones, on the other hand, only require five seconds of stress and the recovery time is a week. But the stress needed to start the bone building process is multiple times a person's body weight. For a 130 lb woman, it would take about 550 lbs of force on the leg bones to make them stronger, which is not really possible at a gym.
“What is unique about the bioDensity machine is that it isn’t doing anything to them,” Lehmann explained. “They’re pressing or pulling on the machine and it’s simply
Sessions are by appointment only. The free initial orientation (about 1.5 hr) can be scheduled on bonegym.com
measuring their muscle efforts, and therefore how much stress is applied to their bones. People have complete control over their session. Plus, they don't sweat because it is so quick.”
During each session, a client tries to produce maximal force for five seconds in four different exercises: chest press, leg press, core pull, and vertical lift. The force would be similar to pushing or lifting an object of significant weight and size.
As a result, these exercises build stronger bones from the inside out by remodeling and strengthening the interior bone matrix – the way bones get stronger naturally.
It’s about more than just weight loss. It’s about reducing your risk for serious conditions like heart disease and diabetes — and regaining the stamina, mobility and confidence to take on every day.
Crouse’s bariatric surgery program offers a dedicated team of physicians and providers, as well as psychological and nutritional counseling — all with the expertise to support you every step of the way.
Begin the process from home by viewing our online informational video. Then consult with our bariatric team via telemedicine visits to start your journey. It’s time — and now easier than ever.
Start today at crouse.org/weightloss or call
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• Oldies N More: From Upstate to the world
• The basics for not-so-computer-savvy 50
• Finding meaning in being one of the oldest-old
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• Planned giving can continue promoting the causes you care about 54
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• A probate primer. PLUS: Complete your final documents
• More inside: 5 movies to watch with grandkids • Grandkids daytrips
•Resource for family caregivers
The area’s largest consignment shop features quality brands like Stickley, Ethan Allen, Arhaus and MacKenzie-Childs... all different styles, all gently used and all reasonably priced.
By Jim Miller
If you believe your age has cost you in the workplace — whether it’s a job, a promotion or a raise — you have options for fighting back. Here’s what you should know along with some steps to take against this illegal workplace activity.
The Age Discrimination in Employment Act (ADEA) is your first defense against age discrimination. This is a federal law that says an employer cannot fire, refuse to hire or treat you differently than other employees because of your age. Some examples of age discrimination include:
• You were fired because your boss wanted to keep younger workers who are paid less.
• You were turned down for a promotion, which went to someone younger hired from outside the company, because the boss says the company “needs new blood.”
• When company layoffs are announced, most of the persons laid off were older, while younger workers with less seniority and less on-the-job experience were kept on.
• Before you were fired, your supervisor made age-related remarks about you.
• You didn’t get hired because the employer wanted a younger-looking person to do the job.
The ADEA protects all workers and job applicants age 40 and over who work for employers that have 20 or more employees. If your workplace has fewer than 20 employees, you may still be protected under your state’s anti-age discrimination law.
If you think you are a victim
of employment age discrimination, you may first want to talk to your supervisor informally or file a formal complaint with your company’s human resources department.
If that doesn’t resolve the problem, you should then file a charge with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) within 180 days from the date of the alleged violation, but it may be extended to 300 days. You can do this online, by mail or in person at your nearest EEOC office (see EEOC. gov/field-office) or call 800-669-4000. They will help you through the filing process and let you know if you should also file a charge with your state antidiscrimination agency.
If you do file, be prepared to provide the names of potential witnesses, your notes about agerelated comments and other episodes.
Once the charge is filed, the EEOC will investigate your complaint and find either reasonable cause to believe that age discrimination has occurred, or no cause and no basis for a claim. After the investigation, the EEOC will then send you their findings along with a “notice-of-right-to-sue,” which gives you permission to file a lawsuit in a court of law.
If you decide to sue, you’ll need to hire a lawyer who specializes in employee discharge suits. To find one, see the National Employment Lawyers Association at NELA.org, or your state bar association at FindLegalHelp.org.
Another option you may want to consider is mediation, which is a fair and efficient way to help you resolve your employment disputes and reach an agreement. The EEOC offers mediation at no cost if your current or former employer agrees to participate. At mediation, you show up with your evidence, your employer presents theirs and the mediator makes a determination within a day or less.
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Even though we are only in the early months of 2024, with a surprisingly robust 2023 stock market performance fading in the rearview mirror, anxiety about the elections is already starting to become a topic at client review meetings.
According to the latest investor survey by Janus Henderson, a BritishAmerican global asset management group headquartered in London, the upcoming election is investors’ top source of anxiety as we head into 2024. While the economy thus far has avoided one of the most anticipated recessions, as unemployment remains near historical lows while inflation declines, concerns about the election can trump (pun intended) even the best-laid plans for an optimistic forecast.
So, what do we know so far about the election?
Even though we are in the early stages of the election cycle, it appears a rematch between Biden and Trump is a highly probable outcome. Biden faces minimal opposition to the Democratic Party’s endorsement, while Trump has
won GOP primaries handily in Iowa and New Hampshire as of this writing. Certainly, something could change, but at the moment it appears like it’s “déjà vu all over again,” as the great baseball player Yogi Berra once said.
The question is, does it matter—at least from an investment perspective— who wins the election?
A review of historical data indicates that there is minimal correlation between national election outcomes and capital market performance. Even though election results can impact government policy, laws and foreign relations, data studied over the past 85 years indicate there is minimal impact on financial market performance based on possible election outcomes.
The average return of the S&P 500 Index between 1937 and 2022 shows that election-year returns have on average been positive for portfolios. Specifically, the average return from 1937 to 2022 of the S&P 500 was 11.9%. In non-election years, it was 12.5%, and in election years it was 9.9%, according to Janus Henderson. So, while election years have been less
accretive to portfolio returns, they still have historically been positive.
Conversely, economic and inflation trends show stronger and more consistent effects on market returns than election outcomes. Generally, rising growth and falling inflation are a combination that has led to returns above long-term averages while the opposite corresponds to belowaverage market returns.
This does not mean there will never be a negative impact on the markets due to the election cycle. Policy changes can affect individual or corporate tax rates, as well as certain sectors and industries. But the actual election is unlikely to create anything more than short-term volatility. For long-term investors, this is unlikely to have a meaningful effect on financial goals.
So, if this is true, why are investors still full of anxiety and what should they do about it?
Here are a few ways to assuage concerns and keep calm during the next several months of daily doses of election updates.
The 24-hour news cycle and social media have been major contributors to the reason investor anxiety has risen over the past several election cycles. Combined with financial concerns, this formula makes emotions run high and allows uncertainty to rule the day. This can lead to poor decisions, which can impact our long-term financial goals.
First of all, remember that your time horizon is an important consideration for the allocation of your investment portfolio. If you are pre-retirement or in the early stages of retirement, you could have a 20-30 year time horizon. Therefore, time should easily smooth the volatility inherent in capital markets. Review your allocation to ensure it is appropriate for your long-term goals, rebalance if necessary, and stick to your strategy.
But if you are in the later stages of retirement, perhaps a review of your allocation—and some adjustments— could ease some of your anxiety. After all, a shorter time horizon means less time to recover from market downturns. Perhaps a less risky portfolio, with a higher amount in cash or fixed income, could be considered. A review from your financial professional can help you see the impact of this on your overall plan.
Besides the financial impact of the election, there is also an emotional impact that cannot be discounted. Since it is such a polarizing event, full of often nasty rhetoric, it is important to protect yourself from becoming overwhelmed from the frenzy. Stay informed, but don’t let the news rule your day. It is a long cycle, and your mental-and physical health are more important than the outcome of one election.
No matter what, stick to your financial plan. If it needs updating, this is a great time to do it, as you may not be able to control the election results (besides voting)—but you can control your own financial picture.
This election year will eventually be over, make it a year of financial fitness and you will be in a better position to endure the outcome.
Laurie
president, manager of investment and financial planning solutions, CNB Wealth Management, Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. She can be reached at 585-419-0670, ext. 41970 or by email at lhaelen@cnbank.com.
Much of the attention paid to President Biden's age, 81, is negative — a topic of endless punditry, commentary, polling questions and ageist comedy bits. Saturday Night Live, for example, portrayed the president as a doddering fool with no short-term memory and a fear of climbing a ladder to hang Halloween decorations. Meanwhile, mentions of ageism are appearing more often in such diverse media outlets as Time, Fortune and The Philadelphia Inquirer.
The World Health Organization defines ageism as "the stereotypes (how we think), prejudice (how we feel) and discrimination (how we act) toward others or oneself based on age."
"It's fantastic that news stories these days talk about ageism," says activist Ashton Applewhite, author of "This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism and a Next Avenue Influencer in Aging. "Only a year ago this wouldn't have happened. The first step is awareness."
Is it ever legitimate to be concerned about age in a candidate for public office? For instance, are polling questions about a candidate's age inherently ageist?
"Age is real," Applewhite responds. "It's part of our identity. But it's ageist to attribute a value to age, whether negative or positive. And it's no more acceptable to dismiss a candidate on the basis of age than it is to do so on the basis of their gender or color."
What about making fun of older people? Is that ageist? Yes, Applewhite says. "Humor is a way to deflect anxiety, but these jokes rely on stereotyping, which is harmful. And discrimination isn't funny."
Of course, it is legitimate to be concerned whether any candidate for office is equipped to handle the job. We want our representatives to be sharp, so we should be concerned about cognition, intelligence, memory, decision making and stamina — in candidates of any age. I am a fit woman in my 70s, and I've wondered whether I would have the stamina for such demanding work.
Cognition is a term for the mental processes that take place in the brain, such as thinking, attention, language, learning and perception — interacting skills that allow us to acquire, process and apply knowledge. It also encompasses memory, critical thinking, problem-solving and decision-making.
We know that aging can slow executive functioning, memory and speed at which we process information. While these abilities vary greatly among older adults, as they do among people of all ages, much less is known about positive cognitive changes that aging brings, and how they balance out these deficits.
In her chapter on the older brain, Applewhite describes how older adults have access to more information, how attention gradually expands, and this wider worldview allows
for better judgment. Older brains are more flexible and resilient in managing emotions, and our capacity for integration increases, which is a sign of intelligence at any age.
Older adults can combine real-life information with their significant store of knowledge. This means we can perform better than younger people at mental tasks that require depths of experience or knowledge, and we can read moods and navigate tricky situations more skillfully.
Our greater experience and the ability to sift through, assimilate and prioritize information might be referred to as wisdom.
Older brains use many more connections than younger ones because we've made many connections over our lives. Yes, and that's why it takes longer to find a word, because it's a bigger job than it is for younger folks with less of those memory files and connections.
It's also true that we can deter cognitive decline through building cognitive reserves. We do this by challenging our brains, through exercising and mastering new skills requiring complexity and problem solving, as well as by maintaining social networks. Physical activity is clearly important to promote stamina. It would seem that the many tasks required of a president would boost those cognitive reserves.
None of this negates the challenges that aging brings, but these are profoundly enabled and exacerbated by ageist culture and systems: "A growing body of research shows how attitudes toward aging affect health in general and cognition in particular," Applewhite said.
She recommended Yale psychologist Becca Levy's book "Breaking The Age Code: How Our Attitudes Toward Aging Determine How Long and How Well You Live." In it, Levy, also a Next Avenue Influencer in Aging, asserts that many health problems considered solely a function of aging, such as memory loss, hearing decline and cardiovascular problems, are heavily influenced by negative beliefs about aging particular to American and Western societies.
Levy's research in Japan illustrated how in cultures that traditionally value older people, and appreciate the perspective they bring, many more live into their 90s and 100s with little physical or mental deterioration. A study of Chinese elders, for instance, revealed their memory to be equal to that of the younger generation.
Most inspiring, Levy shows that when people consciously change their negative ageist beliefs, they not only tend to live longer and more healthily, they can actually reverse cognitive decline and improve their memory function. Another powerful finding: less ageism equals less Alzheimer’s. Examples in "Breaking the Age Code" can help older adults prepare for, and live into, our "third acts" — the life stage after work or child-rearing.
Contrary to popular belief and expectation, research suggests life improves with age for many people, sometimes referred to as the "happiness u-curve." We are more content, better able to enjoy the moment and less afraid.
If this is so, why do we approach aging with dread and work so hard to deny its progress? Why the billiondollar industries designed to both motivate and fulfil people's desire to look younger? Why do commercials treat aging and turning into our parents as if that's a bad thing? Clearly, they work because they trigger fear of being or looking old to sell their products. It's therefore useful — and possibly much cheaper — to know that these fears are culturally induced, not decreed by aging itself.
At the same time, many people expect medical advancements to extend the lifespan of many, thus all the handwringing about our aging population. Which brings us to the great paradox: no matter how apprehensive they may be, nobody wants to die young. "Ageism," as Applewhite points out, "is prejudice against our future selves."
Before we lay that prejudice to rest, we need to consider another issue that Applewhite points out as relevant in this discussion, which is that of ableism. Ageism and ableism are often conflated: In her blog Yo, Is This Ageist?, she points to The New Yorker cover of October 2, 2023, titled "The Race for Office." The illustration
shows Biden; Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, also 81; former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, 83; and President Trump, 77; using walkers in a footrace.
Our Myth of Individualism
"If these people actually used mobility aids, would that disqualify them for political office? In an ageist and ableist world, it might," Applewhite writes.
No wonder politicians and regular folks work hard to hide any sign of disability, as if a need for help is a legitimate cause for shame or dismissal.
It's not unnatural to worry about how our bodies and minds may change. But this bleeds into our particularly American mythos of rugged individualism, which is harmful as it creates prejudice against asking for help.
In reality we all need help throughout our lives; we are totally interdependent. How does this relate to the presidency? Who that person counts on for help, for the best expertise and who he or she collaborates with is vitally important — and such choices are a function of intelligence and experience.
This is what we need from those who govern us, not that they be young lone rangers, but that they have the intelligence and humility to seek out the best information and support in decision making. This is the model of democratic as opposed to autocratic leadership: decision making may be a little slower but will be infused with greater wisdom.
Let's remember that many of us will reach President Biden's age — if we have not already. Hopefully we are or will be members of communities and families that will care for us as we care for them.
And, hopefully, we will be treated with more respect.
Editor’s Note: This essay was originally published on www.nextavenue.org and is being reprinted with their permission.
Frank Guido couldn’t be happier he had a choice for treating his prostate cancer!
Frank chose non-surgical CyberKnife® at HOA –offering 5 treatments instead of 35!
“The original diagnosis was to treat my prostate cancer with seven weeks of radiation, five days a week. I was kind of upset that I was never given the option of CyberKnife,” said Frank. “The precise radiation achieved by CyberKnife, far fewer treatments, and the personalized care I received from Dr. Chin and his team made my decision an easy one. Better, the treatment was a real success!”
Let’s just put it out there: Brown Hound Downtown is simply fun to say. It has such a Seussian flair without the irritating repetitiveness exuded by the notable children’s book author.
I have nothing against the writer but if you haven’t read “Fox in Socks” in a while and you attempt a cold read to a child — it’s not going to go over well. Trust me.
Also, trust me when I say a museum is a wonderful spot for such a restaurant with the caveat of an unspoken expectation.
The Memorial Art Gallery (MAG) is what the Brown Hound refers to as “an environment of creative expression,” according to its website. Culinary isn’t the same without the accompaniment of the word “arts” following it. Despite all art — edible or not — being subjective, at least visitors get to feast on art and food in one stop.
The Brown Hound boasts an upscale casual atmosphere, but it's far from stuffy.
The packed second-floor dining areas were filled with conversation along with musical accompaniment filling the air from the first floor. The sole vocalist with a guitar played a plethora of familiar tunes. What caught my ear was the rendition of “If I Only Had a Brain” performed and sung in the style of something Jack Johnson would do.
To kick off the meal, the Black Button latte ($12) sounded great for a rainy and snowy afternoon.
The brunch cocktail was made with Finger Lakes Coffee and Black Button Distillery’s bourbon cream, which is made down the road from the museum — and topped with cocoa powder. The coffee and bourbon cream flavors paired well, as one can expect. Plus, the top mound of cream, the pièce de résistance, is a sight to see and an aspect to enjoy. The thick cream is an aesthetic threat to those with facial hair.
The “Alarm Clockos Street Tacos” ($18) seemed a perfect go-to for brunch.
A trio of soft flour tacos is served with golden scrambled eggs, cheddar cheese and comes with either bacon, chicken sausage, tofu or pork belly (for $5 upcharge). I opted for the chicken sausage. A small cup of tomatillo chula, or salsa verde, came on the side.
The tortillas of the smaller streetstyle tacos were stuffed. Each of the ingredients looked and tasted fresh; their brilliance was matched by their taste. The eggs were bright yellow. It made me miss the sun, which we don’t see too often, especially on these winter afternoons with conflicted weather. And this is why, protein considered, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. The meal is supposed to set the mood and your mindset for the day.
The green salsa was also notable. The homemade jalapeno condiment provided that slightly spicy compliment to kick the tacos up, but did not mask any flavor.
The chicken and waffles ($20) were hard to pass up. Crispy chicken. Soft waffles. It’s a notable pair. Plus,
Alarm Clockos Street Tacos
2. The Cordon Brew-style sandwich comes with pork, Swiss cheese and beer mustard. Slices of ham and cheese add that extra oomph to an already appealing sandwich.
3. The chicken and waffles are hard to pass up. Crispy chicken. Soft waffles. It’s a notable pair.
the blueberry sriracha sauce sounded intriguing. Two personal-sized waffles were topped with generous portions of fried chicken.
The super crispy coating broke open to show off the hot, dark meat poultry interior. The waffles’ consistencies were slightly airy and it offered a subtle crunch thanks to the pearl sugar. With Brown Hound’s blueberry sriracha sauce, who needs syrup? The sweet heat from the sauce only adds to the excitement leading up to the first bite, when (at least my) expectations are surpassed.
The chicken kept on coming. (I didn’t realize I’d ordered chicken three times during my visit until writing this. This happens sometimes, I guess.) The Bird Dog ($20) sandwich can come as-is (straight-up chicken), “OG style” (with dill pickles and sambal mayo) or “Cordon Brew” (with pork, Swiss cheese and beer mustard).
The Cordon Brew-style option stacks up to how it sounds. Along with that crispy chicken enjoyed with the waffles, slices of ham and cheese
add that extra oomph to an already appealing sandwich. The beer mustard was delicious, scoring a hat trick for the condiments this brunch.
The seasoned fries were also delicious. The leftovers the next morning were thrown in with bacon; the fat crisped them to homefry status and, at the same time, added unique flavor to the bacon. Who knew food could have such a symbiotic relationship?
Before tip, the bill totaled $74 and change.
The experience at Brown Hound was great.
Kudos go to the chef, the friendly staff (Lauren, the server) and manager, Webster. He caught me taking photos of the food while guiding other patrons to their table. Behind me, in response to the photo, he let out an audible “Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.” After the meal, it was nice to chat with him.
And this is what I’m talking about: The Brown Hound Downtown. It’s fetching. And will have you sitting, staying, rolling over and returning.
Memorial Art Gallery 500 University Ave. Rochester, NY 14607
585-506-9725
brownhounddowntown.com facebook.com/ brownhounddowntown/ instagram.com/ brownhounddowntown
Sunday: 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Monday and Tuesday: Closed Wednesday: 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.
Thursday: 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.; 5 to 8 p.m.
Friday: 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.
Saturday: 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.
1. is served with golden scrambled eggs, cheddar cheese and comes with either bacon, chicken sausage, tofu or pork belly. I opted for the chicken sausage.Iwould have bet more money that cows really can jump over the moon and pigs can really fly. Because I never, ever thought that it would actually happen. And that if and when it ever did, I’d be in diapers, along with the new life I’ve longed for.
And just when I was ready to throw in the towel altogether, my son and daughter-in-law renewed my faith that dreams can come true.
Because at 67, I’m finally going to be a grandma!
If not for the arthritis and bursitis that wakes me up every morning, I think I can almost do a cartwheel — at least I can in my mind!
At our ages, my husband and I have been praying for sick friends and sorely missing others. What a wonderful blessing this is, when instead of tearfully saying ‘goodbye,’ we will be joyfully saying ‘hello.”
The parents-to-be have already warned us that we can’t spoil our future grandson. And we kind of
assured them that we won’t — with fingers crossed behind our backs. Little do they know that my husband is already shopping online in the baby department!
But, honestly, we will make a valiant effort to abide by their wishes. Because I don’t want to do anything that would alter the great relationships that we all have with each other over who is in charge. We’re just going to be the grandparents, who can spoil their grandchild and then send him home. Oops, I’m screwing up already. I’ll work on it!
I want to tell my grandson how much he was wanted before coming into this world. And how lucky he is to have a mommy and daddy, grandparents and an auntie and uncle and a great-grandma, who all can’t wait to meet him.
I want him to learn to appreciate all of his blessings and pray for other children, who don’t have all the advantages he already does. And I
know his parents will teach him how the bond of family is more important than designer clothes and that God is not a curse word.
I hope his life is filled with successes, but also some disappointments, because if not, how else would he learn that life isn’t all about getting everything he wants?
I don’t care if he becomes a star athlete or is at the top of his class or even if he is handsome (although I’m sure he will be adorable).
What I care about is that he puts effort into all he does and that he is always kind and thoughtful and just a great human being, like both of his parents.
It’s a scary world at times and I’m trying not to let all the ‘what ifs’ burst my bubble. Because every single generation has been born into uncertain times, whether wars, depression, epidemics or whatever and if those factors prohibited people from becoming parents — none of us
would be here.
All I can possibly wish for him is a bright, peaceful and happy and healthy future. And that my son and daughter-in-law will enjoy their new roles, (which I’m sure they will) as much as my husband and I have.
Besides being so excited about welcoming a new life into our family, I’m really happy about something else, too.
When that little one wraps his tiny hand around my son’s finger, he will realize he is actually holding a piece of his heart and will experience a love he has yet to know. And he will finally realize the unconditional love I’ve always held in my heart for him and his brother and sister.
He will understand how much I worried at times when he insisted I was just being crazy. And why I left the outside light on and couldn’t sleep until he returned home.
From frustration to accomplishments, my son and beautiful daughter-in-law will experience all the highs and lows that parenthood brings. There will be times of pure joy and probably some that might not be, because our lives are imperfect and unpredictable.
There will be days when they are completely exhausted. But also, can never imagine their lives without him.
My son will finally understand all the things I’ve tried to explain to him for all these years. That worry and concern doesn’t disappear as the years go by. And instead of love fading with each passing birthday, it only grows stronger.
There isn’t anything I can think of that’s more wonderful and joyous than welcoming a new life into this world. And I can’t wait to hold that baby in my arms and enjoy and share all the milestones in his life.
At long last, I’m going to have a new title that I will forever cherish.
I’m going to be a grandma!
And pigs can fly!
Donna Cordello, 67, is a freelance writer who lives in Penfield. She can be reached at donnacordello@aol. com.
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Take Our Daughters to Work Day was created in 1993 by the Ms. Foundation. The purpose was to help girls realize the importance of their abilities so that they can reach their full potential.
In 2003, the observation was officially changed to Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, to be inclusive of all kids.
Now, kids have the opportunity to experience the workforce one day each year, helping them to envision what tomorrow has to offer them.
Not all kids will get the opportunity to go to work with their parents. So on April 25, be a part of this nationwide event and empower your granddaughters and grandsons for a bright and fulfilling future.
On Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, get your grandchild off to a good start by having them dress accordingly and arrive on time. Avoid
having your grandchild just observe. Prepare in advance and have some work and tasks set aside to keep him or her busy throughout the day.
Also, try some of the following ideas:
• Have your grandkid keep a journal throughout the day and describe different aspects of the occupation they like, dislike, and why.
• Ask your granddaughter or grandson to compose questions about the occupation and interview coworkers. Questions might include the pros and cons of the job, why coworkers chose this occupation, and what their day entails. If your grandchild is shy or opposed to the idea, don't force it. You want them to leave with positive feelings about the day.
• Describe hypothetical situations or problems that might arise in your job. Then ask your grandchild for ideas and solutions.
• Help your grandkid write a letter and an occupational questionnaire.
Then have them prepare it to mail to businesses and professionals in occupations of interest. Be sure to include a self-addressed stamped envelope for a response, and take them to the post office at the end of the day.
• Give your grandkid a camera, a Polaroid, if possible, to take photos throughout the day. Then have them compile a Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day scrapbook. They can include descriptions of each photo and what was learned or discovered.
• Visit yourfreecareertest.com, where kids can do a free online survey to discover what careers fit their personalities and interests. Then they can go to kids.usa.gov/teens/jobs/ for career information that's designed for young teens.
• Help your grandchild create a career folder and design forms to track school classes, grades, career interests and experiences, honors and awards, and other relevant information for preparing for secondary education or joining the workforce.
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Alternatives to taking grandkids to work
If you're unable to take your grandchild to work, consider volunteer work for the day. Offer to assist a teacher, help with a political campaign or another community service project in which your grandchild can join you.
Give your grandchild alternative opportunities related to their interest in a particular occupation. If you know someone in the field, ask if your grandchild can go to work with them. Or ask a nearby company what it's planning for the day and how your grandchild can participate.
Other ways grandparents can participate and promote the day
Not all kids will have the opportunity to participate in Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. Talk with family and friends and mention you'd like to volunteer to take a child
Does it seem like in your youth that you could inhale slice after slice of pizza, hardly exercise and not gain an ounce? But now just looking at food piles on weight?
Many people find that around middle age, their middles expand — along with other areas that tend to carry excess fat. But it is possible for people 55-plus to lose weight, despite a few challenges that come with
the years.
Most of losing weight has to do with diet, although activity should be part of every person’s healthful lifestyle.
“You can’t outrun your fork” means that you can’t entirely mitigate poor eating habits with exercise. It’s also vital to obtain proper nutrition and adjust that according to age.
“As we age, we need to make sure we need to increase the amount
of protein in our diet to maintain our lean muscle mass that we lose as we age,” said Krista Campbell, registeredcertified dietitian nutritionist with Nutrition Care of Rochester, PLLC in Pittsford. “We still need to make sure we are eating our carbohydrates from whole grains, fruits and veggies and also choosing healthy fats such as avocados, nuts and seeds.”
Instead of turning to fad diet — not a great idea, according to Campbell, as
they’re not sustainable or balanced, a sensible eating plan will result in slow but maintainable weight loss.
“Once you go back to eating how you used to, you gain the weight back and can also gain back more,” she said. “The more we lose weight and regain it from fad diets, the harder it is to actually keep the weight off in the end.”
A sluggish metabolism is often blamed for a pudgy body. However, Campbell said that cutting back on calories and working out can help make up for that effect.
“Using weights is very beneficial and lifting heavier if we can to help maintain our muscle mass to keep us stronger,” she said. “If we are not working out, we need to start and if we can incorporate those weights into our plan.”
If old sports injuries are starting to surface, like that bum knee or janky hip, switching to an activity that’s easier on joints can keep you moving. Instead of running or skiing, try walking, using an elliptical machine or swimming.
“She made me feel beautiful...”
“Sharon was so kind & understanding and she had lots of hairpieces to choose from. She knew exactly what I needed. I loved her right away because she showed me what was good on me & the ones not good on me. Sharon was always patient with me... Sharon loves her customers and it shows in how wonderful she treats them: like family.” - Mrs Ann M. Colarertalo
Elizabeth Hornak, lead instructor for adult learn to swim program at JCC Rochester, said that the lap pool at JCC is about 82 to 83 degrees and the other is 85 to 88, ideal for relieving achy joints.
“Your feet aren’t on the ground so there’s no pounding of the joints,” Hornak said. “We also encourage folks to water walk, which is great recovery and for those with arthritis or other mobility issues.”
Of course, consulting with a personal trainer specializing in your type of injury or health condition can help you discover activities that both help you stay safe and burn calories.
Many people around age 55 are busy helping elderly parents while raising teenagers. It’s often the time that the career becomes particularly demanding. Squeezing in time for exercise becomes challenging. But picking an activity you like to do and joining a club or group can help you prioritize movement.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends a minimum of 150 minutes of moderate aerobic exercise per week. Lifting weights can also help keep the metabolism higher.
Yes, traditional Medicare does indeed cover some weightloss treatments like counseling and certain types of surgery for overweight beneficiaries, but unfortunately it doesn’t cover weightloss programs or medications. Here’s what you should know.
For beneficiaries to receive available Medicare-covered weightloss treatments your body mass index (BMI), which is an estimate of your body fat based on your height and weight, must be 30 or higher.
A BMI of 30 or above is considered obese and increases your risk for many health conditions, such as some cancers, coronary heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, stroke and sleep
apnea. To find out your BMI, the National Institutes of Health has a free calculator that you can access online at nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/ lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm.
If you find that your BMI is 30 or higher, Medicare Part B will cover up to 12 months of weight-loss counseling conducted by a medical professional in a primary care setting (like a doctor’s office).
Most counseling sessions entail an initial obesity screening, a dietary assessment and behavioral therapy designed to help you lose weight by focusing on diet and exercise.
Medicare also covers certain types of bariatric and metabolic surgery for morbidly obese beneficiaries who
have a BMI of 35 or above and have at least one underlying obesity-related health condition, such as diabetes or heart disease. You must also show that you’ve tried to lose weight in the past through dieting or exercise and have been unsuccessful.
These procedures make changes to your digestive system to help you lose weight and improve the health of your metabolism.
Some common bariatric surgical procedures covered include Rouxen-Y gastric bypass surgery, which reduces the stomach to a small pouch that makes you feel full even following small meals. And laparoscopic adjustable gastric banding, which inserts an inflatable band that creates a gastric pouch encircling the top of the stomach.
Unfortunately, original Medicare does not cover weight-loss programs such as fitness or gym memberships, meal delivery services or popular weight-loss programs such as Jenny Craig, Noom and WW (formerly Weight Watchers).
Medicare also does not cover any weight-loss drugs, but it does cover FDA approved diabetes drugs that have unintentionally become very popular for weight loss.
Medicare Part D plans cover Ozempic and Mounjaro for diabetes only, not for weight loss! So, your doctor will need to prescribe these medications for diabetes in order to get them covered.
Medicare also does not cover Wegovy or Zepbound because they’re approved only for weight loss.
The reason behind the weightloss drug omission is the Medicare Modernization Act, which specifically excluded them back when the law was written 20 years ago. They also excluded drugs used for cosmetic purposes, fertility, hair growth and erectile dysfunction.
Without insurance, weight-loss medications are expensive, often costing $1,000 to $1,300 a month. To help curb costs, try websites like GoodRX.com or SingleCare.com to find the best retail prices in your area. Or, if your income is limited, try patient assistance programs through Eli Lilly (LillyCares.com) which makes Mounjaro and Zepbound, or Novo Nordisk (NovoCare.com) the maker of Ozempic and Wegovy.
If you happen to be enrolled in a private Medicare Advantage plan, you may have coverage for gym memberships and some weight loss and healthy food delivery programs. These are considered expanded supplemental benefits and have gradually been added to some plans to provide coverage for nutrition, health and wellness. Contact your plan to see what it provides.
By Jim Miller is the author of Savvy Senior, a column that’s published every issue in 55 PLUS.
What does it mean to age gracefully?
We spoke with three local models who share how they stay in shape and discuss the notion of aging graciously.
“I define aging gracefully as living my best life no matter what age I may be,” says Dianne Howard, 66.
To do this, she pursues activities that stimulate her mentally and intellectually, which includes playing the violin each day. “I love to listen to the music of my favorite artists. All of this music soothes my soul.”
After retiring from a career teaching orchestra and string instruments (she was the director of the PittsfordMendon High School Orchestra), she enrolled in Mary Therese Friel Modeling and Self Development Training Program in Mendon.
“I learned about the world of modeling including self-presentation, hair and makeup, nutrition and exercise, print and runway modeling
and public speaking,” she says. “This experience has been very fulfilling and I continue to learn and grow.”
On the said, she says she loves to listen to the music of her favorite artists in addition to all periods of classical music, “Beethoven being my favorite composer, she says.
“I particularly love the music from the ‘60s and ‘70s including R&B.” She says she also enjoys rock and roll groups like Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Billy Joel, The Eagles, Steely Dan and others. “Nina Simone is also one of my favorite artists,” she adds.
Howard, who lives in Perinton, believes it is important to have social connections and “belong to something.” She recently became a member of the Penfield Symphony Orchestra, a community orchestra comprised of volunteer musicians which rehearses and performs at Penfield High School.
“I am thrilled not only to play the music I love but also to connect
with former colleagues and meet new people who share my passion,” she says.
“My purpose in life is to do what the Lord has put me on earth to do: be a good wife, mother, friend and to serve my fellow man. Surrounding myself with people I love and doing things that bring me joy brings me a sense of peace. I love to visit and spend time with my family. I love the camaraderie and friends I have made as a part of Mary Therese Friel Modeling. I enjoy trying new things and making new friends.”
“I begin and end each day with gratitude for all of my blessings.”
Howard says she enjoys her volunteer work and giving to charities.
“I realize that life is a gift and I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, the people who have had an influence on me,” she says. “I’m very thankful for my many blessings.”
Cliff Edington, 71, believes that there is no secret to aging with grace.
“Be happy and grateful for who I am and remember that we are all a part of the love, light and sound that gave us the opportunity to experience this life,” he says. “If I’m lucky enough to wake up every day, find a way to enjoy the day and have more fun than I have ever had, because the day will go fast, and it just might be the last.”
If you are taking the elevator in a building, you won’t see Edington. He will be taking the stairs, no matter how many flights and no matter how long it takes. He thinks it’s important to move his bones. He likes to play all day — walk, bike and golf. He drinks a lot of water and suggested that people “eat like a gorilla and eat more plants.”
On occasion he drinks “some really, really good wine.”
For the Perinton resident, it is important not to be attached to a number. He maintains a mindset of being and living healthy, wealthy, happy, wise and free. In his words it is about “sharing, caring and respecting all people and all creatures.” It gives him pleasure to “do quiet, little random acts of kindness and love.” Another part of his recipe to age with grace is to it to ‘let it go.’ “It really doesn’t matter. If you don’t mind, then it don’t matter,” he said.
Soon to retire from R.I.T., where he works as human resources manager, he likes to travel wherever there’s sunshine, warmth and a beach. He also is particular about his social surroundings. He goes to as many Mary Therese Friel Modeling Agency “go sees” and modeling opportunities as he can, “because I got time and
I can.”
Outside of the modeling world, “When I see or hear BS or other nonsense and noise, I ease on back and exit away slowly,” he said.
To move his brain, Edington plays bass guitar and strives to be a polyglot by being conversationally fluent in French, Italian, Spanish and sign language.
Having a sense of humor is one of his ingredients for aging with grace.
“I like to rhyme for no reason. Laugh my a.. off, literally and figuratively and tell jokes that are so bad that my kids, grandkids and other kids will roll their eyes and groan. And beat them at video games!” he says.
Lastly, ponder each day on life’s greatest question and philosophical mystery of all time: “What if the Hokey Pokey is what it’s all about?” he adds.
Dolly Lauria, 85, defines aging as to how a person was brought up as a child. First of all, eating. She loved the homemade delicious food that was healthy — and she likes dancing to music on the radio afterward.
“My family loved to dance and did it often. Guidance has the word ‘dance’ in it and that's what my family enjoyed doing often,” she says. “What gives me the most joy is dancing to wonderful music and learning new dance steps. There are many places that offer excellent dance classes including fox trot, waltz, east & west coast swing and cha-cha-cha. These activities help me to maintain good health habits.”
Part of what helps her in her quest to age gracefully is to look for opportunities to learn. She particularly
enjoyed her education with the modeling agency to take proper selfcare and develop a sense of presence.
“It does take time to educate ourselves in learning new tasks which help us to create new relationships with our family and friends,” she says. “To be open to new changes is very important in taking care of our special health needs and to continue with progress in mind.”
Lauria, who lives in Gates and was a secretary at Gates-Chili School District, says that her social connections have always involved her membership in a colorguard named "lady liberties," which march and compete in parades. They also post flags for veterans.
“It is so rewarding to see people smile and clap as we hold up our
flags,” she says.
For this model, her sense of peace comes with attendance in her weekly church visits. “I think it’s important to find satisfaction with our remaining life, to focus on what makes a person happy and to share that with others,” she adds.
Another aspect of her sense of aging is clothes.
“It’s important to dress for our age. We are not in our 20s and don’t need to try to look as if we are. We are not fooling anyone. To dress with style is always appropriate,” she says. “I don't think of aging as a future ending, but as an opportunity to be useful for my family, friends and our country. I remind myself regularly that God is in control as we learn about life.”
Mary Therese Friel knows a great deal about grace. She was crowned Miss USA in 1979. She and her husband, Kent, own The Mary Therese Modeling Agency, LLC and have their own formula for aging with grace. They agree on a philosophy of life. They believe that aging with grace is not about looks or lines.
“It’s important to put self-health before vanity. Happiness and good mental health come from within and is reflected in your every expression. Drama ages you,” she says.
To stay focused and relaxed, they live on 12 acres in Mendon, plenty of room for 27 rescued animals including horses, cats, birds, dogs, ferrets, rabbits, a rat and two fish.
“We wake up to the sight and sounds of nature every day,” she says.
They work long hours, love what they do, but gladly retreat to their home of serenity. They also share a deep faith.
Kent echoed what many experts on aging promote. “You have to lead a healthy lifestyle. To be at your peak, you have to refuel your body and get good rest every day,” he says. “Hard work and activity are wonderful ways to keep our minds sharp. We like to walk our property and we have a gym at our house. We meditate and do light yoga. I also downhill ski.”
Friel and Kent make it a point to deal with any aspect of their health that seems off kilter.
“We get all of our shots and screenings. If a symptom arises, we call the doctor. We don’t assume it will pass, just ignore it. Our health is too
precious to take for granted,” she says.
The couple believes that connecting with others is an important part of healthy aging. They donate 50% of their earnings to charities in which they believe. “The more we do for others, the happier we are. We are blessed to be able to do so,” she said.
They are strong advocates for many groups for both people and animals. The couple believes that you need to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with who you are.
Friel says, “There is no one thing that defines or creates graceful aging. It is important to value yourself and do the things that bring you joy, including serving others. God put me on earth to accomplish certain things.”
Once
Regardless of how gracefully we want to handle aging, we often find ourselves making heroic efforts to stave it off, starting in early adulthood.
The proof is that women of all ages (even in their 20s) are spending small fortunes on Botox injections, fillers and plastic surgery.
Also, many who don’t go to such drastic measures still spend hundreds of dollars a year on anti-aging lotions and potions.
Fortunately, you don’t have to undergo risky and costly injections and surgery or resort to ineffective concoctions to enjoy a more youthful appearance.
Makeup techniques can go a long
way toward fine-tuning your features to make you look younger. So give these a try.
To make your eyes look bigger, line the inside of your lower lid with a white or flesh-colored eyeliner. Then brighten up your eye area by dabbing pale pink, flesh or oyster color shadow to the inside corners of your eyes. Also, add a couple of more dabs just under your lower lashes moving from the inner corner of your eye to the center.
For your lashes, flare them. First, brush through your lashes as usual with mascara. Then sweep through them again and pull your outer lashes outward and inner lashes inward. Repeat these steps with your lower lashes.
Full lips make you look younger. So invest in a quality, long-lasting lip liner, and line your top and bottom lip. For fuller lips, line just to the outside of your lip line.
Foundation can do wonders to give you flawless, youthful-looking skin. But your skin type and age may dictate what type works best. On younger skin, sheer coverage is best. On mature skin, foundation can make your lines more noticeable. So look opt for a sheer, very lightweight foundation or skip it altogether.
Unless you have very oily skin, skip the face powder because it can make your skin look dry and any
lines more noticeable. If you must use powder to control too much shine, apply it only in your oily areas. Also, look for a translucent pure silica formulation and avoid mica or talc.
Add some color
Use soft pink or bright coral blush to add color and brighten your face. Avoid bronze tones, which only serve to age your skin. Also, use cream rather than powder blush since powder makes your skin look dryer. Apply blush along the top of your cheekbones, forehead, and center of your chin.
Your clothing can either add years or subtract them from your appearance. Consider the following tricks to make clothing work in your favor.
Out with the black
If you’re over 35, banish black above your waist. As you age, black draws attention to your fine lines. For tops and jackets, wear colors that
compliment you. Everyone looks great in particular colors. So play those up. This also goes for black-framed eyeglasses. Opt instead for metallics, bright colors or lighter colored frames.
Keep it stylish, but don’t overdo it.
As you age, dressing trendy from head to toe is hard to pull off without drawing attention to your age. Instead, mix a pair of classic pants and shirt, with a trendy sweater. Or add style to a pair of jeans and a classic top with a pair of fashionable boots (so long as they aren’t bulky). Another option is to choose pieces that are mostly classic but have a stylish flair.
Shapers aren’t what they used to be
That’s excellent news. At one time, many women wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the hideous shapewear that existed. But lingerie companies have finally gotten the message. You can find shapewear now that’s both sexy and more comfortable to wear. Shapewear can shave years off your appearance by creating a sleek look.
Physical and emotional wellness goes a long way toward both looking and feeling younger. A positive outlook on life is beneficial to your physical health. In contrast, anger, stress and depression increase your risk of disease. Negative emotions also reflect in your posture and face. So, make wellness a priority.
Exercise is an essential part of physical and mental wellness and should be a part of your daily routine. A regimen of aerobic exercise for your heart and lungs and weight lifting for muscle tone and bone health will help you maintain your youth longer. As an added benefit, exercise also releases endorphins, which elevates your mood.
So remember good health and a positive attitude have the most significant impact on maintaining a youthful appearance. With these, you’ll glow and emanate radiance.
“You are sooo handsome! How many hearts have you broken?”
I turned to look at the zealous 80-year-old lady in my backseat in shock and with a complete loss for words. I had just stopped at the entrance of a local hospital to pick up my riders for Uber — apparently a middle-aged daughter and her mother.
Going on 72 (or at any age), I have never considered myself irresistible to the opposite sex — and with my teeth and hair deserting me and a growing paunch, even less so.
Yet, somehow, I had caught this older lady’s fancy. (Was she on strong medication?) Her daughter had just helped her in the car and was going around to the other passenger door when she erupted with this sudden effusion of flattery. I was tempted to say, “Oh, probably thousands” to play along, but held my tongue. I didn’t want to sound conceited with my new status as most attractive male Uber driver in Central New York. The funny thing about it was, once her daughter got in the car, she returned to normal. In fact, the conversation was so normal on the way to their house, I had to shake my head in disbelief after I dropped them off. Did that lady really say that, or was I just imagining it?
As you can see, being an Uber driver gives you a rare opportunity to meet all kinds of people. But let me give you a little back story on how I became an Uber driver. I had
been working as a market researcher since 2006 when Uber came to town in 2017. Unfortunately, during that time, the market research industry had dried up considerably. In fact, market researchers like myself had dwindled to 10 people in our company when in 2006 there had been more than 100 people “smiling and dialing.”
Over the years, the public was obviously less enthused about doing surveys of any kind and it was taking longer and longer to get people to answer questions on the phone. As a result, I began dreading going to work — even after taking early Social Security and working only three days a week. I thought maybe a two-week vacation would renew my motivation. It didn’t.
Enter Uber on the Syracuse stage. A woman at work said she was driving for Uber and loving it. I saw it as my ticket out of tedium and convinced my wife it was a valid alternative to making money. Plus, I could choose my own hours and nobody was looking over my shoulder. Another benefit was if my wife and I wanted to visit our adult children’s families on a weekend or go to a grandchild’s sporting event during the week, I could just work other days.
In terms of a job, nothing could be easier. The Uber app tells you where to go with a map and a voice. OK, sometimes the voice gets on your nerves, but you can always turn it off.
I can listen to audio books or music as I drive. I get to go to places I’ve never been before and meet people from all walks of life. I’ve met a helicopter pilot trainer, a Special Forces commander, a judge, a hockey player, students from around the world, professional baseball players, a pro bowler, a voice coach for Broadway musicals, a crypto coin enthusiast and a comic book creator, among many others.
You might wonder if being an Uber driver is dangerous. After driving for six years with more than 6,000 trips under my belt, there was really only one that fell into that category. It started with a call from a local bar. A text message from a woman revealed that things could get “strange.”
At the bar, two couples got into my car — the two women in back with one of the guys and one guy in front. They were probably in their early 40s. Apparently, the two men — normally friends according to one of the women — were upset with one another. One had hit the other below the belt in the bar and now the offended party (in the back) wanted to fight him once they got out of the car. They yelled obscenities at each other right from the get-go. I tried to distract them by offering to play their favorite type of music on Sirius radio. “Country” a woman said. I switched it on. The cursing and vulgarity continued.
Finally, I said, “Excuse me, guys. Could we tone down all the
obscenities?” The women immediately voiced their agreement: “Yeah!”
The more belligerent guy in the back seat became calm and asked a random question, “Did you have a rough life or something?”
I figured I’d be honest. “Well, I think everyone has some rough times now and then.” To which he said nothing for a few minutes and then resumed his vulgarities with renewed gusto. The guy in front, however, was apologetic whenever he slipped, but his “friend” remained unremorseful.
I was relieved when we pulled up to a middle class-type home in the suburbs. The woman in the rear passenger seat got out and the man next to her started to slide out when he stopped and said, “You know, you really shouldn’t be an Uber driver. In fact, why don’t you get out of the f**king car right now, you p**sy. Let’s fight!”
His wife, in the meantime, was pushing hard on his cheek with her hand to discourage more talking. But he couldn’t help himself. He spouted, “Get the hell outa here!” as he exited my vehicle.
My last view of the four of them was standing side by side in the light
of my low beams.
My only positive takeaway from the ride was, maybe he no longer wanted to fight his friend, having vented all his anger at me. I notified Uber of the incident. The woman, whose credit card was used for the ride, selected the Uber tag, “Night time hero” to describe me.
Fortunately, the percentage of riders like that are infinitesimal. Some of my funnier ones include the call I got from the commercial mall, Destiny USA.
As I drove up to the food court entrance, I saw a group of four young Asian students from Syracuse University. One was carrying a huge mattress. In my mind I am thinking, Lord, no, please. There’s no way that thing is going to fit in my Kia Forte with four people! Sure enough, they were my passengers.
At first I complained and urged them to get a larger vehicle, but the young man with the mattress countered my reservations with, “It’s OK. It’s OK. I’ll just fold it and put it on our laps!” And that’s what he did. One student took the front seat and the three others held the mattress on their laps. I couldn’t see them but I thought,
Well, at least they’ll be well-protected if we have an accident!
Another time a young AfricanAmerican woman got into my car with her 5-year-old son. I sometimes offer candy or mints to my riders so when we reached their destination I asked the lady if I could give a piece of candy to her son. She politely said, “Thank you, but no.” This, of course, put the boy into a foul mood. When I turned to wish them a good day, he stared at my mouth and said bluntly, “What happened to your teeth?” His mom was clearly embarrassed by his remark, so I quickly turned it into a show-and-tell lesson that supported her views: “Well, my boy. That’s what happens when you eat too much candy. You lose some teeth. So, listen to your mom and make sure you brush every day.”
Probably my favorite trip was with a young South Korean-American woman I picked up at the Syracuse International Airport. Her flight had been delayed and she had waited at the airport for two hours before learning her flight was cancelled. She, therefore, had to return to Cornell University the next day.
During our conversation I got to
share how my life had changed as a young person when I had put my faith in God. When I dropped her off she thanked me for my sharing and said she felt I was a godsend because she had been grappling with her family Christian beliefs in college. She strongly believed it wasn’t an accident I had turned out to be her driver. When she got out of the car, she smiled and then spontaneously gave me a hug. Of course, I was then thankful that she was thankful so I did what any writer would do, I gave her one of my books, my young adults’ novel, “Runaways.”
1. You make your own schedule, even drop out for months and still be on the books.
2. You meet interesting people.
3. You can write off the mileage you use while on the Uber app (not just when riders are in the car).
4. You are motivated to keep your car clean.
5. On good days you can make $30 an hour or more.
1. Uber sometimes jerks you around by changing the incentives week to week.
2. On bad days you only make $20 an hour or less.
3. If you have problems it can take time to resolve them because there is no middle management. The “Help” call center is in the Philippines.
4. You do not get personal affirmation for doing a good job.
5. The Uber umbrella car insurance policy has a deductible of $2,500 if accident is not covered by your own insurance.
Could drugs that give a boost to men’s sexual performance help them stave off Alzheimer’s disease?
That’s the main finding from a study suggesting that erectile dysfunction meds like Cialis, Levitra and Viagra might lower the odds for the memoryrobbing illness.
The study wasn’t designed to prove cause-and-effect, cautioned British researchers at University College London.
“More research is needed to confirm these findings, learn more about the potential benefits and mechanisms of these drugs and look into the optimal dosage,” explained study co-author Ruth Brauer, a lecturer in pharmacoepidemiology and medication safety at the university.
age, who had all been newly diagnosed with erectile dysfunction (ED). A little more than half of them were prescribed an ED drug. None of the men had any cognitive or memory issues when they entered the study.
Over five years of follow-up, 1,119 of the men were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
Bauer’s team reported that men who were taking an ED drug had an 18% lower odds of developing Alzheimer’s compared to those who weren’t. That finding held even after the researchers had adjusted for other risk factors, such as age, smoking status and alcohol consumption.
Tim Bennett is an award-winning author who lives in Syracuse. His articles have appeared in a wide variety of magazines and newspapers. His books include: “To Uber or Not to Uber,” “Runaways,” “With a Grain of Salt,” “Salt for the Supper Table,” and “My Life Zero to Sixty” (co-written by Terry Bish).
She also believes that, “a randomized, controlled trial with both male and female participants is warranted to determine whether these findings would apply to women as well.”
The findings were published Feb. 7 in the journal Neurology.
Erectile dysfunction medications work by dilating blood vessels and increasing blood flow.
The new study involved almost 270,000 men, averaging 59 years of
The jury is still out on whether the ED meds directly caused the drop in Alzheimer’s risk, and more study is needed. But Bauer believes the research points in interesting directions.
“Although we’re making progress with the new treatments for Alzheimer’s disease that work to clear amyloid plaques in the brain for people with early stages of the disease, we desperately need treatments that can prevent or delay the development of Alzheimer’s disease,” she said in a journal news release. “These results are encouraging and warrant further research.”
Although she and her group, The Pearlz Band, play for nursing home residents and senior center guests, Rochesterian Nancy Park Drum, 64, also likes to rock out, performing classic rock and blues at local breweries, bars and restaurants evenings and for special events.
For the older audiences, she and her group play standards by Hank Williams, Patsy Cline and Gene Autry, along with bluegrass.
The band used to be called String of Pearls, which Drum felt confused
audiences because it is also the name of a 1941 hit by Glenn Miller and His Orchestra. Funnily enough, her older audience members expressed relief learning that the band did not play Big Band music — perhaps because music that was their parents’ genre but not theirs.
“It worked in our favor because the seniors were delighted to learn that we weren’t a big band,” Drum said. “They just love what we play. They’ve said they’re inundated with big band and Frank Sinatra. No one
else comes in with folk, bluegrass and things like that.”
Formed in 2008, the trio is an all-acoustic group. Switching to The Pearlz Band name allows Drum and her bandmates to avoid these misunderstandings.
“We enjoy it and it’s very fulfilling for us,” Drum said. “I’ve cried during a song and because I’ve seen them crying. But at night we go wild and rock it out.”
Drum retired in November 2021 from working in a marketing role in
the office of development at RIT, a shift that has allowed her spend more time performing with the band, comprised of Jerry Curry and Dave Santa Maria.
The Pearlz Band isn’t her first musical group. A lifelong musician and performer, Drum has also played with Pay Dirt in Rochester with Curry, Santa Maria, Bob Mondy and her husband, Bill Drum. She and Bill met while playing with the St. James Blues Band. Bill now plays with Blue Sky. They have been married 34 years. Bill works as an electrician at RIT.
Drum has come a long way since tap and ballet classes at age 5. She studied clarinet, piano and guitar while in school and added guitar, Dobro, hammered dulcimer, mountain dulcimer, auto harp, five-string banjo, mandolin, fiddle and string bass. She sang in various school groups and when she graduated, received the National Choral Award.
While still in school, she joined the Golden Link Folk Singing Society where she met local mentors who influenced her music, such as Allen Hopkins and the late Bill Mickelson. In 1974, she also met Lesley Riddle, an Appalachian legend.
“He would change my life forever,” Drum said. “Mr. Riddle is now being hailed as one of the originators of country music. He collected songs with AP Carter of The Carter Family in Virginia, Tennessee, North Carolina and Georgia for several years and wrote some of their music
and arranged it.
“Mother Maybelle Carter is being hailed as one of the best female guitar players of all times and Riddle’s guitar technique influenced her playing. She credits him for that and he taught me it as well some 40 years after her. Mother Maybelle was the mother of the late June Carter-Cash and Johnny Cash’s mother-in-law.”
At the time, Drum viewed Riddle as just a friend of the family with little idea of his influence on the world of country music. In general, most people had no idea of how important his contributions were because he was Black.
“He didn’t receive credit for it when he worked with the Carters back in the ‘20s and ‘30s because of the segregation rules and issues in the South at that time,” Drum said.
Drum also learned from local blues musicians John Mooney and Joe Beard. She recalled her father taking her out on a school night well past midnight to sit in with the band or play during one of their breaks. But Drum was ready to catch the school bus by 6 a.m. the next day.
Her musicianship continued at Nazareth University (Nazareth College then), where she earned a BA in English, concentration in writing and secondary educational certification. During those years, she provided warm-up acts for John Hammond Jr., Paul Butterfield, Bat McGrath and more.
She also became friends with New Orleans blues and jazz guitarist Danny Barker, Cab Calloway’s guitarist.
Her connection with Lesley Riddle caused the Birthplace of Country Music Museum in Virginia to invite her to attend an anniversary celebration where the organization exhibited all of Drum’s archives of playing with Riddle. She also received an invitation to participate in a live interview by the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum in Nashville, followed by a performance of Riddle’s music and a demonstration of his guitar style.
Drum’s experiences with Riddle and her own journey as a female musician also spurred her to write a book about him, “Almost Famous in Ra-Cha-Cha, NY (and Featuring the ‘Lost’ Years of Mr. Lesley Riddle.” She said that the stories include tales that are “entertaining, heartwarming, heart-wrenching, hysterically funny and some even shocking.”
Retiring two years ago afforded her the opportunity to complete the book which she said is close to publication.
“I’d always wanted to get this book about Lesley Riddle published,” Drum said. “We weren’t getting much coverage from the Rochester papers because I don’t think they’re as familiar with the music. Down South, they thought I was famous because I’d played with Lesley Riddle.”
Loneliness is not good for your health.
In fact, the US Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy’s recent report “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation” states that it “is far more than just a bad feeling — it harms both individual and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety and premature death.”
The general surgeon goes on to add: “The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity. And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces and civic organizations, where performance, productivity and engagement are diminished.”
Ann E. Cunningham, executive director of Oasis Rochester, agrees.
“The physical and health implications of loneliness are huge,” she said. “At a state level, the governor has put together a task force on aging and that’s an area that’s being looked at: to reduce social isolation and increase our connections with each other.
“Coming out of the pandemic, we know the impact on our students was huge and the impact on older adults has been monumental. We’re seeing
it here. I’ve seen people who’ve aged so much more quickly during the pandemic because they didn’t have that contact with others like they did. It’s a huge issue right now that many of us in the aging profession working with older adults we’re trying to tackle.”
Although delivery services helped people stay supplied and fed during the pandemic, it also isolated them. And since then, many of these services have become more routine, promoting continued isolation. These newer supports differ from some that were popular pre-COVID-19. For example, Meals on Wheels provides a point of connection for older adults, as delivery drivers take a moment to chat and get to know the recipients. That’s not part of the job of food delivery drivers for Grubhub or Instacart to make those connections.
Area organizations have stepped up to help older adults combat loneliness. Oasis Rochester is one longstanding example.
“We bring people together around a shared love for a certain topic, like history, crafts, music, dance or exercise,” Cunningham said. “It serves two purposes. It’s not only about lifelong learning but a quest for connections with each other.”
Despite this, Cunningham said that some older adults still do not want to risk mingling because of COVID-19. To meet their needs and the needs of those who no longer drive, Oasis offers
online classes which at least allow participants to interact virtually.
Bryan Guzski, doctor of physical therapy, nutrition coach and owner of Motive Physical Therapy in Rochester, has also linked loneliness with physical inactivity, especially for older adults whose muscle strength and physical endurance deplete at a more rapid rate than younger people.
“The more socially isolated someone is, the less everyday activity that person will have,” he said. “The pandemic clearly demonstrated this. With the cancellation of community events, group exercise classes, and closing of fitness centers, dramatic drops in daily activity coexisted with feelings of social isolation and loneliness.”
Even worse is that it’s typically even tougher for older adults to regain physical strength and vitality once it’s lost compared with younger adults.
Guzski recommends seeking programs that offer both movement and camaraderie.
“Group exercise classes at fitness centers or community centers, as well as programs like Silver Sneakers, are incredibly beneficial as they promote social interaction and physical activity, a win-win,” Guzski said.
Local YMCA chapters, fitness classes at a gym, neighborhood walking groups, dance classes, bowling leagues or other group-oriented clubs can also help.
Joe Troiano is in charge of 26 DJs who play music 24/7 on his Oldies N More internet music station. His own show, “Joe T’s Soda Shop,” airs from his basement Monday through Thursday. At least 4,000 listeners around the world tune in
The first record Joe Troiano ever bought was “Love Letters in the Sand” by Pat Boone.
That was a 45 rpm vinyl, the one where you stuck the adaptor disk in the middle, positioned it on the turntable and lowered the tone arm.
Troiano was pre-teen and every week when he came by money from his allowance or such odd jobs as a 12year old could get, he would go to the record store, where Perry Como, Paul Anka, Bobby Rydell, the Chimes and the Mystics called out to him.
Now 78, Troiano has made his childhood preoccupation a life-long playlist which he broadcasts from
By Carol RadinSyracuse’s Eastwood neighborhood to the world on his internet radio station, “Oldies N More.”
He anchors the station with his own show “Joe T’s Soda Shop,” a fourhour marathon of hits and memories from the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s.
When he started the “Oldies N More” station in 2020, he had 10 other disc jockeys. Now three years later, the station pops 24-7 with 26 DJs and listeners all over the globe.
“I know my listening audience,” Troiano said. “People in the 55-plus age market. And I want them to know they have a choice. They are not forgotten. My listeners know I’m going to give
them the best!”
“Oldies N More” is the natural outcome for a guy with Troiano’s life-long experience in disc jockeying, radio stations and local connections on the music scene.
Even with full-time employment, first at Naum Brothers household goods store on Erie Boulevard and then 30 years with the U.S. Postal Service, Troiano has maintained his part-time be-bopper-ship.
After moving to Syracuse in 1972 from his native Rochester, he did not waste any time. Next to Naum Brothers, a little place called the Jelly Bean was “looking for a stereo and a
Joe Troiano broadcasts on his internet radio station, “Oldies and More.” The station runs 24 hours a day and seven days a week with Troiano and 26 other DJs.live DJ and they hired me to spin the music.” People noticed. Pretty soon, the kid who used to play music in his room and pretend a hairbrush was a microphone was spinning up to 400 weddings and clambakes a year.
Once after a Crunch hockey game at the War Memorial, he played the discs for the open skating time.
Those were the days. Troiano ran radio commercials for Naum Brothers and got to hang out with local radio people, Jim Cate, Ron B., and Walter Cooper, a.k.a. Charlie Brown.
One day, Charlie Brown called him and said he had set up an interview with the band Boston but he couldn’t make it, so would Troiano do it instead. Would he!
“I did it on a reel-to-reel tape recorder,” Troiano reminisced. “Then I did the Elvis Presley Hour. It got me into the radio end.”
As much as he loved it, Troiano never pursued radio full time, since he had a stable day job to support his family with three children. A variety of part-time music-related projects kept him busy enough. One of those was co-inventing a board game called “Trivia Country Style” in 1995.
Charlie Daniels, the outstanding Country Hall of Fame singer, was the spokesperson for the game and appeared with Troiano at the World Toy Fair in New York’s Jacob Javits Center for the debut. The game sold 50,000 copies at the time and is still available for sale online, complete with game board, dice, question cards and five cowboy-boot game pieces.
In the early 2000s, Troiano worked for WSEN Radio, where he had an oldies show and was also the program director.
In 2019, he struck out on his own. Astutely, he realized that the internet had become the accessible source for a wide listening audience.
Of course the internet added a whole new dimension to radio broadcast. Troiano knew programming, marketing, hiring — no problem. However, he said, “When you own something of your own and you’re in a world that’s constantly changing, you become humbled. You need people with you.”
That would be Chris Anderson, his go-to technician and trouble-shooter. “He’s the person I rely on for the technical end,” Troiano said.
Troiano watched and learned as
Anderson hooked him up to a server, set up the hardware, showed him how to put shows into automation and introduced him to the many other possibilities of the software applications.
And what great possibilities there are. Sitting in his basement studio recently, Troiano swiveled to the side in his chair, gesturing with his hands. “Before, you had two turntables, one on each side. A mic overhead. And,” — here he raises one hand sky-high — “a pile of records in the middle. You had to cue the records.”
He swivels back to front and center and, with a flourish, motions to the here and now: large computer monitors. One screen is covered top to bottom with dense print, a playlist in near-constant motion. The other screen shifts from chat room messages,
to photos sent in by fans, to a large world map.
On the map, a dot lights up in Brussels, so — Belgium is listening.
According to Troiano, youngergeneration audiences in Europe have a renewed interest in American oldies.
“At any given time, over 4000 people are listening to my show,” Troiano said.
Rock on, “Joe T’s Soda Shop!”
Whereas regular radio stations would do listening surveys, the internet station can track numbers and locations in real time, minute to minute. And the reach is everywhere.
“I can check at 3 a.m. or 4 a.m. and see sometimes 1,500-1,700 cities,” Troiano said.
“Joe T’s Soda Shop” broadcasts live four hours per show from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Monday through Thursday.
Troiano’s particular cut-off for a music decade is the ‘70s. Most of his other 26 DJs, who have their own transmitters and music libraries, also do the ‘50s to ‘70s, although “Cosmo” on Thursday and Friday covers the ‘80s from 9 to 11 p.m. and on Sunday there is now a classic country show, “Crazy Cowboy,” with Cowboy Ken from 4 to 6 p.m.
Check out the weekly schedule on the station’s homepage, oldiesnmoreradio.com and the show titles themselves will drive your listening calendar: “Vinyl Treasures,” “Judy’s Diner,” “UK_USA_Rock Soul Connection,” “Story Untold,” “Time Tunnel,” “Rockin’ Richard,” “The Doo Wop Corner,” to name only some. For those who need their music fix earlier than most, there is also “Rise N’ Shine” at 4 a.m.
Though Troiano is clearly an oldies guy kicking it new style, his basement studio absolutely defies technology.
It is four solid walls of very human history, nostalgia and fond memories, where the reverential among us can
swoon for hours among the shelves of old photos, baseball caps, book bindings and record sleeves. It is a museum to the guys who wore suits and ties and the women with big hair, a time when songs were women’s names like “Peggy Sue,” “Gloria,” and “Katy Too;” being in love was to “Cherish” or be “Crazy;” the boldest enticement ever was “Be My Baby” and “Return to Sender” was the way people broke up.
Troiano has access to an internet library of 30,000 songs, but his loyalty remains with the vinyl he owns — 10,000 single 45s and 1,000 record albums. Among his prize possessions are autographed photos signed personally to him: Mel Carter, Larry Chance and the Earls, Randy and the Rainbows all live in Troiano’s basement and smile at him every day.
And playlists on a computer application do not supersede what makes his show most special: his mellow DJ voice, his on-the-air specials like “Street Corner Acapella” on Tuesdays and the “Elvis Presley Song
of Inspiration” every day and tributes on a singer’s birthday, which his wife, Linda, will remind him of.
Every DJ is a performer, and Troiano has some particular characters and voices he’s made up — Aunt Maude pops up or Chief Metro the weather reporter or Uncle Rocco. Over the years, fans have also enjoyed his on-the-air interviews with singers like Willie Winfield and the Harptones, Paul Evans, Jimmy Clanton, Bobby Rydell, the Flamingos, the Duprees, the Chimes. Troiano can go on and on. Then there’s Joe T’s guarantee — “I’ve never had a song I couldn’t find. If I don’t have it, I tell the caller I will have it tomorrow.”
Five decades into spinning discs, Troiano will never run out of material. “I love the music business!” he proclaimed with childish delight. Maybe he’s having too much fun? Nah, never!
For your own journey into “Oldies N More” check out www. Oldiesnmoreradio.com.
Trivia Country Style is a board game co-invented by Troiano in 1995. Country singer Charlie Daniels was the spokesperson for the game and joined Troiano for the promotion at the World Toy Fair in NYC. From ceiling to baseboard and shelf to door, Troiano’s basement radio studio chronicles his favorite era.
Now, more than ever, it's possible to feel like part of your family and friends' lives, even when apart.
Social media and other platforms and apps make it easy to stay connected right from your personal computer, laptop, phone and other handheld devices. Yet because there are so many social platforms and apps, it might feel confusing to keep track of what you can do with each and how they work.
The following basics should help you get started!
Apps
'Apps' is short for applications: programs that you can download to your devices instead of using an internet browser. They're found in an application store on your device (App Store on iOS-Apple devices,
By Kimberly BlakerGoogle Play Store on Android and Google devices, or Windows Store on Windows devices). Just click on the app store for your device to download free or paid apps or to see what you've already installed.
Apps are available for almost anything you can think of: games (e.g., New York Times Crossword, Words With Friends), social media (e.g., Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok), reading (e.g., Kindle, Libby), video streaming (e.g., Netflix, Hulu), shopping (e.g., Amazon, Target), and more. Apps are organized in app stores by category. You can also search by most popular or by name or type of apps.
TikTok
TikTok is a short video-based social media app and website. You can
create 15-second to one-minute videos and share them to your account for others to see. You can also edit videos by putting together short clips, using filters to alter the video's appearance, and adding audio from other users or songs. Videos can be seen by your followers, found by others searching by hashtags (searchable phrases preceded by a # sign), or on the 'for you page' that all users can see.
When viewing others' videos, you can tap a heart on the right to indicate you like a video. You can tap a speech bubble to read or leave a comment. You can also tap the user's handle (@ followed by a unique name) to see more videos they've created. People use TikTok in various creative ways, and you can even participate in challenges, dances, or trends. TikTok Help Center
Instagram is a social media app and site based on posting pictures and videos. Users can create a post that displays on their account page and the homepage timeline of their followers. You can also comment on posts, 'like' them by tapping the heart underneath, or share them with friends or to your 'story.'
Instagram 'stories' are temporary posts members can share for up to 24 hours. These are found in the small circle profile pictures at the top of the home screen or user pages. Besides individuals, many companies and organizations use Instagram to reach users, sell products, or share information. Instagram Help Center
Facebook is a popular social media app and website. You add 'friends' who can see your posts and whose posts you can see on a home screen. Users also have their own main page. There you can see the user's profile picture, information about them, and photos, links, videos, or other posts they've shared.
You can also follow 'pages' on an unlimited number of interests, including celebrities, tv shows, movies, towns, restaurants, companies, nonprofits, social causes, politics, and more.
Many Facebook users also join various 'groups' that match their lives and interests, locally, nationally, and even internationally.
Facebook users interact by posting on each other's 'walls' or interacting with posts through reaction buttons, comments, or sharing. With Facebook Messenger, you can even send private, direct messages to those on your friends list. There's also Facebook Messenger Kids for children under 13 who can message guardian-approved people under a guardian's account. Facebook Help Center.
You can 'follow' people you know, strangers, celebrities, companies, and organizations to see their posts on your homepage on Twitter. You can also see the 'timelines' of other users or post to your own timeline for your followers to see. Users often add specific hashtags (see above). With the explore feature, you can look up hashtags or particular words and what's trending (top hashtags or popular phrases at the time). Twitter New User FAQ Page
Blogs are basically web pages run by one or more individuals working to share information, usually in a specific niche, in an often informal way. Anyone can visit a blog. Blogs may be found in a web search or by recommendation.
Typically, blogs have a reverse timeline on their main page. The most recent post is usually first, with the rest shown in reverse chronological order. They typically include writing about the topic and may include pictures, videos, recipes, or links to other pages or products. Menu tabs or blocks are usually near the top of the page to click so you can explore the blog or an 'about' section to learn more about the author/s and the blog. Authors often encourage visitors to leave comments at the bottom of their posts, follow the blog site for updates, or sign up for email lists.
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Z, the site formerly known as Twitter, is another social media app and website. Users can post 'tweets,' which are short messages up to 280 characters. Tweets may include a link, video, picture or retweet (sharing a tweet from another user).
On social media platforms, users can post photos or videos to share with friends or followers. The exact method varies depending on the platform. But many have either a plus sign or a button to click that says "post." If you're using an app to post photos, you may need to give permission for it to access your saved images. You can also usually take a picture or video while in the app. You should see a screen notification that your photographs or videos have been posted. But to check, you can look at your own profile or ask someone you know to look at your page from their account.
I began reading
studies of loss
and aging as though my life depended on the answers. Then I put the books down and looked inward.By Robert W. Goldfarb
At 94, I'm one of the oldest-old. I think about how I earned that distinction and what I must do to ascend to the next level, if there is one.
I've tasted joy and sorrow on my journey deeper into old age. When my wife of 66 years died suddenly and unexpectedly four years ago, grief was a snake that locked its fangs around my throat. Breathing felt more like gasping.
As days, months and now years
have passed, grief sheathed its fangs. Now it is a shapeless mass that occasionally slumps onto my chest to remind me it's still there.
I've begun to heal largely because I'm surrounded by the love of my children, grandchildren and greatgrandchild. Two close friends have remained alongside me through most of my journey. I'm well enough to run three-mile races, always finishing last, but always finishing. Hopefully some of that well-being will remain as I
approach the ultimate finish line.
To ease the pain of my loss and find meaning in old age, I began reading studies of loss, loneliness and aging as though my life depended on the answers I hoped to find.
I was assured my loneliness would soften once I developed new relationships and reestablished old ones. Younger people I began speaking
with express interest in the activities of a 94-year-old widower, but soon have heard enough.
Most friends my age have moved closer to their children or to assisted living communities. More names have been torn from our old address book than remain. Friends Muriel and I frequently dined with gather at tables set for couples, not for odd numbers, and three is proving to be an especially odd number.
The studies I was reading saw loss, loneliness and aging as problems practical people solve. Everything I read chilled me with its clinical remoteness. I was told to remain mentally and physically active, but not how to get out of bed in the morning. Didn't they know that instead of awakening to Muriel's soft touch, I stepped onto a floor that felt littered with shattered glass?
If I did, the answers would lie deep inside me and not written on pages. Yes, I would eat leafy vegetables, walk 10,000 steps and volunteer to mentor women and minority aspiring entrepreneurs. But I would also sit quietly alone, hoping to hear in the stillness words leading me to where healing began.
In those quiet moments, I began to sense my solitary journey would call upon both the man I am and the man I would have to become. As old as I was, could I create ways to carry myself along a road that seem paved with obstacles designed to thwart elders? I would begin by learning if the young man I was long ago could impart strength to the old man I had become.
I decided to put down the books and turn inward. Would I find within me the will and resources to endure these final years without Muriel?
When I needed courage in the past, Muriel was there to share hers with me. But sometimes she would say, "You're hoping to hear your sergeant's voice, aren't you?" She was referring to something I told her when I returned from the Korean War. The men who trained and later led me had jumped into Normandy six years earlier. They were quiet men who spoke to young soldiers only when giving orders.
It startled me when my platoon sergeant beckoned to me, put his hand
on my shoulder, and said "Goldfarb, you've become one of us." That was all he said, but from that moment I stood taller and carried myself differently. Barely out of my teens, I had earned the trust of men I held in awe. I needed to hear words like that again.
My family showers me with love and support. My closest friend several times has called and said "Bob, I don't like the sound of your voice; I'm coming over." As crucial as these acts of kindness are to my survival, there was something else I needed. No one had to tell me Muriel was no longer physically alongside me. But I was desperate to hear that her presence remained within my being. I would have to hear that from someone more spiritual than I was.
While running one morning, I passed a Hasidic rabbi and stopped as though I struck a wall. I'm not a religious person but asked if I could speak with him and told him of my loss. He listened silently before saying, "Your wife's soul has gone to a higher place, but also remains present for you. She's here for you. She hasn't left you."
Muriel knew the boy I was and the man she helped me become. I hear her voice, urging me to think not of what I lost, but of all we had together for all those years. Both of us eagerly looked for doors that opened onto new possibilities, sometimes to adventure. She would want me keep opening those doors. I can do that with confidence now that I know she is with me on that journey.
Robert W. Goldfarb served as founder and president of Urban Directions, Inc. (UDI), a management consulting firm that mentored managers and management teams to achieve their fullest potential. His articles have appeared in The New York Times, The San Francisco Chronicle and elsewhere. His book, "What's Stopping Me From Getting Ahead" was published by McGraw-Hill.
Editor’s Note: This essay was originally published on www.nextavenue.org and is being reprinted with their permission.
His volume, or yours? Up and down it goes. If hearing the TV has become challenging, we can help. Schedules and registration for free programs are at hearinglossrochester.org
If you would like to see your hardearned resources continue your legacy of charitable contributions, planned giving can help you reach your goals.
Essentially, planned giving involves setting up the proper financial instruments to ensure that your money continues to support worthwhile causes long after you’re gone.
“Establishing estate plans is crucial for ensuring that your loved ones and chosen charities are provided for in a manner that aligns with your wishes,” said Max McGinnis, associate vice president for advancement at Nazareth College. “A well-thought-out estate plan offers clarity on the distribution
of your wealth, minimizing potential disputes among beneficiaries. By specifying beneficiaries and outlining the distribution of assets, you provide financial security to your family and support causes you are passionate about. Estate planning also allows for the efficient transfer of assets, potentially reducing tax liabilities and ensuring that your legacy positively impacts both your family and charitable organizations for years to come.”
McGinnis encourages people engaging in estate planning to start sooner rather than later, as it’s easier to amend these documents later as your wishes or circumstances change
instead of starting from scratch at that point, when health issues can make it more challenging.
“Make sure your beneficiary designations on IRA accounts and life insurance policies do not unknowingly conflict with what is written in your will,” McGinnis said. “The former will supersede the latter if they are different.”
Although a will can certainly represent an important part of your final charitable planning, McGinnis encourages considering a charitable trust, as these can offer greater control regarding the management and timing of asset distribution.
In addition to the financial
instruments themselves, McGinnis said that selecting the executor of your estate is vital to successful planning.
“Make sure that he or she is willing to take on this responsibility,” McGinnis said. “Pass it on. The Rochester area has benefited immensely from those that have given to the community through their estate planning. Take joy in continuing this legacy.”
One of the easiest and most effective ways to benefit local charities for decades to come is through earmarking funds for organizations like Rochester Area Community Foundation.
For more than 50 years, Rochester Area Community Foundation has provided options for creating customized legacy gifts.
“We are committed to fostering a culture where every donor's legacy is honored and cherished,” said Andrew Muldoon, the nonprofit’s vice president of philanthropic engagement. “The Community Foundation prides itself on a strategic approach to managing and growing the gifts we receive from donors, ensuring that their generosity has a profound impact
on our community now and in the future.”
He added that partnering with the Community Foundation both helps donors fulfill their charitable goals and helps improve their communities.
“We see every gift as a vital thread in the fabric of our shared future, regardless of its size,” he said. “Together, we can create a legacy of generosity that will resonate for generations to come.”
These organizations can help gifts last longer as they invest funds and disburse them for many years after the gift has been given, unlike a one-time donation.
“If you want to make a large donation in one year and be able to disperse your donations in future years, that’s a good way to go,” said Jeff Feldman, Ph.D. and certified financial planner with Rochester Financial Services in Pittsford. He also recommended using a qualified charitable distribution “if you’re over 70.5 and you have required distribution from an IRA account, a qualified charitable distribution QCD is a good way to go.
In the 2017 Tax Act, a lot of itemized distributions went away. Previously, you were able to deduct when you itemize. Now that you can’t do that, you have to figure out a way to give with a tax advantage.”
That’s where the QCD can help get that required distribution tax-free.
Another strategy for those who itemize is to pool donations in one tax year. Feldman said that single people getting more than the standard deduction is likely easier if the charitable donations are lumped into one year. But for married people, it might be more difficult because of the $10,000 cap.
“There’s also ways to pool these donor advisory funds that can help you put in a one -time lump sum and get the deduction in one year and spread out the donations in future years,” Feldman said.
He encourages anyone planning their legacy giving to fully vet and investigate the recipient, as some charities use a large percentage of donations to cover administrative costs rather than towards the cause.
Max McGinnis Jeff Feldman
In financial planning circles, “probate” sounds like a dirty word. Jeff Feldman, Ph.D., certified financial planner with Rochester Financial Services in Pittsford, is a little more pragmatic about it.
“Probate isn’t terrible, but it’s nice to avoid it,” he said. “I don’t think it’s terrible if your estate has to be probated, but if your beneficiaries want the assets sooner than later, a payable on death account is payable within weeks. If it’s probated, more like months.”
To avoid this scenario, Feldman suggested naming beneficiaries on all the accounts, a standard protocol for IRAs, but less common for other types. Instead of going through the probate process, the assets go directly to the beneficiaries named.
Feldman recommends consulting with an attorney to make the accounts payable on death to ensure they go directly to the beneficiaries. Any account without a beneficiary is typically subject to probate.
Feldman said that in some scenario, people making final plans may want to set up a trust, but consulting with an
attorney is a good idea to ensure these special situations are handled properly.
“If it’s going into a trust like a special needs trust, it would avoid probate,” Feldman said.
Probate is a legal process that includes a judicial assessment of whether a will is valid, including administering the person’s estate. Whether someone has a will or not does not determine whether the estate must go through probate.
“That is a very, very common misconception,” said Phillip Provenzano, insurance agent and financial advisor with The Financial Guys Insurance Agency in Rochester. “Probate is very necessary in guaranteeing the orderly transfer of assets, but many people want to avoid it for various reasons.”
Avoiding probate helps you keep full control of assets without court interference, for example. It can also spare the family emotionally and provide for a second spouse and children for those who have remarried.
Provenzano said that some assets do not go to probate, as they have named beneficiary or joint ownership,
such as life insurance, uniform transfer to minors accounts, US Savings Bonds payable upon death or with joint ownership, investment accounts designated as transfer on death; annuities; joint bank accounts; any accounts earmarked “payable on death” and “transfer on death” into a trust; an automobile with a value of up to $25,000 in value (one vehicle only); living trusts; jointly owned corporation stocks; LLC membership interests jointly owned; real estate held as joint tenants with rights of survivorship; tenants-by-the-entirety or life estate and lifetime gifts (with a power of attorney with a statutory gift rider), which “with the annual gift tax exclusion, you can give up to $15,000 to each recipient without tax consequences,” Provenzano said. “For a married couple, the total is $30,000 per recipient. Giving away assets that you expect to appreciate in value as the economy recovers makes use of your exemption while also shifting that appreciation in value to the next generation.”
Spoiler alert! No one makes it off planet Earth alive. To make this time easier for your loved ones left behind, get your final documents in order.
Phil Provenzano, certified Social Security specialist and financial adviser with The Financial Guys in Rochester, said that financial documents should include a true financial plan organized by a professional financial adviser.
“I know this sounds clichéd and an easy answer for everything. However, it is so true: speak to an adviser because each person has a different situation and they will need different plans in place,” Provenzano said.
Before meeting with a financial adviser, get your paperwork and
information together. Provenzano said that in general, a financial adviser needs:
• Social Security statements
• Healthcare costs and needs
• How much your everyday lifestyle costs (expenses and what do you want to live off of in retirement)
• Pension amounts
• Asset statements
• Current income and future income from work, Social Security and pension
• Goals in retirement, such as leaving a legacy to relatives, donations traveling, etc.
• What issues can the adviser help you resolve
“If an adviser doesn't ask you
what your goals are, what you want to accomplish in your retirement years and information to gather a roadmap, then walk out and do not look back,” Provenzano warned.
Documents you will need to create include a will or trust. The latter is preferred by Tomás Gonzalez, attorney, assistant professor and coordinator of the paralegal-legal studies program at Finger Lakes Community College in Canandaigua.
“On the front end, a will may be cheaper and easier to complete; but on the flip side, it’s public,” Gonzalez said. “It will become public. There may be difficulty with heirs receiving through the will that information is exposed. Trusts keep all of those issues
private as to the distribution of assets. It can shield from creditors. When a will is probated, the creditors are first in line.”
Although many people think that only the wealthy can use trusts, Gonzalez said this is not true.
“In addition to whatever document is used, often there’s a final piece, a remainder that says anything not articulated is distributed equally,” Gonzalez said. “But you should articulate what those assets are. Your executor will have to pull that together. List those assets so the executor isn’t having to run around figuring that out.”
Gonzalez said that it’s also important to make sure the will and other documents are stored correctly such as in a home safe and deposited with an attorney. A safe deposit box at the bank may be very secure, but it can be difficult to access if the key is mislaid or when the holder passes away. Family members should know where the documents are stored.
In addition to a will or trust — documents stating where your money will go — you’ll need documents related
to who will make important decisions should you become incapacitated. These are the healthcare proxy and the power of attorney designations.
The healthcare proxy is a person you choose who will make healthcare decisions if you cannot. For example, if you are unconscious or otherwise lack the ability to decide what steps to take in your healthcare, the proxy would decide on your behalf based upon your wishes. Of course, it is necessary for this person to agree to function as your healthcare proxy and to discuss your wishes. Will you want every measure taken to extend your life? What if the care provided meant you would live in a vegetative state, dependent upon 24-hour care?
“If you’re in the hospital getting treatment and your adult child said they’re the healthcare proxy, the doctor will need to see the proxy document so they can speak for you,” said Jeff Feldman, Ph.D. and certified financial planner with Rochester Financial Services in Pittsford. “Get the proper document and make sure the people who need that document will have access to it.”
Tucking them all in a desk drawer or locking them up in a safety deposit box at the bank that only you can access will not benefit you or your family. Your healthcare providers should have copies in your file and the person named should also have a copy.
In a similar sense, the power of attorney documentation designates someone to handle your financial affairs. Again, discuss your desires with the trusted person you select and make sure your documents are where this person can access them.
“That way when you’re incapacitated, that person has the POA,” Feldman said.
The persons you select for the healthcare proxy and power of attorney may be your spouse, an adult child, other relative, trusted friend or an attorney or other professional. Select and designate back-ups also.
Some people choose a living will, but Feldman said that it’s tough to foretell what will happen to your health in the future and how you will feel about it then. That’s why he thinks the healthcare proxy is a better idea.
Whether you stream or — gasp! — pull out an old-fashioned DVD or Blu-ray, it’s a great time to watch a few classics with your grandchildren. Grab the popcorn and snuggle up under a blanket.
You Can’t Take It With You (1938, Jean Arthur and Jimmy Stewart).
Directed by Frank Capra of "It’s a Wonderful Life" fame (and with the same leading man), Stewart stars as Tony Kirby, a well-to-do banker’s son who falls for Alice (Jean Arthur). Alice and her freewheeling, eccentric family don’t care about prestige or money but instead choose to do only things they enjoy. The family lives in the only house impeding a big real estate deal for the Kirby enterprise. Once the dots are connected, mayhem ensues. "You Can’t Take It With You" offers a lot of light-hearted hijinks grounded by an evergreen message: the only thing you can take with you from this life is the love of your friends.
The Sound of Music (1965, Julie Andrews).
The music, cinematography and story are all worthy of sharing with
By Deborah Jeanne Sergeantthe youngsters, even if they “don’t like musicals” or mushy stuff. Sister Maria (Julie Andrews) is assigned by her nunnery to care for a widowed man’s seven children on his Austrian estate during the encroachment of the Nazis. Love ensues between the two, but also the need to decide to acquiesce to the Nazis or risk everything by fleeing. Discuss with your grandchildren about both the history of the rise of the Nazis in Europe as well as the film’s themes of family, love and belonging.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968, Dick VanDyke).
Full of memorable tunes, fanciful adventures and silly romps, "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" also includes some important themes in life, such as the importance of family sticking together as well as opening one’s heart again after loss. VanDyke stars as a mostly unsuccessful inventor and widower who’s struggling to rear two schoolaged children with his somewhat dotty father. Note to your grandchildren how the entire family accepts one another’s struggles, such as the father’s dubious inventions and the grandfather’s wanderings, both mental and physical.
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971, Gene Wilder)
Based on the Roald Dahl book, "Charlie Bucket" (Peter Ostrum) is a poor boy who has the chance of a lifetime to visit the mysterious Wonka candy factory and win a yet-unknown, amazing prize. Wilder delights as the offbeat and occasionally crusty Wonka who stages the entire “contest” as a means to screen his successor. The film delivers a sense of wonder, both at the joy of winning the golden ticket, but also of the fantastic Wonka world. Compare this Wonka with "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (2005, Johnny Depp) and discuss with your grandchildren the parts of the films that are different and which are the same.
The Princess Bride (1987, Robin Wright and Carey Elwes).
A good movie for both boys and girls, "The Princess Bride" serves up plenty of swashbuckling adventure, a revenge subplot, fantasy elements, goofy humor and romance. Buttercup (Wright) falls for her father’s farm boy, Westley (Elwes), who proves that cutthroat pirates, a snobby prince, even death cannot stop true love. The movie can spark some good conversations about the importance of loyalty.
What would you say is the single most valuable thing you can do to stay healthy and happy as you age?
You might say exercising or being active every day, or maybe eating less unhealthy food and more healthy food, or getting a good night’s sleep.
You wouldn’t be wrong — all of those things are valuable.
However, the most valuable is not on that list. The most valuable thing you can do to stay healthy and happy as you age is connecting with others.
This surprising finding is from the Harvard study, done by Harvard Medical School, which has followed a group of Harvard students and
other men for the past 85 years. The study found that meaningful social connections play a huge role in our physical and emotional well-being.
How happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health, concluded the study director online.
“That’s the startling revelation!” he said.
Our bodies work better when we’re not alone. The need for other people is hardwired into our brains.
Several months ago, I mentioned in this column that I just moved into a retirement complex. I didn’t know anyone living there or anyone in the city I was moving to. I know the
importance of connecting with others. As I’m an introvert, I knew I’d need to step outside of my comfort zone to make connections.
In that column, I said I was considering this an experiment — my own research project — and I’d let you know how it worked out.
My experiment was a success; I have made friends with most everybody, of course, some closer than others.
There’s my neighbor, Evelyn, a feisty 91-year-old fighting dementia with all she has. We walk to and from meals together, sit together at meals.
Then there’s Lila, my age, like me still active mentally and physically. We often sit together and compare notes on the paths our lives have taken. And Trish, who comes to the exercise classes I lead. She is a 73-year-old struggling with Parkinson’s; it’s hard to think about what the disease will do to her. And Rick. The friendly good-natured 78-year-old has had several bad strikes against him. In the hurricane that recently devastated Florida, he lost
his home, car and boat. Before that, the once-research scientist crashed his motorcycle, damaging his brain. He asks me for advice as he recognizes that his judgment is impaired.
I think what helped me make friends is that I’m able to smile easily and make eye contact. As I worked with people all my life, developing the ability to remember their names and stories. People love that I remember.
As I’m reserved in sharing information about myself, I do better asking questions and listening.
“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we give each other is our attention,” said author Rachel Naomi Remen in one of her books; she worked with people with terminal illnesses.
I do need to be careful about my question-asking so it doesn’t feel like an interrogation. I need to remind myself to be more open and sharing about myself.
And I’ve done things purposely to help me connect to others. Like
volunteering to work in the residentsrun little store. I’ve become friends with Kay who comes in often to buy an ice cream sandwich, Tom who buys milk duds daily, Rose Marie, cat food. I’m happy to see each one.
I lead an exercise group, moving to music on YouTube; I’m the bingo caller; I help in the library. And notice when newcomers move in, helping make them feel OK.
I’ve had the advantage of people living in the same apartment complex to become friends. It’s harder when you have to get in your car and go out to be with people. But I encourage you to do that: find something you would enjoy and go. Volunteer, join a regular social group at a church, community center, and library; investigate a new hobby, or revive an old one.
Remember that friendships don’t grow without effort. When you meet someone intriguing, be bold and suggest a next step, like coffee or lunch. A simple overture can go a long way; you never know where it could lead. Many of us hit a wall here; I certainly do. But if you don’t take action, you
won’t form any new relationships.
Once you’ve made a new friend, stay in touch. Regular contact deepens your connection with others.
I’m especially excited because the person that I’ve developed the strongest connection with is a man — he makes me laugh, thinks much the same as I do, enjoys the same things I do.
We want to be together and are moving into an apartment together. A transition that I am sure will bring me much joy.
Barbara Pierce is a retired licensed clinical social worker and writes for In Good Health. If you would like to purchase a copy of her book, “When You Come to the Edge: Aging” or if you have questions for her, contact her at barbarapierce06@yahoo.com.
Summer is still months away, but the Rochester area offers plenty of fun things to do and places to go with your grandchildren.
The Antique Wireless Museum in Bloomfield showcases the inventions of pioneers like Guglielmo Marconi, Samuel Morse, Edwin Armstrong and more. Explore displays exhibiting the first transistor radio and mobile phone; view a replica of the Titanic wireless room; walk around a working 1925 radio store and hear demonstrations of a 1000-watt spark transmitter. Adults $10; seniors/active service members and veterans $9; children and teens free.
More info: antiquewireless.org
Bristol Mountain in Canandaigua draws both experienced and new alpine and Nordic skiers, snowboarders and tubers. Just a short drive from Rochester, the facility provides a ski resort experience close to home. Prices vary based upon time and activity; however, Bristol offers a senior discount for those 70-plus.
More info: www.bristolmt.com
Although a museum, Corning Museum of Glass in Corning offers many hands-on activities for kids to dig into
and learn about glassmaking, such as the Make Your Own Glass experience, with seasonal objects to create. The hands-on exhibits and technology displays also capture the attention of inquisitive children. In addition, Corning Glass offers hot glassmaking demonstrations and the world’s largest display of glass, both historic and contemporary. Adults $22; AAA/ CAA, military, college student and 62+ receive a 15% discount ($18.70); Children 17 and younger, free.
More info: www.cmog.org
Aviation and motorcycle history revs to life at the Glenn H. Curtiss Museum in Hammondsport. View early cycles and planes, along with artifacts from Hammondsport history. Adults $13.50; seniors $12; youth 7-17, veterans and retired military $10; children 6 and younger, active-duty military and museum members, free.
More info: glennhcurtissmuseum.org
Ward W. O’Hara Agricultural & Country Museum includes numerous displays depicting rural life of yesteryear, all organized into themed rooms.
MAIN: Stained glass at the Hoffman Clock Museum in Newark.
INSET: Hoffman Clock Museum in Newark includes 400 timepieces of all sorts, from mass-produced vintage clocks to rare examples of antique clocks.
Housed in the Newark Public Library, Hoffman Clock Museum in Newark includes 400 timepieces of all sorts, from mass-produced vintage clocks to numerous grandfather clocks of notable origins and rare examples of antique clocks, such as a black forest organ-flute clock was made in Furtwangen, Germany. The museum was named for Augustus L. Hoffman (1856-1945), a retail jeweler and watchmaker who ran a jewelry shop in Newark for 30 years. The museum also displays a clockmaker’s repair table, the lusterware, glassware and porcelain of Hoffman’s wife, Jennie, along with a sizable stained-glass window. Curated group tours are available. Admission is free.
More info:
hoffmanclockmuseum.org
In addition to booking a farm tour at Lazy Acre Alpacas in Bloomfield where you can meet dozens of the fluffy, curious critters, plan to attend the Alpacalipse ’24 April 8, noon to 5 p.m. Enjoy yoga, concessions and entertainment in the alpaca pasture.
The farm tour includes a 200-yearold barn, treatment room, shearing barn and the loafing shed, along with alpaca videos, feeding alpacas and a two-story gift shop.
More info:
lazyacrealpacas.com
Cracker Box Palace at Alasa Farms in Sodus is more than a farm animal sanctuary of loveable animals. The organization also provides outdoor recreational opportunities on its 600 acres of forests, fields and trails. Capture wildlife photos, hike the trails (conditions permitting) and plan to attend the Pre-Eclipse Astrophotography Lessons April 6 and the Solar Eclipse Viewing April 8.
More info: crackerboxpalace.org
For more celestial fun, visit the Rochester Museum and Science Center’s Strasenburgh Planetarium to view a planetarium, star or laser show and check out the exhibits. Adults $12; seniors and children 3-18 $10; children under 3, free. The Rochester Museum and Science Center offers an ever-
changing menu of programming to engage, enlighten and entertain. Its collections include natural science and culture-history. Adults $22; seniors and students $21; children 3-18 $20; active military or veteran $19; children younger than 3, free.
More info: https://rmsc.org
A trip east to Auburn and Skaneateles should include a visit to the Ward W. O’Hara Agricultural and Country Living Museum. Located at 6880 E. Lake Road (Route 38 A) in Auburn, across from Emerson Park, the museum features the farm and home implements, tools and antiques that revolutionized the American way of life. In the summer, after visiting the museum, you may want to enjoy a picnic or go for a swim at the public beach on Owasco Lake. The museum is open seven days a week from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.
More info: wardwoharaagriculturalmuseum.org
Bloomfield where you critters.Caring for an older family member can be daunting for working adults or retirees who have their own obligations and interests. Whether in the older adult’s home or their own home, caregivers can lighten the load with area resources that provide helpful services.
For many families, finding outside help may represent the best step in providing care at home.
“Helping an aging parent cope with multiple chronic illness or dementia is very stressful and time consuming,” said Marsha Raines, licensed master social worker, advanced professional and certified aging life care manager and president of Aging Well Rochester (www.agingwellrochester.com). “The key to successful care giving is to recognize what you can realistically do, and when it’s time to call in others to help.”
One way to facilitate seeking help is to engage a professional aging life care manager. Raines said that their training helps them accurately assess
the family and older adult’s needs.
“An objective professional, skilled in family meetings, can ease the tensions associated with a care plan decision,” Raines said. “Aging life care managers know how to identify and clarify the issues, allows each person to be heard, and make a difficult conversation much less painful.”
She added that these plans may include a home safety evaluation, creating a roadmap for local home care assistance and monitoring this personalized plan over time, adjusting as needs change.
Raines recommends Aging Life Care Association (https://www. aginglifecare.org), which lists certified care managers as well as Lifespan (www.lifespan-roch.org).
As a non profit, Lifespan offers many resources under one roof, along with unbiased tips, leads and referrals since the organization is not owned by a health system or insurance company.
“We don’t get paybacks from anywhere we refer people to,” said
Mary Rose McBride, vice president marketing and communications at Lifespan.
Lifespan provides case management. McBride said that the organization functions like a “travel agent” for eldercare. She advises families to seek resources well before they’re needed so they know what is available and how these resources can help rather than waiting until a crisis occurs.
Lifespan also offers respite care for 24/7 caregivers so they can get a few hours’ break. Taking time to rest, go shopping, or run errands. The organization can also accompany an older adult on a doctor’s visit and help with asking questions and updating the caregiver.
Another type of resource McBride recommends is businesses that bring services to older adults’ homes, like medical care or hair dressing. For those who lack transportation or are frail, receiving care at home can be easier. It also helps caregivers manage fewer
appointments.
Alyssa Ziolko, certified personal trainer, licensed physical therapist assistant and owner of A to Z Personal Wellness in Fairport, provides in-home personal training to help older adults “maintain their independence and a high quality of life,” she said. “They want to age in place, so we work on strength and balance exercises to keep them strong enough to do what they need and want to do.”
Working at home helps her identify obstacles to independence at home and help people better navigate their homes. She uses what people have in their homes, so they can perform exercises between visits and brings along a few pieces of equipment as well.
“For people who live alone or when people who live with the caregiver and the daughter’s out of town, it’s another pair of eyes on them,” Ziolko said.
Oftentimes, her services help people who have deconditioned after an injury or illness. Insurance covers only a limited number of weeks of
physical therapy, even though many people could still improve with further assistance.
“It's never too late to improve strength or balance or even just start exercising,” Ziolko said.
County offices for the aging provide many resources, including caregiver counseling, resource lists and referrals and respite care. Sometimes, services are subsidized to help families cover costs. One of the services offered by Ontario County Office for the Aging is Silver Connect, an adult day program for respite.
Triciajean Jones, director of Ontario County Office for the Aging, listed financial management workshops, caregiver communication training, home delivered meals, congregant meal sites and more as services available in the county.
“I don’t think enough people take advantage of the respite program where someone can come in and do light housekeeping,” Jones said. “Sometimes, those chores get to be a lot when you’re a caregiver. Having
someone help lifts some of the pressure so you can enjoy being with the person you’re caring for. Caregivers have so much stress that this can make it a place they can enjoy each other.”
Everyday Hands (www. everydayhandshelp.com) in the greater Rochester area, provides transportation, support during and after doctor’s appointments, companionship, light housekeeping, laundry, changing linens and pet care.
Lauren Goetz, owner of Everyday Hands, said that her company’s unofficial tagline is “stunt doubles for daughters and daughters-in-law.”
“I feel people should spend time with their parents enjoying them and not just doing things for them,” Goetz said. “People can start to resent their parents. I think that if we can eliminate some of that, they can enjoy their last years with their parents. Otherwise, it’s ‘I’ve got to go by Mom’s and do a bunch of stuff for her’ rather than spending time with her.”
Marsha Raines Alyssa Ziolko Triciajean Jones Lauren Goetz
IBy John Addyman
Email: john.addyman@yahoo.com
know desperation … I’m a teacher.
Yes, it’s true. After decades out of the classroom, I got talked back into it last spring.
This time it was going to be different. I was in a non-public middle school, the classes were all small, the kids remarkably well-behaved and the principal was a ball of upbeat fire.
What could go wrong?
They say teachers are lifelong learners. I started learning all over again 10 minutes into the job when classes opened in September.
First, kids are different. Curriculum is different. Technology is way different. Teachers are different. Education is different. And because I had been out of a middle school classroom for what? — 43 years — I was different.
I found I had to invent a lot of things for class every day and I was teaching six subjects. When I started teaching in the 1960s, I had six classes a day with 45 kids in each class. Now in my new school, there weren’t 45 kids in the whole four grades of the middle school.
Along the way I found help from Cathy, the teacher I replaced, bless her heart, and from my colleague teachers: they knew what I was going through.
The day came in late January when I had to teach a genetics lab. Here I reached out for a resource to make the lab interesting, fun, educational and easy to do. I tapped an organization called Teachers Pay Teachers, which sells — for very little money — lessons invented and successfully used by other teachers.
Everything I needed to do in the lab — instructions, handouts, worksheets and colorful stuff — was in a $4 package.
And that’s why I found myself on the floor in our local Wegmans, crying.
Crying.
I’m not proud. I was desperate.
The exercise I bought is called “Gummy Bear Genetics” and it was developed by a middle school teacher in Illinois who goes by the pseudonym “BioHero.”
Beyond the four bucks needed to purchase the lab I had to do just one more thing — buy 256 gummy bears — yellow and green only.
“No problemo,” I said confidently to my teacher-sourcing self. “Piece of cake. Can of corn.
William Mattar and I got this.”
I don’t eat a lot of candy, but I’ve run through the part of our beloved Wegmans where they sell candy out of little bins — perfect, I thought to myself. I’ll just sashay over there and figure out some way to scoop gummy bears out of the bins, separate the yellow and green ones until I have enough and I’m home free. My kids will love this lab.
BioHero had foreshadowed this plan of mine with a caution: “I usually
have to buy quite a bit of gummy bears.”
I’ve been a teacher a long time. I know when to ignore good advice.
BioHero should have extended her warning a little, to, “Ignore my advice at your peril.”
So here I was at Wegmans two whole days before the lab. It was a Sunday night with very few people in the store. I confidently walked — no, in truth I strode — right up to the places where all the candy bins were, looking for the ones I knew contained an abundance of gummy bears. I hadn’t quite figured out how I was going to cleanly separate the yellow and green ones from Wegmans’ vast supply of gummies, but I was confident I’d figure out that minor detail.
My wife had already gone to the other part of the store to get some salad stuff, so I was alone as I walked down the aisle.
But where were the bins of candies? OMG! They were gone.
Wegmans had decided to package gummy bears in little plastic boxes. I couldn’t sort through a bin and pick out the yellow and green gummies I needed. I went down those two aisles four times. I went up and down every shelf. I picked up package after package, different sizes of gummies, different prices, different kinds (little ones and littler ones), sour ones, different-flavored ones.
“Oh no,” I said to myself as I slumped to the floor. “I have a problem. I’m going to go home tonight with umpty-jillion gummy bears and spend the rest of the night sorting through all the packages.”
I never cried too much when I taught science in the ‘60s and ‘70s. But there I was now with a tear rolling down my cheek.
“Science teachers don’t cry,” I said to myself.
I got off the floor just as my wife arrived and I told her the problem, showed her the little plastic boxes of Wegmans gummies and all the other packages of gummies. I showed her that each package seemed to contain just a few green or yellow gummies.
“How many packages are you going to buy?” she asked.
It took a while to answer that question.
We bought some of the bigger bags of gummies and emptied the shelf of the smaller packages. And I took them all home, walking out with my jacket pockets full to bursting with gummy bears.
I wondered what would happen if a police car stopped us on the way home and the police officer asked, “What do you have bulging in your pockets there, fella?”
“Gummy bears,” I’d answer sincerely.
“Sure,” he’d say.
We got home and later I realized I didn’t have time to separate the gummy bears that night and Monday night would be even busier — and the lab was Tuesday.
“Honey?”
“You’re not going to ask me to separate all those gummy bears on Monday, are you?” my wife asked.
I did.
And she did. She was once a teacher, too … and she knew desperation.
Bless all science teachers’ spouses.
Kathleen Houser, 75
Q: You’ve played many roles in your career. What were some of your favorites?
A: During my 27 years career as a Victor Central School art teacher, I established the ‘Gifted in the Arts’ program. As a primary school principal for 13 years in three school districts, I supported staff by giving the warriors the tools they needed to fight the battles. As an artist, I started my own businesses, including hosting tea parties, as well as creating objects for home and garden from recycled materials. I also established and managed the Art Gallery in the foyer of the Cobblestone Arts Center in Farmington and organized a fashion show of wearable art as a fundraiser for the Ontario County Arts Council. And for the past 15 years, I’ve enjoyed hosting monthly themed tea parties for the Day-Hab students at Cobblestone Arts Center.
Q: Your volunteer roles have been ambitious as well. What inspired you to jump on board?
A: A challenge from a former Victor Historical Society president inspired me to run the Peddlers Market at Historic Valentown Museum in Victor. And my passion for gardening and working with friends and local residents to enhance the beauty of our community led me to become part of the Victor Garden Club, Valentown Garden Club and the Seventh District Federated Garden Clubs NYS.
Q: Creativity has also played a major role in your life — talk about the various mediums and disciplines you’ve tackled.
A: I’ve always enjoyed making something out of nothing. I take great satisfaction in taking found objects and repurposing them into other objects. This has resulted in my creating mosaic mirrors from broken china as well as using discarded china, glass and metal plates and platters. Lately, I’ve
been creating jackets and coats from upcycled tablecloths from the 1940s and 1950s. I’ve also recently explored felt making, shibori dyeing and hat making. In the past, I did a lot of work in clay and loved the whole process of digging clay, processing it, forming objects and firing.
Q: What other hobbies and passions are you enjoying these days? What gives your life balance?
A: Gardening has been a passion since I retired 20 years ago. At that time, I created 13 monochromatic color gardens on our property. I really enjoyed hosting workshops here where participants made a teacup planter for their own garden, as well as touring mine. Decorating is also a passion, and every month I change out the decor in the house with a different theme, switching out colors, sets of china, flatware and linens. Most are beautiful things inherited from family and I love to use them rather than having them sit in a box. I have a group of friends that I entertain monthly and love to spoil them this way. Decorating therapy is what keeps me sane!
Q: What's one personal core value that has helped shape the person you are today?
A: Don't take no for an answer — just go for it. Persistently stand up for what you believe, and learn from your mistakes. One of the things I loved about being a principal (being a right-brained thinker in a left-brained world) was that I never knew what I would face going in the door, but every day I’d have to find a creative solution in order to solve the problem.
Q: What are you enjoying most about being retired?
A: I love sleeping in! I am not a morning person.
Q: What’s your next “adventure?”
A: I’m expanding my business and line of upcycled wearable art to include silks and laces. I joined the Ontario County Arts Council and Rochester Area Fiber Arts groups and have had a number of my fiber pieces on display in exhibits in the area. I will be organizing a display at the Wood Library in June through July of work by the RAFA group and plan to teach workshops on creating jackets and coats from upcycled fabrics.
