55 Plus of Rochester, #59: September – October 2019 by 55 Plus: For Active Adults in Rochester

Have Enough Money for Retirement? Think Again

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At 61, Fairport woman still belly dancing How to pick a financial planner

Issue 59 â&#x20AC;˘ September/October 2019 For Active Adults in the Rochester Area

COMMUNITY ACTIVIST From corporate consultant to community activist: Suzanne Mayer is known for two things â&#x20AC;&#x201D; fighting to improve Rochester neighborhoods and getting things done

Inside: Is love in the air or are you just being catfished?

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CONTENTS

Sept. / Oct. 2019

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Savvy Senior 6 12 RETIREMENT • Retirement life is not for sissies Financial Health 8 14 PASSION Dining Out 10 • Fairport woman still belly dancing at 61 Memories 44 Addyman’s Corner 46 16 OUTDOORS Long-term Care 48

• Fall fun with the grandchildren

18 DATING • Is love in the air — or are you just being catfished?

55 PLUS Q&A Rochester attorney Ed Fiandach, 66, is all about DWI. He talks about why he chose this area of law and how the law has changed over time 4

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55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

22 SECOND ACT • College professor tries her hand in the grant writing business — and is already managing a team of more than 40 people

24 BUSINESS • So, you want to start a B&B? We spoke with two families who did it

28 MUSIC • Mr. Mustard adds spice to the incomparable Beatles

30 COVER

• Suzanne Mayer: from corporate consultant to community activist

35 ADVOCACY • Maria Delgado Sutton: Still helping victims of Hurricane Maria

38 DOWNSIZING • You may have a hard time finding a buyer for your large home

40 WRITING • Michael B. Coyle of Canandaigua writes his second book. He is 80

42 GIVING • Greece retirees collect school supplies, toys for less fortunate kids

Had a Stroke. Back on Stage.

Musician Todd Hobin KNOW THE SIGNS • CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY

Central New York music legend Todd Hobin knew nothing about stroke — but he does now. That’s why he’s raising awareness about stroke risk factors and its signs and symptoms.

FACE DROOPING

A. S.

ARM WEAKNESS

SPEECH DIFFICULTY

TIME TO CALL 911

Fact: Stroke is the fifth leading cause of death and a leading cause of disability in the U.S. Important to know: Stroke can happen to both men and women — at any age. Good news: Stroke is preventable by managing medical risk factors and healthy lifestyle choices. What to do: Time lost is brain lost. So it’s vital to know the signs of a stroke — F.A.S.T. Four words to live by: Call 911 and say, “Take me to Crouse.“ When it comes to stroke, every moment matters. As one of just 10 hospitals in New York State tohave earned Comprehensive Stroke Center status, and with the region’s newest ER and hybrid ORs, Crouse offers the most advanced technology for rapid stroke diagnosis and treatment

Read Todd’s story and learn more: crouse.org/toddhobin.

July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

savvy senior By Jim Miller

How to Find a Good Financial Planner

good place to start your search for a financial planner is by asking friends or relatives. If you don’t know anyone who can give you a referral, and you’re looking for broadbased financial advice, hire a certified financial planner, or CFP, who are considered the “gold standard” in the industry. CFPs must act as fiduciaries, putting their client’s best interest above their own. To get the CFP credential, they must have a college degree and be educated in a wide range of personal finance subjects, pass a rigorous certification exam, have three years professional experience, meet continuing-education requirements and abide by a code of ethics. CFPs are taught to look at the big picture view of your finances, talking you through your goals, as well as advising you on the details of your financial life. You’re also probably better off hiring a CFP that’s a fee-only planner, versus one who earns a commission by selling you financial products. Fee-only planners charge only for their services — for example you might pay $150 to $350 an hour for a financial tune-up, a flat fee per project or an asset-based fee. To find a fee-only planner in your area, use the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (NAPFA. org), which carefully vets all members and offers an online directory. Or see the Garrett Planning Network (GarrettPlanningNetwork.com), a network of fee-only advisers. Or the Alliance of Comprehensive Planners (ACplanners.org), a community of fee-only advisors that charge annual retainers. If your needs are more specific, some other financial professionals to consider are a registered investment adviser (RIA) who is registered with the Securities and Exchange Commis-

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

sion or a state securities regulator to manage investment portfolios; a chartered financial consultant (ChFC), who specialize in insurance and estate planning; and a certified public accountant (CPA), who can help with tax planning. Be leery of many other financial advising titles, designations and certifications that are out there like the certified financial consultant (CFC) or the wealth management specialist (WMS). Many of these require no more than a few courses at a seminar or online, which means they’re not worth much. How to Choose — After you find a few candidates, call them up and schedule an appointment to meet and interview them. Find out about their experience, expertise and the types of services they provide; if they’re a fiduciary; how they charge and how much; what is their investment philosophy; and how will they handle your ongoing questions or financial needs. Look for someone whose clients are in situations similar to yours and who’s available as often as you need them. It’s also wise to do a background check on your potential adviser. At LetsMakeaPlan.org, you can verify a planner’s certification as CFP (click on “Verify CFP Professional Status”). You’ll also see any information on the planner’s disciplinary history. To vet a registered investment adviser, go to Investor.gov where you can search an individual’s name and click on “Detailed Report” to see information on qualifications, employment history, disciplinary actions, criminal convictions and more. To check out a broker, visit BrokerCheck.finra.org where you can search an individual or firm’s name to get details like years of experience, licensing, exams passed and regulatory actions.

55PLUS roc55.com

Editor and Publisher Wagner Dotto

Associate Editor Lou Sorendo

Writers & Contributing Writers

Deborah J. Sergeant, Christine Green, Christopher Malone Mike Costanza, Lynette M. Loomis, Todd Etshman, Kimberly Blaker, Maggie Moraldo

Columnists

Jim Terwilliger, Susan Suben Jim Miller, John Addyman

Advertising

Anne Westcott, Linda Covington

Office Assistant Nancy Nitz

Layout and Design Dylon Clew-Thomas

Cover Photo

Chuck Wainwright 55 PLUS –A Magazine for Active Adults in the Rochester Area is published six times a year by Local News, Inc., which also publishes In Good Health–Rochester—Genesee Valley’s Healthcare Newspaper.

Mailing Address PO Box 525 Victor, NY 14564 © 2019 by 55 PLUS – A Magazine for Active Adults in the Rochester Area. No material may be reproduced in whole or in part from this publication without the express written permission of the publisher. PRSRT STD US Postage PAID Buffalo, NY Permit No. 4725

How to Reach Us P.O. Box 525 Victor, NY 14564 Voice: 585-421-8109 Fax: 585-421-8129 Editor@roc55.com

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Call us today at 585-274-4186 July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

financial health By Jim Terwilliger

Dealing with Investment Volatility … and More

ost investors are familiar with the concept of volatility. But many are not acquainted with the associated concept of “sequence of returns.” Volatility occurs when investments are exposed to the stock market through individual stocks or stock mutual funds. It is common to see investment portfolios with 70%-100% stock exposure during one’s earning (accumulation) years and 50%-70% exposure during retirement (distribution) years. The purpose is simple. Stocks offer the opportunity to grow investments at a rate greater than inflation. During accumulation, you want to maximize the size of your nest egg available at retirement. During distribution, you want your nest egg to stay ahead of inflation to minimize the probability of running out of money and to maintain the spending power of your distributions. So far, so good. But along with stocks providing a potentially-higher return comes the downside factor of risk, with volatility being the primary risk. While stocks historically have risen in value over the long term, the ride is bumpy. This bumpiness (volatility) appears in cycles that can last days, weeks, months, and even years. For example, during the past 20 years, the S&P 500 index showed a 32.4% gain in 2013 but a 37% loss in 2008. Talk about bumpy! While the average rate of return for the 20-year 1999-2018 period was 7.2%, the compound annualized (effective) return was only 5.6%. It is the effective return that determines how much money you have at the end of any period. The higher the volatility during that period, the lower the effective return. Volatility is the investor’s enemy. It is important to understand how volatility and sequence of returns im-

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

pact investments during the two primary phases of our financial lives. See the following scenarios.

Lump sum investment This is the simplest scenario. Invest a sum of money and let it grow over a period of time. This might be to fund a specific goal at some point in the future and can occur during either phase of your financial life. If there is no volatility (such as with a long-term CD), the effective rate of return is equal to the average return and the resulting value is easy to calculate. But, if we had invested $10,000 in an S&P 500 index mutual fund on Jan. 1, 1999, the 20-year compound annualized return of 5.6% would have resulted in a balance of

$29,736 on Dec. 31, 2018. Even though the average return over this time period was 7.2%, we would not have achieved a return of 7.2% due to volatility. For a lump sum investment, sequence of returns does not impact the outcome. If the effective return is 5.6%, the final dollar value is not influenced at all by the order in which the annual returns occur. Volatility matters but sequence of returns does not.

Accumulation phase This scenario involves using excess cash flow to make annual contributions to retirement and investment accounts. Total portfolio growth is fueled by a combination of contribu-

tions and investment returns. As before, with no volatility, the effective return is equal to the average return and the resulting value is easy to calculate. But, with volatility, the effective return is impacted negatively. Higher volatility over the long timeframe will reduce the ultimate gain. Further, sequence of returns matters here. Generally, a poor stock market during the early portion of the accumulation period, followed by a strong stock market, results in a bigger nest egg at the time of retirement. Such a sequence yields a higher effective rate of return.

Distribution phase This scenario involves using money from our retirement / investment portfolios to help fund retirement. Typically, annual distributions would slowly increase to keep pace with inflation. Again, with no volatility, the effective return is equal to the average return, resulting in no impact. But, with volatility, the effective return is again lower. Higher volatility over the retirement timeframe will result in a nest egg that depletes more rapidly. Sequence of returns again matters. Generally, a poor stock market during the first portion of retirement, followed by a strong stock market, results in a more-rapidly-depleting nest egg due to a lower effective return. Note that for the accumulation and distribution phases, the opposite scenario (strong stock market first followed by poor stock market) results in the opposite sequence-of-returns outcome. In a future column, we will review the implications of the above to the investor and what action can be taken to reduce volatility and sequence-of-returns impacts. In the meantime, it is important for you to be aware of these impacts so that they do not take you by surprise. James Terwilliger, CFP, is senior vice president, senior planning adviser, CNB Wealth Management, Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. He can be reached at 585-419-0670 ext. 50630 or by email at jterwilliger@cnbank.com.

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July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

8/2/19 12:38 PM

DiningOut By Christopher Malone

Restaurant

Guide

Red Dove Tavern’s duck breast ($28) with the apricot-miso salad, daily fried rice, and sautéed spinach.

The Red Dove

Is the Geneva tavern a place to roost or fly by? “The apricots are in season right now,” said Lynne, our server at The Red Dove Tavern at 30 E. Castle St. in Geneva. She had us at apricots, but more about this in a little bit. The atmosphere and shrimp pil-pil small plate ($13) truly kicked off the experience. The quaint Geneva restaurant, which opened in 2007, is a quintessential Finger Lakes eatery. It’s chic and has a strong local focus. There aren’t copious tables. The décor is on the minimal side — less distracting. 10

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

The one-page menu is filled with distinct options that yield fine moments of decision-making awkward silence. And, importantly, the ingredients are fresh. The day of the meal, the ever-changing menu was very recently updated (Wednesday, July 31, was written on top). The online menu, which had yet to be switched to the present one, was dated six days prior. Clearly Red Dove isn’t afraid of adding and swapping items. Plus, running out of ingredients — there was

no more venison this evening — is also a clear indicator of culinary turnover. Back to the food: Pil-pil is an olive oil-based sauce with garlic and chili pepper. From the context of this, yes, Red Dove’s small plate tastes just like that national chain’s ever popular spicy shrimp dish that is such a “bang” with consumers. Although shrimp is not local fare cultivated in Upstate New York, the take on the familiar dish is much more satisfying. The shrimp is big-

ger and perfectly crispy. The pil-pil is light and there wasn’t any questioning the concoction of the sauce. The food debacle was over sandwiches. Go with the brie or choose the cauliflower? Despite the uniqueness of each of the sammies, the fried cauliflower seemed too good to pass up. Broccoli’s cousin came out crispy, lightly fried. It joined spinach and banana peppers under a blanket of melted provolone cheese and in between the halves of a brioche roll. The very light sandwich ($13) was surprisingly good. The combination of flavors worked well. Although it wasn’t entirely filling on its own, the distinct house fries filled the void. They were short, thin and crispy. The seasoning and salt were moderate for the appealing shredded spuds. Cue the entrees. This is where Lynne’s insight came into play. Deciding on the sandwich was not as much of a process. We quacked instead of bleated. The duck breast ($28) with the apricot-miso salad, daily fried rice, and sautéed spinach was chosen over the braised lamb. Lynne’s insight about the apricots being in season and her knowledge of dishes across the menu was admirable. Plus, she asked how we wanted our duck cooked — also a first for a personal dining experience. The bird was cooked medium per request, and it was a great decision. The bird was very succulent, and the apricot-miso salad that topped the bird was fantastic. It added a slight sweetness with each bite, and it paired well. It almost should be as common as pork and applesauce. The daily rice was a standout as well. Although there was a bit of a saltiness to the first bite, the flavor and aroma were light, similarly to that of jasmine rice. It’s obvious the lily does add subtle floral hints, but it works well to liven up a familiar side. The spinach was also sautéed really well. After adding in two beers ($5 each) for the two of us, the total before tip came to just under $71. It’s on the steeper side of a dinner for two with two beers and sharing a small plate, sandwich, and entrée. But it’s guilt-free. When it comes to eating local and cleaner, prices can be slightly higher. Red Dove presents a place for foodies or the connoisseurs looking for a good meal. The restau-

The cauliflower sandwich at Red Dove came out crispy, lightly fried. It joined spinach and banana peppers under a blanket of melted provolone cheese. It was surprisingly good.

Shrimp pil-pil small plate: The shrimp is bigger and perfectly crispy. The pil-pil is light and there wasn’t any questioning the concoction of the sauce.

rant welcomes patrons of all ages, first dates or the 300th date night, solo or group outings, college kids or families with kids. Red Dove is a place without televisions and overbearing music. The distraction-free eatery allows diners to focus on each other, conversation, and the food that brings them closer together.

Red Dove Tavern Address 30 E. Castle St., Geneva, NY 14456 Phone 315-718-2020 Website/Social • reddovetavern.com • www.facebook.com/The-RedDove-Tavern-30997494983/ • Instagram.com/reddovetavern Hours Sun. & Mon.: Closed Tues –Thurs: 4 – 11 p.m. Wed – Sat.: 4 – 10 p.m. July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

55+retirement Retirement Is Not for Sissies Have enough money for retirement? Think again By Maggie Moraldo

hile it’s possible to be thoroughly enjoying the retirement lifestyle, it is, however, accompanied by financial fears, especially if the investments you are counting on don’t continue to grow. Or, as in past markets, they drop sharply. As a sooner-than-expected retiree, I had concerns about my financial future. After sharpening pencil after pencil myself, then talking to financial experts, my anxiety began to decrease. I assumed that cautious spending, early Social Security benefits and a monthly draw from my IRA would be adequate for my living expenses. I also hoped for occasional employment for additional rainy-day costs. Well, three years later I have learned that being frugal and cautious are not easy to practice. Recently, for example, I felt obligated to go to an out-of-town wedding for my nephew’s stepson. The cost for the weekend was approximately $1,500. I will be going out of town again soon for another family celebration – a new baby. I’m sure I’ll have to spend more money. Here’s a list of some unforeseen expenses, things I neglected to include on my retirement “miscellaneous” expenses: • Our children are buying homes. Even if we don’t assist in the down payment, we feel the need, and the desire, to help with related purchases such as furniture, decorative accessories or landscaping, for example. • They may be moving out of town, just as many of our friends 12

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

“Three years later I have learned that being frugal and cautious [during retirement] are not easy to practice.” have, and this means high travel costs and the related expenses there. • The grandchildren are arriving now, both ours and those of our friends and family members. This means gifts for the showers and arrivals. Also, there are still weddings taking place of our own family members or those close to us. We know how expensive this becomes when we add up the gift, nice clothing and, perhaps, transportation. • There is more free time now in our lives and it leaves room for entertainment that has been long desired. There are lunches and dinners with previous coworkers, neglected old school chums and other old and new friends. We are buying subscriptions for season tickets for the theater or sporting events, or other venues. Here again are also the incidental expenses such as dining out, gasoline, souvenirs. • A sad part of aging is illness and death. We are all going to be dealing with this, especially now, and I, for one, did not even think to have to include this as an incidental expense, but the related costs are heavy. They include medical and hospital visits for us or our loved ones, co-pays for doctors and prescriptions, gasoline

Maggie Moraldo, 75, is a retiree who lives in Rochester. She has raised three children while working in many capacities: sales, teaching and, most recently, real estate. She holds mastership in bridge and has hosted a poker game in her home for more than 40 years. and parking fees. The funerals have the possible cost of travel, and there are the gifts and memorials as well. Anticipating all this new, associated costs, is near impossible. It’s probably best to pad the “miscellaneous” category in your budget a little more. College degree notwithstanding, I’m going to take any employment I’m offered to cushion my retirement expenses. I’ve also warned my children that I may need to move in with them someday. The looks on their blood-drained faces were hilarious. You must try it. That aging process, I mentioned, is worse than expected: dental implants, cataract surgery, replacement parts … and I am actually very healthy for my age. Dipping into savings, remortgaging, cutting back on entertainment, are now the way of life. My children think I’m “cheap” because of the cutbacks I employ. They should actually applaud me for not becoming their burden! Wait! I’ll do it myself.

It’s so fun to retire here, everyone’s trying to move in. Disguises. Fake IDs. Deeper sounding voices. We really can’t blame ’em. Living at The Village at Unity truly is that much fun. Call (585) 205-7797 now to schedule your complimentary lunch and tour. Not quite 55 yet? Patience, patience, patience.

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55+passion Still Belly Dancing at 61 Fairport woman drawn to the practice for both fun and fitness By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

elly dancers: exotic, entrancing and, in this case, a 61-year old mother of five, Debbie Robinson of Fairport. Though not a stereotypical belly dancer, Robinson represents a growing number of belly dancers who join the activity for both fun and fitness. “It was one of those things that was intriguing,” Robinson said. “I’d always loved dance.” She took jazz dance through college and never too seriously. “I never quite felt I was good enough,” she said. “My dance instructor when I was a teenager said I had potential but they were looking for thin girls. I was quite thin then but not thin enough.” While rearing her children with husband Yves, she always missed dance classes. Then she saw a notice at a local recreation center and learned she could take belly dancing classes. “I fell in love with it immediately,” she said. “There’s a belly dance community that I’d never heard about. There’s festivals and workshops. I took my local classes and started training with whoever I could.” Eventually, Robinson became in-

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

Belly dancer Debbie Robinson.

volved with belly dancing at age 44 at Goddess Hour Belly Dance at Kinections Dance Studio in Rochester under the direction of Michelle Charles. “She’s an amazing and wonderful dancer and teacher,” Robinson said enthusiastically. “My hobby was sewing which is good but I’m sitting on my butt. I wanted a hobby that would get me up and moving. I got so bored with aerobics classes.” “Boring” is definitely not a term associated with belly dancing. Beyond the exotic costumes and movements, the dance supports good health. Robinson said that belly dancing has helped with her back problems, improved her stamina, increased her flexibility and built core strength through its gyrating movements. “We focus on pulling the belly in and letting it out and using our abs and back and moving in very different ways,” Robinson said. “I’ve improved my balance and I think it also works nicely to keep your brain active,” she added “You

have to think and work hard when you’re trying to memorize the different dance steps.” She also finds that belly dancing helps her become more mindful, as she has to focus on how she moves her body. “If frees your brain a while from the chatter that goes on in it,” Robinson said. She attends Charles’ class weekly and participates in a belly dancing troupe that rehearses weekly and performs publically. She also attends a week-long belly dancing camp annually. So what does Robinson’s husband think about his wife’s hobby? “At first, he said, ‘Woo hoo, I can’t wait to see you belly dance!’ but I didn’t know enough,” Robinson said with a laugh. “One day, I was brave enough. He sat there a little embarrassed, I think, but he’s used to it and it’s normal now.” Yves Robinson confirmed, “I’m glad she’s doing it. It’s fun to watch.” He attends her shows to show his

support. “My kids were horrified at first,” Debbie Robinson said. “When I started, I had teenage boys that were just, ‘Oh, my! Look at what my mother is doing!’ It was a little shocking at first. Then they realized they could be as horrified as they wanted; I wasn’t giving it up. Now they’re pretty much supportive. My daughter loves it and started dancing for a while, too.” The Robinsons have four sons and a daughter. Robinson said that over the past few years, the age demographic of belly dancing women in the area has increased. Instead of mostly women in their teens to early 20s in the class and at the events, more in their 40s and 50s on up have joined recently — and even a few in their 70s and 80s. “We had a lovely lady who danced with us in her upper 80s,” Robinson said. “It’s one of those things you can keep doing your whole life. There’s a lot of variation in the type of dancing you’d do. it’s a very accepting community. You probably don’t get hired out for dancing at someone’s 30th birthday party if you’re 60 but we dance at festivals. We have dancers of every size and shape and age.” Body acceptance is a big part of belly dancing, and appreciating what the body can do. “You can move it and be graceful,” Robinson said. “No one is pressured to have a perfect body. If you have more weight, it’s more to jiggle and it’s all good. Skinnier girls have to work a little hard to shake things.” Robinson worked as a clerk at Clark Shoes in Rochester, but mainly stayed home to rear her children. She said that belly dance “nourishes the soul” and offers her a creative outlet, as well as a way to build her confidence. As she has grown older, Robinson has experienced the phenomenon of feeling “invisible” to others, and as if her thoughts and opinions aren’t as valid as a younger person’s. “I feel like doing something like belly dancing makes me a little bit harder to ignore,” she said. “I’m still a vibrant human being and I love dressing up in sparkles, sequins and beads and going out there to give it my all. If you want to watch, great, if not, OK. It makes me happy and gives me a way to express myself.”

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July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

55+ outdoors

Fall Fun with the Grandchildren By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant Enjoy sunny days with your grandchildren before snow flies. Consider trying these outdoorsy adventures with your young ones. • Bristol Mountain in Canandaigua offers high-flying fun for children starting at age 4 through adults. With double locking “smart” belays attached to the harnesses, at least one belay is locked onto a safety wire at all times while you traverse the high ropes challenges and zoom along zip lines in the treetops. Think of it as a mash-up of leaf peeping and theme park riding. It’s open weekends in September and October. A limited snack shop selection is available; however, outside food is permitted. https://bristolmountainadventures.com

batting cages. At the Henrietta location, visitors can enjoy go-karts three ways: a slow track for beginners, tandem for very young riders (the passenger has a dummy steering wheel) and the fast track for older children through adults. Each clubhouse has a snack shop. www.clubhousefuncenter.com

• Clubhouse Fun Center in Greece and Henrietta is a good bet if the weather forecast is iffy. Outside, play a few rounds of miniature golf. But if the weather turns on you, the extensive arcade will keep the kids entertained for quite a while. At the Greece location, there’s also an indoor ropes course, indoor ball pit and outdoor

• Starting in mid-September through October, weekends at Stokoe Farms in Scottsville are all about family fun during its Harvest Fest, which features farm animals, straw fort, pumpkin launcher, barrel train, apple cannon, nature trail, plus a snack shop. www.stokoefarms.com

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

• From mid-August through October, Wickham Farms in Penfield offers guests plenty to do with a jumping pillow, jumping pad, train rides, corn mazes, miniature golf, rubber duck races, and combine slide. On weekends, there’s also apple cannons and hayrides. Food is available for purchase. http://wickhamfarms.com

• Beginning Sept. 15, Halloween and Fall Foliage Trolley Rides at the New York Museum of Transportation in Henrietta can provide a fun way to get to a pumpkin patch for crafts and a doughnut with cider, plus trick-ortreating in Halloween-decorated trolley cars. Rides leave every half hour. Open Sundays only, except for Sat., Oct. 19. www.nymtmuseum.org • Throughout September and October weekends, Long Acre Farms in Macedon offers its Fall Festival Weekends. Get lost in a giant corn maze — one of the best rated corn mazes in the state — or the mini maze, play with the kids in the large farm-themed play area, ride the mini train and peruse the farm market for autumn goodies and vended food, including wood-fired pizza. If you’re game, the farm also offers Moonlight Mazes on certain weekends. www.longacrefarms.com • For another farm adventure, Fun on the Farm in Seneca Castle is held every odd year at a different Ontario County farm. This year the event will take place at J. Minns Farms and Sons, located at 3379 Seneca Castle Road, Seneca Castle. As always, this is hosted by a working farm that doesn’t ordinarily open for guests, but does so for the hundreds of visitors who come for just a day (Sept. 21) to tour the barns on a hayride, visit with animals, sample local foods, play games

Clubhouse Fun Center in Henrietta offers go-karts three ways: a slow track for beginners, tandem for very young riders and the fast track for older children and adults. Photo by Deborah Jeanne Sergeant.

like cabbage bowling and explore a petting zoo and vendor area. Food is available for sale, along with many tastings and samples of local foods. www.ontariocountyfunonthefarm.com • Finger Lakes Live Steamers: Fall Public Open House in Clyde will thrill any train enthusiast, young or old. The club opens its 12-acre grounds on Sept. 28 to welcome the public to ride its three different gauge railroads: 7¼inch, 4¾-inch and Gauge One with more than 800 feet of track. The trains accommodate both children and adults, so you can ride along. Snacks are available for sale. This is a oneday event. www.fingerlakeslivesteamers.org

During weekends in September and October, Long Acre Farms in Macedon offers its Fall Festival Weekends. Photo by Deborah Jeanne Sergeant.

• Get in the fall spirit with Pumpkin Palooza in Lyons. The rural village goes full-on Halloween on Oct. 12 with costume parade, fall-themed games, trunk-or-treat for the children, casket racing, screaming contest, pumpkin roll, zombie walk, Thriller dance-off and more. Food trucks will be present. www.facebook.com/LyonsPumpkinPalooza). As most of these venues and events are weather-permitting, check their websites before heading out for house and any cancellation notices. Also make sure that your footwear and clothing is appropriate for where you’re headed.

Finger Lakes Live Steamers in Clyde will thrill any train enthusiast, young or old. The club opens its 12-acre grounds on Sept. 28 to welcome the public to ride its three different gauge railroads. Photo by Deborah Jeanne Sergeant. July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

55+ dating

Is Love in the Air — Or Are You Just Being Catfished? Number of 55- to 64-year-old people trying online dating continues to grow — so is the number of catfishers, scammers who prey on them By Kimberly Blaker

he number of couples who meet online, in all age groups, continues to grow. A whopping 39% of heterosexual couples and 65% of same-sex couples who met in 2017 met online. This was reported in a new study, “Disintermediating your friends,” by Michael Rosenfeld, department of sociology at Stanford University. Eighty-five percent of those who’ve tried online dating are under the age of 55, according to Pew Research Center. Two age categories, however, have seen the most growth. The 18- to 24-year-old group tripled to 27% in 2015 over a two-year peri-

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

od. Also, the 55- to 64-year-old group that’s tried online dating doubled to 12%. Men make up more than half of those in online dating sites and apps. Online dating has led to numerous committed relationships and marriages. But as too many can attest, it’s not all fun — and there are plenty of games. In fact, according to studies, more than half of users lie on their online dating profiles. It’s often fairly innocent (though frustrating to those who uncover the deceptions) in regards to their age, weight or height. But catfishers (scammers who lure people into a sham relationship) are a whole different breed. They lie

about nearly everything, including posting stolen photos to beguile and lure victims. In 2016 alone, the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center received 15,000 complaints under the category of romance scams and confidence fraud. Most, however, likely don’t get reported. We’ve all heard a well-publicized story of someone losing tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars to an online catfisher. But the truth is, it’s far more common than most people realize. Financial gain, however, is just one of the motives of catfishers. While many are out to scam people of their

hard-earned cash, others have different sinister intentions. Some are seeking sexually explicit videos or photos for either personal use or to post online. Some catfishers find it an effective method for identity theft. Tragically, pedophiles also catfish to groom and lure children. Even adults are sometimes catfished for the purpose of causing physical harm. There are also those who do it for revenge, to catch an untrustworthy spouse, or to live an alternate reality. In the end, regardless of the catfishers’ motives, victims often experience emotional trauma, as well. Here are some particularly eye-opening facts: • Women make up 64% of catfishers. • Fifty-one percent of online daters are married (though most lie and say they’re not). • At least 10% of dating profiles are catfishers.

How do catfishers choose their targets? One thing about catfishers is they’re pretty slick when it comes to

More than half of users lie on their online dating profiles. It’s often about age, weight or height. Catfishers, however, are a whole different breed choosing their victims. Senior citizens are frequent targets. But catfishers scam people of all ages. In fact, the Federal Trade Commission found that of all fraud victims surveyed in 2016, 21% fall between the ages of 3039. Those in their 40s and 50s are a close runner up. Catfishers also look for those who are desperate for love, gullible, or sympathetic. Such people are easy to woo, guilt, or manipulate in a variety of ways and feed right into the catfisher’s hand.

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How to protect yourself from the get-go Catfishing has been around since long before the internet. But the world wide web provides catfishers an endless supply of prey while making it easier to conceal their identity. So, whether you’re in an online dating site or app and even in social media, keep your fisheye peeled and follow these precautions. First, know the red flags to look for before you begin communicating with someone you don’t know. Some catfishers provide detailed, elaborate (but deceptive) profiles. Often, though, their profiles are incomplete and vague. By providing such limited detail (other than, perhaps, a very attractive photograph), they’re able to capture the interest of more potential victims. It also gives them the advantage to make things up as they go that best fits their victim’s wants, needs and desires. Photos are another big clue. If they have no photo, this can be a red flag. Also, does their only photo look extremely dated? You know, the ones with that orangish hue that date back

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to the ‘70s. Or does the photo look like it came straight from GQ or Glamour? Of course, many are smarter than that. Even when the photos look kosher, they might be stolen from someone else’s social media profile. So always do a reverse image search. Just right click on the photo, and select ‘save image as’. Then go to Google images (www.google.com/images). Drag and drop the photo into the search bar. If Google shows identical results for the image, do some investigative work. Also, watch for broken English in their messages. If you notice odd language such as ‘I will like to get to know you’, be wary. It might indicate they’re from a foreign country commonly known for catfishers. On the same token, some scammers use broken English intentionally. They do this to weed out those intelligent enough to easily catch on to them. Catfishers want to invest their time in those who seem to be gullible. Another reason they may intentionally use broken English is to create the illusion they lack sophistication. This gives them the advantage that you won’t suspect they’re crafty enough to be a catfisher. On the hand, beware that many, and perhaps most catfishers don’t show broken English. Plenty of catfishers are American, or English is their native language. Good English doesn’t necessarily deem them legitimate.

When you begin communicating with someone online, ask for their full name, and beware if they won’t tell you. Then do an online search for their social media profiles, job information, places they’ve lived, and anything else you can learn. If you can’t find the person online or something doesn’t seem right, cut your ties. If someone you haven’t met starts getting romantic quickly or comes out with the “L” word before you’ve ever met, be suspicious. It’s true, some legitimate relationships have started out this way, but it isn’t the norm. It’s fairly common, though, with catfishers who quickly try lure you into a phony whirlwind romance. They often move quickly and begin talking about a relationship, being in love, or a future together before you’ve met. Most important, regardless of how perfect or real someone seems, don’t allow yourself to get emotionally involved before you’ve met in person. In fact, once you’ve done the investigative work above, try to meet for coffee as soon as possible. That way you don’t waste time or risk getting emotionally entangled with a fraud. Some people have found themselves reeled into years-long sham relationships without ever having met their predator. They only learn after wasting years of their life and sometimes all of their savings. Be wary if: • they’re often difficult or impossible to catch on the phone.

• they’re unwilling to video chat. • they always have an excuse for why they can’t meet you in person. They may claim to be out-of-state or the country. Also, they often claim, repeatedly, to be dealing with a major crisis or set back. This is to gain your sympathy, so you’ll accept it without question. • they won’t provide their exact address, especially even after professing their love, an extended courtship, or asking to borrow money. (It should be noted for women’s safety, however, never give your address to someone you haven’t met and gotten to know well in person.) • they try to manipulate you by shaming you, playing on your sympathy, or being overly charming, complimentary, or empathetic.

What to do if you’ve been catfished or suspect it If you suspect you’re communicating with a catfisher but are uncertain, gather everything you know about the person, print their profile, communications and photos. Then share it with trusted family and friends for objective opinions. Also, report catfishers to the dating or social media website where you met. Then file a report with the FBI at www.ic3.gov/default.aspx

Looking for Love Online More Popular Than Ever By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

2018 survey conducted by Medicare Advantage revealed that 29% of adults aged 55 and older dated someone they met online through a dating service in the past year. According to the survey, looking for love online ranks more popular than every other category of ways to meet — bar/night club, church, gym, out and about, social clubs, speed dating, work and school — except for mutual friends introducing them. While some people can find a date and maybe a long-term relationship online, it’s important to approach online dating cautiously.

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

Helen Newman teaches at TechAge, a program of the Louis S. Wolk JCC of Greater Rochester. She has known clients who have signed up for dating sites. She cautions older adults to be careful about using their main email address when signing up. Instead, “set up a special, new email address through Gmail that’s unique for that purpose,” she said. “You won’t get all of the email that these companies start sending out to your regular email account and you can shut down that email anytime you want.” Some sites offer a free trial period and that the fine print agreement

states will lapse into a paid account unless you opt out before the trial ends. That’s one reason Newman advises using a prepaid card instead of a standard credit card or debit card. “There are a lot of websites out there for dating that are pretty bad,” she said. “Go with the bigger companies that are more well known. Do some research on them.” Once you sign up, it’s also wise to limit the amount of identifying information listed. While it’s necessary to build trust, you also need to protect yourself.

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55+ second act Growing a Business, One Step at a Time Former college professor tries her hand at the grant writing business — and is already managing a team of more than 40 people By Christine Green

t all started with some words scrawled across a napkin during a lunchtime brainstorming session in 2013: grant writing, evaluations, project management and professional development. In just a few short years Sara Silverstone, the CEO and founder of Brockport Research Institute (BRI), turned that napkin and those words into a full-fledged business with more than 40 consultants working on projects for nonprofits and educational institutions around the country. Silverstone, 57, was a scientist and professor before she founded BRI. She holds a Ph.D. in microbiology from the University of California at Davis and taught locally at the College at Brockport in the biology department. Several years ago, a business person approached her about doing some microbiology consulting regarding a product he had developed to eliminate bacteria. She found the project fun and not terribly difficult, so she sought out other consulting opportunities. Silverstone then expanded her consulting to include mold inspection for home and business owners. But, “ultimately moldy basements weren’t my thing.” said Silverstone. “It did pay well, but I didn’t see it growing. I also felt it wasn’t the most valuable use of my time.” In 2013 the Boards of Cooperative Educational Services (BOCES) of New York was looking for grant writing help, and Silverstone saw an opportunity. She wrote seven grants for them listing herself as the person who

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

would evaluate the projects if they were funded. To Silverstone’s excitement all of the grants she wrote were awarded to several area schools. That’s when the brainstorming session with the napkin came into play. Those seven grants and that napkin became the start of Brockport Research Institute (BRI). She then became a certified woman-owned business through New York state. But she knew she couldn’t evaluate and assess all of these projects alone. Silverstone decided to turn to her local MOMS Club (Moms Offering Moms Support) in Brockport to find friends to help her out. “I realized that in the MOMS Club there are a lot of women that are very capable and had tremendous potential. I saw things like the newsletter, fundraisers, and the book clubs they did. The amount of organization that goes into that is really impressive.” Soon, several MOMS Club members were assisting Silverstone with her evaluations and grant writing, and BRI grew exponentially in terms of their client base. Silverstone also recruited from her club hockey team, Ladies on Edge. Michelle Viola of Brockport is a mother of seven who managed Ladies on Edge and was good friends with Silverstone for many years prior to the formation of BRI. Silverstone recognized some of Viola’s unique interpersonal skills and saw potential for her in human resources and corporate organization. She encouraged Viola to work with her and in 2017 she began as a part-time consultant. Today she is BRI’s full time executive

Sara Silverstone, 57, was a scientist and professor before she founded Brockport Research Institute. administrative assistant and cheerfully called herself BRI’s “biggest fan.” So far BRI has written over $10 million worth of grants for multiple school districts, BOCES, colleges and universities around the country, and a variety of nonprofit clients. Grantors include the National Science Foundation, the US Environmental Protection Agency, the US Department of Education, the US Department of Agriculture, New York State Department of Education, and several private foundations. Silverstone and her staff also evaluate grant projects, have a full catalogue of professional development classes, and also work with clients on project management. Silverstone noted that BRI’s success has quite a bit to do with how the company works with their consultants and employees. When she hires someone, she starts them out on a single project or on a part of a project. Giving a new person just one task gives both Silverstone and the consultant the space and time to see if this is really the right job for them. And there’s lots of flexibility built into the work her employees do as well. Since they work remotely they have the freedom to work during the hours

that fit around their personal life or around other jobs they may have. “[BRI is] “very aware of what everyone’s lifestyle demands are,” said BRI employee Kate Caccavaio of Brockport. “For example, parents often work in the evenings and not so much over the summer, while working teachers can do more summer projects. I see BRI as very accommodating to people.” It was this flexibility that drew Caccavaio to BRI. Caccavaio has a Ph.D. in English but was looking to step away from an academic career when her father became ill. BRI allowed her to use her skills as a writer while affording her the flexible hours she needed to care for her father. The first grant she wrote won her nonprofit client over $100,000. Today she is the lead grant writer at BRI and one of the very first full-time employees of the company. Caccavaio isn’t the only employee at BRI who stepped into grant writing and evaluation from a humanities background. Shellie Clark of Churchville is BRI’s current director of grants and is working toward her Ph.D. in history at the University of Rochester. Clark wanted to work in grant writing, but many places wanted volunteer work or years of prior experience. But Silverstone saw her potential right away and knew that her skills as a historian were transferable to grant writing. “[Grant writing involves] a lot of research, analysis, and writing skills, and if you can follow a syllabus for a history class and write a decent research paper you can write a grant. It’s really very much the same skills,” said Clark As for the future of her company, Silverstone said that “there’s unlimited potential for growth.” She hopes, to grow beyond New York as well. “I have this vision of having satellites in other states.” Clark said that BRI is doing valuable work, and she hopes that they can continue to help clients reach their goals and dreams. “What we do is not just a job. We understand that at the end of the day we are usually helping somebody. Our work ends up helping to provide scholarships for students, it helps provide better education programs and there’s a real commitment to that.”

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So, You Want to Start a B&B? We spoke with the owners of two B&Bs, who share their experience By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

perating a bed-and-breakfast establishment is a lot like having company nearly all the time. The following 55-plussers enjoy operating a place of lodging and shared with us what it’s like. • Christine Hunt, 68, and her husband, Scott Gallford, 61, are the innkeepers at The White Farm Bed and Breakfast in Brockport. The couple bought the property in 1994 as five acres of what was once a 200-acre farm. They view their use of the house as a B&B as a means of preserving the 1820s house, which is listed on the National Register of Historic Places. The downstairs remains nearly the same as it did nearly 200 years ago, a point that greatly pleases Hunt. “We still have the original, century-old trees and a lawn that’s well developed over those years,” Hunt said. Still, modern upgrades help keep guests more comfortable.

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

“It’s very important to me that I didn’t have to change the building and modify it that much.” She added only two bathrooms so each of their current three guests bedrooms would have its own bathroom. That meant sacrificing one bedroom. “The building structure didn’t change,” Hunt said. She also updated the heating, added air conditioning and, more recently added Wi-Fi. Previous generations had added indoor plumbing and electricity. She also had to ensure the building complies with fire safety requirements, such as adequate fire extinguishers and smoke detectors, alternative lighting in case of a power outage, clearly marked and sufficient exits, and insurance as a place of lodging. “We didn’t do a lot of remodeling,” Hunt said. “I think one of the neat things is it is a period house.

It’s basically a Victorian house, about 1865 to 1885 in decor.” As an antiques collector, many of her own items decorate the rooms and common areas. The kitchen is from the early 1900s, though it has a new stove and refrigerator. “No one in the ‘70s ripped out the walls,” she said. “That was one of the things that was so exciting to walk into it.” The house has two marble fireplaces, hardwood floors and medallions on the ceiling that once encircled gas light fixtures. Bare light bulbs replaced the fixtures, but Hunt is replacing them with period-appropriate electric lights. She has also obtained some authentic period furnishings. A descendant of the home’s original owners was downsizing and offered a bedroom set to Hunt. The furniture had belonged to her grandfather and could have easily been from 1870 or

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1880. Hunt offered to purchase it, but the woman gave it to her. “I now have an original bedroom set from the 1870s,” Hunt said. “It’s a magnificent bedroom set. Solid walnut and it’s glorious. How do you express gratitude for such an amazing thing? It was important to her that we would appreciate it.” With 10-foot ceilings, large furniture such as the bedroom set is the right scale. Touches of authenticity like this appeal to Hunt. The rooms don’t have televisions and hot tubs, for example. “We treasure the thought of quiet and relaxation,” she said. She also enjoys meeting her guests from far-flung locales. As a former teacher in Medina who retired 12 years ago, she enjoys learning and teaching her guests about the local area. Her husband retired from working as an electrician. They don’t employ anyone to help in their B&B endeavor. “I think you shouldn’t underestimate the amount of time and work involved,” Hunt said. “ You’re always cleaning since you clean every day. There’s a lot of bathrooms to clean. You have to guard your personal life. You have to plan to go on vacation. It’s a wonderful vehicle to meet many nice people and I have such a good feeling about them, especially as times become more troubled. It allows you to meet those people you normally wouldn’t meet in your dayto-day life.” Chatting with guests also appeals to Margaret Covington, 66, and Pattie English, 64, who operate The Chalet of Canandaigua. English had worked as business consultant and Covington as a controller for several companies before becoming a consultant. They saw an opportunity in the tourism industry in the Finger Lakes as a retirement career. English wanted to start a B&B and Covington wanted to open a bistro. Since B&Bs offer breakfast, that represented a compromise Covington could live with. They looked for two years to find just the right property. The duo moved in by October of 2006, started renovation after Thanksgiving and opened in March of 2007. The house was empty, because it was a home. They had to do some remodeling, and replace the bathrooms,

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

Maggie Covington, left, and Pattie English have run The Chalet of Canandaigua for more than 10 years. “People want a place to go where they feel at home and they’re pampered, but not overtly,” Covington says. as well as work out building code issues, all while still working their day jobs. “Now we don’t know how we did it,” English said. Their grand opening welcomed 150 people. The Chalet relies upon positive feedback on travel sites to interest more guests in staying there. “If you look at the reviews, a lot of people comment on the breakfast,” Covington said. “We’re in the top 25 from across the country of small inns and B&Bs across the nation through Trip Advisor. That’s a huge accomplishment for us. Food is a very important ingredient of what people enjoy here.” Covington thinks that the structure’s rustic appeal as a log cabin appeals more to men, who tend to shy away from frou-frou B&Bs dripping in crocheted doilies and flowery appointments. “It has a nice mix of male and female,” she said as she refers to her clientele.

The B&B’s tagline reflects that idea, “Rustic enough for him; elegant enough for her.” They carefully watch market trends to see what guests want and how they could improve their offerings. “People want a place to go where they feel at home and they’re pampered, but not overtly,” Covington said. “It’s natural. We don’t crowd them. That’s a knack to know when to be available. We built it on how we want to be taken care of.” They’ve also worked to become more familiar with the area so they can recommend places of entertainment and dining after personally experiencing them. “We gain information from our guests as well,” English said. Covington advises anyone interested in operating a B&B, “You’d better like people.” English added, “Some people aren’t social. The biggest issue is you’ve got to want to provide service.”

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Fab Five

Mr. Mustard adds spice to the incomparable Beatles By Todd Etshman

r. M u s t a rd w a s o n l y mean in the “The Beatles” 1968 song, “Mean Mr. Mustard.” Rochester’s premier Beatles’ cover band, Mr. Mustard, is far from it. They want everyone to sing along and dance, if there’s room for it, at their appearances all across the Rochester to Penn Yan areas. The nice thing about their enthusiastic audiences is they could be members of any generation: grandparents, their kids or the grandchildren. Beatles’ music remains extremely popular with just about everybody. “It’s the classical music of the future like Bach and Beethoven,” drummer Mick George says. Except for guitarist Sergei Antonoff, Mr. Mustard members are originally from East Rochester, where they grew up in the ‘60s and ‘70s admiring all the coolest guitars, drums

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and latest rock ‘n’ roll instruments at Properzia’s, a downtown East Rochester music store at the time. The store gave birth to at least 20 garage bands, lead singer Michael Cosco says. Band members don’t know where Antonoff is from except he is from somewhere in Russia. If the band goes global, “Back in the USSR” is sure to be on the playlist. The guys were persuaded to change their name from Get Back early on in their 10-year existence by a lawyer representing an Atlanta-based Beatles’ touring show with the same name. Instead, a watering hole raffle to change the name was held in which Mr. Mustard was the winner. “It’s carried us well,” drummer Mick George says. Want to see a likeness of the four lads from Liverpool that set young women’s hearts aflutter in the ‘60s?

Well, that’s not happening. “All five of us together have about enough hair to cover one Beatle,” says George. Cosco says he’s not wearing a wig — just a hat. That’s the approach the nationally known Fab Faux takes, too. On an acoustic level, however, you will hear Beatles’ song renditions the, um, lads — all of whom are in their 60s — have worked hard on to make them sound as authentic as possible. Paul McCartney’s Hofner bass guitar, the Beatles’ signature sound, is always in play. Even the soundman, Jack Hamilton, does his best to orchestrate every little thing the Beatles did in recording.

The early days George credits East Rochester High School music directors for bringing variety and contemporary

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Solstice Senior Living at Fairport 55 Ayrault Road Fairport, NY14450 • 585-218-9570 • www.solsticeatfairport.com music into the school program when he was growing up. Three band members were in the singing youth group, Up With People. One way or another they all started playing Beatles’ songs long before they became Mr. Mustard. For the most part, the lads taught themselves the instruments they saw at the music store and can play by ear. For anyone who thinks Beatles’ music is easy, it’s not. It just sounds that way coming from Mr. Mustard. “If you’re a guitar player or a musician and you think Beatles’ music is easy, that’s not true,” George says. Only George on drums and Antonoff on a Fender Telecaster play the same instrument continuously. Cosner, guitarist Tom Price and keyboardist George Botticelli mix in a lot of instruments besides the Hofner bass. Price has plenty of guitars to choose from, including his favorites, a Smith custom 22 electric and a Taylor 810 acoustic. He contributes harmonica, ukulele and electric piano, too. Today, they have over 150 of the Beatles’ 288 songs ready to play. They try to tailor the set list to the audience. Some songs are universally accepted; others like “Helter Skelter” might not always fit the atmosphere. They’ll play whatever the crowd wants to hear. They’re not limited to the material the Beatles put out as a group either. There is substantial post-Beatles’ material to pick from even though John Lennon’s and George Harrison’s

careers ended prematurely. Between McCartney’s tour at age 77, the movie “Yesterday,” Cirque de Soleil and countless Beatles -themed shows of all kinds, fascination with “The Beatles” is still strong today, a fact that makes Mr. Mustard’s job a little easier.

Staying power The band is in its 10th year together, longer now than the Beatles were together themselves. Few local bands have that kind of longevity. Prime Time Funk is one they can think of. The band members know they have a lot of competition with Beatles’ cover bands regionally and nationally, but it doesn’t bother them. Each band is a little different and makes its own unique contribution, George explains. They’ve come a long way since taking faraway $40 gigs while in their 20s. Their wives and kids like the music and encourage them to take whatever gigs they want. “I wish this would have happened in our 20s, but everything happens in its own time for a reason,” George says. “We do get enough work now but we would definitely like to spread out to Syracuse and Buffalo,” Cosco says. Working back-to-back gigs in different locales doesn’t slow the aging boomers at all. Botticelli often commutes from Cape Vincent in the Thousand Islands so he doesn’t miss a gig.

Summertime was busy, Cosco explains, and the band had to be sharp. Venues ranged from town amphitheaters to churches, taverns, fairs, restaurants, and municipal events. There are lots of favorite venues of gigs played over a decade. Lovin’ Cup in Henrietta is one. The Penn Yan Courthouse and the Record Archive on Monroe Avenue, Rochester, are others. It was years ago at The Old Toad on Alexander Street in Rochester that they realized from the fervor of the crowd that they had an opportunity to make the most of if they wanted. The band enjoys getting together to perform with area school music groups that serve as fundraisers for the music departments that never seem to have enough money. Plus, Beatles’ music sparks something in these kids, Cosco explains. “We get energized by them. Parents are used to going to school concerts to hear 1890’s folk songs. Now, their kid is playing Beatles’ music and it’s a thrill for them and us,” George says. Things slow down in the winter without outdoor venues, which is when the band gets together to brainstorm and add to its repertoire. They still play indoor venues around town. Read more about the band, what its playing and where at www.mrmustardmusic.com. And suggest a song you’d like them to play, too, if it’s not on the playlist yet. July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

55+ cover

Suzanne Mayer Community Activist

Rochester icon evolves from corporate consultant to community activist, fighting to improve Rochester neighborhoods By John Addyman

t isn’t hard to picture. A group of people sits in someone’s living room in Rochester. There are light snacks throughout the room, coffee and soda water bottles available, and based on body language, everyone’s interest level is high. There’s an issue that has brought them together. A problem. A nuisance. A need. After several meetings just like this one, people have finally decided what they really want. Now, how to get it? Whom to approach? Who to talk to? What’s the first step? What’s needed? Who is going to do what?

“How do we get started?” someone will finally ask the group. “I know someone,” a voice will say. “I’ll check with Suzanne Mayer to see if she’s available to help us.” That’s pretty much how Mayer, 72, finds herself getting involved. She is a consultant who has morphed her experience as a corporate problem-solver with a set of finely honed discovery and process skills to become a community activist. She is increasingly well known in Rochester as someone who can get to the core of a problem and help people devise a way out. 30

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And people have no problem finding her. Neighbors catch her in the garden. Friends tap her shoulder at the Genesee Valley Club. Acquaintances look for her in one of the coffee houses she frequents when she wants some respite to think, pull up a chair and say “We have a problem you might be able to help us with. Can we talk?” At her dining room table, “Where the work gets done,” she says, Mayer uses her hand to symbolically chop through issues and patterns, segregating, illuminating and gathering.

She is the sum of her work challenges and education, and knows it. “Everything I’ve done was a formative experience,” she explains. “You always had to figure out a way of getting in.” Bright, quick, self-effacing with a girlish laugh, and focused like a beam of light when necessary, Mayer has been gifted with a blessedly varied career filled with impossible opportunities because apparently one of the hardest words for her to say is “no.” Married in her last year at St. Lawrence University, the former Suzanne Blumenstock, a farm girl intro-

Suzanne Mayer in her Rochester homeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s living room. Photo by John Addyman.

Suzanne Mayer in front of her home in the Grove Place neighborhood of Rochester on Aug. 2. Photo by Chuck Wainwright. July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

vert, fell for a city dwelling doctor-tobe, Sandy Mayer, an easygoing and loving extrovert. They started married life — and his med school — in Belgium, where she supported the two of them by teaching math, biology and sex education in an American Catholic school run by Irish nuns. “I taught kids from all over the world,” she said. “I taught them to love math. I tutored people from the embassy. The kids moved around a lot. I did a lot of coaching.” The Mayers came back to the U.S., dropping in Syracuse where Sandy started his residency in family practice. They moved to Akron, Ohio, where Sandy started a pediatrics residency and Suzanne started a job as a claims processor for Aetna. Back to Rochester they came two years later, in 1976, where Sandy started a job in a new practice at St. Mary’s, serving inner city patients, and where Suzanne went back to school for her Master of Business Administration at the Rochester Institute of Technology. Wanting a family, the Mayers started the process to adopt two Korean twins. One child died before getting to the U.S.; the other died soon after arrival. “My brother’s child died and my mother died,” Suzanne said. “I had to ask myself, ‘What is life holding here for me?’ We learned how to live with that. You learn how to live with something. That’s a whole part of life: learning to live with things, and make the most of whatever it’s going to teach you.” Some joy flooded in. When her adopted Korean daughter died here, Suzanne found out she was pregnant with Marc. She stayed home with him for five years. With her MBA finished, Suzanne went to work at Citibank Student Loan Corp. “Steve Biklin hired people who were a little bit different,” she explained. She fit right in. A second pregnancy, with daughter Brook, interrupted the Citibank career when Suzanne developed a blood clot. She stayed at home with Brook for six months, then Citibank called.

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Suzanne Mayer at her dining room table, “where the work gets done,” she says. lem with processing consolidated loans. I didn’t know anything about consolidated loans,” she said. “I figured it out. I asked for enough help, and there were enough people around who really helped and were able to get the project done. That started my career, basically.” She was presented with a problem. She thought about it. She started asking questions. She asked for help from people who could provide it. She saw through to the issues and made a plan, tested and executed it. That’s classic consulting. And now Suzanne had a reputation. “Every 18 months they moved me from one department to another as a problem-solver, troubleshooter. I found enough people to help. We started software testing for a project. The auditors had come in and said, ‘Citibank can’t put this system in. You need someone to do testing.’ So they came to me, I said, ‘What’s testing?’ A kind man helped me with that. “Then they asked me to do other things. I became part of the collections group and I didn’t know anything about collections.” How did she succeed where others were stymied? “I look at things from a different

angle,” she said. “If you don’t know anything about something, you sort of have to ask, ‘What is it and how do you look at it and how do you do that?’ And you need to have people who will tolerate that. I’ve been very lucky in my life.” She ended up being tapped for the Citibank Corporate Challenge, and went literally all over the world for a month with a team of eight people — including a former CIA leader from the Clinton administration who taught Suzanne to speak slowly and softly, with few words, so people tuned in to her message. At the end of the challenge, she argued her team’s position on a program senior leadership was prepared to can, and the program was renewed. “That’s when I decided I really wanted to be a consultant,” she said. “Cultural change was a really big thing at Citibank. I found I really didn’t understand change when I was trying to affect it. I was very protective of what I had developed and then I didn’t remain open to new thinking. “I thought, ‘This really has to change in my own world.’ I had to have the belief and a way of thinking that change is really good: ‘how can we help each other instead of fighting and competing with each other?’” In a conservative corporation, like a bank, change is like dragging a concrete block across a highway. “When you get high-achieving people and get them out of thinking ‘I, I, I’ and start thinking of ‘us’ or ‘we,’ it’s very difficult,” she said. “My first gig, I was on the board at Harley School. We sent our kids to Harley. Our son, Marc, who taught himself how to read, was a quirky kid and not going to do well in a large school,” she said. “We sent them to Harley, where they learned how to talk to adults and ask for help and were able to defend a position. That’s something I wish I had learned at that age.” At Harley, she helped raise money, and Sandy became involved in a summer Horizons program. And she was now earning money as a consultant with her own company, Sirius Change. Seneca Foods head Kraig Kayser tapped Suzanne for a succession-planning and strategic-planning project. Neighbor Mark Kindig asked her to help with training at his

Members of Center City Community Coalition, or C4, discuss transportation issues in Rochester’s center city. C4’s mission is to organize downtown residents to promote and improve downtown living. Suzanne Mayer is one of the founders of the group. Photo provided. start-up, M2 Methods, and Suzanne brought in Marc to help animate training products. Next, she became acting director at the Lacy Katzen law firm. “In a law firm, you’re selling knowledge, but you’re doing the same thing over and over and over,” she said. “They tried to find technology that would make things easier and make their lives more efficient and effective so they could move around. “Then it was finding people who really believed in that, and invest in them. It makes a big difference, because you make more money and are more customer-service oriented. “I stayed there a long time. We did some change there. Lawyers are trained to learn something very quickly and then argue it to death. Trying to influence them was a big study in, ‘How do you do that?’”

Exploring ‘place-making’ Daughter Brook got mom interested in the Rochester Regional Community Design Center. Two architects, Johnny Monroe and Roger Brown, had started it to increase the city’s use of “place-making,” devel-

oping vibrant spaces that give a community-within-a-community feel. “They believed in making Rochester different, planning it with good design. They brought in experts from the outside, educated the community with what they were doing, and did charrettes (intensive planning or information-gathering sessions) with different neighborhoods,” Suzanne said. She worked with Environmental Energy Technologies on ways to make diesel fuel cleaner, with Women’s Gynecology and Childbirth Association on a new health care system rollout, and with friend Andy Germanow at GS Plastics Optics and Tel Tru, blending new-school and old-school companies through cultural change. “What has to happen is a bite of the elephant,” said. “Most of the time people bring you in for some kind of project they think is the issue. And you’ll say, ‘Yes, that’s your issue, but there’s also A, B, C and D over here. Let’s start here and see where that leads to.’ “There are V-8 moments, like the ‘I could have had a V-8’ kind of thing. Managers can have that. Heads of companies can have that. My job is to say, ‘I disagree with you. I think you

have to think about this,’” Suzanne said. When she saw the transformations the design center could light up, she became sold on urbanism, and found out how successful she could be right in her own back yard at Grove Place, where she and her neighborhood have done some place-making. “That’s where I became an activist, by asking what do we need to know, how do we get involved, and what is going to affect our lives,” she said. Grove Place worked a down-zoning change inside the Rochester downtown, creating its own mini-neighborhood. Next came the Center City Community Coalition, or C4. “We were trying to talk about all the residents who live downtown. They decided residents needed a voice. I was working with people I’d never worked with before. That was with Jeremy Cooney, chief of staff for mayor Kim Russell, in our neighborhood, and working with Home Leasing, who got involved with the design center. Two people from Washington Square neighborhood came in. Then we asked Randy Morganstern from the St. Paul area. “How do we get residents inJuly / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

Suzanne and her husband Sandy Mayer, a retired physician now teaching third-year students at University of Rochester School of Medicine. volved? How do we get city council to realize that downtown is not represented by any single council members, but by all of them, really? We had to raise the awareness that you have new people coming down here and they’re active.” The organization fleshed out plans and when the city planners got involved, they found out C4 had gone beyond the city’s cookie-cutter resolution strategies and was demanding more. From this then grew Hinge Neighborhoods, an organization dedicated to do place-making in the former inner loop area. “The previous mayor didn’t get involved with the community about what was going to be there, what would it look like, after they filled it in,” Suzanne said. “We wanted to know what was going to be there and how were the streets going to be made. The design center got involved, with a lot of secret meetings going on to sort of influence how they were going to bring it up to street level and actually make it part of the city. 34

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“They were just going to fill it in. We wanted that put to good use. We were able to get a bike lane put in, and planning for the future. I really watched that. It was wonderful.” She criticizes the city for falling back on a request for proposal process to look for ideas on what to do with the area, rather than seeing what residents and businesses actually want. “It becomes the developer who decides what’s going to go in there. I learned that from the casino that was proposed for downtown — and Parcel 5 is still in an RFP process, and still a problem. We’re a city that reacts instead of being proactive.” Hinge Neighborhoods was born through Suzanne partnering with Shawn Dunwoody, each person on a different side of the area, each recognizing and introducing the unique needs and interests of their neighborhoods. “He’s from that side; I’m from this side,” she said. “The two neighborhoods don’t speak. Now we’re going to take this road away that separated us. We’re going to be together.

What are we going to do about it? We started to be proactive — how do we get people involved? The city would go to neighborhood associations, but you look at Grove Place, and we’re one of the most active citizen groups around. We’ll get involved; I’m not worried about us. Someone will listen to us.” The objective is to make Hinge Neighborhoods active and knowledgeable, and that means getting a large group of residents — renters — involved and caring. And that’s what Suzanne Mayer is working on right now. In particular, the group is looking for funding for a feasibility study of what can be done in the “hinge” area. “We’ve had a lot of doors closed, but a lot of open doors because we’ve talked to so many people,” Suzanne said. “Right now we’re talking to the city to see what kind of support they’re going to give us. They want us to change our scope and we don’t know how we’re going to react to that.” Suzanne Mayer doesn’t back up. She keeps working, keeps networking, keeps thinking about plans and ideas. Where does she get the energy? “I don’t have a lot of free time,” she admits. “I play tennis once or twice a week. I exercise. Sandy and I walk as much as we can. In the winter, I walk the Mount Hope Cemetery, right by Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass.” She said that although “we’re not club people,” she joined the Genesee Valley Club. “I can exercise there, and if I can’t get people to meet with me anywhere else, they’ll come to the Genesee Valley Club.” Suzanne also favors the Orange Glory shop next to the Little Theatre. “You can get people to meet with you in a coffee shop who won’t meet with you in City Hall,” she said. Either you absorb a city or it devours you. You work the processes available or make new ones. Suzanne Mayer and her husband, Sandy, love Rochester, love the thrum of its energy, and admire the vitality of its people. And they are working very hard to make the Flower City a better place, neighborhood-by-neighborhood, place-by-place.

55+ advocacy Still Helping Victims of Hurricane Maria Rochester resident María Delgado Sutton recalls efforts to help people in her native Puerto Rico. She says the need is still present By Christine Green

n Sept. 20, 2017 María Delgado Sutton, 55, of Spencerport watched the TV news in horror as Hurricane Maria forged a path of destruction through Puerto Rico. Torrents of rain and winds upwards of 155 mph pounded the island. By the time the storm had settled, millions of people were without power and thousands lost their lives.

enough fast enough,” she said. Steve McAlpin 59, of Webster met Sutton in the 1980s when they were both in the US Army Reserves. He

was very upset that the Puerto Rican population wasn’t getting enough help. “These are Americans as much as you and I are,” he said, “I was pretty upset about that, the way the people were being treated.” Sutton’s husband, Jim Sutton, is a physician assistant at Rochester Regional Health and is on a disaster medical assistance team (DMAT) with the Department of Human and Social Services. After the hurricane he was deployed to Puerto Rico to provide medical care. “I stuffed telephone numbers and addresses of family into his uniform,” Sutton reported. She was comforted by the relief efforts of local organizations such as Puerto Ricans United in the Distance, Ibero, The Red Cross, and Poder Radio station.

One Box at A Time “I contributed to the Red Cross, I assisted in helping agencies here in

Watching the Storm As she continued to watch over the next few days her anxiety rose and grief set in. The place of her birth was a scene of horrific destruction. She couldn’t reach any of her loved ones for days. The TV was showing images of flattened homes, uprooted trees and people separated from family members in the ensuing chaos. There was a shortage of food and supplies. People waited in lines for hours to get water. “My heart broke for the people there,” said Sutton. “I clearly remember crying at home. I was frustrated that I could not just hop on a plane. The island was calling my name.” Her friends in the Rochester area felt the same as Sutton — helpless and worried. Concern grew that the United States government was not adequately assisting with the relief efforts. Lisa Beth Nanartowich, 54, also of Spencerport couldn’t believe the suffering she heard about. “I’d watched enough news to know that the government was not doing

María Delgado Sutton and her husband, Jim Sutton, a physician assistant at Rochester Regional Health. July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

Rochester to help our people there, but still I knew I had to make more of a personal contribution.” She brainstormed on what to do and decided that sending “One Box at A Time” was where to start. She packed boxes with supplies like batteries, canned food, and flashlights. “All the boxes are filled with at least three meals and hygienic products,” Sutton noted. “Each box contains a letter of hope, encouragement, and support. Each box contains a self- addressed stamped envelope to foster relationships across the ocean.” The supplies and boxes grew in number and she realized that she couldn’t do this alone anymore. “I reached out to my family, neighbors, schools in my Spencerport community, and local churches. I reached out through social media, and I knew many ripples were being created. Pretty soon interviews began, word began to get out, fundraisers were started, many donated and wanted to help my cause. I will forever be grateful to Lisa Beth Nanartowich, Terri Werth, and so many others that believed and supported

me in this project!” Nanartowich was “hooked” on the project after sending three boxes. She sat down with Sutton and worked diligently to find ways to get more out. “We both wanted to solve the problem all by ourselves but reminded each other along the way that we would serve everyone better if we could get more people involved,” Nanartowich commented. “If only we could get organized and get the word out. So, we did. We have shopped, saved, boxed, raised money, and made lots of contacts. Puerto Rico One Box has made such a difference and given hope to many people. Solangee Delgado Sutton Betancourt, 55, of Rochester has known Sutton (no relation) since they were little girls. She, too, pitched in to make the project a success. “We started to think up ideas for fundraisers to collect non — perishables food items and toiletries, stuff they needed so badly. Little by little more people joined María in this wonderful effort to help Puerto Rico and to date hundreds boxes have been mailed so far.”

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55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

First Hand Witnesses In December of 2018 Sutton and friend Terry Werth, 71, also of Spencerport, took a trip to Puerto Rico — at their own expense — to connect with the church groups and individuals they had partnered with. They were extremely busy once they made it to Yabucoa, Puerto Rico. “Every day we had a humanitarian mission to complete. We attended two church services. Delivered quilts to a boarding home for the elderly. We visited an elementary school and donated supplies to a pre-k class. Every evening we went to visit my cousin, Miguel, who has stage 4 cancer, at the hospital.” The visit to the group home for the elderly was particularly poignant for Sutton who retired from her job as a supervisor for the Outreach team at Oak Orchard Health in Brockport to care for her aging parents. “The elderly are our history that hold the keys to the secret of life. They need our presence, our touch, our love, and our respect.” Betancourt also had the elder generation on her mind as she packed boxes. “My mom was very sick at the time with dementia,” she remembered. “I was doing this in her name, because I know if she was here mentally she would want me to help María every way I could. So every time I sent a box to Puerto Rico I signed it from my mother Ruth Delgado Sutton Mendez who sadly passed away June 19, 2018.” Even though Hurricane María swept through in 2017 the relief efforts aren’t over and Sutton is still helping. “As I continue to remember and mourn for the lives of the 3,000 plus lives lost, I vow to continue to advocate for those still in need there. More than a year has gone by, but Puerto Rico, a tiny island, a commonwealth of the United States, should not be dismissed. While this mission has come to an ‘end’ I promise to continue to do all that I can to continue efforts of rebuilding Puerto Rico and educate those with misconceptions of Puerto Rico.” To learn more and find out how you can help please visit the One Box at A Time Facebook page: www.facebook.com/PuertoRicoOneBoxAtATime/

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55+ downsizing

Downsizing: Selling Your Large House Even in this ‘selller’s market’ it may be a bit harder to sell your big home By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

f you want to downsize during the current seller’s market, you may find that it’s harder than you think to sell your spacious home. The people who are most likely interested in your house — those between 35 and 45 — have already lived in their small, starter home as younger adults. Buying a larger home like yours is usually a subsequent home purchase, an upgrade from their starter home. “That market is small and more savvy because they are not firsttimers,” said Theresa Downham, real estate agent with Nothnagle Realtors in Fairport. “Those buyers are a little older. They have kids that are older.” T h e s e buyers work at near the peak of their career. While this primes them to m a k e a l a rg e Downham home purchase, it also makes them not interested in fixer-uppers. “Selling to them means ready and no fuss,” Downham said. “They want the social status of a bigger nicer home in a nice neighborhood but they are really stretched for time. They hire out cleaning, yard and pool care.” Many buyers want to see upgraded bathrooms, kitchen, roof and furnace, according to David Walsh, associate broker with Park Avenue Realtors in Rochester. These areas are the most costly and vital aspects of a home, and also the

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

most inconvenient to upgrade while living in the house. Also, aspects like wall-to-wall carpeting should go. “People these days like hardwood,” Walsh said. “The house will sell for a lot more money.” Walsh advises 3/4-inch tongueand-groove oak. For the bedrooms, new carpeting could work, and tile or more waterproof flooring for the bathroom. General remodeling also helps a larger home sell faster. The problem for many retirees is that they likely oversaw their home’s last remodel, but forget when it happened. Michael Liess, real estate salesperson with Coldwell Banker in Rochester, said that he recently went through a home with wall-to-wall forest green carpet. “Be very conscious if you’re appealing to the masses,” Liess said. “Take down the wallpaper and paint. Remove old carpet and update fixtures.” He added that buyers may like the look of the 40s to early 60s, “but the ‘70s to 80s looks dated,” Liess said. Outside, the curb appeal can help a home sell sooner. Robert Blain, real estate agent with Blain Realty, Inc. in Rochester, said that “colored flowers, trimmed bushes and the lawn looking good” make a big difference. “The lawn should not have a lot of weeds,” he added. “The trim should be painted and the front door painted. “ Once the home repairs and updates are done, the home should be deep cleaned beyond normal maintenance.

Blain suggested power washing the siding, deck, and sidewalk. S p r u c e up inside with “spring cleaning” regardless of the time of year. “Wash the windows,” Walsh advised “It’s a simple Blain thing but it makes a home really sparkle. I’ve learned that early in my career and it never fails.” Staging is the next step in the process. This means that the home’s furnishings are arranged in an eyepleasing way, instead of completely removing all furnishings. Carolyn Stiffler, real estate agent with RE/ MAX in Rochester, encourages sellers to remove knickknacks like Disney plates or Hummel figurines. “They need to be given to family, sold or moved out,” she s a i d . “Sometimes s e n i o r s s a y, ‘Wow, I didn’t realize these things don’t hold their value.’ Other people don’t want them. We refer Stiffler people to companies that do a whole house sale.”

Many younger people don’t want Grandma’s china, as these dishes can’t go in the dishwasher or microwave. Large, heavy furniture isn’t readily movable, unlike modern furniture. “Pay an experienced Realtor and work together with their suggestions to present your property in its absolute best light that you can do,” Stiffler said. “The final price will reflect that.”

At Your

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Things to Do Before You Downsize

aring down your belongings will make both selling your home and moving from it much easier. Bobbie Goodridge, managing owner of Grandma’s Helpers, LLC in Henrietta, helps older adults downsize. She said the best strategy is to focus on one box or closet at a time, not a whole room. Recycle or dispose of items that have no value such as old newspapers, b r o k e n appliances and Goodridge excess food storage containers. Non-seasonal items untouched for months need to go. Next, decide what furnishings and keepsakes you want to retain. “I always tell my clients to look at things they really love,” Goodridge said. You don’t need 20 keepsakes from your great-aunt. Select one or two items and photograph the rest that you donate. Furniture often comes down to practicality. “Think about the new space you’re going to and what is really going to work in the new space,” Goodridge said. If you need the money and have some valuable furnishings, Goodridge said that consulting with an antique dealer may help you learn their value and an effective way to sell items. Donating the items may also be an alternative. “Donations are a great way to make yourself feel good about the downsizing,” Goodridge said.

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July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

55+ writing

Michael B. Coyle of Canandaigua is working on his third book. “I wanted to be a writer for years,” the 80-year-old says.

Following His Muse to Mysteries By Mike Costanza

ichael B. Coyle has long been drawn to a life in letters. “I wanted to be a writer for years,” the 80-year-old says. He made it. The Canandaigua resident has two published mysteries under his belt, and is pecking away at a third. All three works draw heavily upon Coyle’s deep love of the works of Charles Dickens, and of English and Irish history. “Tales of the Black Lion,” which came out in 2015, opens at a London inn where Dickens is celebrating his 25th birthday with the likes of Victorian author William Makepeace Thackeray. When a woman is found slashed to death, detectives Blathers and

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

Duff of the Metropolitan Police are brought in to investigate. Coyle, as he put it, “borrowed” their names from two characters who briefly appeared in “Oliver Twist.” “These were great characters,” he says. “If you were going to pick out any characters from literature that you could use for fun, those two guys would be it.” Coyle joked that he’ll return the two characters to Dickens if the celebrated author asks. Dickens died in 1870. Blathers and Duff’s investigation takes them to a host of interesting Victorian characters as they journey from genteel Victorian homes to the seamier parts of London. “The last tale of ‘the Black Lion’

takes place in a whorehouse,” Coyle says, with a grin. “Sons of the Fathers,” Coyle’s second book, also draws heavily upon Irish and English history, and the author’s roots. The book opens in the late 1800s in Drumkeeran, an Irish village in County Lietrim. The author’s father was born there. “I was born in the US, but I was surrounded by Irish and English immigrants all my life,” he says. Ireland was then under English rule, though an independence movement was growing. Not all Drumkeeran residents supported the idea of Irish Home Rule, but the differences between the sides were initially political. After a time, they took on a much more sectarian character. Many Irish Catholics wanted to separate from England and form a republic, while Protestants largely opposed independence. The deep, and sometimes violent, conflict is the backdrop for several murders in Drumkeeran and a nearby town, Carrick-on-Shannon, and the suspicious death of a local Protestant Bishop. “The Catholics say they didn’t do it; the Protestants say they did do it,” Coyle says. Detectives Blathers and Duff look into the crimes, but it is their sons who discover the real killer. Coyle refers to those two young men by their last names through most of his second book. “Sons of the Fathers” is filled with the kinds of colorful scenes, situations and characters that Coyle featured in his earlier work, though in this case all are found in County Lietrim. Blathers and Duff — the sons of the original detectives — encounter such interesting figures as then-UK Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli and an Irish gunrunner who leaves a string of bodies in his wake. Blathers also runs into members of the Irish Republican Brotherhood, a secret, fraternal organization dedicated to Irish independence, and is accused of murder. Though Coyle writes historical fiction, he used “Sons of the Fathers” to illuminate some of the evils afflicting modern society. For example, after an apparent attempt to assassinate Queen Victoria, a cousin of Disraeli tries to drum up fear of “the other,” though in this case, it’s the Irish. “[That’s] the same fear that’s going on today, fear of something from

the outside that’s going to attack us,” Coyle explains. Rhonda Penders, editor-in-chief of The Wild Rose Press, Inc., says Coyle’s focus on the 1800s might help him fill a niche for readers of historical fiction. “What you want from any book that you read, you want to pick it up and be transported to another time, another place,” she says. “I think he does that very well.” The Wild Rose Press, which is located in western Monroe County, has published both of Coyle’s books.

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One-finger typist Coyle, a Rochester native, first became involved with writing at East High School, where he was assistant editor of the school newspaper. He went on to write for the student newspaper at what is now the University at Albany, State University of New York. Much as he enjoyed writing, when the time came to choose a career, Coyle went into the insurance business. “I had a wife and three kids,” he says. “I had to make a living.” Coyle worked for a number of firms in Rochester, New York City and Buffalo, where he eventually landed at the insurance and risk management firm Aldrich & Cox, Inc. After 25 years with the company, he retired in 2004 as a vice president. The move gave him the time to follow his muse. Nowadays, Coyle swims many mornings, and heads most afternoons to his upstairs study. The room’s shelves are filled with Dickens’s works, histories, biographies and even books about baseball — he’s a Yankees fan. Coyle tries to read at least 90 minutes a day, and then sits down at his 12-year-old laptop to peck out his latest Blathers and Duff work. “I’m a one-finger typist,” he says. Coyle’s works can be found on Amazon, Alibris.com, and The Wild Rose Press’s website. According to the author, about 300 of his books have been sold so far. When not up in his den, Coyle enjoys spending time with his second wife, Kathe, visiting friends, attending the occasional play and watching Yankee baseball.

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July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

55+ giving

Pat and Joe Slesak of Greece volunteer with Samaritan’s Purse, a nondenominational evangelical Christian organization that helps less fortunate children around the globe.

Operation Christmas Child Samaritan’s Purse helps fill needs of those less fortunate By Lynette M. Loomis

ven though Joel and Pat Slesak of Greece are retired, they’ve never enjoyed working more than they do now as volunteers for Operation Christmas Child, the largest Christmas project in the world. People from all over the country fill shoeboxes with school supplies, hygiene items and toys for needy children around the world who are victims of war, living in poverty or re-

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

covering from natural disasters. Since 1993, Samaritan’s Purse, a nondenominational evangelical Christian organization, has helped to meet the needs of less fortunate children. Over 167 million shoebox gifts have been delivered to over 150 countries since the project began. As area coordinators for the Finger Lakes West Area (Monroe, Wayne, Livingston and Ontario counties),

Joel, 72, and Pat, 68, have grown their team from 12 people in 2014 to 29 people today. Their team of volunteers reaches out to individuals, families, schools, community groups and churches to pack shoeboxes. The number of boxes filled each year from residents in these counties has doubled — from 10,000 in 2014 to about 20,000 boxes in 2018. They’ve been responsible for coordinating a huge packing party at Hope Church, which in recent years, resulted in more than 10% of the area’s total shoeboxes. “We had been packing shoeboxes on our own for a few years already when Joel retired from Thrivent Financial as a community care specialist, and I retired from my job at Alpha and Omega Parable Bookstore,” Pat said. “We heard about the powerful impact these shoeboxes have on children and their families and wanted to get more involved. That’s when we found out about the opportunity to be part of Operation Christmas Child as year-round volunteers. We’ve been doing that ever since.” The Slesaks heard about a young man who lived close to the equator who had received a shoebox when he was 12. The box had winter gloves in it. A useless gift, one might think, but the gloves allowed him to get a desperately needed job working in a kitchen with hot ovens. In some countries, children are not allowed to attend school because they lack basic supplies like paper and pencils. Families simply cannot afford them. The school supplies packed in shoeboxes are enough for many to finally begin formal education. In many cases, the shoeboxes are the very first gift the children have ever received. While that is hard to believe, the items in the boxes can also change their lives.

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Moving testimonials Through Samaritan’s Purse, the Slesaks have arranged for young adults who received shoeboxes as children to visit Rochester and share their stories. This includes Alex Nsengimana, who survived the Rwanda genocide and received a shoebox gift after he was placed in an overcrowded orphanage. “For children who have endured such unthinkable tragedy or living conditions, the shoeboxes represent hope and joy and love,” Joel explained. “We hear over and over how amazed the children are that people in the U.S. would actually send them gifts. They especially love the notes people write to them. Translators are available when the shoeboxes are distributed to share the messages with the children.” Last year, the Slesaks were invited to travel to the country of Ukraine with Operation Christmas Child to help distribute shoebox gifts. “To see these children in such difficult situations where they really

Joel and Pat Slesak of Greece have volunteered locally to get shoe boxes filled with school supplies, hygiene items and toys for needy children. need hope was a powerful experience for both of us,” Joel recalled. “It’s one thing to watch a video of a distribution, but to actually be there to witness the joy the boxes bring made us realize just how important this project really is. We are so blessed to be a part of it and so thankful for the participation of folks right here in our community that allows shoeboxes to get to

these children.” “We know that more people would love to be a part of this but just aren’t sure how to go about it,” added Pat. “It’s easy and a lot of fun.” To pack a shoebox: • Use a regular size shoebox, cardboard or plastic • Decide the age (2-4, 5-9, 10-14) and gender of the child • Choose a quality “wow” item such as a doll, soccer ball or stuffed animal • Fill the box with hygiene items, school supplies, games, toys and other small items • Add a photo and a note to the child if you wish • Include $9 to help cover shipping the box overseas • Drop off your filled shoebox at one of many collection centers in the area during National Collection Week, Nov. 18-25. If you’d like to learn more about packing shoeboxes or getting involved with this project, contact occshoeboxjoy@gmail.com.

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55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

looked at the dumpster. “This is going to be ugly,” I said to myself. I had been cleaning my office, running the vacuum cleaner. As the editor of a small-town newspaper, you get to enjoy all pleasures of small-business life. Yes, I deliver papers. Yes, I lay out pages. Yes, I write stories. Yes, I empty the garbage and dust the furniture. Yes, I shoot photos. And yes, I run into situations where I wish I were someone else. I’d taken the vacuum cleaner out back to the dumpster to empty the canister, which was way beyond full. I popped the top off, and shook the canister so all the dust and dirt went into the dumpster. And just at the last minute, the filter for the vacuum cleaner followed the dirt and dust into the bottom of the dumpster. I stood on my tiptoes to look over the edge of the dumpster down to the bottom, down into the corner where the filter was looking back at me. “Now what?” I asked myself. Did I need that filter? Yes, I did. Could I reach the filter by leaning down into the dumpster and grabbing it? No, I could not. I’m 5-7. The dumpster was about 5-2. I couldn’t reach halfway down the dumpster. I walked around it. Was there someplace where I could get a foothold, climb up and jump down into the dumpster, like you see in movies? Thank God, there wasn’t, because I rapidly realized that even if I could jump down into the dumpster, there was no way I was going to be able to climb out of the thing. The sides were smooth. That meant I might get into the dumpster, but would have to stand in it, yelling for help, for who knows

how long. And that provided a flashback to 40 years ago. Back then, in the 1970s, my wife and I lived in West Whiteland Township, Pennsylvania., near the Exton Mall. I was a reporter for the local paper, and I covered the goings-on in West Whiteland. I knew lots of people, particularly emergency responders. One pleasant Saturday morning I decided to fix the flashing around the chimney of our two-story Colonial house, which meant climbing up my 24-foot ladder, getting onto the roof, and affecting the repair. As I announced my plan to my wife, who was already well beyond her marriage-years in wisdom, she quietly said, “John, you’re afraid of heights.” That, of course, was wrong: I was terrified of heights. “I’m going up,” I said, sounding a lot like your normal neighborhood hero. “This is going to be good,” she muttered.

Facing fear I got up the ladder. Stepping onto the roof would have been easier if my legs hadn’t been shaking so much, but I got the flashing fixed and was really satisfied with myself. Then I looked down that ladder, and there was no way I was getting back on it, even though my wife was holding onto it way down there at the bottom. Going UP the ladder I hadn’t looked at the ground. Going DOWN the ladder meant I had to look at the ground and face my fear. I sat down and told my wife, “I can’t do it. I can’t get back on the lad-

1 Month Free Identity theft protection Promo Code: “CANAL19ID” Jsiguardian.com der.” My sweet wife and I talked for some time, her at the bottom of the ladder and me hanging onto the top of the ladder while I sat on the roof. We talked about our love for one another, what a nice day it was and how nice our neighbor’s lawn looked, and what I wanted to bequeath to the kids when I got killed falling off the ladder — stuff like that. After she finally had heard enough, she started to gnaw at my psyche. She told me she was going to call 911 and the fire department would have to come over and raise a ladder and send guys up to pluck me off my own roof. She told me I probably knew every firefighter who would arrive and all the police officers. She told me for years to come, every time I saw one of them in public they’d snicker. She told me on this day I would become a West Whiteland legend. “You’ll never live it down,” she said, sneaking a look up the ladder to see what I was doing. What I was doing was getting back onto the ladder. At that point, I didn’t care if I came down head first like a lawn dart — I was getting off that roof. And I did. That was then. Here I was now, looking at the dumpster, picturing the Williamson Fire Department getting a call for a man stuck in a dumpster, and all of Wayne County listening on the EMS radios, and me not able to go anywhere for the rest of my life without a snicker or two following me.

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long-term care By Susan Suben

LTC: Medicare Vs. Medicaid

f you’re turning 65, it’s important to understand what the difference is between Medicare and Medicaid. Both are government programs but the coverage you can expect from them differs greatly when it comes to long-term care (TLC). Medicare is a federal health insurance program for individuals age 65 or older or those with a qualifying disability at any age. To be eligible, you must be a U.S. citizen or legal resident. It is funded by your taxes. Medicare has many moving parts — A, B, C and D. Part A is hospital insurance, B is medical insurance, C is Medicare Advantage and D is prescription drug coverage. Let’s look at Part A as it pertains to LTC planning and compare it to Medicaid LTC coverage and requirements. Part A covers hospital stays and inpatient care. It pays for room and board, care in special units, drugs and medical supplies, lab tests, medical equipment, operating and recovery rooms, blood transfusions, rehabilitation and hospice care. There is no premium payment for Part A if you have worked and paid taxes for 10 years or longer. Coverage is nationwide. In order to take advantage of your benefits for rehabilitation in a nursing home, you must be admitted to a hospital as an “inpatient” for three days, not on “observation status.” This is a very important distinction for the purposes of LTC. If you are in a hospital under “observation status” and need to go to a nursing home for rehab or permanent LTC, Medicare will not pay. If you meet the three-day inpatient qualifications, Medicare will only pay for skilled rehabilitation up to 20 days. It will not pay for custodial care, known as activities of daily living (dressing, bathing, toileting, etc.). For

55 PLUS - September/October July / August 2019 2019

days 21 to 100, Medicare will pay for your care except for the 2019 co-pay of $170.50. After 100 days, Medicare pays for nothing. Coverage will last until it’s determined you are no longer making medical progress. On average, individuals receive Medicare reimbursable rehab for two weeks. If you have to enter a nursing home permanently, the same three-day eligibility and 100-day reimbursement rules apply. Part A also covers part-time, skilled care for someone who is homebound after a qualified threeday inpatient stay. However, once it is determined that you have reached your full potential, Medicare will no longer pay. Medicare does not pay for assisted living or adult day care. Medicaid is a federal/state health insurance program for low income individuals. There are strict asset and income requirements that determine eligibility. Medicaid provides nursing home care, assisted living and home care. In addition to the financial requirements, penalties can be imposed if you transfer assets within five years of the date you apply for Medicaid. In comparison, Medicare does not have any financial restrictions. If your assets and income are above Medicaid limits, you will be required to spend-down your life savings to the required thresholds for the cost of care. Many individuals impoverish themselves to be eligible

for Medicaid as a result of not planning for LTC. The NYS Medicaid resource limit for a single person in a nursing home for 2019 is $15,450. Assets that are at risk for a spend-down include investments, CDs, rental properties/ additional real estate, and cash in life insurance policies. Medicaid can even place a lien on your home. You are entitled to keep $50 per month as income. If you are receiving home care, you will be able to retain $879 monthly income according to 2019 figures. For married couples with one spouse in a nursing home, the accumulated assets of both spouses are available to the spouse applying for Medicaid. The disabled spouse is entitled to the same income and resource levels as a single person. The well spouse can retain assets of $74,820 up to a maximum of $126,420 and at least $3,160.50 per month of the couple’s combined income. If the well spouse has his/her own income and it is above $3,160.50, then Medicaid can request a contribution of 25% above that amount. Home care coverage under Medicaid requires the enrollment in a managed care plan or a Medicaid Advance Plus plan. In some instances, you may not be able to see your own doctor, only those in the plan’s network. Custodial and skilled care, in addition to household services, would be covered. When it comes to LTC planning, the key difference between Medicare and Medicaid is that Medicare provides limited, skilled care while Medicaid provides skilled and custodial care but requires the adherence to rigid financial guidelines. Awareness of the need for early, comprehensive LTC planning will help you fill in Medicare gaps and help you avoid the loss of your retirement savings for Medicaid eligibility. Susan Suben, MS, CSA, is president of Long Term Care Associates, Inc. and Elder Care Planning. She is a consultant for Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. She can be reached at 800-422-2655 or by email at susansuben@31greenbush.com.

55+ q&a

Are there other misconceptions that concern you? I think a common fallacy for older adults is that “I don’t drink any more now than I did 20 years ago.” What people don’t understand is that after about age 50, our tolerance for alcohol decreases and we aren’t able to maintain good cognitive function and reaction time.

By Lynette M. Loomis

Ed Fiandach, 66 Rochester attorney is all about DWI Why did you choose this branch of law? Initially, I wanted to practice criminal law and I worked with my father in a general practice. It became apparent that the only criminal cases we dealt with were related to DWI allegations. In my senior year of law school, I had written a presentation on DWI laws and my professor told me that if I learned to do DWI, I would always make a living. Consequently, I have practiced in this branch of law since 1979. How have the DWI laws changed and how have these changes impacted people? The laws have changed dramatically, and technology has become more impactful. The legal blood alcohol level was .10; now it has been lowered to .08. When charged with a DWI, a person’s license will be now suspended whether or not he or she takes the test. This presents an incredible hardship to people working or even grandparents who are caring for and transporting children to activities and appointments. I want to point out that the penalties for being convicted of a DWI while transporting a child under age 15 are very severe. Technology has given us breathalyzers and the law tends to rely heavily on the results. However, breathalyzers must be calibrated regularly to give accurate results. How the test is administered also results in variations. Not only do I have to stay on top of legal developments but scientific advances as well in order to protect the rights of my clients. What role does the media play in promoting alcohol? The media’s portrayal of alcohol has become more influential and destructive. A child can’t even watch sports on TV with the family without being bombarded by beer commercials or drinks that taste like fruit punch.

Movies glorify the antics of its stars on a drunken binge and the life-changing consequences are never presented. I also have become somewhat jaded by the duplicity of the government that profits greatly from the taxes on alcohol while imposing stricter and stricter guidelines and sentences. No one wants to be faced with a drunk driver, but as a society, let’s be more consistent in our messaging.

How do you manage your own social interactions? If I go out and I will be having a drink, I always have a driver.

Has raising the drinking age to 21 helped or hurt? Raising the legal age was wellintentioned and totally ineffective. What it has done is push drinking by young adults underground so to speak. Bartenders have become skilled in cutting someone off who has ordered too many drinks. But the 18 to almost 21-year-olds are drinking in cars and basements and parks and there is no one monitoring their sobriety. As a parent and another driver on the road, this terrifies me. It also has contributed to creating younger alcoholics.

What advice do you give to your son or to parents/grandparents? Do the math. The price of a driver or an Uber ride is far less than the cost of a DWI. Even if you are found innocent or guilty of a lesser charge, you have temporarily lost your right to drive to work or school and inconvenienced probably everyone you know. If found guilty of a felony, you may go to jail. And for the rest of your life, every job application will ask you if you have ever been convicted of a crime and you will have to answer “yes.” Who will they hire?

Are people 55 and older aware of the laws regarding prescription medications? Not at all. Just because a medication is legal and has been prescribed doesn’t make it safe to drive. Pain pills, narcotics, muscle relaxers, anti-depressants (a huge issue) and other legal medications can impact one’s ability to react appropriately. Before driving, the doctor and pharmacist should be consulted. Attorney Ed Fiandach is a nationally renowned lawyer who literally wrote the book on DWI and has given more than 350 presentations to other attorneys all across America on DWI laws. July / August 2019 - 55 PLUS September/October

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