55 Plus of Rochester #84: November - December 2023 by 55 Plus: For Active Adults in Rochester

SPECIAL: HOW TO FIND A DOG THAT FITS YOUR LIFESTYLE P. 52

INSIDE Relationships Are Hard:

What I’ve Learned Do You Need Life Insurance After You Retire? Rochester Rhapsody:

A Chorus of Joy Issue 84 – November/December 2023 For Active Adults in the Rochester Area

roc55.com

KEEPING OUR

Promise

Ellen Smith devotes her time to helping refugees resettle in the Rochester area, especially Afghan interpreters who helped American troops during the war. Page 36

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Rochester’s Favorite Holiday Tradition Returns!

By Charles Dickens • Adapted by Mark Cuddy Music & Lyrics by Gregg Coffin • Musical Direction by Don Kot Choreography by Meggins Kelley

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Contents

www.roc55.com

NOVEMBER/ DECEMBER 2023

XX 22

56 XX

Features

Columns

12 Investment

44 Shopping

• Things you need to do 10 years before you retire

• Black Friday, Cyber Monday: How to cash in on super holiday savings

16 Hobbies

46 Internet

• Model railroading is fun for all ages. That’s what a father just found out

• How to prevent cybercrimes

20 Couples • Relationships are hard: what I've learned. A personal account

22 A Capella • Rochester Rhapsody: A chorus of joy

28 Profile • Loren Ranaletta: An advocate for older adults

32 Endurance

48 Impact • Jim Wolfe’s lifetime of service to Canandaigua

52 Holidays • Making gathering easier / Gifts to give

56 Music • Behind the Stormy Valle band

60 Pets • Finding a dog that fits your lifestyle

• The story of Rochester resident Joy Pacheco

64 Moving

36 Cover

66 Finances

• Keeping our promise

• The hard task of downsizing

• How to help your grandchildren

• ALSO: The Silver Lake Sea Serpent • Off-beat Winter Adventures 6

Savvy Senior 8 Financial Health 10 Dining Out 14 My Turn 30 Addyman’s Corner 59 Last Page 74

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

On the Cover Ellen Smith of Keeping our Promise. Photo by Chuck Wainwright

SPECIAL: HOW TO FIND A DOG THAT FITS YOUR LIFESTYLE P. 52

INSIDE Relationships Are Hard:

What I Learned Do You Need Life Insurance After You Retire? Rochester Rhapsody:

A Chorus of Joy Issue 84 – November/December 2023 For Active Adults in the Rochester Area

roc55.com

KEEPING OUR

Promise

Ellen Smith devotes her time to helping refugees resettle in the Rochester area, especially Afghan interpreters who helped American troops during the war.Page XX

Story ideas? Information about advertising? Email editor@roc55.com or call 585-421-8109. To subscribe to the magazine, look for the coupon on page 70.

savvy senior By Jim Miller

Do You Need Life Insurance After You Retire?

hether you keep paying for life insurance or not depends on your family and financial situation. While many retirees choose to stop paying their life insurance premiums when they no longer have young families to take care of, there are several reasons you may still want to keep your policy. Here are some different factors to help you decide. • Family situation: Life insurance is designed to help protect your spouse and children from poverty in the case of your untimely death. But if your children are grown and are on their own, and you have sufficient financial resources to cover you and your spouse’s retirement costs, then there is little need to continue to have life insurance. On the other hand, if you had a child late in life or have a relative with special needs who is dependent on you for income, it makes sense to keep paying the premiums on your policy. You also need to make sure your spouse’s retirement income will not take a significant hit when you die. Check out the conditions of your pension or annuity (if you have them) to see if they stop paying when you die, and factor in your lost Social Security income too. If you find that your spouse will lose a significant portion of income upon your death, you may want to keep the policy to help make up the difference. • Debts: If you are still paying off your mortgage or have other large debts, you should probably keep your policy to help your loved ones pay off these debts when you die. But if your debt payments are a small part of your net worth that poses no risk of financial difficulty, then you may not need it. • Work: Will you need to take another job in retirement to earn income? Since life insurance helps replace lost income to your family

when you die, you may want to keep your policy if your spouse or other family members are relying on that income. However, if you have very little income from your retirement job, then there’s probably no need to continue with the policy. • Estate taxes: Life insurance can also be a handy estate-planning tool. If, for example, you own a business that you want to keep in the family and you don’t have enough liquid assets to take care of the estate taxes, you can sometimes use a life insurance policy to help your heirs pay off Uncle Sam when you die. To help you with this decision, consider talking to an estate-planning expert or a fee-only financial adviser who can help you weigh out the pros and cons. Sell or Swap Your Policy If you decide that you don’t need your life insurance policy any longer, you may want to consider selling it in a “life settlement” transaction to a third-party company, which typically pays four to eight times more than the policy cash surrender value. The best candidates are people over age 65 who own a policy with a face value of $100,000 or more. If you’re interested in this option, get quotes from several life settlement providers or brokers. To find them, the Life Insurance Settlement Association provides a directory at LISA.org. Another option is to use a tax-free 1035 exchange to swap your policy for a hybrid product that blends life insurance with long-term-care insurance coverage. These products come in various forms, but they often combine a whole or universal life policy with a long-term-care rider. If you don’t use the long-term-care coverage, your heirs get the death benefit.

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

roc55.com Editor and Publisher Wagner Dotto

Associate Editor Stefan Yablonski

Writers & Contributors Deborah J. Sergeant, John Addyman Mike Costanza, Kimberly Blaker Todd Etshman, Lynette Loomis Cynthia Measom, Barbara Pierce Columnists John Addyman, Laurie Haelen Jim Miller, Bruce Frassinelli Advertising Anne Westcott • 585-421-8109 anneIGHsales@gmail.com Linda Covington • 585-750-7051 lindalocalnews@gmail.com Office Manager Allison Lockwood Layout & Design Angel Campos-Toro Cover Photo Chuck Wainwright 55 PLUS – A Magazine for Active Adults in Rochester is published six times a year by Local News, Inc. at PO Box 525, Victor, NY 14564, which also publishes In Good Health — Rochester's Healthcare Newspaper. Subscription: $21 a year; $35 for two years © 2023 by 55 PLUS – A Magazine for Active Adults in Rochester.

No material may be reproduced in whole or in part from this publication without the express written permission of the publisher.

How to Reach Us P.O. Box 525 Victor, NY 14564 Phone: 585-421-8109 Email: editor@roc55.com Editor@cnyhealth.com

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financial health By Laurie Haelen

Converting Savings to Retirement Income

ongratulations, you have made it to retirement! During your working years, you've probably set aside funds in retirement accounts such as IRAs, 401(k)s or other workplace savings plans, as well as in taxable accounts (i.e., brokerage or bank accounts). During retirement, it is likely you will need to convert those savings into an ongoing income stream that will last throughout your retirement years, as a compliment to Social Security or any pensions you may have. In other words, after many years of receiving a paycheck, you will have to create one for yourself during your retirement. The retirement lifestyle you can afford will depend not only on your assets and investment choices, but also on how quickly you draw down your retirement portfolio. The annual percentage that you take out of your portfolio, whether from returns or both returns and principal, is known as your withdrawal rate. Figuring out an appropriate initial withdrawal rate is a key issue in retirement planning and presents some challenges. If you take out too much too soon, you might run out of money in your later years. Take out too little, and you might not enjoy your retirement years as much as you could. Your withdrawal rate is especially important in the early years of your retirement, as it will have a lasting impact on how long your savings last. One widely used guideline on withdrawal rates for tax-deferred retirement accounts that emerged in the 1990s stated that withdrawing slightly more than 4% annually from a balanced portfolio of large-cap equities and bonds would provide inflationadjusted income for at least 30 years. However, more recent studies have found that this guideline may be too generalized. Individuals may not be 10

able to sustain a 4% withdrawal rate or may even be able to support a higher rate, depending on their individual circumstances. The bottom line is that there is no standard guideline that works for everyone — your withdrawal rate needs to consider many factors, including, but not limited to, your asset allocation and projected rate of return, annual income targets (accounting for inflation as desired), investment horizon, and life expectancy, according to "The State of Retirement Income: Safe Withdrawal Rates," published in 2021 by Morningstar. Taxes are also an important consideration. You may have assets in accounts that are taxable (e.g., CDs, mutual funds), tax deferred (e.g., traditional IRAs), and tax free (e.g., Roth IRAs). Given a choice, which type of account should you withdraw from first? The answer is — it depends. For retirees who don't care about leaving an estate to beneficiaries, the answer is simple in theory: withdraw money from taxable accounts first, then tax-deferred accounts, and lastly, tax-free accounts. By using your taxfavored accounts last, and avoiding taxes as long as possible, you'll keep more of your retirement dollars working for you.

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

For retirees who intend to leave assets to beneficiaries, the analysis is more complicated. You need to coordinate your retirement planning with your estate plan. For example, if you have appreciated or rapidly appreciating assets, it may be more advantageous for you to withdraw from tax-deferred and tax-free accounts first. This is because these accounts will not receive a step-up in basis at your death, as many of your other assets will. However, this may not always be the best strategy. For example, if you intend to leave your entire estate to your spouse, it may make sense to withdraw from taxable accounts first. This is because spouses are given preferential tax treatment regarding retirement plans. A surviving spouse can roll over retirement plan funds to his or her own IRA or retirement plan or, in some cases, may continue the deceased spouse's plan as his or her own. The funds in the plan continue to grow tax deferred, and distributions need not begin until the spouse's own required beginning date. The bottom line is that this decision is also a complicated one. A financial professional can help you determine the best course based on your individual circumstances.

In practice, your choice of which assets to draw first may, to some extent, be directed by tax rules. You can't keep your money in tax-deferred retirement accounts forever. The law requires you to start taking distributions — called required minimum distributions or RMDs — from traditional IRAs by April 1 of the year following the year you turn age 73 (for those who reach age 72 after Dec. 31, 2022), whether you need the money or not. For employer plans, RMDs must begin by April 1 of the year following the year you turn 73 or, if later, the year you retire. Roth IRAs aren't subject to the lifetime RMD rules. (Beneficiaries of either type of IRA are subject to different distribution rules.) If you have more than one IRA, a required distribution is calculated separately for each IRA. These amounts are then added together to determine your RMD for the year. You can withdraw your RMD from any one or more of your IRAs. (Your traditional IRA trustee or custodian must tell you how much you're required to take out each year or offer to calculate it for you.) For employer retirement plans, your plan will calculate the RMD and distribute it to you. (If you participate in more than one employer plan, your RMD will be determined separately for each plan.) It's important to take RMDs into account when contemplating how you'll withdraw money from your savings. Why? If you withdraw less than your RMD, you will pay a penalty tax equal to 50% of the amount you failed to withdraw. The good news: You can always withdraw more than your RMD amount. This is a complex topic and I have listed here some of the considerations in creating a successful retirement income strategy. As always, I recommend involving a financial professional when feasible to ensure your strategy is effective and will carry you safely—and ideally happily—through your retirement years. Laurie Haelen, AIF (accredited investment fiduciary), is senior vice president, manager of investment and financial planning solutions, CNB Wealth Management, Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. She can be reached at 585-419-0670, ext. 41970 or by email at lhaelen@cnbank.com.

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investment

THINGS YOU MUST DO WHEN YOU’RE 10 YEARS FROM RETIREMENT

By Cynthia Measom

s you approach the decade b e f o re y o u r re t i re m e n t , you might find yourself contemplating whether all of your financial ducks are in a row. “In your 50s, you are in the prime of your life, the kids are out of college, and you’re helping them get started,” said Brent Weiss, certified financial planner and head of financial wellness at Facet. “Family expenses start to ease, you’re in your highest earning years and you start to see retirement on the horizon. You may also be dealing with parents that are getting older and starting to need a little help now and then. This is when most people become laser-focused on retirement.” The 10 years before you retire are a valuable window of opportunity. Here are five money moves you must make, according to a financial planning expert. Take Advantage of Catch-Up Contributions

If you haven’t taken advantage of catch-up contributions and are of age to do so, now is the time to start. “Once you turn 50,” Weiss said, “you can make catch-up contributions to various retirement plans. For 2023, you can now contribute up to $7,500 more to your 401(k), 403(b), federal Thrift Savings Plan and most 457 plans. Traditional IRA and Roth IRA contributions increased to $6,500 per year, up from $6,000. You can also add an extra $1,000 per year to your health savings account, but you have to wait until age 55. Now is the time to supercharge your savings.” 12

Reassess Your Investments and Risks As you approach retirement, Weiss said, your investment priorities should start to shift from growth to protecting what you’ve already saved. “This doesn’t mean being too conservative” he said, “as you will still need your money to last decades into retirement, but assess your overall level of risk to make sure you are comfortable with it. And don’t forget the trade-off between investing more or paying off debt — like your mortgage. There is no right or wrong answer, but it’s an important decision to make.” Prioritize Tax Diversification for Investments “Having different accounts that are taxed differently puts you in control of how you create income in retirement and helps you minimize your taxes,” Weiss said. “You want to invest in different types of accounts like a 401(k), Roth IRA and a taxable investment account. And with kids out of the house, a health savings account could be a great way to save for retirement healthcare costs due to its tax advantages.” Assess Your Retirement Readiness To a s s e s s y o u r r e t i r e m e n t readiness, Weiss said, it’s important to take a good look at what your expenses may be in retirement and size up your income sources and your investments. “You’ll want to determine how much income you will need, what you

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

are on track to have and identify any gaps,” he advised. “This assessment can help you develop a strategy to reach your retirement goal. If you’re feeling behind, that’s OK. There are still planning moves you can make, but you need to act now.” Focus on Health and Well-Being “Retirement healthcare costs are one of the biggest expenses you will face,” Weiss said. “Making sure you are in good shape physically can substantially reduce your costs. And now is the right time to begin planning for long-term care (LTC). Not everyone needs LTC insurance, but everyone needs a plan for the costs of ongoing care that health insurance doesn’t cover.” Additional Information as You Prepare for Retirement Weiss offered the following key numbers to measure your progress. He said to keep in mind that no number is right or wrong for you. Instead, he said these are guidelines to help you assess where you stand: — How much of your income to put away: “15% is good, 20% is ideal and 20%+ is great,” he said. — Your savings goal for when you hit 60: Aim to have eight times to 12 times your annual household income saved. Article previously published online at GOBankingRates.com. Reprinted with permission.

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Gin-based “Water of Youth” boasts elderflower liquor St. Germaine and the juniper with the chamomile eased the bite of gin for a very floral-forward taste.

Dining Out RESTAURANT GUIDE

By Christopher Malone

FINGER LAKES RESTAURANT PREPARES FOOD POETRY

Rose Tavern is a garden of foodie temptation

othing beats a restaurant with a porch overlooking some body of water. Views aside, as part of the elegant Lake House on Canandaigua, the restaurant Rose Tavern already has an expectation to offer food complimenting the established hospitality bar already set. Upon walking in, I felt underdressed. I wasn’t donning a graphic T-shirt or flip-flops, but seeing a gentleman in a sports coat and slacks on a Tuesday morning, my anxiety flipped on after mentally wading in uncertainty ahead of a pending opportunity to sit down and eat. Rose Tavern asks for reservations on its website but the staff welcomed me in no questions asked; presumably late lunches and dinners probably get crowded. But Rose Tavern is beautiful. The very much well-kept, open-concept dining area not only gives patrons a generous view of Canandaigua Lake and doesn’t short on the sun’s vitamin D pouring in through the windows, it 14

also allows those enjoying their time dining a look at what’s happening inside the kitchen. Timing allowed squeezing in a couple breakfast options, which made me very happy. The avocado toast ($17) seemed perfect to kick off the meal. Atop fresh in-house bread sat a dollop of smashed avocado and a fried egg, which donned a spoonful of tomato jam. In reality: It’s a deconstructed take on avocado toast with a piece of toasted bread too small for its ingredients. Also, in reality, eating should be about quality, not quantity. This is being said because you, the reader, are taking a mental break to picture and rationalize the meal and the cost. Stomachs are the size of fists, and the Americanized ideal to have a massive meal with a plateful of food should be squashed much like the tomatoes in that beautifully tasty jam. The components were equally aesthetically bright as their flavors. Plus, the avocado toast came with a good mount of home fries — crispy,

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

moderately seasoned potato nuggets asking to take a dip in the house-made ketchup on the side. It’s difficult to turn down stuffed French toast ($17). However, Rose Tavern’s s’more-style was even more difficult to turn down. It’s not overly sweet considering the chocolate and chocolate crème anglaise, toasted marshmallows and graham cracker crumble. Then, on the side, strawberries and blueberries can be enjoyed with each bite of the French toast. The French toast kills two birds with one stone as the sweet-andsavory dish serves as both a meal and dessert at the same time. During the week, breakfast service stops at 11 a.m. as the staff is allowed a half hour to take a break and prepare for lunch at 11:30 a.m. I was able to sit where I was and accomplish some writing during that time. For lunch, I wanted to enjoy a cocktail because of the uniqueness of the house specialties. It came down to the gin-based “Water of Youth”

3 1. Stuffed French toast ($17) is not overly sweet considering the chocolate and chocolate crème anglaise, toasted marshmallows and graham cracker crumble. On the side are strawberries and blueberries. 2. Poke bowl ($24) boasts rice, wakame (seaweed salad), cucumber, edamame, and many more vegetables topped off with tuna (or steak) and a spicy ponzu sauce. And the raw tuna was fabulous. 3. The Wagyu beef tartare ($25) is an easily shareable small plate. Aside from the fresh beef, the mustard aioli and toasted bread add up to a herbal-laden option.

and the Lake House Manhattan. The “water” is prepared with egg white and chamomile but the Manhattan is made with Cocchi Barolo Chinato, fig, fennel pollen and goat cheese. Erring on the lighter side, I stuck with the former and was not disappointed. The “water” drink ($14) also boasted elderflower liquor St. Germaine and the juniper with the chamomile eased the bite of gin for a very floral-forward taste. The Wagyu beef tartare ($25) is an easily shareable small plate. Aside from the fresh beef, the mustard aioli and toasted bread add up to a herballaden option. There’s a lot of tartare, which permits scooping up a generous amount of tartare and aioli without the fear of shorting others enjoying this as well. When seeing a poke bowl ($24) on a menu, the first things popping into thoughts is fresh and plentiful. Rose Tavern’s take on the poke did not disappoint. The bright bowl boasted rice, wakame (seaweed salad), cucumber,

edamame, and many more vegetables are topped off with tuna (or steak) and a spicy ponzu sauce. There is a pleasant, but not overwhelming, kick to the bowl but the sauce thankfully wasn’t drowning the components. And the raw tuna was fabulous. The fresh, cubed fish could have easily been eaten on its own, but there’s a lot of enjoyment in pairing the bites with the veggies and sprouts. Where Robert Burns wrote, “My Luve is like a red, red rose,” my Luve is fresh, bright pink tuna. Before tip, the meal came to $67 and change. Where this added up to what people may consider pricier breakfast and lunch options, it’s the first meal where I felt better after eating — even with enjoying the dessert-esque French toast. Sometimes treating yourself isn’t a terrible thing. Rose Tavern had me wanting more, especially with wanting to enjoy dinner there.

Rose Tavern 770 S. Main St., Canandaigua, N.Y. 14424 585-678-4516 rosetavern.com facebook.com/rosetaverncdga instagram.com/rosetaverncdga BRUNCH Sunday: 7 a.m. – 2 p.m. LUNCH Monday – Saturday: 11:30 a.m. – 3 p.m. LIGHT FARE Monday – Saturday: 3 – 5 p.m. DINNER Sunday: 5 – 10 p.m. Monday – Thursday: 5 – 10 p.m. Friday – Saturday: 5 – 11 p.m.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

hobbies

ALL ABOARD!

Model railroading is fun for all ages. That’s what a father just found out By Lynette M. Loomis

estled in the hamlet of Mendon, Lyle Fair talks with customers about their shared passion, model railroading. “Being a single parent, I wanted to find a hobby we could enjoy as a family. So I purchased a train set for around the Christmas tree. I then realized I was spending more time enjoying it than the kids were. Cell phones and technology were coming out back then and the kids were definitely more interested in that than in model trains,” Fair said. But his interest continued. He said his hobby quickly expanded, as most hobbies do. When his children got older, he eventually downsized. But where would all these trains go? He decided to rent space in Mendon. “I figured a train shop was something others could enjoy as much as I have through the years,” he said. The Train Place officially opened in October 2022. “I think trains have become a passion for me, mainly because they bring people and families together. This hobby allows children, as well as adults, to use their creativity and imagination to create something,” he explained. “My passion is more about the people I meet and the stories I hear, than just the trains.” Fair is not alone in his passion. The National Model Railroad Association has chapters across the country as well as Canada, Australia, the United Kingdom and the Netherlands. He gives credit to his father for some of his interest in history. His dad was an antique furniture dealer and collector and Fair watched him restore things to their former glory. “I have really enjoyed the idea of getting trains out of basements and

attics to be put back into circulation and to be loved and appreciated,” he said. “The older generation remembers the 4x8 sheet of plywood in the basement with the Lionel or American Flyer trains running around.” Acquisitions come from estate sales, paper ads and his shop. The store has both new and used trains in all scales from N (little) to G (large) along with accessories and other hidden treasures that are train related. Train people collect all different-sized trains and railroad names. “The hobby brings back great memories for everyone when they walk into my shop. I have my regulars and people of all ages just starting in the hobby. I really enjoy making people happy,” he said. Dick Budgeon, 86, lives in Victor and frequents The Train Place two or three times a week. As a child, he and his brother had model trains. His wife, Donna, bought him a train after their kids had grown and left the house. “I thought it would be fun, but I didn’t imagine anything like this,” she quipped. “This” refers to a 19.5-foot by 4.5foot train layout in their basement. “He was going to design the train layout and I was going to design the scenery. That didn’t last long. He ended up wanting to do it all.” Budgeon admitted he got carried away — a little bit. He had sold conveyor systems for 50 years. So, of course, he created several moving conveyor systems in his layout. There is also a police car, complete with a flashing light on the roof. “I sketch everything out several times to make sure I design and create it properly. I don’t want to leave anything out,” he explained.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

ABOVE: The Train Place has all trains and accessories for the adult model railroad hobbyist, as well as a train play area for young children. RIGHT: Lyle Fair, the owner of The Train Place, shows a large-scale engine, the CSX.

He spends about four to five hours a day working with his trains. “I like to fuss,” he added. “I started with the smaller N gauge trains. Now I prefer the larger trains as they are easier for me to work on. Making sure the trains can switch tracks easily takes planning and precise execution. The maximum track layout would be eight lanes. You don’t want them colliding. There is certainly a bit of love, along with the engineering that goes into the design.” He has some rare trains, including a few that were only manufactured one year. These differ from their more common counterparts, by the color of their roof or the printing on the sides of the cars. He has two engines under glass at his desk that he cherishes. One of his rare finds was built only in 1951, another in 1953. “It’s a hobby that will last me the rest of my life,” he said. Jim Minno, 66, lives in Penfield and remembers fondly the train sets 18

from his childhood. He and his brother would spend hours on the trains. “It was the type of pleasure we enjoyed not only when we set up a train around the Christmas tree, but anywhere my parents would let us set them up,” he recalled. He smiled as he said, “In the hours that we couldn’t go out and play, it kept us from being underfoot. Maybe that’s why my parents were so supportive of our love for trains.” He has enjoyed talking with Fair and Budgeon. “I could have spent an entire day talking with either of them. Lyle’s store has so many trains and accessories, I was amazed,” he said. “I also was impressed that there was an area for small children to play with wooden trains while their parents or grandparents studied all of the trains. What the guys can do with a sheet of plywood to create a railroad running through an entire city or village is impressive.”

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Ron Lalogia, 77, lives in Fairport. “I became interested in model trains as a youngster in the mid-1950s. I remember going to Sibley’s and watching all the Lionel trains on display there,” he said. “Over the years, I have met some genuinely nice and interesting train people and I have learned how to repair older model trains. “This is a great hobby for young and old. There are clubs for railroad enthusiasts that are great to join such as the Toy Train Collector’s Society. The society hosts events in Rochester, Buffalo and Utica. The National Toy Trains Collectors of America has a show twice a year.” All of the men said the RIT train show, Tiger Tracks, at the Gordon Field House, held annually in December, is a great show (Dec. 9-10). It has operating layouts to interest adults and kids. “I would like to see more girls become involved,” Lalogia added.

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couples

Relationships Are Hard: What I've Learned By Barbara Pierce

iving with another person is probably one of the most difficult things to do. Moving in with someone has advantages. It’s a way to ramping up the commitment and lower living costs. You get to enjoy more time in each other ’s company, while simultaneously quadrupling your ability to compromise. The key words are those last few words: Quadrupling your ability to compromise! Trust me, this is true. A few months ago, I moved in with a man. We had spent a lot of time together; he was always pleasant and agreeable. I thought all would go smoothly. I thought I knew how to live with someone. But I hit new challenges I never saw coming. There’s a lot

I’m learning. I love the way author Sue Grafton’s character, Kinsey Milhone, describes it: “Being single can be confusing. On one hand, you yearn for the simple comfort of companionship. On the other hand, once you get used to being alone, you have to wonder why you’d ever take on the aggravation of a relationship. Other human beings have all these habits, opinions, peculiar tastes, not to mention mood disorders and attitudes that in no way coincide with the correct ones, namely yours.” I keep reminding myself that I did want his full-time companionship. And that I chose this. It works well for me financially. And just because he does so many things in ways that are vastly different from the ways I’ve always done things (the right way of

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course), I need to be OK with that. He’s used to living alone. So if he continues to act like a person who’s still living alone, that’s who he is. That’s who I chose. We’re so different. For example, shopping together is a disaster: He has two speeds: slow and reverse. I’m fast at everything. I speed through the supermarket, quickly making choices, throwing my choice in the cart then speeding on to the next thing on my list. He leisurely strolls down each aisle, studying each item thoughtfully before deciding what to place gently in the cart. You can see why this doesn’t work. Kind of like how we drive. If the light’s been green awhile, I speed up to get through before it changes. He slows down, preparing to stop.

And when I’ve cooked dinner and he only has complaints about what he doesn’t like, well, I chose to cook that dinner, and I should be happy he feels comfortable letting me know what he doesn’t like. After three months of things getting worse and worse, we hit bottom. We were both miserable and acknowledged this, discussing whether we should keep living together. We agreed to split up if things didn’t change and talked about how that would work. Since that discussion and considering alternatives, things started moving in a positive direction. We’ve both mellowed out, smoothed out the rough edges. He’s quit complaining and whining all the time and I’m finally enjoying our life together. It’s working the way I thought it would work from the beginning. I really did want our arrangement to work out, so I began to recognize some things we needed to do differently and do them. So, whether you’re living with a partner, a friend, family member, or stranger, here are some suggestions

you might consider: Be ready to compromise. Yes, it’s rough at first, working out how things will work between you. If you can’t compromise, live alone. Every little detail comes up for discussion. Don’t expect each other to be enough. On a logical level, most of us understand that one person can’t meet all our needs. So why do we expect this from our romantic partner? We’re expecting one person to give us what an entire village used to provide. I realized one of our issues was that our world was too narrow. We’re socially isolated, living in a new area, don’t know anyone. None of our friends live close. We were depending on each other to be everything and that was not realistic. We drove to spend time with our old friends and came out feeling happier. We’re cultivating new people in our new life. Do some things together, some things apart: Doing everything together all day, every day, likely isn't super great for either of you. Each of you needs your own interests and your own things. Spending time apart makes your time together more

meaningful. A relationship needs some space to thrive. We’re finding opportunities to do things alone and as a couple. Khali Gibran describes this balance in “The Prophet,” (written 100 years ago): “Let there be spaces in your togetherness. Let the winds of the heavens dance between you…Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.”

Barbara Pierce is a contributing writer for In Good Health — The Healthcare Newspaper and a retired licensed clinical social worker. She is the author of “When You Come to the Edge: Aging.” To buy her book or contact her, send an email to barbarapierce06@yahoo.com.

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a capella

By Mike Costanza

Rochester Rhapsody: A Chorus of Joy By Mike Costanza

or those singing a cappella, just the sound of the notes can stir up emotions. “It actually gives me shivers and the hairs stand up on the back of my neck,” said 77-year-old Sharron Gilbert. Gilbert is one of the founders of Rochester Rhapsody, the women’s chorus that has entertained audiences in and around the Rochester area with their music since 1996. The award-winning chorus is a member of Harmony, Incorporated, a nonprofit international a cappella singing organization for women. In the a cappella style of singing, the voice is the only instrument. Rochester Rhapsody’s 35 members sing a cappella in the close, four-part 22

harmonies that epitomize barbershop music. When a song is sung properly in that style, the harmonies weave together into a beautiful whole. The chorus performs pop songs from the 1930s up to the present, along with holiday tunes and other selections. Its members range in age from 30 to over 70. Sue Melvin, Rochester Rhapsody’s 62-year-old musical director, is a second-generation barbershop singer — her father sang in that style for more than 50 years. She joined The Little Shavers, an a cappella chorus for children that was based in Rochester, when she was just 8. “It was my first experience with four-part harmony,” the retired bank vice president said.

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The young girl immediately became addicted to that style of singing. “It’s very interesting, both for audiences and for singers,” the Rochester resident said. “It’s a great challenge to add to your musicianship.” Melvin appears to have met that challenge well. In addition to singing with Rochester Rhapsody and helping lead the chorus, the married grandmother is a member of two quartets, the Renegades and Off-the-Cuff, and has competed internationally. She has also coached as many as 10 a cappella groups at one time, and taught vocal performance throughout New York state and in Canada. Melvin brings that focus upon education to Rochester

Rhapsody. “Education is probably our primary focus,” Melvin said. “We focus on helping people to become the best singers and performers that they can be.” Shirley Flint values the educational opportunities that Rochester Rhapsody offers, and the chance to sing four-part harmony as part of a group. “It is difficult to do it right,” the Greece resident said. “That’s kind of the beauty of a chorus, because if everybody’s singing accurately, it’s also easier to sing accurately. It works both ways.” Flint, who turns 75 year of age in December, was a member of two a cappella choruses before she stopped singing to take care of her young children. Since she joined Rochester Rhapsody in 2007, she has taken a seat on its music team, which helps guide the chorus, and come to lead its bass section. “The four-part harmony just makes my heart sing,” Flint said. Membership in the chorus has also brought her together with people whom she now calls friends. “I have been in [it] for 16 years because of the people in it,” said the retired editor of legal publications. When the Dee Davis joined Rochester Rhapsody in August, 2022, she had to get used to a whole different way of using her voice. The 68-yearold sang in groups from elementary school through college, but always with musical accompaniment. “Here, we have to depend on ourselves and each other,” said Davis, who is one of the chorus’s lead singers. “We can’t just default to whatever the orchestra is doing.” Davis has also had to memorize the songs she sings with Rochester Rhapsody — the chorus performs without sheet music. One song she particularly enjoys singing is “A Million Dreams” from the movie “The Greatest Showman,” the 2017 movie about the legendary PT Barnum. In one scene of the biographical musical, a young Barnum sings of his aspirations. “He’s just so confident that he’s going to do this thing that nobody’s ever done with circuses, which he actually does,” Davis said. “It’s a beautiful song.” Davis, who is a professional American Sign Language interpreter, usually translates one of the songs that

Rochester Rhapsody performs for its audiences during the Christmas season into sign language. “Quite a few people have come up and said ‘How do I learn that? How do I join the group?’” Davis said. “They’re just enamored of the whole thing.” As a young girl, Gilbert used to sing with her parents, who could harmonize. “When we would go on Sunday afternoons for a ride, it was always accompanied with a little harmony, singing “You Are My Sunshine” or songs like that,” she said. “I was really fortunate to start learning harmony when I was very young.” Gilbert first sang a cappella in Dansville, while around a campfire with her Girl Scout troop. She sang in her junior high and high school choruses. Upon graduating she enlisted in the US Air Force, though she didn’t stop entertaining people with her voice. “I sang in a folk group while I was in the Air Force,” Gilbert said. Four years later, she returned to civilian life and entered Alfred University, where she was a voice and instrumental major. Gilbert took a job with what is now Excellus BlueCross BlueShield upon graduating from college, and soon became a corporate trainer for the firm. The demanding position initially left her unable to pursue her love of singing. “I can get addicted to music, and forget to do anything else, like eat or sleep,” she said. Gilbert was eventually able to find the time and energy to sing in a chorus again. In addition to co-founding Rochester Rhapsody, she has served as the chorus’ president and vice president of membership. She retired from Excellus in 2006. Among all the songs in Rochester Rhapsody’s repertoire, Gilbert particularly enjoys singing those from the 1950s through the 1970s. “The do-wop songs were particularly easy to harmonize with, because they only used three or four different chords,” she said. “We have one that we’re just learning, ‘Come Go With Me.’” The song was a 1957 hit for the Del-Vikings, a do-wop group. It’s a kind of wonder that Rochester Rhapsody is able to harmonize at all. The chorus was unable to practice in person after COVID-19 hit the area. “We met over Zoom for over two

Sharron Gilbert

Dee Davis

Shirley Flint

Sue Melvin

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years,” Melvin said. “Singing does not work over Zoom.” Melvin gave vocal lessons to individual members of the chorus remotely, brought in guest educators to work with them and took other measures to keep the chorus together and interested. “We did virtual choirs. That’s where people submit individual tracks and we put them all together electronically and make a video and audio,” she said. “It’s a technical nightmare.” When the pandemic waned, the chorus gathered in a member’s back yard to sing together again for the first in two years. “There were a lot of tears at that

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first rehearsal,” Melvin said. “Tears of joy.” Rochester Rhapsody now rehearses in-person once a week, performs more than 20 times a year and competes in national and international choral competitions. Those efforts have netted the chorus three awards in Harmony Incorporated Area 3 competitions. The group is casting about for new members. “If you can carry a tune and sing your part with three other people, you can do this.” Melvin said. To learn more about Rochester Rhapsody, go to: www.facebook. com/RochesterRhapsody or info@ rochesterrhapsody.com

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Loren Ranaletta, 72, spent 38 years as president and CEO, Episcopal SeniorLife Communities in Rochester. He retired from the position and now serves as president of The Episcopal Church Home Foundation, which allows him more time with his family. He is pictured at his home with grandkids.

Loren Ranaletta: An Advocate for Older Adults By Lynette M. Loomis

oren Ranaletta, 72, was well known for his role as president and chief executive officer at Episcopal SeniorLife Communities for 38 years. He said he was energized by the opportunity to help older adults lead better lives. As CEO, he faced challenges presented by frequently changing regulatory mandates, rising costs, a decreasing work force and COVID-19. Add to these, technology improvements and the need for

medical advancements as older adults live longer but with more chronic conditions. He said he is most proud of building a strong leadership team at ESLC and developing a great succession plan. Now as an older adult himself, he has shifted his role to president of The Episcopal Church Home Foundation. His original idea for a career was different than where he landed but related to health and medicine. He studied four years of pre-med

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in college (biochemistry major) and assumed med school was next. He accepted a job after college in hospital administration and never looked back. “I learned about caring for people in a different way and then did graduate studies in health policy along with a MS in public health at UR School of Medicine,” he said. One of the biggest adjustments in “retirement” is not overseeing day-today operations for 10 sites. “I now have flexibility in my

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Social and leisure patterns, health and wellness activities, eating Grasta's helps individuals with Chemotherapy, Radiation, habits and transportation options are Psoriasis, Alopecia, Diabetes, Menopause, Childbirth, Lupus, all important parts of life balance. “Sharon was so kind & understanding and she had lots of hairpieces to choose from. & Burn Victims, andaway COVID 19sherelated Hair Health insurance needs to expand She knew exactly what Trichotillomania I needed. I loved her right because showed me what was good on me & the ones not goodProfessional, on me. Sharon wasConfidential always patient coverage in these areas and shift Loss. Sharon Grasta provides me... Sharon loves her customers and it shows in how wonderful away from a medical model of service &with Personal Consultations, Fitting & Wig Care. I strongly she treats them: like family.” - Mrs Ann M. Colarertalo reimbursement. Affordable housing believe privacy for my clients is #1 priority. also factors into good health. ESLC has developed housing for a broad range High quality wigs & hair pieces in a variety of styles & blends of senior care needs in different income and toppers are available. brackets.” Ranaletta said that age-related I specialize in professional, personal, anddential confidential We specialize in professional, personal, and confi service.service. vision changes and the inability to We enjoy making clients feel beautiful from the inside out.out. I enjoy making clients feel beautiful from the inside drive safely can lead to social isolation, which can lead to depression. Financial resources also are a social determinant of health. Living on a fixed income, even with modest increases in Social 409 Parma Center Rd. (Rte. 18), Hilton Just minutes from Greece Ridge Mall! Security, doesn’t keep pace with 409 Parma Center Rd. (Rt. Sharon 18), Hilton M. Grasta (Russo) - owner & operator grastasbeautyandwigstudio.com inflation. The shifts in the stock market Just minutes from Greece Ridge Mall! and decreased wealth impact every other determinant of health. Grastasbeautyandwigstudio.com strict safety policies are in effect and apply to EVERYONE. We cover our styling chair in disposable vinyl. I also wear protective coverings. There is He met his wife, Janet, in high MASKS ARE STILL REQUIRED. Due to Covid-19, no way an operator could be three feet apart from a client while working, which is why the client and I are covered. You will receive foot coverings, vinyl gloves, and a sheer vinyl cape which you school and they have traveled this will wear out to your car and discard at your convenience. Temperature will be taken(Russo) at the door. No wigs are touched bare hands. ONLY THE CLIENT PERMITTED INSIDE! Sharon M. Grasta – byowner & ISoperator career journey together. She was a ONLY - ABSOLUTELY NO WALK-INS. FOR PLEASE REVIEW ALL INFORMATION ON OURMUST SITE CALL PRIOR TOAPPOINTMENT. CALLING high school math teacher in Rush BY APPOINTMENT Henrietta CSD and is also now CALL 585-392-7823  NO TEXTING OR EMAILS retired. They are looking forward NO PICTURES TAKEN - ONLY FACETIME to traveling to the national parks, Europe and North Carolina where MASKS ARE STILL REQUIRED DUE TO COVID-19, STRICT SAFETY POLICIES ARE IN their oldest son and three of their EFFECT AND APPLY TO EVERYONE. WE COVER OUR STYLING CHAIR IN DISPOSABLE seven grandchildren reside. For their VINYL. I ALSO WEAR PROTECTIVE COVERINGS. THERE IS NO WAY AN OPERATOR COULD four local grandchildren, they want to BE THREE FEET APART FROM A CLIENT WHILE WORKING, WHICH IS WHY THE CLIENT be soccer spectators and cheerleaders. AND I ARE COVERED. YOU WILL RECEIVE FOOT COVERINGS, VINYL GLOVES AND A When they are not on the road, SHEER VINYL CAPE WHICH YOU WILL WEAR OUT TO YOUR CAR AND DISCARD AT YOUR Ranaletta likes to read, particularly CONVENIENCE. TEMPERATURE WILL BE TAKEN AT THE DOOR. 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my turn By Bruce Frassineli

Cleveland, Roosevelt and Trump Joe Biden is the 46th president of the United States — how many men have been president of the U.S.?

ne of my favorite trick questions is this: Joe Biden is the 46th president of the United States — how many men have been president of the U.S.? Logic might say that the answer is 46, but it is not. The answer is 45. How can that be? Grover Cleveland, former governor of New York and mayor of Buffalo, was elected to non-consecutive terms. He is the only president to have two numbers – 22 and 24. He served from 1885 to 1889 and from 1893 until 1897. He also has the distinction of being the only president to win the popular vote on each of the three times that he ran. In his bid to seek-reelection in 1892, however, he lost the presidency to Benjamin Harrison, who had the required number of electoral votes despite having fewer popular votes than Cleveland. What is really interesting is that if another former president and New York native is elected in 2024, he, too, will have two numbers. Donald Trump, who now is an official resident 30

of Florida, served from 2017 until 2021, but lost his re-election bid in 2020. Yet another New Yorker, former President Teddy Roosevelt, also aspired to make a comeback after having served as president between 1901 and 1909. Roosevelt became president upon the death of William McKinley, who was assassinated while attending the Pan American Exposition in Buffalo on Sept. 6, 1901, and died eight days later, about six months into his second term in office. Roosevelt served out the remainder of McKinley’s term, then ran for re-election and won in 1904, serving a complete term until March 4, 1909. (Back then, presidents took office in early March, but upon adoption of the 20th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution in 1933, the date was changed to the current Jan. 20.) Roosevelt had pledged to limit himself to two terms, including the partial one he had after McKinley’s death. In 1912, Roosevelt lost the Republican nomination to incumbent William Howard Taft, then chose to

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run as an independent under the label of the Bullmoose Party. Roosevelt not only succeeded in pulling votes away from Taft, but he placed second to Democrat Woodrow Wilson, a former president of Princeton University. Wilson won in a landslide with 435 electoral votes, while Roosevelt had 88 and Taft had just 8. Wilson had 6.3 million popular votes, or 41.8% of the total cast; Roosevelt finished with 4.1 million, or 27.4%, while Taft had 3.49 million, or 23.4%. Socialist party candidate Eugene Debs received 901,500 votes, or 6.1% but won no electoral votes. Roosevelt’s lack of success as a third-party candidate should be a cautionary message to others who aspire to travel this route. There are so many obstacles. Among them are: limited media coverage, access to debates, ballot access, funding and resources, voter resistance, especially among party faithful, the complexities of the electoral college system for these candidates, lack of party support and historical precedent.

Let’s be honest, no third-party presidential party candidates have fared well in modern history. H. Ross Perot, the Texas billionaire, was the most successful amassing 19.7 million popular votes in 1992. Even so, he had zero electoral votes and finished a distant third to Democrat Bill Clinton, the upset winner over incumbent Republican George W. Bush. Four years later, Perot ran again as a reform party third candidate but received just 8.1 million votes that time around and, again, zero electoral votes. Of the three presidents we’ve been dealing with who have significant New York backgrounds, Cleveland is the least known, so it’s time to learn some of his background. Stephen Grover Cleveland is not a native New Yorker, but he had deep ties to the state starting as a boy when his minister father in 1850 moved the family from Caldwell, New Jersey, to Clinton in Oneida County to work as district secretary for the American Home Missionary Society. The problem was that his father was unable to make enough money to sustain his large family of nine, so Grover was removed from school and sent to Fayetteville in Onondaga County where he served a two-year mercantile apprenticeship. Neighbors described Grover as “full of fun’’ and a prankster who enjoyed outdoor sports. After completing this valuable experience, the future president returned to Clinton to resume his schooling. In 1853, when missionary work began to take a toll on Cleveland’s father’s health, he had to move the family again, this time taking an

assignment in Holland Patent, 11 miles north of Utica. A short time later, his father died from a gastric ulcer. It was reported in Cleveland’s biography that he learned of his father’s death from a newsboy hawking papers. After his father’s death in 1853 when Grover was 16, he was again forced to leave school to help support his family. Later in the year, Cleveland’s brother, William, was hired as a teacher at the New York Institute for the Blind in New York City and was able to get a spot for his brother as an assistant teacher. At the end of the school term in 1854, Cleveland returned home to Holland Patent where a church elder offered to pay for his college education if he promised to become a minister, but Cleveland, seeing what his father went through, politely declined and decided to head West. He stopped in Buffalo where an uncle gave him a clerical job and introduced him to influential Buffalonians and took a clerkship from a prestigious law firm there. The 13th president of the United States, Millard Fillmore, once worked there. After three years, Cleveland left and started his own practice. Two years after the start of the Civil War, Cleveland was appointed assistant district attorney of Erie County. Because of the Conscription Act of 1863 requiring all able-bodied men to serve in the Union Army or find a substitute, Cleveland found one for $150 (equivalent to about $3,400 today). Cleveland was elected mayor of

Buffalo in 1881 and governor of New York a year later. He was the leader of a wing of the Democratic Party that opposed high tariffs, free silver, imperialism, subsidies to businesses, farmers and veterans. His conservatism was embraced nationally, and he was admired for his honesty, integrity and self-reliance. He was known as a reformer who opposed political corruption, patronage and openly defied political bosses. Cleveland won the presidency in 1884 in a close race with Republican James G. Blaine of Maine. Cleveland received 219 electoral votes to Blaine’s 182. He also had 57,000 more popular votes than Blaine. Unlike today when we have 50 states and a presidential candidate requires a minimum of 270 electoral votes to be elected, there were just 38 states in the union in 1884. Four years later, Cleveland lost in his bid for re-election even though he had about 90,000 more popular votes than his Republican opponent and ultimate winner, Republican Benjamin Harrison, who wound up with 233 electoral votes to Cleveland’s 168. Four years later, Cleveland became the first president in our nation’s history to regain the presidency after having lost it. Cleveland won with 277 electoral votes to Harrison’s 145. Cleveland also had about 438,000 more popular votes than Harrison. With Trump the clear front-runner to win the Republican nomination in 2024, he is in a position to become just the second president to serve nonconsecutive terms, but to state the obvious — it’s a long time from now until the presidential election in 2024.

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JOY PACHECO: DESPITE THE DIFFICULTY, ALWAYS MOVING FORWARD By John Addyman

his is a story about knees. We all have them. Generally, we like our knees. Sometimes, our knees don’t like us. Most of your life, you don’t think about your knees. But your knees are always thinking about you. They know what you’re doing to them, what you’re thinking about doing with them and what you’d better not try doing with them. Get to be a certain age and your knees might decide to forget about you — which is a problem. It’s hard to get out of a chair if your knees are out playing video games somewhere — you get the picture. Joy Pacheco, 71, lives in Rochester in a large apartment that was scraped out of an old factory. The brick walls are lined with artwork that has attracted her trained eye. The collection of pottery and her dressing style and the spaces she has created on the former industrial floor tell you how careful and particular she is. And, oh, her knees. “I went to Clara Barton School No. 3, that’s where they found out I had a knee problem,” she said, shifting in her chair at her dining room table to tell her story. “I went out for basketball and kept falling. My coached noticed it. My parents just felt that it was because I was clumsy. He alerted my parents, who took me to a doctor and found out I had dislocated kneecaps. They decided to wait until I was 12 before they operated. I was 11. They did both legs at the same time, so I ended up with casts from my ankle to my upper thighs.” What followed was a year out of

school and a home tutor. On the day the casts came off, she learned that her lost year hadn’t ended. “I had to learn to walk all over again,” she said. “I was walking in the casts and when they came off, I thought, ‘Well, this [walking] was going to be easy. Simple.’ I can remember the doctor telling me, when we finally got to the day of having the casts removed, ‘OK, Joy, I’m going to help you stand up, but it’s going to feel like you’re walking on your girlfriend’s legs.’ I said, ‘No, no. I’m fine. I’ve been walking around.’ And I came off the table and I almost collapsed. I had a period of time going through therapy learning to walk again.” That’s enough of an episode to be a life-changer, but Pacheco has been through it more than once. More operations. More learning to walk again. The challenges, the discomfort and pain, the feeling of being different but the heck with that — put an edge on the little girl’s courage. “I was among the first group of African Americans to integrate Charlotte High School,” Pacheco said. “We had the option of going there and my mother came to me and asked, would I like to go to Charlotte? My sister didn’t want to go. I said, ‘I’ll go.’” A local reverend and a group of African American men would follow her bus to school “to make sure we got there without incident,” Pacheco said. Was she scared? “No.” That was 1965. From high school, Pacheco went to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh to study graphic design and commercial art. She got a job right out of school

helping design characters and boards for a CompuLearn education system. She came back to Rochester to work for Kodak for a while, then found a guy who was going to law school in California and followed him there. The pair ended up in Texas and married. He was in the Army Reserve. “Once a month he’d put on the uniform and go to meetings,” she said. “He told me, ‘You’d never make it in the military.’” Big mistake. “I went to a recruiter the next day,” she said. She joined the Civilian Acquired Skills program and became part of the last group of WACs (Women’s Army Corps) before the army integrated and men and women trained together. After training, she and her husband went back to Pittsburgh and Pacheco went back to school and now had a new goal — she yearned for the ROTC program at Duquesne University — she wanted to be an officer in the Army Reserve. But to go into officers’ training, she had to pass a physical. And those knees were there, waiting. “They saw the scars on my knees and told me, ‘You can’t do this.’ I was devastated. I couldn’t be commissioned,” she said. But she had gone through basic training without a hitch when she joined up. She had passed that physical. Pacheco appealed to her professor of military science at Duquesne and after some file-cabinet searches, her original physicals showed up. “I had been the highest-scoring female on the physical therapy test,” she said, tapping her finger on the table.

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a one- or two-bedroom retirement – senior living community and wanting to take everything, not wanting to part with anything.” “We worked with a delightful woman who was a professor at a local college. She had so many books — unbelievable. I’ve never seen so many books. It took us four days just to pack up books. She was moving to a two-bedroom facility. I had the conversation with her, ‘You know, I don’t think you’re going to have enough room for everything.’ She said, ‘Don’t worry about it. I sleep in a chair. I’m going to sleep in one bedroom and the other bedroom is going to be devoted to all my books.’ We must have taken 75 to 100 boxes and put them in storage for her.” The last career? She went into officers’ basic training in Arizona. “I suffered at the physical part. We were out on three-day exercises in the mountains and I was able to do it, but my knees were suffering. I came out of that as a first lieutenant, and after 12 years in the Army Reserve, I left with a rank of captain. I worked for a PsyOps unit in Key West, Virginia and Germany, I loved it,” she said. Finally back in Rochester in the late 1980s, Pacheco worked at WROC selling TV ads and found a career in banking soon thereafter, specializing in corporate cash management for HSBC, Key Bank, Northstar and Fleet banks. She eased away from corporate life to set up her own lockbox management company, getting started with five friends, her mom and dad manning the processing positions. “They worked for me without pay until I got it off the ground,” she said. And, she discovered something. Untapped resource “I found an untapped resource,” she said. “I could hire people who were disabled, who were retired, people looking for something to do to fill their time and that worked great. One of the highlights was a woman who had Parkinson’s. She had lost her job and became homebound in a wheelchair. She was just withering. I talked to her about a part-time position. “That first time I talked to her she was excited. The second time, she was 34

withdrawn and said she wasn’t sure she could do it. I said, ‘Well, why don’t you try? We’ll make accommodations.’ And so she did. She was taking an RTS service bus and my office was upstairs on East Ave — the bus would pull up, we’d have somebody meet her at the curb. We would get her upstairs, which was interesting because we had no elevator. I told her she could work from home, but she wanted to come to the office every day. “That really changed her life. When she contracted this disease, her husband left her. She was alone, she wasn’t interacting with anyone.” For what Pacheco did for her employees, her little company was awarded the 2006 Regional Employer of the Year award from the Rochester Area Employment Network. Her career continued to branch out to new responsibilities. She sold her business and went back to banking. She got a certificate to become someone who stages homes for sale. She was a vice president at RTS/LiftLine/Access providing transportation services to the disabled community. And recently, she started a moving company, specializing in senior adult moving, a service for people who are downsizing to leave their big old homes to join a retirement community. It’s a job that is not without its challenges. “I do a lot of hand-holding,” she said. “I deal with the issues that are on the front end of the move prior to moving; people who have lived in a home for 40-50 years moving into

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In the last 20 years, Pacheco became a serious long-distance cyclist. She ran on those knees, preparing for completing a marathon. She installed a stationary bike and learned to love spinning on that bike — covering a whole lot of miles but not going anywhere, staying in great cycling shape even in the dead of winter. Eventually, she had to give up running — those knees. Right now, she’s working on certification to teach spinning at a local YMCA, doing one more thing she loves, reaching out to help people in her many special ways. “I hope to inspire older women, especially women who are having issues relative to becoming more active. I think spinning is a start. It’s not easy at first, but if you come back for the second class and the third, each gets better and you get to the point where you really start to enjoy it,” she said. “I starting spinning as a way to train for cycling, I enjoy it and it’d like to see other women enjoy it as well. This is a way we can support one another, especially for women who might want to do long-distance cycling. This is another kind of selfimprovement, to challenge yourself, expand yourself.” Pacheco has lived a life of facing challenges and busting through them, of offering to help others in unique ways, and to go through life showing all of us what’s possible with a little help from friends — and knees.

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KEEPING OUR PROMISE

Ellen Smith devotes her time to helping refugees resettle in the Rochester area, especially Afghan interpreters who helped American troops during the war By John Addyman

wo years ago, President Biden ordered U.S. troops to leave Afghanistan. Quickly. When the Afghanistan army melted away, the country was left to the Taliban, who flooded out of the darkness to take over. And the image that grates with us is of people desperate to leave Kabul on a plane — running down the runway with it, trying to hold onto a piece of the jet aircraft to be lifted away when it took off. Those people were frightened of what the Taliban would do to them because they had provided some service to Americans — interpreters, cooks, office help, civic employees. People left behind knew the Taliban would hunt them down and not just kill someone, but eliminate families, as if they’d never existed. America had promised hope and a new, improved Afghanistan, then wrought disaster. In Rochester, people had been working since well before the fall of Afghanistan to bring to America people whose service to U.S. interests and military had made them targets in their homeland. The process was filled with red tape and delays. But the money to support it had to come from all kinds of sources. Ellen Smith, 63, from Fairport, found herself pulled into that relocation, resettlement effort. “In 2014, a friend of a friend was

on Facebook,” she recalled, “resettling his Afghan interpreter here. He just needed help getting furniture and kitchen stuff in Syracuse. I reached out to him. I said that I could help. He had two interpreters, one came in April of 2014 and one came in August. Then I went on vacation and got a call that there was an interpreter family in Rochester that was not in a good situation and could I help them? “At that point I said, ‘No. It’s not my job. Where is the government?’ But then when I got back from vacation and visited them, I realized they did need help. Hurricane Katrina was in my mind and what the ‘Cajun Navy’ did, where there were ordinary people reaching out to help. The government can’t be everywhere. “So I decided to get friends together — it just started with me asking friends to help.” “It” was a group called No One Left Behind, co-founded by former Afghan interpreter Janis Shinwari. Smith, an award-winning working journalist, owned “Mine Safety and Health News,” a bi-weekly print magazine that covered news and issues concerning the health and safety of miners. She became an expert in mining operations and regulations and was a source for other journalists and government staffs. And 23 years into running that enterprise, she found her attention teased elsewhere — to the fate of

people pretty much abandoned by the government, but not the Americans who worked with them and who depended on them for their safety. Matt Zeller, from Rochester, was trying to get Shinwari, his interpreter, to safety in the U.S. with help from the late Congresswoman Louise Slaughter. “I signed a petition and gave Matt $100 when Janis Shinwari was coming over,” Smith said. “It was on Matt’s Facebook page that I found Michael Chapel, who needed help up here in Rochester; Michael was from the D.C. area.” No One Left Behind started in 2014, with Smith helping to form the Rochester chapter of it. “There were great dreams,” she said. “We were the first chapter outside the D.C. area and we were going to be a model for other chapters doing this incredibly hard work.” But No One Left Behind decided to shut down the chapters in 2019 to focus on policy changes. The Rochester group was suddenly isolated. Smith had become the chapter president for an active group that had just been abandoned, a familiar feeling. “I had an advisory board up here and we decided — it took all of 10 minutes — that we were going to have our own organization and keep this dream going, of resettling people with SIVs (special immigrant visas) in Rochester,” Smith said. As the group’s new director,

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Ellen Smith (second from left) and SIV women (those who hold special immigrant visas) were invited to be panelists at a 2022 event at Temple B'rith Kodesh Women's Interfaith in the Rochester area.

she had a lot to do; build a separate organization, bring in new SIVs from Iraq and Afghanistan and take care of the families No One Left Behind had successfully brought to Upstate New York. She was more than ready for it, by a special childhood in Cranbury, New Jersey, that prepared her for anything. Must have been the horses “I grew up in a very small town, not a lot of kids in our school and it was really an idyllic place to grow up. It was a very, very special town and childhood,” Smith said, settling back in the chair of her office, surrounded by piles of paper on the desk and journalism awards on the walls. This is the center of her universe and the nucleus of Keeping Our Promise. “We were riding horses everywhere including on the baseball field. The fun thing, there is a photograph I posted on Facebook a couple of times, me and my eighth grade girlfriend on horses and another one has a pony and her pony cart — all looking tough. The beauty of it was that we were all raised as really independent young women. The freedom we had growing up at that time gave us the freedom how to work 38

things out in life. I really believe that. “I truly believe that my childhood of freedom is what contributed to the person I am today. We learned bravery, independence and how unfair life could be if you let it. For instance, while we could ride horses and ponies everywhere, we were not allowed to be paperboys and deliver the local newspapers.” Smith grew up getting ready to deliver. At Rutgers University, she met teacher Jim Moffatt, a copy editor for the Philadelphia Inquirer. “He steered me to the Institute of Political Journalism at Georgetown University,” she said. Right after that, she worked for Congressman Jim Florio, then left him to write about clean coal technology when he ran for New Jersey governor. She never finished her degree work, a characteristic she found she shared with a lot of other noted journalists. “I could write, I could read, but I realized that I probably had dyscalculia a form of dyslexia with math. Like for Thanksgiving, I can remember the names of the guests, but don’t ask me to count things. To finish my degree, I was never going to be able

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get through the math. I’m not the only one. The beautiful thing about being in journalism is finding out all these other journalists who didn’t get through school either, like (Brighton’s Pulitzer Prize-winning) David Cay Johnston, there are a bunch of us who never finished our studies, we went into life.” When she started the No One Left Behind chapter, she was still being a reporter. There was no income, she said. She told her group in 2017 “that I needed to make a choice. Either being paid for this work, or I needed to go back on the road and being a reporter, going to mining conferences again and traveling and really focusing on that. I was willing to help transition to someone who would take over what I was doing.” The work of rebuilding a life “I just had to make a decision. They offered to pay me, not a lot, to start out. Working with the families really touched my heart. To see families fighting for women’s rights for their daughters to be educated…everything collapsing in Afghanistan… it really hit me.” Smith and No One Left Behind had

a process in place and it’s complicated. The special immigrant visa is a U.S. State Department program with a quota for bringing people out of a conflict area. Here in Rochester people are working to help remotely as applicants go through the process. With the visa in hand, now the family — and hopefully everyone is covered — gets ready for the trip. This is the first portion of the process and is fraught with danger. Smith said many, many people who worked for the U.S. were left behind. “The government did not listen to us and others who are now part of this group, the Afghani Vet Coalition. The Trump administration didn’t listen to us. The Biden administration didn’t listen to us. We were the ones working directly with families with boots on the ground in Afghanistan and everyone saw the collapse of the government if we pulled out. At the rate that they’re pulling people out now, it’s going to be 30 years before they bring everyone out,” she said. “Will families survive? We had a family several weeks ago where the son was brought to Rochester in 2017 and his wife’s father worked for the Afghan National Police and was targeted by the Taliban. His father-in-law was arresting members of the Taliban and turning them over to the U.S. The family applied for humanitarian parole before the evacuation and were denied – the parole appeal was denied and her father was just killed by the Taliban,” she added. “There are stories of family members being killed all the time by the Taliban. It is, in my opinion, the most inhumane thing that this country has done to the Afghans — the fact that they have to leave their elderly mothers behind — or not leave. We had a family who would not come because they did not want to leave their daughter. If a child turns 21 and the case isn’t fully decided yet as to whether or not they’re going to get their visa, their child can’t come. So, we have another case where a family decided that they helped their daughter get married to someone they knew, because they could not bring her. They’re making these horrible house and choice decisions on their families and it’s absolutely the most inhumane I could think of doing to a wartime ally, and someone who supported us in this conflict for 20 years.”

A long journey from the Kabul evacuation of August 2021. KOP welcomed Najib and family in January 2023.

Fahim’s children happy with Ellen Smith at a May combined picnic and zoo outing with Rochester Refugee Resettlement. NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

Madina, whose family was resettled by KOP in April 2022, received the Monroe County Young Citizen of Excellence Award in May of 2023.

Afghans who have their SIV and are waiting for the trip to America in Turkey or Pakistan face arrest in the unstable conditions in those countries. Smith said those families are the priority now. A family waiting in Sweden or Germany “is safe, they’re not going to get arrested.” Now the airfare expense becomes a hurdle. “It depends on how much money I can raise,” Smith said “It’s one-toone. When we bring one family here, another one steps into line. We said we had enough money for 30 families this year, but we’re now up to 41 families. It means we can go broke sooner rather than later, but how do you say no when you know people are risking their lives?” Miles4Migrants Here’s where a unique partnership helps. Smith elaborated: “There’s a family in Turkey where I was able to get them tickets through Miles4Migrants, one of our partners and things are not going well in Turkey. You’ve got to get them out of Turkey. Things are also not going well in Pakistan.” Miles4Migrants, founded in 2016, pulls together donated frequent-flyer miles to purchase one-way tickets for 40

visa-holders to come to America. Seth Stanton, Andy Freeman and Nick Ruiz founded the organization. They started with helping just one family. They provide a lifeline for Keeping Our Promise, which can then use airfare dollars elsewhere. “Once a family gets here, we have to support them until they’re accepted by Catholic Charities and the US Conference of Bishops and that takes some time. When they’re accepted they get $1,025 in refugee funds per person. That’s money that’s supposed to be spread out over 90 days toward their resettlement expenses: housing, food and transportation,” she said. Afghans qualify for DSS funds; $440 a month for a single person, $875 for a family of four. “The DSS amounts were effective in October 2012. They haven’t gone up since,” Smith said, adding that, for a family to live on that much “is impossible. You’re not going to find a two-bedroom apartment for $875; our cheapest two-bedrooms where I’m comfortable placing a family is $1,040. We want an apartment in a safe neighborhood.” So Keeping Our Promise makes up the difference. A family’s SNAP (food stamp) benefits are a necessary basic, but

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Smith noted the system can be errorprone. “SNAP provides $939 a month for food for a family of four,” she said. “But with that they can’t buy toilet paper, they can’t buy shampoo, they can’t buy laundry detergent or cleaning supplies. We give them, initially, cleaning supplies and hygiene products. Then we’ll give them Price Rite gift cards so they’ll be able to buy those things.” But the biggest single item and, it turns out the real key to success in America, is a car. Once a family is settled and has a bread-winner working, KOP offers a $3,000 car allowance. Not enough to buy much of a car, more of a down payment, but it’s a key. “We’ve had the New York state drivers’ manual translated into Dari and Pashto, even though many Afghans can read English, it’s better to read it in your own language,” she said. “I get them that material when they’re still in Afghanistan or Pakistan or Turkey, wherever they are, so as soon as they get their Social Security number here, which is normally 2-4 weeks, they can take the permit test. Then we have a grant from the Unitarian Church and through the Wilmot Foundation for driving lessons.” “I want to get them driving,” she said, pointing her index finger on her desk to underscore the importance. ”All of them say driving and getting the car is what changed their lives because that opens up the door. There are jobs in Kodak Park, but they start at 6 a.m., before bus runs. We had a guy who had to take Uber to get to the job before 6 because the buses weren’t running yet. He could take the bus home in the afternoon. For that kind of money, $125 a week, you should own a car. So now he has a car, works an extra job with Uber and can take his family to the park or to Lake Ontario or whatever. It just builds a foundation. That car is magic. It really is. That’s the game-changer. We are not in Washington DC; we are not in New York City. We are not in a place with great public transportation. These families need cars.” How to help Keeping Our Promise has a $470,000 yearly budget, supported by donations and grants. Smith is always

Fahim’s children happy with Ellen Smith at a May combined picnic and zoo outing with Rochester Refugee Resettlement.

looking for funds and she has to do some educating when she does. “The problem we run into, when I tell people what we fund — like the difference between DSS and their rent — I’ll hear two things: (A) ‘Why don’t you do that for all refuges?’ My answer is ‘Because our mission is to help those who helped the US. Anyone who wants to support refugees can do this, but this is our mission. The other question: (B) ‘Why don’t you do this for poor people in the community?’ Let’s face it; Rochester has the highest extreme poverty rate in the US. When I started this, I didn’t know about Rochester’s poverty rate. I can’t solve all those problems; I can solve this problem [of bringing SIVs here],” she said. “We’re not open to all refugees, we’re not open to people seeking asylum and you have to come here on a legal visa and have to have served U.S. interests.” “I’m also told, ‘Well, you don’t serve enough people.’ We’re not big enough. But people don’t understand what it takes to get people here. Just the amount of work it takes to get a family here is tremendous,” she added. “And we’re not here just for Afghans.

Suppose an SIV program starts for Ukrainians? There’s 700 Ukrainians who work at the US Embassy in Kiev. Are they eventually going to come here under an SIV program? The embassy asked for that program and has to be agreed by Congress. Who knows what’s going on? If at same point there’s an SIV program that opens for Ukrainians, we will help them.” Funds will certainly help KOP fulfill its mission, but Smith stressed how important “caring circles” are. “ We w a n t e v e r y f a m i l y o r SIV individual to have one or two volunteers that will just help guide them in the everyday things of life: • setting up a bank account, • getting to a grocery store on rainy days, • learning how to use the bus route on Google Maps on your phone • finding the local library • getting a library card • going to the public market, because the public market almost doubles your SNAP benefit. It’s 40%. Every dollar you spend at the public market you get $1.40 in goods. That’s how our families survive, quite honestly.

“Caring circles are really important.” “People from Newark, Palmyra and Canandaigua have come to me and asked how they can settle families there,” she said. “Transportation is the hardest thing. SIVs need a car. “Someone was in my office talking about getting a grant for mental health services for families. What this SIV did was pull out a picture of his car and his family at Mendon Park. ‘This is my mental health help,’ he told us. ‘I can take my family out of the city to the park, I can go food shopping. He’s working on rehabbing buildings. He can also drive Lyft or Grub Hub or Uber. He took care of so many problems. He can earn money, he can send a little money back home to support his family stuck in Afghanistan, who are never going to get here, never going to get here. He has got to help them survive the Taliban. We just conquered 90% of his mental health problems with that vehicle.” For more information about Keeping our Promise, visit www.keepingourpromise. org.

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55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

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shopping

BLACK FRIDAY, CYBER MONDAY AND BEYOND How to cash in on super holiday savings By Kimberly Blaker

hether you’re a Black Friday enthusiast or hater, there are ample ways to cash in on super holiday savings throughout the season. So follow these tips for deep discounts on Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and beyond. Subscribe to store email lists. Decide on which stores you want to shop at least a couple of weeks in advance. Then visit each store’s website, and subscribe to their email list. Early signup will ensure you receive all promotional emails for the season’s big Black Friday and Cyber Monday events as well as ongoing savings right on through Christmas Eve. Buy discounted gift cards. Visit Raise.com and order discounted gift cards for the stores you know you’ll purchase from. You can use these cards to buy sale and special-buy items for added savings. The caveat, make sure the gift cards are for stores you’ll definitely shop at, so you don’t blow your savings. Discounted gift cards also make great gifts. Begin collecting Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals that show up in your newspaper, mailbox, and email. Also, visit your favorite stores online a few days in advance to see what kind of deals

they’ll offer. Print any coupons you find. Then store them together in a safe place. Organize for the big day. Once you’ve collected all the deals, sort through, and match them up to your holiday shopping list. Compare deals, and determine when the sales or doorbusters begin and if there’ll be limited quantities. Then strategize. If you can’t stand in line for hours for a limited quantity doorbuster, skip it, and focus on other deals that are easier to fetch. Prepare a ‘second-best’ list. You can’t be everywhere at once, and you’re sure to miss a deal or two. So prepare for that possibility and know where to go and what to look for as an alternative. Watch for early bird freebies. Many stores offer free gifts to the first 25 or 100 people in their store. It’s true, there are some pretty nice prizes to be had. But many will require you to arrive well before the crack of dawn and spend hours waiting in line. Before you succumb to these lures, consider whether it’s worth the risk of losing out on savings elsewhere. Black Friday isn’t always the best day for hot bargains. So do your research. Stores tout their Black Friday deals to get consumers into a buying frenzy

early in the season. Some even offer their super deals on Thanksgiving evening and start to reduce prices on Wednesday. Keep in mind, all those Black Friday deals can also often be found online on Cyber Monday. In fact, many hot deals, and some better deals stretch well into December. Shop late in the day. If you’re like many, you wouldn’t even consider shopping on Black Friday simply because of the chaos. But on Black Friday, the vast majority of shoppers start at the crack of dawn or earlier. By 5 p.m., early birds are exhausted, and malls and stores are dead quiet. So Black Friday evening is a great time to get in some peaceful, early shopping with plenty of great deals still going on. Shop online. This is another option if you don’t want to participate in the madhouse. Many stores offer the same deals online as they do in their stores. In fact, many online stores don’t even have storefronts. Keep in mind, supplies are often limited, even online. So by the time you reach checkout, an item in your basket might be sold out. If you’re shopping for multiple items from a store, do multiple checkouts, so the items in your basket don’t disappear while you shop.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

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More Holiday Shopping Tips • Arrange your finances in advance. If you intend to pay by credit card, plan well in advance, so the credit is available to you. Make your credit card payments at least two weeks in advance to allow time for processing. Use your credit cards that offer cash back or reward points to increase your savings. If paying with a debit card, check your balance before you head out to avoid an unwelcome surprise. Also, avoid carrying cash in chaotic crowds because of the increased risk of pickpockets and purse-snatchers. • Avoid carts. On Black Friday, carry shopping bags or totes instead unless you plan to buy heavy items. Carts will slow you down through crowds that are unwilling to budge for you. • Hold off on toy purchases. Black Friday doesn’t offer the best deals on toys. The first week of December usually provides much more significant savings on these items. • Use social media for extra savings. Many retailers offer exclusive coupons and discounts to people who ‘like’ them on Facebook or other social media. Check the social media accounts of the stores you plan to shop at. • Check on return policies. Most major retailers have liberal return policies. But not all. So do your homework before you make purchases. Also, ask for gift receipts to make exchanges and returns easy for your gift recipients. • Avoid impulse buying. Many shoppers’ savings go right down the drain because they grab unnecessary ‘great buys’ at the spur of the moment. So prepare yourself mentally for the temptation before you head out. • Get extra savings with instant store credit. Most stores offer 10 to 25% savings by opening a store credit card at checkout. If you pay your charges off immediately and don’t use it for unnecessary purchases, it’s well worth

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

the savings. Otherwise, the long-term cost of interest will exceed the savings you gained. • Make sure a sale is really a sale. Some stores mark up merchandise before they reduce it to make it look like a great bargain. Furniture stores, in particular, are known for this tactic. But many other stores do it as well on select merchandise. So do your homework. • Don’t waste time trying to price match. On Black Friday and Cyber Monday, stores typically don’t honor price matching. Outside of these two days, it’s worth your time to do so. • Be prepared for long lines. Before you head out, add your email account, music, audiobooks, or video games to your phone, so you have entertainment for the long wait in line. Better yet, spend your time in line visiting online stores and watch for rotating deals. Also, download a Black Friday deals apps such as Dealnews, Slickdeals, Shopkick, Flipp, or The Coupons App. • Organize yourself for rebates. Print rebate forms in advance so you don’t lose track of them. Also, request duplicate receipts for rebate purchases, and store them in a safe place in your wallet or purse. If you shop online, download the Ebates app for automatic rebates when you buy on participating websites. • Forego extended warranties. With a few exceptions, extended warranties are a waste of money. Most electronics already come with a limited manufacturer’s warranty. Defects usually show up within the scope of the manufacturer’s warranty. Accidental damage that might be covered under a store’s extended warranty tends to occur rarely. Cell phones or small personal electronics people carry with them that are likely to get dropped, lost, or run through the washing machine are the exception.

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internet

How to Prevent Cybercrimes By Jim Miller

nfortunately, cybercrimes against older people continue to be a big problem in the U.S. According to the FBI 2022 Elder Fraud Report, cybercrime cost Americans over age 60 more than $3 billion last year, a whopping 84 percent increase from 2021. While anyone can be subject to cybercrime, people over 60 are frequent targets because they tend to be more trusting and have more money than their younger counterparts. But 46

there are a number of things you can do to protect yourself from online fraud, hacking and scams. Here are a few tips to get you started. • Strengthen your passwords: A strong password should contain at least 12 characters and include numbers and a special character, like an exclamation point or asterisk. Be sure to change up your password across different sites to ensure a hacker would not gain access to all accounts through one password. And keep

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

a written list of all your passwords stored in a safe secure place. On your smartphone or tablet, be sure to set up a four or six-digit PIN to protect your device. • Opt out of pop-ups: To protect yourself from computer viruses and other forms of malware, make it a habit to avoid any pop-up style message when you’re on the web. Sometimes hackers disguise their malware as popup advertisements or “special offers” when you’re shopping or reading

online. Clicking on these pop-ups can lead to viruses or data breaches. If you encounter a suspicious popup message, don’t click on anything in the window. Simply leave the site or close out of your web browser. • When in doubt, throw it out: Sometimes online hackers will send you an email or text message and pretend to be someone they’re not in order to convince you to share valuable information with them, such as your Social Security number, address or credit card information. This is called phishing. If you receive a message from an unknown sender, do not respond or click on any links or attachments. Instead, either ignore the message or delete it. • Share with care: There is such a thing as oversharing, and it definitely applies to online profiles. On social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter (now known as Z), online hackers can easily gather information about you from what you post — like where you live. Ensure that your privacy settings are up to date so that only people who follow you or are your Facebook friend can see your posts. • Verify websites: Before you shop or access your bank online, double check the validity of the website you’re using. Reputable sites use technologies such as SSL (secure socket layer) that encrypt data during transmission. You will see a little padlock icon in your browser and usually “https” at the front of your address bar to confirm it’s a secure connection. If you don’t see it in the web address that you’re on, you should not trust that website with your passwords, payment or banking information. • Have some back-up: Practicing safe habits will protect you and your information, but you don’t have to rely on just yourself to stay safe. Anti-virus software works in the background to protect your computer from a variety of malware and helps to make it easier for you to avoid threats while surfing the web. For more information on how to safeguard your personal technology devices and information, visit Consumer.ftc.gov and search “Protect Your Personal Information and Data.” And to report fraud and identity theft go to ReportFraud.ftc.gov and IdentityTheft.gov.

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NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

impact

JIM WOLFE’S LIFETIME OF SERVICE TO CANANDAIGUA

He turned his insurance career into leading a commercial renaissance in downtown Canandaigua, an accomplishment that took 25 years and outstanding community-building skills By John Addyman

very town needs a Jim Wolfe. Somebody everyone knows, has met or heard about — a guide, a friend. A community colleague. A guy you feel good doing business with. A dad and a granddad. And in Canandaigua, someone who led a 25-year turnaround for the city’s mercantile heart, a change that resurrected the downtown, bringing it back from the edge of irrelevance. “Would I say he’s a civic citizen?” said Joe DelForte, who has known Wolfe for decades. “He’s one of the best. He really cares about Canandaigua. His involvement with the downtown was keeping storefronts full so people have many places to shop and the 48

downtown is attractive to people from outside the community.” “Canandaigua means a lot to him. Not only does he go out of his way to try to make things better, but he’s a good organizer. He gets people together and they work well together to get things done. He’s not the guy who sits back and asks, ‘What do you need from me?’ He’s the guy who says, ‘Here’s what we need to do next,’” he added. Wolfe, 72, a lifelong insurance man, has lived in Canandaigua for almost 50 years. He’s the son of a Methodist preacher who answered calls in Gorham, Williamson, Corning and Geneva. Young Wolfe learned how

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

to make new friends in a lot of places and following the lead of his parents, how to be a servant in helping others. And when your chosen career is selling insurance, making friends and serving others goes a long way. His customers became friends; his friends brought him new business; new business helped protect the new vitality and security of Canandaigua and its surroundings. For all of that, Wolfe is deeply grateful. He graduated from Geneva High School, got his business degree from Lycoming College in Pennsylvania and started working at his uncle’s Nationwide Insurance agency in

Gerry Bonnemere.

Penn Yan. The company moved him to Canandaigua in April, 1974. He’ll celebrate 50 years in the insurance business next April. “I started my career knocking on doors,” Wolfe said, sitting in his second-floor office on South Main Street, overlooking the corner where he started by renting a shared space across the street. Now he owns the building and the one next to it. “Going door-to-door was tough, but I was really motivated because I wanted to be successful and I knew this was the only way to do it. They had just built all these public complexes up in Farmington. I found out that if I went in and knocked on a door, most of them

didn’t have renter’s insurance. “I didn’t want people to think I was just a hustler coming in, so, I would knock on the door and say, ‘Hey, I’m Jim Wolfe from Nationwide Insurance’ and I’d put my hands up and say, ‘I didn’t stop to sell you insurance tonight. I was just wondering if you had renter’s insurance to cover your furniture if there were a water pipe break in the apartment above you that ruined your stereo and TV or if there were a fire downstairs and smoke gets in. And they’d say, ‘No! We don’t. Come on in!’” Then Wolfe would shake his head. “No, I have another appointment in the area tonight, but let’s make an

appointment for next week and I’ll stop by,” he’d say. “Then I would go back and talk to them and they were ready for me and I’d end up selling them car insurance, life insurance and renter’s insurance,” he said. He became a denizen of apartment complex parking lots. “I was single at the time. I’d be out selling every night. What I found out about these apartment complexes, there was always a local guy who was bored, worked in Rochester and didn’t know anybody. I became buddies with him. After I had an appointment at one place, on my way home I’d swing by the complex — and I had a guy in every

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

the company to reconsider. “What that translates to is people send their friends to me. I did it to help people, but in turn, it developed a network. I could see that was a winning combination,” he explained. “I developed a marketing program — ‘Life’s tough, but you don’t need insurance problems, you need insurance solutions. For solutions to your insurance problems, call Jim Wolfe.’” After more than 20 years with one insurance company, Wolfe switched to Erie Insurance in 1999 and hasn’t looked back. There were other issues changing for him and for Canandaigua as well. A slow rebirth

Jim Wolfe is the owner of Wolfe Insurance Agency in Canandaigua.

complex. I’d have a beer with him and he’d say, ‘You know, Jim, Charlie just moved into at 206, I’ll get him for you.’ It got so I would pull into the parking lot and the little kids would all follow me say, ‘Jim’s here! Jim’s here!’” He still has some of those first customers, but now they’re more than friends: they’re family. Wolfe’s office grew slowly at first, but his willingness to go the extra mile for customers built him a reputation in Canandaigua circles. “By 1982, I noticed a marked turn,” he said. “I had been in the community long enough and I was getting accepted. Leaders of Kiwanis 50

Club were coming to me. I paid my dues. I went out of my way to help people. If somebody had a claim that was questionable, I’d go out to meet them at their house and look at it the issue myself and look for solutions to help people, not to sell policies. “I have a genuine interest to help people. I get a lot of satisfaction. If there’s a claim that’s denied and I think the insurance company is wrong, I’ll call the company on it. I’ll explain to the adjuster or engineer, whoever. It’s the right thing to do.” He wins more of these challenges than he loses. He knows his customer and can make a compelling reason for

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

“In 1989, downtown Canandaigua was in horrible shape,” he explained. “Fifty percent of the stores were empty. The 50% that were occupied, only half of that was legitimate businesses. The rest were drug shops. It was horrible. Downtown merchants had a little merchants’ association. It was designed to do rinky-dink promotions and also collect enough dues from everybody to pay for plowing sidewalks through the winter and to put up lights on the street at Christmastime.” “The city was doing some things legislatively and a big rift developed among the merchants and the property owners and the office holders. They wouldn’t speak to each other, so Denise Chaapel, who owns Sweet Expressions, called me up and said, ‘Jim, we’ve got a problem with this merchants’ association. You’ve got friends on both sides of the aisle. You’re the only one who can create some community here,’” he continued. “Bill Bridgell, the city manager at the time, told me there was a conference in Maryland about business improvement districts. He wanted us to send two people from the merchants’ association and he’d send two people from the city. ‘See what you learn,’ he said to me.” They came back from the conference and said, ‘everything we’re trying to do in downtown is wrong.’ “They came back with the secret sauce. You have to have a broad-based community committee, including property owners and merchants from downtown but also bankers and lawyers and community residents who just like to shop here. Bring them all

together on a committee and see what they want to do with the downtown,” Wolfe said. And so the Downtown Tomorrow Task Force was formed, with Wolfe as the chairman. Merchants trying to do business in Canandaigua knew the drive down Main Street was distressing. The explosion of malls had sucked so much out of little towns and cities nationwide — few municipalities had a clue how to combat the change and re-establish a thriving business center a community could call its own. What could Canandaigua do? The task force began its work. “We get these 40, 45 people in a meeting and there were 40, 45 ideas of what downtown ought to look like,” Wolfe said, the image bright in his memory. “Then, as a group, we decided to get a request for proposal from an independent consulting firm to see what downtown should be. We got a really good consultant from Washington, DC. We had to raise $30,000 to pay for the survey. We did it and then it came back and said that downtown Canandaigua was specifically positioned to be a specialty retail district. ‘You have the right amount of square footage to support your primary and secondary markets, but you should be specialty retail and don’t overdevelop the buildings to make it too expensive for mom-andpop-type businesses. Stick to specialty retail,’ the consultant said.” “In the second year, we hired another consultant to take the plan and go around showing that plan to every property owner and every merchant and review the results. We would say to them, ‘If we were to come up with a plan, what would you like added?’ So now everybody had seen the plan and felt some input into it,” he said. The leap of faith “The third year we had a vote, at the city level, a permissive referendum on the plan. Voters approved it and city council approved it. Part of this was; we had to ask the property owners to pay an extra tax. Think about it — you have a guy who’s got a vacant business and he’s going to pay an extra tax. It just showed the character of the people we have in Canandaigua. They could just see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel,” he said.

Now Canandaigua had a Business Improvement District. “The first 25 years were the reconstruction years,” Wolfe said. “We had 70 people involved in this. I had such a privilege to work with all these phenomenal people. My big job was just to organize it. The city has donated generously to us because it’s good for business and real estate values.” And, the BID did more than change the facades of businesses and help new proprietors move in. There are five big festival and celebrations (Arts & Music, Christmas, Fall, Ice, and Fourth of July) each year. They’re not to make money, but to give back. “We created a vision,” Wolfe said. “Before, everyone was just bickering about what they wanted the city to do. They all had a different vision. An outside expert came in and told us, ‘This is what you want to be, lay provisions out to be a specialty retail district. Don’t try to get Walmart down here. Keep the spaces the way they are.’ There were arguments about converting storefronts into offices and how much square footage we needed. They reassured us the size of downtown was the perfect size to service our primary and secondary markets.” Any question about the result of 25 years of cooperative effort — something that started out as quite a risk — is answered on the BID’s Facebook pages. The vitality of the Canandaigua downtown leaps off the screen. Lessons, perspective Wolfe has friends across the state who know about Canandaigua’s success story. They ask him about that “secret sauce.” “There are several things,” Wolfe said, counting them out on his fingers. “First, you have to have unity among key people who want to come together to work on the problem. Second, you can’t do it without city funding. The city has to be involved. Council members will profess, ‘Well, they’re private property — they should be on their own.’ But it’s our main street and we want it to be nice. “You also have to have the quality of people who see the big picture. Every main street is a fingerprint. They’re not all the same. They have different markets. What worked for

us might not work for somebody else. You have to have a professional come in and tell you what your problem is and what you can do about it.” Wolfe points to the 70 people involved in turning Canandaigua around. “We have unusual people here. You see them in the churches and everywhere,” he said. “These people care. Canandaigua has that spirit.” He recognizes that spirit in others and the feeling is reciprocated. “He’s a very hard worker and when he gets focused on something, you can’t interrupt him,” said his wife, Patty. “There’s no stopping him until he finishes. He’s very caring. He’s all about family balance for the people who work for him, working mothers only work four days a week. He gives them an extra day off.” She said there’s something about her husband that’s unique. “He and I can know the same person, but he can tell by the look in their eyes if they need somebody to talk to and he’s able to draw out so much information because he’s able to read them, it’s a gift,” she said. “He just knows so much about people and he remembers days and details. It’s amazing.” “Everybody knows Jim,” said longtime business acquaintance Jim Terwilliger. “He’s very friendly, very honest and there to help if you need help. A good friend.” Sal Pietropaolo, a former director of the BID, said Wolfe’s leadership was a key in the BID success. “He was in it for the long haul. He had a lot of insight into what had happened in the past. He applied for grants, set budgets and it was all quality work. We were not just shooting from the hip,” Pietropaolo said. Chris Keyes, from Canandaigua National Bank, saw what the BID was doing and Wolfe’s role in it. “He’s been a big part in the growth the community has seen. The BID is always looking for continued growth of the downtown and that’s part of what Jim was very invested in, to enhance the quality of life in the greater community,” he said. “Each building in the BID had its own story,” said Wolfe. “Developing the downtown took a lot of fortitude and a lot of time. For me, this was pure satisfaction.”

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

gathering

MAKING THE HOLIDAY GATHERING EASIER By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

f you’re not ready to hand over holiday hosting duties to your adult kids but feel like doing it all is nearly doing you in, you have options to make the gathering easier. Delegating should be your first step. “You don’t have to do everything yourself,” said Triciajean Jones, director of the Ontario County Office for the Aging. Jones suggested that instead of doing all the planning yourself, perhaps one of your adult children could handle aspects of the gathering, such as selecting the date and choosing the theme. Another could organize music and entertainment. You don’t have to do all the cooking, either.

“Assign appetizer to your daughter-in-law and desserts to your son,” Jones offered as examples. “Or if someone has a dish that they’re good at making, ask that they bring it.” Don’t feel like you need to have a big to-do for entertainment. Lay on a low table for the kids butcher paper and markers. Leave out simple games like Jenga and puzzles. Play a family-friendly movie nearby to keep the little ones busy so grown-ups can visit. Assign a teenaged grandchild to oversee the tots so their parents get some time off. “It’s a lot about bringing back the simpler things before technology took over everything,” Jones said. Planning and cooking a full,

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

sit-down dinner — even with help — can result in a lot of work and clean-up efforts. Instead, Debra Kostiw, certified master dementia strategist, Alzheimer’s and dementia educator based in Henrietta, suggested alternatives. “You could prepare your event and say, ‘I know you want to spend time with others so let’s make it easier,’” she said. “Instead of a ham or turkey dinner, do a brunch or breakfast.” Kostiw is also author of “Forget Me Not: The #1 Alzheimer's and Dementia Guide for Professional and Family Caregivers.” It’s OK to have some or all of the food catered. Your adult children will likely have their own traditional meal at their homes. It’s fine to have something more casual, with an open house format. Your adult children and grandchildren can feel free to come and go between a two-hour span, for example, and help themselves to a buffet and visit a while. “It’s easier and there are fewer items,” Kostiw said. “You don’t have

to be as formal in dinnerware. For brunch, you could order a breakfast pizza or make an egg casserole. You could have fancy doughnuts and Danishes from a local bakery. There are ways to adapt the meal so it’s not much work and trouble on one house.” Pick up sub sandwich platters and chips to lay out a casual lunch. Or soups and fancy breads and crackers. Disposable place settings in holiday colors and prints can offer a festive touch without requiring hours of clean-up. The open house format also limits contact among any family members who do not get along well, since they can leave without making a big scene by leaving in the middle of dinner. It also helps families with young children who need to visit two sets of parents, step-families and four sets of grandparents within a short holiday timeframe. Kostiw said that with her family, it became clear that hosting a sit-down meal wasn’t working anymore. “We picked a night where everyone

was free and went out to a Chinese restaurant,” she said. “We ordered several dishes and shared everything. Before we even left, we were talking about doing it next year.” Don’t assume everyone wants the Normal Rockwell-esque turkey dinner with all the trimmings. “We may not even know what others want until we talk about it,” Kostiw said. It can also help to have a “designated angel” — as Kostiw puts it — to keep an eye on frail elders in the group to make sure they’re included in conversation, shielded from overly exuberant youngsters and provided with what they want to eat and drink. Navigating a large, boisterous crowd can be intimidating. The designated angel should be ready to take the senior home when they’re ready to go. “Be conscious that the older adult parents can be fatigued or depressed,” said Lauren Goetz, owner of Everyday Hands, an errand and personal services provider in Rochester. “Be aware the holidays aren’t what they used to be.

Don’t have so much pressure on them. Be open to embracing new traditions.” Decorating can be a difficult tradition to give up. However, Goetz advises “quality over quantity,” she said. “Pick your favorites and things that can be easily put up and down.” If ladders are too tough to navigate safely, enlist someone else to outline the roof with lights or brighten your home with lights in the windows and on a front door wreath. Light nets are easier to toss over a small shrub than winding lights around the boughs. “Choose things that aren’t going to be in the way,” Goetz added. “You want to be aware of taking up space.” Crowding the floor may increase tripping hazards. Instead of going all-out decorating, you could also rent a facility. A church fellowship hall, lodge, enclosed park facility or hotel or restaurant meeting space can make your gathering easier as it’s already decked out. Plus, the space is set up for hosting groups and will be simpler to clean up.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

retirement

10 EASY GIFTS TO GIVE By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

o you have a lot of grandkids on your gift list? It can be hard to keep track of their sizes, interests and favorite things, especially if you do not get to see them often. What they liked last year may be old hat this year. Instead of guessing (or forking over cash), try these ideas for making gift giving easier this season. Try one of the suggestions provided by three Rochester-area professionals:

4 “I get things like build-your-own volcano kits for my nephews because they love doing things like this and it gets the whole family involved. There are so many new board games geared towards all ages, too.

a recipe box filled with recipe cards in my handwriting for all of their favorite dishes I make. Every year, I write out a few more recipes. You could also have someone transcribe it if writing is too difficult for you.

“Give seed starting kits for springtime or Chia Pet type of kits. It’s fun growing things. Many of these can be grown indoors.”

“You could do the same thing with photos: make a photo book. What I see is things that are unique and personal to the relationship. You can do this online or put printed photos in a photo album.

“Give the whole family a pack of tickets to go to a museum or zoo. Or a family pack of tickets to a Red Wings game or Amerks game. What about one of those make-your-own ceramics places? They will get to do something new and fun. They’ll always remember this. Give experiences rather than more Legos to clean up from the floor.

“If you have a lot of grandkids, you don’t have to give them gifts. They can come and visit to spend time with you. They enjoy this, so think of something they can do with you. There is so much you can teach them. Make some plans to do something special.

“I have heard about a self-guided biography. One of them is “The Book of Myself” (available on Amazon). They prompt questions and you answer them. At the end, you get a book and you can get copies made to give to the family.

“Make up certificates to bake cookies with Grandma or go to the movies with Grandpa. They really like spending time with you.

“Give a gift card for a treat from a local family-owned business like a bakery or restaurant for a night out for the whole family. Going out to dinner is getting so expensive these days. Or maybe a favorite pizza place.”

Tips from 1 to 5 suggested by Triciajean Jones, director of Ontario County Office for the Aging; 6 and 7 by Debra Kostiw, certified master dementia strategist, Alzheimer ’s and dementia educator based in Henrietta and author of "Forget Me Not: The #1 Alzheimer's and Dementia Guide for Professional and Family Caregivers;" 8 through 10 by Lauren Goetz, owner of Everyday Hands, an errand and personal services provider in Rochester.

3 “Consider passes for the family for an ice-skating rink, like the city of Rochester’s rink.

8 “Something I’ve done is I’ve made

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Stormy Valle played recently at Best Coffee at the Market, a coffee house that’s located in Rochester’s Public Market. Its repertoire includes many tunes from the Great American Songbook.

music

THE TUNES JUST KEEP COMIN’

Rochester band proves that the years can’t stop you from hitting the right notes By Mike Costanza

tormy Valle treats its audiences to an eclectic mix of music that includes old rock hits like “Shake, Rattle and Roll,” memorable Sinatra tunes and even a bluesy rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” All are delivered in a style that keeps the audiences coming back. The band plays about five gigs a month, including regular Saturday performances at Best Coffee at the Market, a coffee house that’s located in Rochester’s Public Market. Not bad for a bunch of guys who will never see 65 again. Stormy Valle’s members came to the band from a variety of backgrounds. Co-founder Richard Storms (the “Stormy” part of the band’s name) is primarily known as the founder and owner of Record Archive, Rochester’s iconic retailer of new and used records,

CDs, DVDs and other items. Early commercials for the store showed him dancing around in a costume that looked like a 45 RPM record. “I was just inspired by, I think it was, the dancing Chesterfield cigarette pack that used to be on TV,” the 77-year-old Rochester resident said. Storms had played the harmonica a bit, but hadn’t performed before audiences before the night he celebrated his 64th birthday at the Flipside Bar & Grill, a Rochester bistro that is no more. The house band invited patrons to sit in, and Storms whipped out his mouth organ. “I sat in and we did the thing, and it was good,” he said. Storms went on to found or play in a couple of local bands. About eight years ago, he came together with his friend Tony Valle (the “Valle” of the band’s name) to form Stormy Valle.

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Its repertoire includes many tunes from the Great American Songbook, a collection of the most important and influential American popular songs and jazz standards from the early1900s through to today. They also do original tunes that Storms has written. “I personally like the mid-20thcentury classic American pop songs,” said Storms, the band’s lead singer and harmonica player. Valle leans a little toward jazz pieces. “The older I get, the more I like a lot of the jazz classics, and of course Billie Holiday’s music and all the great blues singers,” said the band’s lead and rhythm guitarist. Valle played guitar in a rock band while attending high school in the New York City borough of Queens, but had to drop it when working in construction to earn money for college.

Tony Valle, 74, spent 45 years as an educator at the high school and college levels before retiring from the Rochester City School District as a teacher. At one point he picked up his guitar again and began playing gigs around town. He is the co-founder of Stormy Vall

He graduated from undergraduate and graduate school, and spent 45 years as an educator at the high school and college levels before retiring from the Rochester City School District as a teacher. Valle then picked up his guitar again and began playing gigs in a folk group called the Third Act Jam Band. A few years later, he came together with Storms, a longtime friend, to form Stormy Valle, a duo. That duo has grown to be a five-person band. “I just really enjoy making music with anyone that’s available, whether it’s folk music, jazz, blues, rock and roll,” the 74-year-old said. “It’s something really rewarding about getting together with friends and the camaraderie of making music together.” The feel of playing for others is another plus.

“A good part of it is the audience — they seem to really appreciate the music,” Valle said. Aficionados of modern dance might know Steven Humphrey, Stormy Valle’s drummer, more for his moves than his music. The 72-yearold Rochester resident was one of the original members of the world-famous modern dance troupe Bottom of the Bucket — now known as Garth Fagan Dance. Humphrey appeared on stages as far way as New Zealand during the decades he was a full-time member of the troupe, often as the lead dancer. In addition to performing as a dancer, Humphrey enjoys expressing himself through music. “The drums have been a part of me since I was, maybe 5,” he said. “A relative for Christmas gave me a pair of bongos.” That spurred Humphrey to teach

himself to play the drums. “I kind of kept it going, looking into other, older people that were percussionists and looking into their style,” he said. Humphrey became friends with Valle, who was holding jam sessions with other musicians in his Rochester home. “I would just sit in, because I knew I could accompany anybody,” he said. When Stormy Valle’s drummer departed in late 2019, the band invited Humphrey to take his place. “It’s something I always wanted to do,” Humphrey said. “Next thing you know, we’re playing at the coffee shop.” Though Humphrey no longer dances full-time, he still does cameos for Garth Fagan Dance. Stormy Valle bass guitarist Rodney O’Connor joined the band in January,

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but he might never have made it if not for the British Invasion of the 1960s. When he was growing up in Fort Smith, Arkansas, O’Connor’s father, who was also a dentist, began teaching him to play the violin. “I didn’t have anybody to emulate other than Jack Benny back in those days,” O’Connor said. Then British rock groups like the Beatles, Dave Clark Five and the Rolling Stones rocketed to stardom in the US. “I just looked at those guitars and said ‘Wait a minute,’” the 73-yearold great-grandfather said. “I started gravitating toward guitar.” That led O’Connor to begin taking lessons on six-string guitar (a bass guitar has only four) after his family moved to Rochester in 1968. He went on to play with such local bands as Chaos Matrix, which actually put out a CD. “We had an R-rated song that we played at the Penny Arcade,” O’Connor said, with a touch of pride. The Penny Arcade was a hot nightspot in Charlotte. He went on to teach himself how to play the bass guitar. When Humphrey, a longtime friend, invited him to join Stormy Valle, O’Connor decided to sharpen his skills on the instrument. From the way he speaks, the effort was worth it. “The guys are really fantastic,” 58

O’Connor said. “It’s just really wonderful, and I’m learning so much about the bass.” O’Connor seems to have passed on his love of music. Elena O'Connor Schäfer, one of his three grown children, played the title role in Finger Lakes Opera’s production of Giuseppi Verdi’s Aida, which was performed at Rochester’s Auditorium Theatre on Aug. 11 and Aug. 13. Tony Suchman was in the midst of an intense medical residency at Strong Memorial Hospital back in about 1981 when his wife, Lynn Feldman, decided he needed a distraction from his duties. “My wife, for my mental health, said ‘You need something to get your head out of the hospital,’” the 69-yearold retired physician said. That “something” was a hammered dulcimer, a trapezoidal, stringed instrument that is played with wooden mallets. The gift was a pleasant surprise. “I was completely entranced with it,” Suchman said. “I’ve been playing the hammered dulcimer since then.” Though the hammered dulcimer can be used to play music in a range of styles, it is often used locally to play folk music. When Valle, a friend, invited Suchman to join Stormy Valle, he initially balked at playing the tunes that are the band’s fare. “This is blues and oldies and songs out of the Great American Songbook,”

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Suchman said. “I said the hammered dulcimer doesn’t play that kind of music.” Despite that, he decided to try playing for the band. He’s glad he did so. “It made me have to learn the instrument in a whole different way,” Suchman said. “It’s such an unlikely instrument in a band playing blues and things like that, that it was just extra fun to be able to do that.” Sharing those experiences with the rest of the band is icing on the cake. “I love playing with these guys,” Suchman said. “We have such a good time when we’re playing and I think that good time is kind of contagious.” Keena Tasciotti, who co-owns Best Coffee with her husband, Jim, enjoys having Stormy, a longtime friend, and his band play in the coffee shop. “They bring life to the coffee shop,” Tasciotti said. “The customers enjoy them.” In addition to playing at Best Coffee, Stormy Valle can be found entertaining audiences at other venues, including the Record Archive’s Backroom Lounge. Storms now coowns the business, which is run by his partner. For more information on Stormy Valle, go to: www.facebook.com/ profile.php?id=100063529473612

addyman’s corner By John Addyman Email: john.addyman@yahoo.com

Have Some Pie — Or Maybe Pi

was confused. With the turning of the leaves, the nip of fall in the air and the days getting shorter, I’d gotten my mouth all ready to celebrate National Pie Day. But, frankly, there was a problem. You’d think that setting aside a day a year to especially enjoy a nice piece of pie with a little ice cream on the side would be a simple thing, right? You could have your pie in the morning or at lunchtime or in the middle of the afternoon or after dinner or before bedtime. Any time is the right time to have some pie. And that’s where the problem intensifies. Not only is any time a good time to enjoy a pie, but there are three Pie Days celebrated in America, two of them just as the America Pie Council has decreed. Honest — three days. Right now, I’ve got the first National Pie Day circled on my calendar for Dec. 1.

I’m thinking a lovely slice of pumpkin pie will be perfect for the occasion. And I just happen to make a mean pumpkin pie, which I haven’t done in years because my kids much prefer that I make sweet potato pie for the holidays. So, I think pumpkin pie, but make sweet potato pie. But wait — salvation is near. The second National Pie Day is Jan. 24. I don’t know why. I don’t know why there are two National Pie Days other than the fact that the American Pie Council got started and just couldn’t stop itself. The board of directors of the council, in its fall meeting, got smoked after sampling blueberry pie, apple pie, pecan pie and some shoo-fly pie. Oh, the crumbs were everywhere! Directors staggered out of the meeting with their multi-stained napkins stuck to their double-breasted suits, drooling in a sugar high. “We have to do this again,” one

pie-drunk director screamed to her colleagues. “Anybody got Jan. 24 open to meet again?” Directors lifted their forks in agreement and the second National Pie Day was born. But not all was sweetness in the council. There were rebels. There were nerds. “They’re doing it all wrong,” they muttered, those disaffected pieconsumers. “Too sweet.” And the rebels split off to a separate meeting of the minority and ate pizza. Pot pies. Johnnycakes. Yorkshire pudding. In quiet moments of secrecy and pining for new horizons, the nerds chuckled and pointed fingers at the other directors. “They even have National Pie Day spelled wrong,” they said, sharing secret handshakes and writing strange symbols on blackboards. “Of course, it’s Pi Day!!!” they arose, lifting their glasses of kombucha and rubbing rare earths in their hair. So the word went out. “Let us all celebrate National Pi Day! Embrace a math teacher! Hug a NYDOT engineer who designs rotaries! Marry your prettiest daughter to an actuary!” The celebrations, crying out for recognition, settled on one significant day a year, March 14. One day before the Ides of March. If Julius Caesar had started National Pi Day himself in 44 B.C., he’d still be around, the nerds swear. The other National Pie Days are fine, for sure, but National Pi Day is a so special and it lends itself to blended celebration. And if you think those nerds were kidding, our beloved U.S. Congress declared National Pi Day a real thing in 2009. Is America a great country or what? So how do we celebrate National Pi Day? I am a math teacher and I have a plan. It just so happens that NASA offers “Pi in the Sky” math challenge questions for March 14. Teachers are urged to turbocharge their calculators and grease their pocket-protectors and fuel their kids with tiny pies. Those clever people also wear T-shirts that say: “Come to the Math Side! We have Pi.” Oh, it’s just so glorious. I plan to wear my “I’m a math teacher: I have problems” T-shirt. My students will never have more fun sitting behind a desk.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

pets

FINDING A DOG TO FIT YOUR LIFESTYLE Plan ahead to reap the rewards of a loving pet By Kimberly Blaker Every year thousands of dogs are turned over to animal shelters because they were given as a gift without first consulting the gift recipient — or people discover they brought home a biter, barker, digger, or jumper. When pets are given away, owners, and particularly dogs, suffer. So before selecting your dog, do your homework. With a little preplanning, you can find the dog that most closely fits yours or your gift recipient’s lifestyle. Variety of dogs, variety of nuisances Dogs can create many nuisances. Some of these are more common in particular breeds. A barking dog helps protect against intruders. But excessive barking can become a problem. Some breeds known for their barking include the Alaskan malamute, American water spaniel, bassett hound, finnish spitz, fox and other terriers, great Pyrenees, and miniature schnauzer. A playful, energetic puppy can make a great playmate. But as your puppy grows, that hyperactivity could become overwhelming. High-strung dogs often jump on people and tear through the house. Certain breeds tend to maintain that high energy level well into their adult size bodies. Such breeds include the Airedale 60

terriers, boxer, Brittany, cocker spaniel, dalmatian, golden retriever, Irish setter, Jack Russell terrier, Labrador retriever, pointer, and schnauzer. Dogs dig for many reasons—to bury a bone, to escape from a fenced yard, to keep cool, or out of boredom. A torn-up yard can be the last straw for many dog owners. The following breeds tend to be diggers: fox terriers, Norwich terrier, and petit basset griffon Vendeen. Dogs can be aggressive for a variety of reasons. Poor breeding, physical abuse, and even disease can cause aggression in a dog. Certain dominant breeds can also tend toward aggressiveness if not handled by a firm and skilled handler. Choose these dogs with caution and the understanding they require strong leadership: akita, American pit bull terrier, bulldog, bullmastiff, chow chow,doberman pinscher, german shepherd dog, rottweiler, schnauzer, shih tzu, siberian husky, and weimaraner. Grooming is another consideration. While it may sound painless, the upkeep of certain breeds can be overwhelming. In addition to keeping claws trimmed and an occasional

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bath, some dogs require lengthy daily brushing to remove tangles or trapped fur in double coats. High maintenance breeds include the American eskimo, cocker spaniel, collie, great Pyrenees, lhasa apso, old English sheepdog, poodle, schnauzer, and terriers. Traits to look for in a family dog Many unforeseen problems are avoidable by finding a dog that’ll be easy to handle. Easy trainers include American water spaniel, australian shepherd, bichon frise, cocker spaniel, irish setter,italian greyhound, Maltese, and Shetland sheepdog. Calm, gentle breeds may be essential to your peace of mind. Keep in mind size alone doesn’t dictate these traits. Gentle breeds you might consider are bassett hound, beagle, bearded collie, and chinese crested. Playful and energetic puppies can be a handful once they’re full-grown and haven’t outgrown their energy level. These include American eskimo, bloodhound, brittany, dalmatian, golden retriever, irish wolfhound, labrador retriever, pointer, poodle, saint bernard, or schnauzer.

There are many other traits to consider in choosing a new dog. Before bringing home your puppy, read a book or articles about the breed that interests you to determine if it will fit your family’s lifestyle. For personalized assistance in choosing a breed, go to http://www.selectsmart. com/DOG/or one of the many other breed selection sites. You’ll be guided through a series of questions and receive a free personalized list of matches. Special considerations The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimate that 800,000 people, mostly children, are bitten annually severely enough to require medical attention. If you have grandchildren or other children who visit, keep in mind that Infants and small children shouldn’t be left alone with a dog. It may be hard to picture your lovable Fido as capable of hurting a child. But even the gentlest dogs have been known to bite. Little kids sometimes get too close to a dog while it’s eating or chewing a bone or startle a dog while it’s sleeping. Sometimes, small children hang on dogs, pull their tails, or threaten a dog’s safety. This can lead to injury to either the dog or your child. Also, dogs view their families as part of their pack. A properly trained dog should view adults and older children as alpha (top dog). But a dog isn’t likely to see a small child in this light and may wield its authority when no one’s around. Apartment living is another consideration. The size dog you choose is vital to both your dog’s well being

and to maintain your sanity. High energy and medium to large breeds generally need large areas to romp. Without it, your apartment could become a round-the-clock racetrack. Planning regular walks for these dogs may not be sufficient. You’ll tire long before your dog. Also, there will be occasions when you aren’t able to accommodate your dog’s need to exercise. The costs of pet ownership should also be weighed out. First, there are obvious costs, such as pet food and annual vaccinations. Other expenses include licensing, monthly heartworm pills, chew toys, damaged belongings, fencing, training, unexpected veterinary expense, grooming, kenneling, and more. If you or frequent guests have bad allergies or asthma, check with your doctor before bringing any furred, feathered, or finned pet into your home. Also, the holiday season may not be the best time of year to bring home a new dog. People are generally too busy during the holidays to give a new pet the attention it needs. Choose a season when you’ll be able to spend plenty of time with your new dog as it adjusts to its new home. Where to find your dog The Humane Society, an animal shelter, or an accidental litter of pups is a great place to find your dog at an affordable price. Giving a home to a

dog that might otherwise be put to sleep or caged indefinitely, and not contributing to the overpopulation of dogs by buying from breeders, are good reasons to go this route. Most often, you’ll find mixed breeds through these methods. Mixed breeds a re l e s s l i k e l y t o inherit the diseases and disabilities often common in purebreds. Keep in mind though, sometimes these dogs are strays or weren’t properly cared for by their original owner. If a dog didn’t receive proper vaccinations, it could be at risk for disease. A dog that was abused by its previous owner could also pose risks. Ask the animal shelter what it knows about the dog’s history. Another way to find your new puppy is through a breeder. Taking home a puppy whose history is known and hasn’t been exposed to a poor environment is a plus. But caution should be used even when buying from a breeder. While most are in the business for their love of the breed, there are plenty of exceptions. Some breeders are only interested in profits and have little knowledge or concern for good breeding and proper care of pups. This can lead to dogs with poor temperaments, genetic disorders, or disease. Ask plenty of questions, request references, and ask to see the puppies in their normal environment. According to the American Kennel Club, some things to watch for when selecting your puppy include a runny nose, watery eyes, fever, or disease in the litter. If any of these conditions are

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present, look elsewhere. Avoid a puppy that trembles and is shy or one that shows a bad temper. Also, understand that a kennel designated “AKC Reg.” doesn’t mean it has the American Kennel Club’s stamp of approval. It merely means the dogs are registered as being purebred. Finally, keep in mind that puppies should remain with their mother and littermates until at least 8 weeks of age, and preferably 8. Training Tips No matter how careful you are in selecting your pet, chances are, your

puppy will develop a problem or nuisance behavior. Prevention is the first step. Once properly vaccinated, your puppy will be old enough for an obedience course for puppies.. Teaching your puppy the basics will make it easier to manage problem behaviors. If you can’t take a class, purchase a dog-training manual and stick with it. If your dog shows signs of aggression, talk with a professional trainer or your veterinarian. Depending on the cause, there may be a simple solution. If you have kids and their safety becomes an issue, your only option may be a new home for your pet. Whether your dog ends up with a new owner or in a shelter, make sure you explain the reason for giving your dog away, so it ends up in the proper environment. For other problem behaviors, there are several good books to help tame your dog. Decoding Your Dog: Explaining Common Dog Behaviors and How to Change or Prevent Unwanted Ones by the American College of Veterinary Behaviorists, provides many helpful techniques. Contrary to popular belief, never hit, kick, or swat a dog with a newspaper. This can lead to aggressiveness or increase already aggressive behavior. M o s t i m p o r t a n t l y, t r y t o understand and accept your pet’s imperfections and adjust your home accordingly to reduce aggravations. In time, your dog will learn to accept the household routine and become a part of it.

Traveling with Puppy For some dog owners, going on vacation without their dog is like leaving a family member behind. Therefore, many hotels accommodate guests who travel with pets. Try one of the following that offers pet-friendly services at some or most of its locations: • Residence Inn and TownePlace Suites by Marriott (800) 2289290 • Best Western (800) 528-1234 • Hilton (800) 445-8667 • Doubletree Hotels (800) 2228733. • Embassy Suites Hotels (800) 362-2779 • Holiday Inn (800) 465-4329 • Comfort Inn (877) 424-6423

When Puppy Must Stay Behind Traveling with your dog isn’t always feasible. When looking for boarding services, ask the following questions, depending on your dog’s needs. • Are kennels heated and cooled? • Are they indoor, outdoor, or accessible to both? • What kind of food do they provide? • Is one-on-one playtime or leashed walks offered? • What vaccinations are required?

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55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Protecting Your Pets After You’re Gone By Jim Miller

very year, approximately 500,000 cats and dogs enter shelters when their pet parents experience an emergency or die. Without a proper plan in place for the future care of your pets, they are at risk of ending up in a shelter where they could be euthanized. To avoid this terrifying scenario and ensure your furry family is cared for both physically and financially after you’re gone, you should consider including them in your estate plan. Talk to your attorney about how to insert them in your will or trust in accordance with your state’s laws. Here’s what you’ll need to do. Wills If you already have a will or are planning to make one, you could simply add in a trusted caretaker clause for your pets, along with an alternative if your first choice falls through. You should also set aside money in your will for your pet’s care with an explanation of how the funds should be spent. To determine how much to leave, multiply your pet’s annual food, care and medical costs by their life expectancies. You may want to add

a separate document, called a letter of instruction, describing your pet’s routine, food and medication. But be aware that even with this provision in your will the caretaker is not legally obligated to follow your instructions, spend the money as you intended or send the pet to another caretaker that you’ve named. Once the money is distributed to the caretaker, it’s an honor system. Trusts Another option is to create a pet trust, which provides more legal protections. Depending on your state’s laws (see aspca.org/pet-care/petplanning/pet-trust-laws), you could set up either a revocable pet trust, which can be changed or canceled during your lifetime, or an irrevocable pet trust that can’t be reversed. A pet trust can be completely separate or part of an existing trust that encompasses your other assets. Along with appointing a trustee to manage your trust’s finances, you name your pet’s caretaker (who could also serve as the trustee), and any alternative caretakers, as well as an optional trust protector for added oversight of the trustee given that the

beneficiary (your pets) can’t defend their own rights. Unlike a will, the caretaker has a fiduciary duty to follow your letter of instruction if you include one. The cost for a living trust ranges anywhere between $1,000 to $3,000, while a will typically costs between $200 and $1,000. There are also cheaper do-it-yourself resources for making a simple will or trust, like Nolo’s Quicken WillMaker & Trust (Nolo.com, $99) and Trust & Will (TrustandWill. com, $159). Or, if that’s more than you’re willing to pay, you can make your will for free at FreeWill.com or DoYourOwnWill.com. Other Arrangements If you don’t have anyone who would be willing to take care of your pets after you’re gone, you should make arrangements to leave them to an animal retirement home, a rescue, humane society, pet care program or other animal welfare group. Many of these organizations find new homes for pets or offer lifetime care but may require a fee or donation. Talk to your veterinarian about the options available in your area.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

moving

The Hard Task of Downsizing By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

f you’ve decided to downsize into a smaller home, the task can seem overwhelming, especially if you have lived in your current home for many years. “It’s really tough when you have to start saying ‘goodbye’ to the surroundings you’ve had for decades,” said Debra Kostiw, certified master dementia strategist and Alzheimer’s and dementia educator based in Henrietta. “You really should have someone help you with the floor plan to make sure what you’re taking will fit. You want to maximize your storage space.” Kostiw is the author of “Forget Me Not: The #1 Alzheimer's and Dementia Guide for Professional and Family Caregivers.” Start by sorting out things that should be shredded, recycled or thrown out — such as old receipts, phone books and tax records no longer needed. Get rid of broken or soiled

items that hold no sentimental value and you can’t fix or clean to make them usable again. Clearing spaces by eliminating these things will give you more room to sort the good stuff. Be selective about what you plan to take with you when you move; choosing your most precious heirlooms and mementos and favorite stuff that works well and brings you joy. Let go of less favorite pieces. If you’re keeping items to remember someone by, choose the most meaningful item. Keep in mind that family and friends may want some of the pieces you let go. The rest you can either liquidate through a yard sale or estate sale or donate. “It’s very overwhelming to go from a full house to maybe a one-or two-room apartment living situation,” Kostiw said. “There’s the garage, basement and shed. Some men have been collecting tools for years.” She recommends enlisting the help

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of a professional senior mover, which can help with sorting, packing and moving. Kostiw also advises the adult children to help, but to not “bulldoze them and take over. Instead, have conversations and reassure them you’ll take one step at a time.” Of course, it’s easier to begin the process well in advance so you have time to sort and make decisions you feel good about. When you look at your perfectly good stuff, think about if you’ll use it at your new place. If you’re moving from a house with a workshop to a patio home with a single-car garage, you likely won’t need an extensive set of automotive tools — especially if you haven’t done any major car repair in years. If you don’t anticipate entertaining big groups, you could probably let go of the big platter and dinnerware for 24. “Baking items people seem to hold onto,” said Lauren Goetz,

Debra Kostiw: “It’s very overwhelming to go from a full house to maybe a one-or two-room apartment living situation.”

Lauren Goetz: “Get rid of unwanted cookbooks — or any unwanted books. Books are a big thing.”

owner of Everyday Hands, an errand and personal services provider in Rochester. Just keep the basic set and pass along the fancy stuff you don’t use a lot. “Get rid of unwanted cookbooks — or any unwanted books,” Goetz added. “Books are a big thing.” Passing these along to a grandchild just starting out can be easier and more ecological than tossing them. If you have a set of fine china, consider giving a piece or two to each daughter, daughter-in-law and granddaughter to remember grandma by. Don’t assume one person will want an entire set of hand-wash only, non-microwavable dishes. Unless they explicitly ask for them, no one wants them. The same goes for large hutches and display cases. Most young people don’t want them because they move often and most middle-aged adults already have them and don’t want another one. If your granddaughter does want the hutch, she may decide to give it a facelift with paint or repurpose it for another use, so give with no strings attached. Old electronics are likely not something other people want. Look on eBay to see if your item model

is selling (not just listed). If it’s old enough, you may have a market for it. Some designer clothing labels sell well on eBay and Facebook Marketplace, as do high-end tools, but only if they’re in good condition. Collectibles are tough to part with. For these, Triciajean Jones, director of Ontario County Office for the Aging, suggested saving one or two of best pieces in the collection to display and enjoy at the new place and donating the rest. You could find a collector’s group online if you don’t know anyone else who wants them. “We’ve also had people take pictures of items and store them in memory books, which can help later down the line in life if someone needs memory care,” Jones said. “It could be a book of all the beautiful quilts or paintings you made. Having it digitally stored is a good way to pass it down to the generations.” For Jones, receiving her grandmother’s collection of souvenir spoons held great meaning. “Bring your family in to talk about it,” she said. “A lot of times, we have emotions tied to our items. Figure out if something you have has meaning to you or if it has meaning to a family member or friend.”

Triciajean Jones: “Bring your family in to talk about [discarding personal items]."

Donate Unwanted Items to Charity Unsure of where to donate your stuff that’s in good condition? Consider the following types of organizations, but ask before you drop off items and ask your tax adviser if you can deduct these on your taxes: Goodwill, Salvation Army, homeless shelters, church “help” closet ministries and women’s shelters: linens, clothing, handbags, shoes, accessories, luggage, small household items. Pet shelters: linens, pet beds, leashes and carriers. Teachers/schools: craft and hobby supplies, office supplies Nursing homes and day facilities: craft and hobby supplies, old magazines, books (especially in large font), lap quilts/small blankets, pillows F re e c y c l e . o rg : R e g i s t e r and then list any items you’d like picked up from your curb. This can help you shed larger items like furniture and exercise equipment.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023 – 55 PLUS

finances

Helping Grandchildren Financially Many grandparents want to leave a legacy behind to help their grandchildren By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

n inheritance gift of money may not be the best thing to assist your grandchildren long-term. Fortunately, other financial strategies can help your gift provide a lasting legacy that will benefit your grandchildren for many years to come. “Each situation is unique,” said Jeff Feldman, Ph.D. and certified financial planner with Rochester Financial Services in Pittsford. “Some people I advise to give a gift to the parents and usually when you’re giving to your kids, give equal amounts to your children and let your kids decide how best to use that money to give to the grandchildren.” Your adult children may have 66

a better understanding of your grandchildren’s needs and how they may need help, such as a reliable car to drive to a first job or a down payment on a house. It may seem fair to give the same amount to each child or grandchild. However, some may not need financial help. Feldman advises talking frankly about your intentions, so your adult children understand your motivations. “You have to decide what you’re comfortable with and what the grandchildren are comfortable with,” Feldman said. “I’ve had situations where a grandparent has three children and one a doctor and two are not.” He advises giving without strings attached, such as if a grandchild wants

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

money to start a business and the business fails. It’s vital to only give what you really can afford to lose and realize that the lessons learned in the business attempt may be the real gift. Grandparents can open a custodial account for grandchildren so that when the child turns 18 or 21, the money becomes theirs. “You can show the child how it grows over the years,” Feldman said. “It might be a nice savings and educational mechanism.” To m á s G o n z a l e z , a t t o r n e y, assistant professor and coordinator of the paralegal-legal studies program at Finger Lakes Community College in Canandaigua, recommends looking into New York’s 529 college savings

plans, especially if your grandchildren are small and the funds would have a long time to grow. “They can be very beneficial,” he said. “Be careful about giving someone a flat-out gift. It isn’t necessarily the best option.” New York’s 529 plan offers a means of saving, growing and giving money tax-free. The fund earmarked for college, but the grandchildren can reside and attend college anywhere in the U.S. Grandparents control the fund until the gift is complete when the grandchildren go to college. If any grandchild doesn’t go to college, the funds may be rolled into a Roth IRA. The funds grow tax-free as well. “An educational trust can be of benefit,” Gonzalez said. “The only thing is there are higher administrative costs and you can’t revoke it without the consent of the beneficiary.” Gonzalez said that he knows of creative grandparents who have bought for their grandchildren a house near their college so they can live rentfree while studying and then flip the house when they’re done with school, so they buy a house where they want to live. “The biggest key is communication with the parents or guardians,” he added. “Make sure what you’re doing complements what they’re doing and not at cross-purposes. Talk with them early on. If you’re going to invest, start early so there are sufficient funds to start a business or go to college or help them buy a house.” Planning long-term with your adult children and grandchildren is a good step, along with seeking professional advice along the way. Plans that sound solid may not be as good as you thought. “Meet with a qualified financial adviser to come up with an actual plan to accomplish the goal that you have in mind,” said Phil Provenzano, certified Social Security specialist and financial adviser with The Financial Guys in Rochester. “Brainstorming is one of the most beneficial ways to accomplish this goal. I had a client this week that came in with this same question and an adviser that he spoke with gave him one and only one way to do this.” Provenzano said that tax liability, income and goals all differ among clients. A personal conversation with an adviser is the best way to find a solution that fits.

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The Silver Lake Sea Serpent

The legend of the Silver Lake Sea Serpent has inspired Silver Lake and the town of Perry in Wyoming County to sponsor events, including an annual Sea Serpent Festival in the summer By Lynette M Loomis

n a day when no one believes anything, it is hard to imagine that in 1855, a monster fascinated people. But historian and photographer Bob Murphy, 75, said that is exactly what happened. Sliver Lake, near Perry, has several claims to fame. Both the inlet and the outlet of the lake are located at the same end of the

lake, the north end. The Silver Lake Drive-In Theatre, established in 1949, is one of only about 350 drive-in theaters left in the country, boasting two screens and first-run movies. The Silver Lake Pioneer Cabin Museum is thought to be the second oldest museum in the state, outside of New York City. It has the original signature of Susan B. Anthony when she spoke there on

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Temperance. But the Silver Lake Sea Serpent is its most notable legend. Murphy has written 39 articles on the history of Silver Lake. As he describes it, the early1870s were a time of tourism and prosperity for Silver Like. Hotels and dining establishments lined the east side of the lake where a railroad ran alongside the length of the lake.

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Bob Murphy and the camera that launhed his career, bought throug Bazooka Bubble gum

Tourism had slowed a bit, due in part to the Temperance movement. In 1855, four men in a small fishing boat saw what they first thought was a large log. When the “log” began to move toward the boat, they did their best to row away. As the men told it, the beast was 80 feet long, with eyes as red as coals. It sprayed water out of its mouth, up some four or five feet into the air. Their story of this sighting spread quickly around the countryside and eventually around the world. The railroad cars were full. Buggies, stages and horses brought curiosity seekers to the area. Watch towers were erected for people hoping to catch a glimpse of the monster. Whaling men with harpoons arrived to try to capture the beast. Tourism flourished. Then the beast seemed to disappear. Two years later, a fire raged in the Walker House Hotel. The firefighters made it to the attic to see a canvas hide wrapped over wire and looked dragon like. A nearby bellows suggested how the sea serpent was inflated. It was a complete hoax, created by a savvy businessman, A.B. Walker, hoping to create more business for his hotel. According to Murphy, it was members of the Seneca Nation who

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gave Walker the idea to create a monster. There were two villages on the east and west side of Silver Lake, Ga-Na-Yat. The Senecas camped in the area during the summer months. One of their legends was of a monster that lived in the water and that any loud or unnatural noise would cause the monster to rise from the water. The legend said that after a lightning strike on the lake, the beast floated ashore where brave men killed it. The Wyoming Historical Pioneer Association is the longest running historical organization in Wyoming County. It was organized in 1872 to commemorate the pioneers of our county and is home to many of the artifacts Murphy and others have collected. As a student of history, he has amassed more than 5,000 images of Perry and Silver Lake. To collect all of these images, he sometimes went door-to-door asking families if they had photos of relatives who once lived in the area. On weekends or by

appointment, he opens the Silver Lake Log Cabin Museum. One cannot talk about this area without mentioning Mary Jemison. She was known as the “White Woman of the Genesee.” As a young girl, she was captured and adopted into a Seneca family to replace a dead child. She embraced their customs and later married two Native American men and bore eight children. Her blonde hair prompted them to give her the name of Corn Tassel. She was an industrious worker and became one of the largest landowners in the area. The Silver Lake Log Cabin Museum displays one of her chairs. The museum is open in July and August on Saturday and Sunday, 1-4 p.m. or by appointment in the fall and spring. Contact Murphy at 585-969-1019 for appointments. Free admission with donations welcomed. The WHPA mailing address is P.O. Box 1, Silver Lake, NY. 14549.

A.B. Walker, a local businessman, was credited with creating the legend of the Silver Lake Sea Serpent as a way to draw more people to his hotel.

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Meds That Can Harm Your Driving Skills

ome common medications — including antidepressants, sleep aids and painkillers — may dull the driving skills of baby boomers, a new study finds. Many different medication classes have been linked to the risk of driving impairment, as anyone who has ever read the label warning "do not operate heavy machinery" might have guessed. But the new study took a particularly rigorous approach to investigating the issue, following older adults for up to 10 years and testing their driving skills with annual road tests. And it turned out that those using certain classes of medications were at greater risk of failing the road test at some point. When older folks were taking either antidepressants, sedativehypnotics (sleep medications) or nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), they were nearly three times more likely to get a failing or "marginal" grade than non-users. The findings do not prove the medications are to blame, said lead researcher and physician David Carr, a specialist in geriatric medicine at Washington University's School of Medicine in St. Louis. It can be hard, he said, to draw a direct line between a particular medication and diminished driving skills: Is it that drug, or the medical condition it's treating or another medication an older adult is taking? In this study, though, Carr and his colleagues were able to account for many factors, including participants' medical conditions, memory and thinking skills, vision problems and whether they lived in more affluent or disadvantaged neighborhoods. And certain medication groups were still linked to poorer driving performance. Beyond that, Carr said, many of the medications in question are known to act on the central nervous system — with potential side effects, like drowsiness and dizziness, that could affect driving.

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winter

TRY SOME OFF-BEAT WINTER ADVENTURES By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

kating, skiing, sledding: if you’ve lived in the North for a few winters or more, you’ve done them all. If the typical winter activities have worn as thin as your 20-year-old mittens, try these more unusual adventures.

Ice fishing Curling Whether participating just for a day or for a season-long team membership, curling is a challenging winter sport. The ancient Scottish team sport combines elements of bowling and shuffleboard on a sheet of ice. Players try to advance their teammate’s “stone” towards the goal by sweeping a clear path on the ice. The opposing players take turns throwing their stones towards the goal with a side objective of knocking out opponents’ stones. Rochester Curling Club (www. rochestercurling.org, 585-2358246) is the place to go to learn about how and where to play.

Zipline riding Although ziplines are spectacular for leaf peeping, they’re also a fun way to soar through the sparkling winter mountain scenery. While securely strapped into a safety harness, zipline riders get a bird’s-eye view, along with the adrenaline rush of flying through the treetops. At Bristol Mountain Aerial Adventures ride seven ziplines measuring a total of more than 5,000 feet. At Greek Peak Mountain Resort, guests can take a two-line ziplining tour that lasts approximately 2 hours.

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Even if you’re not an angler during the warmer months, ice fishing can offer another reason to get outside during the winter. Ice fishing spots abound in the Rochester area (https://www. dec.ny.gov/outdoor/41765.html). Of course, ice fishing requires dressing in layers, starting with a moisture-wicking layer that’s not cotton and ending with a moisture proof layer, as with any other outdoor activity. But it’s also vital to wear cleats to improve stability and to bring extra pairs of gloves to always have a dry pair available. Ice should be a minimum of 4 inches thick for walking safely. For driving a snowmobile or ATV, it must be 5 inches. Vehicles require 8-15 inches.

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Ice climbing Elevate your winter experience through ice climbing. Even experienced climbers can tackle all-new terrain each winter as frozen waterfalls and rockglazed ice is never the same. Sometimes, a location changes within the same season as the ice thaws and refreezes. Rochester Rock, Ice & Snow Climbing Club (http://www.frontiernet. net/~lilgamin/rriscc.htm) can help you get started. A few places to find ice climbing venues include Angel Falls in Hi Tor's Conklin Gully near Naples, which is 120 feet. Another is Clark's Gully on South Hill on the southern end of Canandaigua Lake that offers a 120 drop. The book 200 Waterfalls in Central & Western New York: A Finders' Guide by Rich and Sue Freeman (available on Amazon. com) and Waterfalls and Gorges of the Finger Lakes by Derek Doeffinger and Frank H. T. Rhodes offers more suggestions.

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By Todd Etshman

Pastor Rebecca Segers came to Rochester from First Presbyterian Church of Germantown in Philadelphia and was a professional actress before attending Union Theological Seminary in New York City in the mid-1990s.

Rebecca Segers

astor Rebecca Segers became head pastor of Third Presbyterian Church in Rochester at the beginning of 2022 during the COVID-19 crisis. Her initial sermons were delivered to an empty nave and a remote audience. Today, the congregation has returned to the pews along with some new members in an era of declining membership.

Q: What do you think the church’s role in the community is? A: We worship God in our churches, but I think the church’s role is in the community. God calls us to make our corner of the world a better place. We deserve to be treated with the love God has for all of us. We must know each other or nothing will change. Education and housing are the keys to fixing a lot of problems. It’s where we’re putting our money, our hearts, our hands and our feet. This congregation is committed to the community. Tackling tough issues is what we’re here for. 74

Q: Does declining organized church enrollment nationwide concern you? A: Do we want to have expansive churches and big numbers? Of course, but I don’t think that’s what we’re here for. What we’re here for is to try to discern what God’s call is in the community today and how we fulfill that. It seems to me that when we’re aligned with that the rest will work itself out. The decline is across the board not just for Presbyterians but for all congregations; Hindu temples and synagogues, too. We’re [Third Presbyterian] not where we were 20 years ago. There is a decline of people connected to a faith tradition globally. In the US particularly, we have all these other distractions that are pulling us away and that saddens me. Faith is the foundation of everything I am and try to do. It gives purpose and meaning to life. If you’re just running around all the time and not connected to something deeper, that diminishes your ability to have the fullness of life and to be present in life.

55 PLUS – NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2023

Q: Please tell us about your acting experience and how you got into the ministry. A: I made a living at it, but not a great one. I had to wait tables and do part-time secretarial work to bring in enough to make a living in New York City. I was predominantly in stage and did a little television and film. It was a good and entertaining life. In the early 1990s I was in the America Drama Group Europe. We were in Munich and all over Europe. I got to see so many places I would have never gotten to see. It sounds glamorous but it can’t compare to what I do now. I needed a more stable, settled life after I had a child. I couldn’t keep working on the road living hand to mouth. I wanted a job with purpose. Being in the ministry is so much more fulfilling, meaningful and exciting than anything I used to do as an actress. Preaching is one of my gifts. I would never have guessed that my acting background would translate to this, but it definitely has. Q: Some non-traditional churches have found success with things like live music and eliminating the liturgy. How do you feel about that? A: I know there are different worship styles. Some churches are “planting” churches and some are “watering” churches. A lot of people today, a lot of 20 year olds, have never been to a church. If you’ve never been you don’t know what a liturgy is. Those who feel comfortable with the music in a “planting” or grow church may move on to a “watering” church grounded in ritual. Saying the Lord’s Prayer and the Apostles Creed together is meaningful. As faith matures, deeply liturgical acts can be comforting. Q: How do you like living in Rochester so far? A: I can’t say enough about what a wonderful place to live this is for someone who loves the arts. It’s not just the number of artistic offerings but the caliber of talent blows me away. I think Rochester has an incredible amount to offer. If you want to be indoors or out, it’s a great place to live. I live in Corn Hill, a diverse city neighborhood where I can walk on the Greenway Trail and work in the Neighborhood of the Arts. I’ve become a Rochester convert.

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