55 Plus of Rochester, #67: January – February 2021

VALENTINE’S DAY: FINDING LOVE LATER IN LIFE

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55 PLUS

Issue 67 • January / February 2021 For Active Adults in the Rochester Area

roc55.com

Rev. Myra Brown Pastor of Spiritus Christi Church has been in the news because of a recent wave of protests in Rochester. She says she wants to be a ‘bridge’ to build ‘a better city and a better group of human beings’

n WINTER BIRDS How to make birds feel at home around your place

n FINANCES What’s new for 2021 • Financial resolutions • Estate planning: What to expect from the Biden Administration

URMC Dr. Colleen Fogarty: 10 Tips for a Healthy New Year

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All photos safely taken prior to COVID-19 pandemic.

Had a Stroke.

Back on Stage.

Musician Todd Hobin KNOW THE SIGNS • CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY

Central New York music legend Todd Hobin knew nothing about stroke — but he does now. That’s why he’s raising awareness about stroke risk factors and its signs and symptoms.

F.

FACE DROOPING

A. S.

ARM WEAKNESS

SPEECH DIFFICULTY

Fact: Stroke is the fifth leading cause of death and a leading cause of disability in the U.S. Important to know: Stroke can happen to both men and women — at any age.

Good news: Stroke is preventable by managing medical risk factors and healthy lifestyle choices.

What to do: Time lost is brain lost. So it’s vital to know the signs of a stroke — F.A.S.T. Four words to live by: Call 911 and say, “Take me to Crouse.“ When it comes to stroke, every moment matters. As one of just 10 hospitals in New York State tohave earned Comprehensive Stroke Center status, and with the region’s newest ER and hybrid ORs, Crouse offers the most advanced technology for rapid stroke diagnosis and treatment

Read Todd’s story and learn more: crouse.org/toddhobin.

T.

TIME TO CALL 911

CONTENTS

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VALENTINE’S DAY: FINDING LOVE LATER IN LIFE please share

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Jan. / Feb. 2021 To subscribe to 55 PLUS, please see our coupon on page 43.

Issue 67 • January / February 2021 For Active Adults in the Rochester Area

roc55.com

Rev. Myra Brown

Story ideas? editor@roc55.com

Pastor of Spiritus Christi Church has been in the news because of a recent wave of protests in Rochester. She says she wants to be a ‘bridge’ to build ‘a better city and a better group of human beings’

55 PLUS ‘

55

free

■ WINTER BIRDS How to make birds feel at home around your place

■ FINANCES What’s new for 2021 • Financial resolutions • Estate planning: What to expect from the Biden Administration

URMC Dr. Colleen Fogarty: 10 Tips for a Healthy New Year

23

Find us on facebook

33

18 PHILANTHROPY

• Couple donates millions to hospital, other nonprofits

Chip Saresky, 67. Marketing professional talks about the impact of social media and how to keep up with changes

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

ROC55.com

@ 55 PLUS ROCHESTER

Savvy Senior 6 12 BEGINNINGS • 10 tips for a healthy new year Financial Health 8 14 VALENTINE’S DAY Dining Out 10 • Finding love later in life Addyman’s Corner 46 16 LOVE • Rekindling romance at 55-plus Long-term Care 48

LAST PAGE

55 PLUS

20 BIRDS

• How to make birds feel at home around your place

23 PHOTOGRAPHY

• John Kucko: Nature photographer

26 COVER

• Rev. Myra Brown: Fighting for social justice

38

43

31 DIVERSITY

• Project URGE Forum tackles racism, violence

33 LGBTQ+

• Time to review your insurance policies

35 FINANCE

• Financial resolutions: Start 2021 off on the right foot

36 ESTATE PLANNING

• Estate planning environment under President-Elect Joe Biden

38 HOBBIES

• Dan Welch: A passion for pachinko

42 MUSIC

• Paul Boutte has been playing since he was 14

44 COVID-19

• Ready to enjoy retirement, then...

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savvy senior

By Jim Miller

T

How to Track Down Old Friends Online

hanks to the internet, tracking down long-lost friends from many years ago is relatively easy to do and, in most cases, it won’t cost you a cent. Here are some tips and online tools to help you get started.

• Remembering the Details — Before you begin your search, a good first step is to jot down any information you can remember or find out about the people you’re trying to locate.

Things like their full name (maiden and married), age or birth date, last known address or phone number, old email address, names of family members, etc. Knowing details can help you turn up clues while you search.

• Social Media and Search Engines — After you compile your information, a good place to start your search is at social media sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and Instagram. And search engines like Google and Yahoo.

When using search engines, type in the name of the person you’re searching for in quotation marks, for example, “John Smith.” You can narrow your search by adding other criteria like their nickname or middle name, the city or state they may live in, or even their occupation.

• People Search Sites — If your initial search comes up empty, you can also use people searches like AnyWho. com, Intelius.com or WhitePages. com. These sites will provide a list of potential matches from across the U.S. Because many people share the same name, these sites will also supply details to help identify the right person, perhaps including their age, prior hometowns, names of relatives, colleges attended or employer.

While these sites are free to use at a basic level, they charge a small fee for providing certain details like the persons contact information.

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

WhitePages, however, sometimes provides home phone numbers for free.

• Niche Finding Sites — Here are a few other niche people-finding websites to help you with your search.

To look for old high school classmates, try Classmates.com. This site has contact information only for people who have registered with it. But even if your friend hasn’t registered, it could provide contact info for another classmate who remains in touch with your friend.

Another option is to check out your high school alumni website. Not every school has its own site, but some do, and you can look for it by going to any search engine and typing in the name of the school with the city and state it’s located in. You can also search at AlumniClass.com, a huge hosting site for thousands of high schools across the U.S. If you’re looking for old college friends, look for an alumni directory on the school’s website. You might be able to access your friend’s contact info by completing an online registration.

Or, try calling or emailing your alumni relations department and ask them to pass on your contact info to your friend.

If you’re looking for someone you served with in the military, Military.com offers a free “Buddy Finder” service that has a database of more than 20 million records – visit Military.com/buddy-finder. You can also search for free at GIsearch. com, TogetherWeServed.com and VetFriends.com.

If you can’t find any current information about the person you’re searching for, it could be that he or she is dead. To find out if that’s the case, use obituary databases such as Tributes.com and Legacy.com, which has a newspaper obituary search tool from hundreds of U.S. newspapers.

55PLUS roc55.com

Editor and Publisher Wagner Dotto

Associate Editor Lou Sorendo

Writers & Contributing Writers Deborah J. Sergeant Mike Costanza, Melody Burri John Addyman Colleen T. Fogarty (MD) Melissa Stefanec, Donna Cordello Jason Livingston (Esq),

Columnists

Jim Terwilliger, Susan Suben Jim Miller, John Addyman

Advertising

Anne Westcott, Linda Covington

Office Assistant Nancy Nitz

Layout and Design Dylon Clew-Thomas

Cover Photo

Chuck Wainwright 55 PLUS –A Magazine for Active Adults in the Rochester Area is published six times a year by Local News, Inc., which also publishes In Good Health–Rochester—Genesee Valley’s Healthcare Newspaper.

Mailing Address PO Box 525 Victor, NY 14564 © 2021 by 55 PLUS – A Magazine for Active Adults in the Rochester Area.

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financial health

By Jim Terwilliger

T

Your Finances: What’s New for 2021?

he federal government continues to keep us on our toes. Calendar/tax year 2021 is no exception.

During the months of October and November, the IRS and Social Security/Medicare office published new numbers for 2021 that will impact our tax and retirement planning lives.

The federal tax framework that was put into place starting in 2018 tax year is still intact. No material changes were made for 2021, excepting any moves the president and Congress may have in mind for us this year and beyond.

For the third consecutive year, most income-tax-related numbers were inflation-adjusted by an alternative version of the Consumer Price Index (CPI). Adjustments were based on the so-called Chained CPI. This inflation measure, defined by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, is based on the idea that when prices are rising, consumers will choose less-expensive substitutes.

As such, Chained CPI is generally lower than CPI. While the difference between CPI and Chained CPI is subtle, use of the latter, over time, makes annual income-

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

tax-related adjustments less favorable for taxpayers.

Federal Income Tax

Seven tax brackets, ranging from 10% to 37%, were carried over from 2020 tax year. In 2021, the taxable income range within each of the seven brackets increased by about 1%, resulting in a slightly lower tax bill for the same taxable income compared to 2020.

The standard deduction was increased from $12,400 to $12,550 for single taxpayers and from $24,800 to $25,100 for married filing joint.

Additional deductions, available for those who are blind or age 65 and older, were increased by $50.

The generous federal estate tax exclusion saw an increase from $11.58 million to $11.7 million. The portability provision remains, allowing a married couple to now shield $23.4 million from federal estate taxation. The annual federal gift tax exclusion remains at $15,000 for 2020.

Retirement Accounts

The news is mostly flat on this front. One contribution limit was

increased for 2021. The defined contribution plan limit (including SEP IRAs) increased from $57,000 to $58,000. Otherwise, most other limits remain unchanged, including the 401(k)/403(b)/457 salary-deferral limit at $19,500 and the SIMPLE IRA limit at $13,500.

The catch-up contribution limit for 401(k)/403(b)/457 plans for taxpayers age 50 and older remains unchanged at $6,500 and the catch-up contribution limit for SIMPLE IRAs remains unchanged at $3,000.

For traditional and Roth IRAs, the 2021 contribution and catch-up limits remain unchanged at $6,000 and $1,000, respectively.

The ability to make a deductible contribution to a traditional IRA now begins to phase out at $105,000 of adjusted gross income (AGI) for joint filers and $66,000 for single if covered by an employer retirement plan (vs. $104,000 and $65,000, respectively, in 2020). If only one of a married couple is covered by an employer plan, the phase out begins at $198,000 AGI for joint filers (vs. $196,000 in 2020). There is no phase-out if neither spouse is covered by an employer plan.

The ability to contribute to a Roth IRA now begins to phase out at $198,000 AGI for joint filers and 125,000 for single (vs. $196,000 and $124,000, respectively, in 2020).

Social Security

Inflation adjustments for Social Security benefits are based on CPI, not chained. The 2020 to 2021 benefit increase is 1.3%. This follows a 2017 increase of 0.3%, 2018 increase of 2.0%, 2019 increase of 2.8%, and 2020 increase of 1.6%.

The ceiling on wages taxed for Social Security purposes increased from $137,700 in 2020 to $142,800 in 2021. While this 3.7% increase will not make current high-income workers happy, the good news is that it will pump additional funding into the system.

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Medicare

There is great news from our friends at Medicare. After a whopping increase of 6.7% in 2020, the increase in premiums in 2021 is a much-more affordable: 2.7% across all six tiers. The new Tier 1 Part B premium, that most folks now pay, is $148.50 per month compared to $144.60 last year.

Additional good news is that the Part D surcharge for Tiers 2 through 6 (none in Tier 1) increased by less than 1%. Note that Medicare premiums and surcharges for 2021 are based on 2019 Modified AGIs. The increase in premiums for 2021 is much less than had been expected earlier last year when Medicare spending soared due to COVID-19.

Fortunately, Congress stepped in with emergency legislation to offset a projected rise in premiums of as much as $50/month for some beneficiaries.

Remember that the above changes impact the tax return you will file in 2022, not this April. As always, you are encouraged to work with a professional tax preparer and your financial planner to take advantage of tax-planning opportunities when updating your financial plan.

James Terwilliger is senior vice president, senior planning adviser with CNB Wealth Management, Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. He is a certified financial planner (CFP).

He can reached at 585-419-0670 ext.

50630 or jterwilliger@cnbank.com.

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DiningOut

By Christopher Malone

Restaurant

Guide

The French fish stew composed of white fish (haddock this time), scallops, mussels and veggies.

Boulevard of Peppered Dreams Getting a taste of The Peppered Pig’s culinary profundity

T

his little piggy reviewer went to the market, then to the bank, and then he got in his car and headed to Webster.

After checking out the French cuisine-inspired dishes on The Peppered Pig’s website, it was an easy (and necessary) decision to head to the restaurant located at 1759 Empire Blvd.

Like many restaurants affected

by COVID-19, The Peppered Pig isn’t cutting any corners. There is plenty of spaced seating available for patrons, the bar area is spotless, and the bathroom is impeccable. They also were very transparent with making updates on their Facebook page to keep their returning and potential customers aware of any changes and even temporary closures.

To illustrate the perks of sitting at the bar, I was able to participate

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

in conversation with other patrons (sitting at that appropriate distance), staff, and owner/chef Christopher Woods. He even shared small snifters with a shot of green Chartreuse. “Have you had Chartreuse?” Woods asked me. One of my favorite cocktails is The Last Word — so, yes.

I also opted for one of the signature cocktails, the Poblano Old Fashioned ($10). This is a concoction with Bulleit bourbon, Ancho Reyes poblano liqueur, pear syrup and bitters. A smooth take on the classic cocktail had subtle heat, a faint yet noticeable kick that allows this version to stand out.

The meal kicked off with a couple items off the light fare section of the small menu. Although the list offerings is concise, it promises to yield really tough decisions. First was the goat cheese croquette. The fist-sized goat

cheese fritter ball sat upon sautéed spinach, shallots, golden raisins and pine nut butter. The lightly breaded and not overly fried cheese ball gave in easy to a jab of a knife. The warm, creamy goat cheese with the other ingredients was an experience in itself, with every bite.

The braised pork belly ($10) also produced a kaleidoscope of flavor as well. Four strips of pork belly sat on a bed of butternut squash puree and lentils, plus crispy leaves of sage sat to the side. It’s eye-closing satisfaction.

The notably fatty cut of meat, or glorified bacon, was easily sliceable, even with a fork — and delicious.

The first of the two main dishes — duck confit ($16 for one leg, $22 for two). With pickled onion and greens, the slow-cooked quacker legs proved to be some of the best duck I’ve had in

a while. The super tender dark meat was itching to fall off the bone as soon as the utensils made contact.

The field greens tasted incredibly fresh, too. The perfectly picked onion atop the salad was prominent and confident enough — no other ingredients were needed.

The bouillabaisse was displayed in grandiose fashion. The French fish stew was composed of white fish (haddock this time, per Chef Woods), scallops, mussels and veggies. The hot broth was seafood-based with noticeable saffron that didn’t steal the spotlight. None of the seafood bits were chewy. The grilled bread that stood tall was incredibly crispy to the bite. However, after sitting in the broth a little bit, the slices gave in easily and soaked up the bright red liquid.

Despite how filling the meal was — and taking home leftovers, too — giving in to some dessert was a must. Among three choices, the bread pudding with craisins was the literal takeaway. The dessert was both sweet and savory, very soft but far from soggy. The added dried cranberries were little bursts of extra tartness.

Before tip, the total came to $78 and change.

The Peppered Pig is a great example of enjoying and paying for a quality meal and culinary artistry.

It’s fine dining in a casual atmosphere.

In times of a pandemic, you’ll feel as comfortable as dining out used to be.

Plus, if you’re sitting at the bar, there’s opportunity for friendly group banter and basic human connections.

The bread pudding with craisins — a dessert both sweet and savory, very soft but far from soggy.

Duck confit — with pickled onion and greens, the slow-cooked quacker legs proved to be some of the best duck I’ve had in a while

The Peppered Pig Address 1759 Empire Blvd., Webster Phone 585-347-6479 Websites/Social https://thepigroc.com facebook.com/Pepperedpig.roc Instagram.com/ peppered_pig_roc Current Hours Sunday: 10 a.m. – 2 p.m.

Monday: Closed Tuesday – Thursday: 4 – 8 p.m.

Friday – Saturday: 12 – 9 p.m. (check before you go because hours may change due to the pandemic)

The braised pork belly: a kaleidoscope of flavor.

January / February 2021 - 55 PLUS

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55+ beginnings

10 Tips for a Healthy New Year

By Colleen T. Fogarty, MD

A

s we begin 2021 we are optimistic that this will be a happy, healthy year for us and our loved ones. We are still facing the challenges of COVID-19, but we have hope that more treatments can be fully developed and that a vaccine will help eradicate this terrible pandemic.

It is still essential to continue to follow all guidelines to prevent the spread of coronavirus infection. These include: • Wear a mask when outside of your home.

• Stay 6 feet apart from other persons.

• Practice good handwashing all the time, particularly before reentering your home.

• Listen to the guidelines of our Monroe County Commissioner of Public Health and state and federal officials to stop the spread.

But there is much more you can do to have a healthy body and mind. Here are some tried and true tips.

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

1.

Practice Good Nutrition Habits.

Try to eat five cups of fruits and vegetables per day and at least 50% or more of your grain products like bread, cereal and pasta as whole grains. Enjoy whatever fresh produce you can get at local farmers markets or grocery stores. Limit your total sodium intake to around 2000 mg per day. Don’t deny yourself an occasional treat, but be cautious about how much sugar and processed food you consume. These tips will help you keep a healthy weight and will also be good for your heart.

2.

Stay Physically Active. Strive for at least 30 minutes of physical activity per day. Brisk walking is a fine exercise. Try to build strength training into your routine several times per week.

3.

Keep Up-to-Date on Health Exams.

Hopefully by now you have gotten your flu vaccine. If not, do it right away. The shingles series of shots is recommended for those 60 and over and the pneumonia vaccine

is recommended for those 65 and older or with certain health conditions. Also stay current on your other tests like mammograms, colonoscopy, physicals and other screenings based on your health risks. Confer with your doctor on the right schedule and the safe time for you.

4.

Ensure Your Mental Health. The winter can be a lonely time and with COVID-19 restrictions it may be lonelier. In order to avoid loneliness, keep in touch with your support people, like family and friends. You can telephone, video chat, email or visit outside when weather is permitting. Being socially connected and the feeling of belonging that you get is an important part of your mental health.

5.

Nurture Your Spiritual Life. That means different things to different people. For some it’s being part of religious services even if they are online, for others its meditation and mindfulness. Whatever it looks like for you, it’s important for you to not get

bogged down by worry and anxiety.

Balance your fears with proactive things you can do to stay positive.

Experiencing hope and gratitude can make a big difference in your health.

6.

Experience Nature. Try to get outside for at least a little while every day. Pick up your mail. Walk near your home or apartment building.

Get some fresh air and sunshine when we have it. But don’t risk going out on icy, slippery days. It’s important to avoid accidents and falls.

7.

Expand your Mind. Stay engaged and connected with things that are bigger than you. Learn something new. Volunteer when you can. Many community organizations have found ways for volunteers to help from home.

8.

Learn More About Community Issues. Find out more about diversity issues in your community and what is going on to fight poverty.

The internet and local libraries have great resources for podcasts, videos, and other materials for you to learn more about your neighborhoods and your community.

9.

Make Music a Part of Your Daily Life. Engage in music and the arts in a safe way. Listen to the radio, make playlists, watch broadcasts of your favorite musicians. Music is energizing and can help you with stress. So can singing, dancing or any kind of movement while you go about your daily tasks. And don’t forget to support your favorite community arts organizations. They can use your attention and contributions during this time when we can’t enjoy public performances.

10.

Make a Personal Plan. Review this list and make a plan that you can follow daily to incorporate these healthy behaviors in your life.

You will feel good knowing that you

are on a path to good health in this new year!

Physician Colleen T. Fogarty is the William Rocktaschel professor and chairwoman of the Department of Family Medicine at the University of Rochester. She is a board-certified family physician who practices full spectrum care for children and adults at Highland Family Medicine in Rochester. Her special clinical interests include working with patients coping with post-trauma symptoms, integrating mental health care within routine primary care practice, and behavioral change to promote health and wellness. She is also involved in research and has authored numerous publications.

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55+ valentine’s Finding Love Later in Life Couples discuss getting into new relationships after 50, 60 years of age

By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

I

s finding love only for the young?

Two area couples prove that wrong.

Penfield residents Martha Welch and Peter Perine, both 84, lost their previous spouses in 2012. They met each other shortly after at the Unitarian Church in Brighton. By early 2013, they both joined Together in Grief, a church-based support program for bereaved spouses. Through the meetings, they learned they had a lot in common and formed a friendship based on mutual enjoyment of church music, theater productions, Gilbert and Sullivan operettas and travel.

“That started me off,” Perine recalled. “At that point, I invited her to go to a Gilbert and Sullivan show at the Off-Monroe Players.”

Soon, the pair was inseparable.

They began traveling together to venues, including Hawaii and the Adirondacks, and by 2016, they sold their homes and purchased a townhouse to cohabit.

Unlike many lovestruck young people, it wasn’t one specific moment where Cupid’s arrow struck.

“We had a lot of activities together and it happened,” Welch said.

They felt drawn to each other.

“We both like to travel and despite our age and all, we hit it off,” Perine said. “We almost never argue about

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

Penfield residents Martha Welch and Peter Perine, both 84, lost their previous spouses in 2012.

They met each other shortly after at the Unitarian Church in Brighton and later married. “Both of us strongly believe we don’t want to live alone,” say Perine.

For Greece residents Angelo and Marie Pantaleo (95 and 83, respectively), love drew them together in 1992. “I got the nerve to give her a quick kiss goodbye,” Angelo recalls, after meeting Marie. “I asked if I could call her later and she said OK.”

anything. Between the two of us, we were married 92 years, but not to each other. We know what to do.”

Finding love as a septuagenarian is different than as a young adult.

“You have your expectations established,” Perine said. “Both of us strongly believe we don’t want to live alone. The first time around, I don’t know if that entered into it.”

They treasure their companionship and unlike an initial marriage, it is not about building a life but sharing a life.

Until the pandemic hit, the couple traveled extensively to visit family in Florida, Philadelphia and closer to home.

Perine said that his increased patience at this stage of life has helped him build a strong relationship with Welch.

Welch has been widowed twice and is not interested in marrying again; however, she felt drawn to form a relationship with Perine.

“Peter was just a delightful person and made me laugh — and still makes

me laugh,” she said.

Perine said he enjoys all the time he spends with Welch and he “respects her deeply and affectionately.”

“We both enjoy being with each other’s families as well as each other,” he added. “All of our families in the next generation are very supportive of our arrangement.”

He advises couples to not go to bed angry with each other.

“It took me 20 or 30 years to figure that out,” he quipped.

For Greece residents Angelo and Marie Pantaleo (95 and 83, respectively), love drew them together in 1992.

Marie had been living in Long Island as a single with no other family nearby. Her brother encouraged her to move to the Rochester area to live near him. She also had a friend living in Rochester, which she thought at the time was “the boonies.”

In October 1991, she moved to Rochester and began working at Hillside as a seamstress. The following

year, she met Angelo, a widower, through a mutual friend. Marie wanted a platonic friend to join her for dinner or see a movie. Her friend gave Angelo Marie’s number and within an hour, he called.

“I walked in the house and the phone was ringing,” Marie recalled.

“He said, ‘This is Angelo’ and I didn’t know him or why he called.”

Her lackluster response made Angelo think, “Here we go; another dud!”

Despite their somewhat awkward introduction, the pair was frank, yet friendly with each other and made plans to have dinner and catch a movie. They saw “Father of the Bride” in which a man’s daughter is going to be married. Thinking of his own daughters, Angelo’s emotions rose.

“I teared up and Marie caught it,” he recalled. “I thought this takes care of the first date; goodbye!”

Instead, his expression of emotion seemed to charm Marie.

“I got the nerve to give her a quick kiss goodbye,” Angelo recalled. “I

asked if I could call her later and she said OK.” That became the beginning of their friendship that bloomed into romance. The couple married in 1993.

Marie was 54 and Angelo, 67. They weren’t looking for marriage; however, as Marie put it, “It just happened. We felt love and we’re very much in love.

The couple often completes each other’s sentences as if they are twitterpated high school seniors, not senior citizens.

Shortly after they wed, someone asked how long they had been married.

Angelo held up three fingers. The stranger asked, “Thirty years?”

“No, three months,” Angelo replied.

“People look at us and think we’ve been married forever,” Marie added.

They are both pleased at how well their grown children from their previous marriages accepted their relationship, “like a duck to water,” Angelo said.

Though the pandemic has hampered their travel bug, they enjoy

spending time together playing games together, though “I give her space so she’s not under my thumb all day long,” Angelo quipped.

Like Perine, he advises couples to “never go to bed mad, though we don’t really have arguments. I understand what she is, a good person. I won’t monkey around and try to be the boss.

Nine times out of 10, she’s right about whatever we’re discussing.”

Marie added that it’s important to give and take. “It’s got to be both ways.

Not always your own way. We hug and kiss a lot. Angelo always kisses me good night. We have that phrase on our armoire, ‘Always Kiss Me Goodnight.’

The kids say, ‘Get a room!’”

She believes that one of the advantages of marrying later is the freedom to enjoy each other without the busyness of caring for children.

“We really are in love,” Marie said.

“And we are partners,” Angelo finished.

“We don’t take each other for granted,” Marie added.

55+ love

Rekindling Romance at 55-Plus

By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

D

oes familiarity breed contempt? The adage holds true for some couples. Now that they have raised their children and have more time for each other, they may realize that the person they married seems like a stranger.

“Any problems connecting are typically highlighted at that point,” said Despina Mitchell, licensed marriage and family therapist at Eastside Marriage and Family Therapy in Rochester.

She added that by this time, most couples stop trying to make emotional connections.

Rekindling the romance starts at a much more mundane level: trying to learn about the other person.

When you first dated, you wanted to know her favorite Despina flower, song and food. You wore the dress he liked and baked him his favorite cookies. After 35 or more years of marriage, it may feel like all the mystery and excitement is gone.

Mitchell said that asking the spouse specific questions can help.

Instead of “How was your day?” ask “How did your meeting go? I was thinking about you today.”

She also recommends reading “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”

by Gary Chapman, a book about how people perceive and express affection in a relationship. The languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Spouses who experience affection differently may feel unappreciated.

Mitchell encourages couples to regularly spend quality time together.

“It could be making dinner together and talking or having 15 minutes three times a week where you genuinely ask questions about how they’re doing and what’s going on,” Mitchell said “Spend that time learning about them.”

She compared learning about one’s spouse to continuing education credits required in many professions.

Nicole Crump, licensed clinical social worker at Modern Therapy Services in Rochester, said that going back to activities enjoyed while dating can help reignite the passion.

“A lot struggle with the empty nest feelings when kids leave the house,” Crump said. “They spend so much time focusing on the children that they forget about their relationship. They’re more like roommates than lovers and best friends.”

Sometimes, only one spouse perceives the difficulty in the relationship while the other claims it is just fine or that the other spouse is “too romantic” or even that romance is for young people only.

In these cases, Crump advises the spouse who wants change to sit down and have a very specific conversation about it. “What do they feel is missing from their relationship and what do they admire about others’ relationships?”

It is helpful to use “I” statements that are very specific, such as “I always liked how you would write me a little note each Saturday” or “I like spending

time with you and want to do things together more” instead of statements like, “You never show you care about me” or “Why do you always work late and go fishing with your friends every weekend?”

A list of demands will not work well because it sounds like a to-do list.

Crump said to emphasize the emotions rather than only the action desired.

Crump said that many people feel fearful about asking for what they need emotionally. If the couple can work together to meet each other’s needs, they will experience greater intimacy.

Above all, never drudge up the past during this conversation. Crump said that tactic “negates an emotional connection. Make sure your partner knows you’re the keeper of the union, not of their failures. You need to know you’re loved unconditionally.”

Don Boice, licensed clinical social worker at Boice Counseling in Rochester, said that in addition to returning to courting behaviors, couples should also show their appreciation in specific ways, such as saying, “Thank you for filling the car with gas; that helped me out a lot” instead of only general statements like “ Yo u ’ r e t h e best.”

“That is a deeper level of appreciation,” Boice said.

Boice Notice and show appreciation for the spouse’s intrinsic qualities, not just actions.

Paying attention to details is important.

Intimacy is more than what

happens behind closed doors.

“Make sure you’re holding hands, kissing or hugging every single day-some sort of physical connection,” Boice said.

Any improvement to the relationship begins with the right mindset.

“Look for positive things you like about the person,” Boice said. “If you put the filter on to only look for positive, you’ll be happier.”

But on the other hand, a spouse should not settle for a lackluster relationship. Boice said that most of the time, it is women who feel the romance has waned. Men have a different perspective.

“I joke that there’s skid marks outside my office from the men being dragged in,” Boice said. “The guys tend to not see the relationship as needing work and women tend to see it as needing work. I’ve had a number of guys saying, ‘She’s divorcing me and I never saw it coming.’ He thinks he never needs to grow or change.”

Boice said that many men in struggling relationships tend to view their relationships as transactional.

They engaged in romance — what they needed to do to woo and win a wife — and now they no longer have to romance her. Women are more relationship-oriented and view those romantic overtures as keeping them closely bonded, not as a means to an end.

Women want to feel “close, treasured and irreplaceable” to their husbands,” Boice said. “If they feel close and loving, chances are they’ll want to be with them physically as

well.”

He related that men feel surprised by this advice to simply be nice. In just a few months, they’re also surprised at how well this works.

“A lot of people stop trying,” Boice said. “I tell people, it’s not that hard.

You have to be a good person. You have to sacrifice your need for theirs in specific ways.”

Couples should also hold realistic expectations. Neither partner can fulfill all the other’s emotional needs. That’s why other, non-romantic relationships are so important.

Many wives complain that their husbands don’t connect with them; however, they expect to connect through conversation. Most men connect better while engaged in a physical activity, whether it is painting a room, fishing or walking the dog together.

“It’s amazing how guys bond that way with each other but guys don’t bond by sitting and talking,” Boice said.

While doing an activity, they may open up more, but most women cannot count on him to fill all of their conversation needs.

Avoiding conflict will not mean a strong relationship. In fact, it can mean just the opposite: a boring relationship where real needs are stuffed down and resentment forms.

“Conflict needs to be addressed,” Boice said. “If they avoid it, they’re avoiding something very vital.

Acknowledge their perspective, but don’t persuade. Communicate the expectation. Especially for women, if you don’t communicate, remember

that men stink at mind reading.

“Men tend to be a lot simpler.

‘Cook, clean and sex’ is what I hear repeatedly as to what men want. I hate to reduce it but boy, are those big.

“For women, it’s the emotional connection. It’s the overwhelming number one need. If she’s not emotionally connected, she’ll be critical and demanding on everything else.”

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17

55+ philanthropy

Philanthropists Bill Mendick and wife Maureen McCoy.

Couple Donates Millions to Hospital, Other Nonprofits Bill Mendick and wife Maureen McCoy have donated millions to Rochester General Hospital, YMCA, St. Ann’s Community, Al Sigl Center and other groups

By John Addyman

B

ill Mendick of Rochester and his partner of 20 years, Maureen McCoy, have a special place in their hearts for Rochester General Hospital. They have, in the past few years, supported expansion and improvement of treatment facilities with gifts of more than $3.5 million.

The hospital foundation lists them as “Healthcare Heroes.”

Fate may find you being treated at

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

Rochester General — and if you notice things are new or different or just nicer than they used to be, chances are Bill and Maureen had a hand in that.

Bill Mendick came to a life of philanthropy as part of a hard-working family of community donors wellknown in the area, a story of hard work and shared accomplishment.

At the turn of the last century, Aftanas Mendick saw the promise of America as it unfolded before him in

Rochester, far from the home he left in the Ukraine in 1904.

He raised his five children in values that developed in the shadow of the lake — teamwork in a strong family structure, hard work and opportunism, the value of community and developing it, and rewarding successful labors with fun and sharing among others.

The kids — Theodore, Joseph, Cashmere, John and William — grew and prospered, sprung from a decidedly old-world culture at home.

“I didn’t really graduate from high school,” said Bill Mendick, 89, the youngest of Aftanas’ brood. “I left school. My dad had room for me to go to work in his meat market — he had two of them at the time. I learned how to cut meat and I worked there until he died.”

The meat markets owned by Aftanas — Mendick’s Market, located at 530 Joseph Ave., and Peak Supermarket, located at 976 Joseph Ave. — sold predominantly meat, vegetables and groceries. Peak Supermarket was the first in the city of Rochester to have air conditioning, according to the family.

There was some charm in that butcher shop.

Mendick remembers a young gray-eyed maiden who stopped by to smile and say “Hi.” He’d peel off a slice of the best bologna for her.

That girl went to school and became a beautician. He went to her for his haircuts.

He still does. Her name: Maureen McCoy. When Mendick’s beloved wife Margaret, who had shared his significant successes and bore him two sons, died 20 years ago, it was McCoy who helped fill the void. “She and I became an item after Margaret died,” Mendick said. “We take care of each other.”

Aftanas Mendick’s kids grew up to be generous, philanthropic community-builders, using their business gifts to build substantial real estate holdings — Bill put up 900 apartments with a variety of partners — he was a “go-fer.”

“My oldest brother, Theodore, and I always like real estate,” Mendick said.

“With the money he had — much more than I had — we bought real estate with our brother John and a brother-in-

law, Jim Coyne. We bought real estate in the neighborhood — single homes, double homes, whatever had a return on investment in the city.

“Then I snooped around and became friends with some builders and I was able to secure a building loan for 40 apartments in Irondequoit.

My partner and friend – Anthony Comparato, and his father, Nick – taught me the building business. Nick said I was a great student – if he told me something once, I’d remember it forever. Our first apartment building was on Ridge Road East. We had 350 apartments on Stone Road in Greece.”

Mendick and his brother Ted then bought out the Comparatos and built a second apartment complex on St. Paul Boulevard. Two more partners, George Cefalu and Roy Bruno, helped the Mendicks put up 454 apartments in Brighton on Crittenden Road.

In the early 1970s, Mendick partnered with Ray Shaheen and bought Timely Clothes, a local clothing company.

“My brother Ted told me I was a high-flyer. He told me, ‘I’m just a little old guy who wants to make a nice living. I’ll give you the big stuff we’re partners at, and you give me one little one so I can sit back and maybe push a little snow around myself if I feel like doing it.’ He wanted nothing to do with expanding the business. He said, “I know you’ll continue going on. God bless you: I hope you don’t go bust.’

“When we bought that clothing company, that was a departure for us.

Ted told me I was a ‘go-fer’ and when you’re a go-fer, you’re a go-fer for anything. I’m not a go-fer anymore,” Mendick said.

“Anything” included buying a business office building in Atlanta, Georgia. A friend spied the government sale and the bidding started at $15 million – with no takers. Mendick finally acquired it for $1 million and knew he had a going concern — the Internal Revenue Service was a prime tenant and wasn’t going anywhere.

Years later he sold the property with enough left over to send $1 million to each of his sons — Billy (William T.) and Michael — who have become successful in their own businesses of business parks and raising horseradish, respectively.

Eventually Mendick sold all his holdings except an apartment building in Syracuse. His wife Margaret’s

Bill Mendick and his wife, Maureen McCoy, (center) with other members of his family. Mendick’s father, Aftanas, moved to Rochester from Ukraine at the turn of the last century. Bill credits him, saying he instilled the value or hard working, teamwork and sharing with others. Photo provided. death started the pull-away, and when brother John died 10 years ago, Mendick walked away from just about everything, doing a lot of traveling, golfing … and philanthropy.

“When Margaret died, they had taken really good care of her at Rochester General Hospital,” he said.

“I thought they did a really good job.

I still say that Rochester General is the greatest hospital around here. I’ve seen a lot of people I know come through and leave RGH in good shape.”

He gave the hospital $100,000.

Three years later, his $1.5 million contribution to Rochester General helped birth the new William B. Mendick Medical Observation Unit.

When patients arrive and need to spend some time while tests finish and the hospital decides whether to admit them or not, this is where they stay in one of 24 private rooms.

And Mendick helped design the place. “There are no curtains — not in my unit,” he said. “Just doors and windows. I wanted private rooms where people could be comfortable.”

This fall, Mendick’s $2 million gift to RGH helped create the surgical care second floor at the sparkling new Sands-Constellation Center for Critical Care where surgeons began using the 23 new state-of-the-art operating

rooms in November, coupled with the 28 post-anesthesia care units.

That floor is known as the William B. Mendick Surgical Center.

Go to the RGH website (www. rochesterregional.org) and you can take a virtual tour of what Mendick has helped provide for the community.

It’s impressive.

And RGH is not only the beneficiary of the Mendick generosity.

Mendick and his brothers Ted, Cashmere and John have all been active, substantial donors to the YMCA, Al Sigl Center, Mary Cariola Children’s Center (there is a Patty Mendick Hall there), and St. Ann’s. There’s a Theodore and Cashmere Mendick Cardiac Suite and Evaluation Unit at RGH. John supported the Irondequoit ambulance and fire departments, and funded a television studio at Bishop Kearney High School.

Asked what got him started in his philanthropy, Mendick got a look on his face: he had to think about that for a moment.

The example of his older siblings was a circumstance, sure. But Maureen had the answer. “ Yo u w a n t e d t o b e t t e r t h e healthcare of the community,” she told him. “You always wanted that.”

Bill smiled. He nodded.

January / February 2021 - 55 PLUS

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55+ birds

How to Make Birds Feel at Home Around Your Place

Pileated woodpecker.

Northern cardinal.

W

hen the cold sets in, some animals hibernate.

Others migrate to warmer locations.

Instead of leaving their homes or entering stasis, many birds in New York state stay put and active throughout the coldest times of year.

These birds can offer us some much needed vibrance and stimulation during the long, cold winters of CNY. If you’re interested in attracting and admiring birds this winter, here are some helpful tips regarding food, feeder placement and safety.

Humans can unintentionally harm birds by creating scenarios for them to crash into glass, be preyed on by predators or feeding them unsafe foods, so learning the basics will help you turn your yard into a true bird haven.

55 PLUS magazine compiled information from the New York State Office of Parks, Recreation and His-

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

By Melissa Stefanec toric Preservation; Audubon New York; and The Cornell Lab of Ornithology. If you create a safe and healthy environment for our feathered friends, you can truly enjoy the beauty and the peace they offer.

• Birds that spend winter with us Birds that don’t migrate during the colder months are called over-wintering birds. In New York, we have many over-wintering songbirds.

When you are winter birdwatching, here are some of the species you may encounter: the Northern cardinal, black-capped chickadee, tufted titmouse, American tree sparrow, dark-eyed junco, downy woodpecker, pileated woodpecker, blue jay, oriole, and various nuthatches, finches, grosbeaks, wrens, pigeons and doves.

How to attract birds to your yard without food Although a birdfeeder is likely the first thing that comes to mind

when trying to attract birds to a yard, there are many things you can do to make your yard more appealing to birds.

You can plant certain plants that will attract birds, even during the winter months. Planting native trees and shrubs is ideal (for the birds and the environment at large). Fruit and berry trees, as well as shrubs such as dogwoods, hollies, chokeberries, elderberries and cherries, can provide birds with the winter forage they crave.

If you have any nest boxes, you should clear them of any sticks or debris. You can also maintain a pile of leaves in your yard. Leaf piles serve as compost. These piles attract insects that birds love to eat. Brush piles can perform similar functions and give birds a place to roost or hide.

If you like a more decorative approach, heated bird baths are a bird favorite. It can be difficult for birds to find unfrozen water in the winter. A

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heated birdbath provides them with life-preserving water.

• Feeder basics: keep it clean and location, location, location Feeding birds is a sure-fire way to lure birds to your yard (and have them stick around long enough for you to observe them). There are some best practices for feeder placement that will keep your bird curiosity sated and birds safe.

Many birds die after colliding with windows or glass doors. However, perhaps counterintuitively, you should keep feeders close to windows. Birds are more likely to notice the window if the feeder is close to it. Also, they will not be flying at top speed as they fly away from the feeder, so a collision is less likely to be lethal.

If you can’t place your feeders right next to your windows, place them close to structures (such as fences or tree lines) but not directly next to them. You want at least a 10-foot buffer. This allows birds to see predators while using the feeder and gives the birds time to flee.

You also want to keep your birdfeeder and bird feed clean and free of pests. Make sure your feed is free of insects and rodent droppings.

Regularly clean the feeder and areas around the feeder where seed debris collects. Decomposing hulls can harbor bacteria or mold that can harm birds.

These seeds have a high meat-to-shell ratio. They are high in fat and therefore a favorite food for birds trying to survive the winter. These seeds are relatively small and have thin shells.

These characteristics make it easier for birds, large and small, to handle and crack the seeds.

Perhaps, best of all, the seeds are relatively inexpensive. If you can

Dark-eyed junco.

• Certain types of food attract specific types of birds When you shop for bird food, there are a lot of options. That’s because different birds have different diets and favorite foods. Here are some over-wintering birds’ favorite foods: • Woodpeckers, wrens, and chickadees: suet and peanut butter • Nyjer or thistle: goldfinches • Millet (placed on the ground): doves and pheasants Cracked corn (placed on the ground): doves, pheasants, quail and turkeys • The “Wonder Food” Many ornithologists (bird experts) recommend one, simple bird feed to attract the largest variety of birds: black oil sunflower seeds.

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

Black-capped chickadee.

spend a little more on seeds and don’t like the mess, hulled sunflower seeds leave less mess under the feeder.

• All set to gaze These tips can help you enjoy birds in your own backyard. Taking precautions to safely attract birds will make sure you can take joy in them for months to come.

55+ photography

John Kucko stands by a frozen building in Webster near Lake Ontario. Courtesy of John Kucko.

John Kucko: Nature Photographer

W

hether it is a soothing video of a pattering waterfall or a still photo of a rustic barn, chances are, you have seen John Kucko’s work on social media.

The Penfield-based digital artist worked in broadcast media for three decades until he discovered the joy of capturing moments in digital media, now his part-time gig.

He realized as a third grader growing up in Binghamton that he wanted to be a sportscaster for his career. He studied broadcast journalism at SUNY Oswego, which led to an internship as media relations for the New England Patriots. After graduation, he anchored the sports desk for television news in Elmira, Binghamton, and his current employer, WROC

By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant TV Channel 8 in Rochester.

“I found a new passion, which is digital,” Kucko said. “The station wanted me to stay, so they let me go part-time and I started anchoring the 4 o’clock segment in July 2016. Going part-time freed me to go with digital.”

He also hosts Kucko’s Camera segment which shares what he calls “enlightening content in an otherwise depressing world of news these days.”

Since the pandemic hit, he posts on his social media a daily video which he calls “Sixty Seconds of Serenity.” It might be waves lapping on the shore of Lake Ontario or a waterfall in the Finger Lakes, but it’s always a video in nature that evokes a sense of calm.

One of his videos featured the Oswego shoreline’s wild waves battering

a lighthouse.

“Most people would disagree if that’s serenity,” Kucko said. “But in slow motion, I think there’s serenity.”

This is his second year creating a calendar featuring scenes he has captured in the Finger Lakes. Kucko donates 35% of the proceeds to a worthy cause. This year, he has raised more than $20,000 to donate through the sale of 5,400 calendars sold. He donated the funds toward improvements in Letchworth State Park, whose vistas inspired him to become a digital photographer. Last year, he gave $10,000 to the United Way of Greater Rochester through sales of his calendars. He also sells prints to those who ask.

Nearly 92,000 people follow his Facebook page since he founded it January / February 2021 - 55 PLUS

23

Webster near Lake Ontario. Courtesy John Kucko. four years ago.

Despite his successes, he does not consider himself a photographer.

“There are people who are very talented in this and I learned it on my own,” he said.

He has also asked help from experienced photographers but most of his skill he developed on his own.

He calls his enterprise “John Kucko Digital” because he captures both still digital photos and digital video to post digitally. He also hosts Facebook Live videos.

“It’s a full realm of digital; photographers are pure photographers who went to school for this,” Kucko said.

“They’re great. I do take pictures, but I probably do more videos. I do storytelling, like history and nostalgia and documenting stuff.”

Along with the photos, he posts captions describing what is happening or interesting history about the area.

“Photography is a small part of it,” Kucko said. “Moving picture and sound is what I was bright up with.

I like doing neat, cool compelling videos.”

He described his method for finding subjects as “going out and following my instincts.”

He also receives tips from his social media followers as to good places to shoot, such as historic places.

“I rely on my followers quite a bit,” Kucko said. “A lot of it is things I see in my travels. When I’m driving, I pay attention all around, peripherally. If A building intrigues me, I take photos after getting permission. I enjoy it.”

Kucko loves Americana and is a 24

55 PLUS - January / February 2021

Watkins Glen at south end of Seneca Lake.

self-described country boy. He likes documenting barns with both images and a write-up on who owned them, how they used them and how they are important for rural history. For the past three years, he posts a Friday Farm Feature. Octagonal barns are a particular favorite, along with carriage houses, which are often used for more modern purposes these days such as a garage or home.

Kucko hopes to make a coffee table book of his photos. Many of his followers have suggested the project.

He also wants to travel more once the pandemic permits; however, for now, he’s content to see what New York offers.

“We have plenty of treasures around us,” Kucko said.

O

Kucko’s wife, Charla, works in public relations and marketing at McDougal Communications in Rochester. The couple married in 1990 and have two daughters who appear to be following in their parent’s footsteps.

Caroline is a sophomore studying marketing at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and Natalie is a news reporter for 13WHAM News.

On election day, Kucko and Natalie covered a news story at the same site for competing news outlets at Susan B. Anthony’s gravesite.

“At one point we were on the air at the same time 15 feet apart,” Kucko said.

Though “competitors,” he sounded proud of the unusual moment.

Winter Photography

utdoor winter photography offers its own challenges and opportunities.

Photographer John Kucko of Penfield likes winter best of all the seasons for the dramatic images wintertime provides for his art photography.

“I’ve had some of my biggest viral hits in the winter,” he said of the photos he posts to social media. “I love shooting ice and showcasing ice. Winter is when we see the most beauty. I love seeing waterfalls in their frozen state.”He also shoots the frozen

shoreline along Lake Ontario.

In addition to the dramatic scenery, Kucko enjoys shooting in winter because it’s peaceful and more solitary as he’s outdoors seeking shots.

“In winter, people generally don’t like to brave the cold and elements,” Kucko said.

The glare of sun on snow or lowering clouds full of snow bring plenty of contrast to wintertime photography. A self-taught photographer, Kucko advises trialand-error for finding the best angles and lighting during the winter months.

Here, retirement is a verb.

Look up retirement in any dictionary and it says it’s a noun.

It also says it’s when you withdraw from an active life.

Obviously they didn’t stop by The Village at Unity when they wrote such nonsense. Here retirement is proudly a verb and when you live life with gusto!

Come see what we mean. Call (585) 209-3785 to schedule your virtual or in-person tour. And bring your dictionary and a pen. It’s time to do a little editing.

Independent Living • Assisted Living • Memory Care

1471 Long Pond Road • Rochester, NY 14626 (585) 209-3785 • TheVillageAtUnity.com

55+ cover REV. MYRA BROWN

Fighting for Social Justice Rev. Brown played important role during Daniel Prude’s protests. She says she wants to be a ‘bridge’ to build ‘a better city and a better group of human beings’

By Christine Green

“I had a dream, and in this dream I was standing on the altar, and there was kind of a sea of people out in front of me.”

Rev. Myra Brown had this dream when she was a lay minister at Rochester’s Corpus Christi Church in the late 1990s. What could it mean?

She wasn’t sure, but it came again and this time she knew there was a message in it.

“I thought maybe this was just an affirmation of being at Corpus, that 26

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God was giving me this visual dream that, ‘I’ve called you to these people.’”

But in 1998 Rochester’s Catholic Diocese would drop a hammer on her ministry at Corpus Christi by firing her and the church’s leadership for allowing women to have a prominent role at the altar during mass, acknowledging marriage equality, and allowing all people to partake of communion.

“I thought, well, then that dream doesn’t make any sense. ‘That’s cruel

God, why would you give me this dream of me on the altar with this sea of people, only to come in and fire us all?”

Little did she know that this wasn’t an end to her work as a minister — it was just the beginning.

“I got in this to be a healer” Brown, 55, was first called to minister to the sick as a licensed practical nurse when she was 18 and took a job at the Rochester Psychiatric

Rev. Myra Brown, pastor of Spiritus Christi Church in Rochester, photographed by Chuck Wainwright on Nov. 17 at her church.

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Rev. Brown at her Spiritus Christi Church. Photo by Christine Green

Center. While there, she organized patient groups to help them cope with their afflictions.

“These groups that I started running on my own were to give them back their social skills. What was happening was that they did get them back, but they also were getting back a sense of humanity that really they had lost.”

She enjoyed serving the patients, but she felt constricted by a lack of resources and support.

“It was more about housing people with psychiatric illness, than it was about helping them to heal from some of those things and transform behavior,” said Brown. “I just thought, that’s not the kind of nurse I want to be. I got in this to be a healer.”

Eventually she took a job at Unity Family Medicine at St. Mary’s as a nurse working with brain injury patients.

In the midst of her nursing work she got the call to bring healing to the faithful. She had been attending St. Bridget’s Catholic Church and sang in their choir since she was 16. It was a special, loving church that she felt proud to be a member.

She took her faith outside of the 28

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church building, too. “I loved any opportunity to preach or street witness with my friends or go to another church and be part of an altar call they were doing. I volunteered with the Billy Graham crusades, I went into schools with other churches to do ministry, and I just loved it.”

One day the parish priest asked her to preach at an upcoming service, but she resisted. It had been a hard year for Brown. Her grandmother, her children’s father, and her mother died between late 1990 and early 1991.

She felt tired and didn’t think that she could take on the responsibility of preaching.

She prayed on it and didn’t feel any guidance in response and assumed that meant she shouldn’t preach. But later, when she was cleaning the house, she felt a literal pull on her shirt. She stopped in her tracks.

“I went upstairs to my room and I dropped to my knees and I said, ‘God are you calling me?’ And I heard an audible voice just like I’m talking to you, and the voice said, ‘Yes, I’m calling you to preach and teach my word.’”

In in 1992 she took a job as a lay minister at Corpus Christi Church

in Rochester. They were looking to diversify their predominantly white staff.

At the Forefront of History Her time at Corpus Christi was a happy one until the diocese fired several staff for the above-mentioned reasons. But being fired didn’t stop Brown, Rev. Mary Ramerman, Father James Callan and others from working together to form the Independent Catholic Church, Spiritus Christi in 1999.

Brown was still in nursing as well as doing ministerial work with Spiritus when she decided to return to college in 2014 for her bachelor’s degree in religion. She then entered Colgate Rochester Crozer Divinity School for her master’s in theology.

Not long after Brown started graduate school, Rev. Ramerman was ready to retire as the pastor of Spiritus, and the leadership team started a search for a new pastor.

“I just really felt called to be the next pastor. I just didn’t know how, I didn’t know when, I didn’t know where. You know it’s hard to know that when you’re a Roman Catholic

woman. But I always knew that God could do anything in my life. God has always done the miraculous and has always sustained me.”

In 2017 Brown was ordained by Bishop Christine Mayr Lumetzberger of Austria. She was only the third African American woman ordained a priest in the Independent Catholic Church. In 2018 she was given the pastorship of Spiritus Christi Church.

For parishioners like Terri Pease seeing a woman at the altar was significant.

“It’s really important. There are lots of women in the world. It’s not a man’s world, it’s a ‘people’ world,” she said. “To see a woman on the altar, sees me, centers me. It makes me feel like I belong, like I am worthy, like we are worthy. And we are. So, for me, it’s really important.”

Father James Callan saw all that Brown has had to overcome to reach this point and admired her perseverance.

“She has had to battle sexism and racism in the church and in society. So that has been a constant struggle for her,” said Callan.

Brown’s longtime friend and Spiritus parishioner, Jonathan Leach, said: “[I] always knew she was destined for great things, but she was very humble about it. She didn’t boast and she didn’t brag about her position.

She served. Whatever they asked her to do at the church, she was willing to do it.”

Kindness Matters Brown is known for leading her congregation with kindness, empathy and a deep commitment to her faith.

“I would say that she is such an empathetic person that other people’s pain can make her cry. She has an incredibly, deeply feeling heart,” said parishioner Mary Heveron-Smith.

Heveron-Smith recalled when she made the difficult decision to admit her mother to a memory care unit. That Sunday at mass she couldn’t hold back the tears. Brown saw her and knew she needed support.

“She just looked at me before giving me communion, and she said, ‘You need a hug.’ And, of course, I did need a hug, and I fell apart. But she sensed that I needed something more. I needed physical assurance

Photo by Christine Green

that she was there for me, that God was there for me. And so, it really was a very tender moment for me, and I felt affirmed that we had found our church.”

Father Callan choked up when he talked about Brown’s kindness and love for her community. He told 55 Plus about her dedication to helping those in need find housing and how she will drop everything to spend the night with someone in the hospital in order to provide comfort and support.

“She’s a very kind person, which comes through no matter what she’s dealing with. She can be confronting police or confronting really negative racial attitudes, but she always does it with love and kindness. And she does it in a strong way but in a loving way so that’s a really good quality I think when you’re dealing with controversial topics like dismantling racism.”

The Fight for Racial Justice Brown has always been called

to fight for racial justice and in the early 2000s she formed the group known today as Spiritus Anti-Racism Coalition (SPARC).

“I started doing [anti-racism] training for people here at church and really talking about structural and institutional racism and what we might do. And so that started our work. We looked at practices within our own church, spoke out about those. We looked at and we responded to racism that was happening in our community and we organized our anti-racism team around those things,” said Brown.

Heveron-Smith is a member of SPARC who said that the work they do is vital to creating a healthy community.

“It is the work of the moment; it is the work to look back with a really honest eye and honest lens and to right the injustices and to move forward as a community and see what we can do to make a better world.”

When George Floyd was murdered in Minneapolis last March, January / February 2021 - 55 PLUS

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SPARC joined the public call for justice. Then, in August, Rochester Mayor Lovely Warren called a group of Black faith leaders together to discuss issues of racial injustices in the community. Brown wanted the mayor to understand that the current structure of policing in the United States was flawed.

“I said to her, ‘You know that this policing system was created in 1819. It was patterned after slave patrols, and most Black people were either slaves or indentured servants so there’s no way that the policing system in this country was ever designed to give public safety to people of color. It was designed to attend to white anxiety and to protect white wealth and property, and to monitor and to control Black and brown bodies because they are now free in America. But we’ve never reckoned with it. We’ve never even collectively acknowledged it, we just sort of put new language on it and call it public safety, but people of color have never been safe.’”

Mayor Warren assured her that Rochester didn’t suffer from the unjust policing plaguing the rest of the country.

Then the Daniel Prude footage was released in September, and it became clear that Rochester did indeed have a problem.

Protesters once again took to the streets. Brown was dismayed by how the police treated them.

“I saw the system of power at work on the streets and I was outraged.

Because there was a lack of systemic humility, there was a lack of a systemic acknowledgement of harm done. And there was a lack of systematic effort to create healing and space for grief.

There was this culture of punishment for even attempting to be upset by what happened to Daniel Prude.”

On the night of Sept. 5 things came to a head. SPARC partnered with other groups in Rochester to support protesters. Late that evening, after Brown had left the church, she got a call from the church’s operations manager, Davis Craig. He reported that police had trapped protesters on Fitzhugh Street, where Spiritus Christi Church is, without any exit. They shot rubber bullets and deployed tear gas.

Craig encouraged protestors to come

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inside the church to find safety.

Brown immediately reached out to then Police Chief La’Ron Singletary.

“This cannot happen. My church is a sanctuary space, it is sacred space they have no right to be shooting people outside of my church and attacking them,” said Brown.

“I said, ‘La’Ron I’m not playing with you.’ I said, ‘Listen, I need to make sure that all of our people there in that church can get out of that church and get out safely. Your officers need to stand down.’”

Eventually the protesters were able to leave the church safely. Parishioners like Pease were impressed that Brown took the steps to make sure the church was a safe space during the protests.

“One of the things I really liked was when Rev. Myra opened up the church as an actual sanctuary for people to be safe. I thought that was really something. It takes a lot of courage to do that.”

“I came and I preached the next morning. And it was all about this issue and social justice and racial justice and this policing system,” said Brown “And when I was done, I called the mayor, and I said, ‘You and I need to talk about what happened last night because that can never happen again.’”

The protests weren’t over though, and Brown had an idea for that evening’s event. The night before, Shirley and Jim Thompson had suggested that a small group of community elders come to the protest to serve as a buffer between police and protesters. It was too small a number though, so Brown suggested that they try again but with more people.

“For me the eldership model was a cultural model. The elders knew how to come alongside their community. Elders are not necessarily older people but people who have lived into some wisdom, and know how to hold people’s anger, how to hold their grief, how to affirm people who are traumatized, how to validate the harm that’s been done to people and how to challenge systems and be a buffer for our community. So that’s the model and the purpose of elders. And so [Mayor] Lovely knew that because she’s an African American woman, and I knew that, and so she agreed to let me try it “ About 100 elders answered the

call and it was the most peaceful night since the beginning of the protests in reaction to the death of Daniel Prude.

Leach and his husband were very involved in the protests and he joined the elder line that night.

“We sang, and we prayed. It was just moving to see her leadership as far as getting the elders involved, as far as what the elders should know, the information that they needed, the things that could happen. And it was just amazing.”

As the month unfolded, protests continued and in mid-September protesters created a camp in front of city hall, just down the street from Spiritus. On Sept. 16, Brown left the church to find a heated scene outside.

Officers were yelling at protesters, cars were getting towed, people were getting arrested.

“I walked up to the officer and I said, ‘I want to be arrested if you’re arresting these people because they don’t get out of the street and they won’t clear the area. I’m telling you that I’m not going to clear the area either. I’m not going to get out of the street either. So, if you’re going to arrest them, then you’re going to have to arrest me, too.”

The officers didn’t want to arrest Brown, and the volatile situation calmed because of her quick and selfless act.

Leach was moved to see Brown take a stand that day. “For me it was amazing to see a person of color, a Black woman, standing in front of the police like that.”

“That’s the role that I see myself in is to be that bridge, to risk something of myself, to risk something of my life, to make sure that I’ve done everything I can to get us to bend that arc of justice,” said Brown. “To bend it toward justice and to make sure that we become a better city and a better group of human beings. “ When Brown isn’t fighting for social justice or preaching at church, she enjoys spending time with her family and singing. When she stands back and looks at her life since she first had that dream, she knows it meant something very special.

“That dream was prophetic to this moment that I’m in. So, it wasn’t about Corpus. It was about Spiritus, and I just didn’t know it.”

55+ diversity

decent conversation.”

That’s why Diversity Café, a monthly online discussion/action group hosted by Project URGE, is a critical tool for those directly impacted by poverty and racism — and for those suburban outliers who feel completely insulated and detached from the issues.

Diversity Café, on the third Saturday of each month from 11 a.m. to 12 noon, brings people of differing races, cultures, economic backgrounds and faith affiliations virtually together on Zoom for candid discussions on systemic racism, poverty and inequality.

Is it real?

Diversity Café participants tackle issues of racism and injustice at a recent online meeting. Image by Melody Burri

Project URGE Forum Tackles Racism, Violence Nonprofit embraces dialogue, action to bring solutions, equity, justice

By Melody Burri

A

s demonstrators ramp up locally and across the nation in protest of racial inequality and police violence, hope for a lasting resolution might seem further out of reach than ever.

But for members of Rochesterbased nonprofit Project URGE, Inc. it’s not. They believe meaningful solutions can and must be crafted through open dialogue, education and social action.

“The racial divide is real,” said Project URGE board member Rev. Phillip Hounshell. “It’s a part of the fabric of the United States for people of color. And we’ve felt it all along — we always feel it. Because you can’t hide your color. Wherever you go, you’re going to experience some kind of angst. You’re always walking with some kind of anxiety about whether you’re being judged, or fitting in, or getting a fair shake.”

P ro j e c t U R G E f o u n d e r a n d

chairman Garry Manuel said the growing unrest has a disturbingly familiar ring.

“The political turmoil and the divisiveness we’re experiencing also happen to be shaded by race,” said Manuel. “And the COVID-19 crisis has once again affected people along the poverty line greater than others.

Typically when that happens and people are hurting, the violence goes up — and along with it, the arrests.”

Recent shootings and the passing of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, he said, will likely thrust the nation right back into the heat of the mid-1960s.

“Before it was just lying dormant and people were willing to go through life the way they are,” said Hounshell of increasing racial backlash. “But now it’s bubbled up and we’re forced to deal with it. The hope is there will be resolution, that things will get better.

But not without a fight. Not without

Ironically, the first challenge for people who’ve never experienced racism first hand is acknowledging that it actually exists, said Hounshell, who serves as associate pastor at Rochester Bible Baptist Church, programmer analyst for the Rochester City School District, and co-owner of Shimmys Southern Kitchen and Barbeque on East Ridge Road.

“They don’t see that there are inequalities,” he said. “They believe the world is good and everybody has the same opportunities. They’ve been conditioned all their life to believe that.”

But the country was built on racism, on white supremacy, he said.

And that’s been the foundation for generations of structural racism, of institutionalized racism.

Others may agree that oppression and inequities exist, but still don’t feel any need to become involved.

“If they’re not the perpetrator of the injustices going on,” he said, “they don’t really believe they have to do anything about it.”

The ongoing Diversity Café discussion, informed by Brenda Salter McNeil’s book “Becoming Brave: Finding the Courage to Pursue Racial Justice Now,” is aimed at countering that belief.

Speak up

Candyce Singletary, an active member of Rochester ’s Police Accountability Board Alliance, Enough is Enough and Black Panthers of Rochester, leads the Diversity Café interaction.

Singletary emphasizes the need for January / February 2021 - 55 PLUS

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all to acknowledge the reality of racial injustice and speak out against it.

“Not talking about racism doesn’t stop racism,” said Singletary. “It doesn’t negate the fact that it exists or will continue to exist. It’s happening whether you talk about it or not. The question is, how can we help?”

Unfortunately, she said, people have a tendency to remain silent because it’s an uncomfortable conversation.

“They’re more comfortable not engaging because of what could happen, so they don’t say anything,” said Singletary. “But we have to get out of the place where comfort trumps integrity, where comfort trumps character or moral obligations. Just being quiet and standing back makes you complicit, because by not saying anything or taking a stand, you’re telling the world it’s OK for racism to continue.”

So instead of holding fast to differing opinions and just walking away, it’s the responsibility of people of faith to speak up on the behalf of others, Hounshell said.

“Sometimes loving someone means challenging them beyond the area of their current belief,” said Hounshell. “Am I willing to stand up, to enter into other people’s lives even if they don’t have my same beliefs or don’t look like me or walk like me? Do I want the best for them?”

The fight for equality and justice is not a new one, said Singletary, and it’s especially not new in 2020.

“People say the system is broken, but it’s not,” she said. “It was created this way from the start and it’s running the way it was intended to run.”

Systemic racism in various forms continues to maintain racial inequality for people of color in wealth, employment, housing, health care, politics, education and the criminal justice system.

“It’s a cycle that we can’t break alone,” said Singletary. “It cannot be toppled without help. We need our white allies. They’re on the boards and panels that can influence. They have the voice to make things happen, and they’re the ones who need to find bravery within their circles.”

Project URGE’s Garry Manuel agrees.

“This is something I need to confront for myself, for my God and 32

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for my community,” he said. “What’s happening now in Rochester is an affront to God and to our society. This is not for the faint of heart. It’s not a love fest. I wish it was easier. We have to be intent and believe this is something God is telling us to do. I’m astonished that we can acknowledge that this is a huge issue in our country and yet continually go about our business as if it’s nothing.”

What about crime

“People talk a lot about Black on Black crime, but you don’t often hear about white on white crime, Asian on Asian crime,” said Singletary. “The fact is, people commit crimes against the people who are near them. We are overpoliced in Rochester, but the police can’t fix the causes of crime. They can’t fix that people are impoverished, that there’s not a livable wage, that the head of a single family household has to work two or three jobs — these are not issues that are fixable by police.”

“The shootings and killings in Rochester and across the nation are a result of this imbalance, of impoverished neighborhoods, of the inequity of how we live as people of color, said Singletary.

“Those are the things we have to solve,” she said. “And we need to love each other enough to help lift each other up.”

Be available

When it comes to finding solutions, Hounshell said “you can only play the role you’re called to play, so just make yourself available.”

He said people often ask themselves: Who am I to try to reach out into our community? What do I have to bring to the table? What am I going to do to make a real change?

“I don’t always feel that I have the tools or resources,” Hounshell said.

“But I do have that drive that God puts in my spirit that says ‘just step out and I’ll do the rest.’”

It’s not your ability that counts. It’s your availability he said.

It’s that kind of thinking that drives Hounshell to partner with other Rochester clergy in MCATCP — Monroe County Alliance for Transformation of Community and Police. For months the group has held public forums to “try to have more of an advocacy with law enforcement to

work through a process of change,” said Hounshell.

Together we stand Manuel expressed concern at the weight and fatigue of confronting racism head on and working together for change.

“We’re entering a climate of such turmoil,” he said. “It’s lonely when you’re trying to fight this mentality.

Sharing together will make us stronger than if we just stayed in our houses and had our own opinions. But I don’t think we can continue in isolation — we won’t survive. We need to be fortified. We have to inspire each other and keep everyone engaged.”

There’s so much work to do, so many injustices to address, so much change that’s needed on a grand scale and on a personal level. It can be overwhelming, agreed Hounshell.

And when you pile the COVID-19 pandemic on top of the generationsold cycle of systemic racism, “people all over are feeling anxiety, a state of depression because they don’t want to continue to go through this same cycle any more,” said Hounshell.

So how should people try to encourage others to stay the course and not lose hope? How do they keep standing strong and standing up for justice and equality?

“We need a sense of self,” said Hounshell. “I’m not God and I was not called to be God. God has called me to be a voice for him at this point in time. It’s up to him to make change.

So get alone and pray. Take the time to refresh yourself.

“And if we can get to the point where I can see your value and you can see mine, we can get above this,” he said. “Love your neighbor. Equality for all. One body, one nation. If we can get to that point we’ll move the needle a little bit further.”

If and when that happens, “it’s going to be good for everyone,” said Manuel.

“We’re going to improve things for Black people but it’s going to improve things for everyone,” he said. “By working on inequality and working to heal the racial divide, it’s not just a blessing to Black people, it’s a blessing to our whole society.”

To join the conversation, email prourgephounshell@gmail.com.

55+ lgbtq+ A Love Letter to the Community In a new book, Jeannie Gainsburg of Pittsford addresses common questions about the LGBTQ+ community, current appropriate vocabulary, tools for advocacy and much more

By Christine Green

S

hortly after her 40th birthday, Jeannie Gainsburg of Pittsford read a book about women’s suffrage. She allowed herself a moment to daydream about being back in time, side by side with Susan B. Anthony as they fought together for equal rights.

“Suddenly hit me what a hypocrite I was being!” “‘There are all these civil rights fights going on right now in your lifetime [and] you haven’t done anything about it,’” she recalls telling herself.

Gainsburg realized that the fight for social justice in Rochester and the wider world was not over by a long shot.

It was time to stop daydreaming and take action. The next day she called the Gay Alliance — today known as the Out Alliance — in Rochester and asked if she could volunteer.

Seventeen years have come and gone and Gainsburg has become a trusted and admired ally of the LGBTQ+ in Rochester and beyond.

Gainsburg started volunteering at Out Alliance immediately. Then, after a

Jeannie Gainsburg of Pittsford worked for more than 15 years at Gay Alliance — today known as the Out Alliance. Last year, she published a book about the LGBTQ+ in Rochester and beyond. couple of years, she was hired as a staff member. She stayed with them for 15 years and she spent the last five as the education director.

In March last year, Gainsburg released her book, “The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate” (Rowman & Littlefield 2020). The book is a must read for anyone wishing to support the LGBTQ+ community. It’s a smart, motivating and practical guide to being an ally.

She addresses common questions about the LGBTQ+ community, current appropriate vocabulary, tools for advocacy and much more. It’s been said that authors must write the book they themselves wish to read, and Gainsburg wished she had a book like hers when she started on her path as an ally.

“I wanted a guidebook,” said Gainsburg. “I wanted someone to hand me a guidebook that said, here’s how you know what to say and what not to say and how to not mess up. I was so scared that I was going to offend

someone accidentally, because I didn’t know the correct terms.”

But years of advocacy has taught her that all humans make mistakes, herself included.

“I am constantly learning; I am constantly making mistakes just like everybody else and figuring out how to move forward and get it right next time.”

Ally for social justice Anne Wakefield met Gainsburg a decade ago at Out Alliance. She wrote grants for them, then later served as the organization’s interim executive director. Today she is the chief operating officer for a small company in the area. Reading Gainsburg’s book helped her embrace the idea that no one has to be perfect to be an ally for social justice.

“What really resonated with me was the fact that we don’t have to be perfect. It’s the idea of the effort, and the trying and being respectful that makes a difference to the community.

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And I, as a member of the community, I would agree with that.”

Throughout the book, Gainsburg reinforces the notion of “assumption of good intent,” meaning that learning can happen in those spaces of mistakes. If a person makes a mistake with gender terms, for example, it is conducive to growth and connection if there is always the assumption that the person was trying their best to do and say the right thing.

“To me, assuming good intent is setting the tone for a conversation, it’s not in exchange for a conversation,” she said. “So, we still have the conversation, we still talk about the intent of someone’s language, but we do it with that assumption of goodwill.”

Scott Fearing also met Gainsburg at Out Alliance when he worked there as education director. Today he is manager of diversity education at the University of Rochester. He was impressed by Gainsburg’s thoughtful and thorough book since he believes that allies are important to all communities.

“I understood the power of allies. And I’ve always tried to tell my fellow LGBTQ+ community members that we need to embrace and welcome our allies,” he said.

He said that Gainsburg’s book does a great job of outlining what allyship is and isn’t. It isn’t speaking for a marginalized group. It’s about supporting the community and educating others.

“There are times and places where we can’t speak for other groups that we’re not part of. And she got that. But there are also times and places where we have to speak

to our peers. So, I’ve got to speak to other white men when I hear them say racist, sexist, ageist things, right? I need to speak up to them and say, ‘You know, I really don’t find that funny,’ or ‘Why is that funny to you?’”

Gainsburg also facilitates workshops and said that she focuses on allyship and ally education in her sessions since she herself is not a part of the LGBTQ+ Book published last March community.

by Jeannie Gainsburg.

“I think there’s some real value in allies talking to allies and supporting each other, and again that gets down to that, ‘I’m scared to death I’m gonna make a mistake,’ and sometimes if there’s a community member in the room, [attendees] are less likely to talk because they’re so embarrassed about their question possibly being an ignorant question.”

Book for 55 year olds

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

Gainsburg said that “The Savvy Ally” is a book with a rather wide audience, but that in many ways particularly appeals to those in the 55-plus community. She remarked that in many cases people over 50 never even heard the word “gay” during their school years and thus never received any education about the LGBTQ+ community.

“How are we expected to know the correct language when we never got that education? And so I think mostly what I’m seeing is curiosity. A lot of folks saying, ‘This affects me. I have a gay child,’ or ‘my grandchild came out as trans.’ And really, mostly people want to do the right thing and again are really scared of using very outdated language. They just kind of need the tools to know how to be respectful.”

Fearing, the manager of diversity education at UofR, found the book, “fun, it’s approachable” with a glossary, personal anecdotes, and quick quizzes. “Yet at the same time,” he said, “there is that element of scholarly wisdom that goes with it. She created something that I never would have had the skills to do. And did it in a way that is just so astonishing.”

Wakefield loved hearing her friend’s true voice come to life on every page.

“So much of Jeannie’s personality was coming through as I was reading it,” said Wakefield. “To me it was kind of a love letter to the community.”

55+ finance Financial Resolutions: Start 2021 Off on the Right Foot

By Deborah Jeanne Sergeant

H

ave you made a New Year ’s resolution to start exercising, drink more water, stress less or lose that extra 20 pounds?

All of these can improve your health; however, it is also important to look for ways to improve your financial health in these turbulent times.

“The COVID-19 pandemic has hit people and companies with the lowest amount in cash and investments the hardest,” said Diana Apostolova, financial consultant and retirement planning specialist with Rochester Investments in Rochester.

That is why she believes that saving up a bigger reserve of cash or creating more easily accessed resources can be helpful for many people who are still working.

“People who didn’t have enough saved and lost their jobs had little to rely on,” she said. “The small businesses that had to comply with the lockdown saw their revenues disappear and sadly many of them went out of business. With that in mind the biggest lesson from 2020 is the value of savings.”

S h e w a n t s m o re p e o p l e t o maximize their savings and to increase their investments.

“Being self-reliant has never proven more relevant than we’ve experienced this past year,” Apostolova added. “Having a piece of mind as it comes to money and health is so critical and I’ll encourage everyone to

make it a priority.”

She also thinks that minimizing debt is a good idea.

Mortgage debt is not as troubling as revolving debt, since mortgage debs uses simple interest, often at low rates. A home mortgage is related to a marketable asset. Credit cards often charge very high interest and charge interest on interest.

Paying off credit card debt may seem daunting; however, many people assume that paying the minimum monthly payment will eventually take care of the debt. Actually, this causes the debt to snowball.

“Never pay just the minimum on debt,” said Jerry Christopher, an agent who has worked 36 years with State Farm Insurance in Webster. “Always pay more than what is owed.

Consolidating credit card debt onto one interest-free offer can make a big difference since much of the monthly payment is comprised of interest. Divide the sum owed by the number of months in the interest-free account offer. For example, debt of $15,000 for an 18-month interest free offer would mean payments of $833.33 per month. If you could not afford this, continue to pay down the debt until it is manageable. $13,500 in debt would mean payments of a minimum of $750 per month for 18 months. While making the no-interest payments, do not charge anything.

Christopher also advises buying whole life insurance instead of term life insurance if possible; however,

for those with short-term debt, term life insurance may be better until it’s paid off.

“Whole life insurance will always be there for you,” he said. “With term, you can cancel that Christopher policy after the debt is gone. There’s also credit life insurance if you have a car loan. “ That can protect survivors from losing the vehicle.

Some mid-life and older people who have certain health issues assume that they can no longer buy life insurance. Christopher said that’s not always the case.

“There are companies that offer it to people who have cancer and ‘uninsurable’ issues,” he said. “They’re extremely expensive, but if you live past that certain period of time, that life insurance will pay out when you pass away. Never say, ‘I can’t get life insurance’ because you should be able to get it.”

This year resolve to keep better records of your finances. Whether in paper or digital files, orderly financial record can help you at tax time and when financial planning.

January / February 2021 - 55 PLUS

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55+ estate planning

Estate Planning Environment Under President-Elect Joe Biden

By Jason Livingston, Esq.

O

n Nov.7, a few days after the 2020 presidential election cycle, former Vice President Joe Biden was declared by various media and other outlets to be the President-elect.

Financial and legal advisers have been combing through President-elect Biden’s proposed tax plan for months in preparation for this possibility and the direct impact it could have on many of their clients. Estate planning attorneys are no different, as there are potentially significant estate tax implications brought forth by the proposed plan that could result in the necessary overhaul of many clients’ current estate plans.

According to the estate tax laws for 2021, the federal gift and estate tax exemption amount (the amount that an individual can transfer without paying any taxes) for an individual is $11.7 million. For married couples, this means $23.4 million of available exemption. In New York state, the 2020 individual exemption amount is $5.85

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

million. The state exemption for 2021 and the following years will see these amounts rise even higher as they are adjusted for inflation. However, the current laws controlling the federal exemption amount is set to sunset (expire) as of Dec. 31, 2025. After Jan. 1, 2026, these exemptions will reduce by nearly 50%.

President-elect Biden has outlined numerous potential changes he would like to make to the estate tax landscape during his administration. One change most estate planning attorneys and financial advisers note is the potential for accelerating the sunset for the current exemption amounts. PresidentElect Biden has indicated that he would like to bring the exemption amounts as low as $3.5 million per individual.

However, making this change would require passage by the Senate. At the time of the preparation of this article, the final political make-up of the Senate remains unknown, pending the results of the runoff election for two Senate seats in Georgia in January

2021. If the Republicans remain in control of the Senate following the runoff elections, it may be difficult for laws such as this to be passed, but not impossible if bipartisan efforts result in votes favoring the proposed changes.

In addition, President-elect Biden has also discussed potential increases to capital gains taxes and removing the “step-up in basis” provisions of the current tax code that have allowed clients numerous tax-saving opportunities in the past. Both of these changes could drastically impact most clients’ current estate plans.

The shift from President Trump to President-elect Biden should provide clients with the impetus to begin an open dialogue with their financial and legal advisers regarding the potentially shifting estate-tax environment. Many advisers may see clients making large gifts in anticipation of the regime change in the coming months. Estate planning attorneys in particular are placing a premium on flexible plans, which allow clients of any net-worth

to weather the unknown political environment and numerous potential tax law changes. For those who are unsure whether now is the right time to make changes to their estate plan — it is important to keep in mind the current climate of COVID-19 and the economic stress felt by many. It is likely that any tax changes relating to estate taxes will be delayed as President-elect Biden first tackles what many consider to be the key priorities for his incoming administration (such as the current pandemic).

In the event any of these changes come to fruition in the very near future, many clients will be looking to their attorneys and advisers to assist with what will likely become more sophisticated, expanded and tailored planning than what has been traditionally needed in the past to avoid large tax bills upon death.

Clients can be assured that their advisers are closely watching these potential changes and are always available to strategize any possible tax landscape and resulting changes to a client’s current plan.

Estate planning has always faced a certain amount of uncertainty based on the natural fluidity that can accompany changes in laws — it is this comfort with uncertainty that will allow estate planning attorneys and advisers to help clients make the best choices for not only their futures, but the financial futures and well-being of their families for decades to come, no matter the political backdrop.

Jason Livingston is a trusts and estates attorney at the Law Offices of Pullano & Farrow. He concentrates his practice in the areas of estate planning, business succession planning, long-term care planning, estate administration, trust administration and guardianship petitions. He can be reached at 585730-4773. For more information, visit https://lawpf.com

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55+ hobbies Part of the allure of a Pachinko machine is the artwork and graphic package. A flat, vinyl-like art layer forms the foundation of what you see on the machine. Dan Welch works with colleagues to replace and reconstruct this artwork on machines being restored.

Dan Welch: A Passion for Pachinko Hilton resident is one of the few in the country who refurbishes Pachinko machines. He buys, sells, fixes them and has customers all over the United States

By John Addyman

W

alk into Dan Welch’s garage on the shore of Lake Ontario in Hilton and the first thing you notice is that there are five Pachinko machines sitting on his workbench.

There are at least three more — one in pieces and boxes — on the floor.

And you ask, “That is a Pachinko machine and why are there a bunch of these Japanese gaming machines in a garage in Hilton?”

There is magic in the answer, quite literally.

Welch, 69, has more Pachinkos in his house next door. He collects them.

He sells them. And a bit more than six years ago he found that he could make a living in a cottage industry few know exists: refurbishing Pachinkos for customers all over the United State.

He has fans who visit his website

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(www.magicpachinkorestorations. com), read his blog, catch him at shows or call him on word-of-mouth referrals.

He’s one of fewer than a dozen people in America who do what he does.

So far, Welch has restored 128 machines. He has seven more lined up to keep him busy through Christmas, and has a couple more being shipped to him.

But just what is a Pachinko?

You might remember seeing some news coverage about Pachinkos in the 1970s, stories about Pachinko parlors where a family might share dinner and game night. Pachinkos are a little bit of a cross between a pinball machine and a slot machine.

Each Pachinko is about 21 inches wide and 32 inches high, maybe 7 or 8 inches deep. They weigh 40 pounds, and have a 10-volt electrical

system. So, you can put a bunch of them on your garage workbench if you like – but you’ll have a problem extracting yourself from the garage.

Playing Pachinko is addictive. Highly addictive.

You start the game by impelling one small Pachinko ball — an 11mm chrome-plated (or brass/gold) thing that looks like a ball bearing smaller than a dime. It flips up inside the machine, and drops. As the ball falls, it is bounced around by small brass nails that cause it to take a bobbling trajectory to the bottom. If the ball finds a special hole on its way down, it drops into the machine and rewards you with more balls.

Some of the places the ball drops into are jackpots and cause a whole swarm of balls to drop down into a tray at the bottom. In newer machines, lights flash, bells ring, video images move, and everybody in front of the machine smiles.

“Pachinko machines have been around since the 1940s in Japan,” Welch said. “Pachinko is ‘the’ thing to do, the national pastime. There are 12,500 Pachinko parlors still in Japan.

It’s what you do with your family or on a date. Everyone plays Pachinko. … Into the 1960s, thousands and thousands of these machines were being produced.

“There is no legalized gambling in Japan,” he explained. “A Japanese businessman, at the end of his day, would come in to play Pachinko and relax. He would buy 100 balls and sit at a machine and play for an hour.

Ultimately, he’d cash out. Hopefully by then he’d have 200 balls, and would actually leave the parlor and go next door to a redemption center, where he might get four packs of cigarettes and a coffee mug. That was in the ‘70s. Now you can get a coupon, then

go somewhere else nearby to get cash back.”

We l c h a l s o e x p l a i n e d t h a t Pachinko became a life-or-death thing for Japanese after World War II. “The Japanese people were too proud to accept government food charity,” he said, so the government decreed that from now on instead of winning cigarettes and a mug, you’d win food.”

The Road to Pachinkos After spending a couple of years at St. John Fisher College studying biology and sociology, Welch couldn’t quite connect with what he wanted to do for the rest of his life and left for a job at Kodak, where he spent some initial first years. A semi-professional magician, he and wife Jodie also opened a magic shop in the nowdefunct Westgate Mall.

“We had that shop for eight months. I met a lot of people in sales, and that type of job intrigued me, so I voluntarily left Kodak for a couple of years, selling, working in grocery stores as a rep,” he said. “I worked for a food broker out of Buffalo. I wanted to get a job with a major brand like Proctor and Gamble, Folgers Coffee and represent them. But it was the wrong time. It just wasn’t meant to be. I ended up going back to Kodak, starting there all over again.”

He had a good run at Kodak, there for 28 years total as a service engineer for the Themed Entertainment Division. “We made the photo-taking systems for Disneyland, Disney World and Universal Studios. Our systems took digital photos of people at places at the roller-coasters, and you could buy the photos. We built those systems and installed them on the rides.”

“When you went to Disney, an employee would come out and take your picture in front of the Magic Castle and give you a ticket and later on you could turn the ticket in and see a picture and get it printed. That job allowed me to travel all over the United States, South Korea, Singapore to install systems. It was a good job while it lasted.”

He got caught in corporate shifts and downsizing in 2001.

“They didn’t need me anymore.

They wouldn’t sign a job requisition and that was the end of my Kodak career. I kicked around for about a year

after that – I was just a mess after losing my job of 28 years … you don’t know what to do with yourself.”

Many in this area know just how Welch felt.

His son, Jason, pulled him out of the darkness. “He was selling Volkswagens for Dorschel,” Welch said. “He called me and said, ‘Dad, we need salesmen, and you need a job.’

“I said, ‘I don’t want to be a car salesman.’

“Jason said, ‘Let me run that by you again, Dad – we need salespeople and you need a job.’

“So I ended up selling cars for 13 years, Volkswagens specifically. I moved over to Ide and sold them there, and I retired when I was 62.

Flashing, ringing epiphany “My brother-in-law lives in Allegany. Right over the border in Bradford, Pennsylvania, is a big auction every other Sunday. He goes all the time, and six, seven years ago he ended up buying four Pachinko machines at the auction. He’s mechanically inclined

Welch shows off a special Pachinko model in his house.

Some rare machines, like this one, are worth more than $2,000, but most are valued about a quarter of that. This Pachinko has a double jackpot at its core that lights up an internal roulette wheel, which turns until the player triggers a release that boosts the jackpot payoff. Other special machines have all kinds of things going on at their core.

Welch with his wife Jodie. “Dan comes over around 8:30 a.m.,” she says.

“He kisses me, and says, ‘Bye, Honey.’ Then he goes out to the garage. I take his lunch out to him around noon, and he’s out there until 6 or 7 p.m. every night.”

January / February 2021 - 55 PLUS

39

enough that he could get them cleaned up a bit and actually get them working.

I went down and saw them and just absolutely fell in love with the way they function — they’re mechanical marvels. They just fascinated me. I told my wife, ‘I’ve got to get one of those.’

“We came home and I started looking around in garage sales and found a Pachinko quickly, which I bought, brought it home, cleaned it up and got I it working. I’m the kind of guy who likes to take something that’s old and dirty and clean it up and make it look good again.

“Pachinkos can be in bad condition. To spend a week getting it into good condition is just extremely satisfying. I enjoy it tremendously.

They only lasted about a year in a parlor, because everybody smoked, and the places were just absolutely blue with cigarette smoke. The oil from your hands transferred onto the balls, then went inside the machine. After the oil and the smoke and general abuse, a Pachinko lasted about a year – then they were taken out and replaced with new machines. They were chucking the old machines into landfills.”

The landfill-dumping stopped in the 1970s, when enterprising companies decided to get them into working condition and export them to America, where they sold lots of Pachinkos for $35 or so through Sears and J.C. Penney’s and Montgomery Ward.

“But the machines were never cleaned and the electronics were never hooked up,” Welch said. “The machines were connected to a 10-volt

system for two light bulbs.”

On a given day today, he says, you can find 300-400 of those vintage Pachinkos for sale on eBay and Craig’s List and OfferUp and Facebook Marketplace, with most of the asking prices way above reality.

For what he terms a “common” machine, Welch will rarely go much beyond $50 to buy it — and he does.

He knows what the challenges are.

If someone asks him for a basic restoration — to make their Pachinko fully functional, all power restored and all lights working, thoroughly cleaned and refreshed, he charges $400 and it takes him a week to do the work.

To do a frame-off restoration down to the bare wood, taking the machine completely apart, replacing or building parts (he uses a 3-D printer), and refinishing the Pachinko — $600. If he has to add new artwork (the vibrantly colored back wall of what you see on the machine), that’s another $150.

Customers also pay shipping and parts costs.

Whether you think his charges are high or entirely reasonable, Welch cements the deal with customer service.

“I’ll accept the machine, then call the customer about what I think has to be done to make it look good. When we’ve agreed, I take pictures of the machine being torn apart, then being rebuilt. I send them to the customers and they absolutely love that, to see the machine and the detail I go through when I do the machines. They get all excited when I tell them I’m starting to rebuild their machine.

“And when I’m done, I make a

video of the machine, explaining what I did to restore it, how to properly set it up, how to troubleshoot it, then show machine in action. The video is linked to them. I’ve been told the reason people bought machines from me is because of the videos. As far as I know, I’m the only one in the country who provides the videos.”

He has machines he’s purchased ready to be restored, but always works on customer machines first. One of the most satisfying things he does is to hear about how much a particular Pachinko meant to a family 40 years ago, and knowing that his restoration will be a great thrill to the family or a cherished member.

“What I really enjoy is having a customer call me and say, ‘I have a Pachinko machine that I want to get restored, and here’s the back story on it.’ It’s the back stories I really love.”

People ask Welch, “How long will the Pachinko last once you’ve restored it?”

“Forever,” he answers. “It becomes a family heirloom. I guarantee them for life — my lifetime. They should function forever.”

Every Hilton morning, wife Jodie is sitting in her work area off the kitchen, enjoying the morning sun coming through the windows.

“Dan comes over around 8 :30 a.m.,” she said. “He kisses me, and says, ‘Bye, Honey.’ Then he goes out to the garage. I take his lunch out to him around noon, and he’s out there until 6 or 7 p.m. every night.”

“I found a new career,” Dan explains. “I’m happy about it.”

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55+ music

Paul Boutte learned how to play by ear. He later took formal music lessons.

A Life Spent With Music Paul Boutte has been playing since he was 14

By Mike Costanza

Y

ou can’t imagine Paul Boutte spending much time away from a keyboard.

“Music has always been my life,” the Rochester musician says.

Boutte’s talent for music has taken the 58-year-old to churches, indoor and outdoor stages and studios from Rochester to New York City. Able to play gospel, jazz, rhythm and blues and even rock on the organ or piano, he can lift up church congregations and make other music lovers tap their feet and clap.

“There’s a lot of people who play the notes, but he really feels the music,” says Jack Whittier, president of the board of directors of the nonprofit Rochester Music Hall of Fame (RMHF).

In addition to performing, Boutte is the minister of music of Rochester’s Zion Hill Missionary Baptist Church.

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He celebrated his 20th year as director of Spiritus Christi Church’s Gospel Choir on Nov.15, and teaches gospel music at the SUNY College at Brockport.

Boutte also produces movie soundtracks and other musical projects, and even hosts his own weekly show on radio station WDKX, “Sunday Morning Gospel.” Perhaps best of all, the father of three grown children is nowhere near the end of his career in music.

Boutte acquired his love of music while listening to the legendary rhythm and blues (R+B) organist Anthony Mitchell. Mitchell used to stay at the Boutte family’s home on Rochester’s Saint Clair Street when playing local Black clubs with his group, Samson and Delilah. While in town, Mitchell and his group often played at the now-

defunct Pythodd Club, a famous jazz spot in Corn Hill.

“He let me come to the Pythodd when I was a kid just to sit and watch him play,” Boutte says. “I used to just be in awe of him.”

Listening to such musicians perform helped Boutte learn how to play the organ by ear. At the age of 14, he sat down before the organ of what was then the Lighthouse Church of God in Christ. After the sounds of the gospel hymn “Amazing Grace” died away, the church’s pastor offered to pay the teenager for playing at its services. Boutte’s father had a better idea.

“He asked them to pay for my music lessons,” Boutte says.

Though his music instructor taught him how to read music, Boutte continued to sharpen his skills at the keyboard through listening to and playing music in churches around Rochester. He learned how to play the piano while attending Monroe Community College, but has always preferred playing the Hammond B-3 organ.

“That is the only organ in gospel music in the Black church,” Boutte says. “It’s deeper sound is different

from anything else.”

Boutte worked for different local firms in sales or customer relations, but music remained his primary focus.

James Richmond, co-founder and head of the popular funk, R+B and jazz band Prime Time Funk, first heard him play at the Mt. Olive Missionary Baptist Church more than 30 years ago.

Richmond was the Geneva church’s piano player at that time.

“He came and played, and I was just floored,” Richmond says. “He was just remarkable.”

The two men eventually became fast friends.

“Paul is, first, a great human being,” Richmond says. “He cares about everybody.”

E a c h y e a r, R M H F i n d u c t s musicians who have contributed to the creation of musical excellence and have ties to Rochester. Prime Time Funk always plays at the ceremony.

“I always ask Paul to play with us,” Richmond says. “He has that gospel foundation, and adding that to what we do just gives it more legitimacy, more heart.”

That gig brought Boutte together with Alfred “PeeWee” Ellis when the acclaimed saxophonist and composer was inducted into RMHF in 2016.

Ellis once led the band of the late Godfather of Soul James Brown. Some members of that band were onstage at his induction with their instruments.

“I was actually playing organ with the James Brown horn section,” Boutte says.

In addition to playing at RMHF’s induction ceremonies, Boutte is also a longtime member of the nonprofit’s board. Whittier counts him as a good friend, and an asset to the board.

“He’s in tune with the city’s music scene,” Whittier says. “We really appreciate that, and he’s really willing to share his perspective.”

Boutte has also played at the Rochester International Jazz Festival and the KeyBank Rochester Fringe Festival, and was the music director of Rochester’s downtown 4th of July celebration for two years running.

Despite his age, he isn’t ready to slow down.

“Now that I’m older, it even means more to me to be in the gospel and musical community, playing things for the city and also mentoring young musicians.”

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Issue 67 • January / February For Active Adults in the Rochester Area

2021

roc55.com

Rev. Myra Brown

has Pastor of Spiritus Christi Church a recent been in the news because of She wave of protests in Rochester. to build says she wants to be a ‘bridge’ of ‘a better city and a better group human beings’

■ WINTER BIRDS

How to make birds feel at home around your place

■ FINANCES What’s new for 2021 • Financial resolutions • Estate planning: What to expect from the Biden Administration

‘

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43

Ready to Enjoy Retirement…

Then COVID-19 Hit Silver lining: ‘Gratitude for all the ordinary rights-of-passage and events I experienced, which are being denied to so many today’

By Donna Cordello

T

h i s p a s t y e a r, a f t e r m y husband and I had collectively contributed over 100 years toward Social Security, we were finally able to retire.

After owning a business for over four decades, it would be the first time we could go on a real stress-free vacation, without worrying about what was going on back home.

We wouldn’t have any deadlines or a need for alarm clocks and instead of stealing away a few days here and there, we could actually take our time.

We couldn’t wait to have a long leisurely visit with our sons, who live out of town, and put our toes in the sand.

It would be just the beginning of crossing off all the boxes on our longawaited bucket list.

And then, right after we retired and two weeks before we were scheduled to use our one-way plane tickets heading toward sunshine, the

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world shut down.

Instead of slathering ourselves with sun block, we were drudging through snow. And instead of marveling at the majesty of redwood trees, we were going on scavenger hunts for antibacterial products, paper towels and toilet paper.

But, as the world was falling asleep, I seemed to wake up. Because, aside from the fear and anxiety of a worldwide pandemic, the more time that passed, the more gratitude I felt — for all the ordinary rights-of-passage and events I experienced, which are being denied to so many today.

When my children were born, my parents and mother-in-law, patiently waited in the hospital hallway for their first peek of their newborn grandchild, whom they couldn’t wait to hold. They were the most beautiful and profound life-altering moments that we shared together as a family and ones that could never be replicated. And, yet,

this never happened for so many other new parents’ families, some with grandparents who are still waiting to meet the newest life within their circle.

When I had surgeries and hospital stays, I had all kinds of company from loved ones, who brought me food and flowers and words of encouragement — unlike my friend, who was very sick, afraid and quarantined all alone in a hospital room, while suffering with COVID-19.

My children attended school for 12 years. I never had to worry about teaching them academic lessons at home or manage my work schedule according to what days they would be getting on a bus. I didn’t have to take their daily temperature or sign consent forms to have them swabbed for a virus, while attending school.

My kids got to muddy their clothes at playgrounds with other children and drag their mother along on field trips. My schedule circled around

school events, sports practices and games. Parents banded together as we cheered on bleachers and had chili cook-off dinners after games. We had countless weekend sleepovers for our children’s friends, never worrying about who sneezed or had a cough.

We had big birthday parties and didn’t flinch when our kids blew out the candles on the cake. Drive-by parties were unheard of and we never suspected that horns would, one day, replace clapping.

We hosted parties before junior proms and senior balls, capturing photos of teenagers in their glitz and glamour and looked at our watches during long graduation ceremonies, thankful if our last name was at the beginning of the alphabet. We spent a small fortune on celebratory parties — for youthful and monumental events that other parents and their children have been robbed of this past year and can never relive.

I cherish a video I have of the 350 people, many of whom no longer here, dancing at our wedding reception.

But now, unworn wedding gowns hang wrapped on hangers in closets, along with useless invitations and canceled honeymoon reservations for

that special day that came and went, void of any memorabilia — because long-awaited marriage plans had to be postponed or canceled.

Of all the life-altering events I took for granted, I never thought that an illness or death of a loved one would be one of them. When my father was sick, I was able to be by his side and hold his hand for his two-month hospital stay. I cradled him in my arms when he took his last breath. Our goodbyes included our family’s traditions of a wake, a mass and a military funeral, right down to a bugler playing “Taps “ and a 21-gun salute. As difficult of a time it was, we held onto each other in our shared grief.

But when my friend’s father died this past year, she was denied all of the support, hugs and camaraderie that comes from family and friends during times of sorrow — because her family couldn’t have any type of gathering at all. She didn’t get to deliver her father’s eulogy like I did.

And although her dad was a kind and loving man, like mine was, he never received a celebration for a life well lived or the public homage he so deserved.

I don’t know how long we will be

grounded. And, to be honest, there are days when I think that we got screwed because we worked so hard our entire lives to get to the finish line. But how can I not be appreciative that for now, we are still healthy — when so many others have fallen sick or worse, lost a family member? How can I complain when I can still share meals with my husband when so many people are isolated all by themselves?

Our long-awaited plans changed.

Oh well. That’s life.

Now that I have almost way too much time on my hands with nowhere to go, I’ve never had more gratitude for all the precious memories I harbor for the ordinary life I’ve lived.

I pray that someday my past ‘normal’ will be our children’s and their parent’s future. And that all the extraordinary moments throughout my lifetime; the kisses, bear hugs, handshakes, celebrations and even funerals that for now, have all been put on hold will resurface. And that the smiling faces of giggling children won’t be hidden behind a mask.

And that the past that I lived and knew will come back soon. And, go on.

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45

addyman’s corner

By John Addyman Email:john.addyman@yahoo.com

CHANGE Happens

I

‘I’m Not the Same Person…’ What a Difference a Year Makes

am not the same person today that I was a year ago, and it isn’t a factor of me being a year older.

When I look in the mirror, I see a different person, and without much improvement.

My tummy is sticking out more.

Lots more.

I have learned that I can’t look at a package of Oreos with the same indifference I once had.

A year ago, if I brought a package of Oreos into the house, my wife would demand that I hide them. “If you don’t, I’ll eat them,” she said.

Problem is, if I bring them home today, I have to hide them from me.

Not in my whole life have I sat down with my morning tea and gone half-way through a whole package of Oreos, then finished them off with my evening glass of milk … until last week.

And it I did it twice.

Do you know the feeling of walking around the house with a lot of things on your mind and you slowly find yourself standing in the middle of a room asking, “What am I doing here?”

I now have the same problem in the supermarket. I walk around with stuff in my basket until I find that I’ve stopped and I don’t know why. I look around. “What did I forget?” I ask myself, checking my shopping list. I’ve got everything I came in for.

Then I focus on what’s in front of me on the shelves.

Oreos.

And they’re singing my name.

The double-stuff ones make music decidedly on the angelic side. The chocolate-filled double-stuffed have a baser, jazz feel. The peppermint Christmas Oreos are singing about decking the halls and eating lots of cookies.

On a Sunday afternoon, there I was, listening to the music, when I

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

realized a woman was standing right behind me, very close. Peeking around me. It wasn’t my wife.

“Please don’t move,” she told me so softly no one else could hear. “If you don’t move, I won’t reach out and load my basket with Oreos.”

A kindred sufferer.

“Suppose I walk slowly down the aisle,” I suggested. “You could stand behind me until we’re out of earshot.”

“You hear them, too??!!!” she said, utter shock and misery in her voice.

“Which ones are you listening to?”

I asked.

“The double-stuffed,” she said.

“Actually, I’m trying NOT to listen to them.”

“Let’s go. If we slide along this aisle together, we can do it,” I said encouragingly. “We can escape together.”

And we did. At the end of the aisle, with the cookies no longer in sight, we were free … as long as we didn’t

unexplainedly drift back to the aisle again before leaving the store.

Who’s to blame

I blame all of this circumstance on 2020. It has been one crummy year, and the last 365 days have changed my behavior in other ways.

For instance, there are my sandals, I have special scuffs on the outside where I have stopped quickly, pivoted, and turned around to retrace my steps — and I’ve done it often enough that those scuffs have shown up. Why? Because those scuffs demonstrate that I’ve been on my way into someplace and had to do a U-turn in a parking lot to go back to the car to get my facemask.

Worse yet is the humiliation of going into a store, blowing right past the sign that says, “No mask, no entry,” and suddenly realizing that the only naked face in the place belongs to you.

Normally when this happened,

HAPPENS

I’d immediately apologize to anyone who was about to tsk-tsk me. “I left my mask in the car. I’m going to run out and get it.”

And, of course, all those good people would say to themselves, “Sure, buddy.”

I would run out to the car, get a mask, and run back into the store properly attired.

I developed this skill after much trial, error and incidences of intense embarrassment. In my car I now have five masks — two hung around the shift knob, one in the door storage, one in the glove compartment, and the last one sitting on the back seat.

Another habit that changed this year was how my wife and I watch TV — especially CNN, MSNBC and Fox News. I used to lie on the couch and my wife would be in her reading chair with a book and a blanket.

In 2020, our habits changed.

We made it a point to leave our shoes in another room so we wouldn’t be tempted to throw them at the television. And my wife only brings paperback books in to read now — another safety precaution.

My tummy is sticking out more. Lots more.

I have learned that I can’t look at a package of Oreos with the same indifference I once had.

I find I’m different in person on the street, too. When I have my mask on and someone walking toward me has his or her mask on, I spend a lot of time staring — trying to figure out who this person is. If they have a mask on, and perhaps sunglasses, I’m lost and I’m hoping the other person doesn’t say, “Hi, John!”

When they do, the first thing I mutter is, “Oh, lord — who the heck is that?”

A lot of times, when the person sees my confusion, he or she will start taking things off. The glasses come first, then the mask, and usually I then know who I’m talking to. How

they know me with my mask on … well, that I haven’t that figured out yet because, as I’ve admitted, my tummy is a lot bigger than it used to be and I don’t look like my 2019 slimmer self.

Then another clumsy thing takes place. I used to automatically start to shake hands, but you can’t do that anymore unless we’re both immediately ready to douse one another with hand sanitizer.

So, we start to approach one another with our elbows held out like two knights riding toward a joust with our lances, ready to battle.

What erupts is a funny kind of dance toward tapping elbows, which aliens in outer space are probably studying as courting rituals.

You and I are going to forget all the stuff — and a whole lot of silly 2020 stuff — pretty quickly. But the internet won’t forget and a generation to come is going to look at videos and images of 2020 and wonder what the heck we were doing.

I have some advice to help you prepare for that eventuality: buy a package of Oreos and put them someplace safe.

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January / February 2021 - 5512/7/20 PLUS 47 1:41 PM

long-term care

By Susan Suben

Transitioning to Medicare: What to Expect

E

very day in the U.S., approximately 10,000 people turn 65. It is an age associated with transition – retirement, relocation, grandparenting, etc.

One transition of major significance is switching from employee health coverage to Medicare. There are many things to know in order to ensure your coverage remains comprehensive and meets your needs.

Medicare consists of Part A and Part B (Original Medicare), Part C (Medicare Advantage, which includes Parts A and B) and Part D (Prescription Drugs).

Part A covers hospital and skilled nursing facility stays, hospice care and skilled home health care. Part B covers doctor visits, medical tests, outpatient care, preventative services, and medical equipment.

Original Medicare has a monthly premium for Part A unless you’ve paid the Medicare tax for 10 years. The Part B premium is expected to be $148.50 in 2021 but can be higher if your adjusted gross income from the previous two years is higher than $87,000 for singles and more than $174,000 for married individuals.

There are different enrollment periods for A and B. You can first sign up for A or B (or both) three months before you turn 65, the month you turn 65, and three months after the month you turn 65. There is also a special enrollment period if you did not signup when you became eligible due to having employer coverage. It begins the month after your employment or health coverage ends and lasts eight months.

Do not fall into the trap of thinking that original Medicare will affordably pay for all your medical needs. There are co-pays, co-insurance and deductibles that could result in substantial out-of-pocket costs.

For 2020, the Part A deductible is

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

$1,408 for each benefit period in which you use hospital or skilled nursing inpatient care. The Part B deductible is $198. You will also pay 20% of Medicare-approved fees for doctor visits, outpatient services and medical equipment. If you need skilled care in a LTC facility, Medicare will pay for the first 20 days; for days 21-100, you will pay $176/per day; after 100 days, there is no coverage.

Original Medicare has gaps or “no coverage” for certain services. Theses include prescription drugs, dental care, eye exams/glasses, hearing aids/ exams, and custodial LTC. To fill in the gaps and out-ofpocket costs associated with original Medicare, you can supplement your coverage by enrolling in private plans: prescription drug plans (PDPs), known as Part D or a Medigap policy.

PDPs are designed to help you pay for your medications. Even if you are not taking any medications now, consider obtaining coverage any way.

If you do not enroll when you first become eligible for Medicare, you will have to pay a permanent penalty that is added to your monthly premium. The average national monthly premium for a basic plan is $30.

Each PDP has a formulary or range of drugs it will cover. They are divided into tiers – the higher the tier, the higher the cost. In order to determine which plan is right for you and the actual cost of coverage, review the premium, deductible, co-pays and co-insurance, make sure your drugs are in the formulary and find out what tier they are in. Also find out if your pharmacy is considered “preferred” which helps with cost savings.

A Medigap policy will also supplement original Medicare by helping to pay the co-pays, coinsurance and deductibles. There are 10 standardized plans to choose from that offer the same benefits but

each company can charge a different premium. You can see any doctor of your choosing. There are no required service areas or referrals. However, the plans do not provide dental, vision or hearing coverage and you will have to enroll in a PDP. Medicare Advantage plans or Part C are an alternative to having only original Medicare or original Medicare with an added supplemental plan as described above. MAs are offered by approved private companies.

Many have no monthly premium.

You must be enrolled in Parts A and B and live in the plan’s service area.

They generally require the use of innetwork providers for the lowest costs and referrals to specialists. The plans cover the services of original Medicare including emergency and urgent care but will have different out-of-pocket costs. As a plus, these plans can cover prescription drugs, dental, vision and hearing, and wellness programs. There are specific enrollment periods and possible coverage restrictions when traveling out of the service area.

It’s extremely important to cover the gaps and out-of-pocket costs when transitioning to Medicare. You do not want any surprises! Your health, affordability and personal preferences will help you decide if original Medicare with supplemental coverage or a Medicare Advantage plan is right for you. You can find useful “information in the Medicare & You” 2021 handbook and at medicare. gov/plan-compare.

Susan Suben, MS, CSA, is president of Long Term Care Associates, Inc. and Elder Care Planning. She is a consultant for Canandaigua National Bank & Trust Company. She can be reached at 800-422-2655 or by email at susansuben@31greenbush.com.

Snow Days… ...and the Memories They Bring

By Sandra Scott

C

OVID-19 has changed many things but I felt sad when my grandson heard all his classes would be online and said, “Does that mean there will be no snow days?”

Snow days conjure up some of my favorite memories.

Nothing made me hop out of bed faster than hearing my mother yell up the stairs. “School’s closed.”

I would rush to the window to see the wonderland that had been created while I was sleeping. I would huff on the window to melt the thin layer of ice and scratch away the icy frost, eager to see just how much snow had fallen while I was asleep. The trees were weighted down with a thick layer of snow, clumps dropping off at the slight stirring. There was a heavy quietness to the morning as the cold blanket of snow wrapped the world in warmth and security.

Determined not to miss a minute of the day, I would dress in my warmest clothes and drawn by the smell of bacon rush downstairs. My mind would be racing deciding on what to do first. The snow brought a wonderful assortment of fun things to do.

After gulping down my breakfast, I dressed for the occasion. Gone forever are the bulky wool snowsuits that collected miniature snowballs and the black metal-clasp boots. To keep my feet warm and dry in boots, I would

wear socks over my shoes and then a plastic Wonder Bread bag.

A multicolored handmade hat, mittens and muffler completed my outfit. I needed help to put on the finishing touches. My mother knew just how to fix my mittens and cuffs of my snowsuit to keep the snow out.

Stepping outside — shaped like a Pillsbury doughboy — I was ready.

The brightness of the sun made me squint and cold air hit my lungs like a sharp knife. Snow diamonds sparkled in the sun. The world had no sharp edges; the snow sculpted everything into gentle curves and swirls. Rooflines were softened by a layer of white fluff that curled down over the edges.

Mother Nature had put her special frosting on the world.

When my eyes adjusted to the bright light I looked for the perfect spot to make angels; a mantel of unbroken snow, one that wouldn’t be in way of my other projects. Found it. I took step back, turned around and flopped down in the snow. I moved my arms to create the wings and then feet to make the robe. The next part was the hardest, getting up without making a deep sit spot in the middle of my angel.

Finished, someone to watch me while I played.

Next I checked the garage roof to see if there was enough snow on one side so I could climb up and slide down the other side. The crimped

edges of the tin roof made a perfect sliding spot. It was not an approved activity so I only did it a few times but it was hard to get away with it. Who else would have made the tracks on the roof?

Time to build a fort. I rolled huge snowballs to make the walls. Smaller one went on top. When I ran out of fresh snow I used my sled to transport the snowballs. The finished project kept me from the wind. When the noon whistle blew I was tired and hungry. The house seemed too warm.

My snowsuit was hung in the cellar stairway not far from the big old coal furnace. I put my mittens on the hot air vent. I could smell the fresh baked bread. Lunch was ready: tomato soup, bread and butter, and hot chocolate.

After lunch, I got out the scissors, the summer Sears catalog, and an empty cardboard box and created my own dream home using flour and water paste to place the cutout furniture in the right place. I created my own paper dolls and clothes from pictures in the catalog ignoring the fact that they had no feet.

If I was lucky, when my father came home we could go sliding down the nearby hill and maybe after dinner make sugar on snow.

Snow days were a wonderful gift.

Sadly the students who have online classes will not get to experience them — not this winter.

January / February 2021 - 55 PLUS

49

55+ last

page Chip Saresky, 67

By Lynette Loomis

Marketing professional talks about the impact of social media and how to keep up with changes Q. How did you start your career?

A.: I loved the breakout music of my generation, and I wanted to make that part of my career. I studied broadcasting and became a DJ and music director at WAXC in Rochester.

It was great fun for about six and a half years. It introduced me to the concert business, handling band security for John Scher Presents which lasted 23 years. This played an important role in my adaptation.

Q. What was the first change after that?

A.: As the broadcast business was consolidating, using consultants, shrinking staffs, and with simulcasting, I felt the need to diversify from traditional broadcast. This included nontraditional aspects, such as media, billboards, buses, airports and subways. Gannett was the biggest player in this category in North America and they hired me, which introduced me to the newspaper experience.

Q. What was the big change at that time?

A.: In 1983, people began to use the internet. It introduced a new way to communicate. It was consuming more and more of consumers’ time.

Companies recognized this, and they began putting everything that was in print, online. While most companies just loaded their print brochures onto their websites, it was forecasting bigger changes to come. Next, was the practice of shopping. Everyone rushed to buy things online because it was tax-free. Traditional media, and even non-traditional media, were losing the focus and time of the consumer.

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55 PLUS - January / February 2021

Q. Then came email, My Space, Facebook…

A.: Young people were enthused, and they accelerated this growth. They began intertwining their personal life, and interaction with each other, in media channels like My Space. Email was rapidly becoming the way everyone was now communicating, reducing interpersonal communications. I knew I had to get retooled to thrive. These trends were happening faster and faster. As adults started embracing My Space, young consumers jumped to Facebook … until their parents started to become familiar with it and using it, then this platform lost its charm as well.

Q. How did this affect your career?

A.: As all these changes were occurring, I knew I had to make a conscious decision to embrace technology, work with people younger than I, and research everything, including the equipment they used and their consumption. That way I could effectively communicate with today’s audience. I had seen online interactive web development and realized I could translate my broadcast experience to the web. This is when I got hired by Corporate Communications, the company that was delivering, highly effective, engaging online communication.

Q. You’re probably the “old guy” in the company. How do you handle that?

A.: At Corporate Communications, at age 67, I am clearly “the old guy.”

But one of the things I bring to the table, that my younger, technologically gifted counterparts cannot, is my ability to talk to several generations.

Chip Saresky is the director of marketing and sales at Corporate Communications, a Rochesterbased company involved in branding, designing, development and marketing.

Q. How do you keep up?

A.: My father, now 93, was a minister who could reach many audiences. I learned a lot from him.

I always need to adjust the way information is communicated. This is deeply intertwined with the devices that audiences use. I am in an industry that is rapidly changing, so I must too.

At this stage of our life, all of us are less inclined to want to change, but the anxiety that grows from the resistance to change makes us suddenly feel completely “out of it.” It is better to be willing to follow and embrace the changes of the young, where it is in your best interest. The young will be willing to help bring you along as you engage them, to gain a better understanding of technology. They will lose patience or be unwilling to educate you if they must drag you from the “dinosaur age.”

Nothing to do but enjoy your life.

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