March 2015

march 2015

for a good cause

special feature

Caring for Our Female Veterans

Making a Difference Through Film

leading woman mrs. new york following her dream

positive life

Gail Sheehy

the power of making your own luck

the woman who dared f o r a l l t h e t h i n g s t h at yo u a r e . . . r o c h e s t e r w o m a n

I

rochesterWomanMag.com :: march 2015

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w w w. r o c h e s t e r w o m a n m a g . c o m

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2/9/15 9:51 AM

march 8

OUT & ABOUT 7 PLATTER CHATTER 8 FASHION FORWARD 10 LEADING WOMAN 16 SNAP OUT OF IT 18

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MENOPAUSE MOMENT 20 SPECIAL FEATURE 22

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POSITIVE MIND/POSITIVE LIFE

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COVER STORY: Gail Sheehy

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QUEEN OF ARTS: One Funny Chick

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DOLLARS & SENSE 34 FOR A GOOD CAUSE

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IN HER OWN WORDS

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SPECIAL FEATURE: Giving Hope to the Hopeless 40 TALKING BACK WITH SHANNON JOY

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RW INSPIRES 45 RWM EVENTS 50

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EVENTS CALENDAR 48

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LETTER FROM THE

OUR TEAM...

publishers VA Medical Center. Her job is to provide the best quality medical care to our female veterans that all veterans are entitled to. You can read Tammy’s story on page [36].

“Over the next few years the boardrooms of America are going to light up with hot flashes.”

--Gail Sheehy More and more women are slowly gaining ground in the boardrooms across the country. Still more women are establishing themselves in careers that have traditionally been dominated by men. As we celebrate Women’s History Month, we honor the women who have come before us and paved the way for the accomplishments that women are achieving today and the roads being paved for future generations.

One of those who helped pave the way, especially for women in the journalism field, is our cover woman Gail Sheehy.

Sheehy started her career right here in Rochester at the Democrat and Chronicle, but from there she moved to New York City and quickly established herself as a formidable force in, what was at the time, a predominantly male-dominated profession. Over the years, Gail has authored more than 17 books and interviewed a who’s who of important figures including Robert Kennedy, Margaret Thatcher and Hillary Clinton. Read more of our interview with Gail on page [26].

Women always have played an important role in the military, and more so in recent years, but their struggle to cope after returning from the battlefield has mostly been ignored.

Tammy Franklin is the women veterans program manager for the Canandaigua

We all spend time on social media, from Facebook, to Twitter to Pinterest and more. It seems like every day someone posts a statement or a comment and before you know it, a simple conversation turns into an argument with name calling and loaded with negativity. In this month’s Snap Out of It column, Margaret Madigan takes a look at social media hate and gives her unique spin on the subject. Read her column on page [18].

Do you believe in luck? Or do you feel that you make your own luck? In this month’s Positive Mind, Positive Life column, Dr P. discusses the power of making your own luck. She explains that you have the power within your mind to create your own luck and to shape circumstances into your own true path. Read more about it on page [24].

The calendar says that spring is just around the corner, but the way this winter is going we will have to take a “I’ll believe it when I see it” approach.

One way or another, the worst should be over, so here’s to an early, warm spring and plenty of sunshine to brighten our days. Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone!

Kelly & Barb

our team...

Publishers Kelly Breuer Barbara McSpadden Editor-in-Chief

Barbara McSpadden

associate editor Margaret Madigan

Creative DIRECTOR/designer Kelly Breuer

Photography

Tiffany Boula Ve Ja Broyld, Sr. Stephen Reardon Brandon Vick

Contributing Writers Vanessa Cheeks Jacqueline Coello Laura DiCaprio Brian Dalthorp Rebecca Ferguson Krista Gleason Shannon Joy Cynthia Kolko Kathy Kurtz Joan E. Lincoln Margaret Madigan Collette Powers Sraddha Prativadi, MD Sofia Tokar Elizabeth Warner, MD James Woods, MD

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Unlike any other publication in the Rochester area, our feature articles address major topics that interest local women.

Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, home matters, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local Rochester women.

The print magazines are distributed locally in over 350 locations and will be in your inbox electronically by the first week of every month. The publication is available free of charge.

Contact our home office 585.727.9120 PO Box 90798 I Rochester, NY 14609 info@rochesterwomanmag.com

on our cover

Award winning journalist Gail Sheehy was photogrpahed by Brian Dalthorp.

Download our media kit at www.rochesterwomanmag.com The magazine is published 12 times a year by Rochester Woman Magazine, llc.

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o&A

::OUT &

about

F OA

The 6th Annual Power Your Potential Women’s Leadership Conference, Friday, March 13

Celebrate National Women’s Month with the Saunders College of Business at Power Your Potential. The half-day conference includes a keynote presentation along with two educational sessions on strategic business trends.

Attendees will participate in activities that will build their organization and enhance their career. Prominent Rochester business women will provide firsthand knowledge on challenges that women face and how to become a more effective leader as well as share their personal experiences.

MOVIES Cinderella – March 13 Kate Blanchett brings Cinderella to life in this live-action feature inspired by the classic fairy tale. Cinderella transforms the timeless images from Disney’s 1950 animated masterpiece as fully-realized characters in a visually dazzling spectacle for a whole new generation.

The Gunman – March 20 Sean Penn stars as a former special forces soldier and military contractor suffering from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). He tries to reconnect with his long-time love, but first must go on the run from London to Barcelona and across Europe in order to clear his name.

Get Hard – March 27 Millionaire hedge fund manager James is nailed for fraud and bound for a stretch in San Quentin. With 30 days to get his affairs in order, he turns to Darnell to prep him for a life behind bars. Together, the two men do whatever it takes for James to “get hard” and, in the process, discover how wrong they were about a lot of things – including each other.

Furious 7 – April 3 A continuation of the franchise, Fast and the Furious 7 continues after Dominic Torreto and his crew took down Owen Shaw, his brother, Ian Shaw, now wants revenge.

The keynote speaker for this year’s event will be Dr. Kathleen Buse who began her career at the Eastman Kodak Company as an engineer. Since than Dr. Buse has worked in various technical and management roles for more than 25 years. Her 2nd career as a researcher and advocate for women has been framed by her practical experience in technology-driven and male-dominated organizations. She is dedicated to improving the representation of women in leadership roles.

Other speakers at the event include: Jennifer E. Green-Wilson - PT, Ed.D, MBA, is a principal of the Institute for Business Literacy and Leadership. She speaks nationally and internationally on topics related to leadership, business literacy, and management in health care, has been invited to submit short articles for APTA’s ‘Business Sense’ section of PT in Motion, and was awarded a national research grant from the HPA Section in 2009.

David Mammano - David’s mission in life is to help people realize their highest potential through education. To accomplish this mission, he founded what has become Next Step Education Group, in 1995. Next Step Education Group is a multi-media enterprise with digital, retail, mobile, video and print products and has grown to become a nationwide resource with prestigious awards and honors.

Cherie A. Copie - Director of Compliance & Regulatory Affairs for NeoGenomics Laboratories, Inc. As a member of the Senior Management Team for NeoGenomics, she executes a program for the 475 staff laboratorians which is understandable, appropriate and actually fun! She has recently published an article in Health Care Compliance Association’s news magazine.

The cost to attend Power Your Potential is $10 for students, $30 for RIT alumni, faculty and staff, and $40 for the general public, and includes lunch. To register, go to www.rit.edu/cob/ womensconference or contact Dana Pierce at 585-475-2199 or dpierce@saunders.rit.edu.

Rochester City Ballet & Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra present: A Night of Dance Rochester City Ballet’s athleticism and artistry will illustrate the music of Petyr Tchaikovsky and Michael Daugherty when it joins the Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra for A Night of Dance. The performance will be March 12 & 14 in Kodak Hall at the Eastman Theatre. A Night of Dance features three different styles of dance, all without a narrative frame. RCB Artistic Director Jamey Leverett’s Tombeau de Liberace is a world premiere as flamboyant and fun as the famous showman pianist named in the title. The evening ends with one of the most iconic works of neoclassical ballet, George Balanchine’s Serenade. FuturPointe Dance also will perform La Création du Monde (The Creation of the World).

The history of great American ballet began with Serenade. Balanchine created it in 1933 for his students and 82 years later, it still inspires dancers, audiences, and choreographers as an icon of form, technique, and lyricism.

“This is the type of ballet to see if you have never seen ballet,” Leverett said. “The audience will see our dancers soar. Balanchine was a master of creating shapes and forms on stage. It is a magical introduction to ballet for someone who doesn’t know dance and for the dance lover.

“It is such an honor to be able to perform Serenade, one of the first great American ballets.” Leverett began Tombeau de Liberace when guest conductor Daniel Meyer suggested she listen to it.

“It was love at first listen!,” Leverett said. “The music encompasses a diverse palette, from the intricately exuberant, to ethereal, and romantic. I couldn’t wait to begin.”

For tickets, please call the Rochester Philharmonic Orchestra Box Office, 585-454-2100, or visit their website, www.rpo.org

Photo by Megan Kamler

Photo by Will Brenner, Artists: Rochester City Ballet

chatter ::platter

Greasy Spoon With a Heart of Gold

Shmeg’s Restaurant

::platter

chatter

PC

By Sofia Tokar | Photos by Brandon Vick “How can a nation be great if their bread tastes like Kleenex?” With some paraphrasing, Julia Child’s question can be applied to restaurants and diners. Bread is, after all, the staple of many breakfast and lunch menu items.

At Shmeg’s Restaurant, an unassuming diner on Buffalo Road in Gates, the bread is a labor of love, made from scratch using Genesee Cream Ale. It’s also a reflection of owner Megan Rattray and head chef Shawn Hoock’s dedication to their craft.

Partners in life and in business, Rattray and Hoock combined their talents—and their first names—to create Shmeg’s. The restaurant opened in December 2014.

“I’ve always been interested in owning my own place,” says Rattray. “But for a long time I was too scared.” Then in summer 2012 she met Hoock while both were working at The Bayside Pub in Webster (she at the bar, he in the kitchen). He had previously owned General Hoock and Sons, a pizzeria in Gates.

His culinary skills complemented her front-of-the-house savvy. “Shawn gave me the push I needed to make this place happen,” she recalls. Located in a former fish market, their restaurant would specialize in breakfast and lunch with the goal of making every guest feel at home.

Shmeg’s seats up to 60 people and is furnished with mid-twentieth century, dinerstyle tables and chairs procured from flea markets and antique stores. The open kitchen is bordered, in part, by a red countertop and barstools. The design allows patrons to watch—and interact with—Hoock while he makes their meals.

Two months in and business is going well. “It’s busier than we expected, especially on the weekends,” Rattray explains. She credits the community with helping Shmeg’s thrive. “We already have regulars, and have been lucky to host the police chief and town supervisor.”

But she also underscores Hoock’s contributions: “Shawn’s known for his breakfasts.

Everything he makes is different, with his own take on it.”

“As a cook,” says Hoock, “I take pride in seasoning everything myself. You shouldn’t have to put ketchup on your food to give it flavor.”

That mentality informs almost everything on the menu. The Big Bad Griddle Cake’s generous distribution of blueberries renders the syrup wholly optional. The twoegg “Chubby” breakfast sandwich—the restaurant’s signature dish—features the aforementioned homemade rolls (which boast a subtle taste of Genesee Cream Ale), eggs made to order, and a slightly sweet sausage that is flavored with molasses, honey, and brown sugar. The end result is a beautifully balanced sandwich showcasing the best of breakfast fare.

Even the home fries, ordered to accompany the sandwiches, are perfectly seasoned— no ketchup needed. But if you like your breakfast spicy, Hoock is happy to add his homemade hot sauce to any dish.

Want to kick your breakfast up a notch? Try the Wafflopolous. Instead of toast, you get two waffles sandwiching your eggs, bacon, and choice of sausage, steak, ham, or more bacon.

But don’t take my word for it. On a recent visit, patron Bill Reddy couldn’t stop raving about his breakfast. “I’m a hash guy,” says Reddy, “and you just don’t get homemade hash like this anymore, plus the homemade bread. And as you can see, clearly the servings are generous.”

Lunch at Shmeg’s is no different. The Curly Bomber is a submarine sandwich with curly fries, shaved steak, cheese, and more. Available in whole or half sizes, the former is enough to feed a couple with leftovers to take home; ditto with the towering Hand Carved Turkey Club.

Not content to rest on their laurels, Rattray and Hoock recently expanded their hours to include a weekly Friday Night Fish Fry. This does cut into Hoock’s bread-making time, but fortunately man does not live on bread alone at Shmeg’s. Rattray also offers her assurances that if you call and order 24 hours in advance, Hoock will prepare a batch of his famous bread for you to take home.

Shmeg’s is located at 3027 Buffalo Road in Rochester. They are open Tues. through Fri., 5am-2pm, Fri. nights, 4pm-9pm, Sat. & Sun. 6am-3pm. 585-481-2036 www.facebook.com/shmegsrestaurant

rochesterWomanMag.com :: march 2015

9

forward :fashion

The Folks Behind the

Upcycle Approach to

Living Green

By Joan Lincoln

Rochester area consignment shops are serious about luxury resale.

Definition: Enterprises that generate revenue by selling consigned,

donated, mostly gently-enjoyed secondhand goods.

Significance: Thrift stores require minimal startup financing while serving as fund-raising vessels for charitable organizations, low-cost retail options for consumers, and steady sources of income for ownership.

Historically, the concept of thrift arose alongside the founding of religious and private philanthropy. Organizations such as the Salvation Army (founded in 1865), American Red Cross (1881), and Goodwill Industries (1902) recognized the necessity of providing services catering to the physical and emotional needs of underserved populations.

Specifically, the Salvation Army and Goodwill Industries sought to bring the Christian faith to groups marginalized by the Industrial Revolution by combining scripture with charitable works.

Although these charitable organizations began with limited resources, the revenues eventually generated by their thrift stores rivaled those of traditional retail businesses. In the 2006 fiscal year, for example, Goodwill Industries reported revenues in excess of $2.9 billion with $1.8 billion (62 percent) generated in retail sales from its global network of 2,100 thrift stores. Similarly, the Salvation Army of the United States reported $3 billion in revenues, with approximately 15 percent of its revenue generated from its nearly 1,500 thrift shops.

According to the National Association of Resale and Thrift Shops, resale is one of the fastest-growing retail segments, with an annual growth of five percent. Furthermore, during any given year, 16 to 18 percent of all Americans shop at thrift stores, and 12 to 15 percent shop at consignment stores. By contrast, 11.4 percent of Americans shop in factory outlet malls, 19.6 percent in apparel stores, and 21.3 percent in major department stores.

Many of us have favorite childhood memories perhaps involving rummaging through the racks at the local thrift store with family and

friends. A Saturday morning ritual for many, it was almost impossible to leave the shop empty handed. There was always a vintage patent leather clutch or rhinestone brooch or silk scarf—with prices tags well under $5.00.

Fast forward 20 years. Now vintage fashion doesn’t always equal bargain prices. Deals that could be found in local thrift stores are now going for $100.00 plus dollars. In fact, many resale shop owners stock their stores with items they find at their local Salvation Army, Goodwill or Savers stores.

Luxury resale is a bit more specific and the educated consumer wants it! Gathering the authentic and high-end designer and boutique labels takes a trained eye. The quality of the goods and the condition of the merchandise is key for a successful luxury resale boutique to survive.

Merchandising and customer service can still exist in a consignment/ resale environment.

Rochester is blessed with over 60+ consignment/resale/thrift unique shopping environments, putting Rochester, NY on the resale map and destination shopping hot spot in Upstate New York. We entertain bus tours from surrounding cities and communities because of our unique resale shops and dedication to our businesses.

If you don’t yet shop at resale stores then ask yourself ‘why not?” If you picture dingy floors, bad lighting, and torn clothing heaped together, you might be pleasantly surprised. There are a few like that in every town, I’m sure, but for the most part, they are a veritable gold mine of unclaimed wealth.

With the sketchy economy, it’s a no-brainer way to save money. Even when the economic situation is in full bloom, resale is a practical, reasonable, and easy way to stretch your family’s dollars. You’d be surprised at the money you can save.

Another person’s castaway can be your treasure; it may appear mediocre at first but eventually stands out as being exceptional. It’s fun to find that under-appreciated item whether it be a item of clothing, a piece of furniture or a perfect glass dish ~ it’s your “diamond in the rough” ...now you really can have the best without spending the most.

Woma

sup busi

an Owned

pport inesses

The Mrs. New York America Pageant is held to give honor and tribute to the incredible married women across our state.

For more information regarding participation in the Mrs. New York America Pageant or for appearances by our reigning Mrs. New York America, Jessica Lahr at your event, please contact us at

WWW.MRSNYAMERICA.COM www.facebook.com/mrsnyamerica

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woman :leading

16

march 2015 :: rochesterWomanMag.com

{

woman

lw

dream } :leading

following her

Rebecca L. Ferguson | Photos by Tiffany Boula

Jessica Lahr is laying it all out on the table. Gracious and humble, Lahr has made it her work to stand along side women to be a voice of encouragement and optimism.

Operating with a pay-it-forward attitude, Lahr hopes to use her triumphs as well as adversities to inspire others in leaving an imprint on the world.

It was only seven years ago, shortly after the birth of her first son, Lahr found herself both rejoicing in the blessings of being a mother and a sadness about her new role change. Lahr explains, “I have to be honest, I felt a bit insignificant and for the first time, I was completely dependent.”

She describes the gratitude of being able to be in a position to stay home and care for her child but, having always contributed financially, was feeling lost.

She goes on to say, “I was almost unrecognizable; my physical appearance had changed dramatically with a seventy pound weight gain and I was struggling with this inner battle of feeling ashamed of my sadness all while having such an incredible miracle…my son.”

Lahr drew closer to God and began to flood her mind with positivity through her favorite Bible verses and inspirational quotes. She continued in prayer and then one day it just clicked, “I’m a mom. I need to be healthy for me so I can be healthy for my son and husband.” Watching her food portions and integrating exercise, Lahr began to lose weight and daily felt her natural optimism return.

Two years later Lahr and her husband delightfully welcomed their second child. And once again, Lahr found herself to be back at square one with her weight. Having a better handle on what to expect she remained positive but, her longing to fulfil a childhood dream of becoming a model seemed further and further from her grasp.

Life remained full and busy for Lahr and her growing family. Tending to their businesses, a toddler and newborn, Lahr was unprepared for a phone call from her baby sitter, that hours later would have her two year old son being sent by ambulance directly to Strong Memorial Hospital from an Emergency Room in Geneva. What started out as a complaint of a stomach ache had rapidly progressed to extremely high fevers, a diffuse swollen red rash, inability to eat and inconsolable crying.

Upon their arrival to Strong it became clear that Colby was very ill and teams of doctors, specialists and residents flooded their room. In an effort to properly diagnose Colby, Lahr recounts, “It was such a helpless feeling to watch your child have to endure such invasive procedures while the doctors and nurses worked diligently to find an answer.” Test after test and no clear answer in sight Colby was admitted for further evaluation and treatment. Lahr continues, “Our first night was really rough; my husband and I stayed with Colby in his room taking turns getting sleep in one of the chairs. We really didn’t know what we were going to do and it was uncertain how long Colby would be at the hospital.”

Soon doctors had an answer. Colby was diagnosed with Kawaski Disease; a disorder causing inflammation in the arterial walls throughout the body, including the coronary arteries which can impair blood supply to the heart.

With intense treatment of infusions and high dose aspirin administration, Kawaski Disease responds favorably to treatment. A treatment that would require Colby to stay in the hospital for a week. Unsure of how they would afford a hotel room, Lahr shared how the Ronald McDonald house took them in with open arms, “It was the most humbling experience and made a huge impact on our ability to be with our son. We were provided a place to

sleep, shower, eat and be present with so many other families going through the same thing; our children fighting to be well.”

The Ronald McDonald house is run with a twenty-four hour volunteer staff that provide round the clock meal preparation and cleaning. The house is able to run based on donations, volunteers, and support from the community as well as monetary contributions from the families. It is important to note that no family is ever turned away due to an inability to contribute financially.

Colby responded wonderfully to treatment and the Lahr family was eager to return home. Lahr credits the experience her family faced to be a driving force to do more. To give back more.

Allowing herself time and space to be healthy, Lahr lost seventy pounds over a two to three year period. She remained engaged in activities as a volunteer coach for a dance/cheer team; something she had been doing since she was a young girl and enjoyed tremendously. A fellow volunteer and friend, Nunu Rose, told Lahr about a model casting and encouraged her to go. It was this leap of faith that began to restore a bit of hope that Lahr would be able to fulfill her longtime dreams of modeling. She was cast!

Since that day Lahr has been involved with numerous fashion shows to benefit organizations such as Roswell Park Cancer Institute, Center for Youth, Rochester Battle against Cancer and many more. Her modeling career includes commercials, magazines and catalogs for a variety of brands locally and nationally as well as internationally. “I have learned I don’t need to be a 5’9” size zero body to be a lifestyle model. I have turned my cant’s into cans and I have a blazing desire to continue mentoring women to go after their dreams,” says Lahr.

Today, Lahr holds the 2015 Mrs. New York America title. A platform allowing her fellowship and comradery among so many beautifully talented wives, mothers and even grandmothers. Lahr admits she was uncertain of what to expect when she attended her first meeting. She says, “Here I was in a room full of women that all had an incredible story along with a passion to inspire others and give back. It was exhilarating to have such heart felt love and support.”

Excited to be allowed an opportunity to pay it forward, Lahr has chosen the Ronald McDonald house as her cause to advocate for. She has made it her work to bring awareness to an organization that lovingly houses families in a time of such tender need.

While working hard obtaining sponsorship for the upcoming Mrs. America Pageant this September, Lahr is donating twenty percent of all donated proceeds directly to the Ronald McDonald house.

In addition to a modeling career, her responsibilities as Mrs. New York America and being an entrepreneur, Lahr has made it a priority to find balance. She reflects, “I cherish my family time. My boys love football, soccer and Skyzone. My Colby, now seven years old and very healthy, has come to that point of wiping off mommies kisses and sometimes I wonder, I think all moms wonder; are we doing the right thing? But when my sons ask me to come into class with my gown, sash and crown…well, it really touches my heart to know how proud they are of their mommy.”

To learn more about the Ronald McDonald House and how you can volunteer or make a donation, please visit: www.rmhcrochester.org/ And to learn more about Mrs. New York America please go to: www.mrsnyamerica.com and find them on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/mrsnyamerica rochesterWomanMag.com :: march 2015

17

it! ::snap out of

what’s with all the media

hate?

it!

:snap out of,

By Margaret Madigan I love to interact with people. I love to socialize. I love to joke around. My favorite thing to do in the world is laugh. And I love social media to interact with people… well I used to. I don’t even want to look at it anymore, it’s so depressing. There is so much negativity; it changes my mood within 30 seconds of looking at my Facebook feed. What’s with all the hatred?

I don’t mind a little complaining, irritation, annoyance, even anger, but be reasonable for God’s sake. There is just so much out and out seething hate combined with broad generalizations and ridiculous accusations that it literally leaves me shaking my head as I turn off the computer.

Sometimes my jaw drops at what some people I know actually believe.

Take for instance, politics. Yea, we know that one is usually the biggest offender. But it really gets me when people can’t refrain from using an expletive every time they mention our President or some other government official. Ok, we get it you don’t like the person because of their beliefs, political party, gender, or race, but let it go already. Hanging on to all that anger all day, every day is a complete waste of energy. You know what else it means? That person wins. Yup, they got under your skin, they got your attention. Ha ha! Does that make you even angrier?

Well, then at this point I think you need anger management or meds.

Oh and yes I did say you might not like them because of their race or gender. Face it, some of us all have deep-seeded issues or just involuntary reactions that make us prejudice. We learned it somewhere. I don’t believe people are born with hate in their heart, I think it is cultivated by our environment. People in your world teach you things— maybe your family or friends or teachers or even TV. Somebody had to plant the seed. Unless of course you are a sociopath or something, even then I think that’s more that you have no regard for other people’s feelings or welfare rather than hate. But combine that with some trigger and you’ve got hate. I better go check my DSM-IV Codes on what mental health issues include anger.

Anyway, the things that people post about other people or issues that are so far removed from them that they are so angry about is completely beyond me. I often feel, the items they are raging against are either an outlet for anger they have inside from something completely unrelated or they are choosing to focus on that as a distraction. Like um, hey dude why don’t you focus on your juvenile delinquent kid at home rather than the President saluting with a coffee cup or the “freeloaders” on welfare?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t focus on the big picture; yes we need to worry about our world but raging anger about anything near or far is pretty useless.

The other thing that bothers me is that most of the statements are completely misguided, untrue, or spoken by a person that has no personal knowledge of the subject whatsoever. Remember that old chestnut that the bible gave us? “Judge not, lest he be judged?” If you haven’t lived it, you can’t assume that you know whereof you speak. You don’t know thing one about the homeless stranger you see on the street, but you’ll go telling tales that you “know” that “All those people do is drink and steal and they’re crazy.” Did you talk to the person? No? Did you follow them all day to see what they do? No? Did you do a background check on them? No? Well then don’t make sweeping hateful generalizations about them. And it’s simple math, even if one person in a group of 100 is honest and 99 of that group are dishonest, it still does not equate to ALL of those people are dishonest. Get it?

It’s one thing if you have a thought on a subject like, “I wonder how many people that are on welfare have been on it long term and seem to make it a lifestyle? What can we do to break that cycle?” That’s thoughtful

SIF SF

and proactive. Saying “All people on welfare are lazy deadbeat losers” is, well… just hateful. What if somebody posted something that applied to you, like all people that lived in your area were a*@holes? And most likely by someone that has never ever lived in your area or doesn’t personally know anyone that has lived in your area? Chew on that for a minute.

I have a theory according to a lot of psychology I studied in college that a lot of anger is based on the need to be right or not be vulnerable, which is ruled by what… our ego, right? So anger is fueled by ego. It’s also fueled by fear… the fear of being vulnerable. What is with a person’s overwhelming need to be “right” or “not taken advantage of”? It’s another waste of valuable energy. I know because I used to be like that.

After my divorce, I was so determined to never be duped or controlled again that I became very defensive, paranoid, and just plain shrew-like.

You see my ex-husband was a bit of a controller, verbally abusive, and ended up having an affair on me while I was pregnant with our third child. After all the hurt and anger, I really felt humiliated that I let that all happen to me. And what’s that? Ego. So post-divorce, as I started to date I became very, um… accusatory. A guy didn’t call, I’d be all like “I know what you’re doing, you’re blowing me off, at least have the balls to say it to my face!” And uh, well turns out he just had a kid that needed to go to the emergency room after his little league game. *Ahem* Yea, I did a whole lot of that. And that’s what people do on social media… “Our government will not humiliate me with their conspiracies to control me and let big business make money off me!” Why? Why are you so obsessed with that?

Is it all because you can say, “I told you so?” So, you can be “right”? Oh hello, your ego just called, it needs a reservation for one for your entire body.

The best thing I ever did was learn to be vulnerable and learn to “accept” that doesn’t mean I’m not still cautious of being hurt or wronged but now I just look for the signs and then quietly walk away.

Accepting things is awesome. I had suffered from anxiety most of my early life. I had a huge fear of death, especially at night. It was like the perfect anxiety cocktail, all the stuff you’re afraid of blends together as you try to go to sleep. After years of therapy and meds, I arrived at the fact that… we’re all gonna’ die someday. And I also learned I was just afraid of the unknown. Once I became older and experienced more natural death (you know old relatives dying off and whatnot) I realized that it is just a part of life and it actually is a weird beautiful peaceful experience. I can’t explain that one, but I know I became less afraid.

That’s why I don’t feel the need to arm myself to the tee at home or wherever I go, because I am NOT afraid. Those who are afraid build up arsenals. Those who aren’t are willing to battle what comes their way with what they have and will have the courage to know when there is absolutely nothing they can do about something. I’m not saying to give up, but just know when to walk away or focus attention elsewhere. Did you ever notice that when a terminally ill person decides “I’m ready to go” that an odd peaceful calm comes over them? It’s not a coincidence.

I can’t change other people. I can do what needs to be done, say if they did something criminal to me I’d report them and let the chips fall where they may. Otherwise I just cut them out of my life. I won’t waste my breath ranting and raving waiting for justice or for them to make amends and say “I’m sorry”. Not gonna’ happen. Sometimes you just can’t get blood from a stone and you need to let it go. So folks on Facebook ranting and raving, either do something constructive to try to help or quit your bitching and let it go. Then do something really useful like hug your family or friends.

Margaret “Madge” Madigan in the Associate Editor of Rochester Woman Magazine, and author of the best selling book, “When Life Gives You Lemons…At Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!” rochesterWomanMag.com :: march 2015

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moment ::SHIFT+CONTROL ::menopause

&

estrogen r e c n a c t s brea A

love

-HATE RELATIONSHIP

By James Woods, MD and Elizabeth Warner, MD

What do the dates 1896 and 1935 have to do with breast cancer? They mark critical moments in clarifying the complex relationship between estrogen and breast cancer. Breast cancer is the second leading cause of cancer mortality in the United States and Canada. Understanding its relationship to estrogen is critical for attributing cause and planning future therapies.

In 1896, it was observed that breast cancer regressed if women had both ovaries removed (surgical menopause), or progressed into natural menopause even though estrogen had not yet been discovered as a hormone. In 1916 this relationship was demonstrated in the animal model and in 1923 estrogen was identified and named.

Clinical studies reinforced the concept that length of estrogen exposure affected breast cancer risk. Risk factors include women with early onset menses or late menopause, women who do not have children or have had children later in life, women who do not breast feed, obese women and those who abuse alcohol. The estrogen-induced biologic pathway leading to breast cancer has been shown to involve estrogenrelated gene mutations and generation of reactive oxygen species.

At odds with this process is the fact that in The Women’s Health Initiative (WHI) report of 2002, women with a hysterectomy who were only given conjugated estrogen (Premarin) and not the combination of Premarin and the synthetic progestin, medroxyprogesterone acetate, ( as PremPro) , showed a reduction in breast cancer incidence 20

march 2015 :: rochesterWomanMag.com

and mortality compared to controls. It appears that under certain circumstances, estrogen protects against breast cancer. How could this be?

Haddo, a British microbiologist, first demonstrated in his laboratory that certain synthetic estrogens, one being diethylstilbestrol (DES), under certain circumstances can retard growth of breast cancer cells and later confirmed this finding in a clinical trial. By the 1960s, DES in high doses was been used to treat breast cancer, producing a reduction in breast cancer cells in one third of women. However, for breast cancer survivors at least 5 years into menopause and therefore deprived of estrogen for an extended period, estrogen’s action to kill breast cancer cells was more striking than that for younger women.

The science of breast cancer is changing continuously. Evidence is accruing that while breast cancer in most cases does involve a life time of estrogen exposure, if those breast cancer cells are deprived of estrogen for an extended period, they change, and estrogen then becomes a “lethal bullet.” This concept appears radical but in time may provide new approaches to the treatment of breast cancer.

James Woods MD is a practicing gynecologist certified in menopausal medicine and a regular contributor to Rochester Woman Magazine.

Elizabeth Warner, MD, is a retired gynecologist living in Rochester, NY. For questions regarding this” Menopause Momen”t please call him at (585) 271-7800 or read his BLOG at www.obgyn.urmc.edu/menopause.

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Film

::special

feature

making a differenc

By Laura DiCaprio | Photos by Stephen Reardon

While most of her friends were begging their parents to see the latest movies in the theatres or were watching the newest early 90’s sitcoms, young Becca Delaney was quite happy to watch The Wizard of Oz over and over again. She saw the film so many times that her mom started to limit her “Wizard-of-Oz-watching-time” to 15 minutes per day. Her love of the Emerald City and all of its inhabitants gave her an early appreciation for film as an art form and fine storytelling, a passion that stayed with her into adulthood.

While her college courses and early career focused on marketing and public relations for corporate and higher education clients, she found a way to marry her interest in film and communication skills in her newest role as the Project Director for Rochester’s first annual Fast Forward Film Festival.

communications resume, it was a job she held while a graduate student at the Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) that forever changed her outlook on the direction she wanted to take her professional career. “As the Assistant Director of Marketing and Event Services at RIT, I felt like I was making a mark in students’ lives,” she explains, “From that point on I wanted to partner with things that mattered to me…work wasn’t just about a paycheck anymore.”

Originally from Liverpool, NY, Delaney never spent a significant amount of time in Rochester until she moved here to attend St. John Fisher College where she studied communications and journalism. Upon graduation she knew that she wanted to stay to pursue a career in this area. “The arts community, the festivals in the summer…I love the cultural experience here,” she beams, “I absolutely love Rochester.”

Wanting to explore different career options but unsure of where to turn, Delaney met with Dr. Andrew Stern at the Starbucks in Pittsford at the suggestion of a mentor. A local Rochesterian and recently retired neurologist, Stern is also the co-founder of The Lost Bird Project, a non-profit organization that initiates national projects to help raise environmental awareness through the arts.

Stern wanted to use the medium of film as a tool to engage with the local community and further build interest in environmental issues. After a few more brainstorm sessions in local coffee shops the concept of a short form film festival and competition started to fall into place. In March 2014, a new addition to Rochester’s cultural scene launched and Delaney hit the ground running as Project Director of the Fast Forward Film Festival.

Her professional career began with a few positions at prominent Rochester businesses; public relations at Roberts Communications, advertising with Clark CSM, and a corporate marketing stint with ThirtySix Software. While building up a solid marketing and 22 march 2015 :: rochesterWomanMag.com

The Fast Forward Film Festival (FFFF) is a short film (5 minutes or less) competition that encourages novice, emerging, and established filmmakers from the greater Rochester area to submit works that use storytelling through film to convey the urgency of

ce through

m

today’s environmental problems. Stern’s passion for environmental initiatives and Delaney’s interests in movies and marketing experience made them an ideal team. Stern acts as the Executive Director of the festival and Delaney works as the Project Director. Stern acts as the Executive Director of the festival and Delaney works as the Project Director.

A call for submissions opened on October 8, 2014 and closed on February 27th, 2015 and dozens of entries were received. “The quality and range of the submissions has been amazing,” Delaney reports, “We had groups, classrooms, organizations, and individuals submit.

We are thrilled with the level of interest.” No entry fees were required and the competition was open to anyone wanting to submit a short environmentally-focused film.

Selected entries will be shown at the Little Theatre and George Eastman House during Earth Week 2015, April 17th and 18th. Cash awards of $1,000 will be handed out at the event to winners in the following categories; most inspiring/compelling/engaging, most unique perspective, and strongest call to action. Cash awards of $250 will be given out to Honorable Mentions in each category as well.

The festival’s jury tasked with evaluating all the submissions is composed of four distinguished judges: Jack Garner, nationally renowned film critic and author of From My Seat on the Aisle: Movies and Memories, Deborah Dickson, Academy Award nominee, Todd McGrain, independent filmmaker and The Lost Bird Project co-founder and

feature

:special,

sFF SF

winner of the 2014 Audubon Award for Art Inspiring Conservation, and Enid Cardinal, RIT’s Senior Sustainability Advisor to the President.

Sponsorship this year for the Festival comes from RIT, the Pollution Prevention Institute, The Little Theatre, WXXI, and the George Eastman House. The entire Rochester community is invited to attend the screenings and all ticket proceeds go back to the venues, which is a unique premise for a film festival. “We have built wonderful relationships within our Rochester community and we would like this to continue every year,” Delaney states.

Something that sets this event apart from others in the festival community is the Friends of the Festival mentorship program, a network of organizations in the greater Rochester area that offers support and resources for aspiring filmmakers. Friends of the Festival is Delaney’s brainchild and an initiative that assists anyone needing help in creating a short film for submission. “Think of it as a fairy godmother for filmmakers,” she explains, “Whether you need equipment, lighting, actors, editing software… we’ve developed a robust list of community businesses willing to help.”

Friends of the Festival gives even the most novice of filmmakers the opportunity to have a voice and take part in creating a submission for evaluation. Delaney researched local businesses and organizations who might be interested in participating and went calling on them one by one to see if they’d like to become a community partner. The response has been overwhelmingly positive and she foresees even more companies volunteering their time and services for next year.

Over thirty businesses currently participate as Friends of the Festival and include prominent organizations like the Monroe County Central Library for camera and film editing equipment, RIT’s Film and Animation Department, the Rochester Movie Makers for access to actors and film knowledge, and Epic10 Films for filmmaking technical advice and consultation.

Without a centralized office and so many people in the community to meet and work with, Delaney jokes that her car and local coffee shops act as her office. “The idea for the festival was born in a coffee shop and I continue to work on it out of coffee shops!”

Along with building the festival from the ground up, Delaney is simultaneously tasked with creating a blueprint model to help other interested cities launch similar festivals in the following years. Expanding the festival into other metropolitan areas would provide a platform to help spread environment conservation topics while simultaneously supporting the arts community. “Our dream has always been to carry this model to other cities” she explains, “Rochester is the pilot and we’re developing an application process and will invite cities to apply to bring the FFFF to their cities, which will be available this summer.”

Organizing the festival from the ground up has been a rewarding challenge for Delaney and she looks forward to continue growing the FFFF for many years to come. When asked what her favorite experience has been so far, she thoughtfully states, “ My favorite piece about working on Fast Forward Rochester and its Film Festival has been seeing the Rochester community come together to create a successful platform for folks to start a conversation about something they care about. It has been extremely rewarding to work with such passionate groups and individuals who are trying to make a difference, right here in our community.”

For more information on the Fast Forward Film Festival, including where to buy tickets and how to become a Friend of the Festival, visit www. fastforwardroc.org or email info@fastforwardroc.org. rochesterWomanMag.com :: march 2015 23

positive life :positive mind,

the

power of creating your own

Luck

By Sraddha Prativadi, MD

I love the image of the proverbial rainbow with the divine pot of gold at its end.

It is a beautiful image with so much truth to it for we are always traveling along that rainbow to the pot of gold in the distance. Life is like this, traveling along our path daily, and if we are living it correctly, we are always creating higher and higher goals for ourselves. Life is about growth and expansion and creation. If you are not creating, you are disintegrating. Think about that word for a second dis-integrating - you are not fully integrating all of your loves, talents and gifts into your life to share with others and manifest your highest life. This is the part of full integration, the path of walking the rainbow with all of its colors.

Imagine a rainbow without red or blue or green . . . it wouldn’t be a rainbow.

You not finding, knowing and expressing all of your gifts is not the full you and you are not creating your rainbow path on the planet. This is your CHOICE. This is your power of creating your own luck. Look at the women we are honoring this month. They made a choice to walk forward in the direction of their pot of gold and yet our achievements get every higher and higher, that pot of gold keeps moving us forward and forward.

“Whatever happens in your life - good or bad - doesn’t come by way of luck, lack of luck, fate, karma or sins of your forefathers. What happens in your life is up to you and the choices you choose to make. It’s these very choices that will either work in harmony with the natural Laws of the Universe, or will act dysfunctionally against these very same laws.” - Bob Proctor, Forget about Luck Positive Philosophy: Know that you have the power within your mind to create your own luck, to shape circumstances into your own true path. This is not magic any more than it is magic to launch a shuttle into space and time; it’s landing on the moon. It is about knowing the natural laws of the Universe that define whether and how the thoughts you hold in your mind actually manifest into your physical experience. This is not magic or illusion, although once you understand them and put them into action the results you get seem like magic - it is natural law, just like an oak tree manifests from an acorn, so does your physical experience manifest from the seed of your thought.

The problem is that most people don’t know how to control their minds and much less who to use their minds to achieve the results that they desire. So look around you and assess if what you see and feel is what you actually desire.

If so, then congratulations you are working with the laws. If not, then you, my friend, need to take on the serious education of your mind and the natural laws. This will work wonders for your business and personal life.

Positive Purpose: Most people don’t know what their true purpose is. What is your bliss? What do you do that seems effortless? Now I’m not talking about always do what you know you can do and never stretch yourself. That is a different conversation. What I am talking about here is finding something that you are so excited about that you get energy for it in abundance and time just passes when you do it. This is to be distinguished from the whole area of thought of learning the discipline of successful people who do what needs to be done, that they don’t necessarily want to do but is in line with their higher purpose. Filling your mind with a clear vision of what it is you desire is the first step in positively co-creating your best life, your best relationships and your best business. What is it you want to manifest this year? A 7-figure business? A close circle of friends? A mastermind group? A skilled mentor able to lead you to your highest abilities? Keep your mind focused on these things. Write them down.

Positive Processes: Creating your own luck with gratitude is one of the most powerful processes there is. My good friend Sandra Gallagher, legendary banking attorney, and my good friend and mentor, global premier prosperity master Bob Proctor like to call this “gratituding”. Every morning and evening make a gratitude list. I am so happy and grateful now that . . . . Write down 10 things that you are grateful for in your current life and things that you would like to manifest in the future. Write it as if it is in the present. Close your eyes, really feel what it would feel like to have or be what you wrote. Feel it throughout your body, heart and mind.

“Realize, there’s no such thing as luck. Luck is an illusion, it’s a misnomer.

Everything in this universe happens by very precise laws. As we come to understand these laws and then attempt, and I say attempt because there isn’t anyone who does it perfectly, as we attempt to incorporate them into our lives, things start to happen.” - Bob Proctor So everyday, just keep working on creating your own luck. You will love what you experience.

Sraddha Prativadi, MD is a transformational consultant/coach and founder of Doctor P: Power of Your Positive Potential, providing individual, group, corporate and elite training to tap into your greatest asset – the marvelous mind. Sign up for FREE Positive Notes from Doctor P atwww.YourDoctorP.com or call 585-3648018 to speak with her about helping you achieve your positive, powerful results for business, health and personal growth.

story ::cover

When she first arrived in Rochester she knew she needed to work, she wanted to work. She had career aspirations, something not many women had at the time, let alone a doctor’s wife.

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Woman dared ::cover

the

story

cs

who

By Margaret Madigan Photos by Brian DalthorP

An Interview with Award Winning Journalist Gail Sheehy Gail Sheehy is the author of seventeen books, including the classic New York Times bestseller “Passages”, named one of the top ten most influential books of our time by the Library of Congress.

She is also a multiple award winning literary journalist, one of the original writers for New York magazine and a contributing editor for Vanity Fair since 1984. She began her heralded journalism career right here in Rochester at the Democrat and Chronicle.

The subjects of her books range from a look at the developmental stages of life to Hillary Clinton to a single town in NJ that lost 50 residents on 9/11 to Mikhail Gorbachev, and span almost 50 years. In her latest book, “Daring: My Passages, A Memoir”, to her the subject is her most daunting one yet, Gail Sheehy.

Sheehy returned to Rochester on Sunday March 1st to appear at the Jewish Home of Rochester. (The event is co-sponsored by Jewish Senior Life and the Jewish Book Festival) to discuss her new book and reflect on desire, ambition and wanting it all – career, love, children, friends, and social significance.

Gail Sheehy was born in Mamaroneck, NY (Westchester County) to Lillian and Harold Henion. She graduated from University of Vermont in 1958 with a BA in English and Home Economics.

In 1970 Sheehy earned her MA in Journalism from Columbia University where she studied on a fellowship under Margaret Mead.

After graduating from University of Vermont, Sheehy moved to New York City and took a job with the consumer service department at the Manhattan headquarters of J.C. Penney. She soon met her future first husband Albert Sheehy at the age of 23, just barely making it to the deadline she had promised herself of not marrying for at least two years out of college. When they met, Albert Sheehy was a first year medical student at the University of Rochester. They had a long distance relationship for a year and

then married and moved to Rochester.

Sheehy writes in her book, “It was only 350 miles from Manhattan, but I could have sworn it was an iceberg broken off from somewhere in the upper Midwest that floated through the Great Lakes and grounded itself in the snow belt of western New York State.” Her book doesn’t exactly paint her experience in Rochester in a glowing light but when interviewed by Rochester Woman Magazine she said it was a very valuable experience. “It was very important to me to experience a smaller city because New York City is a universe unto its own; kind of a reverse provincialism.

I began to understand a more conservative lifestyle but in the midst of a community with great love of the arts and high learning standards.” she explained.

When she first arrived in Rochester she knew she needed to work, she wanted to work. She had career aspirations, something not many women had at the time, let alone a doctor’s wife. Her first job in Rochester was a fashion coordinator at McCurdy’s but she had wanted to be a writer since she was seven years old when her grandmother bought her her first typewriter.

She applied for her first newspaper job at the Democrat and Chronicle. Sheehy met with the editor of the women’s page, George Jewell who completely ignored her portfolio of writing and went straight for the age, gender, marital status questions and asked for an estimate on when she wanted to get pregnant. Workplace discrimination against women was the norm back then. And women writers were only ever hired to right about fashion and housekeeping. Sheehy wanted to write more than that. Mr. Jewell referred her to his editor-in-chief Red Vag. Mr. Vag asked her what she liked to write and she replied “What’s going on under people’s noses that they don’t see- between men and women, white people and black people, stuff like that.” Mr. Vag liked her chutzpah and offered her three fashion stories a week and one Sunday feature on the other “stuff”. He couldn’t promise it would get published but he would try. None of them ever did run.

Her three years in Rochester seemed to wear on her but would eventually help shape her. “I was an outsider in more ways than one”, she states. At that time (1960-1963) most of the doctors and rochesterWomanMag.com :: march 2015

27

story ::cover

their wives came from affluent backgrounds and the wives didn’t have to work. Sheehy had to work to support the two of them and put him through school. At work she was out of place with the other wives because she wanted to work and not just play bridge and attend Junior League meetings.

After her husband graduated from medical school they ventured back to New York and settled in the East Village. Sheehy garnered an interview with the city editor at the World Telegram and Sun. The city editors opening line of the interview was, “What makes you think a little girl like you from the boonies of Rochester can write for a big city daily? To which she responded, “I didn’t know geography was the measure of talent.” He exclaimed, “I like the way you talk, sister!” as he hired her on the spot.

She was wooed away from the World Telegram and Sun by Eugenia Sheppard of the New York Herald Tribune as a feature writer.

She was excited to finally write articles of substance rather than feign excitement writing about fluffy women’s pieces of the day.

This was what she had been waiting for; she ran with it and never looked back. Even as she unexpectedly became pregnant shortly after starting at the Trib, she was determined to make a name for herself, even working right up to a few hours before giving birth.

Her daughter Maura was born in February of 1964.

Even though she was writing less fluff at the Trib, she was still relegated to the “estrogen zone” of the women’s pages. Sheehy worked up the courage to sneak down to the “testosterone zone” one day, passing the desks of legendary writers like Tom Wolfe and Jimmy Breslin and into editor Clay Felker’s office to pitch a story about single men renting co-ed beach houses on Fire Island and using beautiful girls to attract people to their parties. He liked it.

He told her to use a literary device of writing it as a scene. Her new journalism style helped launch the next phase of her career as a serious journalist. Her personal life was also entering a new phase as her husband’s infidelity lead to their divorce.

Clay Felker eventually founded New York magazine and brought Sheehy with him. Felker collected other cutting edge journalists like Gloria Steinem, Jimmy Breslin, Tom Wolfe, and Barbara Goldsmith. They became a family and formed the publication into a weekly New York City must-read. They became a family in more ways than one as Sheehy eventually married Felker in 1984.

She went on to become a contributing editor at New York and Vanity Fair and write 16 more books. The event at the Atkin Center at Jewish Senior Life in Brighton is part of a book tour she has been on since September. She’s gone from large events in New York, Los Angeles, Houston, Chicago to small festivals and community functions across the country, “Big to small, very exciting”, she says.

The tour is also to spread the word on her new online Daring Project, where she features essays written by women from all walks of life who have dared to push forward and go out of their comfort zone and accomplish personal goals big or small. Sheehy says, “So many women are interested in the Daring Project. I thought it would encourage young millennials to act, but I find older women more interested in the project. We start a second adulthood at 50.

It’s longer than your first adulthood so make it count.”

What’s next? Sheehy is considering assembling those stories into a small provocative book made to inspire. Possibly an eBook as she confesses, “People’s attention spans have become shorter.” My how times continue to change.

To find out more information about Gail Sheehy visit www.gailsheehy. com or the Daring Project visit www.sheehydaringproject.com.

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march 2015 :: rochesterWomanMag.com

Gail Shee urtesy of

Photo Courtesy of Gail Sheehy

Sheehy realized that so many people had the same experiences in life but not all had experienced the external trauma that she had.

She also pondered how these experiences are different from men to women. Society had never thought about women’s life cycles before and how they differ from men. These thoughts lead her to write her iconic book Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life in 1976.

Photo Co

Next she was asked to cover stories in India about the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and his new disciples The Beatles and to Belfast in Northern Ireland to cover the lives of Catholic women amidst the warring British Army and the Irish Catholics in Northern Ireland.

On this trip to Ireland in 1972 is where she had a life-changing experience as she witnessed a young boy shot in the face right next to her as she herself was dodging bullets. “That was my first experience of the fragility of life. At 32 I experienced my first midlife crisis. Life doesn’t go on forever, am I doing the right thing?

Things are changing, life becomes real. “

hy

Soon she found herself assigned to cover the presidential campaign of Robert F. Kennedy. She travelled with Kennedy, his entourage and other reporters for several campaign stops, leaving to fly back to New York on the day of the California primary. Just as she arrived back at her NY apartment, the phone rang and it was Felker asking if she was all right. She knew something was amiss.

He told her Kennedy had been shot. “How soon can you get me the story?” was Felker’s next question.

“What makes you think a little girl like you from the boonies of Rochester can write for a big city daily?�

rochesterWomanMag.com :: march 2015

29

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arts ::SHIFT+CONTROL ::queen of

32

march 2015 :: rochesterWomanMag.com

{

ONE

funny } arts

::queen of

QA

chick

By Margaret Madigan | Photo by Stephen Reardon It’s the age-old question—what do you want to be when you grow up? For most of us, the answer constantly changes as we mature from idealistic teenager into adulthood. For Pam Werts however, the answer to that question has never changed. As she was preparing to head off to college, Werts father asked her what she wanted to do with her life. When she told him that she wanted to be a stand-up comic, her father was quick to reply “not an option” as he proceeded to make a throat slashing motion with finger across his neck. So heading her father’s advice, Werts ventured off to SUNY Fredonia to earn a degree in Business Administration. But the stand-up thought was always in the back of her mind.

A couple of decades after college, Werts was the Vice President of the board of a local breast cancer organization which was putting on a fundraiser at GEVA Theater. In preparation, committee members were working with a professional comedian.One evening as they were relaxing after a session with the comedian, she asked him “Do you ever work with anyone trying to get into the business?” He rolled his eyes and said, “Yea, sometimes”. She responded, “because I’m really f@*kin’ funny”. He spit his drink out and said, “What did you just say?” to which she repeated her response. He called her several days later and said he had a showcase at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY and wanted her to perform. Werts was stopped in her tracks saying, “Um, yea I can’t do that now. I meant later, when I grow up”.

Of course he talked her into it. But she was still petrified of having her first stand-up experience.

She went ahead and did the showcase. “It was me and about seventeen males, all of whom I could’ve given birth to”, comments Werts on the lineup that night. She ended up blowing the doors off the place and as she walked off stage the manager of the club told her she was opening for local favorite and nationally known comic Jamie Lissow the following week. She was baffled, did he not understand she just had her first time on stage? He did and he didn’t care. That was in 2010. She decided to follow her dream and has never looked back.

Eventually she had her first paying gig which was opening for legendary comedian Richard Lewis. She performed five shows opening for him at The Comedy Club in Webster, NY. She thought, “My first paying gig was with a legend, where do you go from there?”

Well, she kept going anyway, opening for other comedians such as Judy Gold and being a headline performer herself. There were many places for her to go.

She decided to create a special all-female comedy show, “Comedy with Curves” which filled the house once a month at The Comedy Club in Webster. She became friendly with Syracuse comedian Anna Phillips who had been a featured comedian in “Comedy with Curves”. One day Anna approached Werts and said she wanted to produce an all-female comedy show in Syracuse and would like her to be the regular host of the show. The show entitled “Chicks are Funny” has become a smashing success, packing the house at the Funny Bone in Syracuse, a national comedy club chain. The show fills the 350-seat house the last Wednesday of every month. Sometimes standing room

is even filled. The next show is Wednesday March 25th at 7:30 at the Funny Bone in Syracuse. This June will be the two year anniversary of the launch of “Chicks are Funny”—proving the title to be correct.

All-female or not, two years is an amazing run for a comedy show.

Werts has just learned that the show will be expanding its run to the Funny Bone in Hartford, CT.

Phillips and Werts are always on the lookout for good talent to showcase in “Chicks are Funny”. She said she has found great women comedians all over the place, from comedy competitions to shows in clubs to just networking with other comedians. She believes there are a whole lot of funny women out there, which is indicative of the packed house every month at “Chicks are Funny”. Werts has also been a finalist in Rochester’s Funniest Person Contest and recently won Comedy Central New York’s ‘Cut the Check’ contest. In October she performed at the legendary Caroline’s in New York City, something she is particularly proud of. They have asked her to come back to perform and they are working out the dates.

When asked if she finds there is a certain prejudice against females she stated that, “There are places that are friendly (to females) and places that are not.” She notes that the comedy business in general is very competitive, so people will find an edge and it sometimes means men trying to bump women. According to many folks, there has always been an underlying belief in the business that “women aren’t funny.” As evidenced by the documentary “Women Aren’t Funny” created by husband and wife comedians Rich Voss and Bonnie McFarlane. It takes on the old adage and proves it wrong. Werts finds that women are more supportive of each other and that it’s an honor to work with them. And she is very grateful to the people of Syracuse for supporting their show and these funny women. By the way, the audience is a healthy mix of men and women for the all-female show.

When asked what advice she would give to anyone looking to breakin to stand-up comedy, she suggests getting up at open mic sessions and showcases as much as you can. Just look online, you can find them all around town. She says, “Comedy is material and delivery.

Novices make mistakes to hurry and fill the 8 minutes with just reciting the material as fast as they can, no good delivery or pauses for laughs. Practice and then just get out there and do it. It doesn’t matter who thinks you’re funny. Comedian Ralph Teta gave me the best piece of advice, ‘Just go up there and have fun, the laughs are a bonus’.” Werts believes you need a lot of guts to do stand-up and perhaps be a little damaged to subject yourself to it, “It’s like public speaking on crack cocaine”, she says.

In the future, her overall goal is to have her own special on Comedy Central or HBO. She would also love to have her own show on Sirius XM Satellite Radio. But in the meantime she’s going to try to keep moving up the rungs and getting bigger, better and more frequent shows. You can catch Werts in Rochester at various venues and fundraisers, be sure to check her website www.pamwerts.com for dates and times for upcoming shows. You can also follow her on Facebook by searching for Pamela Werts Comedian. rochesterWomanMag.com :: march 2015

33

sense sense ::dollars & ::dollars &

Why

you should plan for retirement

by Colette Powers

TODAY

First, let’s gain some perspective. A little more than 20 years ago, the average price of a new home was just $150,000 1 and tuition, with room and board at a four-year private university, cost a mere $13,0002. Gas was a little more than a dollar a gallon3; the average new car cost just under $16,0004. But by 2010, a new home averaged $240,0001 and an undergraduate degree $32,0002, while gas prices and the price of the average new car had just about doubled. What will prices look like 20 years from now?

That’s where financial planning comes in. We can’t predict the future, but developing a financial plan now to help prepare for retirement is a good first step — one that can also help ensure you stay on track toward your goals. Your retirement will probably look very little like your parents’. It used to be that when folks turned 65, they got a gold watch, a party and started a life of leisure.

Today, retirement is looking more like a continuation of work in some form, and current trends make planning ahead more important than ever.

People are living longer, which increases retirement costs, and need to start saving earlier. The traditional sources of retirement income such as social security or the equity in your house may no longer be sufficient. More and more individuals are realizing they have to bear primary responsibility for meeting their retirement needs by saving. And we’ve all seen the potential impact of volatile markets on retirement assets (2008), further highlighting the need for a financial plan to help ensure you do not outlive your money.

What this all comes down to is that it’s not enough to merely talk about growing portfolio assets. Preparing for the future requires a plan that takes into account far more than investment growth. It means getting advice on every aspect of your financial life. A financial plan is based on each individual’s circumstances, but generally should include the following.

could have a significant impact on your ability to meet your financial goals — particularly retirement.

4. Borrowing wisely. The word “debt” has a negative connotation, but it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It comes down to borrowing wisely and a financial plan can help ensure that your borrowing decisions work in concert with other decisions.

5. Protecting assets. If you and your loved ones are not adequately protected with life, long-term care, disability and other important insurance coverage, unexpected circumstances could potentially lead to a financial catastrophe.

6. Giving. Establishing an estate plan is an essential element of a financial plan.

What’s more, people who have a plan tend to feel more confident. UBS surveyed individual investors and the results showed that those who consistently follow a financial plan felt significantly better about their financial situation; 73 percent felt very good compared to 31 percent for those who don’t follow a plan; and 68 percent felt highly confident about achieving their financial goals versus 21 percent for those who don’t follow a plan5.

How good do you feel about your financial future?

Colette Powers is a Financial Advisor with UBS Financial Services Inc., 440 S. Warren St., Syracuse, NY 13202. Any information presented is general in nature and not intended to provide individually tailored investment, tax or legal advice. Investing involves risks and there is always the potential of losing money when you invest. The information provided may be deemed reliable; however, the accuracy and completeness is not guaranteed by UBS Financial Services Inc. The views expressed herein are those of the author and may not necessarily reflect the views of UBS Financial Services Inc. As a firm providing wealth management services to clients, we offer both investment advisory and brokerage services. These services are separate and distinct, differ in material ways and are governed by different laws and separate contracts. For more information on the distinctions between our brokerage and investment advisory services, please speak with your Financial Advisor or visit our website at ubs.com/workingwithus. UBS Financial Services Inc. is a subsidiary of UBS AG. Member FINRA/SIPC.

1. Discovering needs, goals and resources. Every good plan starts with a conversation to discover your needs, wants, wishes and what is important to you.

Sources: 1 United States Census Bureau 2

U.S Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics. (2012). Digest of Education Statistics, 2011

2. Managing cash flow. Cash is king. Until you get a handle on income and expenses, you can’t determine how to save and how much to save for the future.

3

U.S. Department of Energy – eia.doe.gov National Automobile Dealers Association – www.nada.org (average retail selling price)

3. Investing and saving. Following a consistent saving and investing plan 34 march 2015 :: rochesterWomanMag.com

4 5

UBS, Investor Watch, January 2013.

Find You Rhythm Overnight and Half-Day Programs Jazz and Classical Middle, High School, and Adults Eastman Campus or Keuka Lake summer.esm.rochester.edu Email: summer@esm.rochester.edu Call: (800) 246-4706 or (585) 274-1400

cause ::for a good

By Krista Gleason | Photo by Ve Ja Broyld, Sr. Women veterans are sometimes referred to as “invisible veterans” because their contributions went largely unrecognized for so long.

Women have served their country since the start of the American Revolution in 1775, and formally became a part of the U.S. Armed Forces in 1901 with the creation of the Army Nurse Corps. It wasn’t until the late 1970s however, that laws began to be enacted officially granting women veteran status for their time in service, and making them eligible for veteran benefits, including health care.

The right to obtain health care services did not mean access for women was easy, or equitable, especially in a male-dominated institution unaware of women’s unique needs. Gender disparities in the screening, diagnosis and treatment of medical conditions were prevalent. In 2008, Congress mandated that each Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) medical center nationwide have a full-time Women Veterans Program Manager to coordinate and oversee health care services for women.

Tammy Franklin is the Women Veterans Program Manager for the Canandaigua VA Medical Center and Rochester VA Outpatient Clinic. She stresses, “It’s not about providing special care for our female veterans. It’s about providing the good quality care to our female veterans that all veterans are entitled to. It shouldn’t be different for one gender over the other. It’s important that every woman knows it’s her VA too.”

Serving Monroe, Ontario, Wayne, Livingston and Yates counties, the Women Veterans Program offers a full continuum of health care, ranging from gender-specific care and treatment for mental health issues such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and military sexual trauma, to management of chronic conditions such as heart disease, diabetes and cancer.

According to Franklin, there are 1,460 women currently enrolled for care between the Canandaigua VA Medical Center and Rochester VA Outpatient Clinic. That number is projected to increase to 1,848 by 2018. The majority of these women are treated for musculoskeletal disorders (think of all that heavy equipment in the military), closely followed by mental health conditions. Care is provided by on-site medical practitioners trained in women’s health issues, or by accredited community providers, with the VA covering the cost.

Franklin is a veteran herself, having served in the U.S. Army for four years, and is also a licensed clinical social worker. She says care for women has come a long way, but more needs to be done, especially to increase awareness among women of their benefits eligibility. The Canandaigua VA is home to the national Women Veterans Call Center, which conducts outreach to recent female veterans to let them know about their eligibility for health care benefits and other services. Franklin also credits partnerships with community agencies like the Monroe County Veterans Service Agency, Veterans Outreach Center and CDS Monarch Warrior Salute program in reaching female veterans. She adds that the support of local VA leadership makes a difference as well, and that “everyone wants to provide the best care we can.”

According to the VA, women are the fastest growing group within the veteran population. They currently represent 10 percent of all veterans, a number that is expected to climb. The Women Veterans Program will be there for them—to ensure they receive the care they deserve, and that no women veteran is ever invisible.

“We’re going to continue to work very hard to make something that’s good to be really great. We’ll continue to improve care. We’re always looking to make things better,” says Franklin.

To learn more about the Women Veterans Program or to inquire about care, call program manager Tammy Franklin at 585-393-7621.

Caring

for our female veterans

Lollypop Farm

Obstetrics and Gynecology

Henry Hess, MD, PhD

Jim Woods, MD

We specialize in perimenopausal and menopausal care and welcome new patients.

To make an appointment, please call 585.271.7800.

Hess/Woods/Warshof Obstetrics and Gynecology 2255 South Clinton Avenue Rochester, NY14618 Kalin Warshof, MS, RN, FNP-BC

words ::SHIFT+CONTROL ::in her own

beco a Lady o

By Kathy Kurz | Photo by Ve Ja Broyld, Sr.

When my business partner and I sold our 18 year-old Rochesterbased company to a larger firm in 2012, I told our buyers that I would work for two more years, but then wanted to retire. So it isn’t like December of 2014 snuck up on me unawares. My husband and I had carefully planned for the financial side of retirement; I had been thinking about activities I wanted to pursue when I had the time; and I was leaving the company in good hands. Nevertheless, when you have worked long hours for almost 40 years with no significant hiatus, retiring brings some unexpected changes—many of them emotional.

On January 2nd I still woke up at 6 a.m. despite the fact that I had not set my alarm. The first thing I realized was that I no longer had a place to go that felt like home, other than home. For years I had been driving every morning to an office where I had my “space”; where people were expecting me to show up and would be worried about me if I didn’t. I knew how to get there and what to expect when I arrived. In short, I had a place outside my home where I belonged.

Fortunately, a couple of months before I retired, I had joined a gym for the first time in my life. I now had the time to go to the classes that most interested me. After attending certain classes regularly for a couple of weeks, some folks were kind enough to introduce themselves to me. Although it still doesn’t feel as familiar as my old office used to, I now know how to get there without consulting Google maps and at least a couple people notice if I don’t show up to a class. Moreover, feeling welcome in one new place has given me the confidence to find other new “homes away from home”.

Attending Zumba and Yoga classes regularly has also helped me build a new routine for my days—the second thing I realized I was missing. I’ve always found comfort in having a plan for my day— even if the plan ended up changing. Suddenly my calendar was wide open and it was a little scary! While that freedom is attractive in some ways, I’m finding it helpful to tether it with some specific activities at certain times in the day.

The third thing I learned is that retirement can be a very humbling experience. For years, I was an expert in most of what I did each day.

That isn’t to say I never had to learn anything new. In fact, most days I did learn something new. But any new information was incorporated into an extensive body of pre-existing knowledge. In contrast, most of my retirement activities are things I had thought about doing for some time, but had no real experience with. For example, I signed up to be a Literacy Volunteer and started the training program in my second week of retirement. All of a sudden I was immersed in new acronyms and strategies for teaching vocabulary, reading comprehension, word decoding, lesson planning, etc. Yikes! It felt overwhelming. While it is certainly humbling to realize how hard it is to absorb new information when you have no context for it, I have also found it exciting. (The instructors for the Literacy Volunteers of Rochester are awesome, by the way!)

oming of Leisure Similarly, my daughter has been teaching me to quilt. I am embarrassed to tell you how long it took me to thread the sewing machine for the first time. And I will confess to some bad language related to my frustration! However, my daughter was a patient and gentle instructor and my first effort at a quilt—a table runner, not a bedspread!—is now proudly displayed in my living room. Even better, I’ve discovered that my new love for sewing supplies has help replace my love of office supplies.

Fourth, even though I’m basically an introvert, I found that I miss my office mates more than I anticipated. Fortunately, I’m blessed with a team that has continued to include me in some of their fun activities. I know it won’t go on forever, but it is easing the transition tremendously.

Finally—and I’m just starting to really understand this now—I realize that I will need to come up with a new “business card” to explain what I do now that I am retired. In marketing parlance this would be called a “tag line” that summarizes my new purpose in life. My old tag line was “higher education enrollment management consultant”—quite the mouthful and most people had no clue what that even was. But without that on my business card, I’m feeling a bit at loose ends and I don’t think “Lady of Leisure” is going to cut it in the long run. (Although I have to say it is a lot of fun for now!) I asked my husband, who retired several years ago, what his “business card” would say. He replied “jack of all trades” or “handyman”.

Between our house and the houses of my two daughters, this “job” has proven to be pretty all consuming for him. (Before my retirement, his would also have said “chef”, but he has graciously ceded some of those responsibilities to me!) I know other retired folks who would say “traveler” or “grandma” or “baker” or “runner”. The point is that the folks who are happiest in their retirement seem to have an answer—or more than one answer-- to that question. Dr. Nancy K. Schlossberg in her book Retire Smart, Retire Happy: Finding Your True Path notes that “It is difficult, uncomfortable and even depressing to know who you were but not who you are.” So I guess that is what I’m discovering. On her website, Dr. Schlossberg (who is retired, by the way) is described as: “Author, Speaker, Motivator & Life Transition Guru.” I don’t think I need to go that far. In fact, I find just reading her tag line a little exhausting. But certainly I want to feel like my next 20 or 30 or 40 years are productive in some way.

So I’m thinking about how to answer the question that everyone asks when you retire—“What are you going to do now?” By the way, I anticipate having to change my business card every few years—I did that in my profession, so why not do it in retirement? It will keep things fresh!

So, to those who are retiring or planning to retire, remember to think about developing new routines, new places where you feel you belong, and a new business card. And to those who know someone who is retiring, please don’t ask them what they are going to do.

They may not know and it could be painful for them to realize that.

Instead just say, “How wonderful! Congratulations!”

feature ::special 40

march 2015 :: rochesterWomanMag.com

hope { hopeless} feature

::special

Giving

by Jacqueline Colello I photos by Gerard H. Gaskin

Life is like taking a painting class, whether we know it or not. We are all blessed with a blank canvas when we are born into this world. We may not all be blessed with the same set of colored paints or even the same set of brushes, but that’s what makes each life of canvas so interesting.

Every person in this world can create a beautiful masterpiece to call his or her very own, yet we can still be inspired by each other’s works of art.

We each have a teacher and, for me, my teacher is God. Now, whether I have always listened to instructions, showed up to class when I was supposed to or actually put in the right amount of work is a completely different story.

Our life experiences, whether they are positive or negative, are all part of the creative process that will help shape our lives into the masterpieces they are supposed to be. Some people may experience more negative than positive and vice versa. I believe it’s up to us whether we want to push through the process, especially when it feels like all the colors keep blending together to create a drab brown.

However, this is when patience, faith and trust come into play. Having patience while the paint dries, having faith that my masterpieces will be worth the wait and trusting that my teacher knows exactly what He’s talking about. I also need to trust that when the colors do blend together, there is a lesson that I needed to learn, which only makes me a wiser artiste, and in turn, is all part of life’s process as well.

My name is Jacqueline Colello, and I have pushed through one ugly process in life. Looking back over the last 30 years of my life, the majority of it was that ugly brown color. At the young age of 14, I not only had my first drink, but had my first blackout. That night set the tone for the next 13 years of my life. I can’t tell you the numerous times I have not only lost my cell phone but my dignity in public from falling down wasted to being passed out on the side of random buildings.

In my early 20s I quickly acquired the name “Drunk Jackie,” and although I laughed, there was a part of me that died every time someone called me that. I knew I deserved better, and I wasn’t raised to be some drunken barfly, but the insanity of my alcoholism skewed both my perspective on life and my ability to be honest with myself. In hindsight, I was really just trying to find God, my teacher. I just wanted my life to be a beautiful work of art, but I wasn’t patient. I had no trust and never put my faith in Him. The only thing I knew was the quick fix that the buzz of alcohol gave me. In reality, I was creating a mess instead of a masterpiece.

The mess I created entailed one reckless driving, two DUIs, three totaled cars and a near-death experience. My life was starting to look absolutely insane, and everyone else could see the bigger picture but me until the night of Sept. 8, 2011, when everything changed.

sf

to the

After a long day of college classes, working out and a drunken night in hospitality, I fell asleep intoxicated on my way home at 3:45 a.m. driving into Tampa Bay’s crosstown. I was coming onto the on-ramp when I dosed off. My car ping-ponged seven times between two cement barriers. I should have died that night, but thankfully I walked away with only a smashed nose, broken jaw, busted eyebrow and a smile that was fixed $10,000 later.

Shortly after my accident, I entered a 10-month, spiritually based drug and alcohol program called “Teen Challenge” out in California.

After completion, in October 2012, I came to stay with my mom in Baldwinsville. Talk about being a fish out of water. There was no beach, no sun, no friends and only snow. I didn’t know what to do with myself, and I was also trying to live a new way of life without drinking.

Thankfully, a few months later in my mother’s basement, I came across a blank canvas that she had left over from a painting class she had taken. This is when I began to tap into the artistic gift of painting that I didn’t even know I possessed. In the beginning, it was a lot of finger painting and positive sayings such as “beYOUtiful” and “life is beautiful.” I would paint until 2, 3, 4 o’clock in the morning. It was like discovering myself in a whole new way. As time went on, I started to evolve more and built up enough courage to display my art at Café at 407 in Liverpool. In May 2013, I sold my first painting with the word “beYOUtiful” painted on it, and it has become one of my signature pieces ever since.

Today, I’m a full-time artist who is completely self-taught. I am also the founder of Colello Creations and sell my work internationally. My mission in life is to share with the world my story of struggle, strength and hope. I have also acquired three years of sobriety by the grace of God. I believe that my life was spared in my accident so I could share with the world how I have changed. How I discovered a hidden treasure within me that I never knew about. How I was able to push through life’s process, accept that all my struggles and setbacks were merely just stepping stones toward something more profound. Everything I have been through was all supposed to happen in order for me to create the beautiful masterpiece my life has turned into. May my life inspire, enlighten and give hope to the hopeless today and always.

Artist Jacqueline Colello can be contacted for future public speaking arrangements or commissioned art by calling 315-715-5103 or emailing colellocreations@gmail.com. See her artwork in person at her upcoming show at 6:30 p.m. on Saturday, March 14, at The Vineyard Church, 312 Lakeside Road, Syracuse. You can also find Jacqueline’s artwork by visiting colellocreations.com; follow her on Instagram at @colellocreations; or “like” her page on Facebook at facebook.com/colellocreations.

back ::talking

“Life isn’t fair!

It’ll never be fair!

So get over it and eat your damned cookie!”

Everything

::talking back

with shannon joy

TB

You Need to Know About Politics

You Learned From Being a Mom. The Deadly Fallacy of Fairness

By Shannon Joy

If you’re a mom, it’s likely that you’ve fallen head first into the occasional fairness trap. It all starts out so nice … everyone gets their fair share!

Until the minute details of the negotiation derail the process, fighting ensues and the whole thing dissolves in tantrum and tears.

economic collapse, purges, forced displacements, imprisonment in labor camps and massacres.

All told, Russia lost 40 million souls during Stalin’s Communist reign because the people were lured by the promise of false utopia and a ‘fair share”. They surrendered liberty for perceived equality.

You see, Mimi doesn’t care that the cookie cake slices are EXACTLY the same size because Jack’s slice has a flower on it and she wants the flower. And Ted could care less about the damn flower – he wanted the crust piece. And on and on until you actually hear yourself conjuring up your mother’s favorite line:

Socialism didn’t fare much better. Hitler’s National Socialist Party promised the Germans the same type of ‘social and economic justice’ in the early 1930’s. Total government control of business, major industries, healthcare, education and religion would usher Nazi Germany to the Promised Land.

“Life isn’t fair! It’ll never be fair! So get over it and eat your damned cookie!”

Germany’s experiment with socialism cost the world 11 millions souls who perished in concentration camps. Their highly efficient, national ‘health care system’ featured the T4 Euthanasia program responsible for the injection deaths of 200,000 disabled children and elderly.

And there it is. A life lesson that we all learn at age four and acknowledge as truth. The world is actually a completely, unfair place.

This has been a truth throughout human history regardless of era, culture, geography or government system. You may “even the playing field” as best you can but at the end of the day even the nature of our birth is unfair! Some are tall, some are short. Some are geniuses others, not so much. Some are beautiful and others are homely. Some born wealthy, some impoverished. Some are friendly, others cranky.

I could go on.

Thomas Jefferson wrote that “all men are created equal”. But he never implied that the government should be empowered to force them all to have equal amounts of stuff. Or that every man had equal talents and abilities. That would have been absurd! He meant that each life was equally valuable and had equal protection under the law.

Amazingly … this kindergarten level truth seems to be incomprehensible to our modern day politicians and bureaucrats, who fancy themselves some kind of Houdini – who can magically conjure up an American Utopia where everyone ‘gets their fair share’ and has ‘complete wage equality’. The promises are grand. And we believe they can deliver.

But they can’t deliver, because if it doesn’t work at my kitchen table with a cookie cake, it certainly can’t work in a country of 300 million, with the largest, most complex economy in the world. It’s actually impossible for an elite few in Washington, DC to EVER deliver even a modicum of fairness. And while falling into the fairness trap is annoying as mom, it’s a deadly for a nation.

Karl Marx promised a Communist Utopia to the Russians “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need” and equal distribution of goods and services for the people. When his plan was implemented by Stalin it resulted in forced famines, food shortages,

We are being sold these tired, failed ideals today. Only they’re repackaged as ‘economic justice’ and ‘income equality’. Every time we empower the government to be the arbiter of fair share we are giving up our liberty, independence and freedom to pursue happiness as we see fit.

Isn’t it interesting that we give politicians (who rank between used car salesmen and blood sucking lawyers in terms of trustworthiness) so much power to take our hard earned money and redistribute it to others? We trust them to control our healthcare and education?

Do we really believe they won’t simply enrich themselves, enrich their cronies and consolidate power at the expense of our liberty and prosperity?

The thing is … Liberty might be messy. And it’s not always fair.

But that’s OK for me. I know enough about history to know that when a politician promises fairness they are really only looking to get elected. And with too much power and control, governments become downright dangerous. I’d rather have income inequality than tyranny.

And, I actually don’t mind that some people are richer than I. Because in addition to telling me that life is never fair, my Mom also told me that money can never buy happiness!

I invite you to read this column each month as I offer insight and commentary on politics in America. And tune in to my radio show Talking Back every day at noon on WYSL 1040AM & 92.1FM. We discuss the issues that matter to you, break them down and offer solutions! It’s talk radio … for girls!

Sources: http://www.ibtimes.com/how-many-people-did-joseph-stalin-kill-1111789 http://www.ushmm.org/wlc/en/article.php?ModuleId=10005200

rochesterWomanMag.com :: march 2015

43

Inspire

rochester women

Michele Caryl

Wood Buyer, Wholesale Sales Associate, Pioneer Millworks

By Margaret Madigan | Photo by Stephen Reardon

At Rochester Woman Magazine we love to feature women who are thriving in traditionally male dominated industries. Michele Caryl is one of those women. Caryl has worked for Pioneer Millworks, a company that salvages wood no longer in use and re-sells it, since 1996 as a Wood Buyer and Wholesale Sales Manager.

Caryl is responsible for purchasing wood from industrial, agricultural and other wood structures that are either being demolished or partially deconstructed and rebuilt. “Our goal is to purchase any type of wood that no longer serves it original purpose before it ends up crushed or in a land fill”, she says.

While a student at Rochester Institute of Technology she formed a business partnership with her future first husband in a custom design/renovation/homebuilding company. She explains, “We started our company buying boarded up city houses. Being broke college students we spent a lot of time at Rochester demo jobs scavenging lumber, trim and doors to use in our houses.”

The upstate NY economy took a downturn in 1996 and their company was not making enough to consistently support their family. Her husband took a management position with a large company and Caryl continued to run the business until existing projects were completed, then started to look for a job. A timber frame company in Shortsville was impressed with her architectural design experience but could not hire her because she only designed by hand and had no idea how to use CAD or a computer. The company did however offer her a part-time position as an administrative assistant in a fairly new sister company – Pioneer Millworks now located in Farmington, NY. Eventually she was promoted to a production assistant, then a sales associate and finally a buyer for Pioneer. However, in 1999 a divorce and financial struggles led her to leave Pioneer and start her own business again buying reclaimed timbers from demolished buildings and reselling them to companies like Pioneer Millworks.

The business thrived, however being a divorced mother of three and doing lots of travelling with her job did not make for a good mix. She felt she needed to spend more time at home, so in 2005 she decided to give the owner of Pioneer a call again and asked if they had any openings. He asked what she wanted to do and she replied, “Is your job available”? It wasn’t, but they were looking for a production manager, for which she was hired. She eventually became a buyer again at Pioneer and is very happy. “Apparently, buying suits me. I keep coming back to it”, states Caryl.

Caryl grew up in Niagara Falls, NY, graduated from Niagara Wheatfield High School and then received a BFA from RIT in 1980, majoring in Environmental Design. She currently lives in Honeoye Falls in a converted barn that was part of the original Sibley Estate with her second husband, Daniel who works for NY State. “We often joke that he dresses up for work in a suit (continued on page 48)

rochesterWomanMag.com :: march 2015

45

inspire

“It’s hard work and long hours but I love it”.

:rw

Laura Hauser

Owner, T&L Tree and Landscape

By Margaret Madigan | Photo by Ve Ja Broyld, Sr.

T& L Tree and Landscape is a full service lawn, tree, and landscape company. They offer services such as lawn mowing, tree and shrub pruning, tree and stump removal, insect control, and tree fertilization.

They also offer 24 hour emergency service and with the unpredictable and sometimes severe Rochester area weather, that could be invaluable.

You never know when the wind or snow can bring down a tree, damaging your home or vehicle.

Laura Hauser is the founder and sole owner of T&L Tree and Landscape, the only woman owned landscaping business in the area.

Hauser is originally from Cary, NC and got her start in the tree and landscape business almost by accident. In 2002, Hurricane Isidore hit North Carolina and Hauser’s neighborhood was hit pretty hard. A tree company from Rochester had come down to help with cleanup and Hauser flagged them down. She needed help cleaning up her tree damage from the storm and once neighbors found out she had found a company to do the work, they started funneling all of their requests through her. “I sort of became the neighborhood spokesman”, Hauser said. Hauser did indeed become the neighborhood liaison, if you will, between the neighborhood and the tree company.

Once word got out that someone was able to help, requests were pouring in to her for help. When a disaster strikes, people are desperate to find available help and Hauser just decided to take the plunge. There were so many requests that the Rochester tree company contracted her, she helped set up the work and in some cases perform it herself and sent all the paperwork to Rochester. She had just sold a sports complex that she had started, so she was game for a new venture.

She continued to live in Cary, NC until an ice storm hit the Rochester area in 2003. Hauser came up to help and eventually an opportunity arose for her to take over the company she was working for. She thought the decision a no-brainer to take over a business that was so lucrative.

Hauser moved to Rochester in 2003, things were going okay until word got out that her tree and landscape company was womanowned. She soon found out that being a woman-owned business in a traditionally male industry was met with some skepticism. She found out that within the industry in Rochester some men had started a pool on the date of her company’s demise. They weren’t even wagering on “if” she would fail, it was “when”. The wagers ranged from 60 days to 6 months. Hauser took it personally. This fueled the fire to make her company a success. And not just an adequate company but she was determined to be the best tree and landscape company in the area.

Hauser states her motto as, “A successful woman is one who can build a strong foundation from the bricks others have thrown at her.” Her company now has five full-time employees year round and dozens of parttime employees during the busy season in the summer. “In Rochester this is truly a seasonal business”, says Hauser. She also owns a fleet of various trucks, Bobcats, grinders, and dump trucks. Hauser is most proud that she was named 2014 Contractor of the Year by Angie’s List. (continued on page 48)

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march 2015 :: rochesterWomanMag.com

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“I’ve never walked into someone’s house and thought ‘What’s wrong with you?” Never!”

Tamara Turcott An Eye For Detail

by Vanessa J. Cheeks | Photo by Ve Ja Broyld, Sr.

“For every minute a person spends organizing, an hour is earned.”

--Benjamin Franklin As a professional organizer and owner of An Eye for Detail, Tamara Turcott spends her days creating welcoming, functional spaces for her growing clientele. Not shying away from any task, her office is typically someone else’s office, home or even a single closet that has simply gotten out of hand. “ We all have a place in our lives that is a little bit chaotic and when we have clutter and chaos around us we don’t relax, it’s psychological.

We all do it, I do it!” explained Turcott who boasts that while she hadn’t always known what to call it, professional organizing was something she was destined to do.

“If you ask any organizer they will tell you they’ve been doing it their whole life. I was the little girl who had all white hangers in my rainbow organized closet. I have always been big on the organizing part.” Said Turcott. Her eye for detail lead her from a typical 9-5 career to starting her own business a year ago and she hasn’t looked back.

Her infectious personality makes it easy for people to open up, something that is essential to this line of work. “I have to get to know them, how they live, work and clean” says Turcott who uses detailed questioners and conversation to get to know her customers.

No stranger to life’s obstacles, Turcott is able to make a unique connection to people suffering from chronic disorganization that can be brought on by loss, depression, stress or generally being overwhelmed by the accumulation of possessions.

“It makes it easier because I do understand. I don’t come from a place of judging and this is true of any organizer; you have to be that way in this business.” said Turcott. “I’ve never walked into someone’s house and thought ‘What’s wrong with you?” Never!”

While her clients typically seek her out, the process can still be challenging, but ultimately rewarding for Turcott and the people she helps. “They still get nervous when I come over; sometimes it is a little bit of gentile work. These are people I am close with. I’m a friend to help them tackle it” she explained A major part of the process for Turcott is teaching her clients to part with non-essentials but for her the reward is amplified if she is able to donate usable items to charities of her choice in the Rochester area. “I would never forcibly remove items from someone’s home but, it is important to me to be able to give back and help others to give back by getting rid of things they don’t need” explains Turcott, who in addition to un-needed items has donated her time (along with several colleagues) to help organize the office of the Community Place, a non-profit in Rochester dedicated to helping people in our challenged neighborhoods. (continued on page 48) rochesterWomanMag.com rochesterWomanMag.com::::march march2015 2015

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Michele Caryl

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Tamara Turcott

Hauser has gone through many changes in her life, she received a B.S. in Industrial Engineering from Lawrence University and worked for ten years at GE. In other incarnations she owned a commercial and residential cleaning company and a sports complex. But she’s seems to have found her niche with T&L as she states, “It’s hard work and long hours but I love it”. Along the way she’s also played the role of mother.

Hauser and husband, Don raised two sons, John who received his Masters in Criminology and is currently a fireman/paramedic for the city of Raleigh, NC and Ryan, who received a medical degree and will specialize in Pediatrics/ Pediatric ER. He is currently a Professor of Clinical Medicine at American University”. It would seem from business to children, Hauser is certainly a success.

“Part of the reason people have a hard time parting with things is because you spent money on it, they think ‘how can I throw this away?’ But when it is going to go to a family it’s easy.”

For more information or a free consultation and estimate from T&L Tree and Landscape, please call 585-223-3190 or visit www.tandltree.com.

For additional information as well as organizing ideas, visit www.aneyefordetailorganizing.com.

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laura hauser

and tie and I put on work clothes, a hard hat and carry a tool bag full of knives and saws”, jokes Caryl. He has two sons from his first marriage and she has two daughters and one son from hers. They also have a 22 month old grandson and an 8 month old granddaughter.

She is a passionate gardener and cook, and loves to shoot trap, bicycle, read, and do carpentry projects. She also has a recently renewed interest in a favorite childhood activity, putting together puzzles. “It’s a great stress reliever”, she states.

Caryl manages a team of men and is possibly the only woman in her field in the entire nation. Co-worker John Champlin states, “I happen to sit across from her at my office and have listened in on conversations with how she deals with clients/customers/suppliers. Those that are first timers with her are surprised they are talking to a woman, because this is sort of a man-centered world. And then there are those that have dealt with her before or who are in the industry (who) really have a reverence in their tones when talking with her. She’s a handy woman, a grandmother, and she really is impressive at commanding respect without being anything but determined.”

A member of the National Organization of Professional Organizers (NAPO), Turcott also stages properties for sale on the market and is branching out to speaking engagements, teaching simple rules on how to get organized and stay that way, something of which she hopes to do more.

“In the end if I’ve done my job right I have done two things, I don’t have to teach them to maintain it because it’s designed for them specifically and the second thing I’ve done is taught myself out of a job.”

march 2015 EVENTS CALENDAR

A Night of Dance

12&14 Grand Opening Cannonball Cafe

13-15 A Day of Health

21 1st Annual YWCP Fashoin show

25 Gilda’s Guys Bachelor Auction

27

Organization: Rochester City Ballet & The RPO Time: 7:30pm & 8:00pm Where: Kodak Hall at the Eastman Theater Website: www.rpo.org Organization: Coffee Connection/Project Empower Time: 10:00AM Where: Cannonball Café, Charlotte Website: www.ourcoffeeconnection.org Organization: RAC for Women Time: 10:00AM to 2:00PM Where: RWC for Women, 1544 Ridge Rd. W. Website: www.rochesterathletic.com Organization: YWCP Time: 6:30 pm Where: The Century Club Website: www.youngwomenscollegeprep.org Organization: Gilda’s Club Rochester Time: 6:00pm Where: Harro East Ballroom Website: www.gildasclubrochester.org

The Attention You Deserve At Brighton Securities, we believe that building the best financial plan to meet your financial goals starts with you. That’s why when you talk, we listen - kind of turns the whole “expert” thing on its ear, doesn’t it.

Wealth Management Since 1969

Caroline Hill — Financial Advisor

www.brightonsecurities.com Brighton Securities is a member of FINRA & SIPC

Rochester Woman Magazine

events

RWM’s Events 2015 Policeman’s Ball

Over 800 police officers and community members from across central and western New York came together on Saturday, February 21st at the Rochester Riverside Convention Center to honor four of our fallen and wounded police officers at the 2015 Policemen’s Ball. The ceremony was hosted by WROC news anchor, Kevin Doran. Those honored included RPD Officer Daryl Pierson and Monroe County Sheriff Deputy Bridget Davis. Those in attendance, enjoyed casino games provided by The Dealers, and had an opportunity to bid on auction items provided by local sponsors. The Policeman’s Ball is organized by the Badge of Honor Association. Photos by Brandon Vick Photography.