November 2015 by Rochester Woman Magazine

NOVEMBER 2015 SPECIAL EDITION

special insert 2015 RWMS ULTIMATE WOMEN’S EXPO

Tia Torres

FROM WOLVES TO PIT BULLS ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM :: NOVEMBER 2015

FOR ALL THINGS THAT ARE...ROCHESTER WOMAN! FORTHE ALL THE THINGS THATYOU YOU ARE...ROCHESTER WOMAN

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November

OUT & ABOUT 7 PLATTER CHATTER: The Cub Room

FASHION FORWARD 10 RW INSPIRES 12 HEALTHY WOMAN 16 SPECIAL INSERT: Ultimate Women’s Expo

COVER STORY: Tia Torres

FAB FINDS 40

SPECIAL FEATURE: PTSD and Acupuncture

SNAP OUT OF IT 44 RWM WINTER FUN 48 QUEEN OF ARTS: Amanda Ashley

FITNESS 54 READS & WRITES 56 CALENDAR OF EVENTS 57 SPECIAL FEATURE: Masterminds

MENOPAUSE MOMENT 60 FOR A GOOD CAUSE

MODERN DAY WONDER WOMAN

19 28

Letter from the

PUBLISHERS

“Once you have had a wonderful dog, a life without one, is a life diminished.” —Dean Koontz If you’ve ever owned a dog, you understand the unique bond that forms between them and their owners. Kelly and I are both dog owners and well, yes, lovers. My husband and I recently became dog owners again, 14 years after our beloved black lab passed away. After that, we said we would not get another dog, but then everything changed when we met Einstein (and yes he is a genius!). We discovered this adorable threemonth-old black lab at Lollypop Farm in August and decided we just had to give him a forever home. The past two months have been a whirlwind of “no”, “don’t chew that”, “drop it” and “get off there”. But he made us realize how much we missed having a dog, and that unconditional love in our lives. He captured our hearts the moment we met him and has already become an integral part of our family. The fact that we rescued him from Lollypop Farm and are able to give him a great life filled with love makes him even more special to us. Kelly has two dogs, one of them happens to be a brindle pit that she rescued (well rescued her), eight years ago. She is the sweetest, most loving of any dog that she has ever owned. Just showing that this breed is horribly misunderstood, and that much of their temperment comes from their owners. Shelters are filled with many breeds of dogs that are in need of forever homes. One of the most misunderstood breeds is the pit bull. There are many rescue organizations that specialize in pit bull rescue both locally and nationally, but perhaps one of the most famous is the Villalobos Rescue Center in New Orleans. Villalobos is owned by Tia Torres and is perhaps best known from the show on Animal Planet’s, Pit bulls and Parolees. Torres started Villalobos because,

as a survivor of domestic violence, she understands the pain of human violence. She was eventually able to walk away from her situation, but pit bulls aren’t in a position to do that and that’s where Villalobos comes in. They added a new member to their family this year, Lizzy Scollo-Chock, from right here in central New York. Lizzy was part of the Cuse Pit Crew until moving to New Orleans a few months ago to help Tia and the Villalobos family. We are incredibly fortunate to have exclusive wedding photos of Lizzy and her new family in this edition! Read about Tia, Lizzy and the Villalobos crew on page [34]. You can meet Tia and the other members of Pit bulls and Parolees on November 19th at our Ultimate Women’s Expo from 5-9pm at the Burgundy Basin Inn. They will bring their fur friends, there will be photo opportunities, and an incredible runway “surprise” that you won’t want to miss! With the holidays just around the corner, this the time of year most of us celebrate with friends and family. There are many however who find this to be a lonely, depressing time of year. In this month’s Modern Day Wonder Woman, columnist Jill Burress talks about the importance of friendships and how we were not meant to go through this life alone. Read her column on page [64]. Ever since she was a little girl, Amanda Ashley knew she was destined for an artistic life. She began her singing career playing local bars and events but needed something more. In 2013, she left Rochester and embarked on a 21-day game-changing journey that brought her full circle. Read her story on page [52]. You can also see her perform live at this years Ultimate Women’s Expo, and see for yourself what an incredible presence she has on stage and off. In just a few short weeks, on November 19th, we’ll fill the Burgundy Basin Inn with over 200 vendors, music, fashion, food and lots of fun. It’s our RWMs Ultimate Women’s Expo and the Ultimate Ladies Night Out! Save the date, bring your friends (men, women and children) and enjoy an evening of shopping, sampling, and of course, meet the stars of Pit bulls and Parolees! This promises to be our biggest event to date and one Rochester will be sure to be talking about afterward. Thanks for reading Rochester Woman Magazine and we look forward to seeing you on the 19th. Kelly & Barb ON OUR COVER

Lizzy Scollo-Chock was photographed at her wedding on location in Louisana by Rita Earl Blackwell photography.

OUR TEAM...

PUBLISHERS Kelly Breuer Barbara McSpadden EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Barbara McSpadden

ASSOCIATE EDITOR Margaret Madigan CREATIVE DIRECTOR/DESIGNER Kelly Breuer

PHOTOGRAPHY

Todd Elliott Jeff Gerew Gilmore Hayle Lisa Mancini Julie Gelfand-Piper Brandon Vick

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Amanda Ashley Joy Bergfalk Jill Burress Stephen Comello, MD Jessica Gaspar Dorothy Howe Kelley Kailyn Jenning Cassandra Kubit Sandy Leary Joan E. Lincoln Lucy Lupo Margaret Madigan Charlotte Symonds Sofia Tokar James Woods, MD

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O&A MOVIES

By The Sea – 11/13

By the Sea follows an American writer named Roland and his wife, Vanessa, who arrive in a tranquil and picturesque seaside resort in 1970s France, their marriage in apparent crisis. As they spend time with fellow travelers, including young newlyweds Lea and François, and village locals Michel and Patrice, the couple begins to come to terms with unresolved issues in their own lives.

Mockingjay Part 2 – 11/20 Teamed with a group of her closest friends – including Gale, Finnick, and Peeta – Katniss goes off on a mission with the unit from District 13 as they risk their lives to stage an assassination attempt on President Snow who has become obsessed with destroying her. The mortal traps, enemies, and moral choices that await Katniss will challenge her more than any arena she faced in The Hunger Games.

Spotlight – 11/20 The film tells the riveting true story of the Boston Globe’s Spotlight investigation team who uncovered a scandal that would rock the city and shock the world. For years, whispers of the Boston Archdiocese’s cover up of sexual abuse within the Catholic church were largely ignored by the media, the police and the legal system. Against all odds, the spotlight team fought to expose the truth.

Creed – 11/25 A story that finds Rocky Balboa acting as a trainer and mentor to the grandson of his fellow boxing alumni, Apollo Creed.

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STOP DREAMING, ROCHESTER IS GUARANTEED A WHITE CHRISTMAS! DECEMBER 15-20 IRVING BERLIN’S WHITE CHRISTMAS, the stage adaptation of the beloved classic film is coming to RBTL’s Auditorium Theatre this holiday season. Bring your loved ones for a heart-warming celebration of Americana from December 15-20, 2015. Tickets are on sale now at ticketmaster.com, 800.745.3000 and the Box Office. Group orders of 15 or more may be placed by calling 585-277-3325.

IRVING BERLIN’S WHITE CHRISTMAS tells the story of two showbiz buddies putting on a show in a picturesque Vermont inn, and finding their perfect mates in the bargain. Full of dancing, romance, laughter and some of the greatest songs ever written, including “Count Your Blessings Instead of Sheep,” “Happy Holiday,” “Sisters,” “Blue Skies,” and the unforgettable title song, IRVING BERLIN’S WHITE CHRISTMAS promises to be a merry and bright experience for the entire family! The creative team for the National Tour includes direction and choreography by Randy Skinner (Tony Award® Nomination, Best Choreography); book byDavid Ives (Finnian’s Rainbow, On the Town) and Paul Blake (Producer, Beautiful-The Carole King Musical); set design by Anna Louizos (Avenue Q, In The Heights); set adaptation by Kenneth Foy; costumes by Carrie Robbins (A Class Act); lighting design by Ken Billington (The Drowsy Chaperone, Annie); sound design by Keith Caggiano; orchestrations by Larry Blank (Tony Award® nomination, Best Orchestrations); vocal and additional arrangements by Bruce Pomahac; music direction by Michael Horsley; casting by Binder Casting/Jason Styres, CSA. Original Broadway production directed by Walter Bobbie. IRVING BERLIN’S WHITE CHRISTMAS is produced by Work Light Productions, whose other current & upcoming touring productions include Rent 20thAnniversary Tour, Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Cinderella, MAMMA MIA!, Vocalosity, and Crazy For You. IRVING BERLIN’S WHITE CHRISTMAS features Music and Lyrics by Irving Berlin, and is based upon the Paramount Pictures film written for the screen by Norman Krasna, Norman Panama and Melvin Frank.

ROCHESTER ACADEMY OF MUSIC & ARTS PARTNERS WITH FOODLINK TO HELP FEED LOCAL FAMILIES IN NEED This fall, the Rochester Academy of Music & Arts is partnering with Foodlink, a certified nonprofit organization committed to fighting hunger in Rochester. Now through December 18, the Academy will be accepting donations of nonperishable food items to benefit Foodlink. For every item given, the donor will receive one raffle ticket—a chance to win a prize package from businesses such as Wegmans, JCPenney, and Lori’s Natural Foods. Every item donated goes solely to benefit local families in need. To maximize the effectiveness of the food drive, the Academy has started off the drive with a 65lb donation. Giving Thanks & Giving Help This is the second annual food drive hosted by the Rochester Academy of Music & Arts. According to Academy director Brannon Hungness, “Celebrating family is very important to us at the Academy, as hundreds of families come through our doors each week.” Hungness continues, “Traditionally, the fall months leading up to Thanksgiving are spent honoring those who are close to us, but it’s also important to help support families who are in a time of need.” The Academy’s first annual food drive brought in 679lbs. of food—a number that the Academy hopes to top this year. “I am very grateful for the success we have had at the Academy, and welcome any chance to give back to the community that has been so good to us,” Hungness states. “This food drive will not only aid those struggling with hunger, but will bring together families in a joint effort to make a difference in the city we love.”Anyone interested can drop off nonperishable items to the Academy location at 161 Norris Drive, through December 18. About the Rochester Academy of Music & Arts The Rochester Academy of Music and Arts, located at 161 Norris Drive, is Rochester’s largest family-owned and family-oriented music school. In 2014 & 2015, the Academy was the recipient of a national award for music school excellence. In 2015 the Academy was voted as Rochester NY’s favorite music school by the readers of national website KidsOutAndAbou. com. The Academy is highly active in the Rochester community-- performing on Frontier Field, hosting fundraisers for local charities, and supporting arts education. For more information, please visit http://www.RochesterMusicLessons.com/. About Foodlink Foodlink is a regional food hub and the Feeding America food bank serving Allegany, Genesee, Livingston, Monroe, Ontario, Orleans, Seneca, Wayne, Wyoming, and Yates Counties. Their operations target the root causes of hunger. In 2014, Foodlink distributed over 18 million pounds of food—including 3.6 million pounds of produce, offered more than 200 nutrition education courses, and created new access points for healthy foods in underserved communities. It is a certified nonprofit organization. To learn more, please visit http://www.foodlinkny.org

chatter ::PLATTER

A tribute to old New York in the South Wedge

the Cub Room

::PLATTER

chatter

BY SOFIA TOKAR | PHOTOS BY BRANDON VICK Start spreading the news: The Cub Room brings a taste of old New York to our fair city. And I’m not just saying that because Frank Sinatra’s “Come Fly With Me” was playing in the background during a recent visit. The restaurant’s name is a tribute to the VIP room of the Stork Club, a famous Manhattan nightclub founded in 1929 and patronized by the rich, famous, beautiful, and connected for more than three decades. There, the Cub Room was reserved for guests such as Marilyn Monroe, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, and even Ol’ Blue Eyes himself. Having lived and worked in New York City for twenty years, Jodi Johnson is well acquainted with the Stork Room’s lore and the city’s glamor. The Greece native and her husband Greg are the owners of The Cub Room in Rochester’s South Wedge. “New York City will always be my first love,” she explains, but city life takes its toll. Two years ago they moved their family to Fairport and brought their combined experience working in, opening, and owning restaurants. “Rochester is such a great city and we knew we wanted to open a restaurant downtown,” says Jodi. “With the food and cocktail scene here, we came at an ideal time.” They also found an ideal space. The Cub Room is located at the garden level of the Edge of the Wedge, a mixed-use redevelopment of the Ward Supply Building. However, “garden level” is not merely realtor-speak for “basement.” Descending into the restaurant feels like entering an underground speakeasy or a bygone era. Inside you’re greeted with open spaces, high ceilings, refurbished wood floors, and beautiful stone and woodwork original to the space. “Décor-wise, it’s a modern-day twist on what they did at the Stork Club,” explains Jodi. Adorning the walls are photographs of recognizable people who either patronized the Stork Club or are their contemporaries. The Johnsons also commissioned Pittsford artist Amie Freling-Brown to add murals and antiquing throughout the space. The decorative elements even extend to the bathrooms: The ladies’ room is wallpapered with pages from F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, while the men’s room displays excerpts from The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway (a Stork Club patron). Including the bar and semi-private dining area, the restaurant seats approximately 130—and you’ll want to take a seat in order to savor the atmosphere, food, and drinks. The Cub Room’s kitchen—with Greg as executive chef—offers fresh, seasonal American fare. Greg attended the Culinary Institute of America, worked for Mario Batali, and completed stints at restaurants specializing in Italian fine dining, Spanish tapas, and American cuisine. This experience gives him the skills to create the best menu possible with the ingredients available. “In New York City, if you don’t have an ingredient at 7 a.m., you can get it at 3 p.m. Now I sometimes have to wait three days for product, so I have to be more creative.” The restaurant opened in May of this year, and in October Greg rolled out the fall menu. “I’m really excited about the roasted autumn salad,” he says. Made with “bellota” (Spanish for acorn) jamón, squash, chestnuts, apples, Mizuno greens, sage, and aged cider vinegar, this warm salad features a glorious mix of textures and flavors. Cooler weather means I crave cheese and carbs. My Cub Room fix? Duck egg spaghetti carbonara made with house-cured duck prosciutto, Parmesan and Pecorino cheeses, and an abundance of pepper. In addition to daily specials, you’ll also generally find a beautiful piece of fish on the menu. Autumn’s piscatorial offering is halibut with chanterelles, cauliflower, and celery root puree. The drinks also make you feel like a VIP. The splendid Cub Room Cocktail features Black Button Citrus Gin, orange bitters, muddled ginger, lime juice, orange juice, and Combier garnished with a flamed orange disk and candied ginger. Or try the equally colorful and flavorful Bramble On, made with rum, lemon juice, muddled raspberries and blackberries, and simple syrup over cracked ice. If business is any indication, the people of Rochester are enjoying this local slice of the Big Apple. “It’s crazy in here on the weekends,” Jodi says. “We’re so grateful for the reception we’ve gotten.” 739 South Clinton Avenue, Rochester, NY 14620. 585-363-5694. www.thecubroomroc.com ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM :: NOVEMBER 2015

forward :FASHION

BY JOAN LINCOLN

Capsule Wardrobe Defined: A collection of clothes and accessories that includes only items considered essential I had the pleasure of presenting at The Rochester Women’s Council Annual Fashion Event held at MACY’S Marketplace Mall last month on this particular topic and felt it was interesting enough information to share with RWM readers too. Thank you to Store Manager Bill Kearns, Dress For Success Director, Alyssa Whitfield and Wende Knapp of The Women’s Council for the opportunity. How can you build a wardrobe that is versatile, professional, and less timeconsuming to coordinate? At this year’s annual Macy’s Business Fashion Event, it was my hope to teach about the latest trend in creating a “capsule wardrobe” for the season! I defined the building blocks you’ll need in order to spend less time deciding what to wear and more time on what matters most to you! The night included models for my presentation so it was easy to show how to build a capsule wardrobe for any size, shape or age; and what are the key pieces every professional wardrobe must have; what accessories work for any look! Because the Women’s Council is all about helping women grow professionally and personally, capsule wardrobing was a perfect topic to assist these very talented very busy career women to simplify their approach to “WHAT TO WEAR” every day. So I challenged them as I challenge you with the following question: Can you survive by having a small collection of 30 - 50 items including clothing, shoes and accessories built for use during a 3 month period of time? The intention of a capsule wardrobe is to have 4 capsules, one for each season, with items overlapping for each. Not each item is essential in terms of survival, but essential in the name of minimalist fashion. Your capsule pieces should include: tops, bottoms, dresses, outerwear, and shoes. Your number of pieces should not include: workout clothes, jewelry, accessories, purses, swimsuits, pajamas/loungewear, underwear, and the jeans you wear when you paint your living room. Different numbers for different folks but remember it’s your capsule so perhaps #37 is your magic number and you want 9 pairs of shoes, 9 bottoms, and 15 tops. Then the remaining 4 were just enough for 2 dresses and 2 jackets/coats. To me it feels generous yet minimal to another it may seem extremely unrealistic. 10

NOVEMBER 2015 :: ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM

The point of this is just to try something new if you don’t like our current closet situation — it’s not about getting obsessed with a number for your capsule. You must become the ultimate mix and match director of your wardrobe. The ultimate goal is to establish a strong foundation that can be supplemented with accessories and seasonal pieces. However, a wellchosen capsule wardrobe can indeed give you a ton of outfit options. Other benefits of adopting this wardrobe approach make what you wear for work or casual lifestyle easier. So keep only the items in your closet that fits, if it doesn’t TOSS IT!(I actually mean RECYCLE it) Plus it will keep your closet organized and free of “toxic” clutter. When diagnosing your existing collection you should ask yourself three questions: 1. Does it fit my body as it is today 2. Do I feel/look good it 3. Does it work for my current lifestyle Suggestions on how to get your capsule started: 1. Ask yourself which season you want to create your capsule for 2. Will it be a lifestyle or a career capsule 3. what will your Color Palette be When I originally read about the concept of a capsule wardrobe I immediately thought about how I might build my first one. A capsule wardrobe is about feeling good in what you wear, and it aligns perfectly with how we should try to live our life: using resources well, paring down the unnecessary things in life that weigh us down and distract us from the real priorities. I know that making fewer choices makes me happy and that spending with a plan is key and being wise with money is a good approach anytime. The capsule wardrobe is the perfect application of these principles in my closet, believe me when I say I have been left frustrated and discouraged in the past! Yes, even I have experienced “style block” on multiple occasions! A quick recap: The idea of building a capsule wardrobe is to curate a small selection of items that form the backbone of your wardrobe. Ideally it should consist of about 30 to 50 key pieces and basics that are tailored to your lifestyle and express the essence of your personal style. I equate it to the Food Triangle just like the chart!

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Mon –Thurs 4pm to 12am Fri – Sat 4pm to 2am Sun 4pm to 11pm

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AMY KARCH

Associate Professor of Nursing at U of R BY ALYSSA JACKSON | PHOTO BY GILMORE HAYLE To a lot of people in the Rochester area, Duncan might be a critical care canine mannequin used for practicing medical procedures on. The name could be synonymous with veterinary education or Rochester Hope for Pets. But for Amy Karch, Duncan was a sweet-tempered family dog that held her family together through her husband’s death.

Duncan’s Fund does this in several ways outside the center as well. They continually hold educational sessions, now usually held at the center on White Spruce Blvd. that are geared toward the general public. For example, currently Rochester Hope for Pet’s is holding a Pet Parent Boot Camp to encourage prevention in common medical issues that can be prevented at home.

In 2007, Duncan visited the Veterinary Specialist and Emergency Service due to a medical emergency, but after four days he did not make it. His death was caused by a drug that had serious adverse effects that the veterinarians were unaware of.

Duncan’s Fund also works with emergency responders in the community as well so that they can provide basic health care to pets in accidents. Keeping pets is incredibly important to Karch, who currently has two rescue dogs, Dixie, and Brody.

Karch, who is an Associate Professor of Clinical Nursing at the University of Rochester and the author of over 40 nursing books, and her four kids were devastated with the loss to the family.

“My favorite part about them is that when I come in the door everything is okay, they love you no matter what. It’s amazing,” she said. Her own dogs and keeping family units together are the passion that keeps her going.

“When my children were growing up I always told them when something bad happened that they needed to make something good out of it, so they challenged me to do that and we decided to go through education,” Karch said. “So that’s where Duncan’s Fund came from.” Duncan’s Fund, founded through Rochester Hope for Pets, started out as a series of lectures and educational sessions that are held throughout the community for veterinarians to learn or relearn information. “At the first lecture there were 19 people showed up and now over 200 people show up to them,” Karch said. The fund has since grown from its start. In 2012, a critical care canine mannequin was acquired to assist veterinarians with learning emergency procedures without using a real animal. The mannequin is named Duncan. After a second accident with a dog and seeing how hard the professionals worked, Karch wasn’t satisfied and wanted to do more to help. After talking with some of the veterinarians in the field, she was convinced that she needed to build a state of the art facility for education purposes. At around the same time, the Monroe Veterinary Associates were looking to expand their facilities. A partnership was formed and Duncan’s Center for Veterinary Education was revealed in January of this year. “I get really excited when I go into the facility,” Karch said. “I always sit in the back and watch the education programs and that thrills me to see all these people learning and asking questions.” The center, which is located on White Spruce Boulevard, holds classes intended to continue and further the education of already practicing veterinarians and licensed veterinary technicians in the Rochester area. The idea is to educate as many people as possible about how continually provide great care for their pets.

“We made something really good come from something that for us is really awful. When something bad happens we make something good happen. That’s the joy of it,” Karch said. “When I walk in the building I just can’t believe it’s there. We lost Duncan but look at the people learning and look at the animals we’ll save because of it.” Karch hopes that the fund will continue to grow in the coming years. “My hope is that it will get even bigger and better, we will have more pet parent involvement. We’re up to doing almost monthly programs there,” she said. “We’ve had people come from Syracuse, Buffalo, Elmira, which I just find exciting. People want to do better.” In addition to starting Duncan’s Fund, Karch serves as a board member for the fund, loves playing with her eight grandchildren or walking with her dogs, baking, reading and knitting. She also loves teaching her students at the University of Rochester. “My favorite thing about teaching nurses is those “aha” moments,” Karch said. “It”s helping them apply to their patients all those basic sciences, and it’s very rewarding when that happens.” Specifically, Karch remembered a time in which a student came up to her after a class in which she was nervous that the students might not have understood the concepts she was trying to share. “After class she came up and said: ‘I’ve been taught this, I’ve learned this, I know this, but it never made sense until today,’ and it was like whoa. Gave me goosebumps,” she recalled. Karch especially delights in nursing. “I’ve got pictures of myself at the age of two of me wanting to be a nurse and taking care of the family dog,” she said with a laugh. Not much has changed. ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM :: NOVEMBER 2015

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CARINE LENHARD Manager, Greenhouse Cafe

BY JOY BERGFALK I PHOTO BY JULIE GELFAND-PIPER Carine Lenhard is now wide awake and fully alive after spending twothirds of her life heavily sedated with pain meds and heroin. Just a few short years ago, Lenhard was close to death, but ask her how she feels about her life today and she reports with a bright smile, “It’s crazy how good life is!” Her road to success though has been paved with many dangers, toils and snares. After her nearly idyllic childhood, the traumatic break up of her family triggered a serious auto-immune disease called juvenile polyarticular rheumatoid arthritis. Lenhard’s path careened into a hellish nightmare of crazy treatments, pills and shots not to mention the intense pain that left her screaming in agony—and a question as to whether her disease was terminal, all before the diagnosis was actually confirmed. The swelling from a sprained knee spread from her knee to her hip, and then finally to her whole body. Seeking relief for both the physical and emotional pain, Lenhard started experimenting with her medications. She graduated from high school on the “five-year plan,” and finished all but two classes for her associate’s degree in fine arts before the addiction eventually claimed total control over her life. Traveling around the country, Lenhard and her boyfriend consumed a massive and scary amount of pills and heroin, leaving them dope sick whenever their supply ran low. Eventually, they briefly achieved a modicum of sobriety, but then a violent and traumatic home evasion shook the very foundations of Lenhard’s life, culminating in the death of her beloved fiancé from a heroin overdose four years ago. Lenhard immediately put down the needle, got rid of the pills and began to crawl back into her life, although alcohol did continue to be a part of her life for a short time. The terrifying road to recovery ran through detox, inpatient treatment, two halfway houses, on felony probation for her DWIs, and finally led Lenhard to the Coffee Connection at the Greenhouse Café. Still at the halfway house Lenhard was learning how to feel comfortable in her own skin. Her arthritis continued to flare up and she was taking suboxone to relieve her cravings for opiates. Then life threw her another curve, but this time a happy one: she found out she was pregnant. During a medication-free pregnancy, at times she was in so much pain that she couldn’t even walk. We saw very little of her at the Greenhouse Cafe, and when we did, she hardly move. Her son Wyatt was born in April—a miracle baby, as she was told a baby probably wouldn’t happen. He looks like a real Irishman with his square face and boxy body—and an almost perpetual smile on his face. Like all new parents, Lenhard would like more sleep, but she loves her little family--and is proud to say she is presently on no medication at all.

Earlier this year our Greenhouse Café manager stepped away to concentrate on her college studies, Lenhard, who was in need of a job, stepped up to the plate to take over the position. She arrived her first day well prepared for the challenge and well supported by staff. “I love it!” Lenhard exclaims. “The Coffee Connection helps me tremendously!” She hadn’t worked for a long time, leaving her uncomfortable in that role and with the absence of self-esteem or pride. “The Coffee Connection has given me somewhere to be, something to do, to be proud of. I wanted to be here all the time, more than I had to be. I found purpose and confidence.” Now Lenhard plans to finish her associate’s degree, obtain her bachelor’s, and make the Coffee Connection her career as an art therapist. “It’s the kind of job you want to work hard at, you want to help other women have the same chance as I had.” Joy Bergfalk is the Executive Director of the Coffee Connection/Project Empower. The mission of the Coffee Connection for the past 14 years has been to empower women in recovery from drug addiction, trauma, and homelessness, providing important skills for employment and education while supporting long-term sustainable recovery. With the ultimate goal being sustainable recovery and employment. Through their three locations, they sell fair trade, organically grown, sustainably farmed coffee freshly roasted on site and available by the cup or whole or ground beans by the pound. Carine’s success is not unlike many stories of the women who work at the Coffee Connection. Our Fund a Job—Safe a Life campaign gives the community an opportunity to help women on the road to recovery. How much does it cost to save a life? At an average of $10 an hour and 30 hours a week, including training and clothing: w/health ins. Fund for a day ~$90 ~$110 Fund for a week ~$450 ~$550 Fund for a month ~$2025 ~$2475 Fund for a year ~$24,300 ~$29,700

40 hours w/health ins. ~$145 ~$720 ~$3240 ~$38,900

Through your generosity, you can stop the fatal disease of addiction, help mothers raise healthy children, and provide supportive employment, saving hundreds of thousands of tax dollars otherwise spent on incarceration ($60,000 a year), addiction treatment, and social services. Will you help change our world one woman at a time? Your donation will fund Carine’s employment and future! For more information visit www. ourcoffeeconnection.org

woman ::HEALTHY

healthy

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS WHILE TRAVELING

::HEALTHY

BY STEVEN COMELLA, MD

As another busy holiday season approaches at what seems to be the speed of light, many people will be focused on how best to maintain a healthy eating plan while traveling and spending time with family and friends. The key to healthy eating on the go really comes down to one word... STRATEGY. Planning ahead and keeping in mind a couple simple things will go a long way towards maintaining somewhat of a balanced nutrition program while on the go this holiday season.

1. THINK AHEAD

This really is the key to making smart decisions while traveling during the holidays. Start with a blank piece of paper and write down how many days you’ll be gone and where it is that you’ll be going. Once you’ve done that, you will be able to develop a plan that will strategically allow you to prepare for obstacles that would surely sabotage you had you not planned ahead. Will you be at an airport with a long layover? Will you be staying at a hotel with no kitchen services? All of these factors can be planned for in advance if you know about them ahead of time. Not planning ahead is probably the biggest reason we all make sub-optimal food choices. Think about it, if you are hungry and stop at a fast food joint, then your options are limited to fast food! But if you plan ahead and can account for where you will be, you quickly expand your choices for nutritious foods.

2. PACK IN ADVANCE

If you know that a significant portion of your holiday travel will keep you away from preparing your own healthy meals or eating at healthier restaurants, then stock up on nutrient dense, nonperishable snacks while on the road. Packing easy to go meals and snacks that you can keep in a carry on will cut down on having to compromise and settle for unhealthy fast food. A couple of my favorite travel snacks include Dried fruits and nuts - mix them up and make your own snack bag. Almonds, pistachios, and dried fruit is one of my favorite combos. Turkey sandwich - make your own sandwich on 100% whole wheat ( or whole grain ) bread with low-calorie condiments like mustard. Veggie slices - cut them up and throw them in a ziplock. All of these items are easy to pack, easy to store, and can pass through any checkpoint without an issue. Packing your own food is also the most economic way to eat healthy without paying a premium for food at airports, hotels, etc..

3. PURCHASE HEALTHY WHILE AWAY

If you can’t pack your own snacks or meals to travel with, you can still make intelligent choices while in between destinations. Think about the following options - chicken

woman

sandwich, nonfat ( or low-fat ) yogurt, chicken salad, etc. I’m well aware that these aren’t always the most romantic options while away from home, but if you set your mind to sticking to a healthy eating schedule while traveling, it will go a long way towards looking, and most importantly, feeling your best while out of town.

4. EAT SMALLER AND THROUGHOUT THE DAY

HEALTHIER

Fight the temptation of getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of traveling and sacrificing healthy nutrition. Often times healthy eating, and just eating in general, fall to the bottom of our list of important things to think about when away from home. Don’t let it happen to you. Start with a nutritious, balanced breakfast to get the day going and try to get something in your stomach every three to four hours. Don’t let the entire day pass without caloric intake as this will only hurt your metabolism in the long run. As I mentioned above, pack a few simple snacks so that you can trickle in nutrients during the day in between your larger meals.

5. DRINK WATER..... LOTS OF WATER!

Our bodies run on water and every bodily function requires water to work properly. Water works to help flush toxins from our systems, it helps to keep our skin fresh and it also helps to make you feel full in between meals. Proper water consumption will help you avoid travel lag and will even help with junk food cravings. Replace sodas and other carbonated beverages with water in order to cut down on empty calories as well.

6. ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

A lot of people are surprised to find out that most restaurants, diners, etc. are happy to accommodate your food preparation wishes. Ask for vegetables to be steamed without salt or butter, meats to be prepared without being fried, and low-fat condiments on meals. Knowing this ahead of time will allow you to enjoy eating out with friends and family but still maintain a healthy nutrition program while away from home.

7. LASTLY, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, ENJOY YOURSELF!

Don’t make your own healthy nutrition quest painful for you or the people around you, as it’s the quickest way to sabotage your desired end result which is to feel and look your best. Planning ahead and eating healthy are important, but don’t sacrifice your sanity while doing it. Build in a cheat meal or two so that you can relax and indulge once in awhile. Remember, healthy living is a marathon and not a sprint. Plan ahead and stay focused but have fun along the way! Most importantly, enjoy the holidays with family and friends. Before you know it we will be talking about New Year’s resolutions. All the best and Happy Holidays,

Steve Comella, MD

Villalobos Rescue Center is a non-profit rescue, rehabilitation and placement facility for abused and abandoned Pit Bulls. VRC is also featured on Animal Planets â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pit Bulls & Parolees airing on Saturday nights..

VRC works ceaselessly to give Pit Bulls another chance in life. Each and EVERY dog taken in, gets spayed or neutered, and given any medical treatment necessary. We work patiently to re-acclimatize fearful dogs to the loving care of a human, so that they may eventually be adopted. In some cases, these dogs have never had a kind word or touch, and it is a slow process. After determining temperaments and compatibility factors, we begin that long search for the perfect home.

Visit www.vrcpitbull.net for more information on how to donate and other ways you can help the cause.

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::COVER

story

::COVER

story

Tia Torres

FROM WOLVES TO PIT BULLS

BY KAILYN JENNINGS I PHOTOS BY RITA MARIE BLACKWELL & COURTESY OF ANIMAL PLANET

Tia Torres feels she knows what it’s like to be a pit bull. She knows the anguish of having the person you follow and love most in the world abuse you. She can relate to being beaten, and instead of leaving or protecting herself, returning for more pain.

“For years, I felt the pain of broken bones and a bruised face,” shares Tia. “Never knowing what I did wrong, I always apologized for him beating me. I would crawl back wagging my tail and forgive. So to say I can relate to what the pit bull dog is put through is putting it mildly. No matter how horrible I was treated, I always went back for more.” Tia, the owner of Villalobos “Pit Bull” Rescue Center in New Orleans and star of the Animal Planet show Pit Bulls and Parolees, finally was able to break away from her abuser. “But sadly, a dog can’t just pack up and leave,” she said. “So I stepped in to do just that. Years ago, I was able to save myself, and now I want to do the same for these dogs.” She says pit bulls constantly have to fight for their lives, and not only in the dog-fighting ring, but to find their place in society and to be accepted as opposed to being mistreated and misunderstood. “No matter how cruel humans treat them,” says Tia, “they always forgive and crawl back with such a thirst for acceptance that it almost feels like an apology that they shouldn’t be giving in the first place.”

FROM WOLVES TO PIT BULLS

Tia says she owes everything to the wolves. “I began as a rescue for wolves and wolf-dog mixes, which became popular during the movie ‘White Fang.’ Talk about a controversial animal — and also one that had been persecuted for years and years through books, movie, folklore,” explains Tia. “Wolves are nothing like society has portrayed them to be. They are actually shy and gentle and very, very sweet.”

Several years ago, she was given the chance to visit a shelter in Los Angeles County. There she saw a pit bull brought in from a drug raid and double-homicide scene. It was a visit that would change the trajectory of her career and the subject of her rescue efforts. “It was as though they were bringing in Hannibal Lector, and when she broke free from her leash and charged across the yard to my then very young daughter, I about had a heart attack,” she remembers. “But within seconds, little girl’s giggling was all I heard as this pit bull shoved her tongue down their ears and washed their faces clean. Right then and there I fell in love with the breed. That pit bull became the start of Villalobos ‘Pit Bull’ Rescue Center.”

CUSE PIT CREW

While Tia was building and broadening the reach of the VRC in New Orleans, unbeknownst to her, Lizzy Scollo-Chock was in the midst of a lifetime of pit bull advocacy 1,400 miles away in Syracuse. When she was 13 years old, Lizzy’s brother, Vinny, wanted to get a pit bull. “He wanted to convince my mom,” she said. “He told us about this place he had heard of where they lived outside, and he felt so bad. We saw this puppy and saw something special in him. We didn’t want him to grow up on a chain. He was the first pit bull we had, and he changed my whole life.” When she was old enough, Lizzy went to work at Animal Ark Veterinary Hospital and Kennel in Baldwinsville. Later, in college, she fostered a pit bull in the apartment she rented even though her landlord didn’t allow pets. And at 25, Lizzy volunteered with Cuse Pit Crew, a nonprofit organization in Syracuse advocating for pit bulls through community outreach and educational programming. After volunteering for a only a couple of months, she became a board member. Lizzy organized Cuse Pit Crew’s events. She also went to inner city schools in Syracuse to talk to students about how to treat animals, dogfighting and what to do if they see a stray animal. “Going into the schools and teaching the kids, that’s the most important ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM :: NOVEMBER 2015

story ::COVER

thing: teaching generations after us how to treat animals,” she says. “That was the most fulfilling for me. Preventing abuse is the most important thing we can do.”

‘OUR LITTLE YANKEE’

Cuse Pit Crew did more than just allow Lizzy to follow her dreams of support pit bulls. It also introduced her to the love of her life, and by extension, the VRC. In April of 2013, Cuse Pit Crew had a table at a Syracuse Skychiefs game and hosted Villalobos Rescue Center at the game. Lizzy went to the game that day and met Keli’i “Moe” Chock, Tia Torres’ son. After members from both groups had dinner that night, Moe and Lizzy stayed in touch and began dating. “There’s something about him that is hard to put in words,” admits Lizzy. “He gives off energy that deep down to his core he is a good person. He has a gentleness and kindness, and even though he might not always show it, I see it. About two years ago, Lizzy moved to New Orleans to be with Moe. “I had been applying for jobs, and a couple days before I made the move, he called me and said his mom could use help with dog walking because they were losing an employee,” she says. With that, she was officially a part of the VRC. “I know it’s pretty obvious, but we are not a traditional type of family, so we’re a tough pill to swallow,” Tia said.” My son Moe can be challenging because he has this insight into people and life in general. I told Lizzy when she committed herself to moving to Louisiana and in with Moe: ‘Oh girl, you got your hands full with him.’ Between the humans and dogs of VRC, Lizzy passed with flying colors. She became just as warped as we were.” “Lizzy carries a big load for the rescue, not only in the dog sense, but as a new family member, as well,” Tia continues. “Without our little Yankee, we wouldn’t make it through each day.”

PART OF THE FAMILY

Moe proposed to Lizzy in front of Villalobos after her first successful home check and adoption. “It was one of the most amazing moments of my life,” she reflects. “I was completely 36

NOVEMBER 2015 :: ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM

caught off guard and wasn’t expecting anything. We were just going with the flow. And to have him do it around Christmas time and around our friends and family, and filmed for my friends back home, was amazing. Surrounded by dogs in front of the center was really, really special.” Lizzy and Moe tied the knot September 19, 2015. Tia says she loves that Villalobos has turned into a place where underdogs, both humans and animals, can be themselves and be accepted for what they are. Now, Lizzy is a part of that. She takes care of the dogs’ medical needs at Villalobos. “I’m kind of like a vet tech. I’m not certified, but I do everything a vet tech would do,” she says. “Being in the South, the heartworm disease became out biggest enemy,” says Tia. “Tackling this disease with the amount of dogs we have is a full-time job for one person. Then add to that the other medical issues that come up on a daily basis. Lizzy is doing the job of five people. There is no way that VRC could continue to function the way that it does without Lizzy.” Today, Lizzy is an official member of the Villalobos family and fully acclimated to New Orleans culture. Reflecting back, though, she admits that the transition from Syracuse to New Orleans wasn’t an easy one. “The most difficult thing to adjust to is the level of abuse in New Orleans,” she said. “There are people here who love and adore their dogs, but there’s mixture of a lack of resources, and people in certain situations don’t view dogs like we do — as our family. People tie dogs to our gates who are skinny and emaciated with no hair. I knew that type of abuse existed, but seeing is as often as we see it, there’s no getting used to it.” “It’s the amount of dogs in the country that we get that have gunshot wounds,” she said. “Why would anyone in the world have a reason to shoot these dogs?”

AIDING DOGS ON THE AIR

Through the TV show, Tia tries to positively change the prison community and dog world by rescuing pit bulls and giving parolees a chance to repair the lives. “To be able to speak our minds and just be natural and not giving a crap what people have to say about us in empowering,”

story ::COVER says Tia. “And although having a TV show gives us the outlet to tell our story, it also has its drawbacks. The amount of calls and emails we now get is staggering, so much that we cannot keep up with the physical work that it takes to actually run the rescue itself. For the parolees, we always hope that someone, somewhere out there will see the good in some of them and this will open up doors they never thought possible. So yeah, I guess you could say it’s got its perks, but also has its setbacks.” Lizzy said the show has helped more of their dogs get adopted, and the national support helps with donations that the rescue relies on to keep functioning. The community has responded differently to the show and organization, though. “Some people respond really, really well to us and are open to our help,” she says, adding that some people come in with dogs they want to keep, but aren’t sure if they need a vaccine or have worms. They need help, and Villalobos finds a way for them to keep their dogs. “Other people respond like they are just going to tie their dog to our gate.” The work at the VRC requires both passion and a thick skin. “VRC is a very difficult place to work. It’s very physically draining, but emotionally, it will suck the life out of you,” Tia

“But within seconds, little girls giggling was all I heard as this pit bull shoved her tongue down their ears and washed their faces clean. Right then and there I fell in love with the breed. That pit bull became the start of Villalobos ‘Pit Bull’ Rescue Center.” — Tia Torres

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feature ::SPECIAL 42

Acupuncture

NOVEMBER 2015 :: ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM

ptsd & acupunctue

::SPECIAL FEATURE

an Effective Treatment for PTSD BY CASSANDRA KUBIT

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a disorder that is still whispered about behind closed doors and truly misunderstood. PTSD is a very serious condition that can develop after a person has experienced or witnessed a traumatic or terrifying event in which serious physical harm occurred or was threatened. PTSD is a lasting consequence of traumatic ordeals that cause intense fear, helplessness, or horror, such as sexual or physical assault, the unexpected death of a loved one, an accident, war, or natural disaster. PTSD is mostly talked about when our armed forces have come home, where the men and women who protect our freedom overseas have been in the heat of battle. Our armed forces when they come home have to deal with what they have seen and been through every single day as they try to fit back into society. . We must also remember out police force, fire departments, EMTs, and many others in the public service. They put themselves in immediate danger every day and must deal with what they see and do. Unfortunately, society does not know how to deal or help those who are suffering from PTSD As we delve into PTSD a little bit we must remember that PTSD doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t just affect our armed force and our public servants, but also everyday people. 3.6 percent of adult Americans, about 5.2 million people, suffer from PTSD during the course of just one year, and an estimated 7.8 million Americans will experience PTSD at some point in their lives. PTSD affects all ages and statistically women have a higher risk than men. This could be because women are at a higher risk of domestic violence, abuse, and rape. You never know when you might be sitting next to someone who has had a point in their lives that has caused PTSD. PTSD has been described as the failure of time to heal all wounds, because the experience of trauma, for some individuals, is encoded entirely in the amygdala without reference to time and space. The cerebral cortex, which helps to shut off the cascades of hormones, cannot be accessed. For people with PTSD, flashbacks of the traumatic experience occur when the floodgates of the amygdala are triggered to open. Then sights, sounds, smells, and feelings of the trauma return unexpectedly and intrusively, causing the person to experience yet again aspects of the original trauma as if it were happening in the here and now. The symptoms of PTSD have been put into three categories; reliving, avoiding, and increased arousal. Reliving symptoms, the person will repeatedly relive the ordeal in their own heads. These may include flashbacks, hallucinations, and nightmares. Avoiding symptoms, the person may avoid places, people, situations, or thoughts that may remind him or her of the trauma. This can lead to feelings of being detached and isolated from their family and friends. They may also lose interest in activities that at one time they enjoyed. Increased arousal symptoms include excessive emotions, problems relating to others (including feeling or showing affection), difficulty sleeping, irritability, outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating, easily startled. They may also have physical symptoms such as increased heart rate and blood pressure, muscle tension, nausea, diarrhea, and rapid breathing. When we are dealing with children with PTSD they may suffer

from delayed development such as motor skills, language, and potty training. PTSD is not diagnosed until one month or longer has passed since the trauma occurred. First the doctors will rule out all physical illnesses and then they will send the person to a psychologist or another mental health practitioner. PTSD treatment is designed to help reduce the emotional and physical symptoms. These treatments are mostly designed around drugs and therapy sessions. In psychotherapy, the therapist will provide a safe place for the person to be able to talk about the traumatic event. They are trying to re-encode the memory from a traumatic memory to a narrative memory. In other words, people learn to use their left brains to coordinate their right-brained feelings. This prevents the discharge of stress hormones from the amygdala. Some people have a hard time speaking about their trauma. There are also those people who do not want to take drug therapy. There are other methods of treatment out there. Acupuncture has been showing some very good results with helping PTSD patients. The most common Acupuncture treatment for PTSD is the NADA protocol. NADA stands for National Acupuncture Detoxification Association. The protocol includes five points in each ear; they are shen men, sympathetic, kidney, liver, and lung. Many veterans get treated for PTSD in a group setting with just these needles in the ear. In a private acupuncture session, a full body treatment is usually done to treat PTSD. The ear points are needled first and then commonly a back treatment is performed, a calming and stress-relieving back treatment includes the urinary bladder channel working on the yin organs of the body. The points typically used for this are called the yin back shu points. This includes the back shu of the lung, heart, liver, spleen, kidney and also blood. What these points, through an Eastern approach, stimulates these points and allows energy to move through them in a smooth fashion. Through the Western approach, these points release endorphins and promote the release of serotonin, dopamine, and various other neurotransmitters. Massage Therapy has also been showing promise in helping PTSD patients deal with their trauma. The benefits of touch have been recorded throughout history. Massage therapy can help clients to reframe their experience of trauma from a kinesthetic perspective. There are no specific physical manipulation techniques for working with trauma clients. A Swedish Massage can be as effective and enlightening to a client as the most advanced facial mobilization. No matter the technique, massage therapy can inadvertently trigger a traumatic memory, which, as massage therapists know, also can be a powerful tool for healing and growth. Some therapists call this a memory in the muscle. Some clients may become angry, sad, cry, talk through the trauma as the muscle is being worked on. It helps the client release whatever they are feeling as the muscle becomes looser. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a debilitating disorder that affects not just the person who is living through it but also those that they love. There are many different kinds of approaches to helping those who suffer from PTSD, but having knowledge and understanding of the disorder is key.

ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM :: NOVEMBER 2015

it! ::SNAP OUT OF

useful(less)

FACTS ABOUT THANKSGIVING TRAD

DITIONS

it!

:SNAP OUT OF,

SI SF SIF

BY MARGARET MADIGAN

As Elvis Used to Say, “Thank You, Thank You Very Much” In November, we celebrate Thanksgiving in America. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of reflecting and giving thanks… or something. I’m thankful, sure. I have a lot to be thankful for. But I’m not going to be like all those other thoughtful pieces and talk about the importance of giving thanks. So instead of basically writing an article that could just be a motivational poster, I’m going to… give you useful (or useless) facts! Here in America, as school children we were taught a lovely romantic story about Pilgrims and Native Americans sharing a kumbayah feast together to give thanks. More on that to follow. But did you know that wasn’t when Thanksgiving was created? Actually Thanksgiving was fabricated by Henry VIII (and we know how upstanding he was… Tired of your wife? Kill her and get a new one!) in 1536 during the Reformation in order to compete with the number of holidays the Catholic Church celebrated at the time. So you can thank a Protestant for having the 4th Thursday of November off every year! However, the storied Thanksgiving celebration that took place in 1621 at the Plymouth Plantation that was attended by roughly 50 Pilgrims and 90 Native Americans (by some accounts) was technically just the first Thanksgiving in America. Not first Thanksgiving ever, though. And that Thanksgiving was not just a one-day affair, it was a three day long festival of sorts. It was three days of hunting, eating, and other entertainment in honor of the colonists’ first successful harvest. And what did they eat at that first Thanksgiving? Nope, not a turkey to be found. The Indians killed five deer as gifts for the colonists, so they ate Bambi at the feast. Along with the venison, they also served Indian corn (seriously), other fowl, barley, and cranberries. However not how we eat cranberry at a modern day turkey dinner where it comes out of a can in a gelatinous blob, or fancily chopped up in a sauce, they ate real raw cranberries, plain. Also, there were no mashed potatoes or pumpkin pie because neither potatoes nor pumpkins had been introduced to New England yet. Thanksgiving didn’t even become a “thing” after that. It wasn’t until 1789 when George Washington announced the first ever national Thanksgiving holiday which took place on November 26, 1789. But it didn’t become a tradition nationwide until the 19th century. That’s when American writer Sara Josepha Hale, most famous for writing the nursery rhyme Mary Had a Little Lamb, was inspired by reading a diary of Pilgrim life to recreate the first Thanksgiving feast. Beginning in 1827, Hale waged a nearly 30year campaign to make Thanksgiving a national holiday. She also published recipes for mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, and turkey that would later become staples of the modern-day Thanksgiving dinner. In 1863, during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln declared that the United States would celebrate Thanksgiving every year on the last Thursday in November. But in 1939 President Franklin D. Roosevelt moved the holiday up a week earlier to give Depression-era retailers more time to make money during the pre-Christmas holiday shopping season. Apparently this caused a big kerfuffle, why I’m not really sure. I think some Republicans thought it was an affront to Lincoln’s memory. Really? Come on man, and you think people make crazy bi-partisan claims nowadays? Oh boy. Anyway, by 1942 lawmakers passed a resolution making Thanksgiving the fourth Thursday of the month, rather than the last Thursday of the month. Other Thanksgiving Day traditions: Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade - In the 1920s, many of Macy’s department store employees were first-generation immigrants. Proud of their new American heritage, they wanted to celebrate the American holiday of Thanksgiving with the type of festival their parents had loved in Europe. So in 1924 the first Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade was held in Manhattan from Central Park to Herald Square and the Macy’s flagship store on 34th street. And of course always ending with the appearance of Santa Claus to mark the unofficial start of the Christmas season. Also Black Friday – the Friday after Thanksgiving, that is another sign of the start of the Christmas season, and the biggest shopping day of the year. The term has two explanations, one is that it started in Philadelphia in the early 60’s, the police coined it to describe the heavy and disruptive foot and vehicle traffic downtown on that day. Then retailers caught on because it also meant that sales would go up, thus finally turning a profit and going from “in the red” (operating at a loss) to “in the black” (making a profit). I just think the day is a new way to annoy me with manufactured hype to persuade everyone that they need to be part of the excitement and go out and spend money. Whatever. I don’t participate. And finally other modern traditions – Drunk Uncle Frank who asks you to pull his finger which started around 1974 and the annual Thanksgiving Day Family Brawl episode of Cops which probably started in the late 80’s in a trailer park in West Virginia. And of course, every family has their own traditions and celebrate in their own way and is handed down from generation to generation. I think that’s the best part of Thanksgiving. The food is awesome, but the company is better. I think Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it has always meant family and friends getting together. This year it is extra special because I now have 2 kids coming home from college that I haven’t seen in months. That is definitely something for which to be thankful. Margaret “Madge” Madigan in the Associate Editor of Rochester Woman Magazine, and author of the bestselling book, “When Life Gives You Lemons…At Least You Won’t Get Scurvy!” ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM :: NOVEMBER 2015

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fun ::RWM WINTER

BY DREW BRODERICK

“Woman put others before themselves. I witness this every day”, states Bristol Mountain Marketing Director, Drew Broderick. “The VIP Gold Lean to Ski program is perfect for women who have put off putting themselves first”, remarks, Broderick. The VIP Gold Learn to Ski program is a four-time program for first-time skiers. It begins with an all-day lesson from 10am-3pm on a weekend or holiday time period and includes lunch in Carver’s Kitchen as a group. Class sizes are comprised of three to five first-time skiers who have the potential to become lifelong ski buddies. The first lesson meets in the Sunset Lodge Learning Center where the group is assembled and they are introduced to their instructor for the day. The next two lessons give the guest the opportunity to come anytime during the week at the published lesson time and meets at the Snowsports Meeting Place sign between the Sunset and Comet Express chairlifts. We suggest that they try to coordinate with a ski buddy from their first lesson if possible. After the third lesson, the VIP Gold instructor will recommend that the student purchase or rent a pair of boots to bring back for the fourth lesson. The reason is that all students will receive a free pair of Elan skis with bindings prior to going out on the snow that day. “Day four is graduation day in the Learning Center and instead of receiving a diploma or a certificate our students receive a free pair of custom designed Elan skis, “ exclaims, Broderick. “In my forty plus years of instructing at Bristol Mountain, we have never had a program that is so empowering for women”, states, ski instructor, Larry Curtis. This program includes four lift tickets, four comprehensive lessons for small groups, three rentals and a free pair of Elan skis with bindings all for just $299. A high percentage of participants go on a purchase a season pass at the conclusion of this program and we saw them 48

NOVEMBER 2015 :: ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM

a lot throughout the season, beams Curtis. Although this program isn’t just for women it has been very popular with them. Through this initiative, Bristol Mountain, has introduced young professional women to a new sport that can be passionate about. Moms who have been dropping their kids off for weekly Brigades programs are now learning to ski and have the chance to ski as a family with their kids. Last year Bristol Mountain gave away about 100 pairs of free skis through this program and should double that because the age for this program has been lowered from age 18 to age 13+. A Jr. VIP Program Camp has been created for ages 8-12 so now an entire non-skiing family can become a skiing family in one season and purchase the season pass at an introductory rate. The Jr. VIP Camp for ages 8-12 will be offered on the following dates: 1) December 28-31, 2015, 2) January 16, 17, 23, & 24, 2016, 3) February 15-18, 2016. The cost for each camp week is $345 and includes four all-day lessons, four lift tickets, three rentals and a free pair of Elan skis with bindings. Limited quantities of skis available. Restrictions may apply. For those 13 and older there is a one day VIP Learn to Ski and Learn to Snowboard program or first-time skiers or snowboarders for only $99. It includes one five-hour beginner class lesson, one lift ticket, rentals and lunch in Carver’s Kitchen. This program does not include free skis. For more information regarding these programs or to sign up for a VIP Gold session please call 585-374-6000 during regular business hours. Bristol Mountain now has year-round family fun with winter snowsports, Bristol Mountain Aerial Adventures and New Zip Line Canopy Tour (opening weekends this winter), Roseland Waterpark, and the new Roseland Wake Park. Outdoor family fun for everyone at the Adventure Capital of the Finger Lakes! Families can now stay active and have fun together twelve months of the year.

Happy Holidays From Our Good HandsÂŽ To Yours.

Enjoy all the good moments that come with the season. Your friends at Allstate wish you the best this holiday season and look forward to serving you in 2016.

VINCENZO SCOLLO 585-381-3530

Insurance subject to availability and qualifications. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Co., Allstate Indemnity Co. Northbrook, Illinois ÂŠ 2013 Allstate Insurance Co.

156559

835 Fairport Road East Rochester vscollo@allstate.com

:::QUEEN OF

arts

Music

arts

::QUEEN OF

is My Purpose

BY AMANDA ASHLEY | PHOTO BY JEFF GEREW

Every so often, life will present us with challenges which will raise a number of questions, leaving the biggest question “Who am I, and what is my purpose?” Since I was a toddler I’ve always known my path in life would be artistically driven. Up until my early to mid-twenties, I ran my life according to tradition, living up to what’s acceptable by society’s standards. I excelled in school, I graduated college on time, I moved out on my own, I got married, together we purchased a beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood, my husband had a great career, I had a budding career, and we shared two beautiful dogs. We broke the pattern of tradition by not having children of our own, which now, given our circumstances, has proven to be God sent. On the surface, I had everything. Internally, I felt hollow. I’ve found that what works for most, does not work for me. I’ve come to the realization, that my personal fulfillment doesn’t derive from tradition. “Less” in many ways means “more” to me. August of 2013, I left Rochester for twenty-one days and embarked on what I know reflect as being a “game changing” journey. Alone, with a car stacked full of musical equipment, a case of water, two cases of vodka from a company that was sponsoring my music, and a large luggage full of belongings, I began my first journey down South. With fourteen booked shows, and twelve new cities to conquer, I left lost and returned found. I left with an agenda to build new connections with venues, to expand my fan base, to see the sights and take in my surroundings. Along the way I made some incredible friends, reconnected with friends from the past, fell in love with a few cities, wrote a few new songs, and found myself again. Fourteen hours removed from my belonging, and I never felt so fulfilled. It was a clear indication that where I came from, was actually not where I belonged at all. I dreaded returning home and felt that the actions displayed by my significant other gave me no reason to believe that I was even wanted. One emotionally exhausting year later, I booked a flight back to Nashville with the possibility of no return. I knew I couldn’t keep running away, but I was hungry for change. Songwriting was my way of reassuring myself that I had to do what was right for me. In eight months, I’d be celebrating my thirtieth birthday, and I refused to start off the next decade of my life as unhappy as I was. So I didn’t. I moved on and kept pushing forward. Through all the hurt, through all the stress, night after night I’d be performing. As challenging as it was to do so, music just as it always has, helped me see it all through. I’ve come to realize that sometimes we need to take a few hard hits in order to step outside ourselves, re-evaluate, and

re-establish what’s important. I’ve chosen to be brave, to remain true to myself, and to take the lead of my own life. It took some time and convincing, but once those certain changes became effective, my life significantly began to improve. I’ve taken many risks and continue to do so because I’d rather accept failure than wonder and regret. I’m the happiest I’ve ever felt, and it’s because I’ve been liberated to become who I was always meant to be. “Living Dead” is the chapter I have chosen to close. In life, there is living, and there is existing. With the release of this CD, I also have released those inner demons which had plagued me in the years that I had unhappily been coasting along. I always felt in my heart that I deserved more, but convinced myself that I was selfish for believing so. The truth was that I was living a life for someone else; a life that was never intended for me to take ownership of. Happiness is not something that should only be expressed on the surface but felt within. The songs on this album represent my “final plea”, a rebirth, confidence, growth, finding acceptance, and learning to love again. What is incredible about songwriting is that you can take a serious subject and dress it up with clever metaphors, cheeky imagery, biting lyrics, and catchy rhythms. The use of this method is a forgiving way of expressing the truth, all while remaining true and honest with myself and my listeners. This year, I feel as if I’ve lived three years in one. The amazing opportunities which have come my way within traveling, performing, and educating young children make me feel fortunate to be me. On the flip side, I had to cope through a divorce, I totaled my car, and had a traumatic death in the family. It’s been a true roller coaster, as life often is. However, what has remained true through it all is music. Music has forever been my one remaining constant in life. It’s my longest relationship, my sanctuary, my everything. I feel entirely blessed to have been given a gift that has served so many purposes in my life, but has also provided the ability to positively enrich the lives of others. Music is my purpose. It is my connector to the universe, to those around me and beyond. I feel compelled to do the things I set forth to do, and I put all I have into doing it because I truly believe that it’s worth something. What is important to me, never has been what is on the surface. I don’t want to lead a life based on an illusion of happiness. It’s like being in a desert and having a mirage of a castle where you are pampered to all things luxurious, just to find that it’ll disintegrate within one touch. I vow to live a life enriched with passion, creativity, travel, experience, love, and friendship. That is the fulfillment which I am seeking, and I’d love to share that with all who strive for the same.

::FITNESS

When I look back to the beginning of my journey I remember a lot of dark times and heavy emotional burdens which were a big factor to my weight gain.

NOVEMBER 2015 :: ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM

the Fight

:FITNESS

SIFF SF

IS NEVER OVER BY LUCY LUPO | PHOTO BY TODD ELLIOTT

Just because I reached my weight-loss goal doesn’t mean the struggle or the fight is over. I still have to choose daily what is best for me. Sometimes I may fall but the key is that I get back up, no matter how many times that it takes. I cannot fail if I do not give up myself. When I look back to the beginning of my journey I remember a lot of dark times and heavy emotional burdens which were a big factor to my weight gain. Not even realizing it at the time, food was the comfort I turned to consistently. It was the only means I had in coping with such a lonely time of my life. My weight-loss journey has not been easy but quitting was never an option. Many of the fad diets that were part of my quest have all failed. In 2002, I weighed in at an unhealthy 400 pounds and gastric bypass was my next step. Although it was a good start to get into a healthy weight, it was not guaranteed I did not know how to handle the battle that was within me. Health issues begin shortly afterwards which caused feet issues, knee pain and much other pain in my body. That along with the depression accompanied with no activity were a deadly combination for me. The weight to begin to creep back on, quickly. Then one day on my drive to work, I said a simple prayer for help to lose weight and to get healthy. After a few surgeries to repair my feet, I had made the decision to join Weight Watchers. I began Weight Watchers June of 2013 and began

utilizing the small gym that was located in the company I worked for at that time. Due to the pain throughout my body I had to modify everything I did and only do what the pain would allow at the time. By setting up small goals and not wanting to give up, the weight began to come off. I was not only feeling better physically, I also noticed I was in a better mood, with little or no depression. As more weight came off each week, I realized that I wasn’t in as much pain anymore so my desire for fitness, especially weightlifting grew. On March 20th, 2014, I walked into a gym, The Training Grounds, that was close to my home and met Bradley Williams. Bradley has become a dear friend of mine and is now my personal trainer. He opened my eyes to weight lifting and that’s when my obsession with fitness and weight lifting began. When I met Brad, I had already lost around 60 pounds. Once I introduced weightlifting to my training routine, my weight loss increased and body transformation truly begin. Since beginning weight watchers and meeting Brad, I have lost a total of 127 pounds. I still compete in races, such as American Heart Association, breast cancer, Turkey Trot, domestic violence awareness, but the big one which was the biggest challenge ever was the Tough Mudder. The Tough Mudder turned out to be such a great experience and has changed me. From the beginning of my journey in 2002, I have lost a total of 210 pounds. My life is changed for the good and I am excited to continue my journey and new adventures along the way.

ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM :: NOVEMBER 2015

writes ::READS &

SEX for FUN

The following is an excerpt from local author Charlotte Symonds new book “Sex For Fun”

BY CHARLOTTE SYMONDS

Tying her shoelace, Olivia became aware of someone in the park approaching her. Without looking up she ascertained by the sound of their pace on the walkway that the person was a runner. Olivia lifted her head just after the jogger passed her bench. He was a spectacular specimen of a man. His physique would have allowed his likeness to be on the cover of any number of human anatomy books she possessed. She caught only a glimpse of his face and wished she had seen more. Olivia was double knotting her sneaker when she heard the jogger doubling back towards her. She raised her head and there he stood directly in front of her, a strikingly handsome man with the deepest blue eyes she had ever seen. They were as blue as the water in Montego Bay and twice as enticing. As he looked at her, Olivia felt as if he could read her mind, knowing how physically attracted she was to him. He was clean cut, the boy next door type, but his beguiling smile gave him a hint of a bad boy appearance. Strands of his chestnut brown mane swept across his forehead. It was obvious by his stubble that he hadn’t yet shaved however, it did nothing but add to his bad boy allure. Olivia guessed his age about thirty-four. If Olivia, at this moment, had only one word to use to describe the man standing in front of her, it would be intoxicating. Sitting on the bench, Olivia’s eyes were at his crotch level. An uncomfortable situation, but she was able to maintain eye contact with him. The mystery jogger wore a navy blue T-shirt hosting a likeness of an eagle with white lettering under it. That’s all she could determine with her peripheral vision, and not wanting to stare at his physique, couldn’t make out the words. Looking down at her he asked, “Is there a problem I could assist you with? Have you sprained your ankle?” Olivia replied in a matter of fact tone of voice, not knowing if he was really concerned and this was his attempt of being chivalrous or if he was merely using a pick-up line and responded, “My shoelace untied, I’m fine.” He smiled, showing off his perfectly aligned pearly whites, and ran off. He took off so quickly that Olivia hadn’t a chance to see if he wore a wedding ring. Olivia resumed jogging along the paved walkway in the park. While she jogged behind him she wondered just how long he had been following behind her. And while he ran, had he been checking her out, she wondered? For now it was she in the rear, enjoying the visual display. She felt like a dog

chasing a bone; she believed she could run behind him for hours. At that moment, Olivia felt like a hypocrite for the many lectures Jude had been forced to endure for his objectifying men on the streets of the city while walking with her. Now here she was this morning doing the exact same thing, objectifying a perfect stranger. This runner in front of her was an athlete or at least he once was, she thought as she scoped out his physique. Perhaps soccer or a swimmer, she thought. His shoulders were broad, his biceps were tight and well-formed and his legs were muscular and toned. He didn’t wear his T-shirt tight, but with the sweat from the run it was clinging to his body and his muscular physique was well defined. Every part of his exposed skin glistened from the perspiration on his body. Olivia decided if the runner was interested in her and not merely a concerned passer-by when he offered her assistance that he was sure to follow her if she ran off-road. Olivia sped up her pace and passed her mystery man and then ran into a wooded area to take a shortcut. Listening attentively, she could hear that her jogger was still behind her. Within a few minutes she ran back onto the paved walkway, where in about 200 feet, it branched into a fork. If the runner traveled left he would not see her again, but if he veered right and followed her, they would soon be under the Glen Span Arch. She slowed her pace and could hear that he slowed his as well. When she sped up, he followed suit. He kept just enough distance as not to see where she went after her exiting under the Arch. Coming out from under the Arch, Olivia sat where she’d sit each time she ran in the park, near the waterfall. It was just past the Grand Span Arch where she would lean against a large maple tree, atop a hill of large rocks, to the left of the path and sit each day to clear her head and ready herself for the intense pace of the ER. With the sound of the falling water hitting the rocks below and the thick canopy of trees above, this was the most peaceful place Olivia knew of in the city, despite the occasional sounds of police sirens, fire trucks or ambulances. This morning was the first time Olivia could remember where when approaching the Grand Span Arch that she hadn’t been fantasizing about romance. Instead, she was wondering if her unidentified jogger would stop and sit with her or just keep running by. Just then her anonymous runner appeared out from under the Arch. She watched as he stopped and looked around apparently searching for something. Charlotte Symonds is a local author and writer. “Sex for Fun” is her third novel, the others are “What the Heart Can Hold” and “Until One Day”. All three are available on Amazon.com

November BRA DAZZLE

DISH IT OUT – SAVOR NY

RWM’S ULTIMATE WOMEN’S EXPO

19 HERO’S BALL:

21 22ND ANNUAL PARK AVENUE HOLIDAY

december 3

2015

EVENTS CALENDAR

Organization: Rochester Femfessionals Where: Radisson Hotel Riverside When: 5:30-10pm Website: www.bradazzlerochester.com Organization: NCMEC Where: Riverside Convention Center When: 5:30pm Website: www.dishitout,org Organization: Rochester Woman Magazine Where: Burgundy Basin Inn When: 5PM to 9PM Website: www.ultimatewomensexpos.com

Organization: Gilda’s Club Where: RIT Inn & Conference Center When: 6:00pm Website: www.gildasclubrochester.org Where: Park Avenue When: 5-9pm Website: www.park-avenue.org

feature ::SPECIAL 58

NOVEMBER 2015 :: ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM

::SPECIAL FEATURE:

masterminds

F SI SF SF

a meeting of

the Minds

BY DOROTHY HOWE KELLEY | PHOTO BY GILMORE HAYLE

When four people meet once a week for the purpose of sharing their life goals, the power of intention takes them to places they previously only imagined. Welcome to the Masterminds Club. A meeting of the minds for those interested in personal and professional improvement, goal setting, and accountability. The dues? Energy, respect, commitment and honesty.

Many have laid claim to the origin of this personal style think tank. Perhaps the most famous was one of our founding fathers, Benjamin Franklin. In 1727, born of his love of lively conversation, politics, and personal growth Franklin started “The Junto”. The members of the Junto were drawn from diverse occupations and backgrounds, most often tradesman which earned them the nickname “The LeatherApron Club”. What they all shared was a spirit of inquiry and a desire to improve themselves and their community.

Many other like-minded groups followed over the years. I was fortunate enough to be invited to a small intimate group of women who had decided the time was right for such a club locally. Each of us was loosely connected to one or the other, but not all. What we did have in common was an interest in growth and change in our lives, and believed that our collective power could help manifest those very things. Meet Anna. A former Masterminder in Los Angeles, she knew firsthand what could be accomplished when a group comes together to help one another implement their goals. Anna was a celebrity New York City hairstylist who met and married a local Rochesterian over ten years ago. Anna happily commuted weekly to NYC from Rochester in an effort to balance time for her marriage and to continue seeing her clients. About a year ago, she contemplated putting down some permanent roots in Rochester and starting her own business. Since Anna’s life was almost equally divided between NY and Rochester, her network of local friends was a little light. How would she initiate this transition? Diane- a native Rochesterian and the former corporate player had spent over 30 years in health care, marketing, not-for-profits and for the big three in Rochester. Although her resume was exhaustive, she was growing weary of the game and was looking for a new challenge. With the sudden death of her father in 2013, she decided to take a step back and reevaluate. What was the next step career-wise? Melinda- a correctional facility librarian came to Masterminds with the primary goal to cut her job commute of 60 miles each way. She loved her line of work but was ready for a change that would keep her closer to home. How could she make that happen without sacrificing the years she had spent building her career? I am the fourth member of this club; a freelance writer with a growing interest in sharing both personal essays and using my writing to help

give a voice to those without a platform. How could I expand my reader base and accomplish both goals? And so it began. We gathered for our first official meeting and brought an antiquated kitchen timer, set it for five minutes and we were off. The first person used that time to speak of her goals for the week. What did she want to accomplish, both short and long term, personal and professional? At the end of her five minutes, we allotted three more minutes for each of the other members to give feedback, suggestions and thoughts on how they might help. After we each took a turn, we circled back around and allowed five minutes each on what we hoped to accomplish in the week ahead. One member took notes each week and emailed them to the others so we can keep each others goals in the forefront of our minds and gently hold the others accountable at our next meeting. A simple formula, with incremental yet dramatic results. We soon realized we were stronger together than we ever could have been alone. Each meeting became a virtual vision board. We found that a dream once spoken takes on an energy, and with the steady drip of attention grows exponentially. This synergy of energy and commitment created when we gathered with a common goal surpassed our expectations. Anna, once struggling with how to build her clientele has developed a professional new website and is quickly growing a roster of new clients. She returns to New York City every few months to see some of her most loyal clients who schedule their appointments around her quarterly visits. She now has, in essence, the best of both of her worlds. Diane has switched gears and is now working with an exciting new start-up, travels often, and is challenging herself professionally in ways she never dreamt of before. Melinda, once dreading her daily hour commute has found a new position at a different correctional facility. She has transitioned from librarian to counselor and has cut her commute almost in half. As for me, I am happy to report I have realized my dream of becoming a blogger for the Huffington Post and am working on a book project to give formerly incarcerated women the voice they have long deserved. We are genuinely excited to meet each week, and share what new developments have transpired and cheer on the growth of our teammates. As a bonus, because we are all so invested in each others evolution, the transition to becoming close friends has been a seamless one. Not surprisingly, the Masterminds philosophy has created healthy changes in other areas of each of our lives as well. Health and relationship matters seem much less daunting when broken down into bite size pieces. If it is true that we what focus on expands, then this club has made it astonishingly clear that we are in much more control of our future that we previously believed.

moment ::MENOPAUSE

Understanding Menopause

(At The Most Basic Level) BY JAMES WOODS, MD AND ELIZABETH WARNER, MD Recent advances in the biology of menopause have helped clarify the importance of female hormones in womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s overall health. Improved patient education that allows women to engage in formal conversations with their care providers helps clinicians to individualize menopause management for their patients. In essence, while menopause is a complex process, it can be understood at a basic level by viewing it simply as a process of hormone withdrawal. And the hormone of most importance is estradiol, cyclically produced in large amounts by the ovaries during the reproductive years, reflecting the high numbers of eggs that rapidly decrease in number as one approaches menopause. During reproductive years, estradiol is critical for menstrual cycles and pregnancy. More recently, scientists have found that during these years, estradiol also has an anti-inflammatory action, preventing immune cells and visceral fat cells from releasing certain inflammatory cytokines, including interleukin 1, interleukin 6 and tumor necrosis factor alpha. Yet, it is these same inflammatory proteins that our scientists have linked to essentially all of the more common menopausal symptoms, such as hot flashes, mood swings, memory loss, dry skin, vaginal dryness, low libido, bone breakdown, and cardiovascular risk. In the past, menopause was considered one full year without any menstruation. We now know that in the several months-to-years leading up to that one year without menstruation, the ovaries gradually become more resistant to hormone control from the brain. This window in time, previously known as perimenopause, now is formally termed the Menopause Transition. Women may only recognize this by encountering irregular menstrual periods. During this interval, however, fluctuations of estradiol from the ovaries begin to allow immune cells and visceral fat cells to release low levels of these inflammatory cytokines into the blood stream. The result is that these women may begin to experience early menopause symptoms, even though they still are having irregular periods. 60

NOVEMBER 2015 :: ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM

The menopause transition represents more than simply the emergence of early menopausal symptoms. This period is associated with significant increases in visceral fat, cholesterol and triglycerides; thickening of the walls of carotid arteries; weight gain; and reduced physical activity. During menopause, estradiol essentially becomes undetectable in the blood. One would expect that all women, therefore, would experience the classic symptoms of menopause, but that is not so. Despite low levels of estradiol, women entering menopause will differ in how they perceive the absence of estradiol. Some will experience only minimal or mild symptoms while others will feel that they are overwhelmed by new, distressing symptoms. The duration of these symptoms also differs among women. For some women, symptoms will pass within a few years. Recent longitudinal studies now indicate that for other women, symptoms of menopause may last well into their 60s or even 70s. Scientists have helped clarified the biology of menopause. Clinicians now better understand the range of responses women experience during menopause. These two revelations have matured the field of menopause medicine. Some women will find that education alone is sufficient. Others will need the education to enter into an adult conversation regarding management. Whether it is through therapeutic listening, complementary and alternative medicines, or hormone replacement, menopause medicine now is a rich, mature, and established field of medicine. Women have always known that menopause is real. The medical community still is working to improve each womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s menopausal life. James Woods MD is a practicing gynecologist credentialed in Menopause Medicine and a regular contributor to Rochester Woman Magazine. Elizabeth Warner, MD, is a retired gynecologist. For questions regarding menopausal issues, please call him at (585) 271-7800. These issues are discussed in our BLOG entitled www.obgyn.urmc.edu/menopause.

Henry Hess, MD, PhD

Jim Woods, MD

The Hess/Woods/Warshof Obstetrics and Gynecology practice specializes in perimenopausal and menopausal care and welcomes new patients to our practice. Patients are seen at 2255 South Clinton Avenue Rochester, NY 14618. To make an appointment, please call 585.271.7800

Kalin Warshof, MS, RN, FNP-BC

::FOR A GOOD

cause

employees cause

:FOR A GOOD,

SIF SF FG

donate vacation time to grieving co-worker

BY ALYSSA JACKSON I PHOTO BY LISA MANCINI

The death of a loved one is hard for any person. You have a few days to grieve over your loss with others who loved them too, and then it’s back to the grind. You sit in your job, or at your school desk, feeling terribly sad and lost. But the circle of life keeps going, and you’re often under pressure to stop your grieving and get back to life.

When John Robbins lost his partner of over 25 years, Giusette Mantisi, he was sure that would happen to him. Mantisi was diagnosed with lung cancer a few years ago. In late July Robbins and Mantisi went to what they thought was a routine doctor’s visit. In fact, the two were excited. A week before they went in, they had talked with the doctor about a new chemotherapy treatment that the doctors had wanted to try on Mantisi. However, at the appointment they were told that Mantisi had less than two weeks to live. “His last scans had shown progression of the cancer and the doctor said that there was nothing more they could do,” said Robbins. “He (Mantisi) was accepting of that, he was very tired and he was done. It had been a long three years and he was done.” Robbins called his boss, Kimberly Butler, who was on vacation at the time. Butler and Robbins work at Coordinated Care Services Inc. (CCSI), which is a contracting service. They currently work through the Monroe County Office of Mental Health. “I just told him to be with Joe (Mantisi’s nickname), everything will work itself out at work so just be with Joe, and then when I got back from vacation he had called to let me know that Joe had passed…” Butler said. “It was hard because clients and people in the office wanted to do something.” That’s when Butler got the idea for herself and other employees to donate their paid vacation time to Robbins so that he could take the time needed to grieve for his partner.

Because they had done this for a coworker in the past, Butler knew that donating vacation time to Robbins was an option. She started donating her vacation time and sent out a form through email to the other employees to see if they were interested as well. Before she knew it, the forms were flying in. The decision for so many to help Robbins was easy. “John has a laugh that’s infectious, even if you’re in a horrible mood, just being around him makes anyone smile,” Butler said. “Even folks who don’t like what we do or don’t like the program, they like John. He’s a wonderful and kind human being.” All-in-all, Robbins’ coworkers donated over 150 hours of their paid vacation time to him. When he found out what he had done, Robbins said that he was overwhelmed with emotion and even tried to deny the vacation time from them. “I burst into tears,” he said. “I work with a great group of people, we’re like a little family. They covered everything for me. They closed the office the day of the funeral, I had no work to do when I came back.” Robbins said that he was glad that he ultimately took the vacation time. There have been several times when he has been back to work and something reminded him of Mantisi and he needed to leave for the day. Butler and his co-workers have been supportive and understanding during these tough days. “He’s just so loved. We know that he would do anything for any of us,” Butler said. “He would do anything for anybody. He’s just a kind soul, and like I said it’s hard not to like him.” Robbins is, of course, thankful for all of his work family. “I would just say that I love them all and I wouldn’t have been able to get through such a difficult time without them,” he said. “They’re just as important to me as my family and friends are. They made a very difficult time a lot easier knowing I didn’t have to worry about my job.”

ROCHESTERWOMANMAG.COM :: NOVEMBER 2015

wonder woman ::MODERN DAY

The Importance of

friendship

wonder woman

::MODERN DAY

BY JILL BURRESS I PHOTO BY Step outside and smell that crisp air and those falling leaves? Take a moment to let that rejuvenating feeling sink in because it won’t last long. The holidays are almost here! Our family went to an ice cream store a couple months ago and behind the store was a giant hill. Do you remember when you were a kid and you rolled head over heels down a hill? Well, that’s exactly what we did, so this feeling of chin tucked rolling midway down the hill with a “no turning back now” feeling is very fresh in my mind. When I think of the holiday season and Christmas, it feels like it’s approaching so quickly just as if I were head over feet rolling to the bottom of that hill! Can any of you relate to that lingering sensation of dizziness as your head spins through the holiday season? Well, ladies, we are tumbling head over heels into the holiday season and there’s no stopping it! By the time we know it the tree will be up and silver bells will be ringing! But wait, don’t rush past the one time of the year we celebrate a very important holiday to be thankful for what we have: THANKSGIVING! Here at Rochester Woman Magazine, we just recognized Breast Cancer Awareness Month in our October issue. It got me thinking that with the disease of cancer or any terminal disease for that matter, I’m grateful for support groups and for friendships. For those who give of their time to help others because they want to show love and support. I’m thankful we don’t have to face life’s hardships alone. The holiday season can be very difficult for some people in more ways than finding that perfect gift. Some find it a very lonely time of year. I’ve heard someone say that there can be 20 people sitting at the dinner table at Thanksgiving and “I feel so alone.” If that is you, let me encourage you with this: We were not designed to go through life alone. Solomon once said, “Two are better than one because a good return comes when two work together. If one of them falls, the other can help him up. But who will help the pitiful person who falls down alone?” Let me sum this up…there are people who love you and want to do life with you! God is saying many things in this passage to encourage us to be relational. He is expressing the innate need for us to be surrounded by people who love us and support us. We need to be actively seeking relationships with others, but how? In all the busyness of life, how do we truly find time to enjoy real

friendships? There are opportunities all around us, we just need to find what we enjoy doing and look for friends to do it with! Please, ladies, get out there and do what you are passionate about, no matter if you are your only friend in the room. Do you know what its like to show up to something and you are nervous because you don’t know anyone? I just sat here for fifteen minutes brainstorming with my husband about something that I have attended as an example for you and I can’t think of one place I have gone and didn’t know at least one person. I am involved in so many different organizations and activities and everywhere I go, I have at least one friendly face to welcome me. This I say to you not to brag but to encourage you in making friends. It doesn’t happen by accident. To have friends, we must show ourselves friendly. So let’s get started…do you enjoy reading, how about joining a book club? Are you a young mother, well there is a MOPS (Mothers of preschoolers) group out there with young women like yourself who would love to share baby and toddler stories of diaper changes and nursing struggles. That was a huge support for me when my children were young because I realized that through sharing stories, I wasn’t alone in my feelings or trials. Are you looking to get yourself healthy and fit? If you are like me, you seek to keep yourself in shape, but have fun while doing it. For me, fitness is more than a focus on my own body but a chance to catch up with friends at the gym. We have a shared passion that keeps us coming back for more. Can I hear a “woo-hoo” from those of you ladies who know what I mean when I say, “friends who sweat together, stay together!” These are just a few thoughts to encourage you to start looking inward to find your passions and then look outward for someone to share them with! I’m thankful for those who love me and enjoy doing life with me, not just through the good times. I’m thankful that I don’t have to go through life alone. The good news is that you don’t have to fly solo. If you don’t know where to start, check out www.discovervictory.com where you will find a gazillion things to be involved in for free. You can also send me a message on Facebook. I love inspiring and guiding women to find a place where they belong because when women find their niche, they will be happy, productive and fulfilled. Don’t let fear and loneliness hold you back. There is a whole world out there of women who have troubles, struggles and joys to share just like you do. In the end, rolling down the hill with friends is so much better than tumbling through life’s paths alone!

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