by Al Lee and Payton Onesie What do you think teachers do in their spare time? Aside from grading and making lesson plans, Rogue News discovered a lifestyle that a few AHS teachers have kept secret from their students and even staff members. Board games, chili, hot sauce, “The Bachelor,” and gossiping about students are just a few of the scandalous activities these teachers meet up to engage in regularly after school hours—staying together as late at 10pm. Rogue News investigators—while lurking on Jamie Hirsh’s premises, the location of these gatherings--overheard Hirsh say, “Kip Parowski got an A on our last American Studies quiz, what a kid!” and specified the strengths of other students as well. During their pre-show dinner, Rogue News uncovered more than anticipated about their secret lives and found out the truth about our mysterious educators.
Rogue News overheard discussion of illegal activities including failing to renew a driver’s license one week after it was due to be renewed. As Hirsh turned on the television to begin watching the finale of “The Bachelor” at promptly 8pm, math teacher Marissa Watson enthusiastically disclosed that she will be undergoing plastic surgery in order to look more like bachelorette contestant “JoJo.” A round of applause went around the room. As the show went on, math teacher Ben Tell became very animated about his opinions of the two bachelorettes. Watson began to mimic her idol JoJo’s every move—taking notes about the true meaning of love. Hirsh’s roommate and colleague Aimee Antilla emerged from her bedroom in a full ball gown to celebrate the finale of “The Bachelor.” Teary-eyed and beginning to weep, Antilla said, “I cannot believe this is truly ending-
photos by Rogue News secret agent
-how will I move on?” Tell also began to weep, but the two AHS teachers found comfort in each other’s sadness—expressing their deep love for bachelorette contestant JoJo. The group of teachers nearly set the house ablaze after the smoke alarm began to go off in Hirsh’s house. They panicked; no one was able to pinpoint what the cause of the fire was. “It’s the cornbread!” yelled Hirsh, racing toward the kitchen. As the night went on, and the suspense of “The Bachelor” was building, several neighbors threatened to call the police due to the loud screams that were radiating from Hirsh’s home. Though students usually have a bleak perception of teacher life outside the classroom, Rogue News discovered this is far from the truth. Included below this article are surveillance photos taken during this revealing evening.