ROOSTER
APRIL 2011
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ROOSTER
Editor’s Word
April 2011
Contents
47 WORLD’S
WEALTHIEST DRUG LORDS
CANNABIS PHOTOS Photographer: Matt Angiono Shop: EpicBudPhoto.com
As you can imagine with a photo-intensive magazine, image quality is extremely important. To achieve the highest quality photos, we allowed our friend Matt, owner of Epic Bud Photo and Design, to take over and show us how it’s done. After spending hours—and by hours we mean days—in dispensaries and grow rooms, Matt provided us with the best selection of images, unmatched by anyone in the world. All the cannabis images in this magazine are products of Epic Bud Photos. We usually question the artists that are from Boulder, but Matt is a genius in his own right—and he’s not a hippie.
42 CANNATAX
DEMYSTIFIED With state governments on the verge of bankruptcy, Rooster wanted to know what the fiscal benefits of medical marijuana actually are. Lory Kohn, founder of cannabiscommerce.com and an expert on the subject of cannatax, breaks down the benefits of taxing cannabis.
Exotic pets, private islands, and caches of money and guns are what many small countries aspire to have. Drug lords have acquired an absurdly large amount of wealth—they’ve even been listed in Forbes’ Richest People list—yet the drug war still tredges on, soaking up money and incarcerating individuals. To give you an idea of how much money is in the drug trade, we list the world’s wealthiest drug lords and their empires.
38 MARIJUANA
TASTE TEST
We’ve all heard of wine tasting, but has there ever been a marijuana tasting? We teamed up with Trill Dispensary to see if a panel of refinedpalates could discern between topshelf and bottom-shelf marijuana strains. Six joints, a cabinet of food and a movie later, the results are in.
54 VAPORIZER REVIEW
Like any amazing company, Rooster likes to sink money into R&D. In our new monthly section called Rooster Lab, we test the products so you don’t have to. This month: vaporizers. With our friends at Freaky’s, we tested the industry’s biggest sellers to determine which one’s were worth your money—and which one’s were for the bottom feeders.
52 LEGALIZE ALL DRUGS?
In 2001, Portugal decriminalized all drugs in an effort to curb increasing drug use. Ten years later, we look to see whether the policy was a success or if everyone’s doing heroin.
Retraction
In the March Music Guide, we made two mistakes when labeling the music photos: the photo of Eminence Ensemble was shot by Britt Chester, and the photo of J Flash was shot by Cinesthetics. We apologize.
Every April, Rooster production meetings tend to look the same in terms of content ideas: green, leafy and something involving microwaveable food (page 26). While this year the apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree—unlike what our high school teachers told us— we have matured to some extent. And by matured, we mean we made sure all of our guinea pigs, lab monkeys and taste testers were patients legally allowed to possess marijuana. Like our girlfriends have told us, bigger is better. Not compensating for anything besides our amazing writing abilities, we increased the page count in this issue to our largest ever. For the hard-nosed and argumentative type, we introduce marijuana as a possible fiscal stimulus (page 41) that could relieve the local and federal governments of lingering deficits. In another instance, we examine Portugal’s decriminalization of all drugs in 2001 (page 52) and how the last ten years has worked out for the Spanish wanna-bes. Finally, because hippies and teenagers always want to blame the U.S. government, we look at drug laws in other countries (page 39) to see how they stack up against ours. FYI, China’s suck. For the happy-go-lucky stoner in all of us, we have you covered as well. Complete with its own coloring page, our games section (page 64) has increased to entertain even the shortest of short buses. Boring teacher? Color the page. Angry roommate? Color the page. Getting arrested? Call Steven Louth. Understanding the pain and oppression stoners face, we tailored parts of this issue exactly for you. After all, it is the month of Boulder’s favorite holiday. As always, enjoy the issue, keep dreaming and learn every day. Since CU didn’t make the tourney, we’ve boycotted TV. Yes, all TV. Even Gordon fucking Ramsey. Yours truly, Simon Berger
Work for Rooster!
CURRENT ROOSTER JOB OPENING
AHHH... WHATEVER Anyone interested in working for Rooster Magazine—for any of our departments—should send his/her resume to RoosterMagazine@gmail.com.
Rooster Staff Editor: Simon Berger Creative Editor: Ethan Sklar Managing Editors: Lera Yavich, Lauren Wright Copy Editor: Amy Segreti Associate Editors: Isabelle Kohn, Erin Moriarty, Diana Hood Contributors: PJ Nutting, Vi Doan, Hope Nartonis, Jay Wheeler Bennett, Lily Krenza, Andrew Flora, Duncan Moore, Liz Waldmann, Jordan Held, Sharon Siman-Tov Advertising Director: Ethan Sklar Advertising Reps: Davin Burke Ad Designers: Gavin Pledger, Steven Goose Photo Editor: Simon Berger Photo Contributors: Molly Burns, Duncan Moore, Matt Angiono Magazine Inquiries: Simon Berger, 505-980-0656
For Advertising:
Contact: Ethan Sklar Phone: 720-289-8035 E-mail: Ethan.Rooster@gmail.com All contents of Rooster Magazine including logo are copyright 2011. Rooster does not assume responsibility for any unsolicited manuscripts, artwork or photographs. The opinions and experiences of the authors are strictly their own and not those of Rooster. Rooster does not advocate the use of drugs, legal or otherwise. Additionally, Rooster does not guarantee the accuracy of these articles. Rooster Magazine is strictly an entertainment magazine and is not responsible for the actions of its readers.
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Letters Editors ROOSTER OPINION
To The
Rooster, Look, I commend your effort with all the music articles, but honestly, they’re mainstream, repetitive and clearly not written by musicians. The “artists” you feature consistently come from two genres: hippie jam bands (which are fine, but getting overdone) and dubstep, a genre that features no instruments. No musicians. Enough of the whomp whomp. Any monkey can distort other people’s tracks over two notes of programmed bass synth. People shouldn’t have to be on drugs for your music to sound good. This is a smart school and if you took some time to research, you’d discover that most CU students can’t stand dubstep. Boulder wants to hear talent. So hire a new music columnist who actually can play an instrument or stop pretending to understand it. P.S. You need to edit your horoscopes. Sincerely, Spencer
Rooster, Man, loved the new issue. The cover was dope, but those evil marijuana trolls give me nightmares; sorry Jules, it’s true. I hope you guys keep up the new quality. It really takes the mag to a new level and I can’t wait to see what you have in store for the April issue, the last three 420s have been epic and I hope there’s some crazy shit. Much love, Stevo To The Rooster, What’s up guys? I’m from New Jersey and came out to visit a buddy for the weekend. He had the Rooster on his coffee table and I have to say, it’s good shit. Is there anyway possible I could get a Rooster sent to me out in New Jersey? Also, I saw that you have hats as well, what would it take for you to hook a brother up with some apparel? But seriously, do you have a way to sign up for a subscription? Best Regards, Jacob
Please send your love and hate to RoosterMagazine@gmail.com
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Still the Highest in Boulder, with the same great staff you love. See our coupon ad for the Best Deals! 1089 13th Street Boulder, CO 80302 - On The Hill 303.440.3991 / www.MedicineOnTheHill.com 6
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April Events
ROOSTER EVENTS
Because we care.
Method Man and Redman
Meditation for Stress
Bill Mahr
Date: April 7 Time: 8 p.m. Find it: Fox Theatre
Date: April 7, 17, 21 and 28 Time: noon Find it: CU Center for Community
Date: April 9 Time: 8 p.m. Find it: Macky Auditorium
It’s time to Blackout with Method and Red; so grab a forty, roll and blunt, and feel like an original gangsta for one night. Rooster is excited to present Method Man and Redman along with MTHDS at the Aggie. These guys have always shown Fort Collins love, and Fort Collins always returns the favor. They’ll be featuring songs from their new album, Blackout 2, along their classics that bring the noise. We’ll be throwing down at the show and rocking our asses off; hope to see you all there.
Our consciousness is spread throughout the physical body. But with more energy, we can perceive other realities, and consciousness can move in the form of the Astral body. The Astral body travels beyond space and time and we can perceive new dimensions and travel the universe. We’ll slow down, as this is part 8, and you’re still trying to avoid soiling yourself every time you have a mid-term. Here, beginners can learn meditation basics, while those more experienced are free to explore new dimensions of life.
Bill Mahr is an expert at taking shots at both the left and the right, which is why so many people can enjoy his brand of comedy. He hosts the HBO talk show Real Time With Bill Mahr where his three liberal guests gang up on the one conservative to the delight of the crowd. He’s been one of Obama’s biggest critics, calling him, how should we say this, “a giant pussy,” for not standing up to Republicans. But really, we’re just wondering: has he banged Ann Coulter yet?
The Stars of the Peking Acrobats
Noam Chomsky
Physics: Anticipating a New Golden Age
Date: April 17 Time: 4 p.m. Find it: Macky Auditorium Ever dreamt what it’d be like to have sex with a contortionist? Of course you have, and if you haven’t— come on, live a little. Because the Peking Acrobats, a troupe of China’s most gifted tumblers, contortionists, jugglers, cyclists and gymnasts are coming to CU. Not that this means you stand a chance in hell of doing the horizontal trapeze with one of them, but you can always dream.
Date: April 22 Time: 7 p.m. Find it: Macky Auditorium If there’s one speaker Boulderites love more than Bill Mahr, it’s Noam Chomsky. We all have that one friend who won’t hesitate to turn a casual conversation political by busting out a couple quotes from Chomky’s Failed States: The Abuse of Power and the Assault on Democracy—and no, he didn’t finish the book. But like everything in politics, it’s the thought that counts. Regardless of your ideology, it will be a thought-provoking lecture, and at the ripe age of 82, Noam doesn’t have too many lectures left in him.
Date: April 26 Time: 7:30 p.m. Find it: Macky Auditorium Nobel laureate Frank Wilczek will be giving a special lecture on some gorgeous ideas about the ultimate laws of physics. Nature has given us hints, but is she teaching, teasing or playing our Large Hadron Collider? In a multimedia presentation including rap videos, spectacular images, amazing ideas and a few jokes, Mr. Wilczek demonstrates why this is an especially exciting time to be a physicist (or a curious person).
To have an event listed, please email Publicity.Rooster@gmail.com. 9
ROOSTER EVENTS
NORML 420 Conference Date: April 20 - 23 Location: Denver Website: www.norml.org We’re still waiting for our invitation after the rigorous vaporizer and bud test we conducted for this issue, but that’s not a good excuse to stop your lazy ass from taking the RTD down to Denver and learning a thing a two. In case you’ve been living in the seminary for the last 40 years, NORML is the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, and the folks you can thank for the medicine you’re allowed to smoke. This conference will cover a wide range of marijuana issue from Pot Politics, Cannabis Science, Law Enforcement and State-Sanctioned Violence, Marijuana and the Media, and a special performance by The Supervillains at the Bluebird Theater. Saturday’s guest speaker is the Marijuana Maverick who will be doing an awesome Q&A—who is he, why is he a Maverick, and is he related to John McCain? You’ll have to show up on Saturday to find out.
Communikey Date: April 13 - 17 Location: Boulder Website: www.communikey.us Communikey is an electronic arts and music festival where it’s cool to be a geek. These are the engineering and computer science kids that dropped more acid than Jerry Garcia, still got straight As, and found time to mix in some crazy art and music. Communikey takes place at venues throughout Boulder and features artists from the underground electronic scene, as well as a ton of workshops, such as learning robotics and how to use Abelton, a sound mixing program that most DJs are familiar with. There will also be some cool installations, and one, The Parking Ticket Emotional Reclamation Project (PTERP), has a special place in our hearts at Rooster. It began as a response to the horror, isolation and downright depression one feels upon receiving a parking ticket. Worried about the emotional fate of humanity, PTERP knew something had to be done, and accordingly birthed itself. PTERP writes a note, gets an artist or kid (AKA everyone!) to paint, draw or write on the other side, then goes out into the world wielding empathy and comfort as it places these handmade cards alongside issued parking tickets on unassuming windshields. One ticket at a time, PTERP will help restore emotional sanity. Amen, brothers. Amen. 10
1313 College St. Boulder, CO 80301
303.413.3494
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April Music
ROOSTER EVENTS
Because we really care.
Andre Nickatina
Queens of the Stone Age
Arcade Fire
Date: April 7 Time: 8 p.m. Find it: Bluebird Theatre
Date: April 8 Time: 8 p.m. Find it: Ogden Theatre
Date: April 9 Time: 8 p.m. Find it: 1st Bank Center
A legend in the Bay Area underground hip hop scene, Nickatina comes to Colorado this month to school us on chewies and blunts. When the lesson’s over, don’t be surprised if you’re a junkie for his rhymes, or something else entirely.
This supergroup is coming to the Ogden full force and “starting a revolution against shitty rock.” We’re not going to disagree, but how hard will it be to find one of these coveted, sold out tickets? No one knows.
Fresh off their Album of the Year Grammy win, Arcade Fire announced dates across North America and Europe, with a stop at the 1st Bank Center in Broomfield. It’s not a lie, but there sure as hell would be a hipster rebellion if they didn’t grace us with their ethereal presence.
MiM0SA
Motet
Two Fresh and Lazer Sword
Date: April 16 Time: 9 p.m. Find it: Macky Auditorium
Date: April 23 Time: 4 p.m. Find it: Fox Theatre
Date: April 20 Time: 9 p.m. Find it: Cervantes
Tigran MiM0SA has been changing the game for the last two years and is bringing that West Coast trip hop to the Boulder Theater. With Archnemesis opening, this is sure to be a show to catch.
Boulder locals Motet are taking over the Fox for a night of Halloween in April. No, they won’t be playing the Monster Mash, but instead, jams from past Halloween shows at the Fox including Talking Heads, Stevie Wonder and Michael Jackson.
Two Fresh fuse hip-hop and jazz with the intensity and uniquely styled live drums, while Lazer Sword is a San Francisco-based live electronic act and production duo. Both are at the forefront of an emerging sound in what promises to be a killer show.
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FIND THE ROOSTER
THE FIRST THREE PEOPLE TO FIND THE DIAMOND ROOSTER IN THIS ISSUE WIN TWO TICKETS EACH TO THE APRIL 7TH METH AND RED SHOW AT THE FOX. Emails should be sent to Promo.Rooster@gmail.com by April 6th, correctly telling us where the Diamond Rooster is located. Tickets will be issued that same day. Idiot, the above Rooster is not the correct Rooster.
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CLASSMATE Brytny Marquez Age: 21 Hometown: Pueblo, Colo. Major: Business Management Favorite food: Crab legs Favorite drink: Sugarfree Red Bull What do you do in your free time? I model and go to school. I like to educate others on medical marijuana. Which dispensary do you work at? Root Organic. How did you become a budtender? I just got offered a position in Pueblo and it spiraled from there. What’s the best strain at your dispensary, why? Bubba Kush. It’s a really nice, heavy indica with mellow. Which strain do you like? I like OGs. Blunt or bong? Bong. Every girl should have what? Confidence. If you had a million dollars what would you do with it? Take a trip. Help out my friends and my family. One thing you want to do before you die? Travel the world. Dream job: Working with Vogue. Some sort of modeling where I get to travel. What do you look for in a guy? I look for confidence, optimism and a sense of humor. Turn-ons: A nice smile. Turn-offs: Cockiness and arrogance. What’s one thing you can’t live without? Love. Best advice you’ve ever been given: Do what makes you happy. Favorite quote: Live the life you love and love the life you live. Social cause you believe in: The green movement. What do you do to party? Smoke weed. I don’t drink; it makes me sick.
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The Metalist Taylor Iversen
Hometown: Minneapolis Major: Journalism–News Editorial Career aspirations: Write, play music, make documentaries. Favorite drink: New Castle Brown Ale, double whiskey and Coke. Hobbies: Playing bass for Black Acid Devil and Black Sleep of Kali. His whip: A big black van. Not a “Come inside and get some candy” van; it’s a legitimately awesome van. With windows. Dream job: International rock star sensation and avant-garde porn director. Favorite form of exercise: Hiking and fucking. Favorite points of conversation: Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. Books are okay, too. Named his pipe: Dio. It has two horns. Favorite night in Boulder: My band finished an encore at the Downer and my friend broke a bottle of hot sauce over my face. It sucked, but the memory is awesome. 4/20 ritual: For the past three years, I grill anywhere from 150-300 grilled cheeses and give them out while wearing a Viking helmet. Desired legacy: I want my Wikipedia page to be full of accomplishments. Turn-offs: Dubstep remixes, emaciation, if a chick is crazy. Turn-ons: Knowing who John Bonham is, red hair, interest in books, movies, music, and being active. If a chick is crazy. Dream date: Seeing a show at the Ogden, too horny to avoid hooking up in the bathroom. Every man should have one: A great memory of falling in love. Brushes hair: Every day. No, that’s a blatant lie. Every month. Best part of having long hair: Girls love it. Worst part about long hair: Gets in your mouth. Dream professional sport to play: Hockey. I’ve always been good at blocking things, like blocking pussy from my friends.
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Hidden talent: Everyone knows I’m good at eating tacos. I’m pretty good at sleeping in, I can hit the 4:30/5 p.m. mark.
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ROOSTER UNIVERSITY
Question of the Month What’s your biggest fear?
Getting someone else’s hair in my food.
Maura W.
Falling.
Heights and tests.
Claustrophobia.
Graduating and snakes.
Stupid people. Arj N.
Michael F.
Failure.
Working in a cubicle.
Needles.
Snakes.
Ferris wheels.
Underwater animals; sharks and shit like that.
Chelsea A.
Nick S.
Marlee G.
Brooks R.
Jessi H.
Laura V.
Kylie O.
Tom M.
Drew M.
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ROOSTER COLLEGE CHEF
College Chef Nile’s Sesame Ginger Shrimp INGREDIENTS Prep time = 20 minutes Serves 4 1 ½ cup rice 2 lbs. shrimp (substitute chicken or tofu) 1 red bell pepper, sliced 5 heads of fresh baby bok choy, chopped 1 handful of bean sprouts 7 stalks of green onion sliced thin 1 medium-sized shallot, finely chopped 6 small shitake mushrooms, sliced 1 slice of jalapeno pepper minced (to taste) 4 cloves of garlic, minced 3 tbsp. finely chopped ginger ½ cup oyster sauce (substitute soy sauce) 4 tablespoons sesame oil ½ cup honey white cooking wine (substitute water) sesame seeds for garnish
Rice: First, begin cooking rice in 3 cups of water on high heat. Sauce: Put 3 of the 4 tablespoons of sesame oil in a pot on high heat. Add ginger, garlic, green onions and shallots, setting aside 1 pinch of each. Simmer until shallots are translucent. Deglaze the pan by pouring in a small amount of cooking wine (or water) to prevent ingredients from browning. Slowly add oyster sauce and honey while stirring, and bring back to a simmer. When the sauce bubbles, reduce to low heat and let cook while you
prepare the main ingredients. Main Dish: Pour 1 tablespoon of sesame oil into pan on high heat. Add the remaining shallots, garlic and ginger, and brown. Add shrimp and toss so oil covers completely and cook for 5-7 minutes. Set aside when ready. Re-oil the pan and add vegetables. Sauté for 4 minutes until bok choy wilts and vegetables are hot. Combine with shrimp and sauce, toss together and allow to cook until sauce bubbles. Serve immediately on top of rice. Garnish with sesame seeds and remaining green onions. 23
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ROOSTER DEAR IBBY
Dear Ibby
Cougar hunters, booty calls and boring sex. Where do we begin? boning a 20 something year old is trying to stay in a “young” mindset, and most likely wishes she was still that age. She will embody the same qualities as whatever age group she envies, and her giant vagina will swallow your penis whole. Just kidding. I don’t think their vaginas are any bigger honestly, unless they’ve spit out a few kids. Vaginas are pretty elastic and even after childbirth they can be relatively tight. All in all, if you’re into “riper” women, I wouldn’t do anything different than hang out in places they flock to, like the hysterectomy clinic or Curves.
Dear Ibby, I’m a college student in my 20s, and I’m single. But there’s a problem. I’m over stupid college hoes and their immature bullshit. I’m ready for something more refined. I want a MILF, a cougar or any kind of older woman. How do I go about this? Do the laws of attraction differ between younger and older woman? And is it true that their vaginas are loose? Fact: college “hoes” can be lame and immature. Fact: so can older hoes. Yeah, they may be filthy rich, experienced at sex and also filthy rich, but from what I’ve seen, a lot of older women who go for younger men are actually insane. If I were you, I’d snag one of these psychotic women of distinction (meaning, distinctly old), by doing the same things that you do to attract younger women: be really good looking, funny and suave. In terms of these “laws of attraction” you’re talking about... well, I really doubt there’s much difference. The young and the old are into the same things. But, I think most people are wrong in thinking older women want more “mature” things than younger ones. If they did, they’d get with older men, or men their age. Some post-menopausal chick who’s
Dear Ibby, My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few years now, and at first I wanted him all the time. But recently, sex has become boring and kind of obligatory, and honestly whenever he touches me I want to puke. Is there anything I can do to make sex more interesting or to get that spark back? I think vomit is a completely appropriate reaction in this situation. Why? Spontaneity, the Internet tells me, brings sparks back into your relationship. Puke on him then say, “Baby, I love you,” and he’ll be like, “What the fuck?” But, hey, at least it’s something new and different. No but really, try to undo whatever routines you two have created around each other. If you tend to have sex in the same place around the same time under the same circumstances, then for the love of God, stop. Make an effort to surprise him with sex or other things in places that you would never think of doing it. Cater to each other’s sexual fantasies. When even that gets old, and you’re pretty sure you’ve fulfilled every single fantasy and every single sexual wish that both you and him have, try experimenting with things that don’t particularly turn either of you on. At the least, you’ll have fun doing it and maybe laugh and puke a little. If you’ve already done all of this, maybe it’s time to try something unconventional like an open relationship, or maybe you could just get fucked on the side. Being with other people might help you appreciate each other more, or it could also make you realize how much
you hate each other, but now’s probably a good time to find that out. The worst part of relationships is the monotony that consumes both of you until you suffocate and die, but monotony is only a choice. Try polygamy instead. Dear Ibby, I like this guy, but he only wants to fuck late at night when he’s drunk. He comes over wasted, and we have a great time, and then he leaves in the morning. Normally I would pass this off as a booty-call relationship, but he gets jealous when I talk to other guys. What does that mean? You’ve got to be kidding me. If you haven’t seen it by now, let me enlighten you on your role in this person’s life: human sperm bank. You are merely a lukewarm receptacle for semen to this dude. If this is okay with you, then fine, but if you’re confused about whether he has feelings for you or not, un-confuse yourself right now. If he wanted to see you in the daytime, take you to lunch, call you before 3 a.m., meet your friends, etc., then he would. What’s stopping him? Well, he’s got a girlfriend, or, to quote that one movie with Justin Long that sucks and made me want to puke: “He’s just not that into you.” I can’t think of a reason why he would be jealous when you talk to other guys, other than to make it seem like he cares so he can keep “smushing” you (Jersey Shore reference). There is a 1-5 percent chance that he actually does like you and he is jealous because he wants you to himself, but that means there is a 95-99 percent chance that my previous explanation was true. The good thing about the situation is that he must like having sex with you, which means there’s something good about you. If you have feelings for this guy, well, I mean… don’t. Or, you could always give him an ultimatum, which all people really love, which could go a little something like this: “Either we get serious because I have feelings for you, or you can suck your own dick.”
To ask Ibby a question, email her at RoosterMagazine@gmail.com. 25
ROOSTER BLIND DATE
Blind Date Meet the Daters Keira
Keira is a Speech, Language and Hearing Science major as well as a Sociology major looking to meet a guy who’s open-minded, outgoing and has the same goals and ambitions as herself. She recently got out of a relationship of five years and is on the prowl to have a good time. She admits that she’s somewhat of a relationship girl, but the single thing is fun. After she graduates, she wants to go back to school for a Masters in pyschology, but for now she’s simply looking to do something different. In her free time, Keira likes being with her friends and sister, eating at amazing restaurants in Boulder, watching movies and pretty much anything that’s not school-related (...sure fooled us with all the majors). On tonight’s date, we’re hoping Keira’s background in language helps her identify the language of love. Yeah, we said it.
CJ
This Boulder native has been a long-time Rooster fan, and for that, he’s the best dater we’ve ever had. CJ is an outgoing business major with his sights set on the future and possibly having a sweet, sweet love to be there with him. He can usually be found at the bars talking up the crowd and hanging with Goosetitutes. While this is fun, CJ wants a girl who likes being outdoors, doing new things and testing the limits. He kindly asked us to find him a dream girl and we couldn’t help but think that since he’s an avid Rooster reader, we would try our best—our track record shows otherwise. Unfortunately, our first dater had to cancel so we brought in the best replacement. CJ, represent the Rooster pride well.
Round One
After meeting at Sushi Spot, the daters look comfortable and engaged in good conversation. We intervene.
What were you thinking coming into this? Keira: I was thinking, “Oh shit, what did I get myself into?”
What are your first impressions of Keira? CJ: She seems really down to earth and can hold a conversation.
What are your first impressions of CJ? Keira: He’s cute. He’s not my usual type. I like grungy, skateboarder/ snowboarder types.
What are you looking to get out of this? CJ: I was excited for the free meal and to meet someone new. I’m just looking to have a good time. I was expecting the worst...
When you first saw him, what went through your head? Keira: I was thinking that he looked like a normal guy, and this date was going to be all right. I was a little nervous. Are you still nervous? Keira: I was, but not anymore.
Continued on page 36 26
When you first saw her, what was the first thing you thought? CJ: Total babe. How is the conversation going? CJ: It’s picking up as she opens up. I’m excited to see where the conversation goes. So far, it’s not awkward or uncomfortable.
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ROOSTER BLIND DATE How’s the initial conversation? Keira: It hasn’t been awkward. We’ve talked about St. Patty’s day, and family and that we both live on the Hill.
Do you normally date girls like Keira? CJ: I don’t honestly date that often. I just broke up with my girlfriend three weeks ago, so I’m just looking to have a good time.
Server Opinion
“They are both really easygoing, so that’s good. I’m neutral as to whether or not they are a love match.” —Elise Trivers
Round Two
We aren’t really sure how to rate the date so far, so we let them eat then check back in.
How was your food? Keira: I don’t really like sushi. I had a bad experience with sushi so I don’t really eat it. Sorry, I didn’t tell you that.
What did you order? How was your food? CJ: We ordered the Z-9 and the Spot Roll with the filet mignon. It was really good.
What’s something you find interesting about CJ? Keira: He likes dogs a lot and so do I.
Has your first impression of Keira changed at all since you first met earlier? CJ: She’s kind of quiet. I might be a little more social than she is. Or then again, it could be that I’m drinking and she isn’t.
Have your first impressions changed at all? Keira: No, I still think he is nice. I just don’t think anything is going to sprout from this. There isn’t a spark. I guess that’s what happens when it’s a lastminute date. Friend zone or more...? Friend zone. When you look back on this date a year from now, what are you going to remember? Keira: That it was fun and I was proud of myself for going on a blind date. Do you see potential for another date? Keira: Not as anything more than friends. Like I said, he’s not really my type. I’ve been in a long-term relationship and just recently got out of it, so this was kind of dating practice. If you saw him on the street, what would you say? Keira: I’d be nice. I’d say hello and see how he was doing.
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Is she the type of girl you’d take home to Mom? CJ: Yes, of course I’d take her home to my mom. I was going to introduce her to my mother when she comes to pick me up after. Do you see potential for another date? CJ: Yeah, but going on dates in Boulder is interesting. I don’t feel like there has been a spark. I’m down, but I don’t think she is. Will you see her again? CJ: She gave me her number, but in the most aggravated way possible. I have a feeling she doesn’t want me to call. Do you think you two have chemistry? CJ: Not without a lot more alcohol. A year from now, when you look back on this date, what are you going to remember? CJ: It was fun and I got to meet someone new.
Round Three
ROOSTER BLIND DATE
So, we are pretty sure this date has been dead from the beginning, but it doesn’t hurt to see what happens after... How did the night end? Keira: At the end of the night CJ walked me back to his house where his car was. We went inside for one minute and he introduced me to his roommates and dog. Then he just drove me up and gave me a hug goodbye. Do you think that there is any chemistry? Keira: Chemistry... no. Is there going to be a second date? Keira: No. How did Rooster do with the date? Keira: Rooster did well with the blind part, seeing as I was a last-minute add-on to the date. Would you go on a blind date again? Keira: No.
How did the night end? CJ: It’s too bad I’m saving myself for marriage because she was all over me once we left the restaurant. Actually I’m kidding. We just walked back to my place and then I drove her home. Do you think that there is any chemistry? CJ: I feel like I attract girls who like to make bad decisions and get into trouble and I’m not sure if that was her style. I think I might have freaked her out a little bit when I told her how I got kicked out of the Goose on my 21st birthday for taking my pants off and that my idol is Charlie Sheen. Is there going to be a second date? CJ: Probably not. The good news is she has two older sisters, though. How did Rooster do with the date? CJ: They did a great job hooking it up with free food and drinks. I really thought I was going to find my soulmate tonight but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. Feel free to forward my beeper number to any fans who e-mail you asking about me, or let them know they can just check out my MySpace.
Conclusion
The daters started off conversing like they knew each other. It wasn’t until we interviewed them that we found out this date didn’t have a chance from the start—that’s what happens when we have to find a last minute dater. This date will go down in the books as a fun night, good beer and food, and a friendship made. Damn, we hate making friends.
If you’d like to participate in a Rooster Blind Date, send a photo and description of yourself and the type of person you are looking for to RoosterMagazine@gmail.com. Romance is in the air people, we can feel it in our bones. 29
Eco-Breweries
We must drink beer to save the world.
30
Steam Whistle Toronto
What they are doing: The beer contains four all-natural ingredients: spring water, malted barley, hops and yeast, which are all GMO-free. For brewing, Steam Whistle uses Lake Ontario’s chilly water to cool the building instead of conventional airconditioning, pumped back out to the citizens of Toronto. Power comes from wind and low-impact hydroelectric generators; delivery trucks run on B20 biofuel.
New Belgium Brewing
Mother Earth Brewing
What they are doing: In typical hippie fashion, employees get covered bike parking, locker rooms and a custom cruiser on their first anniversary. The brewery itself is powered by 70 percent wind and 30 percent wastewater methane combustion. The water from brewing the beer is used for heat, then re-filtered during the cooling process of brewing, then given back to the city.
What they are doing: The brewery has refurbished old brick structure with blue jean insulation in the walls, soybased spray foam insulation in the ceiling, and low VOC (volatile organic compounds) paint. Their tankless water heater works on demand, avoiding needless energy. Mother Earth sends spent grain from the brewing process to local farmers as livestock feed and “25 hop rhizomes” as a natural fertilizer.
Fort Collins, Colo.
Kinston, N.C.
Rooster’s take: So it takes four ingredients to make beer? Figures, and just when we were getting used to grain alcohol and Yellow #5. The lake-cooled building is an interesting idea, and who would have thought Steam Whistle uses steam for heat in the winter?
Rooster’s take: There are arguably tastier Colorado microbrews, but it’s hard to dispute that New Belgium kicks ass at this green thing. They have signed up 10,000 customers for “Team Wonderbike,” pledging to bike more often and creating an army of alcoholics with sculpted legs.
Rooster’s take: Mother Earth is pretty good at living up to her name. Even their head brewer is the obviously-named Josh Brewer; these guys don’t mess around with hints. Check out “Fizzy Alcohol,” their upcoming summer ale that supposedly is both.
Sierra Nevada
Great Lakes Brewery
Full Sail Brewing
What they are doing: The brewery is nearly 100 percent powered by their personal array of 10,000 solar panels. Currently, Sierra Nevada is developing a system in which surplus energy is diverted back to California’s overstressed power grid. Their company website shows their on-site power consumption.
What they are doing: The company’s aim is to keep 100 percent of the resources and recycled by-products in a closed loop. Delivery trucks and a “Fatty Wagon” party shuttle run on vegetable oil reclaimed from their restaurant. The brewery uses only recyclable packaging, and they recycle grains for local livestock farmers and urban gardens.
What they are doing: Full Sail uses 3.45 gallons of water per gallon of beer, compared to the industry average of 6-8 gallons. Employees work four 10-hour shifts, reducing power consumption and water use by 20 percent. To reduce energy usage, the brewery uses energy-efficient lighting and an air compressor. Finally, Full Sail shops local for its grains and hops.
Rooster’s take: Their business model may not be down with two wheels, but a self-contained recycling and energy program is the ideal in green business. Luckily, they’re a small operation—otherwise, Cleveland would be buried in urban gardens.
Rooster’s take: Full Sail is all about reduction. Efficient brewing equals less drain on resources and less waste. By cutting back a workday, Full Sail proves they are fully behind Thirsty Thursdays. If only our recitation T.A. felt the same way…
Chico, Calif.
Rooster’s take: Transparent energy consumption is something we’d like to see everywhere, but we have enough fun watching our own energy meter spin, thanks. However, it is impressive that the second-largest craft brewery in the U.S. (behind Sam Adams) is so good at collecting solar energy, they don’t even know what to do with it all.
Cleveland
Hood River, Ore.
31
ROOSTER UNIVERSITY
Microwave Gourmet
Who needs Frasca when you have a microwave?
Meaty Pasta Surprise
Crazy Corn Dog
The goods: SpaghettiOs, chicken nuggets, melted cheese. Prepare spaghettiOs. Prepare nuggets. Melt cheese on nuggets. Combine. Why the hell didn’t you think of this before?
The goods: Hot Pocket, hot dogs, bacon, Manwich. Find least desirable Hot Pocket flavor in your freezer (BBQ beef, cheeseburger…) and prepare. Slice off end of Hot Pocket and empty contents with a fork. Prepare hot dogs and bacon between two paper towels, then slide into Hot Pocket crust. Add succulent Manwich sauce.
Ghetto Garlic Bread
Chicken Pad Thai
The goods: Soft pretzel, hummus, alfredo TV dinner. Prepare pretzel and cut into segments. Split each segment along one side into v-shape. Prepare alfredo, then spread alfredo and hummus inside pretzel. Seal with shredded cheese, re-microwave.
The goods: Chicken Ramen, peanut butter, Sriracha. Prepare Ramen, then melt in a half-spoon of chunky peanut butter (creamy works, but chunky is authentic). Stir. Add Sriracha to taste—you know, Sriracha? The hot sauce with the rooster on it?
Orange Chicken Wrap
Orange chicken, steamed veggies, Frito’s, tortilla. Add vegetables and a little water to a bowl, then steam by covering with a plate or similar bowl and microwave. Prepare orange chicken, then combine in tortilla with vegetables and wonton chips, er… uh, Frito’s. 32
Remaining Student Rush Schedule Remaining Remaining Student Student Rush Rush Schedule Schedule Remaining Student Rush Schedule VS. COLUMBUS VS.VS. COLUMBUS COLUMBUS Tue,VS. Mar. 22 | 7:00 PM COLUMBUS
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TO PURCHASE YOUR DISCOUNTED TICKETS BRING YOUR STUDENT I.D. TO THE PEPSI CENTER BOX OFFICE STARTING TOTO PURCHASE PURCHASE YOUR DISCOUNTED DISCOUNTED TICKETS TICKETS BRING BRING YOUR YOUR STUDENT STUDENT I.D.I.D. TOTO THE THE PEPSI PEPSI CENTER CENTER BOX BOX OFFICE OFFICE STARTING STARTING AT YOUR 12:00 PM ON THE DAY OF THE GAME. LIMIT 2 TICKETS PER I.D., BOX OFFICE PURCHASE ONLY. TO PURCHASE YOUR DISCOUNTED BRING YOUR I.D. TOI.D., THE PEPSI CENTER BOX OFFICE ATAT 12:00 12:00 PMPM ON ON THE THE DAY DAY OFTICKETS OF THE THE GAME. GAME. LIMIT LIMIT 2 TICKETS 2STUDENT TICKETS PER PER I.D., BOX BOX OFFICE OFFICE PURCHASE PURCHASE ONLY. ONLY.STARTING STUDENT RUSH TICKETS SUBJECT TO AVAILABILITY. OFFER AVAILABLE FOR SELECT GAMES ONLY. SEE COLORADOAVALANCHE.COM FOR FURTHER DETAILS. PEPSI AND THE PEPSI GLOBE ARE REGISTERED AT 12:00 PM ON THE DAY OF THE GAME. LIMIT 2 TICKETS PER I.D., BOX OFFICE PURCHASE ONLY. TRADEMARKS OF PEPSICO,INC. OFFER EXPIRES 4/8/11.
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33
Got Bud?
Lowest Prices In Town! Tax Always Included
$14 Top Shelf Strains
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34
ROOSTER UNIVERSITY
How to Roll a Joint
Your parents would be proud.
2
1
Start with an appropriate-sized paper for how much bud you want to roll. They’re just like condoms; don’t buy Magnums if you can’t fill ‘em. Break apart the bud with your fingers and be sure to remove all of the stems.
3 3
4
Slowly and sensually rub the two halves of paper up and down. As you feel the bud compress and round out, twist the two sides out of alignment and work your way to one end to form a loose cone shape.
5
Roll all the paper toward the back and grab one tip between your pointer and middle fingers and your thumb. The end you are holding should have just enough paper to cover the bud under your pointer finger; the other end should have a little more.
6
Push your pointer finger down and around as you bring your thumb and pointer finger up. This is the million-dollar move! Pull up with your middle finger and thumb to wrap it tight. The corner should tuck tightly around the bud and form a solid mouth piece right next to the bud.
7
Spread the weed along the length of the paper, keeping only a little room at either end. Pick it up gently with the gummed edge facing you, and cradle it like a little weed taco. You should have enough room to comfortably pinch together the two halves of paper at the top.
When you reach the other end, add any extra buds and pinch the opening shut. Shake it vigorously to pack the bud into the joint. None should fly out if you didn’t botch Step 5!
Twist the leftover paper until it wraps over the end and leaves a small wick to light. Should be pretty obvious what you do from here! Light it up, take a puff and pass it to a friend. No stems, no sticks, just some of that sticky icky icky, ooh wee!
Photos by Nick Weinstock 35
36
ROOSTER UNIVERSITY
How High Are These Stoner Films? The most-weed-smoked-in-a-movie list.
good cause, Half Baked marks the story of a group of men trying to free their friend from jail. They break into a laboratory, get mixed up with a famous rapper, and assist in a drug bust all with a bong hit not far from reach. This film is so full of smoking that even the cops get a secondhand buzz. In fact, you might even get a little high from it too.
4. How High
Thanks to Method Man’s botanical genius, he manages to bring his dead friend’s ghost to life by turning his ashes into weed and smoking it. Unlike Jeff Spicoli, getting high helps both Method Man and Redman excel at college. Thus it’s a wonder why CU isn’t higher on the list of top-rated academic universities.
3. Pineapple Express 10. Reefer Madness
Originally made to warn America of the dangers of marijuana, this 1936 “educational” film takes a pass on grass. According to the movie, pot use leads to car accidents, rape, hallucinations, and other compromising situations. Though it gets some laughs today, nothing kills a buzz more than being told not to smoke.
9. Super Troopers
The opening sequence of that unfortunate college kid eating $100 worth of weed and $30 worth of shrooms no doubt sets a weed-friendly tone. And the movie does indeed contain pounds of the plant, but hardly anyone smokes it. The age old question: “Do cops smoke the weed they confiscate?” is answered when the state troopers try to secretly bake in the evidence room. Although a timeless comedy, the movie remains relatively smoke free earning it number nine on our stoner list.
8. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Sean Penn’s role as the always-high Jeff Spicoli may be his greatest. Nothing says party like a VW van billowing smoke out of every crack. While Spicoli gets high and goes surfing instead of going to class, he runs the risk of failing school. So kids, if you’re going smoke
weed, make sure you go to class as well. Yet, outside of Spicoli and his gang of stoners, the rest of the cast remains relatively grounded.
7. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
This film captures the most spectacular voyage to satisfy the munchies. The usually easy journey to White Castle turns out to be much longer when Harold and Kumar find out smoking weed and munchie adventures don’t mix. Like all stoners trying to fullfil a hunger craving, Harold and Kumar find themselves tied up in a mess of stupid shit, only to be rescued by the man himself, Neil Patrick Harris.
6. The Wackness
Summertime in New York means vacations, falling in love, and lots of marijuana. Luke Shapiro tries paying off his parents’ debts by selling large amounts of weed all summer. But it isn’t all work and no play as Luke is never without a smoking buddy, including his therapist (who wouldn’t want to smoke a blunt with Ben Kingsley?). It’s a solidly high movie.
5. Half Baked
Another movie about dealing weed for a
This movie deserves a high ranking for its pure inventiveness concerning the world of pot. Not only did it reveal the ever-impractical “cross joint”, but it created a kind of weed that never existed before and is now available for purchase. It’s the most violent movie about weed since Reefer Madness, but one of the highest as well.
2. Grandma's Boy
Getting high and playing video games for pay doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Living with your grandma while she cooks for you doesn’t sound so bad either. One of Happy Madison’s best movies, Grandma’s Boy involves smoking weed, sex jokes, and the most amazing character ever played: JP. High or not, the robot voice is an instant classic and please sit on our face.
1. Cheech and Chong’s Up in Smoke
It’s without a doubt that this 1978 movie inspired every stoner film following in its footsteps. Continually smoking weed throughout the movie, Cheech and Chong were the first to turn smoking weed into a profession. Tommy took it one step further but that didn’t bode well for him. A stoner classic, this movie took our number one spot on the most weed smoked in a movie list. 37
ROOSTER UNIVERSITY
Marijuana Taste Test
With their amazing selection of strains, Trill Alternatives provided six types of strains varying from premium to mid-shelf. We then had seven taste testers with refined palates see if they could determine which was best. These are the results.
RULES 1
Premium Strains Recon
Purple Haze
Seven patients were chosen based on refinement of palate. Palates range from amateur to expert.
2
We provided each tester with six joints labeled by color. They were unaware which joint contained which strain. The strains are labeled at left. Colors above the strains are the same colors on the joints.
3
Each tester smoked one joint, per hour, then documented the strain’s taste, high, length and smell.
4
Testers then ranked the strains from 1-6, with “1” being the best and “6” being... not the best. The table at far left shows which colors (joints) the testers ranked and in which spot they ranked them.
Top-Shelf Strains NYC Diesel
Four Way
Conclusion
By observing the results at the far left, you will see that certain strains were loved by some and not-loved by others. We learned that the taste and high of a strain is simply personal preference. Sativa or indica, it all depends on what type of smoke you prefer. In either case, Trill has a little something for everyone.
Open daily 11 a.m. - 7 p.m. 1537 Pearl St. Ste. B Boulder, CO 80302 Check out our coupon in the back for discounts on all these strains and more! 38
Mid-Shelf Strains Dutchmen’s Royal Orange
Skunk #1
ROOSTER UNIVERSITY
Tester
Top Shelf
Lion’s Blood McSmokealotty
Rooster
B.R.F.J. Mike
Neil Patrick Harris
Morbid Spongebob
April O’Neil
1
2
3
4
5
Best of the six. First hit was really potent.
Harsh, fifth-best, tasted similar to the red but more potent.
Powerful aroma and flowery thirdbest.
Smooth smoke, not a really powerful flavor.
This one was light and kind of oaky.
This one’s flavor was subpar; the smoke was smooth.
Duh... winner! I liiiiike. Kinda got this berry-ish taste. Lighter smoke, not harsh at all. Buzz level: Floating nicely.
Pretty good. Taste is on point, cool aftersmoke. I’d hit that again. In fact, I’ll tax it all day! Buzz level: LIT. Hence my vocab. Love it.
Relatively smooth, not terrible. Wouldn’t be the first I’d reach for when needing a J, but I’d puff it if it were passed my way.
Got this vanilla taste, kind of like smoking a Black & Mild. Very dry, cigar-like taste. Buzz level: small but noticeable
Shit. I just smoked bark. Tastes like charcoal. Buzz level: I can’t stop thinking this is what I got from that fisherman in Cabo two years ago.
Tastes bland, but a hybrid-bad-bland crossed with chalk and divided by terrible. Buzz level: Is currently giving me a headache.
Just tasted good. Blue and black taste like good fresh chronic. Fast, relaxed, cerebral high.
Very good overall.
Tastiest. Tangy sweet flavor, smooth. High hits fast, but was very mellow, heady and enjoyable.
Oak flavor with a bitter aftertaste. This one was a bit of a creeper; came on slowly and then hit very hard
Not much flavor. Very average in all areas.
Good flavor, strong heavy indica-like high. Joint burned slow, suggesting the herb was fresh.
This just tasted nice and got me blazed as hell, so I’m assuming it’s top shelf.
Good taste, strong high, harsh smoke.
Smooth smoke, not too distinct of a flavor, good daytime high.
Flavor is kind of bland plus the high isn’t as strong; thinking this is definitely a bottom-shelf strain.
Snicklefritz.
This tasted melony and sweet. I was super ripped after only two hits of this. I ate an ungodly amount of food, and zoned out for another hour.
This tasted really, really good; it was kind of citrusy or lemony tasting and smoked awesome. I was just floating there on my couch…
This weed had a really mild, smooth, kinda’ buttery taste. The high was all like, “Waw waw waw...” in my head. I didn’t zone out.
It had kind of a strong weedy-herbal flavor. I coughed my ass off. The buzz was pretty good too. Relaxing but not too overpowering.
This weed tasted real piney and herbal. The stone was kinda wirey, with a more intense body high rather than a trippy head stone.
This tasted harsh and it was really resiny. The damn joint wouldn’t even stay lit. I was kinda stoned, but nothing to be excited about.
Heavy-setting high spread pretty well across the board. I really wanted to play the piano but was too zonked to read any music.
Clear-headed sativa with a good body high. I immediately left to kick some ass at the Rec.
Good overall short-span relaxant. Made my eyes really relax, but the couch lock was only temporary.
Distinct but mellow flavor, medium smoke. Stony, dissociative, mildly psychedelic high.
Heavier, woody kind of smoke. Energetic, durable high. We smoked it then talked about life, death and the grandchildren of porn stars.
Mellow, refreshing taste. Fruity but subtlely sweet, like a pear as opposed to a berry flavor.
Bigger head high. A little harsher.
Smoother hit than others. Nice mellow high.
Tastes better than yellow. Nice, mellow high.
Good. Stoney. Nice medium high. Stoned.
Kind of harsh. A mellow high.
Not super stoney. I mellowed out quickly.
(Best)
6
(Worst)
Tasted the harshest. Again was pretty bland with a mild high.
39
Conor O'neill's
Happy Hour 3 to 7 daily, $3 16oz. Drafts, $3 wine, $3 wells & $3 europlates Drink Specials nightly, 9pm to close Sundays —$4 Pints of Irish Beers Mondays — $4 Colorado Microbrews Tuesdays — $3 Jagerbombs & $2 Session Lager bottles Wednesdays — $3 Strongbow Cider & $3 wells Thursdays — $3 Carbombs, $3 wells & $2 Session lager bottles Fridays — $3 O'Dell's 5 Barrel pale ale Saturdays — $4 Jameson & $3 pint of the month
40
ROOSTER UNIVERSITY
Drug Laws in Other Countries
We always blame the government. Let’s see if other governments are similar.
CHINA Opium has been used for centuries in China. It was particularly popular in the 16th century until it was outlawed by the Imperial Palace in 1729. Smuggling occurred in high rates, with addicts totaling in at 15 million by the 19th century. To stop the smuggling of opium, traffick-
ers were executed, opium dens were closed and addicts were forced into rehabilitation centers. This method worked until the late 1970s when free market economic polices were introduced and again, the trafficking increased. Today, China continues to be a major transit point for the illegal narcotics trade. The official response of the Chinese government is zero tolerance. In 2002, 60 people were executed for drug crimes. However, possession warrants less than seven years in prison. As the problem grows larger, China has gone soft on its socalled “zero tolerance policy,” even allowing drug users to go to rehab rather than jail. Most recently, China has established a methadone program for heroin users in hopes of reducing the spread of HIV/AIDS through needle sharing. Reports show that 50% of users inject; statistics in 1997 showed that 70% of all reported HIV cases were injecting drug users.
LATIN AMERICA Over the past 15 years, the U.S. has spent more than $25 billion on eradication and interdiction (attempts to seize drugs while en route) in Latin America. These efforts prove mostly futile with the price of cocaine and heroin at a record low while purity is at a record high—evidence that these substances are more readily available than ever. How available? The Drug Enforcement Administration states that 82 percent of heroin in the U.S. comes from Latin America, with Colombia alone producing three-quarters of the world’s cocaine sup-
ply—but if you’ve ever seen “Blow,” you already knew that. Moreover, the continued involvement of the U.S. in Latin American drug affairs is not only ineffective, but breeds violence. With interdiction efforts only stopping 10-15 percent of heroin and 30 percent of cocaine coming into the U.S., American efforts on the War on Drugs prove fruitless. Interested in Latin American drug laws? Good luck finding any, as many governmental, military and large business owners profit a great deal from the trade.
RUSSIA In 2004, Russia decriminalized possession of small amounts of illicit drugs for personal use. Vladimir Putin signed legislation that set administrative fines and/or community service for no more than 10 times the amount of a “single dose” of drugs. So what does Russia consider to be a “single dose”? Well, first of all, it’s not just marijuana we’re talking about here (the new law allows no more than 20 grams of weed). In Russia, you can have up to five grams of hashish, mescaline or opium; 1.5 grams of cocaine; one gram of heroin or methamphetamine (yes, the drug that has the most horrific billboards and commercials advocating for its nonuse); or .0003 grams of LSD. Despite this, foreigners can be exiled from Russia for violating the laws, even denied re-entry, if found with drugs even under the new laws. Moral of the story: free speech isn’t allowed in Russia, but damn if they’ll take away your right to shoot up.
SPAIN One of the first modern European countries to decriminalize marijuana, drug use and possession for personal use in Spain does not constitute any offense. Public consumption, however, does come with some administrative fines, but no jail time. Treatment is favored over incarceration, drug offenders are eligible for unemployment benefits, needle exchanges are available even in prisons, pill testing goes on at raves, and methadone/heroin maintenance are among the many public health interventions in Spain. 41
Cannatax Demystified In a nation crying for new industry, with budget shortfalls impacting every level of government, cannabis commerce is a shining star hovering on the economic horizon. Cannatax generated from cannabis commerce can provide a lifeline for embattled governments desperate to maintain vital services in the face of rising costs.
By Lory Kohn
42
P
otential revenue from cannatax is a core justification for legalization. But there is legitimate concern as to whether accepted cannatax predictions are too low to accurately reflect what a fully-firing cannabis industry could contribute to every level of government. Cannatax is available from city, county and state sales taxes, individual and business state and federal income taxes, licensing fees, import and export fees, and “sin taxes,” which are special levies placed on substances like alcohol and tobacco. According to Stephanie Saul of “The New York Times,” most states are dependent on sin taxes generated by alcohol and tobacco sales. And they’re barely scraping by. What if cannatax were added to the mix? If I told you that the United States can generate an easy $67 billion worth of cannatax in a fully legal, regulated economy—just for openers—would that get your attention? A cessation of pursuing, prosecuting and incarcerating marijuana “criminals” would free another $50 billion, bumping the gain to $117 billion. Closer to home, over the next year, the state of Colorado is looking at an actual, not theoretical, $160 windfall million from medical marijuana-related sales tax alone—without accounting for licensing fees or personal and business state income taxes. Promising, right? That’s why cannatax figures are beginning to find their way into every form of media. Coverage generally takes the form of one-line quotes from PhD economists, like, “Harvard Economics professor Dr. Jeffrey Miron said today marijuana sales could generate $6.2 billion in tax revenue annually.” Until now, no one knew how he calculated that figure, so no one could question whether it seemed high or low. But after looking at inside federal and state cannatax calculations, these figures seem considerably less mystifying than the high priests of poteconomics would have us believe. INSIDE CANNATAX FOR THE USA Forecasting cannatax tests economists because they’re used to analyzing licit substances that people have no emotional involvement with, like soybeans, as opposed to an illegal or quasi-legal substance beloved by millions. Many lovers of herbal gold are practiced in “observation of empirical data,” having bought and sold bushels of it in the real world. In a way, that levels
ROOSTER CANNATAX the field with certain poteconomists who can’t tell a rolling paper from a Post-it note. To determine maximum potential cannatax, poteconomists choose between three accepted methodologies: 1) They can extrapolate from demandside data, like Harvard’s Dr. Jeffrey Miron, the most-quoted man in marijuana. Demand-side data is basically consumption, or how much people “smoke.” This data comes from Drug Enforcement Agency surveys of marijuana “offenders.” This data is flawed, because it asks persons facing 20 years in prison to document their crimes. Taking this approach requires accepting that the DEA, which lost the War on Drugs, has won the war on statistics. That’s a leap of faith not every poteconomist is willing to make. Forecasting based on demand-side data, particularly DEA-generated demandside data, always results in low figures. 2) They can extrapolate from supplyside data. This requires knowing how many metric tons of marijuana were purportedly seized and/or eradicated by the DEA. The DEA models these statistics, saying, “OK, we intercepted 5,000 pounds of marijuana coming into the country, and we believe that constitutes 10 percent of the total amount coming into the country. Therefore 50,000 pounds came into the country.” That’s not exactly bulletproof science. Wunderkind Max Chaiken, a Brown undergraduate whose $212 billion projection was picked up by “The New York Times’” Freakonomics blog, mines supply-side data exclusively, which produced his astonishingly high numbers. 3) They can extrapolate from both demand-side data and supply-side data, like Dr. Jon Gettman, former head of NORML, my choice for the most rational poteconomist. He turned over the most stones and performed the heaviest lifting to find and incorporate telling data not supplied by the DEA. He even used statistics furnished by High Times, to name one source ignored by more conventional prognositicators. In capable hands like Gettman’s, mining both demand-side data and supply-side data results in the most believable prediction. (Note the use of the term “extrapolate” as opposed to “count.” That’s because no one has managed to attach a bar code to Lime Kush—yet. Poteconomists are forced to guesstimate.) “We have very limited data about how many people consume marijuana,” Gettman said. “The problem is, we don’t have an inventory, an audit, a census... of all the marijuana that’s coming into the country or grown here. It’s not like it’s registered in a warehouse and it’s brought to market.” Miron concurred: “Well, the crucial problem in figuring out how much tax rev-
enue we’d get is that we don’t know the size of the market. It’s hard to determine the precise size of any economic market, especially if it’s underground. It’s subject to a lot more doubt.” Which means that economists, finely trained to analyze licit substances, can become disoriented when they’re forced to address illicit substances. And a certain plant matter that’s gooey, gunky, stony and skunky makes them particularly anxious. When they’re anxious, they make mistakes—like neglecting to account for revenue streams they should have accounted for. The following are the forecasts for cannatax in the USA that have received some degree of notoriety: • Dr. Jeffrey Miron: $6.5 billion average over five white papers penned from 20022010. • Dr. Rosalie Pakula and Dr. Jonathan Caulkins, for the RAND Corporation, which is largely financed by the government: a figure too close to Miron’s to distinguish. • Dr. Jon Gettman: $40 billion in “lost taxes” for the year 2010 • CNBC: $42 billion, stated on its “Marijuana and Money” show. • Max Chaiken, Brown undergraduate: “a legally taxed and regulated marijuana market could generate upwards of $200 billion annually in excise tax [a.k.a. “sin tax”] revenues for the federal government … [which] would be enough to fund Medicaid.” Under heavy questioning from Cannabis Commerce, Chaiken backed off his high estimate, but held firm on his “bare minimum” prediction of $71 billion. • Cannabis Commerce: $67 billion.They used Gettman’s $40 billion as a baseline, bumped it to $50 billion because Chaiken found more metric tons coming into the country, then identified corporate revenue streams totaling $17 billion, which other poteconomists hadn’t addressed. Getting back to those mistakes and lapses in logic, please note: Miron, Pakula and Caulkins fail to account for licensing fees. “I agree, these should be in there” Miron admitted when pressed. They give credence only to DEA or the Office of National Drug Control Policy, which generated statistics using demand-side data exclusively. They don’t turn over every rock they could to find additional revenue streams. Miron admits he worries what the DEA thinks about his reports: “I wanted to use a number [$6.5 billion] that is basically beyond criticism. OK, in particular, beyond criticism from the White House drug czar office and the DEA.” It’s also a number that fails to elicit any excitement whatsoever, and for that, it can be considered a disservice to people trying to make informed de43
ROOSTER CANNATAX cisions about legalization. If that number’s correct, South Dakota’s share could barely finance a community dog run. Gettman didn’t address sin taxes at all in his 2007 classic Lost Taxes and Other Costs of Marijuana Prohibition (he addresses these in a less-publicized 2010 interview with Cannabis Commerce). Chaiken’s prediction is a figure based on calculating sin taxes at the rate of 50% alone. Curiously, he didn’t project income taxes or sales taxes. None of the poteconomists considered any of the following revenue streams: licensing fees, import and export taxes, and industrial use, to name just a few. Regarding the additional revenue streams uncovered by Cannabis Commerce, these didn’t take a flash of great genius to discover— they were obvious. For example, if marijuana were suddenly fully legal and regulated, does anyone doubt the pharmaceutical industry would jump in with any number of therapeutic products? Gettman doesn’t: “There’s a lot of money to be made by developing highly refined pharmaceuticals based on the chemical ingredients in marijuana. There’s billions of dollars there.” Let’s examine Gettman’s Lost Taxes methodology and demystify how cannatax is calculated: Gettman averaged four different scenarios and concluded that there were about 15,000 metric tons (one metric ton = 2,204 pounds) of marijuana sold in the U.S. in 2006. 15,000 multiplied by 2,204, which equals 333,060,000 pounds. He assigned an average price per pound to these of around $3,500. 33,060,000 multiplied by $3,500 = around $113 billion in annual sales. Hold that thought. Economists accept that the amount of “government receipts” (i.e. state and federal income taxes; local, county, and state sales taxes; FICA, Medicaid) individuals and businesses wind up paying on any given product averages out to 28.70 percent. Gettman chose to calculate government receipts by “source as percentage of gross domestic product.” The “source” is the $113 billion in marijuana sales. If we divide the source of $113 billion by the 28.70 percentage of GDP, the total of lost taxes comes in right around $31 billion. In 2010, pressed by Cannabis Commerce, Gettman started accounting for sin taxes at around 25%, bringing his total to $40 billion. Think there’s more than 15,000 metric tons sold annually? Many people do, including the National Drug Threat Assessment of 2010, which, according to Max Chaiken, “puts the number of how much is produced in Mexico at 21,500 metric tons. Even if only half of that is coming into the Unit44
ed States, that’s 10,750 metric tons right there. And we know that a lot of it’s being grown in this country as well. So it’s not inconceivable to me that we have 20,000, maybe 25,000 metric tons on the domestic market that’s being consumed by Americans.” If you agree, just multiply however many metric tons you think are consumed by $3,500 a pound, or whatever figure you feel, based on your own experience in the trade or other knowledge you may have. It’d be a more accurate real-world gauge of what a pound sells for. FUN WITH CANNARADO SALES CANNATAX Now that medical marijuana carecenters, (a.k.a dispensaries, collectives, coops, clubs) in Cannafornia and Cannarado have registered a few years’ worth of retail sales, real world statistics have emerged. That means we can guess a whole lot less. We can mine actual MMC pricing data—and make more meaningful inferences about the readiness of The World’s Most Promising Commodity to assume its rightful place as a consistent producer of government revenue a la alcohol and tobacco. PLAY THE GAME Here’s how to find an easy $160 million in annual “Cannarado” sales tax, providing you know where to look: Around 1,500 Cannarado dispensaries applied for state operating licenses before the filing deadline of July 1, 2010. Let’s “err on the side of caution” and
estimate that each of the 1,500 retail dispensaries sells half a pound a day. That’s not a whole heck of a lot. In other words, collectively the state’s dispensaries sell 750 pounds daily. There are 448 grams in a pound. Therefore, 750 pounds x 448 grams = 336,000 grams, a reasonable guesstimate of the amount of grams sold daily in Cannarado dispensaries derived from actually interviewing owners. Let’s assign a ridiculously low average price of $10 per gram. Multiplying 336,000 grams by $10 = $3,360,000. In other words, around $3,360,000 worth of marijuana is sold in Cannarado dispensaries daily. The state sales tax on medical marijuana is 3.25%. So, 3.25% of $3,360,000 = $109,200 in state sales tax collected daily by the State Department of Revenue. $109,200 a day state sales tax multiplied by 365 days in a year = $39,858,000 a year for the state. Call it $40 million. And what if every municipality allowed dispensaries? Now, stop and consider the fact that dispensaries are banned from many Cannarado municipalities (every city and county presently has the right to allow them or ban them). Also, the number of dispensaries is presently frozen until July 1, 2011, pending further review. Let’s be plaid-pants conservative and claim there’s room for 25% more dispensaries, that is, if they were allowed to operate freely across the state. That would boost the state sales tax revenue up 25% ($10 million), from $40 million to a number which rounds off to $50
ROOSTER CANNATAX million. What about city sales tax? It’s a fact that each municipality collects roughly the same city sales tax percentage, 3.25%, that the state charges. Chalk up another $50 million. So, the combined city and state sales tax figures amount to around $100 million in “Cannarado” from sales of raw buds alone. What about those marijuana-infused products? We haven’t accounted for the increasing amount of edibles (brownies, sodas, fruit bars, cereals, lollipops, ice cream, you name it) sold yet. Let’s guesstimate edible sales presently constitute 10% of dispensary sales (and rising). Bump $100 million 10% ($10 million) to $110 million. Cannabis cosmetics are also a burgeoning field, but these products are too new to account for. And cultivation supplies? Then there’s the matter of sales taxes for cultivation supplies necessary to grow marijuana. We’re talking about grow lights, soil, nutrients, hydroponic and aeroponic supplies, climate control systems, containers, etc. I don’t know that there’s any hard data yet about what this industry grosses statewide, but I’ll make an educated guess from talking to growers that production costs—not including labor or electricity—to produce
the 750 pounds sold daily in the state’s MMCs come to at least 10% of the selling price of the buds. 10% of $110 million is $11 million. That bumps our ultra-cautious guesstimate to $121 million. We’ve only talked about legal, above board, medical marijuana sales. Lots of people who’d love to transact at dispensaries have personal and professional reasons not to obtain medical marijuana cards. If certain “stigmas” were removed, how many more buyers would there be then? Let’s stick to the present system for now. If no one were worried about losing his/her job, do a third more cardholders sound believable? The actual percentage would probably be greater than that. Who wouldn’t want to pick from twenty strains instead of one, if they had the choice? Take a third of $121,000,000—around $40 million—tack it on, and land in the $160 million range. Now we’re getting somewhere. Your turn to play. In reality, most dispensaries sell more than a half pound a day. Most grams sell for much more than $10. However, not all those dispensaries will get the licenses that they applied for. But more will be allowed to apply come next summer. So, if you want to play the game, you
can fool around with the variables and see what you come up with. If you’re really gung ho, you can input these figures into a simple spreadsheet, like you’d do for any other business, and see what you come up with. For example, an average price per gram in April 2011 is really closer to $15 than $10 (and plenty sell for $18/gram). Therefore, without accounting for edibles or cultivation supplies, there’s $150 million possible in annual city and state sales tax based on pure buds alone (we previously calculated $100 million at $10/gram). Just plug in any variable and guesstimate—remember, every poteconomist admits they do the exact same thing. That’s a bunch of figures to process for now. Keep in mind that we just calculated Cannarado sales tax only; we didn’t discuss licensing fees (like the $90 application fee you and 150,000 other residents totaling some $13 million may have already paid the Department of Revenue), personal and business state income taxes, and the inevitable sin taxes coming down the pike. Any way you look at it, it would take quite a nimble mind to argue against collecting cannatax on the 25,000 or so metric tons of marijuana consumed annually in the U.S. It’s going to be purchased anyway; why not tax it?
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WORLD’S WEALTHIEST DRUG LORDS Billions of dollars are spent on the drug war every year. But if it’s an effective cause, then why are these drug lords amassing fortunes worthy of a Forbes’ Richest List?
Pictures from a Mexican drug lord’s house after it was raided. The raid revealed a collection of exotic animals, gold-plated guns, millions of dollars in cash and elegant swimming pools all around the compound.
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ROOSTER WEALTHIEST DRUG LORDS
Joaquin Guzman Loera “El Chapo”
Zhenli Ye Gon
Gilberto Rodriguez-Orejuela
“Businessman”
“The Don”
This Chinese-born, turned-Mexican citizen amassed his fortune—well over half a billion dollars—by smuggling psuedoephedrine, a key ingredient in methamphetamines, into Mexico from Asia. As the representative of a Mexican chemical company, Ye Gon used the operation to cover his drug trafficking. Ironically, much of his fortune found its way to Las Vegas, where the drug kingpin preferred to stay in the finest hotels and wager up to $200,000 a hand on baccarat. Unfortunately, Ye Gon wasn’t as talented at baccarat as he was at drug smuggling; the Drug Enforcement Agency estimates that Ye Gon lost almost $126 million in Sin City. In 2007, Ye Gon was arrested in Maryland by U.S. authorities after a search of his mansion in Mexico uncovered $207 million in cold hard cash—the largest single drug-cash seizure ever recorded.
Gilberto and his brother founded the Cali Cartel in Columbia, one of the two largest cartels in the country. Unlike their rival, Medellin Cartel, the Cali Cartel focused on sound business practices without the use of violence. They formed business relationships with the government and were referred to by Columbian police as “gentlemen” while their counterparts were referred to as “hoodlums.” As the Columbian government cracked down on the Medellin cartel, the Cali cartel grew in size. After the death of Pablo Escobar in 1993, the cartel had its monopoly over the Columbian drug trade. In 1995, during its height, the Cali Cartel was responsible for 80% of global cocaine trade. DEA estimates that annual profits for the cartel were $8 billion. Rodriguez-Orejuela is currently incarcerated for 30 years in an American prison.
Famous for his rank on Forbes’ list of World Billionaires—his current rank is 1140, down from the previous year—Guzman heads the largest and most dangerous cartel in Mexico, the Sinaloa Cartel, named after its home state of Sinaloa. Sinaloa is the home of many famous drug lords and gangsters whose graves and tombstones stand as monuments within the city. A native of Sinaloa, Guzman is known for using a series of methods to transport drugs across the U.S.-Mexico border. He uses underground tunnels that run across the Arizona and California borders, in addition to other more conventional methods: in 1993, 7.5 tons of Guzman’s cocaine was discovered concealed in chili cans. That same year, Guzman was captured and incarcerated in a maximum-security prison, only to bribe his way out of jail, hide in a laundry van and escape the facility. This mystical act launched his legendary status as a mystical figure of Mexico. While his cartel is responsible for a large percentage of the drugs on America’s streets, the Sinaloa Cartel is famously responsible for widespread violence both in Mexico and in 23 other countries. Mexico’s current cartel predicament has killed over 11,000 people in the last two years and is mostly a result of Guzman’s Wild West attitude and need to grow business. Today, Guzman lives in the mountainous region of Sinaloa where he uses an intricate tunnel system to evade Mexican authorities.
Ricky Donnell Ross “Freeway”
Ricky Ross was the dominate crack cocaine dealer for the U.S. West Coast during the 1980s. He is best known for the “drug empire” that ran in Los Angeles. It is said that at his peak operation, Ross purchased up to 400 kilograms of cocaine a week and sold as much as $3 million-worth per day. “Freeway” Ricky Ross, as he was known, received his name because of the properties he owned by the freeway. Estimates of Ross’s fortune total around $600 million before his downfall in 1996. In what was believed to be part of an Iran-Contra deal, Ross’s career partner, who had close ties to Iran, set up Ross to buy cocaine from an undercover DEA agent as one of the many secret negotiations that happened during these talks. Ross is currently incarcerated in the United States.
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ROOSTER WEALTHIEST DRUG LORDS
Griselda Blanco “Black Widow”
Griselda Blanco was the first woman drug trafficker in history. Her drug operation, connected to the Medellin Cartel, distributed cocaine across the U.S. and grossed more than $8 million a month. She was known to be bisexual and only used female mules for deliveries. The mules would wear Blanco’s personally designed lingerie containing hidden pockets that could hold up to two kilos of cocaine for transport. Drug trafficking wasn’t Blanco’s only trade, as she had a passion for killings and assassinations. She killed enemies, friends, strippers and kids; she even shot a pregnant lady in the belly. Following sex with men, she would kill them, thus dubbing her the name, “Black Widow.” In the early ‘80s, Blanco developed a strong crack addiction costing her $4 million. Slowly, she lost her mind and eventually the cards fell. DEA convinced witnesses to testify against the queenpin, and Blanco was finally prosecuted and sentenced to 20 years in a Florida prison. She was released in 2004 and deported back to Columbia. Her whereabouts are unknown.
Osiel Cardenas Guillen “Friend Killer”
Guillen became head of the Gulf Cartel in Mexico after killing his friend and business partner during a fight within the organization, earning him the name “Friend Killer.” Guillen oversaw a vast drug empire responsible for the importation of thousands of kilograms of cocaine and marijuana into the United States. Under the watch of Guillen, the drugs were moved about the U.S. through a series of channels and outlets in every region of the country. During one six-month period, U.S. law enforcement confiscated 2,000 kilograms of cocaine belonging to Guillen. Drug ledgers of a seizure in Atlanta in June 2001 indicate that the Gulf Cartel generated $41 million in drug proceeds over a threeand-a-half month period in the Atlanta area alone. In February 2010, Guillen pleaded guilty to drug charges. He’s currently serving 25 years in a Houston prison and also forfeiting $50 million in assets.
Ismael Zambada-Garcia “El Mayo”
One of Mexico’s most wanted drug dealers, Zambada-Garcia gained notoriety during the ‘90s as a coordinator of major drug cartels and as a principal member of the Carrillo Fuentes Cartel. He emerged as one of the strongest drug dealers with the capabilities of moving multi-ton quantities of cocaine and marijuana and multi-kilo quantities of heroin. ZambadaGarcia’s channels of distribution are extensive and well-planned. After receiving cocaine maritime from Columbia, his cartel now uses airplanes, trucks, cars and tunnels to transport the drugs across the U.S.-Mexico border. From there, he has cells across the United States that spread as far as New York. Zambada’s wealth is invested through family members into Mexican businesses such as hotels and transportation, and he has extensive holdings in real estate. His whereabouts are unknown but the U.S. State Department has a $5 million dollar reward for anyone with information leading to his capture.
Amado Carrillo Fuentes “Lord of the Skies”
Described by analysts as the top drug lord of his era, Fuentes built a drug empire worth $25 billion at the time of his death, making him worth even more than Pablo Escobar. Fuentes used a fleet of 727 jet airliners—22 to be exact—to fly cocaine into Mexico from Columbia. For this risky and original method of trafficking, Fuentes was dubbed, “Lord of the Skies.” Shipments would fly into municipal airports or into concealed dirt runways. Like similar drug barons, Fuentes invested in local Mexican businesses, including one of the largest banks in Mexico—the same bank that laundered his money. Fuentes also conspired with the Mexican government to help eradi-
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cate lesser more unorganized drug cartels in hopes of monopolizing the trade. His business savvy didn’t stop there, as Fuentes further proposed to help out the Mexican economy by not selling drugs in Mexico but only in the U.S. His entrepreneurial vigor took him to Australia where he hoped to cut out the Columbian middlemen. His lifestyle came at a price, as he constantly had to evade enemies and the law. Karma finally caught up with Fuentes when he died in 1997 during his second plastic surgery that went fatally wrong. The surgeons who performed the botched surgery were later discovered killed and their bodies stuffed in barrels.
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ROOSTER WEALTHIEST DRUG LORDS
Pablo Escobar
T
“El Patron”
he most famous, notorious and wealthy drug lord of them all, Pablo Escobar amassed a fortune consisting of airplanes, mansions, jets, a private zoo and his own trained and revered personal army. He made billions of dollars supplying drugs to much of the world, while ordering the deaths of hundreds, if not thousands of people. Through fear and empathy, Escobar gained the confidence of his fellow Columbians, manifesting himself as a savior during troubled times. In early 1980, Escobar found himself at the helm of the Medellin Cartel after ordering the murder of its leader. By 1981, Escobar expanded operations, taking over 80% of the U.S. market for cocaine. A suc-
cessful criminal, in 1982 Escobar was elected to the Columbian congress and thus his rise to political, economical and criminal power was complete. For those in high places who questioned Escobar’s sudden power, Escobar offered them “plata o ploma,” meaning silver or lead. First, he would offer a bribe for their cooperation. If that didn’t work, he would shoot them and sometimes, their entire family. Pablo Escobar is believed to have killed hundreds of judges, magistrates and people of high importance, along with thousands of innocent civilians including those on a commercial flight he bombed while trying to kill a presidential candidate—the candidate was not on board but all 101
passengers died. By the mid-1980s, Escobar’s fortune grew to $24 billion and he was named the seventh richest man in the world by Forbes. Escobar smartly invested his new found wealth into his community, knowing that a neighborhood-backing would help in the future. He built churches, schools and soccer fields, along with free housing for the poor. His growing wealth had now translated into growing power, power the Columbian government could no longer contain. Seeing Escobar’s growing influence, the U.S. intervened and asked the Columbian government to extradite Escobar to the U.S. to stand trial for drug trafficking. Knowing this was close to impossible without upheavel, the Columbian government collaborated with Escobar, asking him to incarcerate himself for five years hoping to appease the U.S. and therefore avoid possible extradition and unrest. As part of the deal, Escobar would go to a private prison built especially for him and staffed with his personal security. The prison was called “El Catedral.” The opulent resort consisted of a waterfall, a jacuzzi, a full bar, a soccer field and complete communication with his Medellin colonels including an intricate tunnel system allowing the drug lord access in and out of prison. From El Catedral, Escobar ran his drug empire until news circulated that he had ordered two disloyal employees to his prison for execution. Pressure from this incident pushed the Columbian government too far and they prepared to close down the prison and transfer Escobar. Fearing extradition, Escobar went into hiding. Fed up with the Columbian government’s impotence, the U.S. introduced their own task force specifically targeting the drug lord. It was called Search Bloc. In December 1993, Columbian security forces, with help from U.S. forces, identified Escobar in a Medellin house and proceeded to move forward. A gun fight ensued until Pablo Escobar fled on foot and was gunned down atop the house. With the fall of Escobar, so to fell the Medellin Cartel. At the time of his death, Escobar and the Medellin Cartel had been smuggling 15 tons of cocaine into the U.S. daily, controlling 80% of the global cocaine market—all while being loved by the community. 51
Legalize All Drugs? Portugal Did. Ten years after decriminalizing cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines and marijuana, Portugal has seen a steady decline in drug use across all demographics. Could this work in the United States?
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ROOSTER PORTUGAL n 2001, a Portuguese national committee created to address the country’s growing drug problem came up with a ballsy solution: legalize it. All of it. All criminal charges for personal possession of drugs including marijuana, cocaine, heroin and methamphetamines were abolished. The idea is that drug users do not seek help at treatment clinics out of fear of criminal punishment, and clinics are less expensive to send addicts to than prison in the first place. Portugal’s new law sends those found guilty of possessing small amounts of drugs to a panel consisting of a psychologist, a social worker and a legal adviser who assess the situation and advise treatment on a personal basis. However, if you were to get sent to a drug panel in Portugal, you could just not go without any legal repercussions—kind of like class at CU. There was much controversy over the policy when it was first established. Many political figures in Portugal believed that legalizing possession of drugs would only attract users from outside the country, thereby making the problem worse. Others think that having criminal punishments for drug users is an ineffective way to stop people from taking drugs, and that the emphasis should be on rehabilitation centers. In April 2009, the Cato Institute, a libertarian think tank, released a report on the effects the new drug policy has had on Portugal. The report revealed that teen drug use had steadily declined between 2001 and 2006. Regular drug use among seventh through ninth graders fell from 14 to 10.6 percent. Heroin users ages 1618 classified as “lifetime users” dropped from 2.5 to 1.8 percent. There was a slight increase in marijuana use among this age group, but many researchers believe this is a temporary spike due to the novelty of smoking pot legally. "Judging by every metric, decriminalization in Portugal has been a resounding success," said Glenn Greenwald, a U.S. lawyer and author who conducted the majority of the research. "It has enabled the Portuguese government to manage and control the drug problem far better than virtually every other Western country does." Other benefits of decriminalization exist as well. With less resources utilized to arrest and detain drug users, Portu-
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guese police forces have been able to focus on stopping large drug trafficking operations, which is believed to be a contributing factor in the decreasing rates of drug use. Between 1999 and 2003, HIV infections among drug users from sharing needles dropped by 17 percent, an impressive figure for such a short period of time. Portugal has also been able to provide more funding to rehabilitation centers, and the number of people willingly seeking treatment for drug addiction has more than doubled. Portugal emerged from decriminalization as the country with the lowest rate of drug use in the entire European Union. Regular marijuana use among Portuguese citizens over 15 years old is a mere 10 percent. To compare, 39.5 percent of Americans over 12 years old smoke pot regularly. In fact, there is a higher percentage of Americans who have tried cocaine (16 percent) than Portuguese citizens who have tried marijuana. America has some of the highest rates of drug use in the entire world. Only New Zealand has a comparable percentage of marijuana smokers, and no country has nearly as many cocaine users, proportionally, as the United States. Some advocate a drug policy similar to Portugal’s, in which the emphasis is put on providing resources to help drug addicts and stopping large shipments of drugs from entering the country. However, several researchers believe that changing America’s drug laws to emulate Portugal’s will not produce similar benefits. They claim that high recreational drug use in America is a result of the country’s relative affluence, and it
is unlikely that changing the drug policy will lower the demand for drugs significantly. It has also been pointed out that the close proximity of cocaine sources in South America will always make the United States an accessible market for the drug. People with a lot of money close to the source of a product they are interested in will always result in high sales, despite regulations one way or the other. Other reports have suggested that decriminalization would have a positive effect in the country, even though it wouldn’t result in the kind of numbers Portugal is experiencing. The main benefit for the United States would be the extra finances allotted toward stopping large amounts of drugs from coming into the country. The amount of money spent prosecuting “criminals” is absurd. It seems logical that the main focus should be on the men marching millions of dollars of cocaine across the border, shooting people and getting shot over it. But decriminalization is a relatively new policy for a modern government to have. Maybe there are some unforeseen consequences that have yet to be revealed. If only there were a way for part of the country to decriminalize drugs at their own will, while the rest of the country observes and decides if they want to create similar policies... Oh wait, that’s exactly the reason this country is made up of individual states in the first place! All right, drug use can be dangerous. The safest way would be to try a relatively harmless drug, perhaps one that some states have already begun to decriminalize. Hmm, now what could that be?
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G N I T S E T R E Z I R O P VA LAB ROOsTER
In the Rooster lab, anything goes. We talked the Freaky’s workers into testing out four of the bestselling vaporizers. We warn you, it gets ugly.
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Ease of Use: J: Not very easy. Takes set-up time, but it’s awesome once you set it up. Z: It has a little bit of a wait time, but once you get it going it goes and goes and goes until everyone is baked. Price: Z: $600. If you want to party and have status, the Volcano is for you. J: For six hundred bucks it definitely loses the point. You use it at a friend’s house.
VOLCANO Price
$600
Occupancy Unlimited Car Comparison Mercedes Rooster Rating
Price: Z: It’s mid-priced at $250 retail. Not bad for what you are getting. Ease of Use: Z: I’d say a seven out of ten: very basic and straightforward. Don’t touch the glass to see if it‘s hot; you’ll burn your fingers. Wait to see if the heating element’s red. J: Simple and straightforward. I like that, but not knowing the temperature setting takes some time to get used to. Effectiveness: Z: It doesn’t not work. It works
Awesome Factor: Z: It’s the ultimate party machine. It’s a luxury item. It’s very pricey, but super bad ass. If your homey has one, you definitely use it. It’s the ROOR of vaporizers. Damn near dummy proof; an idiot could use it. Effectiveness: Z: I like the feeling the Volcano gives you. It’s a higher quality smoke for whatever reason.
Whenever people use it, they are literally fucking glued to their chairs. J: I think it’s because you take in so much at one time. You go bigger. Could be Better: Z: The Volcano’s loud. It sounds like a spaceship. Another reason why this is better for the party atmosphere, the constant crinkling sucks if you’re by yourself, trying to watch a movie or something. J: Set up time is long. But the bag is sweet but it’s loud. It sucks if you’re watching a movie. The crinkling is annoying. It’s like a fat chick with a bag of potato chips.
well but it doesn’t have frills. I’ve used the Silver Surfer many times and it’s very effective. It’s for the guy who has his favorite chair with a table next to it, if you have those two things, this one is for you. Where as the Volcano is for a party. J: Even a TV tray will work. It’s for people with a chair. It doesn’t work if you have a sectional. Awesome Factor: Z: It’s good because you can hold the whip to the machine if you want or you can lock it in place with an attachment. J: The local company is cool. I like custom glass on each piece. Makes it look classy. Could be Better: Z: It doesn’t have a number system for the heating level. If it’s too high it will burn it, but if it’s too low you won’t get a smoke. J: Holding the whip by hand. I like not having to work to get my smoke. It’s an entry level vaporizer but it works.
Silver Surfer Price
$250
Occupancy One to four Car Comparison Scion Rooster Rating 55
Price: Z: At $350, it’s very economical. Cheaper than the Volcano but it far surpasses it. J: Yeah, $600 is so much. Ease of Use: J: It’s fairly complicated; way too much set-up time. It’s not plug and play. You have more choices: you can use a bag or a whip unlike other vaporizers. And the fan—it literally blows smoke into your face hole. Z: If we knew how to set it up it would be a lot quicker. It has more features than any other vaporizer. Extreme has a digital computer so it takes time to set up, but after a couple times it’s easy and fast.
Extreme Price
$350
Occupancy Unlimited Car Comparison Cadillac Rooster Rating
Effectiveness: Z: (Gives thumbs up). It might seem like you are going through your shit faster, but it’s all the healthy, good stuff. J: You can definitely go through a lot of smoke with this thing. Awesome Factor: Z: You can use it for any occasion.
The fan, remote, timer, tube or bag, and digital readout are all worth it. J: All digital. If I had a spaceship, this would be the vaporizer built into it. You can literally put a bag on it and it has a timer that will fill the bag automatically. It’s the next generation of smoking. Could be Better: J: The bag isn’t as good where it attaches, but other than that it’s perfect. Z: No cons. Cheaper and better than the Volcano.
Effectiveness: Z: Works really well. The new model has a clicker as opposed to the flip-up. J: I don’t like the mouth piece clicking up to light it. But the new models seem all right.
Price: Z: For $130, it’s worth the money and convenience. It’s very durable and portable. Ease of Use: J: It’s extremely easy to use. Good for the smoker on the go. Z: Ease of use is by far the best with the Vapor Smoke. It runs off butane. You have to get used to the torch that lights the vaporizer when you lift the mouth piece. The torch works well, you just have to learn the right setting.
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Awesome Factor: Z: Because of the cool design, the torch is not directly exposed to the wind, and it’s made for higher altitudes, so it’s good for snowboarding. It’s a good portable and personal vaporizer. J: Can smoke anytime and anywhere. It’s good for the chairlift and when I’m snowboarding. I think it was made just for the chairlift. Ahhh, stoners. Could be Better: J: I don’t like the mouth piece being the way to light it. Plus, it smells like butane. I don’t particularly care for it but it’s OK. Z: In defense of butane, a longtime glass blower told me that he prefers butane torches as opposed to regular lighters because they burn cleaner.
Vape-or-Smoke Price
$130
Occupancy One Car Comparison Dirt Bike Rooster Rating
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e t d u B e h T t e e M Courtney Griffin MMJ America
Personal favorite strain: Blue Dream Best strain at your dispensary: Agent Orange Blunt or bong? Blunt One thing you can’t live without: My dog Favorite Edible: Tootsie Rolls What would you do with $20 million? I’d buy a castle with a moat.
Morgan Embleton Top Shelf Alternatives
Personal favorite strain: Black Tooth Grinn Best strain at your dispensary: Lavender Blunt or bong? Incredibowl One thing you can’t live without: Tequila Favorite edible: Cheeba Chews, hands down What would you do with $20 million? I’d donate half of it to inner city schools and then buy some shoes.
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s r e d n e Kristin White Trill Alternatives Personal favorite strain: Golden Goat
Samantha Siegel The Green Room Personal favorite strain: Jack Flash Best strain at your dispensary: OGR Kush Blunt or bong? Bong One thing you can’t live without: DVD collection
Best strain at your dispensary: Recon Blunt or bong? Skillet...! One thing you can’t live without: Chapstick Favorite edible: Tastee Yumee Buddies What would you do with $20 million? I’d buy the legalization of MMJ; it’s really just about the Benjamins.
Favorite Edible: Dr. Js What would you do with $20 million? I would build a log cabin on a river somewhere in the mountains and travel the world. 59
ROOSTER GLASS BLOWING
Glass Blowing
Third eye. Chakra. Sacred Geometry. Call it what you like, Adam Grafius from Shack Man Glass Studio is sick. How long have you been blowing glass? I’ve been doing it for nine years. How did you learn how to start blowing glass? Who was your mentor? I’m self-taught. I was inspired to start blowing glass on the Phish tour after seeing all their sick glass work. How much time do you spend at the studio on average per week? Sometimes we spend a lot. Shit, sometimes we work like 90 hours a week, but others, as few as ten. What’s the most you’ve ever gotten from a piece? I’ve sold a piece for $6,250 before, but I usually sell my work for around $1,000-$3,000. Which is more painful: burning yourself with the torch or slicing yourself? The worst shit ever is when a thin slice of searing hot glass will break off in your skin, one time I had a stringer go straight through my heel. It’s still there. You talk about sacred geometry. What role does sacred geometry have in glass blowing? Sacred geometry has a huge role in glass blowing because sacred geometry is what connects everything in the universe. I’ve been working on incorporating more and more sacred geometry with every new piece. Have you ever used your third eye to blow glass? No, but I have used my heart chakra to blow glass and while blowing glass, every piece is getting blown with tons of love through me into the work. If you had to blow a piece for a celebrity, who would it be and why? Charlie Sheen, and furthermore, if Sheen ever wanted to really upgrade to warlock status, he would contact us. For real. When did you first upgrade to warlock status? Once I started studying sacred G, universes unfolded and warlock status was achieved. Also, it was after I learned about Mer-ka-ba. What is Mer-ka-ba? It is a star tetrahedron energy field that forms around your body and is activated through mediation and reading. What’s your favorite strain to smoke while blowing glass? The Bo Jackson. Is the sacred geometry activated before or after blowing glass? It’s always activated. 60
All glass by Adam Grafius
ROOSTER GLASS BLOWING
All glass by Adam Grafius 61
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420 BUDS
SHAMAN THE DANDELION
About: The Dandelion grows the Shaman in our state-of-the-art facility right here in our hometown of Boulder. We used General Organic Nutrients in 707 soil mixed with lots o’ love. If there is a plant that you have a crush on, Purple Shaman is it! She is as pretty as it gets with her sticky purple flowers so perfectly shaped... mmm, mmm. Effect: The smooth smoke of Shaman carries a sweet, woodsy, fruity taste. The sativa high is sensual and very visual, upbeat and even energetic. Good for a hike in the mountains to get in touch with Mother Nature or for sitting around and fixing shit, doing the dishes or just “playing with the dog”! Please see our coupon in the back.
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AMNESIA LEMON BOULDER KIND CARE About: The Amnesia Lemon is a beautiful dense sativa hybrid from Barney’s Farm Seed Company. The selective breed of Barney’s Skunk #1 Pheno X with Amnesia Haze has proven results as the Sativa Cannabis Cup winner in 2007. The terpene combinations in the Amnesia Lemon produce a wonderful lemon tang aroma with traditional haze flavoring and skunk undertones. Effect: Amnesia Lemon starts off very clear and euphoric; like most sativas, you will notice a “pep in your step” throughout the day. After the first 5-10 minutes the haze traits start to creep in and take effect, providing a spacey head high with a warm calming body sensation. Amnesia Lemon is great for treating headaches, migraines, neck and back pain, anxiety, nausea, depression and stress. Please see our coupon in the back.
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420 BUDS LAVENDER
TOP SHELF ALTERNATIVES About: From its floral scent to its almost cherry blossom taste, it is truly a smoke to be shared and not just passed. Grown mainly by friends for friends due to its lack of high yields, it doesn’t usually find its way into the inexperienced garden. Effect: This thick and extremely fragrant smoke delivers a fairly heavy, yet uplifting effect. A nice relaxing couch lock may be in your future as pain symptoms melt away. For the seasoned connoisseur who wishes to be truly medicated—this bud’s for you. Please see our coupon in the back.
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SOUR BUBBLE NEW OPTIONS WELLNESS
About: This strain is the envy of all other diesel crosses. Only recently available, this strain has already been featured in High Times as a strain for master growers. The bud is grown organically in state-of-the-art facilities using specialized growing methods. Effects: Instant body relaxation. You feel it run up your legs to your chest, soothing the soul. The high can last an excess of four hours without the topping-out experienced with most indicas. Very narcotic, this strain is the perfect combination of the uplifting mental high and all the painrelieving attributes of an indica. Please see our coupon in the back.
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DANK C BOULDER MMC
About: Another fantastic BMMC exclusive, Dank is newly hybridized genetic created by crossing our famous Dutch Treat Haze with our own Skank (Skunk x AK47). It’s a smooth pungent smoke, a sweeter version of the house-favorite, Dutch Treat Haze, with pleasant citrus undertones. Effect: The energizing effects are fast, hard-hitting and longlasting. Ideal for daytime pain and nausea relief. Please see our coupon in the back.
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DAILY SPECIALS:  Munchie Monday Doobie Tuesday Waxy Wednesday Thirsty Thursday  Fat Sack Friday
1750  30TH  STREET  SUITE  #7  BOULDER,  CO  80301  |  720.379.6046  |  11AM  –  7PM  EVERYDAY
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420 BUDS
BRUCE BANNER BOULDER BOTANICS About: A rare Colorado classic, Bruce Banner (Strawberry Diesel x O.G. Kush) is a mean green sativa that will show you her hulk side. With an immediate and very intense high, she ends on a sweet note with a relaxing and almost soothing finish. Effect: Bruce Banner works well for nerve and muscle pain due to its almost overwhelmingly strong high—a true narcotic. Buzz length is 2-2.5 hours. Great for forgetting just about anything during its peak high, this strain will initially give you a lot of energy followed by a tranquil come-down. Will leave you wanting more... and more.
Please see our coupon in the back.
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420 BUDS
GLASS SLIPPER COLORADO CARE About: This sativa-dominant strain is a cross between Krome’s The White and Cindy 99. The taste is strong with a wonderfully tangy twist. In a word, Glass Slipper is refreshing. Effect: This strain’s effects are happy and uplifting. You will experience a euphoric head-high and a body high that is just the opposite. Glass Slipper is a perfect choice for mid-day relaxation, as it is great for anti-anxiety and mood enhancement. Be prepared for intense food cravings and giggly conversation. This is definitely a top choice for a lazy Sunday. Please see our coupon in the back.
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CINDERELLA 99 NATURE’S MEDICINE About:: Once upon a time, Jack Herer and Shiva Skunk bred a fairy tale heroine and named her Cinderella 99. This lively lady grows light green with dark orange and red hairs and exudes crystals from the entire dense bud. When broken up she smells like a watermelon and tastes like a sweet Airhead candy followed by a piney and slightly skunky undertone. Effect: Cinderella 99 provides an energetic, clear-headed, functional yet euphoric high encompassing the true medical benefits of a sativa plant. Her silly, bubbly yet lucid head high makes her the obvious choice for a royal time. Please see our coupon in the back.
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SHORELINE ROOT ORGANIC
About: Organically grown in soil, this strain is the perfect hybrid for the stingiest of connoisseurs. A perfect blend of indica/sativa, Shoreline is a very adaptive strain for all moods and hours of the day. With a three-week flush, you can really smell and taste the skunkiness of this strain. A little stanky like the Shoreline. Effect: Shoreline has a scent reminiscent of a skunk that was run over on the highway, and a super skunky taste. This strain is effective for sleep, pain and muscle spasms providing a steady stream of relief. A rare strain, Shoreline is a high quality, potent hybrid—beware of the rip tide! Please see our coupon in the back.
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420 BUDS 303 HAZE
BOULDER MM DISPENSARY About: 303 Haze is a locally created, sativa-dominant strain from the gardens of Boulder MM Dispensary. Organically grown in nutrient-rich, hand-turned soil, 303 Haze is given ample time to flush and ripen. The bud structure and bright, spicypiney candy aroma are reminiscent of the famed South African sativas. Effect: 303 Haze possesses a wildly uplifting and motivating high. Bestowing a sense of euphoria that can prompt spontaneous creative projects, 303 inspires movement and confidence. Medicinally, 303 Haze produces a mentally clear high and has a very positive way of helping fibromyalgia symptoms, and has been promising for chronic pain. Please see our coupon in the back.
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...WILL SHE SWALLOW??
Village Green Society Taste Test Challenge
We will drink a glass of everything we pour on our plants. Learn more about True Living Organics at thevillagegreensociety.com
Say Organic, Mean Organic Now featuring:
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HUGE 4/20 Party, Daily Giveaways.. Follow us on
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2043 16th Street
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‘The flavor is in the soil’
**see our coupon in back for a sweet deal**
720-746-9064
420 BUDS
BUBBA KUSH VILLAGE GREEN SOCIETY
About: Bubba Kush—the Katsu Cut, aka “the tastiest smoke on earth!” Very potent, above 20 percent THC with high CBD as well. Bubba is grown in True Living Organics and fed only water and molasses, fully expressing its flavor profile. Effect: Social, happy, pleasant high, lowers the shoulders, great for muscle relaxation and spasms, chronic pain, insomnia and anxiety. Lavender floral bouquet with an orange-creamsicle finish. Please see our coupon in the back.
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NYC DIESEL
THE HIGH WAY OASIS About: Our New York City Diesel is grown in coco using the humboldt nutrient line along with organic supplements. Grown with plenty of light, love and attention, our NYC Diesel produces buds of the highest caliber. With a strong berry scent and subtle diesel tones, NYC Diesel is easy on the palate and a joy to smoke, whether it be with a joint, bowl or vaporizor. Not only does NYCD taste phenomenal, it also has great bag appeal and color complexion with various green hues and hints of purple. Effect: The Hawaiian Sativa x Sour Diesel lineage gives this strain a wonderful euphoric effect that is pleasant and socially engaging. As an added benefit, the Afghani lineage in this strain makes it an ideal smoke for those seeking daytime pain relief. This well-balanced hybrid is sure to uplift your spirits and put your body at ease. Please see our coupon in the back.
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MAGIC EYE “Bird”
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Rooster Coloring Page
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ROOSTER VICES
Rooster Lounge
Your virgin mind will never be the same again. What you need: People Beer Deck of Cards
How it’s played:
Drinking Game of the Month Fuck You
The game is best played with four or five people; any more and it takes the action away from the game. All you need is beer, a deck of cards and a person to count time. Lay the cards out in four rows and four columns, then deal out the rest of the deck. The counter flips over the first card in the first row and column. The counter begins to count to three and if players have the card that was flipped they call out, “Fuck you (fill in the name of the person you want to drink)!” The trick of the game is to be the last person to get to call “fuck you” to someone. If someone calls “fuck you” after the counter reaches three, he must finish his beer. The trick of this game is making alliances with friends to get one person drunk, i.e. someone you don’t like or a significant other. The way you count how many drinks you take if you have been “fucked” is by multiplying the rows by columns of the card that was flipped. Great way to mess with your friends and gets you sloppy after a few rounds.
Sex Position of the Month The 4 in 4/20 This position had to be named after everyone’s favorite April holiday! Unfortunately, our addled Rooster minds were having a difficult time making the “4 in 4/20” actually 420-friendly. You can add a chair if you want to (lazy bastards), but we prefer the more hardcore, kneebuckling, wall-sit position for the 88
person in back (the person with the phallus). The person on top who is receiving the phallus can then bounce up and down without the seat of a chair to get in the way of the fun. For all you fitness freaks: think of it as a challenge. The longer you can hold this position, the more pride you can take in your extensive training.
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ROOSTER GAMES
FAKE VS. REAL
CAN YOU SPOT THE FAKE CELEBRITY NEWS? Paris Hilton just can’t seem to stay out of the spotlight. Paris’ recent ex-boyfriend is claiming he has another sex tape of the hotel heiress doing things she didn’t do in the other video. Ross Jacobs says he will release the tape in the coming months and doesn’t fear reprisal from Paris. As dedicated reporters, Rooster will be first in line to report for our readers—it’s our job.
Ben and Jerry’s is known for its wide array of celebrity-influenced flavors. The newest one: Jimmy Fallon’s Late Night Snack. In what sounds like the most disgusting flavor since shit ice cream, Fallon’s ice cream is vanilla bean with salty caramel and chocolate covered potato chips.
Sudoku
Who doesn’t appreciate a celebrity who promotes safe sex? In the case of Kesha, she went one step further and put her name on condom wrappers to become the poster child for abstinence. We aren’t sure, but we think putting a hot chick on a condom wrapper is somewhat counterproductive when promoting abstinence. Then again, condom sales are up. Brad Pitt was admitted to a Malibu rehab facility following complaints from Angelina that the mega-star smokes weed compulsively to the point where he has neglected his children. Pitt’s representative made only a short statement reiterating that Mr. Pitt has personal issues he must address before moving forward with his life. So, you’re saying we shouldn’t have him come to Boulder for 4/20? Answers: Paris, Fake; Kesha, Real; Fallon, Real; Pitt, Fake.
BY THE NUMBERS 1
Billion photos are stored on Facebook’s site.
6
Million photos are uploaded on a daily basis.
30
Page views for Facebook per month, in billions.
2
Facebook’s rank behind Google as the most trafficked site on the internet.
1
In every eleven people have a Facebook account.
6
Hours a month the average Facebooker spends on the site.
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ROOSTER JOKES
Jokes of the Month
Business Trip
and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly A man traveling by Japanese airdried his hind quarters. He thought that line and in urgent need of using the was out of this world! The button marked men’s room is nervously tapping his “PP” yielded a large powder puff which foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. time he tried the men’s room door, Well, naturally he couldn’t resist the last it was “occupied.” The stewardess, button marked “ATR.” aware of his predicament, suggested When he woke up in the hospital he that he go ahead and use the ladies panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When room, but cautioned him against she appeared, he cried out, “What hapusing any of the buttons inside. The pened to me? The last thing I remember buttons were marked “WW,” “WA,” is I was in the ladies room on a business “PP” and “ATR.” trip!” The nurse replied, “Yes, you were Making the mistake that so many having a great time until you pressed the men make in disregarding the im‘ATR’ button which stands for Automatic portance of what a woman says, the Tampon Remover... Your penis is under man let his curiosity get the best of your pillow.” him and decided to try the buttons anyway. He carefully pressed the first button marked “WW” and immedately A pirate walks off his ship. He has a warm water sprayed all over his enwooden leg, a hook for a hand and a tire bottom. He thought, “Wow, women really have it made!” Still curious, patch over his right eye. He sits down on a bench, and begins throwing peanuts to he pressed the button marked “WA”
First Day
the seagulls. Two curious young children shyly sit down next to him and ask the pirate how he came to have a wooden leg. The pirate replies, “Well, I was standing on the deck of me ship one day, and a wave washed me overboard. Then, a hungry shark attacked me and bit me leg off.” The little boy then asks, “How did you lose your hand?” “Many years ago, I was fighting the Navy, and one of them boys cut me hand off. Me doc couldn’t find a hand, so he gave me this hook.” Next, the little girl asks, “How did you lose your eye?” “Well, I was standing watch up in the crow’s nest, and just as I looked up, a lousy seagull flew over and did his business right in me eye.” The children, thoroughly confused, ask, “How did that cause you to lose your eye?” The pirate explains, “Well, it was me first day with the hook.” Send your Joke of the Month to RoosterMagazine@gmail.com.
CU: INSTITUTION OF HIGHER LEARNING
Rooster did a little eavesdropping on campus and here’s what we heard.
“I didn’t know it was a Wet Wipe, I thought it was a condom.” “I found your Blackberry in my underwear. It was on vibrate. Interesting way to wake up.” “Tuesdays are the new Thursdays if you’re too hungover to rally for Fridays.” “March Madness, St. Patrick’s day, Thursday. It’s the perfect storm and best start to the drinking binge I call Spring Break.”
“I missed Mardi Gras because I had a midterm and now I’m going to miss St. Patrick’s Day because of mono. God doesn’t want me to get drunkenly laid during the week anymore.”
“18 penises were drawn on me.” “That’s almost as many that have been inside you.”
“The day before laundry day is always the day I wish I didn’t always forget my underwear at a guy’s house.”
“Why does your hair smell like weed?” “No pockets.”
“No one will ever love me because booze and cigarettes are my only friends.” “This is the year. One of us will be on Girls Gone Wild or sleeping with Charlie Sheen by the end of the week. Only requirements for Spring Break.” “Spring Break diet equals me drinking more to vomit more. It’s been effective, but my morning-after breath is terrible.”
“I saw her ID and it said she was born in 1994. I did it anyway.”
“I feel like the squirrels here understand me so much more than the ones back home.” “When is the appropriate time to start pre-ordering weed for 4/20?” “There is no way those Overheard things are true. People don’t speak like that.” “Have you ever heard a sorority girl talk?” “For Lent, I’m giving up guys who believe in Lent.” 91
ROOSTER HOROSCOPES
AprilHookUpHoroscopes Aquarius Jan. 20 - Feb. 18
All-night benders at the bars and house parties aren’t necessarily the best way to find someone special if you haven’t figured that out by now. A one-night stand you barely remember is what spring break was for. This month is your chance for a deep connection, but you can only achieve it with some serious one-on-one time with someone you like. Rather than make plans to meet up and go partying, set up an intimate date with a bottle of wine where it’s just the two of you, and by the end of the night things will get intimate.
Pisces
Feb. 19 - Mar. 20 As the saying goes, you should dress to impress, but that’s really not the point. When you look sexy or sharp it doesn’t mean everyone is going to come up to you and want to get in your pants, but the key is you’ll be thinking that they are. This kind of confidence can’t be faked and it also takes some time to build it up to this level. But that’s why spending a little money on some sexy clothes is a shortcut to this aggressive mindset and a great way to drip that irresistible sex appeal, even if it’s just once a weekend.
Aries
Mar. 21 - Apr. 19 Your solar constellation is aligned with the cosmos to ensure a month of good fortune. You’re destined to make everyone in Vegas jealous, but that’s only if you lay down some money on snake eyes and toss the dice. While this might help your 401(k), you should really be applying this hot streak to your love life. If you want to land a true catch that you can show off to your friends, you need to take some risks this month. Play high-risk and you’ll find someone who can give you a night of high rewards.
Taurus Apr. 20 - May 20
You should start this month feeling confident and full of vitality as your House of Love begins to fill your celestial aura. Things are starting to make sense and you’re getting a serious groove about yourself. When you’re on fire, keep shooting the ball. As great as a soulful connection might be, this is not the time to take yourself out of the game. A true connection will form naturally, so don’t force things with one person when there’s a whole city full of attractive singles for you to have fun with.
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Gemini May 21 - Jun. 21
Back in middle school, if you had a crush on a boy or girl in your class, it was always taboo and you’d pretend you didn’t. Well, you’re not in middle school anymore. It’s time to be more honest and upfront with someone you like. Tell them you like them and you’ll discover that their response will be genuine, and when there’s an electric connection, you’ll know right away. Playing games can be painful and confusing. Why waste all that time not getting down and dirty, when you can have a serious and sensual relationship right from the start?
Cancer Jun. 22 - Jul. 22
An old prospect will come back into your life, looking to do something more than just hang out. You never ended up pulling the trigger with them before and you’ve regretted it since. Don’t make the same mistake, because they are back in your life for a reason—they want you bad. But things can change quickly, you’re not the only one who’s interested in them and if you don’t realize this, you’ll miss your chance to feel their warm embrace.
Leo
Jul. 23 - Aug. 22 You’re not defined by your past, but how you present yourself in the present. If you’ve got someone in your sights, don’t think about the past; it’s irrelevant. What’s important is that very soon they’ll be yours in the exact manner you envision it. It honestly doesn’t matter if you would’ve never been this upfront in the past; It’s about building your future the way you want. The more you build this mindset, the more you’ll discover you’re capable of getting the guys or girls you’ve always wanted.
Virgo
Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 Getting someone you think is special isn’t necessarily going to be easy, even if you feel a bond. The most important thing you need to do is put in the effort. Those teen movies might be cliché, but there’s a reason the guy always gets the girl in the end. You can’t be discouraged when things aren’t easy. You need to view any setback, no matter how large, as temporary and work around it. If, at the end of the month, you know you’ve put it all on the line, then at the end of the night they’ll be in your bed.
Libra
Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 Humor is the spice of life, and it’s also the way to spice up your sex life. Far too often, you’re too serious when you meet someone you’re interested in. While we’re raised to be polite, using playful humor is the best way to flirt and always keep the mood light no matter how intimate the subject matter gets. Keep this in mind the next time you meet someone and make an effort to be comfortable by making some sexy quips, which will set the mood for some playful loving. And that’s serious stuff.
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
Spring is around the corner and you can really get a jump on your friends when it comes to getting some warm-weather booty this month. All you’ve got to do is treat your body well this month. Run, eat right, and have some fun outdoors. Soon, you’ll feel fit and healthy, and a strong body will give you an even stronger mind and the self-assurance that you look better than everyone else. What better way to get some booty than by showing off yours?
Sagittarius Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
If you’re always hanging out with the same group of friends, no matter how great they are, you are going to be missing out on some new experiences. Take a few days each month to kick it with some new friends. Not only will you have a fun time, but you’ll discover your dating options and hookups will increase exponentially because you’ll constantly be meeting new people who know other people, who know the hottest person you’ve ever seen, who just had a breakup—lucky you.
Capricorn Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
You’ve got a build-up of sexual tension, and it’s time to find a release this month. That said, you don’t want to do something drunk you might regret. Instead of looking for a random hookup, blow off your duties during the week and spend it lining up your weekend with potential hook-ups and fun things to do. Set up multiple dates and options so that all weekend you’ll be busy flirting and messing around. By the end of the weekend, you’ll wonder how you became such a player.
ROOSTER CONFESSIONS
COLLEGE CONFESSIONALS
“Forgive Me Rooster, For I Have Sinned”
What’s on your leg?
I woke up early one morning for my Friday morning recitation. Tired and still sort of hungover, I rolled over and woke my boyfriend up with a morning treat. As soon as he was ready to go, I jumped on top for some old-fashioned morning sex. I’m on birth control so like always, he doesn’t have to pull out and can just go inside me. After we had sex, I went to class and then over to the UMC. While I was standing in line at Celestial, I ran into a friend of mine from class. As we were talking, I felt this weird wetness oozing down my leg. Sure enough, it was my boyfriend’s little guys. Topping things off, I was wearing a skirt. Right in the middle of the UMC I had my boyfriend’s stuff running down my leg. I was sooo embarrassed. I’m not sure if my friend saw it or not, but I quickly ran to the bathroom to clean up. —Mikaela, 20
and we began getting down. When we were finished, we lay in bed for awhile and then I started to make breakfast. My boyfriend went to shower and that’s when I wanted to surprise him. I took off my clothes and jumped in with him. He was completely surprised but went along with it. Part of my surprise was to give him head while we were under the hot water. As a started to go down on him, I slipped on the floor of the bathtub, rammed my face into his junk and then fell out of the tub, cutting my head on the side. As he lay writhing in pain, I laid on the floor with blood dribbling down my face. The surprise had failed. We both couldn’t help but laugh though because it was a gigantic fail. We haven’t tried to have shower sex, or anything, since. —Stephanie, 22
Kicking and punching
It’s my general Saturday routine to go out, drink heavily with my friends and then try and hit on girls. One Saturday night, I went to a house party that was off the hook and found a great girl. We went back to my house and started to get down, when she began saying the weirdest shit in bed. Stuff that I was unaccustomed to and honestly, weirded out by. She was telling me to say her name, call her little girl, punish her, and then she’d whine and pout like a little girl if I didn’t go fast enough or hard enough. By the end of it, I had to tell her to shut the fuck up. She didn’t like that and immediately left my house. To this day, I’m still weirded out by that one-night stand. —Jake, 18
Fun time in the shower
My boyfriend was always encouraging me to be kinkier. So one morning, after a night of going out, I thought it would be fun to surprise him and do something he would never expect. I woke him 93
ROOSTER DRINKS
College Bartender
Spring is in the air, let’s drink!
Gatorade
New Orlean’s Hurricane
1/2 oz. Vodka 1/2 oz. Southern Comfort 1/2 oz. Midori 1/2 oz. Amaretto 1 oz. Sweet and sour 1 oz. 7UP No, this isn’t the same Gatorade athletes douse themselves with during an intense workout. This gatorade is for the true champion in all of us: the true victor at the beer pong table who knows damn well they just played eight straight games of beer pong and will most likely not make it much longer. This gatorade is for you—you deserve it.
2 oz. light rum 2 oz. passion fruit flavored syrup 1 cup lemon-lime flavored carbonated beverage 1 oz. lime juice 1 oz. 151 proof rum This is the ultimate summer drink. One town that knows how to party is New Orleans. That’s why we’ve chosen the always popular hurricane as a spring/summer drink on our list. These dangerous adult beverages are highly potent and will leave you feeling like you, too, were hit by a hurricane the night before.
Red Rooster
Mai Tai For 8
Did you really think we were going to pass up the opportunity to promote a drink named the Red Rooster? Since the recipe is simple, it will save you time and money. And that always daunting question of what you want to drink yet won’t take much effort to answer. You probably already have all the ingredients, it’s just a matter of going one step further than a vodka and orange juice. Once you take that step, you will thank us for this gift from above.
Because it’s almost summer, we wanted to include a drink recipe for you and your lush friends. This refreshing recipe is enough for a party or to drown your problems. In a gallon, (yes, a gallon) mix the ingredients together. Then sit back and relax as the concotion of rum begins to make you feel like a captain.
2 oz. vodka 4 oz. cranberry juice 1/2 oz. orange juice
2 cups light rum 1 cup dark rum 1 cup 151 proof rum 1 cup orange curacao (orange flavored liqueur) 1 cup almond flavored syrup 10 limes, juiced 1/2 gallon fresh orange juice
Shot Therapy 1 oz. Jagermeister 1 oz. Peach Schnapps Splash of cranberry juice Combine ingredients in a cocktail shaker and strain into a shot glass. Best served cold.
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RED HEADED SLUT This is the perfect shot for those of you who don’t like shots. They are very easy to put down and don’t have a super alcoholic taste, plus you get to say its name without feeling guilty. Everyone knows that red heads are notorious for being wild. Either they are the fun crazy drunks at the bar, or they are the type who goes from “girl next door” to dominatrix in 3.5 seconds. Take too many of these and your inner Ginger could come out. If you want to spice this shot up a little, add a splash of coke and make it a Lindsay Lohan.
1 oz. Vodka 1 oz. DeKuyper Pucker Sour Apple Schnapps Shake with ice and strain into a shot glass.
SOUR APPLE DROP Yes, just the idea of Apple Pucker may send you straight back to your high school years when you assumed that candy flavored liquor would do the trick and taste good without the adverse side effects the next day. Well, after the donkey kicked you in the face over and over, you may be reluctant to consume Puckers again, but this shot is sure to redeem your loyalty. The addition of the vodka helps to subdue the intensity of the apple flavoring. Be careful though, it has the ability to knock you straight on your ass. This shot tastes great, but damn it’s strong.
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ROOSTER BOULDER SCENE
Where
the buffalo roam
Half Fast
Absinthe House
Conor O’Neill’s 96
97
ROOSTER BOULDER SCENE
Sink
Goose 98
ROOSTER BOULDER SCENE
Walrus
99
ROOSTER HAPPY HOUR Monday The Sink
(On the Hill) 303-444-7465
Applebee’s
Tuesday
HH
Wednesday
Thursday
3-6 p.m.
3-6 p.m.
9 p.m.-CL
9 p.m.-CL
9 p.m.-CL
9 p.m.-CL
3-9 p.m.
3-9 p.m.
3-9 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
$3 Wells $3 Wine $3 Drafts $3 Appetizers
1/2 Price Apps $3 Taps
$3 Wells $3 Wine $3 Drafts, $3 Appetizers
1/2 Price Apps $3 Taps
3-6 p.m. $3 Wells $3 Wine $3 Drafts $3 Appetizers
1/2 Price Apps $3 Taps
3-6 p.m. $3 Wells $3 Wine $3 Drafts $3 Appetizers
1/2 Price Apps $3 Taps
Friday 3-6 p.m. $3 Wells $3 Wine $3 Drafts $3 Appetizers
9 p.m.-CL
Saturday All Day
$3 Hazed and Infused
Sunday All Day
$3 Wells $3 Wine $3 Drafts $3 Appetizers
9 p.m.-CL
9 p.m.-CL
3-9 p.m.
3-9 p.m.
3-9 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
5 p.m.-CL
5 p.m.-CL
1/2 Price Apps $3 Taps
1/2 Price Apps $3 Taps
1/2 Price Apps $3 Taps
1906 28th Street 303-442-8813
Shooters
Saloon & Pizzeria 1801 13th St., Suite 190 303-209-3741
CLOSED
4-7 p.m. Half Fast Subs
(On the Hill) 303-449-0404
$2.50 Horny Amber $4.49 Any 7” Sub $2.25 Coors Lt Drfts $2.75 New Belg Drfts $6 Coors Lt Pitchers
2-for-1 Wells 2-for-1 Domestic Drfts 2-for-1 Wines $5 Pitchers of PBR $5 Double Beams $5 Double Sailor Jerry’s
4-7 p.m.
$2.50 Horny Amber $4.49 Any 7” Sub $2.25 Coors Lt Drfts $2.75 New Belg Drfts $6 Coors Lt Pitchers
2-for-1 Wells 2-for-1 Domestic Drfts 2-for-1 Wines $5 Pitchers of PBR $5 Double Beams $5 Double Sailor Jerry’s
$2.50 Horny Amber $4.49 Any 7” Sub $2.25 Coors Lt Drfts $2.75 New Belg Drfts $6 Coors Lt Pitchers
2-for-1 Wells 2-for-1 Domestic Drfts 2-for-1 Wines $5 Pitchers of PBR $5 Double Beams $5 Double Sailor Jerry’s
$2.50 Horny Amber $4.49 Any 7” Sub $2.25 Coors Lt Drfts $2.75 New Belg Drfts $6 Coors Lt Pitchers
11:45 p.m.-CL
1/2 Price food and drinks
2-for-1 Wells 2-for-1 Domestic Drfts 2-for-1 Wines $5 Pitchers of PBR $5 Double Beams $5 Double Sailor Jerry’s
$2.50 Horny Amber $4.49 Any 7” Sub $2.25 Coors Lt Drfts $2.75 New Belg Drfts $6 Coors Lt Pitchers
11:45 p.m.-CL
2-for-1 Wells 2-for-1 Domestic Drfts 2-for-1 Wines $5 Pitchers of PBR $5 Double Beams $5 Double Sailor Jerry’s
Mix and Match $3.75 All Doubles $3.75 Glasses of LIT, Margs and Hurricanes
11:45 p.m.-CL
1/2 Price food and drinks
1/2 Price food and drinks
For changes or to list your business, please e-mail us at RoosterMagazine@gmail.com.
100
2-for-1 Wells 2-for-1 Domestic Drfts 2-for-1 Wines $5 Pitchers of PBR $5 Double Beams $5 Double Sailor Jerry’s
$6 7” Sandwich and Soda $7 7” Sandwich and Beer $8 7” Sandwich and Cocktail
ROOSTER HAPPY HOUR Monday
Baker St. Pub
2-9 p.m.
3-7 p.m.
3-7 p.m.
$2 Wells $2.25 Selects $2.75 Select Premiums 1729 28th St. $1.75 Bud, Bud Light, 720-974-9490 Coors, Coors Light $2.50 House Wines $2.75 Deschutes Handles
Boulder Cafe
1245 Pearl St. 303-444-4884
Conor O’Neill’s 1922 13th St. 303-449-1922
The Med
1002 Walnut Street 303-444-5335
Tuesday
2-9 p.m.
$2 Drafts 1/2 price all premium liquor drinks 1/2 price wine
3-7 p.m.
$2 Wells $2.25 Selects $2.75 Select Premiums $1.75 Bud, Bud Light, Coors, Coors Light $2.50 House Wines $2.75 Deschutes Handles
$2 Drafts 1/2 price all premium liquor drinks 1/2 price wine
3-7 p.m.
Wednesday
Thursday
2-9 p.m.
2-9 p.m.
$2 Wells $2.25 Selects $2.75 Select Premiums $1.75 Bud, Bud Light, Coors, Coors Light $2.50 House Wines $2.75 Deschutes Handles
3-7 p.m.
3-7 p.m.
$2 Wells $2.25 Selects $2.75 Select Premiums $1.75 Bud, Bud Light, Coors, Coors Light $2.50 House Wines $2.75 Deschutes Handles
$2 Drafts 1/2 price all premium liquor drinks 1/2 price wine
3-7 p.m.
$2 Drafts 1/2 price all premium liquor drinks 1/2 price wine
3-7 p.m.
$3 Drafts $3 Wine $3 Wells $3 Euro Plates
$3 Drafts $3 Wine $3 Wells $3 Euro Plates
$3 Drafts $3 Wine $3 Wells $3 Euro Plates
$3 Drafts $3 Wine $3 Wells $3 Euro Plates
3-6:30 p.m.
3-6:30 p.m.
3-6:30 p.m.
3-6:30 p.m.
$3.50 Drafts $4 Sangria and cocktails $5 Featured wines $6 Margs and well martinis
$3.50 Drafts $4 Sangria and cocktails $5 Featured wines $6 Margs and well martinis
$3.50 Drafts $4 Sangria and cocktails $5 Featured wines $6 Margs and well martinis
$3.50 Drafts $4 Sangria and cocktails $5 Featured wines $6 Margs and well martinis
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
$2 Wells $2.25 Selects $2.75 Select Premiums $1.75 Bud, Bud Light, Coors, Coors Light $2.50 House Wines $2.75 Deschutes Handles
$2 Wells $2.25 Selects $2.75 Select Premiums $1.75 Bud, Bud Light, Coors, Coors Light $2.50 House Wines $2.75 Deschutes Handles
$2 Wells $2.25 Selects $2.75 Select Premiums $1.75 Bud, Bud Light, Coors, Coors Light $2.50 House Wines $2.75 Deschutes Handles
3-7 p.m.
3-7 p.m.
3-7 p.m.
2-9 p.m.
$2 Drafts 1/2 price all premium liquor drinks 1/2 price wine
3-7 p.m.
$3 Drafts $3 Wine $3 Wells $3 Euro Plates
3-6:30 p.m. $3.50 Drafts $4 Sangria and cocktails $5 Featured wines $6 Margs and well martinis
2-9 p.m.
$2 Drafts 1/2 price all premium liquor drinks 1/2 price wine
3-7 p.m.
$3 Drafts $3 Wine $3 Wells $3 Euro Plates
3-6:30 p.m. $3.50 Drafts $4 Sangria and cocktails $5 Featured wines $6 Margs and well martinis
All Day
$2 Drafts 1/2 price all premium liquor drinks 1/2 price wine
3-7 p.m.
$3 Drafts $3 Wine $3 Wells $3 Euro Plates
3-6:30 p.m. $3.50 Drafts $4 Sangria and cocktails $5 Featured wines $6 Margs and well martinis
For changes or to list your business, please e-mail us at RoosterMagazine@gmail.com.
101
ROOSTER HAPPY HOUR Monday
2-6 p.m.
$1.50 PBRs $2 Wells $3 Calls
$1.50 PBRs $2.50 Drafts $2 Wells $3 Calls
3-6 p.m.
3-6 p.m.
Sushi Spot $2.50 Drafts 1116 13th Street 303-447-8744
Goose
1301 Broadway 720-565-0540
Japango Sushi 1136 Pearl St. 303-938-0330
Wednesday
2-6 p.m.
Thursday
2-6 p.m.
$1.50 PBRs $2.50 Drafts $2 Wells $3 Calls
$1.50 PBRs $2.50 Drafts $2 Wells $3 Calls
3-6 p.m.
3-6 p.m.
3-6 p.m.
2-for-1 Wells $12 Dom. Buckets $15 Import Buckets $1 Off Prem. Drafts
2-for-1 Wells $12 Dom. Buckets $15 Import Buckets $1 Off Prem. Drafts
$2 Jim Beam $2 Bud
$2 Jim Beam $2 Bud
$2 Jim Beam $2 Bud
$2 Jim Beam $2 Bud
5-6:30 p.m.
5-6:30 p.m.
5-6:30 p.m.
5-6:30 p.m.
All Day
$2.50 Handrolls, 4pc Cali Rolls, 2pc Shrimp $2 Kirin and Sake Bombs $3 House Wine, Hot Sake and Well Drinks $2-$5 Japanese Tapas $2 off Specialty Rolls
3-7 p.m.
$1 off Drafts $1 off Cocktails
All Day
$2.50 Handrolls, 4pc Cali Rolls, 2pc Shrimp $2 Kirin and Sake Bombs $3 House Wine, Hot Sake and Well Drinks
3-7 p.m.
$2 off Apps 1/2 off Mini Pizzas $1 off Drafts $1 off Cocktails 1/2 Price wine all day
Friday
2-6 p.m.
$1.50 PBRs $2.50 Drafts $2 Wells $3 Calls
2-for-1 Wells $12 Dom. Buckets $15 Import Buckets $1 Off Prem. Drafts
2-for-1 Wells $12 Dom. Buckets $15 Import Buckets $1 Off Prem. Drafts
BJ’s Restaurant $2 off Apps & Brewerhouse 1/2 off Mini Pizzas 1125 Pearl St. 303-402-9294
Tuesday
2-6 p.m.
All Day
$2.50 Handrolls, 4pc Cali Rolls, 2pc Shrimp $2 Kirin and Sake Bombs $3 House Wine, Hot Sake and Well Drinks $2-$5 Japanese Tapas $2 off Specialty Rolls
3-7 p.m.
$2 off Apps 1/2 off Mini Pizzas $2 Drafts $1 off Cocktails
All Day
$2.50 Handrolls, 4pc Cali Rolls, 2pc Shrimp $2 Kirin and Sake Bombs $3 House Wine, Hot Sake and Well Drinks $2-$5 Japanese Tapas $2 off Specialty Rolls
3-7 p.m.
$2 off Apps 1/2 off Mini Pizzas $1 off Drafts $1 off Cocktails
2-for-1 Wells $12 Dom. Buckets $15 Import Buckets $1 Off Prem. Drafts
All Day
$2 Jim Beam $2 Bud
5-6:30 p.m.
$2.50 Handrolls, 4pc Cali Rolls, 2pc Shrimp $2 Kirin and Sake Bombs $3 House Wine, Hot Sake and Well Drinks $2-$5 Japanese Tapas $2 off Specialty Rolls
Saturday
Sunday
No Specials
No Specials
No Happy Hour All Day
$2 Jim Beam $2 Bud
5-6:30 p.m.
$2.50 Handrolls, 4pc Cali Rolls, 2pc Shrimp $2 Kirin and Sake Bombs $3 House Wine, Hot Sake, and Well Drinks $2-$5 Japanese Tapas $2 off Specialty Rolls
2 for 1 Wells $12 Dom. Buckets $15 Import Buckets $1 off Prem. Drafts
All Day
$2 Jim Beam $2 Bud
5-6:30 p.m.
$2.50 Handrolls, 4pc Cali Rolls, 2pc Shrimp $2 Kirin and Sake Bombs $3 House Wine, Hot Sake, and Well Drinks $2-$5 Japanese Tapas $2 off Specialty Rolls
3-7 p.m.
$2 off Apps 1/2 off Mini Pizzas $1 off Drafts $1 off Cocktails
No Specials
For changes or to list your business, please e-mail us at RoosterMagazine@gmail.com.
102
3 - 6 p.m.
No Specials
ROOSTER HAPPY HOUR Monday
The Pub 1108 Pearl St. (303) 939-990
Abo’s 1124 13th St. 303-443-3199
Boulder Absinthe House 1109 Walnut St. 303-443-8600
Walrus
Wednesday
$2.50 Bud and Bud Light $3 Avery IPA $3 Sawtooth $3.25 Wells
$2.50 Bud and Bud Light $3 Avery IPA $3 Sawtooth $3.25 Wells
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
$2.50 Bud and Bud Light $3 Avery IPA $3 Sawtooth $3.25 Wells
$2 draft PBR & Spaten $2 bottle of the beer of the day $2.50 wells $5 for two cheese slices and a fountain drink
$2 draft PBR & Spaten $2 bottle of the beer of the day $2.50 wells $5 for two cheese slices and a fountain drink
4-7 p.m. CLOSED
4-8 p.m. 1911 11th St. 303-443-9902
Tuesday
4-7 p.m.
$1.75 16-oz Domestic Drafts $1.75 Wells $1.75 10-oz. microbrew mugs
$3 Mixed cocktails $3 Summer sangria $1 Session lager bottle $1 Bud/Bud Lights
4-8 p.m.
$1.75 16-oz Domestic Drafts $1.75 Wells $1.75 10-oz. microbrew mugs
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-7 p.m.
4-8 p.m.
4-8 p.m.
4-8 p.m.
$2 draft PBR & Spaten $2 bottle of the beer of the day $2.50 wells $5 for two cheese slices and a fountain drink
4-7 p.m.
$3 Mixed cocktails $3 Summer sangria $1 Session lager bottle $1 Bud/Bud Lights
4-8 p.m.
$1.75 16-oz Domestic Drafts $1.75 Wells $1.75 10-oz. microbrew mugs
$2.50 Bud and Bud Light $3 Avery IPA $3 Sawtooth $3.25 Wells
$2 draft PBR & Spaten $2 bottle of the beer of the day $2.50 wells $5 for two cheese slices and a fountain drink
$3 Mixed cocktails $3 Summer sangria $1 Session lager bottle $1 Bud/Bud Lights
$1.75 16-oz Domestic Drafts $1.75 Wells $1.75 10-oz. microbrew mugs
$2.50 Bud and Bud Light $3 Avery IPA $3 Sawtooth $3.25 Wells
$2 draft PBR & Spaten $2 bottle of the beer of the day $2.50 wells $5 for two cheese slices and a fountain drink
$3 Mixed cocktails $3 Summer sangria $1 Session lager bottle $1 Bud/Bud Lights
$1.75 16-oz Domestic Drafts $1.75 Wells $1.75 10-oz. microbrew mugs
noon-7 p.m.
$2.50 Bud and Bud Light $3 Avery IPA $3 Sawtooth $3.25 Wells
$2 draft PBR & Spaten $2 bottle of the beer of the day $2.50 wells $5 for two cheese slices and a fountain drink
$3 Mixed cocktails $3 Summer sangria $1 Session lager bottle $1 Bud/Bud Lights
$1.75 16-oz Domestic Drafts $1.75 Wells $1.75 10-oz. microbrew mugs
noon-7 p.m.
$2.50 Bud and Bud Light $3 Avery IPA $3 Sawtooth $3.25 Wells
$2 draft PBR & Spaten $2 bottle of the beer of the day $2.50 wells $5 for two cheese slices and a fountain drink
$3 Mixed cocktails $3 Summer sangria $1 Session lager bottle $1 Bud/Bud Lights
All Day
$1 Wells $6 Pitchers of Coors Lt.
For changes or to list your business, please e-mail us at RoosterMagazine@gmail.com
103
ROOSTER DAILY SPECIALS Monday Specials Walrus Saloon
1911 11th St. 303-443-9902
The Sink (On the Hill) 303-444-7465
$2 Calls $2 16oz. pints of Bud and Bud Light Drafts.
Flip Night 10 p.m.-CL
Heads or tails? Bet on any drink, win the toss... and your drink is $0.25.
Brew HaHa Applebee’s 1906 28th Street 303-442-8813
$2 Features Micro Brewtus $3 All other microbrews $1 Jell-O Shots
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Happy Hour All Night!
Team Trivia
Ladies Night
Fishbowls
Fishbowls
Beer Pong 10 p.m.-CL
Goldfish Racing
Jager Night 10 p.m.-CL
Two-for-one 10 p.m.-CL
COUNT DOWN TO $1 WELLS
Trike Race
10-11p.m. $1 Wells
$1.75 Single Wells $1.75 10oz. Microbrew mugs $1.75 16oz. Pints of domestic drafts
$2 PBR cans
Last Tuesday of the Month
FACEBOOK Tuesdays
$3 Domestic Brews $3 Spiked Lemonade $3.50 Main St. ‘Ritas $1 Jell-O Shots “Like us” to get specials
$2 Single well $2.50 Pints of Oscar Blues $3 Pints of all other micro-brews
Girl’s Night Out (Bingo)
$4 Martinis $3 Barefoot Wines $3 Sangria $3 Michelob Ultra Btles & Bud Lt. pints.
$1.50 Single wells $2.25 Pints of select drafts for everybody.
Don’t fear the dear. $2 Jager shots & $3 Jagerbombs
Roshambo Tournament
Trivia Thrusdays
$3 Domestic Brews $3 Long islands $3 Smirnoff & Absolute vodkas $4 Jager bombs
Friday Walrus Fishbowls $3 Stoke and coke
Two-for-one wells, drafts and calls.
10-11p.m. $1 Wells
Saturday Walrus Fishbowls $3 Stoke and coke
10-11 p.m. receive $1 wells, 11-12 a.m. receive $3 wells, 12-1 a.m. receive $2 wells, 1 a.m.-close receive $1 wells again.
Open Mic
Specials
1/2 Price Apps $3 Taps $3 Domestic Brews $1 Jell-O Shots
1/2 Price Apps $3 Taps $3 Domestic Brews $1 Jell-O Shots
For changes or to list your business, please email us at Roostermagazine@gmail.com
104
Sunday Specials
$1 Single Wells $6 Pitchers of Coors Light
Bloody Mary Bar 10-11p.m. $1 Wells
Guy’s Night Out $.40 Wings $3 Micros $3 Jim, Jack, Johnny, & Jose $1 Jell-O Shots
ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER
ROOSTER Expires 8/1/11. Not valid w/ other discounts.
ROOSTER ROOSTER
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
AN 21+ GENTLEMEN’S CLUB
ROOSTER
FREE COVER
ROOSTER
21+ students
303-444-1680 1124 LAWRY LN. (SOUTH ALLEY BEHIND PEARL STREET MALL)
Expires: 06/01/11. Not valid with other discounts.
105
ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS
FREE COVER
AN 21+ GENTLEMEN’S CLUB
Expires 8/1/11. Not valid w/ other discounts.
303-444-1680 1124 LAWRY LN. (SOUTH ALLEY BEHIND PEARL STREET MALL)
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
21+ students
ROOSTER ROOSTER ROOSTER ROOSTER
ROOSTER ROOSTER ROOSTER
ROOSTER
21+ students
106
FREE COVER
AN 21+ GENTLEMEN’S CLUB
303-444-1680 1124 LAWRY LN. (SOUTH ALLEY BEHIND PEARL STREET MALL)
Expires: 06/01/11. Not valid with other discounts.
ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS
NOW DELIVERING NOW DELIVERING (303) 444-TACO
(303) 444-TACO
All Milk ShAkeS
Free bean free&beAn & cheesecheeSe burrito burrito with your with your Delivery Delivery (8226) One coupon per delivery. Expires 08/15/2011.
DAILY FROM 11am UNTIL CLOSE
(8226)
Check out our menu and more at www.BoulderDelTaco.com 13th St. & College Ave. - On the Hill
NOW DELIVERING NOWNOW DELIVERING DELIVERING (303) 444-TACO
(303)(303) 444-TACO 444-TACO (8226)(8226)
©2011 Del Taco LLC DTL-3243
©2011 Del Taco LLC DTL-3243
Not valid with other discounts. One per person per visit. Expires 05/15/2011.
(8226)
DAILY FROM 11am UNTIL CLOSE Check out our menu and more at www.BoulderDelTaco.com 13th St. & College Ave. - On the Hill ©2011 Del Taco LLC DTL-3243
DAILY FROM DAILY11am FROMUNTIL 11am CLOSE UNTIL CLOSE
ROOSTER
Check out our menu and more at www.BoulderDelTaco.com 13th St. & College Ave. - On the Hill
ROOSTER
DAILY FROM 11am UNTIL CLOSE
hAlf price
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
couponcoupon #1 #1
Check out our Check menu out and our menu more at and more at www.BoulderDelTaco.com www.BoulderDelTaco.com 13th St. & College 13th St.Ave. & College - On the Ave. Hill- On the Hill ©2011 Del Taco LLC DTL-3243 ©2011 Del Taco LLC DTL-3243
Expires 6/1/11.
Pick-up or Delivery
24” One Topping Pizza $19.99
FREE DELIVERY 303 447-FAST
1313 College Avenue (303) 413-3494
(3278)
In-store only.valid Expires 01/01/11. Not valid with other discounts. Expires 6/1/11. Not with other discounts. In-store only.
Any Large Specialty Pizza
FREE DRINK
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
With the purchase of a calzone. Valid through 5-9 p.m. Expires 5/31/11. Must present coupon.
303-444-ZONE
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
Expires 08/01/11.
$2 Off
“Ask For The Rooster Special”
1622 Broadway Suite B
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
GOT THE MUNCHIES?
107
ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS
pon #1
NOW DELIVERING COVER 444-TACO NOW DELIVERING (303)
(303) 444-TACO
Not valid with other discounts. One per person per visit. Expires 05/15/2011.
303-444-1680 (8226) DAILY1124 FROM 11am UNTIL LAWRY LN. CLOSE Check out our menuBEHIND and more at (SOUTH ALLEY www.BoulderDelTaco.com AN 21+ GENTLEMEN’S CLUB 13th St. STREET & College Ave. MALL) - On the Hill (8226) PEARL ©2011 Del Taco LLC DTL-3243
ROOSTER
hAlf price FREE
Check out our menu and more at www.BoulderDelTaco.com 13th St. & College Ave. - On the Hill
©2011 Del Taco LLC DTL-3243
©2011 Del Taco LLC DTL-3243
ROOSTER
FREE DRINK “Ask For The Rooster Special”
1622 Broadway Suite B
With the purchase of a calzone. Valid through 5-9 p.m. Expires 5/31/11. Must present coupon.
303-444-ZONE
Check out our menu and more at www.BoulderDelTaco.com 13th St. & College Ave. - On the Hill
ROOSTER
NO (3
©2011 Del Taco LLC DTL-3243
DAIL
C
1
Expires 6/1/11.
1313 College Avenue (303) 413-3494 In-store only.valid Expires 01/01/11. Not valid with other discounts. Expires 6/1/11. Not with other discounts. In-store only.
ROOSTER
(3278)
Any Large Specialty Pizza
ROOSTER
ROOSTER ROOSTER ROOSTER
303 447-FAST
DAILY FROM 11am UNTIL CLOSE
GOT THE MUNCHIES?
24” One Topping Pizza $19.99
$2 Off
One coupon per delivery. Expires 08/15/2011.
(8226)
DAILY FROM 11am UNTIL CLOSE
Pick-up or Delivery
108
(303) 444-TACO
Check out our menu and more at www.BoulderDelTaco.com 13th St. & College Ave. - On the Hill
FREE DELIVERY
Free bean & cheese burrito with your Delivery (8226)
NOW DELIVERING NOW DELIVERING (303) 444-TACO
DAILY FROM 11am UNTIL CLOSE
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
rito
coupon #1
21+Milk students All ShAkeS
Expires 08/01/11.
ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS
CLEAR PAPERS
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
FREE with any purchase
ON THE HILL!
303-413-0420
Any one item with coupon for the month of April. On the Pearl Street Mall at Broadway 1200 Pearl St. Suite 15 (downstairs) 303-443-0790
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
30% off free Green Piece PiPe
For the first 50 people with coupon
04/21/11.
free preroll
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
Bring this coupon in to receive
*while supplies last
1327 Spruce St Ste 300 (3rd Floor), Boulder, CO 80302 (303) 459-5335
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
Buy 1 Get 1 Free Gram (within the same tier) On the Hill across from CU 1335 Broadway (303) 413-1000
limit 1 per customer expires 4.27.11
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
109
ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS
FREE FREE COVER
CLEAR PAPERS with any purchase
303-444-1680
ON THE HILL! 1124 LAWRY LN. AN 21+ GENTLEMEN’S CLUB
(SOUTH ALLEY BEHIND
PEARL STREET MALL) 303-413-0420
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
21+ students
Any one item with coupon for the month of April. On the Pearl Street Mall at Broadway 1200 Pearl St. Suite 15 (downstairs) 303-443-0790
free Green Piece PiPe
For the first 50 people with coupon
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
30% off
110
1327 Spruce St Ste 300 (3rd Floor), Boulder, CO 80302 (303) 459-5335
Buy 1 Get 1 Free Gram (within the same tier) On the Hill across from CU 1335 Broadway (303) 413-1000
limit 1 per customer expires 4.27.11
ROOSTER
*while supplies last
ROOSTER
free preroll
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
Bring this coupon in to receive
04/21/11.
ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER
ROOSTER
$190 OUNCE TOP SHELF
Expires 5/01/11. Limit one per customer while supplies last.
www.TerrapinCareStation.com 5370 Manhattan Circle Suite 104 Boulder, CO 80303
5
jointS only $20
Expires 4/30/2011. Cannot be combined with any other offer.
4/20 SpeCial
april madneSS
only $199
get 1 free
any ounCe
Plus Tax
Redeemable from 4/15/2011 – 4/20/2011. Cannot be combined with any other offer.
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
Share & Care pre-rolled
ELL FPRRE-E RO rchase
with pu
Buy 2 gramS of all houSe-piCk gramS!
Expires 4/30/2011. Cannot be combined with any other offer.
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
ROOSTER *Includes Tax. Expires 5/01/11. Not Valid with other discounts.
1146 PEarL ST. BOuLdEr, CO 80302
(720) 287-1747
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
$80 TOP SHELF 1/4 oz
1146 PEARL STREET BOULDER, CO 80302 (720) 287 1747
111
ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS
AN 21+ GENTLEMEN’S CLUB
E E R F E-ROLL PR
rchase
$190 OUNCE
Expires 5/01/11. Limit one per customer while supplies last.
www.TerrapinCareStation.com 5370 Manhattan Circle Suite 104 Boulder, CO 80303
Ounces always start at $200, eighths at $30, grams at $8 the ultimate shOp fOr clOnes, 30 + strains, and pOtent cOncentrates! april happy hOur: frOm 4:20-5:20 everything in natures medicine is 20% Off 5565 arapahoe, Boulder cO 80304 www.Bouldernaturesmedicine.com 303-440-6700
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
with pu
ROOSTER
303-444-1680 1124 LAWRY LN. (SOUTH ALLEY BEHIND PEARL STREET MALL)
TOP SHELF
ROOSTER
FREE COVER
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
21+ students
Free toP SHelF GraM
112
1146 Pearl St. Boulder, Co 80302
(720) 287-1747
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
With min purchase of $80. Expires 5/01/11.
2206 Pearl St. 303-449-2888 www.BoulderMMC.com
also visit our longmont location at 1260 s. hover st (next to 3 margaritas)!
ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER
ROOSTER
EXP 05/01/11.
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
Exp. 5/1/11
_____________________________________
‘ TASTE THE FLAVOR ’ Use this coupon for:
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
____
One $20 Top-Shelf 8th * Valid for NEW patients anytime (limit 1) * Valid for ANYONE on 4/20 (limit 1) * Yes, this is really for a $20 8th of your choice
2043 16th Street - 720-746-9064 - Free Parking in Back!
1 0 8 9 1 3t h St r ee t B o ulde r, C O 8 0 3 0 2 3 0 3 .4 4 0 .3 9 9 1
any gram of hash
$5 off
WITH ANY PURCHASE
FREE JOINT
1 0 8 9 1 3t h St r ee t B o ulde r, C O 8 0 3 0 2 3 0 3 .4 4 0 .3 9 9 1
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
www.Me di c i ne O nT he H i l l . c o m
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
1 0 8 9 1 3 th Street Boulder, C O 80302
303.4 4 0 .3 9 9 1
113
ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS ROOSTER COUPONS
FREE COVER
AN 21+ GENTLEMEN’S CLUB
303-444-1680 1124 LAWRY LN. (SOUTH ALLEY BEHIND PEARL STREET MALL)
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
21+ students
05/01/11.
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
Exp. 5/1/11
____
_____________________________________
‘ TASTE THE FLAVOR ’
1 0 8 9 1 3 th Str e e t B o u lde r , C O 8 0 3 0 2
303.440.3991 www. M e d i ci n e O n Th e H i l l . co m
1 0 8 9 1 3 t h S tr e et B o ulde r , C O 8 0 30 2 3 0 3 .4 4 0 .3 9 9 1
any gram of hash
$5 off
WITH ANY PURCHASE
ROOSTER ROOSTER
114
FREE JOINT
ROOSTER
2043 16th Street - 720-746-9064 - Free Parking in Back!
1 0 8 9 1 3 t h S tr e et B o ulde r , C O 8 0 30 2 3 0 3 .4 4 0 .3 9 9 1
* Valid for NEW patients anytime (limit 1) * Valid for ANYONE on 4/20 (limit 1) * Yes, this is really for a $20 8th of your choice
ROOSTER
One $20 Top-Shelf 8th
ROOSTER
ROOSTER
Use this coupon for:
115
Free Delivery
116
303-449-0404
1215 13th Street www.Halffastsubs.com
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