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JANUARY 2013

ROOSTER m

Pitfalls of Porn Press pause and learn all about your terrible addiction to smut.

Winter’s Wrath Snowstorms, avalanches and eating your fat friends.

The 2012 Roosters Our annual best of the worst. If we weren’t paying attention, it didn’t happen.

Crazy Cults Familiarize yourself with past flops so your own following doesn’t fail.

Editor

EDITOR’S WORD With the new year comes a new-found appreciation for everything you purposely left unappreciated last year. Your health: Check into the gym, work the glutes, give off the vibe, and get out before anyone notices your man boobs are peaking out through your old soccer shirt from high school. Your career: Finally ask the boss if it’s possible to step up to PowerPoint presentations from loading data into Excel spreadsheets. It’s a far reach, but something about your summation formulas says you’re a long-term asset. Your dating life: If the first two priorities unfold as planned, say hello to endless relationships. Sadly, that’s not how life works, and you’re strategy of SnapChatting will need an upgrade. All this and you have exactly one year to complete the social makeover. Good luck. We at Rooster have given up on our social lives, our careers and our dating lives. That is in part because Facebook blocked our profile, our banker denied our loan, and restraining orders do, in fact, mean what they say they mean. So this year, we have our own set of resolutions to maintain our schizophrenic comfort levels. Without further ado, we give you our 10 goals/conclusions for the new year: 1. Get a British accent to make everything we say sound smarter, sexier and overall much better than our current speech impediment. 2. All lettuce must be cut up into smaller pieces. No longer may restaurants serve giant lettuce leaves knowing full well we have to get that shit into our mouths. It’s awkward, unbecoming and outright inconvenient. 3. Holding the door for us when we are 30 feet away is not a polite gesture. Our casual walk now turns into a slow jog as we have to catch up to the door to not make you look like the asshole who executed a polite gesture

and received zero thanks. Let the door shut, we’re not running. 4. Shoe store clerks may no longer stand around and watch you try on shoes. It’s weird enough we have to walk around thinking we know what we’re trying to discover, but having you watch us during the process like we’re a caged animal is uncomfortable. 5. No more awkward high fives. We’re returning to the universal high five so the fist to hand, hand to fist turn to fist back to hand situation doesn’t ever, ever occur again. 6. From now on, when someone says “No offense,” we will assume whatever he or she says after that will be offensive and act accordingly. 7. Nicki Minaj is not good. Period. 8. All ice cubes will be the little cubes like those at Sonic Drive-In that crush in your teeth like small marshmallows, making you feel warm and cozy inside. Yes, you know what we are talking about. 9. The gym must have at least one attractive person at all times to keep us highly motivated and accountable. 10. Love everyone a little bit more, even if they say no. There you have it. Our resolutions and rules for the new year. Of course, we made these same resolutions last year and the only thing we got was more Nicki Minaj. So wish us luck. As always, enjoy the issue, keep learning, and keep dreaming. NFL playoffs start this month, and we’re sold on the Peyton Manning bandwagon. He’d better pull through or the Rooster pension could be in serious jeopardy. Yours Truly, Simon Berger

ROOSTER MAGAZINE

Editor-in-Chief Simon

Berger Hoggatt Managing Editor Geof Wollerman Director of Photography Christoph DuFoe Art Director Craig

Copy Editor Brandy

Simmons Kohn, Erin Moriarty, Michael Flora, Dina Hood, Matt Allen, Shay Castle, Cam Berghuis, Kevin Camino, Arthur Gowdy, Caitlin Knight, Marcus Moritz, Phil Thurner, Gavin Bramstedder Griffin, Pat Milberry, Sarah Wells, Michael Chary, Joe Newsome, Jay Bennett, Alyssa Serres, Brian Frederick, Daniel Barela Photo Contributors Jules Kueffer, Svetlana Joukova, Simon Alexander Contributing Writers Isabelle

Editorial Offices

Editorial office 720-583-6693

Editorial submissions RoosterMagazine@gmail.com Writing positions RoosterMagazine@gmail.com Press releases Promo.Rooster@gmail.com

Promotional inquiries Promo.Rooster@gmail.com

Subscriptions Subscriptions start at $4 a magazine. One and two year discounts are available. All back issues can be purchased on a per-issue basis and will be priced out as such.

Omission

We forgot to change our socks last month. Oh yeah, and it wasn’t Tommy who ate the last Twinkie—it was us.

ROOSTER MAGAZINE

Publisher Ethan

Sklar Burnight Denver Retail Sales Executive Greg Fisk Fort Collins Sales Executive Jordan Burnight Denver MMJ Sales Executive Linda Crane Boulder Sales Executive Jordan

Advertising Offices ADvertising Department 720-583-6684

media kit inquiries RoosterMagazine@gmail.com

Distribution

Distribution Manager Stephen

Swindell Aguirre, Tom Lohmeyer, Joe Newsome Distribution Inquiries 720-583-6693 Request Distribution RoosterMagazine@gmail.com Distribution Experts Chris

Interns

Online INTERNS Lauren

Anderson, Marisa Milisic, Fallon McCarthy

Design Intern Bryn

Newman

ROOSTER MAGAZINE is a free monthly publication published on the first of each month by Premium Source, Inc. All contents of Rooster Magazine including logo are copyright 2012. Rooster does not assume responsibility for any unsolicited manuscripts, artwork or photographs. The opinions and experiences of the authors are strictly their own and not those of Rooster. Rooster does not advocate the use of drugs, legal or otherwise, nor is it responsible for the actions of its readers.

Letters to the Editor [sic] Hello. As cool as your magazine is.... I have multiple roosters(6) and many chickens (42 to be exact)... 9 cats,,, 2 dogs......they all get along. i have come to the conclusion that the name “rooster” is not the right name for a magazine. my suggestion- talk about A WIDE variety of topics.... don’t be such a rooster talk bout science sometimes. plant GOOD seeds in peoples brains.. not seeds that will make ppl wanna go out to the bars more. Good Day, Niesha K.

DAMNED Parka!?!?!? AND a hat?!?!?!? You have the classmates in some pretty fucking ridiculous outfits, I’m sure that they are not terribly keen on wearing, so please, tell your man candy contestants to TAKE OFF THEIR GODDAMNED SHIRTS ALREADY! I think that it’s about time that you either level the playing field for your readership, or call yourselves by your real title: Maxim Lite. Thank you, and I still love you. Cheers, Liati

Dear Rooster, I love you. You know I love you. I love your pithy stories with their sarcastic punch lines. I love the absurd overheards. I even take guilty pleasure in the college confessions. So thank you for making me chuckle. BUT... What. The. Fuck. Is Up. With. ManCandy? I mean, gimme a FUCKING break!!!! You bimbo-obsessed dudes get to look at scantily clad skanks and the HARD-body obsessed chicks get to look at some dude in a GOD-

Submit your love or hate to RoosterMagazine@gmail.com.

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LOCAL

featured events Because we care. Jan. 2, Jan. 20

Yeti Chase 5k or 10k; Polar Bear 5k

Bear Creek Lake Park; Washington Park $25-$30; $30 No more putting off the New Year’s resolution. After all, we’re here to help you stay committed. Let’s hope you’ve lost all of your holiday weight and have let your liver recuperate because it’s time to whip your ass into shape. This month you have three options when it comes to exercising. You may either chase a Yeti for 5K or 10K out in Littleton, or pretend you’re a Polar Bear for 5Ks in Wash Park. Lace up your shoes and put some tape on your nipples to prove to your friends that you’re a hard-ass running machine.

Jan. 10, 12, 24, 27

Jan. 18

CU Men’s Basketball: USC, UCLA, An Evening of Sit Down with California and Stanford Robin Williams Coors Event Center Varies

Rad Tad Boyle—we will get this nickname to stick if it’s the last thing we do—leads the CU men’s basketball team into the conference season guns a blazin’. Pac 12 basketball doesn’t get much better than the Buffs January schedule. A lot will be told by how the team responds to the barrage of talent coming its way. Something tells us Rad Tad will have his guys ready, and we will get a glimpse of what exactly the Buffs are capable of.

Macky Auditorium $79.50-$149.50

Robin Williams is like a ravenous guerilla hopped up on crack cocaine running the Denver marathon. He never stops moving during his show and sweats more than is humanly possible or healthy. So you could imagine our surprise when we heard he agreed to a sit down with comedian/director David Steinberg. We’re guessing the show will unfold similar to his other irreverent and spontaneous standups. All of which are comic genius.

National Western Stock Show

When Jan. 12-27 Where National Western Complex Cost Varies by event YEEEHAWWW partners! Weak, light beer and tight jeans make return to Denver this month. Don’t miss the crazy fucks riding pissed-off bulls, pissed-off horses and, our personal favorite, children riding pissed-off sheep. Aside from mutton bustin’ there’s always livestock to heckle here. Oh, and do not touch the animals. There are a million other ways to piss off a cowboy. If you don’t remember from grade school, you may also just walk around and collect pens at the trade show. Most importantly though, view every sort of rodeo there ever was: the Mexican Extravaganza,

the MLK rodeo, and even Pro Bull Riders. Yes, it’s real: Cowboys gather in public and take turns trying to last for eight seconds ... yeah, an eight-second ride. Yay. We’ve seen 102-pound blondes buck harder than that. Bud Light will flow to make it way easier to pick which buckle bunny, cowgirl or cowboy to show around The Big City (aka Denver). Don’t discount out the rodeo clowns; they’re quite striking under that make-up. It’s also very important to remember nobody can tell you’re drunk when you’re line dancing, not to mention it’s much easier to do that way.

To have an event listed, email RoosterMagazine@gmail.com.

LOCAL

featured events Because we care. Jan. 18

Jan. 12

Jan. 25

Lewis Black

Punk Rock Flea Market

Winter BrewFest

There’s no better way to start the new year than by listening to all of the reasons life will suck for another 12 months, because it has sucked for longer than this guy’s been screaming about it. Lewis Black is in Colorado for a few nights with his signature style of fucking-listen comedy. Take your girlfriend or your super-conservative dad. As usual, Black will shout politics. If you’re going to listen to anyone shout politics this year, make it him. You’ll leave in stitches, and not the kind you’d get if you tried to discuss the fiscal cliff in a bar.

Now that you’re finally finished shopping for everyone else in your life, find a little summin’ summin’ for yourself. The Punk Rock Flea Market is the place to find pretty much everything you could imagine ... and punk rockers slingin’ music, clothes and nose rings. Hell, you may be able to hawk some of your good-intentioned, ill-received gifts at a booth of your own. This fun cross section of American society convenes every second Saturday of the month, so if you miss it this time there’s always February.

It’s winter and that means … well, it’s cold, work is still happening, and classes are starting up again. In Colorado’s humble opinion though, it’s time for another brew fest. That’s right, another brew fest with new, out-of-state beers for you to try. Here’s to finding your new favorite winter craft brew from the scads of brewers that will be there, about 50 in total, including Great Divide, Strange and Renegade, and out of towners such as Rogue and Sierra Nevada. It’s gonna be a shit-faced show, and tickets sell out every year.

Ellie Caulkins Opera House $55-$80

3 Kings Tavern $30

Mile High Station $30 Advanced tickets; $35 Day of.

SIA Snow Show

When Jan. 31 - Feb. 4 Where Colorado Convention Center Cost Preregistration $20; Full cost $40

Here’s your chance to see all of the gear you can’t afford or will use half of your student loan to buy. Besides being broke, you’ll be the flyest freak on the mountain with all of the insider secrets to impress even the most snobby of snow bunnies. (If you believe that, see last month’s edition and stop being a gaper. Matching ski gear = gaper move.) The SnowSports Industry America snow show brings all of the newest shit from all of the coolest people to the Convention Center this January to February. It’s supposed to be a chance for industry leaders and little guys to exchange ideas and concepts for the next coolest thing, but really it’s just a way for

us common Coloradans to get in the know. We mean really in the know about what’s going on with our mountains, their snow and the industry’s hottest new, tricked-out gear. Get down there so you won’t look stupid when Shaun White starts babbling about new zipper technology. You’ll already have that zipper and be poised to throw it in that crazy ginger’s face. If you aren’t into gear or gingers, you’re missing out, but Rooster has your back. We’ll be hosting our own SIA shindig with our friends at So Gnar that same weekend. Watch Brother Ali throw down on the mic while perusing the artwork and mingling with the athletes.

QUARTE D A

HEADQUARTERS MMC

LY O N S , C O

MON-SAT II-7 & SUN I2-5 303-823-8653

MUSIC

UPCOMING SHOWS Satisfying one groupie at a time. Jan. 4

Jan. 9

Jan. 10

Jan. 11

Boombox

Impending Doom

Salva

Sophistafunk

It’s no wonder Boombox has had so much success: Its frontman is the progeny of two members of the Grateful Dead. Zion Godchaux plays funky electro-jam grooves in his pink boa and fuzzy bucket hat with Russ Randolph supplying the beats.

Worshipping God through death metal retitled “gorship” is what these guys are into. With music videos depicting maggots, Satan, and plenty of blood, we think the band’s piousness stems from ironic blasphemy. Makes sense.

Quickly gaining acclaim in a scene abundant with bass manipulators, as it’s euphemistically referred to, Paul Salva’s band is popularizing the neo-trap style with a tinge of European house that all the kids are listening to these days.

Genre blending, Sophistafunk, is a hip-hop/heavy-funk/jazz band with a certain heady aspect. Leadman Jack Brown’s voice sounds like a cross between Zach de la Rocha and Fred Durst - don’t worry, they sound nothing like Limp Bizkit!

Jan. 11

Jan. 12

Jan. 14

Jan. 16

Trampled by Turtles

Pigs on the Wing ft. David Murphy of STS9

The Used

DJ R/D

Fox Theater

At first glance it’s the epitome of an emo band, but upon further listening The Used is a bit more melodic than the harder screamo subgenre. Where does this leave it? Post-hardcore—better wear black.

Presented by Clockwork, DJ R/D, brings his aggressive glitch hop to Press Play with a light and sound show you can only truly appreciate whilst tripping. Help it along with $1 wells and $5 beer and shots.

Jan. 18 - 20

Jan. 18

Jan. 21

Jan. 23

Railroad Earth

Blackalicious

The Walkmen

Ben Folds Five

January with Railroad Earth: Kerouac would have hopped a boxcar just to check these guys out. The loyal followers of this Roots-Americana/Newgrass group are lovingly called Hoboes.

Gift of Gab hasn’t let money change him since working with DJ Shadow, Dilated Peoples and J5. A fast-rhyming M.C., you might not decipher every lyric, but you’ll leave profoundly enlightened.

With a seemingly endless number of sub-genres of music categories, few bands play pure rock ‘n’ roll like the Walkmen. With a cultivated, vintage sound this band is a dying breed.

After a 13-year hiatus, BFF is back with a new album full of doubtful lyrics contrasted with ambivalent encouragements like “draw dicks on the wall” effectively commiserating with hipsters.

Ogden Theater

Ogden Theatre

TbT’s new album, “Stars and Satellites” seems more mellow and refined than its prior album, “Palomino,” though its live bluegrass picks on this one definitely trump anything the band has ever recorded.

Ogden Theater

Marquis Theater

Murph is playing with a Pink Floyd cover band? EPIC! We heard they’re also going to have the “Wizard of Oz” playing to prove once and for all to the non-believers that “Dark Side of the Moon” does sync up perfectly.

Marquis Theater

Cervantes Masterpiece Ballroom

Summit Music Hall

Ogden Theater

Cervantes Masterpiece Ballroom

Press Play

Ogden Theater

MUSIC

UPCOMING SHOWS Jan. 24

Jan. 24

Wax Tailor

Disco Biscuits

French trip/hop, downtempo producer Wax Tailor’s new project is an allegorical and nostalgic conceptual album collaborating with a slew of guest artists. C’est magnifique!

With its myriad musical side projects and individual endeavors, seeing the Disco Biscuits get together to play outside of Camp Bisco is rare. The pioneers of the jamtronic/trance-fusion genre have already sold out two out of three Colorado shows this month.

Bluebird Theater

S U N D AY ALL AGES

KGNU, Boulder Weekly and Twist & Shout Present

Boulder Theater

Jan. 27

Jan. 31

Pinback

Ana Sia

One of the most unique indie rock bands, Pinback has a wistful, forlorn sound that is more introspective than woeful. Top that with intricate riffs and pronounced bass lines, and its music makes melancholy catchy.

Few things in life are cooler than seeing a chick throw down an eclectic, bass-heavy DJ set and San Fran-based Ana Sia does nothing but that. Oh and she’s a total babe. Schwing!

Gothic Theater

JANUARY

M O N D AY

T U E S D AY

W E D N E S D AY

T H U R S D AY

Bluebird Theater

F R I D AY

S AT U R D AY

21 PLUS Colorado Daily Presents

ALL AGES Channel 93.3 & Westword Present

ALL AGES

Boulder Weekly Presents

SAT JAN 12

ALL AGES ALL AGES

ALL AGES

SHOW 9PM

UPCOMING SHOWS AT BOULDER THEATER

Boulder Weekly & Music Marauders Present 1135 13TH ST. - BOULDER, CO (303) 443 - 3399 IN PERSON : ALBUMS ON THE HILL (BOULDER) TWIST & SHOUT RECORDS (DENVER)

KGNU, KUNC, Marquee Magazine and Twist & Shout Present

Colorado Daily Presents

Colorado Daily & Radio 1190’s Rudeboy Reggae Present

KGNU & Boulder Weekly Present

ALL AGES

SAT JAN 12

ALL AGES

SHOW 9PM

Colorado Daily & Music Marauders Present

1135 13TH ST. - BOULDER, CO (303) 443 - 3399 IN PERSON : ALBUMS ON THE HILL (BOULDER) TWIST & SHOUT RECORDS (DENVER)

ALL AGES

ALL AGES Colorado Daily & Radio 1190's Rudeboy Reggae Present

ALL AGES

Boulder Weekly & Elevations Credit Union Present ALL AGES

TICKETS AVAILABLE AT BOULDER THEATER BOX OFFICE ALBUMS ON THE HILL + TWIST & SHOUT

Channel 93.3 & Daily Camera Present

ALL AGES

with RENO DIVORCE

ALL AGES

Drinking whiskey, tripping out and getting weird for a living.

he Growlers is something like that dream in which you’re walking down a stormy California beach, tripping on acid. A quintet from Costa Mesa, Calif., this group nonchalantly turned the modern psychedelic genre on its head. The band formed in 2006, when lead guitarist Matt Taylor and front man Brooks Nielsen started playing around with psychedelic sounds and infusing their experimentations with lyrics. They added Scott Montoya on drums, Anthony Braun Perry on bass and Kyle Straka on keyboards and guitar to round out the band. The five members don’t take themselves too seriously: They exude a natural goofiness, and the band’s name is a slang term for a shit—as in, “I’ve got to take a growler.” Its sound is 1960s-era California beach rock crossed with psychedelia—heavy delay and reverb most definitely included. Through this blending of genres and the darkness of its lyrics, The Growlers found it had invented a new genre, what came to be known as “beach Goth.” Lead singer Brooks Nielsen explains: “At one point I wanted to write about death because I

didn’t hear anyone doing it, and I thought it would be an interesting thing to do. I think it’s an important thing to talk about, so I kind of went for it.” Not that any member of the band looks Goth. They’re all into bright colors, wigs, costumes and making each show a theatrical production. At a show, one member may wear a Hawaiian shirt with boots made to look like bear claws, while another may be in a sparkly shirt and tighty whiteys. “My goal is to entertain, at the end of the day,” Nielsen says. “Yeah, I want people to hear the music, but at the same time it’s got to be fun, and it’s got to stay interesting for me because it’s the same thing night after night. If I don’t try to get weird with it, we get bored quickly.” Not surprisingly, Growlers fans emulate the band and are equally weird—if not weirder. “For the most part I don’t know what the hell they’re on. They dress goofy and dance like crazy. And they stick around. I make myself very open, I don’t hide in the back room, so I’m easily approachable, and I get to meet all the weirdoes first hand. It hasn’t gotten too dangerous yet.”

As far as plans for the new year, there is a lot on the Growlers’ plate. A new album, Hung At Heart, is slated for release Jan. 22, after almost a year in the making. Where other bands often take years to put out albums, one year turns out to be a long time for the Growlers. “If I had my way, we’d be putting out records monthly, not one every year,” Nielsen says. Part of the reason for the delay is that Dan Auerbach of The Black Keys had started as the album’s producer. While The Growlers and Auerbach got along well, in the end the collaboration didn’t stick and all of the recorded material was scrapped. “I think we may have jumped the gun there,” Nielsen says. “(Auerbach) was going in a direction that would’ve been good for us, but it was more of a radio sound. It was borderline. I had to take it back and keep it rough. “There were things happening that I didn’t want. We were being assholes about the thing until it was over, going ‘Ah, I don’t like it, I’m sorry.’ I think it just happens sometimes when people collaborate, it just doesn’t turn out right in the end.”

So the band re-recorded the album on its terms, in true Growler fashion. “There’s some weird dark stuff on there,” Nielsen says. “But I would say it’s happier, cleaner. It’s a little bit different from the other stuff. We experimented with some of the music we haven’t really messed around with, some funkier stuff and some more obviously country stuff.” Country psychedelia sounds odd, but for a band this stubborn with its sound, it may work. Not that the band members would notice. “We kind of just show up, drink a little, make the set list and go for it,” Nielsen says. The drink of choice for this hard-partying psych band? “Whiskey. We all drink whiskey. I don’t drink beer. I like to drink to get drunk and not just have a drink.” But he avoids reminiscing his stories from the road. “I don’t remember them, you know?” he said. “It’s kind of hard. It’s like if you want to walk into a record store and buy a record, but you forgot every record you were thinking about buying.” We know the feeling.

ALL SHOWS ARE ALL AGES UNLESS STATED

*SEE OUR COUPON IN THE BACK OF THIS MONTH’S ROOSTER MAGAZINE!

8:00pm - SUMMIT MUSIC HALL Sat, Nov. 27 - 6:00pm Jan. 24 Sun,

7:00pm - SUMMIT MUSIC HALL 5 -- 8:00pm Nov.12 Mon,Jan. Sat,

7:00pm - SUMMIT MUSIC HALL 25 -- 6:00pm Nov. 29 Sun, Tue, Jan.

HALL MUSIC HALL SUMMIT MUSIC 7:00pm -- SUMMIT Tue, 14-- 6:00pm Jan.13 Mon,Nov.

HALL MUSICHALL - SUMMITMUSIC - 6:30pm- SUMMIT Tue, 1 - 8:00pm Feb. 27 Fri, Nov.

HALL MUSIC THEATER MARQUIS 8:00pm -- SUMMIT Thu, 18 -- 8:00pm Jan. 15 Fri,Nov.

THEATER HALL - MARQUIS MUSIC 8:00pm- SUMMIT Fri, Nov. 3 - -4:00pm Feb. 30 Sun,

THEATER MARQUIS THEATER 8:00pm -- MARQUIS Thu, Nov. 23 -- 8:30pm Jan. 15 Wed,

HALL MUSIC HALL 7:00pm -- SUMMIT 15 - 6:00pm SUMMIT MUSIC Sat, Dec. Feb. 10 Sun,

HALL MUSIC HALL SUMMIT MUSIC Fri, Nov. 7:00pm -- SUMMIT 26--6:30pm Jan. 16 Sat, Advance Tickets Available online at www.sodajerkpresents.com or www.ticketweb.com, by phone at 1-866-468-7621, or buy at the venue on any show night. All shows are ALL AGES unless otherwise stated. For more information on shows, venues, etc please visit our website at: www.SodaJerkPresents.com

MOD SUN GENERATOR 11/2 1/8 MONDO MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

SET IT OFF 11/18 1/31 IRATION MARQUIS DENVER SPRINGS THE BLACKTHEATER, SHEEP, COLORADO

LIGHTS& THE DEVIL 11/3 1/11 JAMES SUMMIT MUSIC HALL, DENVER MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

JOEA-OKS BROOKS 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY SHOW 11/20 2/2 THE MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

ROME 11/6 NONPOINT 1/25 BLUEBIRDTHEATER, THEATER,DENVER DENVER, AGES 16+ MARQUIS

H*WOOD 11/23 2/2 KRADDY SUMMIT MUSIC HALL, DENVER SPRINGS THE BLACK SHEEP, COLORADO

ANDREW JACKSON JIHAD CD RELEASE 11/8 ANCHORAGE 1/25 MARQUISMUSIC THEATER, DENVER SUMMIT HALL, DENVER

WOE IS MEAND COMPOSURE 11/24 2/4 BALANCE MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

INPUT & BROKEN WEEKEND 11/10 1/26 ALLSTAR MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

ASKING ALEXANDRIA, CALLSAS I LAY DYING 11/27 2/7 BROADWAY OGDEN THEATRE, DENVER MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

WARNER DRIVE TOASTERS 11/17 1/27 THE MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

NOFXGROWLERS 12/7 2/8 THE FILLMORETHEATER, AUDITORIUM, DENVER MARQUIS DENVER

• Evolution of a wax junkie • 20

eejay Diabolic said he remembers when he first saw “Juice,” the 1992 movie starring Tupac Shakur and Omar Epps as the members of a group of hip-hoppers calling itself The Wrecking Crew. While watching it, Diabolic became “instantly enthralled with the concept of mixing records and manipulating sounds in a way that was unorthodox and different than what was actually pressed on records.” The movie helped Diabolic, aka Dennis Bodly, solidify his appetite for spinning hip-hop, converting him from an “alternative-music” lifestyle to the one he represents today. Diabolic has been mixing records for so long he said he remembers a time when vinyl was all there was, and keeping a library up to date was more of a chore than it is today. Back then, domestic records went for about $5 a piece; imports were $15. He says these imports “usually had the bangers on them,” but only had a couple of tracks. This year will mark the 20th year Diabolic has been up in the mix, so to speak. “When you invest so much time and money into perfecting a skill, it’s something you can never fully walk away from,” he says. “It has and always will be an addiction until I die. I think I’ve stuck it out for as long as I have because … I’m really good at it. It’s the one thing, on a consistent basis, that I do well every time.” Of course, these days the world isn’t short on people calling themselves DJs. With the ease and availability of today’s equipment, these ranks are swelling. After all, it’s not that complicated to jot down a creative stage name, find a party in need of loud music and push some sound through some speakers. Building a fan base is the tough part, which can take years of struggle and a passion that only true artists can understand. “As a DJ, you’ll always have struggles, whether that be dealing with club owners, promoters, other DJs and sometimes the dreaded party-patron-request-giver,” Diabolic says. “It’s learning how to take those all in stride and continue moving forward without becoming a jaded prick.” He says he struggles these days with being a bit removed from the nightlife scene. “I’m not 21 anymore, you know? When you have this thing called life and bills and families, you realisti-

cally can’t go out partying four nights a week, going to multiple clubs, getting home every night at 4 a.m.” This requires finding a balance between what he needs to do and what he wants to do, which means he’s more selective about his creative endeavors based on his real-life priorities. Fortunately for Diabolic die hards, every last Saturday of the month he pushes wax at a gig called Sucka-Free Saturdays at Tooey’s Off Colfax. Always with him are his 12 crates of hip-hop records he’s amassed over the years that he uses to mix the finest tunes the ’90s had to offer. Wax is what he started with and, though it comes as second nature to him, the process has become a bit of a novelty act, the record itself now being synonymous with the old school. “I always laugh when people say they play the newest music, ’cause usually by the next week that new track is already old news,” he says. “Cool, you played it while it was hot last week, but retired it to make room for the 30 new tracks you got for this week. Now you got a hard drive full of music singles that, on average, you’re only gonna play two or three times before you move onto the next ‘hot’ thing. There’s so much older music that I play that people think is new because it got passed over weeks ago.” Though he sits behind the decks working with old vinyl for his main attraction, Diabolic is working on incorporating a visual aspect to his show, puttering in his secret laboratory mixing videos to go along with his performances. Bringing in a new dynamic to his show is something he’s wanted to do so it’s more of an artistic achievement. He said he hopes this will add more of a nuance to the stage and help him progress in his field. “Not only do you get this live original mix, but you also experience a one-of-a-kind visual show that matches the mood of the music and the energy of the crowd,” he says. “What I’m hoping to accomplish is getting away from just a show and move more toward something that could be considered a live act. (It’s) definitely a workout for my ADD.” While new cats will surely continue to come up in the scene and push progress within the genre, one thing Diabolic has on everyone else is time. Perfecting one’s craft is a constant battle requiring a desire to advance and patience for the process. The game may have more of a competitive energy than in decades past, but one factor will remain the same: The DJ as a performer isn’t going anywhere.

“When you invest so much time and money into perfecting a skill, it’s something you can never fully walk away from.”

MUSIC

PHOTO PIT

Breath Carolina

Caramel Carmela

12.15.12 Summit Music Hall Photo: Svetlana Joukova

12.1.12 Summit Music Hall Photo: svetlana Joukova

Victory Heights

Dillon Francis

12.15.12 Summit Music Hall Photo: Svetlana Joukova

12.20.12 Ogden Theater Photo: Jules Kueffer

Daughtry

12.11.12 1st Bank Center Photo: Radek Hurby

Griz

12.1.12 Fox Theater Photo: Simon Alexander

SHOT OF THE MONTH 24

Of Monsters and Men Boulder Theater 12.12.12 Photo by: Bryn Newman

MUSIC

music news

Because Kurt Loder’s old as shit.

Backstreet’s Back. Shit.

The boys reunite for their 20th anniversary next year and announced a new “indie-pop-rock” album. You can call TRL or email them to make sure their first single stays at No. 1.

Adele the Entertainer

Adele was recently named Entertainer of the Year by the Associated Press. Leave it to the Associated Press to pick a singer-songwriter dressed in all black over a sharply dressed, horse-riding, lavish Korean man.

Stick with the band

New Liverpool University study says solo pop stars are twice as likely to die young than those in bands. Upon hearing the news, Libertines front man Pete Doherty announced his first solo project.

Re-defining not cool

Songwriters behind boy band One Direction say they deliberately try to make the group’s music sound “vanilla” and not “cool or hip.” Well, at least you were clear on your goals from the start.

A man who knows what he wants

Celebrities often have crazy backstage requests, and Diplo is no exception. The recent line-up for his upcoming show at Manhattan’s Pier 94 includes a gorilla, a Malawi orphan, and a parrot trained to say his name. Here’s hoping they’re not in the remix.

Riding the festival express

Metallica is set to host its own music festival in Detroit in 2013. So all 200 people of Detroit are going to show up?

January ALBUM RELEASES

A few of this month’s upcoming albums. Black veil brides Wretched and Divine: The Story of the Wild Ones Dropkick Murphys Signed and Sealed in Blood Solange True Christopher owens Lysandre Free energy Love Sign The joy formidable Wolf’s Law Sean Lennon Alter Egos Biffy Clyro Opposites yo la tengo Fade Out Ra ra riot Beta Love Local natives Hummingbird toro y moi Anything in Return Lisa Loeb No Fairy Tale Bad religion True North Tegan and Sara Heartthrob

Win Sh*t Win 2 tickets to The Toasters Win 2 the Dicso Biscuits Win 2 tickets to Assembly of Dust Win 2 tickets to Blackalicious The TENTH person to find Each of the above RoosterS in this issue will WIN THE CORRESPONDING Prize. Emails should be sent to PROMO.ROOSTER@gmail.com by SHOW DATE correctly telling us where the RoosterS ARE located. Idiot, the above roosterS ARE not the correct roosterS.

Like us on Facebook for a chance to win more sh*t.

NEWS

News made brief Because face it, who really cares? lottery

international

Powerballers

E-learning

McAfee faces music Two winners will split the largest Powerball jackpot ever: $587.5 million. Each of the two tickets matched all six of the winning numbers, with the cash option coming to about $384 million, which will be split equally. The odds of winning were about 1 in 175 million, which means that any ticket purchaser had a better chance of dying in a vending machine accident than hitting the jackpot. Still, 60 other winners matched five of the numbers, netting them million-dollar prizes. However, eight of the million-dollar winners might be investigated because they came from New Jersey, which, according to Powerball officials, “seems a little suspect.”

Math app goes big

MARRIAGE

French-Norwegian app maker We Want To Know is planning an ambitious global launch of four new versions of its increasingly popular DragonBox app, an algebra game that, in Norway, tops even the highly addictive Angry Birds series and has been downloaded more than 50,000 times. By making math fun, the company hopes to increase comprehension worldwide. The game might be the perfect tool for American kids who lag behind the rest of the developed world in terms of math education. However, it’s expected that once they figure out the app is meant to encourage learning, a majority will say fuck it and go back to playing “Call of Duty.”

Say ‘I do’ at Denny’s America’s favorite 24-hour diner is carving out a new niche for itself, now offering nuptials alongside its Bacon Slamburgers. At 6,400 square feet, the Las Vegas Denny’s on Fremont Street is one of the 10 biggest in the world, and will be the first of 1,700 worldwide to start offering wedding vows as part of its fare. An upcoming celebrity wedding is in the works, which is expected to help kick off the new venture. Rumors abound about which celebrity’s wedding it might be, but one thing’s for sure: No matter who it is, they’re going to have a hell of a time ever living down the fact that they got married at a fucking Denny’s.

movies

After years of living in the shadows, notorious computer security pioneer John McAfee is back in the spotlight and trying to avoid extradition from Guatemala. McAfee has reportedly been living a life of sex, drugs and guns, winding up on the run from Belizean investigators who want to question him about the death of his former neighbor. Ironically, McAfee’s Guatemalan location was ferreted out by tracking the GPS signature from a cell-phone photo taken by reporters from Vice Magazine, who traveled with McAfee into Guatemala. Sadly, computer security software pioneers have never sounded so badass or so idiotically fallible.

Steve a la Ashton

STOCK TRADING

An anticipated biopic about Apple co-founder Steve Jobs will debut this month at the Sundance Film Festival, where some viewers may be surprised to see the iconic innovator played by the boyish Ashton Kutcher, who had to take time off from his rigorous Nikon Coolpix ad schedule to prepare for the movie. This included exercises such as remembering how to act. Reviewers are expected to pan the biopic, which is titled “jOBS,” in part because it’s “too soon,” but mostly because Kutcher—who remains forever associated with the dim-witted antics of Kelso— couldn’t channel genius for an audience of blind monkeys.

Placing the wrong bet A Rochdale Securities trader crapped out recently after wagering his company’s money. David Miller thought he saw an opportunity to make quick cash by betting on an uptick in Apple stock, ordering 1.6 million shares on the day Apple released its quarterly earnings. The plan was a quick sell-off when the stock rose on the earnings report, which has happened nearly 70 percent of the time in the last decade. But instead the stock dropped, costing Rochdale about $5 million. In his defense, Miller claims he only meant to order 1,600 shares, which might make sense if anyone actually believed him.

ART TALK

with BRIAN

ROBERTSON

Clockwise, starting with full-page image: “Mindburst” (2010); “Headroom” (2012); “Time Bandit” (2007); “Sandgrass” (2008).

ormer Colorado artist Brian Robertson is now carving a niche for himself in Los Angeles, where he says there are “too many damn cars.” You can check out a couple of his newest pieces on display this January at Gildar Gallery in Denver.

When did you know you wanted to be an artist? Was there a particular moment or experience that inspired you? I suppose I’ve always wanted to be an artist, at least as far back as I can remember. I grew up as a pretty sick kid, so art was always a way to pass time and keep myself busy.

I’d really like to turn some of my paintings into installation pieces that fill a room.

thought. I don’t draw conclusions and work from those, I work more from questions.

What’s it like living in Los Angeles coming from laid-back Colorado? Strangest story? Well, my strangest experience is in no way fit for publication, but I’ll just say I’ve always had a knack of finding myself in bizarre and highly entertaining situations. L.A. is actually pretty laid back, it’s defiantly not New York, but it is a little more hectic than Denver. There are too many damn cars here.

If you were a particular dish of food, what would you be? Mashed potatoes.

How long did it take you to develop a style and medium? What other styles of art have you explored or would you like to explore? It’s still developing! I’ve actually been going through a bit of a metamorphosis recently, and the stuff I’ll be showing next year is going to be an evolution for sure. I’ve always liked doing different things and changing it up if what I’m doing feels static. I paint really clean with hard edges in my work these days, but I’ve done everything from children’s book illustration to landscape murals. I think it’s good to have a lot of different ways of approaching art in your quiver. Moving forward

Do you have a daily regimen with regard to making and maintaining your creative Favorite board game, hobby or space? time-wasting activity? I’m busier than I’d like to be, so Skateboarding, YouTube holes. it’s always a challenge to make enough time to work and almost more importantly, to think. I try to work every day. Momentum can be a huge factor, and if you lose it, it can take a Age: 34 while to get back into the Hometown: Albuquerque, N.M. rhythm. Music: Crusty old blues. Are there any trends in Book: “Lolita” the art scene you see Colors: Dirt, sky, blood. taking place? What will Eggs: Cooked in the chicken. art be like in 50 years? Facial hair: Tech beard, Who knows, the robots are coming soon, so I just hope beardstache. they still let us make art. Footwear: Ice climbing boots. Celebrity: Aubrey Plaza, Have you traveled totally in love with her. much? If so, where? Online: Not too much out of the country, but I’ve been www.brianrobertsonart.com all over the States. I’ve always had a love for San Francisco and might just move up there one day, but for now I’m pretty content where I How long does it take you to am. complete a piece? Can you explain that process a bit? Is it difficult to challenge yourIt varies kind of a lot. I might have self as an artist, to continue a plan in my head and after it’s pushing yourself into the next done realize something isn’t right project or into new directions? and have to stew on it for a while. It’s always a bit of a fight, but All I know is they always seem it also comes naturally if that to take longer than they were makes any sense. One piece supposed to. always just leads to another, and sometimes out of that process a How much of your work is new direction develops. commercial? How much is gallery shows? Do you travel with What’s next for you? Any new your art, or do you stay mostly projects planned? in L.A.? I just had an exhibited series of All gallery at the moment. I love “Head” paintings in October at traveling with my art; it’s really the Lequivive Gallery in Oakland, best way to go anywhere. Calif., and I’ll have two pieces of my newest stuff at Gildar Gallery Some of your pieces use unin Denver in January. Drop by and conventional materials such as see the show! candy wrappers and collection notices. What’s the story? Thanks for your time. Anyone When I started using collage eleyou’d like to recognize or give ments in my work, my life at the a shout out to? time was generating a lot of fast Just a shout out to all the people food bags and collection notices. I love in Colorado and everyThe process of finding interestbody who might enjoy what I do. ing paper to use made me look Much love. at my life through the trash I was

VITALS

Who are your main influences as an artist? My influences are pretty wide and varied. Growing up, I idolized the graffiti kings of my hometown of Albuquerque, N.M., and as I got older people like Joe Sorren and Richard Coleman really seemed to communicate with a language I understood on a personal level. I see “The Fuzzy Door” (2012) so much amazing art on a daily basis these days, and it all inspires and influences me. Not too much of a pop culture junkie, I think you gotta dig How do the art scenes differ for the good stuff. between Denver and L.A.? Winter or summer? I’m in L.A. now, so winter is more of an abstract concept these days, but I’d say I’ve always been partial to warmth. I’ve been an avid mountain rider forever, though so I do really miss the snow.

If you could meet anyone famous who would it be and why? Martha Stewart … I like cake.

generating. The work became about the paper I was using. During that process, I started working with other papers and eventually became more interested in color and pattern until I used exclusively store-bought papers. These days, I’m doing almost no collage and focusing mainly on acrylics.

There’s just more of everything, and it’s a lot more spread out, which makes it a bit more splintered than Denver. Favorite flavor of ice cream? Strawberry, because strawberries are delicious. Where do your ideas come from? How do you go about developing them? The back porch and the shower mostly.

It seems like there is an editorial component to your art. How much of this is part of what you do? Are you trying to raise awareness, change minds? I think all art is a statement. A landscape is a statement. I’m really just trying to raise my own awareness; that’s really the driving the force behind it all. I’ve never really thought about my art as being editorial. If I am working about a specific idea it’s more of a shared meditation than a directed

therapy

dear ibby

Answering your questions that really matter. if you want to talk.” That would be nice of you, but if you’re not really interested in being the emotional crutch of a stranger, then totally cut your losses, and let it go!

Dear Ibby, I like sluts. No two ways about it. Is there something wrong with me?

Dear Ibby, I fooled around with this girl the other night, and she started crying. It was right during sex, and I didn’t know what to do. Is this something I can help her with or should I cut my losses and move on? Did you like it? Just kidding that’s too kinky for you probably. Um, well? She was probably crying over a guy. You were probably a rebound. She didn’t really want to fuck you, but she wanted to make herself feel better about something or other, and thought that seducing you would do that. She really just wanted to be fucking whoever she was crying over, and there she was, fucking you, some weird stranger, and so she started crying. Or she hates sex. Harsh? True. If you want to help her, that’s really sweet of you, but do it as a friend. You could always send her a text that says something like “You seemed so upset last night…I’m here

In like, a few years there will be. If you’re reading this, you’re probably not of an age where you’re looking to settle down. If you’re youngish, say roughly less than 30, you have creative license to like sluts. That’s because your little man hormones are raging on full blast. As a male, your brain has evolved to entertain as many possibilities of procreation as possible during this time in your life, because you’re at your physical peak and are most attractive to the opposite slut, I mean, sex. And what gives you the most procreative possibilities? Sluts. Duh. They’re down to fuck. Which means, on an unconscious level, that they’re down to propagate your genetic lineage by squeezing out a mutual offspring or four. Bottom line? Sluts increase your chances of contributing your genetic material to the human race, so really, we should thank them for their humanitarian efforts rather than scorn them for being horny. So, that’s probably why you like them. Other reason? You’re immature. Which means you’re intimidated by the idea of a relationship with a woman who will actually want to stay with you longer than a romp in the bathroom stall. Which means you’re afraid of commitment. Which means it’s easier to hook up with girls who have no interest in staying with you. One day, when your balls drop and you grow up, sluts will bore you and you’ll want a real relationship to save you from wallowing in your syphilitic loneliness.

Dear Ibby, My boyfriend keeps trying to shove his penis in my mouth while we are hooking up. I don’t get why he thinks I’ll be more inclined to perform oral sex on him if he puts it in my face. Do you think I should tell him to stop or teach him a lesson with my teeth? Jesus, man, that’s annoying. If you have a penis and are reading this and aren’t busy pushing it in some chicks’ face in the same way a mom pushes food into a reluctant baby’s mouth to make it eat, then

listen to this: If a girl wants to suck your dick, she will. If she’s not sucking it, she probably doesn’t want to. Kind of like if you want to eat her pussy, you will, and if you don’t, you won’t. Would you automatically want to do it if she shoved it in your face? Maybe you would because you’re nice, but you didn’t want to in the first place. When you shove your cock in a chicks’ face and she doesn’t start sucking it, it’s kind of like you telling her “My dick is the greatest gift in the world.” It’s not though. Puppies are the greatest gifts in the world. It makes you seem pompous, aggressive and misinformed. Stop doing that, no woman likes it. (Side note, tons of girls love cock in their face, but they’ll make sure to show you that if they do. Huge difference between making sure your dick is near her face and you forcefully shoving it there). Anyway, you should definitely not go around biting his dick to teach him a lesson. Next time, say “What the fuck are you doing? Stop it.” Or, if you’re more tactful, you could always talk to him, and tell him that you’re happy to suck his dick, but if he keeps doing that, you’re not going to. Tell him how you’d like the whole oral sex thing to go down between you, however that is to you, because chances are if he’s doing that, he doesn’t know what you like, and you need to tell him if you want him to do it.

Dear Ibby, I hate my girlfriend. She’s a bitch to me, my friends and even my family. The thing is, I’m scared to dump her. Is there any hope for me or should I cut my losses and just marry her? Are you insane? I’m scared to even answer this question, I’m going to rail you so hard. I’m actually pissed at you. Why do you have a girlfriend you hate? Are you that desperate to not be alone, or for regular pussy? Ew. You should dump her immediately. Don’t even read the rest of this. Go now. If she’s a bitch to literally everyone you love now, there’s no way she’s not gonna be once you “get married.” Marriage is not a problem solver. And if you hate her, why would you want to spend the rest of your life with her? Pinche pea brain.

Submit your friend’s embarrassing questions to Roostermagazine@gmail.com.