September 2012 by Rooster Magazine

The

Sept. 2012

Health Issue

HANG OVER GUIDE pg.66

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september 2012

ROOSTER m

Rooster’s Hangover Guide Because we can’t all be professional drinkers.

Future Shock In 50 years, life’s going to be a lot different. Don’t get left behind. Your family will never forgive you.

Rapper 101 So, you wannabe a rap superstar? Take a few tips from Rooster.

Eat Better, Live longer Increase your longevity with these uber-good-foryou foods.

Art Talk Illustrator Josh Holland explains why the creative process is like lightning in a bottle.

Weird Science Some advancements you probably didn’t expect to see in your lifetime.

a r.

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“Conneting Colorado Patients to Their Preferences” 12

Editor

EDITOR’S WORD

lthough you probably imagine the Rooster staff is full of perfect specimens of health and beauty (it’s easy to see why), we do have our flaws and shortcomings. It’s natural. But the moment of truth came when an intern observed the correlation between a fully-stocked beer fridge and the fully-stocked beer bellies of our editors, and we realized two things: one, the intern needed to be fired and, two, a review of our staff’s state of health was in order. We certainly weren’t going to do away with exposed-midriff Mondays. The internal review was productive, revealing the questionable physical condition of many employees. But it also revealed the many topics we, as a magazine, could touch on. So, we dedicated an entire issue to health. Deciding where to start was the looming question, but the answer was clear. We decided to look into an affliction affecting millions of Americans on a daily basis, an affliction that makes life unbearable, renders physical activity unconscionable and eliminates office productivity. We decided to look into the hangover. A painful byproduct of bad decisions, the hangover has plagued humans for centuries. Determined to conquer this pandemic, we roused our resident light-weights and had them look into what exactly a hangover is, how to avoid it, which boozes are the worst and why they needed to stop being pussies and move on with their days. Everyone was sick of hearing about how they drank too much.

We’ve been there. We understand. Hangovers are a stark reminder that alcohol isn’t the same as a fruit smoothie. Our guide is a prescription: take two or three pieces of our advice nightly to reduce pain and suffering in the morning. But taming the hangover is only one aspect of maintaining your general health. We also looked into improving your health by implementing small changes in your daily routine, from eating foods that are good for you to embracing the health benefits of sex. As promised, this entire issue is dedicated to helping you understand that health is easy to achieve. But you’re not going to live forever. As always, enjoy the issue, keep dreaming and keep learning. If you haven’t seen the new season of “Breaking Bad”—or any of the seasons—we highly recommend you spend an entire weekend watching it. We almost missed deadline because of it. Almost. Yours Truly, Simon Berger

Work for Rooster We’re currently hiring

Media Intern

ROOSTER MAGAZINE

Publisher Ethan

Sklar

Editor-in-Chief Simon

Berger Hoggatt Managing Editor Geof Wollerman Director of Photography Christoph DuFoe Art Director Craig

Associate Editors Isabelle

Kohn, Erin Moriarty, Michael Flora, Dina Hood Contributing Writers Matt Allen, Tanner Hadfield, Caitlin Mccluskey, Caitlin Knight, Jeff Sloan, Jay Wheeler Bennett, Ashton Howe, Sarah Wells, Marcus Moritz, Kevin Camino, Cam Berguis, Pat Milbery Photo Contributors Molly Burns, Jules Kueffer, Andrei Molchanov Boulder Sales Executive Dominik

Schatz Fisk Fort Collins Sales Executive Jordan Burnight Denver MMJ Sales Executive Linda Crane Denver Retail Sales Executive Greg

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Subscriptions Call 720-583-6693 for one- and two-year pricing All contents of Rooster Magazine including logo are copyright 2012. Rooster does not assume responsibility for any unsolicited manuscripts, artwork or photographs. The opinions and experiences of the authors are strictly their own and not those of Rooster. Rooster does not advocate the use of drugs, legal or otherwise, nor is it responsible for the actions of its readers.

Editor

Letters to the Editor girls mad. Stop pissing off girls. Especially ones who love your magazine. The end. Sincerely, Sarah

AUGUST 2012 Dear Rooster, You know I love your magazine, but you’re really starting to piss me off. I am a female and I am sick of your “Classmates.” Bring back male classmates. I don’t understand why you can’t have a male in the magazine to balance things out. Guys can look at girls in tight shirts but girls don’t have anything? Your classmates make

Dear Rooster, I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY YOU ARE IN DEVER! Before I would have to go to Boulder early in the month to make sure I got an issue since all of my friends have moved out of Boulder. I already have all of my Denver friends addicted to the magazine and now it’s nice that Rooster is here so I can stop locking my Roosters up when people come over in fear of them being stolen! I LOVE YOU! Thanks for everything, Lars

where you’re taking the publication. Print is still a great medium that many people enjoy. Don't lose site of making a great product that stands out. Best, Jamie Hi All, Thanks for all your hard work— the magazine is a great example of the quality we all look for—I liked your spread on Brandon Rollin—it never ceases to amaze me about the number and quality of artists out there who have the ability to just see, hear, taste and feel something different. Thanks again, Jan

Dear Rooster, Did you step up the print quality or finally spend some money on a decent design and photography team? The magazine looks amazing. I’ve been in the creative industry for years and I really like

Rooster, You, you motherfucking piss poor excuse for a magazine. You depress me everytime I see your fratastic sophmoric bullshit leering at me from the pile of free magazines. You ain’t no Onion, and you never will be. Now give me free tickets and a job. Fuck you, Noah Searns

Send your love or hate to Roostermagazine@gmail.com

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LOCAL

featured events Because we care. Sept. 7

Sept. 15

Sept. 21-23

Brew in the Zoo

Fight Fire With Beer Festival

Stomp

The zoo is already fun. But combining a selection from more than 40 of Colorado’s finest microbreweries with a suds-soaked safari of night creatures is almost too much fun to comprehend. Tickets include complimentary brews, appetizers, music and dancing. A sellout crowd is expected, so get your tickets now.

With Gov. John Hickenlooper on hand, this festival is sure to be a good time. Firefighters from across Colorado will be on hand to meet with residents and accept their heartfelt appreciation for not letting the state burn down this summer. Featuring biking and running events, plus a brewing competition with Hickenlooper and a handful of fire chiefs as judges, this afternoon-long festival is all about having a good time and saying thanks to the selfless folks who bravely fight our fires.

Compared with the modern rush of electronic music dominating today’s airwaves, Stomp appears almost caveman-esque with its banging on trashcans and snapping lighters to produce music. Then again, once you see Stomp live, you’ll understand that music isn’t just reverberations through speakers: it’s present in all the daily actions of our lives, which is pretty deep. Stomp goes deeper and may just blow your mind.

Denver Zoo $70; $30 for designated drivers

Twenty Ninth Street Free

Temple Buell Theatre $25+

Tour de Fat When Sept. 8, 10 a.m Where City Park (west side) Cost $5 donation; day-of

registration

New Belgium Brewery is back with its annual festival celebrating the benefits of two-wheeled (nonmotorized) transportation. This year the event is traveling to 15 major U.S. cities, including Austin and San Francisco. There’s no racing at this parade of pedalers—just good times with like-minded souls and 16

performances by Yo-Yo People, The Cleverly’s, Sssnakenstein, and Sister Sparrow & The Dirty Birds. Plus, one volunteer will be chosen to trade in his or her vehicle for a $2,250 credit at a local bike shop and spend the entire next year not sitting in the driver’s seat.

To have an event listed, email RoosterMagazine@gmail.com.

LOCAL

FEATURED events Because we care even more. Sept. 16

Sept. 21-23

Sept. 29

PrideFest

Fall Festival

CU vs. UCLA

Pearl Street Mall Free

Folsom Field $55.50-$128

LGBT events are never short on good times. The atmosphere is always relaxed, the music is usually great and there’s enough cold beer flowing to bleed even the thickest bankroll dry. Boulder’s PrideFest is a celebration for all LGBT people, their friends and families and anyone who has ever been curious. Hey Lady!, a B-52 cover band, will supply a soundtrack to your day of sampling local cuisine, being lazy and forgetting you had anything else to do.

Frolic among your fellow Boulderites at downtown Boulder’s 25th Annual Fall Festival. Food and brew await you during this weekend-long event featuring vendors and artisans from across the country. If you didn’t get enough of your favorite town during the Boulder Creek Festival, then saddle up for another weekend of good times in the People’s Republic.

Football season kicks off on Sept. 1 with the Rocky Mountain showdown between CU and CSU, but the Buffs’ first Pac-12 game at home is against the UCLA Bruins. Coach Embree is bringing an offensive-heavy team into the new season and, like our parents said about us, he’s hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Sorry Buffs, we understand you’re still building something we hope will be special.

Central Park Free

So-Gnar & Cervantes: Shredded Beats When Sept. 15 Where Cervantes Masterpiece

Ballroom Cost $25

When our friends at So-Gnar decide to host an event, they either go big or they go home. Let’s just say that with this one they aren’t going home. Shredded Beats should be your one and only stop on this particular Saturday night. The music lineup alone is worth the ticket: Deltron 3030 (Del The Funky Homosapien, Dan the Automator and Kid Koala), who hasn’t played Colorado in 10 years, is headlining,

while local talent Paul Basic from PLM and Airdubai are opening acts. There will be snowboard video premieres, as well as SoGnar’s “A Truck Named Art” semitruck mobile art gallery staged in front of the venue featuring the art of The Signtologist, Dave Sheets, Andrew Hoffman and few more. It’s not very often a collaboration of this magnitude goes down; you’d be a fool to miss it.

MUSIC

UPCOMING SHOWS Satisfying one groupie at a time. Sept. 5

Sept. 7

Sept. 8

Why?

Savoy

Twin Shadow

3 Melancholy Gypsies

The constantly surprising pioneers of indie rock-rap are at it again, although we aren’t quite sure what “it” is. Something to do with self-loathing, hyper specifics, and coldcocking word play.

Savoy’s sound is summer blockbuster-big, but falls more in line with Spielberg than Bay. Yet another reason Denver/Boulder remains the South London of America, dubstep’s Western capital.

A few years after a motorcycle crash that almost killed him, George Lewis Jr. is new wave’s new bad boy, breaking hearts at a clip higher than Mystery and inspiring serious leather jacket envy.

Murs, Eligh, and Scarub, now two decades in, do things as a collaborative that no one else could pull off. Rap socially conscious over Nirvana’s “Heart-Shaped Box?” What more could you want?

Sept. 13

Sept. 15

Gothic Theatre

Red Rocks Amphitheatre

Bluebird

Cervantes Masterpiece Ballroom

Sept. 12

Fred Falke

Wild Nothing

Thee Oh Sees

Deltron 3030

Every Fred Falke remix seems to spring like a polished gemstone from a super-cauterized rubber tumbler barrel. Think Röyksopp with an elevated pulse, or don’t think, just dance. Your choice.

Listening to Wild Nothing is like watching someone stumble from a gunshot wound for several minutes without losing their balance. Don’t be fooled, they’re fully in control of the dream pop sphere.

Thee Oh Sees, the gods of fruiting bodies soaring from cellular slime molds, jammed their way into existence and quickly captured San Francisco, the new garage rock capital of the world.

It’s impossible to say how much Gorillaz owes to Del, Kid and Dan. Hell, it’s impossible to say how much underground hip-hop as we know it owes them. You’ve got the chance to see them reunite.

Kristin Klien

Sept. 8

Summit Music Hall

Gothic Theatre

Cervantes Masterpiece Ballroom

Sept. 17

Sept. 20

Sept. 21, 22

Sept. 22

2 Chainz

Lazerdisk Party Sex

Odd Future

GZA

Most rappers spit about the smarter sex’s jeans (and what’s in them), but 2 Chainz seems too content to rap about his own. True Religion definitely won’t complain, and for some reason, neither will we.

The latest in line to exploit the DJ mask schtick, Lazerdisk Party Sex stands out by bumping helium through heroin needles and making their listeners feel strapped into a human gyroscope.

Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All has chilled on the rape and homo-talk, but don’t expect any apologies. Meanwhile, bad nuns, centaurs, blunt smoke, and supreme hats are still plentiful.

Still dropping megaton bombs more faster than you blink, watching GZA perform is like a hella good fireworks display: impossible to replicate or explain away, but absolutely mesmerizing.

Bluebird Theater

Larimer Lounge

Hodi’s Half Note

Fox Theatre

Summit Music Hall

MUSIC

Sept. 25

Sept. 26

Sept. 29

Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti Deerhoof

Tycho

Big Gigantic

America’s favorite cross-dressing soda-shop rockers seem to be the default retro-leaning, weirdo auteurs now that Girls broke up, so go see them while they’re on top of the world.

Brilliant, sun-drenched DJ not to be confused with Tycho Brahe, the last great telescope-less astronomer and pet moose owner. The moose got drunk, fell down the stairs, and died in his Swedish castle.

There’s whipped cream, and then there’s other delights, such as Big Gigantic. Neo-pysch soul never sounded so sweet. The conquering heroes return to their home turf for Red Rocks’ last show of the season.

M O N D AY

It’s a cruel twist of fate. Legendary art-rockers like Deerhoof are still playing small clubs after all these years while a reunited 98 Degrees gets a national audience at a whim. Oh well, more for us.

Fox Theatre

SEPTEMBER T U E S D AY

W E D N E S D AY

UPCOMING SHOWS AT THE BOULDER THEATER

T H U R S D AY

Red Rocks Amphitheatre

F R I D AY

Boulder Weekly, & Radio 1190’s Krewe de Louisianne Present

S AT U R D AY

Colorado Daily & Grateful Web Present

KGNU & Colorado Daily Present ALL AGES

Sept 6 VibesquaD & Opiuo Sept 7 Boombox Sept 25 Esperanza Spalding Sept 29 Ben Howard

THURS SEPT 6

ALL AGES

KGNU, Radio 1190’s Rudeboy Reggae & Boulder Weekly Present

ALL AGES

ALL AGES 97.3 KBCO & Boulder Weekly Present ALL AGES

1135 13TH ST. - BOULDER, CO (303) 443 - 3399

FRI SEPT 7 SHOW 9 PM

IN PERSON : ALBUMS ON THE HILL (BOULDER) TWIST & SHOUT RECORDS (DENVER)

ALL AGES

S U N D AY

Hi-Dive

ALL AGES

Summit Music Hall

SHOW 9 PM

Sept. 24

1135 13TH ST. - BOULDER, CO (303) 443 - 3399 IN PERSON : ALBUMS ON THE HILL (BOULDER) TWIST & SHOUT RECORDS (DENVER)

97.3 KBCO & Boulder Weekly Present An Evening With The

Colorado Daily and Twist & Shout Present ALL AGES

WITH SPECIAL GUESTS

ALSO PLAYING MUSIC FROM DUB SIDE, RADIODREAD, LONELY HEARTS AND MORE

ALL AGES

SUN SEPT 23 SHOW 8PM

97.3 KBCO & Westword Present

Boulder Weekly And Twist & Shout Present

ALL AGES

Boulder Weekly & Radio 1190 Present ALL AGES

1135 13TH ST. - BOULDER, CO (303) 443 - 3399 IN PERSON : ALBUMS ON THE HILL (BOULDER) TWIST & SHOUT RECORDS (DENVER)

SAT OCT 6 SHOW 9PM

ALL AGES

TICKETS AVAILABLE AT BOULDER THEATER BOX OFFICE ALBUMS ON THE HILL + TWIST & SHOUT

KGNU & Colorado Daily Present

ALL AGES

ALBUM OUT AUGUST 28TH

www.easystar.com FACEBOOK.com/easystarallstars TWITTER.com/easystarallstar

ALL AGES

KGNU, KUNC & Boulder Weekly Present

Colorado Daily, Radio 1190 And Twist & Shout Present

MUSIC

Musketeer Gripweed

A reverend we’ll hear a sermon from anytime.

t a Musketeer Gripweed show it’s nearly impossible to avoid a double dose of love and what front man Jason Downing calls the “ass-shakestomp-holler.” After six years together, the Fort Collins band—heavily influenced by blues, soul and Southern rock—has developed a special interaction with its audience, an interaction that makes each show less of a concert and more of a revival. “My drive is to have this event mean more than just an hour of us rocking out. And everyone in the band knows that that’s what we’re there for,” Downing says. The idea is to change people’s consciousness by injecting the audience with a whole lot of love—a bit hippy-dippy for a rock band, but the ultimate goal isn’t just to make great music. Though Downing admits it sounds kind of silly, he also says “people come back because of that positive experience.” “When people go to our show they’re like ‘Holy Cow, my day was horrible and you just turned it around with your message,’”

he says. ”Music is a big part of it, but my question is how come you get 20,000 people at Red Rocks to see Panic or something and they don’t take 30 seconds to treat each other better? Our mission is love, is telling people they can change the world for free.” On stage, Downing transforms into his alter ego, the Reverend Monkey Paw Patterson. But don’t expect a Bible reading. And if you ever stop Downing on the street (he’s a sociology professor at CSU), don’t expect him to know what you’re talking about: he claims not to know the energetic, passionate and wild Monkey Paw you see under the lights. “We sort of play it up, like it’s not me, it’s this other guy and he’s a little bit dangerous with the straight razor business and the moonshine and the preaching about being conscious,” Downing says. “Because trying to be conscious, live your life and look at the world running and not just go through the motions, is challenging. So he’s all these different things.” In the spirit of being conscious, the band puts out albums that make the listener question what’s

going on in society. The first album, Dyin’ Day, is a concept album about a place called Parchment Farm, a plantation in the South with no walls—a metaphor that extends into the lyrics and the album as a whole. As Downing puts it: “So they had a fucking prison where you could go there and you knew you could escape on foot, but there was nothing for miles. Then, instead of the people that worked there, they had the slaves hunt down and kill the other slaves. So it was really mentally oppressive. Imagine being in a prison with no walls. Your mind would tell you you could escape, but you can’t. And I think that’s really a great metaphor for what’s going on in history in regards to our past.” The band has fun with the plantation imagery at its shows, with Downing and the other members dressing like settlers or pioneers, a concept that started with a photo shoot. “People were saying forever ‘You’re preaching up there, you’re preaching love and the vibe of the good people.’ The shout and the holler and the stomp. To let

loose for that amount of time and to let go. So when we did the first round of pictures we wanted to do that old preacher vibe, and something from that first one just clicked,” Downing says. Riding on the success of Dyin’ Day, the band released their follow up album, Straight Razor Revival, in April. The album is like a sequel, “But we’re talking about what’s going on right now in America,” Downing explains. “What’s going on with free speech, what’s going on with love, what’s going on with fucking the rich and the poor and the dynamic between that. … Issues of equality and diversity and things of those nature are very important to me, so getting those things across in a way that tells a story I think is even better.” Check out Musketeer Gripweed for free at the Boulder Hometown Fair on Sept. 3, or stream songs from both albums at www.musketeergripweed.com.

ALL SHOWS ARE ALL AGES UNLESS STATED

*SEE OUR COUPON IN THE BACK OF THIS MONTH’S ROOSTER MAGAZINE!

Fri, Sep. 28 - 8:00pm - MARQUIS THEATER

Mon, Sep. 17 - 6:30pm - SUMMIT MUSIC HALL

Sat, Oct. 6 - 7:00pm - SUMMIT MUSIC HALL

Fri, Sep. 21 - 8:00pm - MARQUIS THEATER

Sun, Oct. 7 - 6:00pm - AGGIE THEATRE

Sat, Sep 22 - 7:00pm - SUMMIT MUSIC HALL

Fri, Oct. 12 - 8:30pm - SUMMIT MUSIC HALL

Sun, Sep. 23 - 7:00pm - SUMMIT MUSIC HALL

Mon, Oct. 15 - 7:30pm - SUMMIT MUSIC HALL

Mon, Sep. 24 - 7:00pm - MARQUIS THEATER Advance Tickets Available online at www.sodajerkpresents.com or www.ticketweb.com, by phone at 1-866-468-7621, or buy at the venue on any show night. All shows are ALL AGES unless otherwise stated. For more information on shows, venues, etc please visit our website at: www.SodaJerkPresents.com

9/6 PROTOMEN MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

THAN JAKE 10/5 LESS SUMMIT MUSIC HALL, DENVER

FALKE 9/8 FRED SUMMIT MUSIC HALL, DENVER

10/6 K.FLAY MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

RIVER VIBE 9/15 GREEN MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

FRESH 10/9 ROCKIE MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

PINK’S HAUNTED GRAFFITI 9/24 ARIEL SUMMIT MUSIC HALL, DENVER

SURVIVE 10/16 CIRCA SUMMIT MUSIC HALL, DENVER

FEATURES 10/2 THE MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

CITY SOUNDTRACK 10/17 MOTION SUMMIT MUSIC HALL, DENVER

ELLIOT WHITMORE 10/4 WILLIAM MARQUIS THEATER, DENVER

TIME LOW 10/24 ALL SUMMIT MUSIC HALL, DENVER

ATMOS PHERE Big hooks, lyrical fist bumps and Slug at 40.

lug, the Mill City-raised vocal half of hip-hop’s Atmosphere, has a delivery that sounds like Inspectah Deck feelin’ dangerous after a few; the group’s producer, Ant, is more akin to Easy Mo Bee with a skip in his step. Though

24 | therooster.com | Sept. 2012

the duo has dulled somewhat over the last 10 years, their product is still sharp—and a bit more mature. On their latest, The Family Sign, the court jester has been replaced by the sad clown, and it’s clear the two are farther than ever from the days

they had to hustle. Since 2001’s Lucy Ford, which brought Atmosphere out of the underground shadows, the group—and Slug in particular—has managed to retain a unique style, despite changes in content and

concepts. During that same time, Eminem (also a Midwest native) has morphed from his “Real Slim Shady” persona to the version we have now—a dour, rich man’s version of Daddy Yankee. As if greatness and clown couldn’t cohabitate.

Both artists have slowly gravitated toward family issues and the perils of domestic abuse, but who would you rather hear the message from? Slug is the clear choice. Combining Ant’s slick production with Slug’s big hooks and rigid-yet-crisp delivery, the group has inspired trust in its fans. Though there’s no doubt the unholy jam “Guns and Cigarettes” could have been the bigger than Jesus or wrestling given the right push, the true Atmosphere fan will tell you “The Woman with the Tattooed

Hands” is the group’s real anthem, imparting meaning amid the cruelness and uncertainty of life. While it’s hard to feel like you’re in on Eminem’s jokes, Slug’s narratives are full of sly winks and fist bumps, messages for the masses. In 2007, Atmosphere’s When Life Gives You Lemons debuted at No. 5 on Billboard’s charts, propelled to success by its loyal fans. Though Eminem’s bleachin-a-bottle army at the MTV Music Awards was a powerful statement, Slug would never hide behind his

fans like that. He selflessly puts his life front and center of his music. In a bizarre publicity move that year, Atmosphere’s label sent out lemons spray-painted gold along with advanced copies of When Life. But, by the time they arrived, the lemons were moldy and mottled, barely recognizable—a reminder that, given contemporary music’s fleeting shelf life, every new track we get from Slug and Ant is a small miracle. Slug isn’t larger than life. He is life—a stomach-able version of

life that laments and exhilarates in step with whatever you’re up to at the time. Which is why, as he turns 40 this month, the world still hangs on Slug’s string. He has a villain’s laugh, a clairvoyant’s sincerity and a professional’s humility: regarding new projects, you won’t hear him tooting his own horn (a phrase he assures us he’s never uttered before). After doing their duty pushing their latest release, Atmosphere will be going into hibernation to assemble the “skeleton” for the next album.

Q&A WITH SLUG As you get older, do you feel you need winding down time more than you used to? There’s a lot of crew members that make Atmosphere work, and when you start to rely on that many people being involved, you have to make room if anyone needs that quiet time. I’m doing [collaboration] work and writing tons of songs for people because I’m in the mood to fucking rap. But just because I’m in the mood to rap, doesn’t mean Atmosphere is because it requires everyone to be in that same head space. Now that you’re an established cult figure, do you feel pressured to moralize as an artist? I mean, we can get pressure from all over the place: pressure from people, pressure from geography or surroundings. There’s all kinds. But in my head, when you say “pressure,” it means other people. I don’t feel pressure from other people to moralize or to be optimistic or keep things real or whatever the fuck you want to call it. I guess I do want to use my airspace for good or Jedi force, and I’m not sure why. I think it’s an age thing. … But I don’t think it’s a pressure from other people so much as it’s about mortality. You realize life is short. It’s fragile. You don’t get a whole lot of time to get shit done, so if there’s any way for you to make any kind of fucking difference to another person, that’s a great feeling. I’m lucky, man. I’ve had the opportunity to have people tell me I’ve made a really powerful, positive impact on their lives, just from my music. That’s way more validating than a blowjob. Way more validating than 20 bucks. The only other thing I can

think of that’s as validating as that is making a baby. I’ve moved on from the blowjobs and the 20-dollar bills. … When I’m writing my songs, I’m just trying to validate myself.

he likes Sting and The Police. You can hear it. I got a crappy version of KRS-One inside of me. I got a crappy version of Big Daddy Kane in my DNA. It’s just how it is.

Do you consider yourself part of a storytelling tradition? I don’t really put myself into any role or part of a tradition. I feel like I’m just this dude who grew up loving rap music, therefore, I rap. A lot of people who love rap music, they rap on the down low, quietly. They freestyle with their friends. They might not try to have a career doing it, they might not record songs or even do it in front of other people, but they sit around and they fucking do it. Just like I used to sit around and try to sound like my idols. Some of us not only enjoy doing it, but start to get validation from their friends and from other people and it becomes an addiction. In that sense, no, I don’t consider myself to be in a tradition of storytelling. If I had to pick a role, I feel like I fall into a tradition of kids that love rap music. I’ve been loving this shit for 30 years.

So the “crappy version” is what’s inside ... Yeah. But I can even hear it in what comes out. I can hear Big Daddy Kane. I can hear LL Cool J, at different times. I even hear some Prince, and that’s funny because my friends would totally laugh if they heard me say that. But that’s because I grew up obsessing over Prince and it made its way into who I am. Not just my music, but even in the way I carry myself.

We read somewhere, and we’re paraphrasing here, you said, “We’re just shitty versions of the things we love.” Yeah, that totally sounds like some shit I’d say. I think it goes for most contemporary artists: unless you literally invented your own shit, you’re working off of your influences and inspirations. Fuck it. Even if you invented some new shit, there were influences and inspirations there. So in music, when you can cite ... like you know that guy [sings the chorus to Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know”], it’s obvious that

whose interpretation you should be thinking about. Now as far as letting the community interpret, that sounds like fun. But it’s like another version of Words With Friends. It’s just a thing. I ain’t mad at it. I don’t think it’s bad for rap culture. Wow, “Rap Culture.” That’s gonna be the name of my next record.

Switching gears, are you familiar with Rap Genius? Do you support the notion of the website and/or think it’s healthy for rap? We have all these things that we spend our time on, just to stimulate ourselves, distract us from our problems. I don’t think it’s healthy or unhealthy. I don’t look at it like that. I think it’s cool, but I don’t want to interpret my own shit, ever. Maybe when I’m 60 I’ll be like “this is what this song’s about,” when no one even cares anymore. But right now, I feel weird going “this is what this is about.” If it’s not straight forward, if it’s not fucking obvious, then there’s a reason why I wrote it like that. That song “Yesterday,” you know what it’s about. It’s your song. But a song like “Can’t Break,” or “The Woman with the Tattooed Hands,” if you’re listening to that song and you can’t figure it out, listen to it again. Come up with your own shit. I don’t want to spoil that. … I’m the last person

MUSIC

Photo pit

Gotye

Adventure Club

Red Rocks Amphitheatre 8.22.12 photo: Jules Kueffer

Red Rocks Amphitheatre 7.22.12 photo: Andrei Molchanov

Zeds Dead

Red Rocks Amphitheatre 7.22.12 photo: Andrei Molchanov

Jantsen

Club Vinyl 8.18.12 photo: Jules Kueffer

Andrew Bird

Ogden Theatre 8.17.12 photo: Jules Kueffer

Ozomatli

Ogden Theatre 8.18.12 photo: Jules Kueffer

SHOT OF THE MONTH Pretty Lights Red Rocks Amphitheatre 8.17.12 Photo: Christoph DuFoe

MUSIC

music news

Because Kurt Loder’s old as shit. A 39-year-old lady

sued the Newport (Conn.) City Council when she slipped in vomit at a Whitesnake gig. The council dismissed the lawsuit, saying “You should have seen that coming.”

SEPTEMBER ALBUM RELEASES

A few of this month’s upcoming albums. The Sheepdogs The Sheepdogs Animal Collective Centipede hz

Snoop Dogg visited Jamaica,

discovered he’s Bob Marley reincarnated and changed his name to Snoop Lion. We hate to say it Snoop, but it’s probably time to cut down on the Jamaican Gold.

The Presets Pacifica The Avett Brothers The Carpenter Two Gallants The Bloom and the Blight

Ellie Goulding said her and

boyfriend Skrillex are “very similar.” So, you like the headiest dub beats too, brah?

The xx Coexist Dave Matthews Band Away From the World No Doubt Push and Shove Mumford & Sons Babel

Insane Clown Posse tried to

sue the FBI for categorizing the band as a “non-traditional gang.” In the posse’s defense, it does tend toward traditional gang behavior.

Willie Nelson was admitted to a

Denver hospital for “breathing problems,” which is the pothead equivalent of celebrities being hospitalized for “exhaustion.”

Deerhoof Breakup Song

Win Sh*t Win 2 tickets to Boombox Win 2 tickets to Devotchka Win 2 tickets to Cervantes Win 2 tickets to Figure

Fred Durst said Limp Bizkit is over and that a lot of the band’s fans have moved on. Congratulations to Durst for finally coming to terms with it.

Win 2 tickets to Shredded Beats Win 2 tickets to 12th Planet The TENTH person to find Each of the above RoosterS in this issue will WIN THE CORRESPONDING Prize. Emails should be sent to PROMO.ROOSTER@gmail.com by SHOW DATE correctly telling us where the RoosterS ARE located. Idiot, the above roosterS ARE not the correct roosterS.

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NEWS

News made brief Because face it, who really cares? Medicine

Markets

Penis trimming halted

Financial fumble

A German court recently decreed that the practice of circumcision inflicts harm on young boys who are too young to consent, stirring up international furor. In negotiations with German officials, Jewish and Muslim leaders are seeking exemption from the ruling, claiming it impedes on their religious freedom. German officials appear willing to negotiate, but only if the religious leaders agree do away with their faiths’ centuries old ban on pork, and add more sausage products— such as bratwurst, liverwurst and knockwurst—to their diets.

Food and drink

Computerized trading took a hit recently when a glitch in new computer software caused Knight Capital Group to relieve itself of more than $400 million in assets in less than an hour. The losses wiped out more than an entire financial quarter of revenue and sent the company’s stocks tumbling. Though Knight’s ability to continue investing has been seriously hampered, coverage of the incident has resonated well with the American public, which couldn’t be happier that some rich fucks they’ve never heard of lost a whole bunch of their own money.

travel

Hip new Campbell’s

Free spaceflight

Recognizing that kids these days don’t like soup as much as their parents (particularly soup that comes in cans that haven’t been redesigned since WWII), Campbell’s Soup will be introducing a line of products targeting the 21st century’s younger and more finicky consumers. The new line of soups will feature flavors such as chorizo and curry and will come in plastic, bold-colored pouches. It remains to be seen if the significantly more expensive product will be successful, but it’s clear that no matter what Campbell’s does with its soup, it’s still fucking soup.

SOCIOLOGY

INTERNET

Curbing commenters

Kids do drugs A recent report revealed that nearly 20 percent of all high school students use tobacco, alcohol or drugs—or all three—while at school. And the problem isn’t just at public schools; private schools are just as affected. Another recent study found that oral sex isn’t as common among high school students as it used to be. While no correlation between the studies has been conducted, the decline in blowjobs at school could possibly have to do with the whiskey dick that sets in during fifth period after drinking half a bottle of Southern Comfort at lunch.

One lucky space-curious consumer will win the privilege to fly on one of the first commercial flights to sub-orbital space, where he or she might get the chance to hobnob with celebrities such as Ashton Kutcher and Paris Hilton. In August 2013, Virgin will select its most frequent flyer of the previous year to fly for free on the company’s uber-futuristic looking craft and become one of the first private citizens to hang out in space—which would be a lot cooler if Kutcher and Hilton weren’t around.

YouTube recently launched efforts to revamp the way people respond to videos on its website, making it less attractive for Internet trolls to post offensive commentary. The new interface basically forces users to verify their actual identities through established social media sites such as Facebook or Google+. Though the move is expected to elevate discourse on the website, traffic to it is expected to decline dramatically because, when it comes down to it, making fun of idiots is mostly what YouTube is good for.

DEVOTCHKA

PRESENTED BY KBCO

• TWIST & SHOUT • WESTWO

SYMPHONY WITH THE COLORADO

SUN, SEPT 2ND

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SHERMAN WOOD TRIO - 10PM FRI, SEPT 7TH

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OPEN STAGE - 9PM

ART

ART TALK

JOSH HOLLAND INTERVIEW

ART TALK

JOsh HOLLAND

Born in Minnesota, artist and illustrator Josh Holland moved around the country a bit before settling in 2006 in the sunny state of Colorado, where he says his destiny is to “become an old man living way out in the mountains.” R: Your animated imagination is impressive. Do you dress half as colorful as your work? JH: Quite the opposite. I wear almost all neutrals and black, with all black tattoos. But I like super colorful sneakers and accents. R: Your world of creation seems to be deeply rooted in your pencil and your sketchbook. Are these two of your best friends, as well as your enemies? JH: I’ve never thought of them as friends or enemies before. Every artist I know has those days where nothing is going right in the sketchbook. But it’s just a matter of time before you get to the right solution. All of the failures are all crucial to arriving at the successful result. So they aren’t ever failures really, just part of the process. R: What season of the year do you enjoy most? JH: Fall. Hoodie weather is perfect for me. R: Would you prefer painting a Volkswagen Beetle over a Ferrari, and why? JH: Ferraris are way cooler looking, but I feel like I couldn’t improve upon that kind of human engineering with paint. Beetles are like the Munnies of cars. I’d go with the more playful blank. R: How has art influenced your lifestyle? Do you walk down the street getting creative inspiration through your surroundings?

ART JH: When you make art your livelihood, I think inspiration becomes harder to come by. It’s lightning in a bottle, and it usually strikes when you least expect it. But anything can trigger it. R: Have you ever chosen to create an image of yourself? Your alter ego? JH: I don’t do many self-portraits, but my online avatar is a crude drawing of myself as an eye-patch wearing villain laughing maniacally. I like it because you can get away with more as a self-avowed bad guy. Even though it’s the opposite of who I am, I’ve always liked bad guys.

R: What can you tell us about that little gem known as the Paper Diamond project? JH: It’s ongoing. Working with Alex has been a lot of fun. Doing album covers and animated elements for music videos is about as good as it gets as an illustrator. Seeing my work on MTV was awesome, too. Lucky for me, his music and fan base make for really great subject matter. It’s always a party.

JH: We met in an illustrative drawing class in art school and I gave her a ride to the zoo. It’s funny how incredibly ordinary it becomes to walk upstairs and see some incredible thing that Shannon is working on. But it’s inspiring. She makes me feel lazy! We’re always making each other better, critiquing and pushing each other to work harder and smarter.

R: Your recent show had a great vibe. Can you tell us about the theme? Did you have any piece that was one of your favorites? JH: The unofficial theme of the show was symbiosis. I was trying to show the range of how organisms coexist, or can’t R: What is your most interesting coexist. I’m really inspired by project and why? nature and character design, JH: That would be hard to single so the focus was on showing out. My favorite thing about being these relationships through the an illustrator is the wide variety of lens of animal behavior. I think work I receive. I’ve my favorite piece worked on children’s was “Race Against When you make art your programming, video Time.” It has a regames, music vidlivelihood, I think inspiration ally personal childeos, toy concepts, hood feel for me, becomes harder to come by. and is really close apparel lines, package designs, concert to something I’m It’s lightning in a bottle. posters and gallery constantly trying to work, to name a few achieve with my art. applications. R: Are you living 100 percent selfsufficient off of your art? R: Where does your inspiration R: How has your process of creJH: Yes, just about to hit my come from, and how do explore ation changed over the years? two-year mark of being indepenthat? Jim Henson? How have JH: My process is remarkably the dent. Before that I was working they inspired you? same as when I was a kid. I was at T-shirt companies, a branding JH: I’m inspired by a lot of modeling my drawings after the company and a DVD company, as things, but lately I love listening comic books and animation that I well as some others. to podcasts and hearing really revered, and this pencil/ink/digital disparate opinions and interestcolor process has been a constant. R: If could you re-create any moving conversations. I think forcie with your imagination through ing yourself to challenge your R: Can you describe the process your illustration, what would it be? own beliefs and ideas is the behind your work, the steps to a How might you evolve it? most important thing an artist final product? JH: I would like to see an animated can do. Yeah, Jim Henson was JH: I start out with a thumbnail version of Harry Potter. There are my first hero in art, I used to stage, super small sketches, so many amazing characters I’d fill spiral-bound notebooks with draw those out a few times until love to draw. That whole series crayon drawings of Sesame I have a finished drawing, which would be amazing. Street characters from memory. gets scanned into the computer It’s funny how it wasn’t far off and colored digitally. The finishing R: Your wife is also an artist. from what I’d be doing later steps are added textures I create Where did you meet each other? in life. I kept the noodle arm myself in Photoshop, but someWhat’s it like to share the dynamthing, and still draw a lot of times I just draw directly into the ics of everyday life with another inspiration from those amazing computer with the Wacom tablet. incredible artist? character designs.

VITALS

R: Would you be interested in creating your own cartoon animation series if a network approached you about your work? JH: I have always wanted to create a property, and I’ve worked on a few over the years. Nothing that has stuck yet, but I will have a small project making its way to a certain network that shows cartoons soon. I can’t talk about it yet, though!

Height: 5’11” Weight: 145 lb. Sneaker size: 10.5 Favorite Garbage Pail Kid: One-Eyed Jack Best comic book character(s) ever? X-Men Leather belt? Yes White or black socks: black Fitted hat, snap-back, beanie or no hat? Fitted

Ghettoblaster or headphones: Headphones Favorite president: Vince McMahon Three favorite colors: Black, grey, purple Horse or camel: Horse Beard or mustache: Beard Gym membership: No Type of music? Early 90’s hip hop Online work: josholland.com

therapy

dear ibby

Answering your questions that really matter. Dear Ibby, I am dating a new guy who is uncircumcised. It is a little intimidating and I am pretty freaked out, especially to give him a blowjob. Any advice?

Dear Ibby, When I talk dirty and ask for anal my boyfriend laughs. But I’m not kidding. How do I get it from him without having to seek it elsewhere? Should I do it to him (I have a strapon) so he sees how good it feels and will return the favor? Hey, now. You don’t have to fuck your boyfriend in the ass to prove a point. Try insisting. Clearly, he’s not really into anal, or he’d jump at the opportunity—even if you brought it up casually. He’d pick up on those cues and we wouldn’t be having this talk. But since he giggles like a little girl when you mention it, you’re going to have to do some convincing. He’s probably worried about poop; assure him there will be no poop. Try and get him into it by telling him how much it will turn you on. Most guys get off on the prospect of pleasuring you, so tell him you can’t stop thinking about it and you need it. Make him feel like he’s the only one you’d want to do it with, or that he’s the only one who can make you come. That’ll stroke his ego and make him feel in control. Try no to bring anal up again during dirty talk: clearly it’s not working for you. People say things they don’t mean all the time when they’re talking dirty, like “Slap me and call me a whore.” It makes sex kinkier. But what people say in bed, rarely applies to what they want in the real world. Try talking about it right before you’re about to fuck (like a normal conversation, not talking dirty). Show him how aroused it makes you. Give him the opportunity to say yes in the moment. If he’s still not game, that sucks for you. Sounds like you’re stuck with missionary and necking.

Yeah, chill out. Uncircumcised dicks are scary at first, because you’re not sure what to do with them. What makes it even more intimidating is that uncircumcised men generally prefer a different type of touch and pressure and speed than circumcised men, and they’re sensitive in entirely different ways. Techniques you use on circumcised men don’t necessarily work on uncut ones. Get over it. Finding out what feels good for your uncircumcised man is half the fun. Exploration in uncharted territory will make your sex life interesting. The better part about being with an uncut man is that sex can feel a lot better for you. Because there’s extra skin, there’s extra softness and texture, which can heighten your pleasure during intercourse. Watch for puling his foreskin down fast or hard—or both. That shit hurts. A tip: if you’re giving him a hand job, hold his dick under his foreskin toward the lower half of his dick, then go up and down. If your hand is closer to his body, you’ll be jerking it around less, and you can use your mouth on the tip of it and blah blah blah. Hi, mom.

Dear Ibby, I haven’t had a girlfriend for three years. I’ve had the occasional hookup but I haven’t had a relationship for a while. Is something wrong with me? No! The only thing wrong here is that it seems like you’re expecting to be in a relationship, or hoping kind of hard that one will come around. Relationships almost never happen when you want them to, but they seem to always pop up when you least expect. Convince yourself that being young and single is where it’s at, and be glad that you’re at a place in your life where you can enjoy some freedom and independence and not have to deal with the bullshit that accompanies relationships. People go years without being in a relationship, because it’s so rare that the right person comes along. You’re not the only one in this situation, and there’s nothing wrong with you. Don’t judge yourself based on your ability to attract relationships. That person you know who is constantly in relationships or always dating someone isn’t making deep connections they care enough to commit to. Otherwise they wouldn’t always be dating. If you sit back and enjoy life and have fun, the right person will come along. Trust me. Or not. But if you wind up with another one-night stand and write me again about it, I’ll slap you.

Dear Ibby, I have a problem and I’m not sure if it’s good or bad. My penis has started curving to the left. I’m afraid girls aren’t going to like it. Do girls care if a penis is curved? If it’s curled like the toes of munchkins’ shoes, then yeah, no one wants to see your mutant dick. But penises are just like boobs and labias and people’s faces: they come in a million shapes and sizes, and they’re rarely symmetrical. A girl’s not likely to be surprised when she sees it, unless she’s a total noob and your penis is the first one she’s seen. If a girl does care and makes you feel bad about it, then criticize her for being ignorant and not having the exact sort of nipples you’d hoped for. What’s weird is that your penis has suddenly started curving like that out of the blue. You should get that checked out.

Dear Ibby, I love to go out. Every night I’m out, I kiss a couple of guys and tease them but nothing more. My friends say I’m a slut. I don’t think I am because I don’t sleep with these guys. What constitutes a slut? Your friends kind of suck and are probably just jealous that you can do that. Here’s why: the fact that they’re calling you a slut means that they feel threatened by you and your drunk face-mashing abilities. Threatened, as in if they had the balls to do it, they would. If they weren’t jealous, they wouldn’t say bitchy shit like that. They’d be happy for you, or just ambivalent. Jealous girls call other girls sluts, and that’s a well known fact. And what is a slut? That’s entirely subjective. For some people, it means someone who sleeps around. But I reject that definition entirely, because as we all know, when guys sleep around its hilarious and super cool, and I can’t deal with the fact that when girls do it, its taboo. Most girls are just as horny as guys, and want to fuck for the exact same reasons most of the timee. Calling one gender a “slut” for wanting the same thing as the other is fundamentally stupid to me. That being said, sluts do exist. I think sluts are people who use sex for attention or to gain status of some sort, as opposed to just wanting to be screwed, or kissed, or felt up because they’re horny or fun. I think you’re doing a fine job and I give you a B+ at life.

Submit your friend’s embarassing questions to Roostermagazine@gmail.com.

Luccia Classmate

Cafiero Major: Communications Hometown: Boulder Favorite Food: Italian!! No one can top my grandmothers cooking. Favorite Drink: I have a lot of favorite beers as well as favorite wines. Non-alcoholic: Water! Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m an athlete and have to make sure my body is always hydrated. Favorite Music: Hard rock, as well as dubstep and electronic.Â