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Cover: The Iraqi Embassy in the calm before the Desert Storm War: Who needs it, and was it necessary? p9, 10, 11 Union Bar Brawl p2

Bar Brawl A m a n w a s a r r e s t e d at the E n t s D i s c o last F r i d a y , the 11th of J a n u a r y . T h e r e h a d b e e n a bar e x t e n s i o n until 1.00am a n d the disco w a s d u e to finish at 2.00am.

U n i o n Deputy President Benjamin Turner s a i d 'The b u i l d i n g w a s a b s o l u t e l y p a c k e d ' .

M r T u r n e r w a s c l e a r i n g up in the L o u n g e B a r at a r o u n d 1.20am w h e n a U n i o n life m e m b e r b r o u g h t to his attention a c o l o u r e d g e n t l e m a n w h o w a s harassing girls a n d f o l l o w i n g t h e m a r o u n d . T h e g e n t l e m a n , about 5' 1 0 " a n d a g e d b e t w e e n 25 a n d 30, w a s a s k e d for his U n i o n c a r d but he r e p l i e d 'I'm not a student here.' H e w a s t h e n escorted into the q u a d w i t h assistance of o t h e r U n i o n members.

A t this point the m a n b e c a m e v i o l e n t .

Witnesses at the scene s a i d '...he w e n t m a d ! ' a n d ' H e w a s totally f u c k i n g loopy!'.

H e b e g a n f l a i l i n g his a r m s w i l d l y a n d s c r e a m i n g a n d a p p e a r e d to be either e x c e s s i v e l y d r u n k or u n d e r the influence of drugs. H e refused to be c a l m e d d o w n a n d so was c a r r i e d out of t h e q u a d .

R e e n t e r i n g t h e U n i o n , he assaulted three U n i o n m e m b e r s w h o d i d not retaliate. T h e injuries r e c e i v e d i n c l u d e d o n e b l a c k eye, t w o split lips a n d a b r o k e n t o o t h . A s a result of these assaults the Police were called who promptly r e m o v e d the m a n . H e has b e e n c h a r g e d with grievous bodily h a r m .

College Break-ins T w o b r e a k - i n s o c c u r e d d u r i n g the past week. O n Sunday, two storage rooms w e r e f o r c e d o p e n b e l o w L i n s t e a d but nothing was taken. One door was r e m o v e d f r o m it's hinges, the other broken.

A l a n L a r s e n , Southside B a r S t e w a r d , said that the r o o m s lie off the bar's e m p t y k e g store a n d that he t h o u g h t that the b u r g l a r s a s s u m e d that the r o o m s h e l d Southside's spirit store. T h e r o o m s a c t u a l l y c o n t a i n furniture.

T h e basement of 12/13 P r i n c e s G a r d e n s w a s b r o k e n into o n W e d n e s d a y night.

T h e Office of t h e K e n s i n g t o n F r i e n d s of O v e r s e a s Students w e r e e n t e r e d but the o n l y e q u i p m e n t t a k e n w a s £700 w o r t h of tools b e l o n g i n g to a c o n t r a c t o r . T h i s i n c l u d e d a p n e u m a t i c d r i l l its t r a n s f o r m e r .

The contractor, w h o had only arrived the p r e v i o u s day, h a d h a d e q u i p m e n t stolen i n the s a m e m a n n e r the p r e v i o u s t i m e t hey h a d w o r k e d at I m p e r i a l , before Christmas.

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T h e r e h a v e b e e n s e v e r a l w a l k - i n thefts around college. A hold- all, cheque book a n d cards w e r e stolen f r o m the k i t c h e n a r e a of the Southside b a s e m e n t a n d a n o t h e r theft o c c u r e d o n t h e s i x t h floor of M e c h E n g .

T w o m o r e b i k e s h a v e b e e n stolen.

T h e s e w e r e left outside t h e Science M u s e u m L i b r a r y u s i n g c h a i n s rather t h a n D-locks. Please, take note: c h a i n s are N O T secure. S e c u r i t y are n o t i n g a n a v e r a g e of o n e c r i m e per d a y so l o o k after y o u r b e l o n g i n g s .

A n e w t r e n d is e m e r g i n g , that of c a r break-ins. A c a r outside the C h e m i s t r y b u i l d i n g was b r o k e n into o v e r the w e e k e n d , t h o u g h the o w n e r foiled the attempt to r e m o v e the r a d i o . T h i s m a k e s five cars i n a m o n t h .

D u e to the c u r r e n t s i t u a t i o n in the Gulf, students are a s k e d to be v i g i l a n t for suspicious b a g s or people. Posters w i l l be put a r o u n d C o l l e g e a s k i n g w h e t h e r y o u h a v e let a c c o m m o d a t i o n for c a s h or s o l d a v e h i c l e for c a s h . If y o u h a v e a n y suspicions y o u are a s k e d to p h o n e the A n t i - t e r r o r i s t b r a n c h o n 0 8 0 0 789321. A l l calls are c o n f i d e n t i a l .

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A t a p p r o x i m a t e l y 12.25 a m o u r time, o n F r i d a y the 11th J a n u a r y , Iraq l a u n c h e d a missile attack o n Israel.

A l t h o u g h at this time (1.05 am) the details a r e not clear, A m e r i c a n M i l i t a r y s o u r c e s r e p o r t the l a u n c h of at least five S C U D missiles, the type m o s t l i k e l y to be u s e d i n a c h e m i c a l attack. T h e s e w e r e l a u n c h e d f r o m m o b i l e l a u n c h e r s , despite the U N forces attempt to d e s t r o y all of the S C U D l a u n c h e r s w i t h a i r attacks.

A i r - r a i d s i r e n s w e r e s o u n d e d i n J e r u s a l e m , a n d there are three c o n f i r m e d hits o n T e l A v i v . T h e o t h e r missiles have hit p o p u l a t i o n c e n t r e s to the s o u t h of T e l A v i v . A C N S r e p o r t e r i n T e l A v i v r e p o r t e d at least s e v e n o r eight e x p l o s i o n s w i t h i n the city.

A t 1.30 a m it was c o n f i r m e d that at least one of the missiles d e l i v e r e d a c h e m i c a l w a r h e a d c o n t a i n i n g n e r v e gas. Israeli authorities have i s s u e d instructions to their people to d o n gas m a s k s a n d stay inside s e a l e d r o o m s .

Israeli hospitals h a v e a l r e a d y t a k e n i n casualties f r o m n e r v e gas. S o o n after the Pentagon d e n i e d this.

Israel was a p p a r e n t l y w e l l p r e p a r e d . Gas m a s k s a n d shelters h a v e b e e n distributed, a n d the p o p u l a c e have b e e n i n s t r u c t e d i n the p r o c e d u r e s for their use.

A n Israeli s p o k e s m a n at the P e n t a g o n felt that the reaction of Israeli p e o p l e w o u l d be to l a u n c h '...an attack v e r y soon, p o s s i b l y w i t h i n the n e x t few h o u r s ' . H e also stated that it is l i k e l y the attack w o u l d be '...massive...'

A n o t h e r s p o k e s m a n s p e a k i n g f r o m Israel s a i d ' T h i s c o u l d s i g n a l the e n d of P r e s i d e n t H u s s e i n w i t h i n 24 h o u r s ' .

A m e r i c a n statements indicate that they expect a r e s p o n s e to o c c u r . W h e t h e r o r not this has a l r e a d y h a p p e n e d was not said. C o n c e r n was e x p r e s s e d as to the magnitude of the r e s p o n s e , a n d w h e t h e r it w o u l d be '...justifiable...'.

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Security at Imperial Statement by Valerie Straw, Facilities Manager, on behalf of Imperial College 'The Security Forces have g i v e n the College reason to believe that there is no cause for c o n c e r n about the nature of the people or m a t e r i a l in the Iraqi Embassy or the s u r r o u n d i n g area. T h e police presence a r o u n d the E m b a s s y has reverted to the n o r m a l levels that w o u l d be expected in the present political climate. T h e y are there for the protection of the Embassy staff a n d i n case of possible demonstrations.

There is no reason w h a t e v e r w h y the activities of the College s h o u l d not carry on as n o r m a l . '

Ml

Statement by Benjamin Turner, Union Deputy President, on behalf of Imperial College Union M a n y students m a y have h e a r d various r u m o u r s c o n c e r n i n g the Iraqi Embassy on Queensgate.

N e w . S c o t l a n d Y a r d have c o n f i r m e d that N O N E of these r u m o u r s are substantiated.

T h e most p o p u l a r r u m o u r is that large quantities of n e r v e gas are stored in the basement of the Embassy. This r u m o u r was initiated b y a poorly researched article in the Daily Star, s o m e two months ago, a n d is unfounded.

W i t h o u t referring to statements from authorities, various responsible people w i t h i n departments, notably Chemistry, Electrical E n g i n e e r i n g , M e c h a n i c a l

E n g i n e e r i n g a n d Geology, have been a n n o u n c i n g to lecture theatres full of students that the r u m o u r s are correct.

T h e y are often advising students not to c o m e into College.

Clearly, there is no College p o l i cy that students s h o u l d not c o m e onto campus. If s u c h a p o l i c y had been necessary, it w o u l d u n d o u b t e d l y have originated from specific instructions from the Security authorities to the Rector, and students w o u l d have b e e n advised of this policy without delay.

I advise the students of Imperial College to ignore such s c a r e m o n g e r i n g .

Swimming Pool Off Colour St Mary's Beds Imperial's s w i m m i n g pool was closed o n W e d n e s d a y m o r n i n g due to discoloured water. A n official at the sports centre said that c h e m i c a l levels in the pool w e r e n o r m a l and w e r e not unsafe. He added that the p o o l still h a d to be closed for safety reasons since the b o t t o m c o u l d not be seen.

The Sports C e n t r e was partly closed on M o n d a y whilst lockers w e r e replaced i n the changing r o o m . The new lockers require lOp piece w h i c h is not returned.

This has a n n o y e d users of the centre, w h o must n o w pay e a c h t i m e t hey w i s h to lock-unlock the lockers. T h e current annual student season ticket rate is £12: regular users m a y n o w h a v e to pay m o r e than £12 e x t r a per year just for the privilege of l o c k i n g their clothes.

J .

Bomb Scare

Pumps, Comets and Computers Next W e d n e s d a y , 23 J a n u a r y , D r R Henderson, F R S , of C a m b r i d g e University is expected to lecture in the Physics department o n 'Proton P u m p s in Nature'.

The detection of light in the retina of our eyes is a q u a n t u m process, a n d the key is a protein called r h o d o p s i n . Dr H e n d e r s o n w i l l ask (and answer?): h o w does this proton p u m p w o r k ? W h a t is its structure? Is there a model? T h e lecture is in the m a i n Physics theatre, level 3, at 1.15pm.

It was r u m o r e d this w e e k that beds at L o n d o n m e d i c a l schools, i n c l u d i n g St.Marys, c o u l d be used for w a r casualties. Injured solders c o u l d arrive in L o n d o n two w e e k s after hostilities begin although students at St.Marys have not been i n f o r m e d of a n y p l a n n e d use of beds.

Casualties brought to L o n d o n w o u l d undergo non-emergency operations performed by hospital doctors rather than m e d i c a l students.

F r o m Comets to Computers' is the title of an inaugural lecture to be g i v e n b y Professor R. H y n d s next T h u r s d a y . It w i l l held at 5.30pm i n Lecture Theatre 213 Huxley.

Professor H y n d s , from the C o m p u t e r Centre, w i l l be speaking o n the high pace of change in c o m p u t i n g technology, t o uc hi n g briefly on the U L Y S S E S project a n d low-energy particle experiments.

A b o m b scare closed South K e n s i n g t o n U n d e r g r o u n d station briefly on Wednesday. Af t er an alert at 1.25pm, the station was closed for an hour, interrupting services on b o t h lines.

L o n d o n Transpor t are not releasing details due to the current c l i m a t e but did say that there had been several scares d u r i n g the day.

Awards A n d n o w the results for 'Research Grant Stakes'. This month's t r o p h y goes to Professor C. H o p k i n s w h o has secured £454,436 o v e r 38 months f r o m the M R C for the 'uptake a n d intra-cellular processing of c e l l surface receptors.'

The 'Free-Market E c o n o m y B o o b y Prize' for tight-fistedness goes to the P r o d u c t i o n E n g i n e e r i n g & Research Association of Great B r i t a i n . T h e y have a w a r d e d Professor D. West £750 o v e r 7 months to research 'metal-mix composites.'

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The Careers Advisers give Felix the rundown on Employers'

opinions of ICStudents...

So What Is Wrong With Us ? c o n s u l t a n c y , t h e n The Economist should be i n c l u d e d o n y o u r list a l o n g w i t h the FT. S c a n the business p a g e s for a n y t h i n g that i n v o l v e s y o u r c h o s e n e m p l o y e r s — i t ' s d e e p l y e m b a r r a s s i n g not t o b e a w a r e that, for instance, the c o m p a n y i n t e r v i e w i n g y o u is i n t h e midst of m e r g e r talks, o r p l a n n i n g major international expansion.

T h e date that is f i r m l y fixed i n o u r diaries is J a n u a r y 16; the start of the 1991 M i l k r o u n d . F o r t h e n e x t eight w e e k s o r so, w e k n o w that 'if it's lasagne it must be Tuesday...' W h y ? B e c a u s e e v e r y day the C a r e e r s A d v i s e r s take the v i s i t i n g e m p l o y e r s t o l u n c h i n a c o r n e r of t h e S C R , a n d talk to t h e m . Not o n l y d o w e attempt a m a r k e t i n g job o n a l l the IC applicants to their o r g a n i s a t i o n s : ' t h e y ' r e b r i g h t , streetwise, a m b i t i o u s a n d have h i g h l y d e v e l o p e d a n a l y t i c a l skills'. W e say c o n f i d e n t l y across the Tunchtable. ' A n d t h e y ' r e used t o w o r k i n g h a r d . . . ' But lunchtime conversations, like i n t e r v i e w s , a r e t w o w a y processes a n d w e t ho ug h t y o u m i g h t l i k e to p o n d e r o n s o m e of t h e less flattering things e m p l o y e r s s a i d about p e o p l e l i k e y o u last y e a r . C o m p e t i t i o n for sought after jobs is m u c h fiercer this y e a r a n d t o b e successful y o u r e a l l y n e e d to p l a n y o u r strategy c a r e f u l l y — s o w e ' v e g i v e n a f e w p o i n t e r s t o h e l p y o u get o v e r the first i n t e r v i e w h u r d l e , at least. W e ' v e d i v i d e d the 'quotes' u p to reflect t h e different stages of the i n t e r v i e w , r a t h e r t h a n i n o r d e r of i m p o r t a n c e .

S o m e of t h e m don't e v e n k n o w their way a r o u n d the C o l l e g e L o t s of M i l k r o u n d i n t e r v i e w s t a k e p l a c e i n d e p a r t m e n t s a n d not i n t h e r o o m s a r o u n d the C a r e e r s S e r v i c e . If y o u find that y o u will have to find a r o o m i n a n unfamiliar b u i l d i n g it's w o r t h d i s c o v e r i n g it's e x a c t l o c a t i o n w e l l b e f o r e the e v e n t . T u r n i n g up late, a n d out of b r e a t h , w i l l d o y o u n o favours.

S o m e candidates a r e s o n e r v o u s it's i m p o s s i b l e to find out about their suitability—or otherwise.

It is n e r v e w r a c k i n g a t t e n d i n g a n i m p o r t a n t i n t e r v i e w , but t r y to d o e v e r y t h i n g possible to r e l a x b e f o r e h a n d .

Y o u ' l l g i v e a m u c h better i m p r e s s i o n to the e m p l o y e r if y o u a p p e a r c a l m a n d c a n c o n c e n t r a t e o n t h e e x c h a n g e of questions a n d answers. B e i n g fully p r e p a r e d , so that y o u feel confident about h a n d l i n g g e n e r a l questions about yourself, y o u r skills, e x p e r i e n c e a n d a m b i t i o n s r e l a t e d to their a r e a of e m p l o y m e n t w i l l h e l p . P r a c t i c e the sorts of t h i n g s y o u m a y say i n response to the o b v i o u s questions ( i n c l u d i ng the difficult ones) either w i t h a friend o r o n y o u r o w n , safely l o c k e d i n the b a t h r o o m !

Conversely S o m e o f y o u r students a r e v e r y full of themselves, feel they w i l l b e d o i n g u s a favour if they deign to j o i n us.

W i t h very few exceptions, most e m p l o y e r s are put off b y a n e x t r a v a g a n t s h o w of c o n f i d e n c e . B e a w a r e of y o u r abilities a n d y o u r t r a c k r e c o r d s , but d o n ' t

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p u s h it at y o u r i n t e r v i e w e r . R e m e m b e r , if y o u are offered a job it w i l l b e because of y o u r p o t e n t i a l , rather t h a n y o u r past.

M o s t e m p l o y e r s v i e w graduates as v e r y r a w (but valuable) m a t e r i a l .

A c o m m o n one..

Interviewing some o f y o u r people is v e r y h a r d w o r k — l i k e getting b l o o d out of a stone.

If y o u don't tell t h e m about yourself h o w w i l l t h e y b e able to assess y o u r suitability? ' Y e s ' o r ' N o ' a n s w e r s w o n ' t get y o u the job a n d most i n t e r v i e w e r s w i l l d e l i b e r a t e l y ask y o u ' o p e n ' questions to p r e v e n t y o u g i v i n g v e r y s h o r t replies.

R e m e m b e r that y o u are m a r k e t i n g yourself d u r i n g a n i n t e r v i e w , b u i l d i n g o n the i n f o r m a t i o n a l r e a d y p r o v i d e d i n y o u r a p p l i c a t i o n . T h i n k of y o u r ' s e l l i n g points', a n d c o n s i d e r w h a t sort of p e r s o n specifications y o u r i n t e r v i e w e r w i l l have i n m i n d for t h e w o r k that interests y o u .

A n d tell t h e m w h y t h e y s h o u l d be interested i n y o u .

T h e r e ' s a l w a y s s o m e o n e w h o can't r e m e m b e r what h e put o n h i s application f o r m .

D o n ' t let it b e y o u ! A l w a y s k e e p a c o p y of y o u r a p p l i c a t i o n a n d r e a d it t h r o u g h before the i n t e r v i e w .

The work...

It's a m a z i n g h o w m a n y people a p p l y for w o r k that they k n o w n o t h i n g about.

E v e r y y e a r s o m e jobs b e c o m e v e r y fashionable. N a m e s l i k e 'Strategy Consultancy' o r 'Corporate Finance' a r e b a n d i e d a r o u n d . W h a t e v e r y o u a p p l y for, m a k e sure that y o u u n d e r s t a n d the a i m s of the d e p a r t m e n t a n d h o w the staff w o r k together to a c h i e v e targets. D o this b y t a l k i n g to p e o p l e a l r e a d y established i n s i m i l a r jobs, b y r e a d i n g t h e a p p r o p r i a t e trade m a g a z i n e s a n d n a t i o n a l press. It's m u c h easier to bluff i n a n a p p l i c a t i o n t h a n face to face...

They say they're planning a career i n o u r business, but they haven't b o t h e r e d to r e a d b e y o n d o u r brochure...

T h e i n f o r m a t i o n a v a i l a b l e to e v e r y o n e i n the C a r e e r s Office is just a starter— e s p e c i a l l y f o r t h e most c o m p e t i t i v e areas.

R e a d as m u c h b a c k g r o u n d m a t e r i a l as y o u c a n find (Business a n d Institute L i b r a r i e s c a n b e a w o n d e r f u l source of information). P o s s i b l y set up a file of useful articles a n d notes to l o o k t h r o u g h before the i n t e r v i e w . S p e a k to as m a n y p e o p l e as possible about t h e i n d u s t r y i n general and develop your o w n opinions

about h o w things m a y c h a n g e o v e r t h e n e x t c o u p l e of y e a r s . If y o u d o this, y o u s h o u l d b e a b l e t o h a n d l e most questions, i n c l u d i n g the a w f u l 'In y o u r v i e w . . . h o w is this l i k e l y to affect X ? ' w i t h a fair s h o w of c o n f i d e n c e . Y o u r a n s w e r s d o n ' t h a v e to be right, but t h e r e has to b e a n o b v i o u s r a t i o n a l e to t h e m .

W e l o o k f o r analytical s k i l l s a n d expect this to stretch into p e r s o n a l a w a r e n e s s a n d c a r e e r planning...

Not e v e r y e m p l o y e r w i l l e x p e c t y o u t o h a v e f i r m ideas about w h e r e y o u i n t e n d to b e i n five, o r t e n y e a r s t i m e . B u t most w i l l e x p e c t y o u t o have a p p l i e d s o m e analysis to y o u r s e l f — w h a t skills, experience and personality y o u can c o n t r i b u t e to t h e i r o r g a n i s a t i o n . A careers a d v i s e r w i l l help y o u t a c k l e this, if necessary, a n d there are s o m e useful w o r k b o o k s i n the C a r e e r s S e r v i c e to help y o u get y o u r h e a d i n o r d e r .

H o w can s o m e of them b e s o out of touch with c u r r e n t affairs?

Surprise, s u r p r i s e — l o t s of students don't listen to, o r r e a d the n e w s — a n d c e r t a i n l y don't r e a l l y t h i n k about h o w w o r l d events m a y affect their career c h o i c e . C o m i n g u p to i n t e r v i e w s , it's w o r t h r e a d i n g a 'q u a l i t y ' paper most d a y s — a n d if y o u a r e considering high flying finance o r

I'm not c o n v i n c e d that a n y of t h e m have r e a l l y thought t h r o u g h the p r o c e s s of s t u d y i n g f o r p r o f e s s i o n a l exams i n a d d i t i o n to a r e a l job.

This comment—made mainly b y c h a r t e r e d a c c o u n t a n t s , is v e r y i m p o r t a n t , if y o u are s e r i o u s about g a i n i n g y o u r chosen qualification. Y o u r interviewers will expect y o u to have a plan, be aware of y o u r most effective m e t h o d s of st udy a n d have t h o u g h t about the effects the combination of w o r k and study will have o n y o u r leisure a c t i v i t i e s — e s p e c i a l l y t e a m sports. T h e y ' r e also l o o k i n g for r e a l m o t i v a t i o n t o a c h i e v e the q u a l i f i c a t i o n .

E v i d e n c e s h o w s that p e o p l e w h o are not absolutely c o m m i t t e d to g a i n i n g s u c h professional status—regardless of cost— are m u c h m o r e l i k e l y to fail e x a m s , o r d r o p out. T h e e m p l o y e r s d o n ' t w a n t to take that r i s k — i t ' s e x p e n s i v e .

W h y d o some of them feel e v e r y t h i n g happens i n London?

M a n y employers require considerable m o b i l i t y d u r i n g t r a i n i n g . It's helpful t o b e o p e n - m i n d e d a n d flexible about y o u r preferred locations.

T o w a r d s the e n d of i n t e r v i e w s y o u w i l l be g i v e n the o p p o r t u n i t y to ask questions.

W e k e e p b e i n g a s k e d about o u r international o p p o r t u n i t i e s — t h e y don't seem to realise that w e c a n ' t s e n d them a b r o a d until they can m a k e a real contribution.

A n a l y t i c a l skills a g a i n — r e a d t h e b r o c h u r e , speak to p e o p l e a n d b e ralistic i n y o u r expectations. S o m e t i m e s students g i v e t h e i m p r e s s i o n that t h e y ' r e a p p l y i n g because of the o p p o r t u n i t y to t r a v e l , rather t h a n because t h e y c o u l d m a k e a r e a l c o n t r i b u t i o n to the w o r k of a n organisation.

T h e y ' r e a l l a s k i n g about 'the package'—salaries, holidays, perks, etc. I b e g i n to w o n d e r if t h e y ' r e r e a l l y interested i n the job.

It's wise to h o l d onto m o s t of these questions u n t i l y o u ' v e a c t u a l l y b e e n offered the job. Often p e o p l e d o i n g c a m p u s i n t e r v i e w s r e a l l y don't k n o w t h e a n s w e r s to these questions, a n d it c a n l e a v e t h e m feeling that y o u w e r e n ' t interested e n o u g h to ask questions about the w o r k y o u have a p p l i e d t o d o .

FELIX I'm not c o n v i n c e d that e v e r y o n e I see is r e a l l y i nterested i n o u r jobs.

T o o t r u e . . . m a n y of y o u w i l l b e i n t e r v i e w e d f o r jobs that a r e s e c o n d choices. O t h e r s w i l l a t t e n d e a r l y i n t e r v i e w s t o gain e x p e r i e n c e of a n s w e r i n g questions. B u t if y o u are r e a l l y interested i n a n o r g a n i s a t i o n , don't b e afraid to s h o w it. D o y o u r r e s e a r c h t h o r o u g h l y a n d t h i n k c a r e f u l l y about t h e skills a n d e x p e r i e n c e that t h e y are l o o k i n g for, that y o u c a n offer. B e enthusiastic a n d s m i l e !

Some of them a s k questions that have already been answered elsewhere.

D o n ' t ask questions that h a v e a l r e a d y b e e n a n s w e r e d i n the b r o c h u r e / v i d e o , o r at the p r e s e n t a t i o n o r e v e n e a r l i e r i n t h e i n t e r v i e w . S o m e c a n d i d a t e s have p r e p a r e d questions that t h e y s e e m to w a n t t o ask regardless of its w o r t h at this stage.

Of course, m o s t e m p l o y e r s say v e r y flattering t h i n g s about t h e i r IC i n t e r v i e w e e s — l e t ' s hope y o u w i l l b e o n e of t h e m !

G o o d l u c k f r o m the C a r e e r s A d v i s e r s .

Russ C l a r k e Shiona Llewellyn Bill Fox

W A N T TO K N O W MORE! You can contact any of the above advisers on

ext 3251

Hend-a-Brike

E

D

6 , 1

5

Child's Play 2 H a v e y o u e v e r seen f i l m a n d not b e e n a b l e to w o r k o u t if it's meant to be a joke? That's t h e p r o b l e m I h a d u p o n s e e i n g this f i l m. T h e first twothirds of the film are filled w i t h scenes that are l a u g h a b l e i n the e x t r e m e , but y o u ' r e n e v e r sure w h e t h e r or not this is deliberate.

1 confess to not h a v i n g seen C h i l d s P l a y (although o n the s t r e n g t h (?) of this s e q u e l it's doubtful that I will), but it appears to h a v e r e v o l v e d a r o u n d the possession of a toy d o l l b y the spirit of a p s y c h o t i c mass m u r d e r e r w h o d a b b l e d in v o o d o o as a side line. H e c o m m i t t e d this foul a n d e v i l act of subjugation i n o r d e r to cheat d e a t h at the hands of the P o l i c e (yawn).

S u r p r i s i n g l y e n o u g h , h o w e v e r , the d o l l wasn't his first c h o i c e , but the o n l y b o d y n e a r b y at the t i m e. N o w h e faces a p r o b l e m ; unless he transfers his spirit to a h u m a n s o o n h e ' l l be t r a p p e d f o r e v er in the b o d y of t h e d o l l (isn't it c o n v e n i e n t h o w the laws of m a g i c m a k e for useful plot devices?).

So i n the first f i lm the b a d d i e attempts to take o v e r t h e b o d y of a y o u n g c h i l d , k i l l i n g s e v e r a l p e o p l e i n the process (you can't t e a c h a n o l d m a s s - m u r d e r e r n e w tricks), but ends up b e i n g fried i n s o m e f o r m of e x p l o s i o n .

T h e sequel begins after the Police i n v e s t i g a t i o n into the m u r d e r s , i n w h i c h the c h i l d testifies as to the guilt of the

d o l l , as does his m o t h e r . She is p r o m p t l y l o c k e d up i n an institution, a n d the k i d d i e sent to a h o m e . T h e c o m p a n y w h o manufactures t h e dolls get h o l d of the offending little c h a p a n d r e b u i l d s h i m i n a n attempt to s t a v e off the b a d p u b l i c i t y , a n d reassure their stock h o l d e r s .

T h e k i d t h e n gets a d o p t e d , the n e w l y remade doll runs amok, and you can guess most of the rest. In a l l it's not a v e r y g o o d f i l m ; the o n l y t h i n g about it that's a c t u a l l y scary is p u t t i n g yourself i n

the shoes (small t h o u g h t h e y are) of the child. Confronted by an animated killer d o l l y o u w o u l d assume that as l o n g as y o u c o u l d c o n v i n c e a n adult that y o u w e r e n ' t l y i n g , t h e n e v e r y t h i n g w o u l d be alright. H e does this i n the first f i l m , a n d t h e y l o c k his m o t h e r u p . If y o u must see it, t h e n m y a d v i c e is to p a r t a k e of the w o n d e r s of m o d e r n c h e m i s t r y b e f o r e h a n d . Y o u ' l l find it m o r e a m u s i n g .

A l i e n Sex F i e n d .

Piano EndGame I W e i r d is the best w a y to describe this, w e i r d but i n t e r e s t i n g . It is a study of a person's t w i l i g h t years that c a n be a l l too d e p r e s s i n g yet has e n o u g h h u m o u r to a v o i d b e i n g too moribund.

T h e a c t i n g is v e r y g o o d , w i t h a l l four c h a r a c t e r s c o m i n g across w e l l , despite the fact that y o u o n l y get fleeting glimpses of t w o of t h e m (they're i n dustbins).

T h e m a i n themes: life, d e a t h a n d not w a n t i n g to c h a n g e f r o m o n e to the other, are v e r y p r o u d l y a n d c a p a b l y h a n d l e d .

T h e result, a p l a y that c a p t u r e s y o u r heart a n d m i n d a n d holds t h e m until the very end.

Ian H o d g e

—Film

•Theatre

'

;

[ A lot of p e o p l e find C h e k h o v I dispiriting, depressing and even stuffy b u t there's n o d e n y i n g that, for his time, he dissected the Russian a r i s t o c r a c y w i t h great p r e c i s i o n a n d p s y c h o l o g i c a l a c c u r a c y . In Piano T r e v o r Griffiths distills C h e k h o v ' s four major p l a y s into o n e w h e r e the c h a r a c t e r s a r e still r e c o g n i s a b l e as b e i n g ' C h e k h o v i a n ' — the l i v e l y doctor w h o is reluctant to go out into the n i g h t to t e n d to a d y i n g peasant, the e t e r n a l student w h o can't get the o t h e r c h a r a c t e r s to listen to his p r e d i c t i o n of i m m i n e n t d o o m for the r u l i n g classes (presumably the 1917

- •••

revolution). A n d t h e n there's the w h a t shall-we-do-next p a r t y w h i c h g r a p h i c a l l y shows the helplessness of the drifting bourgeosie.

S u p e r b p e r f o r m a n c e s (starring P e n e l o p e W i l t o n a n d Butterflies Geoffrey Palmer) a n d flawless d i r e c t i o n go to m a k e Piano one of the most a m u s i n g a n d e x h i l a r a t i n g plays I've seen i n a l o n g t i m e . Student standby's are a v a i l a b l e f r o m T h e C o t t e s l ow (NT) b o x office quarter of a n hour before t h e s h o w at £5.00.

H u r r y , it closes o n S a t u r d a y !

Fruit.

The

Fool

It is sad h o w infrequently a British film comes before us, and equally sad h o w few of t h e m actually succeed. Most recently one thinks of A Fish Called Wanda and, in a l i m i t e d way, Nuns on the Run. A p a r t f r o m those, o n l y the grand p e r i o d pieces of the early eighties s p r i n g to m i n d — A Passage to India, Chariots of Fire a n d Little Dorrit.

This new film comes from the same stable as the last a n d is also set in D i c k e n s i a n L o n d o n , although it is an original piece.

It tells of a c l e r k called M r F r e d e r i c k (Derek / Claudius Jacobi) w h o lives a bizarre double life. M u c h of the time he is the accountant for a s m a l l L o n d o n Theatre, yet he hob-nobs w i t h the v e r y elite of V i c t o r i a n Society h a v i n g adopted the role of the reclusive Sir J o h n w h o owns the Theatre, but n e v e r ventures out. W e are presented w i t h a morality tale of m o n e y a n d social injustice that has obvious parallels w i t h the state of the City a n d other m o n e y m ar ke t s today.

W I^B

The Rookie

This is a d e c e i v i n g f i l m. It sounds like a g o o d idea. It has sexy posters. It's got Clint Eastwood (always good for laugh) in it.

Unfortunately it's not v e r y good. T h e film follows strictly formula plot lines that you've seen far too m a n y times, the dialogue is jerky and u n i n s p i r i n g (not to m e n t i o n ridiculous i n parts: I quote Charlie Sheen's script; 'It's time for me to stop being scared. A n d for other people to start.'), and a b o v e all n o t h i n g surprising happens.

O k a y , so I lied. There is one interesting and surprising scene: Clint gets raped by the head female baddie.

Really it's up to y o u guys a n d gals to decide if y o u want to shell out a fiver to see a film y o u ' v e seen before at least two d o z e n times.

A l i e n Sex Fiend.

T h e acting, as one w o u l d e x p e c t from the range of talent on offer—everyone from Michael Horden through Miranda R i c h a r d s o n to J o a n S i m s — , is superb. T h e p e r i o d detail, o n b o t h r i c h a n d poor levels is flawlessly recreated and the basic plot is a v e r y interesting one. So w h y doesn't the film quite succeed?

It is, in a w o r d , flabby. It runs for o v e r 2 V* hours, yet the real plot o n l y really comes into its o w n in the last hour or so.

M u c h of the rest of the space is taken up w i t h little glances of people a n d situations and people of w h o m we see a n d l e a r n little more. T h e v i e w e r is left confused by the p a n o p l y of characters, without a n y real idea of w h a t it is he is w a t c h i n g . T o have to sit t h r o u g h a n h o u r of what verges o n b o r e d o m (I saw at least one of the m o r e e l d e r l y critics d o z e off) for a sparkling last half hour is not the w a y to an audience's heart. T h i s s h o u l d have been great, it is m e r e l y average.

Pendragon.

Narrow

F

W A R N I N G : Don't see this film if y o u suffer f r o m a heart condition. If y o u didn't have one w h e n y o u went in y o u w i l l w h e n y o u c o m e out.

The plot is a fairly tired one. A n unseen witness to a m o b killing refuses to give evidence, the m o b find her, they try to kill her (with a helicopter gunship!) and the police try to protect her. There then follows a chase across C a n a d a on a trail full of tension a n d suspense.

Gene H a c k m a n (as the attorney protecting the witness) delivers a v e r y g o o d performance but it w i l l still take something v e r y special to surpass

Mississippi Burning.

Unfortunately, the best actor in the film, M E m m e t t W a l s h w h o plays Sergeant B e n t i , is k i l l e d off far too early. His happy, jolly personality w o u l d have contrasted e x t r e m e l y w e l l w i t h the o v e r a l l tense nature of the film.

A n y complaints? W e l l , the filming of some of the scenes left m u c h to be desired. The m o d e l trains are v e r y reminiscent of m y c h i l d h o o d days! Surely they c o u l d do better than this?

A good film that deserves to do w e l l , in w h i c h there are e n o u g h twists a n d turns to keep y o u guessing until the v e r y end.

Ian Hodge

Frankenstein Unbound Here Felix film reviews:

presents a new technique The in-fiim dialogue!

in

A l i e n Sex F i e n d : Er.. Chris, can you lend m e six quid? (grovel, g r o v e l ) Christ: SIX Q U I D !!! theatre...

Inside the P e n d r a g o n : W h o wants s o m e p o p c o r n ?

All: Munch, munch, munch...

There follows various comments, including, but not limited to: 'Cor! Wouldn't mind seeing that!', 'Adam, get me a ticket to that. Now!', 'Hah! I've already got the press release!', and 'Double Hah! I've already seen it!' etc, etc.

The film starts...

P e n d r a g o n : C o r ! It's just l i k e the b o o k !

A S F : I've n e v e r r e a d it. W h a t happens?

Pendragon: Heathen!

C h r i s t : M y g o d ! L o o k at t h o s e suits!

A S F : Y e p , it appears that s i l v e r is ' i n ' i n 2 0 3 1 ! S e x y c a r ! It's s o m e c o n c e p t t h i n g that s o m e Italian c o m p a n y m a d e s o m e t i m e ago. I think...'

There follows a stunned silence at the level of tackiness contained within the time travel sequence...

A S F : M m m . . . I didn't realise that the m o n s t e r c o u l d talk...

P e n d r a g o n : T h a t ' s 'cos y o u haven't r e a d the b o o k , h e a t h e n !

Christ: T h i s is crap... m u n c h , m u n c h .

A S F : H a n g o n . Does this m e a n that t h e y e x p e c t us to b e l i e v e that 'ole F r a n k y - s t e i n w a s a r e a l guy, or that he's g o n e b a c k to an alternate r e a l i t y , or just that the film's crap...?

P e n d r a g o n : . . a n d what's M a r y S h e l l y d o i n g i n her o w n b o o k ?

Christ: T h i s is crap... m u n c h , m u n c h .

A short time and several dodgy scenes later...

A l l : U r g h h h . . . T h a t was a bit y u k k y !

Christ: ...and crap... pass t h e p o p c o r n .

Another pause...

A S F : H e r e ! T h a t ' s the g u y f r o m Lost B o y s , y o u k n o w , the older b r o t h e r ?

P e n d r a g o n : N o it's not, it's L o r d B y r o n !

A S F : W h o ' s that?

Pendragon: Heathen! Here! That's Kylie's b o y f r i e n d ! Y o u k n o w , the g u y f r o m I N X S !

A S F: N o it's not, it's that poet S h e l l e y !

Hah!

Pendragon: Heathen!

Some time (and film) passes, then Mary Shelley says 'Percy and Byron preach free love. I practice it...'

A S F: Is this r i d i c u l o u s or w h a t ? No-one's e v e r said that to m e !

P e n d r a g o n : W e l l , m a y b e y o u haven't met a n o t h e r c a v e - w o m e n yet...

Christ: C r a p acting...

Pause...

Christ: W H A D D Y A M E A N , T H E R E ' S N O P O P C O R N L E F T ! ! ! W e l l , that's it, I'm leaving!

(He doesn't go) P e n d r a g o n : T o u c h of the Back to the Futures a b o u t this...

Christ: T h i s is r e a l l y s ad (and crap).

Another tacky and equally crap time travel sequence follows...

P e n d r a g o n : O h dear.

A S F: I don't b e l i e v e it!

Christ: T h i s is c r a p .

The film ends...

Christ: I n e e d a d r i n k . . . P u b ?

A l l : O h , if y o u force us...!

In the Pub...

A l l : Y e s , that r e a l l y w a s c r a p !

P e n d r a g o n : H o w ' s y o u r beer, Chris?

Christ: That's c r a p too.

And so it goes...

A l i e n Sex F i e n d , P e n d r a g o n , a n d Christ.

THE Arts Week a celebration of art and music F R E E lunch-time G I G S in the Union Lounge f r o m

1 2 . 3 0 p m

WEDNESDAY 23RD JANUARY F R E S H C L A I M (funk rock) & S T U A R T H E N D E R S O N (Poet) THURSDAY 24TH JANUARY B I L L Y P E N N ' S B R O T H E R (folk) & S T E V E N T U R N E R (poetry) FRIDAY 25TH JANUARY T R E V O R S P E A K S (duo) & P A U L C O O K S O N (comic) MONDAY 28TH JANUARY D U S A Y (rock) TUESDAY 29TH JANUARY M A R I A N N E D E R B Y S H I R E B A N D (jazz blues) WEDNESDAY 30TH JANUARY A N D Y M C C U L L O C H (clarinet) G E O F F R E Y S T E V E N S O N {mime) SHERFIELD

A R T

G A L L E R Y

with daily lunchtime classical music in the S C R , Imperial College

War, What is it Good For?

st FELIX

Some 4,000 people have been tortured and killed under Iraqi rule since August W i t h the US a n d B r i t a i n f i r m l y c o m m i t t e d to W a r i n the Gulf a n d the allies a d o p t i n g an inactive p o s i t i o n , C h i s t o p h e r R i l e y talks to E u r o p e a n students a b o u t their support for the task force, c o n s p i c u o u s b y its absence.

This w e e k K u w a i t i e s i n B r i t a i n b r e a t h e d a sigh of relief as the U N d e a d l i n e o n Iraq a r r i v e d . T h e y h a v e b e e n c a l l e d for the 'rescue' of t h e i r c o u n t r y f r o m the ruthless clutches of H u s s e i n e v e r s i n c e i n f o r m a t i o n about the atrocities started to r e a c h the west. S o m e 4,000 p e o p l e h a v e b e e n t o r t u r e d a n d k i l l e d u n d e r Iraqi rule since A u g u s t . T h e y a r g u e that the i ne v i t able further deaths that w a r w i l l b r i n g to the 19 m i l l i o n K u w a i t i e s still left c a n o n l y be an i m p r o v e m e n t to the s l o w , a g o n i s i n g torture a n d d e a t h t hey h a v e b e e n e x p e r i e n c i n g o v e r the last six m o n t h s .

But do the K u w a i t i e s left w a n t a ' l i b e r a t i n g ' w a r or a u n i t y w i t h Iraq?

W h a t m a y s o u n d r i d i c u l o u s is s i m p l y a n i r r e c o n c i l a b l e difference of cultures b e t w e e n the M i d d l e East a n d the W e s t .

In M o n d a y ' s G e r m a n n e w s p a p e r Die Welt, D r K a r l B e r t z e l stressed the g r o w i n g i m p o r t a n c e of the t w o A r a b i c m o v e m e n t s i n the M i d d l e East. T h e first follows the e x a m p l e of L i b y a , E g y p t a n d Iraq itself, c a l l i n g for the present feudalism, to be r e p l a c e d . T h e a l t e r n a t i v e is a n , as yet, u n d e f i n e d p o l i t i c a l s y s t e m w h i c h , t h r o u g h Islamic influences, w i l l differ f r o m a w e s t e r n style d e m o c r a c y .

T h e s e c o n d calls for the f o u n d i n g of a P a n - A r a b i c n a t i o n . Is the I n v a s i o n of

Kuwait simply a movement towards such a P a n - A r a b i c state, w h i c h c a n n o t be halted b y e x t e r n a l forces s u c h as the U N resolutions? 'It is c r u c i a l to see b o t h sides to the a r g u m e n t ' , e x p l a i n s G e r m a n student M i c h a e l Gross. ' T h e situation i n the Gulf has b e e n b r o u g h t about b y the west. Af t er t h e First W o r l d W a r the U N c a r v e d up the M i d d l e East w i t h almost a r b i t r a r y straight lines. It w a s m i s g u i d e d to assume that the n e w l y s y n t h e s i s e d A r a b countries w o u l d be c o n t e n t w i t h the U N ' s artificial b o r d e r s . C l e a r l y S a d d a m H u s s e i n c a n n o t be a l l o w e d to b e h a v e as he pleases. Iraq c a n justify its actions, b e l i e v i n g that t hey h a v e a right to K u w a i t as their t e n t h state. M e a n w h i l e the U S is bent o n its b l i n k e r e d style of d e m o c r a c y . ' 'In the west w e s m i l e at the profits m a d e b y s e l l i n g Iraq the constituents for c h e m i c a l w e a p o n s a n d n u c l e a r capabilities d u r i n g 'peace time', but o n c e the tables are t u r n e d , w e c o n d e m n t h e use of s u c h artillery', explains F r e n c h engineering student F r a n k V i a l a r o n . ' S u c h an issue c a n o n l y be settled b y the A r a b nations, t h r o u g h a M i d d l e East s u m m i t . ' If the U N s e r i o u s l y w a n t s to protect freedom and democracy they would d e m a n d a r e f e r e n d u m w i t h i n K u w a i t to replace the present U N d e m a n d s . T h e c u r r e n t 'get o u t or p r e p a r e for w a r ' u l t i m a t u m does not a l l o w a n o p t i o n for H u s s e i n to b a c k d o w n gracefully w i t h o u t losing face. If e m p l o y e d f r o m the start s u c h a r e f e r e n d u m w o u l d at least a l l o w a b a c k d o o r to H u s s e i n , so i m p o r t a n t to the A r a b i c s y s t e m . B e r t z e l suggests that it

w o u l d i n c l u d e the w h o l e of t h e K u w a i t i p o p u l a t i o n , not just the r u l i n g elite a n d proposes the f o l l o w i n g a l t e r n a t i v e s : r e m o v i n g the present state of f e u d a l i s m, i n d e p e n d e n c e or u n i f i c a t i o n w i t h Iraq.

'It is n a i v e to t h i n k that the U S has sent troops to the Gulf to protect d e m o c r a c y .

W h y t h e n was a n i n t e r n a t i o n a l task force not sent to S o u t h A f r i c a to e l i m i n a t e a p a r t h e i d . W h e n Iraq d e c l a r e d w a r o n Iran n o t h i n g w a s done . W h e n C h i n a i n v a d e d T i b e t i n 1956 the U N t u r n e d a b l i n d eye. T h e U N has n e v e r acted s t r o n g l y to p r e s e r v e h u m a n rights, p r e f e r i n g s i m p l e d e c l a r a t i o n ' suggests Italian C h e m i c a l E n g i n e e r i n g student M a u r o C o s t a n t i n o . But the F r e n c h p e r c e i v e K u w a i t , as a little w e s t e r n i s l a n d of c a p i t a l i s m i n a sea of A r a b f u n d a m e n t a l i s m , the ' B a n k of the M i d d l e East', a major s u p p l y of o i l a n d ' a paradise of d u t y free fun'. It is t h e i r o w n interests w h i c h are d r i v i n g the U S into w a r . 'In P a n a m a N o r i e g a w a s o n c e a puppet of the U S A . But o n c e h e ' d o v e r s t e p p e d the m a r k a n d his actions no l o n g e r suited the U S , t hey i n v a d e d w i t h o u t hesitation to 're-establish d e m o c r a c y ' , p o i n t s out M a u r o . S a d d a m H u s s e i n is no G e n e r a l N o r i e g a a n d the Gulf is no P a n a m a . Casualties w i l l not o n l y be c o m i n g b a c k in b o d y bags, but i n lead-lined coffins.

Anna Teeman discusses one of the major factors in Arab and its part in the current crisis: FELIX

culture,

The Importance of Face

A s y o u r e a d this the i n f a m o u s m i d n i g h t d e a d l i n e w i l l h a v e passed. A t 5 a m our t i m e o n W e d n e s d a y 16th of J a n u a r y 1990 y o u n g m e n a n d w o m e n m i g h t have a l r e a d y lost t h e i r lives i n a n unjustifiable and worse an avoidable war.

H o w d i d o u r ' m a t u r e ' i n t e r n a t i o n a l or rather A m e r i c a n leaders b r i n g the M i d d l e East to a w a r footing. A m e r i c a n foreign

p o l i c y i n its a r r o g a n c e a n d i g n o r a n c e has s t e a m - r o l l e r e d intelligent d i p l o m a c y in favour of j u v e n i l e w a r m o n g e r i n g .

A m e r i c a n a n d A r a b r h e t o r i c was m a t c h e d i n its hateful c o n t e n t but it meant different things to the t w o sides f r o m w h i c h it c a m e . T h e A m e r i c a n s h e a r d their o w n r h e t o r i c a n d to t h e m casual w a r m o n g e r i n g b e c a m e a f i r m

c o m m i t m e n t to conflict. U n d e r l y i n g A r a b r h e t o r i c w a s an A r a b obsession w i t h not l o s i n g face. A n e x a m p l e : A n E n g l i s h m a n was s t a y i n g i n a hotel in C a i r o as he p u l l e d b a c k his b e d c o v e r s he f o u n d a b e d infested w i t h bugs. H e w e n t d o w n s t a i r s a n d c o l l a r e d the m a n a g e r .

'There's bugs i n m y b e d ' the m a n said, 'Impossible, t h e r e must be s o m e m i s t a k e .

I suggest an a r m wrestle.' T h e E n g l i s h m a n in his n a i v e t y b a t t l e d h a r d o n the first w r e s t l e . T h e n seeing the A r a b ' s face he s a w his quickest w a y to get n e w sheets. T h e A r a b w o n the s e c o n d a n d t h i r d a r m wrestles. A s if b y m a g i c n e w sheets, crisp a n d c l e a n , w a i t e d in his r o o m upstairs. T h e m o r a l of this story is, in A r a b c u l t u r e it is v i t a l n e v e r to lose face.

T h e F r e n c h are h i g h l y adept i n M i d d l e E a s t e r n d i p l o m a c y . T h e y d o n ' t judge the A r a b s but t h e y w o r k w i t h t h e i r c u l t u r e .

T h e F r e n c h h a v e learnt that a l t h o u g h a n A r a b w i l l not lose face, infact because a n A r a b w i l l not lose face, t h e y are masters of fine a n d subtle n e g o t i a t i o n . It c a n be said that in o u r W e s t e r n c u l t u r e w e too do not w a n t to lose face, but rather t h a n n e g o t i a t i o n w e a r r i v e at c o n f r o n t a t i o n .

T h e F r e n c h p e a c e p a c k a g e has t w o c o n d i t i o n s . First a n Iraqi p r o m i s e of withdrawal from Kuwait and second an i n t e r n a t i o n a l c o n f e r e n c e o n the so-called ' P a l e s t i n i a n p r o b l e m ' . W h y is the rest of the W e s t e r n A l l i a n c e so resolute i n it's near h y s t e r i c a l rejection of this life s a v i n g c o m p r o m i s e ? P u b l i c o p i n i o n i n Israel itself is c o n s t a n t l y p u s h i n g for a peaceful e n d to the blood-letting o n the G a z z a Strip a n d the W e s t B a n k .

W h a t w i l l be Israel's r o l e in the near c e r t a i n conflict? Israel has a n 'offensive' defence p o l i c y . U n d e r threat of attack Israel w i l l c r i p p l e her offender. In a l l her w a r s , o n the s t r e n g t h of this p o l i c y , Israel has w o n a n d t h e c o n f r o n t a t i o n s have b e e n short. But h o w short w o u l d a conflict w i t h S a d d a m H u s s e i n ' s Iraq be?

Israel is the w i l d c a r d i n the p a c k . H e r p a r t i c i p a t i o n in a n y conflict transforms alliances n o w standing. E g y p t i a n p o l i c y is clear. E g y p t w i l l fight a l o n g s i d e the W e s t e r n A l l i e s against S a d d a m H u s s e i n but, o n c e Iraq is i n conflict w i t h Israel, E g y p t w o u l d t h e n a l l y w i t h Iraq. T h e M i d d l e East conflict w o u l d t h e n b e c o m e a b l o o d y a n d b i g o t e d ' j i h a d ' or so-called h o l y w a r . N e v e r has there b e e n s u c h a c o n t r a d i c t i o n i n terms.

E v e r y w a r must c o m e to a n e n d a n d at e v e r y e n d t h e r e is a p e a c e c o n f e r e n c e at w h i c h a l l sides must c o m p r o m i s e . E v e n after the h o r r o r s of the S e c o n d W o r l d W a r the c o m p r o m i s e s at its e n d laid the foundations for our m a t u r e a n d stable E u r o p e . T h e A m e r i c a n s a r e w i l l i n g to sacrifice i n f i n i t e l y p r e c i o u s h u m a n lives so that they w i l l sit a r o u n d the table of c o m p r o m i s e later rather t h a n sooner.

W h o is the m a d d e r of the m e n , S a d d a m or George?

Adam Harrington

presents his opinion on the current crisis:

Is W a r

A Solution?

T h r o u g h o u t t h e past m o n t h s the m e d i a a n d the p o l i t i c i a n s have b e e n t a l k i n g blithely about w a r as t h o u g h it w e r e no m o r e u n u s u a l t h a n b u y i n g half a d o z e n eggs.

'Of course w e don't w a n t w a r ' , t h e y say, 'but p r i n c i p l e s must be u p h e l d ' .

A n y b o d y w h o c a n e v e n c o n s i d e r w a r as a v i a b l e o p t i o n has a s e r i o u s l y b a d attitude t o w a r d s h u m a n life.

1 don't w a n t to discuss t h e issues i n v o l v e d in the present g a m e of toy soldiers because i n t w e n t y y e a r s t i m e t h e y w i l l a l l be forgotten. A l l that w i l l be r e m e m b e r e d is that h u n d r e d s of thousands d i e d , if it r e m a i n s a l o c a l w a r , or m i l l i o n s if it doesn't. W h y do I t h i n k this? Because out of the h u n d r e d s of w a r s that have b e e n fought, w h o , apart f r o m historians, c a n say w h y t h e y w e r e fought?

T h e reasons must have s e e m e d fairly c o m p e l l i n g at the t i m e. T h e r e is o n l y one w a r that a fair n u m b e r of p e o p l e k n o w the cause of a n d that is t h e last major one, 1939-1945. W h a t is better k n o w n about that o n e is that it k i l l e d about 40 million people, bankrupted a continent a n d resulted in half of that c o n t i n e n t b e i n g kept u n d e r a grossly unpleasant p o l i t i c a l s y s t e m for the best part of fifty years.

W h o k n o w s the r e a s o n for the V i e t n a m and Korean wars? W h o the Y o m Kippur a n d Six day w a r s , the S p a n i s h C i v i l w a r , the First W o r l d W a r , the C r i m e a n , the B o e r a n d the A m e r i c a n C i v i l w a r ? It goes on a n d o n . T h e reasons m y be different, but the result is the same. S o m e b o d y s o m e w h e r e t h i n k s that p e o p l e are m o r e useful as bags of fertilizer. I h a p p e n to t h i n k I a m m o r e useful a l i v e , a n d I t h i n k e v e r y b o d y else is too.

A n e x t r a o r d i n a r y v e i l c o m e s o v e r the eyes of m a n y p e o p l e w h e n massive p a i n a n d m i s e r y o c c u r . This v e i l has a n o b v i o u s p u r p o s e — t o protect the i n d i v i d u a l ' s s a n i t y f r o m w h a t the i n d i v i d u a l c a n n o t c o p e w i t h . But this v e i l w i l l p r o b a b l y be the u n d o i n g of this c i v i l i s a t i o n , if not of this species. In a n y other s i t u a t i o n , if I was to p r o m o t e the idea that t h o u s a n d s of i n d i v i d u a l s s h o u l d be d e s t r o y e d , I w o u l d r i g h t l y be c o n s i d e r e d to be m a d . Y e t because 'the State' says it's for s o m e n e b u l o u s ' i d e a l ' it's fine, a n d a n y o n e w h o says o t h e r w i s e is a danger to 'the State' a n d its people.

1 daresay that there is a n u m b e r of p e o p l e w h o d i s a p p r o v e of m y v i e w s .

W e l l , to be quite honest I don't c a r e — I ' m not g o i n g to r e m o u l d m y c o n s c i e n c e because of w h a t t h e y say. T h e y have the right to their o w n v i e w s but t h e y have no right to a c t i v e l y p r o m o t e the k i l l i n g of thousands. T h e y are p l a y i n g right into the hands of the p o l i t i c i a n s . T h e t w o most c o m m o n a r g u m e n t s against anti-war v i e w s are that 'if e v e r y b o d y was l i k e y o u then w e w o u l d be o v e r r u n b y a state w e didn't l i k e ' or s o m e t h i n g s i m i l a r . 1 w o u l d

;i>ay that if e v e r y b o d y h a d m y v i e w s o n the subject, n o b o d y w o u l d o v e r r u n a n y b o d y — l i f e is too short to p l a y games like that. T h a t is a pie-in-t he-sky ideal, I k n o w , but so is d e f e n d i n g a n y ideal, l i k e d e m o c r a c y o r the A m e r i c a n d r e a m , for instance.

A n o t h e r a r g u m e n t w o u l d be c o w a r d i c e .

A n y b o d y w h o v o l u n t e e r s to be k i l l e d w h e n s o m e b o d y tells t h e m to is not, i n m y o p i n i o n , b r a v e but r a t h e r d i m - w i t t e d .

1 don't d e n y that I have a h e a l t h y sense of self p r e s e r v a t i o n — a n y o n e w h o didn't w o u l d have d i e d a l o n g t i m e ago. T r y i n g to stay a l i v e is a fairly n a t u r a l t r e n d , a n d a n y o n e w h o c l a i m s o t h e r w i s e is t a l k i n g r u b b i s h . 1 a m c e r t a i n l y n o t frightened to put m y v i e w s f o r w a r d , a n d the o n l y reason I a m t a k i n g the l i b e r t y of d o i n g it n o w is because 1 feel it's the o n l y m e t h o d o p e n to m e to t r y to put a halt to the approaching obscenity.

It depends o n y o u r d e f i n i t i o n of the w o r d , but I w o u l d not c o n s i d e r the v i e w s set out here to be a study of pacifism.

"Certainly, a l l f o r ms of v i o l e n c e against fellow h u m a n s are to be d i s c o u r a g e d nothing unconventional there—but v i o l e n c e i n p e r s o n a l self-defence or defence of those close to y o u is b o u n d to h a p p e n , a n d I w o u l d n ' t l i k e to say that I'd

n e v e r do it. T h e m e r e difference i n scale b e t w e e n a t t a c k i n g s o m e b o d y about to r a p e y o u r sister a n d a full s c a l e w a r a n d the fact 1 accept one a n d not the o t h e r m a y be c o n s i d e r e d o d d . B e a r i n m i n d that a t t a c k i n g a rapist w i l l n o t destroy the h u m a n r a c e a n d that the rapist or the a t t a c k e r has the o p p o r t u n i t y of r u n n i n g a w a y w h e n t h e y have h a d e n o u g h — s o there is a safety v a l v e . If y o u are part of a n a r m y t h e n y o u r o w n c o n s c i e n c e has to be subjugated to the o r d e r s of y o u r superiors. Y o u c a n n o t r u n a w a y , the fight w i l l c o n t i n u e w i t h no safety v a l v e u n t i l t h e r e aren't e n o u g h p e o p l e left to c o n t i n u e it.

M y basic a r g u m e n t against this a n d a n y o t h e r w a r is the simplest o n e ; it kills lots of people. If things start getting v e r y serious e v e r y o n e w i l l have to e x a m i n e their c o n s c i e n c e s — i s it r e a l l y w o r t h k i l l i n g or d y i n g for? M a n y p e o p l e h a v e m a n y different a n s w e r s — m i n e is 'no', a n d I a m not g o i n g to be associated w i t h this most r i d i c u l o u s a n d disgusting trait of h u m a n b e h a v i o u r . I s i n c e r e l y h o p e that there are e n o u g h c i v i l i s e d p e o p l e i n the c o u n t r y w h o have a s i m i l a r point of v i e w to m a k e those w h o start w a r t h i n k t w i c e about its effects.

Sf FELIX

During the countdown to potential chemical warfare in the Gulf, Christopher Riley remembers the consequences of Saddam Hussein's chemical weapon atrocities on the Kurdish people two years ago and examines a seventy year problem, sadly neglected by the United Nations' Human Rights' Commission.

The People That Time Forgot

Iraq has b e e n u s i n g c h e m i c a l w e a p o n s o n its o w n citizens since 1989, w h e n o v e r s i x t y villages w e r e gassed. O n M a r c h 17, 1988, about 6,000 d i e d w h e n the t o w n of H a l a b j a was gassed. A t about 6.00am o n A u g u s t 25, 1988, Iraqi w a r planes dropped chemical weapons over seventy K u r d i s h v i l l a g es i n n o r t h east Iraq. In t h e Bassay v a l l e y , alone, 200 families p e r i s h e d . S u r v i v o r s d e s c r i b e d w h a t it w a s l i k e : 'the p l a n e s d r o p p e d b o m b s , t h e y d i d not p r o d u c e a b i g noise. A y e l l o w i s h c l o u d was c r e a t e d a n d there w a s t h e s m e l l of rotten parsley o r o n i o n s . T h e r e were no wounds, people w o u l d breath the s m o k e , t h e n fall d o w n a n d b l o o d w o u l d c o m e f r o m their m o u t h s . ' In A i k m a l a , eight y e a r o l d A a g i z a s a w b o m b s l a n d . A few m o m e n t s later she w a t c h e d b o t h her parents a n d b r o t h e r fall, t h e i r s k i n s b l a c k e n e d , t h e y w e r e d e a d . A a g i z a e s c a p e d across the b o r d e r to T u r k e y . She c o u g h e d , v o m i t t e d , a n d had blood i n her diarrhoea. H e r skin stung f r o m blisters, w h i c h t o o k m o n t h s to h e a l . T o d a y she is one of the 30,000 Iraqi K u r d i s h refugees l i v i n g r o u g h i n t h e e x t r e m e c l i m a t e of E a s t e r n T u r k e y .

In the r o u n d - u p s w h i c h f o l l o w e d , 3,000 villages w e r e r a z e d to the g r o u n d .

L i v e s t o c k w a s k i l l e d a n d 500,000 p e o p l e w e r e r e m o v e d f r o m their homes. M a n y of the m e n w e r e k i l l e d a n d m u c h of K u r d i s t a n has b e e n m a d e a 'free-fire' z o n e , w h e r e a l l h u m a n s o r l i vest ock are shot o n sight.

Since the i n v a s i o n of K u w a i t , sanctions o n Iraq have sterilised the e c o n o m y of roadsi de shops o n the T u r k i s h b o r d e r .

W i t h the U N d e a d l i n e fast a p p r o a c h i n g

last w e e k , t h e T u r k i s h K u r d s a r o u n d the S i l o p i V a l l e y i n south-eastern T u r k e y w e r e p r e p a r i n g for the w o r s t . In s u c h a n erratic r e g i o n , l a c k i n g s a n c t u a r y a n d w h e r e l i g h t e n i n g a l w a y s s t r i k e s twice, buses out of the r e g i o n a l c a p i t a l D i y a r b a k i r w e r e fully b o o k e d up a n d p h a r m a c i s t s h a d s o l d out of the antidote to m u s t a r d gas.

T h e g o v e r n m e n t s of T u r k e y , Iraq a n d Iran are u n d e r s t a n d a b l y c o n c e r n e d about the P o l i t i c a l a m b i t i o n s of the K u r d s but it c a n b e seen that the r e p r e s s i o n p r a c t i s e d at the m o m e n t is o n l y g e n e r a t i n g u r b a n t e r r o r i s m a n d d o i n g n o t h i n g to solve t h e problems.

F r o m the 16th C e n t u r y the O t t o m a n a n d P e r s i a n E m p i r e s a l l o w e d the K u r d i s h tribes almost t o t a l a u t o n o m y i n r e t u r n for k e e p i n g the p e a c e o n t h e i r r e m o t e o p e n borders. The Kurdish people, w h o are I n d o - E u r o p e a n , have their o w n P e r s i a n based language and culture. A l t h o u g h there is n o r e l i a b l e estimate of their n u m b e r s , t h e r e are b e l i e v e d to b e b e t w e e n 20 a n d 2 5 m i l l i o n . A t the e n d of W o r l d W a r I, the O t t o m a n e m p i r e was c a r v e d up a n d the K u r d s f o u n d themselves homeless and scattered over T u r k e y , Iran, Iraq, S y r i a a n d the USSR. In Iran five m i l l i o n K u r d s h a v e b e e n suppressed s i n c e the 1920s: their language, i n s p o k e n o r w r i t t e n f o r m , a n d their c u l t u r e , b a n n e d . In 1946 the K u r d s of M a h a b a d s u c c e e d e d i n d e c l a r i n g a n i n d e p e n d e n t r e p u b l i c , but it o n l y lasted a few m o n t h s b e f o r e a u t h o r i t i e s h a n g e d t h e ringleaders. S i n c e the Islamic r e v o l u t i o n T e h r a n has refused a l l requests for Kurdish autonomy.

FELIX

In Iraq there w e r e n u m e r o u s revolts.

D u r i n g the late 1980s c h e m i c a l w e a p o n s w e r e used o n a holocaust scale not seen since W o r l d W a r I. W i t h i n a w e e k , tens of thousands of Iraqi K u r d s , m a n y b e a r i n g fresh w o u n d s f r o m c h e m i c a l w e a p o n s were arriving i n Turkey. This was hardly the place to seek s a n c t u a r y . T u r k e y h a d t u r n e d a b l i n d e y e to the Iraqi attacks of the 1980s, a l l o w i n g rape of b o r d e r villages b y Iraqi troops.

In T u r k e y a l m o s t ten m i l l i o n K u r d s a r e f o r b i d d e n to use t h e i r o w n l anguag e despite the fact that m a n y K u r d s c a n o n l y speak t h e i r K u r d i s h m o t h e r l a n g u a g e .

E v e n the w o r d ' K u r d ' is b a n n e d . T h e y a r e officially k n o w n as ' M o u n t a i n T u r k s ' . In the 1920s a n d 1930s the K u r d s r e b e l l e d against this d i s c r i m i n a t i o n . In response the T u r k i s h a u t h o r i t i e s s u p p r e s s e d t h e m , w i t h great force, d e p o r t i n g up to o n e m i l l i o n p e o p l e w e s t w a r d s f r o m their homeland.

W h e n the K u r d i s h m e m b e r of T u r k e y ' s p a r l i a m e n t p u b l i c l y stated 'In T u r k e y there are K u r d s . I t o o a m a K u r d ' , he was f o u n d guilty of ' p r o p a g a n d a a i m e d at w e a k e n i n g n a t i o n a l feelings' a n d c o n d e m n e d to t w o y e a r s i m p r i s o n m e n t with hard labour. This Turkish apartheid has b e e n i n f o r c e for s i x t y y e a r s n o w a n d has resulted i n the rise of a M a r x i s t g u e r r i l l a g r o u p , the K u r d i s h W o r k e r s ' P a r t y ( P K K ) fighting for i n d e p e n d e n c e . In desperat i on t h e y h a v e h a d to resort to v i o l e n c e : a t t a c k i n g g o v e r n m e n t forces a n d those w h o c o o p e r a t e w i t h t h e m .

D u r i n g m y travels a r o u n d T u r k i s h K u r d i s t a n , i n 1989, I f o u n d a lot of resentment f o r the T u r k s , w h o s e silent

c o o p e r a t i o n w i t h Iraq a n d Iran seems to be d e d i c a t e d t o w a r d s the t o t a l a n n i h i l a t i o n of their ' p a r a s i t i c ' m i n o r i t y people. B u t t h e K u r d s are a p r o u d race a n d refuse to see the d e a t h of their language a n d c u l t u r e . In t h e a n c i e n t lakeside t o w n of V a n , I f o u n d K u r d s s i n g i n g K u r d i s h f r e e d o m songs i n the b a s e m e n t of their k i l i m shop.

'When the snow comes to the high Mountain, When the nightingale is sad, I can feel freedom and see freedom, But cannot catch it—I can only drink the water That comes from the mountain, And then I think I touch freedom.

When I see the Snowy Mountain, and when I think of you my lover My soul starts to dance in my body.

I am afraid my lover, I will not see you again, My eyes are filled with tears, For there are two things in life of which I am afraid.

Parting and death.' ( c o nt i nue d overleaf)

12

13

M e h m e t , t h e o w n e r of the shop, was a h u m a n rights l a w y e r , p r e p a r i n g to start his P h D i n E u r o p e . A b d o l , a childhood friend, helped BffirWK to r u n the c a r p e t shop. In ^•JLUa^B their y o u t h t h e y h a d b o t h b e e n arrested a n d b e a t e n w i t h t r u n c h e o n s . L i k e m a n y o t h e r K u r d s , their n a t i o n a l identities h a d b e e n forged a n d n u r t u r e d b y this s u p p r e s s i o n . P u n i s h m e n t a n d tortures t h e y h a d w i t n e s s e d i n v o l v e d f o r c i n g w o m e n to sit o n b r o k e n bottles, or b e i n g s t r i p p e d a n d blasted w i t h h i g h pressure w a t e r . After the a b d u c t i o n a n d m u r d e r of his parents, A b d o l ' s y o u n g e r b r o t h e r left h o m e to join t h e P K K guerrillas i n t h e m o u n t a i n s . F o r o v e r a y e a r A b d o l tried to contact h i m s e a r c h i n g the c o u n t r y s i d e , a r m e d w i t h p h o t o g r a p h s .

S u c h is the s e c r e c y of the P K K ' s m o v e m e n t s that he has not seen his b r o t h e r since he left h o m e . M o s t K u r d s d i s a p p r o v e of t h e P K K ' s v i o l e n t m e t h o d s , but w i t h g o v e r n m e n t b r u t a l i t y o n t h e increase A b d o l ' s p r i d e i n w h a t his b r o t h e r is d o i n g is also i n c r e a s i n g .

T h e r e are a l l e g e d l y o v e r 400,000 troops in the K u r d i s h areas, a r b i t r a r i l y a r r e s t i n g villagers a n d frequently b e a t i n g u p a n d torturing them to obtain information about the P K K . M a n y detainees die u n d e r these c o n d i t i o n s . In J a n u a r y , 1989, a mass g r a v e w a s r e p o r t e d l y f ound i n a refuse tip outside Siirt. A g o v e r n m e n t i n q u i r y w a s ' i n c o n c l u s i v e ' . O v e r 300 l o c a l K u r d s r e m a i n u n a c c o u n t e d for, f o l l o w i n g s u c h arrests.

T h e r e is a real danger that if K u r d i s h c o m m u n i t i e s are not a l l o w e d to practise, a n d cultivate their c u l t u r e , p o l i t i c a l groups w i l l t u r n to v i o l e n c e to fight t h e life t h r e a t e n i n g c o n d i t i o n s de l i be r a t e ly inflicted o n t h e m b y their n e i g h b o u r s .

T h e actions of Iran, Iraq, a n d T u r k e y , n e e d c o n d e m n i n g o n the i n t e r n a t i o n a l scale w h i c h has p r o v e d s o effective i n

STUDENT LOANS As from January 11th the office dealing with student loans will be R o o m 335, L e v e l 3, Sherfield Building.

For the first weeks only the arrangements are as follows: The office will open from 1.15 to 3.15 every day and students wishing to apply for a loan must book an appointment in person v i a the Student Finance Office, R o o m 344, Level 3, Sherfield Building.

In the light of demand these arrangements may be subject to review after January 25th a n d any revisions will be advertised in advance.

Full-time home undergraduate students wishing to establish their eligibility for a loan from the Student Loans Company Ltd should not come to the office unless they can b r i n g with them the following documents:

forcing change in unacceptable g o v e r n m e n t policies e l s e w h e r e i n t h e w o r l d . Iraq is i n v i o l a t i o n of the 1948 Convention o n Genocide, yet no country c h a l l e n g e d it, u n d e r m i n i n g t h e c r e d i b i l i t y of this i n t e r n a t i o n a l law. W i t h o u t c o n d e m n a t i o n , there is n o t h i n g to stop other g o v e r n m e n t s f r o m e x t e r m i n a t i n g their o w n m i n o r i t y p e o p l e .

THE WEST LONDON CHAPLAINCY

OXFAM LUNCH Tuesday Lunchtimes Between 12.30pm-1.30pm ' O x f a m b e l i e v e s i n the essential d i g n i t y of p e o p l e a n d their ability to o v e r c o m e the p r o b l e m s and pressures w h i c h c a n c r u s h a n d e x p l o i t t h e m . These m a y be r o o t e d i n c l i m a t e o r g e o g r a p h y , o r i n the m o r e c o m p l e x a r e a of e c o n o m i c , p o l i t i c al a n d social conditions.'

(Field Director's H a n d b o o k )

a) For students b o r n in the United Kingdom— Birth/adoption certificate or F o r students b o r n outside the United K i n g d o m — a passport and a letter or other document from a responsible person—a minister of religion, doctor, lawyer, teacher, established ci vil servant, police officer or consular officer— w h i c h contains particulars of the student's date, place and country of birth and the student's names at birth. b) Letter of advice from a local education authority confirming a mandatory award. c) Evidence of a bank/building society account, i.e. the production of a cheque book, passbook or bank statement w h i c h shows clearly the account number and sort code.

eat a simple m e a l consi sti ng of b r e a d a n d cheese. F o r this w e ask for a d o n a t i o n of S I . 0 0 a n d the proceeds w i l l then be g i v e n to O x f a m — a c h a r i t y o r g ani s at i on

Without these documents we cannot process requests for a loan.

January 1991 T Cullen Assistant Registrar

W e can be found i n the F o y e r of the Bessemer Building (off the w a l k w a y b e t w e e n M e c h E n g a n d E l e c Eng).

E v e r y o n e is w e l c o m e to c o m e a l o n g .

T h e W e s t L o n d o n C h a p l a i n c y is c u r r e n t l y r u n n i n g a n O x f a m L u n c h i n College every Tuesday lunchtime from 12.30pm-1.30pm. T h e idea is t o c o m e a l o n g and

w h i c h is c o m m i t t e d to w o r k i n g alongside people internationally o n a w i d e range of d e v e l o p m e n t issues eg. c o n c e r n i n g the e n v i r o n m e n t , economics and education.

human

rights,

A rundown of some of the facilities available at the Sports Centre in Princes Gardens.

Make a Splash T h e I m p e r i a l College Sports C e n t r e is o p e n to a l l students a n d staff of I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e a n d to m e m b e r s of the p u b l i c .

Situated opposite S o u t h s i d e o n the n o r t h s i d e of P r i n c e s G a r d e n s it offers m a n y facilities to its, users f r o m S q u a s h courts a n d a w e i g h t s r o o m to the 2 5 m e t r e s w i m m i n g p o o l . C o m p a r e d to p u b l i c sports a m e n i t i e s it is v e r y c h e a p a n d to further the cause of cost c ut t i ng, season tickets c a n be p u r c h a s e d for the year.

Instruction i n s w i m m i n g is b a s e d a r o u n d levels a n d age g r o u p s to suit y o u r needs a n d i n c l u d e s tuition for c h i l d r e n .

Lessons a r e a v a i l a b l e for adults o n W e d n e s d a y s a n d F r i d a y s ( W o m e n only)

for b e g i n n e r s a n d i m p r o v e r s . Lessons cost ÂŁ2.00 p e r session a n d are h e l d i n t h e evening.

F o r c h i l d r e n there are t w o sets of lessons for the u n d e r a n d o v e r fives. T h e u n d e r fives c a n b e g i n o n this S a t u r d a y , the 19th, w i t h sessions b e g i n n i n g at 1 0 a m a n d 10.30am. T h e lessons a r e h e l d e v e r y S a t u r d a y a n d m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n c a n be sought b y c o n t a c t i n g Soussi K e r m a n f r o m M i n i M u s c l e s L t d o n 071-235 3807. T h e fives a n d o v e r s are taught b y N o r m a n Jones w i t h lessons o n M o n d a y to F r i d a y , c o s t i n g ÂŁ21 for 6 sessions. People a r e u r g e d to b o o k e a r l y to a v o i d d i s a p p o i n t m e n t as t h e y have a l r e a d y started!

A B r o n z e M e d a l l i o n course i n life s a v i n g c a n also be o b t a i n e d b y t r a i n i n g at the centre. Sports centres a r e a l w a y s l o o k i n g for c a s u a l staff a n d a ' B r o n z e M e d a l l i o n ' is a p r e r e q u i s i t e of e m p l o y m e n t . A certificate is p r a c t i c a l l y a g u a r a n t e e of w o r k ! ! T h e c o u r s e is r u n o n T h u r s d a y s a n d goes o n for ten w e e k s . It c o m p r i s e s a t h e o r y a n d p r a c t i c a l s e c t i on w h i c h r u n c o n s e c u t i v e l y f r o m 8.30pm to 1 0 p m . T h e cost f r o m I m p e r i a l College Students is ÂŁ30 a n d to o t h e r s ÂŁ40.

F o r further i n f o r m a t i o n o n a n y of t h e a b o v e c a l l i n at the Sports C e n t r e o r t e l e p h o n e o n 071 589 5111 e x t e n s i o n 3038/9.

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W O M E N O N L Y W E I G H T S SESSIONS M o n d a y 6-7pm T h u r s d a y 1.30-2.30pm SQUASH COURTS 8.15am-9.15pm (9.00-4.30pm Saturday) WEIGHTS G Y M 8.00am-9.00pm (8.00am-4.30pm Sat)

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Carter -Blood Sport For All 12" thing.

T h e s e c o n d B-side is p o s s i b l y e v e n Forest, w o r s e . T h i n k of Creaming Jesus's m a k e the c o v e r about a m i l l i o n times w o r s e , r e m o v e the h u m o u r a n d y o u ' l l h a v e a n a p p r o x i m a t i o n of Carter's version of Bedsitter. M a r k A l m o n d must be s p i n n i n g i n his B r y l - C r e a m e d hair. T h i s made me shake.

T h e Paleoethnobotanist.

mmim O h g o d , this s o u n d s l i k e The Sweet. V e r y g l a m m y . T h e h o r n s list i m m e d i a t e l y i n t h e i r glorious hideousness, b u t the guitars w i l l p r o b a b l y g r o w , despite t h e essentially c o n t i n u e d a n d o v e r - p r o d u c e d nature of the t h i n g .

T h e i n t r o d u c t i o n is p r o m i s i n g apart f r o m the h o r n s , but b y half-way t h r o u g h seems to lose its w a y a n d gets v e r y repetitive i n a R a d i o O n e sort of w a y w h i c h is the w h o l e point of this r e c o r d -

C a r t e r w a n t a hit a n d a p p e a r to w a n t it b a d . H a v i n g s a i d that this is p r o b a b l y a lot better t h a n most of w h a t gets p l a y e d o n ' W o n d e r f u l R a d i o O n e ' , a n d if y o u l i k e t h e m before y o u ' l l p r o b a b l y still l i k e t h e m now.

T h e first B-side, 2001: A Clockwork Orange is a n exact c a r b o n c o p y of O z b y Casandra Complex, w i t h a n e x t r e m e l y u n i m a g i n a t i v e d u b o v e r t h e top. G o d a n d T h e o m a n i a y o u r s e l f a n d listen to the r e a l

osport

Blackbird

The Real People

-Compilation

-Let Me In 12"

Album

Blackbird are t w o b r o t h e r s . Blackbird are A m e r i c a n . Blackbird have t o u r e d w i t h Red Lorry Yellow Lorry a n d it s h o w s .

T h e same d r i v i n g rhythms a n d repetitive guitar riffs c a n be f o u n d o n this a l b u m , a c o m p i l a t i o n of their 'bent' t r a c k s so far.

U n f o r t u n a t e l y for t h e m , t h e Lorries s i m i l a r i t y doesn't quite c o m e off.

Blackbird h a v e n ' t got quite e n o u g h p o w e r , e n o u g h b l a c k i n t h e i r hearts, to

d e l i v e r a c r u s h i n g e n o u g h beat. T h e o r d e r i n g of t h e a l b u m does t h e m n o favours either, j u m p i n g f a i r l y r a n d o m l y b e t w e e n the r o c k i e r side of teir n a t u r e a n d a n a l m o s t electro sensibility. A g a i n , y o u get the feeling this isn't quite w o r k i n g as well—soft t i n g e d electro is to n o b o d i e s taste. A n d t h e m u s i c pales into insignificance w h e n c o m a p a r e d to stablemates Revolting Cocks.

O h , I've r u n out of things to say.

P e r h a p s this is s i g n i f i c a n t — t h e a l b u m leaves y o u feeling slightly n u m b i n a soporific w a y . It's m a i n l y the v o i c e , the o n e constant factor t h r o u g h o u t the L P .

It's strong, b u t so's a l u m p of steel that's h a r d l y interesting.

O n e t r a c k is quite i n t e r e s t i n g — a L o u Reed cover seemingly heavily influenced b y s o m e sort of electro-beat, p e r h a p s the best song o n the L P a n d p o i n t i n g the w a y to the future?

Blackbird m a y have a future a h e a d of t h e m if t h e y c a n escape t h e i r influences a n d l e a r n to live a bit. E v e n the Lorries changed eventually.

T h e Paleoethnobotanist.

C B S h a v e o b v i o u s l y g o n e l o o k i n g for the 'trendy northern sound' a n d have come out the other side w i t h The Real People.

Sure, t h e y h a v e n i c k e d 77ie Farm's t w i d d l y g u i t a r line a n d The Charlatan's b a g g y bits to a c h i e v e a n ' a u t h e n t i c ' M a n c h e s t e r s o u n d that n i c e l y fits the a c c e p t e d m o u l d , a n d it l o l l o p s a r o u n d at its o w n h a p p y - g o - l u c k y p a c e , perfectly at h o m e v i b r a t i n g y o u r r i b c a g e o n the d a n c e floor a n d ust as w e l l o n the five watt stereo.

So this begs the question, do a c c o u n t a n t s a n d b u s i n e s s m e n have taste?

N o , of course not. T h e l i k es of Dee-Lite have s h o w n the w a y f o r w a r d , effectively stealing the w i n d f r o m M a n c h e s t e r ' s sail, a n d s e e i n g as C B S have t r i e d to find 'the c u t t i n g e d g e ' t h e y ' v e shot themselves i n the foot, as t h e y are about a y e a r b e h i n d e v e r y o n e else. Still, w h y b e l i e v e m e — m y hot tip for the y e a r is Abba.

John.

C o l l e g e Day F o l l o w i n g M o n d a y night's C o u n c i l : A n E x t r a o r d i n a r y G e n e r a l M e e t i n g of the U n i o n w i l l be c a l l e d to discuss (hopefully for the last time) a n y p r o p o s e d changes to the C o l l e g e day. T h i s w i l l be the o n l y i t e m of business. I h o p e to i n v i t e s e v e r a l m e m b e r s of C o l l e g e staff to participate i n the debate. T h e m e e t i n g w i l l be h e l d o n T u e s d a y 22 J a n u a r y , 1.00pm i n the J C R .

A t its n e x t s c h e d u l e d m e e t i n g o n M o n d a y 28 J a n u a r y , 1 a n t i c i p a t e the w o r k i n g party w i l l m a k e its final r e p o r t â&#x20AC;&#x201D; this is thus p o t e n t i a l l y y o u r last c h a n c e to v o i c e y o u r o p i n i o n o n the m a t t e r .

A l s o , I r e c o m m e n d that a l l ' s t u d e n t s w h o either a g r e e or disagree w i t h w o r k i n g 9-6, w r i t e a n a p p r o p r i a t e letter to their h e a d of d e p a r t m e n t , c o p y i n g it to the Rector, S i r E r i c A s h a n d myself. T h i s gives m e m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n to b r i n g to the w o r k i n g p a r t y .

Census A n y o n e interested in e a r n i n g Easter for a p p r o x i m a t e l y t w o h e l p i n g w i t h the 1991 census for a n a p p l i c a t i o n f o r m f r o m Office.

ÂŁ410 o v e r weeks work please ask the U n i o n

Research Assistants M o v e s are afoot to g i v e R A ' s o n a three y e a r course of study, full U n i o n status.

W a t c h this space for m o r e details.

UNION

BAR

open P a u l Shanley, ICU President.

FOR R U G B Y UNION INTERNATIONALS A . C . C . Bit ACC Elections N o m i n a t i o n s for A C C H o n o r a r y Secretary are needed. T h e E l e c t i o n w i l l be held o n T h u r s d a y 27 J a n u a r y at the A C C G e n e r a l M e e t i n g . G r a n t c l a i m forms to be in to a l l T r e a s u r e r s ' p i g e o n h o l e s b y F r i d a y 25 January.

Note to a l l users of the U n i o n B u i l d i n g .

T h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g is c l o s e d strictly b e t w e e n the hours of m i d n i g h t a n d 8.00am o n w e e k d a y s a n d S a t u r d a y mornings, and between midnight and 9.00am o n S u n d a y m o r n i n g s .

A n y p e r s o n or group r e q u i r i n g access d u r i n g these hours s h o u l d t o n t a c t B e n j a m i n T u r n e r , D e p u t y President, to a r r a n g e access in a d v a n c e .

19th J a n , 2nd Feb, Feb, 2nd M a r c h ,

16th 16th

March F R O M 1.30pm O N W A R D S games

televised

on big

screen

ICU

BOOKSTORE

SALE Selected lines of books, stationery and cards are to be cleared at ridiculous prices UP T O 50% OFF!!

IMPERIAt COLLEGE

Monday 28th January to Thursday 31st January

SUGGESTIONS SNACK

BAR

the new 'cosmopolitan' range * H o m e b a k e d Italian pizzas (7" & 12") * P i t t a break w i t h c h i c k e n t i k k a , taramasolata, tzisiki, homous, s m o k e d mackerel * S a m o s a s & onion bhajees

Plus: Toasties, doughnuts with custard, apple and jam fillings Orange and apple juice, hot chocolate and a wide selection of the world's finest teas

As well as: The usual cooked meals and freshly prepared rolls and sandwiches

If you have any suggestions for records for the Juke Box OR machines for the Games Room. Let us know in the Union Office.

GAMES ROOM After the w e e k e n d , the games r o o m w i l l reopen w i t h new decor, a pool table and a different range of machines.

In the early days two J a m a i c a n lads w o r k e d together as welders they w e r e b o t h to b e c o m e legends, one was Bob M a r l e y and the other D e s m o n d D e k k e r .

F r o m such h u m b l e roots this former superstar n o w has risen to such a height as to play, for the first time ever, Imperial College U n i o n . D e s m o n d ' s m i x of reggae and s k a w i t h a w i c k e d funky upfront boogie has brought the inimitable sound of D e s m o n d D e k k e r into millions of homes throughout his incredible career. Most famous of his hits is The Israelites w h i c h sold o v e r five m i l l i o n

copies w o r l d w i d e and was the first reggae single to r e a c h n u m b e r one i n the U K .

N o w used for countless T V c o m m e r c i a l s D e s m o n d is hot stuff at the m o m e n t .

Definitely one of the highlights of the year. â&#x20AC;˘ A l s o p l a y i n g tonight are three other superb bands: Sax Appeal (yes Sax!) are another funky outfit. T h e y are an instrumental b a n d w i t h eight sax players, guaranteed to m a k e even the heaviest shoes g r o o v e to the funky s o u n d a n d m a k e the limpest of wrists b e c o m e erect

E

again.

In complete contrast the Love Kittens have a m u c h m o r e up to date sound. A t first sight they appear to be a typical indi pop/dance crossover following the recent upsurge in popularity this music is h a v i n g at the m o m e n t . But they are not, they have s o m e t h i n g that the rest of these bands, eg Northside/The High etc do not have w h i c h is originality. R a v e reviews from all the music press have made this one of the finds of 1990 a n d a sure thing for success in 1991. W h e n t h e y are on T o p of the Pops later this y e a r r e m e m b e r

w h e r e y o u saw t h e m first. O h y e a h , they are not from Manchester!

The last b a n d of the night, yet the first to appear, w i l l be Boy Girl Soup. A n y o n e w h o saw t h e m at Freshers' W e e k w i l l k n o w they n e e d no i n t r o d u c t i o n . But if y o u missed it then they are a y o u n g b a n d in their infancy in R o c k ' n ' R o l l terms, on the verge of signing a large r e c o r d deal.

T h e i r influences stem from The Wonderstuff, PWEI, Band of Holy Joy etc.

A very professional a n d again o r i g i nal band, not to be missed.

G

A s usual there are other forms of entertainment happening tonight such as a casino, w h e r e fortunes c a n be w o n or lost; cocktails, w h e r e y o u r guts can be w o n or lost, a n d the same for the bugers' stall. Some films w i l l be s h o w n if y o u like films, dark places or y o u love to put y o u r hands d o w n y o u r pants for a l o n g time a n d not get caught! The IC Ents Disco w i l l be going strong a n d l o u d w i t h the last tunes in recent months, years or decades until 3 a m . A n d w h a t is p r o b a b l y most i m po r t ant to the boys w i t h attitude problems a n d large bellies is a late bar

until 2 a m .

The w h o l e e v e n i n g starts at 8 p m in the U n i o n B u i l d i n g a n d will cost y o u ÂŁ3.50 if y o u buy in a d v a n c e from the U n i o n Office. If y o u have an ents c a r d y o u can save a p o u n d . If y o u want to try a n d get i n o n the door, a n d if there are a n y tickets left then the cost is ÂŁ4.50.

E v e r y o n e t h o u g h m a k e sure y o u are in posession of y o u r U n i o n c a r d w h i c h w i l l allow y o u entrance a n d to admit two guests. H a v e a good e v e n i n g and enjoy!!!

B J , Ents C h a i r .

M

Extraordinary General Meeting

Tuesday 22 January 1.00pm in the J C R This meeting has been called to discuss the proposed lengthening of the college day. It is vital that anyone with feelings on this subject attend, as the working party have discounted all previous referendums and meetings, claiming them to be unrepresentative.

T H I S IS Y O U R L A S T C H A N C E T O T E L L C O L L E G E T O F U C K O F F B E F O R E T H E Y SHIT O N US F R O M ON HIGH.

18

Clubs & Socs Wing Chun

Scout & Canoeing Guide

The Imperial College W i n g C h u n K u n g F u C l u b has h a d a n e x c e l l e n t A u t u m n t e r m w i t h standards of a c h i e v e m e n t a n d t r a i n i n g m a i n t a i n e d at a h i g h l e v e l b y the e x p e r t k n o w l e d g e of M a s t e r S i d Sofos.

Events i n c l u d e d gradings, c h a r i t y events (raising o v e r £1,000 for deaf children) a n d our a n n u a l C h r i s t m a s d i n n e r .

A d e m o n s t r a t i o n of the p r i n c i p l e s of W i n g C h u n w i l l be held o n W e d n e s d a y 23 J a n u a r y at 1.30pm in the U n i o n G y m . A n e w b e g i n n e r s class w i l l start o n W e d n e s d a y 30 J a n u a r y . B y t r a i n i n g i n W i n g C h u n y o u d e v e l o p a m e a n s of selfdefence w h i c h increases self-confidence i n c r e a s i n g self-respect, but K u n g F u is m u c h m o r e t h a n fighting.

It is a w a y of d i s c i p l i n i n g the m i n d to achieve higher mental concentration and a fascinating insight into y o u r o w n personal emotions and behaviour.

So m u c h for the m a r t i a l , W i n g C h u n is also an art h e n c e the t e r m m a r t i a l art.

T h e art is r e v e a l e d i n the b e a u t y of the p h y s i c a l m o v e m e n t s a n d the p h i l o s o p h i e s o p e n i n g up a w o r l d m a n y o v e r l o o k .

C o m e a l o n g to the d e m o n s t r a t i o n y o u have n o t h i n g to lose a n d e v e r y t h i n g to gain.

F o r a l l y o u g r u e s o m e turtle dudes w h o missed out, here's a taster of w h a t h a p p e n e d last t e r m . F o r starters w e h a d spaghetti b o l o g n e s e up i n the P e a k District. T h e w e a t h e r w a s good, as a l w a y s , e x c e p t for the c l o u d a n d r a i n w h i c h lasted a l l w e e k e n d . A g o o d l a u g h was h a d as w e c o n v i n c e d freshers that t h r o w i n g y o u r s e l f off r o c k faces in the freezing c o l d is T H E t h i n g to do. D u r i n g d i n n e r P h i l 'I k n o w h o w to prussok' W i c k e n s f o u n d himself stuck, a n d h a d to eat s u s p e n d e d (rather painfully) f r o m the c e i l i n g . A s e a r c h for s a n i t y led us to the l o c a l pub a n d t h e n the s i l l y games began...

Conservative A f t e r last w e e k ' s article i n F E L I X o n the L a b o u r C l u b , it is o n l y fair that the C o n S o c has its say.

T h e C o n S o c is still b y far the largest, most active a n d most enjoyable p o l i t i c a l s o c i e t y i n C o l l e g e . Just i n t h e last t e r m w e have t w o v e r y successful s p e a k e r meetings w i t h C e c i l P a r k i n s o n a n d E d w i n a C u r r i e , a c o u p l e of p a r t i e s — o n e of w h i c h was at the H o u s e of C o m m o n s .

S o m e of o u r m e m b e r s w e r e able to m e e t the n e w P r i m e M i n i s t e r, M r J o h n Major and congratulate h i m personally.

T h i s t e r m , w e have e v e n m o r e events to c o m e of b o t h p o l i t i c a l n a t u r e s . F o r e x a m p l e , m e m b e r s m a y c o m e to our prestigious A n n u a l D i n n e r , w i t h special guest E n o c h P o w e l l .

Despite w h a t y o u m a y b e l i e v e , our m e m b e r s ' v i e w s reflect the entire s p e c t r u m of o p i n i o n w i t h i n the C o n s e r v a t i v e Party.

T o find out m o r e about our activities, do c o m e to o u r l u n c h t i m e meetings e v e r y F r i d a y at 1 2 . 3 0 p m in P h y s i c s 737.

T h e n e x t w e e k e n d w e .all p i l e d into the b a c k of a m i n i b u s w i t h our gear a n d h e a d e d up to the M i d l a n d s . O k a y , so there are n o m o u n t a i n s in the M i d l a n d s , but there are canals. E q u i p p e d w i t h t w o barges w e m a n a g e d to w r e a k h a v o c o n the B r i t i s h w a t e r w a y s t h r o u g h non-stop waterfights, b r i d g e h o p p i n g a n d e x t r e m e l y bad driving.

A f t e r a c o u p l e of w e e k s d r y i n g out w e p a c k e d our bags o n c e m o r e a n d h e a d e d off to S o u t h W a l e s this t i m e . D e s t i n a t i o n the B l a c k M o u n t a i n s s t a y i n g i n a v i l l a g e h a l l for the w e e k e n d . M o s t p e o p l e w e n t off w a l k i n g in e x t r e m e l y s t r o n g w i n d s , a l t h o u g h the h a r d - c o r e r o c k c l i m b e r s m a n a g e d to m a k e it to the l o c a l cafe. T h e highlight of the w e e k e n d w a s a visit to A b e r g a v e n n y ' s trendiest p u b p a c k e d w i t h S h a r o n s , T r a c y s , a n d K e v the Lads.

T h a n k s go to N i c k a n d J i m for n e a r l y getting us k i c k e d out.

B y the e n d of t e r m m o s t p e o p l e w e r e w o r n out, a n d so o n l y f o u r t e e n of us set off to Y o r k s h i r e . T h i s t u r n e d out to be the laziest a n d most l u x u r i o u s w e e k e n d ever. T h e hut h a d t h i r t y beds, s h o w e r s , baths, a T V , a p o o l table a n d a m i c r o w a v e o v e n . A f t e r c r a w l i n g out of b e d at 11 o ' c l o c k a c o u p l e of us lept o n to o u r b i k e s a n d c y c l e d o v e r the Whernside plateau and up Ingleborough H i l l . R e a c h i n g the top at 4 o ' c l o c k w e rode b a c k d o w n i n the p i t c h b l a c k , t h a n k f u l l y w i t h o u t falling off. W h i l s t s o m e m a n a g e d to go out w a l k i n g , others p r e f e r r e d to stay i n w a t c h i n g W a c - a - D a y a n d v i s i t i n g the p u b o p p o s i t e .

O v e r the C h r i s t m a s h o l i d a y the w i n t e r tour w e n t up to F o r t W i l l i a m i n S c o t l a n d for a w e e k , b u t that's a l o n g story. If this sounds l i k e y o u r Pot N o o d l e l o o k o n the n o t i c e b o a r d u n d e r Beit A r c h for further details. D i b , D i b , D i b . B e p r e p a r e d .

T h e trip to the U p p e r Dart at the e n d of last t e r m was eventful to say the least.

A r r i v i n g at the campsite o n D a r t m o o r at t w o i n the m o r n i n g a n d p i t c h i n g tents i n i nc he s of s n o w e n d e d of c o u r s e i n a s n o w b a l l fight. T h e j o u r n e y d o w n to the r i v e r o n S a t u r d a y w a s a bit hair r a i s i n g , w i t h o n e in five slopes c o v e r e d i n s n o w . ' W h e r e ' s the road?', was a g o o d q u e s t i o n , but E r i c the d r i v e r c o u l d h a n d l e a n y t h i n g .

O n to the c a n o e i n g a n d the five m i l e stretch of r i v e r w e t a c k l e d was s u p p o s e d to be a c h a l l e n g e for this year's b e g i n n e r s , the l a r g e r rapids, aptly n a m e d the W a s h i n g M a c h i n e a n d t h e l i k e , I'm afraid I can't c o m m e n t o n e x c e p t to say I w a s fished, s p l u t t e r i n g out of most of them.

T h e n e x t m o r n i n g , w e d e c i d e d against frozen wetsuits a n d t o o k t h e s m a l canoes sledging, r a c i n g six year-olds d o w n hills, canoes against plastic t r a y s. T h a t was the perfect e n d to a fun w e e k e n d , one of the best so far.

Snooker The more observant a m o n g y o u will have n o t i c e d that t h e l o n g a w a i t e d t o k e n meters a r e i n o p e r a t i o n . T h i s effectively m e a n s that o n l y m e m b e r s c a n use the club facilities.

T o get y o u r tokens c o m e to the C l u b with your membership card any lunchtime.

T h e q u o t a is t h r e e t o k e n s p e r m e m b e r , per w e e k , four if y o u pay a n e x t r a £1.00 (one-off).

FELIX DEADLINES M o n L u n c h - What's On, Small Ads, Letters Tues L u n c h - Prearranged Features, Reviews, etc A n y t i m e - News Call the Felix Hotline

Ext

3 5 1 5

19

What's On A N UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS IN A N D A R O U N D IMPERIAL COLLEGE. IF Y O U WISH TO ADVERTISE A N E V E N T HERE C O M E INTO T H E FELIX OFFICE B Y M O N D A Y LUNCHTIME.

FRIDAY Hang Gliding 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Come and find out about weekend training. Weekly meeting.

Conservative Soc Meeting 12.30pm Physics 737.

Yacht Club Meeting 12.30pm Huxley 413.

Rag Meeting 12.40pm Union Lounge.

Friday Prayers 1.00pm Southside G y m . See Islamic Society.

Kung Fu 4.30pm Union Gym. 5.00pm C.U. Prayer Meeting 413 Maths.

6.00pm Christian Union Meeting 308 Computing.

Swimming 6.30pm Sports Centre. New members always welcome.

Fencing Club Training 6.40pm Club training.

Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan 7.30pm Southside Gym. Water Polo 7.30pm Sports Centre. Come along and join in.

Southside Disco 3.30pm Southside Bar.

SATURDAY Boat Club Putney Boathouse Kung Fu Club W u Shu Kwan in Southside Gym.

3.00pm 4.30pm

SUNDAY Sunday Service 10.00am Anteroom Sherfield Building. See West London Chaplaincy.

Catholic Chaplaincy Mass ll.OOam 53 Cromwell Road.

Wargames l.OOpm UDH. A l l welcome.

Yoga 10.30am Southside Gym. Kung Fu Club 4.30pm Wu Shu Kwan in the Union Gym. Catholic Mass 6.00pm 53 Cromwell Road, followed by supper.

Boat Club 3.00pm Putney Boathouse.

MONDAY RockSoc Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. A l l abnormalities welcome.

Basketball Club 3.30pm Volleyball Court. Men's Team.

Keep Fit 3.30pm Southside Gym. Rock 'n' Roll Lessons 6.00pm JCR. Intermediate.

Swimming 6.30pm Sports Centre. New members always welcome.

Rock n Roll 7.00pm JCR. Beginners

20

Water Polo 7.30pm Sports Centre. Come along and try one of the most physically demanding sports.

Latin American 8.00pm JCR. Beginners/Improvers

TUESDAY C.U. Prayer Meeting 3.30pm Chaplain's Office 12.30pm Riding Club Meeting Southside Upper Lounge.

Radio Modellers 12.30pm Southside Lounge.

Cathsoc Mass 12.30pm Mech Eng 702. Followed'by lunch.

Sailing Club 12.30pm Southside Lounge.

PhotoSoc l.OOpm Southside Lounge. New members to join.

Jewish Society Meeting 1.30pm Union Dining Hall. A G M . Contact Andrew Preston (Maths 2) for further details.

Radio Modellers 3.30pm Student training workshop, Mech Eng. Keep Fit 3.30pm Southside Gym. Amenesty International 3.30pm Clubs Committee Room. Weekly meeting.

Wine Tasting Soc 6.00pm Union Lounge. Weekly meeting. Everyone welcome Social Ballroom 6.00pm JCR. Beginners.

Canoe Club 6.15pm Beit Quad store or 8.30pm in Southside Upper Lounge.

Judo 6.30pm Union Gym. Latin American 7.00pm JCR. Bronze Medal Class.

Yoga 8.00pm Southside Gym. 3.00pm Cricket Nets Lords. Meet at 7.45pm in Mech Eng Foyer.

Must bring whites.

WEDNESDAY Keep Fit : 12.30pm Southside Gym. l.OOpm No war in the Gulf meeting Mech Eng 220 with speaker Tony Benn.

FBI Society Meeting l.OOpm Maths 340. Negotiating skills with K P M G Peat Marwick McLintock. l.OOpm Cycling Training Meet at Beit A r c h .

Wargames /.OOpm UDH. A l l welcome.

Micro Club Meeting 1.15pm Top floor NW corner Union Building. Every week.

Kung Fu 1.30pm Union Gym. Rowing Club 2.00pm Putney Boathouse.

Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan 7.00pm Southside Gym.

Basketball Club Volleyball Court. Women's Team

7.30pm

Kung Fu Club Union Gym. W u Shu Kwan.

7.30pm

THURSDAY Fencing Training 11.30am Intermediate & advanced coaching.

Balloon Club Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge.

12.30pm Y H A Meeting Southside Upper Lounge.

Postgrad Lunch 12.30pm Chaplains Office (10 Princes Gardens). See West London Chaplaincy.

Fencing Training 12.30pm Beginners Training.

Fencing Training 1.30pm General.

Gliding Club Meeting l.OOpm Aero 266. Come and arrange a trial flight. AH newcomers welcome.

Keep Fit 3.30pm Southside Gym Midweek Service 3.30pm Chaplains Office (10 Prince's Gardens). See West London Chaplaincy.

6.00pm Social Ballroom JCR. Intermediate.

Judo 6.30pm Union Gym. 7.00pm Social Ballroom JCR. Beginners.

7.30pm FilmSoc Film 'The Wall' Mech Eng 220.

3.00pm Latin American JCR. Gold medal class.

Southside Disco J8.30pm Southside Bar. ICCAG Soup Run 3.15pm Meet Weeks Hall Basement to take food to London's homeless.

ANNOUNCEMENTS • A T T E N T I O N all IC Radio members! There will be an important station general meeting for all members on Jan 24 at 1pm in Northside. Bring along your union and membership cards.

• T H E R E A R E STILL a few tickets left for the Guilds Dinner and Dance in the Park Lane Hotel. Available from the Guilds Office, Level 3, Mech Eng. Price £85.00 per double.

• W E D 23 J A N . Maths room 340 at 1pm.

Negotiating skills with K P M G Peat Marwick McLintock.

ACCOMMODATION • F U L H A M F L A T SHARE. Non-smoking PG wanted for single room. Rent £51 pw. Contact Anna on 955 7472 (day) or 731 1375 (eve).

WANTED • W A N T E D : S m a l l car for u n d e r £500.

C o n t a c t C h r i s o n 589 8672 (int 8672).

Scribblers' Corner..

LETTERS

Correct, Just Bullshit m e a n d m y friends c a n go o u t to the pub, h a v e a g a m e of darts a n d t h e n go a n d h a v e Pie, M a s h a n d J e l l i e d Eels. £500 m i l l i o n w o u l d go a v e r y l o n g w a y !

T h e m o n e y s h o u l d not b e spent o n pathetic g o v e r n m e n t b a s h i n g e t h n i c fringe theatres or o n stuck up g r o u p s of w e a l t h y aristos. It s h o u l d be g i v e n to the N H S w h i c h is in n e e d of funds. T a l k i n g of stuck u p g r o u p s of p e o p l e , I bet M a t t h e w Salter likes the arts. W h o k n o w s , that m o n e y c o u l d b e spent o n g i v i n g h i m his b a d l y n e e d e d b r a i n transplant. Af t er J o h n Major has f i n i s h e d w i t h the arts i n d u s t r y he s h o u l d t u r n his eye to t h e matter of p u b l i c schools a n d 'the o l d s c h o o l ties'.

H o w e v e r y o u must feel s o r r y for those p r i v i l e g e d few. P a r t i c u l a r l y w h e n y o u see w h a t the s c h o o l s h a v e m a d e t h e m into.

W e l l I a m i n f o r m e d that t h e arts are B r i t i s h c u l t u r e . B r i t i s h c u l t u r e ? W h a t , a fat Iti i n a dress, p r a n c i n g up a n d d o w n the stage s i n g i n g in a h i g h v o i c e . O r m a y b e B r i t i s h c u l t u r e is m e n w i t h c r i c k e t b o x e s stuffed d o w n the front of their tights,

c h u c k i n g a b o u t an a n o r e x i c w o m a n . W e l l that ain't m y c u l t u r e .

I a m also i n f o r m e d that t h e arts are beautiful to w a t c h . W e l l I find a 40 y a r d pass b y A n d y T o w n s e n d to find K e r r y D i x o n , w h o t h e n scores, as beautiful, but a g a i n this is n o t subsidised.

Last y e a r the R S C h a d to close t w o of its theatres i n the B a r b i c a n because it c o u l d n ' t afford to k e e p t h e m o p e n . W e w e r e told h o w t e r r i b le this w o u l d be for the c o u n t r y . Q u i t e o b v i o u s l y no one g a v e a toss. W h a t n o r m a l p e o p l e are c o n c e r n e d about is if t hey c a n get a b e d in a hospital or t h e i r e l d e r l y parents h a v e e n o u g h m o n e y to s u r v i v e .

T h e g o v e r n m e n t , quite r i g h t l y , refused to subsidise u n p r o f i t a b l e pits w h i c h caused the m i n e r s ' strike. N o r d i d t hey subsidise the u n p r o f i t a b l e d o c k s w h i c h u s e d to be i n the heart of the East E n d .

So w h a t is so b l o o d y s p e c i a l about the arts?

A s a free m a r k e t e e r I don't b e l i e v e a n y o n e ' s l e i s u r e activities s h o u l d be subsidised. B u t if the g o v e r n m e n t insists o n d o i n g this let's subsidise p e n s i o n e r s ' b i n g o , or I'll h a v e s o m e of t h e m o n e y , so

Pro

British Defence

Dear Andy, In his letter last w e e k , J a s o n P i k e stated that, ' A l l those w r i t i n g against the right to a b o r t i o n h a v e i n v o k e d G o d as the a u t h o r i t y justifying their case'.

I w o u l d l i k e to point out that the I C U Pro-Life Soci ety is non-religious, a n d a n y letters or articles w r i t t e n o n behalf of the society h a v e not a n d w i l l n o t ' i n v o k e God'.

O u r m e m b e r s ' belief that h u m a n life must be r e s p e c t e d at a l l stages of d e v e l o p m e n t stems f r o m t h e i r o w n p a r t i c u l a r m o r a l code. N a t u r a l l y for s o m e this is part of their religious belief, but for those w h o do not ascribe to a n y r e l i g i o n , the s e e m i n g l y w i d e s p r e a d o p i n i o n that a n y o n e s y m a t h e t i c to the Pro-Life cause is a religious fundamentalist c a n be v e r y irritating, not to m e n t i o n d a m a g i n g to the w a y p e o p l e v i e w the society.

Dear Andy, Please c o n v e y m y t h a n k s to A m i n E l K h o l y for a n o t h e r s u p e r e i l i o u s , d e r o g a t o r y a n d p a t r o n i s i n g letter, this t i m e d i r e c t e d at m e .

T h i s business of cultures is so o b v i o u s l y t r i v i a l that I'm a m a z e d he b o t h e r e d d r a g g i n g it out longer. I h o p e I c a n settle the matter o n c e a n d for a l l .

It all b e g a n i n F E L I X 8 8 2 , w h e n A m i n m a d e s o m e u n p l e a s a n t r e m a r k s about the B r i t i s h , suggesting w e are a n a t i o n of belligerent, x e n o p h o b i c d r u n k a r d s . In 888 he d e n o u n c e d these r e m a r k s as tongue i n c h e e k , a n d I accept t hey p r o b a b l y w e r e ; nevertheless I feel t hey s h o u l d n e v e r h a v e b e e n m a d e . I w r o t e b a c k i n 885 s a y i n g , h o l d o n ! B r i t a i n ain't that b a d ! F o r d a r i n g to defend m y c o u n t r y ' s r e p u t a t i o n I a m branded 'narrow, nationalistic and bigoted'.

Bigoted? D e f n i t e l y not. It's quite true that I h o l d s t r o n g o p i n i o n s o n m a n y subjects, o p i n i o n s w h i c h I w i l l v o i c e a n d defend if I c a n be b o t h e r e d . H o w e v e r , I a l w a y s e n c o u r a g e debate, a r g u m e n t a n d discussion. C o n s t r u c t i v e c r i t i c i s m rather

Dear Sir, J o h n Major says that he wishes to create a classless society a n d I b e l i e v e he's sincere. T h e y say a c t i o n s speak louder t h a n w o r d s , so he s h o u l d start b y w i t h d r a w i n g a l l g o v e r n m e n t a i d to the arts c o u n c i l a n d the arts i n d u s t r y as a w h o l e . Last y e a r t hey r e c e i v e d £500 m i l l i o n ( i n c l u d i n g tax exemptions). I a m an ardent C h e l s e a support e r a n d last y e a r the c l u b p a i d £1.61 m i l l i o n i n taxes. O n l y football—the c u l t u r e of the masses—is t a x e d a n d the m o n e y g i v e n as a s u b s i d y to the arty-farty c u l t u r e v u l t u r e s w h o enjoy ballet, o p e r a a n d serious theatre, i.e. the p e r f o r m i n g arts. In the m a i n those pursuits are e n j o y e d b y a m o n i e d minority w h o have their pleasures subsidised b y t h e m a s s i v e majority. I don't e x p e c t to be g i v e n m o n e y or get c h e a p e r tickets to w a t c h football. So w h y s h o u l d pretentious prats in b o w ties?

In short, w e w e l c o m e m e m b e r s of a n y persuasion—athiests a n d b e l i e v e r s (of a n y variety).

I hope this sets things straight.

Y o u r s sincerely, Rebecca Walter, Secretary ICU Pro-Life.

Yours, Alan Bailey.

P.S. In the last few letters against m e there h a v e b e e n five r e f e r e n c e s to x e n o p h o b i c , four bigots a n d three racists.

C o m e o n lads lets h a v e s o m e n e w insults.

O r h o w about d e s c r i b i n g m y letters as t he y r e a l l y are. C o r r e c t , just a n d sensible.

t h a n insults f r o m M r E l - K h o l y w o u l d be welcome.

Nationalistic? P e r h a p s . A l l I said w e r e a few w o r d s a b o u t w h a t I l i k e about B r i t a i n . I c o u l d h a v e d o n e the s a m e about Ireland, F r a n c e , B u l g a r i a , M o r o c c o , or a n y c o u n t r y I k n o w a n y t h i n g about.

A n y o n e has the right to d i s l i k e this c o u n t r y , a n d to try to c h a n g e it; I ask for the right to d e f e n d the things i n B r i t a i n I c o n s i d e r w o r t h r e t a i n i n g . If that is b e i n g nationalistic, t h e n so be it.

N a r r o w ? T h i s is a pretty b r o a d subject.

I t h i n k I'll pass o n it.

In his last p a r a g r a p h M r E l - K h o l y r e a c h e d s o m e quite i n t e r e s t i n g c o n c l u s i o n s f r o m the o n e sentence I w r o t e p e r t a i n i n g to the Gulf Crisis.

Interesting, a n d m o s t l y w r o n g , k e e p it u p , Am. I w e n t to t h e anti-war d e m o i n T r a f a l g a r S q u a r e , to o b s e r v e rather t h a n participate. W h a t p a r t i c u l a r l y a n n o y e d m e w a s the t r e m e n d o u s a n t i - A m e r i c a n feeling e x p r e s s e d i n p l a c a r d s a n d speeches, a n d the n a i v e attitude that A m e r i c a is the sole source of a l l t e n s i o n in the M i d d l e East.

21

Most people called for an A r a b solution to the crisis. 1 p o i n t e d out to a steward that the solution the A r a b countries r e a c h e d was to ask for 'Western' help. The surly steward, a Leninist to judge from his p l e t h o r a of badges, said b l u n t l y â&#x20AC;&#x201D; w e shouldn't help them. T o justify this v i e w he recited a list of other places we allegedly failed to help, s u c h as Afghanistan, P a n a m a , C z e c h o s l o v a k i a , South A f r i c a (?) a n d others. W e l l , I suggested, w o u l d n ' t this be a perfect opportunity to start h e l p i n g oppressed people a r o u n d the w o r l d ? 'Piss off, was the elequent response. 1 fear it reflected the 1Q of a large n u m b e r of the protestors.

Yours sincerely, Ultan McCarthy, Physics

3.

Who? Dear Andy, I'd like to b r i n g to y o u r readers attention a m u c h m o r e e x p l o s i v e p r o b l e m than that of M r Husseins i m m i n e n t demise.

W h a t I'm t a l k i n g about is this: Y o u get i n f r o m a t o u g h day at college. Y o u t h e n w a n d e r d o w n to some bar. Y o u have few pints w i t h the lads, b r a g about what h a p p e n e d last night, a n d then, u n l i k e most of the ' m e n ' here, go a n d chat u p some dopey bitch. Y o u go back to her room/flat. A l l y o u want is a good shag w i t h whassa her name. So y o u tell y o u l o v e her a n d pull o n a c o n d o m . T h e w o m a n t h i n k s you're responsible, 'cos y o u ' r e w e a r i n g the thing. Y o u think y o u ' r e safe. G u y ' s , y o u w i t h me so far?

So y o u b o n k her m o r e s t u p i d t han she is already is. Y o u ' r e just t h i n k i n g about leaving n o w you've sobered up enough to see her face clearly. Y o u look d o w n . Shit, the balloons u p , the r u b b e r s r i p p e d . It's not you're fault that y o u ' r e a real m a n , is it?

I ask y o u , w h a t are British Standards c o m i n g to? T h e p r i d e of the British w o r k f o r c e has g o n e to pot! It's bad enough that y o u ' v e got to w e a r a raincoat on y o u r knob, just 'cos the pill is out of fashion w i t h todays 'liberated', ie easy, w o m e n . Some tossers might write letters to y o u saying how wonderful Britain is, but what state are we in w h e n a m a n can't e v e n be free to use his G o d given right to sex w h e n he wants it, without w o r r y i n g about c a t c h i n g something? Not to mention the hassle of some bitch k n o c k i n g o n y o u r door i n three months time. It w o u l d n ' t be so bad, but they never take T * * k o f f for an answer!

Yours, A Real Man,

22

Athena Speaks Dear Sir, I have a n u m b e r of points to m a k e this week.

1. M y first point is that I shall try to n u m b e r t h e m a l l so that w h e n people like A m i n E l - K h o l y talk about m y letters they can give an Issue n u m b e r and a point n u m b e r w h e n discussing m y assertions.

2. M r E l - K h o l y says his 'first reaction, h o w e v e r , was not to waste time on a reply since the arguments presented w e r e so weak...' S u r e l y if they w e r e so w e a k they w o u l d not take long to b r u s h away?

I'm afraid that that sort of r e p l y is always l o o k e d u p o n as a last desperate bluff, whether rightly or w r o n g l y .

H o w e v e r , I shall try a n d w o r k out w h i c h points he was on about. If he was discussing the letter in issue 883 (the o n l y letter since his first effort) then here is m y reply: The first 43 words discuss the necessity for exact use of v o c a b u l a r y i n an argument eg 'no p r o v e n c o r r e l a t i o n ' a n d ' p r o v e n no c o r r e l a t i o n ' are t w o totally different statements made up of the same three words. I w i l l expect no argument on this part.

The next 70 w o r d s deals w i t h the F A C T that hostages must not be used for bargaining. If I hold a gun to m y b a n k manager's h e a d and ask for a m i l l i o n pounds and I a m not p u n i s h e d , then I a n d e v e r y o n e else w i l l try it again. Y o u w i l l get a m i l l i o n pounds, y o u w i l l not actually have to hurt a n y o n e , a n d it w i l l soon b e c o m e daily routine.

T h e n comes 98 words on the same lines as the A m n e s t y International article in issue 888. N o arguments here I hope.

The rest is the choice of A t h e n a as a name w h i c h c o u l d result i n endless irrelevant discussion as I'm not c h a n g i n g it.

3. A b o u t sanctions. W h i l e I w o u l d prefer sanctions tQ war, it is clear that Saddam does, not w o r r y about his people, indeed he has used C h e m i c a l s on t h e m .

So he w i l l not notice sanctions until it begins to hurt his M i l i t a r y . This w i l l take several years. H e is also close to d e v e l o p i n g nuclear weapons, w h i c h he w i l l use as he used C h e m i c a l s . So there is good reason to believe that sanctions w i l l fail.

Thus it is vi t al that S a d d a m believes that he w i l l eventually be attacked if he does not w i t h d r a w , otherwise he won't withdraw.

T h e U N has set a date, by w h i c h he must be w i t h d r a w i n g from K u w a i t . He has already had since August 2. He has had enough time. If on that day the U N agrees to allow m o r e time, it says to h i m

'ok, but if y o u don't get out on x x x y o u ' l l die. Ok, if y o u don't get out on y y y y o u ' l l die..' etc. It w o u l d be reminiscent of the R o b i n W i l l i a m s sketch on Khaddaffi's L i n e of Death: ' Y o u cross this line, y o u die.

O k , y o u cross this line y o u die. This line.

This. Ok, y o u k n o c k on m y door, I'm not c o m i n g out, nyar.'

I might be able to u n d e r s t a n d the t h i n k i n g that 15 J a n u a r y is too early; though I might not agree w i t h it, I c o u l d see the idea came from a relatively sane m i n d . H o w e v e r the date has been set. It cannot n o w be c h a n g e d without c o n v i n c i n g S a d d a m he c a n stay as long as he wants.

4. I hope that after reading m y article in 885 I clarified m y dislike of any organised r e l i g i o n . T h e point should n o w be clear that the Islamic countries n o w have the same degree of religious belief as did E u r o p e a p p r o x i m a t e l y four centuries ago. T h e y have a culture based heavily o n their religion, a n d the theocracy has a similar p o w e r to the Catholic c h u r c h of E u r o p e a n history. It is for this reason that I state that the Islamic nations are four centuries less culturally mature than the West. It is not meant as a slur of intelligence. T h e fact is that it takes a l o n g time for a p o p u l a t i o n to c o m e to terms w i t h the fact that the theocracy distorts a religion for its o w n purposes. It is the same for c o m m u n i s m , Islam, the R o m a n Catholics; the people at the top are corrupt. F o r e x a m p l e : Saddam has called for a H o l y war. Sura 109 of the K o r a n finishes by saying about unbelievers 'To y o u y o u r religion, and to me mine'. A n d in Sura 2 ' G o d loves not the aggressors. Slay t h e m w h e r e v e r y o u c o m e upon t h e m . ' A n d yet it was Saddam w h o i n v a d e d K u w a i t . The U N should perhaps follow the K o r a n a n d slay Saddam?

5. Here's one, p r i m a r i l y for Christians, but also for a n y 'eternal life' religion. G o d says to forgive a m a n his sins, the one lost sheep b e i n g the most important etc.

T o get to H e a v e n y o u must be compassionate a n d not tolerate a m a n suffering, e v en if he is y o u r enemy. So how can there be a n y o n e in Heaven? T o be in H e a v e n , a n d k n o w that uncountable souls are suffering for eternity in H e l l , must cause y o u incredible anguish.

H e a v e n w i l l be y o u r o w n private H e l l ! a n d if y o u are content to see people suffer in H e l l , then y o u do not deserve to be in H e a v e n ! I can't wait to hear y o u r arguments on that one!

6. O k Pro-Life time. First let's talk about the six G U Y S that w r o t e this letter (issue 885, D a Capo), they're G U Y S ! God-squad for that matter. No doubt y o u believe a continued..

A

Editorial W e l l , just to b e totally r a d i c a l I'm g o i n g to take the i m m o r t a l a d v i c e of B a s i l F a w l t y a n d n o t m e n t i o n t h e w a r . I'm g o i n g to talk about s o m e t h i n g m u c h closer to o u r hearts. N o , n o t t h e n e r v e gas i n t h e Iraqi E m b a s s y , b u t : T h i n g s that suck, no. 1: E x t e n d i n g the C o l l e g e D a y

little. A s y e t n o n e of the staff, cleaners, s e c u r i t y o r students have b e e n f o r m a l l y c o n s u l t e d , a n d n e i t h e r h a v e a n y of the u n i o n s c o n c e r n e d . I C U itself is a little better off, m a i n l y because e v e n H i s Rect ornes s c o u l d n ' t stop P a u l S h a n l e y (ICU President) f r o m sitting o n the W o r k i n g Party.

Right, let's get a few things straight (don't e v e n t h i n k it). T h e w h o l e t h i n g (I w a s g o i n g to s a y idea, but that gives it m u c h m o r e c r e d i t t h a n it deserves) started w i t h t w o goals i n m i n d . B y , the w a y , w h e n I s a y 'started' I m e a n that it has n o w . W h e t h e r o r n o t t h e R e c t o r h a d g o n e as far as to t h i n k u p a justification for s c r e w i n g us a l l before setting u p t h e ' W o r k i n g ' P a r t y is n o t c e r t a i n . A n y w a y , the excuses t h e y ' r e g i v i n g n o w a r e :

C o n s e q u e n t l y s o m e of t h e C C U s have o r g a n i s e d s u r v e y s , a n d I C U (under t h e steady h a n d of E l Presidente) has organised b o t h U G M s a n d a referendum, i n o r d e r to present the o p i n i o n of the students to t h e W o r k i n g (?) P a r t y . Guess w h a t ? In a l l of t h e m t h e r e w a s a r e s o u n d i n g 'fuck o f f (about 9 0 % against).

(i) T o ease t h e pressures o n s u c h places as the Q T , refectories, a n d t h e U n i o n S n a c k B a r that a r e c a u s e d b y a u n i f o r m lunch hour. (ii) T o p r o v i d e m o r e l e c t u r e a n d l a b space b y g i v i n g m o r e h o u r s i n t h e time-table.

In o r d e r to ease these p r o b l e m s t h e y p r o p o s e d to h a v e different l u n c h h o u r s for different g r o u p s w i t h i n t h e College, a n d to start e a r l i e r a n d / o r finish later. In case y o u h a v e n ' t realised, the first w o u l d s c r e w clubs that m e e t at l u n c h t i m e , t h e s e c o n d , w e l l , t h i n k of a p r o b l e m (hint: There's l o a d s : C l e a n e r s u n a b l e to finish w o r k before c o l l e g e starts, w o m e n t r a v e l l i n g h o m e later, staff h a v i n g t r o u b l e getting to a n d f r o m h o m e , n o t to m e n t i o n the stress of l o n g e r hours at w o r k for students a n d staff, etc.etc.)

So, w h a t h a v e t h e y done? W e l l , t y p i c a l l y e n o u g h for a c o m m i t t e e , v e r y

C O CK UP! Yes, the gremlins of Editorial idiocy have struck again.

Due to mental regression caused b y high stress levels the letter from A t h e n a begun on the previous page will be continued not here, but in next weeks issue.

Felix w o u l d like to sincerely apologise to all concerned.

A n d guess w h a t else? T h e y ' v e i g n o r e d them. Totally. Apparently the C C U survey w a s c a r r i e d o u t i n a m a n n e r that w a s ' w e i g h t e d against the pr o po s a l s ' , a n d as t h e r e w e r e o n l y just o v e r 5 0 0 papers c o m p l e t e d i n t h e r e f e r e n d u m it w a s ' u n r e p r e s e n t a t i v e of t h e g e n e r a l feeling of the students'. B y t h e w a y , a U G M o n l y needs 300 to be q u o r a t e , a n d therefore pass a m o t i o n w h i c h c o u l d have a huge affect o n college. A s to t h e U G M result: who knows?

They are n o w proposing a College day of 9-6, w i t h a o n e h o u r l u n c h f r o m 1-2.

That's r e a l l y g o i n g to help p o i n t (i), isn't it? A s to p o i n t (ii), staff that I've s p o k e n too t h i n k that t h e p r o b l e m is m o r e o n e of o r g a n i s a t i o n a n d co-operation b e t w e e n d e p a r t m e n t s . T o this e n d C o l l e g e , i n a t o t a l ly u n c h a r a c t e r i s t i c fit of c l e a r - h e a d e d sensibleness, h a v e d e c i d e d to have a space audit ( k i n d of l i k e a f i n a n c i a l audit, but w i t h r u l e r s instead of the F r a u d Squad). W e l i v e i n hope as to its results.

O u r last c h a n c e to d o s o m e t h i n g c o m e s n e x t T u e s d a y (the 22nd) l u n c h t i m e , at 1 p m , i n the J C R w h e n t h e U n i o n is h o l d i n g a n E x t r a o r d i n a r y (read E M E R G E N C Y ) G e n e r a l M e e t i n g , o r E G M for those of y o u that l i k e initials. F o r God's s a k e , for O U R s a k e , for a n y b o d y that y o u c a r e about's sake, B E T H E R E ! It's o n l y a n h o u r of y o u r t i m e , a n d w i t h o u t it, w e ' r e at the m e r c y of w h a t e v e r the fuck t h e y w a n t to d o . P r e t t y please.

T h i n g s that suck, no. 2: W a r

S

F

Bit a m b i t i o n ( p u b l i c ly stated m a n y times) to see a c o m b i n e d A r a b n a t i o n (guess w h o h e ' d l i k e to see i n c h a r g e . R e m e m b e r this - it's i m p o r t a n t ) . K u w a i t starts to c a l l i n its loans. S p u r r e d o n b y this e x a m p l e ( r e m e m b e r t h e w o r d ' e x a m p l e ' - it's important) s e v e r a l o t h e r A r a b nations d o the s a m e . S a d d a m can't p a y (surprise).

H i s o w n s o l u t i o n to this p r o b l e m is, as t h e y say, h i s t o r y . B y i n v a d i n g K u w a i t he k i l l s t h r e e b i r d s w i t h o n e stone (clever m o v e . O r so he thought): H e m a k e s a n e x a m p l e (told y o u it w a s i m p o r t a n t ) of K u w a i t , thus d i s c o u r a g i n g the other A r a b s f r o m t r y i n g t o get their m o n e y . H e also p l a n n e d to loot the rather o v e r l a d e n coffers of K u w a i t , e a s i n g h i s e c o n o m y (not to m e n t i o n t h e oil). L a s t l y he takes step n u m e r o u n o t o w a r d s d o m i n a t i o n of the M i d d l e E a s t . W h a t a c l e v e r c h a p (I'm a c t u a l l y b e i n g sincere).

U n f o r t u n a t e l y for h i m . . . W e l l , y o u k n o w the r o u g h story. I don't t h i n k a n y o n e w o u l d d e n y that S a d d a m H u s s e i n (notice that I refer to h i m , not Iraq. H e is to b l a m e for t h e a c t i o n s of his c o u n t r y ) h a d n o right to i n v a d e K u w a i t (arguments that r e v o l v e a r o u n d events that o c c u r r e d n e a r l y a c e n t u r y a g o a r e idiotic). T h e r e is no m o r a l justification for w h y he has d o n e it, a n d w h a t h e ' s b e e n d o i n g s i n c e .

H e c a n n o t b e a l l o w e d to stay. K u w a i t , even all the other A r a b nations couldn't a n d can't stop h i m .

But, as I've s a i d , w a r s u c k s . H o w e v e r , for negotiations to b e effective there h a v e to b e t w o w i l l i n g p a r t i c i p a n t s . M e n l i k e H u s s e i n c a n n o t b e a l l o w e d to d o as t h e y w i s h . T h e y must b e s t o p p e d , just as H i t l e r h a d to b e s t o p p e d . T h u s w e c o m e to t h e c r u x of t h e p r o b l e m : W a r sucks, b u t negotiation won't work. T h e U N have decided o n their course. Before w e c o n d o n e o r c o n d e m n , w e must t h i n k w h a t w e w o u l d d o , a n d be honest i n o u r a p p r a i s a l of h o w realistic o u r suggestions are.

Credits: Typesetting & Printing: Rose a n d A n d y News E d i t o r : T o b y A r t s Editor: A d a m T. Music Editor: Sarah O k a y , so I l i e d ; I a m g o i n g to m e n t i o n Photo E d i t o r : R i c h a r d it. A q u i c k r e v i e w of the s i t u a t i o n u p u n t i l T h e T e a m : J a m e s , Stef, K a v e h , C h r i s m i d n i g h t o u r t i m e o n W e d n e s d a y the 9 t h . R i l e y , A n n a T e e m a n , A d a m H , M u n g o , (Bear w i t h m e for a sec, t h e r e is a point.

B e n B r a d f o r d , F r u i t , J o n , J e l l y , Ian a n d Honest).

Roland.

S a d d a m H u s s e i n c l a w s a n d back-stabs C o l l a t i n g : T h e t e a m , the guys a n d gals from Arts W e e k , E m m a a n d B J from his w a y to p o w e r . T i m e passes. H e goes to w a r w i t h Iran, w i t h W e s t e r n (not just Ents, F r a n k .

A m e r i c a n ) b a c k i n g . T h e w a r lasts eight Photo o n p a g e 13: T h e Independent y e a r s . In this t i m e his e c o n o m y takes a Newspaper. d i v e (surprise), so he b o r r o w s lots of d o s h , m a i n l y f r o m other A r a b states, including the very rich Kuwait (remember that - it's i m p o r t a n t ) . T h e w a r ends i n c o n c l u s i v e l y . S a d d a m has b i g debts, a n d a n e c o n o m y that m a k e s A m e r i c a l o o k h e a l t h y . H e also has a n o v e r w h e l m i n g

Felix is produced for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board and is printed at the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (Tel 071-225 8672).

Editor: Andrew Butcher, Manager: Chris Stapleton, Business Manager: Jeremy Burnell. Copyright Felix 1991 ISSN 1040-0711.

23

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NEW

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YEAR'S

CARNIVAL 91 Friday 18th January •DESMOND DEKKER* +

•SAX APPEAL* •

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