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1 February 2002 Issue 1226

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The Student Newspaper for Imperial College

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Fifth Sabbatical It has b e e n revealed to Felix that there is the distinct possibility of College g i v i n g their consent to the creation of a fifth sabb a t i c a l officer p o s i t i o n i n the U n i o n hierarchy.

A t the moment there are four sabbatical officers, the President, Deputy President of C l u b s & Societies (DPC&S), Deputy President of Finance & Services (DPF&S), a n d Deputy President of E d u c a t i o n & Welfare (DPE&W). T h e n e w position w i l l be along the lines of Deputy President of Sites, and may also take over the Services aspect of D P F & S .

This announcement comes at a time w h e n the s a b b a t i c a l elections are rearing their ugly heads, a n d w h i l e any decision w i l l not b e made i n time for this month's elections, it is h o p e d that the n e w posit i o n w i l l be ready b y the Summer of this year. This w i l l allow a summer election to go ahead, p r o v i d i n g someone to fill the n e w post i n time to join next year's team.

The job itself w o u l d b e to look after the outlying campuses, for example W y e and Silwood, as w e l l as perhaps the medic

the hope that the position would be filled by someone not from t h e South Kensington campus.

This n e w system is very similar to that of the King's College U n i o n structure, w h i c h has b e e n seen to b e very effective over the last few years. S e n G a n e s h , U n i o n President, t o l d Felix " G i v e n the recent mergers w i t h other institutions, there is a strong case for expansion w i t h respect to U n i o n officers."

W i l l it be? W h a t w i l l it be? campuses. This w o u l d m e a n that the necessity for a medic sabbatical president could b e reduced, a n d w o u l d perhaps lead to the dissolution of this post.

This w i l l certainly b e a very controversial point that w i l l have to be dealt w i t h if the creation of this n e w post is confirmed.

However, it is understood that both W y e and S i l w o o d are h a p p y w i t h the prospect, and senior U n i o n officials have expressed

"Notice words like 'teamwork' and 'responsibility . Ignore them. Well dont, but realise that there is more to 1

t."

Change The World. Or Something...

The only problem that faces proponents of this move is funding, since it is very unlikely that the U n i o n w i l l b e able to afford it. This means that the b a l l is firmly i n College's court, a n d as s u c h this decision is only likely to be made at the highest levels. The rest of u s c a n only w a i t to hear the result. will

college news

Imperial to Remain Cool A company headed b y the former Tory cabinet minister John Selwyn Gummer has offered to upgrade the College's air conditioning system to help combat its energy shortage problem.

Earthcare Products promotes absorption cooling, a system w h i c h makes use of heat rather t h a n electrical energy, a n d w o u l d therefore put less pressure on the College's already stretched energy resources.

Felix understands that M r .

Gummer, M P for t h e Suffolk Coastal constituency, contacte d the Rector personally to discuss the proposal.

The company is believed to have offered to provide an integrated cooling service - costing £700,000 per year more than the College is currently paying - for the next forty years. Benedict Gummer, son of the chairman and spokesman for Earthcare,

told Felix that t h e c o m p a n y aims to "ensure that t h e College's energy spend goes d o w n so that it spends less on its non-core business, leaving it more money for w h a t it does best." Where efficiencies w o u l d be made i n College budgets i n order to find the money is not known, however.

The College's d e m a n d for electricity reaches a peak during the summer months w i t h the widespread use of air conditioning equipment. The probl e m is exacerbated b y t h e growth that the College has undergone in recent years, and the fact that people are also working longer hours.

Laboratory equipment also continues to be m o d e r n i z e d and miniaturized, meaning that a larger amount of electrical power is n o w consumed b y equipment occupying the same

Do y o u w a n t to e a r n £ 6 per hour?

The Emergency Night Bus Service is looking for Stewards, particularly women, to work from the beginning of the October term.

Ability to drive a Union minibus is desirable, but not essential.

Shifts are available on Wednesday and Friday evenings from midnight.

For more information please contact: ruth.chapple@ic.ac.uk imperial —(o>

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* union

fork for yourself. Work at the Union...arid make a difference to your social life.

volume of space.

Speaking to Felix, Assistant Director of Estates, Nigel Buck, confirmed that a n offer h a d been received from Earthcare but that the College w as going through the proper channels i n t r y i n g to find a contractor to provide a n integrated cooling service for the College. A 'PreInformation Notice' for the work w a s issued recently a n d the procedure for a w a r d i n g the contract is anticipated to begin i n July.

The Estates Department has h a d to conduct a process of 'load shedding' i n recent summers i n order to ensure that the d e m a n d for electrical power remains w i t h i n the level of supply. The problem is expected to recur once again this summer, w h e n further reduction of demand is likely to be required.

JohnS

4Issue 1226 1 February 2002 Editor: w i l l D u g d a l e Deputy Editor: A l i Wren N e w s : Vacant M u s i c : Dave E d w a r d s Books: J o n M a t t h e w s A r t s : J o n Brenner F i l m : Darius N i k b i n Sports: Vacant C r o s s w o r d : Dr. Hot F u d g e W i t h Thanks To: JohnS Felix, Beit Q u a d , Prince Consort Road, L o n d o n , SW7 2BB Tel: 020 7594 8072 E m a i l : felix@ic.ac.uk Printed by: M C P Litho Limited Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 Copyright © Felix 2002

Crowd Says 'Bo, Election' N o m i n a t i o n p a p e r s for t h i s year's Sabbatical elections h a v e gone u p opposite t h e offices on the first floor of the Union building. Prospective c a n d i d a t e s h a v e u n t i l 17:00 next Friday, 8 February, to n o m i n a t e t h e m s e l v e s for t h e p o s i t i o n s of U n i o n President, D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t for C l u b s a n d Societies, F i n a n c e a n d Services, Education and Welfare, or Felix Editor.

take p a r t i n h u s t i n g s later t h i s m o n t h at b o t h d B s i n the U n i o n a n d also t h e St M a r y ' s M e d i c a l School campus i n P a d d i n g t o n . V o t i n g w i l l take p l a c e across a l l d e p a r t m e n t s on M o n d a y 25 a n d T u e s d a y 26 February.

If y o u t h i n k t h a t y o u have got w h a t i t t a k e s to m a k e a difference to s t u d e n t life at I mperi al, t a k e a r e a d of w h a t the current Sabbatical Officers h a v e to. s a y about

L a s t year's e l e c t i o n s w e r e m a r r e d w h e n t h e results of the vote for U n i o n P r e s i d e n t w e r e w i t h e l d for twenty-four hours after it w a s revealed that Presidential candidate R i c h a r d Taylor h a d b r o k e n e l e c t i o n rules b y d i s p l a y i n g posters o n trees. A m e e t i n g of U n i o n C o u n c i l t h e followi n g d a y r u l e d t h a t Taylor

t h e i r jobs i n t h e feature o n p a g e s 6 a n d 7. If y o u w o u l d like to s t a n d , y o u w i l l n e e d the s i g n a t u r e s of a proposer a n d twenty seconders.

should be disqualified, w h i c h m e a n t the result - that Sen Ganesh h a d w o n the post of P r e s i d e n t - c o u l d be announced.

Nominated candidates w i l l

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feature clubs

Student Pugwash Y o u n g people call for a r e t h i n k o n national missile defence, t a c k l i n g the root causes of t e r r o r i s m, a n d i n c l u d i n g ethics i n education.

Thirty four young people from Britain and several other countries met for the first U K Student P u g w a s h conference at Wadham College i n Oxford o n the 15th17th of December last year. In the spirit of P u g w a s h Conferences o n Science a n d World Affairs, w e discussed issues of global importance, particularly where science has an impact on society. These are mostly interrelated problems, or otherwise k n o w n as problematiques, c a u s e d b y inequities of various sorts (not just material), as Prof. John Ziman explained i n his talk. Some aspects of World Affairs were elucidated by General Sir H u g h Beach talking about the declining role of N A T O as a defence organisation, w h i l e b e c o m i n g rather more important politically, and the prospect of eventual Russian membership.

This w as contrasted w i t h the weaker and m u c h less v i s i b l e O S C E . Sir Timothy Garden gave a fascinating overview of the hotspots around the w o r l d and the rather bleak prospects for the coming year; only the European U n i o n seems to give some hope to the situation.

Three working groups tackled the issues

of missile defence, terrorism and genetics; and more details about the conference, such as the working group reports as w e l l as the talks, can be found on the website (see end of article.)

One of the working groups discussed the potential negative consequences of US national missile defence. If some sort of missile defence system is inevitable, a multilateral (as opposed to US national) theatre missile defence system w a s recommended as an alternative. This issue w i l l be pursued further and w i l l be taken up w i t h relevant decision makers.

The working group on terrorism came to the conclusion that the root causes need to be tackled. These are usually related to inequities (part of a problematique), a n d often preceeded by an arbitrary division of people. For the short term, several suggestions were made trying to strike a balance between security and freedom.

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Carsten Rohr (c.rohr@ic.ac.uk) www.student-pugwash.org/uk/spukconference.html

O n the last day the Student conference joined the British P u g w a s h meeting at the

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This first U K conference w a s organised by the Student P u g w a s h groups at Imperial College, Oxford and Cambridge, and generated interest to establish groups elsewhere as well. If you are interested to get involved, please feel free to contact us (Eva Haden, eva.haden@ic.ac.uk, Chair, I C U Student Pugwash.)

The w o r k i n g group o n genetics discussed genetic discrimination, cloning, designer babies, xenotransplantations and G M O . It w as agreed that ethics should be included i n education, for example by introducing courses to teach the tools necessary for ethical analysis and debate.

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Royal Society i n London to discuss "The A n s w e r to Global Warming: A Plague of Windmills or Nuclear Proliferation?" (very timely w i t h the government energy review being due.) Dr. John Hassard pointed out the threats of global w a r m i n g and emphasized that w e should consider the worst case scenario, as w e d i d in the Cold War, making a case for putting in just as much effort a n d resources. Prof. Jack Harris explained that nuclear power could 'paradoxically' help to reduce the threat of proliferation, as stockpiles of highly enriched uranium can be reduced b y u s i n g them as fuel i n civil reactors. Prof. Dennis Anderson, o n the other hand, asked the question 'What's w r o n g w i t h the alternatives?' a n d made a strong case for increased investment i n renewable energies.

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8:45am~6:00pm

felix talk

Chaplaincy RUBBISH? Ever caught a w a f t of a r u b b i s h cart on a summer's d a y or b e e n w o k e n b y the relentless w e e k l y b i n - e m p t y i n g at some u n e a r t h l y hour? Or for Beit residents, the bottle b a n k s at t h e R o y a l A l b e r t H a l l being emptied?

If yes, just t h i n k for a m o m e n t of these t w o images. N u m b e r one is a l a n d f i l l site near S a n F r a n c i s c o , t w o m o u n d s w h i c h have g r o w n since 1977 solely out of cover dirt a n d s o l i d w a s t e from three C a l i f o r n ia cities. B y 1992, e a c h m o u n d w a s seventy m i l l i o n c u b i c feet i n volume, about the same size as nearly five Temples of the S u n i n M e x i c o . N u m b e r t w o is Smokey M o u n t a i n i n M a n i l a , capi t a l of the P h i l i p p i n e s - t w e n t y five thousand people i n cardboard huts perched on stilts stuck into a g i a n t heap of more t h a n a b i l l i o n c u b i c metres of s t i n k i n g garbage.

'When p e o p l e look into a t r a s h b a g , t h e y see t h i n g s l i k e p l a s t i c , paper, m e t a l a n d food w a s t e . I see our w h o l e

w o r l d b e i n g t h r o w n a w a y ' w r o t e Paul C o n n e t t (a professor of c h e m i s t r y i n N e w York a n d s p e c i a l i s t i n w a s t e m a n agement), a n d w i t h the air p o l l u t i o n i n M e t r o - M a n i l a e x c e e d i n g a l l o w a b l e levels b y three h u n d r e d percent a n d w i t h over four m i l l i o n c h i l d r e n i n the w o r l d d y i n g from w a s t e - r e l a t e d i l l n e s s es each year, w h o c a n argue w i t h him? Surely, the w o r s t of all the forms of p o l l u t i o n is w a s t e d lives.

A r e y o u just s i t t i n g there t h i n k i n g that it's all so awful, but there is n o t h i n g that I c a n do about it? Well, you're w r o n g ! A l Gore w i s e l y s u g g e s t e d that 'to w a r n of the dangers is not to de s pai r of the solutions. [There] is a call to action a n d hope...Today the h u m a n species is the only one w i t h the selfk n o w l e d g e a n d the c a p a c i t y to protect its o w n future.' So the q u e s t i o n for us to a n s w e r is, are w e g o i n g to a n s w e r that call?

For a start, at a p r a c t i c a l level w e c a n all recycle. W e c a n also let our aware-

down

ness mature so that i n s t e a d of agonisi n g over a series of a p p a r e n t l y d i s c o n n e c t e d issues, w e c o m e to realise just how interconnected issues are.

Environmental devastation and world poverty are c o n n e c t e d . . . a n d the impoverishment of the few affects the w e l l b e i n g of t h e w h o l e . "No m a n is a n i s l a n d , " as the poet J o h n Donne wrote.

W h e n our p e r c e p t i o n s do mature, a n d our a p p r e c i a t i o n of i s s u e s b e c o m e s joined-up, w e m i g h t just come to see that the i s s u e s r a i s e d b y charities are not s i m p l y about " h e l p i n g others", but m i g h t a c t u a l l y s t e m from e n l i g h t e n e d self-interest too.

The i n t e r - c o n n e c t e d n e s s of environm e n t a l i s s u e s a n d w o r l d p r o s p e r i t y is one of the i s s u e s w e ' l l be t o u c h i n g on our w e e k e n d a w a y at t h e E d e n Project the w e e k e n d of the l s t - 3 r d M a r c h , "One Foot i n E d e n " . A l l m e m b e r s of the college are w e l c o m e to j o i n u s . T h e cost of the w e e k e n d i n c l u d i n g travel, entry to the E d e n Project a n d a l l food is ÂŁ60.

earth

the claim: I am the resurrection, the truth and the life. He who believes in me will live even though he dies." - Jesus of Nazareth

the

evidence:

A first hand account of Jesus' life, words, death and resurrection

the

choice: Yours. A s k your questions, get answers.

6-week course on Mondays @ 6:30pm (starting 4th Feb) meeting in Beit Quad East B a s e m e n t , food provided i nfo: j enn if er.g il l@i c. ac. uk

talk felix

IC Radio Not b e i n g too sure w h a t to w r i t e i n t h i s c o l u m n I'll do s o m e t h i n g different. A n o n s e n s i c a l set of o p i n i o n s , ideas a n d the like rather t h a n s o m e t h i n g h u g e l y specific on your radio station.

'popular' m u s i c , n a t u r a l l y i n c l u d i n g the cheese factor. A n y w a y , e n o u g h of this, time for s o m e t h i n g completely different.

F i r s t l y , t h e w o n d e r of m u s i c , t h e b r e a d t h a n d d e p t h of w h i c h is further t h a n the ear c a n see. G e n e r a l l y m u s i c is s o m e t h i n g w e a l l love, some genres more t h a n others b u t n e v e r t h e l e s s w e all have our o w n loves a n d hates w h e n it comes to m u s i c . For sure, a lot of y o u guys here love c h e e e e z z y m u s i c , it only t a k e s a p e e k i n t h e u n i o n on a W e d n e s d a y or a F r i d a y to realise t h i s .

Here's a q u e s t i o n that I w o u l d like to k n o w the a n s w e r to: W h a t is it about the nature of m u s i c that appeals to us?

Is it the memories r e m i n i s c e d or the emotions i n s t a l l e d that is w h a t w e like about it? A n d as a similar thought, is that w h y the people w e relate to, have c o m p a t i b l e m u s i c a l interests to ourselves? C o u l d you say that our appreciation of m u s i c provides us some sort of h u m a n i s t i c q u a l i t i e s? Is this a w a s t e of space? A n s w e r s on a p o s t c a r d .

But rest a s s u r e d there are just as m a n y w h o find it s o m e w h a t i r r i t a t i n g at the best of times. No offence to the former.

A n e x a m p l e of w h i c h is p l a y i n g on your radio s t a t i o n at the moment ( M o n d a y b e t w e e n 8-9), 'The M e d i c i n e ' is a s h o w by some alternative m u s i c p e e p s w i t h tracks that are u n i q u e , a bit w e i r d a n d s u r p r i s i n g to use a few w o r d s . T u n i n g i n anothe r t i m e , t y p i c a l l y l u n c h t i m e s , you'll find a c o n c e n t r a t e d m i x of more

its s h o w s be better? C o u l d you do better? A q u e s t i o n for Princes G a r d e n s , h o w is the reception? Over the last t e n years the t r a n s m i t t e r there has b e e n w o r k i n g at r e d u c e d power, that w a s u n t i l last s u m m e r w h e n a replacement capacitor m a d e all the difference. The result is that the current tenants don't realise that it c a n be p i c k e d up i n the e x q u i s i t e comfort of their o w n rooms on

W h a t do y o u t h i n k of IC Radio? C o u l d

999kHz. Back to m u s i c . The great t h i n g about it is that y o u c a n hear w h e r e v e r you are, be it m u s i c of your choice or someone else's. It c a n put smile on your face, a tear in your eye or a s p r i n g in your step.

It c a n make you t w i s t the night a w a y or t u n e - m , t u r n o n a n d drop out. You c a n be r e m i n d e d of a beautiful stranger, a place or times gone by. Next time you hear a n e w record y o u like, p a u s e a n d stop for a m o m e n t - y o u r e c a l l the moment later.

A couple of final t h o u g h t s , i n a couple of w e e k s w e w i l l have a L e a r n to M i x s e s s i o n , so if you're i n t e r e s t e d i n u s i n g The W h e e l s of Steel (DJ decks) t h e n come along. A l s o , I've got a s h o w comi n g v e r y s o o n . It's g o i n g to be/on W e d n e s d a y s 1-2 (I think) so t u n e - i n .

This is IC Radio, t h a n k y o u for l i s t e n ing.

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icradio pi www.icradio.com

II

Rag Ramble W e l l k i d s , it's S u n d a y afternoon a n d I'm currently w r i t i n g this ramble whilst feeling rather w o r s e for wear. It w a s a b a d night last n i g h t , I h a d s e v e n e's a n d to be honest it w a s the w o r s t g a m e of s c r a b b l e I've ever p l a y e d . Of course m y l i t e r a r y n i g h t m a r e doesn't e n d there b e c a u s e I've only got four days to finish off t h i s years g l o r i o u s l y offensive R A G M a g , like Playboy, b u t w i t h o u t the p i c tures a n d the a r t i c l e s on cars are e v e n crapper.

P r o d u c i n g a R A G M a g is quite a n arduous labour of love. L o n g hours are spent meticulously trawling the Internet for m a t e r i a l . O c c a s i o n a l l y i n b e t w e e n the p o r n I find the t i m e to search for jokes, b u t w i t h only four days to d e a d l i n e the matters of the p a l m s h a l l have to w a i t . So apart from jokes w h a t else goes into a R A G M a g , I hear y o u ask? W e l l to be honest I don't really

k n o w due to the s m a l l but inconveniently significant reason that I haven't w r i t t e n it. I'm sure, of course, that it'll all be s c i n t i l l a t i n g stuff. J u s t to keep your appetites w e t t h o u g h - I'm a s s u m i n g here that there's actually people still r e a d i n g this article - there w i l l be the o d d piece about w h a t R A G is a n d w h a t it does. W h i c h if y o u don't k n o w b y n o w means that y o u haven't b e e n r e a d i n g the R A G R a m b l e s a n d if you're still readi n g t h i s I do b e l i e v e I'm h e a d i n g t o w a r d s some sort of paradox... There'll also be some sort of t a c k y totaliser, a c o m i c a l r e v i e w of R a g Week (coming soon, 15th-22nd February, get i n v o l v e d b e c a u s e if R A G Week fails t h e n I'll have to t h i n k of s o m e t h i n g else to put i n the R A G M a g ) a n d the u s u a l collection of the very latest i n c o m i c a l anecdotes a n d jokes to keep you a m u s e d in b e t w e e n u b i q u i t o u s adverts for w h a t e v e r tat the

local e s t a b l i s h m e n t s are t r y i n g to p u s h on the s t u d e n t p o p u l a t i o n . P l e a s e remember if y o u h a p p e n u p o n an advert that has you f i n g e r i n g your deep pockets to see if y o u c a n afford its w a r e s t h e n slap yourself s h a r p l y across the face w i t h a c o l d s l i p p e r y trout a n d repeat after me, " M a t e r i a l items do not interest me, let me find e n l i g h t e n m e n t in generosity, these few E n g l i s h pence in m y pocket are d e s t i n e d for R A G a n d the poor s i c k c h i l d r e n that the Shooting Stars Trust does s u c h s t e r l i n g w o r k for".

W e l l I do believe I've m a n a g e d to s t r i n g together e n o u g h coherent w o r d s to form an article so my w o r k is done now. V i v e L a R a g a n d remember the w i s e w o r d s of Confucius " < < y o u ' l l have to get h o l d of a R A G M a g in the s u m m e r t e r m to find out...>>".

R i c h a r d Walker.

R A G M a g Editor-in-Chief.

Hello happy people. If you're reading this, you have an attention to detail. Or you're very bored in your lecture. Either way, you have the perfect qualifications to volunteer to help w i t h the Summer Ball, or even run it. So email Sen G a n e s h on president@ic.ac.uk.

election special

Do You Think You Friday 8th February sees the papers for application to be a U n i o n Sabattical come down. That means y o u have one w e e k from today to get round to the first floor of the U n i o n a n d put your name d o w n on the list outside the U n i o n Offices. You also have to be proposed b y someone (anyone: your housemate, lab-partner) a n d get t w e n t y seconders to s i g n their name underneath yours. You w i l l t h e n attend t w o hustings, later i n the month, a n d hopefullly get voted i n before M a r c h . â&#x20AC;˘ You do not n e e d to have w o r k e d for the U n i o n ever before. â&#x20AC;˘ You do not need to be a b o r i n g bureaucrat â&#x20AC;˘ You do not n e e d to have finished your degree M y point is that anyone c a n s t a n d for this job. E v e n me.

Deputy President Of E duc at io n & Welfare David Francis dpew@ic.ac.uk W h a t does t h e job i n v o l v e ?

The job is definitely E d u c a t i o n a n d Welfare, not Welfare a n d Education. M y first priority is the education of all the Union's members. I take v i e w s from students a n d pass t h e m on to College staff a n d tutors as w e l l as i n the other direction.

W h o s h o u l d s t a n d for t h e E d u c a t i o n a n d Welfare post?

If you're going to do this job, you've got to be a t e a m player w o r k i n g w i t h the other s a b b a t i c a l officers is really important.

Every M o n d a y w e get together, d i s c u s s the events of the previous week, a n d work o n what's going to h a p p e n the following week.

Also, don't be discouraged from s t a n d i n g if you're not a "Union Hack" - y o u get to k n o w h o w the structures w o r k very quickly,

It is fun. It is good experience. It is better t h a n getting a proper job. A n d what's more you have the potential to change the life of every single student at this University for the better.

So b e l o w w e have the five jobs y o u c a n apply for. One of t h e m is mine. C a n you guess w h i c h one? W e l l done, you're even intelligent enough to go for it. The excellent gentlemen w h o have looked after these jobs for y o u this year are here to tell y o u w h y you should apply for their job, a n d not the others. Notice words like 'teamwork' a n d 'responsibility'. Ignore them. W e l l don't, but realise that there is more to it t h a n that. These guys only have 200 words to get across the concepts, so they don't have time to w a x lyrical about everything, but b e t w e e n them, these jobs encompass everything that is important to all students. Now, go talk to t h e m and find out more.

and some of our best ideas come from people w h o don't k n o w everything about the Union.

special election

Could Do Better?

Felix Editor Will D u g d a l e

W h o s h o u l d stand?

felix@ic.ac.uk

W h a t does the job i n v o l v e ?

M y m a i n priority is to get Felix out on a regular basis, w h i l e not m a k i n g a loss for the U n i o n (who partially fund it). A s w e l l as this, I often find myself h e l p i n g out w i t h other publications.

Some officially, s u c h as the U n i o n Handbook, a n d others just helping out w i t h d e s i g n or editorial work.

It's certainly useful to have some Quark (Desktop P u b l i s h i n g Program) skills, but not necessarily: y o u c a n always learn them.

You have to be friendly, persuade people to work for nothing, organised ( w h i c h I'm not really, a n d I suffer for it), a n d committed: if I don't reach a deadline, Felix doesn't come out.

W h a t are the disadvantages?

If you are not an insomniac, you w i l l be. M o s t of my editorial work happens i n the evening or at night, due to having to w a i t for copy from writers a n d sub-editors, b u t all the managerial

W h a t ' s so great about it?

You answer to no-one, really. I a m accountable to C ouncil on some levels, but only so far as they c a n sack me, and that's not

work happens i n the day time, getting advertising a n d suchlike.

an easy process. Fundamentally y o u c a n say anything, a n d everything, a n d hopefully this c a n be done on behalf of the students. A l s o you get to flex design, managerial, editorial, political and w r i t i n g skills. Seriously good experience.

Hahaha. I tried to avoid it, but i n order to make editorial decisions, write n e w s stories, and even just find out w h a t ' s going on, y o u need a very good u n d e r s t a n d i n g of both College a n d the Union. I've learnt a lot about both, without even w a n t i n g to...

President Sen Ganesh

quick learner - you'll encounter lots of unfamiliar situations a n d need to deal w i t h t h e m just like any other. Obviously, the job also requires a lot of diplomacy.

A s many people as possible should apply!

Is it h a r d to w o r k inside t h e U n i o n s t r u c t u r e ?

Finally, you've got to be a good communicator, a n d you've got to have thick skin if people criticise y o u or make personal attacks.

W h a t h a v e y o u a c c o m p l i s h e d t h i s year?

I think the ethos of the U n i o n has c h a n g e d a lot this year - it has always been focused on clubs a n d societies up a n d until now, but I think people this year are realising the importance of educational representation too. There are also more tangible goals, like raising money for good causes.

W h a t are the disadvantages?

Sometimes y o u have to deal w i t h distraught people even though you're not a trained counsellor. It c a n be frustrating w o r k i n g w i t h i n the U n i o n w h e n you w a n t to get something done. It takes time w o r k i n g w i t h students w h o have degrees to do, but democracy is important and w e couldn't do without it.

president@ic.ac.uk

W h a t does the job i n v o l v e ?

Everything. A s President, I have to co-ordinate the Union's activities a n d represent the students to College. I also have to take ultimate responsibility for the Union's actions. This means you've got to have a w i d e k n o w l e d g e about everything that is happening, i n c l u d i n g t r a d i n g a n d personnel. I also h a d to make the Commemoration Day speech, w h i c h involved speaking to over five thousand people.

What's so great a b o u t it?

Do y o u n e e d to have h a d lots of U n i o n p o l i t i c a l experience?

No, not necessarily. It might help, but t h e n it w o u l d also be good to get a fresh perspective, w h i c h wasn't b a s e d on previous U n i o n political situations. The position doesn't have a specific mandate so y o u really do make w h a t y o u c a n of it.

W h a t are the disadvantages?

The job can be admin-heavy, a n d it often involves long hours to get everything done.

A l t h o u g h I have to take this responsibility, I have to work w i t h the other sabbaticals as a team, w h i c h makes a b i g difference.

Deputy President Of C l u b s & Societies Rob Davenport dpcs@ic.ac.uk W h a t does t h e job i n v o l v e ?

The Freshers' Fair is the biggest task, w h i c h is hard also because it's the first t h i n g y o u have to do. I've got to make sure all the clubs a n d societies k n o w w h a t to do. A l s o , along w i t h the U n i o n Manager, the DP(C&S) has joint responsibility for health a n d safety i n the U n i o n .

W h o s h o u l d s t a n d for t h e C l u b s a n d Societies post?

You've got to be approachable a n d patient. Everyone w h o comes to you,is a volunteer, g i v i n g u p their time to r u n clubs, so you've got to give t h e m guidance a n d expect t h e m to make mistakes sometimes. A cool head is definitely helpful, especially w h e n you come into the line of fire if something has gone w r o n g or if people let y o u d o w n . Finally, you've got to be a t e a m player.

W h i l e most of my time is t a k e n up w i t h clubs a n d societies stuff, all of the sabbaticals w o r k together to r u n the Union.

D o y o u n e e d to h a v e h a d lots of c l u b s or U n i o n experience?

It's helpful to have been involved i n at least one club, t h o u g h the greater the number a n d variety, the better. There are certainly other clubs, but it's useful to k n o w about sports clubs, as some of the issues c a n be quite complicated.

W h o s h o u l d s t a n d for the post of P r e s i d e n t ?

Someone w h o likes a challenge. You have to be organised a n d a

You don't need to be too politically m i n d e d either. If y o u don't have your o w n political agenda, t h e n you'll get lots of requests and suggestions from students.

Deputy President Of Finance & Services Ben Hawkins dpfs@ic.ac.uk

W h a t are the disadvantages?

The DP(C&S) often has to deal w i t h people outside College but I m u c h prefer dealing w i t h students. A l s o , there are committees w h i c h don't have m u c h to do w i t h clubs, but w h i c h all the sabbaticals must go.to - it's hard to get interested i n all of them.

W h a t does the job i n v o l v e ?

Is it h a r d to w o r k inside t h e U n i o n ' s d e m o c r a t i c s t r u c t u r e ?

A s a sabbatical, you w o r k for the U n i o n all day, but students are doing degrees a n d it c a n be easy to get frustrated sometimes w h e n the students haven't thought everything through fully. But democracy is important, a n d w o r t h a little inconvenience.

Is it h a r d to w o r k inside the U n i o n ' s d e m o c r a t i c s t r u c t u r e ?

It c a n be challenging, particularly w h e n you've got to g a i n consensus - processes c a n certainly take longer, but it's good for students a n d very important.

finance issues. You don't need to have experience w i t h finance or management, as you c a n learn these d u r i n g the handover. If you're politically motivated, t h e n there is certainly scope to explore this, but you don't need to - it might even be an advantage not to have a background i n U n i o n politics.

I manage the finances of the Union, a n d w o r k w i t h the sabbatical t e a m on U n i o n policy.

W h a t are the disadvantages?

You'll sometimes find you have to s p e n d more time w r i t i n g

What's so great a b o u t it?

It's a great w a y to s p e n d the year. You get experience from the permanent staff a n d y o u get an insight into finance and management. There's always something to be done.

W h o s h o u l d s t a n d for t h e F i n a n c e a n d Services post?

Someone w h o k n o w s a n d c a n talk to students and explain

reports for committees t h a n doing your job.

Is it h a r d to w o r k inside the U n i o n ' s d e m o c r a t i c s t r u c t u r e ?

It sometimes feels restrictive but you c a n always see the point.

It w o u l d be nice to make a decision rather t h a n w a i t i n g for the next committee meeting, but you c a n see w h y these structures are there to make sure you're doing your job.

talk back LEQ Dear W i l l , I find Professor Raw l i ngs' logic in his letter to Felix i n a previous issue absolutely flawed. He reasons that because the hacking (sic) of the L E Q w e b s i t e could be constituted to be forbidden under paragraph 12 of the Regulations for Students, the w e b s i t e w a s therefore "robust and w a s not successfully hacked". This is akin to arguing that I need not lock the door to my house because theft is illegal. W h a t t w o students from the Department of Computing s h o w e d w a s that anyone h a d the potential to access a n d modify sensitive information on the website. The syst e m could i n no way, therefore, be considered secure, nor robust. The students have repeatedly asserted they contacted those responsible for r u n n i n g the site about security holes that were found during the pilot, but no action w a s taken.

entries for t w o lecturers w h o s e course w a s taken by the majority of the third year.

3: There are entries for lecturers w h o s e courses I d i d not attend, w h i c h means of course that I can give them a b a d evaluation and severely bias the results.

4: While the course code for me is correct, the course name is incorrect, I am doing Computing (Software Engineering)' and not Computing (Artificial Intelligence)' 1

5: The email address given at the bottom of the pages for us to send comments

6: N e e d i n g to offline the database for backup purposes is unbelievably stupid no commercial system has needed that for over 10 years.

To pre-empt the standard answer to my objection 1:

I might like to note, that several times the Department of C o m p u t i n g has offered

S w i t c h e d networks do not

guarantee

security, they merely make it more difficult to snoop. Since all traffic is snooped somewhere, for security or s t a t i s t i c a l analysis purposes, this means that it is certainly possible for someone to k n o w w h a t I said.

I agree w i t h the v i e w that that the students from DoC are b e i n g made scapegoats, in order for the College to save face. It's time that the College admitted its mistakes and w o r k e d w i t h students to develop a more secure and robust system ext time around.

Dear Felix, Well, I had a brief look at the L E Q syst e m (I w a s asked to) many months before it w ent into production. A n d it w a s a joke - the system w a s riddled w i t h holes and some very smart students i n the Department of C o m p u t i n g gave some very good advice that wasn't acted upon.

This beta test, it might be noted, w a s significantly before the actual usage of the L E Q system, and there w a s not another one before rolling it out, to demonstrate just h o w riddled w i t h security flaws -it w a s (and probably still is, just w i t h a bit more sticky-tape to protect it).

Here are the points w h i c h I p a s s e d up the hierarchy.

-START-1: The site does not use SSL security w h i c h means that everyone can easily read all d a t a sent b e t w e e n the site and myself.

2: O n my personal page there are no

It really does look awfully b a d on the university if officials spout such r u b b i s h about security - an insecure machine is an insecure machine. The "protected" information w a s a U R L . Gee * w h i z * nobody w i l l ever guess that.

Have they actually fixed the problems discovered? Is it going to be offered to computing students to attempt to break, and if not, w h y should I, or *anybody* else in the university trust it to hold inform a t i o n I do not n e c e s s a r i l y w a n t to become public?

to is not valid, and generated a bounce message w h e n I tried to use it.

Prof. R a w l i n g s also complains about the poor response to the program. I believe this w a s due not only to student apathy as identified by Felix, but also due to fears amongst students that the data that they entered w o u l d not be kept private. It doesn't take a C o m p u t i n g student to figure out that e-mailing plain text passwords to everyone is a b a d thing. W h y couldn't students use the same username and p a s s w o r d u s e d to access all of the College's other c o m p u t i n g facilities? To add insult to injury, the w e b s i t e w a s not run from a secure server a n d so all d a t a entered, i n c l u d i n g pa s s w o r ds , w a s transmitted unencrypted.

LEQ 2

there isn't even an attempt at due diligence to protect the machine, t h e n they are having a laugh. A s i d e from this, the inability to use the system from home (other than b y h a v i n g to create a tunnel to use a proxy at DoC), s i m p l y made it not w o r t h doing.

I personally feel that the paper-based system w a s m u c h better for students, and w a s far more representative - only polling those students w h o bother to attend at least one lecture seems sensible...

Regards, Philip Willoughby

LEQ 3

I don't send any personal information that I care about over unencrypted connections, and for the college, or anybody, to expect me to send something where

to build a system like this for free, and it w o u l d almost certainly be significantly more secure. The fact that this, and the effectively free security a u d i t i n g that DoC can provide w a s not t a k e n up appears to show a supreme lack of regard for the security of students data.

B u n c h Of A r t s Dear Felix, Nate Evuarherhe's c o l u m n lamenting the budget cuts to A r t S o c w a s a gross misrepresentation of the A r t s and Culture provision at ICU. As chairman of the Arts & Entertainments Board, I have responsibility for over a dozen different clubs and societies a l l o w i n g students to get directly involved i n theatre, music, poetry, art and cinema.

The college employs a full time Director of Music, has 2 orchestras, a choir, many smaller music ensembles and devotes half the space on level 5 of the Sherfield b u i l d i n g to music practice rooms and facilities.

The U n i o n has a dedicated Concert H a l l w i t h excellent facilities for drama, b a n d nights a n d film showings, perhaps the best in the University of London.

This year marks the very first Imperial College U n i o n A r t s Festival to promote the activities of these societies to the college, t a k i n g place from the 20th February

back talk until 1st M a r c h .

To say that "lovers of art...are denied the enjoyment of a hobby that many other institutions take for granted" is clearly a gross exaggeration.

A l l the theatres, galleries and cinemas i n L o n d o n offer student discounts. A l l it requires is a little research, w h i c h ArtSoc are clearly u n w i l l i n g to undertake, as to h o w to get these discounts. I regularly attend theatre i n the w e s t end, both indep e n d e n t l y a n d as a m e m b e r of the Dramatic Society at a fraction of full price by using websites such as lastminute.com and ticketmaster, amongst others.

I w a s one of the people w h o voted against ArtSoc b e i n g g i v e n the budget they requested, and it w a s for a simple reason; the money the u n i o n has should be allocated to societies to allow students to do something they w o u l d not otherw i s e be able to do.

Once you justify s p e n d i n g money on students going to the theatre, you also have to fund attendance at Twickenham, Lord's, and any of the Premiership football grounds i n the capital. This w o u l d reduce the money available for everyone a n d hence prevents students from t a k i n g part in the activities they enjoy so much, perhaps the first or only time they may have this opportunity.

ArtSoc still receives some funding to buy tickets as w e l l as provision for publicity a n d affiliation to t h e N a t i o n a l Theatre and Royal Opera House, and has the full use and support of the u n i o n like any other society. I C U C o u n c i l rejected their budget a p p e a l on 3 separate occasions over 2 academic years. This sounds like a democratically fair decision to me.

Yours sincerely, G u s Paul Chairman, I C U A r t s & Entertainments Board

Reconciliation Dear Felix, After the Sept 11th, the w o r l d condemned such terrorists' acts and B u s h declared w a r a n d retaliated ferociously and apparently " l e g i t i m a t e l y " conforming to the G e n e v a Convention. But haven't the A m e r i c a n s declared w a r on everyone and everything only i n the interests of the politicians?

In the 50s, the U n i t e d States i m a g i n e d they were under serious threats from this virtual enemy, communism. J o s e p h R. McCarthy, possibly the greatest demagogue i n the history of A m e r i c a , conv i n c e d the country C o m m u n i s m as the supreme e v i l of w i c k e d n e s s .

The A m e r i c a n s even b l a m e d their domestic d r u g s p r o b l e m s to the r i c e - g r o w i n g C h i n a . B e i n g paranoid about this i m a g inary "domino effect" i n Far East A s i a , troops w e r e sent to fight against this harmless old m a n - Ho C h i M i n h . Under mass media, educated students started demonstration against such futile war.

A r m y w a s instructed to stop the riots and students were killed on numerous circumstances.

Now, i n the w a r against terror, they d e c i d e d to persecute M u s l i m s or any A l Q u a i d a r e l a t e d c u l p r i t s . The U n i t e d States arrested t h e m all over the w o r l d and claimed the captives from A f g h a n i s t a n are detainees not prisoners of w a r (an excuse to defend themselves to be i n line w i t h the G e n e v a Protocols).

Worse of all, interrogate t h e m without any legal representatives. The US attorney is d i g g i n g out any dirt possi bly to try t h e m i n the federal courts. Isn't it similar to M c C a r t h y i s m ?

H o w many w a r s do you have to start?

A n d h o w many have you w o n ? This socalled democratic country w i t h all sorts of freedom and h u m a n rights contradicts to the reality utterly and has no privileges to judge the w orl d. A m e r i c a is a pitiful a n d ridiculous country ever invented by m a n k i n d . W h a t they need i n the Congress is a round table to allow the politicians to change sides w i t h ease.

These historical facts encapsulate the A m e r i c a n s attempt to create this greenhouse environment h o p i n g to protect themselves b y s p a r k i n g off w a r s that should never been declared. A l l these problems indeed have their roots and are not easy to be resolved. But Bush, a piece of an advice, not only listen to your mother about your eating habits but also listen to your conscience w h e n a little boy i n A f g h a n i s t a n just lost his leg and his family because of you. M a y be that is w h a t the U n i t e d States need, a t w o face hypocrite, to be there leader. Lets pray that A f g h a n i s t a n w i l l be a better place after the downfall of the Taliban. Two words: Reconciliation and Respect.

Non Events Dear Felix, W h y is it that last friday w h e n it w a s 'kandy' that the music w a s utterly crap, I quite h a p p i l y go to dance clubs a n d generally have a good time but the music that w a s played w a s crap a n d at the end there were all of 7 people to kick out. I accept that dance m u s i c is not to everyone's taste but surely it w o u l d be better if, i n s t e a d of p l a y i n g r a n d o m stuff that nobody has ever heard a n d only people w h o really like that sort of t h i n g w i l l stay and l i s t e n to, you p l a y e d commercial trance and house, so that even people w h o aren't a great fan c a n at least have a dance and enjoy themselves especially w h e n they have h a d a few.

Moreover, I thought that the U D H w a s s upp o s e d to be a chill out room where people c a n sit d o w n w i t h there mates and have a few cocktails a n d have inoffensive music i n the background, but it seems that the DJ's and the ents manager seem to think that p u t t i n g breakbeat and house up there w i l l make people w a n t to go and sit i n there. U m m perhaps people need there h e a d e x a m i n e d but during my first year y o u generally couldn't find a chair a n d h a d to sit where there w a s space and there w a s a good atmosphere i n there w i t h just nice chilled out inoffensive music p l a y i n g i n the background, where as n o w the bar staff think its b u s y if there is t e n people i n there me thinks a rethink is needed.

A l s o w h e n the event is dance music i n dB's w h y play dance m u s i c i n the U D H as w e l l this seems foolish as people w h o don't like dance won't pay money to come here and probably just go to Southside.

W h y do people still think karaoke is good fun - it only w o r k s if there are A m e r i c a n s or J a p a n e s e b u s i n e s s m e n do it so w h y have it i n the u n i o n especially on a thursday night it just doesn't work.

Rant over, enjoy, fred a n d w i l m a Hello fred and wilma (if those are your real names). I have been asked by the Union to ask you (plural?) to speak up, and go and complain personally.

The Union does actually want feedback on it's services, so they probably won't flay you alive for going to talk to them about all this. So do. Or suffer in anonymity.

It's your choice.

this week

Who's Here to Help You? ; Union Advice Centre imperial College Union, Beit Quad, East Wing | Confidential and impartial advice for students and staff on legal, academic, financial, housing, immigration and benefits. ; Martin Thomson

This Week

Imperial College Student Support Facilities

j Telephone: 020 7594-8067 e-mail:.advice@ic.ac.uk

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Theatre & Galleries

! Chaplaincy Centre I Imperial College Union, Beit Quad, East Wing ; Telephone: 020 7594-9600 e-mail: chaplaincy@ic.ac.uk ; Reverend Alan Gyle, Anglican Chapiain of Imperial College ; Mobile: 07973-654082 e-mail: a.gyfe@ic.ac.uk ; Reverend Cathie Bird, Methodist & Free Church Chaplain of Impericl College ; Reverend Father Ivor Netto, Catholic Chaplain of Imperial College ; More House, 53 Cromwell Road ; College Tutors ; Dr Anno Thomas-Betts, Royai School of Mines, Room 1.07 j Telephone: 020 7594-6430 e-mail: a.ihonias-bts@ic.uc.uk • Dr David Lloyd Smith, Civil Engineering, Room 426 • Telephone: 020 7594-6029 e-mail: dJloyd-smith@ic.ac.uk > Counselling Service 15 Prince's Gardens i David Ailman (Monday-Friday!

I Telephone: 020 7594-9430, e-mail: d.allman@ic.ac.uk ! Sarah Cooke (Monday, Wednesday and Thursday mornings] ! Room G30, Royo! School of Mines Telephone: 020 7594-9419, e-maib sarah.cooke@ic ac.uk ! Hearth Centre ; Southside, Wait's Way, Prince's Gardens ; Telephone: 020 7594-9375/6 ; Doctors, nurses, psychotherapists, counsellors, psychiatrist, spoils medicine specialist, ; physiotherapy, acupuncture, Alexander Technique, homeopathy, osteopathy, reflexology, ; aromatherapy | Muslim Prayer Room ; 9 Prince's Gardens, E-mail: islam@icac.uk ; Nightllne ; Confidential listening and practical information, < every night of term 6pm - 8am, ^Telephone: 020 7631 0101 e-mail: listening@london-nightline.org.uk

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music reviews COMPETITION This week, we're g i v i n g away the soundtrack to the film How High, featuring R e d m a n and M e t h o d M a n .

Q U E S T I O N : W h a t is the n a m e of R e d m a n ' s most recent solo a l b u m ?

Please email your answer to m u s i c . f e l i x @ i c . a c . u k b y Thursday.

LHB

Chemical Brothers Come With Us

Corporate Avenger Freedom Is A...

Tell ' E m W h o W e A r e

Out now on Virgin

Out this Monday on Koch

Out Monday 11 Feb on Telstar records

records

records

Thankyou, C h e m i c a l Brothers, for a w o n derful n e w addition to the w o r l d of electronic music.

Back i n '99, I w a s very disappointed w h e n the Chemicals released Surrender w h i c h w a s , to my ears, a very bleak and uninteresting offering. There were a few standout tracks, like the catchy Hey Boy Hey Girl, but a lot of it just w a s n ' t particularly memorable.

[Full title: Freedom Is A State Of Mind] Yet more r i d i c u l o u s n u - m e t a l from a b u n c h of oversized teenagers who probably w e a r suits to their day jobs and go cavorting w i t h the Territorial A r m y at weekends. C l a d i n the de rigeur subHellraiser clothes and make-up, superficially they're just another Slipknot derivative. A b u n c h of idiots - amusing, noisy idiots, but idiots nonetheless.

But here, from b e g i n n i n g to end, every track is at least decent, a n d none sound out of place. The t w o singles, It Began in Afrika and Star Guitar, demonstrate the more conventional side of the album, but they're good examples of w h a t to expect.

Star Guitar itself, w h i l s t not groundbreakingly original, is still a great track.

Is it really w o r t h describing the music?

After the harmless intro and yet another song on the theme of Fuck Da Police, w e get some politics. Christians Murdered Indians starts w i t h a reading of the S p a n i s h K i n g ' s p r o c l a m a t i o n to t h e Native Americans, and followed by a lot of ranting about the resulting massacre.

Highlights include the opener Come With Us, w h i c h starts off w i t h a s l o w yet frantic v i o l i n s a m p l e a n d , after a Chemicals drumroll, builds into a good rival for Loops of Fury or even Block Rocking Beats. The final track The Test is particularly funky, a n d this is not the only time w h e n vocals play a major part - The State We're In features some lovely haunting vocals from B e t h Orton. T h e C h e m i c a l Brothers seem to have mastered this k i n d of tune - unlike Orbital, w h o s e Otoho w a s a lame effort.

There are plenty of other would-be Dead Kennedys lyrics, w h i c h are delivered i n a n amusing shouty style. T h e tracks are peppered w i t h scratchy bits, bass beats a n d breaks, following the well-tested House Of Pain model. Every song starts w i t h either a monologue or a movie clip (Taxi Driver, etc) and then proceeds to expound a particular viewpoint: Taxes are Stealing, Voting Doesn't Work, The Bible is Bullshit (and the Qu'ran, and the Bhagavad Gita...). This works for about t w o minutes on each track, then grates on the nerves, and then repeats.

Pioneer Skies is a very pretty little n u m ber, t h o u g h it seems to be b a s e d around just one idea, and Hoops is very strange, but these tracks still seem to fit i n w e l l w i t h t h e rest. A n o t h e r stand-out is Galaxy Bounce, a classic Chemical Brothers track w h i c h s h o w s that the duo don't have to completely change their style to make great music.

Robin

There are some t ruly humorous moments: "I'm not saying this is good, I'm not saying this is right, but maybe the virgin M a r y w a s a hermaphrodite" o n Jesus Christ Homosexual. They're not taki n g themselves seriously, a n d neither should w e . C o m i n g soon to a stadium near you.

Robert

Playing this for the first time, I w a s pleasantly surprised to hear a very cleancut piece of chilled-out house.

It is difficult to tell exactly where you should place L H B , as they seem to borrow methods and styles from people as far apart as Kinobe, t h e C h e m i c a l Brothers and Ian B row n. A l l the songs are quite different, and there is no definitive L H B hook, other t h a n purely relaxing beats perfect for the after-club comed o w n or the Sunday afternoon chill-out session. For all I know, L H B could stand for "Light House Beats", a n d if it did, that w o u l d be an apt description.

The best tracks o n t h e a l b u m are Coming Up For Air, Tell 'Em Who We Are a n d Cuba. These are the ones that show the most complete a m a l g a m a t i o n of beats and vocal samples, creating eminently loveable tunes. In fact, Coming Up For Air sees a collaboration w i t h Imogen Heap, an experienced campaigner i n the chilled avant-garde market. H e r vocals add a h u m a n element to the otherwise computer generated sound of the group.

TeJJ 'Em Who We Are is completely different, in that it uses s a m p l ed vocals to create that otherworldly s o u n d w h i c h acts as a perfect repost to the self-promotional aspect of the song. The other strange t h i n g about this track is the addition of a beatbox to create t h e b a s s rhythm.

Sounds horrible; works like a charm.

This may not sell very w e l l , as there is not enough " c a t c h i n e s s " to grab the hearts and minds of the general public, but it w i l l almost certainly feature somew h e r e o n t h e next M i n i s t r y Chillout Session CD.

HOD

Tank

reviews music INTERVIEW with Nat and Gary from Haven Haven's debut album Between The Senses (see review, left) is out on Monday. Felix spoke to Nat a n d G a r y from the b a n d before one of their recent gigs at the Water Rats Theatre.

F E L I X : You t w o met i n a r e c o r d shop - w h e r e d i d y o u meet the other t w o m e m b e r s of the b a n d ?

NAT: I w as playing w i t h another t w o guys - w e w e r e just maki n g a racket - and I met up w i t h G a r y and suggest ed to h i m that he came over. We weren't w r i t i n g songs; w e were just abusing our ears really. G a r y came over and started the w h o l e w r i t i n g thing off.

GARY: We found Jack sort of w a n d e r i n g around i n Manchester - w e were looking for a drummer, and he looked like one. A n d

Between The Senses

then w h e n w e started t a l k i n g to h i m w e realised he spoke like one, and w h e n he sat b e h i n d a kit he w a s one, so that w a s a pretty good day.

Out this Monday

W h y d i d y o u w a n t to be i n a b a n d ?

on Radiate

records

In the British rock w o r l d , H a v e n are b e i n g t i p p e d to break through and fill the current gap i n style b e t w e e n Starsailor and M u s e . So what is there to make of their debut album?

The first t h i n g y o u notice is the sheer brilliance of G a r y Briggs' voice. H is soaring vocals a d d a real depth to the lyrics, w h i c h w i l l not be m a t c h e d by many... ever. This i n itself w o u l d mean nothing if the music b a c k i n g u p the vocals w a s not of the required calibre, but fortunately it is. The rhythms laid d o w n by I w a n G r o n o w on bass a n d Jack M i t c h e l l on drums allow Nat Watson to b u i l d u p the melody into a fully involving experience.

This is never demonstrated better t h a n on the absolutely sublime Out Of Reach. Here, the verse is b a c k e d by a contemplative bass riff, a n d Watson s l o w l y builds u p into the heady heights of the chorus, w h i c h allows Briggs to let loose w i t h his voice. Out Of Reach is preceded by the equally brilliant Say Something (the forthcoming single) and followed by Still Tonight. These t w o tracks are quite different i n their approach, but they still get you involved i n the song. A n d there lies all that is good about H a v e n - the songs surround you before you c a n get away, and stay i n your head for hours.

GARY: For me, being i n a b a n d happened by accident, but I w a s always going to be w r i t i n g songs and I w a s always going to be doing something w i t h them.

NAT: The first time I heard Nirvana, I k n e w that I w a n t e d to be i n a band. I w a s already playing guitar, and I really loved music, but that sealed it for me.

Have y o u got a n y other influences or idols?

GARY: Yeah, I really love the Velvet Underground, 'cause they seem to be really cool, but they have a sort of unattainable cool, you know?

T h i s is the t h i r d t i m e you've p l a y e d i n L o n d o n t h i s m o n t h - do y o u r e a l l y l i k e it t h a t m u c h ?

NAT: It's good w h e n people come and it feels like an event, you k n o w - there's nothing better.

GARY: Doing residencies p l a y e d a really b i g part i n getting us

ly of The Smiths. The problem is particularly acute on Is This Bliss, a n d although Briggs has a wonderful voice, it becomes clear that the right m i x of music and vocals is essential.

signed. We d i d a residency i n Manchester, a n d it's something that w e really like doing... it seems to be a tradition that's been lost. So for the last month the Water Rats has b e e n our gaff, and I really like that, I think it's cool.

If y o u c o u l d be a n y a n i m a l , w h a t w o u l d y o u be?

GARY: A snake, cause it's k i n d of i n keeping w i t h my Chinese star sign. I don't k n o w w h y I'd be a snake; I don't think I'd enjoy it, as such. I suppose it'd have to be a songbird.

NAT: G o o d one mate. I w a s going to say a rat, 'cause they're the most well-evolved creatures on the planet.

GARY: Is that right? Is it not monkeys?

NAT: No, rats are u p there. If nothing else, they c a n eat each other and carry on, happy as Larry.

H a v e y o u got a favourite book?

The overall feel of the a l b u m is that the best is at the beginning, and that it s l o w l y degenerates as they r u n out of ideas, but this only means that they still c a n and w i l l improve as time goes on. The a l b u m also suggests that H a v e n have the potential to be a stadium-filling live act to conquer A m e r i c a . Not b a d for four blokes from C o r n w a l l !

GARY: Yeah, The Outsider by A l b e r t C a m u s , that's a really good book. It's a top read, so check it out.

NAT: To be honest, I'm embarrassed to say I don't read. You k n o w w h e n your m u m reads a story to y o u at bedtime? I u s e d to say " c a n you stop please?", and I've not read a book since.

Actual ly I read one once; it w a s shit.

This by no means a complete a l b u m - there are a number of occasions w h e n the relative pitches of the vocals and guitars are mismatched, creating something that sounds distinctly odd.

This is made all the more remarkable w h e n you discover that the album is produced by none other t h a n Johnny Marr, former-

Tank

Jess

music reviews

LIVE: The Beta Band Ocean

LIVE: Cooper Temple Clause Feet First, Camden Palace

The Beta Band. One of the few groups around w h o are w i l l i n g to experiment to get the sound they want. No b o w i n g to popular taste to get record sales soaring or to attract " t r e n d y " collaborators for this lot. But w h a t w o u l d they be like live? Would w e get four multi-talented musicians coming together as one symbiotic b e i n g to produce a set so magical that the w o r l d b o w s d o w n before it? W o u l d w e get four blokes having a freeform jam on stage? Or w o u l d w e get experimentation to the extreme, creating nothing but a w a l l of w h i te noise? Thankfully, it w a s the former, a n d w h a t a symbiotic being they are!

H a v i n g been completely overwhelmed by The Cooper Temple Clause's forthcoming album [see review next week], w e took it u p o n ourselves to attend one of their highly recommended live shows. A n d where better to see t h e m t h a n Feet First, the indie/rock night at C a m d e n Palace...

The b a n d came on stage in typical F F fashion, half an hour late (owing to the fact that the organisers had opened the doors fifteen minutes late - m u c h to the disgust of the very cold people standing outside). This w a s easily forgivable, for The Cooper Temple Clause were on top form this evening, b a n g i n g out the tunes like nobody's business. They were utterly compelling.

The evening didn't start w e l l w h e n the " g u e s t s " promised on the ticket t u r n e d out to be a comedy duo called Fat Russ and Les, w h o were s u p p o s e d to be doing jokes and laying d o w n some tunes for the w a i t i n g crowd. But to be honest, a dead goldfish w o u l d be a better comedian t h a n either of these t w o pillocks. The only hint of a snigger came w h e n someone suggested that Russ w a s a less attractive version of Jonathan King.

But this w a s a price w o r t h p a y i n g to w a t c h the Betas i n action.

The whole set w a s very w e l l put together, and the stage presence of Steve M a s o n w a s phenomenal, m a t c he d only by the quality of the short films and videos s h o w n on a screen b e h i n d the band. The on-stage act w a s complemented by several scantily c l a d m e n a n d w o m e n (later identified as the angels of death) roaming the security pit w i t h w h a t looked like vodka shots (although it may have b e e n water).

Highlights of the s h o w were forthcoming single Squares, performed w i t h brilliant gusto, and She's the One, w h i c h finished off the m a i n set. This final song allowed the whole b a n d to show off the full range of their m u s i c a l abilities, as they seamlessly moved around the stage s w a p p i n g instruments w h i l e the song continued unaffected. This real connection between the different b a n d members w a s a hallmark of the set, and w a s evident again w h e n the encore finished w i t h t w o of t h e m on different d r u m sets and the other t w o on bongos, creating a perfectly rhythmic chorus of beats.

A b s o l u t e l y b r a n d spankingly good!

ID

Tank

From the amazing power of Film Maker to the soft, crooning tones of Murder Song, The Coopers took the c r o w d on an emotional rollercoaster - one minute w e w o u l d be b o u n c i n g up and down, singing along to the electronic beats unique to the band, and the next w e were almost crying at the beauty of the music these people can produce. Definitely guitar music at its best, combining the presence of The Clash, the movement of R A T M , the atmospherics of Tool and the driving energy of Hole.

Unfortunately for the band, not everyone felt as w e d i d - there seemed to be a rather large proportion of the c r o w d standing w a t c h i n g at the back - but there w a s a fair-sized m o s h pit of about thirty people or so, really giving it something serious d o w n at the front.

Our favourites for the evening were Murder Song, Did You Miss Me and Panzer Attack. The latter of these seemed to go d o w n best w i t h the crowd, probably because it w a s the band's first w i d e l y available single. Their first t w o EPs were, sadly, limited edition box sets, w i t h only a thousand of each available.

Hopefully, however, more people w i l l soon get w i n d of this captivating b a n d through their highly anticipated and highly recommended n e w album See This Through And Leave.

In essence, the definitive statements of quality of the entertainment, the almost immense - and m u c h appreciated - effort nicate w i t h the audience and make their

this g i g were the sheer magical tunes and the of the b a n d to commugratitude known.

Sajini & Jess

reviews music OUT THIS W E E K The following are due for release on M o n d a y 4 February: ALBUMS C O R P O R A T E A V E N G E R - Freedom Is A State Of M i n d F U G U - Fugu 1 H A V E N - Between The Senses T E A R S IN X-RAY E Y E S - Half Life VARIOUS - FabricLive 02 VARIOUS - This Is Not A Soundclash (Nuphonic) SINGLES B I F F Y C L Y R O - 57 ...and also the Natalie Imbruglia, N o Doubt, C u s t o m Blue, Round Sound and 90 Day M e n singles (all r e v i e w e d below)

Singles Roundup N A T A L I E I M B R U G L I A - Wrong Impression This is a wonderful piece of pop music from the not unattractive M s Imbruglia (see pic above). Wrong Impression is the second single from her n e w a l b u m White Lilies Island, and it lays to rest any doubts raised b y the rather average-sounding That Day. A beautifully laid-back verse leads effortlessly into a chorus so catchy that it's been stuck i n m y head for the best part of three days. Remember Torn? Well, this is just as good.

ID

Dave

C H E M I C A L B R O T H E R S - Star G u i t a r This t w i n k l y g e m from the Chemicals drifts dreamily along, and is strangely optimistic without being joyous. A gorgeous track that is sure to be heard continually i n room threes everywhere for the next few months.

ID

Patrick

A C T U A L SIZE - W e i g h t s & M e a s u r e s E P A t the beginning, this Bristol band's E P sounds like "indie-bynumbers", w i t h only the quirky Westcountry country and western vocals (see w h a t I've done there?) keeping its head above the turbulent waters of mediocrity. But then along comes a fantastic Swan Lake sample, a n d the whol.e t h i n g jumps out a n d says "hey you, I a m m u c h more t h a n another shit Trav-playsailor clone" i n a b i g distorted bass type voice. Weird, but undeniably good.

IO

Ben

NO DOUBT - Hey Baby What's going on? This is a n interesting t u r n from N o Doubt, moving away from their sound of five years ago, or at least mixing it w i t h something like R & B . They're not the k i n d of b a n d that w o u l d get stuck i n a rut though, and after listening a few more times, Hey Baby seems to make more sense. I still c a n t say I'm sure about the somewhat interesting rap b y Bounty Killer, but the song has g r o w n on me.

ID

Robin

C U S T O M B L U E - E P One This downbeat m i x of ethereal, i cy electronica a n d more homely acoustic leanings is a bit like a m u s i c a l version of nouvelle cuisine: impeccably tasteful, yet strangely unsatisfying.

A n d there's only so m u c h y o u c a n put u p w i t h before y o u long for a steak (or some A C / D C i n this case). It's hard to actually fault it w h i l e listening, but it's difficult to remember about t w o minutes afterwards.

IDDD

Tom M

R O U N D S O U N D feat O N Y X S T O N E & M C M A L I B U W h a d d a We L i k e ?

U K garage w i t h a nice underground feel - a m i l l i o n miles from Dane Bowers and the like. Up-tempo and bouncy, this is a w e l l produced track, a n d the vocals are delivered w i t h slick confidence. I love the w a y they sing i n their o w n L o n d o n accents rather t h a n trying to sound A m e r i c a n . It has a nice dirty beat too, but lacks the substance to make it stand out from the crowd or earn a place as anything more t h a n a n intro track.

IOD

TomX

L O - F I D E L I T Y A L L S T A R S - S l e e p i n g Faster Displaying their trademark eclectic influences a n d general aversion to b e i n g pigeon-holed, the Lo-Fis n e w single is here.

Whilst not as strong as their previous offering, this is a single that is proud to be unlike any other.

90 D A Y M E N - To E v e r y b o d y Bad w a i l i n g vocals over standard L o - F i tunes start this one off on the w r o n g foot, but then w a i l i n g boy gives u p a n d everything gets better quickly. Once the brilliant piano kicks i n a n d proceeds to dominate the rest of the EP, it becomes very easy to explain the sound of Chicago-based 90 Day M e n : just think Ben Folds fronting Fugazi. Nice.

M M D

aasaD

Patrick

Ben

film interview Interview With...

John Lasseter (producer) Pete Docter (director) Lee Unkrich (co-director) John Lasseter is the original founder and creative genius behind Pixar Entertainment, the computer animation coma He is an oscar winning director and has been dubbed the "Walt Disney" of computer animation.

Monsters Inc. is Pete Doctor's directorial debut. He was one of the first animators hired by Pixar and has done significant work on all their feature films including writing the script for Toy Story.

Lee Unkhch's career began in 1991 editing music videos. He now specialises in background and live animation effects. He's co-directed Toy Story 2, A Bug's Life, and Monster Inc..

D i d y o u a i m M o n s t e r s Inc. at a p a r t i c u l a r target m a r k e t ? W i l l adults l i k e it just as m u c h as kids?

J L : A t Pixar w e always make movies for ourselves. We aim at ourselves. A s reasonably intelligent adults. We love to laugh, w e love to be moved i n an audience, w e love to see action, so that's kind of the approach w e take. We don't get influenced too m u c h from the outside. We just concentrate on m a k i n g movies for ourselves.

We're also parents and w e love to take our kids to the movies.

So i n order to entertain adults a n d teenagers a n d so on, w e don't put i n subject matter or language that might be unsuitable for kids because w e are aware that w e w a n t to entertain kids as well.

It's a high standard that we've set for ourselves but we're very proud of that. A n d I think, n o w this b e i n g our 4th film, w e are getting a following w h i c h is k i n d of nice.

A t the opening w e e k e n d of Monsters Incorporated i n the United States w e d i d record business. But w h a t w a s very exciting w a s that 40% of the tickets sold that w e e k e n d were to people without kids. So that w a s the teenagers, college students, young adults, a n d old adults without kids. A n d all the evening shows and late evening shows, 10.30 shows were sold out and theatres across the country were a d d i n g m i d n i g h t shows for a U-rated animated film. So we're really proud of the fact that everybody enjoys our movies.

In w h a t w a y s has M o n s t e r s Inc. t e c h n i c a l l y s u p e r c e d e d Toy S t o r y 2?

W h e r e d i d the i d e a for M o n s t e r s Inc. come from?

Peter Docter: T w o things that I k n e w were true for me as a kid.

1 - that m y toys came to life w h e n I wasn't i n the room. A n d 2 that there were monsters h i d i n g i n m y closet w a i t i n g to scare me. A n d so it seemed like a lot of other people h a d the same experience.

John Lasseter: W h a t w e strive to do at Pixar is to come up w i t h some subject matter that the audience c a n relate to. A n d after w e started t a l k i n g about everybody's o w n personal experiences w e k n e w this w a s a c o m m o n theme.

PD: So the idea came out of t r y i n g to answer the question w h y monsters scare kids. They don't do it just because they're mean because that's w h a t y o u just get told. But maybe it's because they're t r y i n g to entertain other monsters. Like a reality T V show, or maybe even a sporting event where the top guys go in, they scare the kids a n d all the other monsters w a t c h and say, "Very good, very good."

But that didn't really go anywhere. So then being parents w e k n e w that children are a n extremely unstable source of energy.

Very volatile. So w e thought maybe the monsters go in, scare

J L : A t Pixar, the technical development is really driven b y the needs of the story. We don't just come u p w i t h some n e w technology and say, "Hey, let's use it in the movie". We come up w i t h a story that lias something i n it that w e don't k n o w h o w to do, and then w e set out to try to achieve it.

The fur on Sully w a s probably the biggest technical advance in this film. Inherently, the more organic something looks or moves, the more difficult it is to do w i t h a computer. The computer likes things simple a n d geometric. A n d hair, clothing, skin, are extremely difficult things for a computer to do convincingly. So w h e n Pete came up w i t h this idea to have the m a i n character to be furry it w a s a b i g challenge.

The technical artists m ay grumble a little bit, but they love being challenged. Pixar is a pioneering company. E v e r y t h i n g we've ever done, no-one's ever done before.

Does t h e choice of voice actor affect t h e characters, o r t h e w a y t h e y appear o n t h e screen?

PD: Yeah, it really does. We don't cast our films b a s e d on h o w famous an actor is, it's more about the talent that they have and h o w closely they fit w h a t we're looking for.

the kids to collect their scream a n d the scream is the power source i n the monster w o r l d . The idea k i n d of extrapolated out from that.

In the case of Sullivan w e needed someone w i t h a great deal of strength and power to do h i m because he's the best, top scarer. But he also needs to have a sense of vulnerability as he becomes parent to the girl. A n d John G o o d m a n fit the bill well.

JL: The idea actually started around the time w e were w o r k i n g on Toy Story. Pete w a s the s u p e r v i s i n g animator on Toy Story. I directed it. A n d I always k n e w Pete w a s going to direct his o w n movie some day.

We then record w i t h the guys before w e animate, of course.

We do all the voice recording first. That's w h e n they start to bring their o w n personna to the part a n d w e end up re-writing the script to fit the actor, so that the character i n the film is tailor-made for each actor.

interview film Is there m u c h s h a r i n g of trade secrets b e t w e e n y o u r s l v e s a n d the let's say the m a k e r s of F i n a l F a n t a s y or Shrek ?

Lee Unkrich: Back before Toy Story there w a s a computer animation community. You call it a community w h e n you don't make m u c h money at it, instead of an industry. But it w a s definitely a community. It w a s an art form that h a d grown out of a science. A n d in the scientific w o r l d there is this sharing of ideas, done through p u b l i s h i n g of technical papers. In journals and in conferences and so on.

There used to be this computer graphics conference called Cigraph, w h e n I first started w o r k i n g w i t h computer animation and it w a s the t h i n g the entire industry revolved around. There really wasn't m u c h else. It w a s a place where every single technical advance w a s p u b l i s h e d as a paper.

There's still a very, very strong tradition of that now. In still p u b l i s h i n g papers. We have w o n a n u m b e r of t e c h n i c a l A c a d e m y A w a r d s for the w o r k that we've done and to w i n those w e h a d to share. It's impossible not to. So there is quite a bit of sharing going on.

I guess as it has gotten more competitive, certain things you do hold back, or you maybe hold back a few years and then publish. The one t h i n g we're proud of still is Renderman, our rendering system and it's a prop that w e sell and it's become standard in the industry.

In the last 10 years there have been 26 films nominated for best special effects i n the A c a d e m y A w a r d s . 24 of those 26 films have u s e d Renderman. So whenever w e make a n e w development in our o w n movie it tends to ripple throughout the entire industry.

There are a lot of h i d d e n jokes a n d references h i d d e n i n the b a c k g r o u n d of this f i l m . W o u l d y o u l i k e to p o i n t a n y out?

LU: Yeah, the coffee shop, in the Monstropolis, is H i d d e n City cafe w h i c h is back in the little t o w n where Pixar is. It w a s the place w e always went for lunch.

PD: Yeah, and w h e n they're trying to get rid of Randall at the end of the movie, he ends up in the bayou d o w n in Louisiana.

But the trailer that he ends up in is actually the same trailer from A Bug's Life: Bug City is actually underneath that.

J L : There's a Pizza Planet Truck that's been in all four Pixar movies.

A r e there a n y projects t h a t y o u n e e d to w a i t 5 to 10 years to

Was it y o u r d e c i s i on to get B i l l y C r y s t a l i n v o l v e d i n the film?

be able to do?

JL: In the early days of computer animation you can do anything w i t h computers. A n d they get into something that too difficult work. So we're always aware of w h a t it can limitations guide it in that way.

We actually approached Billy C r y s t a l as the first person on Toy Story and he turned us d o w n for Buzz Lightyear. But as soon as w e talked to h i m about doing Monsters Inc. he said, it's the one decision in his entire career that he regrets m a k i n g to this day .

everybody assumed then they try it and and it just doesn't and can't do and the

A s computers develop, those limitations are becoming fewer and fewer but there still are limitations. A n d , you know, this is a business as w e l l . You cannot take like 24 or 36 hours of frames and then edit your film out of that. You just can't do that.

Finances won't cope. You can do some expensive money shots that do take a long time, but then you have to balance them w i t h other things.

C o m p a r i n g the subject matters: Bugs, Toys, Monsters..

Monsters Inc. w a s very ambitious because the characters were m u c h more organic t h a n w e ' d had before. Bugs were exoskeleton characters where they were maybe organically shaped, but they still hinged, and were a little easier to do. Same w i t h Toys in that respect.

In t e r m s of c o m p u t e r a n i m a t i o n P i x a r is g o i n g f r o m s t r e n g t h to st rengt h. W i l l w e e v e r see a n a d u l t m o v i e l i k e this?

J L : The w a y I look at it is that w e make movies for the adults.

We just h a p p e n to include kids and if w e make a movie just for adults we're excluding a huge chunk of our audience.

Will it happen? Yeah, sure. Final Fantasy w a s starting d o w n that direction and I think that it's really a matter of time.

Were y o u c o n s c i o u s l y t r y i n g to m a k e a p o i n t a b o u t the energy shortage crisis i n A m e r i c a ?

J L : We deny that the energy crisis was a convenient marketing ploy for Monsters Incorporated.

PD: We were doing the whole energy shortage t h i n g and going, "You know, are kids really going to be able to relate to his? I mean, the last energy crisis was, what, '78 or something." But, I mean, it doesn't really matter because the story works even without that for kids. A n d then the whole energy shortage thing happened and it's kind of a coincidence.

J L : In Monstropolis, there's a headline: "Rolling blackouts expected". A n d w e actually had rolling blackouts i n California this summer and even Pixar w a s hit w i t h one. Everything came back up except our e-mail.

L U : Our email w a s gone almost a week.

J L : You know, if you w a n t to see a b u n c h of adults cry, just take their e-mail away.

Darius

film reviews

Vanilla Sky released 25th January

Monsters Inc. released 8th February

A good film is one w h i c h gams i n reflection. A couple of days after seeing Vanilla Sky a n d I'm thinking, B a m ! What a load of nonsense. I remember leaving the cinema a n d thinking that was great. I enjoyed that very much. N o w I'm thinking w h a t a implausible plot t w i s t at the end. Not so m u c h a t w i s t as a Chinese burn.

Bedtime. Your parents have left the room. The lights have been s w i t c h e d off. You are at the mercy of your imagination. There are monsters i n the closet, under the bed, b e h i n d the curtains. A l l of them ready to pounce. The moment y o u fall asleep. In the night. A n d out of sight. Speak for yourself I w a s a born-physicist and my mantra w a s what you cannot see does not exist, and w h a t does not exist has got little hope of doing any harm.

Monstropolis is the city where all the monsters live. The city's main power source is h u m a n screams, w h i c h are captured b y an elite team of monster 'scarers , w h o enter the h u m a n w o r l d every night to scare children a n d to collect their subsequent screaming. But today's children do not scare as easily as they used to, so the city is faced w i t h a potentially disastrous energy crisis.

The truth is that Cameron Crowe's retelling of Alejandro Amenabar's 1997 movie Abre Los Ojos (probably means Open Your Eyes) is one of the most bizarre movies I have ever seen.

David A a m e s (Tom Cruise) is a high flying magazine publisher who has m u c h money, many w o m e n, a n d a Ferrari. He has an on-going relationship w i t h Julie (Cameron Diaz), "a friend he sometimes sleeps w i t h " . But there's trouble w h e n he falls for Sofia (Penelope Cruz), w h i c h leads to Julie becoming jealous and driving h i m off a bridge i n her car. While this is all happening w e are s h o w n flash-forwards (like flash-backs except in the future) w i t h David A a m e s i n a prison cell, w e a r i n g a prosthetic mask, a n d being interrogated b y psychologist M c C a b e (Kurt Russell) about someone's death.

Watching this, I asked myself several questions: W h y is A a m e s in a prison w e a r i n g a mask i n the future? Whose death is M c C a b e talking about? Have I got enough change for a pint after this? In that respect Vanilla Sky is engaging. The clues are there it's just a matter of p u t t i n g them together to work out w h a t the hell is going on.

W i t h its 'mind-blowing' finale Vanilla Sky fails where other films like The Usual Suspects and Memento succeeded. It just does not work. It doesn't make y o u gasp, you just sit there thinking, so w h a t w a s the point of the previous 2 % hours? The script just is not u p to the task a n d nor for that matter is the acting. Tom Cruise may be w o r t h y of an Oscar nomination, but the rest of them just are not as committed to the cause. It is as if some of them were i n it just for the money or something.

Overlong and pseudo-intellectual Vanilla Sky is only notable for Cruise's paranoia-filled performance as the self-centered David A a m e s . But b y the e n d of it I w a s hoping for this Cruise-control vehicle to Cruz to a halt. In fact if it w a s a Cruz missile...

1

Monsters Inc. is the largest scream processing factory a n d James P Sullivan, whose nickname is Sulley, is an eight foot tall blue-green monster. He is the most successful scarer. He is a role model for all the up-and-coming scarers. His best mate and scare-assistant is the little green, one-eyed, M i k e Wazowski.

The plot takes off w h e n Sulley accidentally lets a h u m a n child, considered highly toxic and dangerous, into the Monster world.

M a y h e m ensues as Sulley a n d M i k e try to hide the child from the authorities until things can cool d o w n so that they can send her home safely. The plot takes a further turn w h e n the duo stumble across the number t w o scarer Randall Boggs' evil plot to boost energy production.

Monsters Inc. is the latest in a series of computer animated features including Toy Story, A Bug's Life, a n d Toy Story 2. This time Pixar Entertainment have taken their art form to a different level in terms of their mastery of the artistic medium. W i t h an enormous budget of $115 million (not b a d for a cartoon) Pixar have set n e w industry standards.

Directed brilliantly b y Peter Docter, Monsters Inc. is pure entertainment. It made me laugh proper, and w h e n it finished, I w a s sad. Just go and see it. In fact, I'm going to see it again as soon as the Monsters Ink on this review dries.

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Review "Lively Haynes babbies her way through her ridiculous neuroses in an entertaining and uniquelyskewed routine. Her particularly peculiar set of phobias (opticians, deaf rapists, etc) proves a great source for her offbeat, cynical and politically incorrect material.

Occassionally the quality dips and more familiar turf is ploughed, but overall hers is a class act."

www. chortle. co.uk/comics/nhBynes. html

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book reviews E v a n H u n t e r w a s b o r n i n N e w York C i t y i n 1926. He s t u d i e d art at the A r t Students L e a g u e i n N e w York, and t h e n at Cooper U n i o n . Before H u n t e r b e g a n w r i t i n g full-time he held many different vocations s u c h as schoolteacher, a lobster s a l e s m a n , a n d a l i t e r a r y agent. In 1954 his n o v e l T h e B l a c k b o a r d J u n g l e , set in the p u b l i c school s y s t e m of N e w York C i t y and d r a m a t i s i n g student violence as no other novel of its time d i d , w a s p u b l i s h e d to great acclaim.

U n d e r the p s e u d o n y m of E d M c B a i n , Hunter created the 87th precinct set i n the city of Isola ( w h i c h is b a s e d very loosely on N e w York.) The first 87 novel appeared i n 1956 entitled Cop Hater and the 51st i n the series, Money, Money, M o n e y has just b e e n released b y O ri on in the UK. B e l o w are reviews of the last t w o H u n t e r novels C a n d y l a n d a n d Money, Money, M o n e y opposite is a i n t e r v i e w w i t h the m a n himself.

Candyland Evan Hunter/Ed McBain

Money, Money, Money Ed McBain

C a n d y l a n d is a novel in t w o parts. The first half w r i t t e n by the critically r e n o w n e d author E v a n Hunter w h i l e the second part is the w o r k of E d M c B a i n , the creator of the 87th precinct novels. The interesting t w i s t b e i n g that Hunter and M c B a i n are the same person a n d e a c h gives their o w n literary and g r i p p i n g style to both parts of this novel.

Money, Money, M o n e y is the 51st 87th precinct novel by the master of the police procedural novel, E d M c B a i n .

C a s s a n d r a Ridley is a female pilot w h o served w i t h the 101st Airborne in the Gulf War. W h e n she is approached w i t h a simple flying job in Texas that involves couriering four packages across the border to Mexico and b r i n g i n g back the same number in return, w h i c h is probably a drugs shipment, she believes it is an easy w a y of m a k i n g her a large s u m of money. The job goes so w e l l that after the final packages have been delivered she gets a bonus of ten thousand dollars. O n her arrival back on the East Coast just before Christmas she starts to spend the money. W h e n a burglar, W i l l Struthers raids her apartment, she tracks h i m d o w n and regains her money a n d her property. It w o u l d seem though that the money that she h a n d e d over to the men in Mexico is not as clean as it should. In fact its counterfeit and they decide to cross the border to get w h a t is rightfully theirs. They pay a visit to C a s s a n d r a and the next day she is found in the lion's den at the city zoo b e i n g devoured by the hungry lions. Steve Carella is put in charge of the investigation along w i t h fat Ollie Weeks from the 88th precinct. This is due to one of Cassandra's legs b e i n g eaten by a lion in the 88th; the boundary of the t w o precincts b e i n g directly through the lion enclosure.

The Hunter part of the book recounts the story of Benjamin Thorpe's night i n the city of N e w York. Thorpe is a well-respected architect on the West Coast a n d is i n N e w York for a party celebrating the o p e n i n g of a b u i l d i n g that he designed. Once the party is over, Thorpe returns to his hotel, calls his wife and he t h e n sets out on a course that w i l l go someway to c h a n g i n g his life. Thorpe is a s e x ua l compulsive. A l m o s t all his thoughts and tales regarding the good times i n his life revolve around the act of sex. A r m e d w i t h his little address book (all in code in case his wife gets h o l d of it) he seeks out a number of w o m e n that he k n o w s i n the city. W h e n that fails he visits a high-class whorehouse, the X S salon. A n hour later he is l y i n g in the gutter after b e i n g bloodied a n d beaten b y the manager but luckily for h i m a w o m a n helps h i m out of the rain (the preverbal hooker w i t h the heart of gold) a n d takes h i m back to her apartment to get cleaned up. Once there he realises some shocking facts about his past a n d the w a y his life is going.

A t this point E d M c B a i n takes over. The next morning a female prostitute is found dead, a n d the case is assigned to E m m a Boyle, a N Y P D detective attached to the rape squad.

The prostitute w o r k e d at the X S salon and also h a d dealings w i t h B e n Thorpe on the night of her murder.

I personally enjoyed the t w o parts to this novel, especially the insight into the m i n d of a sexual compulsive. E v e n after he is beaten up, B e n is still interested in h a v i n g sex w i t h the w o m a n that helps h i m . By d o i n g this, Hunter is portraying Thorpe's problem as a very deep-rooted one, similar to any other addiction a n d not as an instrument of humour. The M c B a i n part of the story is very m u c h in the police procedural style w i t h an e n d i n g both s h o c k i n g a n d very chilling. For me, the characters are very h u m a n and the dialogue is particularly strong. I look forward to the next H u n t e r / M c B a i n outing.

The plot from here takes many different turns involving greed, double-crossing and, of course, murder. M a n y different groups of people ffom drug dealers, the government and also a publishing house are interested in getting hold of the money.

The humour is provided by Fat Ollie Weeks, w h o cannot think of anything but eating. He is a racist and he hates all minority groups equally. One of the best scenes in the whole book is the piano lesson where Ollie is trying to play "Night and Day" and is stuck on the first three notes. J o k i n g aside, Ollie is a first-rate cop and saves Carella's life t w i ce in the book.

The t w i s ts in the plot and the continual saga of the detectives of the 87th make this a w i n n e r and confirm this reader's belief that this is probably the best police procedural series ever.

Both C a n d y l a n d and Money, Money, M o n e y are published by Orion, priced at ÂŁ5.99 and ÂŁ12.99 respectively.

reviews book United States of the 15 titles, 7 or 8 titles are mysteries.

So w h a t c h a n g e d the public's perception?

Well, E d M c B a i n came along, w e l l that's not exactly true but in a sense I added a little class to the mystery novel. For a w hi le back then w h e n you went into a bookshop the front of the store w a s full of romance novels while n o w its mystery books.

W h a t are you're a c t u a l m e c h a n i c s of w r i t i n g ?

Interview with Evan Hunter (Ed McBain) C a n y o u t e l l u s a little about y o u r b a c k g r o u n d ?

Well, I w a s born o n a kitchen table on a blanket i n Manhattan; my A u n t Jenny w a s the midwife. I w a s raised on and around N e w York and I w e n t to N e w York City schools. In 1944, I joined the Navy a n d it w a s w h i l e I w a s i n the Navy that I decided that I w a n t e d to become a writer. Before then I w a s studying art and so I had a complete change i n direction. Instead of going to art school, w h i c h I h a d been attending, I decided that w hi le I w a s at college I w o u l d concentrate on w r i t i n g .

I held a series of jobs a n d eventually worked for The Scott Meredith Literary A g e n c y w i t h other writers such as Larry Block and Donald Westlake. From there I continued to write and I eventually sold my novel, The Blackboard Jungle and the rest, as they say, is history. E d M c B a i n came into being i n 1956 w h e n my publishers approached me a n d asked me if I h a d a n idea about a mystery series.

W h a t w a s t h e reason b e h i n d t h e E d M c B a i n p s e u d o n y m ? Was it that y o u a n d y o u r p u b l i s h e r s b e l i e v e d that E v a n H u n t e r w o u l d n ' t s e ll w r i t i n g i n t h e m y s t e r y genre?

No, it w a s their belief that it w o u l d be damaging to my career as a serious novelist if it were k n o w n that I w a s w r i t i n g mystery

I get to work between nine and t e n every morning a n d I work straight through, w e l l I have a break for lunch w i t h m y wife, and then I lock the door at six in the evening. W h e n I first started out I w o r k e d a day job and so the only time I h a d to write w a s after dinner, in the evening or at weekends. I sort of v o w e d that I'd always work more regular hours if I ever h a d the privilege to write full-time w h i c h I have been lucky enough to do. I sometimes break this rule if I have an imposing deadline but I try to stick to these regular times.

The 87th precinct novels are v e r y m u c h a d m i r e d as police procedural novels. H o w d i d y o u go about t h e r e s e a r c h for these novels? D i d y o u have a n y contacts i n t h e police departments?

I d i d far more research w h e n I w a s starting out although to begin w i t h the police officers that I contacted were not very receptive. I'd just h a d The Blackboard Jungle p u b l i s h e d and they thought I w a s coming i n to do a number on them, to show h o w inept they were. I managed to convince them that I w a s going to write sympathetically about cops and they b e g a n to accept me w h e n they realised h o w serious I w a s . The police are a nice bunch of people considering the hard job that they have to do.

W h a t for y o u w e r e t h e benefits of c r e a t i n g t h e c i t y of Isola instead of u s i n g N e w York C i t y or a n y other real city?

I changed it so I didn't have to call the police every five minutes because it w o u l d seem that they w o u l d change the procedure for investigating a crime about every t w o weeks. I thought this w o u l d just lead to trouble. A l s o I didn't w a n t to get involved w i t h any lawsuits by u s i n g real numbers or real addresses. So instead I made it a mythical city, w h i c h I like. I c a n stick a park or a building anywhere. But you know, I've been to E d i n b u r g h but I w o u l d wager that your average reader hasn't so if Ian Rankin says that there is a castle i n the middle of t o w n I'll accept it, for me its a mythical city. /

novels.

A r e y o u still as enthusiastic about w r i t i n g today, as y o u w e r e So b a c k i n the 1950s t h e idea of a serious w r i t e r w r i t i n g a mystery novel was somehow beneath them?

O h yeah. There w a s this critic, I can't remember his name, for The N e w Yorker magazine w h o h a d written a n article called "Who Cares What H a p p e n e d to Roger Ackroyd" a n d it implied that anyone w h o wrote a mystery w a s a nitwit and anyone w h o read them w a s a half wit.

So d i d these c o m m e n t s set b a c k m y s t e r y w r i t i n g i n t h e 1950s?

Well this critic w a s very respected and the belief at the time w a s that reading crime fiction w a s not a proper literary pursuit. This belief is absurd today. If y o u look at the bestsellers list i n the

w h e n y o u started fifty years ago?

Oh, I love it. I'm trying to think w h y I feel so good i n the morning w h e n I'm starting work. For me, there is a problem to solve every morning and also a challenge for the day ahead. E a c h morning I re-read what I d i d the night before a n d I make hard copy before I put the computer to sleep. It's always invigorating w h e n you sit d o w n at the computer a n d finish a scene or you stumble on something that triggers an idea for the next chapter. It really is very exciting work.

E v a n Hunter w a s i n London promoting Money, Money, Money and the t w o mystery bookshops have signed editions of this.

Jonathan

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break coffee

Crossword by Mummy Huffwell 1.

2.

4.

3.

5.

6.

7.

9.

8.

10.

11.

14.

13.

12.

16.

15.

18.

17.

19.

20.

21.

Howdly-doodly fudgerinos. I've taken the w e e k off from the crossword this w e e k as my b r a i n has been drained due to spending the w e e k e n d ogling at the y e l l o w figures i n the m a g i c a l box i n my bedroom, and I'm not t a l k i n g about m y collection of bikini-clad, pygme, custard-wrestlers.

I'm of course referring to our m a m m o t h selection of quotes from the family Simpson. A s B o b b y C w i l l explain i n due course, w e w a n t the name of the character a n d the name/decription of the episode to collect the points this week. We feel the Simpson's deserved a special edition all to themselves as w e ' v e spent so m u c h quality time w i t h them over the years a n d they manage to deftly take the piss out of almost all the films we've u s e d so far. I've received no crossword entries this week despite my threatening w o r d s seven days ago, w h a t ' s the matter w i t h you freaks? It can't be that hard because I'm not that bloody clever. I mean it, you punks better start filling i n the crossword otherwise w h e n I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house w i t h your brains!

Dr. Hot Fudge.

Across I. Policemen head tricks desks. (5, 10) 8. Leader of water boilers moves three to sting you. (7) 10. Tempt, almost, t w o reserves n o r t h (one sideways) lie. (9)

Down 1. Bent slit c a n out organ, I'm h a p p y for you! (15) 2. B a d l y r u i n git d r u g plot. (8)

II. Stroppy mangled inmate gave rut. (13)

5.

12. D i g up alien?

14. E r u p t i o n v i c t i m sees p i m p h a v i n g fun w i t h old farmer. (7) 16. D i m undergraduate Neil, t w i c e w i t h dynamite messed. (13)

6

3.

Stuffed p i g i n London?

(6)

4.

7

9.

19. Occur N C E i n E n g l i s h church involves policemen. (9)

13.

20. Tits on a platform. (7) 21. Policemen pervertedly preen ten nudists. (15)

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

Verse sounds like it'll describe a man. (6) Put one i n r u m after water houses fish. (8) Out, one enters famous bitch, as society is m i s s i n g link. (6) Sank a g a s h i n meat, get similar i n pub. (4, 5, 6) Listen chum, inside there's a smell. (6) Three points deducted from c y c l i s t r u d o l p h .

(8) Life g i v i n g lentils? (6) S t a n d i n g m e m b e r is not right, but left for parliamentary vote. (8) Set free short relative to meet important person. (6) Oz's metal bloke. (3, 3) Surrounded b y sea, is not sea. (6)

A n s w e r to 1225 - Across: A c e In The Hole, A s s a s s i n , Strain, Tanning, A s i n i n e , Fearlessness, Out Of Fashion, Overlap, Bye-Laws, Greece, Baptised, M a n Of Respect.

Down: Casino, Inspire, Trigger-Happy, Outfits, Examines, Interspersed, Attenborough, Take The Blame, A t h e n e u m , Folacin, Open-Top, Parsec.

coffee break

G F Q Q - The Great Felix Quote Quiz

by Bobby Cyclops & Dr. Hot Fudge Greetings Fudglings!

No of players: 62

I knew this would happen - the Bond quote from issue 1224 has caused uproar of the magnitude w e first saw when w e suggested that Uncle Owen was Obi Wan's brother. Two points - firstly The Spy Who Loved M e came before Moonraker, and Bond is quoted as saying

The Leader B o a r d - top 20 Name Daniel Sauder

(when discussing Jaw's role as a professional killer to Anya) "His name's Jaws....he kills people". Looking from a chronological point of view, this should be your answer - traditionally in G F Q Q if a quote appears in more than one film, w e take the earlier film as the correct answer. However, as so many of you got it wrong, I will definitely look into the matter and award points only if I am satisfied that the identical quote appears in Moonraker.

Thanks to Anthony J. Rodrigues for pointing out that Jaws wasn't the only henchman not to be killed - Nick Nack (the M a n with the Golden Gun) survived his encounter with Bond; at the end of the film, Bond leaves turn suspended within a wicker basket. Baron Samedi, from Live and Let Die, also isn't killed by Bond. A t the end of the film he is seen sitting on the back of the train.

Continuing the Specials theme, this week w e have a special bumper

A n t h o n y Rodriques A n d r e w Ince Simon North John A n d e r s o n Christopher Dent

79.5 78.5 78.5 78 74.5 74

Chris Ince Rebekah Hymas

62.5

M i c h a e l Simonds Arosha Bandara Gregory M a n n Fred Marquis

62.5 61 59.5 58.5

Geoff L a y K i m Randell Vuk Cerovic Chris Toffis

58 58 55

edition of Simpson's quotes. This time w e want the name of the character and the episode the quote is from (a brief description will suffice if you don't know the actual name). Hopefully they shouldn't be too

A n t h o n y Meisner

ambiguous this week!!

Somsuddin A l i

Bobby Cyclops

Score 85

51 46 44

Rhys & Flo Jennifer Williams

Answers

to Mafia

43.5 42.5 Special:

1. J a m e s C a a n / S o n n y C o r l e o n e - T h e G o d f a t h e r 2. A l P a c i n o / M i c h a e l C o r l e o n e - T h e G o d f a t h e r P a r t II 3. M a r l o n B r a n d o / V i t o C o r l e o n e - T h e G o d f a t h e r 4. R a y L i o t t a / H e n r y H i l l - G o o d f e l l a s 5. R o b e r t D e N i r o / A l C a p o n e - T h e U n t o u c h a b l e s B o n u s . T h e p o o d l e w a s c a l l e d ' M a f or ' M a f i a ' .

W i t h 21 p o i n t s o n offer t h i s w e e k t h e l e a d e r b o a r d c o u l d b e e n t h r o w n w i d e o p e n - w e l l at l e a s t ajar. S o g e t y o u r a n s w e r s i n to c o f f e e . f e l i x @ i c . a c . u k

[LATFG

Bonus Questions for Simpsons

Special

1. Which Simpsons episode got the highest T V audience in the US? Hint - featured in one of

the quotes opposite.

2. What was the name of Grandpa Simpson's outfit during World War Two?

**

I

war

COFFEE HOUSES

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i l O P P O S I T E i W A I T R O S E

3. Why doesn't Flanders have insurance?

4 . Who were the four founding members of the Be Sharps?

break coffee

G F Q Q - The Great Felix Quote Quiz g p ÂŁ ÂŁ j ^ | ^

by Bobby Cyclops & Dr. Hot Fudge

1. "Way to breathe, no breath."

2. "I think not my primitive friend. Your kind has neither the cranial capacity nor the opposable digits necessary to operate a firearm."

3. "Well shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. Hey fellas

knock it off! "

4 . "There's nay an animal alive that can out run a greased Scotsman! " 5. "Animals are crapping in our houses and we're picking it up. Did we lose a war? That's not America! That's not even Mexico! " 6 . "I think I understand. The potential for mischief varies inversely with one's proximity authority

to the

figure."

7. "The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there."

8. "FBIhuh?

Excuse me....Alright

they're onto us, get him back to Sea World! "

9 . "Homer. A man who called himself you-know-who just invited you to a secret wink-wink

at the

you-know-what."

1 0 . "Was a moonless night, dark as pitch, when out of the mist came a beast more stomach than man. So I says to me bostens, batten down the missen mast matees" 1 1 . "Let's hurl a

brick-e-mart!"

1 2 . "Delicious bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors, so tempting.

What's that? You want me to

drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me.. .David, Tm really

tempted."

1 3 . "On one of my frequent trips to the ground, I noticed Malloy wore sneakers.. ..for sneaking."

1 4 . "Ng-hey. I doubt very highly that one elixir could boast so many fantastic properties Let's say we amscray out of here and have a wild wingding at the Cyclotron,

doctor?"

1 5 . "You might remember me from such show business funerals as: "Andre the Giant: we hardly knew ye.""

1 6 . "Lucite hardening...must Best... death... ever!"

end life in classic Lome Greene pose from "Battlestar

Galactica":

club active

From Soho To The Caves Of Boho It all began w i t h a quick email on T u e s d a y afternoon; "I'm g o i n g to F e r m a n a g h t h i s w e e k e n d . Do y o u w a n t to come?", asked H u g h Penney, an IC3 m e m b e r currently studying in Glasgow. I quickly checked all flight options, and booked myself onto the 17:30 to Dublin, where Jerry, an exIC student n o w w o r k i n g in Dublin, w o u l d pick me u p en route to Fermanagh. I p a c k e d my helmet, light, wetsuit, and 45m of rope; and off I went.

Jerry w a s w a i t i n g outside the airport w h e n I arrived, and w e w e r e soon z o o m i n g n o r t h through the M e a t h countryside - the slight delay in leaving Heathrow m a k i n g sure w e m i s s e d the Friday e v e n i n g rush.

We arrived in the village of Boho, roughly ten miles outside E n n i s k i l l e n at a r o u n d 22:00, just as H u g h and his flatmate Dave p u l l e d up i n their hire-car. Our contact, Sean w a s already in the local, McKenzie's, so w e joined h i m for some of the best G u i n n e s s you're likely to taste. It wasn't until many hours later that w e managed the five minute stroll to our accommodation in the luxurious Boho c o m m u n i t y centre. C a v i n g huts are rarely plush, some are barely habitable, in contrast, this place w a s a veritable mansion.

Next morning, w e woke to an overcast sky - good w e a t h er in these parts. After a b i g greasy cavers breakfast w e set off to our first cave Marble Arch. Marble A r c h caves are tourist show-caves on the edge of C u i l c a g h M o u n t a i n . Our p l a n w a s to explore b e y o n d the show cave, and hopefully make it to a beautiful p a s s a g e c a l l e d Legnabrocky Way. It took us a few attempts to locate the correct entrance, Sean t h e n led us

through an easy squeeze to the gated cavers route to the tourist section of the cave. The s h o w cave is only open to the p u b l i c d u r i n g the s u m m e r months, so w e were free to explore it ourselves, however, our only light came from our head-torches. A t the end of the show-cave, a tall, w i d e passage filled w i t h ever deepening water leads to a sump that is only p a s s a b l e b y divers. We w a d e d across the stream to enter the s u m p bypass -1 w a s glad of my wetsuit at this point, but as soon as w e started squeezing uphill into the b y p a s s p a s s a g e I slowly started to steam. The tight passage involved m u c h s c r a m b l i n g over and under rocks u n t i l w e eventually broke b a c k into the m a i n streamway, this time upstream of the sump. I w a s glad of the opportunity to cool d o w n , w a l l o w i n g around in deep water again, while the others marvelled at the amazing marble passage w a l l . This massive stream passage ended in another sump, this time without a dry bypass. We turned off into a smaller tributary passage containing a trickle of water. This section of cave, L e g n a b r o c k y Way, is w e l l k n o w n for c o n t a i n i n g beautiful stalactites and m u d formations. The passage is b i g enough to w a l k along easily, even Jerry, at six foot six inches, didn't have to stoop. We soon came across an area of m u d formations taped off by the S p e l e o l o g i c a l U n i o n of Ireland as a c o n s e r v a t i o n measure. Unfortunately, someone h a d t r a m p l e d over the area and destroyed m u c h of the passage. However, there were still pristine white straw stalactites in the roof, and a small amazing chamber covered in flowstone and stalag-

mites W e proceeded onwards through the wet wriggle, a flat-out c r a w l in a bit of water - wetsuit territory.

Luckily, this w r i g g l e w a s only one metre long, and w e were back tramping up the passage in no time. We ended up in a small chamber where a climb leads to a d i g - local cavers trying to extend the system. Bands of deposited m u d on the w a l l map the climate going back thousands of years, a black band of carbon s h o w i n g w h e n the l a n d had been cleared for farming by prehistoric m a n burning trees.

changed into our gear for a visit to Boho caves - just across the road from the hut.

Boho caves are a complex labyrinth of passages in a thin b e d d i n g of limestone. We foll o w i n g the M a i n Drain, a large dry passage that quickly fills to the roof in flood. Our intended route w ent north to the smaller Formation Chamber, but w e found that the connecting passage h a d been filled to the roof w i t h m u d b y a previous flood. Instead w e explored the short V i r g i n Circuit, before h e a d i n g over to C o o l a r k i n Cave in the back of Sean's van.

A t this point w e were about t w o hours from the entrance and it w a s time to t u r n around. The journey b a c k seemed quicker, even the wet w r i g g l e appeared easier. Back at the m a i n tourist cave again, I wasn't quite ready to leave.

Those of you w h o have been to M a r b l e A r c h caves w i l l k n o w that the entrance involves a boat ride along a canal before dry land is reached. I couldn't resist the opportunity to have a nice long s w i m in this canal, w i t h only H u g h in his surfing wetsuit daring to come w i t h me.

Coolarkin Cave enters the hillside at the bottom of a fifteen metre shakehole. A small stream enters the shakehole v i a a waterfall, and then flows through the cave.

The entrance is a massive traintunnel s i z e d passage - proper Sunday caving. We followed this for about t w o hundred metres to where an impassable collapse h a d occurred.

Various people h a d tried to dig their w a y through, but failed.

The w a t e r from the cave emerges after t w o kilometres a potentially huge system. We s u g g e s t e d to Sean that he bring a J C B d o w n to clear the choke - the cave is certainly b i g enough!

O n the surface, w e changed into our dry clothes quickly as a light drizzle began to fall.

A l t h o u g h the cave and the hut were in the North, the quickest route between them involved a brief visit to the South. We' took advantage of this to stock up on petrol and cigarettes, followed by a quick visit to Frank E d d i e ' s p u b before h e a d i n g home for a massi ve c h i l l i . N e e d l e s s to say, another night w a s spent s a m p l i n g Ireland's McKenzie's.

finest

in

Sunday m o r n i n g brought m u c h better weather - the sun actually shone! After a rather lazy breakfast, w e q u i c k l y

After these t w o brief trips, it w a s back to the hut to tidy up, then up to Sean's house where his wife h a d prepared soup for us. We were on the road by 4:30, reaching D u b l i n in time for my 7:30 flight to London.

W i t h great caving, and even better hospitality, I'm sure we'll be back in Fermanagh soon.

If you're interested in joining the caving club, or maybe just w a n t to try caving once, contact the club on caving@ic.ac.uk, or check out w w w . su. ic. ac.uk/caving.

active club

More Caving? Goodness!

Gales and Rain.

Three masochists perforin contortions in Pippikin Pot, and a new 'Sunday' cave is found.

W i t h the forecast for gales a n d heavy rain, IC3 d e c i d e d to go pot-holing i n Yorkshire, to see if w e c o u l d c a t c h a b i t of s n o w too.

Soon after leaving college at 8pm w e w e r e stuck i n traffic on N o t t i n g H i l l Gate, a little bit later w e arrived at B u l l Pot Farm, Lancashire. The drivers raced us N o r t h through atrocious rain, spurred on b y some good tunes, they must have been o n something stronger t h a n tea, everyone else w a s asleep. A r r i v i n g at B u l l Pot (home of the R e d Rose C a v e a n d Pothole C l u b ) at l a m , without a key w e were relieved to find other people there, lots of people, i n fact Oxford a n d C a m b r i d g e C C s plus a few Manchester. A quiet nights sleep o n a mattress w a s only broken b y talk of vomiting a n d mystery i l l nesses i n the night.

Saturday, three masochists d e c i d e d to do P i p p i k i n Pot to L i n k Pot, i n the 80km E a s e G i l l system. W h i l e t w o more sensible people d i d C o w Pot, aimi n g to have a look at t h e impressive Ease Gill main streamway i n flood. T h e C o w Pot Team were h e l d u p a n hour for some suspiciously Southampton l o o k i n g cavers to do some SRT (Single Rope technique) t r a i n i n g on the 25m entrance p i t c h to C o w . W h i l e at the other e n d of the s y s t em Team 'Whip M e For Pleasure' were rigging the involved Pippikin entrance series.

Finally 'Team C o w ' got d o w n the t r i p l e r i g g e d entrance p i t c h a n d made headway, on the roof traverse C l e w i n w a s unstoppable, starting the rigg i n g about h a l f w a y a l o n g

before, u n d a u n t e d , descendi n g the b i g 50m p i t c h into the abyss w h i c h is k n o w n as Fall Pot, but the final rebelay a 'free hanging' Y-hang w a s to prove his u n d o i n g a n d plenty of time w a s spent s w i n g i n g i n the black emptiness t r y i n g to get the correct rope length for a double b o w l i n e .

"You might w a n t to check rigging!" Were the reassuring w o r d s shouted u p the shaft, before he continued to the bottom. I w a s able to complete m y repertoire of s i n g i n g a n d w h i s t l i n g perched o n a ledge at the t o p of the pitch, w h e n he finally shouted 'rope free'.

A t this point, somewhere far off, Team W M F P w a s probably gurgling i n the Wet W a l l o w s or g e t t i n g lost a r o u n d D u s t y J u n c t i o n looking for the w a y to L i n k Pot. But Team C o w where o n the move again, descendi n g out the roof into the cavernous Fall Pot is always a s t u n n i n g experience, a n d w i t h w a t e r f a l l s p o u r i n g i n from every nook a n d cranny this time w a s no e x c e p t i o n .

C l i m b i n g d o w n through the massive boulders b e l o w Fall Pot, w e looked d o w n into the m a i n E a s e G i l l streamway, over the roar of the river I pointed to the ceiling above us, there w a s plenty of fresh foam o n t h e roof i n d i c a t i n g where the w a t e r h a d probably b e e n t h e d a y before. Team C o w t h e n beat the retreat, taking a few photos o n the way.

S a t u r d a y e v e n i n g at t h e farm w a s u p to its u s u a l standards, lots of d r i n k i n g a n d loud music. Tales were told b y the S & M t e a m of c r a w l s i n w a t e r w i t h 2 i n c h e s of airspace.

Sunday, w h e n most cavers were returning a n d thinking of g e t t i n g home, a three m a n team ventured d o w n Aygill C a v e r n s , a c o m p u l s o r y late

morning visit to Bernie's Cafe in Ingleton h a v i n g delayed us.

M i s s i n g out o n this n o r m a l Sunday faffing process w a s Andy, he h a d d e c i d e d once d o w n P i p p i k i n i n t w o days didn't satisfy h i m a n d a bounce trip to derig w a s i n order, the t w o Oxford lasses he w e n t w i t h m a y have b e e n another reason. A y g i l l w a s a n unexpected pleasure, a good 'Sunday cave', the list of caves fulfiling this criteria are few, Sunday c a v i n g presents m a n y psychological barriers (ie w e t cavi ng kit) a n d conflicting priorities (ie s i t t i n g i n a cafe d r i n k i n g tea/going c a v i n g ) .

But A y g i l l w a s near to the hut,

w i t h a couple of nice ladder pitches, done w i t h some o l d skool r i g g i n g a n d a n impressive streamway which s t o p p e d u s progressing any further, b u t definitely g o o d enough for a revisit i n dryer weather.

The r e t u r n journey to L o n d o n w a s , again, swift leavi n g at 5.30pm from the farm arriving b a c k at 11pm. A s m a l l oil leak w a s noticed, b u t it w a s nothing m u c h really.

Next c a v i n g trips: 8-10 February - Yorkshire 2-14th A p r i l - R o m a n i a www.su.ic.ac.uk/caving/roma nia.php3 Jan Evetts

ESery Wednesday l c s l e imperial

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Free before l O p n r ^

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Football VII Triumph Kings 5ths

4-4

IC 7ths

(4-2 to IC 7ths on penalties) It w a s the game of the season for IC 7ths - a second round away c u p tie against K i n g s 5ths, a t e a m i n the league above us. We k n e w w e h a d our work cut out, but w e ' d been p s y c h i n g ourselves u p and eati n g bananas all week.

We were u p against it right from the start, Kings w i t h a huge prevailing w i n d be hi nd them h a d us pinned in our o w n half for most of the first half.

However, after they scored a lucky looping lob w h i c h M a t i n lost i n the sun, our spirits were buoyed w h e n Matt created a n opening for himself on the right of the b o x to smash home a stunning finish into the top-left corner. Our back line w a s dealing w i t h their incessant attacks effectively, b u t just before the break they got another, scrappy goal. 2-1 to

Kings at half time, but IC b y no means out of the fixture w i t h the w i n d behind t h e m i n the second half.

T h e n , to our dismay, K i n g s scored 5 minutes into the seco n d after A l e x gave a w a y a penalty and M a t i n w a s unable save the spot kick. To make matters worse, Gopal w a s then booked for hinting the referee w a s either visually challenged or mentally inadequate.

However, IC's resolve never faltered and after Major Tom put a free kick into the far comer of the net to make the score 3-2, w e felt w e could go all the way.

But w i t h 10 minutes to go - disaster! Kings w e n t 4-2 u p from a headed goal. Surely IC couldn't redress a 2 goal deficit w i t h 10 minutes to go against a team in a league above them... or could they....

The fresh legs of Panu were worrying the edgy Kings defence. After M a t t made a

superb turn o n the edge of the box to loop the ball across the face of goal, Panu ran in to head home from a nigh-on impossible angle. 4-3 - there w a s still hope. Then w i t h 5 minutes to go IC w o n a corner. Major Tbm stepped u p to take it a n d pondered the w i n d b l o w i n g into the goal-mouth. Everyone then w e n t apoplectic as he hit a w i c k e d l y in-swinging d i p p i n g corner w h i c h sailed over the keeper a n d straight into the top right corner of the net to equalise. 4-4 at full time. Thus, extra time reared its ugly, lactic acid-filled head.

For the next half hour, both teams w e n t a l l out to fight against fatigue a n d get t h e v i t a l decider. Some stalwart defending b y Chris a n d Andy, t h r o w i n g themselves at everything s p h e r i c a l i n sight, ensured w e didn't concede.

After 120 minutes of football, the tie h a d gone to penalties.

Five p l u c k y lads p u t t h e m selves f o r w a r d to take t h e kicks w i t h IC k i c k i n g first. Panu stepped up and put his penalty over the bar but w a s relieved w h e n h i s K i n g s counterpart d i d l i k e w i s e m o m e nts later.

A n d y then coolly p u t his kick into the top right corner and IC cheered w h e n the next Kings taker put his w i d e . G o p a l a n d A n d r e a nonchalantly put there penalties a w a y like it w a s almost a chore but their Kings counterparts w e r e also successful. 3-2 to IC w i t h one

Live sport o n the

BIG SCREEN

Netball IC I

33 - 16

LSE

The netball 1st t e a m is off to a great start i n t h e U L U Challenge C u p , p r o d u c i n g a convincing w i n against L S E .

We were without our u s u a l keeper Clare, w h o has a poorly foot as a result of a Reef or 2 m i x e d w i t h the crazy c o m b i nation of a dance floor. O u r other Claire, w h o c a n usually be found flying d o w n t h e w i n g , w a s our tallest option to take her place a n d d i d a valiant job.

We got to off to a great start, w i n n i n g the first 2 quarters easily. N i c e d o d g i n g i n the centre court b e t w e e n J e s s and Ruth, a n d fantastic defence g a v e the shooters

p l e n t y of opportunities a n d t h e y p o t t e d most. Defence w a s looking particularly great i n this game. Sooz, Kathryn a n d J e s s made many interceptions a n d if not, got fingers to the b a l l to knock it to one of the t e a m to get control back.

Stux came on at half time, w h i l s t L S E made a change i n tactics for the better. Simple lobs into the shooter a n d a better flow t h r o u g h centre court meant the 3rd quarter d r e w at 6 goals each.

Strong attacking i n t h e 4 t h quarter a n d a final burst of goals from the IC shooters, Beckie a n d Hannah, meant a good victory to the IC girls on the 1st stop to w i n n i n g t h e c u p final.

round to go, if w e scored the next one w e h a d w o n . T h e Major calmly placed the ball o n the spot a n d stroked it home into the top left corner.

Victory for I C 7ths, merriment ensued a n d bodily fluids were e x c h a n g e d to celebrate t h e greatest g i a n t - k i l l i n g since Younis Huthhart kicked N i ght shade's arse on Gladiators.

F r i d a y 1st F e b (rugby league) Bradford Bulls v N e w c a s t l e knights 7.30pm

S a t u r d a y 2 n d Feb. Derby v Tottenham 12pm France v Italy (6 Nations) 2pm Scotland v England (6N) 4pm Hibernian v Celtic 5.35pm

Sunday 3rd F eb.

Leeds v Liverpool 12pm Ireland v Wales (6N) 2pm Middlesborough v Charlton 4pm

Wednesday 6th Feb. W H U v Chelsea 7 . 4 5 p m (to b e

confirmed)

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