Tour De Chance

T’S mid summer and, despite the fact it’s pissing with rain today, we are in the middle of a month of British sports fever. At Silverstone a rather grumpy young Dutchman drives round and round in circles pursued by a rather jolly young Brit and an older rather unhappy multiple world champion who both insist they will catch the Dutchman who has won every race this year once they get a few new upgrades on their car (dream on boys). Meanwhile at Wimbledon with occasional breaks for rain and strawberries lots of tough gals with unpronounceable East European names fire balls at each other while in the boys corner Djokovic (the unvaccinated Serbian whose name we have learnt to pronounce) looks to be cruising to another title. Meanwhile, England are probably heading for another defeat in the worlds third most boring game (I’m talking to you Golf and Formula One). The only interesting moment came when a Just Stop Oil protester ran onto the pitch let of his orange paint bomb and was then politely carried off by the wicketkeeper.

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But pay no attention to these shenanigans because next door in the land of soft cheese the real action is under way and as usual it’s a corker. Fuelled only by fizzy drinks and energy bars 160 cyclists are racing 200kms every day at sometimes at over 40 mph all round France uphill and downhill for 3 weeks. It’s a pretty unbelievable feat of endurance and thanks to a bevy of cameramen on the back of motorbikes you can follow all the action in close up. I know when you actually watch bike racing, i.e. the Tour of Britain, from the side of the road it is pretty uninspiring. Hang around for an hour waiting – loads of police motorbikes go past – the cycle race goes past at 30mph it takes maybe 10 seconds – a hundred support vehicles drive past – you go home. But watch it unfold over 3 weeks on the telly and it is fantastic. The tactics of the 22 teams of eight riders each is like a complicated chess game. The downhills and sprints are dangerous and thrilling the mountain accents painful and nail biting and the scenery is stunning. The beginning of this year’s race in the Basque country was extraordinary. Identical British twins the Yates brothers (for many years the bridesmaids but never the bride) rode away from the field came home first and second. As I write this a young Dane and an even younger Slovenian are grappling for dominance on The Grand Colombier a 17 kilometre, steep mountain road in the Jura.

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However, one or two other things have come up during my extended Tour de France, 3 week, afternoon, couch surfing extravaganza. As the Tour is on ITV 4 it means every quarter of an hour we get the adverts and at this time in the afternoon these are mostly for animal charities of one kind or another and also for charity lotteries. Who knew there were so many charity lotteries? RBL Poppy, Age UK, National Autistic Society, World Animal Protection, Fire Fighters, Oxfam, Melanoma UK etc. etc. I am well aware from standing in the queue at SPAR that people are pretty keen on the big ones – Euro Millions, National Lottery, Thunderball etc. and although I never buy a ticket I do sometimes idly wonder what life might be like if I won EuroMillions. With that in mind I thought I might check the odds, just in case. The odds on me winning the jackpot are… wait for it… 1 in 139 million. National Lottery 1 in 45 million.

A web site called Save the Student helpfully tells me that by comparison: The chances of becoming an Astronaut are 1 in 12 million. Struck by lightning 1 in 1 million. Becoming an Olympic Athlete 1 in 500 thousand. Repaying one’s student loan 1 in 6.

So with all this in mind I am delighted to announce the Broad Sheep Lottery and I am going to give it a sporty feel by linking it to next years Tour De France. I think it’s high time I entered this famous race. Despite the fact I am twice as old as the oldest entrant I intend to work hard on getting into tip top shape. For the whole of this next year I will only use my electric motor on the way back from the shops and I will try and stick to 12.5 % wines.

You lot send me £10 each for a ticket. If I win next years Tour I will share my winnings (Euros 500,000) 50/50 with the winning ticket. There are 176 riders in the Tour and I am not quite clear on how you calculate odds but I figure I have a 1 in 176 chance of winning and compared to 1 in 139 million that’s no contest.