Vol. 4 Issue 17

THE VOL. 04 ISSUE 17 05.22.2012 NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN

POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

GDMA GRAD

EVENT GOES TO VANCITY THEATRE PAGE 7

ABORIGINAL

FREE COURSE

FARMER’S MARKET

GATHERING PLACE OPEN HOUSE PAGE 3

CRWR GUILD STARTS SUMMER CLASS PAGE 8

COMES BACK TO LANGLEY PAGE 8

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NEWS

vol. 4 issue 17 | May 22 2012 | page three

CAMPUS NEWS

The Runner Roundup A brief run around the latest news from the world of Kwantlen and beyond.

Kwantlen hosts Aboriginal open house Kwantlen Polytechnic University’s Aboriginal Gathering Place opened its doors to over 200 grade 8-12 Aboriginal students from the Richmond, Surrey, Langley and Ridge Meadows school districts on Friday, April 27 at its Surrey campus.

Titled Your Path, the open house featured campus tours, mini lectures and an information fair for the students, school district staff and teachers in attendance. The event received an official opening of prayer and song from Kwantlen First Nation elders Cheryl Gabriel and Lekeyten Antone. The closing speaker featured BC Lion JR LaRose who spoke about his own battles with adversity as a youth with Aboriginal roots and how it fueled his motivation for success as a professional athlete.

“I couldn’t be happier with the turnout and participation at this event,” said Joshua Mitchell, director of student engagement at Kwantlen, who oversees Aboriginal Services and Kwantlen’s Aboriginal Gathering Place.

Kwantlen First Nation elders Cheryl Gabriel and Lekeyten Antone delivering the opening prayer and song during Kwantlen’s Aboriginal Open House Friday, April 27. PHOTO COURTESY KWANTLEN

All the Kinsmen Staying true to its motto of “Serving the Community’s Greatest Needs”, the Langley Kinsmen Club has donated $84,000 to Kwantlen Polytechnic University for an award in its name, the Langley Kinsmen Community Award.

The Langley Kinsmen have been a pillar of community service and leadership in the Langley area and surrounding communities since 1950. Members have logged hours of volunteer time in raising funds for important causes and community needs.

“The Langley Kinsmen firmly believe in our youth as our future and we love the opportunity to sponsor a perpetual bursary to Langley students with volunteer spirit,” said Scot Jackson, Langley Kinsmen Vice-President. “Partnering with Kwantlen Polytechnic University is a perfect fit for us. The Langley Kinsmen Community Award is a legacy not only to help our community’s youth, but also to honour our Langley Kinsmen predecessors who we recognize for their contribution to the community. We trust that the recipients of the award will carry on contributing to their communities for generations to come.”

Students will receive $1,000 per year, up to four years, while studying at Kwantlen, based on the following criteria: students must be enrolled in a Kwantlen program, have graduated from the Langley School District, are Canadian citizens or landed immigrants, have a demonstrated financial need (students will be required to submit a completed budget form in first year), and involved in volunteerism or community service on an ongoing basis (students will be required to submit reference letters confirming each activity on an annual basis to receive continued funding).

“As a long term member of a service club in Langley, I am deeply gratified by this most generous gift by the Kinsmen,” said John McKendry, Kwantlen’s president and vice chancellor. “It not only reaffirms for me the importance of such volunteerism in our community, it also reaffirms the importance of supporting our students through their post-secondary education. We cannot say ‘thank you’ enough.”

From left to right: Langley Kinsmen Dave Thom, Paul Trojanoski, Marvin Kale and Richard Parker present their cheque to Kwantlen Polytechnic University’s chief advancement officer, Jeff Norris, board of governors chair, Gord Schoberg, foundation board director, Steve Paul and advancement officer Debbie Mellenger. PHOTO COURTESY KWANTLEN

page four | May 22 2012 | vol. 4 issue 17

NEWS

The Runner | www.runnermag.ca

POLITICS

UBC laboratory defends political donations I

LAURA RODGERS THE UBYSSEY

VANCOUVER (CUP) — Political fundraising dinners have landed a particle physics lab at UBC in hot water.

TRIUMF, the Canadian national physics laboratory located at UBC’s Vancouver campus, donated a total of $1950 to the B.C. Liberal Party in the form of tickets to fundraising events in 2011. These donations have come under fire from IntegrityBC, a British Columbian political watchdog group, as well as the B.C. NDP — both of which claim that, as TRIUMF is a registered charitable organization which receives taxpayer dollars, the donations should be returned.

According to TRIUMF’s director, Nigel Lockyer, the donations were made so that he could attend a handful of B.C. Liberal fundraising receptions in order for him to speak with Liberal MLAs Moira Stillwell and Richard Lee, as well as B.C. Premier Christy Clark.

“It’s a cost-effective, time-effective way to interact with the people in the government. That’s the way the system works,” said Lockyer.

TRIUMF, which is a joint venture between 17 Canadian universities, is a registered non-profit charitable organization in Canada. This organization is also linked with TRIUMF Accelerators Inc., which holds the facility’s operating licence, and TRIUMF Technologies Inc., a for-profit technology commercialization arm.

Lockyer stated that, although the lab does not receive any funding directly from the provincial government, he feels lobbying them is still important.

“We want to be sure that if there’s a phone call from Ottawa to Victoria and they say, ‘We’d like to ask you about TRIUMF,’ they know what it is, and they say it’s an important laboratory for us,” he said. “We have to be viewed as valuable to the province in order to get federal money.”

In total, TRIUMF receives about $55 million per year in public funding from the federal government, according to Lockyer.

Their commercial profits total roughly $1 million each year.

TRIUMF CFO Henry Chen was adamant that no taxpayer dollars were used for the donations. “It’s not from taxpayer money, it’s other revenues that we generate,” he

said.

According to Tim Meyer, TRIUMF’s head of strategic planning and communications, “the contributions were made from TRIUMF, the registered non-profit organization.” Meyer further clarified that the money came out of what he called a “segregated, non-public account.”

“Registered non-profit charities can make political contributions. There’s no law against that,” said Meyer.

However, Nola Western, the deputy chief electoral officer with Elections B.C., contested this statement. “It doesn’t matter what the source of the money was, what account it came from, a charitable organization is not permitted to make a political contribution,” said Western. “[A charity] is prohibited from buying tickets to fundraising functions for political parties.”

B.C. NDP caucus chair Shane Simpson also criticized the donations.

“I think that the suggestion that you can separate those dollars in some way justifies it is problematic. I think TRIUMF should accept that that’s just not an avenue that

should be available to them because they get significant taxpayer money to fund their operation,” said Simpson.

Simpson said some of the onus should be on the Liberals themselves. “The Liberal Party of B.C. should not be accepting money from charities, and if it came from a charity, then they are obliged to give it back and they should do it as soon as possible,” he said.

“It would be better if they just felt confident they could get to the government without having to pull out their chequebook to do it.”

Dermod Travis, director of IntegrityBC, agreed. IntegrityBC is a provincial electoral-finance watchdog group, which initiated criticism of the donations. “Charities don’t cherry pick; that this fund comes from this person, and this donation comes from that person, and therefore we can take this little bit of money and give it to that political party and get away with it,” said Travis. “If TRIUMF is saying that effective lobbying is only done by making political donations to the party in power, we would have some

very serious concerns with such a statement.”

Although the ultimate source of the funds may differ, Travis likened these donations to those made to the B.C. Liberals by SFU director Wilf Hurd. The cost of Hurd’s donations, just over $2000, was reimbursed to Hurd by SFU, but after the Vancouver Sun reported on the issue, SFU altered their policies to prohibit similar donations in the future.

Although Lockyer insisted the two instances were different due to where the money came from, he also played down the importance of both. “This is really how the world works, but you can see, in our case, it’s not a lot of money,” Lockyer said. “I remember for SFU, it [was] not a lot of money either.

“If we spend $1000 on average [per year] out of a million dollars it’s not a lot,” Lockyer added. “I really don’t think this is something that we want to stop doing.”

B.C. Liberal advanced education minister Naomi Yamamoto declined to comment on the matter.

TRIUMF, which houses the world’s largest cyclotron, is Canada’s national laboratory for particle and nuclear physics. TRIUMF LAB/FLICKR

www.runnermag.ca | The Runner

NEWS

vol. 4 issue 17 | May 22 2012 | page five

EDUCATION

Mandatory gym class for computer science students under fire at BCIT Students circulating a petition to end the weekly physical education requirement.

I

KEVIN WILLEMSE THE LINK (BCIT)

BURNABY, B.C. (CUP) — Computer Science Technology (CST) students at the British Columbia Institute of Technology (BCIT) are speaking out against a physical education component of their program, a requirement not asked of students in any other program at the institute. The unusual practice has some students complaining of discrimination.

Students enrolled in the CST program have to spend 45 minutes per week in the gym as part of their course, with little supervision or guidance, other than being expected to break enough of a sweat to convince the instructor to sign an attendance and participation sheet.

“It’s ridiculous,” said Marwan Marwan, BCIT Student Association of School

of Computing and Academic Studies chair.

“We’re adults, we should be given the option of how best to look after our health and spend our time [at BCIT]. We’re being lined up like schoolchildren with a piece of paper for our instructor to sign, so that we can be let out of [gym] class.”

CST students can be held back from course graduation if their sheets are not signed off on by the end of the semester. For this reason, attendance is high, though it has been reported that many students simply find a quiet spot to stay out of sight and catch up on schoolwork until handing their sheets in for signing.

“This sometimes forces students to lie to their instructors [about exercising] because they know they simply have more important things to do,” said Marwan.

Some students have said that their biggest concern is a feeling of discrimination

caused by the mandatory nature of the course, which has led to a petition to abolish it from the CST program.

Alex Lee, who acts as the BCIT Student Association’s School of Computing councilor, believes that enforcing the class as a CST prerequisite is simply unfair.

“We feel that it’s really important to bring fairness and equality across the board for all BCIT students, but currently that’s not happening because we are forced to have mandatory gym,” Lee told The Link.

“It’s something that’s not forced upon anyone else.”

Marwan and Lee agreed that the practice of isolating CST students for physical education is based on stereotypes. They said that if it was in the best interests of students, those studying finance, business, or even the natural sciences could be similarly characterized as leading the sedentary life-

style associated with information technology professionals.

“The idea actually came from [the Southern Alberta Institute of Technology] a few years back, where it was very well received,” said Brian Pidcock, associate dean of CST. According to Lee and Marwan, 90 per cent of petitioned students have signed against the class.

“The course will come under review at our upcoming executive meeting ... and this would probably be considered a minor change,” Pidcock told The Link.

“CST students feel they should participate in physical activity on their own terms and in their own time, since that’s the respect and courtesy given to students in BCIT in all other faculties,” said Lee.

NAGIN REZAIEAN/THE LINK

EDITORIAL

page six | May 22 2012 | vol. 4 issue 17

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EDITORIAL

The Runner is student owned and operated

by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society.

Arbutus 3710/3720 12666 72 Ave. Surrey, B.C. V3W 2M8 www.runnermag.ca 778-565-3801

Vol. 4, Issue no. 17 May 22, 2012 ISSN# 1916-8241

EDITORIAL DIVISION:

The end of nothing On Saturday, May 5, like many students in Quebec, we huddled around our computers, anxiously staring at our Twitter feeds for news of this new deal that could have brought a close to this endless strike.

Co-ordinating Editor / Jeff Groat editor@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3803 Culture Editor / Kristi Alexandra culture@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3804

I

News Editor / Matt DiMera news@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3805

At first glance, the deal looked pretty good.

Students would get a semi-freeze while we searched for savings and tried to trim the fat from the upper reaches of university administration. The government would keep its beloved $1625 hike (or is it $1778?) and maybe score a couple political points in the process. The phrase ‘win-win’ kept getting batted around.

But then we read the document. The devil is in the details, and the details of this deal are just awful. Fiendish, even.

The folks over at 600 Fullum St., which is supposedly the Ministry of Education but for all we know is a sort of Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium have concocted a ridiculous deal where they not only get to keep our money, but also grab a big chunk of the university’s change, too.

The CBC points out that, under the proposed agreement, the $254-a-year fee increase that we’ve been fighting so hard against will remain as-is. This means that the math mix-up that took the proposed increase from $1625 over five years to $1778 over seven years is being honored.

But aren’t we getting some kind of reduction in fees to offset the increase?

Beauchamp would love it if you believed that.

“The fee increase is maintained,” Minister Beauchamp told The Globe and Mail. “If savings can be identified by the council, the savings will be reduced from the mandatory university surcharges.”

That’s a lot of ifs.

The government says they’ll strike a

Production Editor / Antonio Su production@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3806 Media Editor / Vacant media@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3806

Cover Art: Kristian Hay BUSINESS DIVISION: Operations Manager, Ads, Classifieds DJ Lam (On Leave) Office Co-ordinator / Victoria Almond office@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3801

Funds are collected by the university and channelled to PIPS via the KSA.

EDITORIAL THE LINK (CONCORDIA UNIVERSITY)

ERIN SPARKS/THE LINK

19-member committee to find savings. Of those members, four will be students and four will be union reps. The others will be university directors, and business and government representatives.

That’s five parties trying to find solutions where two parties couldn’t. And at least three of those five are extensions of the corrupt and useless system we’ve spent over two years hounding for their incompetence and complete disregard for students. Many will be the same university directors who support the hike while collecting gold-

plated pay-cheques and absconding with public money.

And what are “business representatives” doing on the council? Why do we care what the CEO of Pizza Pizza thinks of tuition?

He’s only going to want it to go up so he isn’t threatened with higher taxes to pick up the slack.

So, on this body that’s supposed to help reduce fees for increasingly-indebted students, more than half of the voting members will be non-students.

This whole increase was to fund our poor, underfunded universities. This new deal would take money from those universities and give it directly to the government.

There’s nothing win-win about this trojan horse of a deal. We lose and universities lose more.

This strike has set the students back an extra $153 per year. They’re laughing at us.

By the time of this publication, 25 student associations have voted against this trap of a deal. We would be wise to do the same.

If not a freeze, we should at least ask for one more student rep and one more union rep on the committee. That would give us the majority we need to enact meaningful change.

Festival season starts soon, and the last thing the province wants in its largest city is clouds of tear gas engulfing the F1 and Jazz Fest crowds. The government doesn’t have the stamina nor the stomach to keep this up, but we do. If we keep protesting, peacefully and safely, we can get a better deal. After months of work, we’re this close to victory.

Let’s not give up now.

www.runnermag.ca | The Runner

CULTURE

vol. 4 issue 17 | May 22 2012 | page seven

STUDENT TALENT

Big bash at Vancity theatre for GDMA grad

T

he Graphic Design and Marketing program is hosting its annual grad show and party at VIFF’s Vancity Theatre this year.

Friday, May 25 will see the GDMA exposition 2012, also named the Terry O’Reilly event, featuring design and marketing projects by 16 graduates of the program.

Terry O’Reilly, a prominent radio broadcaster who hosts the CBC Radio One shows Under The Influence and The Age of Persuasion, will be speaking about “the power of storytelling.”

“In our fourth year, students work on their own projects,” says program coordinator, Ken Hughes, explaining that the topics can be diverse though they usually have to do with branding or rebranding a certain company.

>> sneak preview of what’s to come at the May 25 GDMA grad show

“Their key work is to pick a topic from a major project. They can deal with social issues, the retail industry – like say, the branding of a restaurant or a bakery – or it can be for clothing.”

Terri Ng’s project, Bite Vancouver, for example, is a business card design that would visually brand the company.

The exhibition will run from Thursday, May 24 to Tuesday, May 29, showing work by students in the Vancity Theatre lobby.

The actual GDMA grad event will host an industry reception from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. on Friday, May 25, with O’Reilly delivering his keynote speech at 7:30 p.m.

General Admission tickets at $50, while tickets for students are $30. Tickets can be purchased online at gdma2012.eventbrite.ca/

JON JANZEN & STEPHANIE TALBOT: GRIT & SPIRIT

SILKY CHAN: ARDOR

DAVIDSON YEAP: NEW YORK PIANIST

TERRI NG: BITE VANCOUVER

JENNIFER COURTEMANCHE: AGAINST THE GRAIN

SHANNON MAXWELL: BIRDS OF PREY

page eight | May 22 2012 | vol. 4 issue 17

CULTURE

The Runner | www.runnermag.ca

SUMMER SEMESTER

Free course offered at Kwantlen. Kind of.

I

KRISTI ALEXANDRA CULTURE EDITOR

As it turns out, you can get some things for free at Kwantlen.

A few creative writing students have found a creative, ahem, way to save you a few hundred dollars.

Connor Doyle, president of Kwantlen’s Creative Writing Guild and literary editor of Pulp Magazine, and Claire Matthews, vicepresident of the Creative Writing Guild and managing editor of Pulp magazine, have taken it upon themselves to offer a free, student-led creative writing class over the summer semester.

The class will mimic a credit course in terms of discipline, deadlines and required participation, although students won’t necessarily receive a letter grade in return for their involvement.

“For the summer, the writing department has only offered first year classes—1100 and 1110,” Doyle explains, citing the need for a challenging, upper-level summer course.

“Claire and I have decided that anyone who wants to, can take part in a studentled classroom for the summer,” says Doyle.

“You approach us with a writing project that you’d like to put forward either for the summer semester and we set you up with deadlines and peer reviews and provide

Connor Doyle and Claire Matthews, who spearhead the Kwantlen Creative Writing Guild and Pulp Magazine, are leading a workshop-style creative writing course over the summer semester. C.H. JASSMAN/THE RUNNER

revisions on a deadline basis. We basically ensure that nobody slacks off during the summer.” “[People in] the guild [are] mostly, but

not entirely, students of upper year creative writing. Many of us suffer from the need of deadlines—if I don’t have deadlines then I’m just not a writer,” he laughs.

Like any university course, Doyle and Matthews know that it takes structure to run a successful class. They maintain that meeting for the summer class won’t be anything like one of their guild meetings.

“Usually guild meetings are very openended. You can drop by, we can talk about what we’ve learned in classes or talk about ideas on how to get published. What this is specifically for is to emulate the structure and discipline of a classroom, ‘cause we all appreciate the prof who rides us to say ‘get your work in’ or provide very specific notes,” says Doyle.

Anyone who takes part in this course automatically volunteers to provide feedback to those who requests it, in a typical workshop-style class. Deadlines to bring in your own work and provide feedback to others’ work will be strictly implemented, with some minor (or major, depending on your point-of-view) consequences if you slack.

“We don’t have any contracts signed, but we have a gentleman’s agreement, I suppose,” says Doyle. “Anyone who doesn’t make the deadlines .... we have the right to publicly humiliate you in extreme and terrifying ways,” says Doyle.

The student-led creative writing course meets Wednesdays in the Grassroots Café from 1 to 4 p.m.

CAMPUS FOOD

Langley’s farmer’s market returns to campus F

Langley Campus’ farmer’s market is back on May 23, serving up local produce, jams, cheeses and more.

NATALIEMAYNOR/FLICKR

or the fourth year in a row Kwantlen Polytechnic University kicks off the Langley Community Farmers Market (LCFM) season, showcasing fresh fruits and vegetables, baked goods, live entertainment, and much more.

The market will take place at Kwantlen’s Langley Campus, 20901 Langley Bypass on Wednesday May 23, from 2 PM–6 PM. Between fresh produce, baked artisan breads and treats, prepared jams, pickles, and preserves, you’ll also be able to talk with vendors and discover where your

food comes from, how it’s grown, and maybe learn a thing or two about cooking your favorite dishes.

Bring your own basket or shopping bag, and peruse the more than 30 vendors that “Make it, Bake it, or Grow it” and sell the very best this region has to offer.

The LCFM is held every Wednesday afternoon from now until Oct. 3 from 2 PM–6 PM in the courtyard at Kwantlen’s Langley campus.

www.runnermag.ca | The Runner

CULTURE

vol. 4 issue 17 | May 22 2012 | page nine

NUDIE MAGS

Confessions of a Playboy subscriber I

BLAIR WOYNARSKI THE SHEAF (UNIVERSITY OF SASKATCHEWAN)

SASKATOON (CUP) — A little over a year ago, I decided to buy an issue of Playboy.

The precise reason for this decision is a little fuzzy, but I believe it had something to do with viewing it as a rite of passage. At 21 years old, I had never flipped through a Playboy in my life, and it seemed that I was missing out on a big aspect of popular culture.

The weeks spent waiting for it to arrive in the mail were characterized by strange emotion. I went out to check the mailbox every day — not because I was dying with anticipation, but rather because I didn’t want my roommate to bring it in first. I felt like I was carrying around a weird, dark secret, or that I had crossed some sort of

unforgivable divide into a world of perversion. But then one day it arrived, and it is hard to say what my reaction was. It wasn’t excitement, nor was it disappointment; it was a neutral, calculating sense of, “So this is Playboy. Huh.” One of my first thoughts was, “Wow, this really is just like a normal magazine.” It had advertisements, advice columns, whatever.

But as I looked a bit more closely, I discovered something much more shocking. I discovered that it had more literary merit than most of what I could find on the magazine racks.

Don’t believe me? That’s fine. But let me ask you this: who was the most talked-about woman in Playboy last year? While you might not have a specific answer, chances are you are forming a vague mental impression. I can guarantee you are not thinking

of the 89-year-old former dean of the White House Press Corps, Helen Thomas, who was the subject of a Playboy interview last April and ignited controversy with her anti-Zionist comments. But that, in fact, is the correct answer.

The time-honoured Playboy interview has, over the years, dealt with many notable figures, including Bill Cosby, Robert De Niro, Barbra Streisand, George Carlin, Anne Rice, John Lennon, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., Betty Friedan, Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawking and Fidel Castro (twice). Even vitriolic conservatives Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh have deigned to be interviewed.

On top of that, I’ve read articles on the Arab Spring, asteroid mining, shark attacks, the making of Scarface, and the meth empire created by actor Tom Arnold’s sis-

Playboy: stimulating readers for decades. Intellectually stimulating, that is. MATTHEW STEFANSON/THE SHEAF

ter. Playboy’s journalists not only produce great content, but they also track down intriguing stories that are not picked up anywhere else. So the question is: why does it still come delivered in a blacked-out plastic bag?

Criticism seems to come from two sources. One is an old, conservative generation that feels the need to stamp out boobs wherever they arise, but is still content to let the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition fly off newsstands across the continent. The other criticism is from a younger generation that finds buying Playboy to be the most ridiculous thing in the world when it’s so easy to find pictures of naked women online. And this group elucidates my point perfectly: Playboy lost its “dirty pictures” niche a long time ago, and it keeps going simply because of its strength as a publication.

I am not defending Playboy against any and all criticism. There is plenty you could write about “bunny culture” and its effect on women (though I do not feel competent to weigh in here). I am concerned primarily with the magazine, and the magazine is certainly no more damaging to women than the plethora of publications specifically directed at them.

I find myself staring at a Cosmopolitan cover every time I get my haircut, and frankly, it embarrasses me. They all run together in my memory, but I can recall tags like, “10 Things Guys Crave in Bed,” “9 Times You Won’t Burn in Hell for Being Bitchy,” “‘My Gyno Talked to my Vagina’ and Other Doc Shockers” and countless hard-hitting “Sex Surveys.” Of course, none sticks out more prominently in my memory than “The Butt Facial.” Any woman could read that in public without attracting a sideways glance, yet I would be a pervert for reading an interview with Jon Hamm just because of a partially obscured title printed across the top of the cover.

None of this will change, obviously. I will still furtively ferry my magazine back to my apartment when no one else is around, and I will still peruse deep and thought-provoking articles about solar energy or North Korea while kitschy nude cartoons smile from the opposite page.

I make the following confession: I read Playboy for the articles. Judge me as you will.

page ten | May 22 2012 | vol. 4 issue 17

CULTURE

The Runner | www.runnermag.ca

MUSIC

Diamond Dave loses his sparkle I

Van Halen has cancelled 30 tour dates since the band’s Vancouver show because of “infighting”. JACOB ZINN/THE RUNNER

KRISTI ALEXANDRA CULTURE EDITOR

It might be time for Diamond Dave to trade up his mic stand for a cane.

If Monday night’s show at Rogers Arena was any indication, an aging David Lee Roth is slowing down what could be the most electrifying reimagining of Van Halen to date—and yes, better than the band’s 2007 reunion.

Kicking off with “Unchained”, Roth’s vocal talents and lithe movements of yesteryear seemed to be a little rusty. It would only be a matter of time until he blew off the dust, we hoped, as the band launched into “Runnin’ With the Devil”.

Eddie Van Halen, along brother Alex Van Halen on drums and son Wolfgang Van Halen on bass, played seamlessly as the backing band to what seemed like a bad karaoke night for Roth.

The band chugged through “She’s the Woman”, “Romeo Delight”, “Tattoo” and more as Roth proclaimed to a lusty young woman in the front row that: “I was making sex tapes before you even existed…I could be your father!”

That wasn’t the only moment that Roth attempted to relive his glory days, as he

dipped down to do the splits in his leather bellbottoms a few times before it looked like he might be close to pulling his groin. His once nimble and lascivious dance moves translated more into a charming begginers yoga practice.

A cover of Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Woman” preceded a captivating drum solo from Alex Van Halen, while Roth went back for a costume change. Van Halen launched into another cover, this time The Kinks’ “You Really Got Me”.

Crowd pleasers “Hot For Teacher”, “Beautiful Girls” and “Panama” amped up the audience, even if Diamond Dave couldn’t give them the gusto we’d hoped for.

It was Eddie Van Halen’s face-melting solos that integrated excerpts from songs “Cathedral” and “Eruption”, which might have saved the night for fans who paid up to $130 per ticket. That 10-minute solo was worth the trip out of the living room alone.

The guys barely teased us with encore number “Jump”, featuring a good effort to high kick on Roth’s part, leaving the audience to scamper out at exactly 11 p.m.

It would be well-advised for Roth to retire and spend some time relaxing after the band’s tour. Lord knows he’s earned it.

MUSIC

How to avoid festival fashion faux-pas I

SUNNY THORNE THE UBYSSEY

VANCOUVER (CUP) — From Coachella to Electric Daisy Carnival to Sasquatch and more, outdoor music festivals are one of the best parts of summer. With non-stop music, parties, camping and drinking (and other, less legal forms of escapism), there is really no better place to see the most fabulous and questionable expressions of personal style.

In anticipation of a festival-filled summer with great music and hopefully better fashion, here is a brief list of festival fashion do’s and don’ts.

DO connect with your vintage roots. Music festivals evoke an old-school feeling that

can be expressed through a variety of great style choices. Here’s an opportunity to wear that awesome retro band shirt you found at an overpriced vintage store or that hippie fringe vest you stole from your mom’s closet.

DON’T advertise your love of acid trips through your choice of chapeau. For the love of all things aesthetically pleasing, can we please address the SpiritHood?! These handmade, faux-fur hat/scarf combos (available in wild roadkill varieties such as hawk, leopard, wolf…and yes, panda bear) are a fashion choice that cause even the most style-blind individuals to stare in confusion.

DO try something funky in denim. Mu-

sic festivals are a perfectly appropriate environment to shed your everyday jeans and don a pair of cutoff shorts instead. Denim allows you to express your inner wild child, so channel some Nirvana or Courtney Love.

Whether you shred them, embroider them or stud them, you can’t go wrong; ‘90s grunge, in the form of oversized denim jackets and acid washed jeans, is definitely coming back in style.

DON’T dress like a glowstick. Avoid the highlighter tees and the sunglasses at night.

This is not A Night at the Roxbury and you are not fooling anyone, “bro.” While those who enjoy their hallucinogens might express their inner National Geographic, fes-

tival “bros” seeking heavy basslines and techno anthems stick out like a sore…jaw?

DON’T get a Skrillex haircut. This “techno-mullet” is not only passé, but really quite hideous. The fact that you like the sound of robots copulating with the occasional T. Rex shriek followed by a “siiiick bass drop” does not need to be advertised on your head. In fact, all that your patchy scalp brings to mind is the hair-clipper prank in Jackass.

Don’t cut it off… Just cut it out.

Armed with these fashion guidelines, you can now go dance your heart out in the sunshine, confident that you look as great as you feel. Let the festival fun begin!

PROCRASTINATION

www.runnermag.ca | The Runner

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vol. 4 issue 17 | May 22 2012 | page eleven

THE DAILY SNOOZE - JACOB SAMUEL

GEMINI May 21 - June 20

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 21

You will inadvertently shoplift several times this week.

Stick to tea. Coffee is making the tumour bigger.

CANCER June 21 - july 23

Nothing tastes as sweet as winning. Except for winning at the expense of others. Remember that.

LEO July 24 - Aug. 23

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan. 20

Your next Career: Horoscope Writer JACOB SAMUEL - THE PEAK (CUP HUMOUR)

SMART ZONE

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

You will get a worthless coupon in the mail.

Before you think about starting that summer romance during your trip to Banff, remember that it’s the STD capital of Canada.

VIRGO Aug. 24 - Sept. 23 Friendships and social circles will turn on you in the coming days.

LIBRA Sept. 24 - Oct. 23

PISCES Feb. 20 - March 20 When are you going to realize that Groupon.com is just making you spend money you would otherwise keep?

ARIES March 21 - April 19

Your prison record WILL come up. No point hiding it anymore.

SCORPIO Oct. 24 - Nov. 22

An orphaned hillbilly boy will begin living in your fireplace.

(CUP) — Puzzles provided by BestCrosswords.com.

Used with permission.

I see you grabbed a handful of condoms from the clinic. Ambitious, are we?

TAURUS April 20 - May 20

Spend each day eating lunch at the Grassroots and you will quickly go broke.

Across 1- Arabian republic; 6- Falls short; 11- Family man; 14- Hersey’s bell town; 15- Capital of Jordan; 16- Afore; 17- Senate attendants; 18- “Cheers” waitress; 19- Adult males; 20- Blunted blade; 22- Healing plants; 24- Exacted retribution; 28- Pleasing; 30- Inhabitant of Tripoli; 31- Hebrew prophet; 32Agent; 33- Wife of Akhenaton; 37- Attila, e.g.; 38Rich cake; 39- _ de mer; 40- Skewness; 43- Jewish scholar; 45- Brooklyn’s _ Island; 46- Flat roofing tile; 47- Lease holders; 50- Engage in textual misprision; 51- Single things; 52- Pith helmet; 53- Actress Ruby; 54- Group of eight; 57- Chancy; 62- Tolkien ogre; 63- Midway alternative; 64- Bert’s buddy; 65- Fish eggs; 66- Sherpa’s home; 67- Chairs;

Down 1- Mouth, slangily; 2- Writer LeShan; 3- Periodical, briefly; 4- Chemical ending; 5- Posy; 6Washed out; 7- French friend; 8- _ little teapot...; 9- PC linkup; 10- Athletic shoe; 11- Brit’s discharge; 12- Staggering; 13- Compact; 21- Compose; 23Endure; 24- A, as in Athens; 25- Infectious agent; 26- Black-wooded tree; 27- Greek goddess of night; 28- Towering; 29- Aha!; 31- Joyous; 33- Short letters; 34- Permeate; 35- Small hand drum; 36- Greek epic poem; 38- Canvas shelter used on camping trips; 41- Future doc’s exam; 42- Rainy season; 43- Dwells; 44- Cabinet dept.; 46- Apex; 47- English royal house; 48- Diciembre follower; 49- Bridget Fonda, to Jane; 50- Standard for comparison; 52Skater Lipinski; 55- Friend of Fidel; 56- Faucet; 58Metal-bearing mineral; 59- Kind of fingerprint; 60Obtain, slangily; 61- Affirmative answer;

page twelve | May 22 2012 | vol. 4 issue 17

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