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page two | October 30 2012 | vol. 5 issue 04
ROUNDUP
The Runner | www.runnermag.ca
KWANTLEN
The Runner Roundup A brief run around the latest news from Kwantlen and beyond.
New reps elected to KSA board The results are in for the Kwantlen Student Association’s (KSA) fall 2012 by-election (at least preliminarily). The KSA’s chief returning officer, Corey Van’t Haaff, released the results Friday, Oct. 26, but warned the results could potentially change in her final report, scheduled for an Oct. 30 release. Jun-Tao (Davis) Xu beat out Inga Kavtaradze for Richmond campus representative. Gaurav Kumar (Bhulla) and Chanel Kwong were acclaimed as the two new academic and career advancement faculty representatives. Ming Li was acclaimed as the design faculty representative. Asheen-azad Khan was acclaimed as the students with disabilities constituency representative. Richard Hosein beat out Ans Imran and Ke Tsi as the new students of colour constituency representative.
New KSA academic and career advancement faculty representative Chanel Kwong. PHOTO COURTESY FACEBOOK
New KSA Richmond campus representative Davis Xu. PHOTO COURTESY FACEBOOK
New KSA students of colour constituency representative Richard Hosein. PHOTO COURTESY FACEBOOK
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was undefeated. The $700 from wa w as un u nd deefeeated atteed d Th d. he $$7 700 00 rraised a se ai sed fr om m the h challenge went towards the Free the Chilchal ch allleen enge ng n ge we went en ntt tow owaarrd dss th hee Frreee th he Ch C hil ildren Campaign. d dr ren Campaign C amp ampa paign. paig ig gn. Prizes will great Priz Pr izzeess w i l be aawarded, il ward wa rded rd e , in tthe ed he g reat aand n nd almighty Scrabble Spellabration to thee ttop almi almi mig gh hty y Scraab bb blle S Sp pel elllaabr brat atio on op That go tthree th reee high high hi gh sscoring co oriin ng g tteams. e ms ea m . Th T haatt iiss al aall, ll, l now g o forth and spell your brains out, Kwantlen. forth fort fo rrtth an and sp pelll y yo ou urr brraain ain ns o ou ut, Kwant wantleen.. — SSARAH ARA AR RAH SSCHUCHARD CCHU CH HUCCHA CH HARD D
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page four | October 30 2012 | vol. 5 issue 04
NEWS
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LABOUR
Midterm strike risk cools for some, as B.C. university unions reach agreements I
MICKI COWAN CUP B.C. BUREAU CHIEF
VANCOUVER (CUP) – Picketing and strikes are still under way for union locals at B.C. universities, but a few agreements have been reached. Labour action began last month at the University of British Columbia, Simon Fraser University, Thompson Rivers University, the University of Victoria, the University of Northern B.C. and Royal Roads University. Some workers have been without an agreement for two years. At the University of Victoria, the Professional Employees Association (PEA) union have reached a tentative agreement that will see a wage increase of two per cent, retroactive to July 1, 2012, and a further 2 per cent on July 1, 2013. The date for the membership to accept or reject that agreement has not been set, but will not take place before November 1. CUPE 4879, which represents support workers at Thompson Rivers University, also reached a tentative four-year agreement on Oct. 23, with no wage increases for the first two years and 2 per cent increases in the final two years of the agreement. And at UBC, members of CUPE union 2950 representing clerical, library and hospital staff reached an agreement this week as well, according to CUPE bargaining cochair Lois Rugg. Members have agreed to a no wage increase from 2011-2012 and a 2 per cent increase in both 2013 and 2014. Strike action continued at UBC over the weekend for CUPE unions 116 representing security and service workers and 2278 representing teaching assistants, in the form of overtime bans for library books and compost site picketing. But as of Oct. 21, CUPE 116 reached a tentative agreement with the university. Teaching assistants, however, will be voting on whether or not to strike on Oct. 24, according to their website. CUPE 116 has returned to work and will likely vote on their tentative agreement this week. Details on that agreement have not yet been released. No agreements have been reached be-
tween the universities and other union members. Members continue at varying levels of strike action and negotiations. Strikes are ramping up at SFU to include the downtown campus. Approximately 70 employees participated in strikes there Friday. Negotiations with unions at SFU are on hold. “SFU has refused to come to the bargaining table and strike action will heat up at their various locations,” said Rugg in an email. Strike action is also ongoing in northern B.C for CUPE local 3799, representing support and teaching staff at the University of Northern British Columbia. For that group though, Rugg said they may be close to a deal.
Three other unions at UVic are still negotiating with the university, including teaching assistant union CUPE 4163, the support staff of 917 and the office, technical and childcare staff of 951, according to UVic media relations manager Denise Helm. “The locals are all at the table still but continue to do strike action to put pressure on the employer,” said Rugg on the negotiation status at UVic. Helm said no further information is available there due to a media blackout. Talks are continuing between Royal Roads University (RRU) and CUPE 3886, which represents support and teaching staff. According to associate vice president of community relations at RRU, Paul Corns, there has been minimal job action activity
from the union at that campus. “Things are progressing and the tone of the discussions is very positive,” said Corns. Both groups return to the bargaining table on Oct. 25. Christy Clark announced Friday she would be launching consultations to improve the teacher-bargaining process for primary and secondary education teachers. The Ministry of Advanced Education was asked as well if they’d be reviewing their union bargaining process considering the high amount of negotiations currently ongoing, but did not respond before press time.
MATT MEUSE/THE UBYSSEY
www.runnermag.ca | The Runner
NEWS
vol. 5 issue 04 | October 30 2012 | page five
EDUCATION
B.C. government to make some university textbooks available for free online I
VERONIKA BONDARENKO THE UBYSSEY (UBC)
VANCOUVER (CUP) — The B.C. government wants to offer online textbooks for free to university students, but there’s still a fair bit of homework to do before the project becomes a reality. The B.C. Ministry of Advanced Education plans to commission textbook authors or developers to put together online textbooks for popular undergraduate courses. As a condition of funding, they’ll be available through a Creative Commons licence that makes them free for anyone to use, reuse and revise. A nonprofit called BCcampus, acting as an agent of the government, will store the textbooks online. The ministry has promised to offer free online textbooks for 40 of the most popular post-secondary courses in the province, but it’s up to professors to decide what textbooks are assigned within specific courses. If all goes according to plan, some of the books will be available by September 2013. After looking at data from B.C. schools and similar projects in Washington and California, the ministry will decide which courses will get free books. They expect to commission books for first-year courses like English, psychology and calculus. The B.C. campus organization, a 10-yearold publicly funded group, exists to create online shared services and resources for universities and colleges in B.C. CUPE locals across B.C. have railed against any “shared services” plans promoted by the province, arguing that they may result in lost jobs. The government argues that the free textbooks will save over 200,000 students hundreds of dollars per year, but Debbie Harvie, managing director of the UBC Bookstore, said she’ll wait and see whether this plan will cut into Bookstore sales. “We don’t yet know the effect of this announcement, except to say that there are not a lot of ‘free’ materials available at this point,” said Harvie. “I am waiting to hear more specifics so
that I can understand how this could affect the Bookstore. In the meantime, we are, of course, selling e-textbooks when we can get them, as well as new [and] used [textbooks], custom course packs and renting books too.” Kiran Mahal, vice-president academic and university affairs of the Alma Mater Society (AMS) at UBC, agreed that free access to online textbooks would help make
post-secondary education cheaper. “Different institutions, and even different professors within the same institution, use different textbooks for courses that cover the same broad subject matter,” said Mahal. “The exact textbook choice is up to the professor ... This is why collaboration and coordination with post-secondary institutions is essential to the success of this system.”
Mahal also stressed that the quest to make higher education more affordable should not end at textbooks. “More needs to be done around funding of higher education in a more consistent and holistic way, from student loan reform to increasing the block grant provided to public institutions like UBC,” Mahal said.
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION STEPHANIE XU/THE UBYSSEY
page six | October 30 2012 | vol. 5 issue 04
OPINION
The Runner | www.runnermag.ca
STUDENT LIFE
Happy on the job, or happy in life?
I
SOPHIE ISBISTER THE OTHER PRESS (DOUGLAS COLLEGE)
NEW WESTMINISTER (CUP) —If there’s anything that we can all agree on, it’s that life is hard. Jobs don’t pay enough, rent’s too high, and groceries are getting more expensive every year. The experience of Canadians definitely seems to be reflecting this trend. In a recent IpsosReid poll, it was discovered that one in five Canadian workers experience depression. In a similar vein, a September 10th Macleans article titled “Campus crisis: the broken generation” profiles depression and suicide at US and Canadian campuses. Both the Macleans article and the CBC’s coverage of the depression poll focus on ways that campuses and workplaces can support people living with mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. Sure, employers
can offer comprehensive mental health benefits such as access to counselling and good extended benefits, but does that really solve the root issue of our culture’s malaise epidemic? What’s so bad about being depressed anyway? I can see a lot of other things that there is to be upset about. Take, for example, the pressure to be happy itself. A quick perusal of the Craigslist jobs section tells me that employers are looking for a “positive attitude and enthusiastic outlook,” a “fun-loving” employee who can “work well under pressure while keeping a smile.” This is all fine and good in service and hospitality (if you hate people, it’s probably in your best interest to steer clear of these industries anyway), but you’re expecting me to have a “get-up-and-go attitude” in my job scraping barnacles off the underside of Rosie O’Donnell? “Happiness,” that nebulous,
hard-to-grasp concept, seems to be the number one requirement to find employment these days. But I think all our problems could be solved if we focused on attaining happiness through avenues that aren’t tied to our livelihood. Think about what you’d do if you didn’t have to work 40 hours a week. I like to think if I had an extra day off I would read more, or spend more time with friends and family, maybe devote more time to my personal writing. If I worked a six-hour day instead of an eight-hour day, I might use that extra two hours to prepare a wholesome lunch for the next day or divide my time between domestic duties and social engagements. I know I’d sleep more, feel less rushed, and apply a clearer head to the work that I do. When your identity is wrapped up in your employment, and that employment is underpaid and loaded with
awful I’ll-take-all-your-bullshitand-thank-you-for-it expectations, it’s no wonder Canadians, workers, and students alike are depressed. Perhaps instead of pushing people to work 50 hour weeks, instead of overtime being the norm, instead of subtly penalizing women in the workplace for taking maternity leave, society should evolve to work less. Why else have we created all this wealth in the Western world if not to reap the benefits of prosperity? What would be a better benefit than the freedom to develop an identity separate from your work, to have the time to foster a strong community? Maybe I’m an idealist, but I hope that the next iteration of Canadian society can open their minds to the idea that the 40-hour workweek is damaging our health, both mental and physical.
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Vol. 5, Issue no. 04 October 30, 2012 ISSN# 1916-8241
EDITORIAL DIVISION: Co-ordinating Editor / Jeff Groat editor@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3803 Culture Editor / Max Hirtz culture@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3804 News Editor / Matt DiMera news@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3805 Production Editor / Antonio Su production@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3806 Media Editor / Kimiya Shokoohi media@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3806 Associate News Editors / Sarah Schuchard / Vacant / Vacant Associate Culture Editors / Tabitha Swanson / Chris Harcus / Vacant Associate Features Editor / Matt Bossons Associate Opinions Editor / Vacant Associate Photo Editor / Vacant Associate Sports Editor / Brian Jones Associate Art Director / Sylvia Dang Associate Copy Editor / Elizabeth Hann Cover Photo: Max Hirtz Cover Illustration: Rhea Paez, Andrés Salaz BUSINESS DIVISION: Operations Manager / Vacant ops@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3801 Office Co-ordinator / Victoria Almond office@runnermag.ca / 778-565-3801
www.runnermag.ca | The Runner
CULTURE
vol. 5 issue 04 | October 30 2012 | page seven
MUSIC
Hawksley Workman on music critics, his origins, and the word ‘fuck’ I
MAX HIRTZ CULTURE EDITOR
Hawksley Workman, one of Canada’s most successful rock musicians active today, was nice enough to let The Runner pick his brain recently about a wide range of topics, including his recent electro-influences record Milk and his unique songwriting process. Workman has been releasing records since 1999’s For Him and the Girls, and had his mainstream breakthrough in 2003 with Lover/Fighter. He is beginning his next Canadian tour on Oct. 27 and will be playing at the Rio in Vancouver on Nov. 7. The Runner: What kind of backing band are you using for your upcoming tour? Hawksley Workman: The last time I went through Canada proper, it was a big, full band situation, so it’s been awhile since I had sort of stripped it down. It’ll be my piano player and I on the stage. The Runner: Do you prefer this kind of setup? HW: Being in front of a rock band, it’s a train that kind of... you get on and you try and direct it, but it’s got a lot of momentum, and I like to start start songs sometimes, and maybe if the mood strikes me, I want to change things in the middle. The freedom when I’m by myself or with Mr. Lonely, my piano player, is kind of nice. It’s a very steerable ship, I guess. With a rock band, it’s forced. You’re just kind of trying to conduct it. The Runner: You’ve put out over a dozen albums since 1999. Do you find that there are one or two albums that you keep going back to, and are there albums that you’ve stopped playing? HW: It’s funny. You know, I try to play one or two songs from every record. For people who’ve been following my music or following my career for a long time, I’m sure that everybody’s got a favourite record. Lover/ Fighter, my big major label record... it’s the record that sold the most copies, and it’s the one that people probably know the most
music from, but the folks who are real hardcore... know a lot of the records. But, you know... I’m a huge Bruce Cockburn, and as much as I love Bruce Cockburn in a way to play obscure songs, I want to hear the hits, the same as everybody else. I want to hear “Rocket Launcher” and “Wondering Where the Lions Are”, and in a way, I think that if you come to see my show, then I’m not going to just bore you with [obscure] backcatalogue favourites. It’s going to be songs that have a [mainstream] presence. The Runner: A lot of musicians who have been making music consistently for years see their early work as inferior to their latest work. Do you feel this way? HW: I love my back catalogue. I know that sentiment. I know that there are people who feel that way. Like, “Oh, you know, that stuff’s all shit, and my new stuff is where it’s at.” I don’t really buy that. Part of it is that I can hear some of the naïveté in the older music, and I think it makes me kind of nostalgic, really, for what that felt like back in those days to be naïve. I listen to my first couple records, before anybody really knew who I was... [and] what I hear is a kid who didn’t know that there [were] any rules. The Runner: The first word in your big major label album Lover/Fighter is “fuck”. Did this cause a lot of tension between you and Universal Music Canada?
HW: Yeah, man. I tell you, when I wrote “We Still Need a Song”, I thought, “Man, this is a hit. It’s a total hit.” And I played it for the label, and they’re like, “Oh, man, are you kidding?” Record companies at the time were thinking... their only hope for an artist is if you make a record that they can put at Starbucks because the understanding back then was, if you are the kind of artist who can have their CD at Starbucks, you’re still going to sell records. So, [the lyric] “Fuck you, you’re drunk” comes on the first song, and they’re like, “You gotta be kidding, right? We can’t put ‘Fuck you, you’re drunk’ on a record that we’re going to try to sell to Starbucks.” I made a radio version, but that song never went to radio in Canada, I don’t think. The Runner: You seem like the type of musician who’s always working on something. Where do you think that drive comes from? HW: I have always been like that. I did have encouraging parents, too. I was obsessive about music, which led me to drop out of high school, and my folks... I think they just trusted that I knew what I was doing. When I was a kid, when I first started playing music when I was seven or eight years old, I used to think I was going to die when I was very young. So I practised a lot because I didn’t want to die without having fully realized a certain level of competence or expertise on an instrument.
The Runner: You’ve been using more electronic drums and synthesizers on your latest albums. Are you going to continue in that direction? HW: I met a cool producer in Stockholm when I was there working, and I was like, “Why don’t you come to Toronto, and we’ll make a record for a week.” Then it turned into Milk, which was one of my last records. Milk got so many horrible, scathing reviews. But I think all it was just, sometimes journalists or music reviewers, they don’t want you to change stuff. “Oh, Hawksley Workman shouldn’t do that.” For fuck’s sakes! But, I don’t know. I don’t think too much about it. I also make records really quickly. For me, most of my records take a week or two to make, and then they’re done. The Runner: You mentioned that you record your albums quickly. Do you write quickly as well? HW: I do write really quickly, and I often write in the studio, but not always. I sit down at the piano, usually, or the guitar. I’d be lying if I said most of my songs didn’t take less than a half an hour to write, or twenty minutes.To me, it’s another opportunity to chase inspiration wildly. You knock a song out in twenty minutes, and boom! Is it perfect? Probably not. Could it be better? Maybe. But I like it like that.
page eight | Oct 30 2012 | vol. 5 issue 03
CULTURE
The Runner | www.runnermag.ca
JAMES BOND
Preparing for Skyfall A beginner’s guide to James Bond’s 50year history
I
CHRIS HARCUS ASSOCIATE CULTURE EDITOR
For 50 years, James Bond has graced the big screen with his trademark suave attitude, shaken-not-stirred martinis, and never-ending stream of sexy co-stars. In celebration of Bond’s 50 year anniversary, and the anticipation of the upcoming Bond movie Skyfall, we here at The Runner have decided to look back at the variety of actors who have portrayed Bond during his impressively long tenure in Her Majesty’s Secret Service, and pick the best film each Bond had starred in.
Sean Connery
George Lazenby
(1962-1967, 1971)
(1969)
Easily starring in the most critically wellreceived Bond movies of all-time, Sean Connery was the first actor to introduce James Bond to film with 1962’s Dr. No. However, Bond did not become a household name and cinema staple until the release of 1964’s Goldfinger. Featuring classic characters such as Oddjob and Pussy Galore, the introduction of the Aston Martin as James Bond’s car, and a famous dialogue exchange during an iconic laser-torture scene, Goldfinger was filled with memorable moments that cemented James Bond as a cultural juggernaut that remains as relevant now as it was 50 years ago.
Being the only actor to portray Bond for a single movie, George Lazenby is frequently forgotten in comparison to the other famous actors who have portrayed the character. Thankfully, Lazenby’s single Bond movie, 1969’s On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, turned out to be generally well-received by critics for its exhilarating action and a surprisingly strong romantic sub-plot. Unfortunately, the reaction to Lazenby’s portrayal of Bond was not nearly as positive; many critics noted that excluding the action scenes, Lazenby’s performance was wooden and lacked the charisma that was expected from James Bond. It wasn’t surprising when Bond returned in 1971’s Diamonds Are Forever, Lazenby was a noshow, and Connery once again took the role of Bond.
CULTURE
www.runnermag.ca | The Runner
page nine | October 30 2012 | vol. 5 issue 04
JAMES BOND
Roger Moore
Timothy Dalton
Pierce Brosnan
Daniel Craig
(1973-1985)
(1987-1989)
(1995-2002)
(2006-present)
Holding the record for the longest period spent being Bond, Roger Moore starred in seven films over his 12-year tenure as Bond. While Roger Moore’s Bond films were frequently criticized for their slapstick, campy tone, the 1977 classic The Spy Who Loved Me toned down the slapstick humour to widespread critical acclaim. Praise was particularly focused on Roger Moore’s performance, the exceptional set pieces and the impressive gadgetry Bond used, such as the iconic submarine car. The Spy Who Loved Me is also known for the famous dental work of Bond villain Jaws, as well as perpetuating the stereotype that all evil villains have underwater lairs.
Timothy Dalton’s short time as Bond was known for the sudden shift from the campy tone of Moore, to a much grittier, darker side of Bond. Starring in only two movies, Dalton was at his best in 1987’s The Living Daylights, which was praised for its return to a more realistic tone similar to the early Bond films. Notable for the movie was the darker depiction of Bond, a move that was generally well-received by most audiences and critics. However, The Living Daylights successor, 1989’s Licence To Kill, was heavily criticized for being for being too dark and violent, with many considering Bond’s actions out of character.
Following a six year hiatus, James Bond was rebooted with Pierce Brosnan starring as the titular character in 1995’s critically acclaimed Goldeneye. Generally regarded as a modernization of the franchise, Brosnan’s Bond was praised as a sleeker, wittier Bond that abandoned the dark undertones that defined Dalton’s portrayal. Goldeneye, Brosnan’s most acclaimed Bond film, was positively received for its action and stunts, as well as its use of computer-generated special effects, which was a first for the series. However, Brosnan’s later films were frequently criticized for overusing special effects and neglecting plot and characters.
Debuting in a massive amount of controversy over Daniel Craig’s lack of traditional Bond characteristics, 2006’s Casino Royale silenced naysayers by stripping back the CG and gadgetry while focusing on a grittier, realistic tone. Currently one of the most well-received Bond movies of all time, as well as the highest grossing Bond film to date, Casino Royale acted as a reboot that placed Bond in a new timeline with no relation to any of the previous movies in the franchise. Generally regarded as an edgier, unrefined Bond, Craig’s performance was praised for his reinvention of the famous character. Casino Royale’s follow up, Quantum of Solace, had a much more mixed reception, with critics particularly lamenting the weaker plot.
page ten | Oct 30 2012 | vol. 5 issue 04
CULTURE
The Runner | www.runnermag.ca
HALLOWEEN
Season of the kitsch Elizabeth Hann recommends the lost halloween made-for-T.V. “classic” The Worst Witch as an alternative to traditional horror films.
I
ELIZABETH HANN ASSOCIATE COPY EDITOR
This is the time of year when Halloween is creeping up on us – if creeping isn’t too insinuating a word; more like barreling down on us. With that in mind, I should say something about Halloween movies. Most people think that Halloween movies have to be horror movies –they have to have blood and gore and mad slashers in them. The studios always bring out a lot of horror movies around Halloween, and a lot of people troop out to see them. But I refuse to believe that horror is the only component of the Halloween movie experience – one component maybe, but not the only one. The other component of Halloween movies – in my opinion – is fantasy. Halloween is the time when people indulge the capital-R Romantic in themselves – they let themselves believe in, or at least entertain thoughts of, witches and wizards, clairvoyance and shape-shifting, other worlds.
Now, there are a lot of fantasy movies that almost everyone’s seen (or at least heard about), even if they don’t really like fantasy that much as a genre. Peter Jackson’s Lord of The Rings movies count, and of course, so do the Harry Potter films. But of course, it wouldn’t be any fun telling people about movies they’ve already heard of. The movie I want to write about – the made-for-TV-movie The Worst Witch (1986) – is probably not remembered by anyone. It’s not my favorite fantasy film, and it’s not a classic of fantasy filmmaking by any means. It’s not a classic of ordinary filmmaking by any means, either – it’s actually a tawdry shoestring-budgeted B-movie, made by and starring people who seemed at points to have taken leave of their senses. But it’s strange and effective, if not actually frightening, and it fascinates me, for reasons I can’t quite explain. It’s intended for a pre-teen audience; it has a lot to do with school, as well as with magic. This may be
partly why it fascinates me. Because this is midterm season as well as Halloween season, I think it’s doubly appropriate. Watch this movie to unwind after an exam, and you’ll be thankful that no matter how bad university might get, it just can’t be as bad as Middle School. Adapted from the children’s novel by English author Jill Murphy, The Worst Witch tells the tale of Mildred Hubble. Mildred is the titular ‘worst witch’ at Miss Amelia Cackle’s Academy for Witches. She is an outcast among the students at the Academy – she’s clumsy and nervous, she’s no good at potion-making or turning people into frogs, she can’t stay on a broomstick long enough to get airborne. Worst of all, she’s the only witch in her family. Mildred suffers particularly from the bullying Ethel Hallow, scion of a long line of distinguished witches, and the supercilious potions instructor, Professor Hardbroom. Mildred comes into her own, however, when she uncovers an
evil plot by the bad witch Agatha (Miss Amelia Cackle’s crazy sister) to take over the Academy and turn it into a school for evil witches. Drawing on reserves of power she never knew she had, she manages to defeat the evil Agatha and prove to everyone that she isn’t really the worst witch after all. The Worst Witch is a Halloween movie that really proves anything can happen on Halloween, in more ways than one. Insecure girls discover their own strengths, witches turn into snails, ordinary schools turn into witching academies, slick bigbudget Hollywood films feel dull and oppressive, and movies that are mediocre or bad by conventional standard reveal their sweet kitschy charm. I recommend The Worst Witch to everyone who survived the Muggle equivalent of Miss Cackle’s Academy (as either a Mildred or an Ethel), and to all who believe that if you can’t make good movies, you can still make magical ones. The full movie can be found on YouTube.
CULTURE
www.runnermag.ca | The Runner
vol. 5 issue 04 | October 30 2012 | page eleven
POP CULTURE
Culture Roundup Your monthly review of pop culture – from the amusing to the irreverent.
Short people, short movie Hanks says a no-no word
Peter Jackson has announced that the upcoming Hobbit movie will be the shortest installment. The movie, which releases on Dec. 13, still clocks in at a relatively long two hours and 40 minutes which, while
longer than most contemporary movies, is an improvement over the notoriously long running times of Jackson’s Lord of the Rings films.
Hippos on the big screen
In a piece of surprising news, Hasbro has announced plans for a movie adaption based on the classic board game, Hungry Hungry Hippos. This news follows the announcement that pre-production for an
upcoming Monopoly movie will be commencing in early 2013 as well. Both movies are expected to be produced people responsible for the recently released End of Watch.
ABC recently apologized to any viewers offended by an accidental expletive spoken during an interview with actor Tom Hanks on the morning talk show Good Morning America. Tom Hanks apologised for the incident, which occurred during a
re-enactment of his character on the upcoming movie Cloud Atlas, and joked that future interviews with him should have a seven second delay in order to allow time for censoring.
PROCRASTINATION
page twelve | October 30 2012 | vol. 5 issue 04
STARS
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COMICS
TAURUS April 20 - May 20
SCORPIO Oct. 24 - Nov. 22 Not going to lie: the spirits are tired today and are only willing to give half-assed spiritual advice. Your future is good, or something.
SAGITTARIUS Nov. 23 - Dec. 21
Your future is bad, or something. Reall bad, actually. Congratulations if you make it through the shitstorm that’s about to consume your life.
GEMINI May 21 - June 20
There is a place where unicorns roam free and the sky is always filled with triple rainbows. You’re going to this place. Pretty damn soon, too.
Buddha once said that he prefers microwaving his Bagel Bites. Think about how you can apply this knowledge to your life in the modern world.
CANCER June 21 - July 23
CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan. 20 If you wake up in Mexico on Nov. 1, the first thing you should do is check that your shoelaces are tied. This will come in handy later in your life.
AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
HALLOWEEN FUN FACTS
Your aura is very orange and black this month. I’m seeing special things in your future. You’re a very special snowflake.
LEO July 24 - Aug. 23
You win the award for most stupid person in the universe, Mr. Stupid Face.
Don’t eat too much candy on Halloween. Candy is bad for your soul. Marlon Brando ate too much candy, and look what happened to him.
PISCES Feb. 20 - March 20
There’s a hungry iguana living in your attic. Feed it before it feeds on you.
ARIES March 21 - April 19
Remember all of the mistakes you’ve made over last 20-something years? You’re in the Matrix and none of them actually happened.
VIRGO Aug. 24 - Sept. 23
Work extra hard on your assignments this month. Sell your car and move to Berlin. Crumple up a piece of paper and put it in your mouth.
LIBRA Sept. 24 - Oct. 23
Live like there’s no tomorrow. Because there isn’t.
Ireland is the only place in the world where Hallo ween is a national holiday, and children ar e even released from sc hool for the week. The carved pumpkin may have originated with the witches’ use of a collection of skulls with a candle in each to light the way to coven meetings. of Irish Jack, ry to s e th m o fr e com are said to have s in k p m u ell. But when he p h d to e in rv im Ca h g in g n devil into not bri a place inin k c tu s s a w who tricked the d n a t to wed into heaven llo a ’t n s a ck-o-lanterns ou w a e J h r , o d s in die k p m u p are said to put between. People ul. help guide his so Masks and costumes were worn to either scare away the ghosts or to avoid being recognized by them. e crifices for th a s n a m u h have pagan d the Spring n to a d ) e n s e u e y w e o ll Ha d, th In old Irelan ich became h (w in a h m ay Sa winter holid ain. holiday Gam Halloween candy sales average about 2 billion dollars annually in the United States. s. made from turnip e b to d e s u s rn Jack-o-lante Pumpkins are an excellent source of Vitamin A