The Entertainment Weekly of Enhanced Letterbox Reissues
“I am not an owl eating a danish.”
Liar.
Wednesday, January 24th, 2001
“It’s a jolly holiday with Mary.”
Volume XXXII Number 12
I enjoy hardcore pornography. IN 2001 I CAUSED APES TO EVOLVE. I NEED TO BE PUNCHED IN THE G ENITALS ! Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
g = 9.8 m/s2
Golden monkeys like golden showers.
I m a golden monkey.
e = mc2 poop
monkeyjizm
I love you Dr. Zaius!
I m a workaholic and my job is drinkin ...
EDITORIALS
Can you resist the temptation of a greasy fatso?
Wednesday, January 24th, 2001
Cindy likes soccer ... are they ...) I’m Surrounded by Idiots (and so by Chris DeSarno One day I m at work and my boss asks me to download some software to install on the computers. So, I go to www.download.com but due to a typo I accidentally type in www.fatgirlporn.com, which incidentally is one of those X-rated websites ya hear about on the news or from one of your many fat girl pornography magazines which you keep under your bed. So my boss sees this on my screen and immediately fires me ... all because of a typo. It is amazing that in today s society Prejudice still exists ... it s just much more subtle than it was 100 years ago. Instead of people of a different color being seen as inferior the prejudice of today s society takes a much more sinister form ... a disapproving stare, a snicker, firing someone for remarking that Temptation Island would be much more tempting if it were an Island full of fat chicks. This is our prejudice. This is our poison. Since this article is in the opinions section I will conclude by saying elderly people who wish to continue driving should be re-tested.
greasy!!
Tree s, n ot B ush
SHOW US YOUR TITS
EVERYONE’S TALKING ABOUT OPINIONS SUBMIT TO DESARNOC@EDEN t crachead n e id s e r p All hail Busc h cam pus i s fill ed w ith w eirdo s d n o Sec King Bush the
SUBMIT OPINIONS TO DESARNOC@eden
Burning Bus h! Get it? tee hee! I’m a moron.
Is Brian “Bollix” Billick Stark Raven Mad? By Christopher Taylor When you think about Baltimore, what comes to mind? John Waters? The Country’s highest murder circa nineteen-ninety-three? Super Bowl Champions? Until five years ago, the final suggestion was unthinkable. The Ravens were just a sparkle in the glass eye of the sexually-frustrated owner of the money-losing Cleveland Browns, not capable of winning anything more prestigious than the “Least Deserving of NFL Representation” award. But now, it seems Maryland’s principle port is sporting (no pun intended) a team capable of walking home with the most coveted athletic title in the country. Why? Defense. Ray “Krazy Kat” Lewis continually proves that a tackled man stays down, and Chris “Mojo Factory” McAlister defends passes like no man. Of course it helps that they are playing against the New “York” Giants, who evoke the query, “What the fuck are they still doing in the post-season?” from 63% of football fans. Gridiron gurus: beware the upstart champion. They’ll likely discontinue their Marlinesque luck before the riotsparked flames are fully extinguished, but they’ll not do so without first encouraging the unruly behavior of the chaotic draft to come.
Page Page Page Page Page Page
2 3 4 5 6 7
Saget Coulier Stamos MaryKate Ashley Loughlin
Page Page Page Page Page
8 9 10 11 12
Cameron Barber Sweetin Bruce What’s Shakin’
Cover by: Chris “ocksize-kay” Taylor
MEDIUM
CONTENTS
THE
Editor in Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor
beckmans4
eva
medium meetings: Wednesday, 9:30pm, Rm. 113 Livingston Stew Center Professors of Stupidity Christopher Taylor Personals Editors Jay Postelnik Jessica Chandra What’s Shakin’ Editor B.C. “Chris” DeSarno Staff Artist Martin Babbitz Online Editor Mike “Sharky” Ryan Advertising Manager Amanda Hoffman Senior Editor
Rachael Beckman Ryan Beckman Michelle Salvaggio James “jimdave” Kohl Mike Molino Amy Groark Amanda Hoffman
THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is Sunday at 12:00 pm. The office of THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903 or emailed to naziphallus@hotmail.com. Our phone number is (732) 373-7085 This issue was brought to you by the number 42 and the letter tripple-U (molino’s cup size)
INTOXICATED ROBERT DOWNEY JR. CRASHES CAR INTO CHURCH Hollywood “Bad Boy” Kills Twelve, Pleads Fame By Martin Babitz, News Editor LOS ANGELES, CA-Shortly after being cleared of all charges stemming from his December arrest for allegedly driving drunk in a car while transporting five pounds of uncut cocaine, fan favorite and “Ally McBeal” guest star Robert Downey Jr. was once again the focus of attention at a local church, as his 1999 red Porsche drove up the stairs and into the middle of a wedding ceremony, killing both the bride and groom, priest and nine attendees including three children. The star, when confronted by the police, physically assaulted one officer, and shot another with his own gun, before escaping on foot with an unmarked brown paper bag later found to contain two ounces of heroin, a half pound of cocaine, and a rental copy of “Two Girls and a Guy,” Downey’s 1997 hit ensemble film. It is unknown at this time what Downey was wearing at the scene, but style guru Joan Rivers describes it as “fabulous.” The actor was finally restrained after tripping over his personal E! (Entertainment Television) camera crew, which is licensed to gather preliminary footage for the “…and then he hit bottom…” segment for no less than three True Hollywood Stories, to be aired after his inevitable death. Upon detainment he was described as “surly” to the officers, and was even caught smoking crystal methamphetamine in the bathroom of the police station. LAPD Lt. Robert McClery spoke to the press about the incident: “I don’t want to say how his pipe and drugs escaped us, but lets just say that we didn’t check in the… um… more personal places. Most of our patrolmen are pretty scared of what he keeps on him and where he keeps it. I mean hell, it spooks me and I spent two tours in ‘Nam.” McClery was also the arresting officer on Downey Jr.’s 1996 arrest after he was seen driving along Rodeo Drive with the corpse of River Phoenix, to be dried and powdered for “snorting.” Downey’s agent admitted that the star had been guilty of grave robbing, but played down this angle citing the fact that Phoenix’s corpse was found to be 79.3% heroin. This decreased the charge to illegal drug possession, which was punishable under California law by Downey Jr’s co-starring in “U.S. Marshals,” the laughably inferior sequel to “The Fugitive.” Upon arraignment for the most recent crime, Downey was accused of involvement in 12 counts of third-degree murder, one count of DWI, one count of DUI, destruction of private property, reckless driving, three counts of criminal possession of illegal substances, one count of possession of paraphernalia, and one count of smoking in a public building, which is newly a crime under CA law. As expected, Downey Jr. entered a plea of “fame,” using the “Weiland Defense,” which enables a “Bad Boy” celebrity to break any and all laws, providing that they can display proof of both popularity and wealth, a clause that he was able to easily prove, citing last night’s Golden Globe Award. Presiding over the case, LA county Judge Philip Martinez, upon being informed of this defense, chuckled and set Downey Jr. free on his own recognizance. Downey immediately did twin sit-down interviews with both “Extra!” and “Access Hollywood,” before getting into his newly purchased M3, and speeding away to the homes of his drug contacts in the San Fernando Valley.
In a nation of idiots, we can’t help but put the worst of us all in office. Hooray for imbeciles!
Are you fuckin’ stupid or something? If yes, then write for the News Section! Win fabulous cash prizes! Impress your friends! Get that hottie that won’t normally give you the time of day! Send submissions to Prometus@hotmail.com
Viagra to Sponsor The Reverend Jesse Jackson By Vincent Speranza In a startling turn of events, Pfizer, the makers of Viagra plan to use The Reverend Jesse Jackson as their new spokesperson for erectile dysfunction. Viagra hopes that The Rev. Jackson will help to boost their somewhat flaccid sales of the past quarter. This announcement came only hours after The Rev. Jackson admitted to having an extramarital affair, which resulted in the birth of an illegitimate daughter. The Rev. Jackson was quoted as saying, “After ingesting several of these fine pills I just couldn’t stay out the bush. I know I said to stay out the bushes, but after taking Viagra, I just couldn’t help myself.” A spokesperson for Viagra stated, “ While we are overlooking the moral issues surrounding The Rev. affair, we are quite pleased to finally able to offer proof that our product actually works… After all no one really cared if Senator Dole could get it up, but this is actual proof! Finally the FDA can take back all those findings which show that Viagra is nothing more than sugar pills.” Each package of Viagra will come with complete with a blessing for The Rev. Jackson, which, “Guaranties God’s forgiveness, if the user strays from their moral path.” “God has forgiven me, so I know he will forgive you as well. Temptation is such a strong force when using Viagra. There is no reason that the user should be held responsible for merely trying to quench their natural desires. After all most people shout his name at some point anyway so it is sort of like you are praying. Also I give you my guarantee, on the soul of my bastard daughter, that when you die you will have a clean slate, or you can have your money back.” Other possible sale pitches include President Clinton and his voucher for one free round of oral copulation in the oval office by the intern of your choice. “Well it was so much fun, that we were talking of making it a ride at Disney Land… They have the technology, have you ever seen those talking bears?” said Clinton in a recent interview. “We were also kicking around the idea of using President Elect George W. Bush and his breakthrough method of chopping up Viagra, and snorting multiple lines of it... we are not sure where the idea came from, but our research has shown it to be a most effective way of absorbing Viagra,” a company spokesperson stated.
Will Robert Downey Jr. find Jesus in the bottom of an airport toilet? Real News Section:
For Whom Will the Bell Toll Next? By Jessica C. The 17th of January 2001, marked the end of yet another chapter in Metallica’s adamant and persisting career. First with the tragic death of bassist Cliff Burton on the 27th of September 1986 in a tour bus accident in Sweden, and now with the departure of subsequent bassist Jason Newsted. Newsted along with Metallica commented that he was leaving “due to private and personal reasons.” In a statement he wrote stating “[due to] the physical damage I have done to myself over the years while playing the music that I love, I must step away from the band. This is the most difficult decision of my life, made in the best interest of my family, myself and the continued growth of Metallica. I extend my love, thanks, and best wishes to my brothers: James, Lars, Kirk, and the rest of the Metallica family, friends and fans who have made these years unforgettable.” After fourteen years the band had developed a deep understanding and a feeling of brotherhood for each other, and the rest of the band expressed sorrow and love in their commentary. This departure had in no way been indicative of the end of Metallica; however they have not yet begun the search for a replacement. As the age old adage says: “…and the band plays on.” Keep your eyes peeled though, one of the band members will appear with Regis Philbin on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? (scheduled to air 2/11 and 2/14). And who knows… perhaps Jason will be a lifeline??? In the spirit of the show, here’s a fastest-finger question for you: List the following Metallica albums in order of their release, starting with the earliest: A. …And Justice for All B. Black C. Kill ‘em All D. Master of Puppets (To the best of my knowledge Metallica died in a fiery plane crash sometime in the early nineties. –Ed.)
FEATURES Nose Picking Rocks!
Full Frontal
Wednesday, January 24th, 2001
Self Destruction by Chris DeSarno
by Brock Little (a pseudonym) Is it just me, or are taboos all over the place disappearing? I mean, just a few years ago I couldn't go down the street and start molesting the fire hydrant without getting a few weird looks, maybe get stopped by a cop, you know, but now they let me go my merry way. Damn hydrants deserve it, too, dressing like that. But with more men coming out about their masturbation habits and women admitting to their lesbian fantasies (except my GIRLFRIEND), you know it's only a matter of time before nose-picking is back in style. I don't know if it ever was in style, but it's damn time it got its turn. What's really wrong with nose-picking? Nothing at all. The nose is a very sensitive area, after all, and nothing is more of a pain than having something sharp poking into one's nasal walls. Well, maybe something sharp poking into one's rectal walls, but that's another article. So why is it a big deal if one sticks a finger, pencil, or dodecahedron into one's nostril and gets the offending matter out of there? There are worse things our fingers touch every day, like the seats on the GG buses, the keyboards in the Computer Centers, and the Targum. We have those things in our nose because it's how the nose filters out dirt. Blowing our noses is sloppy, loud, and messy. By surgically removing the offending matter, we're doing a better job than if we HONK HONK HONK away. So let's all stand up and dig in, it's high time we were Proud that we pick our nose!
I think most of my behaivor can be called self-destructive. For example, there was the time I stuck pins into my scrotum. There was no good reason to, I assure you. It's just that I'm emotionally dead inside ... like wood. So, i figured that if I could feel something ... anything ... I could hold onto that feeling and perhaps expand on it. Maybe from that sensation I would be able to know the feeling of love ... love of having pins slowly inserted into my scrotum. Sure, it might be slightly different from, say, the love you have for your "family" and "lovers" but, hey, you haveto start small. Maybe the next day I would insert slightly larger pins into my scotum ... and then the next day a pair of scissors ... then the day after that a banana or a family pet. Perhaps a small weiner dog. The point is, one day I might get to the point that I can insert another fully grown human being into my scrotum resulting in an extreme amount of pain ... or, in this case, love. Pain is a sort of love, ya know.
Maybe, just maybe one day I will work myself up to the point where I can insert myself into my scrotum. It would probably be really warm and safe and painful. I would focus on the pain I would get from putting myself into myself. I'd be content with life and the only thought that would give me worry or concern would be, "how the hell am I gonna This article was made without any "pick your friend's nose" jokes. 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 get out of my scrotum?"
12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Brother Love Things Fall 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 by Vincent Carboner by Leonard Saundert 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 I love my brother Pete Oh, how I’ve fallen 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 He loves me Oh, I’ve fallen how 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Not for my shoes To the floor, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Not for the gizz stains on them I collapse 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 But for my political wit 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 After jagging off 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 How he laughs when I tell him To bitterly sweet 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 about Porno, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 That crazy government of ours On my t.v. screen 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 He has autism Right in front of me 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 And I To the floor, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 I I collapse 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 I am a moron My floor is now! 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Dirty with my Spuge. 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 My Father’s Ashes 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Premonition by Stephen Father 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 by Bryan George 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Seeing you again 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 To you, who harshly smacks Was not a pleasant thing 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 The buttocks of this balding man 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 For you and I agreed 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Glistening with sweat 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 That our love was not to be 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 In the gray dawn And that we ought best go 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 From the battle for ecstasy Our separate ways 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Joined between the sheets the 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 For yet you swore that you’d be 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 night before 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 true 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 To you, I give those sheets, And then gave me 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 The laundry of our love, Venereal Disease 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 And the laundry detergent, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Which you caught from the girl 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Also of our love. 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 You met at Pizza Hut 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234
The Medium Poetry Corner
Come to the Medium meeting tonight at 9:30 in room 113 of the Livingston Student Center. Submit features articles to mgryan@eden because Garrett isn’t the Features Editor anymore, and now I am.
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I started to stammer— 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 we had been previously engaged in a conversation about the mating habits of sea 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 snakes—when she added that the abortion would naturally be self-inflicted. “None of 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 that orthotrycyclin overdose shit…really hot ‘wire coat hanger’ fuck action…to the max, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Jack.” Flummoxed beyond my usual flummoxed state—my name was not Jack—I began 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 to, against all rational odds, sport the most engorged erection since my sister first licked 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 my horse’s testicles in the first grade. Needless to say, Baby took care of Prometheus 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 post haste. But I was given pause for thought: why did I find the bloody back alley 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 murder of my own helpless progeny so sexy? It has got to be the puppy chow. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789
Abortion Aphrodisiacal? Absolutely!
ARTS
“Medium take-out lunch: Breasticles and man-beef”
Annie Sprinkle Bosom Ballet or Reviews of Artsy things... You decide! Arts is having a bit of an identity crisis, as Amanda and Candy have to learn to share. Without Minus to lend his uniquely heterosexual perspective, the two have been arguing for hours of the direction of this section. Please send submissions to hardcandy@wildmail.com
How to throw a great Superbowl party The Place: It should be big with a lot of places to sit, good chairs and old couches work nicely. The center of attention will be the television, so make sure all the seats face it. If you are a kind host you can put a small TV or radio tuned into the game in the bathroom and kitchen. That way people can leave their chair without worrying about missing the action. (If you re not a kind host, you can drop a small tv or radio into the toilet so as to electrocute your guests-- Arts Ed.) The TV: I hope it s at least 30 inches. (That s what she said) If not go buy a big screen and return it later. WARNING: Make sure that you can return the TV, a lot of stores are catching on. Make sure you hide the remote or at least have it on you, you don t want to start fighting over channels during the game. The Friends: Make sure you don t invite too few but too many can ruin the good time too. (Don t worry about that. If you read the Medium, you probably don t have too many friends anyway) Food: Lets see we need chips, pretzels, salsa, dip, chili, hot dogs, hot wings, pizza, and a large sub. (Is this the Superbowl or Rutgers Band practice?) Or some combination thereof. Figure out how many people will be there and how much they would probably eat. Then double your figure and go buy the food. (especially if you re feeding the band) Beer: A lot! And cheap beer is probably best for college students. A beer ball and an extra case is good for up to about 30 but if you have more you may want to get a keg (Just in case all your friends are alcoholics). Most parties call for liquor too but not today. Today is strictly for beer, so buy a lot. (and an extra bucket for your drunk-ass friends to piss in when that cheap beer goes through them faster than Mexican Cantina) Success! Hope this helps and if you had a really great party take some pictures and send them to us at the Medium (only if your guests are naked and hot).
Dead or Alive, either way, you re coming with me Obey top cop Ashcroft, come to the Medium meeting! 9:30 pm Room 113 Livingston Student Center Watch as he beats feminists, commie pinkos, poets, liberals, drunkards, pornographers and fornicators into bloody pulps, and eats them for breakfast!
Wednesday, January 24, 2001
123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 By Jimmy Rolinski 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Will the newly appointed President Bush be able to finish out his term un123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 scathed? This was the question posed to various bookies, gamblers and the 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Rutgers University Statistics department. The outcome is not good and for good 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 reason. All three pointed to a disturbing trend called the twenty-year curse. It 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 seems that it started back in the 1840’s with Harrison. Here is a chart of the 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 twenty-year curse in action. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Elected Name 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1841 Harrison (died in office) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1861 Lincoln (assassinated) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1881 Garfield (assassinated) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1901 Roosevelt (escaped an assassination attempt) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1921 Harding (died in office) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 rd 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1941 (3 term) Roosevelt (died in office) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1961 Kennedy (assassinated) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1981 Reagan (escaped an assassination attempt) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 2001 Bush??? 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 When asked if they would wager against Bush making it through his 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 term as President the gamblers said they would put big money down. The 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 bookies really didn’t like the odds and would rather bet against the Giants than 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 bet against the curse. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 The Statistics department had a heated debate on this topic and decided 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 that he may not die but it’s probable. “With the economic downturn and his 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 cabinet of radical right wingers, his popularity may sink so low that no one will 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 bother about it. But you never know about those wackos. Someone might try to 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 impress that Jennifer Lopez girl, or their penis might make them do it,” stated 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Professor Wilcox. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 This is not a study praising assassination or harm in any manner. I do not 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 encourage or propose any threat to the President of the United States. This 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 study is for merely academic purposes and seems to be an interesting look at 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 United States Presidential history. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789
Ubiquitous Half-Assed Political Satire Good Morning, President Cheney
PERSONALS to the sluts of waller hall. have fun sucking dick all year, i hope you don't get herpes To the fucking Russian who lives in Silvers stop being such a fucking bitch and learn some consideration for others (Damn commie bastard) To Jason P. the slob who shares his mailbox with me. You inconsiderate bitch. Check your fucking mail before I burn it you motherfucker! Casper, Will you marry me? I yearn for your transparent body and your white hair makes me wanna...mmmm. Lucy (Sex with a ghost? that’s disgusting...now sex with a rotting corpse...mmmm) fucking bitches, you touch my shit again and i'll beat your sorry heads in. it's gonna take me forever to get the stank of your nasty coochies out of my clothes. i should probably just burn them since they might be infested with your nasty pubic lice. to that hot guy with the abercromie sweater in my expos class mw5. is it hot in here, or is it you? my friend and i have been dreaming about your bod all week. we want to lick you up and down like a lollipop and take turns riding you all night long. how would you like to order some 2 for 1 pussy? write back to Heidi via the Medium (Don’t you love when Professors work together?) You can take the girl out of Campbell, but you can't take the Campbell out of the girl. Why don't you noisy dirty sluts move the hell back to campus where people are willing to put up with your bitchiness and childishness. You people are too stupid to live off campus. To my computer: You fucking bitch. Why must you hurt me so? (Don’t you badmouth computers, they give us free pornography) Girl, I'll be a woman soon. And you'll be my man. This is a shout out to that kid who wears a jock strap under his spandex to impress his polisci professor. Yo, she knows you ain't got no jiggas under dat junk, so stop sweatin! I'll whomp you up if you keep tryin to pack a package. signed, junk-fight
I can make fun of China men because I’m Asian... Caucasian. to my best friend Rob, You're such a lucky guy to have Tina as a girlfriend. i've never met a girl so sweetyet so sexy. I knew she was perfect for you when i met her. but since you got so serious so fast, i thought you should know something. she is very unsatisfied with your scrawny dick. and is a little concerned about those sores you say are just an allergic reaction to laundry detergent. that "i have my period" thing was just an excuse to not have sex with you, because she thinks you have some disease. you should probably go to hurtado.Oh, and she's decided to leave you... for me.ciao, Jess does anyone have any cheese for my monkey? he just hasn't been the same since the elephants stole his automobile. This goes out to all my unconscious, brain-dead "peers" who left their lights burning throughout the break; FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! not like there's an energy crisis or nothin'it's not like the world's natural resources are dwindling. This is the land of plenty (hence our fat bodied population) and if we need more oil to generate electricity, we'll go blow-up some Afghani-Arab-Muslim-Fundamentalist-extremiststhey got lots of oil FOR U.S. to conspicuously consume.Envi Ron (I remembered to turn out the lights but I left my vibrator on during break...are you mad at me?) for sale: one human heart. I don't need it anymore. it's a little broken where that asshole tore it out from my chest and stomped on it in his doc martens. but it should function well in any shallow meaningless relationship that you are capable of. b/o contact heart-less via the medium ( For sale: sperm, and lots of it, come to my pants) This just proves that people only read the personals to see if their name is in it, Erica. (It’s the only reason I’m reading) did they ever identify that body they found stuffed in that dumpster on college ave? To the girl with kaleidoscope eyes, are you actually the girl with Colitis goes by? When you see Kabuto ass fall from sky, run like your nuts are on fire!
It's not too late to whip it. my love's lips taste like the sweetest wine her eyes sparkle like the star-lit sky in her voice is the song of a thousand birds in her arms i wish to live until i die
Wednesday, January 24th, 2001
If I could help the world in one way I’d let all the homeless people die painfully. To my next door neighbor in house 12, stop aligning your genitals with mine. It upsets me.
beer is proof that god wants my dorm is crawling with dirty us to be happy dirty potheads.where's the DEA when you need them? I'm so glad Bush won, because he's gonna send your junkie asses to prison then God's going to make you burn in hell, burnout! To that wonderful girl out there... you know how when you get butter with your toast, and it's too cold, so you have to wait, 'cause it's too hard? Well, I don't care. I mean, I don't even need butter. I can eat my toast dry. *Girl Go Boom*
Eat a dick. (Ahh dick - the true Breakfast of Champions) Eat another dick (A dick a day keeps the Scarlet Knight away.
Come to a Medium meeting or we’ll fuck you up good.
To you, that damn resident advisor. You tried walked in on me and my snatch just as the zippers came undone. I'm gonna take that hat you always wear and use it to roast my log. Then I'll throw it at your window and hope you wanna eat what's left of my lonely log.
Every Wednesday 9:30 room 113 at the Livingston face ponchos are hot!! If a handicapped, nymphomaStudent Center. niac go-go dancer were to make an autobiographical movie - what would it be called? My sister once thought she was taking her temperature with an oral thermometer but it was the anal one...she’s tasted my ass. (That’s funny, your sister has tasted my ass too) To that kid who fell down the steps in the Physics lecture hall...so you don’t feel like such an ass just know that I laughed at you so hard that I pissed on myself To that greasy fatso who lives in my dorm room, im afraid that if you keep eating i will not be able to fit in my room. god you are fat! John Brown (from Browntown) enjoys dark chocolate and milk chocolate alike, and the musical stylings of German pornographers. So sexy! hey, to that sexy supplier of CRACK. keep it comin', hot stuff, I can't live without that tasty CRACK. (Fuck your Crack what about Smack?!)
We, the mighty Personals Editors, have attributed the lack of personals to the large autistic population that has recently enrolled in this school. In case YOUR attention span is too short to type out a whole personal we have prepared some “ready made” personals, all you need to do is send us the person you want the personal to be addressed to, your sexual
preference (if you have one) and which “ready made” personal you want. Ready Made Personal 1 To that hot bitch in (insert class or building) I know you see me staring at your big tits because you had that judge slap me with a restraining order. Well I want to slap you….with my dick…in your face. Come over to me sometime honey, I’ll fuck you in the ass and let you lick the shit off. (Insert penis here) Ready Made Personal 3 To that dirty whore I fucked last week (you may want to be more specific due to the large population of whores at Rutgers), I don’t know what’s wrong with you but my dick has been itching ever since I pulled out. Damn it woman I figured that there was a problem when I saw that you were wearing saran wrap instead of underwear but I didn’t think you were this crudded up. Yours truly,The closet frat boy (due to the large population of homosexuals in fraternities you may want to be more specific)
Ready Made Personal 2 To that (insert insulting characteristic of person, fat is usually good) piece of shit I see you every week and I can’t stand having to see your fat sagging man-breasts jiggle on the H bus. Wear a bra, get liposuction, kill yourself, do any goddamn thing you want just keep your sweaty bitch-tits from bouncing in a repulsively hypnotic motion. Your Mom Ready Made Personal 4 To that gay frat boy I fucked two weeks ago, It’s nothing too serious, I mean the herpes is there to stay now, but you should be able to get rid of most of the other diseases I gave you. I’m sorry I guess we just had a miscommunication, I figured that you would properly assume that I, as a whore, am a bigger germ farm than the monkey from Outbreak. The Dirty Dirty Whore
Wednesday, January 24th, 2001
“Shut up brain or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip”
PERSONALS
Your new Personals Editors: Breasticlees & Testiclees HOW TO SEND A PERSONAL For those of you who have lost their memory due to excessive masturbation (it s clinically proven) here is a reminder how to send in a personal. 1. Think of something funny (this will be the hardest step for many of you), if no funny thoughts come to mind a stream of vulgarities will suffice (ex. Jon you are a dumb fucking-shit-ass-bitch-jerk-poop covered double cockbag with singed anal hair) 2. Minimize the porn on your computer screen, now open up your eden e-mail account. 3. Type in your message and send it to Beckpeople@hotmail.com 4. Hoorah! Now as long as you have followed the rules below you can cut our your personal from the next issue of the wonderful publication The Medium and frame it on your wall.
Rules of the white man
We can t print full names (full being first and last name) we also can t print names that are very identifying, most Indian names fall under this category (ie. If the name is John we can print it, but if the name is Shbladnipal we can t). Don t send us room numbers, and if the person has an odd name don t bother with the floor number either. Just make sure you send the personals from your RUTGERS ACCOUNT, we can t print it from AOL or Hotmail and we ll put you on every Christian mailing list known to man if you send it from there so use your Rutgers account.
These are examples of personals my sister may send me: Bad Personal
Starting next week the writer of the funniest/sickest personal of each week will be placed under a new section called “Personal of the Week”. The author of said personal will win a prize. The prize named the previous week, will be claimed at the weekly Medium meeting on Wednesdays at the LSC. Next weeks prize is your choice 1)sex with both Personals editors or 2) A mystery prize Submit your shit to win.
Good Personal
To my little bitch of a brother Ryan Beckman, To my little bitch of a brother Ryan I wish mom hadn’t missed with the coat I wish mom hadn’t missed with the coat hanger when she tried to kill you in the hanger when she tried to kill you in the womb. womb. You’re lucky that I don’t walk over You’re lucky that I don’t walk over to the to Davidson D room 69 and kick your ass Davidsons and kick your ass right now. I’m right now. I’m not afraid to tell mom and dad not afraid to tell mom and dad that you killed that you killed grandma’s dog and had sex grandma’s dog and had sex with it. with it. I hate you and I hope you end up I hate you and I hope you get arrested for getting buttfucked in the showers by 400 killing all those squirrels and end up getting pound men for the rest of your life. Rachel buttfucked in the showers by 400 pound men for the rest of your life. Rachel
If any of you are still confused put a paper bag over your head and have your roommate punch you in the face repeatedly.
Send personals and sexual fantasies to Beckpeople@hotmail.com
What s Shakin
“I’m gonna drop the cookie and say start, get it.”
***ALL AGES SHOW*** 21+to drink 1/24 The Down Time, NYC 251 West 30th St. (Between 7th & 8th Ave) 212-695-2747 Welcome Home Travis, The Dharma Boys, The Milwaukees, Pillow, Everything Ever Since
Wednesday, January 24th, 2001
RCPC Films Presents 1/25 Saving Grace 9 PM Rutgers Student Center - MPR Free 1/26 Meet the Parents 8 PM Busch Campus Center - MPR $3 1/27 Meet the Parents 8 PM Rutgers Student Center - MPR $3
Well, here we all are, back for another at RU Screw University. I can’t say that I have too much to bitch about being 21 and a semester away from graduating. That, however, does not prevent me from still being bitter. Think about the recent presidential disaster, people that walk down the street talking on their cellphones, and the fact that almost everyone seems to be in a ‘relationship.’ Oh, well I can always count on porn and alcohol, lots of porn and alcohol. I’ve got a really bad one If anyone would like to borrow it. it does have a little too much backdoor action, but is there really such a thing? Send sexual favors, animal porn, and events to stubby103@hotmail.com.
Are drugs and alcohol your thing? Come to a Medium Meeting Wednesdays @ 9:30 p.m. Livingston Student Center Room 113 New York, NY 1/24 7th Rail Crew, Anthem, Bartamian JoJo Nightshift – CBGB’s 1/24 Erratic Sensation, Further, Jonas Bronk Soulshine – Elbow Room 1/24 Granola Bars, Mikego, Tear Jerker, Side Projects,Chris Dilemma – Irving Plaza 1/24 Quiet Riot – Voodoo Lounge 1/25 Jerk Alert, Dear Conquistador, Surface of Eceon,The Stamps – Continental 1/25 Plexus, Loop Dreams, The Cancer Conspiracy, Enuma Elish – Wetlands 1/26 The Sugar Twins, Les Sans Culottes, Realistics Winter,The Irreversible Slacks – Bowery Ballroom 1/26 Conehead Buddha, Homunculous, Bluish, Decifunk – The Lion’s Den 1/27 They Might Be Giants, Sapphire Bullets – Irving Plaza 1/27 The Kennedys – Bottom Line 1/27 My Dog Lucy, Facial – CBGB’s 1/27 The Strokes, French Kicks – Mercury Lounge 1/28 The Highwaters – Arlene Grocery 1/29 Elsewhere, Beans Inhabitants, Split Me Wide Open – Brownie’s 1/29 Rearview, Stipplicon – Arlene Grocery
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