Inside: A Review of The Darkness Concert this past Friday Night
The Medium Monkey enjoys his new freedom in his Darkness shirt
The Darkness Rocks the Cook Campus Center
I believe in a thing called... We saw The Darkness and you did not.
The Medium OPINIONS
“If you’re gonna have sex, you might as well do it hardcore...”
What About the Girls?
I believe in a thing called… The best concert ever! By Michael Stanley, Editor-in-Chief
Wednesday February 18th, 2004
My personal grievances as a female athlete by Aija McKenzie, Opinions Editress eic@themedium.net
I’ve made it painfully obvious to everyone that I play rugby, especially my own family. At the start of every season, I get the same “You’re still playing that?” This past Friday night while many of you losers were last minute shopping for attitude, and when the season’s done, my dad says “Good, Valentine’s Day. I was busy meeting one of the hottest, up and coming rock you don’t need to be doing all that.” As each season bands, The Darkness. What an amazing night. It all started around 6pm when I passes, my parents get more relieved, thankful that I’ll was leaving Taco Bell with fellow staff member and photography editor (read: photographer), Tristan Ross, we took a trip to the Cook Campus Center to meet be leaving this strange life of unprotected collisions, conup with the roadies and stage crew of The Darkness. I couldn’t believe how nice cussions, and way too much beer. Unfortunately for my family, I’ll be trading my Rutgers Rugby jersey (or retiring everyone was, I gave up one of my chalupas to the drum tech since he hadn’t it, actually) and becoming a Monmouth Renegade, and I eaten and craved the chalupa goodness of Taco Bell. will play until a) I die, or b) my ankles finally give out, at which point I will drink on the sidelines of every game I After talking with the people who weren’t the Darkness, Tristan and I were able to sit down with The Darkness in their tour-bus and sip on a few beers while they can attend. Works for me, but I’ll admit that it’s very disheartening to realize that your family doesn’t give a prepped for the show that they were taking stage for in roughly an hour and a shit about something you’d like to spend the rest of your half. The Darkness were completely down to earth people, making jokes and life doing. But they’d care if I were a boy. playing Halo on their X-box system. I was shell-shocked to see how simple My younger cousin has just signed up as one of the these rock stars were, around 8 o’clock Tristan and I met up with the rest of our new freshman offensive linemen for Rutgers football in friends and the staff of the paper who were lucky enough to attend the show. the fall. I think he got some kinda athletic scholarship, To be honest, I wasn’t expecting much from The Darkness, maybe a few good who knows. My family couldn’t be happier. They’re clipsongs, a few so-so, but mainly not as rockin’ as a time as I had. This show was ping out articles, all excited and shit. They’re prolly gonna much better then the Vanilla Ice show I had been to the previous Friday, I had a rent church vans to come to his games in the fall, get all backstage pass to that, but chose to go rent a movie instead of seeing washed outfitted in RU Football sweatshirts. I got an academic up “80’s stars”. Without a doubt, this is one of the best concerts I have been to, scholarship, and I’m still doin the damn thing as a capespecially since I got to meet the band and they gave the Medium a shout out tain of my team. And nobody comes to my fucking games. Bullshit. Hell, the only thing that keeps me from playing at the concert. I believe in a thing called the best concert ever! Rutgers football is my lack of a penis. Oh, and the fact that I’d rather play for a team that doesn’t suck nuts. When my family hears about how good our record was last semester, or I talk about how I knocked some bitch out, they give me a “That’s nice,” like something you’d say to someone who’s just enrolled in a cake-decoby Clever Dan Dubrow rating class. One of my teammates has a family that Dude, you can’t bitch about this article, it already claims couldn’t make it to our championship game because they were too busy going to her cousin’s regular high-school to be unintelligent and shallow - Ops.Ed. football game. For a game that almost guarantees that I, like anyone else worth your time at this STD breeding you’ll get cleated somewhere unpleasant, a game that ground of a university, was eagerly awaiting the return of The Medium requires you to run onto people head on, where there’s no to my weekly reading. Unfortunately, I am probably not alone in such thing as a helmet, you’d think we’d be taken a little being sorely disappointed by the issues that have thus far been more seriously. We’re not just cheerleaders who stumbled printed. The old favourites are as good as ever: Aija McKenzie’s upon some jerseys and decided to play fuck-fuck on the column is just as awesome without guiding girls to fuck shit up, and field. You’re dealing with a completely different breed of it’s always a good day when I read something of Nedaka Berkoo’s. But there are some new additions that I could have done without, female, here. Sure the men’s game has a different tone and I may have contracted brain-devouring-type diseases from than the women’s game, but that doesn’t mean you won’t reading them. First, to “Aggressive Diva #1”: your article that no get your ass kicked. I was on the bus on a Wednesday one cared about gave everyone that read it a case of oral herpes night (a little toasted, I’ll admit), and a guy asked me if even worse than the one you and your “Mr. Moodkiller” were swapping I played rugby. I decided to forgo the obvious response, on his scummy frat house couch. By the way, nice name. I wonder “No, I just stole this jacket,” and just said yes, and I what it’s like to be a real diva. No, wait, I don’t fucking care. swear, I get the same look. It’s something like “Ooh, Secondly, Brian Dwane. You’re not funny. Not even a little. Not even that’s rough,” and the guys get a little twinkle in their eye so not funny that you’re funny. It makes me sad that you are alive. when they think about girls rolling around in the mud. Is stupid fucking nonsense the new funny? Oh, that’s not funny, News flash: this shit is not a joke. Go to sorority jelloeither. Tristan Ross: don’t ever do the personals again. wrestling night (or whatever the hell those girls do) if you From the demands that are printed on each page of the paper, want to see some silly shit. You’re not gonna get that it’s pretty easy to tell that The Medium prints whatever The Medium with a bunch of swearing, drinking, bitches that start gets. The only way to combat this invasion of crap is to submit stuff fights at bars. We drive bitches into the ground; it’s not that is not crap. Do that, because if you don’t write something, these like a big tickle war with short shorts on. You think it’s assholes will. cute? Come on to the field so I can END YOUR LIFE.
Why The Medium Sucks: An Unintelligent and Shallow Analysis
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Strokin’ Whackin’ Pettin’ Beatin’ Massagin’ Floggin’ Jerkin’
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Cover by: Pancake Maniac
Relaxin’ Freein’ Willy Masturbatin’ What’s Shakin
MEDIUM
CONTENTS
Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor Faculty Advisor
Michael Stanley Ned Berke Dan Migliore Aija McKenzie Jim Cortina Dan Migliore Brian Dwane Jeff Buechner
Personals Editors Brian Brzezinski Ryan Beckman Photographer Tristan Ross What’s Shakin’ Editor Larry Cheng Online Editor Chris Holt Advertising Manager Michael Stanley Staff Artist Señor Pancake Senior Editor Ryan “Good” Beckman
THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is noon, Sunday. The office of THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC - Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903. This issue is dedicated to skipping class and watching the complete I Love the 80s series on VH1. Radical!!!
Wednesday Febyoouary 18th, 2004
“B-B-B-Bastard, that’s what...”
Had a busy Valentine’s Day weekend? Let your liver and your genitals cool off at the Medium Meeting, Wednesday 9:15, LSC 111. You can also stretch your masturbatory muscles and submit to Opinions@themedium.net
Moronic Speech is Not Protected by the First Amendment by Sloppy Fucking Bitch Nuts As a Rutgers College student, I am outraged that my money is being used to fund an outlet for opinions that I find offensive. When a university that I voluntarily attend uses my tuition to pay for things I do not like, it violates my rights as a whining politically correct group thinker. To make me feel warm and fuzzy about being self-righteous, I am calling for the end of the student funded propaganda paper known as The Daily Targum. Some reactionaries and libertarian extremists might argue that free speech is one of the rights protected under the First Amendment to the Constitution. These sick fucks would have us believe that it is okay for people to hold opinions that differ from those of the majority! They base their constitutional argument on a selective reading of their favorite passage: “Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press...” They conveniently omit the last clause, which reads, “..except for cases in which a tolerant majority decides that said speech or published opinions may be offensive or hurtful to members of any approved politically correct focus group.” I suggest you read the Bill of Rights and find out for yourself. As a whiner with nothing better to do than force other people to live by my morals, I could be considered a member of the largest block of voters in America. Therefore, my opinion matters. I find the stupidity of many opinions expressed in interviews, editorials, and articles found in the Targum to be offensive. The most offensive part of the Targum is the Opinions section. Any outside observer who believes that the views expressed in its pages represent the entire Rutgers community would be horrified at its sight and possibly convinced that all thinking at the university is done under the influence of heavy drugs. Furthermore, the fact that the writers of the shorter editorials are not identified makes it possible for members of racist groups such as the NAACP to anonymously influence the minds of impressionable adults who believe anything that they see in print. The intelligence of all students is especially insulted by the November 18 editorial “Giving young people a reason to vote,” written by none other than presidential candidate Howard Dean himself. Are the readers supposed to overlook the fact that valuable whining space was given to a politician so he could tell us why we should support his extremist big government policies? Perhaps the editor decided that it would be too hard to fabricate a seemingly intelligent argument in favor of voting for his favorite candidate so he decided to enlist the entire student body in funding a political campaign. A lack of space prevents me from addressing the content of said “article,” but a thorough analysis by several labcoat clad men with poor vision revealed that its composition includes 92% bullshit, the rest of the space occupied by empty promises. The Targum’s November 17 article about a bunch of freedom fighters working to suppress undesirable opinions contains a surprisingly interesting quote. The article states that “Many protesters said allowing a forum in which people can voice any opinion is dangerous and can lead to an unsafe environment.” Truer words have never been spoken! Us progressive youths must never tolerate the opinions of intolerant people. Even the almighty government cannot protect us all of the time if we are not willing to help it look out for our safety. We must prevent writers of hate speech from having any way to express their opinions except through violence. This will allow us to cry for more suppression of liberty in order to put our safety in the hands of the government after each exploitable act of violence. The streets of Berlin were never safer than they were under Hitler, unless of course you were someone who did not matter and just disrupted the workings of a civilized nation. It is clear that American universities have no business using tuition funds to finance forums for differing opinions. The Targum is a collectivist propaganda rag that should not receive any student money. It is time for University President Richard L. McCormick to show some backbone by bending over to the wishes of a vocal group of protesters and shutting this outrage down.
The Medium EDITORIALS “Superbowl Travesty” by R
PS - I just found this article, consider it a throwback to 2 weeks ago...Consider it, dammit! OpsEd. The AOL Half Time Show was getting underway. Or maybe it was the Monster.com wrap-up of the first two quarters, featuring four idiots, shuffling papers and debating things as if they were at a bank board meeting. Half time. Brought to you by MTV. Or maybe AOL. Maybe AOL sponsored the stage and lighting, or the actual concept of half time, and MTV sponsored the performers. I couldn’t sort it out. I never watched a Super Bowl half time show since the beavis and butt head half time program was cancelled. Well, no wait, I have watched them, like the one last year or the year before, where the conversation in the office was so rhapsodic about Shania Twain’s dominatrix costume that we never mentioned the actual game. This time, Janet Jackson was dressed up as the dominatrix, only with the addition of a long, ruffled white train. It looked sort of like what you’d imagine as the outcome of your wife’s drunken struggle to yank her leather Mistress of Pain outfit on over her wedding dress. Oh, she’s never done that? Well, imagine. Then she abruptly vanished and was replaced by Sean Combs, then Janet came back, dressed a little like Mad Max, the road warrior. She was singing, doing just fine on her own, when Justin Timberlake arrived to sing with her, and that’s when I fell asleep. I woke up in time to get kicked out of my friends place (1:45am), but I didn’t learn until TODAY about what Justin gallantly described to the press as “a costume malfunction.” I got most of it from a friend who sent me the e-mail summary below. “My friend and I are watching the lead-in to the Super Bowl half time show, and knowing that Janet Jackson is going to perform, he, out of nowhere, proposes that we put a little money down on which one of her, uh, assets, will be falling out of her top more. It seems reasonable - she’s an aging superstar hanging on to her looks.” (Editorial note: “Aging” is relative here. My friends are under 25. They can only pray that their girlfriends or wives look as good as Janet Jackson when they hit the ripe old age of 36, 37.) He continued: “Odds are, she’ll be showing a bit of cleavage, to show the world that she’s still got it. He picks left, which leaves me with the default choice of right. She bursts out onto the stage, and after some careful examination and soliciting four outside opinions, we decide the left is indeed getting a little more exposure. Even I, with my money riding on the right, concede this. And what’s worse is that even with all the bouncing around she’s doing, the right isn’t budging. Then, as out of nowhere as the bet itself, and on the final beat of the last song of halftime, Justin Timberlake rips the covering off her right one! And only her right! It was the most unpredictable come-from-behindvictory in gambling history. We couldn’t figure out a single reason he would do this unless he knew about our bet and for some reason wanted me to win. I felt so blessed. I asked him how much he’d won. Four dollars. “It’s not the money that counts, though,” he assured me. “It’s the absurdity of the entire situation. I’m still glowing.” I forgot to ask who won the game.
Editorials
Wonder why Hurtado was so crowded after this weekend? F those lines, we’re givin’ out emergency contraception at the Medium meeting, tonight at 9:15, LSC 111 (and by emergency contraception we mean Nerds, the sweet and tangy candies)
The Medium Wednesday February 18 , 2004 “Life is like a dick, most people don’t know it...” NEWS Old School Medium Stylings from an Old School Medium Fan: The Return of Bob Dobbs By Penny Oakland Staff Writer th
Tonight is the return. I thought that tonight was the night for papers and plans, but the subgenius had other plans. How could I have strayed? I have slacked on my slack.
Let me explain to all you virgins. Bob Dobbs is the only God of College life. It is the return of the subgenius. If you are in No, not comedic genius. Subgenius. college, Bob is You know what that means don’t you? your God, The renowned 1082-year-old Egyptian whether you composer, Halim El-Dabh is in this year’s like it or not. news. How did he do it? Halim looked Whether or not like he was being struck by lightning while you adhere, he was ranting. That is precisely what you are a Bob wants. One thing one way, then proselyte. He when all heads are turned >Smack< from is the king of slack. He is your salvation the other side. through slack. (Halleluiah!) He announced his return through the music. I thought it was Venga Boys but it was Venga Boys channeling Bob Dobbs. What? Bob Dobbs. The king of slack, the master of Malaise, the boy wonder of bull dada time control. You still do not know what I am talking about, do you?
What is slack, you ask? This is slack: On a Monday night having two papers to do this week, plus an application, plus a major meeting with the Boss in the morning and being just slightly inebriated 20 minutes before the deadline of this submission. HA.
Busy Tonight? Wednesday at 9:15 PM
You see, the point of slack is exactly what it sounds like—slack! Just let it go. Let go all your cares and projects, Yeah even your responsibilities and SLACK will set you free. Give it up to BOB. He knows how much pressure you have. He knows how much work you have to get done! He Knows! That is His glory. And in his eyes, you cannot stray, for slack is the Practice of the God who is BOB (can I have a Halleluiah?). Now, raise your right hand and repeat after me… “I have so much to do (I have so much to do), so little time (so little time); I give up all I have to Bob (I give up all I have to Bob), my God of slack (my God of slack), now where is my Beer (now where is my Beer)? You see, it is that simple. You have been practicing slack for how long and you have not even known it. You see, that is my purpose. THAT is Bob’s plan for me. This is what BOB put me on this earth to do— to bring slack to the masses that have been practicing His Will forever and not been aware. For, awareness is the answer (you thought the answer was on TV, didn’t you?). Yes, awareness. The more you know what you do the more you can choose to do it. And that is precisely what Bob wants—He wants you to be aware of your slack and have slack be your salvation. For it really is whether you are aware or not— slack is your salvation. Just let go, remember the creed, and Slack will set you free.
Man Tits!
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Well if that’s not your dick in this picture, then I expect to see you at The Medium Meeting in LSC
The Medium NEWS
“But most people suck, so they usually blow it.”
Wednesday February 18th, 2004
Millions Die; Pros Not Fully Explored By a very drunk “Pink Eyed” Jim Cortina News Editor Cincinnati – This Monday a fairly teeny asteroid struck Earth just outside the Cincinnati city
It is postulated that, in the coming weeks, another million or so people will die because of the
limits, killing everyone
large amounts of ash that
within a 200 mile
have accumulated in the
radius. The 10 foot
strike areas. This is akin
asteroid struck the
to large doses of
small town of Pleasant
secondhand smoke, the
Ridge, a mere mile or
kind of dose one could
so north of Cincinnati.
only expect after a
An estimated 3 million
cumulative 500 years of
have been killed by
exposure to secondhand
this rock from the
smoke.
Greenpeace activist Sara Morgan chided, “We’ve been telling you people for twenty years now that something like this might happen if you didn’t soak all of your government money into conservation projects, and you didn’t believe us, well who’s laughing now?” When it was pointed out again to her that a nuclear winter would kill all life on the planet, she continued, “Ah, apparently not even us tree-huggers…” and evaporated into a cloud of radioactive steam. Despite all of the hypothesized ill effects of this asteroid strike, there is still good news: I just
Worst of all, the
heavens. Of the total
saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by population of the area
accumulating ash might
struck by the asteroid,
possibly form into a
less than 1% actually
The Asteroid Impact, as seen from the Hubble Telescope.
switching to Geico.
gigantic dust cloud that
survived the initial
will circle the Earth for
blast.
the next five to twenty years, possibly causing the equivalent of a nuclear winter, effectively killing off all animals and plants on this planet.
Skinny People Like Cake Too, But the Fat Guy Ate It All. By: Canadian “Shock and Cock” Sensation
Ever wake up one day and was like “damn I am hungry”, you go get some food that you were saving for just this special moment and then realized that the food is gone and your fat fuck of a friend ate it. Well a new study shows that skinny people like to eat food too. In fact we need to eat it to live. Fat people need to start realizing this and stop eating food. Fat people are fun, in fact tons of fun by definition, but are they good looking? No. Can fat people do what normal people can do? No. What is the most disgusting thing on earth? You might say fat people, but your wrong. It is fat people fucking, yea, fat sex. Every day you see commercials and other commentary about how people are going on new diets that will make them lose weight. Take for example this Atkins diet. What a waste. The whole plan is to get carbohydrates out of your diet and the food they recommend you stop eating, bread.
That’s right bread, cause we all know that the bread was the part of the sandwich that was getting people fat. Not the fattening meats, or some of the other condiments that you put on it, but the bread. To solve all these problems I have invented a diet. Its called, Put the fork down you fat fuck diet. This diet involves a very simple plan, you eat what a skinny person eats and then you put the fork down. This works in many ways, but one way especially. If you take 1 lb of food and eat it, it can’t turn into 25lbs. Some fat people try to blame their genetics for being fat with excuses like, I am big boned, or I have a slow metabolism. Well you just might have those things, but don’t blame sitting on your ass and eating a tremendous amount of food as being the reason your overly obese. So all you fat assholes out there listen up. Stop eating and put the fucking fork down, skinny people like to eat too.
If you had’ve sent me news articles, I wouldn’t be filling this space with man-boobs. Trust me, this hurts me worse than it hurts you.
So, send news articles to news@themedium.net and I promise you won’t have to see anymore man tits.
The Medium GMG
“Girls, don’t go crazy, when a man uses you, oh.”
George W. Bush’s Government is Stealing Your Freedoms, and You are Allowing It: A Look at the Patriot Act. Or, How I Learned to Start Worrying and Hate the Bush By: Dan Migliore, hating Dubya since 1982 Now I know you’ve seen it in these pages before. Dumb “Bushisms”. Pictures showing how much Bush looks like a monkey. Pictures of him giving the Nazi salute with cocaine on his nose while he’s drunk at the same club his daughters got arrested at for underage drinking. Stuff like that. And you may be asking yourself, “Self, why does this sexy sexy Dan Migliore hate Bush so much?” Well, it could be that he pardoned his daughters for their little drinking binge the day after 9/11. Or is that just good parenting? No, thats not it. Well, not the only reason, I should say. I hate Bush because he shits on our freedoms. I hate him because he ignores the great piece of writing ever created. (Take that, Bible! -GMG Ed.). In fact, he doesn’t just shit on it, he wraps it around his 3 inch prick and uses it as a cumrag. And that piece of literature is the Constitution. He ignores the freedoms that make our country so great. He makes a mockery out of the ideals that allow this very paper to exist. So let’s start off with my favorite amendment, the right to free speech. (That’s the first one, class). What the Patriot Act does is allow that groups speaking out against goverment policies to be subject to investigation and surveillance based on their opposition to government policies. This is because the wording of “They call it the Constithe section that allows it (Sec. 802) is so tution. I’ve never heard vague, that protesters could be seen as of it.” attempting to “influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion”. Not scared yet? How about this: If you protest lawfully, you can still be seen in the government’s eyes as being criminal or even terrorist. That’s how much swing Section 802 has. “Oh, but we have to protect ourselves from the terrorists”, you say? But who’s going to protect you from the government? Take Section 213. This section allows for government agents to go into your house, take pictures, take your property, look on your computer, and just about do anything short of raping your mother. And they don’t have to tell you. And I know what you’re thinking. Don’t they need a warrant? Not anymore. They can just do the search, then get the warrant. And you won’t know if they are conducting the search in accordance with the court’s orders. Start hiding your stash a little better, folks. The list goes on and on. The government can now listen in on your phones, trace where you go on the internet, track your email, and even see what you search for on the web. They can do all this with their Carnivore system, which intercepts all forms of Internet activity. Still wondering why I hate Bush? The short answer: He doesn’t care about protecting the freedoms of America. Maybe next week I’ll tell you why he’s a war criminal. But if you are alarmed about the Patriot Act, read Nancy Chang’s “The USA Patriot Act: What’s So Patriotic About Trampling On The Bill Of Rights?” (it’s online) and JenniferVan Bergen’s “Repeal the USA Patriot Act” at http://www.truthout.org/docs_02/ 04.02A.JVB.Patriot.htm. In closing, fuck Bush.
Look how happy we made Lauren from the Cook Campus Center. She got to meet The Darkness at their concert last Friday at the Cook Campus Center. We let her in with our official Medium backstage passes!
Wednesday February 18th, 2004
Chapter 1 By: ryan G. Beckman The newspaper headline says that in a movie theater a man killed 3 people before shooting himself. The body count reads 4, but the article focuses on the lives shattered around each gap burrowed open by a bullet. It doesn’t say that one man died while watching Sylvester Stalone kiss Al Pacino in an intense close up of their tongues as they pulled apart, making him wonder why he hadn’t chosen a better movie to die during. The article mentions the crazed man’s wife and daughter; and after reading about the other lives, one finds it difficult to sympathize with the bride of such a thief of life. It doesn’t show she has 4 bullets pouring through her mind. It doesn’t show how scared she is for herself, for her daughter, and the lost soul of her late When asked for a comment, husband. The article the man just quietly dripped. will get torn out and taped to her front door for weeks. And every time she’ll read it trying to find why her husband did this. But, she’ll just find the facts of the aftermath and cry because she’ll wonder why her husband put a bullet through his head after putting her on hold. Why she had to wait for the gunshot to ricochet out of the theater and into the lobby so she could hear it. It doesn’t say why the other victims’ callers were put on hold and had to wait for the ringing of another phone call from the police or one of the deceased’s family members. The article doesn’t mention the fact that every person died with an acquaintance of some sort on hold, or that the man’s wife refused to pick up her phone for hours after watching her husband’s black bag of a body wheeled past her. That she was waiting for him to come back on the line because she knew this was the last time she’d hang up a phone call with her husband. If a reporter had been following this man around all day, his wife may have found out some of the reasons; but if she wasn’t there herself, I suppose she wasn’t able to understand to begin with.
Submit an article, short story, poem, or photo to Features@themedium.net and you can achieve...NIRVANA!!! Yeah, I know, puns suck.
Wednesday February 18th, 2004
The Medium FEaTUreS Top 3 Songs That M. Robbins Feels Are Highly Accurate Towards Women: A Response to the Caellian
“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!”
The Life and Times of Raoul Dan The Rave It was on a warmer-then usual November night that we headed to the Bronx. We were going to help the Sympty Electronic Music Family celebrate, well, whatever it was they were trying to celebrate. Our group started out as five, the Raver, the Hippie, myself, and two girls whose names I couldn’t remember if my life depended on it. But they didn’t last too long, a call from home forced the Raver to drive them back to New Jersey, before he would drive all the way back to the Bronx. But it was of no matter, we waited on line the entire time he was gone anyway. I had begun drinking well before we had left our home state, an Everclear and Orange Juice combination that left me to the point of nausea. At a local gas station, I evacuated most of the contents of my stomach, along with about half a bottle of Everclear. But I was still feeling its effects. The ride to the Bronx was a blur, and I spent most of my time unconscious. But when we got there, the adrenaline kicked in. It was a long wait on line, and by the time we got close to the door, I had already sobered up. All that work for nothing. But then it’s not really work when you enjoy what you do, now isn’t it? The city outside the Free Key State Sports Complex, the site of this event, was booming with vitality I doubt the area saw even during the busiest times of the day. And all the people were there for one reason: love of the scene, love of the music, and a little principle called “PLUR” (that’s peace, love, unity, and respect). But on moved the line, and we entered the temple of booming bass and colorful laser effects, leaving the bustling city behind us, the outside world to be forgotten for the night. The party was well underway, and the music was pulsing with an energy so palpable it was almost dancing along with us. We had been separated from the Raver, which I was very disappointed in. I was new to this culture, this society of the Rave, and I did not yet fully grasp their customs. But we eventually found the Raver, who introduced us to a man peddling a little white pill. I immediately purchased one, or maybe even two, and went to the bathroom for some water to wash it down with. One kid noticed what I was doing, and with a large grin, he advised me “to be careful, and stay hydrated”. These were people who looked out for their own, not like the bar crowds that would just as soon hit you in the face as look at you. These people lived their credo of PLUR. Soon I began to feel the awesome effects of that wondrous little pill, and the music seemed to envelope me even tighter, the bass pounding harder, as if it were an extension of my own heart. But the Hippie did not feel as I did. Perhaps it was his lifestyle and habits that diminished the effect, or perhaps, it was my own excitement and happiness of being at this place that increased mine. But he was soon placated when the Raver acquired some PCP dips, which the Hippie and I shared throughout the night. It was an interesting counterpoint to the X that had been working on me up to that point. The frenzied pace of my reality slowed down, almost to a standstill. I was moving in slow motion, the bass, which had been up in the area of one to two hundred beats per minute slowed considerably, but each hit from the subwoofers felt like a not unpleasant punch to my person. It was at this time we decided to locate the Raver and his friend who gave us these treats. We wanted to extend a hand, and say thank you for the new plane of consciousness we had reached. The Hippie apparently knew where to look, or at least he acted with such an air of confidence that I followed him anyway. He easily vaulted over a low wall separating the dance floor from a “chill” area, but I had a little more trouble. But the interesting thing was that when I fell, there was in what seemed like an instant, to be a thousand hands (though it was probably a dozen or so), grabbing to help me up. No judgment on these faces for a kid who might have had “too much fun”, but rather a look of concern and care. Was I hurt? Did I want some water? These people didn’t even know me, but they were so concerned about my well-being. Probably because of the drugs, but that’s no matter. If it had been, say, a metal show, I probably would have gotten stomped as I lay there on the ground. But not these kids from a culture that might never gain full societal acceptance. There concern was for the well being of their “fallen brother”. And when I left that party, I was not tired. Still high, definitely, but not in the least bit burnt, confused, or fatigued. In fact, I was refreshed. The whole scene had given me a new perspective, a new outlook. But maybe it wasn’t all that new. Because wasn’t it the Hippie Generation who asked us to “Smile on our Brothers” and “Try to Love One Another Right Now”? This Rave culture supported that notion, and maybe brought the idea of a love for your fellow man to be a little more realistic, even if it came in pill form. But maybe that was the fatal flaw in our culture, that the true ideal of Peace, Love, Unity and Respect came with the price of $20 a hit and a few holes in the brain. But I for one wouldn’t mind living in a world of unconditional love, even at the price of irreversible brain damage. I mean, hell, I fuck my head up anyway, and most of our heads are fucked up to begin with. So what do we have to lose?
1. Bloodhound Gang- A Lapdance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying 2. Prodigy- Smack my bitch up
3. Ludacris- Area Codes (Too bad Ludacris doesn’t have hoes in 732, 908, 609, 973, or 856)
What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP, bitch!
And the runner-ups... 4. Salt-n- Pepa - Tramp 5. Frank Zappa- Crew Slut 6. Dan Bern - Hooker
The Medium “Shit on my dick, or blood on my knife?” ARTS The Darkness Concert Review-Brian Dwane
Wednesday February 18th, 2004
Screeching vocals and powerful guitar licks reverberated through Cook student center. The earsplitting music shook the student center shutting computer screens off, closing books, forcefully screaming: “Let’s Rock!” to every student that was aspiring to do well academically this semester. Uppity students that were ripped from their studies shouted, “what’s all the commotion?” and followed the rock n’roll music to the small room located in between the computer lab and the quiet room, to find that the room that they usually use for the vending machines or to dispose of something in a trash can, was booked for the night by one of the year’s biggest bands The Darkness. Teachers and studious students shook their fists in response to the rebellious music of the Darkness. “No studying tonight or using the trash cans, tonight we’re going to rock!” screamed the bands lead singer, Justin Hawkins. “Yea, I don’t believe in a thing called studying!” commented a student in attendance with no future, which caused the crowd to erupt into chaotic laughter. The night unfolded like a glamorized 80s movie. Cranky, old teachers and uppity students couldn’t control the music that was pulsating through their bodies and danced commenting “I give this music an A plus!” Jocks hugged the nerds they usually taunt, and even the grumpy old Dean stopped being a tyrant and said “Bluto, you and the guys can stay on campus! No matter how wacky your hijinks are!” Everyone cheered and the Dean boogied down. At the end of the concert, everyone left cleverly commented: “I believe in a thing called the best concert ever!” (A clever pun on The Darkness’ hit song “I believe in a thing called Love”) Are you jealous you missed the best concert of 2004? You can come see pictures from the showthis Wednesday at 9:30 in the Livingston Student Center, room 111. Hurry up before everyone else comes or you’ll miss your chance at seeing The Darkness again!
Heart throb of the week: Johny Depp “Reel me in! You big hunk of man and shelter me in your arms.” Johnny Depp starred in last year’s hit film “The Pirates of the Caribbean.” He played the role of Captain Jack Sparrow, a pirate I’d let reel me in anytime. Johnny Depp’s film career started in 1984, in the hit “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” In the film Johnny’s character gets eaten by a bed. I wish they cast me to play the role of the bed! After his debut in “Nightmare on Elm Street,” Johnny began his legendary film career playing characters as eccentric and as eery as Edward Scissorhands and characters as sensitive and loveable as Jack in Chocolate. Johnny Depp is thought to be one of the most eccentric and mysterious actors of our time, GROWL. Rumors have spread that Johnny is going to team up with Tim Burton sometime in 2004 to remake “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”. I’d love nothing more for that Willy to work my chocolate factory! Johnny you’re to die for!
Emerging Trends
by Brian Dwane
Timberlake self-produces next album-“Ah girl yea, you’re good girl, yea. You’re good like cheese. You’re like cheddar cheese. Monterey Jack get off my girl! She’s my cheddar cheese girl,” Justin sang as he was recording his debut single: “Cheddar Cheese Girl,” off his selfproduced album: “Cap’n Crunch Cereal.” “I just think I can mizake an album on my own, I ain’t not needin no helpin from “talented” people, aight? I’m fo-talented myself and can make a fizzle album without hizelp. Many of Justin’s fans are skeptical over the new album feeling that it may “suck.” Butterfly- The first gay super hero, he’s sure to leave you bedazzled! When evil strikes, the Butterfly is there to fight those negative nancies. After stopping crime, he gives evil doers a makeover and shouts into the night: “Now you look fashionable!” leaving the insignia of a butterfly in glitter as a sign for the police, so they know that the Butterfly has left the defeated felons wearing J-crew in shackles to meet the long arm of the law. The Butterfly is set to hit theaters June 2007. Bullet Wounds- Do you happen to come from an affable background, but would really like to convince your friends that you’re from the ghetto? What better way to prove than having bullet wounds all over your body? You can be just like Nelly or as badass as 50 cent; a rapper that just won’t pluralize! How, you ask? With fake bullet wounds, that can be purchased at your local Sam Goody in July of 2004, for only fifteen dollars a wound. Although your SUV and swimming pool say “rich white kid,” the rubber bullet wounds will holla “Ghetto superstar” or “that kid’s not too good at dodging bullets.” Buy some and win some respect, because you’ve gotten shot! (wink wink) Satan’s Best Buddies- The first Air guitar band -“Whoa that guy looks like he’s thrashing!” screamed a teenage girl, as an awe-struck crowd watched as Sid Blake-SBB’s lead air guitar player- simulated Jimmy Page’s amazing guitar solo in Stairway to Heaven on a non-existent guitar as the real guitar solo blared from a speaker behind him. As the solo winded to an end, Darwin Marlow-the band’s air drummer- flipped his pencils into the air and began pounding them on his legs simulating John Bonham’s amazing drumming. As the song came to it’s apocalyptic climax, the singer’s face turned bright red, Sid looked as if he was having a muscle spasm, and the drummer looked to have cerebral palsy as they made an effort to contribute nothing to the song. The band will open for Nsync on their next tour.
Medium Meeting LSC 111 9:15PM, Be there!
Inside Celebs-by Brian Dwane Affleck eats before bedtime: Shocking information of what Benny does when no one’s around! On Thursday night, at 9 pm, Ben left “The Tavern on the Green” and got into his Lexus. Inside the car, Ben started playing some very effeminate music, which would compromise his character if friends heard. Nine Days’ song “The Story of a Girl” was blasting throughout the car as Ben began singing the lyrics at the top of his lungs “This is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world. Yea, she looked so sad in photographs, but you’d absolutely love her when-“ then Benny reached an intersection and changed the music to something more masculine. Benny pulled his car into the parking lot of the Hilton on east St. Then Ben got out of his car and walked to room 119. Ben fumbled with his keys and then finally entered the room. With the cameras off inside the room, Ben did many shocking things. Ben brushed his teeth with Colgate instead of Crest-which 9 out of 10 Dentists recommend. In the shower, a clapping noise could be heard inferring that Ben may have been masturbating, which isn’t very star-like at all! The shocking shower scene wasn’t the worst of it. Ben started eating before bed, which is a horrible idea if one wants to keep his figure, which infers that Ben is Bulimic. When asked for comment on the matter Ben was hostile. “What the fuck are you doing in my hotel room??? Get the fuck out of here! I’m calling the cops.”
Dwane’s Movie Reviews The Big Bounce is a harrowing tale of a balls journey to the ground and then back up again. Mel Gibson gives a stunning performance as the ball. The audience was put on the edge of their seats when Bill Chaucer (played by Wesley snipes) caught the ball in mid-air, and refused to bounce it back to Will (played by Frankie Muniz) who first embarked on the journey to bounce the ball back from the perilous ground. Bill taunts Will, by throwing the ball over his head to his friends where he can’t reach it. The teasing in sues for approximately 152 minutes. Although the plot is lacking Mel Gibson gives a brilliant performance as the ball, which causes the audience to leave the theater questioning their own lives. (24,106 Dwane points) submitted by Matt Dwane
Wednesday February 18th, 2004
“I’ve got a bone to pick, and a few to break”
HC, sorry I fucked KT, that's only b/c U were with that guy. But now that Ur single, we should have sex... or at least a threesome with U, me and KT. The G-man P.S. When i do fuck her, i think of U
you can get the clap from a dog....
payment is not required in cash... nor in any of the more traditional methods.
You dirtbags out there, because you are so fucking lazy, you can eat my ass with gravy Go to dirtbagclothing.com; you can stop draining the economy as much as you do by helping the stock go up (i’ll make your stock go up...) why would someone say ‘i’ll make your stock go up’? (fuck you... me) fuck fcuk man... OO as CU (so many people should die)
or we can go with the more new brunswickian rutgers style and just pound her in the ass.
our other option for the day is to throw rocks at her face.
oh no i wet the bed again i'm in space nobody can hear you sorry mommy it was an acci- die dent (it’s also true that nobody (it’ll be an accident when i can grow beards in space) don’t hit you in the face you to that pretty girl i can’t stop little bastard....) thinking about, i just want to to that girl i let suck my dick. say you make me smile when i you give great head. too bad close my eyes and you make your face looks like someone my chest ache when i open hit you with a brick. just make them to see you. i can’t wait sure your head stays under the to hold you again baby covers and maybe i’ll let you (that was unexpected) stick around
personal of the ‘i’ll die a virgin’
wanna hear a story? so here's a guy, a freshmen last year in personal of metzger humping the carpet non-eden account and having the time of his life. suddenly his roommate enters I just wanted to write and tell the room. at that moment, the you guys how awesome you jerker realizes that the room are! I'm from jersey and goin wasnt locked. the roomie tells to school at Boston University others of his jerk off roommate, where we unfortunately don't who then Becomes famous as have a paper nearly as cool as the caRpet humper. waIt a yours... so here, all us Jerseys mintue, thAt's me. i'm the carprint out the weekly medium to pet humper. so if you waNt hot read as our sanity. Thanks so hot one on one action, reply much for the fun and laughs this back. i will give you the time of semester and keep em comin! your life. truly yours (your ass's) B.H. the carpet humper. - BU Babe (aww baby, we love you too) (i think that mostly i’m sad)
she said she’s down... if her husband can watch.
me likee squaaare face
where’s my rock ?
Come to a medium meeting... come to THIS medium meeting. tonight in room 111 in the livingston student center. show up at 9:15... bring food and lube... be sure to bring the lube. To Resnet GO FUCK YOURSELF! To the Rutger's Direct Connect Hub. Thank you for providing me with so many endless hours of porn. Never before have I been able to jerk off to so many deviant and unusual forms of sex with both animate and inanimate horses in my entire life. I think I will just stop attending classes, and just stay in my room until I'm blind in both eyes and my palms are hairer than my uni-brow. To everyone else out there: Have you ever thought of using a rock 'em sock 'em glove? I consider it among God's best creations
Dear John, I hope you know how much you fucking suck. Oh, how we hate you, let us count the ways...1)you drink our beer without asking; 2)You never wear jeans you commie fuck; 3)Fil is the man...you are a faggot; 4)The only thing you smoke is cock; 5)You are a cock-smoker; That's all. I hope you piss us off again so Mikey can make some more signs and put a soccer cleat up your ass. And by the way, "who the fuck is this guy" (stupid bitch). Smoke cock, cocksmoker...Love, Everyone GABWEJ! (so that was someone’s clever ploy to get ‘jewbag’ in an issue of the medium... that’s a little crazy for us... good thing he wrote it backwards) To my sidekick, 9MLP~ I know sometimes it seems like I want you dead sometimes. Like all those times I scream, "4.0" when you hurt yourself, but that simply isn't the case. Why, when that Rutgers van almost hit me as I jaywalked across the street, I realized what was important and I'll have you know that you were right there under John Wayne and Jon Stewart. You are the bestest roomie babe, even if we aren't living in our room because of that huge leak in the roof...Looooove,Super Serena (i hate it when vans almost kill people....)
i was watching korean news last night and i could tell they were reporting on some kind of new television show. there were young pretty korean girls lined up and they were showing pictures of them, etc, there was a host, but i couldn’t understand. so i ask my boyfriend, what’s the show about?? well the winner of this new show wins the free plastic surgery of her choice! i said, is it a joke?? he said, no, it’s for real. wow. i found it sad because these young girls were already quite pretty and really had no need for surgery. but i suppose this new show is controversial, even by korean standards because it seemed to be causing a stir on the news. kind of reminded me of “who wants to marry a millionaire” or “the bachelor”. (or of your mom and your mom fighting over my cock) could a gold fish beat a scubadiver if the fish had a speargun and the scubadiver had no airtank and 2 lungs filled with water and that disease, what’s it called? death. Send personals to personals@themedium.net Send personals to personals@themedium.net Send personals to personals@themedium.net Send personals to personals@themedium.net Send personals to personals@themedium.net Send personals to personals@themedium.net Send personals to personals@themedium.net Send personals to personals@themedium.net Send personals to personals@themedium.net
well... we could shoot her with arrows....
Everyone who works at the Coffee Cove is a whore. Except that sexy gay black man, I want to do him on the counter.
my name is luka. i live on the second floor (i’m supposed to ‘get’ that)
(now that is the sweet shit i There is no such thing as race... like leaking out of valentine’s Race is an invention by uneduday weekend) cated people that we have hey peter, way to prematurely been duped into believe as a ejaculate on fucking valentines justification for cultural conflicts day... too bad your limp dick and slavery couldn’t cream inside me in- (speaking of ‘duped, hope stead of in your hand. you you all had fun at the darksuck. jump into a blender ness concert... i thought it What do you call a black was great... i got to blow the priest? HOLY SHIT band at the end of the show) (way to write the least funny hey lisa, when you and jim get personal ever dickface... you married and have a baby... need to find a rusty razor) name it ryan... and fuck him up what should we do at our meaningless jobs today my sexy boys?
The Medium PERSONALS
(you use the glove to punch yourself in the face while you’re jerking off right? wait... no? that’s just wrong... in the right way) Eugene, Perhaps one day Vlad will be bigger than you. (if he had a fluffer maybe)
I said only one hand until after the previews.
The Medium PERSONALS To that bitch that runs lab: you really need to go jump off a cliff or something because EVERYBODY HATES YOU!!! And what kind of asshole takes a 15 minute break in the middle of class? Oh yeah, someone who needs to be fired! Maybe just keep inhaling those fumes in the stock room and good fucking luck finding a new job as a janitor after you're fired from this one. (hey nothing wrong with a little paint huffing... it worked for citizen ruth didn’t it?... maybe not) To my Super Hung ROOMMATE YOUR DICK IS REALLY SMALL, SO SMALL THAT YOU CANT MAKE SHADOW PUPPETS WITH IT. Wheres the beef man?! (i think maybe this person misunderstands what it means to play with yourself)
“if i had a dime for every crackwhore i killed....” to my dear PB: why haven't you met me under the bleachers yet? Theres only a couple of more games left for me to grab your sexy ass before you leave me. mmmm i can just taste you now. makes my mouth water, kinda like that craving you have for milk after you've eaten chocolate. oh so good. see you at the next (hey man, even i didn’t love game...i'll be waiting and my virginity in my ass... i drooling...and ready with a think you mean her ass... or condom. in an ass’s ass... or... maybe you just mean that you should (safe sex? at rutgers? boo) die) To the israelli hoe , I'm a bad kisser? Your a bad blower. Maybe I'd be a better kisser if you learned how to fuckin swallow. Oh, and if you all wanna know a little secret. This chick lost her virginity in your ass! and yep that's right, to yours truly. L-town fuckin rules!!!
To the Quad 1 slut committee and their fearless leader Its too bad that your game got sloppy. we were just starting to have some fun, maybe next year you'll know how to play the game a little bit better and won't slip up. <3 Ice Cold (no no no... there’s always time for a slut committee... To the sexy little wrestler at show up in lsc room 111 toTinsley..I saw you in the dating night... there’s some meeting game the other night. That girl space there) is CRAZY for not picking you to the fucking assholes on the and your tight ass. You can do 3rd floor of tinsley, go fucking me in the butt and scream my die. all of you. especially the name with your sexy accent. If cunts. guess what? it's a fucking you're interested I will make dog! grow up you fucking my roomate ben leave. spoiled ass bitch! to that kinky girl in my math 300 class with the guitar pick bacon bacon bacon bacon baaround her neck. i see you con bacon bacon bacon bacon staring at me every single class. bacon bacon bacon bacon baJust drag me into a janitor's con bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacloset and fuck me already. con bacon bacon bacon bacon www.xanga.com/ bacon bacon bacon bacon baChineseSARS con bacon bacon bacon bacon looking for a girl that is up for bacon bacon bacon bacon baa threesome (2 girls, 1 guy). con bacon bacon bacon bacon respond via personals bacon bacon bacon bacon ba(give him hell girls! and by con bacon bacon bacon bacon hell, of course that means bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon herpes) to that chalupa that crawled (no wonder people hate fat into my belly today: thank you. jenny. i bet she gives good head though) to that girl that loves to suck come to the medium meedings the cock, don't stop! wednesday 9:15pm LSC 111 www.slutgers.com - Slutgers Is Back And No Longer Peeing if you hate lego pirates, im with you. if you dont, i hate you. Blood! To that football player from last www.slutgers.com - now you week's personals who is look- can rate our pictures and caping for a little fun. My closet is tions this goes out to the beautiful girl your closet. (for more info, check the in my cs110 recitation on wed online personals, 5th period. lets get dinner sometime. i’ll swipe you in. themedium.net) respond to me through the barry lutz is a moron. personals section
Wednesday FebRUary 18th,2004
to the cutie on the first floor. you looked so sexy the other night in your black muscle tee....wait, you always look sexy. why didn't you respond to my note i slipped under your door? feel free to come up and visit me anytime ;)
I rap you rap I fuck you fuck Gay Pride Worldwide (i wish that made enough sense to be made fun of.)
(maybe you’re just too much of a fucking skank for him... or maybe he’s just waiting for you to rip his pants off and jam your tongue up his urethra) fuck. that is all.
(grape is the best flavor... grape and crack that is)
new grape its the best drink yet so try a bottle of new grape the flavor you won't forget.
To J and Smoked Rice Happy Anniversary! to the bandsluts... way to slut (i’ll slut you.... ok, i’m not trying anymore)
come to a medium meeting this week livingston student center in room 111 at 9:15
3 out of 4 creepy people love it creeping the hell out of people this week and every other... come show us some love. you wanna talk about texas? toLuke SKYWALKER.... well, i wanna talk about love! GETA LIFEYOUFUCKING i've got 300 condoms, and i'm LOSER!those DRUGS ARE KILLING UR BRIAN get taking numbers OFF the Crack and get onto (i’ve got her screenname, do REALITY!your like a lost you? member of Heaven's Gate that PUBLIC SERVICE AN- THEY didnt even want to comNOUNCEMENT: Scorpions mit suicide with... U FUCKIN .....GET A glow under black light. So next PRICK time you go clubbing bring a LIFE.....LIVE IN THE SAME couple scorpions with you and DAMN DIMENSION AS let them run around, or hand THE REST OF US...... them out to fellow clubbers. SCREW U IF U LOOK Everyone will really love the DOWN ON RELIGION... new addition to the party at- welcome to modern times..... EVERYBDY'SCHRISTIAN! mosphere. (or bring them to my room!) (I dunt give 2 shits and a fuck if what i wrote bout chrisitianty yo baby, i know you were is politically incorrect...suck my looking for personals directed gential herpes) towards you in last weeks edition and there weren't any, and (goddamnit, stop killing your Brian!!!) that's sad. so here's one. will the little boy downtstairs http://www.lemonparty.org www.slutgers.com - "Spread- stop coughing up cocks it scares my mom ing faster than an STD"
to the fag that lives next door. go fuck your fat ugly girlfriend, you cow. Hey, It stinks in here, there must be some ginders the atmosphere! to that ugly ass black kid who always wants to talk to me leave me the fuck alone! ur so dark ur like a reverse ghost in the daylight..followin me wherever i go...i cant breathe ...i cant eat...let me smell the fresh air..let me shit by myself...let me get sumthing to eat..stop raping my space.... ur a black stye in my eye... leave me the fuck alone.. PLEASE! when i board i'm never loner, when full moon i ride with boner how goes all on college ave fuck you to the caucasian defender. nigeria is neither smelly or shitty. and caucasia isn’t even a real place. asshole.
if you got a problem with tony hawk, get off your board and I feel I've opened up a whole new arena of experimentation do a phoney walk which i call, "monkey torture." to the personals editorsI have this one monkey whose “my old roommate reads ever whats the difference between (lemme know next time) i really liked your comment last name is Bongo and sometimes medium ever. its his favorite jesus and a picture of jesus?? I would like to thank The week about eating babies beI'll pretend like he's dead. He'll past time...” you only need one nail to hang Magic Schoolbus, and Bill Nye ing so september 10th. makes be right there and I'll say "Boy the Sicence Guy, without which you think about how much fun I sure miss Bongo ever since this past monday, there were the picture! some really hot girls in the com- the kid next to me just said i would have never passed the world was before the he died." You know, I'll pretend tacnugget whatever that means chemistry biology or physics. fucking arabs ruined things. puter lab on college ave I can't see him To that asian girl that was doing her laundry in just a bra Saturday night, Morrow 1st floor: do it again.
Wednesday February 18th, 2k4 ilynmwmp 2 dat whiteman who said it anit kool ta diss an hate on white (is that so, i hope not...) to you asshole medium editors. people! Fuck Ja Man! White consider this a big fuck you for peoples are da DevIlz on da getting my hopes up about the planet, you people all are evil Darkness coming to Rutgers. and cheat on Da Yellow PanI hope you get small pox on thers! Fuck you man! All Hail Jin and be token and represent your little imp dicks. our great race of rizas! (though I did not agree with the trick myself, I thought (which I believe is in response the price change between is- to the following from last sues should have given you week’s issue) fuck you to everyone whorips a clue) on caucasians. ive been to dear susie, if you weren’t my caucasia. i went skiing there, sisters friend, i’d want you so it was nice. not smelly and bad. fuck that, go out with me! shitty like nigeria. (FUCK HER BRAINS OUT!)
whats worse than finding s7 dead babies in 1 trash can?... finding 1 dead baby in 7 trash cans!
(i hate you. CELEBRATE!!)
single, hot, female wanted for fun, attractive green eyed guy named chris. if interested contact via the medium
(gorilla sex eh? hook me up) it must suck to be fat. To Alli, the orange-faced slut from Lipandcock. You are a little whore who thinks you're hot shit and you're really not. You need a reality check, the world does not revolve around you and your one friend Lauren. Go back to fucking Hunterdon County and suck some more cock because the guys from Sig Pi are done with you. (alli, im here for you. even if you really are orange) www.lemonparty.org Another really good one is: Sometimes I'll pretend like i'm going to set them free. I'll drive the car right up to the edge of the jungle and stop. And then I drive the car right back to my secret lair.
(you show em, ill blow em) Come show your fuckin school spirit, visit www.slutgers.com (or we will haunt you in your sleep like that bitch of a rash you've got). to that brown haired girl in my monday calc class. i know it was you that farted last week. do it again and ill plug up your butt with my dick. then we’ll see who the winner of the class is.
Dear Fat Jenny, I hate you.
brian-we love you, we cant wait til you striptease online again <3 D and J to the tone deaf bitch in Q2 who sings at 3 am, shut the fuck up and stop having gorilla sex in the shower
I can see my love clearly showing on your face bukkake lover (send more haikus to personals@themedium.net)
To that girl in my World of Insects Class MW4 who had the To the whore at Tinsley who siezure, thanks for the laughs. threw beer at me and my friend (to that guy in my class who at a frat, my lesbian lover is laughed at my seizure, it was going to come and find you and even more fun to have it, try kick your sweet ass. By the it some time, you’ll love it!) way you were pole dancing what would you do if you that night to 'Toxic', I could tell hooked up with a girl to find you were in need of some maout the next morning she was jor lesbian love. your friends little sister? to the medium - blow my balls
To those John Doe comics kids: you suck. I doodle better on the back of my hand while it's spanking your ugly girlfriend.
(since when are the personals like real personals????) http://anti-china.net It made by Chinese people so it can't be racist! to my ex roommate megan, i did watch you while you were naked, and i liked it. i did steal your tampons, because i wanted to put them up my vagina. i miss watching your every move, ill be back. -z
The Medium PERSONALS
adam, next time we get drunk together, i wanna give you head. (that would be hot if it didn’t come from a guy’s email address)
To that big loud-ass bastard at DKE. Stop swimming in the fucking punch, you look like you were diving in some fatbitch's period sauce. I hope you masturbate until you go blind and walk into traffic. to that fucking asshole bitchass in my econometrics class, get rid of the afro, it's not cool and i can't see the fucking board when you're sitting down, so do us all a favor and wear a fucking du-rag i got a few if you need them (not a comment, that was another personal) FUCK YOU YANKEES, sorry for yelling but I hate the fucking cock gobbling yankees. Nothing against gays, but i hate those faggot yankees, gay people, do whatever you want, get married, adopt kids, do whatever... I do not hate gays, I hate the yankees and they happen to be gay, I don't hate the yankees because they are gay, that would be shallow of me. I hate the Yankees because of who they are deep down inside, I hope they all get AIDS and lose to the Redsox. Boston in 04 baby! I used to love White people, but this one Cunt from my linguistics class is giving me every reason to kill all White people. I mean this kid is so white is not even funny, not only is he fucking rude to the professor he also bitches and whines like a rich White kid for Crackertown USA. Seriously man, what we need is to save these poor White souls from Eternal Whiteness! (linguistics class????)
To the hot sexy bastard in my Economy and Death and Afterlife classes, if I ever run into you at a party, I would lead you into another room and give you the wildest ride of your life. I'd whip out your dick and tease it until you moan with pleasure. Your dick will drip with man juice and convulse until the ecFree Proctology Exams at tonights Medium Meeting, LSC stacy subsides. Then after you 9:15PM. Get there early before all the lube runs out. recover, you will fuck me to the annoying asian kid who to the stalker that stole our stuff harder than you have ever spray paints his hair gold and in judson. who are you? come fucked anyone before. Come SWM seeking female compangot it all over his forehead. visit. we love pathetic losers and get me honey. ion for extra curricular activiPlease leave us alone. Stop like you! anyone wanna play strip battle- ties such as cuddling, watching fuckin talkin to us! Some of that (meet me wed 930 lsc 111) ship with me? movies, et ceterra. If paint must've seeped into your to tara, i saw you at the rail and (only if we get to play on the interested,please contact me, brain, cuz we ignore you and i know you saw me. i was long A bus during the day. my AIM screenname is you still come and talk like you bisbers. Don’t be shy. gonna kick your skank ass but im free on wednesdays) know us and bring your friends you ran away so fast. i would BOOBIES. HOORAY FOR BOOBIES. Send Pictures of along to introduce us like we have chased after you but boobs to personals@themedium.net. First one to send a are your friends. Stop. FUCK you're not worth THAT much million WINS!!! OFF. We're not ur friends, we of my time. have fun being an were never your friends or ugly whore. with love, carol acquaintences or anything. You're really annoying. And if To the cute redhead who you talk to us again we wont works at Tillet take out. Now just ignore you next time. And that I know your name, can I do something about that head know your phone number? of urs. I really don't know TO ALL THE FUCKING what came first ur mental re- POKER PLAYERS IN tardation or the spray paint. CAMPBELL HALL who play (dude, you really need to lis- until 3 in the fucking morning. ten to some frankie goes to PEOPLE ARE FUCKING YOU hollywood more often, relax) SLEEPING ASSHOLES! ok, so now take a shit. for serious. how do I get into a game?
The Medium WHAT’S SHAKIN’
“No matter if you’re getting legal advice or whatever, you’re always in it for the beej. Mmmmm these corndogs are good.”
Wednesday February 18th, 2004
Everyone is officially retarded. I don’t know what it is with this town, the crappy water supply or the hefty dose of STI’s that get shoved down our throats every fucking day because of diseased cooters exposed to the air. I swear, sorostitute crotch is like a biological hazard. It has mutated and gone airborne, and we are all now fucked. Aside from well ridden cunt, the fact that people are even stupider when it comes to “holidays” like this one we had this past Saturday. I was talking to a friend who complained that his $190 flowers got misdelivered. Let me repeat that.... ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY dollar flowers, were misdelivered to some New Brunswick crack whore who used the flowers as bartering material for marijuana, and he was indignant to the fact that he is a stupid fucking moron! Do you know what that $190 could be better used for? ANYTHING. Instead of spending a whole week’s paycheck on flowers, he could have used his paycheck to wipe his ass, for all it gave him. At least he would have $190 worth of clean asshole instead of dying weeds. So anyway, the Yankee’s got Alex Rodriguez, fuck em.
NEW! Event of the Week Brian Regan, playing at Banana’s Comedy Club, Hasbrouck Heights, NJ
The 23rd Annual Women’s Weekend (AWW) February 27 - 28 This year’s keynote speaker is Susanna Martinez, Vice President for Public Policy at Planned Parenthood Federation of America For further information contact: Julie Abrahamsen at jabraham@eden.rutgers.edu
Concerts
“I’d always screw up crank calls, ‘Umm... do you have frog legs, NO, do you serve them, NO do you have them, you’re stupid!...... Is your refrigerator running... its not...oh..........’
Events Fri, 2/20 to Sun 2/22 - Brian Regan at Bananas Comedy Club Hasbrouck HTS, Hasbrouck HTS, NJ Sat, 2/21 - Jim Breuer at Strand Theatre, Lakewood, NJ Fri, 2/20 to Sat, 2/21 - Goumba Johnny with Rich Francese at Stress Factory, New Brunswick, NJ Thurs, 2/19 to Sun, 2/22 - Jay Mohr at Caroline’s, Broadway, NY
I’m sorry for the crappiness of this page. www.4paddedwalls.com. Fuck something awful.
Wed, 2/18 - Sparticle, Angel 13, 33k St., Temple of Echos & Stage at The Downtown, Farmingdale, NY Thurs, 2/19 - Gov’t Mule at Starland Ballroom, Sayreville, NJ Thurs, 2/19 - Barenaked Ladies at Continental Arena, East Rutherford, NJ Fri, 2/20 to Sat, 2/21 - Winter Rock Show at Demarest Hall Fri, 2/20 - Juggling Sons at Harry’s Roadhouse, Asbury Park, NJ Fri, 2/20 - Slaughter w/ Zyris, Rattlesnake Canyon and Ashton at Starland Ballroom, Sayreville, NJ Sat, 2/21 - Black 47 at Stone Pony, Asbury Park, NJ Sun, 2/22 - River City Rebels at The Continental, New York, NY Sun, 2/22 - Ska Is Dead Tour, Pietasters, Big D & Kids Table, Catch-22 at The Chance, Poughkeepsie, NY Tues, 2/24 - Styx at Starland Ballroom, Sayreville, NJ
Are you going to take that from him? Don’t be a pussy, beat his ass at the Medium Meeting, LSC Room 111 at 9:15 PM. You’d also be beating his ass if you send events to: events@themedium.net