04/04/01 by The Medium

The Non-Entertaining Weekly of Fuck You

A pig vomiting? Now I ve dee-done seen about everything.

1-Cover-4-4-01.p65

Wednesday, April 4th, 2001

“...announced intentions to moderate its content...”

4/3/01, 1:06 AM

Volume XXXII Number 20

EDITORIALS

epileptics can see scrambled channels ...

Wednesday, April 4th, 2001

To Our Readership: Fuck You by Christopher Taylor You may be wondering why the copy of The Medium that you are currently reading does not appear to be devoid of “offensive” content, as promised in The Daily Targum and The Medium two weeks past and silently reiterated in last week’s “clean” edition of our little paper. If so, we would like to extend a wholehearted “fuck you” and the 2001 Darwin Award for extinction-friendly gullibility. And we would like to laugh at your community college level intellect. And your tiny, tiny penis. (And the fact that your neighbor just vomited on your shoes after staring at the herpes infested penis on page ten. – EiC) Articles dealing with Jesus’ donkey fetish or how Mohammed has the tendency to soil Brower’s Halal offerings with pork products (and fetus paste – EiC) will once again grace our pages. Indeed, their spirit never left. We have always wanted The Medium’s name to be associated with sexual relations with fecal matter, corpse violation, and NAMBLA. And of course clown wig. To those readers that truly believed that we could take the moral high ground, that we’d tread the path of depravity before “seeing the light”: you ain’t seen nothing yet. This is the dawning of a new era. But not of inoffensiveness.

(And to those that believed in us: fuck you too. God I hate our readers. – EiC) And remember: don’t believe everything you read in the Targum.

by Ryan Beckman

I ejaculate blood ... Come to a meeting and taste this blood! Wednesday, 9:30pm, Livingston Student Center, Rm. 113. Yummy.

I know what you’re thinking, “who the fuck cares about those who suffer from epilepsy?”. Well I certainly don’t care about anything but sex with them. Let me explain. About a year ago my friend Bryan, who wasn’t me…I swear it wasn’t me…. This guy Bryan always used to talk to me about his sex life. He had this sexy girlfriend named Liz. This was the kind of girl who could do almost anything… christ she learned to walk before she learned how to crawl. Well I guess things were always like that for her… she always did the more complex first. I mean, she had sex with Bryan, but she wouldn’t go down on him, it was strange. So, you know how I was saying this girl could do almost anything? Well the one thing that she had a problem with was sex. For some reason Liz was terrible in bed. She bought books and would read them with Bryan but nothing ever helped. After a while Bryan was getting sick of things. He loved her but… sex is sex and he was going to leave her until…. They went to see Phantom of the Opera for their 6-month anniversary. Liz was looking through the program when she noticed that a card fell out of it. On the card was printed “WARNING: Those with epilepsy should be careful, there are scenes involving a strobe light which may cause epileptic seizures”. Bryan read the warning and started laughing… Liz had a different reaction. “Um Bryan” Liz whispered into his ear, “I think we should go.” “What? I paid a lot of money for these tickets, you bugged me for a month about seeing it and now you want to leave?” “Well, I wasn’t going to tell you but, I have epilepsy. I’m sorry baby, I’ll make it up to you… c’mon, lets go back to my place, we could have some sex.” Bryan’s mind cringed at the thought of “making love” to that dead fish again.

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shiteating skull fuck bea arthur menstration What’s Shakin’

Cover by: Chris Taylor & “Full of Shit” DeSarnoc

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THE

MEDIUM

Ingredients

Suddenly he had a great Chris Taylor during his initiation to become idea. Okay baby, but do Medium Editor-in-Chief. you mind if we stop by Note: he is no longer asian. Spencer’s really quick. I wanna get something sexy.” Liz agreed and they were off. When the two got to her house Bryan told her to wait in the living room for a little while. He got prepared in the bedroom. “Come in” he called to her from underneath the covers. “Oh baby, I can’t wait to feel you inside me again,” she said as she walked sexily towards the bed. Suddenly she tore all her clothes off and dove under the covers with Bryan. After a little fooling around Liz asked Bryan what he’d gotten at the store. “I’ll show you when we’re having sex sweetie” was his response. Liz, rolled onto Bryan’s stomach and plunged his manhood into her body pumping again and again. “Can I see now” she half moaned. “Alright honey…close your eyes though.” Bryan rolled Liz off of him and then got on top of her. He reached next to the bed and flipped a switch. Suddenly Liz heard clicking and couldn’t resist opening her eyes. Without notice she went buttnutty and started having seizures. Bryan had bought a strobe light at the store and he turned it on when they were having sex so Liz wouldn’t be so motionless during sex. He described the experience to me as “the most pleasurable experience of my life”. Of course after he did that to Liz a second time she left him, but we’ve been able to find more epileptic girls to satisfy our desires.

Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor Faculty Advisor

Christopher Taylor Personals Editors Jay Postelnik Jessica Chandra What’s Shakin’ Editor Chris “B.C.” DeSarno Online Editor Martin Babitz Advertising Manager Mike Ryan Staff Artist Amanda Hoffman Staff Photographer Jeff Buechner Senior Editor fnord

I love Epileptic People

Rachel Beckman Ryan Beckman Michelle Salvaggio Mike Molino Amy Groark Tony Wang Alissa Strong Amanda Hoffman

THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is Sunday at 12:00 pm. The office of THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903 or emailed to naziphallus@hotmail.com. Our phone number is (732) 373-7085. i didnt have it in me

4/3/01, 2:02 AM

Wednesday, April 4th, 2001

OPINIONS

Does this page make you want to dry heave? Good. Jerk.

Medium s

Submit Opinion articles to: desarnoc@eden.rutgers.edu

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Do you enjoy having $7.50 automatically deducted from your term bill every semester for the privilege of reading articles directly from Associated Press (which you can easily get off the internet for free)? Me too!

GU 10 TO ARA 0% MA NT VO KE EED MI YO T! U

VOTE ‘YES’ on the Targum Referendum

If the answer is ‘no’, either visit Suite 431 of the Rutgers Student Center and receive a refund in several months or DON’T VOTE YES

Elderly women crave cock too ...

when we practice to deceive ...

The Retarded Leading the Severely Retarded (Education reform for the new millenium) by Chris "I sort glass" DeSarno Politicians know we need to bring the needs of our children to the attention of the public. Children face many odds in the classroom: school violence, overcrowded classrooms, bad test scores. One thing is painfully clear ... we are in desperate need of education reform. I suggest we start with the most obvious trouble area: teachers. Everyone knows that teachers are greatly overpaid. I sure don't want my hard-earned money blown on people who produce the test scores that shame this country to China. That's why I put forward this idea: why not hire retarded people to teach our children? We'll start off small ... letting them only teacher the severely retarded. After all, I'm sure there are plenty of things an older, wiser borderline retarded person could teach a younger, more inexperienced severely retarded person. And the greatest part? We could probably pay them in monopoly money I m down ... 'cause, hey, they're retarded! wi th do wn syndrome! That's not this train's last stop, though. There is absolutely no reason retarded people can't

play a productive role in our society. After all, retarded people are nature's comedians. Why not just stick them in the spotlight of a seedy comedy club and let nature take its course? After all, if god making you appear funny to others is a "curse" then I hope that one day I will be "cursed" with mental retardation. I know I feel a bit uncomfortable around the handicapped. If everyone was overtly laughing at them, I know I'd feel better. Perhaps then the stigma of pity associated with mental retardation will wear off and we'd all say, "Hey, man, I saw you at the Stress Factory last night. That part where you shit yourself and drooled was hilarious! You're alright by me."

this page is dedicated to jess, a friend and a confidant 3-Ops-4-4-01.p65

4/3/01, 1:56 AM

Fin.

NEWS

Hey you know what d be funny? Apparently not.

Wednesday, April 4th, 2001

NBC’s “Penetration Island” Tops Nielsen Ratings Orifice-Jamming Reality Show Rules for 15th Straight Week By Martin Babitz, News Ed.

BURBANK, CA This week, viewers across America once again curled up with their friends, family, and children to view another installment of the show that has everyone buzzing Penetration Island! What has network exec s buzzing is not just the show s racy content, but it s overriding popularity, landing it as the most popular show ever to feature grotesque anal penetration, vaginal fisting, and penile catheterization as themed games.

Repression: The Results of One Long Week

PR IN T! !!!

NEW BRUNSWICK—If you were a Rutgers student during the past week, and were not totally enraptured in Outkast’s “Bombs Over Baghdad” downloaded off of “non-functional” Napster, then you may have noticed the air as being a little cleaner. Somehow things felt clearer, less sodden with that bizarre stink from the Raritan, and generally less… well… filthy. You may have noticed that the sky was a little bluer, the grass was a little greener, and Rutgers was a little more scarlet. This week, you may have noticed strange, smoking streams of something have appeared curbside around College Avenue, much to the confusion of New Brunswick Authorities, and Rutgers University Maintenance staff.

NO T

Nextto go, Island cast member Kristen The Personal Trainer was axed from the show s team after a weeping Bill The Fat Guy was forced to strike her repeatedly in the back with an axe while the rest of the group sang Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbyyyeeee! This situation arose after Kristen was found to be frightened of sharp objects, and the producers thought it would be good for both her and the ratings to overcome this fear through confronting it. Soon after, Bill was also axed, when in a fit of disgust, he used the same axe to penetrate his own throat! The producers of the show must know their stuff, because immediately afterward, the show s ratings skyrocketed, and they never looked back!

Special Kind of Filthy Section:

For the answer to this, I would invite them to rent one of the crappiest, yet best movies ever made, that which goes by the name of “Ghostbusters II.” In this film, the negative sentiments of New Yorkers manifest in a large river of smoking, pink ectoplasm that runs underneath the city. Need I say more? I think I might do well to mention that the heroes of the movie were later able to fight unspeakable evil using this goo, bringing the Statue of Liberty to life, and saving the day.

Murray Eiseman, better known to most television viewers as The Accountant, was the first cast member kicked off of the show, as the shaken two liter bottle of soda jammed into his anus was then burst by Cindy The Model, causing severe internal bleeding and tearing, landing The Accountant a trip to The Hospital! Although Eiseman died shortly thereafter from complications surrounding severe hemorrhaging, the show s producers found that they could push the entertainment value of this tragically guilty pleasure even further by encouraging Estelle The Diabetic Old Lady Haynes to vigorously fellate Eiseman s rapidly stiffing corpse. Talk about a hard sell!

There’ll be none of that, folks. No walking, dancing Statue to save the day, because this particular goo is the byproduct of repression, and ours at that. So, now that things are back to business as usual, you should notice that smoking crap going away.

Other famous memories from this past season (and who could forget?) include, Estelle Haynes being penetrated by a horse while being intravenously fed pure sugar, Amber The Feminist leading the cast in a production of West Side Story, and Pete In closing: Fuck you. Fuck every single one of you. Oh, and your mothers. Fuck The Black Guy s disappearance during a nightly game of your mothers too. Where s My Bottle of Nitro-Glycerin Hidden?

Rats with Oversized Testicles Mar Corpses While Pete s whereabouts may be unclear, one thing is A News Article by The Christopher Taylor crystal clear. As other reality shows come and go, Penetration Island, with its mix of horrifying violence, hip techno soundtrack, and (let s not forget) penetration, its hold on the top slot PISCATAWAY—A pair of well-endowed rodents entered the Rutgers U. is tight. In fact, it s nearly as tight as the morgue, located near the Richardson Apartments on Busch Campus, last Thursday wounds in Cindy The Model s kidneys were evening and consumed the eyes of several of the recently deceased within. The rats, whose before being ripped apart by the detached distended and marvelously large genitalia challenge mammals fourteen times their size, claim to and rigor-mortised phallus of Murray during the have “had a case of the munchies,” and only settled upon the sight organs of the cadavers after riveting sweeps-week cliffhanger! having found Gerlanda’s closed. Look out all you pus-sucking mother fuckers out there, it’s time for you to win a chance to butt-ban your daugher’s tight virgin cherry ass!

Apologetic, the rodents offered portions of their gigantic overfilled scrotums as consolation for their crimes. The offering was accepted by the families of the “gaping socket” five, who proceeded to thank the now uni-balled four-leggers for their kind apology with a punching bag display.

om il.c a m The rats promised “never to feast upon the corpses of Rutgers students” hot (Mr. Bungle references aside, buy ad space @ s for at two weeks, or until the next “must attend” party at tu me or face the wrath of my kung -fu mastery.) Demarest Hall. o r P

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4/3/01, 2:08 AM

NEWS

Any asshole can see The Targum needs cash.

Wednesday, April 4th, 2001

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Area Homosexual Discovers He Also Has Leprosy

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Jean knew that people love babies and that everyone wants to have sex with virgins so… he combined the two thoughts with everyone's favorite fetish… necrophilia. "The only problem" commented Chrétien, "was that the babies were…well dead. That kind of inhibited them from performing fellatio for the customers who wanted it. Eventually our research and development team found a solution to this… All you had to do was jam a vacuum cleaner tube up the dead baby's lifeless anus. Flip the on switch and the suction raced through the body…." While most customers enjoyed the soft gums of this unique type of prostitute a few customers were unsatisfied. One trucker, Billy Thorp, told me that his favorite part of having sex with a prostitute comes after sex. He likes to hold them in his arms and fall asleep. When he wakes up Billy likes to kill these hookers…as most people do. "The problem with these babies is…they're already dead. I requested live babies but… the people at the company told me I was sick… bunch of ballwashing bastards I tell ya."

Local Crackhead Needs a Dollar Lack of Funding Seen as Key Factor in “Personal Brokeosity” By Martin Babitz, Asshole in Chief

NEW BRUNSWICK—Local resident, and wacked-out crackhead Cherise Jennings needs a dollar, spokesmen announced at a press conference in the Hyatt yesterday, wavering on a firm promise made earlier this week “never to ask again after this time.” “I know I have made several promises to you in the past,” said a wild-eyed Jennings, shifting her weight from foot to foot repeatedly, “but I never said nothin’ about an emergency. This, y’all, is that emergency. I needs a dollar.” Jennings followed that statement up with a brief rant about “fucked up shit” which for the most part was unintelligible to the audience. “My lack of a dollar has sent me into an extreme state of brokeosity.”

EDISON, NJ—Outspoken homosexual Warren Bertelsmann has one more thing to bitch about, said sources yesterday, as he discovered that he had been infected with leprosy. The disease, a degenerative condition resulting in general system rotting, was discovered during a particularly active ass ramming, when his cock came free from it’s base, and now, according to annoying computer dorks “are belong to us.” The cock, found lodged up partner Bert Warren’s rectum, was leaking a strange blue substance, which although not a symptom of leprosy, does in fact imply that Bertelsmann had been infected with “DeSarno’s Syndrome,” a bluish discharge resulting from unchecked masturbatory habits. While “DeSarno’s Syndrome” is not at this time linked with leprosy, RWJ Hospital officials have not ruled a definitive possiblility, and speaking from their new waste quarters in the former Melody Bar, stated that all residents should stop masturbating immediately. Also found in Bert Warren’s rectum near Bertelsmann’s cock were, two yardsticks, a loaf of bread, the Greatest Hits of Sha-Na-Na, a 60-watt light bulb, Fran Lawrence, various Madonna gel bracelets, shit, one Martha Stewart Living catalog, the remote to his television, a box of Franken-Berry cereal, Walter Matthau, Phish’s “Hoist,” and Demarest Hall.

When pressed about the possible causes of such “brokeosity,” Jennings stated that she was a very devout Baptist, and was forbidden to lie. That is why, she stated, that she could in all good conscience swear to the good Lord above that this would be the last time she would make such requests for additional funding, and that she would ell, fuck W ? s le c use the grant for bettering herself. “You want me ir c around in lk a w to d e e to swear on my babies’ lives? Fine I’ll swear, I’ll cles! Do you n and your cir u o y k c u swear right up to Jesus. 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In fact, I’ll pay you back. I’ll pay you 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 We g pm or 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 113 at 9:30 m 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 o o R back tomorra’. Wait, as a gesture of goodwill to., 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 tr C a12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 e m k s 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 a r o , ward y’all, I’ll leave my youngest here wit’chu so 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 to me 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 submit shit is 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 s to 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 s t n re a d d w 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 a u you know I’m serious when I say I’m gonna pay il o a If y 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 ver, the em to te ff a h 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 tu s w d r n o e n 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 s that shit back. 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 questio Do not 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 tmail.com. o h @ 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 ! s it tu t e n 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789 Prom l not pri dress! I wil d a n e d e [10 Minutes of uninterrupted gibberish] …‘cause y m ! m o .c il a I love my babies more than anything else in the hotm Prometus@ .. r. e b m e world. Yo’ Andre, bring baby Keisha up here.” m Re This arrest has brought up the dimly lit past of Jean Chrétien. Up until now, few knew that he was a mortician that was arrested for having sex with his "patients". Apparently he wanted to share his love of dead baby coitus with the world.

Ball #1 Ball # 3

Jennings then announced that after receiving the [A Penis Used to Be Here] dollar, she’d be “right back.”

5-N2-4-4-01.p65

4/3/01, 2:11 AM

EEEW

So filthy...

Wednesday, April 4th, 2001

Don’t Read This! or What Shit Really Tastes Like by Christopher Barron “This stupid fuck-head doesn’t know what the fuck he’s fucking talking about” is an utterance commonly made by people taking classes from graduate students and those who read The Targum’s Opinions section. However, many of these same people can be overheard bemoaning one of Dining Services’ latest debacles in Brower or Tillet by means of the tired and cliché observation, “This tastes like shit.” Is such hypocrisy lost on everyone but me? I certainly hope not. I suppose I’ve only contributed to the lack of awareness about this matter, as there have been a number of times where I’ve been in the presence of those who have chosen to voice their dissatisfaction with Brower’s Mexican Cantina, Orient Express, or Fecal Friday in this fashion. On those occasions, I failed to heed my righteous indignation and say, “I beg your pardon, sir! What, sir, is your frame of reference? Have you ever tasted so much as a turd in your pitiful life, sir? I think that you have not, and I therefore insist that you retract your scurrilous remark at once, sir!” I recognize that I am perhaps the only alarmed by this abhorrence, and am therefore going to shoulder the task of rectifying it singlehandedly. I understand that, to the majority of college students, intellectual honesty is far outweighed by the prospect of devouring feces; such is the recklessness of youth. Conversely, to expect that, when made aware of the error of their ways, members of the Rutgers community will forthwith abandon the practice of likening the taste of food to that of excrement would be truly naïve. Thus, I am going to do the next best thing, and attempt to educate my readers about the taste of feces, with a proficiency in translating the sensual into prose hitherto found only in writers such as Camus, Cather, and Conrad. Imagine, if you will, floating in a bath. The warm water touches your skin at every nerve, bringing about a pleasant, tingling numbness, while the scent of lavender rises up from the soapy bubbles to caress your nostrils with every breath. You are as weightless and carefree as a child in his mother’s womb. I carried out my research in such nearethereal bliss, with a few notable exceptions: -Instead of floating in a bath, I crouched in the poorly ventilated holding tank of a port-a-potty at Lilith Fair 1999, completely nude, except for a mask and a snorkel, both of which quickly became unusable. -Instead of warm water, I was in contact with a mixture of stale, rank feces; urine; feminine products reddened, browned, and bloated by menstrual flow; and my own vomit, with was spurting out of my retching body on an almost constant basis, and consisted mainly, in varying proportions, of aforementioned constituents of my environment that I’d inadvertently consumed. -My nostrils were not treated to the scent of lavender; they were instead titillated by the foul odor of farts forced from the boisterous rectums of butch concertgoers and unholy stench of the port-a-potty’s solid and liquid contents. They were also full of maggots and other parasites, which were attempting to infiltrate me through this and every other orifice. Such is the hell that was my laboratory. Situated thus, I was able to sample the waste of several individuals, necessarily anonymous. Here, for your consideration, are the results of my scientific labor. Subject 1: Female, aged 18-22, height 5’3, weight 195 pounds. Subject submitted 14 ounces of feces for testing. Sample Temperature: 84 degrees Fahrenheit. Feces tasted like Brower’s Oriental Blend Vegetables and Red Bliss Mashed Potatoes, and had the consistency of Brower’s Red Bliss Mashed Potatoes. Subject 2: Female, aged 23 (verified by tattoo on left buttock), height 6’1, weight 180 pounds. Subject submitted 12 ounces of feces for testing. Sample Temperature: 86.9 degrees Fahrenheit. Feces tasted not entirely unlike Brower’s BBQ Pork Ribette with a side of Brower’s Tuna Salad. Biting into it was like biting into an unbaked potato, and chewing it was difficult as it was riddled with small, hard pieces of bone. Subject 3: Female, aged 62, height 5’5, weight 145 pounds. Subject submitted approximately one gallon (128 ounces) of liquid feces for testing. Sample Temperature: 103 degrees Fahrenheit. This sample was unusually large, and was mostly liquid, with small clumps of partially digested food. From what I could discern, the liquid tasted like Brower’s Vegetarian Chili, and its bouquet was marked with smoky overtones, and a hint of berry. It had a robust middle and a strong finish. The solids tasted like whey and Brower’s Vegetarian Sausage. Subject 4: Female, aged 22, height 5’7, weight 160 pounds. Subject submitted a 5 ounce sample, but discovered me before I could perform any significant testing. I was forced to emerge from my station and flee from a crowd of militant feminists and concert cops. They chased me for about half a mile through several parking lots and into the event’s “Main Stage” area, where I found myself cornered between the stage and a crowd control wall. Throughout the chase, members of the angry mob had been exclaiming things like “castrate him,” “confiscate his penis,” and the like. I later learned that those among the mob who were members of the event staff had contacted audio/visual personnel via radio in an effort have these atrocities broadcast to the crowd at large via the large video screens and quadrophonic sound system they had set up. However, once the heat of the moment was lost and those in the mob got a chance to catch their breath, they decided that touching me was not for the best, as I was covered in excrement of every variety, and was bleeding profusely from several large lesions on my torso and scalp in which worms and flies had deposited large masses of eggs. Instead, at the urging of Sarah McLachlan, whose performance of “Angel” had been interrupted by the commotion (and who holds this against me to this day), I was pelted to near death by a barrage of broken bottles, rocks, and medical waste.

A Cartoon by Oleg Special Features: Artist’s Commentary, available exclusively on this, The Medium’s Special Edition DVD: originally derived from a russian joke about lenin and trotsky

Hey, ya fucker! Show up to tonight’s Medium meeting in room 113 of the Livingston Student Center and say aaaaah! Submit Features Articles as filthy, filthier, or less filthy than those featured this week to mgryan@eden.

6-GMG-4-4-01.p65

4/3/01, 3:37 AM

Wednesday, April 4th, 2001

FECES

Objectifying women is good!

Trachea Time by Ryan Beckman I was horny as hell and I couldn’t think of any place better to go than a sleazy dimly lit bar. After observing the scene for a few moments my hormones chose a target. She was a tall blond with beautiful brown eyes, an amazing rack and she was wearing a skirt that just barely covered the bottom of her ass. I couldn’t believe that nobody was paying any attention to this girl…I figured she must sound like a man…or maybe she was one. I took another look around the bar to see if there were any other single girls but all I saw were dirty, dirty whores. I decided to give the hot girl a chance. I bought a drink for myself and had one sent down to her as well. I saw the bartender give her the shot and point over to me. The woman picked up the drink, downed it, and slammed the shotglass back onto the bar. A moment later she started walking towards me. “Thanks for the drink buddy, but you didn’t have to buy me a drink to get me to come over here.” I stared back at her trying not to look at her breasts for too long but…it was difficult, they were even pointing at me. So finally after a few moments of agony I managed to ask, “So why did a beautiful girl like you come to a shithole like this?” Without hesitation she looked back at me and said, “To get laid.” The drink that was once in my hand took a trip to the floor, but on the way spilled its contents onto my bulging pants. “Looks like you need to get out of those” she said while giving me a seductive look. I threw some cash at the bartender for the broken glass, grabbed the girl’s hand and pulled her out of the bar. We practically ran back to my apartment. The second we were in the door she started disrobing. After peeking into a few rooms she discovered my bedroom and jumped onto the bed. I held back some of the excitement I was feeling and strolled into the room behind her. I lay down onto the bed beside her and she rolled on top of me immediately kissing my chest passionately as she tore open my shirt one button at a time. When my shirt was completely undone I threw it aside and watched her take off my belt and unzip my pants with her teeth. She pulled my pants down (luckily I’d taken my shoes and socks off while she was finding the bedroom) and began kissing me all over my body. Once she got back up to my face I rolled her onto her back and me onto her stomach… I kissed her and then let my tongue roam all over her beautiful bare body. I started working my way back up from her feet and took time to stop at each and every curve and crevice. I began to suck on her neck when I thought I saw something. I looked closer and what I originally thought was a beauty mark turned out to be a hole in her neck. “What the FUCK is that!?!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “What the fuck is what?” she asked as if it were common to have a gaping hole in the middle of your throat. “The fucking blowhole in the middle of your neck you stupid bitch, what the fuck is that?” “That? You didn’t notice that before? I had a tracheotomy a few months ago…CHRIST I was smoking from it…maybe if you’d peeled your eyes away from my tits you would’ve noticed.” We both lay next to each other uncomfortable for a few minutes when she said… “Look we both need to get laid, we’re both naked, let’s just finish this.” What could I say, her reasoning made sense to me…. So we began to fool around again, but this time…something weird happened. It looked like she was about to go down on me when I asked her if that extra orifice could come in handy. She looked up at me and smiled, suddenly my dick disappeared into her neck. It was the strangest thing I’ve ever felt. Pretty soon her face started to turn blue and while she says she passed out, I think she just fell asleep. So I rolled her onto her back and began pumping away at her neck. Once I finished I withdrew from her and took a nap. When I woke up I saw the woman’s angry face looking at me. “Why the hell didn’t you stop?” she screamed. “Well I mean… you didn’t have to, it was just a suggestion….” She looked at me and asked why I didn’t stop when she passed out. “I thought you were trying to... rest your eyes and enjoy it, besides you were wet, I figured you were into it.” “I was wet”, she yelled, “because the mucus and saliva act as a natural lubricant but that ‘neck hole’ is the only way I can breath now….” “What can I say, I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy it baby but…I did and that’s what I care about so you can get your clothes and leave, I’m going back to sleep.” She gave me a pissed off look and started to put her clothes back on to leave. I began to feel really bad for her so I said, “Look honey, I’m sorry about that …I probably should’ve pulled out….” “So I wouldn’t be choking?” she asked. “No, because I have syphilis and…if the neck hole doesn’t stop a guy that will.” “That’s ok sweety,” she said candidly, “I have gonorrhea of the neck so enjoy that tasty treat.”

FUCK HOLE

In honor of Darryl Strawberry’s escape from a Florida rehabilitation center, The Medium proudly presents this offensive maze.

HE S NOT WITH BETTY FORD.

HELP DOC GOODEN FIND DARRYL STRAWBERRY BEFORE THE COLON CANCER FINISHES THE JOB.

AT HIS DEALER S.

HE S NOT AT HIS

BASTARD SON S HOUSE.

HE S NOT EVADING

HE S NOT DOING LINES

INCOME TAXES

FUCKING A PROSTITUTE.

HE S NOT PURCHASING FIREARMS.

AGAIN.

HE S NOT VISITING HIS LEGITIMATE SON OR HIS PISTOL-WHIPPED EXWIFE.

OH. HE S PLAYING SOFTBALL, CHIEF.

HE S NOT 7-Feat-4-4-01.p65

HE S NOT IN REHAB.

4/3/01, 3:40 AM

YOU HELPED TO SAVE THE STRAW! CONGRATULATIONS.

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123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 by John Minus 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 What is the best part of sex? The foreplay? 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 No. Afterglow? No. All the stuff in between? 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Maybe…no. (My strap-on cock in your ass? -Arts) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 The best part of sex, is when you’re about to come, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 and you whip out your tool and spray a glittering arc 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 of pre-babies across your adoring girlfriend’s face. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Yes folks, the cumshot is the best part of sex. If 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 you’ve ever seen any porn, you would have already 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 known that (If you would stop watching porn, maybe 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 you could meet a girl instead of beating your meat 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Glaze me like a 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 —Arts). Who does not live for that moment when 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 donut, big boy. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 some big fat hairy sweaty guy shoves his dick in some 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 whore’s face and proceeds to glaze her like a donut (Enough about your 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 family life—Arts). And, what woman does not like to have a pressurized 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 stream of semen directed at her on a regular basis? (Lesbians and veg123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 etarians — Arts) None of them that’s who. There’s a problem though; 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 these porn stars seem to have fire hoses implanted in their penises. They 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 can knock a fly off a wall at 40 paces with their jizz streams. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 The first thing you have to know is that some of that is just special 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 effects. Industrial Light and Magic is involved with 60% of 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 the cumshots you see in pornos today (They also use 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 special effects to make the 2-foot cocks and chicks with 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 dicks you all seem to enjoy —Arts). So, you ask, how 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 am I to perform porn quality money shots without $1 mil123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 lion in C.G.I.? Lucky for you, you have me. The first thing 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 you have to learn is patience. Yes, I know most of you 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 guys out there are into the “fuck and 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 fly” school of making love, but you’re 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 gonna have to simma down na if you 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 want to actually please your woman. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Even the elderly Here’s the key, it all depends on how 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 can appreciate long you can keep it up. The longer 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 a good pearl you have an erection, the more ba123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 necklace 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 bies you’ll be slinging around when 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 you finally do let go. It’s like charg123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 ing up your power level in Dragonball, the longer you I love cum 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 do it, the more powerful the blast (actually, if you didn’t 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 masturbate to anime chicks everyday, you’d have some sperm left to shoot 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 —Arts) . So, First things first, go down on her…for a long time (Read: at 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 least an hour —Arts). I don’t know about you, but seeing a girl writhing and 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 moaning certainly does wonders for me (Me too —Arts).. That’s a lot of 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 valuable build up time. Then, as she should now be grateful and pliant, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 have her polish your tool for all she’s worth. This will further build up the 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 load. But once again, don’t let it go just yet…Stall. You’ll notice that in 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 porns the guys usually don’t stay in any 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 position for too long. This is the secret, if 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 you stay in one position for too long there’s 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 no way you’re going to hold on for too long. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Diversity is the secret. If you can keep that 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 stiffy long enough, when you finally do blast 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 off it’ll be a load worthy of Ron Jeremy. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 You’ll spray the room down like a fire extin123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 guisher. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 Now, the classy part, the pearl necklace. 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 When you’re ready to let those shots fly, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 sit on the girl’s chest and liberally apply the 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 gooey stuff in a ring around her neck in 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 small dabs. And there, she has her pearl 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 necklace. Never let her say you never gave 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 MMm, just the thought of a 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 her anything. ( besides herpes —Arts) 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 pressurized stream of semen 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 makes me thirsty .. for thick and 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 creamy cum! 1234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789

ARTS

THE HETERO QORNER OF THE MEDIUM

! y t r a P n life is o y r Embyou think htuhminak human

Submit to hardcandy@wildmail.com

8-Arts-4-4-01.p65

Answers to Embryo Party: 1) zebrafish 2) human 3) rat 4) mouse 5) human 6) chicken

ou Do tion? y p e o c n co den d? D sacre begins at the hid ies d b life to fin these ba y r t Then s before rted! n o huma get ab

Learn the fine art of RIM JOBS at the Medium meeting tonite 9:30 pm LSC Rm 113 Because you can never lick enough ass

4/3/01, 12:50 AM

uoy ssa enif ym kciL eht ta SEVALS KCOC lacef muideM GNOL ni 03.9 sdneif uoy sdniheB 311 maR kcuf reven nac sttub hguone

Wednesday, April 4th, 2001 To whom this may concern, This new medium, from the week of march 28th, fucking sux. I hope this is just a cruel joke on your loyal readers, and if not than the people of the medium are a bunch pussies to afraid to write whatever they want. Since when have morals been an issue of concern in the past. Not to be saccharine, but I miss the vulgarity and all out humor of your past issues. Please, for the sake of the student body who loves to read your paper, revert back to your old style of writing. Thanks, Medium Reader (Speaking of pussies I can’t believe how wet your mother got when i simultaneously jammed my fist up her pussy and gave her oral pleasure in the ass) Hi, I am an ape like 275 pound hairy nut-sack. I am looking for a cute red head female or male, doesn't matter. Some of my positive features are: I was recently drafted for touch my twat football tournament. I was chosen in the 1st round, #12 overall. I smell like a mixture between dog crap and semen. The women say it turns them on!! If you are a girl, I'm looking for someone that has a skin disorder, the last girl I knew had a sexy one.

Love is a dog from hell, and so is your mom.

the new medium SLURPS COCKER SPANIEL MILK so bad i want to shove my OCSAR MEYER up your STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKES. if you guys don't stop PUSHING CHUNKS out of your WIND TUNNEL and calling it a paper, i'm going to come over and PUNCH some DONKEY MEAT. later, PUSSYwillows. (Ohhh I love it when you talk dirty to me like that, it makes we want to stick an iron rod up your ass as I pour hot iron down the tube) hey damian, the tall, lanky guy with glasses and big hair: you're quite the sexy bitch. (So I’m not the only one who gets wet thinking about fucking the devil) To those two minorities at the college ave. computer lab on monday night - why the fuck must you flap your uneducated cock-tasting toothless traps incessently. Shut the fuck up!! No one wants to hear about your computer programming bullshit. Get a fucking life you dirty allah-praising morons! The only time I don’t feel like taking a razor to my wrists is when i’m fucking piss-drunk which is why I need to go to the bar really really soon.

This is to that cocksucking small dicked piece of shit named EJ that lives in the Livingston Quads. You are nothing but an asshole who should be drug into the middle of the street and shot. I hate you. What the hell kind of name is EJ anyway? Were you raised in hills of Kentucky? I hope that you had a good time fucking your sister while you lived out there. We don't do that here in civil society though, so get your cock out of her mouth. I hope that you like living your life sitting on your front porch drinking Jack Daniels with a shot gun in your hand while masturbating about a life that you will never have, cause that (You just favor your 7-year old is what you will be doing when cousin cause she puts out more) you get kicked out of here. I hope you have a long life of To that computer geek you make misery and burn in hell you dirty me so hard, is it true that you son of a bitch. just another girl shot loads all over your dead uncle’s face while he was sleep- (Admit it - you are just pissed ing while looking at pictures of off because he used you like a your parents shitting on one an- hemophiliac uses up cartons of other. At least have the cour- maxi pads) tesy to not get that shit in his ripe-young daughter’s snatch. Fill Me Up, Literally To the middle-aged woman in Saturday morning Human Evolution: Sweet fucking Christ, what the bloody fuck is wrong with you? My 7 year-old cousin has more sense than you do. Stop making stupid jokes, stop asking stupid questions, and yes, we do have to watch the monkeys fuck each other. How am I supposed to sleep through class with you flapping your goddamn piehole? Go into the bathroom and suck off that guy with the moustache that you always hit on. Give up college, you're about 30 years too late you fucking menopausal dolt, nooch.

9-P1-4-4-01.p65

Looking for a new club to join. Or do you want to say that at your time at Rutgers you belonged to some organization and did something other than just go to class. Then this is it. The Porn and Pizza club will hold its first general meeting Wednesday April 4 in South Tower on Livingston Campus in the 8th floor study lounge at 9 pm. All are welcome. Come and be a member of yet another of countless senseless organizations here at Rutgers. This is to the cute black guy who lives in house 11 on the ground floor who plays his music really fuckin loud.. i no u have a girl friend and basically i really do not care i see u around campus with a whole bunch of girls i ahve no idea which on eis ya girl but she is compition for me.. i will give u what u want and need sexually ..ANYTHING.. i am DA FREAK DAT YA NEED!!! o and if ya boy from the towers wnat it he can get it too.. (By anything she means you can pluck her pubic hair manually one by one and then give her a nice salt bath) He was an apple; his name was an odor. Until he discovered the envelope and peeked underneath it, everything was alright. Green like the grass in july, the apple worked diligently and became a very important pepperoni. However, everything started going downhill from there. Eight percent of the time, something he anticipated caught his sister by surprise. Since that, my friend, was a swedish tube top with anti-lock brakes. FOR PRESIDENT!! (He was a crack-baby; he suffered from erectile dysfunction due to the fact that his mother stuck needles into her womb to get high and accidentally punctured his still-forming penis)

This goes to that really ugly kid I know as Me-Myself-and-I in my Physics class. Please do us all a favor and don't ever show up to Physics class again. There's no need for us to look at something so nasty while we're trying to study. Boy, you are so lanky looking that it just makes a girl like me sick. Don't try to hide your nasty looking self behind the clothes that you wear. Don't try walking around like you think your the shit either. It's just so sad how you prove that there are actually some really ugly people in this world. I suggest a paper bag. (What she means is she wants you to use a paper bag instead of a condom that way the two of you can have some coathanger fun when she gets pregnant) To the quiet cutie with the baby blue eyes in our TTh5 math class My roommate and I always try to talk to you but you never talk back - so stop being so shy! We like you so much that we named our cricket after you... talk to us.. we don't bite (unless you want us to) (Of course he wants you to bite, all men do, they especially like you to gnaw on the end of their dicks - don’t let their screams fool you, it means they want you to bite harder) To my roomate who never flushes the toilet after she takes a shit - hope you are enjoying your shampoo cause my boyfriend and i left you a little present in your Pert Plus the last time we had sex in the shower, bet it lathers real well...

PERSONALS HORNY TONIGHT....GET OFF NOW!! IF YOU ARE HORNY FULFILL ALL YOUR DESIRES NOW!! CLICK HERE RIGHT NOW TO BECOME A PART OF THE ACTION!! WE GUARANTEE WHEN YOU LEAVE YOU WILL BE TOTALLY SATISFIED THAT IS IF YOU LEAVE AT ALL!! CLICK HERE IMMEDIATELY AND GET OFF NOW!! (www.ram-a-goat-up-the-ass until-he-spouts-blood .com) This goes out to the TKE brothers that live in Mattia (plus gbarb) You guys are the sexiest, hottest guys that I know. WE ALL LOVE YOU. To all those ass cracks that keep writing shit about them and keep smoking freebase crack-cocaine, SHUT THE FUCK UP! You guys are all just gay butt pirates with nothing better to do but insult those hotties. You wish you could be them. Plus, Kappa Sig, WE LOVE U TOO!!!!!!! (Poor disallusioned freshman you seem to think there is a difference between ‘gay butt pirates’ and frat boys; bet your mommy still sews your name into your underwear right before your dad sniffs it) this goes out to that fine ass guy who lives in quad 3 room 3.14 the short little one..one day i saw you play intermurals basketball and every since then i knew that i HAD to have you.. i are beyond fine and ya lips tingle my spine..i wnat you fuck your girl.. better yet come fuck me please!! i will do u right in all places adn asspects

Submit Personals to Feces and Fetus at Beckpeople@hotmail.com

to the sucky sikhi evening B bus driver. Why do you have to make a 10 minute break at every student center you pass? i know a 6 minute drive IS deathdefying and all, and you DO need the 10 minutes to meditate, but WE have places to go. please mail yourself back to Abu Dhabi. Oh yeah, i hear that starting next monday, they are adding an evening B bus stop, at the little dirt patch in middle of the raritan. just take a right off the bridge... and take your UN of Bus drivers with you.

4/3/01, 12:29 AM

PERSONALS Someone help me please......there are three words in the english language that end in G-R-Y. Hungry....Angry........what is the third......PLEASE HELP ME. (What are you stupid? the answer is obviously “flyingmonkeyrapingshiteatingcockmonger bitchgry) to whom it may concern: oatmeal is NOT a breakfast cereal. in fact, can you really consider it a cereal at all? i mean, it doesn't have any of the vitamins, minerals, glucose, fructose, and partially hydrogenated soybean pig hoove eggplant nancy carageenan oil that normal breakfast cereals, like count chocula, has? and is it really a part of this complete breakfast? I don't think so. It's mushy, yeah, but so's your mom's rack. mushy and droopy, like melted bananas stuck up the ass of a chimpanzee. oh, and speaking of chimpanzees, why don't you go back to the set of "small wonder" from whence you came, you cock gurgling flapjack ass wiping eye patched peice of dirty cum tissue. "The Don" has spoken. Please direct all inquiries to "The Don". fuck shit bitch, suck some dick...

It s the contemplation of an autistication proclamation. To the dirty terrorist bitch I want to cum in the eyes of your lifeless head Shut the fuck up. Everybody on this floor disrespects your dumb fucking ass so shut the fuck up before i make you kiss my moist anus after i ram it like with your rock hard cock. Noone wants to look at your kiddy porn except for me because i am the only sensible person alive. You said i have gay sex? The only gay sex i had was with your dad who raped me after i fucked your sister. Well that wasn’t the only time but it was my favorite. you and all your buddies keep on butt fucking and shut your dirty cum infested, herpes ridden asses up. (It’s always nice to hear that the crusty shit on someone’s anus has been jackhammered away by a friend’s father’s erect phallus) ryan, the first time we fucked with that spatula wasn't enough, this time i want you strapped to the bed and handcuffed so i can lick every square inch of you then the baby goat will take his turn and then i'll drizzle chocolate syrup all over your hairless ass and slurp it off while the goats takes you from behind <kiss> (This is my favorite personal... i love you spatula girl)

Get Herpes at a Medium Meeting...

personal from jeff: i think that the personals section is funny

i used to think people at rutgers sucked...now i know they do..

(Dont’ make fun of me you worthless piece of dried cocksweat)

(Yeah, especially those whores that go to frats every week... because they suck cock...hehehe i’m so smart)

my personal better go in there, you homo queer or i'll shove something pointy, like a roll of paper towels, really far up your nose and it will come out of your ass. don't you forget it. i've had to deal with you freaks before, and i'll do it again.

Personals were weak:

Fuck all this shit, bitch. I’m sick of all this there are 2 people with my name at rutgers” bullshit. First the housing fucked it up and now the targum, well fuck this shit motherfuckers. I am a fucking rutgers college student. Just because I write for the medium doesn’t mean that I fuck sheep... well maybe it does but FUCK YOU targum, I am not a cook student.

-the real Ryan Beckman (because the other one is fictitious) here’s my heart, just take it... i don’t need it anymore. his brain is the brain of a plant...fuck chocolate cock and lick the jean lint off my balls...FUCK BITCH ASS (I won’t take your heart but i’ll take your big meaty cock between my ass cheeks) don’t bite me, ryan - jeff (First it’s “i want it rough” and now it’s “don’t bite me” FUCK YOU)

Any and every Wednesday at 9:30 in room 113 at the Livingston Student Center 10-P2-4-4-01.p65

Wednesday, April 4th, 2001

to my masterbation muse...i most often think of you when i am lonely at night wishing you could be on top of my cock just impaling your body onto my rockhard cock...i’ll give you the spatula treatment woman and then i’ll watch you fuck yourself with a rolling pin (If i had a dollar for everytime i had that fantasy...i’d be able to buy a hooker and act it out)

You Bitch, You are killing my soul. You are sucking my will to live, except you are ten thousand times worse than the flobie. I wonder often about your sanity and I'm not kidding. Medication is needed. Maybe it's a thyroid problem. At times I am sure that you are the most horrible person that was ever created. By Satan. Good luck not getting shot by some scrawy white boy who knows what's up. to that stupid fucking cunt who is ruining my life... fuck you. I put up with your shit and i’m through with it. No more, there are plent of fine hoes to appreciate me, fuck you... i started dating you to fuck you, thanks for letting me...to bad i got caught up with some emotion, but don’t worry you dumb fucking whore...that’s gone now. (Wait, i didn’t know there was a reason to be in a relationship other than sex...) This is for all those homos in LSU... Lamda Sigma whatever the fuck it is. You walk around Livingston with your gay ass baby blue colors thinking you niggas look good or something. Sorry to break it to you but your all fucking cum drinking bitches Fucking DORKS. I know i’m not the only one who thinks you should be banned from the human race. So stop playing yourself cause none of you...NONE OF YOU are cool..By the way I like little boys to play with my anal hair Fucking soft-ass muthafucka. Shame to all the greeks...HOLLA (I can be a little boy) mike, you are a terrible fucking crack dealer... i’ll suck your sweaty smegma covered cock any day, but where is my crack.... I enjoyed pulling the bags of it from your lose man ass and then pounding it back in until you bled Petey may not ingest any chemicals (True, but he can ingest all the fecal matter his cute boy ass can handle)

4/3/01, 12:24 AM

TO THAT SON OF A BITCH ELIAS FROM COOK. ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS, YOU A FUCKING PUNK FOR LEAVING YOUR GIRL. SHE WAS THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TOYOU, YOU FUCKING DICK SUCKER. WELL IT'S ALL GOOD BECAUSE NOW I GET TO PUT MY BIG LONG DICK IN HER NICE WET PUSSY AND SHE WILL BE SCREAMING MY NAME AND NOT YOURS YOU SORRY ASS CUBAN. YOU KNOW WHO I AM, I AM THE ONE WHO ALWAYS LISTENS TO HER PROBLEMS YOU DUMB FUCK. SO STEP OUT OF THE WAY BECAUSE I WILL SHOW HER WHAT A REAL FUCKING MAN IS ALL ABOUT. For all those people who actually were stupid enough to defend Loudmouth Larry....... GET YOUR FUCKIN' HEADS OUT OF YOUR FUCKIN' ASSES!!!!We all know that he looks like a rat, but to call him ratface is just too damn funny, and by doing so you are actually complimenting him (even though he really looks like a hairy caveman with an annoyingly deafening voice) If he was a superhero (which he is far from being), they would be calling him GAYZILLA. We all know that he is really gay, even though he doesn't want to admit it. He was kicked in the balls numerous times during his childhood, which explains his voice. So to reiterate, GET YOUR MOTHER-FUCKIN' HEADS OUT OF YOUR DIRTY LITTLE ASSHOLES, BECAUSE LOUDMOUTH LARRY IS GAY AND HAS NO FRIENDS SINCE HE SCARES THEM ALL AWAY WHENEVER HE SPEAKS!!! (His voice may be deafening but when he hums while blowing you... god what a sensation.) LIVE SEX SHOWS SEE THEM NOW!! IF YOU ARE HORNY FULFILL ALL YOUR DESIRES NOW!! CLICK HERE RIGHT NOW TO BECOME A PART OF THE ACTION!! WE GUARANTEE WHEN YOU LEAVE YOU WILL BE TOTALLY SATISFIED THAT IS IF YOU LEAVE AT ALL!! CLICK HERE IMMEDIATELY AND GET OFF NOW!!

PERSONALS Submit your shit. Send some fucking personals to Beckpeople@hotmail.com Submit your shit. Send some fucking personals to Beckpeople@hotmail.com Submit your shit. Send some fucking personals to Beckpeople@hotmail.com Wednesday, April 4th, 2001

yo i juss wanted to tell that sexy ass honey suckle browned skinned cutie that live in house 11, i think you are sooooo sexy and i wouldn't mind being whateva ever you wanted me to be, i undastand word is going around that you a playa and don't treat girls with respect and wouldn't be good for me but i don't care....i juss want you and i know where you live but i'm juss scared to approach you because i juss don't know what to say and when i do know what to say to say to you, you always have girls or ya boys around you...i would be grateful if you gave me the chance to braid ya hair...you undastand juss to have ya head between my legs....OOOHHHHH MY GOD!!!!! and ya lipz.....DAMN BOY CAN IT BE ANY MORE JUICY...oh yea i will keep my clit wet for ya...and tell ya ignorant ass boyz they need to keep their hands and mouth to themselves...holla cutie.. i'll find you (I don’t agree... tell the assboys to keep their hands and mouths on each other) This is a message from your little friend. I am sick of living with you. I am ashamed to be seen with you. Why do you think I shrivel up in the men's room, I don't want to be seen by any of my friends. You watch Alley McBeal. You watch Dark Angel to see that 13 year old in tights. I can't really makeany excuses for that. I feel so low. And use some lotion please, I am all raw. I am glad that Donkey Kong beats the snot out of you repeatedly. Don't you think that it's a problem that you cry whenever you touch me. I can't wait till you find a woman (sorry, I can't say that with a straight face) anyway, should hell ever freeze over, I am going impotent on your pathetic butt. Payback is a bitch. HA HA! (Thirteen year olds are hot)

POOP, poopy poop poop poop. I ve had it with this heckhole.

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Too many maggots covering your vagina?

Come to a medium meeting and let us take some pictures.

I'm just your asshole, bitch of a girlfriend who could care less about you and doesn't call on purpose just to spite you, and doesn't love you anymore, and doesn't care about our relationship, and is pretty much just all all around bitch. I'm going to go now, bye. OH...by the way, I'm buying Prom tix tomorrow. (Nothing brings a smile to my face like a happy couple... I’m glad i’m not that guy...shit) To those fake ass gangstazthat be running around livingston campus thinking they hotboyz betta calm they lil asses down before they get fucked up but otha than that me and my girlz think we can take yall...ya man enough...FRESHMEN...i know one of all live in the towers, da otha one live in quad 1 and da last 2 live quad 3....man i hear yall talk mad shit bout fucking girls if yall bout it... approach us na mean...yall prolly still wet behind yall ears and shit. yo yea keep working on that silly hand shake yall look so cute. (It’s not a handshake if the person has their hand down their father’s pants stroking his lovely aged cock)

to the dumb fucking numbnut who blames "ratboy" for loudmouth larry (in the online medium personals) was obviously taking a whizz when they were passing out brains. here is a tip for you. stop inhaling glue fumes, as you need to conserve what little brain you have. by the way, RU parking sucks big amounts of goat scrotum. 15000 unavailable parking spaces because every worthless fucking bureaucrat gets a parking space while students get anally raped with a 2 by 4. i'm sorry, but there not that many fucking resident conseulors out there. ooh, i love driving around in a circle in 99a for a half-hour in the rain with my thumb up my ass, while the housing staff (who still haven't repaired the fucking hole in my apartment floor) get a trillion spaces. damn shit piss hell cunt. also, there are too many fucking GG buses. if i need to go to hell, i'll get there on my own. i know this personal will be edited, but whatever. you're on razor thin ice. go fuck a goat. (The only thing better than sex with a goat... sex with 2 goats... when one is dead.... i’m sorry i’ll be in the bathroom)

To BSG of the Caellian - nobody gives a shit about your pathetic life!!! Your column sucks, to say the least! Nobody likes your dirty-ass, you whore. Try taking a real shower once in a while, cause standing in the rain or jumping into the pool doesn't count as bathing. But all the bathing in the galaxy wouldn't get rid of all the STD's you have, nor would it get rid of your rotting fish odor that your body emanates. You are ugly as hell you fat skanky hoe. And stop pretendingthat you have a boyfriend, cause we all know you couldn't get a boyfriend for all the gold in Fort Knox, you bitchy slut. You're so ugly, you even fuck up giving blowjobs, so stop pretending you're the Blowjob Queen, cause you're not even close to being the royalty that you think you are. So stop you're all big and shit, cause the only thing that makes you big is all the fat that has accumulated on your body! Love, your illusory boyfriend Bryan (If you havn’t been able to bathe for a while, try applying some vaginal fluid to various parts of your body... this is quite similar to a “mexican shower”)

Submit your shit. Send some fucking personals to Beckpeople@hotmail.com Submit your shit. Send some fucking personals to Beckpeople@hotmail.com Submit your shit. Send some fucking personals to Beckpeople@hotmail.com

11-P3-4-4-01.p65

4/3/01, 12:27 AM

This message goes out to the fat tub of lard Andrew. I hope you realize that you are an annoying, fat animal. Your glamorous life consistsof sitting on your massive ass, playing loud games, and listening to your gay music. blah blah Or, even better yet, pay a visit to the gym -GOD KNOWS YOU NEED TO THAT! Also, try closing your door every once in a while because everytime I pass your room and look at your face, I wind up going to the bathroom and vomiting. You are a worthless person that will amount to nothing. Dog doo has way more significance than your pathetic life. (Fat people have feelings too asshole, it’s just that their feelings usually focus on hunger) TO THAT GIRL FROM COOK GLORY. YOU SHOULD TAKE YOU LILBIT ASS AND STAY OUT OF ELIAS'S PANTS BECAUSE IF I FIND OUT YOU FUCKING HIM I AM GOING TO FUCK YOU UP. YOU FUCKING HOE, DON'T PLAY THE LITTLE GIRL ACT IT'S NOT WORKING. YOUR NASTY ASS BETTER STOP FUCKING ALL THOSE GUYS AND TELL HIM THE TRUTH . SO YOU TAKE YOUR FUCKING NASTY ASS OUT OF MY FUTURE MANS LIFE BEFORE I TAKE YOU OUT. AIGHT. this is for those two boys from jamaica that hangs around that cutie wit the braids....yall are so sexy and i know yall live in house 34 but i don't know what room...me and my friend wants to fuck yall so bad you don't understand boo...i think i'm juss come up to you and hand u my panties juss so u know i'm serious.....and maybe while we doing us u and ya roommate can switch and share us...and afta that tell ya boy to holla..u kno the one wit the braid...we'll be waiting...but yo if u see me staring at ya juss come up holla..see you around boo and don't have me waiting (They said fuck off, but if you’re down for a little three way action i live in david....)

What s Shakin

Wednesday, April 4th, 2001

“I can’t stop thinking about the omelette I had last night.”

Oh, why can’t I get involved?

Movies 4/6-4/8 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon @ 7:00 Scott-123 $5 4/6 The Family Man @ 8:00 RSC-MPR $3 4/7 The Family Man @ 8:00 BCC-MPR $3

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4/8 Voorhees Choir Concert @ the Voorhees Chapel on Douglass campus, Performances @ 2:00 & 8:00 Go see my roommate, she ll be the one kicking me in the face!

Local Scene 4/5 Blonde Redhead Rutgers Student Center 4/6 Stept On Packee s Pub 4/7 Rock Kandy Birch Hill 4/7 Black Dog Packee s Pub 4/8 Bryan Adams State Theatre

Do you love your dog? I mean really love your dog. Come to a Medium Meeting! Wednesdays @ 9:30 p.m. LSC-Room 113 Just follow the trail of midgets!

As always it is my pleasure to bring you the best in pedophilia as well as bestiality. Don t worry about the Medium. We would never do anything as silly as make the paper suitable for family members to read. Actually, if any family members read the paper this week they may vomit and masturbate simultaneously. I have less than two months left in New Brunswick. Drop me an e-mail we can have lunch or sex. Send events and sexual requests to stubby103@hotmail.com.

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12-WS-4-4-01.p65

4/2/01, 11:29 PM