THE
MEDIUM The Entertainment Weekly of April Snow Showers
Volume XXXIV, Number 20
www.themedium.net
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
One of these things is not like the other, One of these things doesn't belong, Can you tell which one is not like the other, Before you finish this song?
Above is one-hit-wonder Snow on stage singing with a young female fan. Snow’s hit “Informer” has been forgotted by many. He is promoting his most recent CD, “Two Hands Clapping” which was exactly what was heard during his concerts. Snow paid the North-Eastern United States an unexpected visit Monday.
On March 31st, New York Yankee Shortstop Derek Jeter injured his shoulder while sliding into third base headfirst. Jeter, an in the closet homosexual will miss a month or so of games, while missing his teammates’ support even more.
Pop sensation Avril Lavigne was arrested for marijuana and ecstasy possession late Monday night. She was stopped at an airport in California and her bags were searched when drug dogs’ attention was caught when she walked by. She is currently out on $15,000 bail and will not likely see any punishment, but sadly a drop in popularity and record sales.
SARS or Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome is still a mystery to many scientists. It has been responsible for now over one hundred deaths. There are currently over one hundred suspected cases of SARS in the United States. The World Health Organization plans to prevent the further spread of this mystery disease.
Be sure to e-mail in responces or come to this weeks meeting for a prize for correctly guessing the connection between the pictures that belong together. Coming Next Week - The Future of Rutgers!
EDITORIALS
“Nineteen years is not too far off for an estimate...”
Wednesday April 9 th, 2003
WAR IS PEACE FREEDOM IS SLAVERY IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
Peter Arnett Pays the Pied Piper of Propaganda - Ned Berke
This past week Big Media has flung yet another vicious affront to the fine institute and profession that journalism once was. The firing of Peter Arnett from NBC and National Geographic sent a chilling message to American journalists saying you’re either with us, in which case your on yours knees taking all the White House and government has to offer, or you’re against us, in which case you better start looking for a job overseas. Peter Arnett was not fired for irresponsible biased reporting as some will have you believe. Peter Arnett was not fired for giving away “sensitive information”. He was not fired for lying or slandering or spreading messages of hate. Instead he was fired because he did his job. Until this week Arnett was one of the most reputable journalists in Iraq. He was fired because he refused to choose sides and instead offered up what he saw as the Truth to anyone who asked to hear it. Big Media will have you think differently. Arnett’s comment to the Iraqi state run news agency was simple: the Coalition forces had underestimated the Iraqi military and was therefore faced with a tougher battle than expected. Arnett made no anti-American slurs. However in an appearance on Fox News, Jim Pinkerton of Newsday called Arnett a producer of “scurrilous anti-American reports.” He attacked him for having in the past reporting on Americans using nerve gas – a violation of the Geneva Convention – and claims his appearance displays his “picking sides”. I hate to break it to you, Mr. Pinkerton, but America is not above international law, although it often acts on that assumption. It is not anti-American to report America’s violations of international treatise but rather a necessity for the well being of the international community. The failure by the U.S. to follow international laws has severely undermined the ability of an international to operate, not to mention America’s credibility in that community. Arnett’s granting a single interview to a foreign news agency cannot support the allegations that he was “picking sides”. It is much closer to unbiased and impartial reporting. He did, after all, report with equal impartiality the execution of the hyperbolically named ‘shock and awe’ campaign. Arnett was treating the situation fairly, showing no allegiance to anyone but the Truth. He was a true reporter indeed. NBC president Neal Shapiro was quoted saying, “It was wrong for Mr. Arnett to grant an interview to state-controlled Iraqi TV – especially in a time of war – and it was wrong for him to discuss his personal observations and opinions in that interview.” Excuse me? Wrong to discuss his personal observations and opinions? He’s a reporter! A reporter lives off of his ability to observe; mind you, Arnett is a veteran war correspondent and was the only Western journalist permitted in Iraq (for his impartiality) during the Gulf War. It was his extensive observations and seasoned opinions at work in Iraq that in 1991 made CNN the news giant it is today. So now, when it goes against what Big Media and the government wants to hear, it is inappropriate to vocalize even the blatantly obvious. Those who step out of line get the axe. “If ever there was a poster boy for bias” says Robert Lichter of the Center for Media and Public Affairs, “it is now Peter Arnett.” Got that? If you fail to embrace Daddy Government’s view of things you are biased, so make sure to repeat what he says like good ol’ Fox News does, and why not just give him a fucking hand job while you’re at it? Not the entire mainstream media attacked Arnett. Slate ( MSNBC’s online magazine - the same NBC that fired Arnett) reporter Jack Shafer, although he doesn’t like Arnett, convincingly defends his right to report; Schafer hits the nail right on the head: “Should Arnett – or any reporter working for a U.S. news concern – be automatically fired for speaking to the state-run media of a nation the U.S. is trading bullets and bombs with? No. A reporter should be free to talk to anybody he wants to talk to, from Satan to Santa Claus, in pursuit of a story.” Amen. It is an increasing trend that any person or organization willing to question the government has to face, and bow down before, attacks to their patriotism and support for their country. Even the massive protests that have received minimal attention from the blind eyes of Big Media have
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Editorial F.F.F. Fuck News Fuck Features Fuck Arts
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Cover by: Michael Stanley
Fuck Fucking Personal What’s Fucking Shaking.
THE
MEDIUM
CONTENTS
Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor Faculty Advisor
Ryan Beckman Jim Cortina Michael Stanley Benjamin Schachtman Jim Cortina Daniel Migliore Aija McKenzie Jeff Buechner
Personals Editors Cameron R.V. Heines Bryan McKenna Photographer Elizabeth Finelli What’s Shakin’ Editor Amy Groark Online Editor Michael Wyzard Advertising Manager Ned Berke Staff Artist Michael Stanley? Senior Editor Amy Groark
THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is noon, Sunday. The office of THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC - Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903. Send e-love to Ryan Beck@Eden.Rutgers.Edu. More snow for your fine ass. That’s right, snow-love girl.
Wednesday April 9 th, 2003
If there was a problem, Yo, I’ll solve it… By: Michael Stanley
“Dink Boobies.”
FREEDOM FACTS
My First Medium Meeting By Corey Klein
Hello reader, you may not know me that well, but I’m the Business Manager of The Medium. You might ask, “Isn’t the Editorial Box done by the Editor-in-Chief”, why yes it is but I’ve got an explanation. Currently The Daily Targum has kidnapped Ryan Beckman our Editor-in-Chief. We’re currently in the beginning stages of bargaining to regaining him. He was taken into their custody while wondering by the Rutgers Student Center this past Friday, April 4th at about 8:15pm. The staff of The Medium, immediately came to action with a plan to break into the Targum’s office and steal Ryan back, however we were thwarted by an unforeseen security system that was too complicated to bypass. We will get our Editor-in-Chief back, and we will use any means necessary. Kidnapping a personals editor would have been acceptable, but our Editor-in-Chief is just plain inexcusable. The Medium will have Ryan Beckman back; we will fight whenever and wherever to regain our leader.
You suck. Think I’m wrong? Defend yourself in 500 words or less and email it to Collegeben@hotmail.com
It began like any other Wednesday. I got out of bed at 5PM after filling my socks with jizz while my roommates were at class. The drug dealer who lives downstairs offered me two tabs of the acid he had been trying to get rid of. So I take the acid and hop on the L bus, riding it in circles back and forth over the Raritan River. Next thing I know, it’s 9:30 and I’m wandering around the Livingston Student Center. Some dinosaur-looking man invites me into a room and says something about dead fetuses. And that’s when things started getting really fuckedup. The meeting was apparently for some student-ran trash newspaper called “The Medium”. The attendees included a large black man who threatened to rape anyone and anything in his path and a bald guy with a goatee dressed as a Catholic school girl, among 20 or so others. The conversation began with the newspaper, but talk of dead children, fecophilia, and incest quickly ensued. Before long, the crowd began jeering for me to stand atop a giant mushroom, just like the ones in Super Mario Brothers, to answer their vulgar questions. They put words in my mouth, claiming that I gave oral sex to my own father. Next, they insulted my hairstyle (Mullets aren’t hip? How could I have known?). By the time I had returned to my seat, a young man was already fondling my testicles. And I thought the hazing rituals at my fraternity were unusual! Then, they handed me a copy of the paper and gave me instructions on submitting articles, which I hardly listened to. After the meeting, I went out to the bus stop. The group walked passed me and patted me on the butt before they got in their cars and drove off. Not long after, I was on the ground, rolling around in my own vomit and urine in front of the Livingston Student Center when the RUPD found me. So kids, join the Medium, or at least go to a meeting on acid. It’s the most fun you can have at Rutgers on a Wednesday night, since you probably aren’t getting laid anyway. (Ordinarily, first hand reports go in News Section, while self-serving testimonials go in the Editorials section. However, seeing as Mr. Klein is only very loosying in charge of his faculties, anything he has to say is necessarily an opinion. Mr. Klein was, however, the first person in Medium history to submit an opinion entirely free of spelling errors. I’m not sure what that goes to show, but there you have it. - Ed)
Roses are red.
Terrorists are going to kill you. Yes, you**.
Happy April Birthdays! Free* Medium Cut’n’Glue’Send Card! Just cut on the dotted lines, fold and glue! Brought to you by Hallmark.Com!
Violets are blue.
*Assuming you can figure out how to successfully use the pair of safety-scissors the orderlies let you use without lopping your genitals off. **Based on Top-Secret CIA documents which specify exactly who, where, and when terrorists will strike (i.e. you, on the toilet, and soon).
“Screw God, I’m worshipping myself!”
NEWS NEWS
Verizon Debuts ‘Live Voice Messaging’
Wednesday April 9 th, 2003
More Tips for Terrorist Attack. (scattered throughout these pages.) Thanks again to www.uspoliticsforum.com
By: Colonel Quack
(EDISON, NJ) Following up it’s popular text messaging system, Verizon Wireless announced today that it will be adding “Live Voice Messaging” to it’s services. A spokeperson said at a press conference, “Text messaging has really revolutionized the way people communicate. It allowed us to project ideas without word of mouth. Sadly, Text Messaging has it’s limitations. When you “L-OL”, there are so many ways you can laugh. With Live Voice Messaging, the other party will be able to actually HEAR you laugh, and understand what kind of a laugh it is. It’s really amazing.” At this point, the spokesperson pulled out a “talker” (street name for the Live Voice Messager) and called someone. He then put the phone to the mic, where someone on the other side was laughing. This caused the entire audience of journalists to start laughing in a giant orgy of laughing. Verizon had samples of the “talkers” out for people to test out. One girl who tested the talker said, “Wow, it’s like.. I’m talking to her.. and she’s talking back. It’s like she’s right there and we’re talking to each other! Like. OH MY GOD. I may never leave my room again!” Her friend echoed her sentiments, “Like, OH MY GOD. I’ll finally know when my boyfriend’s cumming. Coming to see me, I mean.”
If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud..
Is there a chance that any of you out there will actually write some news? Don’t fucking lie to me. Put your money where your mouth is and send it to pinkeyedjim@hotmail.com. You can also send me hate mail or solicitations for sex. Preferably the latter. Congress Bans American Flag By: Colonel Quack Staff Writer
As always, there was a small group of people who remained skeptical of the new product. One really old guy said, “I remember when I had to slice my own bread.” As for what that had to do with anything, nobody has been able to figure out. Someone really smart looking said, “Oh sure, we can talk to someone miles and miles away. But, what will people talk about?”
This public service announcement brought to you by The Medium. Need more help? Bring your girlfriend to the meeting tonight (Wednesday) LSC 111 at 9:30, and we’ll show you what to do with her.* * We can not actually promise you that she will stay with you after what we do to her. In all likelyhood, she’ll leave you for us.
(WASHINGTON, DC) In a stunning display of Patriotism, both houses of Congress unanimously approved of a bill to ban the American Flag. Yesterday, President Bush signed the bill into law. Addressing the public, the President said, “We will no longer be using those dirty French colors. The French flag is made up of red, white, and blue. We do not want our flag to share anything in common with that dirty French flag. Henceforth, as has been signed into law a few minutes ago, the colors red, white, and blue are officially banned in The United States of America. All albinos are to report to the nearest military base for immediate beheading. This also goes for redheads, anyone with blue eyes, and anyone currently covered in semen. In addition, I’m asking Congress to declare war on the sky for being so beautifully blue. I mean, being that evil French-color blue. God bless America.” This bill has far-reaching implications. The New York Rangers will no longer be the “blue-shirts” on the road. The Statue of Liberty will be painted green and be renamed the “The FranceKiller Statue”. All stop signed and “red lights” will now be the color purple. And the White House will be burned down again, to restore it’s original black color. In showing support for this anti-French law, citizens everywhere took to burning American flags. Not wasting time, an angry mob torn down the house of a blue-eyed, red-headed albino, calling her “white-skinned” and “french-lover”. Jumping on the anti-white bandwagon, Pfizer announced it will be making a drug that will alter a man’s semen color. A spokesperson for Pfizer said, “No longer will men have to ejaculate that horrible white color. We hope to let men choose from green, yellow, purple, and eventually black semen.” Dental hygiene companies like Colgate have been thrown into jeopardy. In a statement released to the public, Colgate said, “We’ve put so much money into teeth-whitening. We had no idea we were supporting the enemy. DEATH TO FRANCE!!!” With the denouncement of the American Flag, Congress is asking for talented artists to submit their designs for the new flag. The only requirement is that the flag “have none of those dirty french colors.”
NEWS NEWS
“I think, therefore I am... I think.”
Wednesday April 9 th, 2003
Bulgaria Invades Iraq By: Colonel Quack
News Briefs! m .co m ji yed e k .pin w ww
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Italian American Plumber Charged with Destruction/Arson by: Henry Rarisan Late last night, police arrested Mario Mario in connection with various attempts at arson and destruction of public buildings. Mario and his brother Luigi were being sought for questioning on the destruction of several brick buildings when both brothers shot fireballs from their hands and burned several policemen alive. They then attempted to use their fireballs on a nearby building, but were chased away by coming police cars. Lead officer Danny Wilkerson, when asked to describe the situation told us, “Yeah, they were like trapped in a corner, and then the one in red shouted Gumbas, and proceeded to stomp Officer Muccelli in the head, we fired several shots and they seemed to hit, but then he consumed a green mushroom and sprang back up. We managed to chase him down but his brother, ummmm Luigi, escaped down a pipe.” At this time, Luigi Mario is still at large, but extra counts of drug possesion were added to the charge when various red mushrooms and flowers were found on Mr. Mario’s person. When asked to coment, Officer Wilkerson responded, “Yeah, he was definatly on something, he was shouting at us to let him go so he could go to the“Hey, “Mushroom-a andhit save “Princess-a Toadstool” Allah-Bear,Kingdom” I scored a direct on their infidel starcraft!” from a “Big-a Lizard named-a Bowzer”. All that sounded like was a drug induced halucination.” Mario Mario was held on without bail and will be arraigned on Thursday.
Chicken Little By: Colonel Quack (WASHINGTON, DC) In an address delivered to the nation last night, President George W. Bush declared, “It is time for every American from New York to LA to live in fear. Terrorists are everywhere. Your neighbor could be a terrorist. Even your dog! I urge every American to take up arms against this invisible enemy! The sky is falling!” The phrase “The sky is falling” has been the code name for “Black Alert” on the Terrorist Warning System. The nation was previously at “Red Alert”, which meant that we should suspect normal looking people of being terrorists. In contrast, “Black Alert” is a state of paranoia where everybody, from your mom to that bum that lives below your window, is suspected of being a terrorist. The phrase itself refers to the ceilings of the Twin Towers falling to the ground. The President explained, “A completely unreliable source told a semicreditable source that ‘the sky is falling’. This semi-creditable source told Bob Dole that ‘the sky is falling’. Bob Dole told Colin Powell that ‘the sky is falling’. Colin Powell told Donald Rumsfeld that ‘the sky is falling’. And finally, Donny told me that the sky is falling. Now, let’s all break out in a fit of hysteria, because THE SKY IS FALLING!!!!”
White Humor by Brian Tarus
If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.
(BAGHDAD, IRAQ) There is a new flag over the capitol of Iraq this morning, and amazingly, it isn’t American. This morning, Bulgaria invaded and conquered Iraq, a move which has stunned the American task force which was poised to invade Iraq. A Bulgarian General said at a press conference, “We keep hearing “REGIME CHANGE, REGIME CHANGE”, so we decided Iraq was up for grabs. I mean, look at all that oil! What took the US so long?” President Mubarak of Egypt released a statement, “You’re kidding. Bulgaria invaded Iraq? I didn’t even think they were a country anymore. I remember doing a research paper on Bulgaria in grade school! Wow. Bulgaria. I guess I support the Bulgarian regime. Won’t it be a bunch of poor people and some sheep? At least it’s not any American Imperialists invading the Middle East.” After an emergency staff meeting with his advisors, President George W. Bush went on television to say, “We are America, and we have the biggest penis in the world. All your oil fields are belong to us. We interpret Bulgaria’s actions as an act of war. You are on your way to destruction. I hencefore bring forward the NeoBush Doctrine: If you attack any country which we say we’re going to attack, we will launch weapons of mass destruction at you. Because we’re America, we’re the good guys. You are either with us, or you are against us. You have no chance to survive, make your time. Bow down before the ones you serve. You’re going to get what you deserve. Ha ha ha ha.” After hearing Bush’s speech, Tony Blair said at a press conference, “Okay, I can’t back this guy anymore. He’s nuts. I thought I could secure my legacy by riding his coattails and hoping everything would work out for the best, but dude, what kind of bloody power does the US have if Bulgaria can beat them to the punch? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a craving for some french fries.” As for how Bulgaria built up an army and invaded Iraq without anyone really noticing, it will take time to figure out. What is certain is that the reign of Saddam Hussein is finally over. In one of the townsquares, Iraqi schoolchildren have been taking turns skullfucking Saddam’s now powerless head. The Iraqi people rejoice under their new Bulgarian freedom. One unnamed man was quoted saying, “At least it’s not those American Imperialist pigs. Would Americans give us all these sheep? Man, I never would have been a sheepfucker if it weren’t
Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile .
GMG
“ Oh my god! Dr. X killed Kenny! (Hope your Birthday was great)”
Wednesday April 9 th, 2003
Look At this Article Because There’s Porn Behind It!
The Art of Eavesdropping Part II
By: Dan Migliore, fighting the establishment since 1982
Steve (Beezer) Toboz Staff Writer
Well here’s a new idea for you, the faithful Medium Reader. RA’s or, “resident advisors” suck. It’s true. There’s no doubt about it. They enjoy suckling on the sweaty testicles of goats. An RA is the biggest buzz kill you’ll ever see, short of mistaking Ajax for cocaine. The sole purpose of an RA is to make sure no one is drinking (read: having fun), or doing anything that might expand one’s mind to the point of seeing through the bullshit that just gets piled atop undergrads at this institution (read: doing drugs). How many of you out there have been written up by an RA? I know I have, about 7 times to be exact. And every time, they try to make an excuse for breaking up my fun. Something like, “I’m sorry, but it’s my job,” or my favorite, “I’m just following my orders.” Well there’s another group of people who were “only” following orders. They were called Nazis. Now you may be asking yourself if I’m suggesting that RA’s are Nazis. I’m not going to say yes or no, but (Yes- GMG Ed.) consider this. (Such fucking Nazis- GMG Ed.) Have you ever seen a Jewish RA? No? Well I rest my case. (I fucking hate RA’s- GMG Ed.)
Yet Another Product of Drunkeness... By: The Drunkest Fools in New Jersey I looked at the bottle of vodka…about six shots left. I stared at the remnants of the bottle flowing into my stomach. I held the bottle with my left hand and put the condom over it with my right. I placed the bottle on the ground and gently lowered myself onto it, letting the glass wrapped within the condom slide into my ass. It felt like a large, rounded, Klondike bar. At that moment, my big-titted lover, Vice President Cheney walked in. Astonished by what he saw, he rushed me like a football player, stole my bottle, and inserted it into his ass. Alas, it was gone. But no matter, there were mopre bottles lying around. Afterward, I went slam dancing at Hunka Bunka, cause it was Teen Night. Unfortunately, I got into a fight with Sasha Mitchell, better known as Cody from “Step by Step”. He kicked me in the ass, causing all the glass shards to cut up my rectum. Blood and beer shot out of my ass, and it was absolutely erotic. I had never felt anything like it since I’d last knucked. Oh, oh, oh baby! But soon I had bored of that exercise. How would I explain this in the ER? What rotten bastard started me on this scenario? But two lines of yay and I was ready to go, and I… I…Where am I? God, what am I doing here? God? Are you there? It’s me, uh, oh fuck. That went nowhere. There are bodies everywhere. Hm. That gives me an idea. No! Not that you damn dirty apes! I was going to dress them up like little Bo-Peep and then cook pancakes. Out of their sheep that is! Muahahahaha! That’s right y’all. Why you ask? Because I’m evil like that, that’s why! Or better yet, there is no why. So don’t ask. We are all trapped in this moment like one of those bugs trapped in amber. Thank you Vonnegut! So amber is a light color, it shines over the window. Bush would never guess I liked him, so my protest was in vain. He wants to persecute terrorists, rather than prosecute them. So they aren’t in much trouble. Big titties, big big titties. I like big titties. There is nothing better then silicone on a baby. It’s easier to rape them that way. Oh…the titty rant again. I’m sorry. I just lose myself sometimes. I realize now, there is a god. God is good. God is great. I am a homosexual. I am going to hell. My anal pleasures have condemned me. I am a low dirty, gerbil killing pillow-biting homo. But if hell is the price I have to pay to have my sphincter shattered, to have the walls of my anus split open, I think it may be worth it. God bless America. Yes, God bless America! God bless my asshole. What is wrong with Nelly and why is he singing about his shoes? It’s getting hot in herre, and so I must shove another bottle up my asshole.
As you may remember from a few weeks ago, while sitting in class the other day, (meaning taking a nap in the presence of others) I heard a conversation that sounded interesting to me. I published a few; they got rave reviews. The next week, while preparing my article, I stumbled upon a conversation I couldn’t pass up. After tape-recording it however, the batteries died, and being the broke cracker ass cracker I am, couldn’t buy new ones. This week, I give the talks of CS110. Girl 1: So what are we doing tonight? Possible M/F/T*: Dunno, gotta wait for Jill to call. Boy 1: Shit dog, iz gotta get a 40 and some hazealini. Girl 2: Mother fucker, I told your stank ass you can’t smoke! You fuckin want my baby to come out fucked up? Boy 1: Mo fucked up den it gon be now? Girl 2: Fuck you nigga. Boy 2: Man, iz bout to pop dat bitch in da mouth. Girl 1: Can we fuckin get along guys? This is ridiculous. Boy 1: Hoe, dat weave is ridiculous. Girl 1: ut uh, Jackie, hold my baby and my bub, im gonna fuck dis nig up. Boy 1: What bitch, with that stank ass breath? (At this point, due to the rising volume of the convo, the teacher started to chime in.) Teacher: Hey, quiet down back there. Possible M/F/T*: Man, this shiznit ain’t yo business, shut the fuck up. (Teacher lies down on the floor and convulses) Boy 1: Bitch, yo better get your welfare ass out here hoe. Girl 2: Look, dis nigga ain’t shit, he gotz a lil dick anyways Boy 1: Man, you were screamin anywayz Girl 2: I was laughing. (Boy 1 then punches girl 2 in face. While she is on the floor takes his dick out. To everyone’s amazement, he had a small wiener. Then they all start cursing in another language. That’s what you get for being Chinese.)
*Possible M/F/T*= Undetermined race/species. Possible male, female, timber wolf.
Did the chick who sings on Pink Floyd’s “Great Gig in the Sky” ever turn you on? Uh...me neither. Submit a story, opinion, picture, or anything else you have to give to Featuresed@yahoo.com. It’s a great way to get the Delta Gamma girls to sleep with you.
“This is what you get Larry, for fucking a stranger in the ass!”
Pussism By: Colonel Quack, a devote Pussite The Vagina. From the Vagina springs life, and for this reason, the Vagina must be respected. The Vagina must be worshipped, adored, loved. The Vagina must not be taken for granted. All life springs from the Vagina, and to disrespect the Vagina is to wish thyself had not sprung from the Vagina.
The Vagina. No two vaginas look alike. One with a Vagina may think her labia looks funny, but it matters not. Her Vagina is still a Vagina and She must be respected no matter what She looks like. Some with Vaginas choose to leave their Area as nature intended, with a wild forest surroundeding her Vagina, almost protecting Her. Others prefer to remove the hair, leaving a clean and inviting landscape. Some even ornament their Vagina or the Pearl of Pleasure, the Clitoris. But, no matter what kind of Area appears between the legs of one with a Vagina, She is still a Vagina, and She must be respected. The Pearl of Pleasure, the Clitoris, is the Vagina’s treasure. While the Vagina obviously requires attention, it is the Clitoris which a slave should sufficiently worship. The Vagina’s counterpart, the penis, is not required here. Worshipping the entire Area orally is known as the ancient art of Cunnilingus. As stated previously, one performing Cunnilingus should respect the Vagina and worship her. Stimulating the Clitoris makes the Vagina very happy, and brings much joy to the one with the Vagina. Being pleased, the Vagina will emanate Her sweet nectar to reward the slave. If the Vagina does not give the slave Her sweet nectar, she is not pleased, and the slave must try harder to please the Vagina (and the Clitoris). Most with a Vagina have a sense of what makes her Vagina happy, the easiest way for a slave to please the Vagina is to communicate with the one with the Vagina. For the Vagina works in mysterious ways and does not always reveal Her reasons. When the Vagina is sufficiently pleased with the stimulation She and Her Clitoris are receiving, She will bless the slave who is pleasuring Her; the one with the Vagina will join in her Vagina’s happiness. Modern dogma calls this an ‘Orgasm’. One with a Vagina may practice pleasuring her Area in an attempt to see what makes her Vagina happy. She may then pass this information to her Vagina’s slave. Modern dogma calls this ‘Masturbation’. It is still debatable whether one can bless thyself. The Vagina is our Queen. The Vagina is my Queen. She gave us life. She gives us a cause. She gives our lives meaning. And so it is to the Vagina that I, Timmy, dedicate my life to respect, protect, care for, pleasure, and otherwise serve to the best of my ability. For as a slave of the Vagina, I prove myself as less evil then others without Vaginas. Logically, aside from being called a slave to the Vagina, one who worships the Vagina should be called a “Vaginist”, and the belief the Vagina is the cause and meaning of life be call “Vaginism.” However, modern society might think of either terms as a disease, not a favorable view for the Vagina. And so we use a synonym for the Vagina, “Pussy” as a substitute. I hereby declare that the belief that the Vagina is the source of all life and should be the cause of all our lives be known as, “Pussism.” And as one who believes Pussism, I hereby declare myself a Pussite. I will remain a loyal servant to the Vagina until I fall slain. Clarification: Pussism is the belief that the Vagina is the source of all life and should therefore be worshipped. If you are male, then you worship the Vagina. If you are female, then logically, you hope to have your Vagina worshipped, someday. Someone who believes this dogma would be known as a Pussite.
Yup, she’s one of ours. Come meet Beth (the bitch to left) at a Medium meeting tonight at in LSC Room 111, at 9:30
This is the only type of bush I’ll give my life for. And this bush tastes better, too.
The Vagina. Those with and without Vaginas alike fear the Vagina for her mystery. Those without Vaginas would run away at the things that ooze out of the Vagina. Some without a Vagina claim there is a pervasive odor to the Vagina. But, that’s the Vagina’s way of choosing who should worship Her. When the Vagina chooses a slave, She emanates Her sweet nectar. Slaves do not choose the Vagina, the Vagina chooses Her slaves. Nor should a slave decline the call to serve the Vagina. For to serve the causes of the Vagina is of the highest honor.
Features Wait until you see what she does with that squash! Next week, in The Medium
Wednesday April 9 th, 2003
The Roots Of Good Television By: A Drunken Compilation of Fools Hitler, a famous southpaw, mobilized an entire nation. Without this emphatic domination Stephen King never would have written his greatest and most controversial work, “Perfect Strangers”! King, an avid follower of Nazism, mainly its clever mode of conservation, i.e. rendering unwanted human being into soap and candles; was heavily influenced by the philosophies of Hitler. In fact, while he was writing “Perfect Strangers”, he insisted on lighting his room with nothing but the decomposed Jew fat which he obtained for millions of dollars thus stimulating the German economy which has been so crippled by World War 2. He claimed that this led to further “inspiration” for the prolific author and perhaps was the main reason why Larry and Belki brought such joy to the hearts and minds of so many. The character of Larry was actually based on Hitler, unbeknownst to many. He is the oppressive force that kept Belki in line, Belki representing the Jews and their zany antics. The original idea was to actually have Hitler play Larry, but due to his unfortunate suicide, it proved impossible. Charlie Chaplin auditioned for the part, but was told to go rape himself in the pee-hole and was savagely beaten until his eyes swelled shut. When actors were finally hired, Larry was told to grow a little rectangular mustache, but his unruly hair did not permit that kind of look, he simply could not produce sufficient growth on his face. So that idea was dropped, the Anti-Germany-And-Other-Evilness league had nothing to do with it. Belki was a last minute substitution for a lovable pot-belliedpiggy, but his character actually worked out quite well. His silly accent, and general naïveté is what made it believable for him to get into the myriads of silly situations. His proneness for crazy shenanigans subtly and gently reminded everyone of the Jewish nation and their crazy hijinks. It’s the venerable fish-out-of-water routine that they are so familiar with, which when introduced to the American public made for truly great television. So, dear reader, I implore you, raise your left hand in a proud “sieg heil” to perhaps the greatest leader to ever live. Think twice before you berate him for “genocide”, something that has acquired an undeservedly bad rep. Without him, there would be no Volkswagen Beetles, which you all love, no soap, no candles and consequently light, that little mustache would still be in style, and most of all, we would be without the greatest show ever! Please petition with me to have “Perfect Strangers” brought back, so that the Reich can rise again.
Arts
“That shit is WAAAAAACK!!!!!!”
The Donut Cries For No One By: Colonel Quack Blind to the incoming bites Crumbs left along the way The munchkin she took away The hole left in me I’ll never be whole again Hungry ones from all walks of life Consuming me without a thought Dunked in fire or ice Inescapable destiny Until the day I grow stale Please let me someone eat me
Wednesday April 9 th, 2003
Band on the Run: True Stories of a drunken Karaoke Band Stevie Nips is a band of nine sexy ladies that came together as an homage to the fabulous, topless waitress we encountered at Cafe’ Risque...let’s introduce the players, shall we? Pienip, Jewnip, Buttnip, Homonip, Punanip, Woognip, Micknip, Pumpernipple, and me, Assnip.
Venue: a ghetto bar they call Daiquiri Island Song: Bon Jovi’s ‘Livin’ on a Prayer’ If you could actually decipher the words that were being shouted into the microphone, you’d know that these girls had heart. Between gulps of extra strong daiquiris, Woognip screams into the mic, “CHECK, CHECK, JERSEY!!!” even though we were the only Jersey girls there. Everyone had fun the first time, but after about the third time we sang it, the regulars got a little restless and decided to shut our shit down. Till the next song...
DON’T FUCKING MISS THIS: Learning Secrets Fest! This Saturday!!! FREE!!!!! By the Volcano Worshipper
Fat Jenny likes donuts, and so do you. So send your submissions to shorty_fat_fat@yahoo.com. Or, you can come to a Medium meeting. LSC 111, 9:30 PM. Whore.
Ladies, are you READY??? I JUST NEED SOME NEW FRIENDS WHO WON’T JUDGE ME, FRIENDS WHO WON’T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT ME OR EVEN SEE ME...
join the KKK join the ARMY work at TACO BELL
Sob, Sob, Sob
Rutgers’s biggest musical event of the year is about to happen this weekend! Featuring over 2 dozen bands in total, the Learning Secrets Fest, sponsored by WRSU and the Douglass Activities Board, will take place this Saturday, April 12, at Douglass Student Center, from 12PM to 12AM, and admission is completely FREE! There will also be a record label/ art expo! So please come out and support the radio station, and the music scene!!!!! There will be several stages: an outdoor stage featuring local bands (including Fortunato, Give Me Danger, Daylo, and others), an indoor stage featuring a few nationally known indie rock acts (including Trans Am, French Kicks, Minus The Bear, An Albatross, and my personal favorite, The Oxes), as well as the stage I am most certainly looking forward to the most, the electronic/IDM room. My friend is organizing this, and he’s put together an absolutely killer line-up: -Dataclast: an absolutely awesome grindcore band, that only uses computers to make its music. One guy at a computer, the other screaming his fucking brains out. You absolutely need to see this band!!! -Duran Duran Duran: aka Ed Flis. Easily one of the greatest breakcore artists ever!!! Go see him before some trendy label signs him!!!!! -Ill Cosby: I’ve been friends with this guy online for several years now. His music is all over the place, but he’s going to drop a sick hiphop/breaks set that is highly recommended. -Precenphix: melodic abstract electronic music. He had a bunch of songs on mp3.com that were awesome. This will certainly be a great set. -Pro(xy): last time I saw him, he did a breakcore version of “Sandstorm”. Jesus. This guy is all over the place, and well worth checking out. Also in the electronic room: Flash*Ram + 2673, Censor + Retnah, Rokhausen, and Dysis! For more info visit wrsu.org!!!!!!
Wednesday April 9 th, 2003
“And whatever happens next is all a blur, But you remember ‘fist’ can be a verb”
Cameron Heines is a douche
This personal goes out to that fucking pussy Personals editor, Cameron. You are a fucknut piece of shit. I want to kick the fuck out of you, cockball. And why the hell would you go and slack off and leave a quarter of a goddamn page empty? Are you stupid? You ass. So, I dedicate this personal and the above picture which I made, to you. Shitfag. -Your favorite Advertising Manager.
(Yeah, that’s right. Im gonna reply to my own damn personal in another column. Actually, I thought I’d rather add to it. I spent two hours on the above picture, and it was my first real time using photoshop. I tell you this so you know how dedicated I am to mocking you, you piece of shit. And you know what? Shut the (Continued in next column)
(fuck up at the meetings. No one cares what you have to say and no one wants to hear you whine about your recently deceased rubber vagina. You are a waste of life, shit ball. Im gonna hunt you down, cut your tiny fucking cock off, shove it up your ass, and stitch your ass up just so you know what it feels like to be fucked for life. THAT is what it feels like to know you.)
We have a black history and even an unofficial Asian heritage month. So why can’t we all just put aside our differences and work for a Kill Whitey and Steal Their Women month? Isn’t that the way to go. Come on my colored peoples, we need to work together to destroy the Foreign Devils. ( I really want to slap this kid and all that he stands for All in favor of kicking him in the nuts goto www.nutpunt.com. Can you please tell me what this is? can you tell me what this animal is from the pic? http:// www- scf.usc.edu/~kennethl/ pictures/xanga/cat_dog.jpg http://www-scf.usc.edu/ ~kennethl/pictures/xanga/ cat_dog1.jpg To that hot girl in Metzger who wears the cowboy boots with the hat, why don’t you come down the hall and I’ll let you ride me into the sunset until sunrise. (To that hot cowboy in Campbell. how’s about giving me a mustache ride with your big fat giant cock. Because I’m an autisitc fuck with buns of steel and enough k-y jelly to keep my mouth running like a hoover for decades to cum.)
Personals Personals
How do you know if you have been Asianized: 1. You have a growing love for tentacles 2. You think flat chested girls are cute 3. You think you are black and make raps 4. You listen to horrible KPop and scream out random English words 5. You scream Asian Pride in the middle of a conversation 6. You spend thousand on souping up your Americanjunk-car to impress your imaginary Azn brothas 7. You think you are a gangsta after watching a Chow-YunFat film 8. You go to a Chink meeting and everyone knows your name 9. You start to talk broken Chiny to your brothas 10. No one kicked your ass when you walked into a PDPsi party. (11. You’re grandfather was in “Big Trouble in Little China 12. Your grandmother’s a whore) www.slutgers.com - come see our first homemade video (the first one the government will let us broadcast, anyway...)
Personals Personals LJX is a fucking whore.... love, that slut you called up on Saturday night. Let's meet up sometime baby...I want you to fuck my brains out. To the dumbfuck who put his gayass on slutgers.com: Fuck you asshole! You are not a manwhore, you’re more like Ron Jeremy and Laymil’s bitch. Ron gets you from Monday to Friday, while Laymil gets you on the weekends, and they both timeshare on national Holidays. So Please go fuck yourself and go back being the little bitch who gets tapped by Ron Jeremy’s 9inch cock and Laymil’s 2incher. (Hey laymil, let’s be gaymil! No, in all seriousness I wish I could be gay with you and have your maad elite 48x0r skillz. xoxoxo) to the fucking, cock sucking, shit-munching, bestiality-loving bitch who has a big bowl movement....stop bithcing about our music at fucking 9 PM when the fucking quiet hours don’t begin till 11 you cunt. we all know you don’t come out of your room cuz you’re busy getting your ass fucked by a group of dogs you whore. you bitch to me one more time and i’ll jizz in your face while you sleep.
“your words are like snowflakes, pale and meaningless...you’re cold like ice” Contra 3: The Alien Wars was a great game. Instead of killing aliens, we should change them to just white people and make different groups a boss for each stage. We could start off with a Jew being the first level boss since they aren’t white enough anyway and work our way up the whiteness ladder. So the final boss would a good old JimBob from the inbred Ozark mountains up in Arkansas. And our 2 heroes will be strong soul brothers, who will use knives, glocks, uzis, and gangsta rap to take out these White devils. To top it off they will have a sexy Asian ho as their sidekick. After making these changes to Contra, we can finally enjoy a great game the way it was intended and to keep crazy soul brothers from scaring the insecure White people. (wow...it’s amazing how down I would be to actually play that game.) www.superliminal.net
USE MY MOUTH AS YOUR TOILET. I am sincere about this. I want to meet a woman and have her pee in my mouth, also will except shit. Open to other scenarios related to this. To shy to squat over my face? How about this, we meet, you slide a glass under your dress and fill it with (as much as i hate making your pee and then hand it to fun of spelling errors, the me and I drink it. Interested? idea of a “bowl movement” write me. is actually funnier in my mind than literally “shitting a Your personals suck. brick”) Why is it that America has a (if you don’t like it, change president in office who doesn’t it. send a personal to know anything? He has an IQ O L S E N T W I N S @ of 91 and thinks dirty Mexico SEDUCTIVE.COM) is a gas company like Texaco. That is so fucking funny. He is kind of smart though, think about it you retarded children. For a man to rig the elections to become president, kill thousands of his own people than blame it on crazy Arabs. Now that’s pretty smart. He has most of you stupid whiny idiots fooled. But that’s good because of your Mr. Bush he will show you white people right this will be your final destiny. No joke but HA HA HA HA.
Why white women are the easiest to get. 1. They want to bring justice to not being allowed to suck on my black cock for over 500 years ( they wanted our cocks to begin with hell the average white person was only 5 and the average soul brother was 5’10 you do the pecker size math! ) 2. All those stupid blond jokes really turn most soul brothers on. Kind of a warm up before the big show. Thus making a brother want more white pussy( which gives the white girls a wider selection of brothers.). 3. All KKK members have small peckers. Thats why their women want out! Even if their white women act racist they still want a real cock. 4. They want the “WHITE’ washed out of them hoping they or their offspring from the black men will gain inherited rights from being a half breed. 5. The black community already is overflowing with white girls that like big black cpck so high five to the black brothers who have too many white bitches and are tossing em over to the latino heat. 6. Most white women picture themselves getting wiser by being with our spoul brothers and want to be the brothers white princess that has come from Europe to mate with the mighty savage! 7. Just a taste of real men makes the white women go crraazzyyyy ONCE YOU GOT BLACK YOU WANNA FUCK TILL YOUR DEAD! (Sure, white girls might be easy to get when you’re big and black, but what about when you’re small and white, huh? then what? you gotta settle for the asians. although that’s not really settling, i guess...) To that slutty fire crotch I saw in the RSC on Saturday. Haha! Yeah if you’re a whore and you don’t have STIs. Deutsche Töne wie eine schlechte Sprache. Allem, das ich tun muß, wird der Wort Jude gesetzt und Tod und Leute erhalten scared. Das Judebrennen Gas, Spaßbeteiligtes mit Tod. Die jüdische Skala ist Spaß für eine große Lösung. Wir sind deutsch und wir haben Juden.
To the bastard who talked shit about me: You are a cunt. Shut up. Stop making fun of white people. We don’t need anymore oppression from you asians. We are an endangered race on Busch, just look at the campus for fucks sake. Stop it. Stop picking on the white man. AND NO WE WILL NOT “GIVE” The “LAND” BACK TO YOU INDIANS! (That is damn straight. We stole this land fair and square for 4 square blue beads and (As if you’re smarter? Dick!) a couple blankets riddled with cholera and the black Hey girls who let us take pics death.) (DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT at your party, thanks it was a MORE WEEKLY JOKES SPEAK GERMAN. I PRINT fun time. Party o’the week! (useless unfunny filler “EiC”) THESE THINGS AS THEY MEDIUM WEEKLY JOKE COME IN. SO IF THIS PERMe: Knock-Knock You: Why was Christ not born in SONAL ABOVE HAPPENS Who’s there? Me: Go Fuck Mexico? Because they TO SAY “LET’S KILL THE Yourself. couldn’t find a Virgin and JEWS”...NOT MY FAULT.) (more laughter ensues.) Three Wise Men.
Wednesday April 9 th, 2003
Sundaes and banana splits will be served at the next Medium meeting, Wednesday night in the Livingston Student Center, room 111. Bring your spoons. Je veux au va te faire foutre vers le haut de l’âne vous miel français. Vous avez obtenu un âne mignon, oui vous faites. J’aime déchirer que chat doux doux à part et vous permets de boire ma cuisson à la vapeur chaude cum. Le Français est la langue de l’amour et je vous aime ainsi bébé. (Seriously, the French Suck!)
(I DON’T SPEAK FRENCH EITHER. but this one sounds more sexy than jew-bashing.) Tu madre es una pendeja. Pero, me gustaria hacer tu hermana esta noche. Ella es muy bien y es una gran latina “HONEY”. Si Si. Viva la Republica Dominica! (pezzo di merda...die. die.)
THE MEDIUM PERSONALS’ SUPER HAPPY FUN GAME SECTION!!!! LOTS OF BIG PRIZES!!!! BIG AMERICAN PARTY!!!! DISCO DANCING, LOTS OF FUN!
Wednesday April 9 th, 2k3 To the guy in my TTh6 psyc 101 class on Cook with the upsidedown American flag pinned to his back with all the crap written on it. You have no idea the force I have to exert to keep myself from spitting on you. You’re one of those leftists who bitch about this country being a fascist state. You have absolutely no idea what it is like living in a real fascist state. Do you have any idea in how many countries you would be shot on the spot for doing what you are doing? Do you have any fucking clue how lucky you are to live in the US where you are allowed to criticize the government? You also wear Propogandhi hoodies, which I think is hilarious because you are wearing the hoodie (which you bought with evil, evil currency) of a band that preaches non-consumerism. I don’t know, are you going for that “ironic” look on purpose, or are you just too stupid to realize you are a hypocrite? I’m willing to bet you also have a)a cell phone, b)a credit card, and c) a checking account. I’m also sure that your $200 vintage jeans are helping you a great deal in your fight against capitalism. Sigmund is right everything is sexually motivated. Sincerely, White guy with the afro.
“If April showers bring May flowers; what the fuck does April Snow Bring?!?!”
!!! ! D SOL
Political Picture that doesn’t make sense equals high profits for the Medium. Go McCormick! BTW (By the Way in “AOL talk”) join the Medium by coming to a meeting tonight at 9:30 P.M. in room 111 in the LSC. and if your too lazy for that, then why don’t you bitches send your personals into olsentwins@seductive.com. because in next week’s issue: ANYTHING GOES!!!!! NO RULES!!!!!!!!!
(Do you know how lucky you are to be reading this paper. Not because of this great government, but because of how much of a god I am.) To my shitbrick roommate: 1) To those fucking Kappa Sigma Your music sucks. 2) Your Pussies! Why don’t you have hair is transparent and your hot chicks come to your par- backne is out of control...try ties before you consider your- showering. 3) If you dont selves a real frat house. I went stop talking to yourself i’m to a party and all I saw were fat going to rip out your vocal chicks upon fat chicks. I’m chords. 4) You have caused pretty sure the skinniest girl my room to smell like your there was 200 pounds. faggot ass too long. I dont Granted she fucked like a spring know how a human being can chicken with a cock in it’s ass stick this long without but still. And how come I saw commiting suicide. 5) You are all the brothers drinking a fag with too many of your Queernoff Ice (Smirnoff Ice). frat brothers dicks up your How much a pussy do you have ass mouth and ear. Go die to be to be drinking such a girl Love Hooooahhh PS i broke drink. I was just waiting for the the your fan cunt brothers to rip off all of their (Oh how I loathe the shirts and join a wet t-shirt con- backne of the dirty roomtest. I hope all of you Kappa mate. Long has been the Sig’s shit out a bunch of gigan- day that I wish to pop tic penises, because they have each and every little zit on been stuck there from your last the back, or play connect anal raping party. the dots with them, (Yeah, I also heard they fight whichever one he’ll let me like pussies, No I’mn do with an entire bottle of serious if you insert your ruffees in him. finger into them, they spit www.ilovemartinscock.com all over you. and don’t even try licking them.) www.themedium.net
Sup girl I hear’n ya! I’m a blood gang member and I can’t take white shot any moe! Yo keep’n it reel girl Have a nice day!Remeber Any white you disses blacks will be killed! I already have two appointments with two white fags! who I’m gonna shoot! I got one ak 15 and it’s loaded!
Personals Personals to fatty mcfatterson who lives in quad one house 13..i hate you you fat piece of shit..watch yoru back because as soon as i geta chancec i am gonna kick you in the nuts..you're such a fat fuck eating 6 meals a days..you're probably thinking how this paper is edible right now you fat fuck..you're also a slob who sleeps all day and doesn't get laid..you're such a fag..kill yourself
I hate Chinese people, they ruin everything for us white boys. (I hate black people. No reason, I just do.) to that whore who wants the “cease and desist” on personals toward women, chinese, (When did the and homos....are you a fucking black panthers lesbian chink or what? what the become re- fuck do you care so much for? tarded? I your gonna file a complaint mean, I knew about student life you cunt? go they were fas- ahead. you know what those cists, hypo- fags will tell you? that you don’t c r i t e s , have to read the medium if you assholes, and have a problem with it you worst of all fucking dildo-loving carpetblack, but re- muncher. get the stick out of tarded? be- your ass and take a fucking sides everyone joke. the medium rips on knows the everyone...white, black, asian, crips are the indian.... get over it or don’t true hard-core read the medium fucker. i hope gang, all the your anal passages are ravaged bloods are just and you bleed to death from a bunch of pus- your ass. o and BTW, DON’T sies) READ THE MEDIUM if you have a problem dumbass. (Yeah, we are not immature you darn old poophead!!!!!!)
Desparately Seeking Asian Candy. We already have an Asian Candy, as well as a Replacement Asian Candy. The problem is, what happens if something happens to the first two Asian Candies. We had a close call this weekend, and we almost lost our original Asian Candy. We need an- Do you like Hot Nude Chicks in Gas Masks? other one. A Back-Up Asian If so goto www.themedium.net to find out Candy. This is where you can get more... And ladies, don’t what we need. Asian Candies think we forgot about you either... do general work, like pack bowls and then ***continued*** smoke them with us. They also experience of a lifetime. Please dust-busts. Must know how to contactolsentwins@ seductive. use a computer printer. A love com for more info and interof Transformers is a must! The views! Be All That You Can pay isn’t great, but it will be an Be: Be An Asian Candy!!
What’s What’s Shakin’ Shakin’
“someone assassinate me.”
Wednesday April 9 th, 2003
New York Wed 4/9 - Fischerspooner - Hammerstein Ballroom Wed 4/9 - Willie Nelson - Beacon Theater Wed 4/9, Thur 4/10 - Spoon - Irving Plaza Thur 4/10 - Vic Chesnutt, M. Ward - Knitting Factory Thur 4/10, Fri 4/11 - Dirty Three - Bowery Ballroom Thur 4/10, Fri 4/11 - Def Leppard - Beacon Theater Fri 4/11 - Joe Jackson Band - Irving Plaza Sat 4/12 - The Vines - Roseland Ballroom Sat 4/12 - The Detroit Cobras - Bowery Ballroom Sun 4/13 - Joe Jackson Band - Bowery Ballroom Tue 4/15 - Groove Armada - Irving Plaza Tue 4/15 - Local H, Jucifer - Knitting Factory Thur 4/17 - North Mississippi Allstars - Irving Plaza
Old Man Winter just had to spooge on us one last time.
Come to the Medium meeting! Tonight at 9:30, LSC 111
Saturday April 12
Learning Secrets Fest with Trans Am, Oxes, An Albatross,
Dataclast, French Kicks, and MORE! Douglass Student Center 12PM-12AM ... Free!
New Jersey Thur 4/10 - OK Go, Spiraling - Birch Hill Thur 4/10 - Matt Sharp of The Rentals & Weezer - Maxwell’s Fri 4/11 - Rusted Root - Birch Hill Fri 4/11 - Slightly Stoopid, Pepper - Stone Pony Fri 4/11 - Mustard Plug, Too Short Notice - Birch Hill Sat 4/12 - Martin Sexton - Pollak Auditorium, Monmouth University Sat 4/12 - The Jayhawks, Tim Easton Maxwell’s Wed 4/16 - Local H, Jucifer, Clever Hans - Stone Pony Thur 4/17 - Bad Religion, Sparta - Hunka Bunka Ballroom Thur 4/17 - The Iguanas - Maxwell’s Fri 4/18 - Insane Clown Posse, 2 Live Crew - Birch Hill Sun 4/20 - The Wallflowers, Ron Sexsmith - Stone Pony Mon 4/21 - Tonic - Maxwell’s
submit events to orgykarma@yahoo.com
Friday April 11 - Saturday April 12 Let’s Get It On!: Feminist Theory Into Action Ruth Dill Johnson Crockett Building, DC for more information, go to http://get_it_on.pathbot.com
Friday, April 11th Tales from the Bejing Opera: A Performance by Strange Candy Chinese Theatre 8 pm @ Trayes Hall, DCC Sponsored by DAB - FREE! FREE FOOD!
t ne . m iu d e em h t w. w w // : tp ht