09/17/03

THE

MEDIUM The Entertainment Weekly of not-so-Happy 55th Birthday John Ritter!!

The Entertainment Weekly of Rutgers University.

Volume VolumeXXXV, XXXV,Number Number21

www.themedium.net www.themedium.net

box of impending doom

10th,2003 2003 Wednesday, September 17

The Medium remembers the wonderful men who have recently passed. Whether your contributions be to music or acting, you will all be missed.

Johnny Cash Born: February 26th, 1932 Died: September 12th, 2003

Wesley Willis Born: May 31st, 1963 Died: Aug 21st, 2003

John Southworth Ritter Born: September 17th, 1948 Died: September 11th, 2003

Bob Saget Born: May 17th, 1956 Died: September 13th, 2003

Opinions Opinions

Wednesday, September 17th 2003

“Indian boys are the greatest dancers...”

America Moves On….

By Ned Berke

What I did and didn’t do this Summer By: Michael Stanley, Editor-in-Chief Now, I’m sure a bunch of you have noticed that Johnny Cash has been on the cover for the past two weeks in some form, and well, as much as I hate to admit it, I am responsible for killing the late great Johnny Cash. It all started with a phone call from Mr. Cash’s publicist on how he found out he was in the infamous “idiot box” of our wonderful paper, and just about three hours later he went into cardiac arrest.

It turns out Johnny was a huge fan of the paper and he had said that before he died he wanted to be featured in our paper. Well, Mr. Cash died peacefully this past Friday, and I wanted to remember him along with other celebrities who have recently died.

Retorts

I just don’t get it. I picked up the September 12th issue of the Targum and there was that fucking headline again: “City Remembers Sept. 11th Attacks” by Elaine Andrcovich. I just don’t get it. I didn’t get it last year, when newspapers touted similar headlines on the one-year anniversary, and I don’t get it now. A Google news search for “city” “remembers” “sept” “11” brings up 563 hits in .2 seconds. Titles abound like: City remembers terror victims, fallen firefighters -Berkshire Eagle, MA Valley remembers Sept. 11 with vigils, prayer services-Tarentum Valley News Dispatch, PA America remembers Sept 11 amid terror alert-Vanguard, Nigeria World remembers Sept. 11 attacks-USA Today United States remembers Sept. 11 victims-Washington Times, DC There are tons more. One of my personal favorites happens to be “Baseball remembers Sept.

11” (MLB.com). The notion of us “remembering” implies that we can forget. I’d like to see that headline: “City Forgets 9/11; Had Bigger, Better Things To Do.”

to

Since I’m covering the past, I wanted to state what I clearly did and didn’t do this past summer.

Honorable Mention Things That I Did This Summer -Worked 40hrs/week at Fleet Bank -Took an awesome trip to Boston to see the Sox beat the Yanks -Arrested for theatening to crash a plane into someone’s face -Attended awesome improv comedy shows at Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, to which I plan on going many times more -Realized that I should have gone to a better college

Fuck Andrew Lagomarsino. Fuck him for being so damn good. Andrew, whom I’ve never met but would very much like to if only to shake his hand, is a brilliant man who read the words of Targum Retard Amy Castelli and beat me to the Retort to that Retard – and he did it much better than I ever could have. Castelli, a biweekly columnist (“Let’s Talk Politics” on alternating Tuesdays), wrote an article entitled “The Many Myths of Iraq” wherein she proved herself to be completely devoid of any kind of intelligence and writing ability. She is full of shit though. Ignorant shit. Her article, which apparently was supposed to expose the so-called “Many Myths of Iraq”, succeeded in provoking an aneurysm in me, and a very well written and informed (and goddamn hilarious) response from Mr. Lagomarsino called “War ‘Facts’ Examined”. Here’s a little gem from the piece:

Retards

Things That I Didn’t Do This Summer -Kill Wesley Willis, or anyone else that anyone knows about -Try out for the Rutgers Football Team -Crash an airplane into anyones face -Hijack a truck in Alabama pick up three hitchhiking prostitutes and proceded to rob various gas stations in the hick state that Alabama is -Realized that I could have gone to a better college

All in all, the Fall 2003 semester has started and we’re here to help you get through mid-terms, finals and other exams that I’m sure you didn’t study for.

Just think, we’ll always be there for you each Wednesday of the semester.

“The majority of Castelli’s argument contains irrelevant information concerning the history of the Vietnam conflict, and she seems to assert that if every single facet of the Iraqi War does not in some way parallel elements of the Vietnam War, then the argument put forth by the anti-war groups is invalid. What she does not understand is that the concern of the antiwar crowd concerning Iraq is that this conflict may turn into a quagmire, much as the Vietnam War was back in the 1960s … As evidenced by the closing paragraph of her column, it seems that as long as more troops died in Vietnam than in Iraq, the whole mission can be deemed an undeniable success. One would hope that consideration of morals, ethics and future consequences to a unilateral foreign policy would take precedent over this position, which is only concerned with sheer death tolls and political parallels. Although I must admit, the slogan ‘Iraq: Hey, at least it’s not Vietnam!’ would look pretty darn good on a tshirt.”

Cheers to you, Andrew!

Big Bitches and Fat Jennies; A Clarification

By Op/Eds Most of you know the story of Fat Jenny. Reminder: fat slut, thong cutting into side pouches, low rise jeans and cropped top with back fat overflowing…That story may have left some of you chunkster girls worrying “Am I a Fat Jenny?” Well, I’m here to put some of your minds at ease, and let everybody know that not every large girl is a Fat Jenny. It’s much more than a size issue.

I’m gonna be blunt here; it’s quite possible that if you saw me (and a few of my friends) on the street, you’d say to yourself, “Damn, those are some big bitches.” And you’d be right. Some girls are just born to be defensive linewomen in this life, and that’s just the way shit is. Big bitches maximize on this and play sports like Women’s Rugby (insert shameless plug here – contact me if you’re another big bitch, or a big bitch at heart, and you wanna play). Big bitches look like regular girls that have been scaled up just enough to be intimidating. While Fat Jenny is shaped like a Muffin, big bitches are shaped like bricks. Fat Jennies are afraid of big bitches. While FJ tries to fool everyone at the dining hall and eat one square of vegan lasagna, big bitches take the last 3 pieces of chicken. FJ eats her snack foods in front of the afternoon lineup on TLC, crying over Frosted Donettes about how she’ll never be thin enough to be married. Big bitches don’t obsess over things like that. FJ waits to have sex until she loses x-amount of weight, or on the other end of the spectrum, does it with the first ugly guy that comes their way, usually Black Sam. Big bitches know they’ve got the good shit, and once the right guy comes along, they go balls to the wall to get their rocks off. At the mall with skinny friends, FJ goes into Express to squeeze into the most ill-fitting shirt possible. Big bitches say, “Now you know I can’t fit this bullshit” and help their friends shop until they get to the big girl store.

Why, you ask, am I so concerned with FJs, big bitches, and all lovely ladies in between? Because Fat Jenny gives big girls a bad name. Fat Jenny is, by all standards, a fat bastard. I see chubby girls all the time that look pretty, don’t act like fat whores, and keep it real with themselves. When you see a chunky girl at the gym, don’t laugh and call her a fatty. She’s trying not to be a fat fucking bastard, so you should give her a high-five for fighting the evils of Fat Jennydom. I can’t stress this enough; if one of your friends is a Fat Jenny, please let her know. It’ll only help her in the long run.

Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8

Opinions Editorials Fake News Features (For a while) Arts

Page 9 Page 10 Page 11 Page 12

Cover by: Michael Stanley

Smut Personals Personals What’s Shakin

THE

MEDIUM

CONTENTS

Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor Faculty Advisor

Michael Stanley Jimothy Cortina Ned Berke Aija McKenzie Jim Cortina Daniel Migliore Paul Simpson Jeff Buechner

Personals Editors Michael Stanley Steve Toboz Photographer Steve Toboz What’s Shakin’ Editor Larry Cheng Online Editor Chris Holt Advertising Manager Ned Berke Staff Artist Pat McRoch Senior Editor Aija McKenzie

THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is noon, Sunday. The office of THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC - Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903. This issue is dedicated to everyone that gives sexual favors for pizza, namely the staff here at THE MEDIUM.

Wednesday, September 17th 2003

“The phrase that pays is...Tropical Twat!”

In Loyal Defense of Binge Drinking

By Aija McKenzie, Opinions Editor Apparently something like 2/3 of the kids here are stopping at 3 drinks according to that whole RU Sure survey. Well, you know what that makes them? Quitters. I happen to be a proud member of the minority at Rutgers that drinks the majority of alcohol on campus, and if you don’t know the glory of being shitfaced, you’ve never lived. This, of course, excludes 1Beer-Queers, Squirtles (people who throw up almost instantly), and Silly Sluts (girls that have one shot of Southern Comfort and then never SHUT THE HELL UP about how drunk they are).

All too often I’ve heard about the evils of binge drinking, as a matter of fact, I can’t turn on MTV without seeing somebody get date raped, or into a big fight with their sleazy boyfriend, or caught driving drunk. These consequences are pretty gay, but good drinkers know how to avoid such pitfalls. Everyone knows that a) there are enough sluts at RU to get with for you to never have to rape anyone, b) you should never go out partying with your boyfriend (sand to the beach, anyone?), and c) you shouldn’t be driving drunk because there’s nowhere to park around here anyway, and we have the glorious Knight Mover to get you from door to door (people complain about having to wait for it – quit bitching and order a fat sandwich – the bus’ll be there by the time it’s ready).

Being a responsible binge drinker is important. You think “responsible binge drinker” is contradictory? Fuck you, it’s not.

I’m a responsible binge drinker, and so are most of my friends.

Here’s how to secure that you can get trashed without waking up in the trash (waaa waaaaaaaa – Op/Eds): •

•

•

•

Pre-game at your house so you don’t end up spending your last dime on alcohol. That way, you can get a sandwich at the end of the night, which will help hold down your alcohol instead of vomiting in your sleep like a rock star. This also cuts down on those goddamn ATMs they have at bars, cause they charge something like $2.50 for every withdrawal.

Wasted this summer, I laid down on one of those grassy knolls behind Guilden St. for a little nap at 3am and my wallet and keys fell out of my pocket. I didn’t find them until the next day. The moral of the story is not “stop being an alcoholic,” but “secure your valuables.”

It’s much easier to do the walk of shame in the morning than to stumble home at 4am. There must be ten thousand couches (with unknown stains) at RU that are available to you, unless you’ve got no friends. Then maybe you should just keep on drinking….

Drink at your own house, so you can pass out wherever you want.

You still think it’s a bad idea to binge drink? It’s not, my friend. Binge drinking vastly improves on the quality of life here at Rutgers University. You failed your exam tonight? Two fortyounce bottles of Old English 800 says “I’ll still be your friend.”

You think you’re a fat bastard and nobody likes you? Find a group of other fat bastards to hang out, pool your resources, and invest in as many 30-packs of beer you can afford. Once you get wasted and binge on shitty pizza, you’ll be on top of the world. Drinking improves your social skills; once you’re drunk, you can say anything to anybody. Drinking helps you have a good time – people who should never set foot on a dance floor get to “poppin’ and lockin’” as soon as they hear Missy Elliot.

Drinking gets you laid – because why not? Besides, you can always chalk it up to being drunk (with the exception of whiskey dick, which is nobody’s – and I mean nobody’s – friend. – Op/ Eds). Drinking gets you in shape – ever woke up sore because a) you ran for the bus, b) you tried to lift the keg and throw it, all by yourself, or c) you got into a good, healthy fight? Drinking makes your life so much more interesting – how many of the best stories you have start with “Yo, I was soooooo wasted….”?

Drinking rules. Let’s just face it, here. If drinking isn’t fun, how come alcohol costs so much? See you at the bar, sluts.

Editorials

Do you like beer?

Come to a Medium Meeting! Tonight at 9:30 PM, Beck Hall 003 on Livingston...

Do you LOVE beer?

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And now, for an insightful editorial on…

Computers

By Impala

I am quite appalled that the university’s computing services would replace the very sufficient 17inch monitors that it had in most of the labs on campus with “new age” flat screen monitors. I have numerous and varying reasons for this compliant; I understand that new and better computers were purchased and that the flat screen monitors are accessories of those computers. My complaint is not to the fact that new computers were purchased, but why the computers purchased were (at least it seems to me) top of the line?

In times of budget peril (both that state’s and the university’s) and the inherent rising of tuition costs that result, why were top of the line computers selected when the functions that lab computers need to perform (i.e. web surfing, word processing, and minimal programming and data processing) can easily, at least in my belief be performed by any other computers on the market. I write this not out of arrogance but of concern. I recently walked past a flier stating that the university is proposing the removal of the JSTOR online periodicals for budgetary reasons. I do not know the seriousness of this proposal, but I do know that it is quite ironic that the availability of programs crucial to the educational process maybe jeopardized because someone, somewhere wanted to show off their brand new computers.

NEWS NEWS

“This page dedicated to freaky shapes!”

I’m only a li n e, I hav e no sh ape.

Please don’t fly a plane into me!

Hexagonal!

Yeah!

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Send news articles, naked pictures, free samples, votes for Public Enemy Number 1, and paypal transfers to pinkeyedjim@hotmail.com.

Because that would be just groovy.

Wednesday, September 17th 2003

Elliptical Article!

Rutgers Gives Female Students a “Pearl” Necklace By: Shannon Cook

It’s time for another fabulous semester at Rutgers.

With all the budget cuts it hard to be a happy student and feel you are getting the most out of the money you pay to attend Rutgers. To make up for this inadequate feeling Rutgers has given away free pearls to the female students (sorry boys)!

That’s right, free Tampax pearl tampons. How generous of Rutgers.

But before you wear your pearls you should ask why they’re giving them to you. Could this really be a “thank you” for attending Rutgers? It turns out that Tampax pearl tampons have been linked to causing yeast infections. The fibers build up in the vaginal opening, causing an infection. A victim states, “one day while using the bathroom, a clump of something came out. It was the Tampax pearl fibers.” Sounds lovely right? So after you have used all these pearls from Rutgers you’ll be very sick. Maybe so sick you’ll even be missing more class. After missing all those classes you’ll eventually fail, thus forcing you to retake the course.

If you have any concerns about this product you can ask Tampax directly. However they will simply beat around the bush and tell you Tampax pearls do not cause TSS (toxic shock syndrome). It’s funny they should bring that up because the woman didn’t accuse the tampons of causing TSS. Perhaps they realize they’re guilty and are covering it up by changing the subject?

After further research of the topic it turns out the female student body was the next target of the RU SCREW. Rutgers figured the female student body would be retaking courses making their budget greater through enrollment so budget cuts would no longer be a problem.

If you’d like to contribute to Rutger’s bank account and have a free yeast infection, you can pick up your pearls in your campus pack at the local bookstore!

Wednesday, September 17th 2003

NEWS

“The word of the week is ass-tooth, say it to your friends.”

Cary Sherman & The RIAA The RIAA, or Recording Industry Association of America decided to show that it means business by suing a 12 year old New York City girl, Brianna last week. Her crime was downloading popular music using the Kazaa P2P network. Says RIAA president, Cary Sherman, “Nobody likes playing the heavy and having to resort to litigation.” Apparently they so dread having to resort to litigation that they let the 12 year old’s mother off with a mere $2,000 fine, out of a possible $150,000 fine per song! The family lives in a New York City Housing Authority Apartment Complex. This is obviously a low income family - the RIAA, a powerhouse economically and legally, have decided to focus their attention on the small and helpless, both literally and figuratively.

The morality of file sharing not withstanding, the RIAA have made a huge blunder here. This is extremely lousy PR, and I am not quite sure of the legality of their actions. There exists a teeny little law in the annals of the U.S. Judiciary. This law is called COPPA, the Children’s Online Privacy and Protection Act, which makes the collecting of personal information from any child under 13 without parental consent illegal. How then did the RIAA obtain little Brianna’s personal information? There should be some sort of investigation into this matter.

The RIAA suing a 12 year old, low income, inner city girl is like using a nuclear bomb to get rid of a mouse infestation in your home. This is a company Sexy paraplegic chicks baring all! to trot with seemingly infinite resources grappling with a girl whoHot can’t even legally drive. Not to mention that the people who are “hurting” from all of this file women withan odd number of appendages! sharing can still afford $3,000 thongs (Britney Spears), bathe in chocolate Where you and seetheall this?

The Medium Meetpudding madecan with cream finest sugar imported all the way from Timbucktu (I’m not sure who does that, but if I had a few million, bathing in ing, Tonight (Wednesday) 9:30 Beck 003! chocolate pudding would be number three on my list of things to do, or a swimming pool full of jello), and have hot tubs installed in their (carpeted!) living room (Lil’ Wayne). It’s digusting that the RIAA insists on making a 12 year old settle for $2,000 when Britney Spears spends more than that on a piece of hosiery. Shame on them.

Yes, he does have bombs strapped to his chest.

Yes, he does have bombs strapped to his chest.

Palestinians Never Wanted Battle; Just Baseball By: Mike Litoris

RAMALLAH: Foreign journalists, after extensive research and interviewing, revealed that almost no Palestinians living in Israeli occupied lands want to fight the Israelis. As it turns out, much to surprise of the journalists, they never cared who controlled that land but instead they just wanted to play baseball. Whenever a rock launches from the hand of a young Palestinian, the interviewees stated, they are really attempting to “have a catch” and not intending to hurt the Israelis – they just lack the proper equipment, such as gloves and balls – and so they use elements of their surroundings.

For decades it has been assumed that the Palestinians have wanted only war with Israel and the right to the territory the Israelis allegedly took from them. Much of this belief stems from the Palestinian tendency to throw rocks at Israeli soldiers and shout.

However, Palestinians are intense fans of America’s favorite sport, baseball, and instead toss rocks with the intent of game play, and the shouting is friendly baseball-oriented cheering and jeering.

“We love baseball,” states Muhammed Attah, a Palestinian living in the West Bank. “It is all we want to play. We don’t have much to do when we get off of work at the dirt pits. So we pick up rocks and toss them around.”

Another Palestinian expressed regret at not having the proper equipment. “I wish we had the gloves and ball and maybe even a bat. Usually, for a bat, we use some of the rocket launchers.

But the Israelis keep taking them away.”

According to Mr. Attah, they are attracted to the physical fitness of the Israeli soldiers. “They look fit. They would play well, so we throw the rocks at them and see how they react. They usually shoot at us. I think they have different rules in Israel.”

Attah laughed when asked why he yells at them to go

Send your votes on who should be next week’s public enemy number 1 to pinkeyedjim@hotmail.com

home.

“I mean home base!” he states between snickers, “Not home! I never want them to leave, they are fun!”

According to the interviews, Sandy Koufax is the most popular baseball player among Palestinians by far.

Come to the Medium meeting, at 9:30 in Beck Hall Room 003 (The Basement), just do me a favor, don’t park like this guy.

Ass-tooth

White Humor by Brian Tarus

www.pinkeyedjim.com

www.themedium.net

GMG GMG

“By the time you read this, I’ll be 21.”

Wednesday, September 17th 2003

Beerman’s Drinking Game of the Week: Brain Damage A fantastic game. Undoubtedly, when you first explain this game people give blank stares and are confused, but after a quick round everyone usually gets the hang of things. You’ll need a deck of cards with all eights, nines and the red tens removed, people, and the ever-important beer. The buzz factor starts out low, but with lots of people, dealing last can be dangerous at best.

The ranks of the cards are: Face cards, .5 points; Aces, 1.0 point; 2-7, face value; 10’s, wild. The game is played just like BlackJack but to 7.5 points.

First, lay out all cards face down; everyone “cuts for deal”. Highest card deals first (10 would be 7.5, 7 is very good). Deal will go from highest draw to lowest. Very important: you cannot leave the game until after you have dealt. That’s why dealing first is great, dealing last has been known to result in “Brain Damage.”

Dealer takes deck, deals one card face down to first player, one card face down to self. Player looks at card, then bets any amount of beer, a large shot glass is usually a good limit.

Player keeps first card face down, and can take as many hits as he wants. If he goes over 7.5, he must announce that fact, and then drink the bet. If not, when he stops, dealer turns over his card, and then hits until he thinks he has the player beat. If dealer busts, he drinks the bet.

When the dealer is satisfied with his hand, the player turns over his card. Lower total drinks. Ties mean player drinks. The dealer then goes to the next player, repeating the process until the deck is exhausted.

If the player gets a “five card charlie” (5 cards, not busted), he wins immediately, dealer cannot draw,dealer loses even with a 10 in hand. If player draws to 7.5, dealer can of course try to tie (win).

If the dealer begins dealing with six or less cards, the penalty is to deal again.

WIth six or less cards, dealer lays them face down, the player bets, they both draw a card, loser drinks (tie == player drinks) Play continues until everyone has dealt.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to those of you who came to the Medium Meeting last week expecting pizza.

Suckers. Come to this week’s meeting, where we’ll have something even better then pizza...Want to find out what it is?

Then come to Beck 003 at 9:30.

Cheezi’s Poetry Corner Johnny Cash has died What is there left to live for Oh yeah, John Ritter!

John Ritter has died What the motherfucking hell I hope God’s happy

Don’t like what you see here? Think you can do better? Well alright, slap-tits, here’s you’re chance. Submit an article, picture, joke, haiku, or anything that can be printed on paper (read: no movies) to FeaturesEd@yahoo.com.

Wednesday, September 17th 2003

“Today is National Play-A-Prank on an Old Person Day!”

The Secret Transcripts of the Dungeons & Dragons Sex Chat

By Cyriaque of the Golden Griffin Duodenum <Centaurgasm has entered chat> Centaurgasm: wow i’m all alone in here. kinda like my life. <BuxomBarbarian has entered chat> BuxomBarbarian: hey baby wanna cyberfuck?

Centaurgasm: Forsooth, ye Hecate of sin! Thine nomenclature is foreign to mine ears!

BuxomBarbarian: wtf Centaurgasm: (get in character, it makes it that much better) BuxomBarbarian: oh sorry BuxomBarbarian: here i go BuxomBarbarian: wait do u want be the chick?

Centaurgasm: umm….not particularly. i mean, your name is BuxomBarbarian.

BuxomBarbarian: ok BuxomBarbarian: Hark, thee, noble warrior with codpiece of heaving proportions! I am a lonely Elven maiden who is cursed in the most tawdry of regards!

Centaurgasm: i’m not much of a man in real life, at least that’s what my family says. i refuse to immasculate myself any further.

Centaurgasm: oh sorry BuxomBarbarian: Cease prattling in thine foreign tongue! A cruel necromancer hast a’cursed my race and only the seed of a true heart shalt dispel such a hex!

Centaurgasm: wait wait wait. my character has magic semen? you have to be a level 8 archmage with the scroll of d’yulask to learn the magic semen spell. i’m only a level 4 barbarian.

BuxomBarbarian: Matters not! The third lunar cycle of Lunash is waxing, and is filling mineself with the lust and fury only matched by that of an undead Argassian Minotaur!

BuxomBarbarian: aw c’mon let’s just get to the FUCKIN’ already Centaurgasm: ok, i have 16 charisma points, when i times that by 2.5 (the average of my agility and intelligence minus 14) = 40. 40 > square root of my overall experience points.

Centaurgasm: sorry, it misses.

BuxomBarbarian: WHAT BuxomBarbarian: what misses?

Centaurgasm: my sexual advances. you see, the formula for a successful seduction relies on these factors along with several other criteria such as…

BuxomBarbarian: oh fuck this u r such a fuking queer <BuxomBarbarian has signed off> Centaurgasm: oh damn. back to sniffing ether and jerking off to Lieutenant Uhuru, i guess.

From the mouth of Bush: She is a fabulous First Lady. I was a lucky man when she said, yes, I agree to marry you. I love her dearly, and I’m proud of the job she’s doing on behalf of all Americans. Just like I love my brother.

— Jacksonville, Florida, Sep. 9, 2003

Features

Fat Jenny Revisited By: Pat Reilly Being a heterosexual male, I don’t know much about fashion. (Does that make guys who are fashion conscious homosexual? Yes, yes it does.) Anyway, I have noticed a trend amongst the female population here at Rutgers, primarily the freshmen, and I would just like to comment on it. These girls wear tight fitting jeans with a big belt and a shirt that is too tight or not long enough. What’s the problem with this you ask? It’s simple. It shows off the stomach and, more often than not, the stomach is a big fat protruding gut. Not all of the girls that do this are fat, but this new style at least gives them a potbelly look, their stomachs overhang.

Then there are the fat girls that do this, and one wonders how they even walk around campus without their knees popping out at every step - but that is another story. So, is this trend considered sexy? I don’t think so and I’m sure many agree. A hot girl wearing little clothing is welcome any day (nothing is better, but hey whatever, you prudes…) but for those other girls with the overhang, what the fuck? I mean, I guess it doesn’t matter when you’re out partying and just looking to get a thick one put in you, considering the guy will have to be drunk anyway, but for going to class? That freshman fifteen can be covered up for Christ’s sake.

Editor’s Note: We here at The Medium have a term for these types of girls. They are called Fat Jennys. For the whole story of Fat Jenny, go to www.themedium.net and visit our archives.

Arts

“Music for airports, BY airports.”

Wednesday, September 17th 2003

12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 (What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love + Out Music?

Show Review: Andrew W.K. at Irving Plaza, September 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Reviews and Raves by Bill Realman Stella 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 9, 2003 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678

By Sandra Dee 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 If you’re reading this publication then I don’t need to tell you that there are heaps of great music waiting to be 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 listened to if you can glean the good stuff from the crap. Over the years, partly because I often have to find 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 my own way while gleaning, I’ve begun to develop a listening specialty – music by Out Gay musicians.

Party Hard! This is the credo of the man of the hour. That would be 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Yeah, part of why I’m attracted to music by these folks is because I’m Gay myself. But I hasten to mention 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 the Andrew W.K. Ever since he released his first song, the A.W.K. 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 that I’m not just looking for same-sex pronouns – I’m looking for creativity and innovation. For all the strides 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 has been a cult phenomena. Fans of the man are diehard. The 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Q-folks have made in Western Civilization, our contributions to society (generally, and our innovative 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 first major-label album, I Get Wet, was the first true rock party contributions to music specifically) due to our different perspectives on whatever the mainstream is doing 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 (to try in a phrase to sum up books-full of explanations) are still largely invisible, and still systematically 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 album in a long time.

All of the songs were written on piano and 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 vanished by the general public. And I write stuff about some modern Out Gay musicians to help promote 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 then converted to guitars and drums.

Almost all the songs sound 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 them, and keep them from remaining largely invisible. In other words, I get a kick out of telling folks about 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 the same. With a performer like this, it doesn’t matter. There is so 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 great music they’re missing. Let’s catch up with some of the great Gay music mostly overlooked by 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 much unchecked energy and appreciation for the crowd it is 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 everyone including, scandalously enough, the Gaystream. I hope you reader-listeners will recognize that 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 there’s an embarrassingly huge wealth of good music being produced, far more than I can fit into a year’s unmatched.

I attended the Irving Plaza show on September 9 (the 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 worth of columns. But the so-called professionals tend to drive audiences toward the bland and easily 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 day that his new CD came out) and was blown away.

There is no 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 marketable. Most of us Gay folk came out of the closet at least once; but there are numerous closets 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 performer more in tune with his fans and grateful for just being 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 (boxes, pigeonholes, traps) people try to put us all in. More often then not, people’s reasons have something 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 alive. Earlier that afternoon I had attended a taping of IMX for Fuse to do with money, be it becoming wealthy or just surviving, so they aren’t interested in you experiencing joy 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 or discovering good music. Focus on enJOYment, and ignore the attention-hogging noises of loud money.

Music Television (an independent non-suck MTV) where Andrew 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 was the guest. I had gotten an e-mail from his mailing list just the 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Pansy Division’s new Total Entertainment! on the Alternative Tentacles label is the most-fun rock & roll album 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 night before and was psyched to go. He came running out to the 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 in years, period. And my high-school best friend took the cover photos! It’s Gay-Gay-Gay, tres gay, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 interview area carrying about sixty pounds in weights and profabulously Gay. “Who Treats You Right?” is a rockin’ love song with extra resonance for any Gay guy who 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 has ever had his vulnerability taken advantage of. “No Protection,” set in a 1980 Blondie disco-pop 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 ceeded to endure one of the more boring interviews that I have 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 earscape, tells a story of horniness and misunderstandings, leading to the chorus / chant: “Oh, Oh, Oh, I 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 heard with him.

He answered the question of why the new album is 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 want you; But No, No, No, I won’t screw / Oh, Oh, I won’t screw with No Protection / R U Listening to me, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 named The Wolf. “Well,” he replied, “Wolves are cool, so I 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Baby?)” I call it My New Anthem. And there’s an ode to extra-curricular buttfuckin’ which, as PD’s website 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 thought, why not.” That’s the kind of logic that I like.

12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 calls it, “puts the ass back in bluegrass.” It’s “He Whipped My Ass In Tennis, Then I Fucked His Ass In Bed” 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 and, yes, that means it’s a country rave-up, YEE-haw HOW-dy! Producer Chris Xefos of King Missile gives 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 the album a lot of its pop, just right for all the extra depth in the songwriting. These are 16 great, and I mean 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Most bands I listen to have some kind of message that they are 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Great, not just whistling up your butt or overusing an overused word, but truly, I’m risking getting your hopes 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 trying to purvey. Andrew W.K. has but one. We are lucky to be 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 up because I think they can stand the pressure, GREAT pop-rock songs. You can rock and roll with anyone 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 alive and we should appreciate every damn day that we wake up you want, but you’ll want to rock and roll with Pansy Division. Hell, at their site, PansyDivision.com , Total 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Entertainment is only $10! I don’t mind shilling when it’s this good! breathing.

Sounds good to me.

The two bands that opened were 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 just awful.

The first one was a horrible hardcore band going by the 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 “Dance music” means something very specific to most, even if it has different meanings to different people.

12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 moniker of Vaux. They were just boring, but not as bad as the 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 House music is even more specific but, like all the artists I enjoy and bring to folks’ attention, I like to think an 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 couple standing behind me yelling inane things like “Play artist transcends the label they chose or the genre they began with. Aaron-Carl’s Uncloseted transcends 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 the House music label. He made my ears perk up and ask “What is that?.” He makes my insides dance as ‘Freebird.’”

Making it worse, the male half had a speech impedi12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 much as my outsides. Uncloseted contains Outmusic Award (“OMA”) nominee for “Out Song 2003”, “Bring It 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 ment so I had to listen to him slur through a number of banal, what 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 On”. Like nothing before it, Uncloseted sweeps away the cobwebs of what you thought was Gay dance 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 he thought to be witty insults. The mid band was High on Fire.

12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 music; it may be the trendsetter of a new Out Gay dance music. These are real songs with real lyrics. For 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 They had a tighter set than Vaux, but it was still just not my brand example, these are just the opening volley of “Bring It On”’s lyrics: (chorus) “You wanna battle me? Come 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 on baby, Bring It On. / You wanna hate on me? Come on baby, Bring It On. / You met your match, you see. / 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 of music.

By the time A.W.K. came on there had been at least 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 I’m not the one to be / knocked down by your ignorance. / Bring It On. / (verse) I’m not gonna say that I’m 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 three frenzied chants.

After he had played just one of his fast 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 sorry for being me. / Cuz just like you, I was born free. / I’ve got the right to live my life happily. / Got a man, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 paced songs, the annoying couple got pushed to the back. He 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 a house and kids. / Don’t regret a thing I did. / Life is too short to be living less than free. / Therefore, I won’t 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 played almost everything off of the first album, and some of the 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 give you power over me. / Tell me, who died and made you g-o-d? / I’m not gonna play your game. / The 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 rules are about to change. / . . . You don’t own me. You don’t control me. / You’re the one with the problem, new stuff, too.

It was all golden.

The part that made the concert 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 so Bring It On.” Uh-huh. You don’t want to mistake Aaron-Carl for any ordinary queen. No you don’t. Aaron12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 amazing was not just the fist-pumping, sweat-drenched excite12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Carl is not, as they say, in the shit business: He doesn’t make any for no one, and he don’t take any from no 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 ment, but the fact that I got pulled on stage. Andrew started up 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 one neither. Black Gay Male divas have tried before to capture their fierceness in music. To my ears, only 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 ‘Party Hard’ and since I was standing on the right side of the front Aaron-Carl has succeeded. Scenes capture your attention, strut across the stage, maintain presence. This 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 music is tasty, no one flavor dominating, as anything for adult tastes should be. Witness the Undeniable Selfrow, I got pulled up.

I was first one to run out and I was not shy.

I 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Confidence, Pride (the kind which does NOT goest before a fall), and Joy: A so-funny interlude with his son 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 started thrashing right away. After a minute, there were at least 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 teasing his daddy by imitating his attitude. And let’s talk about the Love he’s giving up to his people here: 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 twenty people on the small stage banging into equipment and 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 passionate love, radiating naturally from within, demonstrated in his attitude, his ‘I’m a lover not a fighter, but I 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 crowd surfing. There were at least three camera men taping, so won’t back down from no battles neither’ attitude. So go ahead, bring it on. aaroncarl.com 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 the footage will probably end up on some DVD somewhere, and I 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Give yourself the gift of Doria Roberts’ 2-disk Alive And Well, and the time to enjoy it. And extend that joy 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 can tell my grandchildren that ‘Dammit, Granny could move.’ The 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 with Queer Stock, Queer Soup, the 32 track double CD compilation Doria produced which, like the 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 crowd was so fevered it was hard to breathe. Lack of oxygen was 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Queerstock concerts she also produces, will raise money and awareness for Queer youth advocacy 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 a problem. Insane.

12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 agencies around the country. The lineup of contributors includes some of the best Out artists there are, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 including Melissa Ferrick, Jill Sobule, Holly Near, The Butchies, Toshi Reagon, Pansy Division, Angela Motter, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Scott Free, Ani DiFranco, Bitch & Animal, Alix Dobkin, June Millington, Testosterone Kills, Alix Olson, Pamela 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Means, Phranc, Tribe 8, Barnes, Catie Curtis, Jamie Anderson, and of course Doria Roberts. Go to 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 DoriaRoberts.com for more about the albums, DoriaRoberts.com/queerstock/ for more about the concerts.

12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 For even more great Out music, listen to “Generation Q” Tuesdays from 4-7pm, with Pedro Serrano & Bill 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 Stella, and Bill’s “Highest Common Denominator” (and other stuff; various times) on WRSU 88.7 FM. 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678 More reviews!!! by the Volcano Worshipper!!!

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Submit arts stuff (reviews, articles, poetry, etc.) to me at volcanoworship@yahoo.com, come to the Medium meeting tonight in the basement of Beck, room 003, on Livingston campus, and listen to the Volcano Worshipper’s Hour on WRSU 88.7 FM (currently Mondays from 10-midnight, although this might change soon), or my friend here will stab you.

Also, if you make music and want to send us yr demo for review, the address for that is: The Medium, SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, NJ 08903

12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 People Like Us/Wobbly/Matmos: Wide Open Spaces (Tigerbeat6) 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 People Like Us. Has ever a band name been more fitting? Quite simply, it’s not hard to like her music. She’s 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 such a nice person (I should know, I met her once!) and her sound recordings are a blast to listen to.

12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 Evidence: this recent album, a collaboration with Wobbly and Matmos, which sees them taking traditions of 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 both country/western AND foundsound/plunderphonics and turning them on their head (ten gallon hat and 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 all). This album is such a joy to listen to, not just because of its humorous samples of country songs, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 Western movies, and country-and-western radio (note in particular the excellent Helter Stupid-era12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 Negativland-reminiscent samples at the beginning of track 3), but because it manages to even have hooks 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 and melodies, and it’s incredibly catchy and memorable, unlike a lot of such sound collagery. This is my 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 favorite People Like Us album, and probably the best thing I’ve heard by Matmos or Wobbly as well, for that 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 matter. There’s so much incredible stuff on here… so many cleverly arranged bits of songs and dialogue, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 and even some dance beats here and there, as in the excellent track “Calling”. Bonus points for the fact that 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 this is a completely live performance, and also for sampling the Birthday Holler from WFMU’s Saturday 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 morning kids show “Greasy Kid Stuff”! Also, everyone please come out to the People Like Us/Matmos show 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 at Club Rare, 416 West 14th Street (between 9th and 10th Aves.) in NYC this Thursday night, Sept. 18th, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 because it’s a benefit for WFMU’s OCDJ who needs money to pay for surgery, and cause it’s gonna be a 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 kickass show!

12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 Country Teasers: Secret Weapon Revealed At Last (In The Red) 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 The Country Teasers are not a band you want to listen to if you expect all music to be clean, tasteful, and 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 inoffensive (so does that make them the Medium of rock bands?). Their music is dirty in every possible way, 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 from the increasingly shitty sounding production (they aren’t kidding when they title a song “Boycott The 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 Studio”, it sounds as if they just recorded it on old blank tapes that were lying around, and you can hear a 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 few layers of unrelated voices and music in the background during some of the songs) to their blissfully 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 misanthropic, politically incorrect lyrics. This album isn’t quite as amazing as their absolutely devastating 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 1996 album Satan Is Real Again (which unfortunately is out of print and hard to find), but it’s pretty close.

12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 For the most part, their current songs don’t have as much of an overt country/rockabilly influence as that 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 album (except for “Please Stop Fucking Each Other”, which along with the bigger-than-Nelly-sized dilemma 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 of “Man Vs. Cock”, are two of the best song titles of the year). This album also sort of feels more like a solo 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 album or a set of demos than an actual Teasers album, not only because of its sound quality but because of 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 the increased use of drum machines and electronics. On some tracks, especially “Life Is A Rehearsal” and 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 “Wizmo”, they use pitchshifted vocals, and it sounds a bit like early 90s Ween, which is much appreciated 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 after hearing Ween’s mostly boring new album. As with any Teasers album, there’s plenty of genius lyrics to 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 be quoted, but I’ll limit myself to only one in this review: “Anna Kournikova was 13 years old when she 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 entered the world of sex… I mean, success!” You can go buy the album to hear the rest. An easy candidate 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901 for album of the year.

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Wednesday, September 17th 2003

“Kant is just some German fuck!”

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Personals Personals

“You have a reputation that would make a porn star blush”

Wednesday, September 17th, 2003

To the arab motherfucker that walked by me on busch on friday, what the fuck are you looking at? Next time I see you I'll shove 8000 bananas up your ass and tie you up and dress you like an altar boy and then drop you off at the closest priest convention.

Wesley Willis Died Wesley Willis was homeless He like to make drawing Wesley was very talented He sang many funny songs Wesley Willis Died Wesley Willis Died Wesley Willis Whupped Batman's ass He had wishes of killing Whitey Wesley Willis Whupped Superman's ass But cancer had done him in Wesley Willis Died Wesley Willis Died Wesley Willis was a Punk Rocker He loved to rock and roll Wesley Willis always made a good show And we all miss you for it.

(I, uhhh, I don’t even know…) to all you freaking mexicans out there, stop taking jobs away from the white people we need money too you fucking bean eaters. Go back south of the border and grow some marjuana or some other drugs for me cause thats the only thing that you are good for. to the ugly ass freshman that wouldnt shut the hell up in the dining hall, learn to shut your ugly slut mouth,learn to put on some damn make up, or better yet get back in the cave you crawled out of and never come back out again. thanks, die

Rutgers University Police training for their Zero Tolerance policy on jay walking. Their creed, “If they walk, they burn”. to the fat guy that tried walking up all those steps to get to class, please never ever do that again, your fat, you the fatscalator or the fatavtor. just please dotn walk up the steps. the last thing i want is to have you fall backwards and down the stairs and crushing all those poor innocent skinny people with your massive lard of disgusting fatness.

To the Class of 2007:Bend over and Grab a pillow, because thats how its going to be for the next 4 years...WELCOME TO RUTGERS - THE STATE UNIVERSITY OF NEW JERSEY: YOU'RE OFFICIALLY FUCKED! FUCKED LIKE AMERICAN IN IRAQ!!!! (www.themedium.net, what a nice place to eat, sleep and fuck, or fuck and sleep...)

To my fucking Roommates at Judson: For the last motherfucking time! I am the PITCHER AND YOU ARE THE CATCHER! I DRILL, YOU TAKE IT. I PENETRATE YOU SCREAM! LIKEA FUCKING PIGGGY...HERE piggy piggy PiggY!!!!

Dearest Rho-G Unit, You guys are so hot and so cool. I want to be just like you.

If I could I would assbump all of you until your crapsacs shot out of your mouths.

It would be the hottest manlovin you'd ever have. PS quid pro quo withthe BJ's -Jimmy Bob the Engiqueer

Wes you fucking queer, the next time I wake up and find you taking pictures of me I'm gonna drive your cavalier off a cliff into an orphanage so you get arrested. Better stock up on the anal lube because you're gonna need it when you're getting ass rammed by a big black man named kunte kinte.

here is just a list of people that i hate and reasons for hating them, lets start with people of different races. First black people, what ever happened to the back to africa movement, why don't you guys start that shit back up and go back to where you came from cause it seems like your brothers fucked that country up pretty good with their aids and dirtyness. Next lets go on to my mexican cockroaches. I know that you have very important jobs in the community by moving all your relatives into a small 1 room apartment and single handily making New jersey the most densely populated state, but seriously working in a field isn't really what you want to be doing. Unless its a field of drugs, cause drugs are good. Now lets go on to white people. well there isnt many things that are wrong with white people because guess what they rule teh world.

You might be like but white people were slave owners and blah blah blah. well stop your bitching and suck it up. And what about those mother fucking chinesse/ japanesse people, they try to say they are differnet but really they all look the same. Then the indian poeple those fucking people and their dots on their heads. do they really need those dots on their heads, i think not. they are just trying to stand out in a crowd. cause lord knows the next time i see fucking osama bin laden i wouldnt notice them.

to my stalker, stop sending me those messages that just say "squared" i dont know who you are. And maybe if i knew what you ment by the word "squared" i might be like hey thats you or aww i know what your talking about, but i really don't what it is so just stop and (Let us not forget about the Guatemalans, or as I lovleave me alone.

(Call me, I can’t remember ingly call then, guingos. They the last time a crap sac shot (My name is Beezer, I live on smell, have HUGE heads, out my mouth. O wait, I do, Livingston, and that’s a typo, and eat squirrels. Awesome damn you purple erection…) its not squared, its, I want to neighbors I have, awehave wild promiscuous sex some…) with you. Sorry…)

To those 2 stupid bitches that to all the hot girls downstairs at made me move monday night ATTENTION ALL monmouth university. your so from my computer on college FUCKERS: fuckign hot. with your big ave. You two should so munch Send all titties, tight asses, and your some serious carpet, cause shaved pussies. especially the thats the only way you will ever personals to canadian one. way fucking hot. get friends. Fuckin hoe stains... personals@themedium.net Can't wait to fuck you.

(These sound like 2 girls, or your letting the Here is a learning tip for all of about 19, blonde hair, teryou assholes out there who try Nazis kill puppies. rible acne, and a voice that to get a girl, but just can't seem Dont let them win, could kill a dead horse on to. All you have to do is get Christmas, I think I know just don’t... her drunk. You see by getting them, they gave my dog the Come to The Medium meetings every the girl drunk she will have no clap…)

To that fuck Chris Lang: Yeah, idea what is going on. So you I know your fucking name – I Wednesday night at Beck on the can go fuck her, stick your dick got it wrong last week cause I Livingston Campus, Room 003 (The in her butt, give her the keep confusing your name with shocker and she will never this kid’s in my high school fuckin basement) at 9:30 and join us as know it happened. For better “Andrew Lang”. He loved it we play with our pecks and ride ridicu- results use alcohol greater or in the ass. You guys have a lot equal to 80 proof the more allously huge vegetables… in common. cohol the better.

Wednesday, September 17th 2003

“Happy 21st Birthday Dan ‘Beerman’!!”

The rules of the personals 1. No printing of anything that would single out who the personal is about.

This means no full names, obvious first of last names, e-mail addresses, phone numbers of sort or room numbers.

(This picture submitted by one of the extremely hot ass girls from Rutgers, and guys, she is [as of today] disease free. Girls, send more to personals@themedium.net, cause this really kicks ass…) to my ASSociate, thanks for the help there tiger (Yeah, and thank you for bending my dick. For future reference, I will add a picture of the proper lube…)

I smell like pee. I have yellow skin. Can i guess what i am?

Jimmy, what the fuck man?!?

Why didn’t you bother to call or anything this weekend.

Seriously man, what the fuck?!?

Whoever decided to use the party of the year as last weekscover needs to start smoking better shit. The next time you create cover like that my boyfriend is gonna smack his balls against your ass because he can, and I'm gonna throw a cup of pee on you...Thanks!

(So, basically you didn’t like last weeks cover... you know what? I don’t really give a fuck. The most fucked up part about your personal is that this came from a guys e-mail address. Have fun with YOUR boyfriend cock-gobbler) Oh, Shakira! You are so sexy, i want to smack that hot latina ass and control you like you are my slave, well, because you would be my slave. Also, you aren’t allowed to speak to me in english at all, be prepaired not to walk well for a few days!

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe

Bad Example: Hey Dickface that lives at 150 Hargenbergh Hall, I know you like to fuck your pillow when no one else is around, and even when your roommate is sleeping. Ha-ha, you suck!

Good Example: To that fucker who lives in Hargenbergh, no one likes you, so build yourself an oven, get in and DIE, DIE, DIE!!!

2. Personals must be sent from Rutgers e-mail addresses, no exceptions made. This means your e-mail address must end in “@eden.rutgers.edu or @rci.rutgers.edu” All of you fuckers at AOL and hotmail we cannot and will not print your personals, so don’t bother. E-mail addresses are kept confidential, so don’t worry, e-mail us your hate.

3. Never give the hobos on or near campus change. Well, it’s acceptable if they’re buying you alcohol and you’re underage. Otherwise, don’t talk with the hobo sort, they’re trouble in a gift box waiting to be opened.

4.Do not, and I repeat DO NOT read the Daily Targum. You’re better off reading old issues of The Medium off of our website. Go to the computer labs and print them out, you’re charged for the use of the labs no matter how much you use them, so take advantage of it!

5. Last and not least, be sure to send in your personals to us at personals@themedium.net. When someone pisses you off and you want the entire campus to know how huge of an asshole they are, send in your personals to personals@themedium.net! to the most fucked up school in the shittiest state...fuck you a million times with elephant cocks..you suck lady man ass and thats why i left and am getting mad pussy and and a better edumacation than you dick fucks could ever give...

(When did we start taking personals about Princeton? Seriously, for the amount of money you fuckers pay you should get a decent education...)

This is to Nicole, the hottest girl I’ve seen at Rutgers. You are so hot, I want you so badly. You have got the perfect body and you are just so cute and sexy and funny. If I had my way with you, oooh..

We’d spend our time getting it on, and when we weren’t getting busy we’d be resting so we could do it all over again.

To that girl who is so fucking hot and with the biggest loser: en serio, be with me. I could do so much more for you then he could, and believe me I could please you in ways you couldn’t even begin to imagine. So do us both a favor and drop that loser you’re with, and start hanging around with me, I promise you won’t regret it.

(Ooooh, so romantic. I’m sure you’ll get her to notice you know. If I could only offer you a small bit of advice, try talking to her and casually asking if she’s got a man.) i have a pet. Its a road cone. its pink. its not that good. i love cheese. you smell like g-ma...

Gay fuckign people. how do you make the decisino to be gay. Do they just wake up, eat a big fucking bannana in the morning and go. WOW a bannana feels good in my mouth. Maybe im gay. Or do they accidentally fall on something that ripps their rear end to pieces and go i bet that feels godo when its a dick and not a big fuckign metal rod. Or do they just get turned down by girls every day and get so sad that they say hey ill make a new club for losers but instead of calling it the loser club ill just call it the fags club of america My cousin makes me steel from Wal Mart...

Personals Personals Dear Medium, My name is Chazworth Pinkletin. My life is a living hell.

I have a terrible name. I’m also severely depressed. Last week, I had a normal life; everything was fine in the mind of old Chazworth P. Pinkletin.

Life was heaven, and I thought my name had a funny off beat charm, but my illusion of perception would be shredded to bits once I somehow found myself in the most unreal of situations. I met a stunning 18 year old redhead with all the right shapes (some of the wrong ones too if you know what I mean, heh heh). She was petting her Dalmatian puppy, when I waved to her for the first time.

It was love at first sight, we were both sure. But as I was waving, the knife that I wear on my bare arm came loose from its strap and soared while spinning towards the puppy’s stomach, which it sliced open deeply. Anyway, I was left trying to perform life saving surgery on the dog with the very knife that pierced it, when it died. With the blood and entrails of the dog dripping from my already oily hands, the redhead slapped me, and she told me that was going to call her uncle who was a lawyer. I tried to introduce myself, but she cursed my name and said it was terrible. And if things couldn’t get worse, I all of the sudden feared for my life, for the girl had the most terrified and mortified look on her face, and I worried that she would wrestle my knife from me and kill me.

I told her I knew what she was up to, when she started to run.

I haven’t seen her since last Tuesday, and all of the sudden I’ve been struck with the deepest anger and frustration. My name does suck. It’s a sad burden that I’ll have to carry to my grave, which won’t be long because I’m eighty-four.

CPP representin’-over and out.

To that fucker that hit my car when it was parked in the lot across from Beck Hall. Dude, you are such a fucking asshole, you hit my car and sideview mirror with your fucking car and didn’t leave a note or anything.

I wish you worst case of herpes, but in the best way. I hope you get laid this weekend and you get it from one of the various whores who go to school here. Har-har,ASSHOLE!

(NOTE: To the right of this, you will see a picture of his beloved Nicole, she comes to the meeting, has huge who-who’s, a tongue ring, I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE! and boy, does she ever I am a hot chick. I say come to The Medium NOW SHOW ME THE cum…) meetings every Wednesday night at 9:30 in MONEY YOU BLACK Beck 003. I’ll be there, all naked and stuff… MOTHER FUCKER! www.themedium.net

Wednesday, September 17 What’s Shakin’

th

2003“There’s no cum on your face, cause it’s all in your belly faggot”

Wednesday, September 17th, 2003

Stand-up/Events Thurs, Sept. 18-John Darby(aka Doc Dirty) at The Stress Factory, New Brunswick, NJ Thurs, Sept. 18-RU Unplugged at The Rutgers Student Center Fri, Sept. 19-Al Lubel, Russ Meneve, Donnell Rawlings at Stand-up, New York Fri/Sat, Sept. 19-20-Ted Alexandro at The Stress Factory, New Brunswick, NJ Sat, Sept. 20-Jamie Kennedy at The College Avenue Gym Sat, Sept. 20-NJ Film Festival showing of “28 Days Later” at Scott Hall Sat, Sept. 20-Dwayne Perkins, Mitch Fatel, Jim David at Gotham Comedy Club, New York

You are all cunts. Now that I’ve got that through, welcome to you from the new What’s Shakin’ editor. I would have said hello to all you last week, but I got in a horrible accident that left me hospitalized (See accompanying picture). Even so, I would like to invite anyone to send in a picture of themselves to events@themedium.net in order to post it in these here pages. Look, I asked a few of my friends and they gave me pictures, so why don’t you? If you don’t want your name put in this paper, we’ll withhold it or until someone gives us $20. So send in those pictures and enjoy these events around the tri-state area.

As you can see, I got a lot of white bitches as friends

Benefit for WFMU Thurs, Sept. 18-People Like Us, Matmos at RARE in New York City

Concerts Fri, Sept. 19-Fanny, Duran Duran Duran and others at 193 Hamilton, New Brunswick, NJ Fri, Sept. 19-Saves the Day & Taking Back Sunday at Convention Hall, Asbury Park, NJ Fri, Sept. 19-A Mighty Wind at Tower Theater, Upper Darby, PA Sat, Sept. 20-The Distillers at Theater of Living Arts, Philidelphia, PA Thurs, Sept. 25-Ill Nino at Birch Hill, Old Bridge, NJ Thurs, Sept. 25-Hamell on Trial at The Saint, Asbury Park, NJ Sat, Sept. 27-Peter Frampton at Community Theater, Morristown, NJ Sun, Sept. 28-Toots & The Maytals atThe Downtown, Farmingdale, NY www.4paddedwalls.com