Everything’s gonna be just fine.
EDITORIALS
“You’re a boy! And you’re a girl! Any you’re drinking!”
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
You Are All Going To Fucking Burn Osama Ben Schachtman
Dear Readers, The regular editor for this page, has slipped into a drug induced coma, and left in living will a request that I, Osama Ben Schachtman, take over his editorial duties. After capture of Explicit Cracker in a prison cell shaped like a famous American Camaro Z28, I have the complete carte blanche necessary to inform you that you are all going to fucking burn. That is right infidels. I am so sick of hearing about crappy Arab homeland, and I am no longer going to stand for it. I will no longer listen to derogatory asides at “camel fuckers” and “dirty Afghans” as if no one from Israel had ever wandered off for a quiet moment with a beast of burden, as if no one from Israel was poor, as if their excrement was gold. I am tired of it. I am tired of hearing about the oppression of Arab women. Oh, no, they have to wear veil. The do not marry whom they please. They cannot get a proper education. Whole Islam culture is against women. Blah, blah, blah, etc. etc. etc... I suppose is proud America, women are not forced to wear the veil. Instead, they are pressured to wear the most revealing outfit possible. Not only that, they are forced to have the most developed body underneath it. Furthermore, they must pay outrageous amount of money for it. Sexy American outfit from popular American store Abercrombie of Fitch means women is very popular and sex-worthy, she makes good wife. Same sexy American outfit from K-mart means women is whore. She is to be shot and dragged through street behind camel-dung wagon to teach lesson. This is not so in Arab countries. We may be different, and you may call it savage, but at least we are honest.
So you tell your big American celebrity woman dancer-singers that they should not have sex, but then they grind their most unholy naughty bits into the ground and look at camera as if for sex. You say cigarettes are bad, but you make tax money off of them. You marijuana is bad, but alcohol is not. You have half a morality, and it is as good as half an ass. You cannot sit, and you cannot stand, you cannot even pull a cart. Is joke, but seriously, you are all going to fucking burn. You cannot pay attention for longer than ten seconds, maximum. Music television never plays videos, and when they do, giant American tool Carson Daily interrupts to tell you what you already know, the name of the song you want to see. It isn’t that the Arab cultures hate Salman Rushdie so very much, he is alright guy. We just cannot believe that he prefer giant American cosmopolitan ego-massaging, how you say, “ circle-jerk” of Manhattan to an honest religious life in Saudi Arabia. But I digress, for you will say I am too fundamental. Imagine their is no Allah, no holy war, no giant whole in your New York skyline, no jew-pigs in the holy land, no holy land at all. Imagine that there is only this life, and nothing else, as Rushdie once suggested. Wouldn’t it be better to live a life that meant something more than a market share and a sexual peer approval rating? Wouldn’t it at least be better to live an honest life? It might be dirty, it might be crude, but at least you wouldn’t have to hate yourself everyday. But do not strain you r complex American imaginations. Just sleep tight tonight, knowing well that you are all going to fucking burn Praise be to Allah.
BUSHIER!
BUSH!
BUSHIEST!
Bobby McGee, bartender supreme, once quoth: “You are incredibly drunk.”
Fucking A, Mr. McGee, Fucking A.
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Allah Opinions News Knews GMG Feaures
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8 9 10 11 12
Cover by: Martin Babitz
Arts Acres Of Personals What’s Shaking
MEDIUM
CONTENTS
THE fnord
Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor
Martin Babitz Mike Ryan Das Stain Osama Ben Schachtman Carol Hu Ryan Beckman Aija McKenzie
Faculty Advisor Personals Editors Photography Editor What’s Shakin’ Editor Online Editor Advertising Manager Staff Artist Senior Editor
Jeff Buechner Soilent Green Liz Finelli Amy Groark Mike Wyzard Mike Stanely Liz Finelli Amy Groark
THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is Sunday at 12:00 pm. THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903 or emailed to prometus@hotmail.com. FunFact: The Arabs and Israelis are both Semites. And Sodomites too!
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
“I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of a party.”
OPINIONS
Last week’s Deathmatch winner speaks...and completely fucking humiliates himself! - Masturbation -
28 Clever Euphamisms for Masturbation
By Beezer Masturbation - it is possibly the one activity that can bring a man joy regardless of the time of day, the days looming activities, the company, place or anything else that could bring a man down. This realm, however sacred, is slowly being “penetrated” (he he) by the people that don’t use it right. Yeah, that’s right, the one armed pirates. No, not the one armed pirates, the woman. I mean, sure, I enjoy a woman like anyone else, but hey, when all else fails you know. Masturbation also is helpful when, you know, she’s having the painters in. But now, the man is supposed to keep his masturbation to him self. No bragging or anything. Why? I say, shit, be proud. Fuck what those diesel dikes (Ostensibly they don’t care, but I can’t imagine the whole affair is anything but disturbing - Ed.) think. And to help with this, I enclose a list of terms you can use to describe what you did the “other” night…
Jerk off Jack off Wack off Pull off Beat off Wanking Beating your meat Flogging your dong Pounding your pud Bleeding your weed Wringing your rope Stroking it Giving it a tug Beating the bishop
Giving it a tug Beating the bishop Milking the lizard Chocking the chicken Waxing the dolphin Wrestling the eel Spank the frank Paddle the pickle Jerk the gurkin Punishing Percy in your palm Shooting putty at the moon Snargling the garblat Spackling the ceiling Polishing your rocket
Behold Opinions Deathmatch II! Less clever...but more sexy! This Week’s Challenger
This Week’s Other Challenger Uncorrect!
Why I Deserve a Harem By “Pink Eyed” Jim Cortina I’ve been pondering the concept of monogamy lately. I’m proud to announce that I’ve been able to see through the dense fog that surrounds its logic. Most men disagree with the idea, but it has been ingrained in our popular morality for so long, few dare to oppose it openly. The shocking revelation is thus: Women don’t believe in monogamy either, at least not for a moral reason. Women believe in monogamy because of insecurity. Why argue with a rule that will allow your man only one woman when you secretly fear that if he, in short, fucks another woman, then he will no longer want you? Ladies, fear not, this is not always the case. I’m not certain of the exact date that monogamy entered the annals of Judeo-Christian morality, but it was a sad day indeed. “Less Civilized” cultures have it right; a man can have as many women as he can afford to support. Men have a certain biological drive that compels them to fuck as many women as they are able to. It’s all simple biology. Life continues because of a biological drive to procreate. Life continues because of the laws of probability. The reason sex is pleasureable is so that we will have a drive to fuck. Granted, in the past hundred years or so, infant mortality has decreased significantly. So it does seem that our drive to fuck as many women as possibly in as short a time as possible is outdated now. But is that my fault? I still have this drive; it is as innate as my drive to eat. It is not only humans that have this drive, monogamy is not found in the VAST majority of other species. An ornithologist might dispute this claim, but only an ornithologist. So it could be said that monogamy is for the birds (pun not only intended, but encouraged). Logically and biologically it makes sense that I should be able to fuck as many women as I see fit. Ladies, be nice to your guy, allow them to give in to their biological urges. Guys, be nice and realize that the converse must also be true. And I wonder why I have trouble with women…
Next Week: - Camaro = Sex - Return of The Explicit Cracker - This week’s winner - Unoriginality!!!
Unsheathed!
An Untitled Cultural Filibuster
UnChristian!
By Rita Chinyere
VS
Unregulated
Now in my time here at Rutgers University, I’ve noticed something rather disturbing....ASIANS AND INDIANS tryin to be black. Look people, do yourselves a favor and put your hidden tiger crouching dragon getups and your saris back on. This notion of “G-Funk” you’ve taken isn’t for you. OK so the Chinese chicks on the bus with the outdated now 8th grade skater like UFO pants, please put those parachutes away!! And all these little Asian boys running around in Triple Five Soul Hoodies and beanie hats so you can’t see their eyes!! Stop the madness folks, there’s no reason to be ashamed of your true culture. We know you belong working in a Hunan Work or Hong Kong Kitchen somewhere, trust me you don’t have to spend every last cent of your underwaged paycheck to look ghetto. Black people don’t intend to be ghetto, it’s just their way of nature. You on the other hand, no there’s no reason, so Asian hoes, get rid of the baggy polo jeans and hoodies and guys you know its ok were not asking you to be the fuckin Asian geek with the glasses that stands on the A bus because no one wants him to sit by them because the spit is spewing from his mouth as he says “cuse me cuse me”. Go get your own style.. Oh and Indians you guys can’t get away either you need to take your curry asses back to the mainland India because rocking outdated Tommy gear from like 5 years ago isn’t working. If you’re gonna try and be ghetto at least do it right....we all know Tommy hilfiger moved on to the preppy white look. And as for you FOB (fresh off the boat) Indians, please do something about YOUR style....don’t wear the spandex jeans that get tight around the ankles with the boots that come over them or the super huge sneakers from payless that fall off everytime you get on an L. Well i think I’m pretty much done, so all you fuckers beware the Criticist is out there. (Sure, you can submit racially insensitive stuff, but then you don’t get the porn on your side...it pays to care buckaroos - Ed.)
Unprotected! Unconscious!
Beat your penis in chess lately??? Enter the melee of the mind! Go for broke folks, everyone already hates you! Send entries - collegeben@hotmail.com
News
“I like to study the kuma satra” -some guy on real sex 29, HBO2”
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
Mountain Dew, Al Qaeda Join Forces by Eric J. Baker STAFFWRITER
Beverage maker Mountain Dew announced yesterday that a new business partnership has been formed between the company and international terrorist organization Al Qaeda. Financial analysts believe the Pepsi Cola Bottling Company, the parent company of Mountain Dew, initiated the move in an effort to boost sagging soft drink sales. Mountain Dew spokesman Ted Kazinski disagreed. “That is not the case at all,” Kazinski said at yesterday’s public announcement, “Mountain Dew has always been on the cutting edge of marketing, and this is just the newest phase to be implemented.” The plan, inspired by the Bush Administration’s color-coded terrorism alert system, calls for Al Qaeda terrorists to suicide bomb several major landmarks in the United States, thus raising the alert status to “Code Red,” which is also the name of a Mountain Dew soft drink. In return, Al Qaeda martyrs will go straight to heaven and into the arms of 37 waiting virgins. When reminded that the marketing plan would result in the deaths of thousands of innocent people, Kazinski replied “A few thousand dead, many million sold. You do the math.” When President Bush was told of the new venture, he turned to Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge (who devised the coded alert system) and said “Nice going Jughead.” Ridge later issued a press release condemning the campaign, adding that if Mountain Dew had had the foresight to call the beverage Code Yellow, they would have had a free ad for the entire year following the September, 2001 terror attacks. Contacted in his Malibu, California beach house, Al Qaeda CEO Osama Bin Laden said, “This is really a step above our previous ventures in the heroin trade, because the marketing resources just weren’t there.” In his whimsical way, Bin Laden remained philosophical. “But if it doesn’t work out and Al Qaeda closes up shop, Mountain Dew still has the option of renaming its original drink Code Green,” said the terror mastermind, referring to the coded alert system’s lowest danger level. Bin Laden also added “I pray to Allah that all Americans die the fiery painful death that Zionist pigs deserve.”
Students Tired of Fighting Terror by Ned B. STAFF WRITER
Rutgers University, NJ - Reports have come in from all around Rutgers University campuses saying Rutgers students are tired of the War on Terror. Some students say it has just gone on too long, and that they no longer see the necessity of pursuing terror. The War on Terror is estimated to have begun mid-September of last year when President Bush had what he described as “a terrifiable nightmare, with high amounts of scarocity.” After wetting his bed that evening, he declared an all out war on Terror and vowed to hunt it down and make it his bitch. However, after a year with almost no results but lots of blown up media coverage Rutgers students are beginning to show their weary attitudes towards the war. “I don’t even see what the big deal is,” said Rutgers College student Will Stemple, “I mean, what did Terror really do that was so bad?” Mathew Stern, a fellow student and friend of Will, added, “Personally, I think we should leave Terror alone and go after that son-of-a-bitch Giddy. I am really getting tired of that bastard. Or Angst – he’s one that I think should’ve been brought down years ago.” Other Rutgers students have other ideas on the matter. “Terror is not really the issue here,” says one female student wishing to remain anonymous. “The issue is what America intends to do about the oppression of gay black women everywhere from Terror. No longer will we live under the tyrannical rule of Terror, we will rise up above its unjust-“ the student was then cut off by the mighty strength of my backhand.
NEWS UPDATES by Alex Addison STAFF WRITER
LOCAL In a currently unrelated Development, New Jersey Senator Robert "The Scorch" Torricelli has announced his resignation from contention for Senior Senator from the African Diaspora. At the Capitol in Trenton, Torricelli was quoted as saying "Al though I be not black enough, fo sho I done represented my peoples to the illest. Dat Forresta nigga best be countin' his blessins that I be a pussy." When asked for an interpretation, his translator Ikechukwu Njoweye shrugged and downed a quick shot from the flask, which he then passed to me. I am scheduled for a blood test tomor row. That dirty Irishman. A protest is scheduled for this Thursday at Torricelli cam paign HQ on George St.
NATIONAL My roommate declined comment on the Iraq situation, saying only "If you don't put the dildo black, uh, back on the wall, I'm gonna break your nose with it." I then proceeded to sport a pair of brass knuckles and fist him. And when I say fist, I mean beat to a bloody Irish pulp.
INTERNATIONAL
*extra rules for new brunswick survival that actually start on the next page* 16. Always have money on hand for New Brunswick parking tickets. 17. Always have blunts on you -you never know when you’ll need one. 18. Pick up a Targum daily, you need to wipe your ass with something when you run out of toilet paper.
While the economy sucks the moon's tasty testes, President George K. K. K. Bush has announced that he WILL in fact not intervene in the west coast ship worker's strike. Fuck the west coast. Fuck the Presidency. Fuck the Irish. EUROPE The Swedish Right-wing party Dokenn has declared all Swedish rock bands i.e. The Hives and The International Noise Conspiracy to be the spawn of Karl Marx. In an interview from his Argentinean hideout, Adolph Hitler guffawed hysterically and stuck his finger up his ass much to the pleasure of Jewish Nazi Albert Einstein. ANTARCTICA Snow and penguin carcass. AUSTRALIA The Penis Puppeteers continue their world tour, bringing the total number of embar rassed Non-Australian men to 4.7 billion. LIVINGSTON CAMPUS There will be a skunk hunt this Friday at 5 pm in the LSC. Participants are encouraged to shoot other Rutgers Students as well.
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
Mr. Bill Appointed Head Football Coach, “Oh Noooooooo!” Says Bill by colin marchiando STAFFWRITER
New Brunswick – Suffering a disappointing season despite a continued effort, the Scarlet Knights have decided to hire long time TV personality, Mr. Bill, in an attempt to turn around the season. The announcement was made at a press conference today to a shocked but excited group of reporters. Many in the sports world see this as a possible new leaf for Rutgers Football despite Mr. Bill having no experience in either coaching or playing football. With such a situation, Mr. Bill is not without his nay-sayers. Critics argue that he is likely to get hurt every game in a hilarious fashion, something Bill shrugged off today saying “Oh Noooooooooooooo!” as the podium he was speaking at fell on him, crushing him into the bit of clay from which he spawned.
“If you deceive someone, God is the actual deceiver.”
News News
Survival Guide to New Brunswick As you are all aware, New Brunswick isn't the most fabulous place to live; bums sleep on the benches located on College Ave. Beggars wander around the train station asking you for a little bit of your heart to fuel a "fake" train trip home. Garbage is permanently affixed to private and public properties, as a accessory to the overabundance of rose bushes… and not to forget Mexican drag queens, Mexicans in general, and Mexicans who rob you for your 10-year-old Super Nintendo and spare change. 1.
2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15.
Always bring a sandwich with you; in case a bum starts to chase you, you can always throw the sandwich at him. (submitted by one of my “wise” roommates) Carry pepper spray or a rape whistle in case of unexpected attack. Have plenty of restaurant menus in your house, for late night munchie attacks. Always lock your doors and look around before entering. Try to carry drugs with you to make a few extra bucks when you lack funds for survival. (by jd3) Visit Health Centers frequently, Rutgers diseases may become airborne some day. Carry a condom, but not in your wallet. Buy yourself a Fat Cat once in awhile to stay alive-dining hall food can be lethal. Make sure you allow enough time to run to the bathroom after eating at Brower. Find out if your neighbor is a drug dealer, so when you need something quick, you always have a nearer source. Always be ready to scream and close your eyes in case you see a fat girl wearing a tube top 2 sizes too small. Live off of dry cereal when funds are low. Watch out for broken glass and used needles. Don't let the guy at the train station trick you - he's always looking for a few bucks to get home… everyday… Don't depend on anyone, rely on yourself, so stop relying on my damn guide and think up your own shit!
submit news articles to carolhu@eden.rutgers.edu, include your name in the email or a pseudonym if you are embarrassed to see your real name in print.
Oops! Box Last Wed, Oct. 2nd, Police Blotter lacked an author, author name is Michael “Stainey” Stanley
Don’t go home hungry, come to a meeting. Livingston Student Center Room 113 at 9:30 pm -- we’ll satisfy your hunger, no matter what you’re craving.
GMG
“Don’t fuck with The Jesus.”
9/11, BEST DAY EVER!
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002 Send stuff to RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu
By: The Writers Block Send stuff to RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu I recently met up with my good friend Osama; some of you guys might remember him as the guy who killed your uncle or something. Well anyways, we met up and had a great chat about September 11th, 2001, possibly the best day ever! Osama, who now lives in the U.S. , has changed a lot since 9/11. For one, he has done away with the beard and turban, I don’t want to look like a god-damn sand nigger, who would want to these days with all this prejudice, like Snoop says I gotta lay low. I agree with Osama, who goes by the name Larry Henderson now, that ever since 9/11 sand niggers have gotten it bad. But its ok, because for Osama, I mean Larry and Larry Henderson, no me, it was still the coolest day ever. Larry relation to the Henderson was saying how that day made him, You know family that discovered theres always been this invisible list of the Harry aka. bigfoot in the greatest guys in history, Hitler is on it, Stalin wonderful movie “Harry as well, my nigga Hussein is on it also, it’s a and the Hendersons”, is list all the great playas want to be on. Kind of living out his life long fantasy of being a cowboy like the list for the greatest NBA players of all time, this list is for the greatest playas of all and eating pigs raw. time, and 9/11 put me on that list. Larry recited how the events of September 11th made him a superstar, but he doesn’t let stardom get to his head. You know, so many people come up to me and say Osama, when you coming out with that book, Osama, can you sign this for me, Osama this, Osama that. But that’s not what Larry is all about, I’m just gonna chill out and let it ride. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still keepin it real, I still hate the U.S., but that’s our little secret, Go Yankees! I agree with Larry on the benefits of that great day, besides from all those people dying, 9/11 was a day of endless benefits for me. I told Larry about how I didn’t have classes that day, and Larry said that it was great and he was glad that he able to help out. But the buck doesn’t stop there, no sir! After that day, I rode the rest of the semester with ease. I was able to pass all my classes without doing any work, all I did was just complain and act like I was sad about a dead grandfather or something. When I told Larry this, he said that this was taking advantage of a problem and that not even he would have done what I did. After that, we both laughed for like 10 minutes, boy is Larry a funny guy! After we had that talk, we caught up to what we were both doing these days. I was doing my usual, going to school at Rutgers and idolizing our football team. Larry on the other hand was having the greatest time of his life. Livin in the States is great, I go to Yankee games, smoke up with Outkast and I watch a lot of t.v., I just love The Sopranos, I never miss it, but then again, who doesn’t watch the Sopranos? I assured him that the people he blew up didn’t and then we laughed some more. After that, it was time to say goodbye. I asked him if we would ever hear from the evil Bin Laden again and he told me Be on the look out for 9/12. Will do Larry, will do!
Ever wonder what a Medium meeting is like?
Com
Send stuff to RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu Send stuff to RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu
“Don’t be such a bitch, just lick her pussy for a few minutes and then she gives you some money and a wet-nap.”
Asian Retaliation By Carol Hu Recently there has been an overabundance of verbal attacks against persons of Asian descent. Through my personal experience with peers of different ethnic backgrounds, I feel that this overbearing force of words is highly unnecessary and has crossed a certain line. Being that my background is Chinese, Taiwanese if you desire to be politically correct; my life has been more difficult than my fellow peers, who also happen to be Caucasian and predominantly Jewish. I have not been treated as fairly as others who are not “yellow-skinned.” I have been singled out and picked on just because people only notice the fact that I am Asian. Sometimes I wonder if people can look beyond the color of my skin and see what exists within me. The assumption that I am either a “whore” or “hot” or simply just good in bed has sometimes been falsely accused. Of course, I mean that being a whore is an overstatement, but being good in bed and hot is definitely an understatement, because I am well aware of the fact that I am exceptionally amazing and wonderful and all that goodness, in bed and everywhere else. Asian women are not trophies for men to present on their arms; they are more than just a good fuck, since they are good at math too. Asian men have also been mentally raped and scarred for life. The stereotype of “small wang” needs to end. Sure it is fine for any other race because they supposedly have larger cocks. Black men definitely do not mind the sometimes-false stereotype of possessing a large dick, due to the fact that it builds up their ego to larger than life scales, but how would you feel if you were constantly the target of a negative racial joke? Not very good.
Come this week for a special treat... I’m not going to say it’s strippers, but I’m not not going to say it... 9:30 in room 113 at the Livingston Student Center.
We Asians have endured enough from everyone and it needs to be brought to a halt, or given a temporary break. We are more than just a transitory fetish for men that have fallen for a superficial trend. Stop treating us like outsiders and objects of diversity; it isn’t all that humorous.
Jun and Sung have started the “retaliAsian” movement and taken it “coast to coast”.
Features
“Don’t fuck with the lesbo.”
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002 Send stuff to RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu Send stuff to RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu
ics
Random Rant by The Mad Typer
“So we’re sharks right? Well I was wondering if you could explain something to me... how do we have sex?””
Well, it’s that time of year again, when the weather turns cold and the snow starts to fall..... that’s right, Jesus’s birthday, and how do we celebrate that day? By pretending our fat shit of an uncle brings us presents other than the daily cumshot to the face. You know all this talking about Jesus has got me thinking about the Jews and how they killed Christ. Which leads me to his ressurection. When is he going to get his sweet man ass back to this planet? All the signs are in place, the antichrist is here, trouble in the middle-east, Britney Spears did a movie.... how many times do we have to piss off god to get his only son back? Because if he were resurrected, I would love to Crucify him again.... I have a lot of sins piled up.
A Day in the Life By Somebody, possibly Anybody, but really nobody. So where do I begin? Waking up to that fucking siren that sound of a dying cat being anally raped by some three year old kid with a lollipop jumping up and down screaming K I T T Y , KITTY, KITTY until I fucking beat the shit out This is a picture of the Missisof it but I only hit sippi River delta, sometimes it the snooze and floods with water, other times six minutes later, the one true god, Lebios, takes it turns into my all the water away and remother beating places it with urine... he’s a me with a rolled feisty one. up home made smoked kielbasa, pounding inside my head WAKETHEFUCKUP until I rip that fucker out of its plug and deny it the pleasure of having existence. Of course, once that happens, I miss all of my classes. Whatever. Do you ever have that weird sleep where you’re not sure if you’re awake or dreaming? It happens when you sleep in classes, you hear the guy talking, but you’re out cold. I had that only I was masturbating in front of the whole class. When I woke up, I came over some girl in the first row. I wasn’t sure what was more disturbing, me masturbating or her licking it off her sweater. I tried to act cool, you know, put my dick away, but I wiped my hands on my pants, and that shit smears. Especially when it’s that thick creamy kind, when it comes out solid or is that just me. So I wanted to see the sunset. I was sitting on the roof of my car, horizon spread out before me awash in an array of melting colors slowly fading to black to stars shining through the polluted heavens; I could almost see myself, with some horse, walking into it. Then some fucks started beeping their horns. Apparently you can’t stop to have a look at nature on route 18, apparently you can cause traffic accidents and jams and make kids late for their late classes; apparently it’s illegal and can get you arrested and sent to
the hospital for treatment. Fucking if I knew sticking a fork in an outlet was considered a remedy I would have fucking done it at home. Fucking had to pay for that shit too. If you don’t want to pay for an abortion, just untwist a metal hanger and jam up into the vaginal opening. It’s not completely a precise procedure, it’s kind of touch and go like for some of you girls, the guys touch you and go. See, life is all a circle. Day to Night, night to day, we all breathe a little, laugh a little, and then fade away, lost memories in the minds of aging children of the future, doddering themselves, on the verge of collapse. Unless of course George Bush stays president for much longer. Remember, you can fool him once, and then you know, fool you can well, you see, THE FOOL CAN’T BE FOOLED AGAIN! Gee, guys, what’s this red button do the one that says NU-C-L-E-A-R war? You know, I’ll tell you what guys, if Saddam Hussein tried to kill my daddy too, I might want a little revenge as well. Sometimes I feel like a stillborn baby that somehow survived and have never taken a breath. Probably just as well, everything is fucking polluted anyway. You hear these studies saying how this causes cancer, and that causes cancer, fucking taking a breath causes cancer. Dennis Leary, sometimes, scares me with the truth. I have trouble sleeping. I stay up at night, lying in bed thinking about all the people in the world, and about how little we all know about anything, as little as my penis. Maybe George Bush is the Son of Man, maybe his nukes are the modern angels of death, ready to swoop down and kill the nonbelievers with no blood on their doors and bring them in a glory of radiated haze to a new enlightened age of heightened consciousness. But then I fall asleep and dream about masturbating in front of congress (which of course ends up in a circle jerk), in AA meetings (which ends up in a circle jerk as well, only there is crying involved), inside the dunkin doughnuts/togo’s/baskin robbins with thirty one flavors all creamed over) and at Rutgers football games (which of course, without doubt, ends up in a circle jerk), and it all fades away as soon as that fucking cat starts getting anally raped again. But hey, I guess that’s just a day in the life. Thought I was finished. Well, so did I. I am as decisive as a child molester inside a day care center, but hey, that’s my problem. I had a point, somewhere, I think, maybe I still do. I doubt it. Take what you want. I could be somebody, you know, anybody. I’m just a number. If that.
Santa doesn’t mind if you sin... afterall he and Jesus used to eat babies before making sweet man-love to celebrate the coming of our lord.
Write or...
Send rants, short stories, poetry, fiction, plays, altered comic strips, original comic strips, quizzes, naked pictures of your mom and crack to RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu or CuteBoyAss@hotmail.com
Die
The Poetry Corner Ode To My Bum by Emily Dickenson I saw my anus today In a most perculiar way The light had shown some caked on crap I washed it clean away.
Once You Pop by Dick Hertz I love babies They are so cute and nice I can’t rape just one.
Arts
“Sbarro will have a monopoly on pizza in the LSC. Or die.”
RU Fat? Self Fatness Test
Wednesday, October 9, 2002
RUGBY
By Raoul Dan, Freelance Journalist (Editor’s note: I only wrote Fat Jenny cause it’s true...don’t start blaming me if someone calls you a fat bitch...it’s prolly cause you are an actual bitch...who happens to be fat~AM)
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Stand up, and look towards the ground. Can you see your feet? When you sat back down, was your chair/bench shattered into a million pieces like the hymen of a drunken freshman frat slut? · Have you ever, either accidently or on purpose, caused a total eclipse of the sun? · Do you break a sweat trying to open a package of Twinkies? · Have you ever gone to class, only to find that the seats were too small for your gargantuan ass? · Do you have more rolls than a French Bakery, and/or more chins than Chinatown? · Have you ever found a living (or dead) person or animal under one of the above mentioned chins/rolls? · Have you ever killed a lover during the act of sexual congress by crushing or smothering them to death? · Do you find this questionaire or the Medium offensive?* · When you walk your fat ass into a lecture hall, do people say, “Goddamn! That is one fat ass! I mean, I’ve seen some fat fucking people before, but goddamn, how does an ass get that fucking fat?!?” If you answered “No” to most of these questions, or if you answered “Yes” to only one, the test has proven to be inconclusive. Don’t breathe easy just yet, though. This just means you need a second opinion. Please go to the nearest all-you-can-eat Buffet. If they lock the doors, you are indeed fat. If you have answered “Yes” more then once, or have answered “No” to the first question, then please sit down (if you aren’t already). I have bad news for you, you are fat. If you answered the question with the * as “Yes”, you may not only be fat, but you may very well be a humorless, boring, bland, ugly, ratbastard punk-ass bitch. This is quite a bit worse then being fat. The only way to save your immortal soul (unless you are fat, in which case you don’t have a soul anyway) is to go to the top of a tall building and do your best impersonation of a lemming. Hopefully you have found this to be informative and educational. Koo-koo-kachoo, you fat fucks. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 Bring Pizza from everywhere but Sbarro’s 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890
Like what you see? Hate what you see? Wanna Fight? Come to the Medium Meeting, tonight at 9:30 - LSC 113
Photo by Liz Finelli (thanks, babe)
Subliminally submit to Shorty_fat_fat@yahoo.com A little somethin for the boys....
Returnn of the BOOBIES
As many of you may have noticed, there are students who fit into the category of “Fat Jenny.” Arts Editor Aija McKenzie, in her extreme benevolence, attempted to help out the university community as a whole by exposing this horrible trend of fat girls wearing clothes made for 5 year olds, or waitresses at Hooters (or other good-looking and thin women). But I am not as benevolent. In fact, I am an asshole. With that in mind, I would like to offer this free self-test. By simply answering “Yes” or “No” to the following questions, and then scoring your responses below, you can find out if you are, in fact, the fat slut bitch whore who was verbally castrated in last issue’s Personals section. And remember, fatness doesn’t only apply to women, Men are also affected by this disease (although most fat men have been taken out of the gene pool Darwin-style through elementary school Dodge Ball).
This is a picture of me picking up one of my captains Jana (talia) in what’s called a Lineout. You missed a rockin’ good time, but don’t be sad, you can catch it again next Sunday at 11am, on the Sports Club Field across from Silvers Apartments on Busch...Look how strong I am, Mom!
Fran Lawrence Can Suck My Big Fat Cock: A Haiku By Phil Latio He licks it for hours my mushroom-tipped man love pole then he drinks my cum. He never called me next day I sat by the phone. All men are the same. This poem dedicated to Eric J. I hope it heals.
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
To Dennis and duck,You are the two biggest fucking pussies ever, so I guess its cool that you fuck each other. Although I suppose its not fair for duck because we all know that, Dennis (mind you he’s Chinese) has a dick skinnier that a chopstick. (They are right, studies have shown asian men are inferior when it comes to penis size, haha to all you Asians) To the fucking bitch on the bus that looks like a fucking Viking, if your phone rings one more time I’m going to throw you under the bus then shit down your throat and sodimize you with a fucking road cone. I don’t give a shit about how much thug passion you fucking had to drink or what fucking club you went to. Guess what, there’s no fucking thing call a thugged out Viking, I’m going to kill you. (I bet that Viking girl is “weird” and she eats alot, she sounds like alot of people that I see that never seen to leave the Dining Halls) To Carol’s boyfriend (if you are still her boyfriend):When do weget to see more man ass pics of you in The Medium? I MISS MY MAN ASS PICS! www.manscapes.com for e verthat ! goddamn ricer who To drives that faggotry assed black civic with that fucking 8 inch tip and altezza tail lights, you shit, your car is slow, you own a fucking car that even a dirty Mexican at the gas station can afford. It’s not special, and adding your gay ricer shit does nothing to improve it, so stop pretending. My windows fucking rattle each time you feel the need to show your homosexuality and drive around. No, that huge fart coming out of your exhaust does not give you an extra 50 hp, NOR DOES IT SOUND POWERFUL.Please respond to this message in your barely literate bling-bling ghetto type. Katt, No one loves you more than me baby, I’m so glad we get to spend so much time together, and I hope one day I can give you everything you ever wanted. Love, Kidd (Awww, how cute. I’m sorry Katt, this was just an attempt to try to get you to let him put it in your butt, so sad... but so true) www.ilovemartinscock.com (don’t we all?)
Personals
“Did you drink my beer Doug?”
A thanks goes out to that kid who introduced us to Jose Cuervo outside of the rutgers college center last saturday night. (I’m sure José Cuervo wasn’t the only thing you were introduced to last weekend. You forgot the part about how he didn’t have any shot glasses so you had to take it from his ass into your mouth) A big FUCK YOU goes out to upside down backwards. Every time I see you I realize how stupid a human being can be. Why don’t you do the world a favor and choke yourself with your visor. (Why, you’ve just brought up a group of people that the majority hate. From where I’m from we call them “visor fucks” they are very ignorant and like fat people aren’t “real” people. Visorfucks deserve to die. Die, die die, do us all a favor and pull the strap on your visor way too tight when it’s around your neck) To everyone — Give the fat chicks what they want: sex. Makes everyone happier. If the fat chicks get no sex, they start committing suicide, and we don’t want that. Ever throw a watermelon onto pavement from the second story? Well, imagine what happens with a really fat watermelon from the tenth story (Now see, fat people aren’t really people so they don’t deserve sex. If they comitted suicide it would make the world a better place, just like the visor-fucks above. Now, if people did happen to die in a fat people suicide they’d have to be the few sacrifices that we’d have to accept to make the world a better place. And from your tone you’re probably a fattie whose trying to fool us nonweird people to having sex with you. You’ve failed miserably. Now go jump off that roof!)
Now, see what you’re missing by not going to the Medium meetings. These girls will be there doing exactly this. Come be the close to real women instead of the porno on your computer. This one goes out to that beezer kid that wrote that article. I think you are sooooo fuckin sexy. When i saw you at the building communities class, I just wanted to jump on you and fuck you right there. You know where I am, come get me you beast. Dave, Stop killing dogs, you fagshitter. Your pal, James (What the fuck is fagshitter?) To that girl in my Scott Hall Women’s Studies class: Why do you have to be so fucking hot? Seriously...please stop being so fucking slammin’ all the time, or I’m going to have to fucking walk over to you and take a shower. I fucking swear to god. You are a dirty dirty girl. I want to do very bad things to you. (Now, please take time to reread this.. she is so hot, he might have to walk over to her and take a shower? Obviously the guy in this is overweight and this attractive girl makes him sweat, but why the hell would he walk over to her and take a shower? All that fat in your body must have messed up your thought process)
To Jenn: I’m sorry about that last personal about you. I’m sure you are very nice. I would also like you to go Bing, 7 days left. It’s gona be down on me with a great I promise you that. I hope vengeance. Thank you. you enjoy the surprises I’ve (That has got to be one of the lamest lines I’ve ever heard) planned for you. *love*
To that HotASS blonde girl Jenn in my women’s studies class: You are such a fine piece of ass, I’d share a tossed salad with you ANYDAY! I know you taste fine. DAMN! (How exactly would you share a tossed salad unless you were both tossing someone else’s salad. You’re the same idiot as before aren’t you, the one who wants to shower after you walk over to the girl. YOU’RE FAT, you don’t want to do anything sexual, you just want to eat!)
Lamar Smith, you fucking suck! I can’t believe that you did so fucking shitty this weekend. Every past weekend you’ve been kicking ass scoring and rushing for over 150 yards, this week you fucking fumble twice. Yeah that shows us all how you suck and you’re going to suffer. You better fucking tear some shit up next week, you, Rod, and Antoine better light up the fucking boards! (Boy, somebody sure does care way too much about fantasy football, I know people like you, one kid had 15 pitchers in F-baseball)
Send in personals to:
stainey@witty.com
Dear AsianWatch out for pizzas on your windshield, and penises in your once virgin a-hole. (Now that applies to all of Busch campus...) Brower Dining Hell: Why the hell is that that I can eat very little from the dining hall, yet about an hour later I have to shit so fucking bad. I’m so close to just eating cereal and waffles. Your dinners fucking suck, you should have your lunches and breakfasts out for longer or do a “breakfast for dinner” that way I wouldn’t have to run to find a bathroom after I leave dinner. (Some of the people at RU call that the “Brower Hour” because the food will be in and out of you in less then an hour. Just think, the food could be in your stomach for hours or days and you could get sick. It’s all for the good of the kids here...) Put the lime in the coke and drink em both up. Put the lime in the cock and you suck it all up. Put the lick on the cock and slurp it all up. Put the cock in the girl and fuck it all up. Put the cock in the girl then come all the way up to her face and leave her a nice present. (I bet you didn’t know that the Baha men did a cover of that song on their current Cd, and I can’t believe I know that. Seriously the cd was free then I gave it to my friend who loves them) Yo, Chris thanks so much for the invite to the Femmes concert last week. It was a nice thing to do with a would have been lame week. They were also pretty damn good. It also rocked that I got the ticket for like half price considering I don’t have any money. Kudos for the invite, now when are we gona jam?
Personals Burgos is the most eloquent redneck monkey fuck. Not to mention the fact that he likes emus claws racking his back while munching on venison jerky. Bri, I can’t believe you hooked up with a 12 yr old. Ok I take that back I can believe it. You’re the man. (Bri, stop telling people about the things you do with your sister. It’s really not showing any respect for your family) Ramon… [moan, moan, moan]…I missed you the other night, sweetheart. I knocked on your door and there was no answer. I had to go home and masturbate at the thought of us knockin’ da boots. I crave your cream. I want your white rain all over my tight, toned, hungry-for-cock body. I need some sort of sign that you are interested in me. Write back through here baby. You won’t be sorry. (Don’t worry Ramon...I heard the knocking and took care of everything. Just leave it all to me)
“WOO WOO MANDANGALO!!!” To the disgusting girl who is currently sitting right next to me. You smell like fucking shit. Next time, before you come to the computer lab, or even anywhere in public, please be curteous and wash your fucking stank ass puss. I might just throw up right all over you this very second. BARF! Can you please leave? OHMYGOD, I swear this is a miracle because you are packing your bag as I type this! HA!! You are gone, but your stench is trapped in my nostrils. (Wow, that was pretty intense. You must be like Ms. Cleo or some shit. I wish Ms. Cleo would sit on my face.) Justin Timberlake of TKEIt’s been a week and I still have not heard from you. What is going on? I have my friends keeping their eyes out for you… I know where you are. I understand that you have a lot of studying to do (you were spotted at the library), but my blood is boiling for you. I need you to strip me down and fuck me like the slut I want to be.
Sure, I’ll give you a ride to the Medium Meeting on Wednesday in LSC-113 at 9:30!!
I had a “sexual health advocate” cum into my residence hall and talk to me about sex. All I wanted to do was jump up and fuck her in the ass. I don’t understand how Rutgers can have such hot fucking women talking about sex. Do they not realize the size of my immense hard-on throughout the entire program? Holy Sweet Christ. MMM MMM MMM. (Apparently that was your first time having a “sex talk”. You are a grown man for god sakes…you shouldn’t get hard-ons at the mention of sex. What kind of an animal are you? By the way…can you get me this girl’s number?) To my Ethics professor - Are you fucking cracked out? You must be. For the love of God, please go to the dermatologist and get your facial melanoma checked out. You are just a mummified piece of artifact with pigeon toes and dandruff. Who the hell gave you the license to teach? You ride through the lecture like John Bobbitt on a sex frenzy after he got his dick reattached. Slow down. It’s all in the rhythm, pigeon To my 2-inch dick boyfriend Rick- I don’t want no minute man. That means you need to get the hell out of my face and get your sorry ass excuse for a cock out of my pussy. (not like that will be a problem, since it slides out every time anyway) I need a real man who can get me hot and have no problem finding my g-spot. And I’m just in luck because I have been fucking your brother for the past 3 months. Yup, that’s right. PEACE. (I think I saw this slut on Jerry Springer last week)
RU SCREW I SCREW WE ALL SCREW SCREW RU THE SCHOOL SCREWS SCREW RU RU SCREW (If you have time for this shit, you obviously don’t get screwed enough. Fat chick I assume?)
A personal “fuck you” goes out to all the fucking loser sorority girls who think they are so fucking cool. You make me sick. SDT, your shirts are repulsive. “You think you know but you have no idea”...know what? That all of you have herpes? Trust me, we fucking have EVERY idea. SLUTS.
To that disgusting piece of trash on the F bus Thursday: You are fucking gross. I would appreciate if you stole some money from your roommate to buy the deodorant that you clearly cannot afford. You smell like gross tuna after being left outside in 100 degree weather. I feel sorry for you having to stand up during the ride, but even more sorry for the poor people who had to stand next to you, smelling your armpit stench. Go hang yourself.
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002 To my GF on our anniversary- I wanted to profess my love to you so that all of Rutgers knows the way I love you: You know, I can fall asleep with your tit just chillin in my mouth. I love to grab your tits when you are sitting on my face and I’m tasting your sweet pussy juices. The best is when I flip you over and run my tongue down the crack of your asshole and then fuck you with it. You like when I do that, don’t you? You like when I eat you out and finger your asshole at the same time, right? Yea you like that bitch…er, I mean sweetie pie, honey-love? That’s the way I love my woman Rutgers. Happy Anniversary darling! ! (I came in pants just reading that. Please bring your gf to the next medium meeting) To that fucking excuse of a human being Danielle: You are nothing but a backstabbing, cock sucking, lying, cheating, worthless, hopeless, wench, douchebag, fuckhead, dirtball, slut. Bitch, dirty whore. I hope you fucking rot in hell. I hope the devil hangs you from your nipples and skins you and pours salt all over your body, while dancing to the rhythm of the “tsssss” noise you make. You make me so sick that puking over your entire face is the most enjoyable thought that runs through my body. I want to rip off all your fake acrylic nails and soak your bloody stumps in a tub of acetone. I want to rip out your buck teeth and cut off your precious brown hair. Nobody! fucks with me. Nobody.
Max, can you please turn down your fucking music? It is so fucking loud. I can’t even hear myself think over here. I don’t understand why you think that your hard rock bands are so fucking cool, cause they aren’t...they fucking suck. You suck. Your mother sucks. and you know what else? I know you suck. That’s right. You suck cock homo fag queer ass! The average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates, but only 10 percent of that actually makes it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean every time one unloads, and you wonder why the ocean is so salty. (Thank god fat chicks can’t produce sperm. We’d all have to keep away from the ocean then, woudln’t we?) HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY B! How proud I am of you for all your accomplishments since our friendship came to be. Words cannot express how much you mean to me in my life. By the time you read this, you will have already partied your ass off, gotten really drunk at the bars, and probably sucked some random cock. That’s alright, it’s all good. It’s your fucking BDAY mother fucker! Perhaps your Bday resolution should be to finally get fucked in the ass... or at the very least acquire a dildo or some butt plugs to play with. After all, doesn’t whacking it 6 times a day just bother you to hell already? LOVE YOU, B (Sigh, it was my cock that this fucking birthday boy sucked)
PEOPLE! PEOPLE! SEND YOUR PERSONALS TO STAINEY@WITTY.COM BEFORE I KICK YOUR S O R R Y L I T T L E ASSES!!
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
Personals
“But the graffiti doesn’t have to be a penis. It can be the alien word for bitch”
Sir Ganks-A-Lot
To K.I. all the way up north...I still love ya, even tho your parents shut ya down and shipped you somewhere where they THOUGHT you couldn’t get into any trouble - ha! they’ll see...MWAHAHAHA! love always, Aijers The Yankees lost this weekend. Way to fucking go Angels. Those cocksuckers deserved that loss more then anything. Just think next year they’ll spend $250 million on a new team so they won’t lose again. The real problem with baseball is the cockgobblingYankees! To that cute girl who I see everyonce in a while. Let me liberal jew run media give you the time of your life. HBO: Hebrew Box Office I’ll give you the time of your To that hot redheaded girl i see life if you let me take you. walking around campus. The Mmm I can’t wait to taste your one with the perfect body, and sweet nectar. the sweet sweet ass. I want to This would have your fuck you and fuck you and fuck you again until you get knocked personal but you didn’t out from smacking your head send one in! If you did, over and over on my people would be readdashboard.Call me? ing what you sent in To those guys on the roof now. Be sure to submit To Splatt...we love you and we Saturday—I fingered myself to: hope you get well soon - love, watching you. the rest of the Rutgers Womens (Feel free to use LSC 113 on stainey@witty.com Rugby Football Club Wednesday night at 9:30)
I love to drink (cum). There is nothing better than getting all fucking sloshed on a thursday night in the dorms on cheap beer that we snuck up in someone’s backpack, then stumbling down the stairs (we don’t take the elevator anymore cause we got stuck when we were drunk before) and wandering to someone’s house that we don’t know, drinking all their beer, picking fights at the grease trucks cause we are too drunk to stand up straight or make much sense, then stumbling home at 3 in the morning covered in beer and ketchup rambling on about some bullshit or another. To everyone driving at Rutgers... why are you so fucking stupid? Everytime I step off of a curb it seems like a race for my life... fuck you in your assholes (It’s usually because all the drivers here are on their cell phones or blasting their shitty R&B way too loud)
Hilarious fact: Jim Miller’s Career Rushing Average : 1.44 inches 50 attempts for 2 yards Why can’t Jesus play rugby? Cause the Jew won’t pay his dues! (Well, the Jews also didn’t believe he was the savior... more talk of Jews below, but first an interesting picture!)
But the graffiti doesn’t have to be a penis. It can be the alien word for bitch. Or fat bitch. Or dumb fat bitch people who worked as NASA quit the space program to devote their lives to developing pans
oh nancy, what did i tell you, you shouldn’t listen to crowds and you shouldn’t listen to british people (Pan’s can’t talk...) Woah! Cornflower Blue is the color of your energy! Woah!
Be sure to come to this weeks meeting. Where you can find out what happens when cigarette boxes have sex without proper protection! Wednesday 9:30 room 113 of the LSC. Be there or you’ll never know what happens!
This is my minimal i-have-an-exam-tomorrow-morning-that-my-professor-just-told-me-about-today page. Expect to see many more.
What’s Shakin’
“Sexy Massage?”
New York
Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
P
S
Wed 10/9 - Dashboard Confessional - Roseland Ballroom Wed 10/9 - LL Cool J - Hammerstein Ballroom Wed 10/9 - Boot Camp Clik - S.O.B.’s Wed 10/9 - Gin Blossoms, The Clarks - B.B. King Blues Club Wed 10/9, Thur 10/10 - Low - Bowery Ballroom Thur 10/10 - Ryan Adams - Beacon Theatre Thur 10/10 - Counting Crows - Hammerstein Ballroom Thur 10/10 - Plena Libre - S.O.B.’s Fri 10/11 - Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine - Mercury Lounge Fri 10/11 - Legendary Pink Dots - Village Underground Fri 10/11 - Fun Lovin’ Criminals - Bowery Ballroom Fri 10/11 - The Damned - The World Fri 10/11 - Gov’t Mule - Beacon Theatre Sat 10/12 - Robert Earl Keen - Irving Plaza Sat 10/12 - Pork Tornado - Bowery Ballroom Sun 10/13-Tues 10/15 - Doug Martsch of Built To Spill Bowery Ballroom Mon 10/14 - Chevelle, Sugarcult - Irving Plaza Tues 10/15 - Stone Sour - The World Tues 10/15, Wed 10/16 - Sleater-Kinney, Yeah Yeah Yeahs Irving Plaza Wed 10/16 - Kim Richey - Bowery Ballroom
H
A
S E
Jersey Happenings
whoopsie.
Wed 10/9 - Korn - Continental Airlines Arena Thur 10/10 - The Lilys - Maxwell’s Fri 10/11 - Superjoint Ritual, High On Fire, Rimjaw - Birch Hill Fri 10/11 - Stone Temple Pilots - Convention Hall Fri 10/11 - Juggling Suns - The Saint Fri 10/11 - Biohazard - Rexplex (Elizabeth, NJ) Fri 10/11 - The Glands - Maxwell’s Sat 10/12 - Guided By Voices - The Stone Pony Sat 10/12 - Hot Water Music - Birch Hill Sat 10/12 - Shadows Fall - Rexplex (Elizabeth, NJ) Sun 10/13 - The Youth Ahead - The Stone Pony Tues 10/15 - Jets To Brazil - The Stone Pony
I spazzed in last week’s issue and forgot to include my email address. Send twice as many events to
orgykarma@yahoo.com
http://www.themedium.net
i don’t see anything...
Philadelphia Wed 10/9 - Smokey Robinson - Tower Theatre Thur 10/10 - Me’Shell Ndegeocello - Theatre of Living Arts Fri 10/11 - Rufus Wainwright - Theatre of Living Arts Wed 10/16 - Stone Temple Pilots - Electric Factory
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