The Entertainment Weekly of Weekly Entertainment
LLAMA, TABOOT TABOOT
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Wednesday, October 11th, 2000
“Circles are like life. Not your life. Not my life. In fact, not like life at all.”--Marjorie Minkin
4/3/01, 1:48 AM
Volume XXXII Number 5
Eep Op Ork Ah Ah
EDITORIALS Clown Wig is Evil?
by Matt Medeiros The Rutgers University community was abuzz with controversy following the now infamous “Wig Incident” that took place at the College Avenue Student Center Thursday. Barney Barnaby, a Rutgers College sophomore, allegedly injured six students and hospitalized another in a fifteen minute rampage through the atrium, until 3 students managed to tackle and subdue him until the police could arrive and arrest him. Barnaby’s attorney one Laswell J. Katz, spoke at a press conference earlier today. “There is no doubt that Barney is guilty of multiple assaults. No one is going to deny that. That cannot be denied. But for those of us who know Barney, this comes as quite a shock. He was always such a nice fellow. His two children love him very much, and his wife of eight years was aghast when she heard of the incident. And in all his thirty years, my client has not been involved in a single physical confrontation. The question now is the reason that Barney attacked those people.” Regardless of the true motive, the centerpiece of the argument became Barnaby’s choice of headwear. “This is intolerable! The madness has got to stop!” shouted Mildred R. Cattleprod, President of the Rutgers chapter of the United National Wig Intolerance Group (UNWIG), “Did you know that there are 50,000 wig related deaths a year? 27% of those deaths are violent acts on behalf of the wig-wearer, and of that 27%, 90% of those wig wearers are wearing Clown Wig? We are planning on filing a class action suit pending the outcome of this case against the various manufacturers of this vile product and the various propaganda which accompanies it.” A spokesman for WigCorp, the largest domestic manufacturer and distributor of novelty wigs and the company behind the “Clown Wig is Good!” and “Wigs not Bombs” ad campaigns released a written statement earlier this week. “WigCorp denies the allegations that our products contribute to antisocial acts of any type. In fact, our wigs are a valuable social asset, as they are often used in party situations… and let’s not forget the annual WigFest in Cleveland. Thousands of people get together there every year to discuss the advancement in wig and pigment technology, purchase and sell wigs, and to meet many of the celebrities who, like so many of you, use Clown Wig Brand Wigs™ in their public and private life. If there is found to be any correlation between wigs and violence, although we are confident that there will be no such findings, you can be sure that the good people at WigCorp will do whatever it takes to make reparations, and develop safer wig technologies.” Barnaby’s, trial is scheduled for later this month, Cattleprod has already sworn that UNWIG will have a very strong presence at the courthouse, “To take down the big wigs at WigCorp.”
if being unfunny and stupid is a crime, then lock jay up (he’s way too post-modern for me!!)
Mumia's Out, Nader's In by Jason “no nickname” Postelnik Flash! Dreads and political imprisonment are outta here! What's in? Well, let me give you a hint. What's green, grey, white, and 100% politically charged? Why, it's Ralph Nader of course! The grey-haired, Caucasian Green Party candidate for the American Presidency is here to stay. Until the trend runs out of course! Wink, wink! Black and victimized is like so last year! More like 'so last academic year', hee hee! Hit the road Mumia, it's time to look forward, to be progressive. We can't get caught up in a hot political cause for too long. It's bound to get stale and that, my friends, is when you've just got to bandwagon for something new, something fresh! Ssssmokin! Nader! He's sharp, he's with it, and he's not a convicted felon! What a great fresh start for this year. Whoops, I mean academic year. You've got to get involved in this sort of thing while you're in college, because you can't when you're old and working for an accounting firm or an indie rock label! Oh yeah! Third Party candidate? Why didn't anyone think of this earlier? So I guess I'll see you in hell Mumia, cause true moral enthusiasts only care about issues when it is just too late to actually make an effectual change and you're much to after the fact for that. Na-na-na-na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye! We might, or more accurately will, lose this race, but don't blame us if Bush wins! It's not our fault! Too bad! Well Nader, I wish you the best, and I'm sure there'll be more non-stop support for your hot/ noble campaign, until the next best thing comes along and the problems of bipartisan politics continues on without any hope of resolve. [wow, that was the shittiest personal I’ve ever read -- Ops. Ed]
Page Page Page Page Page Page
2 3 4 5 6 7
Editorials Opinions News News Garrett Glick
Page Page Page Page Page
8 9 10 11 12
Cover by: James Kohl & Co.
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Arts Personals Personals Personals What’s Shakin’
MEDIUM
CONTENTS
THE
Wednesday, October 11th, 2000
People say that kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray. Today I licked an ashtray and it wasn't even half as pleasurable. Strangely, though, now me and my ashtray are going steady.
In any case, I will combat this antismoking propaganda by starting my own little truism: Kissing a non-smoker is like eating fecal matter. Please do your part to spread this catchy new saying.
submit
your
shit
to desarnoc@eden
copy YOU ARE WRONG right by dot hell Information doesn't want to be "free". Your thermostat does not "know" when it is cold or hot. [that's not what my toaster said -- Ops. Ed.] Inanimate objects and abstract ideas are not capable of possessing human faculties. Information doesn't give a fuck if its hoarded by stingy bastards, given away as easily as a freshman's virginity, or sold for the benjaminz. The only people who think information "wants" to be free are people who can not create any information of their own. Wow, who would have thought an editor of the medium would suggest such a stupid idea! [why? Do we have a reputation that i'm not aware of for coming up with good ideas? -- Ops. Ed.] Now let me try to relate why forcing everyone to free their information would be a bad idea (in terms the readership and editorial staff can understand). I and the rest of the male's at Rutgers (dykes too!) have jerked off to Britney Spear's tawdry pictures and music (porn) videos many a time. Now, if her information was "free", the record executives who engineered her wouldn't have produced this great jack off material!. [actually, most of us have enough sense to get our masturbatory fantasies from the internet ... the closest thing to the no-copyright/"free information" environment I was describing. But, if your thing is to jack off to the liner notes for "Oops I Did it Again" that's fine with me. Another point: where would Britney be without all of America's popular culture kissing her ass? Making pornos, that's where. Think about it... -- Ops. Ed.] They wouldn't paid for her breast implants or facial plastic surgery! They wouldn't have paid some homeless guy a quarter to write the lyrics to her songs! They wouldn't have hired the best porn choreographers [porn choreographers?? -- Ops. Ed.] to create her erotic music videos Furthermore, Pfizer would not have produced viagra if every pharmacuitical could immediately copy the formula and sell it for half the price. Pfizer would never be able to recoup the billions of dollars they spent on R&D. How would you and I be able to bring our dicks to attention to salutes Miss. Spears!? [well, since I don't suffer from erectile dysfunction, it's kind of a non-issue -- Ops. Ed.] Now I ask you, what is more important, getting an erection and jerk off material or some stupid hippy idea that is only beneficial to hippies (because they are the only ones too stupid to think of their own shit)? [Of course, what I was saying is that information has a natural tendency to be disseminated ... and any large scale attempt to keep certain information in the hands of a privileged few is extremely difficult and counterproductive -- we’d all be better off to yield to this tendency. Oh, and don't call me a hippie, cocksucker. -- Ops. Ed.] The Editorial Staff Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor
Christopher Taylor Personals Editors Jay Postelnik Heather Thompson What’s Shakin’ Editor B.C. “Chris” DeSarno Staff Artist Mike “Sharky” Ryan Online Editor Garrett Glick Advertising Manager Senior Editor Amanda Hoffman
Mike Molino Jay Postelnik Michelle Salvaggio James Kohl Mike Molino Amy Groark Garrett Glick
THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is Sunday at 12:00 pm. The office of THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, NJ 08903 or emailed to naziphallus@hotmail.com. Our phone number is (732) 373-7085, but you shouldn’t try to call it...not yet...if my thought-dreams could be seen they’d probably put my head in a guillotine...
4/3/01, 1:48 AM
Talent borrows, genius steals. -- desarnoc
I have to be called “Bridget” to orgasm. Please don’t tell my wife.
What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full!! BahahAhAh!!@# dear readers, this week my page is officially Out of Order due to the fact that the college ave computer lab ate my first attempt at this page and it s 3am. Don t worry, though. I have a deal worked out with god. When you die you ll receive one free opinions section of The Medium along with the time it took you to read this message to use however you see fit.* Thank you for your understanding. sincerely,
EVERYONE’S TALKING ABOUT OPINIONS! GET SOME OF YOUR OWN AND SEND THEM TO DESARNOC@EDEN.RUTGERS.EDU You are guaranteed to have more sex and be happier in your life!!! * (also, visit http://www.themedium.net)
s h
desarnoc
NEXT WEEK IN THE MEDIUM:
Ops. Ed.
a
good
m
good
VS
e d
Who would win in a fight? Jesus or a Clown Wig
fuck you.
Come to a Medium meeting whip it . . .
EiC
old EiC
T-BONE
. . . whip it good!
meet him and all the other filthy perverts at the Medium meeting!
and be whipped until you bleed! Wednesday, 9:30pm, Livingston Student Center, Rm. 111
opinions suck
Michael Jack so n is b a d , but not bad meaning go od.
Ghostbusters II was a gripping social commentary on racism ... and ghosts.
Nick at Nite should show more hardcore german pornography. by desarnoc
When I grow up I'm gonna name my least favorite child "Calculus." Every morning at the breakfast table I'll be sure to growl at him: "Thanks for ruining my life, Calculus!" and then I'll leave the table in disgust. That'll be my revenge on mathematics ... that'll be my last laugh. Also I think it'll be funny if I constantly have sex with his mother in front of him. *note: gaurentee not valid unless you masturbate a lot
Medium-10-11-00.p65
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fnord
4/3/01, 1:48 AM
i hate the medium
a
In a town where cross-dressing was forbidden one man had the courage to make a stand . . .
OPINIONS
only love can save us now
Wednesday, October 11th, 2000
GMG Stress Release That’s Fun AND Legal by Jim Elster
All that glitters is Gould.
Wednesday October 11th, 2000
R.E.F.O.R.M. Temple
I, like many other Jews of this university, made the Diaspora for home this past weekend. Home to practice Are you sick of boring lecturers who those ancient rituals of Judaic lore that won’t shut up? Tired of watching the only have been practiced for centuries, bus to your next class pull away just before millennia even. However the Super Fun you reach it? Ever wish that those loud, House O’ Rituals (otherwise known as obnoxious Hindus in the computer centers a Jewish temple to those of the gentile would just shut the fuck up? Had your fill of persuasion) that my family had always those condescending bastards walking by gone to had changed drastically. The speaking in a non-English language in public? old rabbi had to leave for Israel earlier Well, you don’t have to take it anymore! this year for business, Jewish business, There’s a club designed to aid you in your dirty Jewish business. So a new rabbi effort to take back the life you signed away Some professors, like was instated. However, this new rabbi, when you enrolled here. the one pictured above, Hans Heimvler, was a little bit too Join the Random Acts of Violence Club, enjoy giving students radical of a rabbi for my parents. My RAV for short. Its sole focus is getting even detailed diagrams of parents first thought him to be suspiwith everyone who’s caused you untold their tiny, tiny genitals. cious when he started to mention exasperation and stress. We provide our members with specific instructions on how to react to situations that things in his sermons such as the anger them. Here is a sneak peek at only a few of the fun ways to get necessity for the decimation of the Jewish race and the superiority of the even with the outside world: Austrian Drags of the Hohe Tauern 1) Stress – Release, The Impersonal Way: Hang out in a student center, looking for a moron be-bopping his way to wherever, dressed region. The conversion of the auditorium to the crematorium was the last in Tommy Hilfiger or other designer shitwear. Tail him out of the straw for my parents. center. When you reach a non-crowded part of campus, tap the person on the shoulder, and introduce him to Mr. and Mrs. Knuckles. They looked all over for another temple, but the only other one in town was a Laugh at him while he’s on the ground begging for mercy. reform temple. They did not notice at 2) Stress – Release, The Personal Way: Ride around on a campus bus, waiting for some self-important turd to start chatting loudly with first, but this was actually not a reform his homies about some mundane episode of his otherwise crappy life. temple at all. In fact it was a R.E.F.O.R.M. temple. A clever acronym Wait until he gets off, and then go and introduce yourself. Feign interest in the conversation he just had. When he starts going on and rather than a denominational sect of on, gut-punch him. When he doubles up in pain, knee him in the face, Judaism. When we went to celebrate the holiest of holy days in the Jewish and as he collapses in pain, kick him until the stress is completely calendar, hmmm I forget what it’s called, gone.
By Dr. Dre-del
It is not entirely uncommon for saucy Jewish men to simply “turn the other cheek.”
but it was something about that by a long shot. We had entered guy (I want to say God or someone the temple of Romanian Educaof some importance like that) who tors For the Outlandish Rape of said, hmmm I forget. Anyhow, Man-children. So the imporwhen we got to the temple, there tance of the story was, I forget was no torah (Jewish Scripture), that too. bimah (Jewish altar), or siddurs (Jooish prayer books) at all. We Note: If Nader was allowed to were quite surprised. Surprised comment on this article he indeed when all we saw in the cold, would have said that multinadark hall were strange Eastern tional corporations are enslavEuropean men teaching smaller, ing our mentalities, but the even stranger Eastern European United Corporations of America men to rape yet even smaller and Election Committee denied him stranger Eastern European men. It the right to do so. was then we realized our folly. This was not a reform temple of the sort we were accustomed to, not
123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234
3) The Mouthy Professor: Fill a paintball gun with either hot pink 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 or blue ammo, and sit in the first row of the lecture hall. When they 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 turn around to write something on the board, call them a dirty name. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 (Last week, a writer who goes by the name of “Evil TA” submitted a piece which discussed in detail how he 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 When they whirl around in surprise, shoot them in the privates with 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 enjoys screwing over underclassmen. As an underclassmen, I took some offense both to the actions which he 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 the gun. The pink works best on lecturers in dark clothes. spoke of, and to the fact that he would write an antagonizing piece without having the courage to disclose 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 4) Bus Drivers with Bad Timing: As the bus drives away, pull out of123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 his name. Thus, I chose to judge his actions as most bitch-like, and to give him the name Bridget, which I 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 your bag the rocket-propelled grenade launcher that Auntie Mildred 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 think is a fairly proper bitch name. Bridget chose to write another piece this week, and once again he 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 gave you for your birthday. Aim for the rear tires, and laugh as the 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 decided not to disclose his name. Hence, I’ve decided that unless Bridget chooses to disclose his real 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 bus careens to a stop with only two wheels remaining. Look for name, this will be his last article in The Medium. Hey Bridget, you’re a punk ass bitch. Fuck you.-gmg) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 another bus to get on, ‘cuz you sure can’t go anywhere in that one, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Ah, exam time again. What a great week. Excuses for missing office hours, and a chance to screw students 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 now can you? 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 over— a crunchy peanut in the great shit sandwich that is the life of a Rutgers TA. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 5) Assholes in the Computer Centers: This one’s easy. Walk up 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 So I’m sitting in our lounge with about ten other TAs, mostly foreign students. (The infected genital warts 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 behind them and bash them over the head with a heavy textbook. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 that are the undergraduate student body would be surprised at how well all these TAs speak English. They 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 You’ll need the advantage of surprise for this to work, though. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 say that the strong accent they use when they teach discourages students from coming for help.) Grading is 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 And remember, it’s all nice and legal because, hey, they asked for it.123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 so simple—just some random marks with some scrawl of a comment and a couple of X’s here and there. This 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 works flawlessly due to the shear stupidity of the slime mold that fills the undergraduate dorms with their 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 midnight moans during the wet dreams about the pets they left at home. None of you dolts have the slightest 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 clue when your answering questions, and thus have no idea if it was right or wrong in the first place. And 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 when the occasional blind squirrel finds a nut that was a grading mistake, all we have to say is “OOPS, let me 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 fix that.” and you hop away happily. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Damn, at $12k a year I am so overpaid. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 Times of Truth Amata Linguae 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 (The Medium has meetings every Wednesday at 9:30 in the Livingston Student Center, room 111. Bridget, if 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 by Bryan George by Amy Groark 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 you’d like to attend, please feel free. I don’t think you will though, because you’re a stank ass bitch. Also, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 What Sentence word order got me down 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 I fucked your fatso mom. She sweats like Marlon Brando at the beach.--gmg) 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 is it about you Obscure languages make me frown123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234 that makes me hear Eastern Pomo makes no sense your name whispered In present, past or future tense in every passing gust Spoken by tribes in California state of wind? Is it your eyes, Now we’re on Japanese, oi I can’t or the way you call me, “Malwait --Find out why TV funnyman Jerry Seinfeld doesn’t colm” when there’s no one til I can get out of class, go boozinthink severe impotence is very funny. else around? No, I think ga it must be the wind, or and hook up with a sexy roozin-ga* perhaps it’s just that I’m *roozin-ga = Japanese for “old man” --Discover the shockingly delightful truth about French, and I enjoy cool wind pop superstar Jon Bon Jovi’s terrible battle....with In the custody of knowledge blowing on my bare sweaty ass? painful toe fungus! by Olga.....a woman Sounds of Justice Don’t let the truth divide us by Stevenson Dave I’ve heard the sounds of justice Please let the lies combine us severely impotent? WRITE FOR THE MEDIUM! When I heard the trumpets play In a matter of speaking, I’d like to stay send submissions to: In a church by a farm I go to pray I made love to Daniel at a gay bar gmg42@yahoo.com In many ways we may be the same Painful fungus? And then he started acting fey Except for the fact that I’m not into The bed I made is the bed I sleep Barbara Bush has a dry vagina child porno like your father, Gerard.
BRIDGET’S LAST ARTICLE
by “evil TA”
The Medium Poetry Corner
Next Week In The Medium:
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Wednesday October 11th, 2000
Udo was always making practical jokes, though sometimes his jokes were quite impractical.
How I Spent My Summer Vacation...
FEATURES
HI, I’M CHELSEA CLINTON, I’M UGLY BY: The Writer’s Block
Ok. You may be wondering why I have taken the time to write an e-mail to the twelve of you. As you Do you ever notice how ugly may or may not already know, last Thursday I went in to unexpected surgery for a blockage in my urinary Chelsea Clinton is, but nobody ever canal. Yes, my penis. says that she’s ugly? I mean she Anyway, due to the long and painful recovery period this operation entails, it’s safe to say that I have a looks like a kid with Down synfair amount of free time on my hands. drome who got kicked in the face Which brings us back to here. This e-mail is yet another attempt by me to fill my time constructively (My rock opera has since been put on the back burner). As for all of you, you have been chosen to receive by a mule!! I mean I like Chelsea and all but I rather be fucked by a this because, quite frankly, these are the only e-mail addresses I can remember. With that being said, reading this could very well be a complete waste of your time, as it only serves the purpose of giving me gorilla with gangrened balls than something to do. Also, consider yourself forewarned of the possibly graphic nature of this e-mail. shake her hand. But Hilary is hot!! Which brings us to the main focus of today’s letter. The bizarre circumstances that have taken over my Fuck, I’ll vote for her for the N.Y. humble little existence in the past week can be considered, at the very least, an interesting life experience. Senate if she would just give me a Thus, I have made a number of revelations not only about myself, but the situation that I find myself in. So blow job. No biting please. if you’re still here (And I’m sure you’re not) sit back, relax, and enjoy the small collection of things I’ve Hey Gore’s running against While some find Chelsea Clinton learned this weekend: Bush for president. I love all kinds physically unapealling, others think 1. Urinating with stitches in your urethra is exactly as painful as it sounds. she is a prime source for morbid of Bushes (Greek, Chinese, 2. I had never noticed that brushing my teeth gave my balls such a “jostling.” My exercise in dental sexual pleasures. hygiene inexplicably sent my scrotum smashing into my delicate penis repeatedly. What’s worse is that Canadian, dog, it does matter, but George W. Bush I do not like. He looks like some racist hee haw I have no idea how to prevent this from happening. 3. Due to the large amount of anesthesia I had been given, my bladder control for the last few days can that will probably say something like, “I’m gonna screw over some be considered “less than stellar.” So the doctor gave me a large Tupperware container, complete with minorities today, Good Lordy!!!” however, Gore on the other hand handle and a pop-top (It now also bears a blue ribbon with “You’re the Greatest!” written on it) to has a Jewish Vice President running with him. Vote Gore, a house my healthy blend of piss and blood. Yes, that’s right. I carry my toilet in my hand. Jewish Vice President will mean opened up doors for all the 4. It’s very possible that Tony Hawk and I are romantically involved at this point. minorities (except Canadians, those bastards can rot in hell. or 5. Saturday night marked the end of the first 48 hour period, which meant that the outer layer of bandagAustralia). Think about it, he could be our FIRST VICE PRESIing was ready to come off. As I unraveled each layer, I slowly began to realize that two days worth of DENT. Soon we might even be able have our first transvestite dried blood, sweat, and urine produces one hell of a strong odor. I could quite possibly be a walking mayor!! Oh my bad, we already have one, Rudy Guliani. health code violation. But seriously folks, Chelsea is ugly. I know you’re all probably 6. Watching the Wizard of Oz with Dark Side of the Moon playing is really, really cool. That’s it. There’s thinking “don’t say that she’s nice”. Well then, let me ask you, no clever observation here. It’s just really cool. would you ever fuck her?(that was a stupid question) well I 7. I never thought I’d say this, but I now live in constant fear of erections. This doesn’t sound like something all too difficult to avoid, but it’s those sleeping-middle of the night-involuntary erections wouldn’t, she’s too ugly for me. Well see you later, I got to get that leave me in horrific pain. While we’re on the subject, I must also abstain from any form of sexual ready for my date with Chelsea. You know, I’m gonna try to get contact for a while. I’m not sure for how long at this point, but I believe the phrase “Eight weeks” was some. being thrown around at the hospital. Which means that my copy of Peeping Tom-Volume 20 is now officially up for grabs. P.n.: I apologize to George W. Bush, he’s not racist, he’s Texan. I 8. Finally, much to my dismay, this operation has left me with little or no super powers. This is yet would also like to apologize to Chelsea, you are not that another minor set back on my quest to one day achieve the status of Crime Fighter. If you are still here, thank you for indulging me and taking a small glimpse into my life. Feel free to ugly...maybe. send this message to a friend, as I have no dignity left anyway. Shamelessly yours, R.G.M.
ELIAN GONZALEZ & BILL GATES: GAY LOVERS BY: The Writer’s Block
POLITICAL CARTOON
A Public Service Announcement from your friends at WigCorp.
Hey, what ever happened to Elian Gonzalez? Did he go back to Cuba? Did you know that Elian wasn’t even Cuban at all, he was Puerto Rican. Fidel Castro couldn’t Besides being a tell because being a dictator makes legendary Bill Gates, shown above, smiles in your eyes go bad. Ha ha, isn’t that software pioneer, funny, Fidel Castro is a”DICKdelight when someone TATOR”. Ha ha , “tator is a funny Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is discusses the word. (That sucked, but it’s OK also a boy concept of fucking because Jesus loves me) did you loving dynamo. a boy’s ass George W. Bush completely raw. know that Elian use to work at the George Bush Katie Lee Gifford sweatshop? I worked there too because I’m Asian you know. Hey, did you know that Bill Gates is the Devil? Yeah man, themother fucker’s Satan. In fact, Windows 98 backward is I-AM-THE-DEVIL. Yeah I know, I can’t spell, but neither can your 4 years old brother. Hey man, do you know what cows are saying when they say”moooooo”? Scientists have played the sound “MOOO” in slow-mo to discover that cows are Note: Incestuous ballroom dancing has always actually saying “MILK IS GOOD FOR YOUUUUUUUU”. Ever been a key ingredient in the political success of both notice that when Nazis marched that they never bent their knees? George Bush, and his son George W. Bush. I’m sure that Nazis sweat, so what did they do when they had to hail Hitler and their pits were sweaty? Did you know that Bill Gates is a Nazi? Well, I know that this is starting to suck so I’ll see you later. Its time for me to go to work at Katie Lee’s sweatshop, Elian’s shift is over.
MY FATHER THINKS I’M HANDSOME!!
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p.n. :no actual Nazis were harmed during the makings of this article, but there should have been.(Free Elian!!!)
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ARTS
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Have you tried wearing ... pants?
Wednesday, October 11th, 2000
12345678901234567890123456789012 12345678901234567890123456789012 12345678901234567890123456789012 Hetero Qorner 12345678901234567890123456789012 12345678901234567890123456789012 12345678901234567890123456789012 Location, Location, Location 12345678901234567890123456789012 12345678901234567890123456789012 Or 12345678901234567890123456789012 12345678901234567890123456789012 12345678901234567890123456789012 Why Indian people are Cool 12345678901234567890123456789012 by John “The Tongue” Minus 12345678901234567890123456789012 12345678901234567890123456789012
Happy Political Fun Color Page Since not enough people registered to vote, Candy is taking some time off (She has 9,000 pictures of naked people at her disposal, and read John’s column before I could warn her not to). So the Arts section would like to take the opportunity to jump on the endorsement bandwagon. But instead of endorsing, we will be denouncing candidates. Here is our official denouncement of the Republican candidate for the presidency. We’ve honored Bush with a coloring page he can do all by himself. Hopefully, you will stay inside the lines better than he can. Don’t forget to color in Lady Liberty and Uncle Sam! -Amanda
Ok, so you say, why are Indian people cool? How can I, being only one man, prove that an entire culture is cool? Easy, says I, The Vatsyayana Kama Sutra. Did YOUR culture write a whole book detailing how, where, and when to have sex for maximum effect? No? Good. Point proven. They have temples, HOLY TEMPLES, with erotic scenes carved on the wall. In particular, the temples of Khajuraho. Does your church have a stack of Playboys in it? No? I think I’ve said enough. Now a lot of you people out there need to take a good long look at this book, especially guys. I am really sick of hearing from my female friends about how they fake orgasms just to get the guy off of them. Pathetic. So in the interest of public Orgasms (hey, now there’s an idea) I am going to tell you people how to have better heterosexual sex. Or I guess it could be lesbian sex if you have a strapon…but let’s not get caught up in details. This will be an ongoing series since I have a wealth of sexual knowledge and you people don’t. Also, if I don’t know something about sex, I know where I can find it out. I think I may have gotten into this first bit before, but really, this topic, like a vagina, can never be given too much attention. This is how to eat out pussy. Pay special attention boys, and for God’s sake take notes!
Cunnilingus Good Cunnilingus can be divided into five individual techniques. They are as follows: Clitoral Stimulation: The clitoris is the most sensitive part of a woman’s body. Stimulation should start out somewhat gentle. You might want to begin with your tongue and lips. Stimulate both sides of the shaft of clitoris with your tongue. You can also gently stimulate the head of the clitoris. You might want to try flicking the underside of the shaft with your tongue. Stimulating the Perineum: The Perineum is the skin between the vagina and the anus. It is especially sensitive. Stimulation of the Perineum can be highly arousing. You might want to be very gentle. Also, you might want to make sure your lover is comfortable. Kissing the Labia and Vagina: The Labia are often called the lips. Just as the regular lips do, the labia respond to similar forms of contact. You might try licking the labia and vagina up and down. Giving the labia a gentle “lip-lock” can be very stimulating as well. Inserting Your Tongue After stimulating the clitoris and labia, your lover may respond well to the insertion of your tongue. You may start with just the tip and later for variety insert more of your tongue. Variety One secret is that women enjoy a variety of sensations. Don’t continue for too long with the same stroke unless she asks you to.
123456789012345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890 Submit to 123456789012345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890 123 hardcandy@wildmail.com 123123456789012345678901234567890 123456789012345678901234567890
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Wednesday, October 11th, 2000 I wanna say to the tarts from Corwin AA who act like HS freshmen, writing gay shit about other people, why dont u grow some fucking balls and say it to my face, and when u read this and do, i'm gonna tell you to fuck your worthless selves. Another thing I'm sick of the music you play everyday, its like you poor fucks only got one CD, and play the same damn shit over and over and over again. And everybody else who lives at Corwin AA its been a great month, and i apoligize for the comments i made about the fucks from the third floor but its about time someone put them trash into place. peace SKT (SKT, you sound like a tough person. And by that I mean you sound like a pussy who compensates for being a jerk by entertaining themself with necro-manbeast pornography). Lauren in LipsandCock. You are so fucking hot. I want to rip off your panties and eat them for breakfast. I want to penetrate your virgin ass and make you scream like Bambi. I'll give you face not fingers you sexy bitch. How big is "big red" and "Pfatt"? If you want to reply, that's cool. If not, ohhhh shit, I guess I'll just masturbate to those naked pictures I have of you. To Ass Cornelius Lubber. I hate to love you and I love to hate you. You are an irresponsible jerk. If things went my way I’d send you on a one way excursion to Rapesville via the Hershey Highway. I would also make this same trip via the same route over and over again. I am gay. I love you. I am gay and I love you. I know you love me because you are gay and are in love with me. Let’s just get married already. Fuck! To that fat bitch in Intro to Labor Studies in livingston MW3, could you please stop being so goddamn fat? You are taking up all the space in the freaking classroom. You are fat and sweaty. Will you go out with me you fat and sweaty bitch?
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Nobody likes fat people... I present this question to all NOBODY. -Richie and vegans and non vegans alike. Will a vegan swallow cum? Mikey Any female or gay man who A warning to all first-year stu- may be a vegan and have the dents: do not EVER mention answer to this question please the "RU Screw" in public. The reply to next weeks Medium. last frosh to do so was discov- I repeat, WILL A VEGAN ered hanging upside down in SWALLOW CUM? the bathroom with his head in (A stupid question asked by the toilet. Witnesses say that a stupid moron to stupid Fran L. was later found to have jerks). "visited" this student at the time to that dumb bitch in who lives of the incident. in my apartment. why thefuck Don Key? Yah ich bin der are you always in my room. Donkey! think i give a fuck if you’re my roommate? i told you to stay Shangee! Shangee! Turn to the fuck out. this is going to me. Your donkey eyes. call for an increase in beatings Donkeyes. You can now see. and i’ve been toying with the You can yahtzee! idea of forcing you to suck me The first time I had a penis but- off. you’re about to be called ter and banana sandwich was bridget, you bitch. after having sex with my mom. C’est incredible! Tout le temps Yeah, fucking my mother. I am quand je lis “The Medium” je the king! sens que je ne veut jamais plus porter des pantalons. C’est si To that hot and sexy bon. motherfucker Eugene on Campbell 6, I just want to fuck To that girl I see after MW6 at and suck you all night. You are the bus stop by the grease so fucking hot. My panties trucks you have te most beauoverflow with wetness just at tiful pair of titties I have ever the sight of you. I want you to seen in my life. They are untitty fuck me and cum in my believably incredible. I so want face. Oh wait a second, no i to titty-fuck you. If you were dont. You’re such a fucking to grant me the privilige of titty asshole and no girl would be fucking you I would reward so stupid to want such things. you with a hot piping load of spuge in your unblinking eye. FUCKING ASSHOLE! They are so jubbly that they This is for STEVE, one of the should be semen soaked too. straight guys in MODERN HELP WANTED DANCE MW4 on D/C. Yeah, you...the hotty with the DANCERS/ESCORTS clear painted toenails (wassup WANTED for with that anyway?), Why don't Entertainment you know I'm alive??? If I get a hold of you I'm gonna tear Company. your CAPRIS off your sexy Call 732-213-7401. body. I want your cute little Serious Inquiries Only. BLUE EYES to roll back in your head while I fuck your P H O T O G R A P H E R brains out. You look so inno- WANTED for Entertaincent and shy and I wanna take ment Weekly. Call 732it all away from you. Keep an 373-7085 (after Satureye out ; )
day). Experience preHey does anyone out there like ferred. extremely kinky, disgusting sex? Like some double vaginal, double anal? Anal beads? Dual headed dildos with multiball swing-a-ding action?? I’m a freshman who wants it all, if you want in, reply to the medium via nymphofroshgirl.
PERSONALS
I love B-B-Q!!
NEED A CALCULUS TUTOR? Call 732.745.0886 for professional academic assistance. Ask for Chris.
More Freestyle Rap In the Medium
A Discourse on the Duality of Man in Two Parts With special commentary by Personals Edtior Jason Von Jewface
Yo, Editor it's a shame you had to go and open your mouth/ cuz just like i did the Poontang Clan I'm about to eat you out/ Now I'm not about to rap about how I fucked your moms cuz I ain't had the chance/it's been two weeks now and your head is still buried in the area beneath my pants/Stop usin' your teeth bitch this ain't lunch time/but you still suck dick a whole lot better than you can rhyme/How you gonna write shit once and then later on restate it?/talk about record sales nigga my shit is double platinum while yours is gold plated/Oh I get it you can't rap cuz you're whiter than colgate/well you honkies pissed me off and it's caused a reaction faster than an enzyme on a substrate/Yeah that's right bitch I just got scientific/son you can't beat me cuz my shit is real and i'm just too gifted/Oh real quick before I forget - don't tell anyone you've been suckin' my dick/cuz it's illegal for a son to give his father blows and I'll be arrested right quick/Now back to business for a minute/ I've been in this game for years how long you been in it?/A day or two and here you wanna talk/try it again and you'll end up like the PTCwith your body outlined in chalk/Cuz I'm a legacy nigga and that's something you need to realize/I, Abbott White take shit from no man and I leave the crowds mesmerized/so pay attention and look into my eyes/Nigga you can't win/how you gonna beat me when my whole heart is darker than sin?/and who got your back? PTC? yeah your chances are real fuckin' slim/Get all the heads you want even bring the H bus/my nigga got my back and we can't be seen cuz in God we trust/and I'ma let al ya'll niggas know no one can beat us/ Boroughs Collide Abbott White and Lazarus!!!! (That was horrible. You’re first one was o.k., it had its moments, but this was a pretty shameful display of your shameful ability. Perhaps if you did not spend most of your childhood with your father’s penis lodged down your throat you would’ve developed the proper capacity not to produce such torrid material. Why is it so freaking long, too? I didn’t even bother to finish it. This shit was wack. I will not respond to this one, because I do not feel like it. After reading just some of yours I feel completely disenchanted from fresstyle. Lick balls. Also, the opinions editor B.C. sent me this rap which should about WRAP things up here! Get it? Rap, wrap!!) i'm driving drunk about to hit a brick wall/ words heating up like a blaze at seton hall/ university/ to the punk ass bitch who' stepping to the ptc/ you're 'bout to get fucked 'cause you stepped to me/ you are to flow what einstein was to poetry/ you see?/ it wasn't his specialty/ stick to what you know and leave rap alone and die/ even stoned and high i'm a faster thinker of rhyme/ last issue you were flowing like a faggot/ begging to be raped like Bob Saget/ while my rhymes are sicker than Garrett Glick/ straight from the hood/ my hat trick: 2600, but still good/ like clown wig/ can ya dig?/ I thought you could/ serving up one more lyrical fat cat/ while you be asking people "Where the A bus at?"/ coming at you with a black hat/ and goatee/ remember the name: desarnoc, B.C./ representin' the medium, the PTC crew/ y0, DVL, come rock this party like you do ...
The Return of the Grey Gay Box. By looking into this you shall become a flaming homosexual. See you at the Rawhide!
4/3/01, 1:48 AM
PERSONALS To that cutey over on Cook...I think your name is Claire, you used to work in the cafe. Just gotta say that it makes my day every time I see you. And thank God I'm Catholic...now I have someone to be grateful to for women like you. From, the guy who always looks but never says anything. (Catholicism is like a stupid jerk club for jerks, so Claire perhaps you should get a restraining order and let this jerk, or Catholic - same thing, masturbate to his great lord, creator of beautiful things like masturbation). Hey wait a second wasn’t that last personal right above this one not deserving of such a mean retort from the Personals Editor? (Hmmm...You might be on to something there. Maybe you’re right?) To that hot kid at the Get Up Kids show with the I love NY shirt and black spiky hair, I wanted to go and talk to you, but you were walking too fucking fast. If you are ever in the mood to be spanked and ridden like a horse give me a call...hint hint...I could have bracleted you...find me if you can. Prrrrr... (That personal was written by a man and/ or boy). This is a shoutout to all the attrictive ladies who want some ass from a very nice freshman. I dong this on behalf of my roommate casue all he does is bitch about how hes getting none...to find him find the Perry penis and you won't be dissapointed To Q, the Mechanical Engineer on Busch - my roommate and I want to fuck you like an animal till your nose bleeds. First, we're gonna handcuff you to the bed cause you've been a bad, bad Dominican boy. Next we will take turns sucking your cock to attention. Finally we'll alternate riding your cock till you scream out in broken English. If you are ever on Douglass, beware of getting raped.
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It’s not really Smackle!! Whats up micheal molino? this is in response to your hindu hater in the medium. I hate all white people and beleive they should rot in hell. this isnt even their country. never was (american indians) and certainly wont be in the future (more chinese and hindus are getting involved in the high paying fields unlike white shit trash that got no morals. You white devils are just plain fucking too stupid to even go to college or stay in college. You think you can make it in this world being a fucking mechanic or working at mickey d's !!!) . you white devil fucks just worry about learning about the trailer parks and sucking fat pieces of shit cause thats all the future holds for u. I hate white people, especially white boys! I dont even matter about ignorance cause all white people are ignorant whether they want to admit it or not. I know I AM IGNORANT, but only toward the white assholes in the world. I know a lot of white people and they not good for anything. I just use them... Just like the way we hindus are using this country and loving it. Every time you see a hindu in a lexus think of how minorities are gonna rule this fucking shit hole that the whitey calls america. HAHAHA
To the Leprechaun professor of Dinosaurs 460:206 ....FUCK YOU for making our exam soo damn hard! The only reason people took your stupid class was cuz they thought it was gonna be easy. The only person who gives a shit about dinosaurs is you. So do us all a favor and shove your cladograms and geologic time scale up your fat ass! To the sick motherfucker who stole our shit from our room....GIVE IT BACK!! What the hell is your problem?? Honestly...what the fuck are u gonna do with a class ring with someone else's name on it? That was really fucking brave of you to bust into a room with 2 girls sleeping and steal our jewelry. If we find you....we'll cut off your balls and pawn them like u did with our shit. We'll kill you scumbag. FUCK YOU! (You bought one of those class rings. You deserve to be robbed).
Will the Person who wrote that indian article please shut the FUCK up! As it is, you probably only rape you own mother, you PINGALESS COCK SUCKING BASTARD! Why do you have a grudge against Indians, you rascist, (You could say all of that and motherfucking, father sucking, not come off as a stupid jerk. horse humping, masterbating, Unfortunately that is not the animal doing, cockless no good case. It’s also unfortunate to up to PRICK!! Why don't you be your mother. First off show your face so I can kick what kind of Hindu name is you sorry little ass to oblivion Bridget Punchmeintheface like last years horse SHIT!! B e c a u s e i m a s t a n k b i t c h Let me tell you that you're all anyways? Not only is your talk, maybe I should slap that personal full of lies that only mouth shut, you cumsucking a retarded German Hobo SISSY!!! Huh? What up who lacks linguistic capabil- now? BITCH!!! ity and who is sleeping would believe, but I think you are (Nice personal!) lying about your identity as a Hindu. Congratulations, you win the jerk of the issue I LOVE B-B-Q! award. Molino has nothing to do with this section as he To the hot red-headed hot guy is lazy. From: the Not- in my chem lab. You are so hot that I had to go to the bathMolino Personals Editor). room during the last chem lab To all you jerkmothers out to masturbate. Why don't you there! Live it up bitches! ask for my number so that you Cause all the nights I never had can fuck me til I can't walk. bitches. I am a honky tonk Don't blow your last chance to woman! Ha ha ha ha!! blow me.
this is to that hot medium editor desarnoc....you're the sexiest white boy i know, i go to sleep every night dreaming of you. maybe one day we can get together and uhhhhh, ohhhh baby whatever you want...you can be "my cure" !!!!! (Could it be? A stalker of our very own Opinions Editor. Tune in next week for sexy results). To the fat bitch Cassi writing about my Speedo at the gymYou only want to pull down my Speedo because you wanna see my titanic dick! I'd fuck you with it if your vagina wasn't a petri dish of STDs. The only person stupid enough to fuck you is your stank-ho dyke cousin Tiff, because she has the same diseases you do. Plus she would do anything dead or alive. Or maybe you should try the Medium personals editors. They couldn't print all of your personal last week so maybe they are dumb enough. Love, Swimstud
To the Hindu hater: you better run and run fast 'cause "ALL the HINDUZ WORLDWIDE" can get you so bad.. u won't even know. -Proud to b Hindu. (Though he/ she may deserve an old-fashioned beat down, he/ she does not have to run at all, because if you remember correctly, you have absolutely no idea who he/ she is). to that SLUT ASS girlfriend of mine I love the way your ass wiggles. Your cute spanish face looks so much better when my cum drips off the tip of your nose. You better fuck the shit out of me tonight even though you are diddiling your self all day. I don't care how swollen your pootang gets I still want my piece papos
to that stupid bitch in my intro to sociology class TTH7 in Murray - who just doesn't fucking shut up -- no one wants hear about your pussy ass father and the fact that he sews - so just shut your fat ass mouth (The only reason we didn’t and stop shoving your tongue print all of your fat sister’s so far up the professors ass that personals last week is be- he can taste it -- trust me -- I cause we did not have speak for everyone when I say enough room to print every this SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! single personal we got. Why don’t you come to a Medium B.C. and Sharky: Bob Saget meeting and see how dumb was in Critical Condition with we really are. Umm I mean Richard Pryor, who was in stop pretending that you are Brewster's Millions with John not as equally sexually at- Candy, who was in JFK with tracted to your sister as she Kevin Bacon. is to you. Also, step up or FUCK BUSCH! I'm so sick fuck off). of all the dot heads and chinks. What's with the influx of asians viva la revolution in my pants! on College Ave? I thought we had you assholes contained on To Dave L... I am sick and little Asia. You cheap ass tired of you playing me out. I hindus with your TJMaxx saw the personal in the median clothes and gold toned Seiko, two weeks ago, stop fucking don't try to act like youre girls behind my back I will find preppy or black. And to the out. You are suck a prick. the fuckin chinks, you're all the only reason I come back for same, with your spiked hair more of you is because of your and cell-phones on your belts, big cock. You are such a MAN you're not thugs. ASIANS: WHORE!!!! And one other Get in your souped up civics/ thing you fuck, when you are corolla's and go home you fucking me from behind in your assholes. car stop slamming my head in to the rear window of your car (It is true that there are no you dumb asshole. Every time thugs on Busch and that I leave you car I leave with a souping up cars is stupid. huge bump on my head, you However it is also true that stupid bastard. you are a dumb bitch).
4/3/01, 1:48 AM
Wednesday, October 11th, 2000
Being so stupid has never been so much fun!!
PERSONALS
And on the day of atonement, God asked this of his people: Who let the dogs out? Attractive women together on one bed is not not something that regularly occurs at a Medium meeting Wednesdays at 9:30 PM in the Livingston Student Center Rm. 111 Everyone else who is A big Fuck You to college not an asshole trying to up for their own students who say Post-Modern. makeshortcomings by pretending to be smart Fuck you and your buzzword. should visit our website at www.themedium.net Be a proud idiot! May you be brain-raped. Hello, boys and girls. I am a honky tonk woman! I am all up in that ass bitches. I just want to fuck mad bitches. My children, the Personals Editors, are very stupid. They forgot to put their e-mail addresses in last weekÂ’s issue. So I had to cum in and fix things up for them as usual. So send my man-boy children personals at the following addresses:
mmolino@eden.rutgers.edu jsp51@eden.rutgers.edu
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4/3/01, 1:48 AM
What s Shakin
Wednesday, October 11th, 2000
Happy birthday little skank!
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Is this how you feel about the other newspapers on campus? Come to a Medium meeting! Wednesdays @ 9:30 p.m. Livingston Student Center Room 111 We also have an office! Come visit me or any other staff members at office N at the Sac. I m there from 2:50-4:10 on Mondays.
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4/3/01, 1:48 AM