THE
MEDIUM
The Entertainment Weekly of Service, and Inter-Campus Unity, and Shit Like That Wednesday, November 6th, 2002
Volume XXXIV, Number 9
“Wherever I stand, I stand west of Palestine, unless I’m east...whoa!”
The Importance of Being Chandra ::sigh:: if life were an Indian movie, what would it be like? A thousand thoughts. By jes deveraux There are a lot of stereotypes associated with being Indian. The thoughts conjured up when one is witness to the utterance “Indian/India/Desi” are usually quickie marts (i.e. dot shops as many fondly refer to them as), curry, elephants with multiple arms, single long braids, various odours, and a goofy accent. Being Indian is a funny thing, especially a young Indian girl, you go anywhere and other Indians stare and scrutinize you from head to toe. The elders automatically think you’re their friends (not to mention they would love to marry you off to their sons), you are expected to be in some scientific field otherwise you ARE a ‘wild child’, but best of all, you can go into any store owned by Indians in a white neighborhood and you will without fail receive a discount. Being an untraditional child from a very traditional family I have undoubtedly caused my parents pain and suffering, so I thought I would engage in this little exercise. I thought to myself, ‘jessica, what would my life be like if mum and dad could mold it? Well, like Indian film…of course!’ My mother, a bitter-sweet and rather repressed woman has recently been exposed to various Indian television programs, God bless satellite television! These programs generally consist of soap operas and various dramatic shows and films where they sing, and dance in groups…in the rain, chase each other around trees, splash their toes daintily in puddles, and if you’re lucky you’ll see an almost-kiss! (Don’t we all live for those moments?) Anyhow, my mother tends to get very angry when she sees these shows, so I had a feeling as to why this was the case. So I asked her, “Mum, do you think that these shows represent real life? As in day to day reality?” Without hesitation my mother adamantly proclaimed “YES! This is what life should be like!” It goes a little something like this:
Wednesday, November 6th 2002
Little [place name here], after being thrusted into this world by a torrid stream of tears, sweat and toil in the heart of [place town/country here] in the [place caste here] should have been sent to boarding school in India. There [place name here] would learn various valuable skills i.e. cooking, sewing, religion, etc…etc… At the ample age of 18 [place name here] would compile her resume to send out to submit to various families of certain calibers in order to find marriage. She would then get married, sleep with [place Indian male name here] whom she did not know before and have lots of kids and live happily ever after. Right? Right. What kind of mentality is this? From what I’ve witnessed, from day one of birth, all parents have in mind is “who will this child marry?”, “what status will this child give us?” Perhaps my family is more backwards than most, but when one of my cousins were born my aunt went to her mother bawling like a child. What was she so upset about? That her child was too dark and no one would want to marry her. Where is the love for your children? What about wanting them to be happy? In this day and age, with all the progression those societies have made, why not then accept something more than mere arrangement? Sure, statistics show that arranged marriages last longer than ‘American love’ marriages, but do these studies take into account that women are generally disowned if they initiate divorce? Those women are often kept under the financial thumb of their husband as to their inability to gain independence? I don’t think they did. Right now, being an Indian girl where I am in this place and time, I realize how lucky I am. But as some others can sympathize, being coerced into commuting to a college, a curfew, constant reprimanding for not being good enough can take its toll. One has to fight so much harder in not just the Indian culture, but in any repressive culture. What stems from these cultures are often unintelligent statements and allegations: i.e. My mother says not to go out at night because the night air is “bad” and will cause illness. So there exists a spooky component in the night air that causes harm. With all the jumble of preceding topics in mind…think about it... But remember, my people started the Karma Sutra…but notice, if you get a video on it, the guru watching and directing is Indian, but those who partake in the kinky positions are generally Caucasian or some other ‘deviant’ race… Reductio
ad absurdum...
Nuclear War.
Yeah.
It’s the only answer.
You’re probably right.
The Medium. We are space aliens.
Fat Sandwich Suggestions
You cannot see us. You canno hear us. You cannot even say our name.
Fat Larry Steak, French Fries, Caviar and Toupee - $4.50 No one has ever actually asked for one, nor has one actually ever been seen.
But you can join our canned-food drive.
DETAILS NEXT WEEK!
Fat Mickey C Steak, French Fries, Salmon and Toupee - $9.75 Essentially the same as a Fat Larry, but it costs twice as much. The real value is the mystery - will it satisfy, or make you sick?
Fat Bush Yellowfin Sashimi, Tuna-Mac Casserole, French Fries - $3.50 Its cheap, its not political, and your girlfriend will like it too. Kind of like The Review, if you think about it.
Fat Jenny Five (5) Hotdogs w/ Chili - $5.25 Surprisingly expensive, considering that the sandwich is just a bunch of hotdogs! Plus they’re on a ridiculously small bun! The hotdogs would fall out, but they’re strapped in with Twizzler Pull’N’Peels!
Page Page Page Page Page Page
2 3 4 5 6 7
Fat Bitch! Page 8 Fat What’s Fat Koko! Shaking? Kat Moon! Fate Veg! You no like sandwiches? Go get drunk, go down to Gyro? College Ave, and make Fat Sam! your own my people! Go! Cover by: Marty McB
THE
MEDIUM
CONTENTS
Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager Opinions Editor News Editor GMG Editor Arts Editor Faculty Advisor
Martin Babitz Ryan Beckman Super-Stain-Remover. The Sorriest Boy Ever Carol Hu Ryan Beckman Aija McKenzie Jeff Buechner
Personals Editors Photography Editor What’s Shakin’ Editor Online Editor Advertising Manager Staff Artist Senior Editor
Lt. Major Stain Liz Finelli Amy Groark Michael Wyzard Mike Stanley Carol Hu Amy Groark
THE MEDIUM is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. All articles are the opinions of the authors and are not necessarily shared by THE MEDIUM. Submission and business deadline is Sunday at 12:00 pm. THE MEDIUM is located in the SAC Cubicle N. All correspondence may be addressed to THE MEDIUM SAC Box 78, New Brunswick, N.J. 08903 or emailed to prometus@hotmail.com. Things are looking Grim, Tim. Mighty Grim. Might be time to leave.
Wednesday, November 6th, 2002
“i get made fun of because i’m asian, not because of my boyish curves.”
asians replace blacks as most hated race by f. loppy STAFF WRITER
New Brunswick, NJ-A recent Giddyup® poll determined that Asians have overtaken Blacks in the race for “Most Hated Race” Status.
NS A I AS
Blacks, who have held the title for over 250 years, breathed a collective sigh of relief as they were thrust into third place, replaced not only by Asians, but by Mexicans as well. “We are definitely glad to hear that our race has moved out of the #1 spot, and is down at number three. Within a few years, and after talks with the KKK and the neo-Nazis, we hope to be bashing the Asians just like a regu lar white boy,” stated black activist Jesse Jackson. Jackson suggested racism classes for most black people, who have not been allowed to make fun of Asians since a bill was passed in 1903.
“I mean, Asians are bad drivers, they cook dogs, they can’t read or write, they can’t even speak our goddamn language,” cracker farm-boy Billy Jansen said Tuesday. “The blacks aren’t much better, but at least we can make fun of Asians without fearing the wrath of the NAACP.”
so you think that asians are the most hated race, tell me how much you hate these asians.
Salma Hayek, the victim of the #2 hated race, is that possible?
#3 most hated... do you really hate halle and beyonce?
The Mexican race overtaking blacks as well in this heated contest has been quoted as a vast step forward in the fight against afro-racism. “I’ll be less likely to call any cracker I see walking down the street a ‘fucking white boy,’” said local thug Jamal Robinson. “I really hope this move promotes communication between us and the goddamn honkeys.” The Mexicans are well known for being day-laborers, living off welfare, and living in a house with upwards of 20 people. It is unknown how China and Japan have reacted to this finding, as the Chinese Premier and the Japanese Prime Minister could not be reached for comment. Medium Staff Asian #3, however, stated, “My name is Dante, and I’m the biggest idiot ever….” We’re having a food drive! Help the hungry! Drop off non perishable food items wherever boxes are located. Look for our boxes in about 2 wks!
the dominant race, just how domineering can they be? wouldn’t you like to find out.
RUTGERS + POWER RANGERS = TROUBLE by tom "Bert Steed" jennings STAFF WRITER & MINIMUM WAGE DILDO MODEL
Earth Explodes, Bystanders Shocked By “Pink Eyed” Jim Cortina STAFF WRITER
In an unexpected move, the Earth exploded last Sunday, killing approximately seven to eight billion people. No group has come forward to claim responsibility, but the Bush administration has not ruled out Al Qaida involvement yet. The official statement however, is that the Earth just got tired of all the shit that’s been heaped upon it lately, and took its own life. “I was just standing there, minding my own business, digging through a trash can, when it [the Earth] just blew up. Blam!” complained a New Brunswick crack zombie. The Earth was not available for comment, nor would it return calls made to its office. White House spokesperson, Ari Fleischer quipped, “We do plan to rebuild, but we’re not entirely sure what would be a fitting use for the space. Possible plans include a memorial park.
New Brunswick, NJ-- The University of Tennessee recently shut down a campus fraternity due to complaints about frat brothers’ costumes on Halloween. The white frat brothers decided to paint their faces black and go out trick or treating as the pop group "The Jackson Five." Rutgers University will follow the lead of UT due to several complaints received this past Halloween. Brother's of Lambda Lambda Lambda will go without a home this winter due to their recent portrayal of the "Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers" this Halloween. After being asked for a comment the Green Ranger responded with, "We were about to morph into power bots to fight the evil Ivan Ooze when these guys just started to throw empty bottles of Milwaukee's Best at us. I don’t get it. Don't they know that the Evil Zorgs could have taken over the world?" The Red Ranger then yelled angrily, "This wouldn't have happened if you let me be the fucking green ranger!" The University is also planning on pursuing other frats that sent out groups of hooligans on Halloween. Acting Douche Bag Fran Lawrence made an official University statement earlier this morning. "We have taken funding away from heating university buildings and have directed it towards the more appropriate fight to catch these criminals. Students should not be subjected to this type of abuse. The University will not stop until all Power Rangers have been apprehended, including that slippery little prick known as the White Ranger. Oh yeah, and that fucking retarded robot, back at the Power Rangers HQ." Other groups of criminal frat brothers that are still being pursued also include: Pokemon Red, 80's pop group A-Ha, the Rescue Rangers also known as Chip and Dale, and Blue Oyster Cult, with increased effort in pursuing the cow bell guy.
“Oh no! death.”
Wednesday, November 6th 2002
Give Women More Jobs by: The Mad Typer, staff Caellian member In this politically correct society, we often overlook the forgotten, suffering, mass of people called women. They have been gravely mistreated by today’s society. Women everywhere are begin carted off to jobs rightfully belonging to men. Start a movement of Women back to their rightful place, licking my feet and cooking me dinner. I'm all for women in the workplace, it's just their workplace is my kitchen. Stop bitching about some fucking sleezy boss touching your ass. Come home, let me release my man seed into your gapping hole, and then make me a ham sandwich, cause that's all your What do you mean this isn’t the “role playing” you good for. What kind of example would If you ever have problems being were talking about? you set for my future daughter if you go “large enough” for your man... off to work everyday? You can't teach just invite a lady friend over to her how to be a proper whore and how loan you a helping hand. to please her father. So why are women still complaining about jobs when there are many different opportunities in my house. You can take out my garbage, or lick my toes clean. Paint the house AND cook me supper, cause cooking is second nature to you. Make my babies and then give me anal all the time, and don't complain that it hurts or I'll stab you in the stomach and fuck sweet and not tart that hole. Course it will be sloppy because by Chip Which you are a stupid whore. Bitch, why are you bleeding on my floor, clean it up. So, to all itlike big and vuluptuous boobies, he women out there, see, there are plenty of j o bwith s huge erect nipples, for you to do, just don't be a stuck up cunt and not so succulent, do them, or I'll rape your unborn children.... wet, wet, wet, HOT... no wait, I'll eat then..... go in the kitchen and cook me I’ll shave when I have more hair on my face face in my vagina, an unborn fetus....my unborn fetus...Yum. than you do on your pussy. deeper... deeper... deeeeper!123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 inside out, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 To get to this week’s Medium meeting you 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 i like va-gi-na in my mouth, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 Send submissions to 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 must complete a series of tasks... First you 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 it smells like roses, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 RyanBeck@eden.rutgers.edu or 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 the fragrance is invigorating, 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 must meet us in front of the Livingston stu123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 CuteBoyAss@hotmail.com. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 dripping 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 dent center at 9:30... then 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 dripping 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 you must meat us. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 dripping 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 sweat, liquid dream. 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789 123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123456789012345678901212345678901234567890123456789
Bowling With Jailbait Buttered Popcorn At The Movies by Alexander The Poet How I love to go bowling And seeing lots of jailbait To see them all maturing For this I anxiously wait They know how to grab the balls They know how to do it well Meanwhile I stare at them all And I'm sure they all can tell When they are ready to throw I get a nice view of ass My penis begins to grow It begins to grow real fast I'm glad when they get a strike Because they jump up and down I see boobs bounce which I like How I want to go to town I never knew that bowling Could be oh so forbidden Which is why I keep going, For the underage women THE END
by Alexander The Poet Buttered popcorn at the movies How I love it so Is it butter or yellow jizz? I don't really know Movies I see may not be good I don't give a shit Cause buttered popcorn gives me wood And it tastes so sweet Too much butter on popcorn bites I get stomach ache I sit on can for rest of night Realize mistake I love buttered popcorn so much Such an awesome treat I place it firmly on my crotch And I feel complete THE END
Drop off non-perishable food items wherever boxes are located (student centers....)
“I guess that’s what happens when you mix Shorty Fat Fat and Fatty Fat Fat”
...and it’s all just a little bit of history repeating....
Wednesday, November 6, 2002
Film: Why going to see Harry Potter is much more exciting than going to see one of those Star Wars Movies by Arts ed., a girl
Music:
Why “Bling Bling” is a Big Joke by Aija McKenzie, Arts. Ed.
Remember MC Hammer? Seen him lately? I have, on a bad credit commercial, in a denim jacket, looking like he was straight off of Remsen Ave. MC Hammer was a big part of our childhood...with his jovial baggy pants and “good Christian guy” appeal (to some of us it was the only rap we were allowed to listen to). What happened, you say? He was an artist...he spent his money away without looking at where it was going, and now he’s just ‘my mans and them’ on the corner. In 2002 we’re bombarded by every rapper with a record deal talking about all the money they have, and how they spend it on things that are ridiculously frivolous, as in alligator upholstered seats for their Cadillac Escalades, and platinum and diamond fronts on every tooth. We see Nelly with a navel length chain with a diamond encrusted #1, and Puff Daddy sporting a life-sized Jesus piece that could weigh a man’s neck down if worn too long. What the hell is the point? It’s all about “Bling Bling,” “Pimpin,” and being “Ghetto Fabulous.” I’m not so sure what the difference is, or why it even matters, but to Arts (a black grrl feminist), it’s just another form of tap dancing for the white man. Yup, I said it. Shuffle along, Sambo. Do that little jig, and collect your pennies. And let’s not get into how it objectifies women and advocates slappin ho’s and punchin bitches (I mean, I slap ho’s and bitches, but never for no reason) “Roc-A-Fella” - what is that, a ghetto Rockefeller? Does he realize how STUPID that is? Sure Jay-Z may bring in millions, but for whom? Who do you believe all that money goes to? Sure, he gets to pick up a few crumbs, but it all goes straight to the top, to a man whose last name is Cohen. All these “hood rich” rappers spend their money before they get it, all blown on and customized houses and cars that they won’t be able to keep once they stop selling. And when that happens, they’ll go bankrupt. And star in low-budget credit commercials. Just like MC Hammer.
The buzz is rising about the upcoming sequel coming out, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. This series of Harry Potter books has generated such a frenzy that kids are waiting outside of your local Barnes and Noble at 11:59 PM, while armored trucks deliver the hardcover books, sold for $24.95 a pop. Now that the movie’s coming out soon (November 15th), that means long lines scaling the perimeters of your Loews, full of kids and moms wearing those glasses and Griffindor scarves. That reminds me of another crowd drawing flick, those Star Wars movies. People actually wait outside, in the blistering cold, in their silly costumes, reenacting shit on the sidewalks, just to see a Star Wars movie. Well, lemme tell ya this. I’ve never seen a Star Wars anything. And I’m in no rush to do so, cause it’s just not that serious. But on to the real reasons why you’ll see me brave thousands of kids to see HP than wait in line with a gillion people to see Star Wars: 1. I’m comfortable around kids. I’m not comfortable around 40 year old men who still live with their moms and play Dungeons and Dragons all day. 2. Harry Potter is relatively new. Star Wars has a decades-old tradition, and if in fact it is discovered that I know nothing of it, I will be shot on the spot and poked with fake light sabers. 3. The kids that read Harry Potter are aware that it is a work of fiction. The people dressed up like Hans Solo have offered their souls up to the holy duo of Lucas and Spielberg. 4. I just don’t think shirts that say “Yoda da man” are cool. I’m not gonna lie to ya. 5. Alot of the 11 year old kids in line to see Harry Potter have been to first base, which is more than I can say about the doughy, pale Star Wars men who apply everything in the movie to their everyday lives. So, off I go to see Harry Potter, before it becomes a cult and the children grow to live in moldy basements and relive the films with each other over and over. Ya don’t like it, kill yourselves.
Kittens! And not the kind that are killed when you masturbate! Come see us at a Medium Meeting, tonight at 9:30 in front of the LSC! Send in your cute pictures and submissions to me at Shorty_fat_fat@yahoo.com!
“There is nothing better than two big titties enveloping my head” We still hate the mexican french canadians, and the goddamn jews. - Love, Snagglepuss (jews.. ah.. the jews)
I DIDN’T KNOW I COULD REGISTER FOR CLASSES UNTIL I SAT DOWN AT THE COMPUTER LAB NEXT TO SOME DUDE WHO APPARENTLY HAD THE SAME NUMBER OF CREDITS I HAD. Did I read the paper wrong? I must have. Holy Shit, I’m a fucking jerkoff. I can’t believe this shit happened to me. All my classes are closed. Do you know how long I have been waiting for the day that I could think “HAHA, FUCK YOU FRESHMAN! NOW IT’S MYYYYY TURN TO GET ALL THE CLASSES YOU PATHETIC LOSERS WANT!!!” Sigh.
To the hottest boy on campus: I don’t know why you are so hot. I thank the lord everyday that you chose to come to Rutgers instead of some other school, I mean…what out-ofstate person really wants to come to RU when they have no incentive? Every time I see you, my heart melts. I just want you to hold me. I just want to touch your face. You are so fine. Period. (Out-of state Rutgers students should be shot. Can’t you find a school with a better football team and less (Looks like it’s “Intro Jewish Stds” for you...if you STI’s closer to home?) don’t believe me, look in your To that fucking bitch who course booklet.) almost ran me over last week: YEA YOU KNOW WHO Audrey, how I love thee. The YOU ARE. Everybody better pointless car rides we take tostay away from some gether, the cigarettes we share, psychopath in a RED MAZDA and the dildo that we both 626. She is fucking crazy and make use of. I know not of relentless. Don’t think I forget what I would do without you. what you look like. If I ever I thank the heavens above evsee you again, I’m going to ery day that I have found someone like you to make my fucking saw off your legs. (As it’s been said before, it’s life so shiny and new. From an adverture just trying to Sinding to Fuerst, you have cross the street ar RU, been there for me through thick imgaine trying to meet a girl and thin. I love you.
Wednesday, November 6th, 2002
This is to whoever works for Sea People + Sea Men = the Targum and wrote the ar- “Sea-ciety” ticle on the meeting about the name change: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO YOUR FUCKING DEAN IS? You spelled the man’s name wrong. AND I KNOW IT WASN’T A FUCKING TYPO because you did it more than once. What are you, some kind of asshole? It’s K-I-R-S-C-HN-E-R. Dean Kirschner. Not Dean Kirchner or Kirscher or FUCK You or whatever you wrote you fucking lameass. Tis all, toots!
To my PR professor- WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WEAR THOSE PINK SHOES? It could be below zero and you will still wear those pink suede mules that are atrocious and a horror to the entire shoe industry. Please, for all of mankind…GO SHOPPING. And to Jenny Craig
To the girl who is now licking my ex-girlfriend’s cooter: May you rot in hell. I wish you never existed. What a shame that she found someone like you to take over my duties. I hate that she doesn’t want me to lick it anymore. When I think about your tongue on her clit, it makes me want to vomit. The mere thought of the two of you eating each other into oblivion is enough to make my food jump up through my throat and come out all over the computer screen I’m currently staring at. When I see you, I’m going to rip off your fucking nipples and throw you in a pile of horse shit, you fucking piece of shit heartless cuntface.
To the dickhead on the L bus this morning: So you think you are cool because you play football? Well, you aren’t cool because of that. I think I’m fond of you because when you wear sweatpants, all I do is stare at your dick flop. It’s (if you wanna be a GINORMOUS. I would like hulkamaniac, i can sure tell you to impale me with it, you how to stay on track. you please. I’m begging you. gotta train say your prayers, Shove it in my mouth, in my eat your vitaimins too, these cunt, up my ass…dear god are all the things that just send it my way. hulkamaniacs do. positive (Thank god for dirty, dirty thoughts and positive deeds sluts, or the Rutgers football these are the things that will team wouldn’t get any from make you succeed. always be G-R-double E-N Leaves! w/o a disease?) (I think we’ve all turned a their “prestigious” record.) good to your family and girl or two lesbian in our day, Dear RU Footballfriends ‘cause they’re the boy...don’t let it get you I actually must congratulate you only ones that’ll be there in down. Unless they won’t let on your performance this the end...words from a true you join in...then kill them.) weekend, too bad you didn’t god among men.) win. Miami sucks the cock! To my best friend, the fag. I (Very true, I must say we did In case you were still wonderjust wanted to tell you that I well for 3/4ths of the game, ing: STILL, NOBODY love you more than life itself. Dorsey sucks, Dorsey sucks!) LIKES YOU! It is great to have someone be so selfless on the outside (and I say this because I know of your narcissistic ways that would like nothing than to come out). You The only three places a woman should more have been there for me when be: the kitchen making me food, the I needed a cock to suck on. have been there for me laundry cleaning my clothes, and the You when I needed my vagina bathtub fisting another woman...and checked out for genital warts. have even been there for the Medium meeting Wednesday You me when I needed the puss night, in front of LSC @ 9:30...wait, squeezed out of my anal herpes. You are one of a that’s four...shit...ahh, fuck it. kind, dear friend. One of a kind. I just wish you didn’t 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123 I HATE QUAD 2 I HATE 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123 Those motherfuckers who live 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123 give me crabs. QUAD 2 I HATE QUAD 2 I 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123 12345678901234567890123456789012123456789012345678901234567890121234567890123 below us: fuck off! 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Send all personals to stainey@witty.com or face certain and imminent doom at the hands of Fat Albert...HEY HEY HEY!
Wednesday, November 6th, 2k2 To my goddamn roomate: suck it long, and suck it hard! To the fucking emo kid on the other side of the row in the computer lab. I hate you. I hate emo. I want your blatently homosexual ass to explode. And why the fuck to girls go to emo bastards like you? Do they not realize emo kids dont have sex? Thats why they’re emo! Once they have sex they are no longer emo... they’re punk. I hate you. (Hey, stop denying yourself. You know you dont want his ass to explode, but rather to explode in his ass. You homo.) To the people who make “The Progressive Magazine of Douglass College”: why is the girl on the cover of this months issue touching her breast like that? I mean, thats clearly not checking for lumps... that’s all erotic and shit. (That would be because all those “womyn” are “lesbyans”.) I love Mexican cantina at brower. Is it wrong? I seriously think I have an obsession. Granted, it gives me diarrhea until the`cows come home, but I cannot resist the temptation. I LOVE IT I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. Sometimes, I wish that I could diarrhea all over Heather’s face. Would you like that Heather? I think you might.
TKE SUCKS (So does your mom! OOOOOOOHHH!) Nick, you are a capri pant wearing faggot who has a psycho cunt ass girlfriend, Sandy. You should come over and tell me more stories about how Sandy’s mom is a fucking whorebag and fucked like 10 guys on a cruise right in front of you. That was funny, seeing that you, Sandy, and Sandy’s whole fucking family are a bunch of fucking psychotic hipocrit dirty jiz loving cunts! Lets all join hands and pray that one day in the very near future that Nick will die just like his father... you fucking asshole. EVERYONE HOPES THAT YOU WILL DIE!!!!!!!!! Mutilated lips give a kiss on the wrist of the wormlike tips of tentacles expanding in my mind I’m fine accepting only fresh brine you can get another drop of this...yeah, you wish. Im in frosh engineering and want to say how fucking boring and lame it is. The fucking courses, fuck them. The fucking professors who just fucking suck (who knows what), fuck you. I cant fucking wait for winter break, and after that Ill be gone of this god damned shit major and actually get something better. Fuck me, itll probably be the same shit next semester. Just fucked.
“It’s so easy, happy go lucky!” ATTENTION FRESHMAN & SOPHOMORES that are hoping to get into the business field... word of advice.. put a condom on and FUCK THE SCHOOL OF BUSINESS cuz unless you have super human brain powers, there’s no way your getting in! I wasted 2 years of college and after all the hard work and dedication, Rutgers SHITS on every student that applies. The RU Screw strikes again! Stop what your doing and find another major ASAP!!! Rutgers gives you hope and says “YAY pre-business students! Welcome! Apply to the Business School - You’ll do great!” But what we all miss is the fine print that says “We’re raping you up the ass for all your worth, and your gonna get nothing but shit for a future... Dont expect to graduate here on time - Welcome to Rutgers UniFUCKING-versity!” The School of Business along with the rest of this money hungry University could suck a big fat cock and choke while they’re at it... So KIDS, if you want a bright future, dont make my mistake - Get the Hell out of here! Now DAMMIT! (Hey look, maybe you shouldn’t have gone for a fucking major which is all about raping people up the ass and stealing all their money. Maybe you should’ve chosen a career field which actually has meaning rather than just greed and m o n e y . MAYBE you didn’t get into the school cause you’re a fucking idiot. Stupid.)
Hey everyone! It’s Avril Lavigne posing for her new career because she really sucks! No really she does suck, and she’ll be sucking at this weeks meeting, come and you can be her “Sk8er Boi” and she’ll be your “BJ Wh0r3!” recitation girl, im going to steal your most prized piece of clothing and wear it to bed. i WOULD tattoo arthistorygirl on me but its too painful and its too expensive im just joking, sort of. maybe one day ill get the nerve to talk to you until then ill admire you from my seat in class. (You fucking pussy. How ‘bout you find your balls, grab em, and give em a nice squeeze for me. Then go up to this girl and put em in her mouth. Or mine. If you prefer mine, e-mail me at stainey@witty.com) It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man. To the fucking gay ass white kid that thinks he is japanese in Winkler, Manicotti to be exact. stop thinking your a fucking jap. And go get a real fucking gamecube so that we can play games like NBA2k3 and NFL2k3, instead of that motherfucking japanese game cube you got with that gay ass MonkeyBall game. You better watch out cuz one day im gonna kick your white ass all the way to fucking Japan, and hopefully we will never see you again. (A white kid acting like a yellow kid? Interesting. Doesn’t he know that white makes right? This is unpossible.)
it reads:”..... citing artistic differences, the band broke up in May. And in June...” To that girl who wants my cock so bad. I know you want it, to love it, touch it and taste it. Maybe I’ll let you if I www.BrianLeachlikesMartinsCock.com can give you a www.BrianLeachlikesallCock.com p e a r l Thank you Ned, Jim and Bryan this week for neckace. contributing to the Personals!
To the stupid cunt in my political science recitation. I don’t like your STD plagued ass. Don’t talk to me ever again anywhere. Don’t talk ever again! You’re annoying, and I want you to go to hell. Hell is too good for you. I want you to be anally raped over and over again my aggressive, sexually frustrated panda bears. They’re the only things in Asia with big cocks. To the girl in my art history recitation (TH4 vh-006d) with the nose ring and writes left-handed. YOU ARE GORGEOUS. I would love to model some greek abstract heroic poses for you. but im too retarded and i’ll probably never talk to you. But im going to stalk you. (Dude, you sent this same personal in last week. You’re a loser. Stop talking and start stalking.) To that fucking useless roommate of ours aka “the general”... why dont you fucking do your dishes, clean the fucking toilet or do something other than bite your nails, not talk, and browse scifi.com you fucking star queer. you are a useless son of a bitch so go curl up in the fetal position inside the oven and call it a day. love your pals - salsa and the hammer. Eat it Omar!
“redneck boy getting busy with lawn clippings!”
New York Wed 11/06 - Lords of Acid - Irving Plaza Wed 11/06 - Black Lily - S.O.B.’s Thur 11/07 - Bif Naked - Mercury Lounge Thur 11/07 - Sun 11/10 - Blues Traveler - Irving Plaza Fri 11/08 - Janeane Garofalo - Town Hall Fri 11/08 - Add N to (X) - Knitting Factory Fri 11/08 - Jump Little Children - Village Underground Fri 11/08 - Jerry Cantrell - The World Sat 11/09 - Lambchop - Bowery Ballroom Sat 11/09 - Virginia Coalition, the Lost Traders, Jennifer Nettles - B.B. King Blues Club & Grill Sun 11/10 - Cannibal Corpse - Lamour Mon 11/11 - Bob Dylan - Madison Square Garden Mon 11/11 - The Donnas - Bowery Ballroom Tues 11/12, Wed 11/13 - Thievery Corporation - Irving Plaza Wed 11/13 - Bob Dylan - Madison Square Garden Thur 11/14 - Joe Cocker - Beacon Theatre
http://www.themedium.net
Wednesday, November 6th, 2002
New Jersey Wed 11/06 - Rush - Continental Airlines Arena Wed 11/06 - Twine, New Life, The Loud Earth - The Saint Fri 11/08 - Pat McGee - Stone Pony Fri 11/08 - Gov’t Mule - The State Theatre Fri 11/08 - Gwar, Bloodlet - Birch Hill Fri 11/08 - Jeffrey Gaines - Brookdale Performing Arts Center Fri 11/08 - Dar Williams - Morristown Community Theatre Fri 11/08 - Fountains of Wayne, OK Go - Tradewinds Sat 11/09 - Matt Witte’s New Blood Revival - Stone Pony Mon 11/11 - Frank Black& The Catholics - Stone Pony Tues 11/12 - Counting Crows, Uncle Kracker - Convention Hall Wed 11/13 - Goo Goo Dolls, Lisa Loeb - State Theatre Thur 11/14 - Riddlin’ Kids, Allister - Birch Hill
Send events to orgykarma@yahoo.com