NEWS QUICKIES
Nobody I picked won the Kids Choice Awards Last week, the Kid's Choice Awards were on Nickelodeon. Dylan Sprouse won for favorite TV actor and Selena Gomez won for favorite TV actress. I don't like them at all. I don't like any of the people or the shows that won. The Kids Choice Awards were stupid. I took all my best stuffed animal friends in my basement and got chips and salsa just to see everyone I voted for lose to dumb people. I hope it was not a rip-off for you like it was for me.
"FUNNY BUNNY" RHYMES
The Easter Bunny: Is he Real? Becky told Kathryn who told Marcus who told a friend of Christopher©s who then told my best friend Geoffrey that he mig ht be fake! BY CAPTAIN UNITED STATES JR. NEWS EDITOR
Every year, the Easter Bunny fills our Easter baskets with eggs and candy and chocolate. Some of my best friends think that actually, every year it is a big smelly phony who leaves us candy and eggs and chocolate, and sometimes new underwear in a box when our old ones get holes and brown stains. My best friend Geoffrey told me that he thinks the Easter Bunny is his dad. But that could not possibly be true. How could Geoffrey's dad get into my house, or your house, or anyone's house other than his house? We have a security system for people like that. When Kathryn went to the Yesterday when mall to sit on the Easter Bunny's Mrs. Penta's kinlap and tell him what she wanted dergarten class for Easter, she said she saw a zipwent to Blue Marsh Lake for our nature field per, which means it is someone in trip, Kevin pulled a salamander a costume. But this does not mean out of the lake the first time he anything either because I have stuck his hands in the water. Kevin zippers on my clothes too. And I was so cool for a day, and no one normally talks to him. But maybe CUT AND PASTE now people will, if he catches more salamanders with his bare hands.
Kevin Catches Big Salamander with Bare Hands
Brandon Farts in Class!!!
It was the biggest loudest fart I ever heard! BOOM! I thought he was going to poop his pants! I am so glad that wasn't me, but it will probably happen to me one day. The teacher told us it happens to everyone...
A Magician is Coming Today!!!
I want to see the magic show now! I love magic shows! I hope he pulls a rabbit out of a hat! I like Rabbits! I hope he gets to pick me as a volunteer. I would be such a good volunteer. He'd probably make me a magician too and I'd be famous like him!
No Left Handed Scissors?
Bunnies hop places and they are fluffy and I want to pet one. am not wearing a people costume. I do not believe any of this at all. The spirit of Easter is all about believing. The more you believe, the more candy you get, and you
will also get into Heaven. He is as real as Santa and the Tooth Fairy and Barney and the President. I will forever stand by my beliefs as an American.
NEWZ IN DRAWINGZ
BY IGNORAMUS THE 3ST STAPH WRITER
Why do I have to be lefthanded? It’s not fair! I have to use special training grips on my pencil and I can’t cut my stupid paper! Everyone takes the lefthanded scissors and I can’t cut out my doggy picture. Jimmy is a stupid head for taking them off my desk and now I have to use the scissors for right-handed people. They don’t do anything! Daddy said he used to be left-handed when he was a kid but the penguin lady beat him with a yardstick to get the devil out of him or something. I didn’t know penguins could be mean. There’s a dog down the street that’s mean. It chased my brother this one time. Being left handed blows.
By Timmy, Age 4 My hero is Officer Sugarlumps. He is a horse who is also a police officer. He is the greatest horse ever. He once saved me and my brother and my mommy and my daddy and my dog from a fire in our house. I fed him a carrot. My daddy told me that he got to be a detective because of it. When I grow up, I want to be a horse detective too!
Poop!
ESTABLISHED 1970
"I know about dinosaurs. I don't need to learn shit about dinosaurs!"
NO ONE LIKES THIS GUY
Structural Integrity of block fort in question BY MR. A STAFF WRITER
It was reported to me by my friend Molly that the kids were building the block fort with the triangles on the bottom. "Dumb butts! They are doing it all wrong!" She said. And she is right— everyone knows triangle shapes go on the top, not on the bottom! My friend Billy also said, "They are all such poop heads, I told Ms. Teacher this would happen if Jimmy was in charge." Jimmy thinks he's so smart because he spelled "couch" right and won the spelling bee. He may be a better speller, but he doesn't know anything about building forts. He can't even finish building the Lego Space Ship, and it only had 200 pieces.
Anyway, the fort is gonna fall down if there are no square blocks on bottom. Building rules say you can only use triangle blocks to make ramps for the trucks to go in and out. And if you use triangles for the bottom part the forts gonna be tilted, just like the tower of pizza. Those guys did not even notice a circle block rolled off the side of the tower almost to the other side of the room on the train tracks. If we don't stop Jimmy's rule over the building plans, Thomas is gonna get crushed when the tower falls down on him, and then the Conductor will get very mad. If I was in charge we'd have finished building the fort and had cookies by now.
HOW MY DAY IS GOING
Lunch will be soon BY RUBBER DUCKAY NEWS EDITOR
I am so hungry. Someone help me. I don't even know when lunch is because I don't know how to read the clock, but I know it is a very late lunch, that much I know. Hungry hungry hungry. Ohhhhh, I am so hungry. My belly is going to growl again and I am going to get all red and there is nothing I can do about it. Am I the only one here who is hungry out of their mind? This whole school does not get what it is doing to me by making lunch so late. It is so rude! I can't even think! AHHH! I don't know what my teacher is talking about anymore. I can't ever pay attention in class anyway. But I bet that one day, I will be in college and I will really care about school and I will pay attention then. But now I am HUNGRY! But I have found out ways to make food out of the things in my desk.
What I do is take little pieces of notebook paper, roll them into balls, and put them in my mouth when no one is looking. It is actually not that bad at all. Why can't we even have snacks? Agh! Food! I can practically taste the food I am going to eat, which is now sitting in my purple Arctic Zone lunch box, which is not a box, but not really a bag either. I am just going to try and think of as many things as I can to take my mind off of being hungry and then maybe my belly won't growl-- OH NO IT JUST DID. Oh no. It was so loud. Ok don't move. Maybe no one noticed. People are looking at me, darn it, they did. Ah, I want my fluffer nutter sandwich so bad. SO BAD! Someone help! Oh my god I am going to have growlies non-stop forever! AHHH! AH! AH! AHHH!! WHY IS NO ONE IN PAIN BUT ME?! I WANT FOOD IN MY BELLY NOW!
THE WEATHER
TODAY
Make sure you jam your fingers in your ears if you are afraid of loud thunder like I am.
Editorial Staff Spring 2011
F
TOMORROW I have never seen one of these in real life in all my five years of life. What a rip-off.
Editor-in-Chief Reven MacQueen
Managing Editor John Bender Business Manager Joey Threlfall Senior Editor Tim Swanson
This is the dumbest and stupidest block fort in the history of forever.
RECESS
Stupid Jimmy is Hogging the Swingset!
am going to tell that to Michelle. Michelle likes Jimmy and now she won’t. Jimmy will be sad when he learns that Michelle doesn't like him anymore! I am going to tell Hunter and Freddy that Jimmy doesn’t want to be their friend anymore and then they will want to be my friend. I think they would like me as a friend. I have my brother’s playstation in the basement. But if they don’t want to be my friend and still want to be Jimmy’s friend I will become Jimmy. I live next door to Jimmy. I will take his clothes from his laundry line and wear them. If that doesn’t work, I will take Jimmy and wear his skin and pretend to be Jimmy and then trick Hunter, Freddy and Jordan. Oh, wait. He got off the swingset. YAY! SWINGS!
BY DANNY CHOG JR. NEWS EDITOR
My name is Louis Hedgeman. I am five and a half years old. I go to school. Today I had recess. I like recess. I play on the swings at recess. Today, Jimmy and his friends got to the swing set first. Jimmy, Hunter, Freddy, Colin and Jordan were at the swing set today and they would not let me swing. I was sad. I told teacher and teacher said that I had to give Jimmy a turn on the swings. Jimmy has had a turn on the swings long enough. I want to swing. I swing a lot higher that Jimmy does. It is not fair! I asked to go on one of the swings and I even offered to push. Jimmy still said no! I hate Jimmy! Jimmy is a dumb fart head who eats diapers in his butt and smells bad. I
www.rutgersmedium.com don't tell your mom!
News Editors Kaitie Davis Jordan Gochman Features Editor Katie Russian Opinions Editor Amy DiMaria Arts Editor Kristen Cignavitch Personals Editor Carmella Luczak
Personals Editor Kenneth Brooks
What’s Shakin’ Editor Shane Whelan
CignavitchCig
Copyeditor Webmaster Secretary Douche Faculty Advisor
Steve Troulis Kenneth Brooks John Eberhardt Barbara Reed
The Medium is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. No article represents the opinion of the Medium or its staff. The Medium is a satire publication, and should never be taken seriously. The office of The Medium is located in Room 439 of the Rutgers Student Center at the College Avenue Campus. This issue is dedicated to magic happy juice. I drank some out of my mommy's fridge. It was fun.
FEATURED COMMENTARY
Who Said You Could Just Use My Mr. Scent Markers? BY FRANCELY LACROIX
Um, what do you think you’re doing? Those are my Mr. Sketch, scented markers. Those were a stocking stuffer. You don’t just touch Christmas presents, Kyle. They were sitting in my desk and no one is supposed to touch them without my permission. There’s a long screening process for borrowing the scented markers and you know that. And there are a gabillion other things in my desk you could have taken but you went right past the basketball erasers and into the scent markers. I wouldn’t care if you just took the extra long pencils or even the pen with the four colors of ink. Billy Conroy tried to use my scented markers and now we aren’t friends anymore. I
don’t like bad people and you’ve done a bad thing. And look at how you put them back! There’s an order they have to go in just like on the front of the box! Look at the box Kyle. It’s black, brown, red, magenta, pink, orange, yellow, light
“What’s next Kyle? Are you gonna take my 101 Dalmatians nap time mat too?” green, smelly dark green, blue, purple, and light blue. You completely messed up the order and now it’s gonna take me forever to put back. Who takes out markers and then puts them back in whatever order they want? Kindergarten isn’t like that.
What’s next Kyle? Are you gonna take my 101 Dalmatians nap time mat too? I’m just gonna take your stuff and mess it up. No! That’s the only way to make us even. Go get me some of those new crayons. I’m gonna break every one of them and you can’t do anything. Oh my gosh. What is this? The light blue is all out of ink. How am I supposed to color the sky now? And you smushed the top of the red one. Now it can’t color good anymore. Red was my favorite... That’s it Kyle. I’m telling on you. No, you made me do it. I don’t care if you call me a tattle tale. When it comes to my scented markers you can say anything and I won’t care. Because I’m rubber and you are glue. What bounces off me sticks to you. It sticks to you Kyle.
POINT/COUNTERPOINT
Timmy, You Have A Lot of Toys BY MELINDA SAUNDERS
Put it down, Timmy. We didn’t come to Target to buy any toys. Mommy is looking for some new curtains for the family room, and then after that we have to stop by Grammy’s house to drop off her prescription. We don’t have time to go through the toy aisle. Get up off the floor. You’re making a scene. You’re being embarrassing Timmy. Listen, son, if you can go a whole week without acting up in school, then we’ll come back here and get that fire truck. You have to do all your chores, and you can’t paint on these new curtains like you did on the old ones. You have gotten a toy every time I brought you to Target lately. Just this is the one time, please, please, PLEASE, just put the toy down and let’s go.
I NEED THIS FIRE TRUCK!
COMMENTARY
I Want to be a Movie Star, Veterinarian, and President BY SALLY JONES My mommy says I’m the smartest girl in the whole kindergarten. I am talented and smart and pretty and nice and fun and I don’t want all of these things to go to waste when I grow up. I know I have some time before I have to make a decision about my career, but I think I have it narrowed down to a few options. After I graduate from Princeton and Harvard at the same time, I think I will star in a few movies, hopefully with Barney as my co-star. I’d make a billion dollars and sign everybody’s autographs and have a small dog I’d keep in a purse. Also, I’d have a gigantic pink mansion and all the servants know how to make grilled cheese.
“When I win the Oscar for best movie person I want a degree in animal doctoring.”
When I win the Oscar for best movie person, I want to get a degree in animal doctoring and become a vet, working with BY TIMMY SAUNDERS only cute animals like puppies and kitties. Mom, if I have to do chores If someone brought in a big dog or an old, ugly cat, I would have them go over to the all week, you have to give me vet that was next door. I’d probably help this fire truck. I don’t care if I rabbits too. already have two fire trucks, After I’m done with that, I would go this one makes noise and has flashing lights! It’s take over as President. I want to be presthe best fire truck ever!!! ident so that I can be in charge of the I promise I’ll play it every day and I won’t country. I would tell everyone what to do, break it like the GI Joe that grandma bought but I wouldn’t be mean. Everyone would me for Christmas. If I don’t have the fire truck love me and I would get to be in parades then I can’t save my town that’s printed on the and everyone would cheer for me and it rug. It’s gonna burn down! The police car isn’t would be awesome! Also, I’d make my viceenough I NEED THIS FIRE TRUCK!!!! president make me grilled cheese. You can’t take this away from me! I NEED Actually, I kind of want to be on IT!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!! I’m gonna scream until you Broadway in a musical. Maybe I can work buy it for me! NO! I’m gonna hold my breath. I can hold my breath for almost a minute so we’ll it out so that I can be president during be here for a while if you don’t just give me the the day and on Broadway at night. I’m sure that will work for me. toy.
KINDERGARTEN VOICES
How do you feel about American involvement in Libya? “What’s a Libya? Can I eat it? It sounds like a word only daddy uses.”
Lucy Zipf Mrs. Feinman’s class
“Well I live in America because America is great so if America wants to do something than we should because America is the home of the free, the end.”
Gary Loma Ms. Torre’s class
“GARY EATS BOOGERS!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
David Zayas Mrs. Scola’s class
This week’s art work was submitted by kindergardeners and first graders from Mrs. Wendell’s class and Ms. Fergusen’s class at Lincoln Elementary School. To submit your own work, send an e-mail to features@rutgersmedium.com!
Contest Winner!
“What is your favorite type of cookie?”
“What do you want to be when you grow up?
“I want to be Richard McCormick when I grow up, because he gets to take everybody’s money!” Submitted by Sam Greenberg, Age 7
Submitted by Kelsie Warner, Age 5
MUSIC REVIEW
The Wiggles Album is THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BY KEVIN BERNATAVITZ
TELEVISION REVIEW
Spongebob Has Really Lost Touch With its Base BY DAVID ZELINSKI
Any connoisseur of animated kids shows will have noticed that Spongebob Squarepants has drastically changed since its introduction to the market in 1999. As a representative of the age 6-10 demographic targeted by the cartoon, let me be the first to say that the show is not living up to its former glory. Maybe I only started watching the show 3 years ago, when I was 3 years old, but it is plainly obvious that the series has broken down into a mere self-parody since Hillenburg’s exit from the show.
I used to look to Spongebob as a refreshing breath of intellect in a Saturday morning cartoon lineup filled with the same hackneyed, overused setups with uninspired characters, but I find myself being less and less able to defend what becomes, with each new episode, an even more depressing downward spiral to the lowest common denominator. I wish there was some way to tell Nickelodeon that I wasn’t born yesterday, I was born 6 whole years ago. It’s obvious that they’re trying to get the last ounce of revenue out of this sad Nicktoon. As time passes and I get older and more wise, I realize that it is perhaps better to kill something that is painfully dying rather than watch it hand on to the bitter, undignified end.
The Wiggles Album is THE BEST!!!!!!!!!! I love it so much :) :) :) :) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This kid in my class Michael hates The Wiggles. I hate him. He told me that the Wiggles were two thumbs down and I told him that they were more like two thumbs up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I listen to The Wiggles when I get ready for school. The Wiggles are the best music ever. I will always listen to the Wiggles and ARTIST SHOWCASE buy everything that The Wiggles make beMason Gross senior, Karen MacDonald, pursuing a BFA in Painting, will be presenting her senior thesis at the cause I love them!!!!! I like “Baby Beluga” Civic Square Building in New Brunswick, on April 15th, 2011. the best. The Wiggles are the best band that ever existed in the history of forever. The Wiggles are better than Yo Gabba Gabba. They keep changing the bands on that show because none of the bands that play are as good as The Wiggles. The Wiggles are even better than The Beatles. My mom likes the Beatles but I don’t even like any of their songs. Michael has never even seen The Wiggles on TV!!!!!!!!!!!! I bet he watches Barney every day because he is a big baby. If he saw the Wiggles on TV I bet he wouldn’t even get it. He is a big stupid baby who likes to watch Sesame Street probably. If you still watch those baby shows then you probably wouldn’t like The Wiggles because they are too awesome.
CIRCLE TIME
PLAY TIME
LUNCH TIME
The capitul letter r is hard to rite. my teecher gets mad when i make them small. i will only rite them small. my teecher can stay mad.
Bender is so mean and stoopid. My teacher sed I could play on the compooter and he hit me and took the keebord. My teacher yelled at me when I tryed to take it back. I am going to kick his butt after school.
Crystal stowl my choklet candy owt of my bookbag. tomarrow i am gowing to put poop in my bookbag and i hope she eets it.
I do not lyke singing the alfabet. I know all of my letters. I do not want to say them every day. I am going to tell my teecher to shut up tomorrow.
Deer Lunch Ladee, I am tyred of eating penut butter and jelle I hayt Tommy. He pulled samwiches. I no that i my shert and ripped my am little but i onet pizbutton off. My mom will za like the big kids. my sister is in the fif grayd my teacher is mad becus be mad. I talked to Amy when Jason hit Brittany with and she gits to eat chikwe were in line. Amy is a block. I laffed at her. en for lunch. plese do my frend. She sedv she She had blood. The nurse not make any mor penut would call my mommy came to get her. Jason butter samwiches or i will tell my dad to steel after scool and i would went home. the bread frum the caget in truble. I will throw her fone out the I do not like Joey. I was faterea. Love, window at lunch. i do not coloring with a yellow George like my teacher. she is a crayon. Joey took it and Room 105 ran away. I chased him. poop head. The teacher stopped me I want the teacher to and I had to sit in the Everytime I eat the read The Cat in the Hat. corner. I ripped up his chicken nuggets, my She red One Fish Two picture. It was for his tummy starts to hert. i think they taste like Fish Red Fish Blu Fish. I grandmuther. He cryed. poopie. i do not want to will cry so she will read my book. My mommy said Fred is eat them today. if my raycist. When he plays teacher mayks me eat I think Kaitie took my with the black puppet, he them, i will poor my milk pensil. My pensil was on her shoes. always says bad words. blue. Kaitie is using a blue pensil. I will take My mommy said i can not I think Jordan is stoopid. her pensils from her play hous with Tim any His mom broght in a cake bookbag. mor. When we played for his birfday. There hous, i was the baby, and was not enuff for me. I It is cold outsyd. i did not he took my cloze off and licked his slyce before want to com to school gayv me a bath. She sed he eight it. but my mommy mayd me. he myt be gay. I am gowing to pull the POTTY TIME red button so we can haf I was playing wif the a fyre jrill. then i will fyre truk and shane Shane peed on himself. run away. came and he took the Now no one wants two truck frum me and he play wif him. He smells STORY TIME went to play wif jake bad. No one will ever and i did not have neth- fourgit this. Wonce upon a time ing to play wif so i peed there was a luttle girl on his bookbag when he Wun day we were in the named Jessica. One day, wuz not looking. lyne to go to the bafher daddy came home room and my teecher wand told her to go to I do not like becky any herd a girl screem. My her room and not come more because her doll teecher wint in the bafout. Jessica herd mom- is newer than myne room and brought out my and daddy playing and her mom buys her Tina. She was crying. a game and screeming. clothes for her doll and She had poop all over Her mom screamed yes my mom tod me clothes her leg. She smelled lyk o yes daddy. Her daddy cost two mach monee. poop. It was stinkee. screemed bind over bich. Then, her mom screemed I do not like becky any When I go to the baflowd. Jessica got scared more because her doll room, a big boy in the and ran in her mommy’s is newer than myne therd grade looks at my room. She saw daddy pull and her mom buys her pee pee. wen i tol my a snake owt of mommys clothes for her doll and daddy he said he was peep hole. They saw Jes- my mom tod me clothes a froot. i dont think he looks lyke an apple. sica and wanted to play cost two mach monee. hide and seek and ran in the bathroom and locked the door.
personals@rutgersmedium.com
TEACHER’S DESK Dear Parents and Guardians, I am very disappointed in the class this week. I did not receive any homework assignments. Our students are expected to e-mail in one complaint, acknowledgement of the weird, or other item of choice to the teacher’s e-mail at personals@rutgersmedium.com every week. However, I have been receiving very few assignments. If I do not receive them soon, I will be forced to fail the students and call DYFS on you. Thank You, Mr. K.
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RAINBOWS
To the boy with the the creepy eyes in my class; I really, really really think you are very scary.
CRAYONS
I am going to write all of my r’s backwards from now one because it will make me look rele cool. To the girl at reccess I To math class I don’t like reele like you lets get you becauz numbers are married and have babies. rele stupid and I hate it.
This is about you because you are a mean face and make me cry. To the girl in my class you smell bad and no one likes you stinky.
To the girl with sparklee shoes I thik we can be frends because your shoes are prety. I really like the Kid’s Choice Awards! I told my mom to get me extra jelly beans when it comes on. To the boy who stole my stickers; You are so mean! I am telling the teacher and then you’re going to get in trouble stupid head! To the mean girl; I don’t want to sit by you because you are so scary and mean! No I won’t give you some of my sandwich because bologna is my favorite.
To my teacher; You’re voice is really funny and that’s why we all laugh at you all of the time. You also smell like olives. To the boy who lives a few streets from my house I don’t like it when you ride your bike by my house because I think that you are icky. The girl who sits next to me has mean eyes. Anyway, who wants to help me build a fort? I get to be queen though because its my idea dummy. To my sticker book I miss you very much and I can’t find you.
To the girl with the flower backpack I think you are rele mean and I hope you don’t have any friends.
To the boy I like I rele like you but you need to stop looking like a messy person because it makes me not like you anymore.
I like art class the most because I like to draw and paint smells rele funny and good to me and its a lot of fun too.
BATMAN
I like rollercoasters especially the Batman one because I want to be him when I grow up.
I know a lot about dinsaurs I know they go RAWR and eat people sometimes.
Today we are having chicken nuggets for lunch I am so so excited because I love them so much its great!
To the guy who looks like a banana I think you are Did you know that I have really stupid and gray the big box of crayons? makes you look ugly. To the kid on the schoolbus I rele like you but I Plaid is relly ugly and it think you are really lowd reminds me of trees so I and annoying sometimes. don’t like it. I really had to pee one I want to buy a Hess time and I held it all the truck but I need more way through recess and monies in my piggie bank it was really scratchy and now I am sad becuz but I held it anyways. Christmass is over. To the boy in class who To the boy who eats hot scratched my folder I sauce by itself you are really hate you and you gross and weird. No one owe me a new one now! likes you anymore. To the boy with the mean Stop whining because girlfriend all she does is you sound like a baby lie because she hates me and it makes you you and she is an ugly scaly look rele stupid and anface. noying so just stop it I like computer time on stop it stop it already! Wednesdays because A boy in my class caught I get to draw pictures a squirrel with his bare that move and make hands! It was so so funfunny sounds. ny and cute and I really like it I wanted to take To teahcer in my gym it home but it ran away class smells like my grandma’s house and is and now I am sad. scary. There was a fire drill I drank coffee for the the other and it was so first time in my entore much fun and scary at life this morning when the same time and Jenny mom wasn’t looking and peed it was rele funny. I feel like I am in the You are really stupid be- clowds right now. cause you like Barney To the boy who is mad at and I think he is really me stop being mad at me dumb. and talk to me again beI really like Spongebob cuz you are making me because of Patrick be- very very sad. cause his voice is real- To the boy I had a crush ly funny and he is rele on I no longer have a dumb all of the time he crush on you I have a is funny all the time. crush on someone else My mom is the best be- now because he shares cuz she makes the best his blocks with me more. sandwiches in the entire Baseball cards and Hot wide world she is rele Wheels are dumb beawesome. cause they are for boys I found a dollar the other and boys are really dumb day on the play ground also. They also smell bad and now I am so so rich most of the time so there I know you’re jealous ha. I have proof.
MAGIC
There will a rele cool magician at my party but a lot of people are not invited because I don’t like their stupid faces.
NAPS
I love you Fluffy Cat. Will you marry me? To the horsies on Cook I think you are so prety.
Did you know I can fly? I
To the boy who keeps bet you didn’t know that I trying to get my atten- could fly I know you are so tion I wish you would so jealous right now. stop because you are To to the boy who I see all just really weird. the time I think you tawlk Did you know that Jenny like a gurl and that is very and Mikey like eacho- weird. ther? Its soooo gross it Hewo I rele rele miss you makes me want to puke and this makes me sad. all over my desk like all I have no frends and I of the time ew. am very sad. To the boy who is really To the girl at the park white you are as white you are rele rele nice but as a ghost and everyone your ears are waaay too in class thinks that you big and scary you look are scary like one too. like my aunt’s dog. I love you Big Oak Tree I love nap time because in my backyard. Will you I always have really cool marry me? dreams everytime. To the doo doo face on the bus who hit me with I was watching Nickelotheir backpack; I don’t dean this morning and SpongeBob just shut off like you! and I was sad. To the kid who farted in class that was rele rele Seasame Street is waaay lowd and sooooo cool it better than SpongeBob!! was sooo cool. I got a new hamster this To the kid who was mean mornings its soo fluffy to me at story time I and cute! stole your Cheez Whiz Stop being paranoid. ha ha you deserved it.
No one is secretly
I am almost done and I judging you in their am so so excited like you heads because most have no idea.
I cannot believe that all of them don’t really my markers dried up its have anything going on in there. just not fair. I love the EasterBunny because he brings lots of p e r so nals@r utgood candy so that’s all gersmedium.com that really matters haha
Where’d the monkey go? DIRECTIONS 1. Carefully examine each picture. 2. Find out which item doesn’t belong. 3. Circle the saw. 4. Show your mommy and daddy.
WHAT DOESN’T BELONG? BY THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS ALYSSA EZON CONTRIBUTING ARTIST
ACTION FIGURE OF THE WEEK Name: G.I. Joe Year: 1964 Major: Sebastian Bludd Job: Defending freedom and America Resides: Toys ‘R Us Sports: Artillery Interests: Rocket propelled grenades, Saving Private Ryan, kicking Cobra’s ass, wearing Barbie’s heels.
A Real American Hero Real Advertisement / World’s Greatest Toy Store
As soon as G.I. Joe hit shelves he became an instant classic in the world of action figures. Little boys loved playing with all 12-inches that Duke and his pals had to offer them. What made G. I. Joe really stand out to little boys though was his diverse wardrobe. Between the boots, cargo pants, and different automatic rifles, boys around the country loved customizing their Joe. In addition to his flawless fashion sense and good looks, Joe was an efficient killing machine. However, that didn’t stop him from doing charity work when he wasn’t in the toy chest. Joe’s most notable contribution to society was ruining Dennis Quaid’s acting career in 2009.
Junior Money-Earning $$$ Tips $$$ with Ronnie Buckley-Friedman Your parents tell you that your allowance should be saved in a bank. While that seem like a good thing to do, it takes too much time. What you should do is buy things that are cool and sell them years later. (BASEBALL CARDS) These cards look awesome. But they don’t just make cool sounds with . They are also becoming more and more valuable each year. Remember those old Honus Wagner cards that got sold for millions? This is happening more and more each and every year. Look at the prices on the last bit of data I have, 1993. They were going through the roof! By now, some baseball cards may be worth billions of dollars! (POGS) This is already a popular game and as more and more people play, there will be more
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and more people buying these small circles of two cent cardboard. Sales are bound to skyrocket. (BEANIE BABIES) In addition to being cute, Beanie Babies are able to fund people’s college funds. I’ve seen animals being sold for many, many dollars. My big sister has just bought like $5,000 worth of these stuffed animals. She says that in 10 years, she will be able to move out of the basement and not have to work at her loser job at Frank’s Chicken House. Don’t know why she’s upset, I like chicken, but she is so confident in this strategy that I’ll tell you about it.
Playtime
Time: Everyday, Noon to 3 PM Place: Buccleuch Park, CAC Featuring kickball, t-ball, finger painting, arts & crafts, and wine testing.
Naptime
Time: Everyday, 3 PM to 6 PM Place: Frelinghuysen Hall, CAC Meet someone new, go back to their dorm room, play around for a while, sleep it off.