RECALLED SCRATCH AND SNIFF VALENTINES SEND CLASSROOMS INTO FRENZIES

BY LEXA PREAUX SCRATCHING AND SNIFFING

It is the season of love, and so, mass-produced and heavily branded Valentines have been waiting idly on the shelves since December to be whisked away last minute for classroom parties and other vibrant hotspots for the common cold. The novelties of Valentines is what sets them apart and awards any eager third grader playground cred– whether that novelty be toys, erasers, or the least nauseating candy.

Another popular asset of these Valentines is a scratch and sniff component, often being doused with the stench of chocolate, fruit, mint, and the like. The innocent fun of smelling a piece of cardboard was rocked when one variation of “Minions” Valentines was wrought with manufacturing errors. What was supposed to be a sweet banana scent when scratched and sniffed

OH, WI-FI-SENSEI!

was actually the unmistakable and overwhelming smell of the most painful nostalgia. One classroom in Nevada was left in disarray after the recalled “Minions” Valentines were brought to an early class Valentine’s Day party. The teacher commented anonymously after the incident: “I knew something was wrong when one student

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Next Week: The Medium To Interview Lil Nas X received a Valentine and began going on about how he missed the simpler days before responsibilities and societal pressures.” The student in this instance reportedly described the scent as “the smell of a summer breeze and bikes on fresh asphalt in the cul-de-sac.” At another classroom in Ohio, some students broke out into pathetic

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