The Medium 3/1/2023

FAMILY MEMBER OF THE “COCAINE BEAR” SPEAKS OUT

BY LEXA PREAUX

DROOLING OVER COCAINE BEAR

Released February 24th, Cocaine Bear has been met with much audience praise due to its shocking comedy and ridiculous premise. On paper, it looks like a win for director Elizabeth Banks. On the other hand, the blockbuster has proven to be more of a painful reminder of tragedy for some. The movie mauling theaters today is no true story, but no work of complete fiction either. The true story of the “Cocaine Bear” begins with a case of cocaine being tossed from a plane into the forest and ends, at least for the bear, with an overdose, the high of a lifetime, and a quick death. The original story is known for the crime behind the alleged cocaine-smuggling pilots as well as the ridiculous circumstance of a bear coming across cocaine, but the movie reflects a much more comedic telling of a bear enraged

and rampageous while on cocaine. Relatives of “Cocaine Bear” recently spoke to the press and announced their plans to take legal action. The family claims the film portrays something far beyond anything they had agreed to when they sold their late family member’s story to Universal Pictures. Freddy, brother of the “cocaine bear” and woodland creature native to the

This Paper Boring Ahh Hell, Lemme Watch Family Guy God I Hope This Strike Goes Through I Need A Fucking Break

Next Week: The Medium To Interview Lil Nas X

same forest where this tragedy struck, alleges that terms originally stated that the death of his brother would be honored with accuracy and would take the form of a biopic. Instead, what was released was a “disgusting mockery of addiction and substance abuse.” Freddy shed more light on the dark past of the “cocaine bear,” detailing

Continued on Page 2

YOU KNOW, JAMES CAMERON, EXPLORER OF THE SEA

JAMES CAMERON REPORTEDLY IN COLD WAR WITH JAMES CAMERON

BY MICHELLE C. HAWKE WATCHING AVATAR ON REPEAT

With the release of Avatar: The Way of Water earlier this year breaking a multitude of box office records (with many of records in question having also been earned by the film’s director, James Cameron), curious moviegoers are only left to wonder: How has the famed Canadian managed to consistently produce such high quality material within the past few decades (on top of other achievements, such as reaching the lowest point of the Challenger Deep), and how has he continued to find the motivation to persist at such an outstanding pace. The acclaimed filmmaker is expected to be directing two more Avatar movies within the span of a mere

three years, a daunting feat for any ordinary director in the industry. Recently though, an answer to these elusive questions may have finally arisen due to a series of short videos released on social media three months ago, showing the 68-year old film veteran in a bloody physical confrontation with someone who appeared to be an exact copy of him. When questioned

at the scene, Cameron hastily declined to answer, immediately leaving alongside his apparent double. Following the incident, the film director has scarcely been seen in public, only being spotted on site of filming for Avatar 3, and has persisted in avoiding any questions related to the aforementioned fight. Since then, a vast number of

Continued on Page 2

Snorting White Powder

Since 1970

POURING ONE OUT FOR MY BOY, DAVE COCAINE: 1, BEARS: 0

...continued from front

his brother’s long battle with addiction, months spent in and out of rehab, a broken family, and moments spent on rock bottom. He claims that the horror-comedy is “a heinous caricature of the last days of [cocaine bear’s] life.” He continued “[cocaine bear] was clean when the cocaine fell from the plane. He was clean, and he was working so hard, but he was still so vulnerable. I lost my brother that day. My life changed forever.” The bear was unfortunately a victim of the opioid epidemic, left in the grasps of an addiction to pills following reconstructive knee surgery. During addiction recovery was when he unfortunately found

stimulants, especially when they fell into his lap. “It hurts to see people make a joke of a national crisis,” Freddy stated before poignantly ending his comments with, “His name was Dave, for God’s sake. His name was Dave and he was my brother and now he’s gone.”

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JAMES CAMERON: CANADA'S BEST EXPORT

rumors and theories have spread online, with the general consensus agreeing on the possibility that James Cameron may actually be in a lengthy conflict with, of all people, himself… or rather, a clone of himself. Upon further investigation by anonymous sources, it was revealed that this wasn’t the first incident to have taken place between Cameron and his duplicate, with records of such fights going as far back as 2012, more specifically following his highly-publicized crewed dive to the Challenger Deep in the Pacific Ocean. This has led to speculation that, as a result of the dive, James Cameron was inadvertently

CURRENTLY PLAYING 'CIGARETTES OUT THE WINDOW' BY TV

ENGLISH MAJORS DROP LIKE FLIES FOLLOWING

BY LEXA PREAUX TRYING TO BUM A BOGIE RN NGL

Although tobacco and nicotine products have proven dangerous for years, the intricacies of some of these dangers remain unclear. What is totally clear to absolutely everyone, however, is that smoking makes you look very cool. In late 2022, Rutgers announced a plan to ban all tobacco and nicotine products from campus beginning in

2023. Today, in the middle of the Spring 2023 semester, it is no surprise to any student or faculty member that Rutgers is now, officially and certifiably, lame! Since the implementation of the tobacco ban, enrollment in English courses and rates of declared English majors have dropped so drastically that the department may see their doors closed come the 2023/24 school

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copied. As to whether this was of his own accord, or by having interacted with an unknown entity in those depths, the cause of this phenomenon shall likely remain unknown.

[Editor's Note: Following the writing of this piece, news released that James Cameron intended to direct six more Avatar films within the next ten years.]

GIRL ON REPEAT

year. At first, it was quiet: the clicks of hail-marys on Webreg and MyMajor, presumably towards the keen direction of the business school. Transfer applications open to Anywhere-I-Can-Bum-AFreakin-Smoke-After-My-8-AM University, in the middle of an eighteenth century poetry lecture. The subtle cadence of a panicked Doc Martin stampede coming from the recently desolate Murray Hall. Now, at the mid semester mark, there are three (3) English majors left. Administrators were initially unsure what caused the destruction of the English department at first, but when statistics classes started smelling like menthols and students began speaking out, all of the smoke was cleared. One student put it simply: “I can’t read The Catcher in the Rye without cigarettes, and if I can’t smoke, I just don’t see how I could finish this degree. I’m in my Holden Caulfield era,

ya know.” To the dismay of professors outside of English, they have been left begging new students to wash their smokescented clothes and try nicotine patches as they are screaming through withdrawal. To the dismay of English professors, they have been left with empty classrooms and not a single cool person in sight.

One anonymous English professor commented, “I wasn’t surprised, really. Half of my students don’t read. They just sit on park benches with fashionable jackets and with On the Road open to a random page, chain smoking and pretending to look at the words.” Another professor had a similar experience, stating, “I have twelve students who link GoFundMes to their own cigarette/emphysema treatment funds at the end of all of their emails.” The question now is, will Rutgers be a bunch of lamey dumb-dumbs, or will they be super chill and bring backy the tobacky?

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BLUE PEOPLE, BLUE PEOPLE, BLUE PEOPLE

“TOBACCO-FREE BY 2023” INITIATIVE

Samantha Braff

“I don't know what cabbage is.”

I LOVE COCAINE (WE DON'T ENDORSE COCAINE) I CAN'T HEAR, MY MUSIC'S TOO LOUD

Watching My Life Unfold At Rutgers Cinema

By: Hugh Janus

Does Anyone Else Hear That Sound?

By: Random Penguin House

For weeks I traveled through the desert as Jesus Christ did. I, too, was tempted to madness by visions from the Devil. I was suffering. Then I got to central Jersey.

There was this one field and I swear these dogs were out there and trying to bite me. Like me specifically. They were like, upset.

I went on, like a character in Lord of the Rings or Dune, and a couple days of walking led me to London. Arfuh… Tohmmy… Birmingham needs us. That was my British accent which I perfected after finishing all of Peaky Blinders within three days.

Anyways, on I went.

At the end of my journey, I reached a wall. Not figuratively, but literally. It was splintered wood, mostly brown but faded and grayed with age like a father’s hair. Behind me, a sheep bleated. A low groan sounded and I knew that uncanny grumble was a cow. Hay was all over the floor.

Ok so I went to watch Cocaine Bear this past weekend and let me tell you. It’s officially my new favorite movie. Holy shit, the cinematography is insane. Like, Oscar-worthy. Every time I thought the bear was done doing cocaine, he was doing more! It kind of reminded me of my time in Spain. He also ate intestines like spaghetti, ate chunks of man, and snorted a line of coke off of a leg at one point. Kind of like how people do lines of coke off of boobs or ass. He actually got the idea to do that from me though. I do that all the time. In case you haven’t realized yet, this movie is about my life because all of the things shown actually happened to me. Yeah, I did that much cocaine. And before you ask, yes they consulted me before portraying very private moments in my life. For example, when I was climbing the top of the rest stop and was accused of freaking everyone out, I was really just going for a walk. It was pretty windy up there and I needed to spread my paws apart. The wind blowing through my fur felt amazing. The motherfuckers in the rest stop were freaked out for no reason. And they wouldn’t let me in through the front door so I had to break that little glass window with the little man standing in front of it to get in. No biggie. I do think that Elizabeth Banks did a shitty job of capturing my inner turmoil. As a growing bear, I had to eat to obtain nutrients and everyone just took it the wrong way. Obviously, I was torn between eating a stupid carrot or a silly hiker. I spent like five minutes thinking about it before I acted on my instincts. That’s a lot of time! My gut guided me and it led me well. The events that unfolded in that forest were actually all a joke between me and my friends. I am not at liberty to say if it was all real, but it was definitely me acting on a dare. Anyways, 10/10 movie and I highly recommend it.

I’ve been here before. Maybe the whole time— always.

I tilted down onto my four legs, the weight comfortable and easing. Over at the big metal trough, I had my water and sipped it, gently.

OPAL IS BACK BITCHES

Top 10 Things I Did This Week

By: Opal Sapphire, Resident Normal Person

1. Your mom

2. Your dad

3. Made a Kohl’s cashier cry because I wanted my fucking cashews and this fucking piercing-laden white boy with zero fashion sense was like “you have to pay sales tax”

4. Used my Kohl’s Cash at Target to buy my fucking cashews and then the cashier there was like “you have to pay sales tax”

5. Used my Target Rewards at TJMaxx to buy my fucking cashews and then the cashier there was like “you have to pay sales tax” and at that point I was fucking pissed and then I remembered that I’m upper-upper class so the measly sales tax didn’t even put a dent in my big juicy bank account

6. Armed robbery at Home Goods, of course

7. Got a little pinkity drinkity from Yardbucks and then sipped it all at the pick-up counter while staring very aggressively into the eyes of the cashier

8. Took a shit in the middle of Murray Hall (I am one of three remaining English majors)

9. Took a shit in your mom’s room

10. Took a shit in your dad’s room

11. Fuck you

COME TO THE MEDIUM AT LSC AT THE BOARD ROOM ON WEDNESDAYS AT 7 P.M. I CAN TELL YOU MORE ABOUT MY COCAINE-FILLED LIFE.

Are you ready for Spring Break?

Either having sex or is an engineering major

May turn into a neutron star

Graduate Student Lecturer at Rutgers University, makes $10,000 a year, getting fucked by administration, dropshipping magnate

FROM SHARING A DESK TO SHARING LOVE

THESE TECH PEOPLE ARE SO ANNOYING!!!

BY BRITTNEY COOPER

What the fuck is happening? Literally two days ago, I was doing my job as a tax attorney at Google. I was making sure that all the money was being successfully transferred to Gooooglé in the Cayman Islands when my boss came up to me and told me that I had to start sharing my desk.

What the actual fuck! I didn’t suck his dick and let him eat out my juicy ass just to have to share a desk with someone else. Worse of all, they are from the software engineering team. Literally, is there no other way Google can save money? I was thinking about this during my free Google massage after eating dinner at the Nobu in Google campus right before playing with the free Google Legos that every employee is required to have mandatory fun with.

The next day, I was ready to meet the person that I was going to share my desk with. Their name is Bonita Manda Hugankiss. The first thing I noticed is that their laptop looked like the inside of a gas station’s bathroom stall. The whole front of it was covered in stickers ranging from just the Google logo to their waifus.

At the same time, I didn’t want to engage in stereotyping these computer nerds, so I did a little eavesdropping. I remember that they were having a conversation with one of their co-workers regarding problems with Python. I told them that my record on Snake was 30. They looked up at me and just started laughing their ass off. I was so confused. Isn’t that what they were talking about?

Another thing that pissed me off about them was that she constantly smelled awful. Her stench burned off all my nose hairs. When I asked them about it, they said that it was to attract a potential mate. Gross.

However, as time went on, I started to feel a certain way towards them. Their computer was so sexy and what I initially described as a stench now smells like perfume. As we worked late into the night, I saw them glancing seductively at me. Eventually, I just said fuck it and grabbed them by the shoulders and shoved my lips onto theirs. It was so romantic and hot. Without Sundar Pichai being a terrible CEO, I would never have met my soulmate, my slampiece, my Bonita Manda Hugankiss.

APPLE BOTTOM JEANS, BOOTS WITH THE PUSS

Best Movies of 2023

BY TYRANNOSAURUS SEX

Hello dear readers, it has been awhile since you have seen my coochie-cooking deliciousness of opinions in this newspaper. But alas, yours truly has come back from the dead (wish I didn’t) to serve you up some great opinions. This week, I will not be reminding you how awful the Rutgers buses are; instead, you get to hear about what I’ve been spending all of my money on this past month! So first up, of course, is Puss In Boots. Some may say that this is a children’s movie, and to that I say go fuck yourself. There is nothing childish about your favorite fearless hero. In this movie, Puss is faced with death and has to figure out the most important thing to him: fame or family? I fucking cried at Rutgers Cinema during the ending–shit was beautiful, reminded me how lonely I am… who doesn’t want that?! Go watch it. Next up, in second place, is Cocaine Bear. Who knew that Elizabeth Banks, known Hunger Games actress extraordinaire, was crazy enough to direct this movie? Like I expect this from Woody Harrelson, but Elizabeth Banks?! You go girl. Plus, it’s about a girlboss mother who would do anything for her children (and cocaine), so that adds extra slay points. Honestly, if I was high on cocaine, I probably would have liked this movie better. You know, like having schizophrenia while watching Shutter Island? Sounds like a great idea. Last, and certainly least, is Ant-Man: Quantumania. That’s it. The only good thing about it was the ending, even the popcorn bucket was mid. And by ending, I mean a Marvel ending *wink wink*.

GOOGLE: FINDING NEW WAYS TO SAVE MONEY NON-TECH PEOPLE ARE INSUFFERABLE!!!!

BY BONITA MANDA HUGANKISS

What the fuck is happening? Literally two days ago, I was doing my job as an ML/DS Research Scientist at Google. I was in the middle of improving our ad targeting to best match politically inflaming propaganda with altrightable youth, when my boss came up to me and demanded I had to share a desk.

What the actual fuck! I didn't betray all of my morals and sell my soul to the highest bidder (Meta didn't want to shell out an extra 15k of stock options), just to have to share a desk with someone else. Worst of all, this is one of those money monkeys from the legal department. Literally, is there no other way Google can save money? I was thinking about this during my hourly productivity audit as I was eating the Nobu dinner that they bring in so that I voluntarily stay at the office for 14 hours instead of 12 hours.

The next day, I was ready to meet the person that I was going to share a desk with. Her name is Brittney Cooper. The first thing I noticed was that her Google swag backpack was covered in novelty pins from countries like The Cayman Islands, Luxembourg, and Little Saint James.

At the same time, I didn’t want to engage in stereotyping these eyeswide-shutters, so I did a little eavesdropping to get to know her better. I remember that she was having a conversation with one of her co-workers regarding problems with "shell corporations". I told them that they should be careful because sometimes shells still have crabs in them. She looked up at me and just started laughing. Well fuck me for trying to be helpful. Another thing that pisses me off is that she constantly smells gross, like a mix of gunpowder, desk bourbon, and stress sweat. I don't even bother asking about it.

I've recently noticed Brittney keeps drifting off into daydreams and vaguely grinding against her chair at random points throughout the day. I'd attribute this to the legal team's tendency to stay awake for days on end doing anti-anti-trust case-review around Google's communal cocaine bowls (formerly the office ashtrays).

Thanks a lot Sundar Pichai, CEO of Google.

"I am ready to crash."

Douglas Woods

"Yes, yes, yes, yes... oh yes."

Matilda Jones

"Definitely, it'll give me time to pack up my things since I just got evicted."

Carson Krazinski

Wednesday, March 1st, 2023

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ARTS

“These fruit are so cool!!! My life is changing!”

COME TO THE LSC BOARD ROOM ON WEDNESDAY AT 7 P.M. TO PITCH IDEAS! JUST SO YOU KNOW THIS DEFINITELY ISN'T THE ADAM DRIVER APPRECIATION CLUB. SERIOUSLY. WE CANNOT STAND THAT TALL GANGLY FUCK. EXCEPT FOR ANITA, SHE'S WEIRDLY INTO HIM. ON SECOND THOUGHT, WE ARE—

U.S. PLAN TO AVOID GETTING INTO DEBT BY POLITICS EXPERT (REAL)

SIR HENRY'S TELL-ALL NOVEL BY THE ROYAL PRESS

THE AVERAGE SATURDAY AT RUTGERS UNIVERSITY (LAUGH NOW) BY ZZIRM

TEAM ROCKET BALLOON BY POKEMON (TM)

Any good show recs?

(Yeah, there’s this really good show called Your Mom. It’s old as shit but the main character is super hot and sexy - she could definitely get it.)

How should I reheat leftover eggs?

(There is only one correct anwer to this question, dear readers. You should only ever recook eggs on the stove. If you think for one second that cooking eggs in the microwave is ok, you might as well just turn yourself in to the police as a serial killer. Just pretend that you are in the Stone Ages and that you only have the a fire in the woods to cook with. Microwaved eggs can actually kill you, or even give you some unknown disease. Don't do it, they suck.)

Is my ass fat?

(It’s grande. Maybe even venti. Trenta, some would say.)

How do I tell my mom that I’m in love with her?

(Okay, Freud.)

"Kyle doesn't know what cabbages are (Co-Editor-in-Chief's note: Jade is so gullible.)"

MORE

How do you really really spell “Zack”?

(This is a common controversy. The actual answer is Zak, a traditional Jewish spelling that was taken away from a poor widdle girl’s (me) family once they entered Ellis Island. However, the current spelling is still up to debate. Officially, it is spelled “Zack” as of right now. But The Medium, which is probably more official than official “governmental” records, spells it “Zach." So it really is up to the moment to determine the correct spelling of a certain sexy, cool, single, funny, single, smart, single, single, open to love from all people, queer, 5’2”, gymgoer, silly little lad of a Personals Editor’s last name.)

Oh you're a feminist? Name 5 women.

(Uhhhhhhh.....ummmmm... well actually this is a pretty difficult question. I think I'll wait to answer that one.)

How do I tell my dad that I’m envious of his penis?

(Okay, Jung.)

The Best Movie Word of the Week:

What order do you piss, shit, cry, and cum in?

(Wow, this one is a bit personal (ha, get it). It’s hard to say what order I do all of these in because I never shit and I am always crying. But I guess we can pretend this question is about one of my sexy night times (which I definitely have all the time… please someone love me). I would start off the night by shitting. It’s better to cleanse the palate before the night begins. Then I obviously (hopefully) would cum. But let’s be honest, women only orgasm about 50% of the time on average, so this is most likely not gonna happen. And since the only sexy time experience I have is from the Manhwas I read, I’m pretty sure that I would cry next, seems about right. And, finally, a girlie always needs to piss afterwards because that is practicing clean and safe sex–no UTIs for us :))

Can I show hole on the Instagram story?

(Absofruitly you can! Even when the Overview Board sends you a silly little message saying something like “you have violated community guidelines," just don’t listen to her! Now, as to what hole you want to show, I have some suggestions. The Medium obviously endorses showing the butthole, as seen in our 2/9/22 issue (you should check this one out). Maybe show the clit too? Lots of people don’t know where it is, except me; I know where the clit is.)

What is cabbage?

(Don’t ask our Features Editor this; she doesn’t know what cabbage is.) Um?

(Um.)

How do I get the Personals Editor to fall in love with me??

(Don't be Co-Editor-inChief Kyle Sabin. Also be funny and have a slutty little waist and be Min Yoongi from BTS and be Keira Knightly.)

If you play the bagpipes, you should totally come to the LSC Board Room this Wednesday, 3/1/23, from 7-8 p.m.

n. Cocaine Bear. It is about a mother protecting what is important to her: her children and her cocaine.

I DIDN'T CUM - SLIME GIRL

The More You Know

Why Nine Inch Nails Is Awesome

By Nick Zysman

Nine Inch Nails (often abbreviated as NIN) is an industrial rock band that started in 1988. While the band’s lineup has changed throughout the years, the primary member has been Trent Reznor, along with longtime collaborator Atticus Ross. The band has been a leader in the changing sound of rock in the 90s and has influenced many artists. The band has a long history of controversies and even more awesome moments. Here are some facts about why Nine Inch Nails is the coolest band ever:

- NIN's debut album Pretty Hate Machine started production while Trent Reznor was working as an engineer at a recording studio. He would record the album whenever the studio had downtime.

- The FBI investigated the music video for "Down In It" to determine if it was a snuff film portraying a person committing suicide.

- The beloved Johnny Cash song "Hurt" is a NIN cover.

- NIN and David Lynch have a history of collaboration. Trent Reznor produced the soundtrack for Lynch's film Lost Highway and provided NIN song "The Perfect Drug" for the soundtrack. In 2013, Lynch directed the music video for the NIN song "Came Back Haunted".

- NIN provided the soundtrack to the first Quake game.

- The NIN album Ghosts I-IV was released under a Creative Commons license. Anyone can use or remix the album for non-profit activities.

- The NIN song "34 Ghosts IV" was sampled to create the beat for Lil Nas X's song "Old Town Road".

- In 2009, Trent Reznor announced a new NIN album, Strobe Light. The album cover featured Trent wearing shutter shades. The announcement was later revealed to be an April Fool's day joke. The track listening included features from Jay-Z, Bono, Justin Timberlake, and Fergie.

- The Black Mirror episode features two songs by the pop singer Ashley O (Miley Cyrus) that are parodies of NIN songs. "On A Roll" is a parody of "Head Like A Hole" and "Right Where I Belong" is a parody of "Right Where It Belongs". A parody of "Hurt" called "Flirt" was made but was ultimately not included in the episode.

New Yeat Album Dropped

Throwback Wednesday: Thrilla in Manila

My Way: The Philippines' Deadliest Song

By Nick Zysman

Anyone who has ever played a video game knows about "Gamer Rage": playing poorly at a game and reacting in a way that makes your mom make you see a therapist. Other activities have their own version of this concept. Poor performance at karaoke has resulted in "Karaoke Rage". Unlike "Gamer Rage", which usually ends in a smashed controller or monitor, "Karaoke Rage" occasionally ends in death. Not only have people been killed over karaoke, but many have been killed for singing the same song.

In 1969, Italianx-American singer Frank Sinatra released the song "My Way." For those unaware of the Ol' Blue Eyes' song, it is notoriously difficult to sing. A person needs incredible vocal chips to sing without making a fool of themselves. It is understandable for an argument to break out over whether a person did a decent job of singing the song. However, in The Philippines, where karaoke is a popular pastime, violent fights and even murders have occurred over singing this song.

Since 1998, about a dozen incidents have resulted from poor performances of this song during karaoke. In 2007, a security guard killed a karaoke singer because his singing was off-key, and he refused to stop. The song has become a superstition among some Filipinos afraid to sing it publicly. Many karaoke bars in the country's capital Manila have removed the song from playlists to prevent further outbreaks of violence.

Initially, I planned on traveling to The Philippines to conduct some investigative journalism and discover why Frankie Sinatra gets people so wound up. But plane tickets cost money, and I only have a few days to write this article. I also don't speak Tagalog, which would probably make it difficult to interview the locals. So I did the next best thing and asked my Filipino friend his thoughts on the phenomenon. His reaction to the killings was, "Yeah, that makes sense. Manila is like that." Now, I'll give my two cents on how to resolve this situation. To prevent further deaths, Filipino karaoke fans should switch from singing Frank Sinatra's "My Way" to Fetty Wap's "My Way." Fetty Wap's song is better, anyway.

Gay Playlist of the Week by Gay C-EiC

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The Greatest Sports Nickname Tournment

The Individual Nickname Conference

1. Randy “Big Unit” Johnson- This Pitcher, most popular for playing for The Seattle Mariners, is 6 '10.

2. Wayne Gretzky-”The Great One”-He is the greatest hockey player ever. SO great that his number 99 is retired throughout the league.

3. “Pistol” Pete Marovich-He was given this nickname from his father for Pete’s quick shooting and his ability to score.

4. Larry Holmes-”Easton Assassin”-He grew up in Easton, Pennsylvania, and was a great boxer.

5. “Round Mound Of Rebound” Charles Barkley-He was great at getting rebounds, and his weight increased from 252 to 300 pounds during his playing career.

6. “Prime Time” Deon Sanders-He played in the NFL and the MLB at the same time. Yes, he was that damn good.

7. “Hick From French Lick” Larry Bird-Bird comes from French Lick in Indiana, a rural area, so he is a hick.

8. Earvin “Magic” Johnson-Johnson was given this nickname in high school because his play was magic.

9. Julius “Dr.J.” Irving-He was “the doctor” because of his skill at handling the basketball.

10. “Smoking” Joe Frazier-This nickname came from his hardhitting, relentless style of fighting.

11. “Marvelous” Marvin Hagler-Hagler loved this nickname so much that when announcers wouldn’t refer to him as Marvelous Marvin, he changed his name to Marvelous Marvin Hagler so that they would.

12. “Big Sexy” Bartolo Colon-He weighed 285 pounds, and people thought he was sexy.

13. “The Nigerian Nightmare” Christian Okoye-He was a nightmare for defenders, and he is from Enugu, Nigeria.

14. Walter “Sweetness” Payton-He was the greatest running back that ever played.

15. Reggie White, “Minister of Defense”-He was a defensive end that later started a Christian ministry.

16. Dominique Wilkins-”The Human Highlight Reel”-He was known for his being one of the greatest dunkers in NBA history.

The Team Nickname Conference

1. “The Purple People Eaters”-The Minnesota Vikings defensive line of the 1960s-70s.

2. The Big Red Machine-The Cincinnati Reds of the 70s with Pete Rose, George Foster, and Joe Morgan.

3. The Four Horsemen-The 1920s Notre Dame football team backfield.

4. Phi Slamma Jamma-The 1983 to1984 University of Houston basketball team with Hakeem Olajuwon and Clyde Dexter.

5.Murderers; Row-The New York Yankees of the 1920s; with Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig.

6. The World’s Team- The Oakland Raiders, in response to The Dallas Cowboys being called America’s team.

7. The Broad Street Bullies-The Philadelphia Flyers of the 1970s made up of the nastiest goons that they could find. They won the Stanley cup in 1974 and 1975.

8. The Killer B’s-The Miami Dolphins’ defense during the 1970’s with players whose names start with the letter B.

9. The Long Island Electric Company-The scoring line of The Long Island Islanders when they won four Stanley Cups in a row.

10. The Dream Team-The 1992 U.S. Olympic basketball team with Jordan, Bird, Johnson, Barkley, Ewing, and many other Hall of Famers.

11. Steel Curtain-The defensive unit of The Pittsburgh Steelers from ‘73 to ‘76 with “Mean” Joe Greene and L.C. Greenwood.

12. The Doomsday Defense-The defensive unit of The Dallas Cowboys from the 1960’s to the 1970’s.

13. The Lumber Company-The Pittsburgh Pirates during the 1980’s with their hard hitting style.

14. Buffalo B.I.L.L.S.-”Boy I Love Losing SuperBowls” this was when the Buffalo Bills went to the Superbowl 4 times and lost each time.

15. Big Bad Bruins-The Boston Bruins of the 70’s with Bobby Orr.

16. The Fab Five-When the University of Michigan Basketball team went to the NCAA championship in 1992. This team included Chris Webber and Jalen Rose.

Waiting for The NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament