This paper may not be suitable for persons under 18.
*PUBLISHED WEEKLY
February 5th, 2020
VOLUME LVII ISSUE VI 50¢ SEX SELLS, NEVER FORGET IT
JOE BIDEN FRENCH KISSES JOURNALIST RICHARD HERTZ CALL A DOCTOR
Iowa- As the aftermath of the Iowa caucuses set in, and candidates are beginning to gear up for the upcoming fight in New Hampshire, there is yet another incident that has taken the media and twittersphere by storm. At a Biden 2020 campaign event on Tuesday night, a reporter for the New York Times began to press Biden on his conduct regarding physically touching potential voters, critics, and women in general. Biden dodged the question and the reporter, Matthew Stevens, began to follow him as the presidential hopeful attempted to make his exit. The NYT journalist, reportedly yelled, “Hey, why do you kiss your Granddaughter on the mouth like that, it’s kinda strange?”; which
caused Biden to make a swift 180 and confront the man, standing there frozen in place with his pen and paper. In almost one fell swoop Biden exclaimed “Oh, I’ll show you a kiss”, and pulled the man in and planted one right on his lips. Biden then pushed the man away,
and winked at him tenderly. A video of the kiss heard around the world has circulated far and wide and candidates, pundits, and politicians from all across the political spectrum have weighed in. We took the liberty of showing the video to current democratic Continued on Page 2
KINDA SMELLS LIKE UPDOG IN HERE
SUPER BOWL LEFTOVERS DETERMINED SOURCE OF WEIRD SMELL IN FRIDGE THROBBIN WILLIAMS ALMOST TOO VEINY
After an investigation that has lasted days, the source of the weird smell in the fridge was found to be produced by leftovers from the Super Bowl, officials say. The odor, described as “somewhat sour,” “pungent,” and “weird,” has been plaguing the kitchen since late Monday evening, according to homeowners Kelly and Mark Tenga. Members of the household went so far as to eat out for the last two days worth of meals to avoid opening the fridge. “I’ve been eating Taco Bell for days.” Mark Tenga told us. “I opened the fridge Monday night to get a Mountain Dew and the stench hit me.”
The smell was a combination of many days-oldappetizers including wings, long subs cut into small pieces, and buffalo chicken dip with bleu cheese crumbles. It’s still unclear whether the smell has ingrained
itself into the actual fridge itself, or if the unit is still salvageable. Matriarch of the household Kelly Tenga has outlined her plans to deal with the potentially biologically hazardous situation in the kitchen. “Mark and the kids are gonna Continued on Page 2
Chortling & Snarfin' Since 1970
QUICKIES
We Are Online Now! See Page 2 for Links! Trump Darkens Spray Tan for Black History Month Pro Military Super Bowl Propaganda Prepares US for Draft, War Scarlet Johanson Dead at 69? Fasci-Fashion: History of Fascist's lack of Style Arby's Shuts Down After Being Caught for Harboring Osama Bin Laden
Rutgers Board Game Club Dissapears into VCR Sell Us Your Babies, Will Pay Big Bucks
the Medium
NEWS
"I'm gonna fuck all of your roommates, and leave you with the drama"
I MEAN FOR 77, HE'S A TIGHT PIECE OF ASS EVERYONE'S AN EXPERT frontrunner, Bernard Sanders, to get his reactions; “what the actual fuck” was his only comment on the matter. We followed up with Mr. Stevens to get his perspective on the incident: “Well, I think Vice President Biden has got himself a new supporter. I haven’t been kissed like that in years, albeit a little too much tongue.” Indeed, this move has somehow become a boon for Mr. Bidens free falling campaign, and the candidate has seen a modest uptick in support from women and gay men over the age of 50.
Wednesday, Feb. 5th, 2020
themedium.submissions@gmail.com
WHAT'S UPDOG? MAKE YOUR DONATION have to eat frozen things like chicken nuggets and french bread pizzas until I can figure out what to do here. Whether we get the thing fumigated or just replace it, something needs to happen. The last time I opened the door I almost threw up.” The Tengas aren’t the only family affected by Super Bowl leftovers. Data shows that nearly 28% of all US households face a stinky fridge following large social gatherings in the home. Many families have shifted away from the traditions of hosting the Super Bowl, and are opting to mooch off of close friends and family. People like New Brunswick man Darren Lombard say that they
...continued from front
LIKE OUR SHIT? WANNA SMELL MORE? CHECK US OUT, WHEREVER YOU CAN FACEBOOK: THE MEDIUM INSTAGRAM: THEMEDIUMRU TWITTER: @THEMEDIUMRU FULL ISSUES @
ISSUU.COM/RUTGERSMEDIUM
...continued from front
have experienced a complete 180 in fridge cleanliness following the Super Bowl after deciding not to host the Super Bowl. “We hosted last year,” Lombard went on to say “And it was nice to be in my own home and not have to worry about drinking and driving home after, but the damage done to my fridge was irreversible. This year I went to my friend’s house in Piscataway and all I had to deal
WE LOVE HEROIN AND YOU I GUESS
GUACAMOLE IS EXTRA, IS THAT OK?
GOYA ANNOUNCES MINORITY SCHOLARSHIP FOR BLACK AND REFRIED STUDENTS ANNA KAREAMINA I DON'T KNOW
Secaucus, NJ - Goya Foods has announced that the company will be offering a scholarship to minority students, mostly of black and refried descent. The CEO of Goya Foods was not available for comment as he has been in the bathroom for the last six years. However, according to a spokesperson for Goya, a Mr. Garb Onzobean, the scholarship is Goya’s way of demonstrating its commitment to equality in education. Mr Onzobean says Goya is currently looking for any collegeaged student who is passionate in their pursuit of knowledge and gastrointestinal distress. Some are calling the scholarship a publicity stunt in response to recent criticisms of Goya. In the past month, some major bean companies have taken notice of Goya’s reduced sales, calling the company “washed up” and “ a has-bean”. The criticism followed Goya’s failed attempt to break into the ecofriendly transportation business by creating a car that runs on gas produced by Goya consumers.
Soon after, Goya launched their hotline 1-877-Beans4Kids, which fell through upon the realization that the kids really can’t handle that many beans. Still, Goya stands strong as #1 in canned beans. Despite recent bad press, Goya’s scholarship is valuable and will likely be competitive. Interested students should apply online ASAP at the Goya Foods website. If chosen, you will be required to pass a series of logical tests that culminate in a kill-or-bekilled Hunger Games style game show. The surviving applicants will then be sunk in freezing mud to see who can last the longest. The winner of this final contest will receive the 50 dollar scholarship. Unfortunately, Goya has stated that they will not be considering applicants who eat their beans directly out of the can. They feel it misrepresents what they stand for and is disgusting to watch. Even if you’re camping. Just eat something else.
DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? WRITE SOMETHING BETTER! EMAIL ME THAT SHIT BOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII THEMEDIUM.SUBMISSIONS@GMAIL.COM WEDNESDAY NIGHTS AT 7:45 IN LSC BOARD ROOM
Editorial Staff
Spring 2020
Editors-in-Chief Zachary Fox Vickram Singh
Business Manager Shaina Joseph Mascot Long-Island Medium
News Editors Samuel Hammer Dan Cretella Opinions Editor Quinlan Van Es Arts Editor Dhvani Mashru Personals Editor Brendan Suszynski Page A7 Editor Coner Johnston Features Editor Kelly Manniello
Sports Editor Copy Editor Copy Editor Secretary Webmaster Media Producer Resident Douche
Doug Willig Jacob Sclar Ikjot Tagore Kelly Manniello Max Broggi-Sumner Michael Celletti Livi Dining Hall
The Medium is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. No article represents the opinion of The Medium or its staff. The Medium is a satire publication and should never be taken seriously. The office of The Medium is located in Livingston Student Center Room 117D. This issue is dedicated to everyone who just leaves me alone, thank you
themedium.submissions@gmail.com
the Medium
FEATURES
Wednesday, February 5th, 2020
“Happy birthday, Samuel Lewis Hammer <3.”
JUST JERSEY THINGS
Which Just Jersey Thing are You Based on Your Zodiac? By: PP Harding
SO SPICY!
7 Layer Dip Recipe to Spice Up Next Year’s Super Bowl By Heywood Jablomi
1. Refried beans. Always start with the beans. 2. Cheese. Put like 2-3 layers worth of cheese. I fucking love cheese. 3. Whipped cream. You’ll see why in a moment. 4. COPIOUS amounts of cum. The whipped cream disguises it. 5. Your gambling slips. Your team isn’t gonna win, you won’t need them. 6. More cheese. I fucking LOVE cheese. 7. Some flowers to make it look real pretty. Aquarius (1/20-2/18): Traffic Circles Totally inefficient, but at this point we don’t know any other way Pisces (2/19-3/20): Jersey Weather You’re a spring day in February and a snowstorm in October Aries (3/21-4/19): Central Jersey I don’t believe in you at all and I never will Taurus (4/20-5/20): Taylor Ham THAT’S RIGHT YOU FUCKING SOUTH JERSEY CUNTS! NORTH JERSEY REPRESENT! Gemini (5/21-6/20): Down the Shore We love your bougie white side and your shared heroin needles under the boardwalk side Cancer (6/21-7/22): Chris Christie You’re shitty at what you do, but boy is it entertaining Leo (7/23-8/22): Devastatingly High Taxes Here’s to you for being the biggest homewrecker out there Virgo (8/23-9/22): Not Pumping Your Own Gas Way to be the douchebag that has to ask someone for help the second you cross state lines Libra (9/23-10/22): Bruce Springsteen The heart and soul of Jersey, he’s a Libra too Scorpio (10/23-11/21): The Jersey Devil We know you would totally terrorize people in the Pine Barrens, that’s so you
COME TO THE MEDIUM PITCH MEETINGS ON WEDNESDAYS FROM 7:45 - 8:45 IN THE LIVINGSTON STUDENT CENTER IN THE BOARD ROOM ON THE SECOND FLOOR BEFORE YOU REACH THE CATWALK BRIDGE THING ON THE RIGHT IT’S A BIG ROOM AND IT’S SUPER OFFICIAL AND YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COME! THANKS BLACK PEOPLE!
Top 10 Inventions by Black People By: Harry Nuttsaac
10. Traffic Light: we love being law-abiding citizens! 9. “Gettin’ Triggy With It”: Will Smith’s rap about how fun math is (not very fun at all) 8. The First Half of Michael Jackson’s Life: well, except all of that pedo shit 7. BBC (The News Network): they brought us Sherlock 6. BBC (The Porn Category): they brought us to climax 5. Super soaker: get it, because it’s right after porn stuff? Comedy! 4. Blind Piano Music: between Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder, they have a monopoly
Sagittarius (11/22-12/21): Bagels You’re the dirty bagel water that feeds our hearts
3. Potato Chips: we like getting Lay-ed, if you couldn’t tell
Capricorn (12/22-1/19): The Devils I don’t understand hockey and I don’t understand you
2. Idris Elba: like I said, we like to get laid 1. Peanut butter: did you know a black guy made peanut butter? I never knew!
the Medium
OPINIONS
Wednesday, February 5h, 2020
themedium.submissions@gmail.com
"Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming." - Eminem
RU IS GOING DOWNHILL
UNIVERSITY VOICES
How do the Iowa Caucuses Work? "I believe there are multiple caucuses, town halls, where people gather and the candidate who wins the popular vote in most of them wins the state." Shelby Snapp A huge fucking nerd "Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, the mommy takes the daddy's caucus and..." Randy Blunt Kept going for 20 minutes and scarred me for life
"Fuck if I know." Joe Biden Will be a part of the caucuses
ISN'T THIS ROMANTIC?
Forbidden Love BY PIKE MENCE
I have a crush on a person. They aren't a man or a woman, but they definitely aren't a man, that's for sure. Let's call them Michael. Not Michaela, Michael. Yeah, let's call him Michael. I mean them. They have short, brown hair, not because they're a lesbian or anything, that's just kinda the style for men. He has stunning blue eyes, blue like the deepest oceans. God, I just wanna dive right into those oceans, and do homoerotic things in them. Psych! What a funny joke... Now, back to Michael. I first met Michael at college, Hanover College specifically, and I immediately fell in love with them. I actually changed my schedule a few times so that we'd spend more time together. Not so we'd have classes together or anything like that, I'm not some kinda perve. No, I changed them so that I'd never have a class when he did. This way, I could sit outside and stare at him the whole time, smelling strands of his hair. I mean their hair. We realized it would never work between us: 1) there were still laws against people like us getting married, and 2) the restraining order he took out against me made things really difficult. I eventually moved on to a different college, the law school at Indiana University, where I met my beautiful wife Karen, with whom I've had three kids, one of which I named after the true love of my life. Sometimes, sitting in the White House, I still think of my beloved Michael and wonder where he is. But then I remember that my boss had members of the CIA kidnap Michael and lock him up in my basement, and then I'm happy again.
Don't Worry About Coronavirus (I Didn't Cough on This Paper) BY IMA VIRYSICK
Coronavirus is definitely not something we need to worry about in the U.S. I cough up blood all the time. In the last week alone, I’ve done it in Newark Airport, Central Park, and on three different buses. I’m not worrying, so you shouldn’t either. The flu has killed way more people than Coronavirus. So I’m not worried about it. Actually, I’m too light-headed to worry. None of us will ever get the Coronavirus. Only the elderly and the immunosuppressed have to worry. That is why, since I got back from my trip to the Hubei Province, I have been visiting local nursing homes and hospitals and handing out medical supplies with my bare hands. Coronavirus is no different than any other virus: the 24-hour bugs we all get, the West Nile Virus those quack doctors said I couldn’t beat a few years ago. It’s no biggie. All you need is some rest and soup. In fact, I have been making soup for my friends and neighbors. I had to make three pots because I passed out with my head in the first two, but I think it will be worth it. On a serious note, Coronavirus can be a very serious disease. At least, that’s what I told the patients at my medical practice yesterday. We should all be practicing good hygiene. That means coughing and sneezing directly onto whatever’s in front of you so you don’t get your germs all over yourself. Drink hand sanitizer whenever possible. I follow these steps and I am healthy as can be. PUDDLES OF FUN
God has a Piss Fetish
BY PEE_ENTHUSIAST74@GMAIL.COM
You remember how your parents would always tell you that rain was just angels peeing? Turns out it's been God the whole time, and he's been getting off on that shit! Seriously, as if that whole "watching you all the time" shit weren't creepy enough, the man gets his kicks from seeing all of us soaked in his piss. The next logical step is to wonder what snow really is, then... Now, you may be wondering how I've come to learn all these hidden secrets of the universe. Me and the other 73 Pee Enthusiasts (except #69, that dude's a fucking weirdo) have done research into weather-related phenomenon, spending countless hours studying the skies, talking to every blacklisted meteorologist on the books. How does one get blacklisted from the meteorology community? Well, it turns out they were all bonkers. We chased down so many leads, looked into everything possible, even recreated ancient rituals of every known religion in an effort to know the secrets of rain, only to find nothing. Then, one of the members of our committee of geniuses died of autoerotic asphyxiation (he told the police he just so happened to fall into that noose while sucking on a lemon, but we don't quite buy it) and he met with God himself. During this meeting, our friend asked God why he made rain and the all-knowing creator of the universe said, "It just makes me super horny. Just thinking about it..." before releasing a blizzard over the midwest.
Wednesday, February 5th, 2020
themedium.submissions@gmail.com
ARTS
SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY BY GANJAGIRL
the Medium
“B===D”
AN ELEGANT ELEPHANT BY AN ELEGANT GAL
VEGANISM BY PENNY T
MAYBE WE WOULDN'T HAVE SO MUCH SPACE HERE IF U SENT YOUR ART TO OUR EMAIL LIME WITH CORONAVIRUS BY UR FUTURE BF
COME HIT MY DAB PEN LSC BOARD ROOM WEDNESDAYS 7:45 PM LOVE U <3
the PERSONALS Wednesday, February 3rd, 2020 Medium"[you must wire 25 Akoin BTC to themedium.submissions@gmail.com to view this quote]" themedium.submissions@gmail.com Pee Pee
Mortality
Navy Seal with over 400 What’s the point of doing confirmed kills here, what’s anything if we’re gonna be the best way to piss on the Dyson Balled back into the battlefield? Standing up, void before we were born? squatting down, suppression (To saddle another poor fire, or controlled tactical soul with this monotonous bursts? bullshit shitting, puking,
(Shotgun. Get some high blood pressure, and Prince Albert’s around traumuas. Sure, your toils that bitch, uncork those will have ultimately been motherfuckers, and tight, for naught, and as though close quarter, spaghetti- they never happened, but think of the miracles!) strainer spread you go.) Is it considered bestiality If reality is just a solipsistic if you drink water that artifice of my mind, then evaporated and condensated why is my subconscious from another animal’s so fucking pathetic and piss?? disappointing? (I don't think that's how (Don't be so hard on that works. Air dryers blow yourself man. Visualizing 30 colonies of shit bacteria an entire universe is some on your palms though, so hard, draining work. Just would that make our dry ask me. Or you?) vanilla asses all kinkier than we thought?) There’s been a weird Why are my conservative friends so offended that I like “pisstaking” the President? They wouldn’t like to lap up one of Daddy’s immaculate golden showers? (........)
rotting smell the past two weeks coming from the dorm over... should I go see what’s up? (Depends. Could be a corpse with freshly shat loins, or just an old whiff out front Neilson Dining. Pretty easy mix-up.)
Word of the Week:
Cupanion
Soopah
BIG GAME ADS: CELEBS WEIGH IN
As the biggest simp in the state of New Jersey, which livestream Superchat should I have engraved on my tombstone? ("For sale. OnlyFans feet pics. Never tributed.") Who were the big men with helmets running around before and after the halftime show? (Social media influencers promoting a viral marketing ARG campaign for the U.S. military.) Why does Rollercoaster from the Phineas and Ferb musical slap super fucking hard? (How could you forget mentioning the most goddamn patrician band in existence, The Baljeatles? You should be fucking ashamed to fancy yourself a musical connesuire.) I just read through the entire collective bibliographies of Tolstoy, Ecclesiates, Schopenhauer, and Socrates. Will that be enough literature to understand the Rick & Morty Pringles ad? (Could use some higher IQ authors, like Tara Gilesbie.)
Hot How do I make a Samwitch? (I don't think our news editor would appreciate that...)
n. Great for chilling your soda Will this foot swelling go on it’s own or should and busting a motherfucker's down I amputate? (You should be good in a kneecaps couple days time. I wouldn't THIS TRASH PAGE, NOW IN THE GLORIOUS MOTHERFUCKING PRINT AND MEATSPACE OF NEW BRUNSWICK ONCE MORE!
really sweat it. If not though, there's some pretty nice paper guillotines collecting dust in many a Mason Gross art classroom.) How fucked am I as a content creator?
(If you're worried about something you've said this paper biting you in the ass, don't be! Michael Vick bludgeoned pit bulls to death by their hind legs, but that didn't stop a thriving mediocre football career and even more sub par broadcast career! Sean Penn beat Madonna within an inch of her life, and got to do a weird ass interview with a Mexican drug lord! Point is, no one gives a shit, and we're ALL cancelled at the end of the day!)
SHARE YOUR BEAUTIFUL TRASH
Wednesdays @ 7:45p.m. Livingston Student Center Room 109
Wednesday, Februsry 5th, 2020
themedium.submissions@gmail.com
PAGE A7
The no gf store called and they're running out of me :(
the Medium
AHHH I FUCKING LOVE SCIENCE!
AYYY I'M SHIPOSTING OVAH HERE!
A letter to one Mr.
The Sopranos Characters and who'd They Would Vote for in the
Bill Nye the Science Guy Dear Mr. The Science Guy, I hope this letter finds you in good health. I had some inquiries for you about a certain illness, or maybe condition is a better term, that plagues many Americans today. There seems to be no medical explanation for what doctors have labeled as Left Foot Shit Disease (LFSD), the condition that causes a bowel movement with every step of the left foot. I was hoping you could shed some light on the cause of this epidemic that, unfortunately, is not terminal. Sincerely,
GIVE ME BACK MY DOG! I’m looking for some fellow revolutionaries in helping me unionize the Medium! Zack and Vick say we can’t unionize because we don’t actually make any money, but I think that’s a bullshit excuse coming from a couple of bougie scum! I’m looking to start a podcast and I need a retarded morbidly obese man and a and lanky nerd to fill out my ranks. Your pay will consist of a portion of the money obtained from our Patreon and the ad money we receive from promoting dick pills. I lost all my money betting on the Patriots this Sunday not realizing they weren't actually playing in the Superbowl. My wife has left me and took the kids (which I don't really care about) and the dog (which I do care about.) Please help me out and Paypal me to save my dog.
Short Story
For Sale Iclicker Never Used
By The Gabaghoul Sopranos Characters and Who’d They’d Vote for in the 2020 Election Tony- Trump Carmella- Klobuchar Meadow- Warren A.J.- Yang Uncle Junior- Biden Christopher- Trump to Sanders convert Adrianna- Sanders Silvio- Trump Paulie- Trump Bobby- Trump (this one hurt to type) Vito- Trump Eugene- Trump Janice- Warren Ritchie- Trump Ralphie- Gabbard Tony B.- Yang Carmine Sr.- Biden Johnny Sack- Biden Phil Leotardo- Biden Little Carmine- Buttigieg
February 5, 2020 @MediumSports themedium.submissions@ gmail.com SPORTS and Masturbation etc.
FROG-VOICED QB AND FAT-MAN COACH PROPELL CHIEFS TO SUPER BOWL LIV VICTORY
REID SHOWING OFF HIS POSTGAME PRE-SNACK BY ANDY REID'S TROPHY WIFE
By the score of 31-20 Sunday night, the Kansas City Chiefs defeated the San Francisco 49ers for their second franchise Super Bowl victory, and their first in 50
years. Trailing 20-10 entering the 4th quarter, Patrick Mahomes led the Chiefs on three consecutive touchdown drives to secure the outcome. For his performance, Mahomes recieved his first career Super
Bowl MVP award. In the post game press conference, Mahomes was asked what led him to rebound for a phenomenal final frame. The frog-voiced man responded “Ribbit, Croak, Ribbit,” then asked for some ketchup to rub on his penis. The Chiefs victory was also significant as it was the first Super Bowl victory for Head Coach Andy Reid. Prior to the contest, Reid was the winningest coach in NFL history without a Super Bowl victory. When asked what the win meant to him, the fat man responded, “Well I’m not really thinking about any of that shit. Hey, can someone please bring me a cheeseburger?” Asked what his postgame plans were, Reid stated he planned to have sex with his trophy wife. Ian Rappoport has tweeted she was crushed to death in that encounter. The losers of the contest, the 49ers, were close to victory before choking away at the end. Jimmy Garoppolo, when asked about a
late otherthrow of Emmamuel Sanders that likely cost San Francisco the game, said he did not recall the play, and that he was currently looking to find a new pornstar to ejaculate into. The halftime show headlined by Jennifer Lopez and Shakira also was found to be notable by many fans and analysts, who found it to be one of the best in years. However, some critics suggested the show was too racy, due to the twerking and revealing outfits worn by the performers. President Trump was not among this group, and enjoyed the performance. TMZ leaked footage of Trump watching the halftime show; in the clip he told Billy Bush he wished he could “grab JLo by the pussy right now. ” The game peaked at 420 million viewers worldwide in the third quarter when Antonio Brown ran onto the field naked and raped a cheerleader while screaming "NO MORE WHITE WOMEN 2020 BITCH!"
13 Things to Know About Antonio Super Bowl LIV Halftime Show: By the Numbers BY THE REMAINING WHITE WOMEN IN 2020 1. Antonio Brown did an interview with ESPN’s Josina Anderson on Friday apologizing for his past actions 2. Following the interview, Brown raped 15 more women, including Josina Anderson 3. His mustache was dyed red with the blood that resulted from the rapes 4. AB has reportedly been watching the Aaron Hernandez documentary on Netflix on repeat as inspiration for the direction his NFL career can go 5. He hopes to apply the murder skills learned in the documentary to his upcoming boxing match with Logan Paul 6. 9 7. AB plans to name his next born child “NoMore WhiteWomen Brown” 8. 420 thousand bags of dick-shaped gummies were recently shipped to his house 9. A sex tape of Brown and Shakira fuckig directly after the SB halftime show has been posted to Celeb Jihad 10. Brown hopes to get arrested again so he can livestream the event on Instagram 11. Adam Schefter tweeted that Brown’s parents have entered the Witness Protection Program and do not want anymore connection with their son 12. Brown replied to the above Tweet saying “Them Ni**a’s MAD Gay Yo!” 13. Brown believes none of his past actions will deter any NFL
20+
1
strippers dancing in back of JLO
Travis Scott in the corner who screamed into the abyss that his show last year was better
3 billion
400,000
times the clip of Shakira sticking her tongue out has been placed in memes
boomer-aged now-married men who committed rape in their twenties who complained the performance was too racy
95%
69
of American teenage boys jacked off after seeing JLo and Shakira twerk
There wasn't sixty-nine of anything, I just wanted to put it in because of the sex postition lmao
team from signing him for the 2020 season
Reporting stuff that might be happening I think SINCE 1970