March 1st, 2017 Issue

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march 1ST, 2017

Volume LIII Issue VI 50¢ I'M NOT EATING THAT UNFROSTED SHIT

SCIENTISTS: EARTH RUNNING OUT OF POP-TART SPRINKLES DA MAYOR DOES THE RIGHT THING

CUILCO, GUATEMALA— An alarming new report from geologists has just revealed that the earth is running out of nonrenewable rainbow Pop-Tart sprinkles at a much faster pace than previously thought. The report, published by the North American Geological Survey Association, cites that at the current pace, reserves could be used entirely by as early as 2020. The delicious rare-earth minerals, mined exclusively for topping frosted strawberry Pop-Tarts, are only known to be found in one Guatemalan strip mine in the town of Cuilco. It has been known for many years that the sprinkles

RAINBOW GOLD Holy shit, those sprinkles look tasty.

are non-renewable, but this fact has avoided public scrutiny because geologists previously overestimated the size of known sprinkle reserves. Kellogg’s stock price has taken a huge hit since

the report surfaced, and it’s not clear how the corporation plans to handle this unexpected blow. “Right now, we’re just doing damage control,” says Kellogg executive Steven Callaghan. Continued on Page 2

WHY HAS NOBODY LOOKED INTO THIS

Humanity Loses Track of Giraffes CAILLOU AMINAL SCIENTIST

EARTH— In an unprecedented display of global incompetence, the world has lost track of all 80,000 giraffes on Earth. "Yeah, honestly we have no idea what happened," the world stated in a press conference earlier this morning. "We swear, we left them here last night, and when we woke up, they were all gone! It's not our fault." Since this morning, there have been multiple reports of giraffe spottings all across the globe, however they have all been classified as fraudulent. Giraffe expert Dr. Zoe Eichbar elaborated on these false sightings. "My team and I have been getting reports from all over America about possible giraffe

WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GO Dr. Eichbar trying to figure out where the fuck the giraffes went

sightings. We've been tirelessly investigating these claims all day, and while these reports initially seem promising, upon closer inspection, we've discovered that most Americans confuse

giraffes with your typical farm horse. We've even had reports for cows, buffalo, and one very lanky goat." For years now, professional Continued on Page 2

ERECT

Since 1970

QUICKIES

Lead In New Brunswick Water Turning Your Children Gay It's Still A Left Heavy Day on Tinder The Medium Investigates: Is That A Harlem Globetrotter Or Just A Colorfully Dressed Basketball Rose Gold iPhone Owners Are The Master Race Report: You And All of Your Friends Definitely Losing Your Security Deposits

Warren Beatty Still Having More Sex Than You


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NEWS

“...and that's the waaaaaaay the news goes.”

SPRINKLE ME THIS

themedium.news@gmail.com

WHAT A CROC OF SHIT

SPRINKLES

...continued from front

“There’s no way to cover this up. It’s something we’re going to have to carefully think about going forward. As of right now, we’re scaling back production by about forty percent to buy some more time. At this time, that’s all I can really say.” While it isn’t any surprise that Kellogg is trying to tame the new market volatility, there is a glaringly obvious problem with the way they are cutting back production to soften the blow to their stock value. Even at a reduced production rate, mineral reserves will still run out by 2022 at the latest. Some environmental activist groups are calling for Kellogg to stop mining altogether to preserve what’s left of the precious resources. While this may seem like an idealistic scenario, it isn’t very practical. The mine is relatively small, and the environmental benefit that closing it down would have is minimal. Shutting down production entirely would be a devastating impact to Kellogg’s shareholders, so phasing production out while finding a suitable replacement for the strawberry Pop-Tart sprinkles will be crucial for the corporation. Kellogg isn't the only company that’s suffering from this new market volatility; the

Wednesday, March 1st

entire Guatemalan mining industry is currently in disarray. Strawberry Pop-Tart sprinkle mining constitutes almost 40 percent of the Guatemalan mining industry, which directly employs over 3500 people. Most of the miners are the primary income sources for their families. Carlos Gutierrez, a seventeen-year-old veteran miner, is uncertain of his future. “I am worried for my family, the mine is our source of life here. I have been the sole provider for my family for the last nine years, and I am afraid that without the mine, I may not be able to put food on the table.” Finding another job to support his family is Gutierrez’s main concern, a concern that is shared by most of his fellow miners. It’s not clear what the future holds for the Guatemalan mining industry, but one thing that is certain is that frosted strawberry Pop-Tarts won’t be the same treat that many Americans love for long. While the dust settles around the explosion of this economic land mine, Americans can still look to brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tarts for a beacon of hope. Guatemalans, on the other hand, are going to have to scramble to figure out how to keep their mining industry alive.

U. PROFESSOR TAKING A BIG RISK WEARING THOSE FUCKING CROCS

GRIND ALL DEAD

NEW BRUNSWICK- This past Friday New Jersey saw some of the best weather it has seen in months. With temperatures reaching the mid 70s, Rutgers saw students and faculty breaking out their summer wardrobe. In particular, biology professor Martha Moore was seen sporting a pair of bright orange crocs. This bold choice rocked Busch Campus, causing outcries of "what are those" to erupt during class as well as general shock amongst colleagues of Moore. "I knew Martha had a wild side to her but I didn't know it was like this!" exclaimed fellow biologist Carla Mooney. Upon revealing her crocs,

rumors began to spread that Moore wears her crocs without socks, but only on Saturday nights when she's feeling "frisky and free". Student reports say they never expected Moore to be like this. "Yesterday she was just my biology professor who was really bad at grading papers on time," said student Kelly Shah. "Now she's a bad ass who says 'fuck you' to the rules". Since Friday temperatures have dropped again causing Moore to put away the crocs and go back to her basic sketchers. Moore could not be reached for comment but Rutgers is surely on the edge of their seats waiting to see what this innovator does next.

THEY'RE STILL FUCKING UNACCOUNTED FOR

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FUNNY? DO YOU THINK I'M FUNNY? DO YOU THINK MY PARENTS DIVORCED BECAUSE I'M A SHITTY CHILD? COME TO OUR MEETINGS! WEDNESDAYS IN THE RSC AT 7:45 PM RM 411B

Editor-in-Chief Managing Editor Business Manager SPRING 2017 Mascot

Editorial Staff

Sifat Mahbub Andrew Blustein

Andrew Blustein Fratypus

WE LITERALLY LOST ALL THE GIRAFFES skeptic Jim Conners has been arguing that the very existence of giraffes is pure fiction. "I have growing evidence that the major world powers have been lying to the good people of Earth about the very existence of this mythical beast. Before today, most giraffe sightings have really just been two horses in a trench coat. But, as trench coat prices have been steadily increasing, the News Editors Aly Grindall James Mullen III Opinions Editor Jake Goldstein Arts Editor Michael Okolo Personals Editor Rob Sanchez Page A7 Editor Jordan Plaut Features Editor Marissa Schwartz

...continued from front

governments of the world can no longer keep up the facade anymore and have gotten rid of them altogether. Why they've created these imaginary creatures, I cannot say. But, believe me when I tell you that all long-necked beasts aren't what they seem." Update: the planet has been keeping a watchful eye on rhinos and pangolins. Sports Editor Kevin McClintock Copy Editor Evan Hutchins Jonathan Holzsager Secretary Jake Goldstein Webmaster Landen Naphtali Faculty Advisor William Field Resident Douche Parking Services

The Medium is the entertainment weekly of Rutgers University. No article represents the opinion of the Medium or its staff. The Medium is a satire publication and should never be taken seriously. The office of The Medium is located in Room 439 of the Rutgers Student Center at the College Avenue Campus. This issue is dedicated to everyone who orders their steak any way but well-done.


FEATURES

Wednesday, March 1st, 2017 themedium.features@gmail.com

the Medium

“Aww fuck”

A+ FOR EFFORT

If you can solve this riddle: maybe you won’t fail your ____ exam!

SCRUB A DUB DUB

Top 10 Embarrassing Products in Shower Caddies in my Hall

BY Nifty Knitter

BY Girl Who Likes Brower

Take the first letter from each clue and it spells the final answer: Answer in next week’s issue!

1. Rogaine for down under 2. Acne shampoo 3. WD-40 4. Hedge clippers 5. Can of black spraypaint 6. Horse shampoo 7. Hemorrhoid cream 8. Chemo drugs 9. Ez-Cheez for the shower 10. Klan hood

1. He wears a mustache, but not on his face: _ 2. The perpetrator of the Livingston pear massacre: _ 3.You know about the Busch gnomes, but these nymphs on Cook are the real troublemakers: _ 4. Scarlet knight wears boxers or briefs: _ 5. The back entrance to Brower has this many stairs: _

STARLIGHT, STARBRIGHT...

6. It’s not a thumbtack, but it’s sharp: _ 7. The opposite of an upside down ding dong: _ 8. This is always at the bottom of a chinese food box: _ __

______

TRY THIS ON YOUR PROFESSOR

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES FROM YOUR DRUNK UNCLE “Professor, I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas A+ Edison

VAPE OF THE WEEK

Moonlight

This week’s vape is emanating major radioactive steampunk vibes. Enjoy!

What a great movie. I love a good love story about a struggling barista just trying to make it big. And the dancing...oh the dancing. It makes me feel young again. Plus, learning about jazz from a white man’s perspective is so enthralling. This movie gives an inside look into the life of actors in—wait, wrong movie. Moonlight is the great movie. My bad. I must’ve grabbed the wrong card or something. Watching Chiron grow up made me realize how hard it must be to grow up black and gay in America. It was a spectacular example of modern cinematography, too. What a great movie—also I’m not just saying this because it just won the Oscar.


the Medium

OPINIONS

Wednesday, March 1st, 2017

“I don’t know how penises work really...are you happy? Are you satisfied?”

UNIVERSITY VOICES

What are you giving up for Lent? “Sucking dick. ”

Allison Gremlin The Lord Cumeth, and the Lord Smoketh a Cigarette.

“Christianity. I’m joining ISIS.” John Bin Christen Allahu Mardi Gras.

“Touching little boys.” Paul Sputlit Retired Priest.

CULINARY REVIEW

A REVIEW OF THE KNIGHT WAGON KNIGHT STICKS. BY FUI VON WIWII

Have you ever tasted the ocean floor? The coral reefs slowly waving through the tides, schools of fish carry your shape through forests of seaweed, down into caves bursting with the primordial lights of the ancient sea dwellers. You let the current take you across the seven seas, where wonder and beauty never seem to be a rarity. You meet the oldest bubble in the universe, who allows you to become your true self, as you wade across seashells that have witnessed instances of true love. Have you ever tasted the sky? The clouds softly drift you across the atmosphere, the sun encouraging you to see the world from her point of view. She gingerly lifts your soul from out of your shell, allowing you to soar into the heavens. From the edge of the world, you watch her set behind the edge of the planet, while particles from the sun penetrate the Earth’s magnetic field, setting the atmosphere ablaze in strides of blue and the hue of fall, as your conscience gradually recedes into the speckled sky to teach the universe about true happiness. Have you ever tasted the Knight Wagon Knightsticks? Well they’re pretty tight. More of a dessert than breakfast, but an easy 7/10 in my books.

themedium.opinions@gmail.com

POINT/COUNTERPOINT

GROW OUT YOUR FUCKING HAIR. BY STEPHEN GALANTE

We all have that friend who has so much potential stored in the roots of their skull. That one friend who could walk among the greats with luscious locks springing next to their ears. I have this one friend who is this guy, we’ll call him Jim. My friend refuses to let his hair grow passed the first layer of his skin. His pasty scalp could be used to guide ships into docks at the midnight hour but instead he looks like a nearly shaved tennis ball when he returns from his barber. His hair, when seen, is a viscous jet black. It reflects the light in a way comparable to ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. A modern marvel constrained by the teeth of his set of clippers, further vandalized by the sharp edge of a razor and possibly a drunk and blind haircutter. I would love for his follicles to serve a purpose. A dark mane of hair against his pale skin would parallel classic symbols of balance and unity. His current tennis ball hair is just a crime against humanity.

I NEED TO KEEP MY HAIR SHORT. BY JIM ROCKLAND

On the other hand, we all have that other friend whose hair looks like it’s been growing since ‘Nam. By now it looks like a paintbrush from a first grade art class and the only treatment is to kill it with fire. That friend is me, I am Jim. You can kind of see what I’m going for, but everyone would rather I take an axe to it so we can stop staring. My hair gets tangled up in knots that even the Boy Scouts don’t understand. I constantly have change stuck in my hair due to people mistaking me for a homeless person when I don’t keep it close to my head. I could charge rent for the family of canaries taking residence in my curly afro. Basically when I grow my hair out, I look like a hairball made love with a tumbleweed that rolled around in shit. I look like a smacked ass. If Donald Trump’s toupee and a dingle berry had a test tube baby mixed in feces and piss that would be my hair grown out. That’s why I don’t grow it out, because I don’t want to look like a fucking pile of hairy turds. The Medium meets Wednesdays at 7:45PM in room 411B of the Rutgers Student Center. Send your hate mail to not me. We also meet on Mondays in 117D in the Livingston Student Center. Come, I swear to God, it’s fun, also if you like to write send in opinions to themedium.opinions@gmail.com You know what sucks? When you have just a small amount of extra space and you need something to fill it in with, so you just have to type something up. That’s why this exists. Like seriously, what else can I put in this place? A picture? It’s too tiny! You know what I really liked this week? One of you people sent me an email. I appreciated that, like it was pretty cool. You should send more. Please, please, please send more. Also write more opinions, I love your opinions, just like I love the taste of a cool refreshing Snapple on a warm day. You here that Snapple? That’s advertisement, so give me free shit. Ok, I think we’re done here.


Wednesday, March 1st, 2017

themedium.arts@gmail.com

“DICK OF THE WEEK’’ MIKE HAWK

ARTS

“The editor of page A7 is a cock”

“MOONLIGHT” BY DICK TONER

LIKE HOW I DRAW MY DICKS? COME TO THE MEDIUM ON WEDNESDAYS IN THE COLLEGE AVENUE STUDENT CENTER ROOM 411B AT 7:45PM! YOU CAN COME SEE MINE IN PERSON ;)

the Medium

“THE FREEZE/ESCAPE EP. 5” BY SWOLE MIKE


PERSONALS

the M edium “ GONNA WRITE

“The... break time”

MY

My laptop broke over the What’s your favorite apple weekend. Spilled a jug product? full’s worth of Captain (Probably the nets they put and Coke all over it. outside their factories so the 12 (Have you tried unplugging and plugging it back in? Works every time.)

It was probably so easy to commit murder before like 1950. (How did anything get done without technology? It’s funny how some murderers got away with their crimes and then because of advancements in technology like DNA and shit, their victims cases got reopened and then they get caught because their semen was found all over the crime scene or something.) I’ve been really into Forensic Files lately. (There was probably a weeklong marathon on Oxygen or something. One can not simply watch one episode of Forensic Files. Or Snapped.)

year olds working there don’t leap to their fucking deaths and slow the production of iPhones.) Cheese has no business being expensive. (The smellier the cheese, the more heralded it is. How is that possible?) What fucking animal is salami and pepperoni?

(Pig or cow probably. I would be shocked to hear anything else.) A loaf of bread where every time you cut it it’s an end piece. Horrifying Twilight Zone. (Cue the fucking violins because that should be a fucking horror movie.) (Before sliced bread was invented - that guy had some balls - did people just eat monster sandwiches?)

Do you wanna come to my pants party?

themedium.personals@gmail.com

ESSAY

#ad #sellout

How does just saying we are not responsible for lost or stolen items make it valid?

Need a ride home, back to school, or trying to visit friends at other universities?

(I mean like how would they be responsible? If anything they don’t even need to say that. Although I have heard that those parking lots for beaches and junk, when they have those signs that put the blame on not them don’t hold up and that you can sue the shit out of the lot if something happens to your car.) I feel like Napoleon was a real weapon. (I don’t think I could respect someone who is shorter than me.)

Spring Break is right around the corner! CarPo is a ridesharing app built exclusively for college students. Drivers get compensated for going that anyway while passengers receive an affordable and convenient way of transportation (unlike buses and trains) to their desired destination. Set up your profile with your favorite destinations and receive push notifications when someone is traveling to one of your desired trips. Download CarPo today!

(Now, if you were talking about Napoleon of the DynaTHAT’S WHAT mite variety, then yes, he was an absolute weapon.) Flying is so unnatural it’s Imagine two cops sharing a like absolutely senseless to believe it could possibly be motorcycle. done comfortably without (That would be hilarious. an exceptional amount of Good job, you made me laugh.) money. I hate when people talk (Or booze.) about guns and are like (Also, basic economy is a it’s the Second Amendthing now so if you fly in basic ment bro! They were talkeconomy, you’re basically luging about fucking muskets gage.) when they wrote that you dick. I don’t get Trump’s hair. Like is it slicked back? Is (It’s astonishing that there are it pushed forward? What’s the same amount, if not more, the deal with that. unintelligent people in the world and that they have the (He takes medication for malegovernments’s balls in a vice pattern baldness. Side effects may include ejaculation disgrip.) orders and complete retardaLosing my mom and sister tion.) in a sea of dresses on the third floor of Lord n Taylor is not how I wanted to spend my Sunday afternoon. (If my mom was your mom, you would find her in the clearance section.) (Women in the clearance section of department stores are absolute savages. I’ve also never seen so much sequence before in my life.) Unreal that there’s a staff called poison control.

Come to room 411B at The Rutgers Student Center! Wednesdays at 7:45 P.M.

Wednesday, March 1st, 2017

(What a weird position one would want to go in. But that’s a department I would want the workers to be seriously committed to so when I inevitably drink Windex, they will save me.) I wish my penis was bigger. (The trick is to start measuring from your gooch. With any luck, you’ll measure out to be 7 1/2 inches.)

I SAY! Any advice on how to stop losing my chapstick because I’m tired of constantly stealing from the nice couple at At Your Doorstep Convenience Store.

(Stop using chapstick you fucking fruit cake. Just bare the winter with chapped, cracked and red lips. Girls dig it. It makes kissing a lot more seductive and worth it since you won’t be getting any action because of your disgusting lips you freak. Why don’t you have chapstick on hand? Don’t you know the winter time is when lips get chapped, cracked and red? Fucking plan ahead you moron.)

IT HAS COME TO THAT TIME OF THE NIGHT WHERE I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO WRITE BUT HAVE TO TAKE UP THIS GOD AWFUL GRAY SPACE WITH RANDOM FODDER. I’M LIKE DONALD TRUMP AT A PRESS CONFERENCE. I’M LIKE AN OLD MAN SENDING BACK SOUP AT A DELI. I’M LIKE AN OSCAR AWARD WINNER WINGING A SPEECH. I’M LIKE A PLANE WITHOUT A ROUTE. A SHIP WITH NO SAIL. HOLY SHIT, THANK GOD FOR ALL CAPS


Wednesday March 1st, 2017

themedium.a7@gmail.com

PAGE A7

“Inspired by a book based on real events”

TRIP DOWN SMELLORY LANE

RUTGERS BUSES RANKED BY ODOR BY SUE DeNIMM NOW HAS HOLE IN FACE

1) LX- Basically first place by default, this sleek and stylish vehicle is fairly scent free. The student passengers seem to have a good handle on basic human hygiene, and sometimes the business students even have some nice perfume/cologne that they wear to classes. Finally, being the shortest and most restaurant dense route, the overall ride is very bearable. 6/10 2) B- One of the quickest rides Rutgers has to offer, the long and efficient B does a decent job at distributing what could be a conglomeration of pungent horror to a slight bitter stinge to the nostrils. 4.5/10 3) A/H- High potential but failed realization, this bus could have a light and airy aroma to it, but the long commute and less than olfactory-friendly engineering students drag it down. 4/10 4) New Brunsquick- This bus? has the luxury of having zero participants and thus a complete lack of anything including personality and smell. This bus will never amount to anything and is loved by no one. 3/10 5) F- a pretty fitting name for everyone’s only reaction to having to take this bus, this vehicle fashions itself as express, but it don’t feel like it. If you manage to catch the last one back home, you tend to just pass out from the stress of trying to get back home. Heaven save you if you are awake on this hell ride. 2/10 6) REXL/REXB- As the longest route in the school, this bus stinks. If you’re lucky enough to snag a seat on this expidition to the realm of south bumblefuck, New Brunswick, you may avoid contributing to the smell, but you will absolutely get a big ol’ whiff of the guy standing ass-in-face for 30 min. 1/10 7) EE- The obvious choice for the bottom of this list, this last resort in 20th century transportation will leave you in tears. If you don’t leave this bus gasping for air, counting the seconds you can bear until your grip on this mortal coil gives out, count yourself lucky. This bus has nothing to offer but despair and turmoil, and I pray that there is an almighty being outside this universe so that there is someone to answer for this monstrosity. -1/10

the Medium

GET OUT OF TOWN

GET OUT: A REVIEW BY SUE DeNIMM NEW BRUNSWICK-What distinguishes a good movie from a great movie is its ability to stick with you after the movie is over. What makes Get Out a great movie is that even as a white person I was able to relate to this film. We’ve all been there; We go to meet our significant other’s parents and find out that they’re racist demons that hypnotize us for our black mamba blood. I mean, who hasn’t been in that situation? The young African American protagonist, played by Daniel Kaluuya, does a fantastic job portraying a confused and frightened character, which is perfect because that’s how you as the watcher will feel until the end when you realize it was never a horror movie, but a black movie. I do feel that this would have been more receptive to audiences had it been more blatantly about modern racial issues, as not everyone can be as perceptive as I am. Perhaps it would be more successful as a Tyler Perry movie. Rating: 9/10

HEY, DID YOU SEE THAT LUDICRIOUS DISPLAY AT THE ACADEMY AWARDS LAST NIGHT? WHAT A GREAT WAY TO KEEP OUR MINDS OFF THE IMPENDING DOOM THAT WE CONSTANTLY FACE! COME AND TALK ABOUT THIS AND MORE AT THE MEDIUM! THAT’S WHAT WE ARE. WE MEET 7:45PM IN THE COLLEGE AVE STUDENT CENTER ROOM 411B BE THERE OR DONT BE THERE WE HAVE NO MEANS OF ENFORCING ANYTHING YOU DO.


MARCH 1st, 2017 @MediumSports themedium.sports@ Gmail.com POWERFUL LAX-ATIVE

RU TG E R S RANKED TOP TEN IN D U M B S PORT FOR DOUCHEBAGS

MAXIMUM POWERS LIVIN' THE DREAM

NEW BRUNSWICK— Rutgers Boys Lacrosse is now ranked number 10 in their division with a record of three wins and no losses. Just when it seems that all hope is lost for Rutgers Men’s Athletics, a ray of hope comes out of the most useless sport. Primarily a sport reserved for the whitest of high schools, Rutgers has seemed to have found success in a sport only your overly muscular cousin and that really creepy frat guy you met a the bar care about. The 2016-2017 seasons have been tough for the men’s sports that do not involve rolling on a mat with another man, yet miraculously the douche population of Rutgers was able to produce a well functioning team. In the world of this ridiculous sport, there are apparently many factors in the success of a

The Stick and Balls Chad Turner showing his lax skills by bludgeoning an opponent.

lacrosse team. While Rutgers has the sizeable frat and gym rat population required to form a strong lacrosse team, according to the team their success comes from their uncanny ability to throw a ball with a net.

“We are just really good at throwing a ball by swinging a net,” team captain Chad Turner told the Medium. “At first most of us joined just to tell chicks we played a sport, but I guess we are just really beast at launching a ball

using a net on a stick so we kept practicing and started winning games.” So called “experts” on the sport also note the teams expert ability to fondle the rod the net is attached to as to keep the ball from falling out as well as their skill in catching the balls once thrown by swinging a net. A strong ball throwing team is not unheard of, however Rutgers's population of douchebags spread throughout the campuses keeps the douche concentrated and allows lax to flourish. The Athletic Department is getting promotional materials ready to start selling tickets to the lacrosse games. In an interview with the press, Athletic Director Hobbs noted: "I wish it was literally any other sport, but hey you take what you can get."

WELCOME TO THE SMALL LEAGUES

GRADUATE T R A NS F E R R E A L LY S TO K E D TO PLAY FO R RU TG E R S, T HI R D C HO I C E

MAXIMUM POWERS DROPPED AS A CHILD

NEW BRUNSWICK— Earlier this week, Miami running back Gus Edwards announced he will be transferring to Rutgers for his final college season in 2017. Edwards, who was rated as the number one fullback back in 2013, will now join the likes of that guy who goes to your dance class once a month and the guy who was handed a free C in his biology class. “ Yup, it's real great that I get to play for Rutgers instead of literally any other school,” Edwards told the Medium. “I just cannot wait to join the excellence that is Rutgers

chance of beating Miami. Of the six schools on this list, Edwards had picked Rutgers due to his proximity to his home of Staten Island. “I'm trying to look at the bright side. Sure I did not get to go to my top two schools, but at least here I can just go home on the weekends," noted Edwards. “It's not like I never Moving to Redder Pastures wanted to go to this school. I Gus Edwards reflecting on his ill advised choice to play for Rutgers. remember back when Rutgers Football. I do not feel like my running back was denied recruited me after high school, entry into Syracuse and but all it did then was only talent will be wasted at all.” While Edwards did choose Pittsburg after Miami forbade make me want to go literally to play at Rutgers, it was not him from going to play at anywhere else. God, how did his first choice in school. The schools that actually had a it come to this?”

GIVING THAT ALL-OVER TAN SInce 1970


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