Folio Issue 10: Nostalgia by Folio Magazine

issue 10

2 // ryerson folio

FOLIO

' Nostalgia 21

ryerson folio // 3

table of contents Letters from the Editors.................................................

Meet the Masthead.......................................................

Folio playlist......................................................................

The Gool ol' Days...........................................................

Next Stop, Narnia........................................................... 12

By Eduard Tatomir

By Hailey Dillon

Childhood TV shows that students miss............ 15

By Darya Soufian

The Lost Art of Emails.................................................

By Adele Lukusa

The Good, the Bad & the Book Fair...................... By Annemarie Cutruzzolla

Your Spring 2021 Horoscope..................................

By Shayna Nicolay & Emma Buchanan

Different Shades of Nostalgia.................................. 23 By Prapti Bamaniya 1 // folio

To All the Flash Games I've Loved Before......... 27

By Serena Lopez

Image and Nostalgia....................................................

How to Thrive as a Teen in the 90's........................ 35

By Jackie Zhang

By Julia Sacco

Not Clickbait: The Little Fires that Killed YouTube

By Jessica Mazze

Where Do I Belong........................................................... By Eva Escandon

Nostalgic for Normality..................................................... By Madison Schuliakewich

Which 2000s Crush Do You Belong With?...............

By Shayna Nicolay

A Life Changing Friendship............................................ 47

By Emma Johnston-Wheeler

How to Dress Euphoric......................................................

By Shadai Scoburgh

Internet Archive.................................................................. By Bree Duwyn

folio // 2

Seeing our 10th issue come together from a document of unhinged early 2000s memes to this sexy print magazine has been an absolute journey– one that could not have been possible without the tireless work of our Folio masthead. Despite having not met most of the them in real life (which tbh would be kinda scary because most of them are tall and I am Not), the Folio team has really been my rock this year and I feel so grateful for our editors and

Hello loves! This print issue has been our baby and we are so excited to share it with you all! We wanted to create something together that had people engaged with not only the issue’s content, but its visuals as well and we’re so happy with the fruits of our labour. The theme for this issue is internet nostalgia, something we both hold dear to our hearts. We’ve had so many conversations long before the print issue even had an InDesign file about our time on the internet, from being a part of fandoms to the games 6 ////ryerson 3 folio folio

creative directors for continually bringing great ideas, putting out stellar work and pushing Folio to be better. Shayna has been the kind leader we all needed this year and co-production managers Abeer and Emma have literally kept this whole show running behind the scenes and brought the nostalgia idea to life in one beautiful, cohesive magazine. To me, Issue 10 is a fun and much-needed throwback to the Gen Z childhood. I hope that it provides comfort, insight or maybe inspiration to you.

we played as children on our old desktop computers. Naturally, we took our unhinged exposure to the internet at a young age and channeled it into this issue. Throughout the year, we’ve called ourselves the Co-Production wives and have loved every minute of working together (we even have matching earrings.) But none of this would be possible without our wonderful team. Thank you to our Folio masthead for their hard work this semester and an extra big shoutout to our Co-Art Directors, we appreciate all your hard work and time. And lastly, all the hearts go to Miss Kayla, the MVP of helping us keep our shit together. We heart you all!!! Here’s to our 1:20 a.m. FaceTime calls, our 4 a.m. iMessages and unprompted Wordpress crashes—they were all worth it in the end! <3

I remember seeing a booth for Folio during my first week at Ryerson and thinking “this is exactly the kind of publication I want to work for.” Folio crept to the back of my mind until my 3rd year when I joined the team as an art director and the ideas section editor. In the past two years, Folio has given me a sense of community that I had lacked since moving from my small hometown. This year we wanted Folio’s presence to be heard and seen, to take up our space on campus. To meet our goal we hired more section editors and art directors, and have been creating twice the amount of content than previous years. I am astounded and touched that even though everything was virtual, we managed to carry that idea of community with us. Knowing we had the honour of the decade print issue, we knew the theme had to reflect Folio’s past as well as this past year. As we grow and move forward as a publication, we have to look back at how we got to where we are now. We went through so many theme options, but finally settled on internet nostalgia. This theme felt like it fit for this year not only because we’re looking back on the decade and in-person time at Ryerson, but because we have now cycled back to Y2K.

The fear and anxietyprovoking situation of the pandemic has caused many of us to start regressing to a time in our lives when we felt safer. For many of us, this was our middle school years when all we had to worry about were our Tumblr aesthetics and whether our favourite YouTube ships would actually go canon. The early 2000s feels comfortable for our generation, and we all need a little bit of comfort right now. Folio would not run without our executive team — Kayla Zhu, Abeer Khan and Emma Moore — who are the rocks of our foundation. I am so thankful to our section editors who work so hard to bring their innovative ideas to our meetings each week. I’m forever grateful to our creative team who brought this issue to life, and never failed to astonish me. Folio would be a fraction of what it is today without our contributors — so thank you for choosing our publication to help bring your stories to life. Last but not least, thank you to all of you reading this for supporting our little campus publication and all of the student creatives that come along with it. It’s because of you that Folio has been able to run for over 10 years, and will continue for many more. Here’s to understanding that change is inevitable, but knowing that growth takes time. Shayna Nicolay Editor-in-Chief ryersonfolio folio//// 4 7

masthead Editor-in-Chief

Shayna Nicolay

~ perpetually tired third-year journo

~ fourth-year journo ~ loves all things fashion, entertainment, and lifestyle

~ likes: analyzing K-pop music videos, effective and visuallypleasing workflow systems (Asana! Notion!) and data journalism

~ you can find me watching (probably too much) TV or exploring the city.

Abeer Khan

Production Manager

~ a third-year journalism student triple minoring in English, history and politics (haha RIP me)

~ loves to waste time on Twitter and write stories about culture and social justice. oh, and i love art, design and bts!

Arts Co-Editor ~third year student

~ likes to make polymer clay earrings or curl up with a good book

Sarah Sparks

Biz & Tech Editor

~ loves reading and writing about all things pop culture, especially film & tv!

Samreen Maqsood

~ catch me drinking bubble tea with my best friend and exploring downtown

~ i love taking care of my plants and scrolling through TikTok

Fashion Co-Editor ~ third-year journalism student ~ loves fashion, film, lifestyle, an exploring new restaurants around the city with my friends! (i truly envy the carrie bradshaw lifestyle)

// ryerson folio 5 //8folio

Fashion Co-Editor

~ second-year journalism student minoring in sociology and global narratives

~ second-year journalism student interested in stories surrounding environmental tech, digital investigations, internet culture and social media

Sara Marsetti

Arts Co-Editor ~ second-year creative industries student

journalism

~my passion for writing drives my aspirations to travel the world, where i can embrace all forms of music, cinema and cultures

Charlize Alcaraz

Production Manager

Emma Moore

~ third-year journalism student

Bree Duwyn

Managing Editor

Kayla Zhu

Julia Sacco

Fiction Editor ~ second-year journalism student who loves collecting knick-knacks and writing about common Gen-Z experiences

Ideas Editor

Camilla Bains

Jemma Dooreleyers Lifestyle Co-Editor

~ third-year journalism student completing double minors in politics and public relations ~ i love writing political and social justice stories

Rooshan Khan

Lifestyle Co-Editor

~ graduating journalism student ~ i enjoy walking by the lake, reading my book and crocheting

Jackie Zhang

Head of Photography ~ fourth year creative industries student who loves to take photos, bike, and make a sweet bowl of ramen!

~ second-year in creative industries in the communication and fashion modules ~ i spend most of my time watching obscure low-budget films on amazon prime!

Agasha Kankunda

Co-Art Director

~ third-year creative industries student specializing in publishing and media business ~ lover of all things design and an avid pop culture enthusiast

Jessalyn George

Bren Robinson

Co-Art Director ~ a designer and rta: media production student with a love of shared connection at the heart of my work.

Co-Art Director

~ second-year creative industries student, specializing in media business and storytelling in media ~ passionate about marketing, fashion and entertainment.

folio // 6 ryerson folio // 9

n o gs o s s ' o i f th l n o g s s o s ' f lio song of t e decade s of he decade folio's the d ade fo ec X

Shayna's pick Burnin' Up - Jonas Brothers.mp3

Singularity - BTS.mp3

Abeer's pick

Riptide - Vance Joy.mp3

Sarah's pick

Ava - Famy.mp3

Pump It - The Black Eyed Pees.mp3

10////folio ryerson folio 7

X Teenage Dream - Katy Perry.mp3

Charlize's pick

Emma's pick

Fireproof - One Direction.mp3

Bree's pick

Kayla's pick

Samreen's pick

X DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love - Usher.mp3

Sara's pick

Julia's pick

Kiss It Better - Rihanna.mp3

Arabella - Arctic Monkeys.mp3

Camilla's pick

Fireflies - Owl City.mp3

X Ain't It Fun - Paramore.mp3

Jackie's pick

Tonight Tonight - Hot Chelle Rae.mp3

Agasha's pick

Jemma's pick

Airplanes - B.O.B feat. Hayley Williams.mp3

Rooshan's pick

Sober - Childish Gambino.mp3

Bren's pick

X Thinkin Bout You - Frank Ocean.mp3

Jessy's pick Turn My Swag On - Soulja Boy.mp3

ryersonfolio folio// // 8 11

the good old days by Eduard Tatomir REPLY

I watched the boy — dad’s oversized blazer, overdone hair, couldn’t have been older than 15 — seated about two tables away. He was on a first date. I could tell because he was fanning his shirt even though it was winter. I giggled to myself. Oh to be that age again, I thought. My only worry being whether or not a girl likes me. “Excuse me, sir,” said a voice behind me. “Is this seat taken?” I, on the other hand, didn’t have to worry about my girl liking me or not. I already knew she didn’t. I was spun around and greeted by the same beautiful Sydney I’d always known. Her hair was full, her skin porcelain, her eyes contained whole worlds. I didn’t have anything to say except — “Whoa.” She blushed, but not really. Probably not at all. Her whole life is double-takes and mesmerized glares and movie moments where someone falls in love with her at first sight. That was me, I’m one of the many someones.

9// folio

BACK

We hugged for so long I thought (hoped?) it’d never end. But it did. It ended before and it ended now. It always ends. Her clothing was pretty loose, at least compared to how she used to dress in high school, and she’d ditched the heels. When we sat down, I looked over to see the boy at the other table with his date now, a blonde-haired girl with a blue dress that matched the colour of her braces. Sydney flagged down the waiter and ordered me a refill and herself a mocktail. “God, long time, no see,” she said. “What’s it been like, eight years?” “Nine.” And a half. “Wow…” Her eyes beamed. “I can’t believe it. You look incredible, Benji.” “It’s Benjamin now, actually, and come on. Look at you! I mean… Jesus.” There’s that blush again. Was it actually real? The waiter came by and took our orders before we decided on anything. He offered up more time but we declined. It was a scam anyway — no one can give you more time. Sydney got the crab salad, I got the ryerson folio // 12

shrimp cocktail. I glanced over at the young couple. They’d received their appetizers already. “ What’re you looking at?” she asked me. " N o , nothing, just… I think those two are on their first date.” Her heart melted and she grabbed at her chest to keep it inside. “Oh gosh. How sweet. They look so nervous.” “They sure do.” “You know, this reminds me a lot of our first date.” “Oh no please, don’t remind me.” “You liked me since we were in kindergarten and it took you until high school to ask me out. It took ten years, and when you finally did it, you did it over text. Text.” My head was in my hands. “Hey! In my defence, texting was still new! I thought it was romantic, like sending a letter!” We stopped laughing. “You knew I liked you all those years?” She made this face like, duh! “Benji, I’m not dumb. Of course I knew. Our parents knew the teachers knew, the pope knew—” “—Okay.” “Probably the president and all the world leaders…” “All-righty, got it!” She sipped her mocktail, I finished my gin. “If you knew,” I continued, “why didn’t you just ask me out?” “I don’t know. I mean, in hindsight, I know I should’ve asked you out, but back then we were just… dumb kids.” Sydney looked over at their table again and sighed. They were talking, the boy wideeyed agreeing with something she’d said. “Don’t get me wrong, though, I’d kill to be a dumb kid again,” she said. “Really?” “Oh yeah, are you kidding? Look at them. Those two don’t have a care in the world. They’re the future. We’re the past.” I couldn’t help but see myself in that boy. He was so nervous at the start of the night and now he looked so exhilarated. I can’t remember the last time I was that happy. A moment of silence. Sydney bit at her

13 // ryerson folio

lip. “Are things bad or have we just grownup?” “What do you mean?” “Like, do you think things are getting worse with the world or is it just us growing up and being more jaded?” I remembered sleeping in my parents’ bed one night when I was like eight. I was woken up by their conversation. “I don’t know what we were thinking,” my mother said. “Bringing another child into a world this cruel, this awful. I’m terrified of something happening to him.” This was right after 9/11 and everyone’s hopes were destroyed, including the two people in the world whom I thought were invincible. “Maybe it’ll get better by the time he gets older,” my father replied. I didn’t get it at the time. I thought they were just being overdramatic. I was a child with the world at my feet. My parents were people in decline while I was on the rise. Everything felt possible and even ready for me whenever I wanted it. No fences, no gates, no stopping me. Then as I grew older, not much changed in the material world, but everything felt like it was getting worse. I think it was always this way and I was just too young to understand. We all were, and that’s what made everything so beautiful and open and free when we were younger, when we were the same age as the kids at the table across from us. Sydney’s demeanour changed, as did mine, because we both realized the same thing. “ Wow, this is depressing,” she said. “I mean, Christ, what’s the point to all this? What kind of life would I be giving a child?” “Well, we made it this far, didn’t we?” Sydney shrugged. “I guess…” I extended my hand and she grabbed it. “It’s not all bad, you know? The world. It can be beautiful, even at our age. There’s still a lot left to do and see. We’re not in the past.” She nodded. I could tell she was getting emotional, but folio // 10

holding it back in classic Sydney fashion. “I know. I know.” The restaurant went quiet, but only to us. We sat there like that for a minute, staring at each other. “I missed you,” slipped out of my mouth. “A lot.” A genuine smile. “I missed you, too.” My thumb was massaging her knuckles. “We could redo that first date,” I said, my words hung in the air, waiting to be acknowledged by her. “Nothing is stopping us from being just like those kids, right now. What do you say?” “Benji… I can’t.” “Why? We’re not too old. We’re still young at heart. Look at us!” She let go of my hand and placed it on her belly. “No, Benji. Come on. The baggy clothes? The mocktail?” She put down her glass. “Do you finally see it?” Her skin… her hair… the same pessimistic attitude my mother had about the world we live in. “You’re…” “Yup, and engaged.” I held onto my temples to keep my head from spinning. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” “Can’t you put two and two together? What, do I have to announce it?” “What about your fiancé? Not a single mention of him? It’s been almost thirty minutes and I don’t even see a…” ring. It was right there, on her finger this whole time. One of maybe a dozen. It blended right in. “You never asked!” she said. “This whole time, I was waiting for a conversation to maybe start, perhaps a question, but no. Nothing. You assume you know everything about me and you’re surprised when that isn’t true.” “I just wasn’t expecting a bombshell like this! You just let me think this whole time that this was us reconnecting after nine-and-a-half years — you let me blush and gawk and hold your hand — only to tell me thanks but no thanks. This is our childhood all over again.” “Hey! There was nothing stopping you from telling me earlier, when we were kids and now. God, grow up, Benji.” “I did grow up, and it fucking sucks.”

11 // folio

“Yeah, I can relate. Trust me.” I took a deep, shaky breath. “Also, it’s Benjamin now.” “Got it.” Our food finally arrived and it was set in front of us, the waiter not saying a word. I’d forgotten we’d ordered. I wasn’t hungry anymore. Neither was she, even though she was eating for two. The kids at the table across from us already paid their cheque and were leaving. They were laughing and holding hands. They looked so happy, so carefree. Shit, what happened?

ryerson folio // 14

arts

next stop,

Narnia by Hailey Dillon

The Pevensie siblings: Lucy (Georgie Henley), Susan (Anna Popplewell), Peter (William Moseley) and Edmund (Skandar Keynes) pictured here entering Narnia for the first time. (Walt Disney Pictures)

During the pandemic, television and film have been some of the world's best escapes since we were told to stay inside and socially distance ourselves from friends and family. Schools and businesses were closed and vacations were halted. Since then, our screens have taken us on a vacation of our very own, allowing us to follow our favourite characters on thrilling journeys from the comfort of our own homes. Maybe you’ve travelled the world with chess prodigy Beth Harmon in The Queen’s Gambit, gossiped with socialites in Bridgerton or gone on adventures in a galaxy far, far away with the masked warrior himself in The Mandalorian. Maybe you’ve checked into the Rosebud Motel in Schitt’s Creek, or had a front row seat to all of the ‘tea’ while watching The Crown. Or, perhaps, you’ve decided to take a trip down memory lane and revisit some of your old personal favourites, perhaps ones that helped shape your childhood.

That’s what I did with The Chronicles of Narnia. The Chronicles of Narnia is

a fantasy book series published in the 1950s by British author C.S Lewis. Containing seven books, the series is hailed as one of the most popular book series of all time. Throughout the series, we meet a variety of interesting and unique characters, from fauns to talking mice to noble royals and everything in between. The primary focus, however, is on the four Pevensie siblings; Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy, who are destined to save Narnia from the evil forces that threaten its existence. Disney first brought Narnia to life in their 2005 film adaptation of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. Two subsequent adaptations followed: 2008’s Prince Caspian and 2010’s The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. However, I wasn’t introduced to Narnia until November of 2013 on a snowy evening when I was 11-years-old, one week folio // 12

after my brother Josh was born. When my mom came across The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe on TV, she described it as magical and told me she thought I would like it because it reminded her of the Harry Potter series, which had been a huge obsession of mine at that time. I immediately fell in love with the world of Narnia. I was in awe of the story, the cinematography, the soundtrack, the acting—everything about this movie was, to quote Mary Poppins, "practically perfect in every way." Sometimes, you watch certain movies and don’t feel a connection with the characters or setting. That wasn’t the case when it came to Narnia. I shared Lucy’s (Georgie Henley) wonder when she first arrived in Narnia, I connected with Edmund’s (Skandar Keynes) anxiousness after he realized he had made a terrible mistake, I understood Susan’s (Anna Popplewell) desire to be right all the time and I related to Peter’s (William Moseley) need to protect his siblings from danger. The overall relationship between the four Pevensie siblings warmed my heart, especially because I had just recently become a big sister. I developed a crush on Edmund and even had a print out of him in my room. He is known as ‘Paper Ed’ in the Dillon household, and is still around today in all his crumpled glory! (I never had the heart to throw him away. How could I?) I spent Christmas cooped up on the couch with a horrible flu that just wouldn’t go away. To try and lift my spirits, my parents got me a box set containing all seven books, along with the complete film trilogy. I excitedly consumed all of them within a matter of weeks. I watched every interview the cast ever did, and then watched them all again. I read insightful articles and fan theories on Narnia fan pages. I even created a few of my own characters, whose sto13 // folio

rylines were crafted to coexist with those of the Pevensie children so they could all be best friends. Narnia never got as big as Harry Potter or The Hunger Games did in terms of popularity. I was the only person that I knew of at my elementary school who liked Narnia. I would get so excited when teachers would mention it. On a snowy

“Paper Ed” pictured here between my Narnia bookends. (Folio/Hailey Dillon)

December afternoon, my sixth grade teacher said that the snow outside reminded her of a classic novel. We were tasked with guessing what novel she was talking about. I knew the answer instantly, but when no one around me raised their hand, I figured I was the only one who knew and stayed silent. It occurred to me then that none of my friends really knew what Narnia was. I was never made fun of for my love of Narnia, but I had a feeling that I eventually could be because no one else liked it except for me. I was interested in something no one else seemed to be interested in, and assumed that would make me the ‘odd one out’. I learned to keep my soryerson folio // 16

called Narnia obsession to myself. Now, one year later - Josh and I When I started high school, I grew have had dozens of plastic sword fights out of Narnia, much like Peter and Suand have the ability to fully recite a san—the elder Pevensie siblings—in Prince scene from The Voyage of the Dawn TreadCaspian. My parents subscribed to stream- er, where Eustace Scrubb (Will Poulter) ing services and I started becoming enengages in a duel with noble mouse Reepamoured with other shows or movies. I icheep (Simon Pegg). He is always Reepwas probably the biggest Stranger Things fan at my high school. I’d make the odd Narnia reference once or twice, and every time the movies were shown on TV I’d Falling in love with watch them, but I didn’t speak of it Narnia again, and as much as I did when I was 11. My childhood fascination watching Josh fall in was reignited when Josh (now 7 love with it for the years old) stumbled across The Voyage of the Dawn Treader on a first time, eased some local TV channel in March 2020, of my pandemic anxiety when schools were closed and the lockdowns began. He asked me what the movie was about, who the characters were, and 'why are they on some boat that looks like a dragon?’ I hadn’t watched it in a while, but icheep, and I am always Eustace. He has still knew the movie left, right and centre. I two stuffed mice, Ruffy and Paul, who answered all of his questions with a sense apparently are supposed to be Reepicheep’s of pride, watching as my brother became best friends. As I write this, he is in the fascinated with a world that I, too, was fas- middle of reading Prince Caspian for an cinated with as a child. Hearing him ask online book club, and will soon be particquestions about the movie and seeing him ipating in one for The Silver Chair—proud look up the actors on Google on his iPad sister alert! made me feel like I was 11 years old again. I, like many of you, have made some Josh asked to watch the other two of my best memories from the pandemic movies. His admiration inspired my Mom by travelling through my screen into a difto buy him a plastic sword he could swing ferent world with High King Peter the Magaround to pretend he was in the midst of nificent, Queen Susan the Gentle, King Edthe big battle between good and evil. He mund the Just and Queen Lucy the Valiant. broke it a month after she bought it. I reconnected with a series that I held very Falling in love with Narnia again, close to my heart growing up all thanks to and watching Josh fall in love with it for my brother stumbling across a movie on the first time, eased some of my pandemic TV that looked interesting, just as I did on a anxiety. I was so worried about the possifateful wintry night in November of 2013. bility of family members or friends getting I think it’s only right to conclude with the virus, of falling behind in my last year the words of none other than the man who of high school, of not getting accepted to brought the world I love so much to life—C.S my dream program at my dream universiLewis himself: “If we find ourselves with a ty, but as soon as Josh and I pressed play, desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, all of those worries disappeared for an the most probable explanation is that we hour or two. were made for another."world.” 17 // ryerson folio

folio // 14

arts

childhood tv shows that ryerson students miss by Darya Soufian In a poll conducted from Jan. 25 to Jan. 29 on Twitter and Instagram, 25 Ryerson students shared their experiences with their favourite childhood TV shows. Hannah Montana: Starring Miley Cyrus as a pop star leading a dual life, this Disney show received the most votes in the poll. Some students mentioned that they would love to go back and watch this show again to relive old memories. “This show makes me feel nostalgic because rewatching it makes me realize all the jokes I missed,” said Daniela Leite, a first-year early childhood studies student.

The Suite Life: Watching the show

growing up made many students feel like they evolved with the Sprouse twins, Dylan and Cole. Students preferred watching the boys run around the Tipton until 2008, when the series transitioned to The Suite Life on Deck. Interest was lost when the cast brought on more characters, some that students believed were “unfitting” says Leite.

Drake & Josh: This four season

long Nickelodeon show, starring Drake Bell and Josh Peck navigating their new relationship as step brothers, was a hit amongst Ryerson students while it aired. Miranda Cosgrove plays Megan, their rebellious younger sister who is constantly getting them into trouble. According to the poll, 10 per cent of participants like shows from this time period were some of the best, with Nickelodeon offering a wide-range of shows.

Wizards of Waverly Place: This show

has a special place in many people’s hearts, including mine. Selena Gomez made a breakthrough with this show, she starred as troublemaking Alex Russo. “What made it so memorable was the whole concept of the show, you had these undercover wizards living in New York City,” said Tyrese Wedderburn, a second-year journalism student with a deep love for the magical spells to the comfort of Waverly Sub Station. Recently, cast members David Henrie, Jennifer Stone and Gregg Sulkin reunited on TikTok to reminisce. Seems like they’re feeling a little bit nostalgic too!

Avatar: The Last Airbender:

This was a popular Nickelodeon show amongst students. According to the poll, students who preferred Avatar also enjoyed popular shows like Sailor Moon and Pokémon. Due to the exciting nature of a fantasy adventure show, a spin-off, The Legend of Korra, was 15 // folio

released in 2012, allowing fans to fall in love with another Avatar series.

The Proud Family: This Disney

show chronicled the life of Penny Proud, a teenage girl navigating growing up with the help of her family. As one of the few Disney shows featuring a Black family, youth found comfort in this show from seeing characters that looked like them. There is some exciting news that it is coming back this year with a brand new season, exact dates have yet to be announced!

iCarly: This was a Nickelodeon show about three best friends who run a hilarious web show together. It is memorable for incorporating pop culture moments into the show, like featuring One Direction in an episode. The show inspired students to be inventive from a young age because of its emphasis on creativity and self-expression. Second-year journalism student, Abby Hughes, has particularly fond memories of Sam Puckett’s iconic butter sock invention. “It still cracks me up!,” she said.

puff Girls-style is very popular in TikTok videos. As one of the few cartoons that featured young female superheroes, young adults are finding ways to incorporate The Powerpuff Girls into today’s society. By using their brand and characters on clothing, it represents a powerful message for women who feel like they don’t have a voice, female empowerment is a big part of the show. Ryerson students feel nostalgic for these shows as the characters have helped shape their childhood, growing up alongside them.

The Powerpuff Girls: This car-

toon show is still popular today, with many fans of the show creating Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup inspired clothing and art such as crop tops with the characters across the front or posters that are often found in dorm rooms. Today, The Power-

folio // 16

THE LOST ART OF EMAILS BY ADELE LUKUSA

One July evening in 2014, after a week filled with happy and stressful surprises — my mother’s latest hospital visit, my then three-year-old sister secretly caking her face with a powder concealer and the fifth (but not the last) addition to my family — I realized something. I had not told my friends about my newest baby sister. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but my mom had sworn us to secrecy, due to the complications of her pregnancy at the time. Soon enough school had closed for the summer and I had completely forgotten that I had spent the year going about life as normal, withholding information about my mother’s pregnancy. So I did what any rational, phone-adverse teen would — three days after my sister’s birth, I logged into Hotmail and sent my close friends an email titled “news???” That was my thing during those few years in between the death of MSN Messenger and the rise of Instagram and Snapchat, where communication was just a few words typed back and forth. When I wanted to reach out to my friends, I would turn to emails. Email, at one point in my life, wasn’t anything more than a platform for me and my friends to connect with each other. I grew up in a household with two African immigrant parents at the head, who’s main form of communication was long distance conversations via calling cards and boisterous talks of gossip and politics. The only version of closeness and vulnerabili17 // folio

ty I knew were through Lingala and Tsiluba, but I barely had the knowledge then to participate in those conversations, let alone translate them meaningfully into my own relationships. So I — like many of my friends who grew up in a household with immigrant parents — had to make do.

I was a shy, reserved kid growing up. The little I knew about communication, I did through jokes or offhand comments. Even among friends, it was difficult to communicate how I truly felt. Less than a year after I first began using MSN Messenger, the popular use of the platform died a quick death. As my peers switched over to Facebook, I instead took to email to fill the gap. I spent my time wading through bright, bold, oddly spaced emails from friends. I spent large amounts of time reading anxiety-inducing horror stories and cheap promises of wealth and love if you forwarded the email chain a dozen of your closest friends. No matter how stupid, cheesy, or even scary the story was from my 11-year-old perspective, I always forwarded it to my friends who bombarded me with the same type of emails. I was not risking getting murdered or not kissing my crush over ignoring an email. Hotmail was also an exercise in writing for me. This was something I had been doing to express my thoughts since I got my first diary—Strawberry Shortcake themed in hot pink, with glitter to match — in grade one. Storytelling was always something that interested me. I spent my formative years in front of the TV, watching whatever shows and films I could get my hands on. I kept my ears peeled whenever my mom watched her favourites ranging from Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Charmed, to One Life to Live and The Young and the Restless. That combined with my early love for reading series like Junie B. Jones and Magic Tree ryerson folio // 20

House, it was inevitable that I would exercise any and every way to share my own poorly plotted out stories when I got the chance to. Through email, I would swap stories with my friends, sharing nonsensical mysteries or embarrassingly cheesy romances. I would be holed up in our cold, tiled basement for hours until my mom called me up for dinner, editing and rewriting my stories. Even going so far as to make spam emails myself. After figuring out that Japan had a variety of KitKat flavours, I sent multiple threads of pictured KitKat flavours and promised that if they sent those poorly crafted emails to 15 of their friends they’d get a kiss on the cheek from their crush and 1000 bucks, all in red bolded Comic Sans. Soon enough, I was connecting with newer friends. During middle and high school, my friends and I tried to organize parties and group outings, which usually fell through due to being from different corners of the Kitchener-Waterloo region, having strict, ethnic parents and being too big of a group. Through the years our numbers always shifted as people moved and drifted apart. It was never a true party with our friend group if there wasn’t a theme or specific group activity, and I was often the one coming up with them, despite having parents who would likely shut them down. Having access to Hotmail made it so much easier for me to access my friends. If one of us was grounded or had a terrible internet connection, email was one of the sure platforms that would be safe and easier to convince our parents we weren’t up to no good. But as I grew up, so did the topics I decided to write about. It wasn’t only a means to connect with friends during the summer, share our favourite Buzzfeed videos or give bad YA book recommendations, it was also a space where I learned to call-out and call-in those I cared about. I couldn’t explain why my friends suggested we have a “Chinese New Year” party, rubbed me the wrong way. Conveniently, it was 2014, and as I'd been pursuing a bache21 // ryerson folio

lor’s degree in TumblrU’s Social Justice Studies & Intersectional Wokeness, it fell to me to poke holes in it. In an email titled “From this week and to #2k15....”, I wrote about how it'd be kind of racist for a bunch of random teenagers who have no idea of the meaning of that day to celebrate it, faking nonchalance and bravado when I was actually scared of confrontation Putting aside the cringy way I approached the topic, emails became the medium where I began to address problems head-on, the first space where I felt comfortable being vulnerable and confronted conflict which I spent the majority of my teenhood avoiding. This didn’t happen every time an issue came up and I often struggled to be as blunt and clear as I was in my emails, but it did help build the foundation of who I am now. I have never been more outspoken than I am now, and I continue to be inspired by the girl who wrote emails full of fun and laughter, as well as ones that were vulnerable and voiced issues I previously would have swept under the rug. Teenage me would be rendered speechless and tear up during arguments and discussions about race. Social media isn’t perfect for my activism or politics, but it has helped me branch out from emails and broadened into something I’m not embarrassed to share publicly. In the years after making the switch from Hotmail to Gmail, and abandoning emails as my main source of communication with friends, I still miss it. I miss being embarrassing and loud, not caring about aesthetics or proper email etiquette, and unabashedly sharing my interests, ideas and perspectives in whatever length I felt fit the medium. Emailing may never get the love that letter writing and snail mail packages have, but there will forever be a part of my heart and my tweenhood that’s indebted to that medium.

folio // 18

The Good, The Bad &

thee th

BOOK FAIR

g the phenomenon of nosta examinin lgia for Scholastic Book Fairs by Annemarie Cutruzzola

In Grade 4, Reema Omar spent hours at her school’s Scholastic Book Fair, unable to decide what to buy. She finally settled on a non-fiction book with high-quality photos of wild animals. Today, it’s piled in a box somewhere, along with the rest of the purchases she’s made at book fairs throughout the years. The fourth-year early childhood studies student has fond memories of the Scholastic Book Fair all the way from kindergarten to Grade 8. In her younger years, it was a special activity she got to do with her mom, who patiently waited through Omar’s indecision and steered her towards the non-fiction books she wouldn’t finish in one sitting. Towards the end of elementary school, she volunteered at the book fair with her friends, helping out as a cashier with the promise of ice cream afterwards. “The world is so tough on us. We want to go back and that's a very prominent memory that everyone can relate to,” says Omar. Experiencing nostalgia for Scholastic Book Fairs is a phenomenon that seems to have swept the Internet. A tweet about 19 // folio

ideas

it will go viral every few months, a thread will pop up on the r/nostalgia subreddit or a screenshotted Tumblr post will make the rounds. “There is this weird, shared experience by hundreds and hundreds of people,” says Omar. “You don't realize how many people had that shared experience until everyone's engaging with that tweet on Twitter.” Scholastic is a giant in the book fair world, hosting over 120,000 fairs each year in nine countries around the world. But why are so many people experiencing nostalgia for this particular event, as opposed to other common experiences we shared at school? As the eldest of four, Omar has revisited a couple of Scholastic Book Fairs at her siblings’ school, the same one she attended. “Being back there reminds me of how much I enjoy being a child,” says Omar. But the book fair wasn’t exactly how she re members it. “It looks less magical now, and less appealing,” she says. “I think we want to look back at that time where we were happier. Maybe it's more so nostalgia ryerson folio // 22

want,” she says. for childhood than it is for the actual event The Scholastic Book Fair came itself.” stocked with so much of what kids love, When Omar’s siblings come home and they didn’t even have to leave the with a Scholastic book catalogue, however, school grounds. that nostalgia is triggered all over again. “I remember sitting down for hours and just For many, memories of the Scholastic circling every one that I could possibly Book Fair are incomplete without recalling want,” she says. “This was our online the one table crammed with brightly shopping back in the day.” coloured pencils, oddly-shaped erasers, a bookmark carousel, highlighters that While the main purpose of the smelled like strawberries and pens that Scholastic Book Fair is to encourage doubled as flashlights or magic wands. reading, for many children it was the excitement of shopping Omar, who was a big reader, during the school day and the remembers spending her money thrill of browsing that stands at the school supplies table. “That's out in their memories. where a lot of my allowance went. The accessories and erasers and all This is true for Brianna that.” Purai, a second-year creative industries student at Ryerson. However, memories of the book fair aren’t all painted in the same shade “Back then, when they of warm and fuzzy nostalgia would announce that the book – many people have a painful fair was coming up everyone experience attached to it. was so excited,” she says. Growing up, Addo “We would wasn’t a big reader. always be so excited,” that day with a weird feeling But, like many other t lef “I echoes Omar. “We’d and I don't know why I still think preteen girls, she bring our money in about it to this day" loved Disney Channel plastic bags and go and in particular, the down and see what Disney Original movie we can get. I’d go with m y Camp Rock . She was delighted to come friends during recess. It was like a mini across a Camp Rock sticker book at the fair, trip in itself.” but when she returned to class, her teacher made condescending comments about her Eunice Addo, a fourth-year arts and purchase in front of everyone. contemporary studies student at Ryerson, thinks this excitement makes the fairs “I left that day with a weird feeling memorable years later. “You're not going to and I don't know why I still think about it to remember that one lesson that you did in this day,” says Addo. “Why'd you come after 2006 or whatever. But you will remember me? I just love Camp Rock.” buying something really cool from the Scholastic Book Fair,” she says. Addo speculates that it might be the opportunity for independence that sparked this excitement for the fairs. “Our parents didn't always bring us to buy stuff that we 23 // ryerson folio

In other viral posts about the Scholastic Book Fair, some recall their first brush with class consciousness. As others spent money on expensive hardcovers or folio // 20

collected every type of bookmark, some realized their own financial situation was different than their peers. As an early childhood education major, Omar says she has a greater appreciation for how the fairs made literacy accessible for some children, but not all. “We really underestimate sometimes how important reading and learning and writing is,” she says. Omar also notes how the fairs give back to schools. Every school that hosts a Scholastic Book Fair receives a portion of the sales, allowing them to purchase more books for their own library and other resources for students. Perhaps part of the widespread nostalgia for Scholastic Book Fairs is fondly remembering when students had time to read for fun. As the demands and frequency of academic reading increase in post-secondary education, some students notice they read for pleasure less often. A 2017 study conducted by Scholastic Canada found that 86 per cent of children aged six to 17 were currently reading or just finished reading a book for fun. The average number of books read in a year decreased as children got older. Children ages six to eight read 37 books per year on average, while those ages 15 to 17 only averaged 15 books.

“It had been a long time since I felt that way,” she says. “Where is the person who read 10 books a week? It can’t be the same person.” As more and more aspects of our lives shift online, it’s likely that the next generation’s memories of the Scholastic Book Fair will look a little different. A 2018 survey from Canadian non-profit BookNet found that 11 per cent of respondents have rarely or never set foot inside a physical bookstore, and 31 per cent of readers prefer to browse online. Scholastic’s new virtual book fairs are similar to any other online shopping experience, with the added benefit of earning rewards for the school upon making a purchase. “So much is changing right now, but Scholastic Book Fairs will remain the essential place that connects kids to the books they love,” writes the company on Instagram. The fairs might look different for now. But in the distant future, maybe we’ll be nostalgic for the days of shipping delays, “adding to cart,” and the excitement of opening a box to reveal our new book or candy-scented highlighter.

“Whether it's my attention span or I have other things I should be doing, I'm not reading as often,” says Omar. In an attempt to reignite her love of reading, Omar joined a book club at her local library. After reading Hank Green’s An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, she preordered the book’s sequel in excitement, something she had never done before. 21 // folio

ryerson folio // 24

Your Spring 2021 Horoscope

By Shayna Nicolay and Emma Buchanan

Capricorn (Dec. 22- Jan. 19)

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb.18)

Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)

Your visions of success will be challenged this month, but it is up to you to decide whether this challenge will strengthen your convictions or take a toll on you. Remember that success is not always measured by how much money you make. Don’t hold yourself to the highest standard.

In this season of change, your unique idealism is important for thinking about the bigger picture, but be conscious of your tendency to remain detached in your own relationships. Your analytic nature and distrust of emotions mean you can live in your own head happily, but it is by embracing the powerful people-oriented side of yourself that you will truly thrive.

There may be a new romantic interest in your future, Pisces, but be mindful to take off those rose-coloured glasses every once in a while. Your empathy is unmatched but don’t drain yourself trying to feed others needs before your own. This season, try treating yourself the same way you treat your loved ones.

Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)

Taurus (Apr. 20- May 20)

Gemini (May 21- June 20)

Love is on the horizon for you, It’s your season and your time to Your season is quickly approaching, shine! Let your originality and as is the opportunity to show what a Gemini — just not in the form that you optimism guide you as you adapt dependable and affectionate friend expect. Your quick wit and versatility mean that people are drawn to you to this changing season. There is a you are. Remember that your detercreative endeavour ahead of you — be mined and affectionate nature is why and your endless curiosity. Just be your courageous self and don’t be the people in your life adore you and sure to slow down and take a minute to take care of yourself and try to afraid to take charge, but make sure know they can count on you — but it’s that your impulsiveness doesn’t get in sometimes the reason that it’s hard for concentrate your brilliance on a more the way of your loving nature. you to adapt to change. Try something focused task to get the most out of this season. new that scares you this season, but don’t lose your fierce yet gentle spirit.

Cancer (June 21- July 22)

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22)

Your ability to feel fully and loyalty Your natural born leadership (even are the most wonderful parts of you, in unexpected circumstances) and but remember that sometimes it’s generous spirit may get you ahead better to love yourself than to seek in life, but don’t forget that you don’t love from others. Try to rely on always have to hold yourself to imposyourself more often this season, it will sibly high standards. You are fiercely open more doors to life opportunities. protective when it comes to your close Speak your truth this season, and friends and family, which is seen as don’t let all your wonderful one of your most admirable qualities. complexities go unheard. Although, your big personality can sometimes come off in the wrong way — remember to consider the feelings of those around you.

Libra (Sept. 23- Oct. 22)

Scorpio (Oct. 23- Nov. 21)

Your balance and kindness make you Your imaginative nature and passion capivaitiving and charming, and you will come to your aid this season, are a gifted listener. There is a new ca- Scorpio, as you navigate a changing reer opportunity in your future where social situation. Let yourself dream you will get to show off your ability to and remember that the best part of be a wonderful team player. The chal- your sign is that you don’t know how lenge for you, Libra, is to remember to half-ass anything - just make you that trying to please use your intensity for good, not veneveryone sometimes means you geance. Your challenge is to loosen please nobody. your hold on grudges this season and let your loyalty and kindness shine through.

25 // ryerson folio

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22) Virgos, you are equally blessed with intelligence and cursed with self-judgement. Although you are known for your gentleness, you have your heart closed off, often making you feel misunderstood. Take some time this season to reflect on yourself and learn your self-worth. There are educational opportunities coming your way, don’t let your imposter syndrome take it away from you.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. 21) The spring season, like all seasons for you, Sagittarius, is a time for reflection, change and an examination of your ambitions. Your challenge will be to make sure your dreams don’t stay just dreams. With your philosophical nature, you are often thinking about how to live life to fullest, but are prone to procrastination. This season, take charge and make the change in your life that your fiery and independent spirit demands.

folio // 22

different shades of nostalgia it's a colour wheel, not just one hue

ideas

by prapti bamaniya The smell of a strong jasmine perfume filled young Rooshan Khan’s nose when his grandmother would walk into a room. It was a scent that Khan never noticed on old, white ladies, just his own Pakistani grandmother. “I would always know she was in the house a couple seconds ago,” says Khan. “But now, it's sort of fading away. It's not as strong, so I know she's not in the house anymore.” The jasmine scent is native to Asia. It's rare to find many jasmine scented products in Canada, especially those of the popular Pakistani brand that Khan’s grandmother owned — Junaid Jumshed. When it comes to talking about childhood, sometimes it's easier to westernize or simplify BIPOC nostalgic experiences, so they can be relatable to everyone. “I never really spoke about that smell with anyone,” says Khan, as he tries to explain the specificities of the scent. It's common to hear about memories that fit the popular white hue of nostalgia. Christmas mornings, western pop culture, western food, nostalgia is often described from the perspective of the average white person. It's important to recognize that nostalgia is actually a colour wheel, full of unique sentimental memories that might not align with everyone. Instead, it allows us to

23 // folio

understand the contrasts and similarities between everyone's childhood. “I don't mind that these aren't totally relatable… I feel like I became more proud of that,” says Khan while remembering new things about his grandmother. X Khan’s grandmother’s signature scent from Junaid Jumshed (Photo Courtesy Rooshan Khan) Khan, now a second-year creative industries student at Ryerson University, says his grandmother was so committed to the complexities of the Junaid Jumshed brand scent, its replenishment was the only reason she needed to go back to Pakistan. Whenever Khan reminisces on the scent, he remembers his childhood very clearly. ryerson folio // 26

Similarly, the smell of gasoline from motorcycles and cars from the congested roads of Vietnam would overwhelm little Michelle Tran’s senses. She and her family would take trips from Canada back home to Vietnam as a kid to meet with her friends and other families. Now, the third-year marketing student at Ryerson University lives in Toronto.

wishes she felt the magic of the food the same way as when she was a kid. One of her mother’s specialties is her Bengali rice flour samosa, called a sourguri samosa.

“Now that I’m older, any time I smell gas from cars passing by here in Toronto, I have memories of when I was little and clinging onto my mom and dad while we went exploring the city that they grew up in,” says Tran. When journalism student Nishat Chowdhury thinks of her childhood, the first thing that comes to mind is the way she celebrated Eid. The festivities started bright and early in the morning, with her father going to the mosque to pray. Her sisters woke up soon after because, “you can't sleep in on Eid!” says Chowdhury. Her father's side of the family would visit, bringing the laugh and chatter of Bengali uncles and aunts. They created the atmosphere of the celebration with their cultural clothes and envelopes of money for the children of the family. Now that she’s grown older, Chowdhury doesn’t really get the special treatment from her family anymore, and unfortunately, that means less envelopes filled with money. “I don't know why I feel like everything just feels a little less magical when you grow up,” says Chowdhury. “I don't feel like that anymore like when Eid comes around.” Now instead of receiving money, she says she’ll soon be in the position to give money to the children of her family. She says she now understands how her parents and older relatives must have felt celebrating Eid. She feels fortunate to be connected to the Bengali community, and is grateful for such amazing Eids, but Chowdhury still

27 // ryerson folio

Chowdhury’s family samosas along with the rest of the food from her Eid festivities (Photo Courtesy Nishat Chowdhury)

“Samosas are a pretty big staple in my household. It's something that my mom does really well,” says Chowdhury. “When my uncles got married and brought their wives, my mom taught their wives how to make it and now they make it in their houses too.” Another one of her mother’s delicacies is shemai, which is a sweet milk with thin noodles and warm spices like cardamom and nutmeg. Just the mere smell of those spices and the sweet milk now, sends Chowdhury right back to her childhood. On the other hand, Tran’s grandparents have developed a habit since her childhood. Whenever her grandparents make pho, they would specifically bring it for her, because it was one her favourite foods as a kid. She also grew accustomed to eating a fried bread called quẩy that Vietnamese people would eat with pho or Chinese people would eat with congee. “It’s always offered in pho restaurants back home but not in Toronto’s Vietnamese restaurants. I kind of miss it,” says Tran. folio // 24

Khan feels the same way about a specific sweet and spicy gummy candy called Chili Mili. His grandmother would bring them all the way from Pakistan, with her perfume of course. The two would be packaged carefully, so both of them stay in the best condition. Khan says they’re harder to find now, and even if they are in Canadian stores, they lose their taste from weeks of travel. “They're really small and stale, like rocks. But, it is what it is because it's always nostalgic for me. I'll eat it anyway,” says Khan.

“I feel like Bollywood movies are a pretty big staple for South Asian kids,” says Khan. “Watching that always brings me back to my childhood.” Khan was born in Toronto, but spent much of his time moving from state to state in the United States and returned back to Toronto for university.He says there weren't a lot of brown people where he lived in Michigan, so it always felt strange to bring friends from school home.

“Where all the white parents come together at the neighborhood parties, because my mom was unable to really communicate in that way,” says Khan. His mother did not speak English, so Khan would need to communicate with her in Urdu, even when he had non-Urdu speaking friends over.He never had the same experience as the other, mostly white, children around him. “It would be very weird to do that so I stopped talking to my parents when my friends were over,” says Khan.” “I was insecure about speaking another language.”

Rooshan Khan’s first bollywood crush, Deepika Padukone

Khan has since grown out of that mentality. “I think the movement towards being more proud about where you came from has become a little bit more normalized, and that kind of gave me the confidence to like me,” he says. “I feel like I became more proud of that.”

from Om Shanti Om (Vedangi Patel/University of Waterloo)

While eating his Chili Mili, Khan's favourite thing to watch would be Bollywood films, with his favourite being Om Shanti Om. “The first time I watched it I was in Dubai with my cousins, and I remember crying at the end,” says Khan. He rewatches the movie often and says this is when his love for Deepika Padukune first sparked. Om Shanti Om was her debut film, and she has since become a Bollywood starlet.

25 // folio

Chowdhury was born and raised in Toronto’s Regent Park until she was six years old. Her family then moved to Scarborough, surrounded by people who looked just like her. In the summertime, she says she couldn't play outside before 5 p.m. because her mother was scared of her skin getting tanned. But after 5 p.m. was when the party would start. All of the neighbourhood children would come outside to ride their bikes, draw on their driveways and visit the ice cream truck. ryerson folio // 28

“I never felt like I didn't belong or that my traditions or the food I ate was weird because there were so many people around me who shared that experience with me,” says Chowdhury. Her small, three bedroom home in Regent Park was filled with nine people: her parents, grandparents, aunt, uncle and two sisters. With people constantly coming over to meet her grandparents for their blessings as elders, they would usually have a fullhouse of family.

“I think I'm sometimes nostalgic

about that because now my uncles and aunts are all married and a majority of them have their own kids and I'm the oldest cousin, and everyone calls me ‘appi’ which is like a big sister,” says Chowdhury. The things that Chowdhury feels nostalgic for – Eid, sourgiri samosas and her lack of envelope money – might not be that familiar outside the South Asian community, but for those who grew up in it, it represents so much. Whether it be about family, food or celebrations, these experiences are what shape us into who we are today. If we continue to equate all "relatable" nostalgic experiences with the white and Western norm, we actively exclude the diversity of racialized X childhood experiences. Racialized people should not be deprived of the chance to feel tingly with the excitement of nostalgic thoughts of their childhood. The different or similar personalities and memories allow us to understand the contrast and similarities between everyone's childhood, no matter their background.

Chowdhury’s family samosas along with the rest of the food from her Eid festivities (Photo Courtesy Nishat Chowdhury)

29 // ryerson folio

folio // 26

by Serena Lopez A maze of ice covers the screen. A black fur ball, on fire, melts through the ice to clear its pathway, collecting coin bags along the way to generate points. Fingers press on the arrow keys on the keyboard to carefully burn through a maze of ice without trapping the puffle and drowning. This was the first Flash game I would spend extensive hours of my time, including many wakeful nights, trying to successfully beat. I discovered the game Thin Ice after I created my first Club Penguin account when I was nine-years-old out of complete boredom. It was an exceptionally hot summer that kept me in my house with the air conditioner on blast and reruns of Hannah Montana playing on my television in the background. My older cousin, who had just begun high school, stayed over that weekend and spent her whole visit tucked away in the computer room. One day, while looking for someone to talk to, I peeked in the doorway and found her playing an arcade game on Club Penguin. As far as my impressionable brain could comprehend, the objective of the game seemed fairly easy to understand. So, I asked to join her. She shifted to the edge of my mom’s office chair to make room for me to sit at the desk. I played until my butt began to get uncomfortable in my seat, my brain working hard to find a path in the icy field to avoid my puffle's demise. “We should

27 // folio

make you an account,”, my cousin said. I turned to her, my butt still squashed against hers on the hard seat. “I can? How do you do that?” Feeling a rush of excitement, we made an account with my own email address and decided to create an orange penguin avatar called “Nothing To”–an acknowledgment of the boredom that the game had happily relieved me of. “Nothing To Do” surpassed their maximum 12 character limit. Getting to be an orange penguin customizable to all my childish fantasies of having access to any room, shopping for clothes whenever I wanted to and socializing with others in a computer simulation, exposed me to the all-consuming addictiveness and manufactured realities of the internet.

loading... In 2017, Adobe announced that it would no longer be publishing updates to Adobe Flash software — a plug-in used on various browsers to run internet applications, multimedia content and games — at the end of 2020. Popular internet browsers like Microsoft Edge and Google have officially blocked all Flash content as of Jan. 12, 2020. When Adobe Flash first launched

in 1996, it was the most popular and Flash were an exciting escape. As a child, accessible program used to power online I was extremely shy and introverted. I had applications in the early 2000s. According a small group of friends that I hung out to Polygon, these portals were the first with at school and I would easily cry if technology to really provide free games on exposed to prolonged eye contact with a a mass scale. Websites dedicated to Flash stranger. I longed for the school days to be games like Miniclip and Addicting Games, over and I could be left alone to return to which have reached millions of users the unfinished Club Penguin mission. since their inception, were on the rise. But After school, I would drop my bags now with the evolution of technology, the on my room floor, take the soft, halfneed for Flash has diminished. melted cheese string snack from my bag The company said in an update and go straight to the computer room to that the gradual shift over the last few log into the digital world. Through various years towards more refined software chat rooms, virtual realities and massively such as HTML5, multiplayer online WebGL and games (MMOs) that I Star5cool says... WebAssembly spent hours perusing, have led to the the pressure of I could be anyone I wanted to be discontinuation socializing was taken within the limits of the virtual of Flash. off my shoulders and I world with just an avatar and a Though it could just have fun. username has been years since I’ve played On any a Flash game massively multiplayer in my free time, online role-playing the news of its game, (MMORPG) I discontinuation still stung. I would no was Star5cool – a combination of both the longer be able to go back and attempt to star and emblem of coolness in which I revive my suffering Moshi pets on Moshi perceived myself to be and wanted to see Monsters because the game, like many as well. In virtual worlds, I would message others, would be shutting down after Flash strangers in the in-game chat rooms and no longer supports it. Flash games were create a fantasy image in my mind of the the center of my online gaming experience person behind the pixelated avatar. I could as a kid and was my first time really being carry a conversation through chat more able to explore the capacity of the internet. easily than in person, hiding behind my Flash powered many of the online keyboard and white text bubbles. games I played throughout my This elevated version of myself could childhood that caused me to network and buy whatever she wanted forget the time of day. I could be with currency that would of course never anyone I wanted to be within extend outside of the game. the limits of the virtual I would learn that the best currency world with just an in life was actually mobility. To enter avatar and a and exit and adapt to spaces, virtually or username. in person, whenever I wanted too. That Growing flexibility was offered to me through Flash up, the internet games without much effort or money and and the computerI could do it from the comfort of my home. generated worlds I could virtually play with certain aspects that emerged from of adulthood responsibilities. Once I lied it through Adobe about my age after creating a free account folio // 28

to get on games like Habbo Hotel where I would hop through the various “hotel” rooms drinking “alcohol,” buying furniture for my own apartment and attending virtual parties. For a nine-year-old kid, it was hard to log off from the fairy tale version of how I imagined adulthood — affordable, fun and freeing. There was a specific type of freedom that came with gaming online that couldn’t be translated into reality because there were no real consequences. The addictiveness of being transported into a new online world was an adrenaline rush that was hard to kick. Nothing felt better than ditching a birthday party invite or a trip to the park with friends for another round of Pizzatron 3000 or participating in a costume competition on Fantage. I had no reason to be social in person and the makeshift relationships and conversations I had online only reinforced my social anxiety. I had more practice in playing an avatar than in having real interactions with people my age as myself.

play again?

According to eMentalHealth, playing video games for more than two hours a day has been linked to increased anxiety and depression, sleeping problems and irritability. Though having an alternate online reality was fun and more versatile than what was possible to achieve in my own life, I still yearned for a connection with other people. If I wasn’t home narrowly avoiding chores and homework, computer lab time in elementary school was always the prime time of my day. After finishing whatever computer task the class was assigned, I’d be anxious to move on to one of my Flash game favourites – 29 // folio

Money Maze, part of the That’s So Raven collection on DisneyChannel.com. I perused the Baxter house in the game, collecting cash rewards. When I wasn’t playing Flash games on my own during lab time, there was something captivating about playing with others. I moved chairs closer to the computer that my best friend was using to play Fireboy and Watergirl together. To play together, we had to share a keyboard. We argued about who had to use the W,A,S,D keys or arrow keys on

Star5cool says... Through gaming I was afforded access to things that at the time I couldn’t have in real life

the keyboard as we immersed ourselves in play. Our initially quiet voices would echo across the library as we smashed the keyboard keys, throwing jabs to try and distract each other from winning. Our chairs constantly bumped together, creaking from our weight as we sat on the rear legs of the chair, smiling from cheek to cheek indulging in the escapism, never taking our eyes off the screen. But the fun of playing Flash games extended beyond that. Through gaming I was afforded access to things that at the time I couldn’t have in real life. Hearing my classmates at school share stories about their pets influenced me to want a pet and take care of something on my own, but I couldn’t afford it. My parents were also against the idea of getting me a pet. I continuously pestered my mom about getting a guinea pig and she continuously repeated the same answer: No.

So, instead I turned to the internet, taking the responsibilities of feeding my Neopets and building them houses very seriously. When I wasn’t old enough to have a job, I took playing Papa’s Burgeria, with the objective of the game being to serve burgers to as many customers as quickly and accurately as possible, quite seriously as well. Not knowing any better at the time, the prospect of having a paid job meant that I could earn money to buy new books, afford a pet, or my first priority — buying Club Penguin membership cards. I was too young to understand the game was based on a job that earned less than a living wage and would probably not be as enjoyable as the game made me believe. A point that would be proven when I eventually became working age and started my first customer service job at McDonalds. Playing Flash games and surfing the internet, despite all of its complicated algorithms and corruptness, was my safe haven. It allowed me to virtually explore a version of reality that as a young introverted Black girl, I was both too young and afraid to physically navigate for myself. Flash games were free, fun and what would be the earliest internet addiction I would experience. Eventually of course, as the years passed, sparetime to sit on the computer for hours meeting my friends in rooms on Club Penguin was slowly overtaken by changing priorities. My homework load grew as I got older, I started challenging myself to read more books and as I was changing, so was technology. I got my first iPod touch at age 11, which could download gigabytes worth of mobile games and I got my first smartphone two years later. The world was quickly adapting to the idea of mobile games

and the internet that you could surf on your phone. Time passes, tech companies offer new products that promise to make people’s lives more convenient and faster and ultimately, older things are replaced. Adobe Flash over the last decade has slowly been overridden with new processors like HTML5 and Unity. My addiction to the internet has since evolved into one with social media that has more likely stolen more hours of my free time than playing Flash games ever did. I now have a different understanding of self through social media, in many ways my online presence mirrors that of the avatars I found comfort in as a child. A digital manifestation of the best parts of myself that I want others to perceive as being the entirety of who I am without exposing the flaws. Chatting up strangers online through virtual worlds has now become networking on social media. What is now a socially acceptable way of connecting with others in different parts of the world through the internet. Though websites like the Internet Archive are preserving old Flash games online, the excitement I would experience because of the newness of gaming and internet culture is no longer there. I will miss the small wave of fear I would feel when the tiny window in my browser told me my Flash plugin wasn’t enabled so I couldn’t continue to play my run of Bloons Tower Defense. I will miss the hours I enjoyed playing online games alone and with friends in a way that made me feel close to them even when they were far. But like Adobe, I’ve since moved on. The internet no longer feels new and exciting anymore, but Flash reminds me of just how much you can invent with just an idea and an internet connection.

folio // 30

The sky’s looking gorgeous. Are you excited? This can’t be forgotten. The memory isn’t enough, so give it a form. The moment you click the shutter you give birth to a memory that will live a long and fruitful life. Be prepared to nurse it, hold it close for a while. Eventually, it’ll take on its own form. In the hearing process, you have infringed on the reality of the moment depicted. Weeks after, you may look back on the image with effortless detail. Six months later, you forget that it took five attempts to get the photo uninterrupted. After a year, you’ll realize the skateboard was intentionally placed there instead of being captured by chance. The photo is tangible, but the memory evolves. 36 // ryerson folio 31// folio

Photographs are personal documents. Although they are subjective to an audience’s interpretation, the photographer of the original image will always have a more nuanced access. They are privy to certain memories and nostalgias that audiences do not. For us documentarians, once we have drawn the camera there’s no turning back. The photo moves beyond the image captured in frame, offering an index to our lives. While you might question who placed the skateboard, I’m wondering about the child who kept sneaking glances at me around the corner while I kept jumping and falling. Will she begin skateboarding now? Are her parents going to support her? I hope her ankles are better than mine.

Be prepared to nurse it, hold it close for a while The reflection is hard to come by. Are you willing to miss this opportunity? Are you willing to disturb the serenity? Like a dog trying to catch its toy, my camera can’t refuse to seize that sunkissed moment. It’s not a choice, but a physiological response. While the moment hangs in the air, my camera attends to retrieve it. A memory to revisit, regardless of its accuracy, is more worthwhile than losing it entirely. I’ve become attached to an image even before I’ve taken it.

folio // 32

Unfortunately, I don’t have any answers regarding the appropriate time to take a photo. I think any amateur photographer shares similar qualms. However, even for those who aren’t photographers, we can all recognize that within the depths of our iPhone albums, Google Drive storages, and DropBox folders, ondemand nostalgia is more accessible than ever.

33// folio

ryerson folio // 36

Your catalogues and albums are your youth. Everything is simple in the photographs. Each image was captured with intention and purpose. Feelings to return to and lust for. A home of warmth and comfort, perfect for us weary travelers. Tread with caution however as you wander down this lucid road. The memories morph themselves each time you visit. Be careful not to deceive yourself. There’s a long way to go before the camera can offer this peace again.

Is it enough to admire yet? We carry memorabilia in our pockets. That iPhone album is a treasure mine, don’t you know? There’s that sunset with your friends, sprawled out on the field sipping cold beers out of the ice box. An image of a hot summer day lounging on the Italian beach. The ramen dinner you made for the roommates at the new house in Montreal. Mom’s first Raptors game posed with a pair of sunglasses. Birthday parties, seasons, and concerts littered throughout, recorded for social media. Friends who you no longer see anymore. Herein lies a pool of images for your own indulgence. Is it enough to admire yet? folio // 34

LIFESTYLE: HOW TO THRIVE AS A... page 15

Teen

Living 90's HE

IN T

LIA BY JU 3 O< C C A S Have you ever felt nostalgic for something you’ve never experienced? I have. Often, actually. Sometimes it’s a movie with beautiful cinematography, sometimes it’s a song, but whatever it is that brings forth this immense yearning for a past experience, I can find myself vividly imagining the life I hypothetically had. I often feel this way about the early 2000s. Though I was alive during those times, I wasn’t nearly old enough to enjoy the incredible fashion, movies, music and pop culture of the era. I dream of living my life like Rory Gilmore or Regina George. Think about it — teens in the 2000s had it all! Britney Spears in her prime, the best teen flicks, and Blockbuster was still around! People would hang out at malls after school, collect CDs, go to concerts and parties. Plus cell phones existed, but without the constraints of social media tying everyone to their screens. It was everything we love to do now, but more intimate. The internet access and communication that did exist in the early 2000s was just enough for me. I could spend time playing Cash Cow on Webkinz when boredom struck, post a photo on Myspace when in need of some online validation and send my friends a quick text on my flip-phone. There was no Instagram or Facebook nagging me with notifications, and no TikTok to waste hours on. 35 // folio

Every time I sit down on my couch and flick on my favourite show, Gilmore Girls, I feel an intense longing for a simpler life. I wish to go back to the days of meeting up with friends after school and watching Lizzie McGuire or ordering takeout with your mom and watching movies all night. To me at least, with the presence of social media, it feels as if these wholesome interactions are a rarity. Cyberpsychologist Dr. Jean Twenge has some context as to why we long for a time without social media presence and how its influence on our lives has changed over the years. According to her article in The World Happiness Report titled The Sad State of Happiness in the United States and the Role of Digital Media, “happiness and life satisfaction among United States adolescents, which increased between 1991 and 2011, suddenly declined after 2012.” Twenge links this decrease in happiness to the increased time spent on-screen activities that has also steadily increased since 2012. Toronto-based psychotherapist Stacey Brion discussed with me the constant stress that both young and old family members are faced with now compared to the early 2000s due to multiple factors such as increased divorce rates. “Children thrive when they know what’s coming next and I think what the rise in changing family dynamics has created is children no longer feeling safe. They don’t know what’s coming next, they don’t know what to

Exclusive!

expect when their parents get divorced, they don’t know what it looks like to go to mom’s house and dad’s house,” said Brion.

While I was too young to remember the happiness of the early 2000s, my older sister was the perfect age to get the full experience. She introduced me to all of the pop-culture gems of the time. She taught me how to download “My Humps” by The Black Eyed Peas to my MP3 player and watched Mean Girls with me for the first time. To understand what it would be like to thrive during the 2000s and how different it was, I reached out to someone I know who’s close to my sister’s age.

The world wasn’t necessarily as kind as it is today, with gay marriage not being legalized in Canada until 2006 and many movies and shows being insensitive to racial and LGBTQ+ issues. Even my treasured Gilmore Girls has made a few dodgy comments in certain episodes, with characters labelling things as “gay” and casual use of the r-word. While the reduced screen time of the early 2000s may have been enough to maintain global happiness, many marginalized communities likely suffered for many different reasons, from marriage inequality to racial insensitivity.

"when thinking critically about the early 2000s it is blatantly obvious to me that I wouldn’t really like to go back"

Candace Rattie was born in 1994 and was around 10-15 years old during the prime of the noughties. She recalls her experience growing up with fondness, mentioning the simplicity of technology and the freedom that came with being a young person those times.

With this though, Rattie clarified that there certainly were some differences in the treatment of marginalized communities. “I think we’re a lot more accepting, I think back to my school where there was still a bit of inequality, whereas today it’s still existing but it’s less dominant. People are more accepting in 2021 for sure,” says Rattie. While feeling nostalgic is enjoyable and it’s always a benefit to have a comfort show that reminds you of childhood, when thinking critically about the early 2000s it is blatantly obvious to me that I wouldn’t really like to go back.

As well, family dynamics were a lot different in the early 2000s. Family and child therapist Isabella Bergagnini shared with me how parents held more power over children than they do now.

“There’s a positive change in family dynamic because we’re allowing children and kids and teens to have a voice, rather than having the family dynamic that holds parents high up and children down below,” said Bergagnini. Despite the impact of social media on young people’s “emotional part of the brain” or the amygdala, Bergagnini is hopeful that as families continue to open up room for conversation mental health will improve. The importance of feeling nostalgic is undeniable, especially in times like this where reading tweets and watching the news can make one feel hopeless about the future. But in the grand scheme of things, we should be grateful for the times we live in and look forward to society’s improvements and we grow to be a more safe and accepting world. folio // 36

Error The Truth: Detected Ok

biz and tech Create Account

youtube

NOT CLICKBAIT: The little fires that killed YouTube

Related Videos 50 facts about me! Tyler Oakley

NOT CLICKBAIT: the little fires that killed YouTube 0:32 / 0:36

Pokemon Season 5 Episode 15 Pokemon Channel Shaving My Eyebrows Jenna Marbles

Winx Club Season 3 Episode 7

1,000,000 ratings Favorite

How the golden era was engulfed by the platform’s profit-driven policies By Jessica Mazze

37 // folio

Notepad File

Edit

Format

View

Help

Lina Elsaadi’s first memory of YouTube in 2007 was vague. She remembers her mom warning her not to go on the platform, because really, who would want an eight-year-old cruising a new website in the late 2000s?

“I recorded a winter clothing haul which is so embarrassing. I used slide transitions,” Elsaadi recalls, laughing at the memory. “Why the hell did I use slide transitions?”

Despite the warnings, Elsaadi found the time to watch, tiptoeing downstairs into her basement so she could go to the computer room to watch episodes of Pokémon and Totally Spies.

She filmed the video on her iPod touch, using a wobbling music stand as a makeshift tripod in her bedroom. It took her months until she felt the courage to upload, and from there, her YouTube journey began.

“It became this secret thing that I was enamoured with,” she recalled. Like most 2000s kids, Elsaadi grew up with the platform and was fascinated by YouTube. The YouTube she discovered in 2007 was not the “real YouTube,” as that platform would not emerge until 2012, where the golden era of content creation was born.

Creators like Bethany Mota, Tyler Oakley and Jenna Marbles were just some of the few people that Elsaadi remembered watching during the golden era.

After its creation in 2005, YouTube hadn’t established itself as a professional video-sharing platform. It was a site made for random videos and the occasional viral hit, but the platform held untapped potential that would allow YouTube to become a social media powerhouse in the 2010s. This era of random videos and short clickbait would begin to see a major decline once Google acquired YouTube in 2006 for $1.65 billion, which was an expensive purchase for an “unprofitable start-up,” according to an NBC article published that year. While that statement may be hilarious now, it was arguably a fair assessment. Piracy issues were rampant—exhibited by Elsaadi’s access to episodes of her favourite television shows. Despite these unfortunate circumstances, Google still saw the potential of the platform, and they wanted to mine it. “It felt more authentic. And that's what inspired me to start my own channel,” says Elsaadi. She opened up her channel in 2014, spontaneously uploading her first video over March break.

41 // ryerson folio

Growing up, she's always been interested in all things technology; naturally, this is what led her to become so invested in YouTube during her younger years–arguably her formative years as well. YouTube finally found its footing in the digital world, with the launch of the platform’s slogan in 2012: “Broadcast Yourself.” This conversational, and personal tone became its most “revolutionary element,” according to a 2013 Guardian article. But that slogan only lasted up until 2019, when the platform mysteriously took it down. Between 2015 to 2019, that era had slowly ended a quiet, painful death. In 2011, Google introduced AdSense, giving these creators a chance to make money off of the advertisements that would appear alongside their content. Video sharing took a whole new level that was unheard of in television: creators introduced the vlog (video blogging), sketch comedies and a plethora of personal videos that attracted millions of viewers. “It was around grade seven or eight that I really fell in love with YouTube over television,” says Elsaadi. To her, YouTube alllowed her to see people be their most candid self. folio // 38

But that real authenticity faltered in the later half of the decade. It’s hard to pinpoint when and what exactly killed this era, though Elsaadi maintains there were warning signs everywhere. “There were little fires all over YouTube in 2014, 2015 and 2016,” she says. Elsaadi describes how both viewers and creators saw the lines between what exactly was commercial and reality begin to blur.

The first fire was ignited in 2012.

“Before 2012, the algorithm was based on view counts,” says Dante DiDomenico, a second-year student who transferred to professional communications. “There was a switch in 2015, where YouTube was growing, and music started counting.” Like Elsaadi, DiDomenico first became familiar with YouTube during its early years, watching creators like FRED and The Key of Awesome, a parody channel most commonly recognized for its parody music videos, most notably “Crush on Obama,” which got a shoutout from then senator Barack Obama during his presidential campaign. While parody channels and short viral videos counted on the number of views they received, YouTube’s algorithm changed so that longer videos were prioritized. In 2012, YouTube’s official blog explained that these changes were meant to “get higher retention rates” as creators had taken to shortening their videos to meet algorithm standards. Yet consumers often felt cheated out of user experience due to raging clickbait and misleading titles. Thus, the platform began to prioritize watch time so that creators could make the most of ad revenue. Vlogging, reaction videos, sketch comedy, beauty vlogs and music videos began to dominate YouTube–these videos were long enough to gain viewer retention, and audiences loved them. But in 2016, the first little fires began to smoulder, as YouTube changed its algorithm

39 // folio

yet again, though it was more complicated this time. As longer watch time became mandatory, it was clear YouTube began to prioritize profit over user experience. “It's a lot for a small Youtuber to get 4000 watch hours in a year to be on the partner program,” says Elsaadi. Her channel, which had been growing steadily since 2014, had faced a decline while Elsaadi was in high school, due to personal reasons and the fact that she lost monetization of her videos. The partner program’s policies state that creators must have 4000 watch hours in a 12 month period and a 1000 subscriber threshold to be considered in the region’s partner program. The demands for longer content clashed with Elsaadi’s work-life balance. “[It’s] easier to get when you have videos that are 15-20 minutes long. We have a million things going on, we don't have time to sit and edit four hours of footage into one hour of footage.” The most drastic change, however, came with the “Viner invasion,” according to the Verge in a 2019 article that recalled what killed this golden era. Once Vine died in January of 2017, creators trickled into YouTube, most notably the Paul Brothers, David Dobrik, Gabbie Hanna and other big names that set their sights on YouTube. Taylor Lorenz, a New York Times reporter who specializes in internet culture, content creators and social media platforms, dubbed this era of YouTube the “Jake Paul era.” Suddenly, prank style videos and outrageous content began to dominate the platform. Advertisers had noticed this and they invested more into the platform to cater to the needs of creators and the audience they garnered. If little fires began with the algorithm, then the Paul brothers were the gasoline, and Logan Paul’s 2018 video of his trip to Japan’s ryerson folio // 42

suicide forest was the nuclear explosion that completely decimated this era. “When that fire started to subside, everyone's attention was still on ‘What's happening after this explosion?’” says Elsaadi. It was there that advertisers started to pull back. The Viner invasion exposed the growing lack of authenticity and the backscene problems that came with prioritizing production over quality. “All of a sudden, there isn't anything that can distract you from this giant explosion. And, we saw YouTube as it really was,” Elsaadi recalls. “It felt just like a production, why would we stick around?” Suddenly, YouTube was no longer a safe space for creativity and innovation, but a breeding ground for drama and money-grabbing, depending on who or what you watched. While the golden era that so many kids grew up watching ended, YouTube still prevails. Now, many of those kids are creating their own kind of content and taking lessons from the past to forge a new kind of brand. DiDomenico, who goes by “Dante Dido” on social media, is establishing content creation as a career. But he doesn’t rely just on YouTube for his career either. DiDomenico switched from business management at Ryerson to professional communications in order to learn more about optimizing social media for his brand. He gradually built up his social media following in 2019. He’s found on multiple platforms, such as Instagram and TikTok, on top of maintaining a YouTube channel where he creates content advising viewers about utilizing these platforms to obtain growth and monetization through SEO automation . “I specifically remember in 2019, that is when I made my [YouTube] channel, and I just feel like a lot of small creators joined during the summer of 2019,” says DiDomenico.

43 // ryerson folio

For many creators starting out, it’s easier to join a social media platform as long as the creator has a firm grasp on keyword searching, SEO and a passion for authenticity. “I think YouTube does the best job of that. If you do the keyword searches and remain authentic, you do get rewarded.” Elsaadi, who had stopped posting videos after grade 10, started to become active on YouTube again, posting videos once she moved to Toronto. Her love for YouTube has not died, but her expectations of the platform changed. “Finding an audience is so important,” she says. “I can have 7000 impressions, but the most important thing is how many of those 7000 impressions I turn into people that are actually going to stick around and listen to what I have to say.” With competing apps like Instagram and TikTok, creators are creating across platforms to strengthen their audience development. YouTube has now become a platform where creators can solidify their relationship with their audience. YouTube from 2012 to 2018 was a place where many people built a connection with creators. They found joy through content and built communities with people who had similar interests. It’s hard to tell what will be born from the ash, but one thing is certain: YouTube will continue to be a commercial hub. Creators who join now will thrive off of the desire to replicate authentic connections with their audience, similar to the ones many once had when they were just kids on the internet looking for a place to belong. Error

Thanks for reading Ok folio // 40

fiction

where do I belong? by eva escandon

I walk through these fields on my own. My fingers reaching out ever so slightly to gently brush past the purple flowers, and the overgrown weeds. The cottontails gently wave to me, as they take on the power of the wind, a silent greeting to an old friend. The slight wind blows softly against my face taking in the freshness of the morning air, filling my lungs with hope and fueling each step I take forward. My feet barely leave a mark on the ground, as I shift silently forward with the sun lighting my path. In the distance, I hear a woodpecker tapping against a tree, and the sway of bushes. I hear faint voices ahead and behind whispering something about the weather and what to eat for dinner, a giggle, the squeaking of birds above, and the soft revving of a car engine in the distance. It’s just me, the distant sounds, a stretch of path, and farmer fields all around. Sometimes a family whizzes by on a bike, and sometimes it’s a squirrel bolting across to scurry up a tree. Sometimes I am

41 // folio

alone, and sometimes I am with others, but I am always here, back where I feel I belong, outside, and free. In the fall time I crave the sound of leaves crunching beneath my feet, and the brisk wind that blows the hair out of my face. In those cold fall walks sometimes, I imagine the snow-covered trees, shuddering from the weight of ice, and the tears of winter. I imagine the footprints in the freshly fallen snow leading us all to our destination, on our walks, back to our cars, and back to the city, and back to our lives. The lives we all try so desperately to escape. The life that I fake in hopes that one day I will no longer yearn for the feeling of soft mud beneath my feet, and the crunching of leaves, and the briskness of air. A single branch sways on the tree before me. Stretching high into the atmosphere, I crane my neck upwards to look at it, and smile when I see a bird perched on the highest branch. I dread the buzzing in my pocket of a phone going off reminding me that I am tied to a different life. I wish to see that bird and be tied to it, instead I see that bird and wish I too could stretch my wings and fly away. As the bird launches off the branch, the tree struggles not from impact but from being left behind. I wonder if a branch will struggle as I leave too, readjusting to being weightless, a feeling I desire most of all. I keep walking the same stretch of path, stopping to admire the lonely tree, left barren and lifeless, the thriving grass around it shining green, and proud, and alive. The tree itself is solemn, a vacancy of a soul, and you can feel it. The limbs are still sturdy, and I climb, I reach above, and my hand encloses over another branch, and then another, my feet all testing for stability as I near the top. I sway at the top with the tree, as the lifeless branches

ryerson folio // 44

take on the burden of the wind, and of my weight. I can’t help but notice that on the next large gust of wind, it feels as though the tree has taken its first breath in years, and as I climb down ever so careful I think that this tree no longer looks as lonely as it did only a second ago, the tree found its lungs again, it just needed to be awoken by a friendly touch. As I leave the tree behind me, the sky grows darker, and I know the clouds rolling in call for a storm. The sky is rolling over itself, and angry, it wishes to collide with the ground. The sun no longer lights my path, the sky is illuminated by the need for rain, and the ground excites itself with the idea of quenching its thirst. The rain starts softly, a drop on the cheek, then on the hand, then the grass begins to shimmer, and dance, the green vibrance expressing its thanks to the clouds. The trees grow darker, a hue unbeknownst to those who cower away from storms, the worms crawl out from their homes, and my feet struggle to avoid them on my travels. I catch my smile, in the reflection of careless puddles. I can see my dark wet hair in wild strands around the nape of my neck, and my wide alert eyes staring back at me. Beginning to run as the earth begins to tremor with the strike of lightning, as each of my feet collide with the earth I near the thicket of trees up ahead, willing to protect me from the weather. When I finally reach the trees I am greeted by a momentary pause from the rain. Then the wind bursts through and the rain comes at me sideways blowing me backwards. I can’t help but notice how beautiful it is when the lighting strikes against the ground, or the sound the rain makes

45 // ryerson folio

as it hits the path before me. Cover from the trees engulfs me as I watch the clouds roll over each other until they begin fading from view. I quickly run back past the lonely tree, and run past the cottontails that once waved hello to me. As the clouds slowly roll out, I can see the sun fighting to shine again, I slow down and wait for the sun to light my travels. A squirrel darts in front of me, surprising me with its earnestness, its arms stretched overhead as if being in prayer. He must get many donations from others who frequent this path, it is a brave squirrel begging in front of me. I reach into my bag searching for peanuts but come out empty handed. The squirrel, upon realising I am not very good at giving charity, continues its journey away. I slowly near the parking lot and stop to stare at a patch of flowers growing at the base of a tree. I let the sun warm me, and with one last glance at the path behind me and the fields beside me I head to the parking lot. I slide into the driver's seat, and as the car roars to life I dream of a different life.

A life full of greenery, a life of climbing trees, and running through rainstorms. And as I leave the parking lot I stop at a crossroads, the one road taking me home, familiar yet daunting, and the other road that can take me further and further away from home and further away from what I know. Without hesitation I turn onto the road leading me away. The ground that stretches beneath the car slowly leaves the city behind. I with my muddy shoes, and damp clothes embark on an adventure, answering to no one but the four tires taking me to a destination I have yet to discover.

folio // 42

nostalgic for

Why are we all so desperate for new hobbies during this pandemic? by Madison Schuliakewich

If there's one thing that we can all collectively agree on, it’s that this pandemic has gone on far too long. Pre-pandemic, the days felt lively and unpredictable. From the people I’d see on my commute to school, to the people I’d interview for streeters in first-year (truly an experience), by the time I got home, I was drained. And yet, I’d do anything to go back to those days. I remember when we first entered lockdown, I was pretty excited. Finishing the semester at home and having so much more time for myself… I definitely jinxed myself with that one. For months I’ve been telling myself to look at the positives, but truthfully, even the positives are looking pretty grey right now. I look back at those simple things. The music people played as you walked 43 // folio

underground into the subway, the random conversations I’d have with whoever sat next to me on the bus and I wish more than anything to get it back. You could say I’m pretty nostalgic for normality. At the beginning of the pandemic, my hobbies were less for interest and more to pass the time. My life was a whole lot of Netflix, writing and even baking (and trust me, I’m no baker). Now, my hobbies are really just painting and finding a good book to read: things that seem less than exciting when I think about everything I’m missing out on now that COVID-19 has taken over our lives. I still find it odd how prior to being quarantined, I was perfectly fine sitting in my room and reading a book or scrolling through my Twitter feed to read about some new scandal going on in Hollywood.

ryerson folio // 46

As soon as we were told to stay inside, this felt like the last thing I wanted to do and all I craved for was a sense of productivity.

A sense of regularity.

For me, the feeling of nostalgia has crept up on me slowly. As I log onto my Zoom classes, I can’t help but reminisce about the frantic feeling I’d get when I had to run to catch the GoTrain. Sure, it might not sound like the best experience, but what about that feeling when you make it onto the train and sit with your friends, planning what you all want to do that weekend? I’d do anything to get back those moments. Hobbies change with age to no surprise, but quarantine feels like it’s been going on for years. In this time, we’ve all tried to pick up a whole lot of new hobbies and rediscover old ones. But why are we so invested in finding new hobbies during this time? Mackensie Freedman, a copywriter with Typsy, an online site that offers classes for numerous different subjects, explains how she feels that a lot of this is accredited to how isolation has been incredibly difficult for everyone. “So obviously 2020 was a disaster,” she says with a laugh. “Everyone around the world was feeling it… I think it comes back to being able to take this crappy situation and turn it into something positive.” For many people, picking up new hobbies during lockdown has been a way to feel a sense of accomplishment, which Freedman says the site has noticed through the amount of people who have signed up for their classes.

“I think hobbies are a way of taking

47 // ryerson folio

back the reins in your life. It's empowering, right?” she explains. “If you decide to move forward in your life by learning a new skill that's going to help you in the future, then that's a way of reaffirming to yourself that like this time is going to end and I can do something to help move forward.” For some people, this hobby can be getting ready for no apparent reason or online shopping to buy clothes for all the places you can’t go. Freedman says that she has taken up hobbies herself over this time—she bought herself a piano for the first time in 10 years as a way to amuse herself while being stuck at home. Something Freedman found difficult was trying to be productive while at home, and learning how to close her office door at five o’clock and not be at work. “I felt this incredible pressure to always be doing something useful with my time, and there was no commute time or a change of location or anything to sort of delineate between ‘this is productive time’ and ‘this is rest time.’” Freedman says productivity isn’t always about producing results, which is definitely something I’ve struggled to come to terms with. In the beginning,it was really difficult to feel motivated to do anything. Motivating myself has always been difficult, but when we entered lockdown,everything I did felt somewhat pointless, not because it was pointless, but because I had no one to share it with. I’ve always been motivated by my peers and friends, so being separated from them added another layer of difficulty, and yet I still found that I put the same amount of pressure on myself to produce work.Yet, I found it was hard to feel productive when folio // 44

the only work I did was from the comfort of my bed. Picking up on hobbies has given me a sense of fulfillment and a way to alleviate that pressure. COVID-19 is present in all the news we consume and any conversation we take part in, looming over every action we take. Having hobbies that distract us from the current state of the world, even for a little while, is definitely a great feeling. I think my hobbies changed drastically because everything I had once loved were things I shared with the people around me. Now they’re just mine. This isn’t a negative thing; just very different. Now I’m nostalgic of the simplest things. Going skating with all my friends, or sitting with them in the Student Learning Centre and editing each other's work. In truth, there’s no right answer to how we get through quarantine, but we can all agree that getting back to normal life and normal hobbies would feel great. But for now, we’ll have to stay a la maison, according to Premier Ford, and old hobbies will have to remain (very) distant memories. At least one good thing that's come out of this is the unanimous feeling of nostalgia we all feel and the overwhelming desire to eventually get back to normal. We can all agree that when we do, life is going to feel a lot more exciting.

45 // folio

ryerson folio // 48

Which 2000s crush do you belong with? By Shayna Nicolay

START What style of music do you like Pop better?

R&B

Would you rather date the life of the party or the quiet one? Quiet Life of the party

It’s Saturday, what are you Playing doing? Hanging out with your fav friends songs

Do you change your style often?

one

Beach or mountains?

Yes

Mountains

Beach

Are you a trendsetter? Yes Follower Are you spontaneous? Yes

Do you notice someone’s eyes or smile first? Smile

Eyes

Miley Cyrus

Miley has extraordinary drive and determination. Like you, she’s a natural creative and leader. You’ll be able to chase your dreams together!

Rihanna

You’re looking for someone bold like Rihanna. She has a great talent for self expression and might even be able to teach you a few things.

Do you like someone who is similar to you or Different different? Similar

Corbin Bleu

Time to get your head in the relationship game! Corbin is a kid at heart, so if you’re fun-loving and can make him laugh, you’ll be perfect together.

Jesse McCartney

You’re looking for a romantic like Jesse. It’s true love! You both must have a “Beautiful Soul.”

49 // ryerson folio folio // 46

47 // folio

A Life Changing Friendship A Retrospective Piece On My University Experience Words and Photos by

Emma Johnston-Wheeler

It's an interesting thing when people and places that once served as the main stage of your daily life become nostalgic artifacts of an era passed. After nearly five years of road bumps and learning curves, heart breaks and friendships, I’m leaving Ryerson with a Bachelor of Journalism that I was never quite sure I’d be able to complete because of my mental health. For me, Folio is an artifact of nostalgia. One of the few Ryerson publications that I wrote for during my degree. In 2018, I spent a semester as coeditor for the Ideas section, and because I’m a hopeless romantic, I cultivated a brief and ill-advised crush on my editorin-chief. The spring prior, I wrote an article about my ex-boyfriend—moreover, my friend: “IMA Student Stays Up For 86 Hours Reading The Bible.” Evan. That article was published nearly three years ago, but now feels like it could have been during another lifetime. Later on, Evan told me he wished I’d written the article differently. He said had expected more intimacy. At first I was offended, but in retrospect, I realized that he felt that I was capable of more. The story itself is interesting, click-baity even, but the context in which I was able to report it is more compelling. Today, with nearly four years of friendship behind us, I no longer see an article about a boy who read the Bible front to back. I now see the story of my entire university experience. Evan and I dated briefly in my first year at Ryerson, having the shared experience of coming from a town too close to campus to warrant residence and rendering us in the privatized student housing complex known as Campus

Commons. In the way that we latch onto friendly faces in unfamiliar environments, Evan’s friendship was life saving. I first saw Evan at a party thrown by the girls who lived next door to him, one of whom shared my name. For this reason, I was referred to as Emma #2 for the first few months of our friendship. I met him on a different night, after having messaged him on Instagram. Emma #1 was stumbling drunk that night and I took the opportunity to call Evan from her phone, so as to procure his help carrying her up the stairs. Then I became stumbling drunk and he and another helped me to my room. He later told me that he’d thought it was cute, how obvious I was. I was quickly introduced to his friend group, three other boys who lived in the building and Evan’s high school girlfriend who had since come out as gay. It appalled these film buffs that I had never seen The Lord of the Rings trilogy, so a series of screenings were organized. Evan broke up with me after the second movie, and Sean, the quietest in the friend group, was livid. He didn’t understand why Evan would ruin the series with such an untimely breakup. To Sean’s relief, I showed up to the third (and fourth) screenings anyway. I was wounded but more in need of friends than anything else. That summer I shared a bedroom with Evan’s ex-girlfriend so that I could afford to stay in the city, and spent nearly everyday in the presence of this friend group. This is how I tell people that I embedded myself into Evan’s life. I simply wouldn’t leave.

folio // 48

Evan and I’s friendship fluctuated good headline. a lot that first year, having gone from For me to impart any insight on the romantic to seemingly platonic with symbolism of the Bible reading, without intermittent relapses. I believe that the an education in art criticism, I need to times in which I felt I hated him, or felt reflect on Evan as a person. If you read indifferent to him altogether, actually the aforementioned article that Folio sustained our friendship. I needed to know published in April of 2018, you’ll find that him as a person, rather than the relic of there’s a brief audio clip in which Evan’s romance which I’d made him out to be: my father, Neal Arbic, speaks about the pride first university boyfriend. When we were he feels for his son. friendly, Evan opened me up to topics That was my first true interaction I had little experience with: music, art, with Evan’s father, which pales in philosophy and mental health. comparison to a four-hour long My first year of university was conversation I had with him this past formative, as I transitioned out of the summer in my backyard. Neal had pretty girl jock aesthetic I’d spent so come to buy ‘shrooms off of one of my much time perfecting in high school and roommates, who was incidentally another familiarized myself with the artist in me. ex-girlfriend of Evan’s. Neal was toting To say that I had never met anyone like a cowboy hat and vest because he was Evan before was planning to embark an understatement. on a western themed I wanted to be like He was eccentric, psychedelic trip. I curious and selfignored calls from him and yet resented attuned. I wanted to work and skipped my him at the same time be like him and yet shift that day, sitting resented him at the because he made me feel in the backyard eating same time because up Neal’s words on art, uncomfortable he made me feel drugs and literature. uncomfortable. Neal doesn’t so When he set out to read the King much converse as he interacts with his James Bible, front to back continuously, I audience, a habit that I’ve seen Evan adopt jumped at the opportunity to write about over the years and one that Neal carries it. I was so high-strung that day as I called from his punk rock days when he headed his parents and emailed his professors the Toronto band Neon Rome in the ‘80s. at the School of Image Arts for quotes, Apparently Neal was a local hero amongst because I had never written a feature the punk scene, and it shows in how he length piece that I really cared about. carries himself now: a manner of retired It came together nicely, a detached ego. Neal is engaging but completely speculation about two IMA students unreserved, like someone who's been you wouldn’t know I had a personal allowed to roam freely his entire life. The connection to, completing a drastic manner in which Evan emulates this is as performance piece. I thought that it had someone who admires it, but has not lived to be that way at the time, since exit. In fact, I’d say he aims to live it, and he boyfriends and friends are unsurprisingly successfully did when he completed the considered bias sources in journalism Bible piece. school. Evan had wanted me to be an art Nearly a year out of his undergrad critic, or at least a cultural one. He wanted with a BA in Digital Integrated Images me to write about what I thought of the Arts, Evan still looks back at the Bible piece, but I didn’t think anything at the performance as one of his best works. time, other than the fact that it made a 49 // folio

I’ll argue that he has created more sophisticated work since, but it’s the reach of the piece that he feels is incomparable. He had an involved audience of parents, faculty and peers — 80 people were tuned into the livestream where Evan shared his performance when he finally finished reading the King James Bible after 86 continuous hours without sleep. I believe that Evan has two key attributes needed to produce great work in his life, that of creatives like David Foster Wallace, and Allen Ginsberg. He has the determination and self confidence to do so. He conducts himself like someone who is both striving every day to be great and undoubtedly believes that he will be, which regardless of result are life. During that time, I found intimacy in artistic characteristics that enable him to female friendships that I hadn’t known I improve. was capable of, and I fell head over heels It is a ridiculous thing to believe in love with one of Evan’s best friends. that you will be great, but maybe it’s a self As a soon to be alumni, when I assurance that artists need to survive. reflect on my time at Ryerson, I will think Evan is the only person in my life who I of these people. If I had written the Bible have felt truly comfortable sharing the article today, I would’ve written about following belief with: that I can be the the personalities behind the project and next Joan Didion of our generation. In fact, the relationships that motivated them as Evan was the person who introduced me artists. Evan once told me to Didion’s writing. when he dreams, all He even gave me a It is a ridiculous thing that the people in his life drift T-shirt with her on to believe that you will in and out as characters. it. I’m quite likely speak to him, and full of shit, but I’ll tell be great, but maybe it's They give him advice. He said you what: admitting a self assurance that that he saw me once, my aspiration to be a particularly great helped me battle artists need to survive during immersive psychedelic imposter syndrome, trip. He said I told him and having someone that everything was else hear it validated my identity as a okay. writer. Such that friendly faces in Beyond the creative realm, through unfamiliar environments do, these people Evan, I have met some of my favourite changed my life for the better, and helped people in the world. As I approached the me navigate some of the most substantial final year of my undergraduate degree, I years of my life so far. Evan was one was blessed with an offer to move into of them, and in homage to my Ryerson Evan’s old bedroom in a large house in the experience, it seems only appropriate west end of Toronto that he had previously that I do his character justice in the same shared with his ex-girlfriend and friends. pages that I first wrote about him. I lived with those girls for six months and it was one of the happiest periods of my folio // 50

HOW TO DRESS

hbo's euphoria captu

fashion

by shadai scoburgh

EUPHORIC HBO’s Euphoria captures the Gen Z experience through clothes

HBO’s new drama series, Euphoria manages to provide social commentary while maintaining a strong and distinctive visual identity. The show touches on key issues that teens and young adults are facing right now – navigating identity, sex, gender fluidity and drug addiction, this show realistically reflects the culture of this generation. Euphoria is centred around 17-year-old Rue Sumbro who is a recovering drug addict. Viewers are taken through Rue’s complex life and introduced to a range of characters from this generation–characters whose formative years are shaped by the internet. Through the house parties, breakups, first love, laughs, cry’s and in search of identity ups as a result of the downs of this generation viewers watch the characters' lives chaotically unfold through the euphoria of their teenage years. The word euphoria

51 // folio

means, “a feeling of well-being or elation.” This reflects the series, as the teenage characters are regularly chasing an elevated feeling of happiness, whether it comes to sex, alcohol, drugs, or a mixture of all of them. Beyond its subject matter, the show is also known for its iconic styling. Every single character, flawed in their own perfect way, is given a distinct look that aesthetically captures the full character. Costume designer Heidi Bivens has worked closely on other films and TV shows (Spring Breakers, mid90s and The Beach Bum) as well as Euphoria to capture the fashion aesthetics of the show’s characters. According to a Teen Vogue article, Biven's philosophy behind Euphoria’s fashion was creating costumes that would give you an idea of a character if you were to just glance at the character and to reflect a timeless feel of Generation Z. ryerson folio // 54

aptures Here the gen experience is thezultimate guide through on how toclothes dress like Euphoria's leading ladies: Jules Vaughn Jules has a playful fantasy e-girl style. She kills the ’80s to ‘90s casual styles, with bubblegum, a pop pink palette, highlighter yellows, and soft greens with splashes of neon here and there. Bringing out glamorous everyday magical school girl vibes, Jules' style is very spirited. You’ll want to wear a lot of pleated shirts and layers to achieve the look of Jules. Jules’s looks are very fun, they are also defined by bold purples, baby pinks, plaid, checkered bottoms and platform shoes. Jules' style can be found at stores like Pretty Little Thing, Princess Polly, and Artizia’s Sunday Best brand.

Maddy Perez Maddy's style is very early 2000s vibes. She’s essentially the “It girl” of the show or what we call it today, an Instagram baddie. Maddy’s looks consist of I.AM.GIA cutout co-ords, Baby Phat tube top, Juicy Couture tracksuits and diamanté dresses that Rihanna would envy. Maddy’s fashion ranges from casual, like her purple daisy mini dress, to more elevated and boss-like, like her peach and cobalt knit twinset (see image). Her style morphs from chic, flirty, risque to sophisticated, The Maddy aesthetic is diverse and very much reflects the ups and downs of her personal life. Maddy’s trendy style can be found at stores like Forever 21, I.AM.GIA, and American Apparel.

Kat Hernandez Rue Scrumbro Rue’s got a relaxed tomboy style. Her style consists of itty-bitty tank tops paired with cargo trousers, tie-dye tees with board shorts, oversized hoodies with bowling shirts paired with, hi-top Chuck Taylor’s, and let’s not forget retro band tees! Everything seen on her has a throw-it and go-with- it type of vibe. Her style is defined in her name Rue Scumbro. Scumbro is the name of a men's fashion style involving expensive, designer clothing sloppily or an unfashionable poorly put together look which is a reflection of Rue’s style. Rue’s overall aesthetic is very simple parallel to that of the girls’ hyper-feminine looks which sets her apart. A lot of Rue’s appeal can be found at stores like Zumiez, H&M, and Urban Outfitters.

55 // ryerson folio

Similar to the boldness of Jules' outfits, Kat tends to wear darker coloured clothes that fit a more gothic and edgy style. Kat becomes very confident in her body, embracing her curves and letting her personal growth and self-love show in everything she wears. Kat’s wardrobe evolution mirrors identity as a virgin to cam girl dominatrix which gives her power to her. Her whole aesthetic and double life seem to work alongside each other since Kat makes dysfunctional experimental BDSM accessories like patent chokers and leather harnesses work in her favour. Compared to the other women, her fashion is dark, consisting of sheer long-sleeved tops with high-shine mini skirts, as well as band tees and corsets. Kat’s wardrobe can be found in stores like Hot Topic and Urban Outfitters. folio // 52

Often when we think of nostalgia, we are warmed by the feeling of reminiscing about an experience that evokes a bittersweet emotion. Nostalgia is often tied to people we have shared moments with. Although, sometimes we long for an era entirely before our own. Gen Z nowadays are enamoured with the past. I tend to feel a wave of nostalgia whenever I toss on Cat Stevens’ Tea for the Tillerman vinyl, or when I find myself scrolling through Netflix to comfort-watch an episode of Friends. Hell, I even feel inspired when going through my mum’s closet of old clothes, imagining what young adulthood was like for her. So, why do we feel nostalgic for the things we discovered way past their time? There’s a phantom nostalgia, the longing to exist in a time we did not personally experience, that settles deep within our bones.We indulge in multiple fragments of pop culture that have been strewn across our lives, drawing these pieces from the past and inserting them into our own experiences. What is the common denominator for these unique experiences? The internet. It may feel to us Gen Zers like it's been around forever and as a generation born into the age of the Internet, we have grown up in a world surrounded 53 // folio

by quickly evolving technologies. The birth of social media and the internet has unlocked access to content from before our time. We have the ability to sift through the past, collecting a variety of pop culture moments and artifacts that make us feel like we’re reliving a past experience we didn’t personally have, but desire to. The phrase “I was born in the wrong generation” has become cliché over the years. You’ve probably seen memes that mock people who toss this sentence around, but if we were to unpack it, there is some truth hidden beneath these words for everyone. It’s especially prompted by listening to our relatives reminiscing about their golden days. We reflect on the past as something magnificent, overlooking social and political conflicts such as war and inequality, while generations before us are captivated by the multiple innovations that have consumed today’s world. The internet is a constant we often take for granted, the unparalleled access we have to the infinite archives of the past is endless. Therefore, we must acknowledge the unique privilege of indulging in the cultures of generations before our own. Perhaps we wish to experience the best things about earlier decades as an escape from the technological tomb we’ve ryerson folio // 56

been embalmed in. Humans long for what they cannot have, enamoured with experiences of the past – which leads to a kaleidoscope of interests when consuming pop culture. When I delve into what nostalgia means to me, I am often brought back to disparate moments in my life – the excitement I got when I discovered there was going to be a revival of Woodstock and the crushing disappointment when it got cancelled, buying Elton John tickets because I refused to miss seeing him perform live, or the first time I watched Almost Famous and was inspired to pursue a career in journalism. All of these fragments may not be decipherable if you were to look at me with a cursory glance – and I find an undeniable beauty in that. You wouldn’t guess that certain pieces of pop culture influenced my life decisions so drastically, or that I used to (and still do) dream about touring with a famous rock band while writing articles for Rolling Stone Magazine.

impact on me. I couldn’t tell you where my passion for these fragments of the past originated, because I don’t believe it's that simple to explain. I imagine that it is due to my fascination with wanting to experience all that I can grasp in my short lifetime. These little pieces of my persona that I’ve picked up over the years, like jamming with my dad to Meat Loaf on sunset drives to the next town for a chocolate soft-serve, come together to create the image of who I am today. Along with a sense of nostalgia, there is also the innate desire to hold onto the past as a form of comfort. A cocoon of familiarity that we want to keep safely locked in the archives of our minds. When you picture your favourite memories, who are you with? What are you doing? The answers will always be different for everyone. However, our perception of nostalgia will always have one thing in common – it makes us who we are.

I cannot fathom being anything but a writer – I’ve always found it easier to express myself on paper than through speech. I’m reminded constantly of Penny Lane’s encouraging words and free spirit, always inspired by the spontaneous spiral that she was. As I look back on my experiences that brought me to where I am today, I’m astounded with the progress I’ve made. Taking a leap of faith to leave my small farm town and venture into the bustling streets of Toronto, I have very little words to describe that type of freedom – other than perhaps, “it’s all happening.” Who knew such a deep inspiration could stem from a film set in the '70s, that premiered the year I was born? There are millions of chance decisions that we make in our lives. I just so happened to choose to watch this film, a decision that has left an everlasting 57 // ryerson folio

folio // 54

ryerson folio // 58