Drink 2012

FREE / DECEMBER 19-25, 2012 / SACURRENT.COM

INSIDE

THE

DRINK

ISSUE

MORE THAN

150 bar, club, and lounge listings

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sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 5

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San Antonio Current / The Drink Issue / 12_51 / December 19-25, 2012

contents Bar Listings: 10 Boozing With Angry Elephants: 19 Bloodsuckers And Boozers: 22 Cocktail Conference: Shaken Or Stirred? : 30 Strangest Bartender Stories: 36 If You Drink _____, You May Like _____: 40 Holy Smokes: 46 You Can’t Fight Here: 54

Bar Belles: 60 Local Brewery Numbers Mounting: 66 Movie Bars: 68 The Year in Wine: 72 Deep Eddy’s Honey Pot: 74 The Piano Has Been Drinking: 80 Current Events: 86 Free Will Astrology, Jonesin’ Crossword, Open Letters: 105 ¡Ask a Mexican!: 107

Cover photo by Josh Huskin On the cover: War Room and Tycoon Flats bartender Krystal Little. Read about her more San Antonio “bar belles” on page 60.

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2015 Club

1909 Once they get past the fluorescent lighting, visitors to this somewhat hidden downtown hotel bar find a convivial happy-hour crowd (5-8 p.m. daily with $3 drafts and $5 margaritas) and adventurous handcrafted cocktails. Located in the storied Gibbs Building, 1909 has the odd distinction of sitting on the grounds of the original Alamo compound.

Hotel Indigo at the Alamo, 105 N Alamo, (210) 933-2000, 1909barandbistro.com 20nine Named after the highway that runs through Napa Valley, 20nine has expanded its California focus to include wines from around the world. The kitchen, now under Chef Scott Boone, offers a fine seasonal menu for pairings. Duck breast with porcini? A pinot noir from Burgundy will do. Owner Troy Fullmer is usually on hand to offer suggestions, but don’t forget to try the pizza. 255 E Basse, (210) 7989463, 20ninewine.com

CHUCK KERR

BAR LISTINGS 2015 Club This homey neighborhood bar is LGBT-friendly (and friendly in general), and a great place to unwind after a long workweek before getting your groove on. 2015 San Pedro Ave, (210) 733-3365

and whites, cocktails, sparkling beverages, and seasonal drink specials guaranteed to add a buzz to your cinematic experience. Oh, and there’s food too.

Multiple locations; 618 NW Loop 410, (210) 677-8500, drafthouse.com

502 Bar Tucked into the Embassy Oaks shopping center, 502 seems innocent enough. But once inside you’ll see that this place is anything but ordinary, where you’ll find musicians, beer nerds, comic book enthusiasts, beard aficionados, and neighborhood locals alike.

Very affordable prices, a fave is the five dollar 16 oz. beer and shot combo. Featuring ocal and national live entertainment, for free, or very little cover. 502 Embassy Oaks, (210) 257-8125, 502bar.com

Alamo Street Eat Bar Good food, cold beer, reasonable prices and portions. Located at The Historic Acapulco Drive Inn, this food park is the place to go late nights (or anytime after 5 p.m.), brought to the neighborhood by the owners of nearby The Friendly Spot. It took awhile, but food trucks have finally come to Southtown, and it was worth the wait. 609 S Alamo, (210) 227-2469, alamostreeteatbar. com

Alamo Drafthouse Cinema Each of the locations (Westlakes, Park North, and Stone Oak) has a full bar with red

Alibis Situated in a house built in 1876, this laid-back watering hole in St. Paul Square has some of the best priced drinks in downtown, functioning as both a happy-hour haunt for

locals and an official meet-up spot for Sunset Station concertgoers. Open 365 days a year.

1141 E Commerce, (210) 2255552, alibisbar.com Aquifer A new-ish addition to the Stone Oak see-and-be-seen scene, Aquifer adds exclusive VIP bottle service to an already upscale area. An array of weekly parties (including Throwback Tuesdays and Soaked Saturdays) bring rotating DJs and drink specials to the self-described “high-energy dance club.” 19178 Blanco, Ste 201, (210) 624-1788, theaquiferbar.com Armadillos Texas-Style Burgers This homey joint let’s you it’s Texan from the word go, filling the room with all matters of Lone Star emblems and décor.

Home of amazing old-school burgers that don’t skimp on size. Really hungry? Order the monster, a two patty wallop of goodness that weighs in at three pounds. And the beers

Promotional listings are printed in blue.

10 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

are as cold as you like ‘em. 1423 McCullough, (210) 226-7556 Astro Lounge Thank God no one has buffed the hard-earned nicotine patina off this untapped watering hole where bowling Army doctors have been spotted mingling with karaoke starlets. Our spies turned into sloppy bowlers at adjacent (and understatedly retro) Astro Bowl after a few rounds of Pacificos in the lounge. 3203 Harry Wurzbach, (210) 8246348, astrosuperbowl.com Azuca Azuca is not the place for quiet conversation, but with Latin rhythms, neon-fueled decor, and frequent live dancing, it does make for a hot pickup and get-to-know-you-betterover-a-caipirinha-or-piscosours-spot. 713 S Alamo, (210) 225-5550, azuca.net Babio'S With an international discotheque feel, super-cool conPAGE 12►

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sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 11

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BAR LISTINGS ◄ PAGE 10

temporary décor, and an “Eat, Drink, Dance” concept, BabiO’s attracts a diverse, late-night crowd that just wants to shake it. Decently priced drinks and plenty of chic lounge areas make this midtown gay club a fresh escape from the jam-packed Main strip. 527 W Hildebrand, (210) 409-7245

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12 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

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Bar 1919 Tucked snuggly under the lofts at Blue Star Arts Complex, Bar 1919 takes its name from the last year before Prohibition. Founded by Don Marsh (Bohanan’s, Green Lantern), this ode to cocktail culture cribs from NYC’s trendiest spots, delivering over 300 spirits, classic recipes, and new cocktail inventions. 1420 S Alamo, Ste 001, (210) 227-1420, facebook.com/1919SA Bar 601 The view from the observation deck of the 750-foot-tall Tower of the Americas is inspiring, and ought to be on the agenda if you’re wooing anyone. The altitude is reflected in drink prices, and the elevator queue may initially dampen the mood, but the sleek interior of the lounge bodes well and Chart House on the lower level still revolves slowly over the San Antonio skyline. Tower of the Americas, 601 HemisFair Park, (210) 223-3101, toweroftheamericas.com Bar America The word “Bedlam” is posted above the doorway, and while chaos hasn’t broken out in Bar America for

MICHAEL BARAJAS

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Bar America

a while, its barfly beauty is punctuated every blue moon by a diminutive brawl. This unpretentious landmark’s charms include cheap, cold cerveza (you can even grab a six-pack to go), and the Best Jukebox in SA (according to readers like you) pumping out a steady stream of Saytown’s truest stories. 723 S Alamo Bar du Mon Ami “Yes, we’ll make a Cosmo, and we’ll make a good one; the drink we make you is the one you want to be drinking,” says Michael Rossetti, Mon Ami’s new force in this beloved Alamo Heights bar. But ask for a Trilby instead, made with parfait d’amour, Cinzano vermouth, blended Scotch, plus a couple of drops of Pernod’s absinthe. You get the idea. Relax, and enjoy. 4901 Broadway, (210) 822-3253 Bar Louie Coming soon to San Antonio’s Northside is the newest branch of the Bar Louie franchise, known as an eclectic urban bar equipped with beer and wine imports, microbrews and over 20 wines by the glass. Cocktail drinkers will revel in signature martinis, mojitos, and margaritas made from the highest quality ingredients, fresh fruit, and hand squeezed juices. It also features a selection of uniquely presented American food traditionally and regionally inspired, including small plates, burgers and sandwiches. Opening in 2013; barlouieamerica.com PAGE 16►

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210.229.8888

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BAR LISTINGS

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16 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

Barriba Cantina Seasonal cocktails, fast, delicious lunch overlooking the Riverwalk, and Happy Hours Monday thru Friday from 3 to 6 p.m. — with complimentary chips and salsa. No-cover local music seven days a week. 111 W Crockett (210) 228-9876, barribacantina.com Beethoven Maennerchor Halle und Garten The Southtown spot of choice for live music on First Fridays, the Beethoven is a charming window into SA’s German beer-guzzling past.

The Club Room is open to the public, even on Tuesday member night, when happy-hour prices are in effect and the choirs practice. In quintessential German-American-social-club style, the place feels like Milwaukee, circa 1950. 422 Pereida, (210) 222-1521, beethovenmaennerchor.com Betty's Battalion James Jonesian weekend-pass getaway for the reveille set meets comfy grandpa bar in sweet, wood-paneled decay. Spend a night tossing horseshoes in Betty’s starry backyard while sipping cool, cheap drinks. 1524 E Grayson, (210) 227-9255, bettysbn.com Big Sam's Grill & Bar SA’s “largest and newest” sports bar features pool tables, arcades, karaoke nights, over 43 42-inch TVs, three big screens, and room for 400 guests.

The menu includes a variety of large burgers and tasty chicken, and the bar offers a different drink special every night of the week from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. It includes $3.25 margaritas, $2.50 domestic beer, and $2.50 well drinks. 13802 Embassy Row, (210) 490-6500 BJ's Brewhouse A tasty wide variety food menu with over 100 items including Deep Dish Chicago Style Pizza and hand-rolled avocado eggrolls. BJ’s has an in-house team of brew masters who deliver beer in a variety of ale and lager styles. Eight beers on tap plus sev-

eral seasonal or specialty beers. Not a beer fan? Try any one of a number of delicious signature cocktails while watching the game on 102” Plasma TV. Multiple locations: 5447 W Loop 1604 N, (210) 523-5700, bjsbrewhouse.com BlU Bar & Lounge This two-level dance club, replete with fluoro blue lighting and posh booths, is as swank as any ultralounge in Dallas. But its heart is pure hip-hop, delivering a rotating cast of DJs that don’t hesitate to play deep cuts that the average clubgoer might not recognize. Good music, drink specials, and haute décor (minus the accustomed cheesiness) make this dress-up destination worth the trip.

126 W Rector, Ste 136, (210) 524-0088 Blue Box Bar Named after a bygone blue cooler where brewery workers used to congregate after work, the Blue Box is the Pearl’s first full-fledged watering hole. While it nods to the past with industrial design elements and a railing made from pieces of a retired mash tun, the place gives off a distinctly modern vibe. Classic cocktails are available, of course, accompanied by new inventions. 312 Pearl Pkwy, (210) 227-2583 Blue Star Brewing Company Located in the Blue Star Arts Complex, Blue Star’s new chef Charles Clark has upgraded this Southtown stalwart to contend with the best in the gastro-pub world. The new menu adds French discipline to New Southern cooking, but the house-made beers and ales still deliver like they’ve always done. 1414 S Alamo, Ste 105, (210) 2125506, bluestarbrewing.com The Bar at Bohanan's Filling the ground floor under Mark Bohanan’s famed old world steakhouse, the swank interior features clubby chairs and a cherrywood bar as long and true as a bowling alley that was designed with the bar PAGE 20►

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Boozing with the Angry Elephants

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Bartenders recalled a Superbowl-like hysteria inside the Angry Elephant during the last presidential debate, the amped up crowd cheering Mitt Romney as he traded barbs with the president. Then “some idiot liberal,” according to one bartender, grabbed a nearby life-size Romney cardboard cutout, bent the good governor over, and humped away. A scuffle ensued, and the crowd quickly ran the guy out.

Aesthetically, the dimly lit Northside lounge, which opened six months ago, splits things down the middle. Blown-up Clinton family photos are offset by the Bushes, Kennedy and FDR campaign signs countered by Reagan and Nixon.

But not the clientele.

One bartender laughed and handed me anti-Obama bumper stickers a patron brought in for display (“Somewhere in Kenya a village is missing their idiot,” blares one). On a recent night, Sean Hannity’s face loomed out from the massive screen, warning of “the twisted, dark soul of liberalism.” Rob, a local pilot, scoffed at Julián Castro’s rising starstatus in the Democratic Party, telling me, “That guy’s all about class warfare.”

“Embarrassing,” he said of the Mayor’s moment in the national spotlight at the DNC, calling Castro a talentless speaker and party shill. “But … Rick Perry!” I managed to sputter. “Yeah. He looked like an idiot,” Rob said of Perry’s legendary campaign fuck-ups. “But he’s our idiot.”

Tending bar, Angry Elephant owner

MICHAEL BARAJAS

Michael Barajas

Chip Ingram told me he’s a Libertarian, saying, “I’ll fucking stay out of your life if you stop taxing me.” Ingram, 36, grew up idolizing Ronald Reagan, but calls the modern GOP “a party with a good financial message that’s obfuscated by all the social issues.” The Angry Elephant is Ingram’s homage to the rocky marriage of alcohol and politics. “I’ve been stuck in two hour debates sitting here at the bar, I love it,” he said. Ingram regularly takes to the bar’s Facebook page to instigate; recent postings include, “It’s so cold outside, I just saw a Democrat with his hands in his own pockets,” and a fawning “thank you note to a good man” lamenting Romney’s loss.

Booze and politics are, of course, old friends. John Adams had beer for

breakfast and enjoyed a tankard of hard cider daily. “There’s nothing left … but to get drunk,” Franklin Pierce told reporters when his party didn’t re-nominate him for president after his first term. FDR fixed the Great Depression and crushed the Nazi war machine sipping on martinis. Chappaquiddick is Ted Kennedy’s most infamous booze-fueled moment, but his most hilarious occurred aboard a return flight from Alaska months prior when the late senator, fresh off a factfinding mission to native villages, hit the drink trolley hard. Sloshed, Kennedy batted aids and reporters with pillows before running down the aisle chanting “Eskimo Power!”

While Ingram’s drink menu sports political trivia, food offerings, mostly brats and hot dogs, are all named after local and national politicos — Hilary Clinton’s is a pastrami dog since she’s “not known

to be a fan of sausage.”

Perhaps the Angry Elephant’s catering to the right crowd in more ways than one. Aside from location in the Stone Oak hinterlands, recent research surveying bar patrons discovered those with higher blood alcohol levels were more likely to think conservative. Published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin this year, the study aimed to test the notion that conservatives and liberals have notably different cognitive styles, and that while conservatives are inclined to quick thinking and directness, liberals favor nuance and complexity. Titled, “Low-Effort Thought Promotes Political Conservatism,” the study suggests conservative opinions shoot up as alcohol clouds the brain, shutting down complex thinking.

So who knows. Maybe you enter the Angry Elephant reading your copy of The Nation or Mother Jones, but leave a boozed-addled mess, calling Obama a Kenyan-born socialist.

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 19

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Whole Earth Provision Co. Quarry Market at 255 East Basse 210-829-8888 WholeEarthProvision.com

BAR LISTINGS ◄ PAGE 16

menu in mind: classic cocktails from the ‘20s, ‘30s, and ‘40s — delivered by a crew trained by one of the best in the biz, New York’s Sasha Petraske, of Milk & Honey fame. 219 E Houston, (210) 472-2202, bohanansbar.com

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Stone Oak | 700 E. Sonterra Blvd., Ste 318 | San Antonio, TX 78258 | 210.798.5466 Alamo Heights | 5148 Broadway | San Antonio, TX 78209 | 210.822.7673 Forum | 8211 Agora Pkwy, Ste 112 | Live Oak, TX 78154 | 210.547.3000 Park North | 842 NW Loop 410 | San Antonio, TX 78216 | 210.798.4154

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Boardwalk Bistro Fresh seafood is the specialty at this locally owned and operated favorite in Alamo Heights, offering Mediterranean cuisine al fresco under Texas pecan trees, or candlelit dinners to the accompaniment of jazz in the evening. The award-winning cellar of over 400 wines has garnered the Wine Spectator Award of Excellence for 10 consecutive years. 4011 Broadway, (210) 824-0100, boardwalkbistro.net Boiler House Texas Grill & Wine Garden A true Texas original. Located at the Pearl, this wine-centric restaurant occupies the former “boiler house” which powered the adjacent brewery.

The menu focuses on grilled items from local farms and markets, with a focus on “Texas ranch-style” cuisine. These delicacies are paired with extraordinary wines from around the world (all available by the glass, bottle, and to go), 20+ Texas beers,

Bond’s 007

live music, and a casual yet energetic atmosphere. The menu, designed

by Executive Chef James Moore, includes small plates, individual main dishes, and numerous items designed for sharing — all perfectly complemented by the extensive list of wines from around the world. 312 Pearl Pkwy., Building 3, (210) 354-4644, boilerhousesa.com Bombay Bicycle Club Tried and true, this bar and restaurant is favored by university students and an eclectic array of regulars. Here it’s happy hour every day (11 a.m.-7 p.m. with $2 drafts and $3 wells), but Tuesdays pack in a loyal crew for $2.75 margaritas and games of pool.

3506 N St. Mary’s, (210) 737-2411, bombaybicycleclubsa.com Bond's 007 In 2002, the scientific journal Pure and Applied Chemistry posited “the term ‘heavy metals’ is both meaningless and misleading,” but don’t go citing that article in Bond’s, where it’s still a touchy subject. This “rock bar” practically bleeds bismuth (atomic number: a whopping 83) from its jukebox to the bands that test its loadbearing beams on the upstairs stage, but it’s also a destination for the Texas PAGE 24►

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 21

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BLOODSUCKERS AND BOOZERS Michael Barajas

If late some night this week police suspect you of driving drunk, stop you and stick a needle in your arm, thank the enterprising cops of Hereford, Texas — the selfproclaimed “Beef Capital of the World.”

A decade ago, officers in the small Panhandle town were the first in Texas to start using search warrants for blood in misdemeanor DWI cases. Now, according to the Texas District and County Attorneys Association, some 77 percent of elected prosecutors across the state use, at least periodically, such no-refusal tactics in their jurisdictions.

In late October 2011 Bexar County District Attorney Susan Reed made San Antonio the state’s largest metro area running full-time no-refusal.

That means any driver, any time, stopped in San Antonio and suspected of drunk driving who refuses to blow into a breathalyzer gets carted off to the magistrate and forced to give up blood if a judge approves the warrant – prosecutors keep someone staffed at the magistrate’s office to push the warrants through.

Blood draws have exploded since Bexar County first experimented with no-refusal in 2008, starting off with holiday weekends known to see an influx of sloshed drivers. In 2009 Bexar County judges approved just 367 blood draws. According to recent data from the DA’s office, October 2011 thru September 2012 saw 3,298 blood draws, 2,659 of which were for misdemeanor DWI cases. The rest were for more egregious felony DWI charges, which already call for a mandatory blood draws, like

22 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

driving drunk with a child in the vehicle or intoxication manslaughter.

There’s indication enforcement, too, has gone up, says First Assistant District Attorney Cliff Herberg. “We usually see about 5,000 DWI arrests every year, and this year we’re almost at 7,000,” Herberg said, adding that since the start of Bexar County’s no-refusal experiment, local intoxication manslaughter cases have fallen by half.

While the Bexar County Medical Examiner’s Office will have to somehow handle the flood of local blood-draw cases, no-refusal statewide has made blood samples sent to Department of Public Safety crime labs soar, up 500 percent in six years, according to state estimates.

The surge in no-refusal statewide began over worries of serious declines in DWI convictions in recent years. Judge David Hodges, then a judicial liaison with the Texas Center for the Judiciary, told the Legislature in early 2011 that since Texas implemented its Driver’s Responsibility Law and the surcharge

that it carries for DWI convicts, defendants grew more likely to fight DWI’s in court, pushing judges and prosecutors to accept reduced charges instead of letting cases languish in court dockets for years. In 2005, statewide DWI arrests stood at 99,501, with convictions at 63,132. By 2009, the state saw 102,309 DWI arrests but only 44,777 convictions.

Rather than repealing the surcharge, police and prosecutors sought instead to bolster cases with more evidence. “Of those cases without a breath test that were going to trial, we were losing nearly 50 percent of them,” said Herberg. “The juries were quite frankly demanding more evidence. The officer’s word just wasn’t good enough anymore.”

The defense bar naturally grouses over no-refusal. “Just having bloodshot eyes, the odor of alcohol on your breath, and the fact that you refused a field sobriety test. That gives them the right to take your blood,” said Jamie “DWI Dude” Balagia, a local DWI defense attorney. “It’s offensive.”

Attorneys like Balagia have been

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY ELI MILLER

Statewide, no-refusal is expanding and here to stay

challenging breathalyzer results in court for years, and recently even sought to get hundreds of cases dismissed over a former county contractor and breath test analyst, George McDougall, who retired last year after being diagnosed with “mild cognitive impairment.”

Clay Abbott, DWI prosecutor with the TDCAA, says he doesn’t understand the resistance to blood testing. “We have all these commissions looking at actual innocence, screaming and yelling that prosecutors should test any and everything possible and that we should never try any case without scientific evidence,” Abbott said. “Yet the DWI defense bar has to feel the exact opposite way.”

Whether the blood tests are any stronger in court is yet to be seen – local attorneys have yet to try a misdemeanor blood-draw case. However, last year Austin attorney Sam Bassett, former state Forensic Science Commission chairman, publicized problems with one no-refusal case in which his client’s blood was tested in an Austin PD crime lab. While the initial test revealed a blood alcohol content at 0.10, Bassett, after a 10 month fight, got a court order to have the blood retested at an accredited, independent lab. The subsequent test put the driver’s BAC at 20 percent lower, right at the legal limit.

Local DWI attorney George Scharmen pushed the Bexar County ME’s office to allow tours with local defense attorneys to review the lab’s blood-testing protocol. But after two tours with about 10 attorneys, the practice abruptly ended this summer without explanation, he says.

Scharmen claims he saw faulty procedures that could possibly skew results.

“We’ve learned that no-refusal is not the end of defense,” Scharmen said.

“These machines can be very precise, but they can also be precisely wrong.”

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BAR LISTINGS ◄ PAGE 20

psychobilly scene. The one guarantee is it’s gonna be loud. A great place to duck conversation when your blind date arrives with a railroad spike through his/her septum. 450 Soledad, (210) 225-0007, bonds007rockbar. com Boneshakers Tap House and Pizzeria Newly located on the edge of downtown next to the Hays Street Bridge, this bicyclists’ destination is micro-brew heaven, with over a dozen (and adding) Texas brews on tap.

Indie, punk, garage rock, jazz, and a big screen for sports bring an eclectic crowd to drink and enjoy a variety of artisan pizzas. 306 Austin, (210) 3198155, boneshakersonline.com The Bonham Exchange In the ‘80s, the storied BX played host to legendary divas like Bette Midler and Tina Turner as well as punks and new-wavers like the B-52s, the Ramones, and Debbie Harry.

These days, former Current covergirl Alayna Márquez emcees Talented Thursdays (with $100 for the best performer) while Fridays heat up with three DJs on three dance floors, $1 wells all night, and competitive ass shaking at midnight. A perpetual Best

Broadway 5050

of SA winner, the Bonham cleaned up in 2010: Best Nightclub, Best Gay Bar, and Best Dance Floor. 411 Bonham, (210) 271-3811, bonhamexchange.net Brass Monkey The first exclusive video bar on the St. Mary’s strip features Tuesday indie nights with DJ Mizz KiKi, First Wave and ‘80s New Wave on Thursdays, and DJ Glitoris brings Austin’s Tuezgays to SA every Friday, and more New Wave on Saturdays with DJ Dc & DJ Kavork. Brass Monkey Tuesdays $2 wells all night, Thursdays $1.75 Lone Star all night, Fridays $1 wells until 11 and Saturdays $2 Cherry Vodka all night (events only the rest of the week). 2702 N. St. Mary’s, (210) 400-7652, facebook. com/BrassMonkeyTX Broadway 5050 Relaxation comes easily in the 5050’s vintage atmosphere, created by old records lining the walls and images of the black-suit-and-skinnytie-wearing deuces of Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs. The bar keeps a healthy selection of brews on tap and does happy hour right – every day from 3-7 p.m. (and all day Sunday). As the week progresses, ‘50s goes from live PAGE 26►

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trivia on Mondays and budget-friendly Pint Tuesdays to live local music on Fridays and Saturdays with no cover.

Multiple locations. 5050 Broadway, (210) 826-0069, broadway5050.com The Brooklynite Jeret Peña has raised the bar again with the Brooklynite, the city’s newest addition to the cocktail scene.

Located a few blocks down river from our offices, it’s our new local, and we’re more than pleased. Named a Rising Star by Starchefs, and heading the bar at the Esquire Tavern when it was named a semi-finalist for “Outstanding Bar Program, 2012” by the James Beard Foundation, Peña was more than ready for bar proprietorship, and the Brooklynite delivers on the promise with amazing drinks, a unique retro atmosphere, and perfect service. 516 Brooklyn, (210) 444-0707 The Bubble Room Catering to the 30-and-up crowd, this effervescent lady-centric lounge boasts a wide selection of champagne by the glass, off-the-beaten-path wines, sake cocktails, and even beer for non-believers (hey, it’s got bubbles, too). It’s perfect for private parties, guilty, girly pleasures, and unwinding with the gals after a long day at the office. 1846 N Loop 1604 W, (210) 479-9463, thebubbleroomsa. com Carmens de la Calle CafE Carmens has the romantic, casual feel of a well-worn European haunt, emphasis awarded to Spain. It’s a great Friday-night date destination, so indulge your craving for homemade sangría while taking in hot jazz and flamenco dance shows. 720 E Mistletoe, (210) 737-8272, carmensdelacalle.com Cielito Lounge You might feel like you accidentally stepped into a posh Mexico City disco when you walk through the door of Cielito Lounge. The young privileged set can be spotted here, watching soccer, dancing the night away, and gossiping over mojitos in the VIP area. 19141 Stone Oak Pkwy., (210) 545-6965, cielitolindorestaurant.com

Club Essence With recession-era drink prices, it’s easy to get a budget buzz on at Essence, where dancing beefcake can be found swinging from the rafters in neon-colored weenie bikinis. This well-endowed version of Cheers boasts highly entertaining amateur strip-offs, game nights, and one of SA’s most shameless karaoke patios.

1010 N Main, (210) 223-5418, essencesa.com Club Rio Parties like “Too Mucking Fuch Saturdays” and top-notch live talent from the hottest part of the Western Hemisphere make this slick Latin disco sizzle on weekends. If you’re not VIP or in for bottle service, you’ll stand while waiting for the show to start, but acts like Julieta Venegas, Zoé, Plastilina Mosh — not to mention the likes of world-class DJs Steve Aoki and Benny Benassi — are generally worth the wait. 13307 San Pedro, (210) 403-2582, club-rio.net Club Sirius Packed and narrow Sirius feels like a block party where the game is always on and someone’s always yelling over the music. If you don’t feel like attempting to conquer the shot board challenge, consider the simultaneously spicy, sweet, and sour chamoyinfused margarita. 228 Losoya, (210) 223-3722, drinksirius.com Cobalt Club Named after the famous blue pigment, things are certainly colorful in this anything goes gay dive bar where San Antonio’s eccentrics flock and enjoy making newbies as uncomfortable as possible. If you find the late night crowd too daunting, no worries.

Cocktails start pouring to a slightly more sedate morning crew at 7 a.m.

2022 McCullough, (210) 734-2244 Coco Beach With drink specials every night, football crowds, and occasional theme parties, Coco Beach has everything you could want in a neighborhood bar.

The seaside ephemera and beach-bum soundtrack might even help you forget PAGE 28►

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Hours

Closed Monday • Tues - Thur: 5p - 12a • Fri & Sat: 5p - 2a • Sun: 5p - 12a

Friend us on Facebook & Follow us on Twitter • 609 S. Alamo Street • 210-227-2469 sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 27

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28 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

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about the cruel world outside. 12159 Valliant, (210) 341-5330, cocobeach. clarksbars.com COCO Chocolate Lounge and Bistro Winner of Best Lounge and Best Salsa Club in our 2011 Best of San Antonio poll, COCO is intense, sexy, and luxurious. While chocolate’s not in every menu item, it factors richly into libations such as “The Original Sin” (a decadent blend of chocolate vodka and COCO’s own dark and white chocolate liquors) and the Coco signature martini (made with chocolate vodka, house-made chocolate ice cream, and Bailey’s Irish Cream).

18402 U.S. Hwy. 281 N, (210) 4914480, sa-coco.com Copa Wine Bar Wine cellar meets unpretentious rec room with gourmet snacks and cleverly named flights at Copa (“If they want to drink Merlot, we’re *@#$^% drinking Merlot!” and “Pinot Envy” are but two options), the Best Wine Bar in SA, according to voters in our 2010 poll. Half-priced select appetizers and 25 percent off beer and wine (excluding flights) make Copa’s happy hour (3-7 p.m. Monday-Friday) one of our personal favorites. 19141 Stone Oak Pkwy., (210) 495-2672, thecopawinebar.com The Cork Bar at Hotel Contessa Three-time winner of the RiverTini

COCO Chocolate Lounge and Bistro

Pour-off, this unique hotel bar on the River Walk specializes in mojitos, margaritas, and sangría, and offers a variety of beer and wine plus a tapas menu that ranges from goat cheese to carpaccio. 306 W Market, (210) 2299222, thehotelcontessa.com The Cove Laundromat, nightclub, restaurant, car wash, and perennial Best of SA favorite, The Cove features everything from raucous rock to blazing bluegrass and barroom tearjerkers. Where else can you listen to music, drink a beer, eat super-fresh fare (don’t miss the fish tacos!), and wash your clothes at the same time? Among The Cove’s monthly offerings are wine and beer tastings (the third and fourth Thursday of the month, respectively), which often mirror the restaurant’s concept of “SOL food” — sustainable, organic, and local. 606 W Cypress, (210) 2272683, thecove.us Cowabunga Formerly Logan’s Rock Bar, Cowabunga offers more than its unassuming façade suggests — namely a pleasantly mixed jukebox and walletfriendly drink specials. 402 E Travis, (210) 226-1338 Coyote Ugly Saloon Started 20 years ago in New York’s East Village, Coyote Ugly went on to become a movie, TV series, and world-wide franchise (they just opened in Novosibirsk, Siberia).

PAGE 32►

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210.342.0420

126 W. Rector Dr. #114 (Behind Northstar Mall)

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sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 29

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Cocktail Conference: Shaken or stirred?

Ron Bechtol

Why not both? And while we’re at it, let’s throw in smoked, infused, frothed, batched, barrel-aged, tap-delivered … the second annual San Antonio Cocktail Conference is itself on tap for January 17-20, and it promises to be big. “We had 2500 participants last year, and this year we’re shooting for 5000,” say the event’s organizers.

Spearheaded by the folks at Bohanan’s, with spiritual guidance from cocktail guru Sasha Petraske, the conference benefits HeartGift, an organization dedicated to providing heart surgery to disadvantaged

30 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

all venues.

Classes start in earnest on Friday, January 18. Among many possibilities, John Lermayer (last year’s first place winner in the San Antonio Conference’s Original Cocktail Competition) will present an interactive Mixology 101 Workshop designed to illustrate basic drink-making techniques ($40). Texas distillers will be showcased in a Texas Spirits Panel moderated by cocktail consultant and owner of the Tipsy Texan, David Allen ($30). Craft bartending pioneer and cofounder of New York bar Employees Only, Dushan Zaric, will present Born To Mix, which the conference describes as “a must for beginners in professional bartending” ($30). A Friday evening after party (well after, as it starts at 11 p.m.) will be held at the Monterey, where $75 will get you tunes, craft cocktails, beers, and appetizers.

Assuming you’ve recovered from Friday, Saturday begins with a bang and a Wake Up and Smell the Cocktails: Easy Drinks for Breakfast and Brunch event ($30). The Process to Perfection will be investigated by cocktail goddess Audrey Saunders of New York’s Pegu Club and co-presenter Robert Hess ($30). A legend in his own right, Dale DeGroff — also known as King Cocktail, will present On The Town with Dale Degroff: A Tribute to Bars, Speaks and Legendary Saloons ($50). The afternoon sees Julie Reiner (owner of Clover Club) and Brian Miller (formerly of Death & Co and Pegu Club) teaming up to discuss Modern Tiki: A Pirate’s Life for Me ($30), plus classes and seminars investigating topics from Japanese whiskey to The Art of the Aperitif.

And this year’s conference will see not one but two cocktail shoot-outs. The Original Cocktail Competition takes place on Friday and is open to the first 30 comers but, as it’s sponsored by William Grant & Sons spirits, contestants must use one or more of their products.

(Not to worry — they include Hendrick’s, Stoli and The Balvenie.) Contestants will have 10 minutes to prepare an original cocktail to be judged by a panel in an adjoining room. (As a judge last year, here are some words of advice: keep it simple.) First prize is $2500. Sixteen professional contestants will vie for prizes starting at $4000 in Sasaha Petraske’s Skills Competion, a Saturday event comprising 14 drinks that will test competitors’ skills under fire using measures of volume, acidity and temperature. We are naturally rooting for a local winner in both contests. Start shakin’.

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children. It’s of professional and personal benefit to folks both behind and in front of bars as well, and, starting with an opening night bash with food, drinks and entertainment at the Majestic Theatre, there’s a lineup of classes, tastings, and events that will make choosing among them as difficult as deciding between a perfect Manhattan and a smoky mezcal martini.

You are encouraged to go to sanantoniococktailconference.com for a complete schedule, but here are a few of the possibilities, starting with a river cruise with cocktails to venues such as El Tropicano, Soho, Lüke, and The Esquire Tavern on Friday night. A street-level version of the same pub crawl takes place on Saturday night, with double-decker buses shuttling between Bohanan’s, Tre Trattoria Downtown, Bar 1919 at Blue Star, and The Brooklynite. $50 gets you transportation, drinks, and appetizers at

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But the empire is still owned by the original coyote, Liliana Lovell, one girl who mis-spent her youth making money but wasn’t robbed by the gray men who seem to inherit everything.

Stop by the SA outlet to experience the legend. 409 East Commerce, (210) 465-8459, coyoteuglysaloon.com The Crazy Ape This neighborhood bar appeals to a younger crowd but pulls in regulars of all ages for primal karaoke early in the workweek. 9930 San Pedro, (210) 525-8158 Crazy J's Sports Bar A true local, with free admission most nights, live bands, and “steak night” Thursdays, at Crazy J’s it’s all about the hospitality and easy livin’ that make this a best for having a drink and unwinding after making it through yet another day. 126 Gembler, (210) 688-5915 Dad's KARAOKE How popular is the perennial SA winner Dad’s Karaoke? Well, here’s a tip for first-timers: If you want to get up onstage and do your best (or worst) rendition of TLC’s “Waterfalls,” you better get there early or risk being at the end of a long, long line of wouldbe superstars. Dad’s is home base for many of SA’s hardcore karaoke-ists, backed by DJs with an almost-bottomless playlist. 2615 Mossrock, (210) 340-3887 Dixie's Bar & Patio A move from a characterless stretch of northern Broadway to Embassy Oaks may have dealt Dixie’s a joker’s

32 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

CHUCK KERR

S E P O L S HIT THE

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Dad’s Karaoke

deck that prohibits live entertainment, but the roadhouse rock bar has grown in the process. At more than double the size with floor-to-ceiling beer and liquor signs, rusted iron accents, and an L-shaped epoxy bar top adorned with beer labels, who needs a band? 502 Embassy Oaks, (210) 9305552, dixiesbarsa.com Drink Although it no longer serves food, Drink remains an upscale, yet comfy lounge with a full bar and an aboveaverage wine list. A favorite among the river rat set, Drink attracts locals and tourists alike with its popular happy hour (from 2 p.m. to 9 p.m. daily, with $3.50 wells and $5 wines by the glass). 200 Navarro, (210) 2241031, drinktexas.com Ebb Tide Lounge A nice little place in the shadow of Fort Sam Houston that’s been serving beer, wine, and set-ups to regulars for 53 years. Nothing fancy: Four TVs, two pool tables, two dartboards, and cordial bartenders overseen by Colonel Barefoot. 2117 Harry Wurzbach, (210) 277-0508 The Electric Company Open every weekend, this neighborhood LGBT club was once exclusively a girls bar, but has now embraced a “come-one-come-all” attitude. Music ranges from Tejano to R & B. They don’t care who you take home, as long as you enjoy the music. But don’t expect to hang out and relax — this is a full-on experience for all-night party people. 820 San Pedro, (210) 212-6635 PAGE 34►

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sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 33

GET INS PIR ED

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210. 263. 9880 101 Pereida SATX 78210

El Lugar This neighborhood beer bar caters to lovers of motorcycle culture with live classic rock, Tejano, and blues on Fridays, DJs on Saturdays, plus bike nights, pool tables, and a jukebox offering an array of blasts from the past. 700 Ruiz

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ER Bar Just down the road from four major hospitals, off-duty medical staff find this neighborhood haunt offers proper emergency care after a long shift. A new grill offers good grub, and special night events include live entertainment by house DJs during Recovery Saturdays and Rehab Sundays. 8647 Wurzbach, (210) 694-4477

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Esquire Tavern The historic Esquire Tavern is the River Walk’s quintessential bar, featuring hand crafted cocktails, an eclectic ambiance, and the longest wooden bar in Texas. Live music Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays.

Chef Brooke Smith’s new winter menu includes Wagyu beef steak au poivre and a Big Red empanada. Just imbibing? Try their original cocktails, such as the Capone’s Revolver or The Trenchtown Fizz. 155 E Commerce, (210) 222-2521, esquiretavern-sa.com Evil Olive The modern-casual environs are sleek, but the laid-back atmosphere at Evil Olive beckons to a mixed Northside crowd with cocktails, bar bites, and occasional live music. 2950 Thousand Oaks, Ste 5

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each other.

Quarry Market at 255 East Basse • 210-829-8888 WholeEarthProvision.com 34 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

Fiasco Cocktails Imagine your older cousin Willie’s rec-room, where you’d sneak away after school to enjoy illicit beers and play shuffleboard with his friends before your moms caught you. This unpretentious neighborhood bar brings back those no-stress times, with pool, video golf, darts, shuffleboard tournaments, and beer for the masses. 2250 Thousand Oaks, Ste 108, (210) 490-2651 John T. Floore Country Store Since opening in 1946, Floore’s has

attracted some of the biggest names in the biz: Elvis, Patsy Cline, Hank Williams, Kitty Wells, Little Richard, and Bob Dylan have all played this “Texcentric” honky tonk. Though Willie Nelson no longer has time to play Floore’s every Saturday night (as the vintage signs suggest), a steady stream of local and touring Americana, blues, country, and rock acts do. And as you drive to the edge of the Texas Hill Country, you’ll think nothing of it once you’re sipping a cold one in one of the most storied venues in Texas. 14492 Old Bandera, Helotes, (210) 695-8827, liveatfloores.com Flying Saucer A menu of nearly 300 brews, including 81 on a rotating tap basis, never fails to pique our curiosity.

Friendly staff, from managers to servers, all know their ales from their IPAs and can help patrons pick one pint from the 100 they’re pondering.

A particular bonus is the Saucer’s free wi-fi, which makes working “from home” much more fun. 11255 Huebner, Ste 212, (210) 696-5080, beerknurd.com Flying Tiger Sports Bar San Antonio’s newest sports bar venue, Flying Tiger’s theme is based on the 1940’s pin-up girl. The Tiger girls strive to provide great customer service along making our customers feel like the Cat’s Meow. So whether you are an eager beaver or a fuddy duddy we invite you to join us for a nice cold beverage and one of our Signature sandwiches. 2619 SE Military Dr, (210) 359-0101, flyingtigersportsbar.com Fox & Hound Bar & Grill Enjoy a selection of over 100 beers, with dozens on tap, fun specialty cocktails, and beer cocktails, too: try the Sailor’s Grog with rum, or make your own blend with Guinness. A wide list of burgers and pizza add zest to this sports bar with 45 TVs, hospitality specials Sunday—Thursday with free pool and half-off apps till 10 p.m.; $5.99 lunch specials and full menu served till 2 a.m. 12651 Vance Jackson, Ste 110, (210) 696-1356, foxandhound.com PAGE 38►

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 35

THE

DRINK

ISSUE

ALEX FINE

Strangest bartender stories Travis E. Poling

Bars are places where people come to unwind, let their hair down a little and sometimes say what’s on their minds. Bartenders have heard it all, but even the most jaded have tales they tell each other in the wee hours of the morning.

Come as you are

Several bartenders have reported a man in the South Texas Medical Center area wearing nothing but a red unitard to step out and get his drink on. Several employees at the popular watering hole Pressure Cooker saw him wander in before opening time, stare everyone down when told the bar was closed, and leave.

But another bartender in the area says he has spoken to the man in the stretchy garb and had an interesting conversation about the comfort of the outfit.

Tales from James, an off-duty bartender drinking at the Pressure Cooker, tell of the homeless man using the bar’s grill out back to “cook” leaves as if they were food, and an angry Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor who had to be called when an intoxicated patron was only able to give her address as “I-10.”

The most memorable, however, was an 80-year-old man dressed as a leprechaun in a green Speedo who jumped into the bar, gave a hearty yell and ran away.

A visitor to Kork wine bar left a lasting impression with his appearance and gifts for the olfactory senses of patrons in downtown New Braunfels. “The guy stunk so bad, he stunk up the whole square footage of the place,” says Kork co-owner Patricia Morris, who paid for the man’s beers and politely asked him to leave. “People were dry heaving in the parking lot. Even the bottles he touched smelled an hour later.”

A _____ walks into a bar

Two men in drag walk into a bar and, at some point during the evening, are confronted by a very small man from India, who in the course of an argument kicks one of them, a very large African-American transvestite, and dashes for the parking lot. The assaulted drag queen pulls off her six-inch pumps and says to the bartender “Hold my heels, honey. I’m going to kick his ass,” and dashes after the diminutive hater. Nick, who is telling the story at a Christmas party of staff from several San Antonio bars, says none of them have been seen since.

A shoplifter walks into a bar and, after being cut off from drinking more, tucks two open beers into her sweat pants, reports a bartender at Baker Street pub.

The cops are called to the scene where the woman who tried to use her pants as a koozie claims mental and physical abuse. The police let her go after she tells them she walked there, but stake out the parking lot from the other side of Wurzbach until she climbs into her car an hour later, and puts the keys in the ignition. Gotcha.

36 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

Name that drink

Dana Kummins, a veteran of several New Braunfels and San Marcos establishments, was working the busiest station at a popular bar while a young blonde woman with no bartending experience struggled to hold down her station at the slow end of the bar.

The owner grabs Kummins away from customers waiting four deep and points to the new employee staring at a drinks list and growls “find out what she needs.” The befuddled blonde says she’s looking for a drink called the William Wall. A puzzled Kummins asks her what’s in it and gets nowhere so she approaches the customer and asked him what he needs.

“I’m William Wall. I’d just like to close out my tab.”

No flushing required

The most common bartender tales involve bodily fluids. If you’re eating, move on to the next story, and mark this segment for later reading.

Kummins, now a manager at The Faust Hotel and Brewing Co., recalls moving to New Braunfels for a job where Thursday nights were typically slow. She

was unaware that Thursday night during the 10-day Wurstfest celebration is college night and comes with hordes of after-party revelers.

The Bud Light tap broke from vigorous use and she had to find a hammer to slam it back in place to stop the spewing beer, even as customers were piling up, and before backup bartenders arrive. At the end of the night, the men’s room was covered in puke except for the toilet.

“You could eat off that toilet. We hosed everything down and had to scrub every inch, but the toilet,” she says. “But I made like $500 that night, so it was cool.”

Danielle Mendoza, a bartender at a popular bar on Fredericksburg Road, says her strangest moment at the bar was when a credit card was declined on a $200 tab. All but the card holder bailed out quickly. The remaining man tried to make a run for it, but was cut off by the door man, an intimidating mixed martial arts practitioner. Fright caused him to lose control of bowels, bladder, and esophagus simultaneously.

“People say crazy things all the time. You get used to that,” Mendoza said. “But this was just (makes a stunned expression) like, ‘I’m not cleaning that up.’”

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One Medical Park Bldg 14615 San Pedro Ste 120, San Antonio malemedicalgroup.com sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 37

THE

DRINK

MICHAEL BARAJAS

ISSUE

BAR LISTINGS ◄ PAGE 34

2 Season Tickets & T-Shirt $ Call and get yours today!

210.227.TE AM

Frank Mumme's The Other Woman Along with quite possibly the best bar name in town, The Other Woman offers high-stakes karaoke (Friday and Saturday nights), darts, and perfectly priced drinks. By day, wells are $2.50, inflating only slightly to $2.75 at night, and $3 buys imports all day long. Need we say more? 1123 Fair, (210) 534-7399.

Freetail Brewing Co. A local micro-brewery devoted to all things Texan — including bats — and operating with copper tanks from the venerable East Coast John Harvard’s Brew House chain, Freetail features specialty craft brews like La Muerta, La Rubia, Rye Wit, and Wild Stang IPA, plus Texas wines and stone-hearth oven pizzas in a sportsfriendly setting on the edge of the Hill Country. 4035 N Loop 1604 W, (210) 395-4974, freetailbrewing.com The Friendly Spot Bring your dog, your bike, and your crew to enjoy a selection of 180 cold brews, 24 unique drafts, and friendly eats till midnight served outdoors. A playground for the kids and potent sangría for adults make The Friendly Spot your go-to for laid back lounging in Southtown. 943 S Alamo, (210) 224-2337, thefriendlyspot.com

www.SanAntonioTalons.com 38 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

The Green Lantern A sophisticated speakeasy-inspired establishment, the Green Lantern combines the best of cocktail culture with the frisson of Capone-era cellar hideouts. Knowledgeable bartenders

The Friendly Spot

shake up custom concoctions and potent classics like Between the Sheets, Sazeracs, and French 75s (not to mention infusions made on-site), making the Prohibition-themed bar one of our favorite reasons to fly north. 20626 Stone Oak Pkwy., Ste 101, (210) 4973722 Havana Bar Easily the most cinematic hideout in Saytown, the Havana Bar sits snugly in the basement of a former residential hotel dating to 1914, reimagined in 2010 by hotelier Liz Lambert. Speak-easy glamour, impossibly dim lighting, vintage furnishings, and a thoughtful bar menu make this the bat cave of choice for hip downtowners, tourists, and anyone wishing to disappear into one of its dark corners.

1015 Navarro, (210) 222-2008, havanasanantonio.com Heat Arguably SA’s chicest gay dance club, Heat boasts weekly drag shows, theme parties with touring DJs, and some of the most up-to-date dance music on the Main Strip. As with most flaming watering holes, Heat puts hetero bars and their patrons to shame with unbeatable drink specials and chiseled physiques. 1500 N Main, (210) 227-2600, heatsa.com Hidden Tavern Promising an encounter with “San Antonio’s friendliest party crowd,” the Hidden Tavern isn’t a place to be seen, but a good place relax with good friends. The neighborhood dive keeps PAGE 42►

END OF THE WORLD PARTY FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21ST DJ M-PAC/ NO COVER

OPEN 3PM-2AM EVERYDAY HAPPY HOUR 3-7PM DAILY

$2 ZIEGENBOCK ON DRAFT ALL THE TIME! DJ EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT 10PM-2AM NO COVER - EVER

600 N. PRESA

LOCATED JUST ONE BLOCK FROM THE RIVER WALK INSIDE THE MAVERICK BUILDING (210) 267-9885 • WWW.THELOCALBARSA.COM • LIKE US ON FB: THELOCALBARSA sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 39

THE

LIVE MUSIC EVERY WEEKEND

If you drink ______, you may like _______

DRINK

ISSUE

Travis E. Poling

TWO DOLLAR LONESTARS

In the days of “faux craft” and international conglomerates owning some of the most beloved U.S. beer icons, it’s hard to know the provenance of the beer in your glass. Here are some suggestions for local beers you may like as well as or better than the national brands and big imports. There’s also a better chance of shaking the brewer’s hand while you’re drinking the beer.

ALWAYS!!!

Home of the PICKLE, CHAMOY, PINEAPPLE, BOMBA ROJA, CHANGO SHOTS & RASPAS 621 East Dewey, San Antonio Texas 210.785.8777 facebook.com/pages/Hi-Tones

If you drink: Budweiser (Anheuser-Busch InBev, Belgium), light American lager You may like: Lobo Lager (Pedernales Brewing Co., Fredericksburg), pre-Prohibition lager

If you drink: Blue Moon White (MolsonCoors/SAB Miller Brewing, Canada/England), Belgian Witbier You may like: Freetail Rye Wit (Freetail Brewing Co., San Antonio), Belgian Wit with rye malt

If you drink: Newcastle Brown (Heineken/Carlsberg, Netherlands/Denmark), English brown ale

OVER 420 FINE SPIRITS 100 PREMIUM BEER SELECTIONS EXCEPTIONAL CIGARS

You may like: Texas Honey Ale (Guadalupe Brewing Co., New Braunfels), American amber ale with Texas honey

If you drink: Pabst Blue Ribbon (Pabst Brewing Co., Los Angeles), budget light American lager You may like: Alamo Golden Ale (Alamo Beer Co., San Antonio, but brewed in Blanco), mild golden/blonde ale

If you drink: Guinness (St. James Gate brewery — owned by Diageo PLC, London, England), Irish stout You may like: Spire Stout (Blue Star Brewing Co., San Antonio), Irish stout

If you drink: Trois Pistoles (Unibroue, Canada — owned by Sapporo, Japan), Belgian dark strong ale

Open Daily 2p-2a

40 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

You may like: La Bestia Aimable (Ranger Creek Brewing Co., San Antonio), Belgian dark strong ale

OK, JUST ONE MORE...

SERNA’s BACKYARD SPORTS BAR Daily Specials:

Sunday: $2 Doms till 11PM, $4 choice shot Monday: $2 Choice Dom., $3 Call /$5.00 Top Shelf Vodka & $4 Choice Shot Tuesday: Tequila Tuesday! $3.50 Call / $4.50 Top Shelf Tequila, $4.00 U-Call-It*, $3.00 Dos XX & Corona Wednesday: Whiskey Wednesday! $3.50 Crown/Jack/Jim, $4 Black Tooth Shots and $3 Choice Import Thursday: Ladies’ Nite! $2 Domestics and Jell-O Shots/$2.50 Wells/$3.00 Smirnoff Vodkas Friday: $2 Jello Shots, $3 Choice Import, $4 Choice Shot till 11PM Saturday: $4.50 Jasgerbombs, $3 U-Call-It*, $2 Choice Dom. Till 11PM

Daily Event Schedule:

Sunday: Texas Hold’Em @ 3:30/5:30/7:30/ 9:30 Free entry! Cash prizes!

Monday: Texas Hold’Em @ 7:30, 9:30 & an Acoustic Performcance by The Buddy System!

Tuesday: Karaoke @ 9:30 w/You Be The Star Entertainment Wednesday: $100 Hold’Em Tournament @ 7:30 Thursday: Karaoke @ 9:30 w/You Be The Star Entertainment Friday: Live music! Check website for details (www.sernasbackyard.com) Saturday: DJ/Live Music*

Great Drinks, great times!

Come out for a relaxing evening in a friendly, smoke-free environment close to home!

Holiday Happy Hours HAPPY HOUR 2P-8P • OPEN 2P-2A DAILY KARAOKE 7 DAYS A WEEK

“ THER E CAN BE

O NLY ON E ! ” HAPPY HOUR! 4pm-8pm Mon-Fri

$2.25 DOMESTIC DRAFT $3 IMPORT DRAFT $1 OFF APPETIZERS & LIQOUR

2615 MOSSROCK (410/VANCE JACKSON) • 210.267.5703 sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 41

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Assorted Colors & Styles for Men, Women, & Children

ISSUE

BAR LISTINGS

◄ PAGE 38

it real with darts, billiards, and long lazy weekends filled with longnecks and karaoke (5:30-10:30 p.m. Thursday-Monday). 11407 West Avenue, (210) 541-0001, hiddentavern.com

Unparalleled quality for use on the trail or around town

Whole Earth Provision Co. Quarry Market at 255 East Basse • 210-829-8888 WholeEarthProvision.com

Highlander Bar & Grill Coyote Ugly meets the Regal Beagle at this former fern bar in the Medical Center. Highlander’s varied happy hour rush is a Northwest microcosm of med students and old timers, and the vibe is charged and upbeat. 5562 Fredericksburg, (210) 340-4577, highlanderbarandgrill.com Hills and Dales Nestled in the shadow of UTSA’s 1604 campus, Hills and Dales boasts 54 beers on tap and 425 bottled varieties. Bring your own mug — if they can find space, you can leave it there for return visits — or you’ll be drinking out of plastic. Punch cards log every draft you drink, while the varied clientele is a friendly mix of bikers, suits, students, and regulars.

15403 White Fawn, (210) 695-2307 Hi-Tones Fairly new and very blue, this live music venue on the St. Mary’s Strip ushers in a fresh scene that’s unfussy, unfancy, and totally fun. The home of the original Pickle Shot, Chamoy Shot, Piña Shot, and Chango Shot is also home of the lethal Bomba Roja (Big Red shot) and The Raspa drink, and you know you want to try them if you haven’t already. No beer over $4 out of a selection of around 70. Always: $2 Lone Star. Live music on the weekends, everything from blues to conjunto to rock and punk. A straight-up original San Anto bar. 621 E Dewey, (210) 573-6220 The Hoity Toit At the Hoity Toit they’ve got beer — iced down and cheap. If you want to drink something else, go somewhere else. Peruse the jukebox on nights absent of Spurs games; besides the traditional country fare, it features the hearty Jimi Hendrix rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner.” 421 E Torrey, New Braunfels, (830) 625-0107 Hooligans Bar & Grill Hooligan’s Bar and Grill is Live

42 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

Oak’s premier music and sports venue. This multi-level bar hosts everything from popular live music acts to well-known local DJ’s, UFC, boxing, and midget wrestling to poker tournaments, pool and darts. The perfect place to escape the grind, Hooligan’s is as diverse in its music and entertainment offerings as it is in its drink selections, popular bar food and daily happy hour specials. 13920 North I-H 35, Live Oak, (210) 6544444, hooligansbarandgrill.com Howl at the Moon The World’s Greatest Rock N’ Roll Dueling Piano Bar. Come sing, dance, and howl the night away as the most versatile and talented musicians perform your favorite songs from the ‘70s, ‘80s, ‘90s, and today on pianos, guitars, and more! From Lady Gaga to Billy Joel: you say it, they’ll play it. This high-energy show is centered around audience participation. Signature cocktails, drink specials, and more, ‘natch! 111 W Crockett, (210) 212-4695, howlatthemoon.com The Industry In a perpetual state of rewind to the heyday of MTV, the Industry is San Antonio’s undisputed “Home of the ‘80s.” Featuring a massive dance floor ruled by Best of SA winner DJ Eddie Lopez, the retro club packs in a crowd of dancing machines with bargainbasement drink specials (including $0.75 wells on Thursdays), signature shots like Pretty in Pink, and enduring parties such as Feel Good Fridays.

8021 Pinebrook, (210) 366-3229, feelgoodfridays.com The Irish Pub A traditional Irish drinkery with a large selection of spirits and beers. Every day drink specials, with darts, pool, digital jukebox, mega-touch and multiple televisions dedicated to sports, and patio lounge.

A college and local favorite. 9726 Datapoint, (210) 692-7620 Ivory Lounge This premier nightclub offers a vast array of spirits including specialty martini menu and VIP bottle service.

Dance the night away surrounded by PAGE 44►

SHOT BOARD! OVER 100 SHOTS SPECIALS THROUGHOUT THE WEEK

HOME OF THE CHAMOY MARGARITA!

LIVE DJ’S VIDEO MIXING 7 NIGHTS A WEEK

10PM-2AM MON: DJ NAAWZ TUES & WED: DJ SLIC RIC THURS & FRI: DJ NAAWZ SAT: DJ NAAWZ / DJ SLIC RIC SUN: DJ SLIC RIC

HAPPY HOUR

DAILY 10AM - 7PM

$2 DOM. CANS, PINTS & BOTTLES $2.75 WELLS $2.50 DOS XX BOTTLES $3 JAGERMEISTER $1.50 PBR PINTS 32 OZ. SCHOONERS SOLD HERE! $7 IMPORT & $5 DOMESTIC

DAILY SPECIALS:

MON: $3.75 Three Olives Flavored Vodkas TUES: $3.75 Pinnacle Flavored Vodkas WED: $1.50 Domestic Pints THURS: $3.75 Espolon Tequila FRI: $4.00 Absolut Flavored Vodkas SAT: $4.00 Crown Royal SUN: $3.75 Shot Board

$1.50 DOM. PINTS DURING SUNDAY & MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL

OPEN 10:00AM TO 2:00AM MON-SAT • NOON-2:00AM SUN • 228 LOSOYA ST. DRINKSIRIUS.COM • LESA@DRINKSIRIUS.COM Twitter @ClubSirius Facebook.com/TooSirius sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 43

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BAR LISTINGS

◄ PAGE 42

beautiful people in a modern atmosphere as some of the area’s top DJ’s spin the hottest hits, along with video, and intelligent listening system. Come be a part of what everyone is talking about. 5125 Fredericksburg, (210) 340-4879, ivoryloungesa.com IVY Rooftop SA’s first hotel-style rooftop lounge is an official must-see for partyers under 30. You might have to wait in line on a weekend night, but the place honestly looks best before the crowd arrives. Consider arriving early for an outdoor cocktail; if it feels like a good fit, you’ll be in position for a rotating cast of DJs and people-watching of the ego-fueled variety. Luxe outdoor furnishings give IVY a slick South Beach vibe, while drink prices fortunately remain within this time zone.

4553 N Loop 1604 W, (210) 393-0511.

Jack's Bar Music lovers of varying ages get drawn in by Jack’s laid-back appeal, no-nonsense cocktails, and live performances by such quality local acts as Girl in a Coma, Pop Pistol, and Blowing Trees, plus the occasional wild card like the all-male Lady Gaga tribute band Rad Bromance. 3030 Thousand Oaks, (210) 494-2309, jacksbarsa.com Joe Blue's Joey of Joey’s and Blue Star Brewery fame applies his ample bar skills to this sleek little cocktail lounge in the Blue Star Arts Complex. On First Fridays, Joe Blue’s is the perfect place to hide from all the art (trust us, everything looks better after a dirty martini or three) while listening to an acoustic set. 1420 S Alamo, (210) 212-5421 The Korova High-octane live music attracts a mixed alternative crowd on certain nights, but it was a DJ spinning vintage New Order that officially made us Korova fans. The post-punk dance party Dark Entries (offering a dark mix of deathrock, synthpop, and “grave wave” courtesy of DJs Detra and MadMaxx) takes over the basement on Friday nights while the

44 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

upstairs stage hosts touring acts as varied as Penguin Prison, Kinky, and Turquoise Jeep on a fairly regular basis. 107 E Martin, (210) 995-7229, facebook.com/thekorova La Tuna & La Tuna Grill Beer bottlecaps crunch under your feet beneath the city’s best tree canopy. Such is the atmosphere at La Tuna, a Southtown fixture where bikers and artists peacefully coexist over cheap beers in the shadow of one of SA’s coolest industrial backdrops. 100 Probandt, (210) 212-5727, latunagrill. com Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club SA’s newest comedy club (sister to downtown’s Rivercenter Comedy Club) headlines the big ones: Carlos Mencia, George Lopez, Kat Williams, Chris Rock, Drew Carey, and many more talents have graced the Laugh Out Loud and Rivercenter Showroom stages. Local talent, too. You never know when you’re about to meet the next Robin Williams or Gabriel Iglesias! Dine on burgers or steaks, and enjoy the wide variety of specialty drinks. 618 NW Loop 410, Ste 312, (210) 541-8805, lolsanantonio.com Liberty Bar Lady Liberty’s upper level has an arty vibe, serving an imaginative menu. Legendary bloody marys and mimosas go down for half-off on Saturdays (10:30 a.m.-2 p.m.), Monday Wine Night offers half off all bottles of wine and Champagne, and happy hour (5-7 p.m. Monday-Friday) promises $3 drafts, house wine, and well drinks. First floor dining, special event/private party facilities, and Pop up music nights. Bar open every day until midnight. 1111 S Alamo, (210) 227-1187, liberty-bar.com Lion & Rose One of the few spots in SA to catch a pint of Smithwick’s, it’s a great bar to hang out with friends, watch a game, or play some trivia. Cute waitresses will steal your attention, but the British pub fare and drink selections will steal it right back. Shepherd’s pie, fish and chips, and bangers and mash will have you feeling right across the pond PAGE 48►

SUNDAY

$3.50 XX Pints, $4 All Tequila

MONDAY

$3.00 Domestic Pints $4 All Vodka

G: TURIN A E F NOW PIZZA & S WINE S A TEX

DAILY DRINK SPECIALS!

TUESDAY

NEVER R A COVE P 21 & U

$3.50 Shiner Bock & Blue Moon $4 All Whiskey & Bourbon

WEDNESDAY $4 U Call It

THURSDAY $2.50 Wells and Domestic Bottles

FRIDAY & SATURDAY Shot Specials Ask Bartender For Details

OPEN EVERYDAY

The Place Where Locals Come to Party!

Downtown San Antonio’s True Neighborhood Bar

2p - 2a

CATCH ALL SPURS & NFL GAMES HERE ON 8 SCREENS!

302 E. Commerce (between presa & navarro) | (210) 271-9494

k n i r d & d o o f n i t s For the late g n i n i d / m o .c t n e r r visit sacu

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 45

Holy Smokes

ISSUE

Tasting “ten yards of barbed wire” RON BECHTOL

These days, where there’s smoke there’s likely … a bartender. 1919’s Stephan Mendez recently offered me a sample of rye infused with smoke from a PolyScience smoke gun using wood chips. It was intense, and though I wouldn’t want to sip it solo, its use in a cocktail seemed to have serious potential.

Smoke in spirits is nothing new, of course; many are the fans of the smokypeaty single-malt Scotches from Islay — Laphroaig being the chief performer or offender, depending on your point of view. Agave aficionados have also come to expect a smoky component in some tequilas, but it’s mostly associated with mezcales, where smoke is at least in part a result of underground roasting.

At a recent Current-choreographed mezcal-tasting hosted by Jeret Peña at Brooklynite, the panel had expected to be running for the fire exits in order to escape the smoke bombs. Not necessarily so.

Mezcal is an ancient and often untamed spirit with ancestral links to the even more-rustic, fermented pulque. By law, it can be made from any of a number of agave subspecies and in several locations in Mexico; in practice, it’s distilled principally in Oaxaca from the spiky espadín agave (blue agave is the principal tequila base), though some producers are seeking out wild agaves from Oaxaca’s rugged slopes and valleys. Yes, there has traditionally been a worm in the bottle — put there,

46 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

we’re told, to indicate that the bottled spirit was at just the right level of alcohol to preserve it, but the critter is absent from most modern bottles.

There was a worm in only one of our six. There was another creature in one of the others.

The panel consisted of myself and Scott Andrews from the Current, Jeret Peña and Rob Gourlay from Brooklynite, and Chris Ware, formerly of Bohanan’s and soon to become head bartender and manager at Jesse Pérez’s Arcade in the Pearl. The mezcales, all jóvenes, or un-aged, were selected by Peña and are available at Brooklynite. We began with one of two Fidencios in the lineup, the Sin Humo. All of Fidencio’s espadin agaves are harvested at full moon, and most are double-distilled. Uniquely, the Sin Humo piñas (the trimmed agaves) are baked in a “radiant oven” specifically designed not to convey a smoky quality.

It works. “There’s a lot of flavor missing … it’s sort of like a harsh pisco,” commented Ware. Peña agreed, while

picking up a little brioche. Andrews found Dr. Brown’s Cel-Ray Tonic.

“Para todo mal, mezcal. Para todo bien, también,” goes an old Mexican saying. (For everything bad, mezcal.

For everything good as well.) With the second in the lineup we began to think that might be true. The Agave de Cortez Silver Mezcal struck Peña as “a sipper; there’s minerality right off.” “There’s a light smoke on the nose but it comes across more on the palate,” said Ware, comparing the Cortez to a lightly smoky Jura single malt. Yours truly found the smoke to be almost bacon-y. We might have expected another kind of protein taste in bottle number three, the Scorpion Silver Mezcal. Yes, there’s a de-stingered scorpion in the bottle, but venom wasn’t anybody’s impression.

“Cookie dough,” offered Andrews. “… with a hell of a lot of spice,” added Peña. “It’s spicy like a rye; it will stand out in a cocktail,” summarized Gourlay.

On a recent trip to San Miguel de Allende, I stopped into El Tinieblo, a

tequila bar near the central square.

They made me a good mezcal-based Paloma with grapefruit soda. The same mezcal, the El Tinieblo Joven (produced in Tamaulipas, it was the only bottle from outside the Oaxaca region) failed to impress anyone much, however — despite being made from three “wild” agaves and being double-distilled after cooking over mesquite. “You could sell this to somebody who doesn’t know mezcal. It’s beautiful for getting into it,” thought Gourlay. But comments such as “metal, not mineral,” “rubbery finish,” and “faint smoke hiding behind a methyl alcohol smell” wouldn’t convince too many first-timers.

The Fidencio Clásico redeemed the label in the panel’s eyes and palates; it inspired the most discussion of any in the lineup with commentary such as “buttery, toasty … never anything like that before” (Peña), “brown sugar!”

(Gourlay), “definitely a sipper; it rolls extremely well from side to side and front to back [of the mouth]”( Ware). Cocktail suggestions ran the gamut from lemon to cream and coffee, after which the last contender, Del Maguey’s Vida, the entry-level offering from the acclaimed single-village series that arguably started the whole mezcal craze, fell flat.

“It works in cocktails,” offered Gourlay in its defense, and in fact that is what the producer intended. But Andrews found the difference in mouth feel between this and the Fidencio to be revealing, and nobody seemed to get the predicted fruitiness, leaving us with two consensus winners out of the six: the Agave de Cortez Silver (also investigate their reposado, añejo, and extra añejo mezcales) and the Fidencio Clásico. And though the Fidencio Joven and the Del Maguey Vida were the least favorite, none approached the roughness suggested by Malcolm Lowry in Under the Volcano, who characterized the drink as “ten yards of barbed wire fence” — all the while consuming gallons of it.

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in no time. Multiple locations; 5148 Broadway, (210) 822-7673, thelionandrose.com The Local Bar A chill and cool neighborhood bar in the heart of downtown San Antonio, steps from the River Walk and just blocks from the famed Alamo, it’s the place locals go to hangout and have a cold beer at great prices. DJs Saturday night. Happy hour daily from 3-7pm; Reverse happy hour from 9-11pm Sunday-Thursday. 600 N Presa, (210) 267-9885, the localbarsa.com Lorenzo's Ristorante Having been in business for over 45 years, Lorenzo’s Ristorante is a “start from scratch” style restaurant, from baking bread to making their own Italian sausage, with an eclectic selection of wines available by the glass, and also available to sample, our happy hours run all day! 8032 Fredericksburg, (210) 692-9900, lorenzosindy.com Luna Fine Music Club This sophisticated jazz club with a spotless record attracts hipsters of all ages (and a little bit of everything else) for local and touring acts like Brownout. With live music Wednesday-Saturday (including free Latin vibes from Border Palace on Wednesdays and smooth jazz and R&B with P.M. Soul every First Friday), Luna is one of the chicest date-night desti-

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nations in the city. 6740 San Pedro, (210) 804-2433, lunalive.com MadDogs British Pub This British-inspired pub on the River Walk where waitresses serve the thirsty in de rigeur tiny kilts is popular with college students as much as tourists. Entertainment seven days a week, ranging from live bands to adult comedy karaoke shows and top San Antonio Djs. It’s the pub that thinks it’s a club. 123 Losoya, (210) 222-0220, maddogs.net Mama Margie's Mexican Cafe One of the best Tex-Mex restaurants in town, with fajitas, enchiladas, home made tortillas, and top-shelf margaritas in a casual atmosphere.

“Drive thru, Dine in, Take out, 24-hours a day!” Multiple locations; 9950 IH-10 W, (210) 561-0400, mamamargies.com Margarita Man San Antonio’s favorite party guest since 1984, with frozen drink machine rentals, sales, leasing and repairs. The Man is America’s leading retailer of Donper Beverage freezers, offering 20+ natural drink mix flavors, guaranteed fresh, made right here in San Anto. 110818 Gulfdale, (210) 979-7191, margaritamansa.com Mariachi Bar at Mi Tierra The full bar offers strong margaritas in three sizes: grande, jumbo, and PAGE 50►

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BAR LISTINGS

liter. I don’t know if it’s the colorful decorations on the ceiling or the mariachis moving from table to table or what, but getting drunk at Mi Tierra makes one feel like Harrison Ford circa Blade Runner — getting lost in Guadalajara. For that alone, Mi Tierra is worth a visit. If you’ve been once, you know why this place has grown into a San Antonio institution since Pete and Cruz Cortez first opened in 1941. 218 Produce Row, (210) 2251262, mitierracafe.com Martini Club With décor inspired by an old Vegas lounge, Martini’s is one of San Antonio’s best-kept secrets. Owner Wayne Harper, a reported master of musical styles, impresses his patrons with lively performances every Friday and Saturday night (beginning at 9:30 p.m.), while live jam sessions (8pm-midnight on Mondays) and karaoke (from 9 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday) attract a colorful array of garden-variety lounge lizards. 8507 McCullough, (210) 344-4747, wayneharpersmartiniclub.com MaX's Wine Dive Max’s Wine Dive is the last word in bacchanalia ... with style. Coolest wine-centric restaurant with gourmet comfort food and wines from around the world. Even unsuspecting dishes, like the truffled egg sandwich, will expand your mind’s eye and delight your soul. 340 E Basse, Ste 101, (210) 444-9547, maxswinedive.com The Menger Hotel Bar Rich history and a stuffed moose head with a discerning stare sum up the ambience at The Menger Hotel Bar, where locals and tourists gather for drinks in lodge-like surroundings.

Prices are a little steep, but an opportunity to mingle with Teddy Roosevelt’s restless spirit mere steps from the Alamo is priceless. 204 Alamo Plaza, (210) 223-4361, mengerhotel.com Midnight Rodeo The predecessor of Cowboys Dancehall, this country dance-club has thrived for a quarter century by hosting concerts featuring up-and-coming country music talent. Free dance lessons, weekly cash drops, and boot-

scootin’ drink specials (like $1.75 wells and select drafts and $3.75 for “anything else” on Fridays) keep the racetrack-style dance floor in motion.

12260 Nacogdoches, (210) 655-0040, midnightrodeosanantonio.com The Mine Shaft Saloon Formerly a prop closet for the adjoining costume-happy restaurant the Magic Time Machine, the expanded Mine Shaft Saloon is probably the only place in town you’ll see Snow White rolling silverware while Captain Jack Sparrow practices his accent. Tastefully furnished with ‘80s detritus, the cozy bar attracts a gregarious post-work crowd for live music, cheap drinks, and karaoke.

902 NE Loop 410, (210) 828-1470 The Mix Linger too long on the St. Mary’s Strip and the crowd will probably push you into the Mix whether you were planning to go or not. This mainstay often ends up the de-facto place to be when you have no particular place to be, but free shows by high-caliber local bands make it a destination spot on the weekends. When an established act’s on the bill, check your claustrophobia at the door and BYO shoehorn.

2423 N St. Mary’s, (210) 735-1313, facebook.com/themix.sanantonio M.K. Davis Pour some out for dearly departed M.K. Davis, who pioneered a cooling system for his 32-ounce schooners guaranteed to whet the whistles of near-Westsiders, even in the heat of summer. The saloon-type bar connects with the restaurant, meaning plenty of home cookin’ to soak up eight different draught beers. 1302 N Flores, (210) 223-1208, facebook. com/mkdavisrestaurant Moses Rose's Hideout Follow Moses to this downtown bar unafraid to poke at Alamo traditions, loosen its tie, and indulge in good food, cold beer, and too-loud music. The Hideout does both “bar” and “grill” pretty well, but the atmosphere careens wildly depending on who’s onstage. 518 E Houston, (210) 775-1808 PAGE 52►

HE T E C RIEN LEGEND E P X E ANS E L R EW O

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PatObriens.com/SanAntonio

121 Alamo Plaza 210-220-1076 sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 51

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Mustang Sally's Mustang Sally’s offers an introduction to SA’s subcultures and proves they can coexist on one dance floor.

Cheap drinks, lots of cheesy shots, and roadhouse karaoke are reason enough to go south for a spell at Sally’s. 3428 Roosevelt, (210) 922-0957 Nektar Lounge An ultra-exclusive club with Go Go dancers, VIP service, and “the only liquid ice system in Texas,” this new spot is designed for San Antonio’s beautiful people. Nektar attracts perfectly coiffed clubbers in sky-high stilettos and designer loafers, offering the perfect opportunity to drink the night into oblivion, or indulge in mindless dancing to Top 40 remixes.

19239 Stone Oak Pkwy. Ste 110, (210) 490-0133, nektarlounge.com Nightrocker Live This club is like a high-voltage living room with strong drinks and an unpretentious vibe. Get a taste of Austin’s music scene without the drive, laugh your way through Thursday during Stand Up and ROCK! Comedy Night, or check out local artwork by emerging talent in the Midnight Gallery. Home of SA’s first underground comedy bar and burlesque nights.

One of the main temples of local and touring rock, owned by the one and only bar owner and roadie Roland “Nightrocker” Fuentes. 605 San Pedro, (210) 265-3573, nightrockerlive. net Pat O'Briens This New Orleans chain is famous for its Hurricanes, and with several levels of drinking and eating it’s best to pace yourself lest you start on the balcony and fall to the patio. Tourists can enjoy SA in the winter while townies wonder where all these people came from. 121 Alamo Plaza, (210) 220-1076, patobriens.com Olmos Bharmacy Where once milkshakes were served and pink pills sold, now music plays and drinks flow. Situated in the historic Gilmore Pharmacy (which dates to 1938 and became the Olmos Pharmacy in the ‘40s), the landmark

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serves up half-priced bottles of wine on Mondays, and $4 micheladas on Fridays with a live soundtrack encompassing Celtic, blues, jazz, Americana, and genres in between. 3902 McCullough, (210) 822-1188, olmosbharmacy.com On the Half Shell This unassuming bar in the heart of downtown features a cozy upper level, a picturesque back patio, and some of the cheapest drinks around. Possibly at its most intriguing on Tuesdays, when the poets of PuroSlam duke it out with a healthy dose of heckling from the audience, On the Half Shell also hosts hip-hop parties and doubles as a sports bar. 202 Navarro, (210) 222-2171, onthehalfshell.net ORO Restaurant and Bar The bar at the legendary (and supposedly haunted) Emily Morgan Hotel, located cheek-by-jowl to the Alamo, is host to the downtown business crowd and sundry troops in fatigues. Try The Don, their “awardwinning margarita,” made with Don Julio, Grand Marnier, and squeezed lime and orange juices. Our persnickety food and drink critic dubbed it, “really not bad.” High praise, considering the source. 705 E Houston, (210) 225-5100, emilymorganhotel.com Papa Woody's Roadhouse This tidy Southside tavern offers two full-service bars, four pool tables, an internet jukebox, and a modest dance floor that fills in fast when there’s live music pumping from the 17,000-watt sound system. 8902 S Presa, (888) 897-6996, papawoodysroadhouse.com Pegasus Pegasus is by far one of SA’s most entertaining karaoke destinations (daily from 9:30 p.m. on the back patio) and quite possibly the most foolproof gay meat market in town.

Contemporary dance tracks set the pace for steamy encounters in the main room while tight jeans and classic country dominate the back bar and drag divas reign supreme on the outdoor stage. 1402 N Main, (210) 299-4222, pegasussanantonio.com PAGE 56►

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Stepping into the Limelight: War Room owners Edward Preston and Scott Andreu

You can’t fight here War Room (fka Limelight) bunkers down on North St. Mary's James Courtney

The North St. Mary’s strip has been a go-to spot for generations of live music aficionados, weeknight dance addicts, cheap drink revelers, and local college kids. Through the years (decades really), “The Strip” has gone through ups and downs, various ownership changes, and cultural transformations along with its clientele. Recent changes along The Strip, and the outward growth of our city, have left some fearing the dissipation of one of our most vibrant and consistent (if shape-shifting) night life scenes.

Enter War Room.

Housed at the storied 2718 N St Mary’s address (most recently Limelight since 2006, but previously Strutter’s and Whacky’s), War Room looks to be a key player in a

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new push to return to and even surpass previous boozy glory. Owned by local entrepreneurs and longtime music biz veterans Scott Andreu (founder/CEO of Texas is Funny Records) and Edward Preston, War Room seeks to specifically reinvigorate the live music mission of the venue.

“Our vision is to offer San Antonio as much quality live music entertainment as possible, including notable touring acts from across the nation, in an environment that is unique and inviting, and crowned with great service,” Preston, who officially took over the building on November 14, told the Current. Other changes we can expect will include a full ’90s-style arcade room in the front, a new openness to 18 and up shows, renovations to the bathrooms and patio, and (in the course of the next year) improved light and sound systems. And there’s already a spiffy new coat of paint on the walls. Generally speaking, Andreu and Preston hope War Room will become a place known for its quirky but clean atmosphere and, above all, the quality of the live music experience it can offer. In the

coming weeks, the venue has already secured shows by Cheschi (Dec 28), Japanther (Dec 30), T-Bird and the Breaks (Jan 5), and Emily Bell (Jan 15). So what else can we expect? When The Current sat down with him last week, Andreu didn’t mince words: “No smells.”

Always a plus.

Apart from the promising new venture War Room, there are several other notable reasons to reinvestigate life on The Strip. In the void left by Salute’s recent (and lamentable) departure, we are promised a new venture from new owner (and former owner of Limelight) Casey Lange. Meanwhile, Web House has moved to the old Enchilada Warehouse location, Hi-Tones owner Danny Delgado and partners are bringing The Faust Tavern to the old Web House location, Brass Monkey Video Bar seems to be thriving, Tycoon Flats has purchased Café Latino, and Mojo’s and the old Club Venom sit promisingly empty. Whether you’re looking to discover or reconsider The Strip as a regular hangout spot, there are sure to be plenty of fresh happenings over the coming year.

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Send your resume and cover letter to Lara Fischer, Advertising Director Lfischer@sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 55

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presents H O li DAy B O n u s O f f e r * receive $ 10 back in Gift Cer tificates with ever y $ 5 0 Gift Card Purchase *Available at all Santikos Theatres and www.santikos.com while supplies last.

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56 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

BAR LISTINGS

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The Phoenix Saloon Dating to 1871, this highly authentic melting pot is reportedly the birthplace of chili powder and the first bar in Texas to serve women (in an outdoor beer garden with an adjacent alligator pit). Painstakingly resurrected and restored as a chili parlor and live music venue with ungovernable tendencies, the Phoenix Saloon is well worth the trip to old New Braunfels. 193 W San Antonio, New Braunfels, (830) 6431400, thephoenixsaloon.com Raffles Restaurant and Bar It’s dinner jackets and predatoryanimal prints on the lido deck of the Pacific Princess at this perpetual Best of SA winner for Best Old Man Bar. Such a designation would be an insult to many establishments, but here it’s more of a warning. A hop across Loop 410 to a larger space hasn’t changed Raffles’ tune: this is party central for mature audiences only, overseen by former Pittsburgh Pirates shortstop Gair Allie Jr. 1039 NE Loop 410, (210) 826-7118, rafflesrestaurantandbar.com Ranger Creek Brewing & Distilling Texas’ only “brewstillery,” San Antonio’s microbrewery and craft distiller right here in San Antonio. Featuring Texas bourbon made with 2 pounds of Texas corn in each bottle and aged under the Texas sun, an ever-changing array of local beers with interesting recipes using local ingredients. 4834 Whirlwind, Ste 102, (832) 969-3800, drinkrangercreek.com The Raven Hookah Lounge Dazed and Confused meets the Victorian era at this eclectic lounge with game nights, DJ parties, and live music. Come for the hookah but BYOB (for a fee of $2 per person). 1255 SW Loop 410, Ste 133, (210) 673-3650, ravenhookah.com Rebar Twisted metal is the structural theme of this Alamo Heights neighborhood bar, but getting twisted is on the minds of many that gather here to take in live music (including the

“one-man phunk band” Henry + the Invisibles at 10 p.m. on Fridays), DJs, games of pool, karaoke, and more in cozy seating areas that lead to a fireheated back patio. 8134 Broadway, (210) 320-4091, rebarsatx.com The Reggae Bar Cheap beer, Jamaican music videos, and a beachy vibe create an invitingly casual oasis on an impersonal strip of Austin Highway — one that turns into a microcosm of Jamaica (with Caribbean food to boot) when it’s hosting events like the San Antonio Reggae Fest or concerts showcasing topnotch acts like Alex “Rebel” Marley, Capleton, and Radio La Chusma. 2016 Austin Hwy., (210) 772-9891 Retox Situated in a strip center off West Avenue and Patricia, Retox packs in rock-minded drinkers for long happy hours (2-9 p.m. daily) live music on Fridays and Saturdays (with $2.50 beer specials and $4 shot specials) and karaoke on Sundays with happy hour prices all day. 1031 Patricia, (210) 775-2886, retoxbar.net Revolution Room “One spot, five bars, two levels, pure indulgence” is the mantra at the cavernous Rev Room, an adult playground that’s serious about sports by day (onsite RevSPORTS opens at 4 p.m. during the week) and loud music by night. Happy hours melt into live bands or DJs every night of the week — even Sundays, when DJs Gibb and Donnie Dee’s Soul’d Out party serves up funky beats spiked with $2 drafts and “any liquor” for a mere three bucks. 8123 Broadway, (210) 3204567, revolutionroom.com Riley's Tavern Billed as the Lone Star Sate’s first tavern after prohibition, Riley’s is the quintessential Texas watering hole. The tavern houses bikers, hippies, cowboys, college students, and 20-somethings who have grown tired of frequenting “cool” establishments, and patrons are treated to live music nearly every night of the week. 8894 FM 1102, Hunter, (512) 392-3132, rileystavern.com PAGE 59►

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The Saint A move down the Main Strip to take over the bi-level space previously inhabited by Woody's hasn't stolen the show (or the showgirls) from the Saint. Grittier than Bonham or Heat — and often twice as loud, crowded, and crazy — this gayborhood anchor packs in one of the most diverse crowds in town for dancing, drag shows, and high-octane cocktails. 800 Lexington, (210) 225-7330.

Salud! The Ultimate Tequila Bar This modern, exclusive, and festive Mexican tequila bar radiates energy and fun. Award winning cucumber margarita and signature homemade sangria top the beverage list, which also includes an impressive selection of Mexican beers and a tequila list featuring over 100 varieties of 100 percent Blue Agave tequilas. 8123 Broadway, Ste D, (210) 320-6034.

Sanchez Ice House #1 This humble little joint is a San Anto institution and the last of its kind: a veteran ice house that's still kickin' with a heart-load of jukebox nostalgia, offering good neighborhood cheer, hobnobbing with bikers, and Thursday beer specials. 819 S San Saba, (210) 223-0588 Sam's Burger Joint A top-notch sound system is but one of the features that render Sam's SA's premiere venue for Americana, blues, soul, swing, and rockabilly. By day, burgers (including a locally sourced veggie option) and beer get served up no-nonsense style. But at night, Sam's is all about music and booze and can easily accommodate sophisticated seated shows and packed ragers alike.

330 E Grayson, (210) 223-2830, samsburgerjoint.com Shady Lady Saloon Generous mixed drinks, pool tables, karaoke, wi-fi, horseshoes, and a “Shady Patio” are but a few of the charms to be found at this Southside roadhouse, which hosts a popular steak night ($11) on Thursdays. 3603 S WW White Rd., (210) 333-4224, theshadyladysaloon.com

Sherlock's Baker Street Pub & Grill Designed to resemble the living quarters of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's logic-minded hero, Sherlock's rounds up the usual suspects for wallet-friendly cocktails, bar games, pub fare, and free live music every night of the week. 16620 281 N, (210) 572-9307, sherlockspub.com Silo Elevated Cuisine Regarded by some as the Alamo Heights bar, Silo covers all the bases with specialty cocktails, import beer, fine wines by the glass, and (as the name suggests) upscale food, making its happy hour (4-9 p.m. daily) a fairly sophisticated slosh-fest. Live music in a variety of genres takes over both locations (the other being in Ventura Plaza at 434 N Loop 1604 W) on the weekends. 1133 Austin Hwy., (210) 824-8686, siloelevatedcuisine.com The Silver Dollar Saloon Thankfully, the Silver Dollar hasn't lost track of its original clientele: well-dressed cowboys, line-dancing lesbians, off-duty drag queens, and admirers of any/all of the above. On any given night, visitors to the SD might happen upon a retro dance night, a talent competition, or an outrageous performance by a touring tranny. 1812 N Main, (210) 227-2623 Sir Winston's Pub Sir Winston's fares well in a posttobacco bar scene with a brand-new patio and continued excellence as an unpretentious neighborhood nightspot. Inside feels like your dad's old basement game room, but with more TVs (and now with less smoke).

2522 Nacogdoches, (210) 829-5933 SoHo Wine & Martini Bar This sophisticated yet relaxing riverside bar really does feel like a bigcity hangout in its namesake Manhattan ‘hood. The clubby atmosphere is helped along by deep-red walls, stylish furniture, the former bank's original 19th-century safe (doubling as an above-ground cellar), and a horseshoe bar that encourages long, conversationrich happy hours (4-7 p.m. and 9-11 p.m. Monday-Friday). 214 W Crockett, (210) 444-1000, sohomartinibar.com PAGE 64►

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By Scott Andrews and Bryan Rindfuss

Photo by Josh Huskin

One of the most honored bartenders of all time is Ada “Coley” Coleman, who began tending bar at The Claridge in New York City back in 1899 at the age of 24.

She must have been good. In 1903 she moved to the American Bar at The Savoy Hotel, where she invented the HankyPanky cocktail and held the post of head bartender until retiring — a rarity during pre-Prohibition times, when women were seldom tolerated in bars, much less

Dakotah Brown, Coco Beach Fave cocktail to make?

Bloody Mary. I put a lot of love in mine.

Fave bar?

Coco Beach! Not just because I work there — it’s always a great time and the patrons are awesome.

60 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

allowed to run them. In today’s revival of cocktail culture, men seem to still receive most of the attention. But now, as back in the day, there are ladies packing a lot of talent behind the bar. In an attempt to rectify matters, we present to you six of our local favorites.

Christine Hill is the bar manager at the Pearl’s first bar, the Blue Box. She contends that many drinkers believe women in the biz are hired just for their

Christine Hill, Blue Box What do you do when you’re not bartending?

I play bass in a band called the Dixie Hammers. Playing rock ’n’ roll is a great release.

Can true love be found in a bar?

Absolutely.

looks, but counters, “I tell you what — anyone looks good when they have a wall of liquor behind them.” Not only does Hill run the bar, she does some heavy lifting, too. “I’m the ‘beer guy’ at Blue Box,” she says. “Clean my own lines, haul kegs, the whole shebang. I love every minute of it.”

Polly Cox has been tending bar at The Mix for 15 years. “I started coming in when they first opened,” she explains, “and just never left. The people that come in

Polly Cox, The Mix Fave place for cocktails?

The Esquire. The bartenders are great and the place is a bit like walking back in time.

What’s the biggest misconception about female bartenders?

That we are impressed when someone waves money in front of us.

really do fit the name of the bar, and that makes for an interesting crowd. And, there is always music.” Cox is opening her own bar soon. Asked what it will be like, she responded simply, “Wait and see.” Up the street on the St. Mary’s Strip is War Room, where Krystal Little tends bar. Her worst bartending horror story? “Showing Longhorn network football games when only a couple businesses are showing it … enough

Krystal Little, War Room Personal style?

Big hair, black leather, and a lot of gold!

Can true love be found in a bar?

It’s sketchy but it can happen.

My parents met in one and they’re still happily married.

said.” The Esquire’s Karah Carmack has a few bar stories, too. “I’ve had people arrested, I’ve broken up fights (and suffered a few black eyes because of it), I’ve cut off men three-times my size. But nothing is as horrible as being 15 tickets deep on service well, and having people yelling drink orders at you. But I suppose stress builds character.” Dakotah Brown tends bar at Coco Beach, a kitschy local joint with a shark hanging from

the ceiling and a neighborhood legend.

Asked if true love could be found in a bar, she replied in the affirmative, “Ha! I found my true love in a bar, so yes!”

What’s missing from the local night life?

“Good tippers.” Vikki Buchanan holds court at Heat Nightclub, named “Best Gay Bar” by Current readers in 2012.

Known for sporting a “Wonder Woman” tattoo, she has a different take on what’s wrong with the SA bar scene: “Manners,

self respect and basic common sense.

Girls — put your boobs away, have some respect for yourself. It isn’t worth trying to get a free drink or shot by having everyone around you (including the bartenders) laugh at your complete lack of self-respect. Guys — stop acting like douche bags and thinking you’re something you’re not. … It’s pretty simple, act like a human and you will be treated like one.”

Vikki Buchanan, Heat Nightclub

Karah Carmack, Esquire Tavern

Personal style?

Rocker chick with a bitch attitude. In a nice way, of course.

What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

Dude: “I’m young, rich, and hung. Wanna hook up?”

Me: (laughing) “I’m old enough to be your mother. Try again.”

Fave cocktail to make?

The Last Word. It’s complex, delicious, and after a couple you’re sure to have an awesome story to tell.

What’s the biggest misconception about female bartenders?

That we aren’t capable, or that our skin simply is not thick enough.

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Bombay Bicycle Club

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121 Broadway • 210.271.1058 62 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

BREAKFAST BARS Ah, the weekend morning. Birds chirping, pajamas lingering, and a shot of your finest bourbon, please. While farmers markets and 5Ks may cut it for those inclined towards a healthy lifestyle, even the fittest denizen of San Anto can’t say no to a boozy brunch now and then. I checked out some local breakfast bars for when your day needs a swift kick in the rear.

Bombay Bicycle Club is where Trinity kids go for breakfast booze. A downtown hideaway with a daily happy hour from 11 a.m.-7 p.m., it’s got something for everyone. A rotating cast of draft beers is on tap for just $2.25; well drinks, frozen margaritas, and domestic beers go for $3.25; and, my personal favorite, the Bloody Mary, is available for just $3.75 on “Bloody Sundays.” 3506 North Saint Mary’s, (210) 737-2411, bombaybicycleclubsa.com For the doctors and nurses getting out of work as the sun comes up, there’s the always weird Cobalt Club. A gay bar that opens at 7 a.m. daily welcomes all with its big red pool table, wooden wrap-around bar and enclosed back porch. Cobalt Club has some of the cheapest drinks I’ve ever encountered, and they’re cheap all the time. If you’re a whiskey-in-the-morning kinda guy or gal, this place slings it for just $2.50 a pour. Dangerous. 2022 McCullough, (210) 734-2244 And if you're looking for a River Walk dive to hide from the sun, check out Club Sirius, with happy hour kicking off at 10 a.m. Mon-Sat and noon on Sundays.

Stocked with flat screens for sports lovers and a jukebox full of possibilities, Club Sirius is a great place to let loose. It offers a menu of over 100 shots, only $3.75 a piece on Thursdays and Sundays, ranging from the Elephant Fart to the Surfer on Acid. And don’t be dissuaded by the word “club” in the title — this place is as hole-inthe-wall as it gets. 228 Losoya, (210) 223-3722, drinksirius.com ­— Isis Madrid

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TWINPRODUCTIONSTEXAS.COM ONLINE TICKETING: FRONTGATETICKETS.COM 64 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

STEVEN GILMORE

ISSUE

BAR LISTINGS

Sparky’s Pub

◄ PAGE 59

Soluna Soluna boasts some of the best margaritas and micheladas in the city.

As for the food, Texas Monthly just named it one of the “50 Best Mexican Restaurants” in the state. For the full experience, take a seat at the blackand-red tiled bar and order a Chispa (which means “spark” in Spanish) — trust us, just one of them is enough to light anybody up. 7959 Broadway, (210) 930-8070, solunasa.com Southtown 101 Laid-back local in the King William neighborhood offers an erudite beer selection of Texas to international brews and theme-nights that counter too-cool trends. Try “Geeks who Drink” on Monday to display your knowledge of pub trivia, join in Thursday's “Bitter Karaoke,” or just hang any time. A new First Friday favorite. 101 Pereida, (210) 263-9880, southtown101sa.com Sparky's Pub Ye olde tyme Gayrish pub your creepy uncle warned you about has finally materialized, replete with historic community photos (don't leave without blowing an air kiss to the dearly departed goddess, Tandi Andrews), cocktails served in pint glasses, and a back patio straight out of West Hollywood. Winner of Best Gay Bar in our 2011 poll, Sparky's is also the most straight-friendly gay bar in town. 1416 N Main, (210) 320-5111, sparkyspub.com

Splach Bar Homespun dive bar and grill where everybody is family, the drinks are cheap, and the service is stellar. Splach is a neighborhood hub for pool and ping-pong enthusiasts, catching a game on the huge projector screen, or just hanging and talking it up with the regulars. 905 Nogalitos, (210) 227-7579 Steely Nevada's Bar & Lounge A laid-back bar with darts, shuffle board, pool tables, and bowling. Friday is karaoke night, with live music Saturday. Open seven days a week till 2 a.m. 7350 Bandera, (210) 509-6977 Stroker's Sports Bar This unfussy Southside beer bar serves the best michelada nightcaps in town. Adorned with a mural celebrating local pool legends, the cozy dive pulls in mainly locals during the week while weekends attract a younger crowd from Southtown and beyond.

703 Roosevelt, (210) 533-4549 Tap Exchange Alehouse & Grill A casual Far North pub devoted to a global array of beer served with an ‘80s hard-rock vibe. Offering poker on Monday and Tuesday, live music on Wednesday, and karaoke on Friday and Saturday, the recently revamped alehouse boasts 60-plus brews to choose from, with friendly, PAGE 70►

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VIP SEATING: 210-279-2394 sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 65

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LOCAL BREWERY NUMBERS MOUNTING

San Antonio and the surrounding region had a banner 2012 for new breweries and expansions, and even brewery-rich Austin is taking note with craft beer bars clamoring for kegs from even the smallest producers.

In the last 12 months, we’ve seen San Antonio, New Braunfels, Boerne, and Fredericksburg nearly double from six to 11 breweries and brewpubs in operation and a twelfth not far along into the startup process for 2013.

The newest addition to the lineup is Branchline Brewing Company, a microbrewery with a 10-barrel brewing system and an impressive tasting room in northeast San Antonio. Owner and home brewer Jason Ard has created three classic brews — an amber, a honey blonde, and an IPA with rye thrown in for good measure. Head brewer William Les Locke also brings his talent for offbeat brews to the tap with egg nog stout, oyster stout (yes, made with oysters), and smoked Hatch chile ale. The first batches should be on tap at specialty beer bars by the end of the year.

Another edition in the late fall is the culinary one-two punch of chef-driven barbecue cuisine and beer made on site at The Granary ‘Cue & Brew at the Pearl complex off Lower Broadway.

Alex Rattray is responsible for the beer, including solid classics like an old-school IPA and rarer offerings like the Rye Saison. Tim Rattray, brother to Alex, heads up the culinary side employing a 4,000-pound smoker to bring Texas and international flavors to barbecue.

Coming up next year is Busted Sandal Brewery, which started out in concept as a nano-brewery, but has expanded expectations even before they started interior demolition on their new space.

Branchline Brewing Co.

Freetail Brewing Company

A nano-brewery doesn’t have a strict definition, but most commonly brews five barrels of beer or less at a time.

Busted Sandal, according to their social media updates, has a 10-barrel system on order, which will make it easier to get when they open in the first half of next year.

New Braunfels Brewing Company

isn’t strictly new in 2012, with small batches on the market late last year, but they shut down production for months, ordered new equipment, worked with a new brew master, and should reopen soon.

Also in New Braunfels, Guadalupe Brewing Company has had a good start in New Braunfels, San Antonio, and

Austin with its Texas honey ale and is a critical success with brews like the Scotch ale aged on Scotch whiskeysoaked wood chips. The micro is already expanding into space next door to make room for an aggressive barrel-aged beer program and double their overall capacity with new equipment.

One of the biggest splashes on the market in 2012 was the introduction of Pedernales Brewing Company in Fredericksburg. The microbrewery has taken a lot of tap handles in San Antonio and the region with a heavy retail presence, including H-E-B, with Lobo Lager, Lobo Negro, and Pedernales IPA, in addition to seasonal offerings. They are adding another 80-barrel fermenter next year to increase capacity.

Established breweries too have a positive outlook. Faust Brewing Company in New Braunfels has added enough equipment to have more of its own beers on tap at a time and had a record November for house-made brews sold. Ranger Creek Brewing & Distilling has made a buzz with its small batch series, the fourth edition coming out before Christmas. The Small Batch Number 3 smoked saison was named as one of the top 25 new beers of the year by national beer magazine Draft.

Freetail Brewing Company, now in its fourth year on San Antonio’s far North Side, has no room to grow, but has been doing it anyway thanks to an aggressive bottling program for in-house sales of take out beer with a portable bottling line. And at Blue Star Brewing Company, San Antonio’s oldest brewery still in business, a new chef and highend organic menu and more organic ingredients in their beer are breathing some new life into the 14-year-old brewpub.

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A community garden that will further Culinaria’s mission to promote San Antonio as a premier wine & food destination while fostering community growth and enrichment.

Living art within the community to promote self-betterment, education, nutrition & healthy living. Promote solar power & water conservation as parts of green living.

66 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

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“I don’t always watch movies in bars, but when I do, I drink White Russians.”

MOVIE BARS

Being a yankee from the great white north, I never really got to experience the joys of movie bars until I moved to San Antonio. But, boy, when I finally got a taste of an Alamo Drafthouse Cinema, the Texasspawned full-fledged movie theater with food and drink service to your seat and rad-tastic shorts before the previews (see drafthouse.com for three SA locations), I just about cried tears of joy into my bacon pizza. Imagine my heart swell when I discovered that the “movie bar” is actually kind of a thing here.

502 Bar is slowly, but surely, becoming known for its spectacular music venue talents. Lucky for us, this place also lends its epic surround sound to twiceweekly movie nights. Enjoy free popcorn and a completely blacked out back room for Movie & Popcorn Wednesdays and Marvel Sundays (Walking Dead Sundays when it's in season) on 502's 135-inch screen. Movies shown here are usually light, ranging from The Big Lebowski to The Muppets. Oh yeah, the dollar pints are nice, too. 502 Embassy Oaks, (210) 257-8125, 502bar.com The Friendly Spot is probably the best known of all the SA movie bars. Located downtown, this outdoor bar often features a massive blow-up screen in its front “yard.” Wednesday night is movie night here, while weekends are for the sportdu jour. Enjoy a tasty michelada or one of the many craft beer selections as you nosh on elote and take in a screening of, say, Harold and Maude or Sixteen Candles. 943 South Alamo Street, (210) 224-2337, thefriendlyspot.com Finally, we have War Room (see feature on page 54). This N. St. Mary's haunt is the latest incarnation of what used to be known as the Limelight. War Room has begun a weekly “CineBar” in conjunction with the SA Film Society. As of December 5, the bar is hosting double features every Wednesday. The inaugural showing included Tim Burton's Batman and this year's The Dark Knight Rises.

Coming features: 12/12: Pee Wee's Big Adventure/The Triplets of Belleville, 12/19: Die Hard/A Christmas Story and 12/26: Road Warrior/12 Monkeys. 2718 N Saint Mary's, (210) 735-7775, thelimelightsa.com — Isis Madrid

68 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

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70 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

◄ PAGE 64

knowledgeable waitstaff to guide you.

22250 Bulverde, (210) 396-1917, thetapexchange.com The Ten Eleven This cozy, all-ages venue usually hosts shows of the various fist-swinging varieties: hardcore, punk, and other assorted noisemakers. But it's also well equipped to host national touring acts like the Thermals, Awesome Color, and Japanther. Escape the sweat fumes on the back porch and enjoy the nearly vacant, small-town-Texas view of the San Antonio River, before the River Walk expansion kicks into high gear and the area becomes gentrified as hell. 1011 Ave B, (210) 320-9080, theteneleven.com Texas T Pub Located in a venerable downtown block by Paris Hatters, Texas T is “the peoples bar,” with drinks that won't rob your pocket. A rare holdout for pro drinkers; office hours commence at 8 a.m., while any sort of activity may droll out the night, when local artists and lost cowboys patrol the streets. 121 Broadway, (210) 271-1058 Tiago's Cabo Grille Tiago's Cabo Grille brings the colors, sounds and flavors of Cabo San Lucas to San Antonio with a fire grille on oak and mesquite woods. Hand-shaken margaritas and mojitos, and sangria by the glass to complement the city's finest coastal mexican cuisine. Two locations. 17111 I-10 West, (210) 881-

The Ticket

2700; 8403 HWY 151, (210) 647-3600, tiagoscabogrille.com Tilted Kilt Full bar, and nearly as many TV screens as beers on tap — 36 to be exact — make the Tilted Kilt the ultimate sports bar. Hot waitresses in tiny outfits round out the winning lineup. Burgers, pizza, and salads take care of your every craving. Don't miss the special events happening every night of the week. 2070 N Loop 1604 E, (210) 497-2800, tiltedkilt.com The Ticket Sports Pub This friendly sports bar in the heart of downtown keeps tourists, river rats, and locals happy with a fleet of hi-def screens and enthusiastically pro bartenders. Voted Best Sports Bar in our 2012 poll, the Ticket wins fans with a late-night menu (food till 2 a.m.!) plus full-bar cocktails and a wide range of beers. 420 E Houston, (210) 222-9722, ticketsportspub.com Tony Parker's Nueve Lounge Renovated out of what was once Chango's Havana Club by Spurs point guard Tony Parker along with brothers Pierre and TJ, Nueve Lounge balances a subdued retro feel with valet parking, slam-dunk cocktails, bottle service, weekly DJs and live music, and a walk-in humidor — smokes from which can be enjoyed on the patio. 23535 IH-10 W, Ste 1101, (210) 698-8922, nueve-sa.com.

PAGE 76►

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El Padrecito (The Little Priest) Thursday, December 20, 6:30 pm Cantinflas stars as the new priest in a town set in its ways. Thinking he is going to take the place of their beloved priest, the comic stirs up controversy with his eccentric ways of doing things. Mexico. 1964.

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72 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

2012 GET REEL films are free of charge.

THE YEAR IN WINE It's list-making time again, the time when critics and columnists desperately try to recall what they liked (and sometimes loathed) during the course of the year. This year I thought I'd share the joy with some truly knowledgeable wine folks by asking this question: What wines, from your own shelves or portfolios (might as well be honest about it), do you think overperformed for their price points during the past year? I suggested bottles in the $20 range, but didn't limit responses to that figure. Here's some of what I got.

For a sparkler, Dale Blakenship of Favorite Brands suggested the Conde de Subirats Cava Brut ($16), saying, “It's really under the radar.” His white pick was the Au Bon Climat pinot gris/pinot blanc blend at around $17 — “It's almost Alsatian with its gorgeous fruit and fleshiness.” I actually tasted his red selection, the 2009 Sivas Sonoma County Cabernet Sauvignon. “It's super-smooth with dark chocolate and black cherry, and it kills at Boudro's,” he claimed.

I don't know about the killing at Boudro's part, but the black cherry is certainly there, and the chocolate is equally dark. At about $16, it's a steal.

As a modest after-dinner splurge, Blankenship suggests the $29 Nieport 10 year Tawny Port — “great for the money.”

At Saglimbeni Fine Wines it seemed only fair to ask the man himself.

Signor Saglimbeni's immediate white selection was the 2011 Cà da Meo Gavi DOCG, produced from the cortese grape ($16.99 on weekdays, less on weekends). “It tastes like two times the price,” he said, so I bought a bottle — and loved it for its celery-like snappiness and wet-stone minerality.

He had a harder time settling on a red but finally picked the 2009 Lorenzo

RON BECHTOL

e Luciano Sassetti Montecucco Sangiovese ($21.99 weekdays). “I like this better than Sassetti's higherpriced wines,” he said.

While at Joe Sag's, I also managed to trap Felicia González of Serendipity Wine Imports. Her sparkling suggestion might surprise those not aware that South Africa makes bubbly, but it was the Graham Beck NV (non-vintage) Brut Rosé. At around $15, it's considered clean and dry with a hint of raspberry and a good match for food. As for red, she liked Saglimbeni's Monteccuco suggestion but also put forth a wine from New Zealand — fast becoming pinot noir paradise with offerings such as the 2011 Jules Taylor Marlborough Pinot Noir ($21.99 weekdays). Her white pick only confirmed the quality of a wine I recently wrote about, the 2011 Charles Gonnet Vin de Savoie Chignin ($20 weekdays). To pompously quote myself, “The nose was more one of green plum and Granny Smith apple, with hints of elderflower (think St. Germain liqueur). On the palate … green fig and apple along with a bit of mineral. Honeysuckle emerged as the wine warmed…”

A survey of this sort might lack credibility if two of the city's best wine palates weren't called into play.

So I called Joe Baker of Gabriel's and Woody de Luna of Vintages 2.0.

I don't know how he does this, but Baker immediately rattled off several bottles seemingly off the top of his head. White? Of course, the 2010 Château de la Greffière Mâcon-La Roche Vineuse ($17.88 credit card price, cash and debit lower). This is an old-vines wine, largely unoaked, that offers “yellow- to orange-toned fruit,” according to Baker; it's also PAGE 74►

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HAPPY HOUR’S ALL DAY 16oz. $2 Domestic Drafts Mon – Thur 11a – 12a • Fri – Sat 11a – 1a Sun 11a – 11p

Order Online: WingZone.com To Order, Call: 210.979.WING(9464) 7828 Callaghan Road, Suite 108 (Next to Lowe’s)

wholefoodsmarket.com

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 73

THE

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ra e d Or or ... s y f a pie holid the

PIES

ISSUE

◄ PAGE 72

You know you want to!

______________

YULE LOG - $40 PECAN PIE w/ jack daniels

on this year's Wine Spectator Top 100 list. Italy scored again among the reds with the 2010 Il Poggione Rosso di Montalcino ($21.04). “2010 Tuscany is incredible, the fullest body ever … this is like a ‘baby Brunello.'”

Baker also suggested a rosé, the 2011 Château de Trinquevedel ($17.88) saying “It's off the charts, but it also improves with age, so look for the 2010 which some stores still have.” Or cellar it yourself. (My pick for rosé would be the beautiful 2010 Domaine Vallon des Glauges Coteaux d'Aix en Provence at under $20.) Calling it “so improved,” his sparkler selection was the non-vintage Scharffenberger Brut ($14) or Brut Rosé ($18.84).

Purchased by Roederer a while back, it took a while for the new owners to make their mark on this California property, said Baker.

Only somewhat unpredictably for someone who has been called Mr. Riesling, de Luna's picks were all French. The 2010 Gérard Bertrand Crémant de Limoux ($14 at Vintages 2.0), was his bid for bubbly. “It has real character, so fresh and inviting … and it's similar to a $40 French blanc de blanc.” A 2011 Jean-Paul and Benoît Broin Chablis ($20) got the nod for white. “It's brilliant — everything you want in mineral and spice…” As for reds, he picked the 2009 Domaine Nicolas Rossignol Bourgogne Rouge ($20). “There's lovely wild cherry,” said de Luna, “with a hint of earth and meat.”

Regarding rosés, “Sorry they're all sold out,” he claimed. After years of promoting rosé for San Antonio, that's the best year-end news yet.

No. 7 whiskey, molasses

DUTCH APPLE PIE varieties

four apple

SWEET POTATO PECAN

roasted sweet potatos, molasses, jack daniels No.7 whiskey $20 - 9 inch $6 - 4 inch

TWELVE MACARONS OF CHRISTMAS - $18 511 E. Grayson 210.862.5582 HELLO@BAKERYLORRAINE.COM 74 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

Deep Eddy’s honey pot

Though the beer-slinging icehouse is a family tradition in San Antonio, we generally don’t encourage mixing children with booze.

There are, however, exceptions. Austin’s Deep Eddy Sweet Tea Vodka sources its ingredients (with the exception of tea leaves, of course) from Texas. Water is trucked in from the clearest source in the Panhandle, corn comes from South Texas, and the honey is Texan, too. Most of the bottles sent to San Antonio are made with honey sourced from a local entrepreneur — 11-year-old Bo Deweese, a third-generation beekeeper in Terrell Hills who got his start at the age of six.

A few years back, Deep Eddy’s founders, Chad Auler and Clayton Christopher, ran into Bo’s father at a charity golf tournament, and hearing of the young man’s enterprise, decided to try him out as a vendor.

Christopher, who began his own company, Sweet Leaf Tea, at a relatively young age (and then sold it to the Nestlé company), no doubt felt some shared identity with the fledgling businessman.

They started slow, purchasing most of Bo’s backyard production the first year, which gave Bo enough cash to buy more bee boxes and double his output. Soon, there was enough of the sweet stuff from Bo’s bees to supply the stock destined for the SA market. Not wanting to unleash a media onslaught until Bo had settled into his relationship with the Austin distillers, Auler and Christopher kept the story of their young supplier under-wrap until earlier this year, Predictably, the story has attracted quite a bit of media attention.

Made with tea leaves instead of tea-essence, Deep Eddy Sweet Tea has fullbodied flavors that beat most of the Southern-style sweet teas I’ve been handed.

We tried it on the rocks (quite good), and noticed that the flavors expanded when mixed with water. And, though the honey is pronounced, this is tea vodka, not some syrupy-sweet cordial. We were pleased with the straight vodka, too.

Distilling 10 times seems excessive, but this is some clean stuff, with no alcohol burn. In a vodka martini? Perfect. — Scott Andrews

MONDAY: FRIDAY 3PM - 12AM SATURDAY: SUNDAY 11AM - 12AM

943 S. Alamo San Antonio, TX 78205

210-224-BEER (2337)

ICE HOUSE

Spurs & NFL Games on the

HUGE SLAB SCREEN!

Friendly Eats until Midnight. Friendly Nachos, Tacos, Burgers & More. Kids menu and Ice Cream Treats. Vegan and Vegetarian Friendly.

Friends love #NoCrapOnTap. Look for rare craft brews and seasonals #justtapped on Facebook and Twitter.

Housemade Sangria, Cool Rum Punch and Friendly Ritas are Friend Favorites.

Friendly Bombers are meant to be shared with Friends.

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 75

THE

DRINK

CHUCK KERR

ISSUE

Open For Lunch!

Enjoy the Game Over a Dozen TV’s Karaoke • Trivia Live Music • Beer Pong

11888 Starcrest | Phone 496-7092 Charlie-Browns.com

BAR LISTINGS

SanAntonioEigth1012 11/11/12 9:09 PM Page 1

Vegas Bar

◄ PAGE 70

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BBSMOKEHOUSE.COM

2627 PLEASANTON RD. SAN ANTONIO, TX

76 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

The Thirsty Camel This untapped Olmos Park watering hole often waxes nostalgic with dark retro DJ nights but also throws a curve ball now and again in the form of everything from live jazz to gothic beauty pageants. 5307 McCullough Tiffany Cocktails Just when most bars are going into sleepy mood, and starting to shut down, Tiffany's is still barreling ahead with late night fun that doesn't stop till the last minute. Friday karaoke, Saturday DJ and everyday drink specials help spin the vibe that has kept the locals coming back to this neighborhood club for 30 years. 338 Valley Hi, (210) 673-5117 Tucker's Kozy Korner Remodeled but not reinvented, Tucker's Kozy Korner maintains a nostalgic atmosphere reminiscent of a bygone movie set. Established in 1948, Tucker's claims to be the oldest African-American bar in the state. Their doors, however, are open to everyone — and there's never a cover for treats like live jazz with local legend Jim Cullum on Mondays or the Soul Spot with JJ Lopez and Cortez on First Fridays. 1338 E Houston, (210) 320-2192, tuckerskozykorner.com

Vbar in the Hotel Valencia A high-end hotel bar overlooking Houston Street and the River Walk with all the swank accoutrements, Vbar feels like a West Hollywood hangout, and you may even spot a local celebrity here. Check Hotel Valencia's website for Vbar's inventive happy hours mixing fashion and charity in big-city style.

150 E Houston, (210) 227-9700, hotelvalencia-riverwalk.com Vegas Bar Vegas Bar is just like Las Vegas (the city) without the bright lights, gambling, showgirls, and — well, almost everything but the alcohol. But you can try your luck with mystery shots or the snazzy red pool tables.

8826 Huebner, (210) 691-5552, vegasbarsa.com VFW Post 76 This Victorian-style mansion on the San Antonio River is the oldest VFW post in Texas — a quietly awesome architectural study that houses ghosts, regulars, and anyone wise enough to know a bucket of beer and a park bench are viable answers to many of life's smaller problems. 10 10th St., (210) 223-4581, vfwpost76.org PAGE 84►

Bakery Cafe™

SUNDAYS 100 OZ DOMESTIC BEER TOWER & 24 PC WINGS (EXCLUDING BONELESS)$29.99

HOME OF THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS

BEST PLACE IN S.A. TO WATCH

NBA TV & NFL TICKET

TREAT YOURSELF THE FORUM 8096 AGORA PARKWAY • 210.798.8646

OLMOS PARK 4212 MCCULLOUGH AVE • 210.826.5667

HEARTHSTONEBAKERYCAFE.COM

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 77

STEELY NEVADA’S

7530 Bandera Rd - 210-509-6977 Daily Specials: $1.50 Dom Bottles & $2 Wells til 6pm $4 Jack, $4 Skyy, $3 Kamakazis, $2 Pickle Shots • Friend Us on Facebook

IVORY LOUNGE

5152 Fredericksburg Rd. • 210.340.4879 Never A Cover. Tues: $1.75 Wells & Domestics from 5p-7p Live Oldies & Jazz Music w/ Complimentary Buffet Thurs: $2.75 Domestics, $3.25 Wells, $5 Martinis All Night Fri: $3 U Call It & $100 Bottles ALL NIGHT! Sat: Weekly Beer, Shot, and Drink Specials! $75 ANY BOTTLE BEFORE 11P ON SAT:

THE IRISH PUB

9726 Datapoint Dr. • 210-692-7620, LIKE US on FB Irish Tues: $1.50 off any irish liquor & beer Wed: $3 U Call It, Thurs: $2 Select Liquor Fri & Sat: Drink Specials on FB, Sun & Mon: SIN NIGTS

SERNA’S BACKYARD SPORTS BAR

2pm - 8pm Weekdays / 12pm - 8pm Sunday $2 domestic • $2.50 wells • $3 Blue Moon & Fat Tire Pints

SHENANYGAN’S

Every Day 5pm to 7pm. $2.00 Domestic draft, $3.00 Import draft, $2.50 well drinks, $2.50 lone star, $3.00 Dos XX, $2.00 jello shots..full kitchen available

13920 North IH 35 • Hooligansbarandgrill.com

EL CHRIS’ MARTHA’S COCINA Y CANTINA

818 NE Loop 410 @ Broadway •210.804.2334 • Daily HH 11a-6:30p. House Margaritas $3.50, Top Shelf $4.75 • $3.25 Well Drinks, $2.50 Bud Light Pints, $3 XX Lager • $1.50 Lone Star • Free Queso Bar 5p-6:30p • M-Th •1/2 Price Apps 5p-6:30p Every Day

78 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

& TAP NE GRILL 79-9464 WING ZOhan Rd @I-10W • 210-9

g less 7863 Calla Y - .50 Bone UR ALL DA Thursday s HAPPY HO stic Drafts. Thirsty ft Dra ome Domestic $2, 16oz D D $1, 12oz N A p m ri h S Wings or

JOSABI’S

17200 HWY 16 North • Helotes, TX 78023 EVERY Tuesday $1 Pint Nite & $4 Shot Specials both bars open! EVERY Thursday is Bike Nite: $2 drafts and $3 jack (Both Nights 21 & up only) Josabis.com

ER BAR & GRILL

Daily Specials: Mon- $2 TX Beers, Tues- $2.25 “This Bud’s 4 U”, Wed- $2 Mexian Beer, Thurs- $1 SA Beer Cans, Fri - Sunday- $4 Bull Blasters, $2.75 Wells

BAR 1919

1420 S. Alamo @ Blue Star Arts Complex • 210.227.1420 Happy Hour M-F 2p-7p • $1 Off Premium Well & All 19 Drafts, Including Imports. $7 Sazerac, $5 Moscow Mule,Waterfall,Bee’s Knee’s & Pimm’s Cup.

PAT O’BRIENS THE WORM TEQUILA & MEZCAL BAR

123 Losoya St • 210-354-1418. Full Service Bar on the Riverwalk. Featuring 75 Hand-Selected ï Tequilas & Mezcals. Drink Specials All Day Everyday! www.wormtequila.com

210.220.1076 • 121 Alamo Plaza • PatObriens.com HH Every Day 4p-7p. $2.50 Domestics, $3.50 Imports & Wells. Wacky Weds: $2 Anything, $4 Hurricanes. Big Easy Thurs: $3 Specialty Drinks, $5 Hurricanes 1/2 Off Appetizers.

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 79

THE

DRINK

PROUDLY SERVING OUR MILITARY SINCE 1974!

SMOKING PATIO FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE

ISSUE

THE PIANO HAS BEEN DRINKING 10 great moments when music met alcohol LEONARD PIERCE

EVERY TUESDAY - PICK YOUR LIQUOR

It’s easy to pick the top boozefueled moment in music history: all of them (there’s a reason live shows take place in bars instead of libraries). But drunks and music fans have something else in common: they love to argue about trivia. So here’s our votes for the 10 crucial drunken musical moments.

$2.50 Everything (Excludes Super Premiums)

$2 Domestics Mon-Wed 5p-8p $1.75 Wells & $2 Domestics During All Cowboys & Spurs Games

Patron Saint of Drunken Musicians: Shane MacGowan

338 VALLEY HI DR. 673-5117 NOON - 2AM EVERYDAY

KARAOKE

There may have been worse drunks than the former lead singer of the Pogues in the history of rock ’n’ roll, but none as vivid. There is no other performer whose name elicits more responses of “I thought he was already dead,” perfectly understandable for a guy who had his first glass of stout at age four and never turned back. His greatest feat may have been throwing up on the front row of an audience in 2002 — from the wheelchair he was confined to after drunkenly falling off the stage and breaking his leg several weeks earlier.

EVERY FRIDAY!

Serving San Antonio since 1972

OUTSIDE PATIO FOR ALL OF OUR

SMOKERS!

$2

$1.75 WELLS DOMESTIC LONGNECKS DURING ALL NFL & SPURS GAMES

HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY Mon - Sat, 11am to 7pm, Sun, Noon to 7pm

Patron Saint of Drunken Musicians, American League: Hank Williams

SUNDAY HAPPY HOUR ALL DAY $1.75 Bloody Marys MONDAY $2 Jack - $1.75 All Wells

FRIDAY

TUESDAY “Pick your Licker and Stay with Her” $2.50 Everything (except super premiums)

THURSDAY $1.75 Jim Beam & $2 Dewars

SATURDAY

$2 Cap’t Morgan & Seagrams 7 $1.75 Jim Beam

6310 Callaghan Rd • 342-7321 11am to 2am Everyday 80 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

COURTESY PHOTOS

WEDNESDAY $2 Skyy Vodka & Cuervo Gold

$2 Wild Turkey

Long before Shane MacGowan took his first sip of beer as a toddler in Dublin, Hank Williams was setting the standard for musicians more or less on a permanent bender. As befitted country stars of the era, he sang more about matters of the heart (and the soul) than he did about the bottle, but he still managed to get fired from the Grand Ole Opry for drinking too much, which is like being fired from the NBA for being too tall.

Greatest Alcohol Anthem: "D-R-I-N-K," The Jazz Butcher

The multifarious Pat Fish, aka the Jazz Butcher, penned the ultimate ode to inebriation in 1986 with the uncharacteristically slick “D-R-I-N-K.” Over a slick small-band arrangement, he croons, “It’s only heavy drinking that keeps us on our feet.” The song makes drinking seem both romantic and destructive, wittily capturing the good and the bad about booze.

Greatest Alcohol Anthem, Hip-Hop Division: "8 Ball," DJ Quik

Rap music has never been shy about celebrating overconsumption, but leave it to Compton’s smoothest criminal to drop the greatest of all salutes to its characteristic tipple, the 40-ounce malt liquor bottle. With an unforgettable chorus, a litany of favorite brand names, and an emphasis on cost-effectiveness, Quik makes a convincing case: “If I can’t get it, then I get discouraged/I gotta get a bottle of that liquid courage.”

Best Live & Loaded Performance, Concert Division: The Replacements

The legendary Minneapolis postpunk band were as well known for their blotto concert appearances as they were for the quality of their songs. Lead singer and author of “Beer for Breakfast” Paul Westerberg was stage-shy and uncertain, and got hammered just to be able to perform.

Like their spiritual heirs Guided By Voices, they would frequently refuse to play at any venue that restricted on-stage drinking.

PAGE 82►

LIVE MUSIC EVERY SATURDAY A TEXAS TRADITION SINCE THE 1940’S

DEC 22: REWIND DEC 29: NATIONS (MAROON 5 TRIBUTE BAND) & CHILLFACTOR

DEC 31: NYE BASH LIVE DJ & KARAOKE DAILY DRINK SPECIALS EVERYDAY $4 JACK, $4 SKYY, $3 KAMAKAZIES, $2 PICKLE SHOTS

12/21

EARLY BIRD SPECIALS TIL 6P!

BLEU EDMONDSON

$1.50 DOMESTIC BOTTLES, $2 WELL DRINKS

FIRST THURSDAY FREE COMEDY NIGHT

12/28 BOB SCHNEIDER plus WHISKEY MYERS

SCHEDULE PARTIES FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS! 7530 BANDERA RD, #138 • 210-509-6977 • OPEN 3P - 2A

(Located at the corner of Bandera & Eckert)

9TH ST AUDIO GROUP PRESENTS

DIRTY DISCOTEX

12/29 JASON BOLAND plus DIRTY RIVER BOYS

///R d En elope\\\ ///Delve Deep One Deep\\\

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12/31 NYE PARTY w/ TWO TONS of STEEL

VISUAL STIMULI AND LIVE ART JANUARY 3 EVERY 1ST THURSDAY

14492 Old Bandera Rd

NO COVER

/////ON THE HALFSHELL 202 NAVARRO\\\\\ 210-222-2717 onthehalfshell.net

Helotes, TX • 210-695-8827 For tickets: liveatfloores.com

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 81

THE

ER

BAR & GRILL

WAY BACK WEDNESDAYS 8647 Wurzbach rd., Building N 78200 [Near hooters]

W/ DJ VINCE

THURSDAYS

LIVE ACOUSTIC

BEER PONG FRIDAYS Friday, December 21 End Of The World Party w/DJ Vince

DRINK

ISSUE

◄ PAGE 80

Best Live & Loaded Performance, Movie Division: The Germs

Want to convince your kids to stay away from the sauce? Forget all the lectures and statistics: just sit ’em down in front of Penelope Spheeris’ classic punk rock documentary The Decline of Western Civilization and make ’em watch Darby Crash. The Germs frontman is so completely shattered with drink that he can’t even stand up, let alone sing, perform, or form coherent sentences. By the time he collapses in a corner, hollering “SOMEBODY GET ME A BEER,” you’ll be saying, “No thanks.”

RECOVERY SATURDAYS

W/ DJ LEO & REHAB SUNDAYS Have your free birthday party at the ER Bar call for details

CATCH ALL THE

SPURS GAMES HERE! HUGE BEER SELECTION/ DAILY DRINK SPECIALS/ HAPPY HOUR POOL TABLES /DARTS / TV’S EVERYWHERE!!

DJ’S/LIVE MUSIC/KARAOKE/ DANCING 126 GEMBLER RD (AT&T PKWY EXIT) 210-688-5915

82 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

host pushed them non-stop to do or say something outrageous. They happily obliged, and the result was talk show history, as well as one of the most bizarre alcohol-fueled moments in all of live television.

Best Musical Spokesmen for Booze, Hip-Hop Division: Tha Alkaholiks Ol’ Dirty Bastard may have been more drunk more often, but his story has a tragic ending. Tash, J-Ro, and E-Swift — the L.A. collective known as tha Liks — made drinking sound real; their signature anthem, “Only When I’m Drunk,” features utterly familiar stumbling, belching, forgetting lyrics, and gasping to recover. But they also make it sound fun. “Try to get up, but I can’t move/ maybe I’m stuck in the groove/what the fuck was I tryin’ to prove?” spits E-Swift, and suddenly, being down there on the floor with him sounds like a pretty good idea.

Best Musical Spokesman for Booze, Cabaret Division: Tom Waits

Best Live & Loaded Performance, Awards Division: Guns N' Roses

People who aren’t drunks or musicians often wonder how you can do something as physically complex as playing a wicked guitar solo when you’re almost too polluted to stand.

The answer? The same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, my boy, practice! But sometimes — like in 1990, when Slash and Duff McKagan danced, slurred, and stumbled their way through a post-victory press conference at the American Music Awards — no amount of training is enough, and you just end up trying and failing to pronounce the word “integrity” over and over.

Best Live & Loaded Performance, TV Division: The Sex Pistols

In 1976, the Sex Pistols — already the most notorious band in British music history — made an appearance on Today, a chat show hosted by the antagonistic Bill Grundy. The Pistols were three sheets to the wind (and reportedly, so was Grundy), and the

No musician as prolific and talented as Tom Waits can possibly be as drunk as he seems to be. Or can he?

He certainly keeps up appearances: in every video, interview, and song he’s ever done, Waits looks, sounds, and probably smells like a guy who exists solely on whiskey and cigarettes. But whether it’s performance or reality, he’ll leave behind a legacy — including immortal boozed-up classics like “Closing Time,” “Warm Beer and Cold Women,” “Jockey Full of Bourbon,” and “Gin-Soaked Boy” — that will forever establish him as pop music’s greatest romantic alcoholic.

THE

IRiSH PUB

Open Christmas Day 21 + ONLY

themix.sanantonio

NYE PARTY $3 YOU CALL IT $2 WELL SUNDAYS IRISH TUESDAYS: $1.50 Off any Irish Liquor & Beer

WEDNESDAYS: $3 U Call It

LIVE MUSIC NEVER A COVER

FULL BAR OVER 60 DIFFERENT BEERS

2423 N. ST. MARY’S • 210-735-1313

THURSDAY:

Your vote counts! Vote for your $2 Liquor on our Facebook Page

FRIDAY & SATURDAY: Drink specials listed on Facebook

SUNDAY-MONDAY: SIN NIGHTS

like us on

9726 Datapoint Dr. - 210-692-7620 sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 83

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Wetmore City Limits Enjoy live music from country to rock, or you take the stage on karaoke night. Monthly burlesque shows, 16 beers on tap, and over 50 different bottled beers; Ice cold Jack Daniels and Fireball on tap, great drink specials and free happy hour food daily. 12329 Wetmore, (210) 494-7190 Whiskey Smith A hidden spot catering to locals since 1972, Whiskeys is a cool little joint with some of the best drink prices in town. The Texas Long Island Iced Tea in a 32-ounce pitcher is a favorite, but look for shot specials, too.

Try out the jukebox or the four pool tables and three dart boards. Open 365 days a year. 6310 Callaghan, (210) 342-7321 White Rabbit The Jefferson Airplane song of the same name might fool you into thinking this place is a hippie joint, but usually what you'll find waiting down this rabbit hole is a big oldfashioned mosh pit. Bands compete on the indoor and outdoor stages to see whose music is louder and more violent, so odds are you won't even hear what that damn dormouse said.

But most of the pitting is admirably polite, and the pizza place next door is a viable option should all the shoving give you an urge to feed your head.

2410 N St. Mary's, (210) 737-2221, sawhiterabbit.com

TCHAIKOVSKY’S

Starring Olga Pavlova

2012 Friday, Dec 21 at 7:30pm Saturday, Dec 22 at 2:00pm & 7:30pm Sunday, Dec 23 at 2:00pm

Buy your tickets now!

Discounted season tickets and group packages available at ArtsSA.org

ARTS San Antonio

|

(210) 226-2891

84 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

|

ArtsSA.org

STEVEN GILMORE

Lila Cockrell Theatre

to be yourself – right before you turn into someone else… 123 Losoya, (210) 354-1418, wormtequila.com Wurzbach Icehouse It's absolutely a capital-b Bar in the old Texas ice house tradition, which at its simplest is a place to drink drinks with people you may or may not know. Serving wings, chicken strips, dogs and burgers, and yup, Frito Pie. 10141 Wurzbach, (210) 877-2100, wurzbachicehouse.com

Wxyz Bar This multi-faceted hotel bar offers approachable chic in Park North.

Old-school games, arty coffee table books, a poolside fire pit, billiards, and imaginative drink options make for a perfectly mixed happy hour or nightcap. Aloft Hotel, 838 NW Loop 410, (210) 541-8881

Wing Zone Grill and Tap Famed for their wings coming in 17 varieties from Tame to the spicey Tokyo Dragon, Wing Zone has burgers, shrimp, sides, and salads too. Stop in for a brew or glass of wine with your chow; call or order online for home delivery. 7863 Callaghan, (210) 979-9464, wingzone.com

Zinc Champagne & Wine Bar When the dinner shift winds down, servers from all over SA descend upon Zinc to unwind with good company in stylish surroundings.

Aside from boasting SA's finest latenight food-and-wine menu, Zinc does “downtown” better than anywhere else (without trying too hard), and the patio in summer is one of the area's best-kept secrets. Champagne and pizza at 11 p.m.? We'll meet you there. 207 N Presa, (210) 224-2900, zincwine.com

The Worm Tequila & Mezcal Bar The Worm is the latest venture from the owners of Swig, boasting 75 tequilas and mezcals, classic cocktails, craft concoctions, beer and wine.

Enjoy your cocktails in the Oaxacainspired interior or on the one-of-akind two-story “porch” overlooking the river. The Worm is the best place

Zombies This neighborhood hangout for the rock and metal set hosts live music by some of the most creatively named bands around on weekends (Power Crime Pussy, Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles, etc.) and encourages all to “Eat Flesh” on Meat and Metal Mondays. 4202 Thousand Oaks, (210) 281-8306, zombiesliveinsa.com

ye

un ur da da y, y, DE DE C C 22 23

SH OW

MO a RE r NO DEA s CH LER a AR S, t GE LIV FOR E M t WIT PAR USIC hi H A KIN , TE s DM G! LL Y l ISS FRE OU o ION E A R F c TIC DMI RIEN at KET SSI DS i FRO ON O & F on M S N S AMI ATU UND LY! RD AY AY!

9

LA ST GU TEX N AS SH O W Sa S t

EXTENDED HOURS ON SATURDAY FOR YOUR LAST MINUTE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING 9 TO 7PM!

Only At

Live Oak Civic Center •8 R• 101 E K PAT BOO

LET’S SEND THE LIVE OAK CIVIC CENTER OFF WITH A BANG!

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 85

UPFRONT

EVENTS

Jimmy James THU

End of the World Party

JIMMY JAMES

FRI

MUSIC

Since retiring from his post as the world’s most celebrated Marilyn Monroe impersonator, San Antonio’s own Jimmy James has evolved into a singer-songwriter, recording artist, and wide-ranging vocal chameleon.

Following the success of his 2006 album Jamestown (powered by the global dance hit “Fashionista”), the Hollywood-based entertainer released Have Yourself a Jimmy James Merry Christmas, an album of celebrity tributes both riotous and reverent.

On Thursday, James brings his thirdannual holiday cabaret home to the Bonham. In addition to originals and uncanny interpretations of classics

by Shirley Bassey, Eartha Kitt, Cher, Judy Garland, and Barbra Streisand, “Joy to Christmas” features James’ outrageous rendition of José Feliciano’s “Feliz Navidad” … performed as Bette Davis. $15-$20; 8pm; The Bonham Exchange, 411 Bonham, (210) 271-3811; brownpapertickets.com.

86

END OF THE WORLD PARTY PARTY

DJ Hans 242 has been plotting an “end of the world” party ever since he saw Roland Emmerich’s disaster flick 2012 back in 2009. Starring John Cusack as a sci-fi writer and part-time limo driver, the film blends concepts from Mayanism, the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar, and the 2012 phenomenon into a star-studded doomsday extravaganza. Featuring performances by Houston-based synthpop outfit Provision (celebrating the release of their CD A New Revolution), your fearless host along with John Boyd of Passing Strangers fame (interpreting ’80s classics in a guitar-meets-DJ format), Absynthe (“dark electro with a modern twist”), and go-go dancers Samantha Xombie (above) and Lexx, plus a group art show and “Post Apocalypse Playground” by Texswitch, the “once in a lifetime” event could be as bizarre as the movie and it won’t cost $200 million to pull off. Free; 7pm-2am; Evil Olive, 2950 Thousand Oaks.

CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

Frankie Paul FRI

21

FRANKIE PAUL MUSIC

Often referred to as “The Jamaican Stevie Wonder,” reggae veteran Frankie Paul was born blind and began singing while attending a Salvation Army School for the Blind. A pivotal moment arrived when Wonder visited the Kingston school to donate a Braille copier. During a performance, Paul was “pushed onstage to sing along” with Wonder, who encouraged the youngster to “keep it up.” After learning to play piano, drums, and guitar, Paul recorded his first single as a 15 year-old in 1980. By 1985, Paul had joined forces with pioneering dancehall producer Henry “Junjo” Lawes and released the pivotal album Pass the Ku-ShengPeng. Though he’s released upwards of 40 albums, that album’s title track (“a vignette of everyday Jamaican life and a sumptuous soliloquy to the island’s plant of choice”) not surprisingly remains among Paul’s most enduring hits. $15$20; 9pm; The Reggae Bar, 2016 Austin Hwy., (210) 646-9939.

THE TIAGO SPLITTERS PERFORM THE BEATLES' 'ABBEY ROAD' LIVE (END OF THE WORLD PARTY) FRI

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MUSIC

Everything about Chuck Kerr’s departure from his Art Director position at the Current sucks, except for three things: he got a dynamite job in Seattle, his replacement, Eli Miller, is just as good (but much better-looking), and now, with our fingers no longer tied to conflict of interest, we can finally say it: Chuck is a terrific drummer, singer, composer, and a key force in the SA music scene. After his and Chris Maddin’s brilliant renditions of classic albums by Bowie, Wilco, Radiohead and others, they now tackle the Beatles’ Abbey Road with a bunch of top-notch local friends (yes, “Because” and “Sun King” harmonies included). Kerr’s own Bad Breaks at 10, Bobby Jealousy (Austin) follows, and Abbey Road at midnight sharp. Free, 10pm, 502 Bar, 502 Embassy Oaks, (210) 257-8125, 502bar.com.

— Enrique Lopetegui

COURTESY PHOTOS

The Nutcracker FRI-SUN

21-23

THE NUTCRACKER BALLET

Tchaikovsky’s enduring adaptation of Alexandre Dumas’ take on E.T.A Hoffman’s “Nussknacker und Mausekönig” takes shape on Christmas Eve after siblings Clara and Fitz receive magical gifts from their toy-making godfather. After bedtime, Clara creeps downstairs and finds herself dwarfed in a dream world inhabited by gingerbread men, tin soldiers, and an army of mice under the command of The Mouse King.

Mejia Ballet International founder Paul Mejia directs and choreographs prima ballerinas Olga Pavlova (dubbed The New Pavlova after early 20th-century Russian ballet icon Anna Pavlova) and Marina Goshko (a former soloist with the Moscow Classical Ballet), principal dancers Yevgeni Anfinogenov and Andrey Prikhodko, and members of the San Antonio Metropolitan Ballet in ARTS San Antonio’s production. $29-$110; 7:30pm Fri, 2pm and 7:30pm Sat, 2pm Sun; Lila Cockrell Theatre, 200 E Market; (210) 226-2891, artssa.org.

Holiday Pops & Holiday Magic FRI-SUN

21-23

Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Cats

HOLIDAY POPS & HOLIDAY MAGIC MUSIC

The San Antonio Symphony toasts the Yuletide season with two distinct holiday programs led by Akiko Fujimoto (above), who won critical acclaim for her leadership of the William & Mary Symphony Orchestra before being named Assistant Conductor of the SAS. In a slight change of gears from the Baroque series she helped inaugurate last month, Fujimoto conducts Holiday Pops, a program of seasonal favorites showcasing tenor Eric Schmidt, gospel artist Cristal Smith, and the Children’s Chorus of San Antonio. Holiday Magic offers a wallet-friendly opportunity to enjoy a near-identical lineup in a kidfriendly format with the added bonus of musical crafts and games such as “Name (and Sing) that Holiday Carol.” Holiday Pops: $10-$65; 8pm Fri-Sat; The Majestic Theatre, 224 E Houston. Holiday Magic: $8-$16; interactive activities at 1:30pm, concert at 2:30pm Sun; Laurie Auditorium, Trinity University, One Trinity; sasymphony.org.

FRI-SUN

21-23

CATS THEATER

With an 18-year run on Broadway that contributed a reported $3.12 billion to New York City’s economy, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats proved that tourist dollars could keep a musical afloat — even one with special needs totaling 1.8 million pounds of dry ice and 3,247 pounds of yak hair.

Based on T.S. Eliot’s Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats — a slim collection of ’30s-era poems about alley cats — Cats debuted in London in 1981, landed on Broadway in 1982, and scooped up seven Tonys including Best Musical in 1983. Though it closed in London after 3,358 performances and in New York after 7,485, the mega-musical still has its claws in the title of “the longest continuously touring show in American theater history.” Jonathan Pennington and Jovi Lee Gonzalez co-direct at the Cameo. $15-$33; 8pm Fri-Sat, 3:30pm Sun through Jan 13; The Cameo Theatre, 1123 E Commerce, (210) 2125454, cameocenter.com.

HOLIDAYS @ PEARL

SAT

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TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA MUSIC

Native New Yorker Paul O’Neill played guitar in touring productions of Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar and produced two Aerosmith albums before steering the heavy metal band Savatage in a more symphonic direction. Inspired in part by The Phantom of the Opera, the band’s 1989 album Gutter Ball formed an early building block for Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Signed to Atlantic Records in 1993, TSO (O’Neil along with vocalist Jon Oliva, guitarist Al Pitrelli, and keyboardist/co-producer Robert Kinkel) set out to build stage-ready rock operas meshing the musical mastery of heroes such as Emerson, Lake & Palmer, Queen, and the Who with the light-show magic of Pink Floyd. The band’s 1996 debut formed the first chapter in a holiday trilogy completed in 2004 with the multi-platinum album The Lost Christmas Eve, “a story of loss and redemption” that anchors their Fall/Winter Tour. $30-$68.50; 3pm and 8pm; AT&T Center, One AT&T Center Pkwy., (800) 745-3000, attcenter.com.

MORE INFO ≥ ATPEARL.COM

Shop unique finds at our retailers, dine at our delicious restaurants & explore the holiday murals at Pearl. Take pictures in front of our real Christmas tree & the historic brewhouse lit up for the holidays!

CHECK OUT OUR GIFT GUIDE! ≥ ATPEARL.COM sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 87

CURRENT EVENTS

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PARTY CENTRAL: BACHELORETTE, GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT, BIRTHDAYS, ETC.

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Friday, December 21

CONCERTS

The Tiago Splitters perform The Beatles’ Abbey Road Live (End of the World Party) 502 Bar, 9pm Blake Cormier & the Awkward Situation, The Wonderful Wonderful, Modern Monarchs, & Marcus Rubio The Ten Eleven, 9pm Bleu Edmondson & Crooks Floore’s Country Store, 9pm Christmas Show featuring Patsy Torres & Blue Harmony Band Franco’s Italian Grill, 9:30pm End of the World Party & Concert featuring Geto Boys & Dirty Wormz Backstage Live, doors at 9pm Jack Ingram Cowboys Dancehall, 7pm Karma CD Release & Los de Esta Noche CD Release Hi-Tones, 9pm Ledaswan, Viet-Ruse, Egshan Jack’s Bar, 8:30pm Rea Drady Presents, Sol Tribe, Y.O.U., Party of 3, & The Bad Chords Nightrocker Live, 10pm San Antonio Symphony presents Holiday Pops The Majestic Theatre, 8pm Shantikar: “Solstice Chants” Celebrate the winter solstice with an evening of kirtan featuring devotional songs of India by Rick Henderson and Buffalo Thunder. Quaker Meeting House, 7:30pm Structure and the Confusions & Royal Punisher Boneshakers Tap House and Pizzeria, 9pm

Wednesday, December 19 Heavens Rose & The Sechesen Apocalopes Nightrocker Live, 10pm The SOB’s The Mix, 11pm

CONCERTS

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MUSIC

Thursday, December 20

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A continuation of the 2010 exhibition “Oscar Mike (On the Move or On Mission)” — for which artists Albert Alvarez, Jimmy James Canales, Rigoberto Luna, Ruben Luna, Miguel Nelson, and Vincent Valdez explored the seductive nature of warbased action figures, comic books, cartoons, and video games — “Charlie Mike (Continue Mission)” unites Mat Kubo, Pedro Luera, and Alex Rubio in a creative investigation of the “12-21-2012 doomsday phenomenon and the apocalypse.”

Mexicans with Guns provides “end of the world entertainment” at Friday's closing reception. Free, 7-10pm, R Gallery, 110 E Lachapelle, (210) 793-8899, rgallerytx. net. — Bryan Rindfuss

Ben Griffith Acoustic Set (Acoustic) E.R. Bar & Grill, 10pm-2am Border Palace featuring Maya Guirao & Jai Lopez (Latin) Luna, 9:30pm Bru’s Tunes (Rock/Pop) Boiler House, 7:30pm DJ Needle Pusher Boneshakers Tap House and Pizzeria, 9pm DJ Tony Phoenix (DJ) Blu Bar & Nightclub, 9pm-2am Earfood’s Monkey Man Hootenanny (Blues) Olmos Bharmacy, 8-11pm Ladies Night (Party) Bond’s 007 Rock Bar, 9pm Hank Harrison (Blues) Olmos Bharmacy, 7-10pm The Jim Cullum Jazz Band (Jazz) Bohanan’s, 7-10:30pm

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"Charlie Mike (Continue Mission)"

CLUBS/VENUES

• Aerial yoga • Art of the strip • ATL booty clap • Exciting workshops • Pole jams

FRIEND US

SEE THIS!

Music for Your Eyes — Holiday! Villa Finale hosts a special event showcasing the museum’s antique music machines with a festive holiday twist. Villa Finale, 6:30-7:30pm Small World’s 20th Annual Christmas Concert Boardwalk Bistro, 7-10pm Stand Up and ROCK Comedy Night with Javier Bazaldua, Thumper D, Between Dimensions, Jimmy Dasher, Last Time, & Zukinis Nightrocker Live, 10pm The Truth and The Trip, Cascadia, The Sky Divided, Lonely Horse Jack’s Bar, 8pm The Story So Far & Seahaven The White Rabbit, doors at 6pm CLUBS/VENUES

Barefoot (Rock/Pop) Pat O’Brien’s, 9pm-1am Bru’s Tunes (Rock/Pop) Silo 1604, 9:30pm College Night (DJ) Blu Bar & Nightclub, 9pm Cryin’ D.T. Buffkin & the Bad Breath (Blues) The Esquire Tavern, 9pm-midnight DJ Pak-Man/DJ MV (DJ) Tucker’s Kozy Korner, 9pm Finding Friday (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grill at the Vineyard, 9pm Ladies Night with DJ Vinny (DJ) Retox, 10pm Randy Clark (Americana) Panchito’s, 7-9pm Sofi Lopez (Vocal) Luna, 9:30pm The Blue Note Ringos (Tribute) The Red Baron, 7:30pm The Jim Cullum Jazz Band (Jazz) Bohanan’s, 7-10:30pm

CONCERTS

CLUBS/VENUES

Barefoot (Rock/Pop) Roxy Sports Bar, 9pm Charle Bravo (Rock/Pop) Boozehounds, 10pm-2am Circle of Fifths (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grille at Lincoln Heights, 9pm DV8 (Rock/Pop) Conroy’s Pub, 9pm Henry + the Invisibles (Rock/Pop) Rebar, 10pm Lipstick Junkys (Rock/Pop) The Trap, 9pm Lunacy (Rock/Pop) Brooks Pub, 9pm Mariachi Herencia (Mariachi) Panchito’s, 7-9pm Mirage Band featuring Rob Bernal & Raquel Rivas (Lounge) Meson European Dining, 9:30pm Mish Mash (Rock/Pop) Legends Sports Bar, 9pm Ritch & Katchie Duo (Jazz) Liberty Bar at the Convent, 6-9pm The Jim Cullum Jazz Band (Jazz) Boardwalk Bistro, 7:30-10:30pm The Lavens (Americana) The Cove, 6:30-8:30pm The Soul Spot with JJ Lopez & Cortez (DJ) Tucker’s Kozy Korner, 9pm Saturday, December 22 CONCERTS

Blackbird Sing & Elijah Ford 502 Bar, 9:30pm Everything is Bigger in Texas Festival: Upon A Burning Body, Born Of Osiris, Veil Of

COURTESY PHOTO

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CURRENT EVENTS 502 Bar 502 Embassy Oaks, 502bar.com AT&T Center One AT&T Center, attcenter.com Backstage Live 1305 E Houston, backstagelivesa.com Blu Bar & Nightclub 126 W Rector, blubarsa.com Boardwalk Bistro 4011 Broadway, (210) 824-0100 Bohanan’s 219 E Houston, bohanans.com Boiler House 312 Pearl Pkwy., (210) 3544644 Bond’s 007 Rock Bar 450 Soledad, (210) 660-3091 Boneshakers Tap House and Pizzeria 306 Austin, boneshakersonline.com Boozehounds 8531 Perrin Beitel, (210) 590-3223 Brooks Pub 3354 Lasses, (210) 3336992 Charlie Brown’s 11888 Starcrest, charlie-browns.com Conroy’s Pub 9091 Fair Oaks Pkwy., (210) 698-7310 Cowboys Dancehall 3030 NE Loop 410, cowboysdancehall.com E.R. Bar and Grill 8647 Wurzbach, (210) 694-4477 Floore’s Country Store 14492 Old Bandera, Helotes, liveatfloores.com Franco’s Italian Grill 10003 NW Military Hwy., (210) 222-4403 Hi-Tones 621 E Dewey, (210) 573-6220 Holy Trinity Anglican Church 5441 Babcock Jack’s Bar 3030 Thousand Oaks, jacksbarsa.com Josabi’s 17200 Hwy. 16 N, Bandera, josabis.com Kirby’s Steakhouse 123 N Loop 1604 E, (210) 404-2221, kirbyssteakhouse.com Laurie Auditorium at Trinity University 715 Stadium, (210) 999-8117 Legends Sports Bar 1305 SW Loop 410, (210) 674-0627 Liberty Bar at the Convent 1111 S Alamo, liberty-bar.com Luna 6740 San Pedro, lunalive.com Martini Ranch 4904 West Avenue, (210) 341-1717 Meson European Dining 923 N Loop 1604 E, mesoneuropean.com Olmos Bharmacy 3902 McCullough, olmosbharmacy.com Our Lady of the Lake University 411 SW 24th, (210) 434-6711 Panchito’s 12403 West Avenue, (210) 342-4040 Pat O’Brien’s 121 Alamo Plaza, patobriens.com Quaker Meeting House 7052 N Vandiver Raffles Restaurant & Bar 1039 NE Loop 410, rafflesrestaurantandbar.com Rebar 8134 Broadway, rebarsatx.com Red Baron Lounge 914 Burr, (210) 843-3262 Retox 1031 Patricia, retoxbar.net Roxy Sports Bar 3249 Wurzbach, (210) 521-0410 Roxy Sports Bar (1604 & Kitty Hawk) 12000 E Loop 1604 N, (210) 267-2747 Silo 1604 434 N Loop 1604 W, (210) 483-8989 Southtown 101 101 Pereida Speedway Sports Bar #1 8811 Grissom, (210) 509-8313 Stonewerks stonewerks.com Stonewerks Big Rock Grille at the Rim 5807 Worth Pkwy., (210) 558-9898 The Cove 606 W Cypress, thecove.us The Esquire Tavern 155 E Commerce, esquiretavern-sa.com The Korova 107 E Martin, thekorovasa.com The Majestic Theatre 224 E Houston, majesticempire.com The Mariachi Bar at Mi Tierra 218 Produce Row, (210) 227-7140 The Mix 2423 N St. Mary’s, (210) 735-1313 The Ten Eleven 1011 Avenue B, (210) 320-9080, www.theteneleven.com The Trap 4711 Pecan Valley, (210) 533-3060 The White Rabbit 2410 N. St. Mary’s, sawhiterabbit.com Tucker’s Kozy Korner 1338 E Houston, tuckerskozykorner.com Uptown 78 8250 Fm 78 Ste 108, Converse Villa Finale 401 King William, villafinale.org War Room 2718 N St. Mary’s, (210) 735-7775 Zombies 4202 Thousand Oaks, zombiesliveinsa.com

Maya, Volumes, Crown The Empire, Abiotic, Buried Under Texas, House By The Ditch, & Memories In Broken Glass The White Rabbit, 3pm Ken Slavin Trio Boardwalk Bistro, 7-10pm My Misery, Sideline Rookies, The Atrocities Nightrocker Live, 10pm San Antonio Symphony presents Holiday Pops The Majestic Theatre, 8pm The S.O.U.L. Family and JDS Productions present “Prophecy 2: Rebirth Of Culture” The 20th Anniversary of SA’s underground dance music scene features legendary house DJ Doc Martin (Sublevel), Spettro and Trent Johnson, Leonard Trujillo, DJ Luch, J.A.M.O.N., and more. The Korova, 9pm-3am Trans-Siberian Orchestra: The Lost Christmas Eve AT&T Center, 3pm, 8pm Ugly Sweater Party with Sound of Curves, 50 Dollar Dynasty, Wickford Union, & DCL Josabi’s, 8pm CLUBS/VENUES

Brothers Medina (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grille at Lincoln Heights, 9pm Bru’s Tunes (Rock/Pop) Southtown 101, 10pm Charlie Bravo (Rock/Pop) The Trap, 9pm Chris Ruest Band (Blues) Kirby’s Steakhouse, 7-11pm Digger Bicks (Rock/Pop) Roxy Sports Bar (1604 & Kitty Hawk), 9pm DV8 (Rock/Pop) Roxy Sports Bar, 9pm Evolution (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grill at the Vineyard, 9pm Higher Ground (Rock/Pop) Brooks Pub, 9pm Kenn, LeAnn, Shawn (Rock/Pop) Charlie Brown’s, 9pm Mad Wagon (Rock/Pop) Speedway Sports Bar #1, 9pm Mirage Band featuring Rob Bernal & Raquel Rivas (Lounge) Meson European Dining, 9:30pm Mish Mash (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grille at the Rim, 9pm Noah Peterson (Jazz) Boneshakers Tap House and Pizzeria, 11am Tawali, The Lone Star Turntablist (DJ)

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Boneshakers Tap House and Pizzeria, 9pm The Show featuring Wednesday Ball (Variety) Raffles, 9pm-1am Sunday, December 23 CONCERTS

Family Night and Free Dance with Bobby Baker & the Longnecks Floore’s Country Store, 6-10pm San Antonio Symphony presents Holiday Magic Laurie Auditorium, 2:30pm Xmas Show with Nina Diaz, Joseph King, & Sugar Skulls 502 Bar, 8-11pm CLUBS/VENUES

Albert & Extasy (Latin) The Mariachi Bar at Mi Tierra, 6-10pm Karaoke with Oz (Karaoke) Retox, 9:30pm Open Mic with Buoy Meets Gull (Open mic) 502 Bar, 9:30pm The Barn Burners (Rock/Pop) The Mix, 11pm Monday, December 24 CONCERTS

Jazz & Candlelight “Lessons & Carols” Service Curtis Calderon (trumpet and vocals), John Carroll (vocals), Morgan King (saxophones), Jean-Philippe Rominger (guitar), Barry Brake (piano), Greg Norris (bass), Darren Kuper (drums), and Gabriel Herrera (percussion) come together for the third annual free Jazz & Candlelight “Lessons and Carols” Service.

Holy Trinity Anglican Church, 5-7pm CLUBS/VENUES

Royal Punisher & Thumper D Boneshakers Tap House and Pizzeria, 9pm Voodoo Vinyl with Smartypants (DJ) The Mix, 11-2am Tuesday, December 25 CLUBS/VENUES

Tattoo Ladies Night with Katie Red (Variety) Nightrocker Live, 8pm

ART

“Aphrodite and the Gods of Love” This groundbreaking exhibition reveals Aphrodite in her roles

sacurrent.com • December 19-25, 2012 • CURRENT 91

Holiday Happy Hours HAPPY HOUR 2P-8P • OPEN 2P-2A DAILY KARAOKE 7 DAYS A WEEK

2615 MOSSROCK (410/VANCE JACKSON) • 210.267.5703 92

CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

SAT

22

HEAR THIS!

MUSIC

Prophecy 2: Rebirth of Culture

It may be against all decent superstition to make plans for the day after the end of the world, but in the case of this classic rave DJ party you may want to make an exception.

Prophecy 2 is the 20th anniversary event of the original show, inspired by the original West Coast rave scene which embodied the values of peace, love, unity, and respect — things we could really use in today’s culture of isolation through hyper-exposure. You won’t want to miss the opportunity to shake your post-apocalyptic ass until 3 a.m. in a warm and fuzzy multi-room cocoon of pulsing light and sound. The list of DJs at hand will include DJ Rise, Spettro and Trent Johnson, J.A.M.O.N., local favorite JJ Lopez, and West Coast rave legend DJ Doc Martin (pictured). $10-$20, 9pm, The Korova, 109 E Martin, (210) 226-5070, prophecy2satx.com. — James Courtney

as instigator of sexual desire, patroness of brides, seafarers and warriors, agent of political harmony, adulterous seductress, and mother to mischievous Eros. Also on view: “Rostros de Maria: The Virgin as Archetype and Inspiration”; Adad Hannah: “Intimate Encounters”; and “Love in Three Capitals.” $5-$10 (free from 10amnoon Sundays), 10am-5pm Wednesday-Thursday, 10am-9pm Friday-Saturday, noon-6pm Sunday; San Antonio Museum of Art, 200 W Jones, San Antonio, (210) 978-8100.

“Dirty Dozen” PaperCity’s Catherine Anspon curates works by San Antonio artists Esteban Delgado, Gabriel Diego Delgado, Claudio Dicochea, Michele Monseau, Ethan Moore, Ivan Salcido, and Gary Schafter and Houston artists Ann Wood, Susan Plum, Nancy Douthey, Jon Leach, and Liza Littlefield. Also on view: Matt Irie & Dominick Talvacchio: “Lines & Other Curves” and Justin Randolph Thompson: “Meet Me In the Bottoms.” $3-$5, 2-6pm Wednesday, noon8pm Thursday, 2-6pm Friday-Saturday; Blue Star Contemporary Art Center, 116 Blue Star, San Antonio, (210) 227-6960.

“Estampas de la Raza: Contemporary Prints from the Romo Collection” Billed as “the most comprehensive survey of the contributions of Latino artists of post-1960 American printmaking to date,” the McNay’s “Estampas de la Raza” comprises more than 60 prints chronicling the Latino experience in the U.S. Also on view: “America’s Finest”; “Songs of Social Significance: Designs from the Tobin Collection” ; “Prints of the People: The Taller de Grafica Popular“; and “For Jerry: Masterpieces from the Lawson Bequest.” $5-$10 (free from 4-9pm Thursdays); 10am-4pm Wednesday, 10am-9pm Thursday, 10am-4pm Friday-Saturday, noon-5pm Sunday; McNay Art Museum, 6000 N New Braunfels, San Antonio, (210) 824-5368.

“Fantasyland: Remembering the Holidays at Joske’s” This holiday season, the ITC remembers Joske’s over-the-top Christmas display Fantasyland with an archival exhibition guests can complement by sharing photos and memories on Facebook.com/InstituteofTexanCultures or Twitter, @TexanCultures. Also on view: Texas Contemporary Artists Series: Ana Fernandez; “Made in Texas”; “Timeless Texas Toys”; and “Arte Chihuahua.” $6-$8, 9am-5pm WednesdaySaturday, noon-5pm Sunday, 9am-3pm Monday; Institute of Texan Cultures, 801 E César Chávez, San Antonio, (210) 458-2300. C?sar Ch?vez, San Antonio, (210) 458-2300.

International Artists-in-Residence: “New Works: 12.3” Heidi Zuckerman Jacobson of the Aspen Art Museum curates works by Tel Aviv’s Dor

Guez, Los Angeles-based David Benjamin Sherry, and SA’s own Sarah Sudhoff. Also on view: “Swap Meet: Artpace and The Dikeou Collection” and Window Works: Más Rudas: “Brown Style.”Free, noon-5pm Wednesday-Sunday; Artpace, 445 N Main, (210) 212-4900, artpace.org.

“Mummies of the World” “Mummies of the World” is the largest exhibition of real human and animal mummies and related artifacts ever assembled. $18-$22, 10am-5pm Wednesday-Saturday, noon5pm Sunday, 10am-5pm Monday; The Witte Museum, 3801 Broadway, San Antonio, (210) 357-1900.

“On the Horizon: Music and Visual Arts Student Exhibition” Students from the visual arts, media and music classes will showcase their final projects for the fall semester including an art exhibition of paintings collages and sculptures, an original short film, guitar music from Spain, and a potpourri of Christmas favorites performed by the piano students, including an audience sing-along to “Feliz Navidad.” $5 suggested donation, 6pm Thursday; Guadalupe Theater, 1301 Guadalupe, San Antonio, (210) 271-3151.

FILM

GET REEL Film: El Padrecito (The Little Priest) The McNay screens Miguel M. Delgado’s 1964 film starring Cantinflas as a priest in San Jerónimo el Alto, where he captures the hearts of the townsfolk by fighting a bull when the torero doesn’t show up.

Free, 6:30pm Thursday; McNay Art Museum, 6000 N. New Braunfels, San Antonio, (210) 824-5368.

THEATER

A Christmas Story Set in 1938 and based on Jean Shepherd’s book of short stories In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash, the 1983 box-office sleeper A Christmas Story orbits around Ralphie Parker, a bespectacled kid pining for a dangerous present “with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.” Adapted for the stage in 2000 by Philip Grecian, the play lights up the Woodlawn’s holiday season under the direction of Greg Hinojosa. $15-$23, 7:30pm Friday-Saturday, 3pm Sunday; Woodlawn Theatre, 1920 Fredericksburg, San Antonio, (210) 738-1117.

American Buffalo Years before he won a Pulitzer Prize for Drama with Glengarry Glen Ross, revered playwright and screenwriter David Mamet earned his reputation as the “profane poet” with the 1975 junk shop tragedy American Buffalo. Set in Don’s Resale Shop, the “tense and funny ride” follows a trio of petty criminals whose plot to steal a valuable coin collection doesn’t exactly add up. Rick Frederick

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CURRENT EVENTS directs and visual artist Jeremiah Teutsch designs the AtticRep production. $10-$25, 8pm Thursday-Saturday, 2:30pm Sunday; The Attic Theatre, Trinity University, One Trinity Place, San Antonio, (210) 999-8524.

Annie Set in New York City circa 1933, this Tony-winner with music by Charles Strouse, lyrics by Martin Charnin, and a book by Thomas Meehan follows zany 11-year-old Annie from the Municipal Girls Orphanage into the loving arms of billionaire Oliver Warbucks with an unexpected assist from FDR and the Secret Service.

Michelle Pietri directs the Playhouse’s production starring Marissa Ramon as Annie. $10-$25, 8pm FridaySaturday, 2:30pm Sunday; San Pedro Playhouse, 800 W Ashby, San Antonio, (210) 733-7258.

Hell and Back Billed as a “noir murder mystery,” Hell and Back sees retired San Francisco police detective John Winters (Michael Burger) eking out a living as a private investigator assisted by his dead partner Adam Blake (McDowell). Danger arrives when a mysterious client (Suzanne DeMarkova) hires the duo to search for a “strange object.” $10-$14, 8pm Thursday-Saturday, 7pm Sunday; The Gregg Barrios Theater at the Overtime, 1203 Camden, San Antonio, (210) 557-7562.

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells! Allison Gregory’s theatrical adaptation of Barbara Park’s Jingle Bells, Batman Smells! (P.S. So Does May) revolves around a Christmas pageant Junie B. Jones and her arch frenemy Tattletale May could easily spoil with a rivalry that dates back to a disastrous Columbus Day play. $9-$10, 9:45am and 11:30am Wednesday-Thursday, 7pm Friday, 2pm Saturday; Magik Theatre, 420 S Alamo, San Antonio, (210) 227-2751.

SantaLand Diaries & Season’s Greetings Dark and

Go to sacurrent.com/calendar for even more events wickedly funny, David Sedaris’ SantaLand Diaries compiles slightly embellished stories from the two seasons the humorist and author worked at Macy’s in Herald Square. Donning green velvet knickers and a perky hat, Sedaris begrudgingly becomes Crumpet, an elf who rejects the forced merriment of the season in a riotous fashion. Adapted for the stage by Tony-winning actor and director Joe Mantello, the one-man play is paired with Season’s Greetings, a monologue that stuffs Mrs. Jocelyn Dunbar’s holiday stocking with a slew of surprises including a crack baby named Satan Speaks.

Shelly Chance directs Jimmy Moore and Molly Cox at the Cellar. $10-$25, 8pm Friday-Saturday, 2:30pm Sunday; San Pedro Playhouse, 800 W Ashby, San Antonio, (210) 733-7258.

Zombie Apocalypse Christmas The Rose reanimates for the holiday season with Zombie Apocalypse Christmas, an original new play based loosely on the doomsday hoopla spiraling from the Mayan calendar.

Set just after zombies ravage the Earth on December 21, 2012, the farce follows Santa and Rudolph as they assemble a “zombie survival squad” by drawing from their top five Facebook friends. $8, 9pm FridaySaturday; The Rose Theatre, 11838 Wurzbach, San Antonio, (210) 360-0004.

COMEDY

Big Ed Blake Step into Big Ed’s world and let him corrupt you. Matt Bergman features and Raul Sanchez hosts. $15, 8:30pm Wednesday-Thursday, 8:30pm and 10:30pm Friday-Saturday, 8:30pm Sunday; Rivercenter Comedy Club, 849 E Commerce, San Antonio, (210) 229-1420.

Billy D. Washington Following a five-year stint as a

Houston Police Officer, Billy D. Washington reinvented himself as a piano-playing comedian and has since appeared on HBO’s Def Comedy Jam, Comedy Central’s Premium Blend, and NBC’s Last Comic Standing. Kent Radar features and Blair Thompson hosts. $15, 8pm Wednesday-Thursday, 8pm and 10:15pm FridaySaturday, 8pm Sunday; Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club, 618 NW Loop 410, San Antonio, (210) 541-8805.

DANCE

Fiesta de Navidad celebrates “La Pastorela Folklórica” In La Pastorela Folklórica, written by Hiedi Cabral, Guadalupe Dance Company members play the traditional characters of Mary, Joseph, Lucifer and the archangel while the Academy’s youngest performers play the parts of townspeople and shepherds. Under the influence of Lucifer more experienced Academy performers do their best to distract the shepherds from their mission of welcoming the new born king. $10, 7pm Friday; Guadalupe Theater, 1301 Guadalupe, San Antonio, (210) 271-3151.

with DJ Tone in the mix and Mel’s Finest on the mic! $5-$10, 9pm Sunday; Tonic, 5500 Babcock, San Antonio, (210) 877-5858.

Eisbahn Fredericksburg’s Eisbahn (“ice rink” in German) is an outdoor ice-skating rink in the Texas Hill Country. $10 (includes skate rental), 10am-10pm WednesdaySaturday, 1-8pm Sunday, 10am-2pm Monday; Marktplatz, 100 W Main, Fredericksburg, skateinfred. com.

JONESIN' SOLUTION Puzzle on page 105

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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Isaac Newton is regarded as one of the most influential scientists in history. But the time he spent as a member of the English Parliament was undistinguished. The only public comment he ever made while serving there was a request to close the window because he was cold. Basketball star Michael Jordan had a similar schism. In the prime of his outstanding career, he took a year off to try playing baseball, which he did poorly. After analyzing 2013’s astrological aspects, Aries, I’m guessing that you should cultivate a firm intention to avoid doing what Newton and Jordan did. Keep playing to your strengths and emphasizing what you love. Don’t get sidetracked by peripheral concerns.

face. Be true to your vision, Gemini!

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In 2013, I’d like to help you cultivate an even more reliable relationship with your intuitions and hunches than you already have. You may not need much guidance from me, since the astrological omens indicate this will happen quite naturally. There’s another kind of inspiration I hope to offer you in the coming months: clues about how to be “bad” in ways that will give your goodness more vigor. And when I say “bad,” I’m not referring to nastiness or insensitivity, but rather to wildness and playfulness and experimentation. Here’s one further service I want to provide, Taurus: helping you build a greater capacity to receive gifts, blessings, and support.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In 2013, I pledge to help you raise your lovability. It’s not that you are unlovable now, of course, but there’s always room for improvement, right? And if people become even more attracted to you than they already are, then you’re likely to get a lot of collaborative and cooperative work done. You will thrive as you and your allies work on projects that make your corner of the world a better and more interesting place. So what are the first three actions you could take to raise your lovability?

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the year 1900, few people believed that human beings would ever fly through the sky in machines. Most scientists thought that such a feat was impossible. For years, the Wright Brothers had a hard time convincing anyone to believe their flights were actually taking place, even though they had photos and witness reports as documentation. Although the leap you’ll be capable of in 2013 isn’t quite as monumental as the Wright Brothers’, it could be pretty important in the history of your own life.

You may also have to deal with skepticism akin to what they had to

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In 2013, I predict you will see why it’s wise to phase out an influence you have loved to hate for far too long. Uncoincidentally, you will also have a talent for purging emotional burdens and psychic debris that you’ve been holding on to since the bad old days. No later than your birthday, if all goes well, you will be free from a subtle curse you’ve been casting on yourself; you will finally be attending to one of your long-neglected needs; and you will have turned some rather gawky, half-assed wizardry into a smooth and silky magic.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): First question: Have you ever thought to yourself, “I’m afraid I will never achieve my noblest dreams or live according to my highest ideas”? Answer: There’s a very good chance that in the coming year you will banish that fear from the sacred temple of your imagination. Second question: Have you ever wondered if maybe you unconsciously undermine the efforts of people who are trying to assist you? Answer: In the coming months you should discover exactly what to do to prevent such a thing from happening. Third question: Do you know the single most important question you should be asking in 2013? Answer: I predict you will figure that out sometime in the next three weeks.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In 2013, I will be encouraging you to journey into the frontiers and experiment with the unknown. I will seek to inspire you to go in search of teachings you’ve needed for a long time. Are you ready for this expansion, Libra? Are you feeling a natural urge to explore forbidden zones and discover missing secrets and mess with your outmoded taboos? As you might imagine, doing this work would motivate you to develop a healthier relationship with your fears. To bolster your courage, I suggest you find some new freedom songs to sing.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In 2013, I will do what I can to ensure that your fiscal biorhythms are in close alignment with the universal cash flow. You should have pretty good instincts about this worthy project yourself, Scorpio. And so there’s an excellent chance that your wealth will increase. The upgrade will be especially dramatic if you are constantly scheming about how you can share your riches and benefit other people with your generosity. I think there will also be an interesting fringe benefit if you maintain maximum integrity as you enhance your access to valuable resources: You will develop a more useful relationship with your obsessive tendencies.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 2013, I pledge to conspire with you to achieve more mixtures, connections, accords, and unifications than you ever thought possible. I will furthermore be a fount of suggestions about how you can live well in two worlds.

I will coach you to create a peace treaty with your evil twin and your nemesis, and I will help you develop a knack for steering clear of other people’s bad ideas and sour moods. I can’t of course guarantee that you will never again experience a broken heart, but I swear I will do everything I can do to heal the broken part of your heart that you’ve been suffering from.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): When he was 21, the Capricorn

writer Jack London set off to prospect for gold in the 1897 Klondike Gold Rush. He had a rough time there. Malnourished, he suffered from scurvy and leg pain. To make matters worse, he didn’t find much gold, and returned home broke. On the other hand, he met scores of adventure seekers who told him stories of their travels.

These tales served as rich raw material for his novel The Call of the Wild, published in 1903. It made him famous and is generally regarded as his masterpiece. I’m guessing you will begin a similar trajectory in 2013, Capricorn. Events that may at first seem less than successful will ultimately breed a big breakthrough.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I can’t force you to seek more pleasure in 2013. I won’t nag you to play harder and explore the frontiers of feeling really good. However, I will say this: If you don’t plan to put yourself into at least partial alignment with the cosmic mandate to have maximum fun, you may not get the best use out of the advice I’ll be offering though my horoscopes in the coming year. Please consider the possibility of ramping up your capacity for pure enjoyment.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The study of ancient Mayan civilization owes a lot to the fact that Americans started buying lots of chewing gum in the late 19th century. Huh? Here’s the connection: For a long time, chicle was one of the prime ingredients in Chiclets, Juicy Fruit, Bazooka bubble gum, and many other brands of chewing gum. Chicle is obtained from the sap of sapodilla trees, which grow in abundance in Central America and Mexico. Over the decades, workers harvesting the chicle accidentally found many Mayan ruins covered in overgrown vegetation, then told archaeologists about their discoveries. I foresee a metaphorically comparable sequence happening in your life during 2013. In unexpected ways, you will be put back in touch with and benefit from lost, forgotten, or unexplored parts of the past.

JONESIN’ CROSSWORD by Matt Jones 'IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!' — OR MAYBE NOT. Across 1 Alabama Shakes or Sparklehorse 5 Tarbell and Lupino 9 Bellicose god 13 ___ about (roughly) 14 Jeremy of "Suburgatory" 16 Lymph ___ 17 It's the end of The World!... actually, it's a radio station mentioned at the end of PRI's "The World" 19 "Yeah, right!"

20 Farm refrain 21 It's the end of the world!...or, the country home to Ushuaia, the southernmost city in the world 23 Sound system name 24 "___ Married an Axe Murderer" 25 Food drive unit 26 Throb 28 Earth Day prefix 30 Hole in one's knowledge 33 It's the end of The World!... or not, since that was the first company to provide access to it in 1989 37 Become rigid 39 Shakespearean king 40 Snatches 42 Person who says "Breaker, breaker..."

43 Get really mad 45 It's the end of the world!...if you sort the countries alphabetically 47 Boat with two goats

48 "The Greatest" 50 Coyote score 51 Verbal ability 53 Series set in Las Vegas 55 Black Panther Party co-founder Bobby 59 It's the end of The World!...or at least it's seen in the bottom corner of the tarot card The World 62 "Peer Gynt" playwright 63 Dominates 64 It's the end of the world!...if you want to get really literal about it

66 Be a computer programmer 67 "Cars" singer Gary 68 St. that legalized marijuana in 2012 69 Rope feature 70 Dick Tracy's girl 71 Chrysler model

Down

1 Acknowledged the applause 2 Prefix before -plasty 3 Prize given to Carter and Obama 4 Deep-voiced "Simpsons" character

5 "Looking for," in the personals 6 Nightmare 7 Elroy's dog 8 What an old comedian chomps 9 Author Loos 10 Maurice's singing twin 11 Tree of Life location 12 ___ precedent 15 Inseparable 18 Makers of the Mallo Cup 22 Some mil. members 27 "Buffy" spinoff 29 Mag with quizzes 31 Some 32 Combustible heap 33 "Casablanca" character 34 ___-do-well 35 Olympic sport since 2000 36 Looney Tunes spinner 38 Go smaller 41 Think tank output 44 Roles, in metaphor 46 Old-school computer language 49 Lake's thaw 52 Map-within-a-map 54 "She ___ Coming" (Rolling Stones song) 56 Part of AAA 57 One-eyed "Futurama" character 58 "Return of the Jedi" moon 59 Sure thing 60 Victorious shout 61 Jane Velez-Mitchell's network 65 IV givers

Answer on page 97. ©2012 Jonesin’ Crosswords editor@jonesincrosswords.com.

sacurrent.com • December 19-15, 2012 • CURRENT 105

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¡ASK A MEXICAN! Dear Mexican: Many of my friends think I’m loco for playing with my dad the way I do. See, mi padre is now retired and living in Mexico, and is very worried that I am now 30 and not married yet, so he wants me to go back to where he lives to try and take an india from there back here to los EE.UU., if only to at least look after me.

I retaliate by kindly “reminding” him as much as possible that we are leprecanos (yes, I read your previous articles), to which he gets very angry. Everyone says that he’s going to beat me up one day, but it never happens. Last year, I gave him for Navidad a bowler hat, an Irish soccer shirt, and matching knee high socks. Let me tell you, he was so red for a second I thought he was going to explotar, but we still love one another very mucho.

Are family relationships between gabachos so much different?

— Concerned green bean Dear Leprecano: Just a quick reminder for the gabachos and wabs that might’ve forgotten your ethnicity: a leprecano is a half-Mexican, half-Irish person and therefore probably the most raza borracha of them all. As for your question: why are you asking me about gabachos? They’re a bigger mystery to me than Mayan Long Count calendar. The one spiel I can pull out of your hilarious pregunta, though, is the idea of Mexican families in the United States sending their pocho sons to the motherland to find himself a nice rancho girl. While intermarriage rates among Latinos continue to rise — the Pew Hispanic Center reported this year that 26 percent of Latinos marry outside their ethnic group, second only to Asians among America’s largest ethnic groups — the reality is that Mexican immigrants want their children to marry within their old social structures. That’s why a Mexican-American teenager’s life is a perpetual weekend of weddings, quinceañeras, birthdays, baptisms, and boxing

by Gustavo Arellano

matches — they’re all staging areas for courtship. Of course, the best-laid plans of Mexis and madres usually fail here in el Norte, what with all the girls from Jalisco, Zacatecas, and Sinaloa flirting their way toward every Mexican man’s heart. That’s why the fail-safe measure for parents is the rancho option: There’s always going to be a third cousin in the ancestral village who’s still a virgin, waiting patiently for pocho peen salvation.

Why do Mexicans all flock back to the motherland at Christmas for weeks at a time? They buy a shitload of presents, new clothes and basically check out of the USA. They blow all their feria, and then come back broke and start all over again. My folks are from the beautiful state of Chihuahua, and I cannot remember ever leaving at Christmastime for an extended trip to Mexico ... come to think of it, I can’t remember any presents either. Shit ... sucks for me.

— Mexicana Por Fortuna Dear Wabette by Fortune: Most of the Mexicans who historically made the trip back home to Mexico (I say “historically” because fewer Mexis are making such trips at the moment due to the narcowars and pendejo border fences) loaded up on presents for relatives back home, relatives that were usually poorer than them.

Also don’t forget the conspicuous consumption angle (immigrants want to appear as if they’ve found success, especially when going back home) and the fact that Mexicans return to Mexico because they’re Mexicans and have Mexican relatives who still live in Mexico and want to see their Mexican relatives in Mexico because Mexico Mexico ¡¡¡VIVA MÉXICO, CABRONES!!!

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano, or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

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Part time day shifts available.

APPLY IN PERSON Mon-Fri 10am-4pm OR ONLINE AT

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Positions need to be filled ASAP so if you are interested please submit an application at www.pinnergy.com or call 830.569.8754 for immediate consideration

The GEO Group, Inc. Karnes County Civil Detention Center We are hiring Detention Officers!

Other opportunities in Heath Care, Nursing, Security, Maintenance, Food Service, Programs, Administration, and more!

15900 La Cantera Pkwy Fax: 694-3545 Equal Opportunity Employer - M/F

Will Train

SELL RENT YOUR HOUSE

APPLY ONLINE: http://jobs.geogroup.com High School diploma or GED equivalent required. Must be at least 21 years of age and pass employment, criminal, and credit history background investigation.

GEO is the leader in the delivery of private correctional and detention management, community re-entry services as well as behavior and mental health services to government agencies around the globe.

EOE/M/F/D/V 110 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

FIND A NEW PLACE! JUST GO TO MARKETPLACE.SACURRENT.COM AND CLICK PLACE AN AD

Healthy Women & Men Ages 21-54... ...that drink beer, wine, or mixed drinks are needed for participation in research studies.

• Participants will be compensated for their time and travel.

• Volunteers should drink 1 to 4 days each week.

• Participation will last from 7:30am to about 7:30pm for 6 to 8 weekdays across a two week period.

• Participants may also be invited to participate in weekly visits that last for 30 minutes to 1 hour over 16 weeks.

• Volunteers must be height/weight proportionate.

For more information, Please contact Dina at (210) 567-2752

UT Health Science Center at San Antonio IRB Approved August 27, 2012 sacurrent.com • December 19-15, 2012 • CURRENT 111

Volunteers Needed for Diabetes Study If you are: • 18-75 years old • Are diagnosed with Type 2 Mellitus in past 2 years • Diet Controlled or taking Metformin alone You may qualify to participate in a study to test a novel combination of anti-diabetic drugs on glucose control.

If you participate, you will receive: • Physical exam • Medications for up to 3 years • Glucose Meter • Blood work • Compensation for your time

For more information, contact: 210-358-7200 Principal Investigator: Ralph DeFronzo, MD Department of Medicine, Diabetes Division, UTHSCSA Study to be conducted at the Texas Diabetes Institute 112 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

Live

in color

Artpace, 445 N. Main Ave. Alameda Museum, 101 S. Santa Rosa Ave. McNay Art Museum, 6000 N. New Braunfels Blue Star Contemporary Art Center, 116 Blue Star

Find Yourself…

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DEPRESSION MEDICATION AND LOW SEX DRIVE OFTEN GO HAND IN HAND.

The San Antonio Current’s NEW online Marketplace

Consider our clinical research study.

Many commonly prescribed antidepressant medications can have sexual side effects resulting in a lack of interest in sex, lack of arousal, or an inability to reach orgasm. We are conducting a clinical research study to better understand the effects on sexual functioning of an investigational medication when compared with an approved medication.

You may be eligible to participate if you: • Are 18-55 years old • Are currently taking Celexa® (citalopram), Paxil® (paroxetine) or Zoloft® (sertaline) and your depression is well controlled • Are experiencing sexual side effects thought to be caused by your antidepressant medication At the first study visit we will also review your medical history and other criteria to see if you are eligible for participation. All study-related office visits, medical examinations, psychological assessments and study medications will be provided at no cost to qualified participants. You may also receive compensation for your time and travel.

Call today for more information:

Croft Group Research Center Text drive1 to 87888 Standard data and message rates may apply

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sacurrent.com • December 19-15, 2012 • CURRENT 113

I Can

Help!

ParticiPate in a medical research study at icOn develOPment sOlutiOns. Right now, ICON is looking for non-smoking men and women, 18-45 and weigh more than 231 pounds, to participate in a medical research study.

The study may provide researchers with information that may help others. Qualified participants will be compensated up to $500 and receive study-related medical exams at no cost.

To learn more

call 210-225-5437 or visit us online today at

www.SomethingToBeProudOf.com

The Mix 2423 N. ST. MARY’S ST. Nightrocker 605 SAN PEDRO, AVE. Bonds 007 Rock Bar 450 SOLEDAD Floore Country Store 14464 OLD BANDERA RD. 114 CURRENT • December 19-25, 2012 • sacurrent.com

Check out your local farmer’s market.

100% FREE A King William classic cottage exhibiting an eclectic blend of styles featuring beautiful east lake mill work. This TX historic landmark has been awarded a San Antonio Conservation Award for quality renovation. Enter into a soaring hallway w/11' ceilings, long leaf pine floors, updated kitchen w/Viking stove, SS fridge, SS commercial shelvingandisland, updated baths. Wonderful bricked patio in back for entertaining.

Detached office bldg w/potting shedandstorage attached.

Price $327,900.

Call Debra Maltz@ Kuper Sotheby's International Realty (210) 224-2213 www.centroproperties.net

2 & 3 BDR AVAIL 2 bdr $675 1100 sq ft, 3 bdr $875 1250 sq ft. covered parking, bbq area 410 @ San Pedro Port Royale Apartments (210)344.6714 Pics @ www.doorsinsa.com

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JUST GO TO MARKETPLACE.SACURRENT.COM AND CLICK PLACE AN AD sacurrent.com • December 19-15, 2012 • CURRENT 115

Nightlife Limo

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AFFORDABLE COMPUTER REPAIR & VIRUS REMOVAL For Your Home and Business Needs Free Pickup & Delivery Excellent Customer Ratings Se Habla Espanol 451-0756 http://www.jtexsystems.com WEEKLY $55 COMPUTER REPAIR SPECIAL! Desktop memory upgrade and internal cleaning @ your home or office. Call Computer Medics for other repair/upgrade pricing. 584-1610.

WANTED: PROFESSIONAL TATTOO ARTISTS Buddha Box Studios is hiring tattoo artists.

REWARD: Working in a clean, safe, professionally owned and operated studio that takes pride in the quality of the services we offer! CONTACT: Richard for more info @ Buddha Box Studios Custom Tattoo & Piercing.

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DIVORCE*BANKRUPTCY*DEBT $299 FREE CONSULTATION Free Consultation Se Habla Espanol Law Office of Jan Perry Lederer P.C. 733-9400 Wells Fargo Bank Bldg., Ste. 401 750 E. Mulberry Ave., (Hwy 281) SATX 78212 Not certified by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization www.janperrylederer.com DONATE YOUR CAR! Tax Write-off/Fast Pickup Running or not. Cancer Fund Of America. (888) 269-6482

CUSTOM PIPES

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SPECIAL CURRENT RATE The Law office of

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313 S. Main • Across from Courthouse

GREAT BEER & FINE CIDER Private Reserve...

The Fragrant Cascade hops set the tone in this full flavored Northwest Lager, giving way to earthy, bready finish. It presents a clean aroma with subtle sweet malt mingling with a hint of fresh earthiness. 4.7% ABV

Woodland Pass IPA...

A brilliant earthy copper color and a hint of caramel sweetness balanced by an inviting aroma of pine, citrus and floral. It has a prominent hop aroma with a balanced fruity hop complexity that is derived from Pacific Northwest hops. 6% ABV

Worthington’s White Shield...

Award winning IPA brewed to the same recipe since 1830. Aromatic hops, toasted cereal notes and hints of smoke and spice kindle White Shield’s embracing nose.

Worthingtonís unique dual yeast works up a sharp sparkle, crafting a luxurious mouth-feel. 5.6% ABV

Worthington’s Red Shield...

A light, blond ale brewed with both barley and wheat malts giving it a light biscuity backdrop. The subtle bitterness comes from the Brambling Cross hops that add a slightly spicy note to the flavor and, combined with Cascade and Centennial hops, give a citrus aroma with hints of Blackcurrant. 4.2% ABV

BY TENTH & BLAKE

Batch 19... Pre Prohibition Lager In 2004, our brew masters discovered a old brewerís logbook in an unoccupied basement of our brewery. Inspired by this authentic Pre-Prohibition style recipe, this bold hoppy and surprisingly balanced lager, evokes the bold spirit of an earlier time. 5.5% ABV

St. Stefanus... A high fermented ale that is also refermented in the bottle; it continues maturing until it is opened. Brewed with the Jermanus yeast strain, the original yeast strain from the order of Saint Stefanus. Brewed and bottled in Belgium. 7% ABV

Third Shift...

A two time gold medal lager at GABF, Third Shift is a complex yet well-balanced amber lager with a sweet maltiness that dominates slightly over a clean, hop bitterness. 5.3% ABV

Redd’s Apple Ale...

Brewed with natural apple flavors & caramel color. It is an imported apple-flavored beer. 5% ABV

Lemon Berry Shandy...

Begins with a light, crisp Weiss beer, then blended with refreshing lemonade flavor and berry juice to create the most refreshing flavor under the sun. Pours bright and lively, with cameo pink and rhubarb orange in color.