Drink 2013

FREE / DECEMBER 23-29, 2013 / SACCURRENT.COM

Bar-hopping Downtown and on the Strip • Spirit of the Year: Scotch v. Mescal • Desert Island Drinks • Non-sports Bars Showing the Big Game • The Year in Drunk • SA's Official Beer Cowgirl • 150+ Bar and Club Listings

LONE STAR SOUR • 1.5 oz Cinco Vodka

• .75 oz Simple Syrup

• .75 oz Lemon Juice

• 1 piece of Jalapeno

Method: Muddle 1 piece of Jalapeno in a mixing glass. Add the remaining ingredients then shake vigorously. Double strain (using a small mesh strainer) over ice into Old Fashioned Glass. Then garnish with a Lemon Zest and a slice of Jalapeno.

40% Alc./Vol. ©2013 Cinco – The Five Star Vodka. Please drink responsibly.

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sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 5

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sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 9

17

TABLE OF CONTENTS Issue 13_52 / December 23-29, 2013

43

13 NEWS

35 Food

Newsmonger The Merry Christmas law is based on facts as real as Santa Claus. Adkisson surprises everyone by jumping into the Bexar County Judge race, including current judge (and former friend), Nelson Wolff

European Union Speisen’s continental menu starts in Austria and spreads out to Hungary, France, Italy and Spain, with results as varied as its geographic inspirations

16 Calendar

Our top picks for the week

23 Arts Wonder Wall Artist Blane de St. Croix bisects Blue Star with his curious, 80-foot long replica of the U.S./Mexico border wall On the Road to Damascus Chris Sauter’s second and third installations of his conceptual pilgrimage inspire quiet contemplation

25

A Humane Sense of the Perverse The paintings of Alejandro Padilla bring back slick technique and surreal juxtapositions

31 Screens The Price of Dignity In Nelson Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, Idris Elba soulfully delivers Nelson Mandela as a man and a leader Badfellas Martin Scorcese’s The Wolf of Wall Street is a long, wild ride through greed culture with Leonardo DiCaprio at the wheel

10 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

Flavor File Tucker’s Kozy Korner gets a new, but totally familiar, owner. Two Bros. BBQ to kick-off the San Antonio Cocktail Conference

40 Nightlife Que Es Mas Macho?

Four master mixers take on two of the most feared (and respected) spirits: scotch and mescal, to create cocktails almost anyone could love A Hoppy Addition Watch out, Big Hops is heading toward total world domination … or just opening three locations in one year Forgotten Downtown Bars Three River Walk standards that often get lost in the mix of “the next big thing” Desert Island Drinking We ask our nightlife writers for their picks of the beer, wine and cocktail they’d happily be stranded with Strip Tease Revisiting the Main Strip’s hottest spots for beefcake, drag shows or just damn good drinks Bowl Time Three bars that even non-sports lovers can watch the game in

The Year in Drunk 2013 was a very good year … or was it? We can’t quite recall Day in the Life Saddling up with St. Arnold’s local “beer cowgirl” Listings The 153 best places in town to grab a brew, glass or cocktail

82 Music Freedia Everywhere The unrivaled Queen of Bounce talks about haters, lovers and throwing up Aural Pleasure New album from Mala Rodriguez isn’t bad at all, the Zac Brown Band/Dave Grohl collaboration does not suck either and a charming little benefit compilation featuring Deer Vibes Music Calendar What to see and hear this week

94 Etc.

Savage Love, Free Will Astrology, Jonesin’ Crossword, Open Letters

On the Cover

Crushed ice? Never! These days all the most serious bars (and there are more of them every day, it seems), pay almost as much attention to the frozen cubes as what they pour on top of them.

What better way to celebrate our annual Drink issue? Photograph

by Casey Howell. Cover design

by Eli Miller.

sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 11

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NEWS

Newsmonger Have a Perfectly Redundant Merry Christmas (Law)!

MARY TUMA

It’s that time of year again.

Hanging stockings, decking the halls, caroling and, if you’re a Texas right-wing conservative, spending the hours needlessly fighting a religious war that doesn’t exist.

Thanks to legislation authored by state Rep. Dwayne Bohac (R-Houston) during the 2013 session, conservative groups are in a media blitz promoting the new “Merry Christmas law,” which allows parents, teachers and students to celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah in public schools, “without fear of censorship, litigation or persecution.”

(So, why wouldn’t you name it the “Religious-Inclusive Holiday Law” you ask? We could take a few guesses.)

“Our school officials and teachers have enough on their plate without having to worry about frivolous lawsuits for acknowledging Christmas in our public schools,” said Bohac in a release.

“This bill simply offers protection for and guidance to school officials and teachers by codifying Supreme Court precedent and providing ‘bright lines.’ This bill ultimately is about bringing ‘fun, joy and magic’ back into our schools during the holiday season.”

In what feels like a now time-honored tradition, conservative groups—led by Texas Values, which runs a statewide campaign to protect the holiday in schools—have begun to launch their counterattack on the “War on Christmas,” and it appears the new law is their latest weapon.

Not surprisingly, some of SA’s most conservative elected officials are

drinking the eggnog. State Sen. Donna Campbell (R-New Braunfels)—a cosponsor of the law—promises to “stand up for the true meaning of CHRISTmas [emphasis hers] and stay strong for our conservative values in the Texas Senate,” on her Facebook profile and even offers up a dedicated page on her re-election website for monetary donations to “Stop the War on Christmas!” North San Antonio’s Texas State Board of Education representative Ken Mercer joined Bohac and others at public appearances to draw attention to the new law. There is a “culture war being waged on Christmas and Hanukkah,” said Mercer during an event at the Capitol in early December.

“The bad news: We had to pass a law to tell the far left that in a place called Texas, we believe in a document called the United States Constitution that protects our First Amendment rights!”

Perhaps without realizing it, Mercer signaled one of the central redundancies of the law—guarantees in the First Amendment already protect students, teachers and whoever else from religous expression and free speech.

“There is no prohibition in the Constitution or the law against a student or teacher wishing someone Merry Christmas—we didn’t need a law to protect it, we have a First Amendment to do that,” Dan Quinn with statehouse watchdog group the Texas Freedom Network tells the Current.

So what’s the end game for these freedom-loving, festive conservative players?

“Their real intent is to raise money, it’s a great fundraising gimmick,” says Quinn.

Case in point: $150,000 needed

by December 31 to defend “your faith, family, and freedom” according to Texas Values’ homepage. (Amidst the Christmas Law hoopla, the group managed to wrangle in SA to their cause to help boost donation dollars—a

message on the same page asks Texans to help protect freedom in the face of San Antonio’s “unprecedented attack” on Christians via our recently passed LGBT non-discrimination ordinance.)

“It’s ludicrous to imagine there is a war on Christmas in a country in which the vast majority of the people openly celebrate Christmas, but that’s what they’ve been trying to do for a long time,” says Quinn of the religious right.

But, wait a minute, how about those pretty ridiculous stories about school districts restricting winter holiday celebrations? After all, Bohac claims his son Reagan inspired the bill after being discouraged from referencing “Christmas” in school.

Quinn doesn’t discredit these isolated instances of censorship, but rather argues they are plenty of examples in which public schools have overstepped the boundaries in reverse—by unconstitutionally injecting religion into education. He points to a sex ed class in one district that suggests students can prevent STDs by making sure they don’t date non-Christians, and Bible courses that amount to “Sunday school devotional classes.”

Nonetheless, says Quinn, both sets of examples are isolated events and in neither case would the law be necessary. “Those kind of things are going to happen because human beings make mistakes, not because there’s some sort of nefarious campaign out there to crush Christmas or wipe it off the face of this Earth,” according to Quinn.

In the case of the most recent and publicly touted instance by the Christmas culture warriors, the claim was about as a real as a Dickens novel. The uproar from Texas Values over a notice sent out by the PTA of a Dallas-area elementary school banning “Christmas or any other religious holiday” and “red/green or Christmas trees,” helped give relevance to their campaign. But the ISD says that’s not what went down. In fact, the e-mail referenced wasn’t from the PTA but from a room mom and the school wasn’t even aware of it. The PTA came out saying they categorically denied any attempt to block Christmas expression, calling it an “unfortunate misunderstanding.” The statewide criticism surrounding the nonevent at the school district hasn’t helped the shaky conservative argument while likely pissing off the district to no end.

Other misunderstandings may abound

as a result of the law, worries Cheryl Drazin, Southwest civil rights counsel with the Anti-Defamation League. While the first section deals with issues like holiday greetings and parties—already well codified within federal law—the ADL takes issue with the second part of the legislation, which dictates religious public displays for schools—a gray area open to subjective symbolism.

Allegheny vs ACLU, a 1989 U.S. Supreme Court case, determined which certain combinations of religious displays on public grounds are constitutional as per the establishment clause. For instance, a nativity scene on its own is not permitted, but a Menorah and a Christmas tree arrangement is allowed because both present secular meaning.

However, the Texas statue allows for one religious symbol and one secular symbol, potentially muddying the waters.

“The way the law is worded, it probably creates some legal confusion for what’s permissible for schools to do regarding displays,” says Drazin. “I think it gets really scary for school districts [and] campuses to figure out what’s OK and what’s not OK.” “At best, the state law is fuzzy; at its worst, it’s in conflict with federal law,” says Drazin, “… a school could think they were relying on the bill for good information and wind up in litigation.”

So, in effect, a law meant to protect school districts could actually end with a trail of lawsuits, making this (not creepy at all) quote from Texas Values president Jonathan Saenz seem as logical as the bill itself: “We hope the Merry Christmas law will lead to less school districts being naughty and more being nice.”

Cramped County Judge Race Pits Old Allies Against Each Other In an unexpected shakeup for a long-time incumbent, Precinct 4 County Commissioner Tommy Adkisson threw his hat into the 2014 Bexar County Judge race in hopes of unseating the current judge, Nelson Wolff. In the final hours of the state primary filing deadline, Adkisson bid to defeat the fellow Democrat, pitting two old friends against one another in a primary showdown. The victor faces sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 13

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NEWS

a challenge from District 10 council member Carlton Soules, who similarly hopped in the race a few hours shy of the cut-off.

Soules joins his conservative council counterpart, former District 9 member and newly minted Texas Monthly Bum Steer Elisa Chan in climbing the political ladder. Why would the Republican leave his comfortable post at the dais after just two years to start an uphill battle against a Democrat who has successfully cruised through office since 2001? “Well, that’s a question you have to ask anyone that wants to move to higher office that’s in a council position,” said Soules (perhaps subtly pointing to Chan’s senate bid). Yes, yes it is, but really now: “In my view, I can be more effective in a role at the top of the County than I’ll be able to [be] in the next year as council person,” he clarified.

Soules is taking aim at what he calls County-supported “wasteful legacy pet projects,” like the $280 million downtown streetcar plan and the $175 million San Pedro Creek redevelopment, that he says drain resources away from public safety and infrastructure projects and increase the County’s debt. “[The] focus has become much more narrow. The Commissioners Court appears to be, in my mind, looking more and more at downtown high-dollar legacy projects versus looking at the needs of the very disparate fast-growing County,” Soules told the Current in a phone interview following his announcement.

“If you’re in [other parts of SA], I would really, truthfully, be upset watching dollars that could be used for critical projects being funneled into legacy projects downtown.”

Wolff’s Democrat primary challenger echoes the council member’s gripes with high-dollar projects, even citing some of the same ones. And they both called for a $2 billion investment into flood retention projects, with Soules describing it as a “moral issue.”

Under his watch, Adkisson says the County would turn its attention to health issues like controlling high diabetes rates, and reducing recidivism, or repeated incarceration.

“I think the clarity of the Court’s

mission would be enhanced immensely by a focus on health and justice and not diverted to these purely City projects that the County is picking up a large portion of the tab on,” Adkisson told the Current.

But Wolff is already playing defense—he’s proud of those projects and counters their supposed wastefulness.

“They say they want to end legacy projects, but the definition in and of itself means it’s a long-lasting project that’ll be a benefit to multiple generations,” said the former mayor of SA during a phone interview with the Current, pointing to the Mission Reach, the BiblioTech bookless digital library and more than 50 flood control projects.

Adkisson’s attempt to secure the County judgeship isn’t his first go. In 1992, Adkisson won the Democratic primary but was eventually ousted by Republican Cyndi Taylor Krier in the general election. Krier left her post in 2001 and Wolff was appointed as her replacement. Adkisson figured his old pal would serve a term or two and make way for another candidate—more than a decade later, Adkisson considers Wolff’s retirement long overdue.

“I helped make it possible for him to come out of political retirement, some may call it a political grave, and be our County judge,” says Adkisson. “And 13 years later, I find out he’s planning like he’s going to stay on for life … or appoint his son as successor. Those are all things I find to be a departure from otherwise good relations.”

“The public is ready for a change and I think I’ve served them very well [as Commissioner]. And I’m closer to 63 than 73,” added Adkisson, pointedly referring to his opponent.

While he was expecting GOP (and conservative, at that) opposition for well over a year—even holding a fundraiser for the first time in 13 years—Wolff didn’t foresee a challenge from his ally of decades.

“It surprised me when Tommy jumped up,” he confessed. “We’ve been friends for a long time. In fact, I was his campaign treasurer 40 years ago.”

He continued, “There’s a lot of truisms about politics and one that ranks up there at the top is that friends come and go—that happens, it’s kind of sad, but I guess that’s the just political process.” —Mary Tuma

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The Nightmare Before Christmas

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! The Musical THEATER

Dr. Seuss’ timeless tale hits the stage with Max the Dog narrating as the ruthless Grinch attempts to sabotage the Whos’ Christmas celebration by stealing gifts, decorations and even the Who Hash. Featuring cherished songs from the TV special (including “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” and “Welcome Christmas”), magical set design and playful costumes inspired by Seuss’ original illustrations, the musical promises to “transport audiences to the whimsical world of Whoville.” Originally created by three-time Tony Award-winning director Jack O’Brien, the national tour lands at the Majestic with direction by Matt August and choreography by Bob Richard. $31-$96, 7pm Thu, 2pm & 7pm Fri, 11am, 2pm, 5pm & 8pm Sat, 11am, 3pm & 7pm Sun, The Majestic Theatre, 224 E Houston, (210) 226-3333, majesticempire.com. –Ainsley Caffrey

16 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

THU

26

Islands & Tigers Day After Christmas Fest MUSIC

Let’s face it–the day after Christmas can seem like the very embodiment of letdown; a mountain of anticipation imploding into boredom and nostalgia.

Local upstart pop-rock outfit Islands & Tigers have got you covered this year. The group is throwing a festival featuring more than 10 local acts to celebrate the release of its sophomore EP Best Wishes, to raise funds for an upcoming tour and to help the show-going public through the malaise of the post-holiday daze. Arrive early and catch all the acts on this bill, but make sure not to miss Islands & Tigers’ set. The relatively recently formed group is one of Saytown’s finest, with a sound that’s equal parts electric garage swagger and sunny pop charm, somehow both derivative of your favorite bands and wholly (awesomely) original. $5-$7, 7pm, The Korova, 107 Martin, (210) 995-7229.

—James Courtney

THU

26

The Nightmare Before Christmas FILM

The McNay brings Tim Burton’s unusual holiday classic The Nightmare Before Christmas to life with a “Stop-motion Film Fest” and tours of its collection of original figures, props and sets (which were purchased by Robert L.B. Tobin and donated to the museum). Because of the tedious animation process, the film took Burton two years to complete. Viewers will be able to see how Jack Skellington’s wiry body bends into different poses (as well as Oogie Boogie and the trio Lock, Shock and Barrel). There will also be two screenings of the movie, so viewers will be able to watch the Pumpkin King of Halloweentown as he experiences pop culture’s most charming midlife crisis after stumbling upon Christmastown. $10-$15 (free from 4-9pm), screenings at 3pm & 7pm, McNay Art Museum, 6000 N New Braunfels, (210) 824-5368, mcnayart.org. –AC

FRI

27

Deer Vibes Tour Kickoff MUSIC

Shortly after visiting San Antonio for the first time in late 2010, producer Gordon Raphael (the Strokes) was flabbergasted by one particular local group. “I saw a band called Deer Vibes last night,” Raphael wrote on his Facebook page. “It was one of the most enjoyable concert experiences I have ever had … They rearranged my mind, in the most delightful way.” That’s high praise coming from anyone, but when it comes from the producer of some of the most acclaimed and influential albums in modern rock history, it becomes gold.

Three years later, Mikey Vibe’s troupe is a powerhouse about to start a winter tour (they will release a full-length in 2014).

After a series of fundraisers, this is the official tour kickoff, with support from Brandon Cunningham and Julian Gill. $5$8, 11:30pm (doors at 6pm), The Ten Eleven, 1011 Avenue B, (210) 320-9080, theteneleven.com. —Enrique Lopetegui

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CURRENT

Little Joe

SAT

28

The Temptations Review MUSIC

Brown/Black unity didn’t start with San Antonio’s Third Root. Historically, Tex-Mex artists have always looked up to Motown, and African-Americans have often joined Chicano acts in order create some great music that went beyond racial barriers (think of War’s “Low Rider,” to name just one). Now, Dennis Edwards (who was with the Temptations in 196876, returning in 1980-84, 1987 and 1989, before he joined splinter group The Temptations Review) headlines a bill that includes Tejano legends Little Joe y La Familia (pictured) for a Motown funk and soul party partially benefitting the San Antonio Food Bank ($1 from each ticket sold goes to SAFB). The Temptations Review features Edwards, David Sea, Mike Pattillo, Chris Arnold and Paul Williams Jr., son of the original Temptations member. $25-$80, 8pm, San Antonio Event Center, 8111 Meadow Leaf Drive, (210) 803-9460. —EL

Something Fiction

White Christmas

FRI-SUN

27-29

White Christmas THEATER

Written by iconic Jewish composer Irving Berlin, the nostalgiadriven tune “White Christmas” broke the Yuletide mold in 1941 and resonated with families separated by World War II. More than a decade after its big-screen debut, it formed the centerpiece for Paramount’s 1954 VistaVision debut White Christmas.

Set in 1944, the film follows two army buddies who accompany a sister act to a holiday gig at a snowless ski lodge.

David Ives and Paul Blake’s 2004 theatrical adaptation has been dissed as “about as fresh and appealing as a roll of Necco wafers found in a mothballed Christmas stocking” and redeemed as “old-school Broadway escapism.”

Jonathon Pennington directs the Cameo’s production, which features 17 of Berlin’s songs and a snowy finale. $15-$33, 8pm Fri-Sat, 4pm Sun, Cameo Theatre, 1123 E Commerce, (210) 212-5454, cameocenter.com. —Bryan Rindfuss

SAT

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Holiday Meltdown MUSIC

In 2007, Tacoland alums Snowbyrd released a self-titled debut Texas Monthly summed up as “harddriving, chugging guitar rhythms, melodic songs with off-kilter Phish/Meat Puppets/ Grateful Dead (pick your generation) harmonies, a flair for weird turns, and, of course, a proud lo-fi aesthetic.” In 2009, the group won Best Indie Band in our 2nd Annual Rammy Awards (now the San Antonio Music Awards), several months after the passing of drummer and San Anto Cultural Arts founder Manny Castillo.

As an annual tradition, the quartet assembles a solid lineup of friends for its Holiday Meltdown. Promising to “warm up your holidays,” this year’s happening takes over the delightfully divey Mine Shaft with top-notch partners in crime including Los #3 Dinners, King Pelican and Fear Snakeface. Free, 9pm, Mine Shaft Saloon (Magic Time Machine), 902 NE Loop 410, (210) 828-1470. —BR

SAT

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Something Fiction MUSIC

Sometimes the fates align to bring us a perfect show. Since its doors have opened, 502 Bar has consistently (and rightfully) been referred to as the local venue with the best sound. This fact, of course, isn’t likely to mean much if the place is filled with folks who came to drink and could care less about the music.

Nor is it likely to be important to an act that is imprecise about its sound. For a group like local psych-electro astronauts Something Fiction, however, perfection in sound quality is an absolutely essential element in translating their gorgeously meticulous recorded sound to the live setting. If you’ve never seen the trio live, this is your best opportunity. Their sound, full of crawling voices and haunting visions, is mesmerizing and generative of transcendental states–if you let it work its magic on you. $5, 9pm, 502 Bar, 502 Embassy Oaks, (210) 257-8125, 502bar.com. —JC

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27

'Cold Waves'

In less than a year, local artists Louie Chavez and James “Supa” Medrano have established their Plazmo Contemporary (a collaborative venture named in honor of “the sound of shapelessness”) as a destination for irreverent, eye-popping work. Exemplified by Chavez’s own lo-fi adventures in fashion, graffiti and video game iconography (“Future of the Future”) and Laredo-based David Berrones’ “popinflected, dialectic visual experience” (“Algorithm”), the gallery’s offerings fuse graphic eye candy and street culture into a “multi-sensory experience” with a refreshing sense of humor. From the looks of it, Plazmo’s “Cold Waves” is no exception.

Featuring Medrano alongside Audrya Flores, Justo Cisneros, Jose Fidel Sotelo and Shek Vega, the group show plays with motifs spanning from Pre-Columbian times to the golden age of Disney—with a dose of psychedelia thrown in as a seasonal palate cleanser. According to Chavez, the common denominator is work that serves “as a medium between the contemporary aesthetic and the social relevance of a culturally heavy art community.” Free, 7-10pm, Plazmo Contemporary, 1101 W Woodlawn, facebook.com/PlazmoContemporary. —Bryan Rindfuss

ART

Blane De St. Croix: “Broken Landscape III” Based on travels along the length of the U.S./Mexico border and encounters with residents, fence contractors, border patrol officers and journalists, New York artist Blane De St. Croix’s “Broken Landscape III” reconstructs a selection of the border as a “monumental miniaturized section” that divides the gallery space. $3-$5, noon-8pm Thursday, noon-6pm Friday-Sunday; Blue Star Contemporary Art Museum, 116 Blue Star, San Antonio, (210) 227-6960.

Chris Sauter: “Faith and Reason” Part of a multi-site art project, local artist Chris Sauter’s “Faith and Reason” consists of photographs of words written on airplane windows during flight. $3-$5, noon-8pm Thursday, noon-6pm Friday-Sunday; Blue Star Contemporary Art Museum, 116 Blue Star, San Antonio, (210) 227-6960.

Chris Sauter: “Shape of the Universe” Sauter’s Fl!ght show features four photographs of the Hubble Deep Field (an image taken by the Hubble Space Telescope of the farthest regions of the visible universe). Each is in the shape of the footprint of an important religious temple from each of the four major world religions: Christianity, Islam, Buddhism and Hinduism. Free, by appointment; Fl!ght Gallery, 1906 S Flores, San Antonio, (210) 872-2586.

“CSI: The Experience” Developed by the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History in cooperation with the CBS franchise Crime Scene Investigation, “CSI: The Experience” invites guests into the world of cutting-edge forensic science to examine “crime” scenes to identify and record evidence, enter the “laboratories” to conduct scientific testing, visit the “autopsy” rooms for pathology analysis and report to the “office” to build a case based on the scientific evidence. $13-$18, 10am-5pm MondayTuesday, 10am-5pm Thursday-Saturday, noon-5pm Sunday; Witte Museum, 3801 Broadway, San Antonio, (210) 357-1900.

“Eldzier Cortor: Master Printmaker” While enrolled at the Art Institute of Chicago, West African art made a tremendous impact on Eldzier Cortor’s artistic sensibilities. Funded by a Guggenheim Fellowship, Cortor travelled to the West Indies in 1949 where he became interested in diaspora and its effects on West African culture. This exhibit features works from Cortor’s print series “Jewels” and “Facets” as well as “L’Abbatoire” (“The Slaughterhouse”),

a response to his years teaching art in Haiti. $5-$10 (free all day Thursday, Dec 26), 10am-3pm Tuesday, 10am5pm Thursday, 10am-9pm Friday-Saturday, 10am-6pm Sunday; San Antonio Museum of Art, 200 W Jones, San Antonio, (210) 978-8100.

Mark and Angela Walley: “Creation to Consumption” Filmmakers Mark and Angela Walley transform Sala Diaz into a product showroom to unveil and demonstrate the WALLEY POS-86, an impossible video camera that represents a reverse trend in consumer electronics. Through the use of sculpture, video and design, their “Creation to Consumption” satirizes the seemingly interminable production and distribution of new retail electronics. Free, by appointment; Sala Diaz, 517 Stieren, San Antonio, (210) 852-4492.

“Native Son: The Prints and Drawings of Luis A. Jimenez Jr.” Born in El Paso to a neon sign-maker father, Luis A. Jiménez Jr. found influence in that medium and in the mid-century lowrider culture that grew up with him.

He gained international recognition for creating vivid sculptures and drawings that blended kitsch and realism, some playing on controversial stereotypes. The McNay celebrates its recent acquisition of Man on Fire, one of Jiménez’s most celebrated works, with an exhibit of his drawings and prints. $10-$15, 10am-4pm Tuesday, 10am-9pm Thursday, 10am-4pm Friday, 10am-5pm Saturday, noon-5pm Sunday; McNay Art Museum, 6000 N New Braunfels, San Antonio, (210) 824-5368.

“New Works 13.3” Handpicked by Paola Morsiani, director of the Neuberger Museum of Art in Purchase, N.Y., Micol Assaël (Rome), Ivor Shearer (Houston) and Erin Shirreff (New York) represent the final chapter in Artpace’s 2013 International Artist-In-Residence cycle. Free, noon-5pm Thursday-Sunday; Artpace, 445 N Main, San Antonio, (210) 212-4900.

“Ramp It Up” The Smithsonian’s traveling “Ramp It Up” exhibit highlights skateboarding’s enduring popularity on reservations and Native Americans’ considerable contributions to the culture via archival footage and photos, plus 20 skateboard decks designed by Native Americanowned skate companies or Native contemporary artists like Bunky Echo-Hawk and Traci Rabbit. $6-$8, 9am5pm Monday-Tuesday, 9am-5pm Thursday-Saturday, noon-5pm Sunday; Institute of Texan Cultures, 801 E César Chávez, San Antonio, (210) 458-2300.

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28

Trans-Siberian Orchestra

From one perspective, TSO is an ensemble/conglomerate cofounded by a record executive to produce the prog-rock-lite versions of Christmas carols department stores start blasting ad nauseum sometime around mid October (and a concept album about Beethoven considering a Faustian deal on his deathbed), all of which get the most mileage by pulling well-known works from the public domain and giving them the full Rick Wakeman. Live concerts feature laser light shows, cheesy narration and the kind of vocals Neil Diamond would deliver if he were somehow even less self-aware. From a different perspective, well yeah, OK, but doesn’t that sound perversely fun? If you’ve got about $50 to drop on pure spectacle (with the ever-popular “portion of proceeds” reportedly going to charity), watching TSO do their damnedest to drag the Christmas spirit out through the weekend on their appropriately Hallmark Channel-sponsored tour (which somehow continues through December 30 with the “band” claiming to be in two places at once most days) is probably your best bet unless Styx reunites with Dennis DeYoung for another Kilroy tour. $42.50-72.50, 3pm & 8pm, AT&T Center, One AT&T Center, (210) 444-5000, attcenter.com. —Jeremy Martin

THEATER

A Christmas Story, The Musical With a cultish appeal that rears its head annually in the form of a TBS marathon, it should come as no surprise that the 1983 box-office sleeper A Christmas Story has inspired multiple adaptations and a museum in Cleveland. Based on radio personality Jean Shepherd’s semi-autobiographical book In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash, the late Depressionera tale employs nine-year-old Ralphie’s quest to acquire a BB Gun as a thread to connect memorable scenes involving a frozen flagpole, a fishnet-clad leg lamp and a holiday meal of Chinese turkey. Not to be confused with Phillip Grecian’s play from 2000, the recent Broadway sensation A Christmas Story, The Musical makes its Texas debut at the Woodlawn—complete with the inevitable show tune “You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out.” $15-$23, 7:30pm Friday-Saturday, 3pm Sunday; Woodlawn Theatre, 1920 Fredericksburg, San Antonio, (210) 738-1117.

Moscow Ballet’s Great Russian Nutcracker Described as “expansive” and “elegantly generous” by The New York Times, Moscow Ballet’s Great Russian Nutcracker features 40 Russian dancers, larger than life puppets, nine hand-painted backdrops and 200 hand-embellished costumes created in St Petersburg’s oldest theatrical costume shop. Exclusive to the production is “Dove of Peace,” for which two dancers become one bird and escort Masha and her Prince to the Land of Peace and Harmony, where worldly ambassadors offer symbolic gifts in the form of playful silk puppets. $31.50-$125.50, 7pm Monday; The Majestic Theatre, 224 E Houston, San Antonio, (210) 226-3333.

The Overtime Christmas Spectacular Earlier this year USA Today’s “Fun Places to go in Texas During Christmas” article suggested readers “visit the cozy Overtime Theater for zany takes on classic Christmas fare.” Now they’re obligated. This year’s zaniness combines elements of a variety show and Scott McDowell’s Christmas City Confidential—a noir murder mystery following an elf private eye hired by Santa to track down a killer. $10-$14, 8pm Thursday-Saturday; The Gregg Barrios Theater at the Overtime, 1203 Camden, San Antonio, (210) 557-7562.

by the McNay’s exhibition of original characters and sets from Tim Burton’s film The Nightmare Before Christmas. $10-$15 (free for kids under 12), 1pm & 3pm Sunday; McNay Art Museum, 6000 N New Braunfels, San Antonio, (210) 824-5368.

Snowball Winter Bash Presented by Coors Light, the inaugural SnowBall features music from “internationally recognized twerk ambassador” Big Freedia, Neon Indian (DJ set), Glitoris, DJ Mel, Leonard Trujillo, Extended Play, DJ Pulp and Adam Madrigal, plus a laser show, “real snow,” ice-cold beer, frosty spirits and tasty bites. $20-$50, doors at 6pm Saturday; Maverick Plaza, La Villita, 418 Villita, San Antonio, sanantoniosnowball.com.

TALKS PLUS

Project Embrace “Community Meeting” The mission of Project Embrace is “to improve outcomes and enrich lives for LGBTQ youth in and out of foster care by providing education and training.” Free, 4-6pm Saturday; Landa Branch Library, 233 Bushnell, San Antonio, (210) 732-8369.

Shantikar: Solstice Kirtan Rick Henderson (vocals, keyboard and sarode), Alice Zimmermann (vocals) and Buffalo Thunder (drums) present a evening of uplifting music including kirtan, call and response chants from India. $10 suggested donation, 7:30pm Friday; Quaker Meeting House, 7052 N Vandiver, San Antonio.

SPECIAL EVENTS

Family Art Play: Stop-Motion Studio Art instructor Johnny Villarreal helps attendees bring ideas to life with easyto-use technology at this animation workshop inspired

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Wonder Wall

COURTESY PHOTO

T

ARTS

An artist questions the U.S./ Mexico border fence with 3D model DAN R. GODDARD

The truth is, building a wall along miles and miles of a remote political border has never proven to be an effective barrier to human will.

The 72-mile-long wall Roman Emperor Hadrian had built across northern England beginning in 122 A.D. may have provided some control over immigration, smuggling and customs, but scholars question how effective it would have been at stopping an invading army, not to mention the cost of construction and maintenance.

However, covered in plaster and whitewashed, its shining surface reflected the power of Rome to the troublesome Scots tribes.

Construction began on the Great Wall of China in the third century B.C. and continued for nearly 2,000 years, but it never stopped invaders. Instead, the 3,000-milelong earth-and-stone structure came to function more as a psychological barrier between Chinese civilization and the rest of the world, a tangible symbol of the country’s enduring strength.

The 100-mile-long Berlin Wall was erected in a single night between August 12 and 13, 1961, to prevent the remaining East Germans from joining more than 2.5 million of their fellow citizens who had already fled the iron-fisted rule of the Soviet Union. While the Soviets continued to strengthen it during its 28-year-old history as a symbol of Cold War oppression, the wall came tumbling down on November 9, 1989, demolished by the capitalist siren call of freedom, blue jeans and rock ‘n’ roll.

Blane De St. Croix, who heads the sculpture department at the University of Indiana-Bloomington, traveled more than 3,000 miles, sketching, photographing and talking to residents, contractors and journalists on both sides of the Mexico-United States border, as preparation for the creation of his Broken Landscape III installation at the Blue Star Contemporary Art Museum.

But none of the information he gathered in his research is presented as part of this exhibit.

Instead, he has meticulously reproduced a scale model, reminiscent of a model-train layout, of a 14-mile strip of the U.S./Mexico border near Eagle Pass, TX.

Blane De St. Croix’s Broken Landscape III bisects Blue Star’s main gallery

Stretching 80 feet across Blue Star’s Main Gallery, In his impressionistic pen-and-ink sketches, De St. Broken Landscape III stands 7-feet tall at its highest Croix presents pretty desert landscapes crossed by the point and is more than 2-feet wide. weird, alien presence of the fence, slithering through the As you walk along the landscape that divides the hills like a giant dragon. A cleared strip for the wall that gallery, your eyes are at about the same height runs straight through the landscape suggests as the telephone lines, zooming along like a an extraterrestrial origin. low-flying drone, overlooking a golf course, Despite the detail, what De St. Croix doesn’t Blane De St. Croix: a highway overpass cut in half and the black show are the tunnels beneath the border, Broken Landscape III steel border fence that runs along fields and the hidden airstrips and the bribes changing $3-$5 Noon-8pm Thu; noon-6pm a dramatic cliff face. Extending below ground hands at border crossings, not to mention Fri-Sun level to the gallery floor are layers of rock and the perils for migrating wildlife. But what Blue Star Contemporary Art sediment. Along with plywood and foam, De Broken Landscape III makes palpable is how Museum 116 Blue Star St. Croix used moss, sticks and other natural arbitrary and unnatural the border fence is, an (210) 227-6960 materials to construct his three-dimensional expensive symbol of American paranoia whose bluestarart.org landscape painting. usefulness will always be in question. C Through Feb 16

Through January 19, 2014 Mcnay art Museum | San antonio, TX Keira Knightley as Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire, in The Duchess Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

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COURTESY PHOTOS

Left: an image from Sauter’s “Faith and Reason” exhibit at Blue Star; Right: Reliquary and two of the photographic works at Fl!ght’s “The Shape of the Universe”

On the Road to Damascus with Chris Sauter 'Faith and Reason' and 'The Shape of the Universe' SARAH fisch

The second and third stops on out straight, though, no window frame, Chris Sauter’s multi-locational as in Arrogance and Denial, the only pilgrimage take place at Blue manufactured bit of vista the wing of the Star Contemporary Art Museum and mid-flight aircraft, if you don’t count the at Fl!ght Gallery at 1906 South Flores. graffiti-like marker labels.

“Doubt,” meanwhile, lives until February Taken in the aggregate, the series is 2 at Southwest School of Art (see “Dark described thusly: The words relate to Matters: Chris Sauter explains it all (not),” ideas generated by the experience of December 11). flight. The view out the window of the “Faith and Reason,” the apparition at landscape and sky transcend average Blue Star’s Gallery 4, is a wall-mounted terrestrial experience. It is a potent series of photographs along the lines example of the power of innovation and of title piece at SSA’s “Doubt.” As the majesty of nature, flirting with the in that photograph, Sauter seats you intersection of spirituality and science. in an airplane, looking out at the sky.

That comes off, definitely, even if Sometimes you’re on the aisle, as with the text is a little reductive. Wall text is Faith and Reason, in which almost always a problem. two airliner windows are The photographs serve to further framed by the seats amplify and resonate with Chris Sauter: in front of and behind you, each other, but it takes Faith and Reason with the words “Faith” each one, like the Stations Blue Star Contemporary Art Museum 116 Blue Star and “Reason” casually of the Cross, to get the ball (210) 227-6960 scrawled on the panes. rolling. The lonely traumas bluestarart.org Sometimes you’re peering of arrogance and denial are Through Jan 19, 2014

tempered by the soft wondrous sunset dedicated to which faith—or combination horizon of Trust and the simple, holy and of faiths, in the case of the highly funny reflex of a window-framed Holy contested Dome of the Rock. United Crap. It takes the weighty stuff of context in their astronomical interiors, Sauter for an utterance so casual to feel so accords power and gravitas respectfully. funny, but it’s really in the meditation on There’s no punch line, as it were, each image (and in the glass of each, nothing like the pivot of Holy Crap that of course, you see the reflection of cruxes “Faith and Reason.” But in the yourself) in this chapel that the viewer middle of these gallery walls crouches really arrives.

Reliquary, an actual telescope (as A mile or so away at Fl!ght, “The Shape opposed to constructed in toto by Sauter, of the Universe” takes its material from which he’s done for other works) remade cosmic architecture. Staring at each other into a beautiful icon in gold leaf. from across the gallery’s four walls are To say that Sauter reifies the exploration the footprints of four holy buildings. The of other galaxies through this baroque shapes are filled in with images of the device sounds like wall text, frankly, and dark galaxy clusters of the Hubble Deep it’s just one generalization among the Field, photographs captured in 1995. many delicate effects he accomplishes.

You’re looking at chunks of outer space “Doubt,” the first and, thus far, the divvied up into St. Peter’s Basilica in grandest chapter of his pilgrimage, is Rome, the Buddhist Borobudar temple in like the mouth of the journey, loading you Indonesia, the Hindu Kandariya temple in up with the canon of doctrines, misgivings Pradesh, India, and the Dome of the Rock and sacred images needed to get you in Jerusalem. Each structured is named on your way. As with “Faith and Reason,” accordingly, and prefixed “The Shape of “The Shape of the Universe” feels like a the Universe.” readymade prayer chapel. Relating to In size and orientation, the vehicles of heavenly the cosmic footprints are travel, and the portals presented with a kind of between earthly stone and Chris Sauter: equanimity. Unless you the megacosm, respectively, The Shape of the Universe Fl!ght Gallery already know the blueprints, these two smaller stops 1906 S Flores it’s hard to tell which wait for you to visit and offer (210) 872-2586 represented building is your murmurings. C Through Jan 26, 2014 sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 25

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Alejandro Augustine Padilla at Bihl Haus Considering that the great seems to be drawn greatly to my work,” juxtapositions of our day all says Padilla. “The biological forms, the happen on the internet first— psychology behind the imagery. From Youtube videos that pit Jack Nicholson’s a neurologist to a gynecologist to a Joker against Heath Ledger’s, or those dentist. I say it’s a harmonic match.” sonic mash-ups that fuse pop singers The image of Pierrot is a recurring who already sound the same—you may one, in particular. How did this assume that outside of the digital realm, obsession come about? the best exquisite corpse we’ve got is to “The initial exploration of Pierrot switch channels fast between Jeopardy! came about from three porcelain and Charlie Rose. cameos I bought at the thrift store. In It is refreshing to see a young San fact, I specifically remember buying Antonio artist who has gone back, it them along with a small Breta Hummel would seem, to the manifestos of Andre print. Both images have always lingered Breton (Surrealist Manifesto) and in my mind from growing up. You know, Antonin Artaud (Theatre of Cruelty). bad, tacky ’80s decorations. I use to Alejandro Augustine Padilla coaxes say about myself, ‘I’m the only fool I ever swift line work against grueling knew.’ The buffoon feelings of being an monstrosity in ways that seem to unify artist at times are defeating, humorous the work of the German Surrealist though. Laughter has always been my Hans Bellmer (a man notorious for best defense.” his unsettling fetishistic doll) and At 34 years old, Padilla is a self-taught the California artist Robert Williams artist who first started painting in oil at (painter, cartoonist and founder of, the age of 15. An atheist who was raised ahem, Juxtapoz magazine).

Catholic, Padilla recalls that around the Padilla’s work may resemble the age of nine he wanted to be a priest: “I Janus of these two extremists, but his use to mix cherry Kool-Aid and line up actual influences, which include De my cousins, ‘The Blood of Christ.’ Those Chirico, Dino Valls, Al Held, Caton images and symbols last your life, under and Caravaggio, are as broad as they the threat of Hell. Wild things.” are arresting.

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The Price of Dignity How Mandela's love disintegrated a hateful system ENRIQUE LOPETEGUI

Watching the press screening of Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom (based on the 1995 autobiography by the South African leader) the morning after his December 5 death was a bittersweet experience, but nothing compared to what his daughters Zindzi and Zenani had to go through—they were at the movie’s London premiere and were informed of their dad’s passing minutes before the movie began. Offered the chance to postpone the screening, the Mandelas instead allowed the debut to proceed as planned.

Adapted to the screen by Oscarnominated William Nicholson (Shadowlands, Les Misérables, Gladiator), the film follows Mandela through his childhood, early (and often violent) scuffles with the white regime, his trial and 27 years in prison, his victorious release and election as the nation’s first black president in 1994.

In reality, he was South Africa’s first fully democratically elected president, period. The movie effectively examines the many battles Mandela had to face throughout his life not only against the white rulers, but against members of his own African National Congress and, even more difficult, his wife Winnie Mandela, who had remained loyal to the by-anymeans-necessary approach of many in direct opposition with her husband’s more conciliatory tack.

The film doesn’t dodge Mandela’s appetite for women and his early entanglements with sabotage activities; even though he never directly killed anyone, one of the movie’s most poignant and disturbing scenes shows Mandela (a solid Idris Elba, of The Wire fame) hearing the news of the death of a comrade because “the bomb exploded too soon.”

In just a few seconds, you can tell there’s a transformation going inside Mandela by looking at Elba’s eyes. In the last part of the film, Elba, in fully convincing

Nelson Mandela (Idris Elba, left) and other ANC defendants portray the 1963-64 Rivonia trial in Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Saint Mandela mode, negotiates with the white regime as a pure pragmatist, even though the ANC begged him to obtain full equality instead of the “shared power” deal the government was offering.

But Mandela knew better—as a true leader, he could sacrifice his family and his freedom but not his principles, and was willing to pay the ultimate price for it. He knew something was better than nothing and that the power of love would soon deliver more. After 27 years in jail, he came out even stronger than before, but in his heart there was no room for revenge. That inability to cause harm, his capacity to listen and make himself heard, coupled with his great political intelligence, allowed him to sit down with the very same people who had imprisoned him and successfully negotiate the liberation of South Africa.

But that was only the beginning of the battle with Winnie.

It’s hard to digest the fact that Elba got a well-deserved Golden Globe nomination for his role as Mandela, while Naomie Harris (Skyfall, 28 Days Later) didn’t. As Winnie, she steals the movie with her fierce portrayal of a woman whose dedication to the cause of freedom turned into uncontrollable rage (and many later scandals not dealt with in the movie).

Once she began to see Mandela as “soft” after his liberation, their separation was a matter of time.

Mandela is no Gandhi, but the film is an honest portrayal of an honest man who didn’t mind reinventing himself and following his own conscience instead of those who were demanding blood for blood. Best of all, the father of South Africa and, arguably, the most beloved political figure in history, never set to become a hero and never felt like one.

“I had no epiphany, no singular revelation, no moment of truth, but a

steady accumulation of a thousand slights, a thousand indignities and a thousand unremembered moments produced in me an anger, a rebelliousness, a desire to fight the system that imprisoned my people,” Mandela wrote in Long Walk to Freedom.

“There was no particular day on which I said, ‘Henceforth I will devote myself to the liberation of my people’; instead, I simply found myself doing so, and could not do otherwise.”

In that sense, the movie (gorgeously shot by Hyde Park on Hudson’s Lol Crawley) is a triumph because it shows how a man can stand up to injustice, suffer for it and come out of it all full of scars but with his dignity intact. C Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom Dir. Justin Chadwick; writ. William Nicholson, Nelson Mandela; feat. Idris Elba, Naomie Harris, Terry Pheto (PG-13) Opens December 25 at some Santikos sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 31

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A band of samurai set out to avenge the death and dishonor of their master at the hands of a ruthless shogun.

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BadFellas Scorsese outdoes himself with 'The Wolf of Wall Street' ENRIQUE LOPETEGUI

Only Martin Scorsese could’ve followed the magical Hugo with The Wolf of Wall Street.

In his new movie, Scorsese channels Jake LaMotta and Metal Machine Musicera Lou Reed, becoming a loud, raging bull not at all concerned with attention spans or other trivial things. He goes all out, and takes Leonardo DiCaprio with him to heights not seen since The Basketball Diaries. But here’s a real warning: If you’re in addiction recovery, stay away from this flick.

The movie, based on financial scammer Jordan Belfort’s 1997 book, is Scorsese at-large in a trip so wild it makes Goodfellas’ and Casino’s pace seem like an Ingmar Bergman movie. It’s full of tits and asses and coke lines and rolled-up bills; it looks and sounds like greed. The frenetic, non-stop barrage of pleasures shows you what we all know: Capitalism is a system in which a small-time stock broker who made millions by screwing thousands can get away with a slap on the wrist—Belfort (played sensationally well by DiCaprio) served less than two years in jail and has now reinvented himself into a so-called “motivational” speaker, after cashing in again with his book and movie rights.

God bless America.

If I had to choose one song from the soundtrack to describe how the movie feels, I’d choose 7Horse’s “Meth Lab Zoso Sticker,” but even faster. It is a frontal attack that gives you little respite, a never-ending drumbeat that glues you to your chair and slaps you in the face over and over again. But don’t be fooled by the cascade of cocaine, Quaaludes, money and honey (before the first hour passed, I was ready to take a celibacy vow)—when Scorsese steps on the breaks, the film keeps moving and you realize that the greed theme is only an excuse for the director to film four or five of the best scenes he’s ever done.

The Wolf of Wall Street is a movie of couples: DiCaprio and Matthew

Donnie Azoff (Jonah Hill, left), the first loser turned millionaire by Jordan Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) in The Wolf of Wall Street

McConaughey (still looking as he did in Dallas Buyers Club, he has a small but Oscar-worthy role as the unscrupulous stock broker who first trains Belfort); DiCaprio and Jonah Hill (as Donnie, his first partner in crime, especially for a scene we’ll talk about later); DiCaprio and Kyle Chandler (as the FBI agent who finally nabs him, his scene has the same type of nervous, hateful laughter as that of Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper in True Romance) and DiCaprio and Aussie actress Margot Robbie (as Belfort’s second trophy wife, she goes from blonde bimbo to Rosie Perez in Do the Right Thing without changing skin color). Together, these couples put on a dialogue feast for the ages, courtesy of Emmy-winning screenwriter Terence Winter (The Sopranos, Boardwalk Empire). To paint the movie with the

color of money, Scorsese hired Mexican DP wiz Rodrigo Prieto (Amores Perros, Brokeback Mountain), completing a perfect package of great acting and topnotch production value.

Belfort’s only hope to remain “legal” required someone with a European passport to be able to deposit his millions in a Swiss bank account managed by monsieur Jean-Jacques Saurel (the Oscar-winning Jean Dujardin, The Artist). So, in a display of casting genius, Scorsese cast Joanna Lumley (Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous) as his wife’s refined Aunt Emma, and she and DiCaprio have another memorable scene on a park bench.

But the best scene you will see all year is when Belfort (DiCaprio) and Danny (Jonah) get high on expired Quaaludes and descend into what

Belfort calls “cerebral palsy mode.”

The long, terrifyingly hilarious scene is among the best-edited work Scorsese has ever done.

Yes, The Wolf of Wall Street is overlong (I get it, Marty, too much drugs and unlimited unprotected sex is bad for you), over-the-top and self-indulgent.

But when those indulging are Scorsese and his troupe of freaks, you could do a lot worse than taking that exhilarating three-hour trip. C The Wolf of Wall Street Dir. Martin Scorsese; writ. Terence Winter, Jordan Belfort; feat. Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie, Matthew McConaughey, Kyle Chandler, P.J. Byrne, Jon Favreau, Rob Reiner, Joanna Lumley, Jean Dujardin (R) Opens December 25 at most area theaters

sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 33

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European Union Speisen's dishes visit Austria, France, Italy and more RON BECHTOL

Just inside the entry at Speisen sits a gleaming, grand piano; on a Monday evening, its keys were moving to a ghostly hand, as tinkly tunes such as “Strangers in the Night” emanated from the lacquered confines.

Carlos and Dianko Barajas, whose popular Guajillo’s pays homage to their Mexican father’s side of the family, have recently opened Spiesen just up the street in order to give equal due to their Austrian mother’s heritage. I didn’t ask the brothers if they had contemplated a menu that was exclusively German/Austrian; even in San Antonio, a city that historically owes much to Teutonic titans of business, that would likely have been risky. But, rather than casting a slightly wider Austro-Hungarian net that might also have included northern Italy, they decided to annex all of Europe: Spain, France, Italy, Switzerland … There are risks in this approach as well.

If so inclined, however, you can avoid pesky border crossings and language barriers and concentrate on what could be the core fare from Austria, Germany and Hungary. On different occasions, I sampled two Austrian soups, the cream of potato soup Salzburger style, and a beef bouillon with semolina dumpling. The potato soup was served steaming hot, with generous bacon—and even more generous salt—lifting the hearty potato flavor. Less

A single dumpling floats atop an honest bouillon soup

luxurious (and, fortunately, less salty), the honest bouillon had a simple elegance of its own, one that was almost undermined by the single, very large dumpling. It turned out to be much more delicate than its size suggested, but still…

A sub-alpine mountain of shreddedlooking spätzle, powdered with wisps of parsley and powerfully scented with caraway, accompanied an order of Hungarian goulash. Americans have seriously subverted goulash over the generations, in the process developing an over-upholstered dish with a life all its own.

Speisen takes the opposite tack, turning out a product with semi-tender cubes of beef in a thin sauce speaking seriously of paprika that is even more purist than renditions I’ve had in Hungary. Here I’m happy to praise the intent but not the

one-note result; even a wisp of sour cream might have added texture and depth. The noodles, though, rock.

Before I forget, this observation: The wine list at Speisen offers a single bottle from the homeland, an Austrian grüner veltliner.

Even without getting esoteric with such grapes as blaufrankish, there are dozens of rieslings and gewürztraminers that would have been appropriate here; it’s an opportunity missed. Beer pairings, however, can be seized upon, and my Pilsner Urquel, handsomely served in a specific, stemmed glass, seemed destined for spätzle.

Though they are prominent on the menu, I passed on the schnitzels in favor of another Austrian plate, the pork loin schweinebraten-style with mashed potatoes and sauerkraut. The lean and tender slices were served with brown pan

gravy accented with garlic—again a little salty. Nutmeg perfumed the potatoes, caraway and possibly juniper accented the sauerkraut, yielding a trio that was, if not Mozartian, at least Salieri-like.

Both composers would likely have sniffed at the strudel. The apple filling with walnuts was fine and not too sweet; that task was left to a flurry of powdered sugar. Adding raspberry purée and whipped cream studded with chocolate chips verged on “too many notes,” as the emperor said to Mozart in Amadeus, but in the long run, it was the less-than-crisp crust that scuttled the composition.

Nevertheless, “A good effort. Decidedly that. An excellent effort!” as Herr Emperor also said. I can only speculate on how he might have reacted to the automatic tinkles from the unmanned grand. C

Speisen European Cuisine 7115 Blanco, Ste 110, (210) 541-8911, speisens.com The Skinny Speisen boasts an Austrian heritage but casts a much wider pan-European net with dishes from schnitzel to stroganoff. The wine list is equally broad, though shallow, but some good beers are offered. Best bets Stick to Austro-Hungarian dishes (think pork) with sauerkraut and spätzle; go with beer in lieu of wine; skip dessert—unless you must have chocolate cake. Hours 11am-10pm Mon-Thu, 11am-11pm Fri-Sat, noon-9pm Sun Prices $16-$20 dinner entrees

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Attaboy to own Tucker's, Hot Joy cameo, NAO's new late-night menu

Let’s start off with a change of pace for Tucker’s Kozy Corner (1338 E Houston, (210) 320-2192), which will be owned by Chris Cullum, of Cullum’s Attaboy, as of January 1, 2014. Cullum expects to make tweaks to the drink lineup as he hopes to create a vision of “classic 1940s cocktails … with a Southern twist.” Fans of his sinful burgers can also expect new menu items such as fried chicken sliders, more soul food and the occasional guest chef pop-up kitchen.

Stop by on New Year’s Day starting at 1 p.m. for bottomless mimosas (aka the best kind), a bloody Mary bar and menu of black-eyed peas and cornbread.

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Over in Pearl-ville, NAO (312 Pearl Pkwy, (210) 554-6484) launched a Late Nite Jeff Wiley Experience in mid-December. We profiled Wiley just a couple weeks ago as a rising chef to watch. The late night menu features Wiley-fied bar snacks including a torta loca, chile guero, a calamari and duck croquette and an item called Trucker Fries (fries topped with Manchego mornay, salsa verde and guisado) that sounds like something I want to eat every day. The menu is available 10 p.m.-2 a.m.

Fridays and Saturdays.

January is also looking quite busy with a farm-to-table Chef Cooperative dinner on January 9, benefiting Seguin’s “My Father’s Farm.” The group is made up of area chefs including NuStar Energy’s Stephen Paprocki, Oro’s Chris Cook and Fig Tree’s Laurent Rea among others. The dinner will be held at Boiler House and tickets ($95) are available via chefcooperatives.com.

Working on a plan of attack for how to survive the San Antonio Cocktail Conference? Might as well start with a warm-up at Two Bros. BBQ Market (12656 West Ave, (210) 496-0222), where chef Jason Dady will host a BBQ & Bourbon kickoff on January 15. The $60 all-inclusive event will feature ‘cue stations, sides and bourbon pecan banana puddin’ paired with Buffalo Trace, W.L. Weller and W.L. Weller 12 year bourbons. I’m already drooling.

Anyone jonesin’ for twice-fried crab fat caramel chicken wings? Word on the street is The Monterey (1127 S St Mary’s, (210) 745-2581) will host a Hot Joy service on Sunday, December 29 and Monday, December 30. Get at them for details.

—Jessica Elizarraras, flavor@sacurrent.com

Covered Patio • Beer and Wine Drive Thru Bar B Q Window. •Live Music 110 N. Crossroads Blvd • 210-732-7300 • CrossroadsBBQSA.com

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Sign Up today AT SACURRENT.COm sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 39

NIGHTLIFE

El Mas Macho

Pitting mescal against scotch with delicious results Jessica Elizarraras

Distilled more than 5,000 miles away from each other, Mexico’s mescal (or mezcal) and Scotland’s scotch have more in common than it seems. The spirits can be merciless on untrained taste buds, are both steeped in tradition and can vary greatly based on the region of origin or the family recipe being used. Another similarity comes via their respective fan base, who dive into either alcohol with fervor. Case in point: the mescal- and Scotch-laced cocktails popping up on bar menus. While many envision these fine spirits as purely for sipping, these mixed drinks prove neither liquor is quite as big or bad as neophytes may think.

Tequila’s Hotter Cousin A visit to Johnny Hernandez’s The Fruteria might mean a sit down with the chef for a 45-minute chat about mescales. Hernandez’s interest in the spirit grew out of his love of tequila (as evidenced by the lineup at La Gloria).

His monthly visits to Mexico often include stops at local, artisanal production houses or palenques in Oaxaca where the process takes “family business” to a whole other level.

“It’s a slow artisanal, antiquated process … fermentation happens in wooden vats that are hard to maintain and keep clean,” Hernandez said, explaining that production of mescal is still 80 to 100 years behind that of its much more popular cousin, “It’s hard to produce a consistent mescal when making it that way.”

When The Fruteria opened earlier this year, Hernandez made sure to include a roster of mescales to the already impressive bar menu: Diners will find four silver, two reposados and three añejos. As Hernandez puts it, “sipping is the authentic way” to enjoy a mescal–accouterments include orange slices and “sal de gusano” ground, fried larvae mixed with chile and salt.

But the fruteria/botanero does feature the spirit in several of its cocktails including El Cenizo. He created it with serious drinkers in mind: Bold and smoky, El Cenizo features pineapple-

40 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

infused mescal front and center with a boost from a Zapatista tequila infusion, Angostura bitters and smoked sea salt.

“When I make a cocktail, I want to be able to taste the stuff,” he laughed, “it costs a bit more, but I think people appreciate it.”

Is a mescal bar in the cards for Hernandez? The answer was a bit unclear, and as chef continues opening restaurants across the city and in airports across the state, we might have to wait a little longer.

“I actually own several names of mescal bars that I could open,” he said, ticking them off, “but I have so many opportunities with restaurants … we know the demand is there, we know it’s a safer investment.” Still, he hints at trying a mescal-specific bar within one of his upcoming projects.

A little over a mile north of The Fruteria, Houston Eaves is an equal if slightly more impassioned mescal nut. With just over a year at the helm of the Esquire Tavern’s bar program, Eaves’ penchant for charred maguey piña byproduct comes through in his cocktails and his alignments. As a member of the nonprofit Tequila Interchange Project (tequilainterchangeproject.org), he and dozens of tequila academics, bartenders, consultants, educators and enthusiasts promote the “preservation of sustainable, traditional and quality practices in the tequila industry,” according to the organization’s mission. In other words, they’re trying to keep the process of tequila- and mescal-making sacred.

The project raises fund through Sip for Tip fundraisers where participating bars donate $1 from a specific cocktail (the Aviacion in Esquire’s case) and proceeds go toward academic research on tequila heritage.

When it comes to heritage, Eaves hopes San Antonio’s rich MexicanAmerican history will help drive interest in mescal. “[Mescal’s] got a rich, centuries-old tradition in Mexico, and it’s something that’s becoming more embraced as a cultural treasure,” he said. “It’s something

that people learn from their family, living on a small little ranch where you can find three to four generations at any given time and there’s a 4-year-old helping and a 90-year-old man drinking mescal and telling them what they’re doing wrong.

The family and community translate into the bottle, too.”

Eaves suggests talking to a professional when considering mescal.

Of course, there are cheap price points to avoid, but not all pricey labels are created equal, either.

“You have to have an understanding of what you’re buying,” he said while describing the plethora of characteristics that can be found in a mescal: aggressive smoke, floral and citrus, pepper. “It’s a very interesting product and more than likely the most complex liquor in the world.”

He shared a recipe for a cocktail off Esquire’s winter menu, the Midnight in Mexico, based on Alfredo Cochardo’s memoir by the same name that goes into the journalist’s time across the border where he covered cartel violence and government corruption for more than a decade. The drink combines Espadin mescal, Ancho Reyes (an ancho chile liqueur) and Fernet de Vallet for a pitch black, unforgiving result.

It’s Kind of a Big Deal On the other hand, scotch is scotch.

The Scotland-specific whiskey (they would write it ‘whisky’) has a following all its own, as recipes and notes vary from each of the five regions—Highlands, Lowlands, Islay, Campbeltown and Speyside—whether it’s single malt, single grain or any combination in between.

At three weeks old, the bar program at Minnie’s Tavern is finding its legs. While chef Andrew Weissman still hopes to encourage bar-goers to drink neat or with a drop or two of H20, newly appointed bar manager Andy Hack is finding ways to incorporate what we’re calling ‘gateway cocktails’ amid the sea of ryes.

At 25, Hack still considers himself a student of the growing cocktail scene.

He was trained by Sasha Petraske while

at Bohanan’s before heading to Minnie’s to helm his own program. Hack’s biggest draw is his enthusiasm for the craft. He spends his off-days sampling scotch flights at Perry’s Steakhouse & Grille while taking piles of notes.

Hack suggests starting with a 10 year Glenmorangie original, a floral spirit from the Highlands with notes of vanilla, peaches and citrus. “[Glenmorangie] like to advertise themselves as being the ‘wine of the scotch world’ and they’ll age a lot of their older expressions in sherry casks, or port,” he said.

To further our quest for that perfect gateway cocktail, Hack created the Half Famous, a combination of Famous Grouse, Benedictine liqueur, Angostura Bitters and Carpano Antica sweet vermouth topped with a healthy dose of pilsner foam. The result was sweet and light, with just a hint of effervescence to help break up the already-smooth scotch.

A hop-skip away at Blue Box, general manager Stephan Mendez has a classic scotch-based Blood and Sand on his fall menu. Introduced in the early 1920s, the drink was named after a 1922 bullfighter flick by the same name; Mendez’s rendition features equal parts Famous Grouse, Cherry Heering liqueur, orange juice and a house sweet vermouth blend of Noilly Prat, Carpano Antica and Punt e Mes. “The Blood and Sand is a really good one to get into. It’s equal parts, so the scotch doesn’t overpower but you can still taste it in the cocktail,” Mendez said while also suggesting the Penicillin, of blended scotch, lemon juice, honey syrup and ginger, topped with a quarter ounce of Laphroaig. Finishing with the aromatic Islay single malt scotch adds subtle fragrance.

Boozers can look forward to the winter menu, which will include darker spirits and cocktails such as the Rob Roy, a scotch variant of a Manhattan, or a Bobby Burns named after Scottish poet Robert Burns made with scotch, sweet vermouth and Benedictine. He hinted at a scotch-white chocolate cocktail that’s still undergoing a few tweaks.

As with the other ’tenders, Mendez recommends practice—the best way to figure out which variety is for your is to sample as many as possible. And as I found out through my journey, asking doesn’t hurt either. These guys are chomping at the bit to educate the masses.

NIGHTLIFE

CASEY HOWELL

Midnight in Mexico 1½ ounces Espadin Mescal ¾ ounce Ancho Reyes ¾ ounce Fernet Vallet Stir in mixing glass. Strain over large ice cube in an Old Fashioned glass.

Express oil from peel of grapefruit and garnish with peel.

Via Houston Eaves/The Esquire Tavern

Blood and Sand ¾ ounce Famous Grouse ¾ ounce sweet vermouth blend (Mendez uses Carpano Antica, Noilly Prat and Punt e Mes) ¾ ounce orange juice ¾ ounce Cherry Heering Build in shaker over ice. Shake and strain into coupe. Express oil from orange peel and garnish with peel.

Via Stephan Mendez/Blue Box

El Cenizo 1 ounce Zapatista infusion* 1½ ounces mescal pineapple infusion* 1 ounce simple syrup 1 ounce lime juice 1 dash Angostura bitters

Half Famous 1½ ounces Famous Grouse ¼ ounce Benedictine liqueur ¾ ounce Carpano Antica sweet vermouth 2-3 dashes Angostura bitters 1 ounce Pilsner foam

Add infusions, simple syrup, lime juice and 1 scoop of ice to shaker. Shake well.

Strain into small rocks glass over ice. Add 1 dash of angostura bitters. *Visit sacurrent.com for infusion recipes.

Build in shaker over ice. Shake and strain into coupe. Top with foam.

Via Andy Hack/Minnie’s Tavern C

Via Johnny Hernandez/The Fruteria

sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 41

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42 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

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NIGHTLIFE

A Hoppy Addition

JEREMY BANAS

Big Hops Growler Station's growing SA beer empire

By now, word of Big Hops Growler Station has filled the ears and mouths of many in San Antonio. After opening just 10 months ago, owners Rob and Kylie Martindale quickly realized they had struck gold—not the black gold so often revered in Texas, but the liquid variety consumed by the pint all over the world.

What’s not appealing about stopping by to have a pint and being able to leave with a jug (or “growler”) of your favorite malted beverage?

Since opening, Big Hops has seen such a steady flow (with some days packed to the gills), that the Martindales felt San Antonio could easily support another location. Fastforward to early this month when Big Hops opened their second location at 11224 Huebner, just around the corner from Freebirds. The Huebner location will carry 32 taps of various ales and lagers, with sodas to follow.

Some familiar faces from the Broadway location can be seen at Big Hops Huebner, and some new ones. “Were like a family here,” says Aug Aranda, one of Big Hops’ original bartenders, “including our regulars.”

Two locations in one year is already huge, but it doesn’t stop there.

Something big is on the horizon: Big. Hops. Gastropub. The Martindales have partnered with local engineer and music editor Jim Clements (who also partnered with the Martindales on Big Hops Huebner) to open Big Hops Gastropub on the Northeast side of San Antonio in the location formerly occupied by The Tap Exchange Alehouse and Grill at 22250 Bulverde, which closed its doors a few months ago. With only a World of Beer and Spec’s in the area, it’ll be just what the far Northside beer lovers have needed for a while.

The new venture looks to have around 50 taps of liquid libations—about twothirds Texas and one-third national, with at least two taps devoted to wine (yes, wine) and a soda or two for the kids. The Bulverde location should continue Big Hops’ muted décor, with now-standard wainscoting and an earth tones palette.

The set menu, and rotating pub specials, will come with a twist, according to the owners. “We plan to

let our customers have somewhat of a say in how their food is prepared,” says Martindale, “for example, if you order fish ’n’ chips, you’ll get to choose which beer you want to have the fillet battered in.” All menu items will be prepared fresh in-house, with ingredients sourced locally whenever possible, and will include kids menu items as well.

“We’ve hooked two of the hottest up-and-coming chefs in San Antonio,” says Martindale, who was able to lure Rico Torres and Diego Galicia from their recently opened restaurant Mixtli to help Big Hops get their gastropub going.

Working with Big Hops isn’t anything new for Torres (whose background is in catering) and Galicia (whose experience is in restaurants both in the U.S. and Mexico). Before opening Mixtli recently, the pair of chefs held sold out pop-up dinners at the original Big Hops.

Galicia and Torres look to take pub food to a new level. “We want people to come for the beer, but stay for the food,” said Galicia, adding, “We want to match the food with the beer, not the other way around.” The chefs plan to focus on snacks and tapas-style fare that will complement Big Hops’ laid-back vibe.

This will allow them to be aggressive with the menu quality and focus on creating synergy between the flavors in the suds with that of the food.

Big Hops Gastropub is slated to debut in late January and will be open seven days a week with specific hours of operation pending. I have feeling epic times are ahead. C

CELEBRATE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON WITH SAN ANTONIO'S METICULOUSLY DOUBLE-DISTILLED KINSMAN RAKIA.

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FACEBOOK.COM/DORCOLDISTILLING © Dorcol Distilling Co. Distributed by Republic National Distributing Co. sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 43

NIGHTLIFE

COURTESY PHOTO

Downtown Bar Crawl Finding beauty in forgotten River Walk bars

The Worm: Perfect for people watching and mistake making

Jacob Coltrane Burris

The lights dangle down from the branches of the towering cypress trees, their reflections bouncing along the tops of the small ripples left in the wake of the river taxis slowly moving by. The River Walk still seems the same as it’s always been. The same types of tourists amble along the stone walkways, lost in the songs showered from restaurant speakers, sirens or the general hum of the city. The same bad bars are fooling the steady streams into ordering syrupy margaritas in oversized glasses.

This is still the only side of San Antonio some will ever see. But there’s another one for more serious imbibers. Like me.

It has been a while since I ventured into the tourist side of downtown. In the days of more serious cocktail bars, I wondered what had become of the old staples, the places we would go after working long days and needing more than a beer to unwind. I decided to give downtown a try.

44 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

Swig Martini Bar 111 W Crockett, (210) 476-0005 It’s damn cold outside and Texas still doesn’t know how to properly heat a bar.

I must provide my own heat apparently, so I order a Manhattan made with Woodford Reserve. It’s a hard drink to screw up. As long as the glass is full of some amount of whiskey and a little sweet vermouth, I’m good. Thankfully, the bartender knows how to make it smooth and somewhat proper. I sip it slow and peruse the menu, waiting for my friend to arrive. By the time she sits down next to me, I’m ready for another cocktail. While the “Deadwood” catches my eye (Jack Daniels, Amaretto, energy drink and cranberry juice), I settle on a rum Old Fashioned. It’s a just a tad too sweet but definitely drinkable. After that, we take a shot of some sort of banana concoction and head to the next spot.

The Worm Tequila & Mezcal Bar 123 Losoya, (210) 223-7266 We walk across the street and go down the steps to what once was The Landing.

I have a lot of fond and not-so-fond memories of The Landing and am curious what, if anything, from that time remains.

We enter from the hotel side. There is still a corner stage and balcony. The bar is longer and now on the opposite wall, and the men’s restroom is still awkwardly upstairs. We sit down and order drinks.

I’m immediately attracted to the Buho, consisting of Hornitos Plata, Cointreau and topped with energy drink and grenadine. I know it’s a mistake to order, but I’m drawn to mistakes, especially when they are named after owls. With drinks in hand, we explore the changes.

Outside, on the upper balcony, we watch the constant movement of the people strolling along the vein of the city.

Soho Wine & Martini Bar 214 W Crockett, (210) 444-1000 The center bar is gone, replaced by a more practical design with a proper liquor wall along the side. We sit and chat with the bartenders, reminiscing about the old days of leaving work and rushing over to get a decent cocktail. They still have that weird mix of classic cocktails and dessert-tinis. My companion wants something boozy with Maker’s Mark so I order us Manhattans.

This one is definitely boozy, the sweet vermouth hiding way in the back. When I finally step outside, I consider the strange juxtaposition of the River Walk, the gorgeous and the ugly, the classy and the crass, and these bars that try to find their way between the two. The tourist traps aren’t going anywhere, but beyond them, if you look carefully, there is real beauty. C

CASINO NIGHT sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 45

NIGHTLIFE

JEREMIAH TEUTSCH

Good to the Last Drop Our writers choose their desert island hooch

BEER

We’ve all run a dozen or more desert island scenarios through our minds. What book would we want to take with us? Which celebrity would we want to make out with? What snacks could we not live without? Some of us have even debated what beer we’d want to have if we were stranded in the middle of the deep, blue sea.

I remember having this exact conversation several years ago with a group of friends: Jimmie would take West Coast IPA from Green Flash, Tracy wanted to have Sierra Nevada’s Pale Ale with her and Mark would pack Bear Republic’s Hop Rod Rye. For me, on that day and today, it is Stone Brewing Co.’s Ruination IPA. What started as Stone IPA (Stone’s first anniversary brew), quickly morphed into hoppier, maltier second, third and fourth anniversary renditions. When they brewed their fifth anniversary IPA they hit the proverbial jackpot. With fans clamoring for more, Stone made the decision to make this one available year round. With a slight recipe tweak, this malty hop bomb was released in 2002 as Ruination IPA. Although not the first double IPA on the market (that honor goes to Russian River’s Blind Pig, Ruination was the third), Ruination did become the first bottled IPA available. Ruination owes its popularity and beauty to the great balance that it produces between the malt profile and the hops. Whereas many other double IPAs are almost too hop-forward, Ruination’s crystal malt melds perfectly with the combination of citrus and floral Chinook, Magnum and Centennial hops to create an unforgettable brew.

I remember the first day I tried Ruination. It was on my very first visit to Stone Brewing Co. in Escondido, Calif.

After a tour of the brewery with my sister, we were treated to multiple samples of various beers they had available at the time. A couple of our options were the

46 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

Might as well have an alcoholic companion

regular Ruination and a triple dry-hopped version of this liquid ambrosia. It was the latter that I tried first, and I can’t tell you what it was, but I was instantly in love.

In 2012, Ruination rebooted with a special 10th Anniversary edition that was literally double the hops and malt. It was so successful that Stone later released the variation as a seasonal with a new name: Ruin Ten. Ruination and Ruin Ten are both examples that Stone got this one right.

Go on, people, pick some up. Packs of four are usually priced around $9-$11 and available at area Spec’s, Gabriel’s and select H-E-Bs. –Jeremy Banas

COCKTAIL

I have to admit, it’s a bit perplexing for me to have to choose a cocktail for a desert island in the middle of this miserably cold winter. I cannot fathom hot sand, palm trees blowing in the warm ocean breeze and subsisting on coconuts and roasted pigs (I assume the island has pigs). Maybe if I poured sand all over my kitchen floor, opened up the oven and cranked up the heat, had a light shining in my face, put one of those CDs (remember those?) of ocean sounds on, closed my eyes and used my imagination

real hard, I might be able to trick myself.

But I doubt it.

So instead of a desert island, let’s say it’s an isolated research station in some remote, icy location, and I’ve got a lifetime supply of pre-batched cocktails sitting in barrels. What would that one cocktail be? In order for me to decide, I think I need to go back to California.

Not actually go back, just go back in my memory, and take you along for the ride.

On cold, rainy days living in the Bay Area, we used to go to a San Jose diner named Original Joe’s. We would take a seat at the counter, order a porterhouse steak and watch the cooks slather both

NIGHTLIFE

sides with butter before placing it on the grill in front of us. You could feel the fire on your face and smell the meat charring and sizzling. One time, my buddy went into the back of the restaurant, into the cocktail lounge, and came back with a Maker’s Mark Manhattan. I’d never really considered cocktails before that. I’m sure I’d had a few, mostly margaritas or other things of the sour variety. This was something different. It was lovely, a sort of reddish-gold liquid in a stemmed martini glass with a single cherry. And the taste! It was strong and complex.

How can I describe how it first tasted?

It’d be as difficult for me as describing my first kiss with an honest-togoodness woman, or holding the hand of someone I thought might die. It’s for me. All I’ll say is, it was boozy and I was in love.

The Manhattan has all the subtle complexities I love in really fine cocktails. There would be plenty for me to discern drinking it every day on my desert island–I mean, isolated research station. There are many ways to make a Manhattan; adjust to your tastes. I happen to enjoy something like this: Manhattan 2 ounces bourbon 3/4 ounce sweet vermouth Dash of Angostura bitters Maraschino cherry Build in mixing glass, add ice and stir until chilled. Pour into a coupe, garnish with the cherry and enjoy, forever, until you die or are rescued.

–Jacob Coltrane Burris

WINE

Yes, I know not to take the desert-island assignment literally. But it is amusing to contemplate what wines might actually go with raw fish and coconut— presumably ones that also don’t need refrigeration. But let’s assume instead a Lost-style situation in which wines that mysteriously drop from the sky can be lightly chilled (when necessary) in pristine springs. Here’s what I’d pray to the gods of primetime for: There would need to be some razor-sharp whites in case of clams or conchs; a dry riesling such as the

Ravines from New York’s Finger Lakes would work, but let’s instead say a chalky Sancerre (sauvignon blanc) such as the 2010 Claude Riffault Les Boucauds. Assuming the seafood is being topped with a tropical fruit salsa, I might move sideways to a chardonnay-based Chablis such as one from William Fevre or, for a less pricey option, from Domaine Christian Moreau. If my deftly harvested oysters are being grilled over a driftwood fire, I’d look to a new favorite white, the godello from northwest Spain for its fruit and body. Consider the 2010 Godelia Godello Bierzo Selección.

Some more Survivor-like assumptions here: I have gathered the courage to move away from the shore and have managed to trap a hapless creature, so I’ll need a cache of reds.

For small critters, I’d head straight to Beaujolais and the impressive 2011 Domaine du Pavillion de Chavannes Côte de Brouilly—though if the gods had stashed a Morgon or Fleurie, I wouldn’t object much. Emboldened to go after even larger game, I’d also have to secure some bigger wines.

This is not the kind of situation in which one would sit around discussing the niceties of a Bordeaux or Burgundy with one’s self—no, for immediate satisfaction I’m heading downriver to the southern Rhône and old fave Gigondas. A ballsy blend of grenache, syrah and mourvedre such as the 2011 Olivier Ravoire would suit me just fine; the simpler but easier to find Perrin et Fils would do in a pinch. And since this is also Fantasy Island, I’m going to put in a plea for a Châteauneuf-du-Pape such as the 2010 Les Sablons Chapelle St. Theodoric made from old-vines Grenache. The 2010 Domaine Montpertuis would also go down well.

Having just shinnied up a palm to scan the horizon, I see sails in the distance: Rescue is imminent, and it’s time to celebrate with that bottle of grower Champagne (look for RM on the label) I’ve been saving for just this occasion. This is pure speculation, as I haven’t yet been able to afford any “farmer fizz,” but word has it that a récoltant-manipulant such as Pierre et Fils would be more than suitable.

I should be able to finish the bottle before the ship arrives…

–Ron Bechtol

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48 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

BRYAN RINDFUSS

‘Strip’ Tease A jaunt through North Main's Strip Jade Esteban Estrada

It isn’t surprising that with the political successes gained in 2013 for LGBT equality comes a little self-respect that shows on the outside. Just take a look at the pubs and clubs on (and near) North Main– commonly known as “the Strip”–and marvel at the area’s wicked facelift.

With its only true competitors being the in-a-class-of-its-own Bonham Exchange and The Saint (which, it could be fair to say, is still working out the kinks), Heat’s online touts of being “SA’s premiere dance club” may well be true. Sitting pretty on the corner of North Main and East Evergreen, Heat has taken the place of what The Saint used to represent on the Strip during the Erica Andrews administration. Dark and moody, the venue contracts exclusive entertainment in a city that’s not so keen on sharing their drag performers.

Up against Sparky’s Pub like a jealous ex is the recently transported Luther’s Cafe, which for many years lived right across the street before the signs of progress came a knockin’. Luther’s incurred a rough early transition but eventually found itself in the snugger space with a continued tradition of outdoor drag performances like “Tranny Trivia” on Wednesday nights hosted by the quick-witted Lyn-Z Lang. (Hey, it’s cool to be curious). While the food continues to be mediocre at best (with few options for the vegan/vegetarians on your friends list), the mellow atmosphere seems to make up for that by attracting a lively and increasingly mixed crowd.

Since its inception, Sparky’s Pub has become a one-stop for those seeking an after-work hangout with great drink specials. The upgrade in interior design was not only instantly noticeable in its Old English style, but also its taste, giving Sparky’s the feel of an upscale establishment, in stark contrast to the charmingly seedy Silver Dollar Saloon that inhabited the space before. Reminiscent of the Cheers set (one really does feel like one’s in Boston up in this place), where you can play pool or try your hand at the dartboard, Sparky’s dominates the Strip’s clubs as the one place where the art of

Essence has some of the best beefcake in town

conversation is actively encouraged. If a hard wave to the bartender still isn’t getting any attention on those busier weekend nights, not to worry: They also feature their cozy cafe and wine bar right out front. Sort of like a gay Starbucks.

Yeah. Just a little redundant.

The personification of Pegasus Night Club would have to be the Eve character in All About Eve, because few could have predicted its rise to social prominence when it opened its doors 19 years ago this month. In years past, the venue was always a bit of an afterthought and difficult to, uh, peg. It mixed a small country dive with a video bar and had an outdoor karaoke area. When its clientele grew, Pegasus felt the need to expand, so it took to the front yard to build a stateof-the-art, Van Halen-worthy stage and another outdoor bar; a powerful lure to those curious eyes eager to pry beyond the wall encircling the club.

“I’m a personality guy, not a looks guy,”

I hear one middle-aged man say to a much younger gentleman (yeah, right).

This type of dialogue hints that not only are all types welcome, but they actually feel at home at the Peg. Nearly naked twinks with Jell-O shots (fun fact: they are often straight guys with a good head for business) are aplenty, so bring a wad of dollar bills.

Club Essence of today isn’t necessarily a dive, but there’s not room for everyone in granny’s carriage. The people who frequent this club know what they’re signing up for and seem to like it all the more for it’s homey, bust-outthe-chanclas atmosphere, where they can catch some of the more muscular male dancers in town. It’s the kind of place where it’s totally cool to make eye contact with people while eating a banana. Karaoke is offered on some nights and occasionally local theater peeps step into the spotlight for a little practice. There’s also a full-on food

menu, so if you’re not looking to make out with any strangers, have a burger with all the fixin’s at the patio bar and grill. No judgment here. Essence is the uncontested Planet Fitness of gay bars.

Older folks who remember The Saint in its heyday will tell you stories of the drag greats who graced the stage. The Saint still shines with its weekly showcase of popular performers like Tencha La Jefa and Toni R. Andrews. If you’re still on the fence to whether SA’s “Gayborhood” (a name perhaps borrowed from Philadelphia’s famed vecindario) really serves as a training ground for some of the more competitive drag performers in the business, [See “Drag’s New Dawn in SA,” June 26] you may want to take in a performance and see why these showgirls are slowly bringing The Saint back to the level of its former glory.

So snap an Instagram pic on the Strip while you can. Next year, it could very well look completely different. C sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 49

50 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

GREAT BEER LIVE MUSIC SMOKED BBQ

Ana Aguirre

Bowl Time Bars for the Sports-Challenged I’m not much for sports: I’ve been known to confuse a field goal for an end zone; and up until a few years ago, I was fairly certain the blue and yellow down markers were actually on the field.

Yet every once in a while as social engagements will have it, I have to muster as much of my attention span as possible to sit through a sporting match —and I’d rather it not be in some dingy, bro-ified house of wings.

As the Longhorns take on the Ducks (yes, I had to Google Oregon’s mascot) next Monday, December 30 during the Valero Alamo Bowl, I’ll likely have to find a suitable screen to take in the game with enthusiastic Texas fans as they bid adieu to UT’s Mack Brown with all the other schmoes not lucky enough to watch the game unfold inside the Alamodome.

Here’s a rundown of a few non-sports

Happy Hour EVERYDAY 11am-8pm TUESDAY: KARAOKE, FREE POOL $3 You Call It WEDNESDAY: OPEN MIC NIGHT THURSDAY: SIN SPECIALS Keep score at Barbaro

bars where you can take in a quality bar snacks, a smooth cocktail or craft brew and feign paying attention to whatever’s happening on the screen.

437 MCCARTY OFF SAN PEDRO, SATX 78216

Barbaro 2720 McCullough, (210) 320-2261, facebook.com/barbarosanantonio Barbaro owns up to its laidback pizza place persona and will turn on the telly for big name sports. You’ll find equal parts delicious pizza (the muffaletta with diced olives, cured meats and plenty o’ cheese was a recent fave) and fun salads along with pickled veggies, cheese plates and Bakery Lorraine-produced desserts—meaning you don’t have to fill up on less-than-awesome bar fare. What’s a game without booze? The full bar cranks out classic cocktails and Barbaro house concoctions such as the Man About Town and the Toronto. Better still is the small, but fierce, wine list curated by Chad Carey and company. Craft beer fans will be happy to know they can enjoy a pie with rare brews available on draft, but get there early—the brew lineup changes dramatically day-to-day.

Max’s Wine Dive 340 E Basse Road, Ste 101, (210) 444-9547, maxswinedive.com Hear me out on this one. While it may be company policy to not turn up the volume on the TV sets (I hear that volume control is up to the manager’s discretion, so there’s that), the bar area at Max’s is still a great place to watch the game. This one’s for folks who are just interested enough to keep track of the score, but want to enjoy great bar snacks and a solid selection of local craft beers available by the can and bottle (no taps) and, of course, wine. The fried-to-order famous Southern fried chicken is a musthave, but don’t overlook the Texas Haute Dog, a gargantuan chilidog a la Max’s.

Stonewerks Big Rock Grille Multiple locations, stonewerks.com With locations at the Rim, Lincoln Heights and the Vineyard, the San Antoniobased chain is the safest bet for pleasing multiple palates. The menu is massive, if standard (artichoke dip, anyone?), and I can’t guarantee that the atmosphere won’t be tinged with a slight whiff of Axe body spray. But if you’re looking to accommodate a group, Stonewerks’ full bar, 40 beers on draft and almost as many bottles (including Texan favorites Shiner, Karbach, Live Oak and Ranger Creek) make the chain more than ideal for game-viewing. –Jessica Elizarraras, flavor@sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 51

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$2 Domestic Bottles • $3 Well Drinks • $4 Well Martinis (vodka, gin, cosmo, lemon drop, appletini, etc.)

NIGHTLIFE

COURTESY PHOTO

The Year in Drunk Hazy recollections of 2013 CALLIE ENLOW

The sloppiest celebrations of alcohol in 2013.

8) “Drunk Last Night” – Eli Young Band Normally, when you want to talk about alcohol in pop culture, you go straight to the country charts. But this year, they were all too busy getting stoned to write a proper drinking anthem. Seriously, if you want to burn one down, the genre’s breakout stars Kacey Musgraves, Brandy Clark and Ashley Monroe all have great weed songs out this year. Even this hit by the Eli Young Band seems remorseful with its “I swear it’s the last time every time, don’t know why” whining. If your jam is feeling bad about boozing, for my money, I’d turn to Pistol Annies’ lovely, heartbreaking “Dear Sobriety” off this year’s Annie Up. Not near the hit “Drunk Last Night” is, but beats it in lyrics, singing and instrumentation.

7) Man on Trial for Selling Fake Wine to Rich Idiots Let’s all leave a little in our glass for Rudy Kurniawan.

He may not have participated in any drunken stunts this year, but he did make millions selling fake super-rare fine wine to people like William Koch (yes, that Koch). His defense claimed that Kurniawan was himself duped and was from a wealthy Chinese family, but that won’t stop sites like Gawker from canonizing him for his role in what the Times called “a display in how people assign value to things they do not even understand.”

6) Drunk A&M Girls Interrupt Reporter They had me at “Johnny Football, wooooo!” When people call Southern women “steel magnolias” surely they’re referring to these two shiny-haired, expertly eye-linered, fur vest-wearing Texas A&M co-eds who had the cojones to crash a hapless reporter’s pregame spot before the Aggies’ Cowboys stadium game against Oklahoma University on January 4. Props to the awkward reporter for quickly turning it into a “(wo)man on the street” interview with the wasted chicks, as his anchorwoman howled with laughter back at her desk for Dallas’ CBS 21. Their insights were few (“I know Johnny Football!” and “We have always been great, in this, like, SEC”), their handbags impressive and their balance questionable (I’m pretty sure the blond one stumbled off camera), but as Johnny Reporter concluded, “I think that was perfectly fine, I think they were in their right mind, nothing wrong with that at all.”

5) Kenneth Faried’s a Sexy Individual (and other musings) What begins as a cringe-worthy TMZ video with tipsy Denver Nuggets NBA star Kenneth Faried as he’s exiting a club (the white ‘n’ nerdy videographer asks how long it takes to grow dreads, causing a member of Faried’s entourage to exclaim, “What the fuck is this shit?” and promptly take over the camera with the reasoning, “I’m

Simon Pegg (center) stars in one of the better beer-soaked comedies we’ve seen, The World’s End

black.”) turns into internet gold. Faux-aggravated that the videographer didn’t know who he was, Faried whips out his cover of ESPN Magazine’s Body Issue (on which he appears nude), shoves it toward the camera lens and says, “look at them yams, oh my God, look at them abs,” and tells the interviewer he wasn’t nervous during the photo shoot because he has a big dick. Duh. 4) Reese Witherspoon Getting Arrested I drew the line at most DUI and other drunk and disorderly arrests because, well, they’re not generally that funny and can sometimes be quite worrisome. But apparently, even Reese Witherspoon thinks the video from her April arrest was pretty hysterical. Witherspoon and husband Jim Toth were pulled over in Atlanta, Ga. and Toth was arrested for a DUI. Witherspoon, who later admitted on Good Morning America that she was hammered at the time, got indignant, refused to obey the officer’s order that she stay in the car and used all sorts of quotable excuses while doing so. After first pleading that she was pregnant and needed to pee (always believable coming from a drunk woman) she then fell back on the old reliable “I’m a U.S. citizen, I’m allowed to stand on American ground.”

She then dropped some script-worthy lines like, “I’m obstructing YOUR justice?!” and, “this is just BEYOND” before getting arrested for obstruction of justice.

3) ‘The World’s End’ One of critics’ favorite comedies this year centered on delusional middle-aged loser Gary King (Simon Pegg, Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead) and his demented quest to get his gang of high school chums back together to finish a pub crawl they’d abandoned more than 20 years

ago. As they stumble from tavern to tavern in their quaint English hometown, the boys get just bleary-eyed enough to see that all’s not well in the hamlet. Soon they’re decapitating bad guys, mending fences and saving the world, as one does on a right proper bender.

2) ‘Drunk History’ Surprisingly, this was not just an extra credit assignment by hammered liberal arts students. Upon debuting on website Funny or Die in 2007, Drunk History had said wasted liberal arts kids in tears with ridiculous revisions of history courtesy of some drunk who’s perpetually on the cusp of vomiting. If you’ve ever listened to your inebriated college roommate tell you “what really happened” with communism (guilty) and wished for some celebrity cameos to make it even funnier, this is your show. Comedy Central picked it up this year, complete with a hysterical retelling of the battle of the Alamo

by Comedy Bang Bang’s Matt Gourley (also starring Saturday Night Live’s Chris Parnell as Jim Bowie and a cameo by SA’s Esquire Tavern). It’s been renewed for a second season in 2014. I’ll drink to that.

1) French Teens Take Llama on Subway Joyride Let’s cut to the chase. This was the coolest thing to happen this year, period. Fuck Paul Ryan and Patty Murray’s budget deal. Fuck Beyonce’s surprise album.

Fuck legalizing weed and gay marriage. Five young French dudes got drunk in Bordeaux (as is customary), broke into a circus and left with Serge the Llama, who they tried to take on the metro with them in a prank respected French singer Serge Lama (no relation) said “helped break the ambience of moroseness in France.” Salut! C sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 53

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Nicole George rassles up St. Arnold’s Elissa IPA

DAY IN THE LIFE

Saint Arnold's 'Beer Cowgirl'

Since 1994, the Saint Arnold Brewing Company has produced year-round, seasonal and single-batch craft beer. Available today in four states (Texas, Louisiana, Florida and Colorado), the company is headquartered in Houston but has an army of brand representatives stationed across their footprint: four in Houston, two in DFW, one in Austin, one in Colorado, one in Florida, one in Louisiana and one right here in San Antonio. Enter Nicole George.

George started in San Antonio sales and marketing for Saint Arnold and now covers all of South Texas. She spends her days spreading the Saint Arnold gospel, which can mean anything from bringing samples and information to restaurant and bar owners to tracking how the product is moving in stores, communicating with distributor Silver Eagle, coordinating donations and sponsored events, and even visiting existing accounts for lunch. “Sometimes,” she said, “I wake up in the morning and think, ‘How cool is it that this is my job?’”

A Corpus Christi native, George moved to San Antonio to join the Saint Arnold team in September, 2012.

Her interest in the food and beverage industry began early, thanks to an uncle with a three decade-plus career in wine.

The ball (widget?) really got rolling while she attended Texas State University.

With a growing interest in craft beer, George took to Twitter, following industry “tastemakers” and communicating with

other beer aficionados online. When someone from Rahr & Sons Brewing Company in Fort Worth reached out to her, she seized the opportunity. “I thought maybe he could be my mentor, so I emailed him saying I was interested in getting into the business.” That connection led to part-time contract work with the company and gave her the foothold she’d been seeking in the craft brewing community.

George is the Lone Ranger (or “beer cowgirl,” as she said, laughing) in SA for Saint Arnold and the only full-time brewery rep in San Antonio, but she usually has the opportunity to interact with her peers from other brands when they come to town. “It’s definitely friendly competition,” she said. With so many different styles of beer, however, “it’s not competition of who is better, but which brewery will fit the bar or restaurant.”

Though pinning down her single favorite brew proved as impossible a task as a parent picking a favorite child, George pointed to IPA as her favorite style, with amber ales, Belgians and the Saint Arnold Christmas Ale getting nods, as well.

As a female beer representative, George is definitely in the minority. “You have to be very assertive and confident,” she said. “Sometimes I feel like I have to overcompensate and prove that I know more about beer and brewing and the industry.” George continued, “It’s definitely a boys club and I’m happy to be a part of it.” – Miriam Sitz

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56 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

1909

Once they get past the fluorescent lighting, visitors to this somewhat hidden downtown hotel bar find a convivial happy-hour crowd (5-8 p.m. daily with $3 drafts and $5 margaritas) and adventurous handcrafted cocktails. Located in the storied Gibbs Building, 1909 has the odd distinction of sitting on the grounds of the original Alamo compound. Hotel Indigo at the Alamo, 105 N Alamo, (210) 933-2000, 1909barandbistro.com

Armadillos Texas-Style Burgers

This homey Texas joint fills the room with all manner of Lone Star emblems and décor. Armadillos is the place to be for massive, old-school burgers that don’t skimp on size. Really hungry? Order the monster, a double patty wallop of goodness that weighs in at three pounds. And the beers are as cold as you like ‘em. 1423 McCullough, (210) 226-7556

Azuca 20nine

Named after the highway that runs through Napa Valley, 20nine has expanded its California focus to include wines from around the world. The kitchen offers a fine seasonal menu for pairings, but don’t forget to try the pizza. 255 E Basse, (210) 7989463, 20ninewine.com

Azuca is not the place for quiet conversation, but with Latin rhythms, neon-fueled decor and frequent live dancing, it does make for a hot pickup and get-toknow-you-better-over-a-caipirinha-or-pisco-soursspot. 713 S Alamo, (210) 225-5550, azuca.net

Aztec Lounge 2015 Club Place

This homey neighborhood bar is LGBT-friendly (and friendly in general), and a great place to unwind after a long workweek before getting your groove on. 2015 San Pedro, (210) 733-3365

The historic venue will host its grand opening as Aztec Lounge on New Year’s Eve. The beautiful downtown building will be open as a nightclub and a music venue with 30-plus VIP bottle service tables.

280 W Crockett, (210) 201-3301, azteclounge.com

BabiO’s Live music venue with possibly the best acoustics in town and an impressive beer menu and nightly drink specials. Best use: anytime live music is onstage; typically no cover during the week, while weekend covers stay under $10. 502 Embassy Oaks, Ste 138, (210) 257-8125, 502bar.com

With an international discotheque feel, super-cool contemporary décor and an “Eat, Drink, Dance” concept, BabiO’s attracts a diverse, late-night crowd that just wants to shake it. Decently priced drinks and plenty of chic lounge areas make this midtown gay club a fresh escape from the jampacked Main strip. 527 W Hildebrand, (210) 4097245, facebook.com/babioseatdrinkdance

Alamo Drafthouse Cinema

Bar 1919

502 Bar

Each of the locations (Westlakes, Park North and Stone Oak) has a full bar with reds and whites, cocktails, sparkling beverages and seasonal drink specials guaranteed to add a buzz to your cinematic experience. Oh, and there’s food too. Multiple locations, (210) 677-8500, drafthouse.com

Baby IT’S COLD OUTSIDE!

HOT TODDIES HOT FOOD 155 EAST COMMERCE STREET SAN ANTONIO, TX 7 8 2 0 5

210-222-25 21

HOURS Sun-Thurs: 11:30am to 12am Fri-Sat: 11:30am to 2am

www.esquiretavern-sa.com

Tucked snuggly under the lofts at Blue Star Arts Complex, Bar 1919 takes its name from the last year before Prohibition. Founded by Don Marsh (Bohanan’s, Green Lantern), this ode to cocktail culture cribs from NYC’s trendiest spots, delivering more than 500 spirits, classic recipes and new cocktail inventions. 1420 S Alamo, Ste 001, (210) 227-1420, facebook.com/1919SA

Alamo Street Eat Bar

Good food, cold beer, reasonable prices and portions. Located at The Historic Acapulco Drive Inn, this food park is the place to go late nights (or anytime after 5 p.m.), brought to the neighborhood by the owners of nearby The Friendly Spot. Chow down on local food trucks including the Institute of Chili, Attaboy Burgers and Where Y’at. 609 S Alamo, (210) 224-2337, alamostreeteatbar.com

Alibis

Situated in a house built around 1876, this laidback watering hole in St. Paul Square has some of the best priced drinks downtown, functioning as both a happy-hour haunt for locals and an official meetup spot for Sunset Station concertgoers. 1141 E Commerce, (210) 225-5552, alibisbar.com

WINE

Bar 601

The view from the observation deck of the 750-foottall Tower of the Americas is inspiring, and ought to be on the agenda if you’re wooing anyone.

The altitude is reflected in drink prices, and the elevator queue may initially dampen the mood, but the sleek interior of the lounge bodes well and Chart House on the lower level still revolves slowly over the San Antonio skyline. Tower of the Americas, 601 HemisFair Park, (210) 223-3101, toweroftheamericas.com

Bar America

The word “Bedlam” is posted above the doorway, and while chaos hasn’t broken out in Bar America for a while, its barfly beauty is punctuated every blue moon by a diminutive brawl. This unpretentious

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NIGHTLIFE

landmark’s charms include cheap, cold cerveza (you can even grab a six-pack to go), and the Best Jukebox in SA (according to readers like you) pumping out a steady stream of Saytown’s truest stories. 723 S Alamo, (210) 223-7462

Big Hops Growler Station

A nod to ye old practice of bringing your own bucket to the bar, Big Hops encourages patrons to either buy or bring their own growler jug to fill with one of 23 beers on tap. The Huebner location will also carry sodas in the near future. Multiple locations, bighops.com

Barbaro

Equal parts upscale pizzeria and neighborhood pub, this restaurant boasts an extensive wine list and craft beer selection perfect for pairing with any pie. Imaginative house cocktails round out the drink selections, including the signature Barbaro confection that features gin, Campari, Lillet and grapefruit. 2720 McCullough, (210) 320-2261, barbarosanantonio.com

Big Sam’s Grill & Bar

This sports bar features pool tables, an arcade, karaoke nights on Friday from 3 p.m. to close, more than 30 42-inch TVs, four booths with 22-inch TVs in them, three big screens and one 80-inch TV right when you walk through the door, plus room for 400 guests. The menu includes a variety of large burgers.

During happy hour Monday through Friday 2 p.m. to 7 p.m., think $1 Ziegenbock, $3 Coronas and $3 domestics. 802 Embassy Row, (210) 490-6500

Bar du Mon Ami

“Yes, we’ll make a Cosmo, and we’ll make a good one; the drink we make you is the one you want to be drinking,” says Michael Rossetti who co-owns this beloved Alamo Heights bar with Christopher Philbrick. But ask for a Trilby instead, made with parfait d’amour, Cinzano vermouth, blended Scotch, plus a couple of drops of Pernod’s absinthe.

You get the idea. Relax, and enjoy. 4901 Broadway, (210) 740-9229, facebook.com/bardumonami

Bar Louie

Two Bar Louies have invaded San Antonio this year with their own eclectic urban bar feel at Stone Oak and La Cantera. Equipped with beer and wine imports, microbrews and over 20 wines by the glass, Bar Louie’s also a safe bet for cocktail drinkers who will revel in signature martinis, mojitos and margaritas made from the highest quality ingredients, fresh fruit and hand-squeezed juices.

Stay for the small plates, burgers and sandwiches.

Multiple locations, barlouieamerica.com

Blue Box Bar

Named after a bygone blue cooler where brewery workers used to congregate after work, the Blue Box is the Pearl’s first full-fledged watering hole. While it nods to the past with industrial design elements and a railing made from pieces of a retired mash tun, the place gives off a distinctly modern vibe. Classic cocktails are available, of course, accompanied by new inventions by bar manager Stephan Mendez. 312 Pearl Pkwy, (210) 227-2583, facebook.com/blueboxatpearl

Blue Star Brewing Company beer Located in the Blue Star Arts Complex, Blue Star has upgraded this Southtown stalwart to contend with the best in the gastropub world. The new menu adds French discipline to New Southern cooking, but the house-made beers and ales still deliver like they’ve always done. 1414 S Alamo, Ste 105, (210) 2125506, bluestarbrewing.com

Barriba Cantina

The Bar at Bohanan’s

Beethoven Maennerchor Halle und Garten

Boardwalk Bistro

Seasonal cocktails, fast, delicious lunch overlooking the River Walk and happy hours Monday through Friday from 3 to 6 p.m.—with complimentary chips and salsa, obviously. The Super Happy Hour Tuesdays from 3 p.m. to 9 p.m. feature $3.25 domestics and $4 house ritas. Try the 50-cent deviled eggs. Local music seven days a week. 111 W Crockett, Ste 214 (210) 228-9876, barribacantina.com

The Southtown spot of choice for live music on First Fridays, Beethoven is a charming window into SA’s German beer-guzzling past. The Club Room is open to the public, even on Tuesday member night, when happy-hour prices are in effect and the choirs practice. In quintessential German-Americansocial-club style, the place feels like Milwaukee, circa 1950. 422 Pereida, (210) 222-1521, beethovenmaennerchor.com

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Filling the ground floor under Mark Bohanan’s famed steakhouse, the Bar’s swank interior features clubby chairs and a long cherrywood bar that was designed with the bar menu in mind: classic cocktails from the ’20s, ’30s and ’40s—delivered by a crew trained by one of the best in the biz, New York’s Sasha Petraske of Milk & Honey fame. 219 E Houston, (210) 4722202, bohanansbar.com

Fresh seafood is the specialty at this locally owned and operated favorite in Alamo Heights, offering Mediterranean cuisine al fresco under Texas pecan trees, or candlelit dinners to the accompaniment of jazz in the evening. The award-winning cellar has garnered the Wine Spectator Award of Excellence for at least 10 consecutive years for its wide range of grape varietals spanning from Spain and Germany to Morocco. 4011 Broadway, (210) 8240100, boardwalkbistro.net

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NIGHTLIFE

Boiler House Texas Grill & Wine Garden Wine

A true Texas original located at the Pearl, this wine-centric restaurant occupies the former “boiler house” which powered the adjacent brewery. The menu focuses on grilled items from local farms and markets, with a focus on “Texas ranch-style” cuisine.

These delicacies are paired with wines from around the world (all available by the glass, bottle and to-go), 20+ Texas beers, live music and a casual atmosphere.

312 Pearl Pkwy, Building 3, (210) 354-4644, boilerhousesa.com

rotating basis, craft beer under $5). There’s also a TV for sports and a stage, and at press time BBSC was eagerly anticipating kicking off live music and other entertainment. 1603 N Colorado, (210) 267-9160

Brass Monkey

The first exclusive video bar on the St. Mary’s strip features Austin’s DJ Glitoris on Thursdays for indie nights. The weekends are made for reliving the best ’80s, ’90s and New Wave hits. Enjoy $2 wells on Thursdays, $2 Lone Stars on Fridays, $2 cherry vodka sours on Saturdays and $2 you-call-its on Sundays.

2702 N St Mary’s, (210) 480-4722

Bombay Bicycle Club

A classic through and through, this bar and restaurant is favored by Trinity University students and an eclectic array of regulars. Here it’s happy hour Monday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. and Sunday from noon to 7 p.m. with $2.25 drafts and $3.25 wells. Don’t forget the icy margaritas. 3506 N St Mary’s, (210) 737-2411, bombaybicycleclubsa.com

Bond’s 007 Rock Bar

In 2002, the scientific journal Pure and Applied Chemistry posited “the term ‘heavy metals’ is both meaningless and misleading,” but don’t go citing that article in Bond’s, where it’s still a touchy subject. This “rock bar” practically bleeds bismuth (atomic number: a whopping 83) from its jukebox to the bands that test its load-bearing beams on the upstairs stage, but it’s also a destination for the Texas psychobilly scene. The one guarantee is it’s gonna be loud. This is THE home of “Big Ass Beer and Bad Ass Bands.” 450 Soledad, (210) 225-0007, bonds007rockbar.com

The Bonham Exchange

In the ’80s, the storied BX played host to legendary divas like Bette Midler and Tina Turner as well as punks and new-wavers like the B-52s, the Ramones and Debbie Harry. These days, former Current covergirl Alayna Márquez emcees Talented Thursdays (with $100 for the best performer) while Fridays heat up with three DJs on three dance floors, $2 wells all night and competitive ass shaking at midnight. A perpetual Best of SA winner, the Bonham was named Best Dance Floor in 2013’s Best of SA. 411 Bonham, (210) 271-3811, bonhamexchange.net

Bootleggers

A brand-new hang spot, Bootleggers Bar on the St. Mary’s strip offers unbeatable happy hour prices (5-7 p.m. daily with $2 domestic bottles and $3 wells) along with pool tables, outdoor seating and intimate lighting. 2407 N St Mary’s, (210) 210-0210, facebook.com/SAbootleggers

Bottom Bracket Social Club

Another brand new space, this Five Points area dive bills itself as “puro San Antonio” open seven days a week with what look like super drink specials for the foreseeable future ($3 top shelf liquors on a

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Broadway 5050

Relaxation comes easily in the 5050’s vintage atmosphere, created by old records lining the walls and images of the black-suit-and-skinny-tiewearing deuces of Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs. The bar keeps a healthy selection of brews on tap and does happy hour right―every day from 3-7 p.m. (and all day Sunday). As the week progresses, the 5050 goes from budget-friendly pint night and karaoke on Tuesdays, a DJ on Wednesdays, live trivia on Thursdays to live local music Fridays and Saturdays with no cover. The Broadway location is currently closed for remodeling, following a summer fire that put the local favorite out of commission. Multiple locations, broadway5050.com

The Brooklynite

Jeret Peña has raised the bar again with the Brooklynite. Located a few blocks down river from our offices, it’s our new local and we’re more than pleased. Brooklynite delivers on the promise with amazing drinks, a unique retro atmosphere and perfect service. And there’s a bit of everything: Cheap Ass Mondays, Tiki Tuesdays and weekly viewings of your favorite shows will keep you coming back for more. 516 Brooklyn, (210) 444-0707, thebrooklynitesa.com

FRIDAY NIGHT

DJ LIGHTS OUT

The Bubble Room

Catering to the 30-and-up crowd, this effervescent lady-centric lounge is in the middle of relocating and boasts a wide selection of champagne by the glass, off-the-beaten-path wines, sake cocktails and even beer for non-believers (hey, it’s got bubbles, too). It’s perfect for private parties, guilty, girly pleasures and unwinding with the gals after a long day at the office.

727 S Alamo

Cielito Lounge

You might feel like you accidentally stepped into a posh Mexico City disco when you walk through the door of Cielito Lounge. The young privileged set can be spotted here, watching soccer, dancing the night away and gossiping over mojitos in the VIP area. 19141 Stone Oak Pkwy, (210) 545-6965, cielitolindorestaurant.com

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NIGHTLIFE

Club Essence

With recession-era drink prices, it’s easy to get a budget buzz on at Essence, where dancing beefcake can be found swinging from the rafters in neoncolored weenie bikinis. This well-endowed version of Cheers boasts highly entertaining amateur stripoffs, game nights and one of SA’s most shameless karaoke patios. 1010 N Main, (210) 223-5418, facebook.com/ClubEssenceSA

Club Rio

Parties like “Too Mucking Fuch Saturdays” and topnotch live talent from the hottest part of the Western Hemisphere make this slick Latin disco sizzle on weekends. If you’re not VIP or in for bottle service, you’ll stand while waiting for the show to start, but acts like Julieta Venegas, Zoé, Plastilina Mosh―not to mention the occasional likes of world-class DJs Steve Aoki and Benny Benassi–are generally worth the wait.

13307 San Pedro, (210) 403-2582, club-rio.net

The Cork Bar at Hotel Contessa

Three-time winner of the RiverTini Pour-off, this unique hotel bar on the River Walk specializes in mojitos, margaritas and sangría, and offers a variety of beer and wine plus a tapas menu that ranges from goat cheese to carpaccio. The bar has a daily happy hour from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. and a reverse happy hour from 10 p.m. to 11 p.m. 306 W Market, (210) 229-9222, thehotelcontessa.com

AM SUN • 228 LOSOYA ST. OPEN 11 AM TO 2 AM MON-SAT • NOON-2 NKSIRIUS.COM DRINKSIRIUS.COM • LESA@DRI

The Cove

Laundromat, nightclub, restaurant, car wash and perennial Best of SA favorite, The Cove features everything from raucous rock to blazing bluegrass and barroom tearjerkers. Where else can you listen to music, drink a beer, eat super-fresh fare (don’t miss the fish tacos) and wash your clothes at the same time? Among the Cove’s monthly offerings are wine and beer tastings (the third and fourth Thursday of the month, respectively), which often mirror the restaurant’s concept of “SOL food”― sustainable, organic and local. 606 W Cypress, (210) 227-2683, thecove.us

Cobalt Club

Named after the famous blue pigment, things are certainly colorful in this anything-goes gay dive bar where San Antonio’s eccentrics flock and enjoy making newbies as uncomfortable as possible. If you find the late night crowd too daunting, no worries. Cocktails start pouring to a slightly more sedate morning crew at 7 a.m. 2022 McCullough, (210) 734-2244

Crazy J’s Sports Bar

A true local, with free admission most nights, live bands and “steak night” Thursdays, at Crazy J’s it’s all about the hospitality and easy livin’ that make this a pick for having a drink and unwinding after making it through yet another day. 126 Gembler, (210) 688-5915

Coco Beach

With drink specials every night, football crowds and occasional theme parties, Coco Beach has everything you could want in a neighborhood bar. The seaside ephemera and beach-bum soundtrack might even help you forget about the cruel world outside. 12159 Valliant, (210) 341-5330, cocobeach.clarksbars.com

Cross-Eyed Seagull

Expect to find an extensive beer list, a full bar and seafood delights. Live music every weekend. The little beach turns into a full-on night club (only 21 and over after 10 p.m.). 19141 Stone Oak Pkwy, Ste 206, (210) 545-3440, crossedeyedseagull.clarksbar.com

COCO Chocolate Lounge and Bistro

Dad’s Sing Along Club

COCO is intense, sexy and luxurious. While chocolate’s not in every menu item, it factors richly into libations such as “The Original Sin” (a decadent blend of chocolate vodka and COCO’s own dark and white chocolate liquors) and the Coco signature martini (made with chocolate vodka, house-made chocolate ice cream and Bailey’s Irish Cream). The party really gets going at night. 18402 US 281 N, (210) 491-4480, sa-coco.com

How popular is three-time Best of SA winner Dad’s Karaoke? Well, here’s a tip for first-timers: If you want to get up onstage and do your best (or worst) rendition of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines,” you better get there early or risk being at the end of a long, long line of would-be superstars. Dad’s is home base for many of SA’s hardcore karaoke-ists, backed by DJs with an almost-bottomless playlist.

2615 Mossrock, (210) 340-3887

Copa Wine Bar

Dixie’s Bar & Patio

Wine cellar meets unpretentious rec room with gourmet snacks and cleverly named flights at Copa.

As the Best Wine Bar in SA, according to voters in our 2013 poll, it’d be in your best interest to visit for happy hour: half-priced select appetizers and 25 percent off beer and wine (excluding flights) make Copa’s happy hour (3-7 p.m. Monday-Friday) one of our favorites. 19141 Stone Oak Pkwy, (210) 4952672, thecopawinebar.com

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A move from a characterless stretch of northern Broadway to Embassy Oaks may have dealt Dixie’s a joker’s deck that prohibits live entertainment, but the roadhouse rock bar has grown in the process.

Who needs a band when you have more than double the space with floor-to-ceiling beer and liquor signs, rusted iron accents and an L-shaped epoxy bar top adorned with beer labels? 502 Embassy Oaks, (210) 930-5552, dixiesbarsa.com

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NIGHTLIFE

Drink

Although it no longer serves food, Drink remains an upscale yet comfy lounge with a full bar and an above-average wine list. A favorite among the river rat set, Drink attracts locals and tourists alike with its popular happy hour (until 9 p.m. daily, with $3.00 wells and $5 wines by the glass). 200 Navarro, (210) 224-1031, drinktexas.com

Evil Olive

The modern-casual environs are sleek, but the laid-back atmosphere at Evil Olive beckons to a mixed Northside crowd with cocktails, bar bites and occasional live music. 2950 Thousand Oaks, Ste 5 (210) 495-0957

COMING SOON SAN ANTONIO

Faust Tavern

The Pub was established in 1974, bringing Irish ales, lagers and stouts and live entertainment.

There’s never a cover, the peanuts are free and don’t forget to sing along using your complimentary song sheet. 200 S Alamo, (210) 224-3343

One of Hi-Tones’ Delgado brothers, along with other partners, are working their magic at Faust Tavern, giving people exactly what they want at a bar; a comfortable space to visit with friends while having a drink. Visible changes include late night pizza, wooden benches and a kickass patio. 517 E Woodlawn, (210) 257-0628, facebook.com/thefausttavern

Ebb Tide

Fiasco Cocktails

The Electric Company

John T. Floore Country Store

Durty Nelly’s Irish Pub

Here you’ll find a nice little place in the shadow of Fort Sam Houston that’s been serving beer, wine and set-ups to regulars for more than 50 years.

Nothing fancy: Four TVs, two pool tables, two dartboards and cordial bartenders overseen by Colonel Barefoot. 2117 Harry Wurzbach, (210) 2770508, facebook.com/The-Ebb-Tide-Lounge

Open every weekend, this neighborhood LGBT club was once exclusively a girls bar, but has now embraced a “come-one-come-all” attitude. Music ranges from Tejano to R&B. This is a full-on experience for all-night party people. 820 San Pedro, (210) 212-6635

El Lugar

This neighborhood beer bar caters to lovers of motorcycle culture with live classic rock, Tejano and blues on Fridays, DJs on Saturdays, plus bike nights, pool tables and a jukebox offering an array of blasts from the past. 700 Ruiz, (210) 223-0111, facebook.com/el-lugar-sports-bar

ER Bar

Just down the road from four major hospitals, off-duty medical staff find this neighborhood haunt offers proper emergency care after a long shift. A new grill offers good grub and special night events include live entertainment by house DJs during Recovery Saturdays and Rehab Sundays. 8647 Wurzbach, (210) 694-4477, facebook.com/erbargrill

Esquire Tavern

This comfortably hip bar is redefining River Walk nightlife with its excellent hand-crafted cocktails, quirky menu of tavern and bar eats and one of the coolest atmospheres in town. This is the place for a covert rendezvous or a midday lunch that takes you beyond city limits into a whole different world of taste. 155 E Commerce, (210) 222-2521, esquiretavern-sa.com

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Imagine your older cousin’s rec room, where you’d sneak away after school to enjoy illicit beers and play shuffleboard with his friends before your moms caught you. This unpretentious neighborhood bar brings back those no-stress times, with pool, video golf, darts, shuffleboard tournaments and beer for the masses.

2250 Thousand Oaks, Ste 108, (210) 490-2651

Since opening in 1942, Floore’s has attracted some of the biggest names in the biz. Elvis, Patsy Cline, Hank Williams, Kitty Wells, Little Richard and Bob Dylan have all played this “Texcentric” honky tonk. Though Willie Nelson no longer has time to play Floore’s every Saturday night (as the vintage signs suggest), a steady stream of local and touring Americana, blues, country and rock acts do. And while you must drive to the edge of the Texas Hill Country to get there, you’ll think nothing of it once you’re sipping a cold one in one of the most storied venues in the state. 14492 Old Bandera, Helotes, (210) 695-8827, liveatfloores.com

214 LOSOYA ST. 78205 210-224-1224

Flying Saucer

A menu of nearly 300 brews, including 81 on a rotating tap basis, never fails to pique our curiosity.

Friendly staff, from managers to servers, all know their ales from their IPAs and can help patrons pick one pint from the 100 they’re pondering. A particular bonus is the Saucer’s free wi-fi. 11255 Huebner, Ste 212, (210) 696-5080, beerknurd.com

Flying Tiger Sports Bar

Tiger girls strive to provide great customer service along with making customers feel like the cat’s meow. Open early in the afternoon, seven days a week, so you don’t miss a game. 2619 SE Military, (210) 359-0101, flyingtigersportsbar.com

Frank Mumme’s The Other Woman

Along with quite possibly the best bar name in town, The Other Woman offers high-stakes karaoke (Friday

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Scan here to learn more about Alaskan White from the brewers behind it.

video

Handcrafted in Juneau, Alaska

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NIGHTLIFE

and Saturday nights), darts and perfectly priced drinks. By day, wells are $2.50, inflating only slightly to $2.75 at night and $3 buys imports all day long.

Need we say more? 1123 Fair, (210) 534-7399

wallet-friendly, with a happy hour from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. and reverse happy hour from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m.

14532 Brook Hollow, (210) 846-8810, facebook. com/TheHangarTavern

Freetail Brewing Co.

Heat

A local micro-brewery devoted to all things Texan— including bats—and operating with copper tanks from the venerable East Coast John Harvard’s Brew House chain, Freetail features specialty craft brews like La Muerta, La Rubia, Rye Wit and Velocihoptor IPA, plus Texas wines and stone-hearth oven pizzas in a sports-friendly setting. Look for a second location to open near Southtown in 2014.

4035 N Loop 1604 W, Ste 105, (210) 395-4974, freetailbrewing.com

Arguably SA’s chicest gay dance club, Heat boasts weekly drag shows, theme parties with touring DJs and some of the most up-to-date dance music on the Main Strip. As with most flaming watering holes, Heat puts hetero bars and their patrons to shame with unbeatable drink specials and chiseled physiques.

1500 N Main, (210) 227-2600, heatsa.com

POOL • DARTS • PING PONG ENJOY OUR PATIO AREA

Hidden Tavern The Granary

Settled into the revamped historical Mueller house, the floor-to-ceiling polished wood and selection of house-made and statewide crafted brews delivers a homey yet hip atmosphere. Try co-owner Alex Rattray’s intoxicating concoctions: a refreshing blonde ale, Belgian-style rye saison, bold IPA, malty brown ale and seasonal Irish Red. 602 Avenue A, (210) 228-0124, thegranarysa.com

Promising an encounter with “San Antonio’s friendliest party crowd,” the Hidden Tavern isn’t a place to be seen, but a good place relax with good friends. The neighborhood dive keeps it real with darts, billiards and long, lazy weekends filled with longnecks and karaoke (5:30p.m.-2 a.m. Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.) 11407 West, (210) 541-0001, hiddentavern.com

Highlander Bar & Grill

Formally known as IVY Rooftop, the club changed its name, did some remodeling and opened up in July as Greenhouse. Stop by on Thursdays for free pizza and $1 Coors Light and Miller Lite. For the cold weather, they whip up some spiked hot chocolate.

4553 N Loop 1604 W, (210) 862-6414

Coyote Ugly meets the Regal Beagle at this former fern bar in the Medical Center. Highlander’s varied happy-hour rush is a Northwest microcosm of med students and old timers, and the vibe is charged and upbeat. Happy hour runs 4 to 8 p.m. daily with $1 off all drinks, $2.25 selected draft pints and selected imports domestic bottles. 5562 Fredericksburg, (210) 340-4577, highlanderbarandgrill.com

The Green Lantern

Hills and Dales

Greenhouse

A sophisticated, speakeasy-inspired establishment, the Green Lantern combines the best of cocktail culture with the frisson of Capone-era cellar hideouts.

Knowledgeable bartenders shake-up custom concoctions and potent classics like Between the Sheets, Sazeracs and French 75s (not to mention infusions made on-site), making the Prohibitionthemed bar one of our favorite reasons to fly north.

20626 Stone Oak Pkwy, Ste 101, (210) 497-3722

Nestled in the shadow of UTSA’s 1604 campus, Hills and Dales boasts 54 beers on tap and 425 bottled varieties. Bring your own mug—if they can find space, you can leave it there for return visits—or you’ll be drinking out of plastic. Punch cards log every draft you drink, while the varied clientele is a friendly mix of bikers, suits, students and regulars.

15403 White Fawn, (210) 695-2307

Hi-Tones

Halcyon

Eats? Check. Coffee? Check. Booze? Check. What more do you need? Whether you’re stopping by for a hot panino in the daytime or a boozy hot toddy, Halcyon has something for everyone. 1414 S Alamo (210) 277-7045, halcyonsouthtown.com

Fairly new and very blue, this live music venue on the St. Mary’s Strip ushers in a fresh scene that’s unfussy, unfancy and totally fun. The home of the original pickle shot, chamoy shot, piña shot and chango shot is also home of the lethal Bomba Roja (Big Red shot) and the Raspa drink. Always: $2 Lone Star. Live music on the weekends, everything from blues to conjunto to rock and punk. A straight-up original San Anto bar. 621 E Dewey, (210) 785-8777

Hangar Tavern

Be a kid at the Hangar–while drinking a cold one, of course. The bar schedules fun activities throughout the week, like beer bingo or giant beer pong to keep the fun going, just in case you get tired of playing jumbo Jenga. The menu is filled with classics like meatloaf sandwiches and BLTs. The Hangar is also

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Hofbrau & Beer Garden

This staple is a safe bet for Saturday or Sunday night, there’s a choice of 31 beers on tap and 33 bottle offerings plus an additional five seasonal

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200 10141 Wurzbach, San Antonio, Texas 78230 • (210) 877-2100 wurzbachicehouse.com • Corner of Ironside and Wurzbach

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210.222.9722 • 420 E. HOUSTON STREET •TICKETSPORTSPUB.COM 68 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

bottles and the original Dos-A-Rita. Like any other sports bar, there’s flat screen TVs inside and outside the bar, and of course, the beer garden area has the biggest screen of them all. Multiple locations, quarryhofbrau.com, hofbraurim.com

packed watering holes, aside from Thursdays (open-mic nights) and Fridays (local bands hit the stage). 1014 S Presa, (210) 485-7611

Joe Blues Hooligans Bar & Grill

Live music with ’70s and ’80s tribute bands, world championship boxing on the big screen or a dodgeball game going outside. An outrageous bar menu featuring the Hooligan’s Butt Guster Cheeseburger Challenge (too much food to list here), beers and a full bar with specials, including a $4 shot board. 13920 North I-H 35, Live Oak, (210) 654-4444, hooligansbarandgrill.com

Joey of Joey’s and Blue Star Brewery fame applies his ample bar skills to this sleek little cocktail lounge in the Blue Star Arts Complex. On First Fridays, Joe Blue’s is the perfect place to hide from all the art (trust us, everything looks better after a dirty martini or three) while listening to an acoustic set. 1414 S Alamo, (210) 212-5421, facebook.com/joe-blues

La Tuna The Industry

In a perpetual state of rewind to the heyday of MTV, The Industry is San Antonio’s undisputed “Home of the ‘80s.” Featuring a massive dance floor ruled by Best of SA winner DJ Eddie Lopez, the retro club packs in a crowd of dancing machines with bargain-basement drink specials (including $0.75 wells on Thursdays), signature shots like Pretty in Pink and enduring parties such as Feel Good Fridays. 8021 Pinebrook, (210) 374-2765, facebook.com/industry

The Irish Pub

A traditional Irish drinkery with a large selection of spirits and beers. Everyday drink specials with darts, pool, digital jukebox, mega-touch and multiple televisions dedicated to sports and patio lounge. A college and local favorite. 9726 Datapoint, (210) 692-7620

Beer bottle caps crunch under your feet beneath the city’s best tree canopy. Such is the atmosphere at La Tuna, a Southtown fixture where bikers and artists peacefully coexist over cheap beers in the shadow of one of SA’s coolest industrial backdrops.

100 Probandt, (210) 212-5727, latunagrill.com

Liberty Bar

No longer leaning thanks to a move to a restored Southtown convent, lady Liberty’s upper level retains trace elements of the original location’s arty vibe, while the imaginative menu remains unscathed. Legendary Bloody Marys and mimosas go down for half off on Saturdays (10 a.m.-2p.m.); Monday Wine Night offers half off all bottles of wine and Champagne. 1111 S Alamo, (210) 227-1187, liberty-bar.com

Lion & Rose

Ivory Lounge

This nightclub offers a vast array of spirits including a specialty martini menu and VIP bottle service. Dance the night away surrounded by beautiful people in a modern atmosphere as some of the area’s top DJ’s spin the hottest hits, along with video and intelligent listening systems. Be a part of what everyone is talking about. 5125 Fredericksburg, (210) 3404879, ivoryloungesa.com

One of the few spots in SA to grab a pint of Smithwick’s, it’s a great bar to hang out in with friends, watch a game or play some trivia. Cute waitresses will steal your attention, but the British pub fare and drink selections will steal it right back.

Shepherd’s pie, fish and chips and bangers and mash will have you feeling right across the pond in no time. Multiple locations; thelionandrose.com

Kelly

Austin

The Local Bar Jack’s Bar

Music lovers of varying ages get drawn in by Jack’s laid-back appeal, no-nonsense cocktails and live performances by such quality local acts as Girl in a Coma, Pop Pistol and Blowing Trees, plus the occasional wild card like the all-male Lady Gaga tribute band Rad Bromance. 3030 Thousand Oaks, (210) 494-2309, jacksbarsa.com

A chill neighborhood bar in the heart of downtown, it’s the place locals go to hangout and have a cold beer or carefully assembled cocktail at low prices.

DJs spin on Saturday nights. Happy hour runs daily from 3-7 p.m. with reverse happy hour from 9-11 p.m. Sunday-Thursday. 600 N Presa, (210) 2679885, thelocalbarsa.com

Lorenzo’s Ristorante J&O Cantina

The cantina is housed in the same building as Taco Haven, so it does come off as a secret spot.

However, the location works in its favor. Coming to the newly opened bar is like escaping from other

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Open for more than 45 years, Lorenzo’s Ristorante is a “ from scratch” restaurant that pairs fresh breads and house-made sausages with an eclectic selection of wines available by the glass (and also available to sample.) Happy hours run all day! 8032 Fredericksburg, (210) 692-9900, lorenzosindy.com

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4741 fredericksburg rd. san antonio, tx 78229 210.979.9877 • www.elementtattoo.com sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 69

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NIGHTLIFE

Luna Fine Music Club

This sophisticated jazz club with a spotless record attracts hipsters of all ages (and a little bit of everything else) for local and touring acts like Brownout. With live music Wednesday-Saturday (including free Latin vibes from Border Palace on Wednesdays and smooth jazz and R&B with P.M. Soul every First Friday), Luna is one of the chicest date-night destinations in the city. 6740 San Pedro, facebook.com/lunalive

Max’s Wine Dive

Max’s Wine Dive is the last word in bacchanalia ... with style. As one of the coolest wine-centric restaurants with gourmet comfort food and wines from around the world, Max’s will quench your thirst for out-of-theordinary reds, whites and bubbles. 340 E Basse, Ste 101, (210) 444-9547, maxswinedive.com

The Menger Hotel Bar

Rich history and a stuffed moose head with a discerning stare sum up the ambience at The Menger Hotel Bar, where locals and tourists gather for drinks in lodge-like surroundings. Prices are a little steep, but an opportunity to mingle with Teddy Roosevelt’s restless spirit mere steps from the Alamo is priceless. 204 Alamo Plaza, (210) 223-4361, mengerhotel.com

The Luxury

Boasting both a bar and kitchen crafted from recycled shipping containers, visitors to the outdoor-only informal spot can select from a list of microbrews, local crafts and popular domestics. There’s also fancier wines than you would expect from an outdoor-only shipping container bar. The laidback feel, River Walk overlook, and tin roof coverings add to the ambience. 103 E Jones, (210) 354-2274

Open 7 Days A Week Mon-Fri: 2p-2A • Sat-Sun 11A-2A

Midnight Rodeo

MadDogs British Pub

This British-inspired pub on the River Walk where waitresses serve the thirsty in de rigeur tiny kilts is popular with college students as much as tourists.

There’s entertainment seven days a week, ranging from live bands to adult comedy karaoke shows and top local DJs. 123 Losoya, (210) 222-0220, maddogs.net

The predecessor of Cowboys Dancehall, this country dance-club has thrived for a quarter century by hosting concerts featuring up-andcoming country music talent. Free dance lessons, weekly cash drops (because, obviously) and boot-scootin’ drink specials (like $1.50 wells and select drafts and $3.75 for “anything else” on Fridays) keep the racetrack-style dance floor in motion. 12260 Nacogdoches, (210) 655-0040, midnightrodeosanantonio.com

Sunday Funday All Arcade Games are FREE • $3 u call it

Daily drink specials $2.50 Dom / $3 Wells

NBA games & NFL TICKET

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The Mine Shaft Saloon

Formerly a prop closet for the adjoining costumehappy restaurant the Magic Time Machine, the expanded Mine Shaft Saloon is probably the only place in town where you’ll see Snow White rolling silverware while Captain Jack Sparrow practices his accent. Tastefully furnished with ’80s detritus, the cozy bar attracts a gregarious post-work crowd for live music, cheap drinks and karaoke. 902 NE Loop 410, (210) 828-1470

Mama Margie’s Mexican Cafe

Solid Tex-Mex goes great with their lime-y margs or ice cold beers. Get there early if you want to avoid the post-bar madness. Multiple locations, mamamargies.com

Mariachi Bar at Mi Tierra

Minnie’s Tavern & Rye House

Inspired by France’s no-fuss taverns, the classic brasserie exemplifies the balance between elegance and casual. The franco-centric feel flows into the brews with visitors choosing from a list of 75 French wines and ample local and imported craft beers on tap and bottled. The newly minted cocktail program is already garnering buzz with its occasional speakeasy pop-ups. 328 E Josephine, (210) 220-1890

Martini Club

With décor inspired by an old Vegas lounge, Martini’s is one of San Antonio’s best-kept secrets. Owner Wayne Harper, a reported master of musical styles, impresses his patrons with lively performances every Friday and Saturday night (beginning at 9:30 p.m.); live jam sessions and karaoke starts around 9:30 p.m. Wednesday and Thursday attract a colorful array of garden-variety lounge lizards. 8507 McCullough, (210) 344-4747, wayneharpersmartiniclub.com

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The Mix

This St. Mary’s Strip mainstay often ends up the de-facto place to be when you have no particular place to be, but free shows by high-caliber local bands make it a destination spot on the weekends.

When an established act’s on the bill, check your claustrophobia at the door and BYO shoehorn. 2423 N St. Mary’s, (210) 735-1313, facebook.com/ themix.sanantonio

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Open 3p-2a Everyday • Happy Hour 3-7pm Daily DJ and No Cover Saturday Nights

$2 Ziegenbock draft ALWAYS! Tuesdays: $2 Bud Light • $2.75 wells E. Houston St. N. Presa St.

The full bar offers strong margaritas in three sizes: grande, jumbo and liter. I don’t know if it’s the colorful decorations on the ceiling or the mariachis moving from table to table or what, but getting drunk at Mi Tierra makes one feel like Harrison Ford circa Blade Runner—getting lost in Guadalajara. For that alone, Mi Tierra is worth a visit. 218 Produce Row, (210) 225-1262, mitierracafe.com

College St.

2013 RIVERTINI AWARD WINNER 600 N. Presa St. Inside the Maverick Building 210.267.9885 THELOCALBARSA.COM LIKE US ON FB: THELOCALBARSA

sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 71

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1126 WEST COMMERCE • ALL CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED • TOURISTS WELCOME 72 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

M.K. Davis

Pour some out for dearly departed M.K. Davis, who pioneered a cooling system for his 32-ounce schooners guaranteed to wet the whistles of nearWestsiders. The saloon-type bar connects with the restaurant, meaning plenty of home cookin’ to soak up different draught beers. 1302 N Flores, (210) 223-1208, facebook.com/mkdavisrestaurant

Mustang Sally’s

Mustang Sally’s offers an introduction to SA’s subcultures and proves they can coexist on one dance floor. Cheap drinks, lots of cheesy shots and roadhouse karaoke are reason enough to go south for a spell at Sally’s. 3428 Roosevelt, (210) 9220957, facebook.com/mustang-sallys

school recipes highlighting tequila and rum. The wine list is also extensive ranging from Spain, France and South America selections. 1015 Navarro, (210) 2222008, havanasanantonio.com/ocho

Olmos Bharmacy

Where once milkshakes were served and pink pills sold, now music plays and drinks flow. Situated in the historic Gilmore Pharmacy (which dates to 1938 and became the Olmos Pharmacy in the ’40s), the landmark serves up half-priced bottles of wine on Mondays, and $4 micheladas on Fridays with a live soundtrack encompassing Celtic, blues, jazz, Americana and genres in between. 3902 McCullough, (210) 822-1188, olmosbharmacy.com

ORO Restaurant and Bar

NAO

Served and prepared by students at the Culinary Institute of America, NAO features the flavors of authentic Latin American cuisine and inspired libations. From the lunchtime beers and bubblies to the light and crisp cocktails on their dinner menu, each drink combines ingredients for a true taste of new world flavor. 312 Pearl, (210) 554-6484, naorestaurant.com

The bar at the legendary (and supposedly haunted) Emily Morgan Hotel, located by the Alamo, is host to the downtown business crowd and sundry troops in fatigues. Try the Don, made with Don Julio, Grand Marnier and squeezed lime and orange juices. Our persnickety food and drink critic dubbed it, “really not bad.” High praise, considering the source. 705 E Houston, (210) 225-5100, emilymorganhotel.com

Papa Woody’s Roadhouse

Nektar Lounge

An ultra-exclusive club with go-go dancers, VIP service and “the only liquid ice system in Texas,” this spot is designed for San Antonio’s beautiful people. Nektar attracts perfectly coiffed clubbers in sky-high stilettos and designer loafers, offering an opportunity to drink the night into oblivion, or indulge in mindless dancing to Top 40 remixes. 19239 Stone Oak Pkwy, Ste 110, (210) 490-0133, nektarlounge.com

Nightrocker Live

This club is like a high-voltage living room with strong drinks and an unpretentious vibe. Get a taste of Austin’s music scene without the drive, laugh your way through Thursday during Stand Up and ROCK! Comedy Night or check out local artwork by emerging talent in the Midnight Gallery. This is the home of SA’s first underground comedy bar and burlesque nights.

605 San Pedro, (210) 265-3573, nightrockerlive.net

This tidy Southside tavern offers two full-service bars, live bands, a DJ and a modest dance floor that fills in fast when there’s live music pumping from the 17,000-watt sound system. 8902 S Presa, (888) 897-6996, papawoodysroadhouse.com

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Pegasus

Contemporary dance tracks set the pace for steamy encounters in the main room while tight jeans and classic country dominate the back bar and drag divas reign supreme on the outdoor stage. 1402 N Main, (210) 299-4222, pegasussanantonio.com

The Phoenix Saloon

Painstakingly resurrected and restored as a chili parlor and live music venue with ungovernable tendencies, the Phoenix Saloon is well worth the trip to old New Braunfels. 193 W San Antonio, New Braunfels, (830) 643-1400, thephoenixsaloon.com

Oak Hills Tavern

Our Current critic loves this bar for the fun DJs and the relaxed environment. There’s no one to impress, there’s no scene, you’re free to be yourself while you have a hell of a good time at this Medical Center dive. 7920 Fredericksburg (210) 614-8855

Ocho

It’s easy to get caught up in the moment at this bar with the velvet couches and dim lighting. The scenery mixes old and new worlds a la Baz Luhrmann’s Great Gatsby reboot. The cocktail menu reinvents old

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Raffles Restaurant and Bar

It’s dinner jackets and predatory-animal prints on the lido deck of the Pacific Princess at this perpetual Best of SA winner for Best Old Man Bar. Such a designation would be an insult to many establishments, but here it’s more of a warning.

A hop across Loop 410 to a larger space hasn’t changed Raffles’ tune: This is party central for mature audiences only. 1039 NE Loop 410, (210) 826-7118, rafflesrestaurantandbar.com

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74 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

NIGHTLIFE

tequilas. 8123 Broadway, Ste D, (210) 320-6034.

Ranger Creek Brewing & Distilling

Texas’ only “brewstillery,” a microbrewery and craft distiller right here in San Antonio. Featuring Texas bourbon made with 2 pounds of Texas corn in each bottle and aged under the Texas sun, an ever-changing array of local beers with interesting recipes using local ingredients. Visit during open house hours to sample the lineup. 4834 Whirlwind, Ste 102, (832) 969-3800, drinkrangercreek.com

Rebar

Twisted metal is the structural theme of this Alamo Heights neighborhood bar, but getting twisted is on the minds of many that gather here to take in live music (including the “one-man phunk band” Henry + the Invisibles at 10 p.m. on Fridays), DJs, games of pool, karaoke and more in cozy seating areas.

8134 Broadway, (210) 320-4091, rebarsatx.com

Sanchez Ice House #1

This humble little joint is a San Anto institution and the last of its kind: a veteran ice house that’s still kickin’ with a heart-load of jukebox nostalgia, offering good neighborhood cheer, hobnobbing with bikers and Thursday beer specials. 819 S San Saba, (210) 223-0588

Sam’s Burger Joint

A top-notch sound system is but one of the features that render Sam’s SA’s premiere venue for Americana, blues, soul, swing and rockabilly.

By day, burgers (including a locally sourced veggie option) and beer get served up no-nonsense style.

But at night, Sam’s is all about music and booze and can easily accommodate sophisticated seated shows and packed ragers alike. 330 E Grayson, (210) 223-2830, samsburgerjoint.com

The Reggae Bar

Cheap beer, Jamaican music videos and a beachy vibe create an invitingly casual oasis on an impersonal strip of Austin Highway—one that turns into a microcosm of Jamaica (with Caribbean food to boot) when it’s hosting events like the San Antonio Reggae Fest. 2016 Austin Hwy, (210) 772-9891

Retox

Situated in a strip center off West Avenue and Patricia, Retox packs in rock-minded drinkers for long happy hours (2-9 p.m. daily), live music on Fridays and Saturdays (with $2.50 beer specials and $4 shot specials) and karaoke on Sundays with happy hour prices all day. 1031 Patricia, (210) 7752886, retoxbar.net

THE

www.theirishpubsa.com

IRiSH PUB

“Home of the Best Irish Coffee in Town”

Charlie Brown’s Neighborhood Bar & Grill Open For Lunch!

Enjoy the Game on one of our 11 TV’s

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Shady Lady Saloon

Generous mixed drinks, pool tables, karaoke, wi-fi, horseshoes and a “Shady Patio” are but a few of the charms to be found at this Southside roadhouse. 3603 S WW White, (210) 333-4224, theshadyladysaloon.com

Sharkey’s Bar

friDAY:

$3 Jager & Dos XX Draft

SATUrDAY:

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SUNDAY:

happy hour all night long S.i.N.

9726 Datapoint Dr. 210-692-7620

like us on

Karaoke • Trivia Live Music • Beer Pong 11888 Starcrest | Phone 496-7092 Charlie-Browns.com

This is a neighborhood kind of bar. It’s not by any means upscale, nor is it a place to watch the game.

(They only have one TV). This an old-fashioned West Side bar where people go to hear haunted tales of patrons past. 2101 W Martin, sharkeysbar.com

Silo Elevated Cuisine

SA Country Saloon

The saloon used to house The Bermuda Triangle, and now has been revamped into a squeaky-clean, gay honky tonk. Although the bar is nowhere near the Strip, you can still catch drag queens and kings, frequently gracing the stage under a boot shaped disco ball. 10127 Coachlight, facebook.com/ SAcountrySaloon

Regarded by some as the Alamo Heights bar (with one off of 1604 for good measure), Silo covers all the bases with specialty cocktails, import beer, fine wines by the glass and (as the name suggests) upscale food, making its happy hour (4-9 p.m. daily) a fairly sophisticated slosh-fest. Multiple locations, siloelevatedcuisine.com

The Silver Dollar Saloon

The Saint

Grittier than Bonham or Heat—and often twice as loud, crowded and crazy—this gayborhood anchor packs in one of the most diverse crowds in town for dancing, drag shows and high-octane cocktails.

800 Lexington, (210) 225-7330.

¡Salud!

This modern Mexican tequila bar radiates energy.

Try the margaritas but don’t miss the impressive selection of Mexican beers and a tequila list featuring over 100 varieties of 100 percent Blue Agave

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Thankfully, the Silver Dollar hasn’t lost track of its original clientele: well-dressed cowboys, linedancing lesbians, off-duty drag queens and admirers of any/all of the above. On any given night, visitors to the SD might happen upon a retro dance night, a talent competition or an outrageous performance by a touring tranny. 1812 N Main, (210) 227-2623

Sir Winston’s Pub

Sir Winston’s fares well in a post-tobacco bar scene with a brand-new patio and continued excellence as an unpretentious neighborhood nightspot. Inside

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feels like your dad’s old basement game room, but with more screens. 2522 Nacogdoches, (210) 829-5933

SoHo Wine & Martini Bar

This sophisticated yet relaxing riverside bar really does feel like a big-city hangout in its namesake Manhattan ‘hood that encourages long, conversation-rich happy hours (4-7 p.m. and 9-11 p.m. Monday-Friday). 214 W Crockett, (210) 4441000, sohomartinibar.com

Soluna

Soluna boasts some of the best margaritas and micheladas in the city. For the full experience, take a seat at the black-and-red tiled bar and order a Chispa (which means “spark” in Spanish)—trust us, just one of them is enough to light anybody up.

7959 Broadway, (210) 930-8070, solunasa.com

Southtown 101

Laid-back local in the King William neighborhood offers an erudite beer selection of Texas to international brews and theme nights that counter too-cool trends. Try “Geeks who Drink” on Monday to display your knowledge of pub trivia, join in Thursday’s “Bitter Karaoke” or just hang any time.

101 Pereida, (210) 263-9880, southtown101sa.com

Sparky’s Pub

Ye olde tyme Gayrish pub your creepy uncle warned you about has finally materialized, replete with historic community photos, cocktails served in pint glasses and a back patio straight out of West Hollywood. Winner of Best Gay Bar in our 2013 poll, Sparky’s is also the most straight-friendly gay bar in town. 1416 N Main, (210) 320-5111, sparkyspub.com

SPLACH Bar

Homespun dive bar and grill where everybody is family, the drinks are cheap and the service is stellar. SPLACH is a neighborhood hub for pool and ping-pong enthusiasts, catching a game on the huge projector screen or just hanging and talking it up with the regulars. 905 Nogalitos, (210) 227-7579

Stroker’s Sports Bar

This unfussy Southside beer bar serves the best michelada nightcaps in town. Adorned with a mural celebrating local pool legends, the cozy dive pulls in mainly locals during the week while weekends attract a younger crowd from Southtown and beyond. 703 Roosevelt, (210) 533-4549

Taps y Tapas

Having only been open for two months, the new kid on the brew block’s already established street cred with all-day happy hour specials such as $12 bottomless mimosas, $3 drafts and $3 housemade sangria. With 20-plus craft beers on tap and a lengthy array of wine, visitors can enjoy live music on the patio or a friendly bar vibe inside. 1012 N Flores, (210) 277-7174, facebook.com/TapsYTapas

TBA

Located on the St Mary’s strip, the new bar’s chef and part-owner, James Moore, has found a new calling as he whips up fun bar snacks and seasonal infusions. (210) 320-1753, 2801 N St Mary’s

The Ten Eleven

This cozy, all-ages venue usually hosts shows of the various fist-swinging varieties: hardcore, punk and other assorted noisemakers. Escape the sweat fumes on the back porch and enjoy the view of the San Antonio River. 1011 Ave B, (210) 320-9080, theteneleven.com

A laid-back bar with darts, shuffleboard, pool tables and bowling. Friday is karaoke night, with live music Saturday. 7350 Bandera, (210) 509-6977

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Tiago’s Cabo Grille

Hand-shaken margaritas and mojitos, and sangria by the glass to complement the coastal Mexican cuisine. Multiple locations, tiagoscabogrille.com

The Thirsty Camel

This untapped Olmos Park watering hole often waxes nostalgic with dark retro DJ nights but also throws a curve ball now and again in the form of everything from live jazz to gothic beauty pageants.

5307 McCullough, facebook.com/ThirstyCamelBar

Tiffany Cocktails

Steely Nevada’s Bar & Lounge

NURSE PRACTITIONER ASSOCIATES

Just when most bars are going into sleepy mode, and starting to shut down, Tiffany’s is still barreling ahead with late night fun that doesn’t stop till the last minute. Friday karaoke, Saturday DJ and everyday drink specials help spin the vibe. 338 Valley Hi, (210) 673-5117

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Stella Public House

The restaurant and bar opened in April and their beer cocktails are already just as popular as their extensive craft list. Stella Public House features four mixed drinks and of them, HopRita and Brewjito are the two faves. 1414 S Alamo, (210) 277-7047

BEER GARDEN

Tin Barn Saloon

You can easily become a regular at this Saloon.

And as for their bar food, how does the occasional free barbecue sound? Tin Barn is an average joe watering hole, with cute bartenders and a big

SNAP CHIC PHOTOGRAPHY

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Six Point Resin Stash Independence Brewing Samuel Adams Cherry Chocolate Bock

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CHOOSE FROM BEERS ON TAP!

Fri-Sat : 12:30-CLOSE / Live Music Starts at 7pm Thurs: 5pm-CLOSE / Live Music Starts at 7pm • Monday Night Football Season: 5pm-CLOSE 11 Upper Cibolo Creek Rd 78006 • (210) 724-6921 • Facebook.com/RandomTexasFamilyFun

sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 77

NIGHTLIFE

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screen TV playing Spurs’ games and Texas Rangers baseball games. Happy hours are one of the best with $1.75 domestics from 4-7 p.m. and all day Thursdays. 1405 N Colorado

in town. The Texas Long Island Iced Tea in a 32-ounce pitcher is a favorite, but look for shot specials, too. Try out the jukebox or the four pool tables and three dart boards. 6310 Callaghan, (210) 342-7321

Tucker’s Kozy Korner

White Rabbit

Established in 1948, Tucker’s claims to be the oldest African-American bar in the state. Their doors, however, are open to everyone—and there’s never a cover for treats like live jazz with local legend Jim Cullum on Mondays or the Soul Spot with JJ Lopez and Cortez on First Fridays. 1338 E Houston, (210) 320-2192, tuckerskozykorner.com

Tuk Tuk Tap Room

With more than 35 beers on tap, there’s bound to be something for every palate. It’s spacious and pet friendly, so cozy up to the fireplace during these cooler months. 1702 Broadway, (210) 222-8277, facebook.com/tuktuktaproom

• This is not to be combined with any other offer or promotion and must be used during one treatment session, for those that are not a good candidate for the PhotoFacial treatment we can perform a Genesis treatment.

The Worm Tequila & Mezcal Bar

The Worm is the latest venture from the owners of Swig, boasting 75 tequilas and mezcals, classic cocktails, craft concoctions, beer and wine. Enjoy your cocktails in the Oaxaca-inspired interior or on the one-of-a-kind two-story “porch” overlooking the river. 123 Losoya, (210) 354-1418, wormtequila.com

Vbar in the Hotel Valencia

A high-end hotel bar overlooking Houston Street and the River Walk with all the swank accoutrements, Vbar feels like a West Hollywood hangout, and you may even spot a local celebrity here. Check Hotel Valencia’s website for Vbar’s inventive happy hours mixing fashion and charity in big-city style. 150 E Houston, (210) 227-9700, hotelvalencia-riverwalk.com

• Botox treatment is good for ONE treatment area only and additional units may be required • To achieve the maximum benefits from PhotoFacial sessions a series of 4 or more is recommended for significant improvement.

Bands compete on the indoor and outdoor stages to see whose music is louder and more violent, so odds are you won’t even hear what that damn dormouse said. But most of the pitting is admirably polite, and the pizza place next door is a viable option should all the shoving give you an urge to feed your head. 2410 N St. Mary’s, (210) 737-2221, sawhiterabbit.com

Vegas Bar

Vegas Bar is just like Las Vegas without the bright lights, gambling, showgirls and—well, almost everything but the alcohol. But you can try your luck with mystery shots or the snazzy red pool tables.

8826 Huebner, (210) 691-5552, vegasbarsa.com

Wurzbach Icehouse

It’s absolutely a capital-b Bar in the old Texas icehouse tradition, which at its simplest is a place to drink drinks with people you may or may not know. Serving wings, chicken strips, dogs, burgers, and yup, Frito Pie. 10141 Wurzbach, (210) 8772100, wurzbachicehouse.com

WXYZ Bar

This multi-faceted hotel bar offers approachable chic in Park North. Old-school games, arty coffee table books, a poolside fire pit, billiards and imaginative drink options make for a perfectly mixed happy hour or nightcap. Aloft Hotel, 838 NW Loop 410, (210) 541-8881

VFW Post 76

This Victorian-style mansion on the San Antonio River is the oldest VFW post in Texas—a quietly awesome architectural study that houses ghosts, regulars and anyone wise enough to know a bucket of beer and a park bench are viable answers to many of life’s smaller problems. 10 10th (near Avenue B), (210) 223-4581, vfwpost76.org

Wetmore City Limits

CONVENIENTLY LOCATED IN THE MEDICAL CENTER! CALL FOR MORE INFORMATION TODAY! EDAN’S MED SPA IS CERTIFIED IN THE FOLLOWING PROCEDURES: dermasculpt.net/doctors_using_dermasculpt • vampirefacelift.com • vampirebreastlift.com • oshot.info • priapusshot.com • volumalift.com Members of ACCMA, American Cosmetic Cellular Medicine Association, AAOPM, American Academy of Procedural Medicine, & MDU, Mulholland DR University

7460 CALLAGHAN RD. SUITE 122, SAN ANTONIO, TX 78229 (210)348-8089 • EDANSMEDSPA.COM 78 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

Enjoy live music from country to rock or take the stage on karaoke night. Monthly burlesque shows, 16 beers on tap and more than 50 different bottled beers, ice-cold Jack Daniels and Fireball on tap, great drink specials and free happy hour food daily help sweeten the deal. 12329 Wetmore, (210) 494-7190

Whiskey Smith

A hidden spot catering to locals since 1972, Whiskeys is a cool little joint with some of the best drink prices

WINE

Zinc Champagne & Wine Bar

When the dinner shift winds down, servers from all over SA descend upon Zinc to unwind with good company in stylish surroundings. Aside from boasting SA’s finest late-night food-and-wine menu, Zinc does “downtown” better than anywhere else (without trying too hard) and the patio in summer is one of the area’s best-kept secrets. Champagne and pizza at 11 p.m.? We’ll meet you there. 207 N Presa, (210) 224-2900, zincwine.com

Zombies

This neighborhood hangout for the rock and metal set hosts live music by some of the most creatively named bands around on weekends (Power Crime Pussy, Dick Delicious and the Tasty Testicles, etc.) and encourages all to “Eat Flesh” on Meat and Metal Mondays. Look for a second location to open sometime in 2014. 4202 Thousand Oaks, (210) 281-8306, zombiesliveinsa.com

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sacurrent.com

VOLLEYBALL & BASKETBALL OPEN ONE MORE DAY. INDIVIDUALS WELCOME SanAntonioSSC.com

Movies • Pride Jewelry & Gift Items • Greeting Cards • Books • Mus

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ovies • Pride Jewelry & Gift Items • Greeting Cards • Books • Music

ic• Clothing • Dancewear • Shoes • Hosiery • Lingerie & Underwear • Bachelor & Bachelorette Party Supplies • Adult Toys • Magazines • M

• Art • Clothing • Dancewear • Shoes • Hosiery • Lingerie & Underwear • Bachelor & Bachelorette Party Supplies • Adult Toys • Magazines •

sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 79

tonight

Sunday

tueSday

vs

vs

vs

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6:00pm

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29

$

*While supplies last. Tickets can be purchased at all Ticketmaster Ticket Centers, including select H-E-B Locations, online at tickemaster.com (all Ticketmaster fees apply). Call 225-TEAM or at the AT&T Center Southeast Box Office.

80 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

6:00pm

get tiCKetS noW

oad l n w o d Scan to App e e r F our

McFinnigan’s Pub

7210 blanco Rd. saTX 78216 • (210)314-4194 EVERYDaY 2-8pm: $3.25 Wells, $3.75 calls Pints: $2.25 Domestic, $3 imports 25oz. Mugs: $3.75 Domestic, $5 imports

North Central

Zona bar & grill

Hofbrau aT THe riM

SlaCKerS• SPorTS, drinKS, arCade

12066 Starcrest dr • (210) 402-7373 open 7 days a Week, 3pm-2am Mon.$1 all domestic drafts, Tue.$1 all Wells, Wed.$2 ladies night all vodkas & X-rated 16620 uS HWy 281 n, 78232 • 210.572.9307 Mon-Sat • til 9pm & all day Sunday: $2.50 domestic drafts, & $3 Patron, Thu. $3 u Call it.

Well drinks, $2.75 Select Premium draft, $3.25 House Wine, all day everyday: $3 Select Call drinks, $3.50 Select Premium Call drinks, $3.50 $2 all domestics & all Well liquor and $3 all imports & almost all Premiums. domestic bomber (22oz) draft

SHerloCK’S baKer ST. Pub & grill

Home of dos-a-rita-ville • hofbraurim.com 18403 W interstate 10 @ the riM.(210) 877-1500 Happy Hour Mon-fri 3-7 pm $2.50 Well drinks, $2.50 Select domestic bottles, $3 Select domestic draft Pints, $4 House Wine, $4.50 Texas Teas daily appetizer specials

Downtown Central

barriba CanTina

111 W. Crockett St. • 210.228.9876/barribaCantina.com M-f 3-6pm: $4 drafts, Wells & $2 off all Signature Cocktails, Complimentary Chips & Salsa Mon.-Wed. Super HH-$2.50 domestic bottles & House Margaritas downtown Tuesdays- HH extended til 9pm & $0.50 Mexican deviled eggs

Quarry Hofbrau & beergarden

7310 Jones Maltsberger @ Quarry Market (210) 290-8066 Home of the dos-a-rita • quarryhofbrau.com HH• M-f, 4-7 pm: $2.50 Wells & domestic bottles, $3 domestic draft Pints, $4 House Wine, $4.50 Texas Tea, $1 off Margaritas. daily appetizer specials

PiraHna Killer SuSHi

260 e basse rd #101,78209 • 210.822.1088 HH: 3p-6p every day, reverSe HH fri-Sat 10:30- 11:30p Sun 9-10p Select appetizers $8.95, $3 domestics, $4 imports $6 Martinis, $4 Hot Sake • PiranhaKillerSushi.com

loS frogS

126 W. rector dr. Ste 136, behind northStarMall slackersSa.com (210)524-0088 Mon-Sun 3pm-2am • $2.50 dom/ $3 Wells daily Sunday funday all gaMeS free all day

$3 you Call it!

friendly SPoT

943 S. alamo • 210.224.2337 • open Mon -Sun 11am- 12am daily friendly draft Specials. friendly eatstill Midnight, $3 domestics all day! $2 lone Star, lone Star light & Pbr

bar Salona

100 villita Street (210) 225-1234 ext. 8704 M-S • 4-7pm: HouSe CoCKTialS: long island iced Teas $7, barSalona Margarita $5, Jala-Coco $7, river dog $6, godfather $7 SHoT SPeCialS: flying bee $3, Purple Hooter $4, Jager bomb $5, Peice of a$$ $6, Corzo Tequila $6

Club SiriuS

228 losoya St • drinksirius.com daily Specials • open-Close: Mon. - $2 beer Specials, Tue. - $4 Cucumber Shots, Wed. - $$4 Shot board, Thu. - $4 dripping Springs orange, fri. - $5 Skyy flavors, Sat. - $5 grey goose Cherry noir, Sun. - $4 Shot boardtwitter Hh • 11a-7P: $1.50 Pbr, $2 domestics, $2.50 Wells, $3 dos XX & Modelo especial, $3 Jager, $4 Jagerbombs @ ClubSirius • factebook.com/TooSirius

HH • 3pm-6:30pm M-f: $1 off Mexican Cocktails: la Classica, la Chelada, la Cubana, la (chamoy) Chamochela & our Smirnoff Chamoy Preparado. $1 off fresh fruit Sangria Pitchers, bottle beers, Smirnoffs, Wine Coolers, Mikes Hard lemonade, $2 draft beers.

Serna’S baCKyard SPorTS bar

aZuCa

booTleggerS

713 S. alamo St. 210.225.5550 HH: never a Cover; Mon-Sun 4-7p: $3.50 Cocktails & Wine

12023 Potranco rd, 1mile outside loop 1604 HH daily • 2-8p (12p Sundays): $2 domestic longnecks • $2.50 Well drinks, $3 Smirnoff vodkas (13+ flavors) sernasbackyard.com • facebook.com/sernasbackyard

2407 n. St. Mary’s HH is everyday • 5-7pm : $2 domestic bottles, $3 Well drinks, $4 Well Martinis (vodka, gin, cosmo, lemon drop, appletini, etc.)

VISIT HAPPYHOURS.SACURRENT.COM

sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 81

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COURTESY PHOTO

Freedia Everywhere She's the Queen Diva, you'd better believe her CALLIE ENLOW

It’s been a huge year for Big Freedia, and she’ll start wrapping it up here on December 28. The verified Queen of Bounce continued her quest to introduce the entire world to the beat-driven, rapid-fire hip-hop style she’s been dedicated to for most of her professional life.

While Freedia, born Freddie Ross in New Orleans, started making a dent in mainstream culture back in 2009 for her* outrageous performances and unforgettable song “Azz Everywhere,” in 2013 the dance styles she dominates, namely twerking, hit the big time.

In fact, the No. 1 “What is” Google search question this year was, “What is twerking.” Here’s the four-word answer: Shaking lots of ass.

Aside from the infamous Miley Cyrus performance on MTV’s Video Music Awards show, you may have seen the following twerking on your television set this year: Rihanna, the cast of Glee, Duck Dynasty’s Willie Roberts, Victoria’s Secret models and even Morgan Freeman, who sadly didn’t twerk, but read the definition aloud in celebration of the word’s inclusion in the Oxford English Dictionary.

While you may have noticed 90 percent of the names above belong to white folks, Big Freedia was there, too, and burst out of the background at exactly the right moment. After dismissing Cyrus’ VMA efforts, Freedia successfully claimed the Guinness World Record for assembling the most people twerking simultaneously (358 ass-shaking dancers ages 8 to 80 in New York City’s Herald Square) and launched a reality show on Fuse TV titled Queen of Bounce, doggedly reminding people exactly where this dance and its musical culture originated. It’s been one of the more focused efforts to reclaim a narrative that I’ve ever seen, and as Freedia tells it, her work is far from over.

“It’s just time for the world to see where it comes from,” says Big Freedia from her home in New Orleans, where she intermittently excused herself from 82 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

Big Freedia, showing off her world-renowned style

the conversation to mind her dogs, Rita (a poodle) and Sensation (a Miniature Schnauzer). “I just want to teach people of it and make them aware of what we’ve been doing for so long here in New Orleans and how we represent and how we dance and how we shake,” she continues.

And Big Freedia has been doing this for a long time, more than 13 years, starting out as a back-up singer for friend and fellow bounce artist Katey Red (who, like Freedia, is a gender-bending performer). It’s hard to imagine Freedia, who commands fans dancing onstage like a football coach, as a shy choir boy, but that’s initially what Ross was like. In fact, he used to get so nervous he vomited before every show.

“When I decided this was going to be my career, I had to tell myself and keep drilling in my head, ‘You cannot keep on doing this, you will not make it if this is a part of your career. You cannot keep throwing up before every show,’” she said.

Eventually, the mind-set training worked.

Now, when she gets on stage, “I feel like I own the place … I’m very happy and comfortable with what I do.”

Her commanding performances made outliers in an otherwise hostility-free their way into a 2010 article in The career. “A lot of the rappers and the New York Times Magazine primarily hip-hop artists, they respect me and they focused on Big Freedia and Katey Red love me,” said Freedia. “We may not get and a dance the author prudishly called down all the time and hang with the same “p-popping” (that extra p is short for crowd but we respect each other and ‘pussy,’ FYI). From there, Freedia scored respect each others’ craft. Mr. Ghetto, crossover gigs opening for the Postal he’s another situation.”

Service and Matt and Kim and a breakout Likewise, she typically doesn’t mind spot in 2011’s South by Southwest music when flat-assed white hipster dudes get festival. onstage to ape the movements of his The road to world bounce domination very talented, booty-licious Diva dancers. hasn’t always been easy. Freedia recalled “When I see a really nerdy white guy up on one particularly awful show in Connecticut stage, it really makes me proud,” she said. full of “young, rich white boys and girls.”

“A Big Freedia party is for all walks of life.”

She said, “We had a very rough time with What are the Queen Diva’s New that crowd. They were pitching shit and Year’s resolutions? She’ll be dropping it was the first time that I went through new music (her last album came out in something like that.” Even on the phone 2011), more collaborations and hopefully, she sounds mystified. “The girls were season 2 of Queen of Bounce. “Just be screaming for me and the boys looking for all the Freedia were booing me.” projects,” she told me. “I’m She also had a run-in with on the street, you’ll find me Snowball Winter Bash fellow New Orleans bounce somewhere.” C feat. Big Freedia, Neon artist Mr. Ghetto that verged Indian (DJ set), Glitoris $20-$50 on homophobia, though the *Ross is a “proud gay black Doors at 6pm Sat, Dec 28 relentlessly positive Freedia man” but uses the female Maverick Plaza insists both the Connecticut pronoun while discussing Big 418 La Villita sanantoniosnowball.com crowd and Mr. Ghetto are Freedia’s stage persona.

sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 83

COURTESY PHOTO

UFC 168

MUSIC

DEC. 28TH

NO COVER - CALL FOR RESERVATIONS!

12/27 JASON BOLAND & THE STRAGGLERS

MON. - SAT.: 2P-2A • SUN.: 12P - 2A

Mon. - Free pool • $3.50 Dos mugs Tue. - $2.50 Wells • $3 Euro Pints Thu. - live acoustic music after NFL game Sun. - NFL Ticket • $3 Titos Service Industry Specials EVERY NIGHT

7210 BLANCO RD. • (210)314-4194

12/28 GRANGER SMITH

ys a d i Hohlthe Famoiulyt? wit ssing you stre

New Year’s Eve Party w/ Jon Wolfe

1/31 Bellamy Brothers

relax at

14492 Old Bandera Rd

Helotes, TX • 210-695-8827 For tickets: liveatfloores.com 84 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

Est.

7920 fredericksburg

Spain’s rap goddess Mala Rodríguez came back with her first album in three years

AURAL PLEASURE Mala Rodriguez / Bruja / (Universal Music Spain) It’s here, finally. Bruja (Spanish for “witch” or “sorceress”) is the fifth studio album from the Spanish-language world’s top female rapper, and her most consistently strong collection since Lujo Ibérico, her 2000 debut (some would prefer 2010’s enjoyable Dirty Bailarina, but not me). In Bruja (2013 Latin Grammy winner for Best Urban Album), La Mala (“the mean one”) returns to basics, an old-school vibe closer to Europe than New York and far removed from the overproduced qualities of previous albums. Her lyrics deal with poverty, sex, politics and self-reliance, but with her it’s all about the delivery: She sings and raps with the power and intonation of a true flamenco cantaora from Sevilla, her adoptive city. Even though she always manages to include a turd or two per album (in this case, it’s the lame “Hazme Eso,” or “Do That to Me”), everything else is right on the money, especially the ferocious, pissed-off anthem “Caja de Madera” (“Wooden Box”), the bilingual Spanish/French mid-tempo smoothie of “Caliente” (“Hot”), the arena reggae-flavored “Quién Manda” (“Who’s the Boss”) or “Miedo a Volar” (“Fear of Flying”—which would have made Erica Jong proud.) This is an almost minimalist Mala, who seems to have found the perfect production for her: delicate and tasteful, in order not to distract from her lethal rhymes and execution. —Enrique Lopetegui Zac Brown Band / The Grohl Sessions Vol. 1 / (Southern Ground Artists) Grohl has reached the level of rock superstardom where he can do absolutely whatever he wants. He’s certainly testing that status by teaming up with country rock bros Zac Brown Band on their lovingly titled four-track EP The Grohl Sessions. Odd though it may seem on paper, the pairing actually works wonderfully in practice, with Grohl lending the band a bit of muscle behind the kit, and plenty of analog warmth behind the mixing board. “Day For The Dead” is the undisputed highlight of the set, a barn-burning hoedown that brings out the best talents of both parties involved. —J.D. Swerzenski Various Artists / South By Midwest Vol​.​1 (For Habitat for Humanity) / (Holy Hell Records) Vast in scope and rich in rewards, South By Midwest Vol. 1 (SXMW1) is a benefit compilation from Florida-based Holy Hell Records, the proceeds of which will go to Habitat for Humanity.

Aside from being for a good cause, the album is also a pretty damn good listen. Featuring acts from all across the South and Southeast—including stellar contributions from locals Deer Vibes, Jonah Vin and Joust & Parry–SXMW1 is a breezy blast of math-rock, indie, emo and punk, all filtered through a muddy southern lo-fi lens. —James Courtney

ENCORE AND FINAL PERFORMANCE OF

A ROCK HOLIDAY TRADITION FOR A NEW GENERATION

THISAY

SATURD

DEC &288PTMH! 3PM

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2013 3:00 PM & 8:00 PM TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE NOW AT ALL OUTLETS, INCLUDING MAJESTIC THEATRE, SELECT HEB LOCATIONS, INGRAM PARK MALL AND AT&T CENTER BOX OFFICE CHARGE BY PHONE AT 1-800-745-3000

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sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 85

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29

Shakey Graves

There are one-man bands, and there is Shakey Graves. The Austinbased low-fi folk/bluesman (born Alejandro Rose-García) is the complete package: subtle, tasteful fingerpicking, solid percussion using both feet, a whisky-soaked voice, amazing stage presence and two albums (2011’s Roll the Bones and 2012’s Donor Blues EP, containing 2009 home recordings) with enough good songs to prove he’s a lot more than just a novelty act. His performance at this year’s South by Southwest was one of the festival’s most buzzed about events with even The New York Times’ socks being knocked off. His reputation as a live act is so strong that the dude even has his own official Austin holiday (February 9). He’ll be opening for acclaimed country/bluegrass/folk guitarist Robert Ellis, whose third album, The Lights From the Chemical Plant, comes out February 11 (check out first single “Only Lies”). $12-$15, 8:30pm, Sam’s Burger Joint, 330 E. Grayson, (210) 223-2830, samsburgerjoint.com. —Enrique Lopetegui

MUSIC

Monday, December 23 CONCERTS

Garrett T. Capps and the Only Hipsters featuring John Edward Baumann & Austin Lloyd Fallin For the first time, explosive rocker/country-folk singer Garrett T. Capps fronts his own band The Only Hipsters, featuring Phil Luna (Fear Snakeface) on drums, Odie (Buttercup, Mitch Webb & the Swindles) on bass and Scott Lutz (Snowbyrd, Hickoids) on guitar and lap steel. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8pm Jordan Minor Trio Gruene Hall, 1-5pm The Kirks Gruene Hall, 6-10pm CLUBS/VENUES

Meat & Metal Mondays (Metal) Zombies, 9pm Monday Night Pickers Circle with Danny & Lorna Terry (Country) Luckenbach Dance Hall, 5-9pm Open Mic Mondays (Open mic) Southtown 101, 10pm Outlaw Karaoke (Karoke) 502 Bar, 9pm Small World Jazz (Jazz) Olmos Bharmacy, 7-10pm Tuesday, December 24 CONCERTS

Austin Gilliam Billy’s Ice, 8pm CLUBS/VENUES

Mikey Vibe Open Mic (Open mic) The Ten Eleven, 9pm Tattoo Ladies Tuesday with Retro Division featuring DJ Dantes Prayer (Variety) Nightrocker Live, 10pm

CONCERTS Bo Porter Gruene Hall, 1-5pm Carly Garza & Friends 502 Bar, 9pm

Islands & Tigers Day After Christmas Fest featuring Last Nighters, Verisimilitude, Ready Revolution, Secrets & Irises, Celest’al Descent, Octahedron, Jared Harville, Augie Clements, Wib, Eye of the Day, Matt Muckleroy, March of the Mind The Korova, doors at 7pm

Jeff Strahan CD Release Show featuring Adam Johnson New Braunfels-based Americana artist Jeff Strahan celebrates the release of his new CD Monkey Around. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8:30pm King Pelican The Cove, 8:30-11pm Van Wilks & Tommy Elskes Gruene Hall, 6-10pm CLUBS/VENUES

Alex DeHoyos (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grille at the Rim, 9pm

Iron 60 (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grille at the Vineyard, 9pm

Karaoke Thursdays (Karaoke) Zombies, 9pm-2am Open Mic Night with the Bexar Creek Boys (Open mic) County Line, 6-9pm Stand Up and Rock! Comedy Night hosted by Alonzo Cantu (Variety) Nightrocker Live, 10pm Villela (Rock/Pop) Bar Louie, 9pm

Wednesday, December 25

Friday, December 27

Hip-Hop Night: #Realrap Music Series (Hip-hop)

Almost Patsy Cline Luckenbach Dance Hall, 8pm Cory Morrow & The Washers Gruene Hall, 8pm Deer Vibes Tour Kickoff featuring Brandon

CLUBS/VENUES

Nightrocker Live, 10pm

Karaoke Wednesdays (Karaoke) Zombies, 9pm-2am

86 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

Thursday, December 26

CONCERTS

sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 87

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9405 iH-35 @ StaRliGHt 657-9999 • 11827 HWy 281 n @ naKOma 404-0011 88 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

MUSIC

Cunningham & Julian Gill The Ten Eleven, 11:30pm Even in Death & A God Unknown Zombies, 9:30pm Hans Frank “El Gallo” The Mix, 10pm Jason Boland & the Stragglers with Jason Eady Floore’s Country Store, 9pm

Jerry Fuentes 502 Bar, 9pm Jessikill Retox, 10pm Maeta Jack’s Bar, 11pm Ponty Bone Trio Gruene Hall, 6-10pm Scott H. Biram & Tennessee Stiffs Self-proclaimed

dirty old one-man band Scott H. Biram lashes together blues, hillbilly and country precariously into raucous punk and godless metal. Sam’s Burger Joint, 8:30pm The Last Time Moses Rose’s Hideout, 11pm The Uprising, Secrets & Irises, Top Heavy The Falls, 9pm Wade Bowen Cowboys Dancehall, 7pm CLUBS/VENUES

Anna Konda (Rock/Pop) Roxy Sports Bar, 9pm Chris Wall (Country) Luckenbach Dance Hall, 4-7pm Circle of Fifths (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grille

accounting position at a Fortune 500 company “to pursue a life of music and poverty,” Corpus Christi native Roger Creager has released four albums and built a reputation on his distinctive brand of rabble-rousing Texas country. Gruene Hall, 9pm Ruben V Sam’s Burger Joint, 9pm

Snowball Winter Bash featuring Big Freedia, Neon Indian (DJ set) & Glitoris Maverick Plaza, doors at 6pm

Something Fiction 502 Bar, 9pm Sonic Death Monkey Retox, 10pm The Urban Suite Live featuring Awdazcate Chicago’s own Awdazcate (Waffle Gang) headlines the first installation of the Urban Suite Live with local support from Dead the Poets, Mr.Composition, Kree23 and DJ Bobby James. Madone hosts the show. Limelight, 9pm The Vinyl 45’s The Mix, 11pm Trans-Siberian Orchestra AT&T Center, 3pm, 8pm CLUBS/VENUES

Adam Zuniga (Lounge) Rosario’s Restaurant y Cantina, 8pm

at the Vineyard, 9pm

Anna Konda (Rock/Pop) Speedway Sports Bar #1, 9pm Big E and the Wild Hairs (Rock/Pop) Broadway 5050

Live, 10pm

Billy Morgan (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grille at

Derringer (Rock/Pop) Speedway Sports Bar #1, 9pm DJ Plata Presents a Night of Metal (DJ) Nightrocker Final Assembly (Rock/Pop) Da Bunker Bar, 9pm Hazy Ray (Rock/Pop) The Cove, 6:30-8:30pm Jim Cullum Jazz Band (Jazz) Boardwalk Bistro, 7:3010:30pm

Lesti Huff Band (Americana) The Cove, 9-11:30pm Mike Ellis and the Fabulous Funtones Jam (Jam session) Make My Day Lounge, 9:30pm Mistaken Identity (Rock/Pop) The Trap, 9pm MTO (Rock/Pop) Broadway 5050 Colonnade, 9pm Rain on the Aftermath (Rock/Pop) Brooks Pub, 9pm Strangeways (DJ) Southtown 101, 10pm The Flipside (Rock/Pop) Boozehounds, 9pm The Psychedelic Jukebox (Rock/Pop) Franco’s Italian Restaurant & Lounge/Naples Pizza, 8pm Villela (Rock/Pop) Taco Haven, 8pm

Saturday, December 28 CONCERTS

8th Annual Holiday Meltdown Espectacular featuring Snowbyrd, Los #3 Dinners, King Pelican & Fear Snakeface Mine Shaft Saloon (Magic Time Machine), 9pm

Amber Digby Band Luckenbach Dance Hall, 9pm Brennen Leigh, Noel McKay & the Hill Country Honeymoon Band Luckenbach Dance Hall, 1-5pm Flat Top Jones Gruene Hall, 1-5pm Granger Smith with Tyler and the Tribe Floore’s Country Store, 9pm

Killing Ivy, Jobber, The Black Focus, Single Tony, Stella Lost Zombies, 9:30pm Midnight River Choir Billy’s Ice, 8pm Our Sleeping Giant & The Ghost Tracks The Ten Eleven, 9pm

Roger Creager & Cody Bryan Since deserting an

Colonnade, 9pm

GET YOUR DRINK ON HERE!

MARGARITA MONDAYS $4 Regular Size $15 Pitchers

the Rim, 9pm

THIRSTY TUESDAYS

7pm

WHISKEY WEDNESDAYS

Bo Porter (Country) The Cove, 9-11:30pm Chris Taylor (Rock/Pop) The Cove, 6:30-8:30pm Circle of Fifths (Rock/Pop) Brooks Pub, 9pm December Birthday Bash (Party) Cowboys Dancehall, Ice-9 (Rock/Pop) Charlie Brown’s, 9pm Jazz Protagonists (Jazz) Boardwalk Bistro, 8pm Jeffery Charles (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grille at Lincoln Heights, 9pm

Rhythm and Rose (Rock/Pop) Da Bunker Bar, 9pm Rustic Avenues (Rock/Pop) Stonewerks Big Rock Grille at the Vineyard, 9pm

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I shouldn’t worry. But if I didn’t worry about it, wouldn’t I be one of those guys women complain about all the time? I’m beginning to get a complex. I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I wonder if they would be more satisfied if they were with someone better endowed. During intercourse, I feel myself becoming discouraged: I think that she will never enjoy this as much as I do, and sometimes these thoughts have caused me to go soft in the middle of the act. Please tell me what to do.

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DEAR READERS: Sophia Wallace, the NYC-based conceptual artist Hey, Brooklyn: behind the amazing Cliteracy Your desire not to be “one of those project, was a guest on my podcast guys women complain about all the recently. (To hear our conversation, time”1.800.811.1633 is commendable, but it would be More local numbers: go to savagelovecast.com and look more so if you’d bothered to educate www.vibeline.com 18+ about women’s bodies and up episode 371.) During our chat, yourself Wallace told me that a column I wrote women’s orgasms before you started years ago about the importance of fucking women. the clit had a big impact on her as News flash: Most women are unable a teenager—in fact, she still had the to “have an orgasm via intercourse copy of the column that she had alone.” Why is this? Because the clipped out of the newspaper. I’m business end of the clitoris—which reprinting that column this week plays as central a role in her sexual for three solid reasons: Ignorance pleasure as the head of your cock about the clit is still rampant (hence plays in yours—is located outside and the importance of Wallace’s work), above the vagina, not inside and up reprinting the column allows me it. Are you with me? The clitoris is not to plug Wallace’s work (check it a joy buzzer at the top of the vaginal out at sophiawallace.com) and it’s canal. It doesn’t matter how big your Christmas and I’m taking the week dick is, how hard your dick is or how off. For newer readers: Letter writers far you manage to get it in (OK, those addressed me as “Hey, Faggot” for things do matter, but not for the sake the first few years. These days, of of this argument): The clit’s the thing! course, only my husband talks to me While some women’s clits are that way. Happy New Year! angled in such a way that bumping and grinding provides enough direct Hey, Faggot: clitoral stimulation to get them off, My question involves my present most are not so conveniently angled, girlfriend and ex-girlfriend, as and you actually have to go out of your I’ve had the same problem with way to make her orgasms happen. It both. Both say I am a good lover. never ceases to amaze me just how Lovemaking sessions have lasted many heterosexual men don’t know hours. However, neither could these basic vagifacts. have an orgasm via intercourse But you needn’t take my word for it. alone. They can each come in a According to Cosmo—my reference for second by masturbation, and in all questions regarding female anatomy, minutes from oral sex. They say sexual response and makeup—fully 70 they’ve come very close during percent of women need stimulation intercourse with me. They also say above and beyond vaginal intercourse in

ETC

shattering moment when they find themselves in bed with a woman who insists on a little hand action or a lot of oral sex. When a boy finds himself in bed with a woman who demands that her orgasm (and her clit) play as central a role in the sex act as his orgasm (and the head of his dick), these boys—these dear, sweet, darling breeder boys—freak the fuck out. They think the new girlfriend is some sort of psychotic nympho, or, like you, they think their lovemaking skills have deteriorated or their cocks suddenly aren’t big enough.

But the new girlfriend isn’t a psychotic nympho. She’s just not a doormat. And the boy’s lovemaking skills haven’t deteriorated—they never developed in the first place. And as for your particular cock, Brooklyn, it may be too big, too small or just right, but almost all women need stimulation in addition to fucking to achieve orgasm, regardless of their manfriend’s cock size. So the size of your pee-pee doesn’t matter all that friggin’ much, except, perhaps, aesthetically.

You fear the girlfriend “will never enjoy [intercourse] as much as I do,” Brooklyn, and that fear sometimes causes you to go soft. Fear not: She’ll enjoy the fucking just as much as you do, so long as you remember to pay attention to her clit while you’re fucking her. If your arms aren’t broken or bound, reach down or around and finger her clit while you bang away; encourage her to play with herself when you’re fucking; try different positions to see if different angles of penetration might provide more direct stimulation to her clit, and then let her control the speed and pace of the grind; get her off with your mouth or your hand before you fuck; buy some “clit grapes” at a sex-toy store—the possibilities are endless. Learn more about women’s bodies, listen to your partner’s verbal cues, watch for her physical ones and make her pleasure a priority—that’s how you avoid being one of those men women complain about all the time. Good luck.

This holiday season, send the Savage Lovecast as a gift! www. savagelovecast.com mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

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order to achieve orgasm.

Imagine the flip side, Brooklyn: Your new girlfriend pays no attention to the head of your cock during sex; the most she can be bothered to do is provide you with a little “indirect stimulation.” Maybe she nudges the side of your dick with her foot while you eat her to orgasm after orgasm.

While you might enjoy this activity (especially if you’re a foot fetishist), it probably won’t get you off. You’re having fun, you’re enjoying yourself, but you’re not having orgasms.

Eventually, you pull your slimy face out of her crotch and ask for some direct cock-head stimulation. Your girlfriend recoils in horror. She insists that ALL her previous boyfriends could climax from indirect cock-nudging alone.

“What is wrong with you?” she asks.

How would you react to that, Brooklyn? Probably like this: You would get up, get dressed, tell her she’s full of shit—delusional—and inform her on your way out the door that all of her previous boyfriends were liars. You wouldn’t settle for indirect stimulation—so why should your girlfriends have to settle for indirect stimulation?

I’m going to let you off the hook just a bit: You most likely aren’t entirely responsible for your ignorance or your predicament. The women you’ve slept with up to this point may have contributed to your ignorance. A lot of women, when they first start having sex, believe they should be able to have orgasms from intercourse alone— because that’s the way women’s orgasms seem to work in movies, porn and romance novels, and, funnily enough, it’s the way their ill-informed young boyfriends insist women’s orgasms work. Consequently, some young women psych themselves out, convincing themselves that they’re having orgasms while their boyfriends huff and puff; other women fake orgasms for fear that their boyfriends will think they’re damaged goods if they can’t come from intercourse alone.

Since inexperienced young women tend to have sex with inexperienced young men, these psyched/faked orgasms can leave young men with a false impression of the way women’s bodies work and, sadly, of their own sexual abilities. Bad-in-bed boys bop through their sex lives until the earth-

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JONESIN’ CROSSWORD by Matt Jones Time Shift–set it and forget it.

Answer on page 21. ©2013 Jonesin’ Crosswords editor@jonesincrosswords.com.

Across

43 The key elixir (one hour behind)?

46 Short footrace 47 PayPal co-founder ___ Musk 48 Electronics co. whose slogan was once “So Real” 49 Baseball stat 52 “Carmina Burana” composer 54 2,640 feet 58 Bird in the constellation Aquila 62 Retail chain that offers meatballs 63 Airline hanging on the edge (three hours ahead)?

66 Takes for a ride 67 Suitcase attachment 68 Kernel 69 Slip or square follower 70 “Gee, that’s swell!”

71 Places for peels

1 “Armageddon” author Leon 5 Mos Def collaborator Kweli 10 Drains, as of energy 14 Jazz great Thelonious 15 Crack up 16 “___ se habla español” 17 Guy who avoids fighting (one hour behind)?

19 Litter critter 20 Bite-size 21 Handy children’s game 23 Advance 26 Deep sleep 27 Consumer protection org.

30 On the Caribbean, poetically 32 Nobel Peace Center city 35 Scenic fly-fishing activity (one hour behind)?

40 Cookie in pie crusts 41 Drone, for instance 42 Frozen drink company with a polar bear mascot

Down

1 Strike callers

2 Go outside the service area 3 ___ Empire 4 Technique 5 Mai ___ (bar order) 6 “Breaking Bad” network 7 Coal unit 8 Late singer Hayes 9 Japanese box lunch 10 Snidely stated, perhaps 11 Pastel shade of blue 12 Jello Biafra’s genre 13 Web presence 18 Ice cream concoction 22 Singer/songwriter Tori 24 Beijing Olympic gold medalist sprinter ___ Powell 25 “Elysium” director Blomkamp 27 College VIP 28 Disinterested 29 “The ___ Vista Social Club” 31 Hayao Miyazaki genre

33 Allowed 34 How hair may sometimes stand 36 “Hold it right there, buster!”

37 “The Voice” judge/coach Green 38 Intense devotion 39 Person who’ll argue about Windows vs.

Linux 44 Baba au ___ 45 Derive by reasoning 50 Promotional gimmick 51 Former Washington senator ___ Gorton 53 Viper features 54 The ___ from French Lick (Larry Bird) 55 “Konvicted” hip-hop artist 56 Joking Jay 57 Shakira’s “___ Noche Voy Contigo” 59 Golf lesson subject 60 Maggie’s sister 61 CPR experts 64 Skin design, briefly 65 Star’s propulsion, maybe?

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Edmund Kean (1789-1833) was one of the most famous British actors of his time.

But a contemporary, the poet Samuel Coleridge, was frustrated by Kean’s inconsistency, regarding him as a great artist who on occasion lapsed into histrionics.

“To see him act,” said Coleridge, “is like reading Shakespeare by flashes of lightning.” Now and then I get that feeling about you, Aries. You have bursts of brilliance that you sometimes don’t follow up on. You’re like a superstar who loses your concentration. But I’ve got a strong feeling that in 2014 you will at least partially overcome this tendency. Your word of power will be consistency.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Ernest Rutherford (18711937) is known as the father of nuclear physics not just because he won the Nobel Prize for Chemistry. He was also a superb teacher. Eleven of his students won Nobel Prizes. That’s the kind of teacher or mentor or guide I urge you to connect with in 2014, Taurus. The coming months will potentially be an optimum time for you to learn deeply, and at a rapid rate. One of the best ways to fulfill that promise will be to apprentice yourself to adepts who have mastered the skills and savvy you want to acquire.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your last best hope to get rich was back in the latter half of 2001 and the first six months of 2002. From July 2025 to June 2026, the cosmos will again conspire to give you a big fat chance to expedite your cash flow to the max. But why get bogged down dreaming of the past or fantasizing about the future when fertile opportunities to boost your prosperity are in front of you right now? Financial luck is flowing your way. Viable ideas for making money are materializing in your subconscious treasure house. The contacts that could help you build your wealth are ready to play with you. (This offer is good until July 2014.)

96 CURRENT • December 23-29, 2013 • sacurrent.com

CANCER (June 21-July 22): French poet Edmond Jabès had this to say about the birth of big creative ideas that dramatically transform one’s life: “For the writer, discovering the work he will write is both like a miracle and a wound, like the miracle of the wound.” Regardless of whether or not you’re an artist, Cancerian, I expect that you will experience a wrenching and amazing awakening like this in 2014. The opening you’ve been hoping and working for will finally crack its way into your destiny. It may be one of the most pleasurable disruptions you’ve ever had.

for anyone to appreciate his artistry, but eventually the magazine Melody Maker selected Pink Moon as number 48 on its list of the “All Time Top 100 Albums.”

Here’s one way I suspect your efforts will be similar to Drake’s in 2014, Libra: You will have the ability to get a lot done in a short time. Here are two ways your fate will be different from Drake’s: First, you will have a big pool of trustworthy allies to call on for help. Second, what you produce won’t take nearly as long to get the appreciation it warrants.

a giant Buddha statue. I’d love to see you undertake a comparable transformation in 2014, Capricorn. You shouldn’t completely shed all your anger and pugnacity, of course; a certain amount is valuable, especially when you need to rouse yourself to change situations that need to be changed. But it’s also true that you could benefit from a reduction in your levels of combativeness. What if you could “melt down” some of your primal rage and use the energy that’s made available to build your personal equivalent of a Buddha icon?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the coming months, I’m betting that you will exit a confined place or shed cramped expectations or break off your commitment to a compromise that has drained you. It may happen suddenly, or it could take a while to complete. How the escape unfolds will have to do with how thoroughly you extract the lessons that your “incarceration” has made available. Here’s a ritual that might also expedite the process: Give a gift to the people you’re leaving behind, or offer a blessing in the spot where your difficult teachings have taken place.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Eierlegende Wollmilchsau is a colloquial German term for a mythical pig that lays eggs like a chicken, provides milk like a cow, supplies wool like a sheep and ultimately becomes bacon and pork chops. Metaphorically, it may refer to a fanciful device that performs many functions. Imagine, for instance, a futuristic smart phone that could interpret your dreams, trim your unwanted hair, fix you a perfect cup of coffee, tell you you’re beautiful in ways you actually believe and cure your little health problems. In the real world, there’s no such thing, right? Not yet. But there’s a chance you will find the next best thing to an eierlegende Wollmilchsau in 2014.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The period between last July and next June is prime time to find or create your dream job. That might mean simply upgrading your existing gig so that it serves you better. Or it could involve you rethinking your relationship with work and going off in quest of a new way to earn a living. So how are you doing on this project, Aquarius? If you are proceeding on schedule, you should be halfway there by now. The goal should be clear, and you should be more disciplined, organized and determined than ever. If for any reason this isn’t the case, start playing catch-up.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good,” says a character in John Steinbeck’s novel East of Eden. I suggest that you make this your rallying cry in 2014, Virgo. In fact, why not begin right now, wherever you are? Say “Now that I don’t have to be perfect, I can be good.” Free yourself of the pressure to be the polished, ultimate embodiment of everything you’d ever hoped you would be. That will allow you to relax into being more content with the intriguing creation you have already become. You may be surprised by how much mojo this affords you.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In 1972, English folk musician Nick Drake recorded his album Pink Moon. He finished it in a mere four hours, singing all 11 songs and playing every instrumental track himself. It took years

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “We don’t accomplish our love in a single year as the flowers do,” says Rainer Maria Rilke in the Duino Elegies. Do you promise to take that truth into consideration in 2014, Sagittarius? Will you pledge to diligently devote yourself to creating the right conditions for love to flourish? In the past, you may not have been fully able to carry out this slow-building marvel; you may not have had quite enough wise perseverance. But you do now.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In 1588, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, the ruler of Japan, confiscated the swords, daggers and spears belonging to every citizen. He announced they would be melted down and used to make

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Singing teaches two skills that are essential for any creative process,” says author and vocalist Rachel Bagby, “the ability to listen and the ability to be flexible and spontaneous.” I bring this to your attention, Pisces, because 2014 could potentially be a Golden Age for your creativity. It will be a time when you will benefit even more than usual from exploring and enhancing your imaginative originality.

That’s why I’m encouraging you to sing more than you ever have before. Make a list of your 50 favorite singable songs. Be aggressive about expanding the music you get exposed to, and learn the melodies and lyrics to a lot of new tunes. Cut loose with your vocal stylings whenever you have a chance, and take a vow to propel yourself out of funky moods with the creative energy of your singing.

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GLOBAL

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Requirements: • High School diploma or GED Approved • Exceptional communication skills • PC and keyboard proficiency

• 12 months customer service experience

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w ROY MAAS YOUTH ALTERNATIVES, INC. Seeking: Resident Specialist for our Boerne Location.

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Call 210-340-8077 Follow our Thrift Shop on Twitter @RMYATS

$10/HOUR, UP TO $70/HOUR!!!

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Fax resume to (210) 938-8369 — or — Mail to Partner Relations, H-E-B Grocery Company, LP, 646 South Main Ave., H-E-B is an Equal Opportunity Employer/ Drug Free Workplace.

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Moving?

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Place an ad in the San Antonio Current's Marketplace 227-2527

Moving?

And have stuff to sell?

Place an ad in the San Antonio Current's Marketplace 227-2527 www.sacurrent.com

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Check out out fresh fresh daily daily content content at at blogs.sacurrent.com blogs.sacurrent.com Check Check out fresh daily content at blogs.sacurrent.com sacurrent.com • December 23-29, 2013 • CURRENT 99

Apartments CENTRALLY LOCATED • 2 & 3 BEDROOMS AVAILABLE • PRIVATE BALCONIES • FAMILY ORIENTED COMMUNITY • LARGE FLOOR PLANS CALL FOR MORE INFO 210.344.6714

e r i H o T Need

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Classifieds a

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Campa Insurance Agency Protecting You For Life 210-399-9993

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SAN ANTONIO NORML www.sanorml.org http://www.facebook.com/sanantonio.norml www.facebook.com/SANORMLSMARTCAR CONGRATULATIONS COLORADO AND WASHINGTON! "We shall, by and by, want a world of hemp more for our own consumption."

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San Antonio AIDS Foundation

Y A B M O

B ANCH R

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