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A royal watch

Nury Vittachi on Diana and her Hong Kong connection

Love is blind? I don’t think so. Face it: the majority of east-west couples you see in Hong Kong are tall Western guys with petite Asian women, right? How come there are so few Asian guys with Western girls? “Because Asian men tend to be runtish, puny, wimpy and taciturn, no offence intended,” said my Canadian friend Diana. I chose to take no offence, as those four adjectives do pretty much sum me up.

Yet there are exceptions to the east-west rule, and one in particular which has always fascinated me. Britain’s late Princess Diana, the ultimate celebrity blonde of the 1990s, was obsessed with Asian guys. That gal had taste! It’s all in Tina Brown’s book The Diana Chronicles.

Since the British royal family has been back in the news lately, thanks to Harry and Meghan, I have been reminded of Harry’s news-dominated mother. I always had a soft spot for her, partly because of the Hong Kong connection.

Diana was madly in love with her doctor, a British Pakistani named Hasnat Khan. But his family was suspicious of this married, tiarawearing blond. The lovesick princess bought several midriff-baring south Asian costumes to add to her allure and even plotted to convert to Islam. Hasnat’s family quickly married him off to a ‘real’ Asian girl.

Diana, utterly broken-hearted, looked for Asian male substitutes and hooked up with other swarthy, dark-haired men, such as Dodi Fayed. And not just one. She was particularly “close” to Hong Kong-based Indian businessman Gulu Lalvani at the time of her death, the book says. This amazed me. I met Gulu several times but he never introduced me to any royals.

The book by Tina Brown, one of Diana’s best friends, is a good read and the inescapable conclusion is that had she not died, Princess Diana would eventually have moved to Asia and become a tai-tai (non-working woman, lady who lunches, etc).

Imagine the scene. DI-DI THE TAI-TAI. A oneact play. Diana: What’s this white stuff? Asian husband: Rice. Diana: Oh. Does it have any calories? Asian husband: I hope so. Diana: Well I can’t eat it, then. Do you have any organic lettuce? Asian husband: No. Diana: Isn’t there any British food available in this part of the world? Asian husband: Like what? Diana: Chicken curry. Asian husband: Yes, we have that. Diana: Thank God. I guess that’s one of the benefits of colonialism. We can share our British culinary treasures with you people. Is the chicken organic? Asian husband: Well, it has organs, yes. Diana: I don’t think that’s what organic means. Asian husband: Well, it is made of organic material as opposed to inorganic material, if that’s what you want. Diana: Well, I suppose that’s all right then. Hey, where are you going? Asian husband: Out. To get you some chicken curry. Diana: You can’t go outside! This is Asia. You’ll be killed by landmines!

Now every time I write something about Princess Diana, I get angry letters accusing me of being disrespectful to a Modern Saint. To which I respond that I am a fan of hers too, but an objective one, and she can only be classified as a saint if she has performed certified miracles, and I’m not sure that sleeping with her guards without getting caught by the media counts.

Anyway, I have to say that I’m very sad that her life was tragically cut short, for her own sake, and for the sake of all the rest of us. She was an inspiring character, and, from my entirely selfish point of view, you have to value ANY people of any background who are attracted to guys who look like me.

Had her story turned out differently, I’d have made Gulu take me to royal parties and would have made a badge to express my pride in being an Asian male: “Runtish, wimpy, puny, taciturn and proud of it.”

Nury Vittachi is an award-winning author and journalist based in Hong Kong. He is best known for his comedy-crime novel series, The Feng Shui Detective. Contact him via nury@vittachi.com or through his public Facebook page.