Viator Voice Senior Issue 2016

VIATOR VOICE

SENIOR ISSUE 2016

Production crew EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Mr. Chris “Layout Quote!” Paolelli DIRECTORS Justin “Tostito Assassin” Cruz Liam “Chair-Man” Warner ASSISTANT PRODUCERS Stephen “Mildly Devastating” Hannon Nicole “White Cheddar” Marcinkus Reinaldo “Bachelor Pad” Limantara Kevin “Prayer Bandit” Nolan Nathan “Poster Boy” Smith Max “Too Close For Comfort” Paulus Elias “WHY, Max?” Rivera Art “Oh My LORD” Scheller Alex “Hornado” Horne Bug “I Went There” Meehan Dana “I Rule Hyrule” Lenard Dominic “Two Earbuds” Marchica

STUNT SQUAD Katie Boler Jacob Bonanotte Shane Cloonan Dan Dababneh Megan Drake Natalia Fic Matthew Fitzgerald Michael Fitzpatrick Ludovica Garro Anna Gorman Paige Laskiewicz Anthony Novak Brian O’Hara Mary Peterson Paulina Piwowarczyk Maeve Schumacher

PRODUCTION DESIGNERS Katie “Draw This” Boler Michael Fitzpatrick Ian “That’s A Warp” Malek Mary “I Yell At Seniors” Peterson ART DIRECTORS Katie Boler Sara Gasey Anna Gorman Kayla Johnson Joanne Jun Anthony Novak Mary O’Connell Mary Peterson

COVER BY Stephen Hannon, Dana Lenard, Ian Malek, Dominic Marchica

Dear Class of 2016, Here is the Senior Issue, so get off our case. We are most grateful for your commitment to stashing issues of the Viator Voice under your desks and leaving them there until they decompose. E.T. could count on one hand the number of people we’ve actually seen reading a copy of this paper. Recently we took to publishing articles written in Farsi and passages taken at random from the Affordable Care Act; so far this has gone unnoticed. In May of each year, however, the game changes. The Senior Issue is tremendously popular, and until its release the whole school acts like the people who trample each other to buy televisions at 1 a.m. at Walmart. In the faculty and non-seniors, this agitation is evidence of their love for Saint Viator and for the graduating class; in the seniors, it is evidence of staggering narcissism. You’re done with school. B16 deal! Do you want a shrine? Imagine if Paul McCartney watched documentaries about the Beatles. There will be no shrine, but we offer you this meager tribute to your four years here. We love producing this issue as much as you love reading it. We have immensely enjoyed serving as your editors-in-chief this year, and we wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. Yours faithfully, Justin Cruz and Liam Warner

2

ViatoR Voice

Quiet on the set Art: “I was hurt by that.� “That’s Kevin: “You were meant to be.� fine! I get “Read the whole thing and stabbed in the head then agree with my edits.� all the —Bug time.�

“Max, you could play Buddy the Elf, except there’d have to be a scene where he’s watching ‘Kill Bill.’� —Mr. Paolelli

—Cailyn “Yesterday, you “I should be a Doctor of the were all about .04 Church with what I’ve been doing percent cookie, at my lunch table.� because I brought —Liam in a pound and a half, and it was Nate: “Uh-oh. Here comes chaos.� “ C a n e v e r y b o d y s t o p [Opens door, Art enters.] gone.� s c re e c h i n g? � Justin: “You really got me scared —Katie, at her first layout —Nicole that it was Max.�

“Dom, I’m getting carpal tunnel over here. Do you care?� —Dana

“We’ve swept so many things under the rug by this point, the rug is three and a half feet off the ground.� —Liam

“This is the best dysfunctional family!� —Dana

“I have amnesia. I find the word ‘memory’ offensive.� —Liam Dana: “Did you download the “Oh, Iron Man, you have a suit pictures from the camera?� that can beat the Hulk? USE IT Dom: “What camera?� Dana: “What do you mean, FOR THE REST OF THE MOVIE!!� ‘What camera?’? The only —Max camera we have!�

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“I’ll be Justin: AAAAAAUUUUHHHHHH!!!!� —Art

Liam: “OK, guys, when you go to Taco Bell, what do you get?� Various: “Chimichanga!� “Chilupa!� “Baja Blast!� “Nachos!� Bug: “Diarrhea!�

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