When life will never be the same Duncan Schieb

It was a fairly ordinary New York day. I remember it being reasonably mild for February, but the kids were up at the crack, and I was preparing for what was to be a typical day. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) had declared the day before that COVID-19 was heading towards a pandemic status, but we were still somewhat oblivious to what that would eventually mean. I’d picked up the children from school and daycare and we went about our everyday routines of bath, dinner, reading and bed.

Lachlan had a bit of a runny nose and was a little sluggish with a slight temperature. But otherwise, he was his usual happy self; playing in the bath, eating his dinner without fuss and being the delicious little boy he was.

I rang the paediatrician, and they said to ensure he has some fluids and give him some kids' Nurofen to bring down the temperature. Duly his temp came down, and he and his twin brother went to sleep at their usual time.

It was around 2:30am when I heard one of the boys crying. I went into their room and Oscar had a soiled nappy so

I changed him and put him back down. I then looked into Lachlan's crib and touched him. He was lifeless. My blood ran cold. I grabbed him from his crib and took him into the lounge. I called 911 and performed CPR until the paramedics arrived to take him to the hospital. They worked on Lachlan for over an hour, but he died sometime during the night and there was nothing anyone could do.

Lachlan's death was sudden and devastating for our family. Days after his funeral, New York City was put into a shutdown. It was an extremely challenging time, dealing with your own grief as well as the grief of four young children.

Everything was turned upside down. At times like these you have to make decisions that are not just in your interests, but the interests of your children. I stopped drinking and ensured I was present for them every day as we battled with the grief of Lachlan's passing, a devastating lockdown, and children home schooled that saw everyone stuck at home for months.

I made the decision to relocate back to Australia for us to commence a new life closer to family and, at that time, in a country with few COVID-19 infections and a more normal life in Sydney. We were desperate for a new normal and to regain some happiness in our lives.

I grappled with how to help my children manage their grief and set a path of healing for them. I’ve raised money for charities all over the world and always enjoy being able to make an impact on the lives of others. I talk about philanthropy a lot with my children and how they can make a difference in the lives of others.

Working in real estate sales, one of my value propositions for sellers is donating a portion of my commissions to charity. I call it impact sales — we all get to benefit from making the world a better place.

At Dubbo Base Hospital, we saw the crib we donated through the Humpty Dumpty Foundation. It was the most significant step forward in managing that grief. This is a process that will continue to evolve but always leave a lasting legacy in Lachlan's name.

Charlie, Matilda, Molly and Oscar were able to ask questions, learn how it worked and hear first-hand stories of how it's already helped save babies' lives. They were able to tell their stories about their baby brother to the nurses and medical professionals. It was amazing to sit, watch and listen to them. The children deeply understand how they can make a change and help others in Lachlan's name which helps them cope with their grief.

At the time of writing this, it's been 964 days since Lachlan's passing. The ripple effect has been significant. We have experienced the damage of addiction, family breakdown, and much more. You can never prepare for the loss of a child, and when you have four young children, you learn that the evolution and management of that grief is ongoing. It is an exhausting rollercoaster ride that seems to have no end.

As a father, I want to shape my children to be responsible, respectful and resilient as we navigate life. I love helping charities raise money and make a difference, but this was extra special as it meant helping my kids first. It was the best therapy for all of us. They are my world.

Whatever difference you can make in the lives of others, no matter how small, please do it.