Issue 12 - Friendship by Salient

EDITORIAL

LETTERS & NOTICES

NEWS News Party Line Tweets Of The Week

6 13 15

FEATURES Meet Again Inevitable Entanglement Please Tell Me You Are Doing Really Well And Are Fantastically Happy My Time in a Throuple and the Friends I Made Along the Way

16 18 22 26

CENTREFOLD

COLUMNS NgÄ i Tauira Shit Chat Liquid Knowledge Mauri Ora The F Word VUWSA SWAT

29 30 31 32

POEM

REVIEWS Book Music Art Television Food

36 37 38 39 40

ENTERTAINMENT Procrastination Horoscopes

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A TAYLOR OF TWO CITIES Making friends at uni is hard. After all, your years at university are the best years of your life. Uni is the place where you’ll meet your lifelong friends. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone learning about greedy property managers, apathetic tenure professors, and the socks swept up by the Wellington winds. You’re balancing the complexities of student life, all the while, it’s up to you to actualise the societal expectations for immediate ethereal comradery. Go easy on yourself. You might be missing your friends from your last school. It’s hard not to think about them. Parting is such sweet sorrow—and maybe, you’re worried that over time, the sweetness will taste more like aspartame. In the middle of reminiscing, studying, adulting, planning— how does one find the time of day to build deep and meaningful relationships? What is one to do? Surrender. Surrender your hot-shot too-busy self. Forfeit reservation. Cast your cool cards into the wind. Crawl back into human form, be vulnerable and kind. Friendships are taonga, and you can’t bullshit them. Be open to cultivate all sorts of friendships, whether that be the elderly lady on the bus, someone you met at the community garden, or someone who shares your physical address. Your time here, in Wellington, at uni, is fleeting. Try not to be too critical. I’m pretty sure that we’re all a bit scared shitless sometimes. A bit insecure. I’m sure we all crave love and laughter and someone to be the weirdest versions of ourselves with. This week, we’ve got a hodgepodge of wholesome and confronting features on “friendship”. Shanti explores her feelings of detachment from her best friend, her identical twin, on page 18.

CKW writes an open letter to the friends he’s lost to incarceration. And Preya writes about taking on the “big black dog” of depression, together. This week’s editorial photo features the staff that makes Salient, Salient. We’re lucky to depend on one another, to call each other out, and to laugh often. We’ve shared many memories over lukewarm plungers, and I will miss them when I move to New York next month (that’s right, this is Taylor’s last issue). I leave you in the all-talented, earnest hands of my co-editor and friend, Kii Small. But first, here’s a poem written by my favourite poet, who died earlier this year. Her name is Mary Oliver, and the poem is Don’t Hesitate: “If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility to it.” May the parting stay sweet,

Kii Small & Taylor Galmiche

CORRECTION TO “LAW SCHOOL LACKING WHEN IT COMES TO MĀORI STUDENTS” (ISSUE 11)

Send your notices to designer@salient.org.nz

Salient published an article last week stating that “150 law students were part of a student submission to the faculty, addressing the culture of the law school,” resulting in a number of recommendations, to which “the faculty has not responded, despite their deadline being March 2019.” Some points of correction and clarification were brought to our attention by VUW regarding this paragraph.

FREE DOCUMENTARY SCREENINGS FOR STUDENTS June 13—21 The Roxy Generously supported by the Rei Foundation, the Doc Edge Schools programme offers FREE documentary screenings to schools and tertiary institutions during the Doc Edge Film Festival.* This programme engages secondary and tertiary students with current issues, vital ideas, critical questions and new perspectives, through special in-theatre screenings of latest release documentaries in Auckland and Wellington. Education kits specific to each film are also provided to teachers, to enable the cinema experience to continue into the classroom. Visit http://docedge.nz/schools/festival/ for the programme, or email Matthew at matthew@docedge.nz for more information. *Please note that this service is only available to group bookings of three or more

According to VUW: The ‘150 law student submission’ was a single submission made by VUWSA, after consultation with 150 students. The Law faculty responded to recommendations in that submission with an implementation plan. This has resulted in a number of policy changes, including the establishment of the MPI Academic Coordinator role, the establishment of a full-time faculty Student Success Coordinator, “and a number of other important ongoing initiatives.”

VUW INTERNATIONAL SOCIALISTS Meetings are Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m. in SU218

Thanks to our key sponsors, who help take the stress out of study.

Fuel your Study Every Day: Free Breakfast

Free Lunch

With Coffee Supreme 9am–11am

11.30am–2.30pm (or until it runs out!)

Find us: Kelburn: VUWSA, Level 4, Student Union Building.

Pipitea: Mezzanine Floor, Rutherford House.

Te Aro: VS1.25.

Wednesday Pipitea Puppy Visit: 12pm–12.45pm Law School Common Room.

CanDo Lego: 1pm–3pm The Hub, Kelburn.

Thursday Kelburn Puppy Visit: 9am–9.45am The Bubble.

Friday Te Aro Puppy Visits: 11am–11.45am The Atrium.

Mmmpop Improv Show: 5pm, Koha entry Memorial Theatre, Student Union Building, Kelburn.

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News. MONDAY , 3 JUNE 2019

Meet the Candidates: VUW Students and Grads Running for Council REID WICKS With the local body elections coming up, we reached out for some bios from some of the young people running this year. Watch this space for more local body election updates and news from Salient! If you’re a student at VUW or a recent grad, get in touch with Salient through news@salient.org.nz

on regional councils (e.g. the Greater Wellington Regional Council), district/city councils (e.g. Wellington City Council), and district health boards (e.g. Capital and Coast District Health Board). Voting for city councils is done by ward. So if you live in Lampton Ward, you vote for who you would like to represent that area on Wellington City Council.

Local Election Info: Enrollment deadline is August 16, you need to enroll if you’ve changed address or want to vote in a different area.

More information can be found at https://www.elections.org.nz/ voting-system/local-elections

Voting closes midday October 12. You are able to vote

Rabeea Inayatullah Assalaamualaikum, Talofa Lava, Kia Ora, and Hello! I'm Rabeea! I'm in my fourth year at Vic studying a BA majoring in Political Science and International Relations. Super stoked that I'll be finishing my tertiary education at the end of this trimester—just over a month to go!! Now into the campaign stuff— I'm running to be a Councillor in the Northern Ward for Porirua City Council. Why? Because there is a lack of young people and people with cultural backgrounds on probably every single city council in New Zealand. Because of this absence of representation, there are issues which aren't addressed properly or at all. So, youth and multicultural representation and are some of the key aspects of my campaign. I'm so happy to see this surge of young people running in local body elections this year and I wish us all the best! Wassalaam.

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Teri O'Neill Kia ora, I’m Teri O’Neill, I’m 21, studying a BSc/BA and running for Motukairangi—Eastern Ward for WCC this year. The ward covers everything from Strathmore, Lyall Bay to Whātaitai. The aim is to break the mold of the council to better reflect its people. Today, our communities are at a breaking point over transport, homelessness and climate change—that’s the target we miss. We’ve got the chance for a different perspective, a different way of looking at things than your typical politician— I’m a young person, a renter, and my family grew up on council services. Let’s cause a ruckus and get us a seat at the table.

Victoria Rhodes-Carlin The decisions that the Greater Wellington Regional Council make impact us from the moment we wake up to when we go to sleep, but our concerns and challenges as young people and students are too often ignored. I’m 21, in my fourth and final year, studying Environmental Studies and Politics, and will be running for GWRC. I am campaigning for ambitious climate action; fairer, more accessible public transport; and for Wellington to become a living wage region. This is a youth- and studentlead movement—get in touch if you want to support this kaupapa! vic4gwrc@gmail.com

Tamatha Paul Kia ora! Ko Tamatha Paul tōku ingoa. I’ve spent the last couple of years campaigning and advocating for the students of Victoria. One of the first things I realised when I came into the role is that while the student voice is a powerful thing, it’s not being properly listened to in our local government. Wellington City Council needs someone who looks like us, talks like us, and knows what it’s like to be a young person in this city. For this reason, I’m running to be City Councillor for Lambton Ward—a ward heavily populated by young people and students. Find out more at tamathapaul.com

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Opinion. How it Works: The Climate Change Response (Zero Carbon) Amendment Bill GRACE CARR, POPPY CARTER, GEORGIA KAHAN, CELINA MONKHOUSE (GENERATION ZERO AT VIC) Generation Zero is a grassroots, youth-led, nonpartisan climate activist group who decided in 2016 that there had been enough talk; it was time for action. Since then, we’ve been campaigning for Aotearoa to implement a Zero Carbon Act. On the May 8, 2019, this momentous Bill was announced under the name of Climate Change Response (Zero Carbon) Amendment Bill, and on May 21, the Bill passed its first reading 119–1. Currently, Aotearoa’s greenhouse gas emissions are forecast to continue rising, with no plan to stop. Last year, the IPCC gave us all a massive shock when they said we have just over a decade to limit warming to 1.5 degrees above pre-industrial era levels.

There are four main aspects to the Bill: Net Zero by 2050: Commits Aotearoa NZ to net zero carbon emissions by 2050. A split gases approach will be taken, so that gases which tend to stay in the atmosphere longer, like carbon and nitrous oxide, will have separate reduction targets to shorter-lived gases like methane. Carbon Budgets: To ensure this transition to zero carbon is a smooth one, the Bill requires the government to meet fiveyear interim targets called “carbon budgets”. These are like stepping stones to the 2050 target and are legally binding.

The targets will only apply to Aotearoa’s domestic emissions, not our international carbon trading. The Ministry for the Environment says that this will make it easier to monitor our own progress and verify that our transition is on track. Policy Plans: The government is to develop two policy plans: • A plan to reduce emissions to achieve the carbon budgets and 2050 target. • A plan to address the impacts of climate change such as storms, droughts, floods, and sea level rise. Plans regarding adaptation are really important—the Ministry for the Environment says that “preparedness is crucial to minimising the cost and grief of extreme climate events”. Climate Commission: Creates an independent Climate Commission, composed of seven parliament-appointed experts to advise and hold the government to account on targets, policies, and climate risks.

So here’s a quick rundown on the positives and negatives of the Bill: Positives: The Bill is written in reference to the 2018 IPCC report that states 1.5 degrees of warming as being our absolute max. (However, in order to fully align with this target, the government will need to create a mitigation plan that would halve Aotearoa’s carbon emissions by 2030).

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submissions and recommends amendments to the House based on these submissions. The committee usually has six months to hear submissions and issue their report. Once the committee has presented their report, the Bill will progress to its second reading, where the main debate occurs.

Treating methane as separate from other greenhouse gases is awesome. Not all gases are equal, so we shouldn’t treat them all the same. The targets are ‘kinda’ legally binding. Let’s say that in 20 years, the government has failed to meet the set carbon budgets or the overall net-zero target. The courts are able to review those failures and make a declaration of that, if they think it’s appropriate. This calls the government out, but is otherwise pretty ineffective. The court can also “award costs” for any breach. But that’s pretty much it.

The Select Committee process opened for submissions on the May 23 and closes on July 16. The Select Committee will report back to Parliament on October 21, 2019.

Negatives: We need a Bill that ensures a transition to a netzero economy that does not disproportionately affect vulnerable communities. Despite this, the Bill doesn’t address how such communities will be protected.

How to get involved: At the Select Committee stage Your voice is important! The biggest obstacle to the Bill standing the test of time is lack of cross-party support. Some say the methane target is too high (despite it being a science-based approach), and that this Bill would be detrimental to the economy and GDP (despite the effects of climate change being MUCH more costly than the cost of implementing the Bill).

Although there is a clause concerning the Treaty of Waitangi, it’s extremely weak. Under the Treaty, Māori are supposed to be partners in governance with the Crown. The Treaty section of the Bill does not provide for partnership—it’s all about consultation, and “giving consideration” to Māori, which doesn’t come anywhere close. The Treaty of Waitangi should be embedded in the Bill, not sidelined in one paragraph as an afterthought.

The ZCB is inherently public; it will affect society in many different ways and impact on future generations massively, so the Bill needs to reflect all communities. Submissions can be made individually, or through an organisation, like Generation Zero.

The methane reduction target should be higher, and be given an exact value. The target set in the Bill is a 24–47% reduction by 2050. This large range creates unwanted uncertainty, especially for those in the agriculture sector. Transitioning to a more sustainable agriculture sector will also be beneficial to Aotearoa’s biodiversity and waterways.

Elbow your Elders campaign The voting demographic of the main opponents to the Bill are much older than us, and thus quite dissonant from us. To help fix this, Gen Zero launched a campaign last Friday called ‘Elbow your Elders’. It’s a youth movement that asks us younger people to pester the older people in our lives to care about climate change, to care about this Bill, and to do something about it, so they can help secure our future.

Overall, the proposed Bill is good, but there’s definitely room for improvement. If we want a piece of legislation that will be effective, enduring, and fair, we all need to submit to the Select Committee about the parts of the Bill we are and aren’t so keen on. And because climate change is the ultimate intergenerational issue, support across the political spectrum is vital.

So that’s our short-but-sweet guide to the Zero Carbon Bill. Hopefully, it’s cleared up any confusion you may have surrounding the Bill and what you can do to help shape it. Visit Generation Zero’s Facebook page to keep updated on the Bill, ask any questions, and find out more about what we’ve mentioned above!

So what the HECK is the Select Committee: If you’re not too clued up on the legislative process/ didn’t take LAWS 121/took LAWS 121 but didn’t pay attention—don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.

Generation Zero Submissions Email Generation Zero through: generationzeroatvic@gmail.com.

A Select Committee consists of MPs from all political parties, and is arguably one of the most important parts of the legislative journey. It’s the point at which the public can submit their opinion on the Bill. If the Bill passes through after the first reading, a specialised committee (the Select Committee) accepts oral and written

There will also be a submission party on June 4, 4–6 p.m. in the Hub, where submissions can be made.

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Climate Strike Two: Apocalyptic Boogaloo FINN BLACKWELL & SOPHIE DIXON It’s been two months since the March School Climate Strike, and it appears support for the issue remains strong. Friday saw students returning to protest the government’s lack of action regarding the climate challenges facing New Zealand. Earlier this month, a climate summit was held by the Nelson City Council to decide whether or not to declare a climate emergency. This is a key demand of the Student Strike Movement, with specific demands for quick and effective action. The UK has recently declared its own climate emergency.

While there was a noticeable decrease in participants compared to the previous strike, organisers were still “feeling really inspired and hopeful”. “The amazing rangatahi in Wellington really stood strong,” said Sophie Handford, key co-ordinator of the strike. “We know that this is just the beginning of School Strikes in NZ,” stated Elliot Blyth, lead photographer and social media co-ordinator for the Wellington strikes.

Hundreds voiced their concerns surrounding the environmental future of Aotearoa, marching down Lambton Quay once again to protest government inaction against climate change.

“We can only grow from here,” he continued. “We’re confident that the September strike is going to be bigger and better than ever before, and that we won’t stop until we [achieve] genuine climate justice.”

“The strike was just as passionate as last time, especially now that the Zero Carbon Act has passed its first reading. This is only the start of the school strike movement,” remarked Isla Day, a member of the School Strike for Climate Change movement.

Handford added, “It was awesome to see the different events happening—from tree plantings to beach clean-ups, to big marches.”

Climate Strikers walked from Civic Square to Parliament, in a smaller but still impressive march on Friday, 24 May. Photography by Kristine Zipfel.

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Save the Humans and On the Library Steps (immediately above). Photography by Finn Blackwell.

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Is Vic Books Missing Out on the Living Wage Campaign? FINN BLACKWELL With the Living Wage campaign growing at Victoria, attention has been brought to "underpaid and underappreciated" workers on campus. A lot of focus has been put on security, cleaning, and tutoring staff. However, it's less clear how a VUW staple, Vic Books, is being approached. Although a key source of books and coffee on campus, Vic Books has been known for underpaying and poorly managing its staff. While Vic Books employees are not allowed to discuss their contracts with each other, an anonymous source inside Vic Books told Salient that “I don't feel represented in the fight because VUWSA, to my knowledge, hasn’t advocated for [Vic Books] staff to get paid a living wage.”

Vic Books manager Juliet Blyth also commented to Salient, “in the long term, Vic Books would love to raise our employee's wages to match the living wage.” “However, we operate in a very tight retail environment with short margins, as well as the normal running costs of a business, and a responsibility to our owners to operate the business sustainably.” While unspecified how long “long term” would be, Blyth indicated there was a wage review system. “Our wage rates are under regular review,” continued Blyth, “and we make increases as appropriate based on performance and level of responsibility and within parameters the business can sustain.”

“I’m not sure the profits of [Vic Books] do go back to VUWSA,” they continued. “It would be strange if VUWSA was advocating a living wage, but not for the people “I don't feel represented in the fight who [...] work for them.” The VUWSA Trust is responsible for managing and building finances used to support activities and businesses around the university.

because VUWSA, to my knowledge, hasn’t advocated for [Vic Books] staff to get paid a living wage.”

The source believes that the pay scheme at the store is an issue “because it is unclear and doesn’t seem to have any structure or system for justifying why people get paid what,” adding that there is “little transparency” from management. Similar transparency issues were raised by a tutor who anonymously submitted a statement for the recent Living Wage Day event. While Trust members are appointed by VUWSA, the Trust itself is responsible for assigning subsequent directors, who then manage Vic Books and its employees (including their wages). The VUWSA president and treasurer serve ex officio on the Trust. Responding to questions raised by Salient, Chairman of the VUWSA Trust Nick Green said “our objective is to grow Vic Books to return more dividends.”

In a statement to Salient, Living Wage Club President Richard Beere outlined how the club aimed to hold VUW accountable, despite the university using “third-party employers” as a scapegoat, allegedly using past contractors to explain away a lack of transparency.

“A huge part of being a living wage employer is employing workers, even contractors that are paid the living wage. The Living Wage Club at Vic is about campaigning for the university to be fair to all of their workers, including contractors.” He continued to say that, “in terms of scapegoating their responsibility, we would say that it is the Senior Leadership Team's responsibility to look into the contractors they hire and take a stand on how they treat their employees.” The Senior Leadership Team is liable for the contractors that they hire, “and they should do so with respect to the appropriate compassionate values,” remarked Beere. While VUWSA is not an accredited Living Wage employer, it is part of the Living Wage movement. However, it’s currently unclear to Salient if, and how, the student association could directly affect wage changes at Vic Books through their Trust.

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Politics. The Last Party Line If we've learned anything from politics, it’s that the ground we once thought was solid often is, in reality, quicksand. With this is mind, we are formally announcing the end of Party Line. Not to worry though, an appropriate replacement will be found—after all, there's always a bigger fish. For the section's untimely death, we invited the party wings to send in their thoughts, prayers, abuse, and goodbyes.

ACT on Campus Wellington

Greens@Vic

Well, here we are. The end of the Line. Firstly we’d like to say thank you to Salient (and the gc Johnny) for the opportunity to talk to the student body every week. Without Salient’s support, a lot of the voices in youth politics would fall on deaf ears. Basically, we loved being able to talk shit every week in written form. If there’s one thing we want to leave you all with, it’s that you should trust your friends, but not your governments. Because at the end of the day, ‘there ain't no such thing as a free lunch’.

Greens at Vic have appreciated the weekly opportunity to share our views on topical political issues. Frustrating the Green MPs, and having one of our Party Line responses quoted in parliament, holding the Minister of Justice to account, are certainly highlights! While we acknowledge the justifications for this section’s premature retirement, we are sad to see this section go. Keep up with us by following @vuwgreens on Insta, and @vicgreens on Facebook. Local body elections are fast approaching, the climate crisis isn’t slowing down, and too many families still live in poverty- let’s stay active and save our planet.

- Jackson Graham

VicNats

Well that’s all folks! From prison reform to environmental issues to the political scandal of the day, it’s been a blast to give you our thoughts on the world and we hope you’ve learned a little bit about what we stand for and our core beliefs. National will always be the party that believes in the individual's power to succeed, a hand up is always better than a hand out and small government is good government. So please, come say hi to us at clubs week, have our look at our election policies and as always, Party Vote National. - Grahame Woods

TOP on Campus

Young New Zealand First

VicLabour

It has been great to read the stance of many of the parties. Some values may align closer to one's fundamentals than the others. However, this doesn't excuse certain parties of their actions. Nor followers of their allegiances. Imagine if we had parties that went through with policy. Let alone us having the voice to stand up against those who seek to silence them (or cancel them). It's up to our generation to create the demand. To protest, be radical and most important of all... always blow on the pie.

First off, we'd like to thank the 5 psychos that read our party lines and converted to the sunny side. It’s been a pleasure writing for you as much as it has been a decadence causing ruckus amongst the Salient’s habitual journalism. It has been in our best intentions to provide insight to the youth voice of New Zealand First. Hopefully the message had gotten through, even at times when the editors culled our final two excess words and substituted it with a further dozen. And to finish this like other NZF meetings: ONWARDS AND UPWARDS.

A series of roasts: - The Party Line was as directionless as a Simon Bridges led National Party. - The Party Line was as much of a sham as our political system. - Let's be real who tf actually reads this. - Died today: The Party Line, of Kelburn. Died in the Facebook groups of half a dozen youth wings, of neglect. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you please give generously to Teri O’Neill for Eastern Ward: justinlester. org.nz/donate-teri. - Salient isn't even that good. - Salient is just a wannabe Critic (putting titties on your cover a week after them).

“I’m not voting for some silly foreigner who likes hanging out with prostitutes. He also hasn’t said anything against abortion or gay marriage, which is a big let-down for me, personally.”

While it appears as though He might need to up his Christian credentials, the Lamb of God has polled slightly better than his peers amongst the non-Christian demographic. Josh Smith, an 18-year-old Victoria University student, said that while he’d ordinarily have nothing to do with religion, he might just end up casting a vote for New Zealand’s first divine political candidate for “the usual reasons”. “Honestly, I’m all for any kind of party where the host can make free wine. And I guess literally anything is better than the Tamakis.”

JESUS CHRIST SUPER-NAH, SAVIOUR’S NEW POLITICAL PARTY MAY NEED MIRACLE

SALIENT’S TOP 10 LIST OF CRITIC’S TOP 10 LISTS

LIAM PO WELL

(N OT) J OH N N Y O’H AGAN B R E B N E R

Jesus Christ Himself to Lead Political Party in Upcoming Election; Still Unlikely to Break 5% Threshold

With space to fill, nothing better to do, and a beef to maintain, we present a list of Critic Te Arohi’s best bullshit rankings. Please note that these are actually real things they decided to publish:

A spokesangel for the Kingdom of Heaven confirmed last week that Jesus Christ will return to Earth after nearly 2000 years, in order to contest the New Zealand General Election in 2020.

1. Top 10 Scariest Things from My Childhood that I've Tried to Repress: #10, a bigger twist than Iron Man using the Infinity Gauntlet to reverse The Snap in Avengers: Endgame. (10/10)

Mr Christ, a 2019-year old tradie hailing from PalestineIsraelPalestineIsraelPalestine the Middle East, has already had a notable political career, with at least one major global religion made out in His name.

2. Top 10 Things to Say As You Cum: #7, cat saying “yaaaaas”. (9/10)

At a press conference shortly after the announcement, the Son of God stated that He had heard through divine channels that New Zealand was apparently in dire need of a Christian political party.

3. Top 10 Mysteries of Otago University: #8, because they’re 98 and still living in Dunedin. (7/10)

“I had a bit of free time and couldn’t see anyone else more qualified, so after a quick chat with the Heavenly Father, the Immigration Minister, and the Electoral Commissioner, I was good to go.”

4. Top 10 Ways to Get in Your Lecturer’s Good Books: #6, shoutout to the LAWS 211 lecturer who apparently failed his own niece. (6/10) 5. 10 Ways to Die on a Lime: #2, the Leith isn’t a bad river and you should feel bad. (5/10)

While some political pundits lauded the move, most were concerned that it would be unlikely to pay off for the relative outsider, given the recent explosion of Christian or Christianadjacent parties, such as the New Conservatives, Destiny Church’s Coalition Party, and the Temporarily Suspended Alfred Ngaro Party™.

6. Top 10 Ways to Pay Off Your Student Loan: #7, $20K is a fucking tiny student loan. (4/10) 7. Top 10 Ways to Remind your Flatmate to do their Dishes: Assuming you’re not the flatmate not doing the dishes. (4/10)

Even long-time friend and colleague Simon Peter repeatedly denied any support for the new party.

8. Top 10 ways to tell someone you have an STI: #9, I really fucking need Dunedin to stop pumping out surf rock, do not do this. (1/10)

“What we’re getting is a pretty saturated market, and this Jesus fellow is going to have to bring a lot more to the table to get a seat than just redeeming everyone in the country from their sins,” warned political observer Bryce Edwards.

9. Top 10 Ways to Disappoint Your Parents: Omitted “writing for Critic”. (0/10)

These views were certainly reflected in the street. Deidre Cartwright, 64, of Tauranga said that while she would most definitely vote for a Christian party at the upcoming election, she’d give Mr Christ a miss.

10. Top 10 Ways to Fall in Love With Your Flatmate: #8, Die. (-100/10)

“When you claim you "love Fleabag," please remember that Phoebe Waller-Bridge's glances to the camera are for me alone. This is a private friendship and you are intruding on it.” - @louisvirtel

“So the big news in my life is that I downloaded Sims 4. Also the big news in my life is that I’ve executed two art forgeries and set the oven on fire.” - @amulledwhine

CALL ME TWEET ME IF YOU WANNA REACH ME

“I wish we as a society could mock all of Elon Musk's snake oil monorail nonsense without a bunch of bootlicking soylent nerds hopping up into our mentions comparing a high speed single car death tunnel to the moon landing” - @kendrawcandraw

TWEETS L O V INGLY HAND-CURAT ED BY EM M A M AGUIRE

@em_ma_maguire

“The phrase gal pals is short for Galbert Palberts, the first woman to be good friends with another woman” - @_jimmyfranks

“WELLINGTONIANS: YES I KNOW WE ALL LOVE BLACK BUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO WALK/RUN/CYCLE ACROSS ROADS AFTER DARK (WHICH IS 5PM NOW LET’S BE REAL) PLEASE WEAR SOME REFLECTIVES BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT ‘WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS’ IS JUST ‘GET RUN OVER’ YOU ABSOLUTE WALNUTS” - @ColeyTangerina

“sorry I’m late I went to go hand in my essay but got held up waiting for the girl in front of me to get the perfect boomerang of her essay sliding into the submission box” - @badbunny_stan

“Girls don’t want boys girls want Dr. Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park” - @Addison_Peacock

“So weird incel moby has written in his memoir that he stared at a sex worker at 1am outside King Cross station and imagined them falling in love over their “mutual brokenness" and I'm sorry, but that is the smallest dick energy I've ever heard of” - @KateElzb

“most dangerous thing you can say in a chippy is “can a get a lot a salt please”. an actual death sentence. a said it once n the cunt might as well have took the fucking lid off n started smacking the bottom. prolly took 20 year off ma life expectancy” - @Butsay_

“so hot when the snapper reader doesn’t tell me to check my balance when getting off the bus” - @bitterdeluxe

Features

To everyone I lost to incarceration: The worst thing about prison is the unknowns. I haven’t been to prison. I don’t have a criminal record—but you do. You’re not currently incarcerated, but will be soon. Or, you’re about to enter the system again. Or can’t afford to make any more mistakes… Or, are living out your life, ruined inside. As if predestined by a higher power, you, and everybody else, take your turn to be institutionalised, and come out as a ward of the system, your lives no longer your own.

I believe you, because, like I said, I love you. And I will love you forever, which means I want more for you than you can want or see for yourself. Love is blindly patient, so what you do might hurt my heart, but I won’t close it off to you. And though I have to change my sender’s address when I write to you—letters to Rimutaka or Whanganui sent from a PO box, in case you make the decision to visit and your reality is too different to mine—do not be offended. If you are still awash in the miasma of drugs that drove you to do what you did, I will not reject you, nor look down on you. I will do my best to give you what you need, though I do not think I will be enough.

We all know that decisions have consequences. And you, too, knew that only ill would come from the decisions you made. “Do the crime, do the time.” Which is fine, I guess, for someone who’s never done either.

So until we meet again I’ll keep you close, Across my chest and under my shirt. And though my arms were too skinny to hold us all up, that grief is too heavy to bench-press, no matter how many reps you do.

But you were taught to take, take everything you could, because nothing was given to you. So it makes sense. To make that decision, to take chances. And what’s a life without a risk anyway?

And I can’t break bars to see you again, no matter how many times I leap in to sparring, as if through violence I could hurt someone enough to bring you back. My knuckles bear the reminders of every misguided attempt to explain why I am here and you are not. I can’t compromise myself anymore, join you in that dark place while trying to reconcile why I let you slip away.

But that risk was different for you. Your margin for error was that much smaller, because who can make perfect decisions under immense pressure all of the time? Add in poor mental health and a drug habit, and suddenly that risk, well, it overwhelms the decision. Sucks you in, becomes the only option ‘till the idea of a conscious decision is moot. A lot of the pain is in the waiting. Waiting to see where you will end up, waiting to see what you’ve been given. Waiting to find out when we will meet again, if we will meet again. What will become of you, another lab rat in a dark corner of the New Zealand-sponsored Serco incarceration experiment.

After all, what good would it be if I ended up in the same position? You see, being convicted of a crime is like dying, and the prison term like the cemetery—except you get to see who comes and tends to your burial plot, who cleans the headstone, who lays flowers on your grave. If I too, sat in a 6 x 4 cell, six feet under, who would look after the graves? Who would visit, to love and lose anew each time?

My memory of you and who we used to be will no longer be reality. This is something I have come to expect. Prison will change you, terraform you into a person you didn’t have to be—but became regardless, because you didn’t have a choice. Because the drugs forced you into action. I don’t condone that action. But you did what you had to do, and I respect your decision, and love you nonetheless. Because it was you or them, and so it had to be you to survive. If you tell me you didn’t mean to do it, you didn’t do it. I will believe you; you are right. You were never wrong. You made some decisions that had bad consequences, but I cannot see you as wrong. I love you too much for that.

This is to all of my brothers locked up; for our 10,435 unknown warriors, lost in the system. Te mamae nei a te pōuri nui Tēnei rā e te tau Auē hoki mai rā ki te kāinga tūturu E tatari atu nei ki a koutou Ngā tau roa I ngaro atu ai te aroha E ngau kino nei i ahau auē taukuri ē

Seven years is a long time. It seems longer, knowing you would be eligible for parole sooner, had you actually taken another person’s life. And even when you are eligible for parole, the likelihood of receiving it isn’t high. After all, institutionalisation doesn’t mean you’re safe. You will do what you have to do, just as you’ve always done. And if that leads to more negative consequences, then so be it. I don’t blame you, it had to be done.

The great pain we feel Is for you who were our future Come back return home We have waited for you Through the long years you were away Sorrow aches within me

Features I’ve known my best friend for 20 years. It’s like we were made for each other. We both love talking and reading and running. We can be quiet together. When she starts crying, sometimes I can’t stop. We’ve shared so much that sometimes I look into her eyes and know exactly what she’s thinking, because I’m thinking it too. I make more sense when I’m around her. My best friend goes to uni in Otago. I saw her a few months ago, and we spent two weeks together. I got to meet some of her friends, who are lovely, and I am glad that she is happy. Of course, I miss her desperately. My best friend is my twin sister. When we are together, I feel more whole, more known. Sometimes I feel like I don’t need anyone else—and that the people who know me without knowing her know only a sliver of who I am. Shar, my twin, is my baseline: the friendship against which all the others are judged. None of my other friendships are like the one with her. Though I cherish my friends in Wellington and beyond, I feel guilty that these friendships aren’t built on shared experiences and values to the same degree. Can anyone really know me without knowing my twin sister? I wanted to know if my experience of friendships as a twin was unique. Do other twins also find that their idea of friendship is shifted by having a twin? Are other twins friends with their twins? I spoke to nine twins—well, eight twins (including my own) and one set of triplets—about friendships, identity, comparison, and competition. My twin sister and I shared our first friend, according to our parents. The friend was imaginary, because we lived on a lifestyle block hours from anyone else our age. For a few weeks, we chatted incessantly to this imaginary person. Then their disembodied appeal diminished, and we returned, as we always will, to each other. There is something inherently fascinating about twins. My sister, Shar, says this is “[twins] are common enough that people know what it is, but rare enough that people are interested.” According to Statistics New Zealand, twins and other multiple births make up 1.5–2% of all births in the country. That means that 1.5% to 2% of the population has a predetermined best friend and partner in crime. Many of them stay close. I talked to several twins about how being a twin impacts their identity and friendships. Fa’a Tau, 20, is an identical twin. He likes to write, and he tells me that he’s written a poem about his relationship with his twin. “My best mate before I ever knew I had one,” reads the first line. Jacqui Gatfield-Jeffries, a fraternal twin, tells me that she considers her twin her best friend, but “[a]bove that, [my twin is] a person that I feel fully safe with and can be entirely myself.” Meg Gavigan is very close to her twin sister. “When we were younger, we lost our mum, so ever since that we were 19

forced to rely on each other,” Meg says. They both study the same degree—Commerce—and are in all the same classes. From sharing a room at boarding school to flatting together now, Meg and Lucy have always been inseparable. But that doesn’t necessarily translate to friendship. “I don’t consider her as a friend, I just do everything with her.” When Meg has problems, she doesn’t share them with her twin. Instead, for the kind of stuff that she wouldn’t tell her parents, she shares with other friends, not her twin. “I trust my friends more to keep [secrets] than her.” If she tells her twin, then word might get around to her twin’s boyfriend and his friends. Marc Wilson, a psychology professor at VUW, says these relationships can be understood through attachment theory. “Indeed, from about three years old, twins are more likely to use their sibling as an attachment figure than non-twinned siblings, and the nature of attachment development appears different [for twins].” For me, the best part of being a twin is that there is someone who is willing to put up with my endless inanity. I trust Shar to care about the minutiae of my life, the fragmentary thoughts and peculiar plans. I can rehash conversations with her, tell her about ridiculous dreams, and make references without having to explain myself. I am also dependent on Shar, in ways that I realise much more when we are apart. I trust her so totally, that I sometimes feel like I can only understand myself when I’m around her; that other friends may not want to hear about me as much as she does. I don’t know how much of that is being a twin, and how much of it is who I am—the two are impossible to separate—but my identity as a twin is utterly integral to who I am and who I am becoming, and writing this has shown me that I am not alone. Jenny Argyle, a twin who is studying for a Master of Education at Vic, says “you don’t feel like you have to make as much effort with other people, especially if something goes wrong, because you have someone to fall back on. And that person is going to be doing things you want to do, while most of the time saying the things you want to hear.” Like Jenny, always having Shar means that I am disincentivised to resolve problems in my friendships; slow to be vulnerable with those with whom I didn’t share a womb. Zach Williams, a twin double-majoring in Computer and Information Systems, trusts his brother implicitly. He isn’t as good at asking for help from others. “I find it really difficult [to reach out for help from other students]. Do I trust what you’re giving me?... I've known you for two years, but can I trust your opinion?” On the flip side, most twins see separation as a way to challenge that co-dependency. The disentangling is inevitable: sooner or later, you can’t do everything together. Most of the twins I spoke to who no longer lived with their twins said that space from each other had been good for them.

Shanti Mathias Being treated as interchangeable can be a struggle for twins, and they work to differentiate themselves. Marc Wilson says that “one of the challenges for anybody is to develop a sense of independent self, the line where you begin and others end, and it's not unreasonable to think this could be compromised when any child is made to feel interchangeable, or treated as inseparable from someone else.” As a twin, you know who you are, but your identity forms in relationship to someone else—cemented by constant comparison from others.

For what it’s worth, by the end of high school six years later, I wasn’t particularly close to any of the other members of the Twins Club.

These sharp edges of comparison can often be a downside. For Zach, this manifested academically and beyond. “My mum used to say that we were in heated competition as friends and as brothers.” He competed with his twin over scholarships to university, school awards, and video games. Now they compare how much university work they have to do, and Zach says that his brother (who studies Mechatronic Engineering) always tells him that, with a double science degree, Zach has nothing to complain about. Competition can be a constant. Ironically, though they live apart, playing video games now helps keep them connected.

Zach has found that since separating from his twin and their mutual friend group, he has developed his own set of friends, but it took time and energy—more than he was expecting. “For the first four or five months, I didn’t have any friends in Wellington… I feel like I’m a very social person, but it didn’t bother me.” He would call his parents, his partner, and his brother, and that was enough.

Sarah Harvey, a triplet who has an identical sister and a brother who was born at the same time, finds that comparison is the most painful aspect of being a twin. She says comparisons are “always negative! Like saying one’s fatter than the other, one’s better looking, and so on.” Moving beyond comparison takes time and energy, but that’s what friends are for. Meg Gavigan says that her friends see her as an individual, not a twin. “People say they don’t even consider us twins anymore because we have different personalities, and once you get to know us, we look different.” Interchangeability can be fun, of course—I (and several other twins I spoke to) have tried, on occasion, to swap places with our twins. But as Wilson points out, it can also alter your sense of self. When she was younger, Jenny felt that she was on the 'Jenny and Rosie Show'. Because she looks similar to her sister, she often finds that relationships stumble when people think they’ve been ignored by her—when it was actually her sister they saw. I, too, often felt like Shar and I were lumped together; that acquaintances wouldn’t take the time to learn that I speak fast, and Shar is more susceptible to peer pressure. And sometimes the grouping becomes meta—twins are lumped together with other twins. When I was around 12, a guidance counsellor with too much time on her hands decided to convene a Twins Club for the six sets of twins at our school. We filtered into a classroom after school and drank mango tang, and were asked to discuss what it was like to be a twin, draw pictures about our feelings about being a twin, talk about our differences and similarities. At the end of about six weeks, we ate pizza from cardboard boxes and watched The Parent Trap together. While this was well-intentioned, I wonder if it further reinforced the idea that as twins, we were different to everyone else. 20

As part of the work of differentiation, it’s important for twins to have both mutual and separate friends. Tau said that “although I don’t mind having the same mates as my twin, I definitely have my own who are different in thinking and speaking and give me more to see in the world.”

While Isabelle McNeur, a fraternal twin who studies creative writing and English literature, thinks it’s important for her friends to know her twin, she sometimes felt possessive over her friends, especially as she went to a different high school. “I would get a friend and then they'd come over and Evid [her twin] would chat to them and I would be like, 'Stop taking my friends!’” Friends are not possessions, but with twins, things can get tangly: questions of ownership and identity, comparison and differentiation, feeling both reluctant and glad, are themes that loop again and again in conversations about and with twins. In this spirit of sharing, I interviewed my sister for this article, because I thought that she deserved a voice in this piece. I asked her, my best friend, why we decided to separate—a decision that haunts me every day. Whenever I talk to her on the phone, I wonder if I should just say ‘screw it’ and move to Otago. I want to live next door to her in the future, and I worry that by going to different unis and pursuing different degrees, we’ve shifted our trajectories so there is no chance of that ever happening. Shar said that we knew we were going to separate. Our mutual conviction to go to different universities catalysed that inevitability. And we’ve made lives apart, but they are lives peppered by frequent texts and phone calls and visits as often as we can manage. Maybe most families do this, call it growing up—but with twins, it is that much more acute, the threads we tie around each other pulled and stretched and warped, but never released. Once, Shar told me, “I felt like I didn’t need anyone else, because I had you.” Now she has “very great friends, but it’s just a different relationship.” We are learning to live apart, accept that relationships with other people will never look like what we are to each other. Without a twin, I might have had different friendships—but without a twin, I would only have known one kind of friendship.

e t a l o o t t o it’s n l l a h a n i to live

afoprptrlyimesnteorw2! victoria.ac.nz/accommodation

“My overall student experience definitely lifted after moving in to a hall.” —Bronny

Get the full Univeristy experience. Victoria University of Wellington has many accommodation options that provide support, community, and a great foundation for a successful academic career—no matter whether you are coming from Avondale, Auckland or Avalon, Lower Hutt. Applications are open for Victoria University of Wellington halls of residence in Trimester 2. Choosing hall life in the first year of study has many advantages for your academic, social, and personal development. Bronny spent her first trimester living at home in Seatoun. Although she enjoyed her studies and university life, she felt she was missing out. Bronny decided to step out of her comfort zone and moved into a hall of residence in the second trimester, choosing Capital Hall as her home for the rest of her first year. “My overall student experience definitely lifted after moving in to a hall. As I became familiar with other hall students and staff members, there were more friendly faces around and I felt extra settled and comfortable.” She also found that events such as hall-organised quizzes and competitions, as well as socialising with fellow residents, helped her bond with other students, and boosted her academic performance. “I met many students studying the same courses, which really helped me academically.” Location was a big factor too. “Last-minute catch-up classes or study meetups with friends were also more accessible as I was so close to the University.” There was an added bonus that any first-year student can appreciate: “Even if I woke up late, I would still be able to make my lectures and classes on time.” Bronny met people whom she would never have crossed paths with or grown close to, had adventures in the city, and felt truly connected to the University and her community. “It is a big decision and there are many factors to consider, but the supportive environment made me feel looked after and part of something bigger.”

Features CW: Depression, Suicidality "Please tell me you are doing really well and are fantastically happy." The message popped up on my phone with all the gravitas of an emoticon, but the content had my heart sinking. It had been a few days since I last heard from him, and I'd hoped in the interim that he'd been doing okay. But this message confirmed what I'd been trying to pretend I didn't know: William's depression was back, and I didn't have a clue what to do about it. Ignoring the elephant in the room and replying as if this was a normal message wasn't an option. That would betray a friendship that had survived years apart, distance, family crises, and the latter years of a private school education which was the equivalent of hell, if the devil ranked souls on how physically attractive they are. Crucially, William and I had been here before: We'd both once been suicidal. But we'd faced the big black dog of depression together, and we'd won. Now, I'd been depression-free for three years, and he was facing it alone. Good mental health is something I'll never take for granted. After years of feeling like I was suffocating my way through life, like I was numb to everything, like there was no longer any point in going onâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;I managed to break free. My mum took me to Malaysia to see an energy kinesiologist. I was incredibly skeptical at first, but they managed to voodoo the depression out of me, essentially. It's a long story. My point is: recovering from depression was one of the biggest turning points of my life. It was like feeling the sun on my skin after a suffocatingly long time underwater. It was a life in black and white suddenly turning back to colour. It was waking up Tigger when I'd fallen asleep Eeyore. It. was. glorious. The best part about suddenly realising I was depression-free was the hope. Hope came flooding back into my bones, pushing me to do something, to be someone. I can't even explain to you the sheer joy of waking up in the morning and feeling nothing but sheer joy. I wanted that for William so badly, but I didn't know how to get him there. Short of sending him to Malaysia to see the Dragon Lady (energy kinesiologist), I couldn't help him escape the way I had. Plus, we were currently living in two different cities, leading very different lifestyles. I felt powerless. What can we do as friends, to help each other out of the depression hole? What can we do for a friend with anxiety? In an attempt to figure out the answers to these all-important questions, I invited my closest friends with mental illnesses to a roundtable talk (read: a night out on Courtenay Place). My plan was for all of us to get to grips with our issues (read: get tipsy), and open up with each other (read: go to karaoke) before coming to a collaborative conclusion about my problem: How can we all do better? Our epic night of depression and anxiety would kill two birds with one stone, I reasoned; it would bring about answers, but it would also get my friends out of the house. Isn't that part of what you're supposed to do, get depressed people up and moving?

It was a brilliant plan, but we fell at the first hurdle: no one actually showed up. The night rolled around, but no one rolled out. Instead, they all sent me their apologies and stayed home. And I couldn't blame them. That's exactly what I would have done, back when my depression was so bad I didn't have the energy to leave the house. So in the absence of anyone else to talk to, I went back to the darkest period of my life in search for answers. What had helped me when I was depressed? What made me feel like life was worth living? These are difficult questions to answer, when you are no longer in that headspace. Depressed Preya is now a foreign entity to me, a stranger I hope to never meet again. She'd been hampered in part by a family that ignored the problem, hoping it would go away, and her own lack of motivation, because, well, depression. But the reaction of her friends was the beginning of change for the better. They had accepted what she'd felt, let her talk and vent and cry as she needed to, and then ditched class to take her to the counsellor's office. Over that summer, William had been there every day with her, sitting around doing nothing. They'd curled up on the couch together with their friend Sam, watching movie after movie after movie because depressed Preya couldn't garner the energy to do much else. They'd once managed a slow amble down the road, where they collapsed in the grass together and took photos in the dying light of the summer sun. Another time, she'd even fallen asleep on them, and they didn't move her because "you needed to rest". She'd almost cried at that. "I have to thank you," I'd once told William, many years and memories after the fact. "You were there for me when I needed someone the most." "Actually, you were there for me." Here we are now, years later, with the same uphill battle in front of usâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;only I'm not there with him for movie nights and grass stains and to be a human pillow. The kilometres between us seem insurmountable, and I feel so helpless in the face of all he's feeling. All I can really do is offer him the same acceptance he once offered me. So I keep my phone on me at all times, and flick him a message whenever I can. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Steffie Padmos, Inclusive Museum, Dig

gital Illustration, 297 x 420 mm, 2018

Aasha Parle

Let’s go back to the not-so-distant past of 2018. The main character of this story, yours truly, was sitting in a bar with her good friend, lamenting the lack of suitable one-night companions. How did I get there? Well, my boyfriend of one-and-a-half years had broken up with me two months earlier and I was loving—and I mean loving—the single life and my newfound freedom. This involved me going out to the bar/pub/club on most weekends, and even some weeknights! My (also recently single) bar-buddy became friends with the various bartenders around the place, who enjoyed listening to our stories of hook-ups and bad Tinder dates.

films with titles like “milf threesome double penetration gang bang extravaganza” and didn’t really appeal to me. Turns out, I didn’t need to worry. Once we got to my room, J and I laid T on the bed and told him to watch as we started making out and taking each other's clothes off. Things seemed to flow really naturally, and soon we were all tumbling about and enjoying ourselves. Afterwards, we swapped numbers and promised to keep in touch.

We didn’t always go out to get laid. We often just danced, talked, drank, and people-watched. But we did get lucky, and in my case, doubly so.

I woke up the next morning, unsure if the events of last night had actually transpired. When I rolled over to check my phone, I could confirm the events of last night were a reality, as J and T had both texted, thanking me for the previous night and asking me to go to dinner.

B and I rocked up to our favourite cocktail bar and grabbed a table upstairs when a beautiful girl, J, came and sat across from us. I immediately got some vibes from her, so I struck up a conversation. We were both into tattoos, pottery, and were interested in the zero-waste movement—we hit it off. I was hopeful that I may have actually met someone I might be interested in dating. And if she wasn’t into ladies, she would be a pretty cool friend to have. However, these hopes were dashed when her boyfriend T showed up.

And thus began my life as part of a polyamorous throuple. We would go out for dinner (they would pay, since I was a poor student at the time). We would laugh, drink, and bang. This whole arrangement worked perfectly for us. Both J and I were bisexual women, and T loved having two ladies giving him some TLC. They got to enjoy a functioning and loving couple dynamic, and I was free to stay uncommitted and focus all my mental and emotional energy into my third year of university, rather than a partner.

I tried to hide my disappointment and continued to dazzle them both with my tipsy babbling, regaling them with my Tinder nightmares... when J mentioned that she and T had used Tinder to try to find a girl who would like to join them for a threesome.

But, as the old cliché goes, all good things must come to an end. I started noticing T giving me more attention, texting me more often, and focussing on me more than J during sex. It was clear he was starting to prefer spending time with me, since he tried to organise meetups where it was just us two.

I couldn’t believe my luck! I had always fantasised about being the meat in a bisexual threesome sandwich, and now I had a chance to make it a reality.

Once this started happening, I decided I had to end it. I wasn’t going to be the reason a loving couple broke up, and I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with T. So one weekend when T and J invited me out to dinner, I declined and told them that I was going to spend more time focussing on uni and finishing my degree.

I turned to B to let her know my plan and ask if she would be okay getting home without me (girls gotta stick together). As it turned out, she had met a nice boy and gave me her blessing to go and live my vivacious truth. At this point, I had finished three gimlets and two shots of Chartreuse, which explained my boldness in telling J to grab T and follow me. Luckily, I lived just down the road from the bar, and both of my flatmates would be asleep by this point. The whole way home, I was running through how I was going to make this work. I had seen some threesome porn, but these were highly produced 27

They took it well. I deleted their numbers, and they never texted me back afterwards. I like to think things are amicable between us, and, according to Instagram, the two of them are still together and loving it. I don’t regret a moment of being in a throuple. I loved the attention, the sex, and the time we all spent together just shooting the shit and being friends. If the opportunity presents itself, go for it. You never know what kind of friends you might make on the way.

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NĀ JADE GIFFORD

AN ODE TO THE AUNTIES When most people think of friendship, they probably don’t think about their own family members. But when I was asked to write on the kaupapa of ‘friendship’, you know who popped into mind? AUNTIES. Yup you read that right. “Aunty”, “auntie”, “aunt”, “whaea kēkē” or “the kuia that you call ‘aunty’ because she’s low-key old af and at this stage, it would be weird not to”.... This is for you. In Māori whānau, aunties play unique roles in bringing up children. Like the old saying goes—“it takes a village to raise a child” or, in my case, it takes AUNTIES, lots of aunties. Aunties, in my opinion, are the most underrated friends in the world. I myself, as both a professional aunty and painin-the-ass niece, feel like I’m the best person to provide some insight into why this relationship is so hella special. Reasons why aunty–niece friendships are the best: 1. Remember those times when you felt sick at school but you knew your mum wouldn’t pick you up? The answer is 0800 PHONE-UR-AUNTY. Because you know she’ll be there before the nurse even has the chance to grab an ice pack… for your hayfever… (because those fix everything, apparently). 2. Aunties’ houses are often places of refuge— specifically for wayward nieces and nephews. The best thing is there’s no shame or pretences; you can just rock up. Fight with your siblings? Go to aunty’s. A bad break-up? Go to aunty’s. Need help with your homework? Go to your fricken aunty’s. 3. Aunties are not as immature as your cousins (JK, not all I have a one-month-old aunty lol (#justbrownippletingz)). So not only can they be your best mates, they can also give you parental advice on things, without the added judgement of actually being your parent.

4. Aunties are the queens of “firsts”. I don’t know about you, but an aunty gave me my first ciggie, first drink, first talk about periods, first M-rated movie… Aunties make you feel safe to try new things because you know they’ve got your back one hunnit, and most importantly, they won’t tell your mum (because they’ll get in trouble too). 5. Another reason is that anyone can really be your aunty. I probably have over 100 aunties, and that’s because the category is in no way limited to parents’ sisters. Your mum’s girlfriends, your aunty’s girlfriends, the older female relatives who you’re not sure how you’re exactly related to… All aunties. The possibilities are endless and also hard to keep track of, so you better bet that if a familiar looking Māori woman comes up to me in the supermarket, I’m definitely gonna say “Kia ora Aunty”. 6. As an aunty, I get to have all my child-bearing inclinations fulfilled through my nieces and nephews. I get to watch them grow, teach them things, spoil them… and then give them back to their parents! Ummmm, dream or what? On the real though, my nieces and nephews bring so much light into my life. I literally have withdrawals just thinking about them. Okay imma stop now before I have a fat cry. But anyway, those are the reasons why I think aunties are the best, most underrated people. And why I think my best friends in the world are my aunties and nieces—friends can come and go, but family remains, always. And to the best aunty of them all, my Aunty Andy—thank you for all the laughs, the cries, and the aroha. Thanks for inspiring me to write this piece, miss you. Rest in paradise.

SASHA BEATTIE

Dearest Kii, I know my column was due three days ago, and I’m sorry I didn’t get it in on time, but I’m nothing if not consistent, so I’ll go out exactly how I started—staring at the same sentence for days and getting nowhere: What are you trying to say? Because this is it, the end of an era, the last ever installment of Shit Chat. And I’m struggling with this one. Lord knows sincerity isn’t my forté, but I can’t bring myself to be a facetious little dipshit today. I don’t know how to articulate how much this magazine means to me, how much the people that make this magazine mean to me, how much you mean to me. It’s a rare occasion when this loud-mouthed bitch is lost for words, but here we are. I keep hearing your voice in my head telling me to keep it simple, so I guess all I’m trying to say is: Thank you. You know perhaps more intimately than most that I fucking hated my time at university. I spent five years here with undiagnosed ADHD, spiralling in and out of a pit of selfloathing, hating myself for struggling with tasks that everyone else found simple. Salient was one of three constants during my time at Vic, alongside marginal mental health and a vehement disdain for Campus Security’s crusade against cigarettes. Salient has consistently been the one ray of light in the darkness my brain encompassed me in.

But Salient is nothing but a culmination of its people, and I am so deeply grateful it has you. Thank you for projecting oftenneglected voices that deserve to be heard. You and Taylor have led a team that facilitates thoughtful, insightful, important content. Thank you for your vision, your candor, your vulnerability. You have succeeded in what many past editors have tried and failed to do—you have created something genuinely meaningful, you have used your platform to lift others up, you have created a legacy that will persist long after you move on. I am so fucking proud of you. I, too, am nothing but a culmination of the people around me, and I am so deeply grateful to have you. Thank you for your relentless energy, your wisdom, your compassion. Thank you for letting me vent, complain, overshare, use this space in lieu of a therapist. Thank you for being my biggest fan, even before you controlled those decisions. Thank you for being there for me at my very lowest. You have shaped me more than you will ever know. I love you so fucking much. I know both you and Salient are going to feel the loss of Taylor acutely, but I have more faith in you than I’ve ever had in an editor—certainly more than I’ve ever had in a straight man. You are not without fault, but you are capable. You are formidable. You got this, baby gurl. Thank you, Kii, for everything. I’m so glad I got to finish this with you at the helm. I’m going to miss you and this stupid fucking magazine so fucking much. Stay healthy, stay handsome. Shit Chat over and out. Love you, XOXO

ALICE MANDER

In a recent Dr Phil episode, our favourite pseudo-intellectual asked his audience members if they would ever enter into a relationship with someone who is disabled. 58% said they would date a wheelchair user, and 29% said they would date a person requiring full-time care. He then told his guest, a young woman in a relationship with a disabled man— “You can be his lover, or you can be his caregiver, but you can’t be both… It won’t work, 100 out of 100 times this won’t work.” I hadn’t planned on writing about this topic. Firstly, I don’t have a caregiver of any sort, so I don’t really understand the caregiver dynamic. Secondly, I’m not in a relationship. But then I got to thinking about the theme ‘friendship’ and began to wonder how ableism may have harmfully impacted on modern-day relationships. The last few years have seen calls of “self-care” eating away at our wallets and doubling our Netflix watch-time. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be the first person to tell you that you can’t love anyone else before you love yourself, that codependency is a recipe for instability, and that you’re wasting your emotional energy on sad bois telling you their life stories when you meet them at parties. But I do grieve the way capitalism and colonialism has shat on other, more community-focussed ways of life to create an individualised dog-eat-dog society. The fear of being a burden in a friendship or a relationship is universal, regardless of disability. When Dr Phil said that 100% of relationships involving both love and caregiving will fail, I wonder what his relationships look like. Because what kind of relationship doesn’t involve caregiving?

Society is constantly sending us messages that we can only rely on ourselves. The competitiveness of courses like Law and Medicine at university encourages us to hide our notes from our friends. The breakdown of the welfare state reminds us that our community is not there to fall back on. The “self-care” culture scares us off from leaning on our mates in times of need. Disabled people disproportionately bear the brunt of this fear. I’ve mentioned it before, but we often feel a need to overperform in both our personal lives and professional lives to ‘compensate’ for the feared burden, a burden that Dr Phil perpetuates. What Dr Phil may have been trying to say, and what is true, is that relationships require balance, which maybe this particular relationship lacked. But to suggest that a relationship with a disabled person is inherently imbalanced suggests disabled people have nothing to offer. A healthy friendship is one that takes turns doing the caretaking. If your friends aren’t willing to go that extra mile at times when you need it, whether that be physical help or emotional, then the problem isn’t that you are “burdening” them. The problem is that they probably just aren’t your friend. So, please, know your worth and never feel that you are not enough. At the same time, go that extra mile for the friend who needs it today. If they are really your friend, they’ll do it for you too. Helen Keller was once asked whether she desired her sight more than anything in the world. Her alleged—never trust the internet—response? “No! No! I would rather walk with a friend in the dark than walk alone in the light.”

SWAT

MAU RI OR A

ALEX WALKER

JESSICA LA

“We’re just friends.”

At university we are surrounded by new people all the time. Although the potential to meet new people is very exciting, it can also feel overwhelming and heighten existing feelings of loneliness.

“Let’s be more than friends.” There’s a lot of discourse in our society that frames friendship as a limited love, as though it sits firmly under familial love and romantic love. This has never sat well with me—many of my most passionate bonds with others have been found under the context of friendship, and I think that spending time placing love into a hierarchy is to lose sight of what love is all about to begin with.

Don’t be hard on yourself if you are finding it hard to reach out. Many people feel the same—research shows that young people feel more isolated than older adults. University students have a lot to juggle and it’s easy to avoid or prioritise other things over building connections with others.

I think this discourse can particularly affect guys, so I’d like to say this: don’t be afraid to say “I love you” to your mates. I think we as men can struggle to show affection like that, and it’s a heartbreaking thing. I know it can be uncomfortable. I often struggle to say it to my guy friends, and I tell myself that it’s okay because surely they know, and maybe they do. But there is value in being open about our love for one another. There’s value in knowing someone loves you because they’ve told you so, and there’s value in telling someone how you feel.

But just like eating well, exercising, or making a study plan, building connections with others is important for wellness and mental health. It can help counteract feelings of loneliness and isolation and increase your sense of belonging, purpose, and self-worth. Friendships can also relieve stress and help you cope. Why not set some time aside to foster connection? The quality of friendships is important, as people with many social connections still report feeling lonely. Spend some time this week nurturing existing relationships. Reach out to an old friend and go for a walk together. It can also be exciting and fulfilling to build new friendships. Try saying ‘hi’ to that person you sit by in tutorials each week but have never had an actual conversation with.

A lot of “guy culture”—and student culture in general—is rooted in cynicism and banter. These are not objectively bad traits, but often they inadvertently drown out earnestness and passion. We can forget to stop and tell our friend that we appreciate who they are. We forget to put into words the love we feel. Maybe it’s because there isn’t an expectation of that, like there is in romantic relationships. But maybe there should be.

There are also places at Vic that offer opportunities to connect with others: If you don’t quite feel up to talking people but would like to be in a social space and release some endorphins, try a group fitness class at the Recreation centre for $5 a casual class, or $4.99 for a weekly membership.

We’re in a snapshot moment right now. A moment of late-night essays, awkward tutorial icebreakers, mountains of readings, and half-price sushi. It can be hard to remember that one day these will all be memories—which might sound a bit dramatic, but I only say it to emphasise our need to be strong in our connections with each other.

Wanting a safe, welcoming place where you can study, meet new people, and have a free hot drink or piece of fruit? Check out the Bubble!

To any of my friends reading this article, new and old: I love you dearly, and I appreciate the time we spend together.

Volunteering or joining a club is a great way to meet like-minded people. It’s not too late to check out what is available through Vic or in the community. Reach out and see how it goes!

V UWSA

T HE F WORD

DELIA FU

TARA O SUILLEABHAIN

Friendship!

CW: Sexual Violence

For many, university is the time we form life-long friendships and relationships with those around us. In fact, the whole concept is promoted pretty hard when you first get to halls or lectures, as everyone is telling you that this is the chance to meet new people and form new bonds. But this can also be pretty daunting when you're surrounded with thousands of new faces.

Heading into my second year of uni and moving further into adulthood, I’ve realised how important my girlfriends are. Things became really serious, really quickly. One minute you’re telling your friend about your crush, and the next, she’s talking about the man who drugged her. Instead of helping your friend with her homework, you’re helping her write a formal statement to her workplace where she was sexually harassed.

I like to think that every day is a chance to meet new people and potentially forge new friendships. Last week, we had the launch of #itooamvic in The Hub, a celebration of culture and diversity here at Victoria University. #itooamvic brought everyone together by something we all love: food. Through celebrating our university’s diversity and culture, we also found ourselves celebrating friendship and love.

Rather than catching up for a film, you’re attending her court date, and instead of meeting up for coffee, you’re her support person at her workplace disciplinary meeting. And there she sits across from you on the couch, encouraging you while you’re in nothing but a towel, crying because your doctor increased your antidepressants and you haven’t slept in three days. Being an adult can be ugly. Your friends will make mistakes, you will make mistakes. Sometimes you’ll feel like those mistakes are unforgivable and that you are unloveable. You’re figuring out who you are, and it is impossible to come out the other side the same. You’ll learn that nobody is perfect but most of us are good, and that all of us are deserving of friendship.

The day was spent with various cultural groups and clubs such as the Malaysian Students’ Organisation, Tongan Students’ Association, German Club, and Indonesian Student Association, offering a feast of foods they had cooked themselves to feed students and staff, offering us insight into their cuisine. What I saw was a joyful coming-together of all walks of life. Music and song was heard throughout the event, The Hub smelt divine, and there were smiles all around. Many of us were strangers, but in that moment, we were all friends, enjoying a meal together, bonding and learning.

Keep your girlfriends close. Make a fuss on their birthdays, make time to laugh together, bring home the tamari roasted nuts they like from the supermarket, and listen to their favorite music. Have their back—REALLY have their back. Be there when the fields are blooming, and when they’re on fire.

Friendship is something definitely worth celebrating. Whether it is seeing your flatmates at the end of the day, cooking with your partner, or a boozy weekend celebrating a 21st... In these moments, it is the people that make it a memorable experience.

Be real with them when they’re being exhausting, and get angry for them when they’re being mistreated. Decide which hills really aren’t worth dying on, and take care of each other.

Delia Fu VUWSA Treasurer/Secretary

Hold your girlfriends tight, and don’t let go.

CAITLIN HICKS

ISRAEL–PALESTINE This week’s column returns to its roots in attempting to simplify the trickiest of global issues. This week, I’ve attempted to summarise what has been described as the most “intractable” conflict in history. Two pages barely scratch the surface of a heavy issue, but in any case, I’ve departed from my typical jovial tone to deliver an objective and (very!) brief outline. TWO GROUPS, ONE LAND Although ‘Palestinian’ encompasses anyone with roots in the land now referred to as Israel, it is commonly used to reference Arabs. Israelis are predominantly Jewish. The Israeli–Palestinian conflict as we know it today began in the early 20th century. At its core are two groups who lay claim to the same land. Jews, fleeing persecution in Europe, hoped to establish a homeland in what was then a British-controlled territory. This territory wasn't a country, but an area called ‘Palestine’, occupied by Arabs and Jews: both hoped to claim the land as their own state. Jews occupying and immigrating into this territory considered it a return to their ancestral homeland, and hoped to establish an independent Jewish state. Palestinians resisted, claiming the land as rightfully theirs, asserting that it was a state by the name Palestine. In 1947, the UN attempted to avoid disputes by apportioning the land to both, but this failed and lead to conflict—the consequences of which still linger. 1948 ISRAELI WAR OF INDEPENDENCE In 1948, Israel was declared an independent state by the Jewish Authority. This began an Arab–Israeli struggle rendering 700,000 Palestinian civilians refugees.

By the end of the war, Israelis possessed 77% of the disputed territory. Each side views the events of 1948 differently—Palestinians recount a premeditated Israeli ethnic cleansing campaign against Arabs, and Israelis claim that the mass exodus was owed to spontaneous Arab fleeing, exacerbated by collateral wartime tragedies. Today, over seven million Palestinians (those originally displaced and their descendants) remain uprooted. A Palestinian right to return remains a critical condition of any future settlement. 1967 SIX-DAY WAR: THE WEST BANK, GAZA, AND JERUSALEM This war left Israel occupying the West Bank and Gaza (or the Gaza Strip), territories home to large Palestinian populations. The Israeli occupation of these territories has reached nearly 52 years, the longest in modern history. Currently, the West Bank is controlled by the Palestinian Liberation Organisation (or PLO), who run the Palestinian Authority (PA) and handle Palestinian territories. It remains under Israeli occupation, and Palestinian movement and activities are restricted. Jewish communities and settlements have been created in the area to deny land to Palestinians. Around three quarters of these Israelis live on or near the West Bank border with Israel, blurring the lines of any future Palestinian state. Israel wants this territory fully incorporated as their own, while Palestinians consider it illegally occupied Palestinian land. Opinion favours the Palestinian conception; international lawyers view the occupation as a violation of the Geneva Convention.

Gaza is a densely populated strip of land surrounded by Israel, but populated almost exclusively by Palestinians. It is now controlled by Hamas, a Palestinian militant group. Hamas’ takeover of Gaza prompted an Israeli blockade over goods into Gaza. The blockade has softened, but basic supplies remain limited and contribute to significant humanitarian harm by inhibiting access to electricity, food, and medicine. Hamas is known for acts of violence against Israel, particularly suicide bombings, and firing thousands of rockets into Israel. Israel has retaliated with major bombing campaigns (2012) and air and ground assaults (2014). Tensions have led to Hamas governing Gaza, while the PLO control the West Bank. The PLO conducts peace talks on behalf of Palestinians, but poor relations with Hamas undermine their ability to present a united front. Palestine is still not considered a ‘state’ or country but is pursuing international recognition of statehood. Finally, the Israeli victory reunified Jerusalem: a territory considered by Israel to be their capital, which Palestinians also claim parts of as theirs. Jerusalem is highly contested because it is home to holy sites for both Judaism and Islam; how to split the land fairly remains a key issue for any settlement. Globally, almost nobody recognises Jerusalem as the undivided capital of Israel, with the UN Security Council declaring Israel’s decision to annex East Jerusalem a violation of international law. THE INTIFADAS Two notable Palestinian uprisings in Israel have affected relations between the two states. In 1980, the first intifada spurred demonstrations and mass boycotts of work in Israel, alongside attacks on Israelis

with rocks and firearms. The Israeli military responded forcefully and Palestinian fatalities were significant. The second uprising in 2000 was considered the catalyst for a darker era of relations; a bloodier crisis which grew from the collapse of the peace process. Palestinian demonstrations were fired on by Israeli soldiers, and Palestinian militants escalated violence in response with suicide bombings, sniper fire, and rocket attacks. Loss of life reached the thousands on both sides. GLOBAL PERSPECTIVES AND A SOLUTION Most non-muslim countries recognise Israel and maintain diplomatic relations with them, though critical of Palestinian treatment and the ongoing occupation of the West Bank. Opinion is generally more sympathetic to the Palestinian cause. Under a negotiation process named Oslo, peace talks began in 1993. The aim is to compromise on territorial allocation in exchange for an end to the ongoing violence. A “two-state” solution purports to establish Palestine as an independent state in Gaza and most of the West Bank, leaving the rest for Israel. Effecting this, in reality, remains difficult. Alternatively, a “one-state” solution proposes that all the territory becomes either Israel or Palestine. The implications of this are tricky: it means either the end of the Jewish state, or permanent second-class citizenship of Palestinians in a continued Jewish Israel. Even if the two were to merge, the Arab population would exceed that of the Israeli Jews, posing an existential threat to the only democracy in the Middle East. Any successful agreement must grapple with four core issues: West Bank borders and settlements, Israeli security, Palestinian refugees, and Jerusalem.

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Your silent cries left unheard As you trudged your way through The trenches of self, disturbed Fighting a losing battle Against a foe only you know Your decision was irreparable The pain inconceivable To lose a friend so irreplaceable A friend checks in A friend is a friend So to you Whom I miss so dearly I wish I had done more As being your friend Was never a chore I should have seen Irrelevant the pain you deemed I could have tried and filled The voids in your esteem I would have intervened The lies I tell The smiles I compel To keep your memory here One last embrace One last trace To keep your memory here The guilt I hold near The fear I hold dear To keep your memory here Just to keep your memory here

- Sidney

Send your limericks, elegies, and odes to poetry@salient.org.nz

B OOK ALL ABOU T LOVE : NE W V I S I O N REV IEW: R I A H DAW S O N

My mother used to tell me people are like seasons, they come and they go. To follow this analogy, I could say I have always liked to prepare for the weather. But I could also say “Sorry, mum, people aren’t like seasons.” Seasonal changes are predictable, but the immense feelings of loss and shock caused by the ‘goings’ of people can’t always be prepared for. Vulnerability is scary, but in All About Love: New Visions, bell hooks shows us that the lines between fragility and strength are not as clear as we perhaps thought. All About Love offers a practical guide to navigating love, loss, and vulnerability. hooks’ exploration of emotions and experiences so integral to the human experience trades in tired and often heavily gendered self-help clichés for something that is genuine, realistic, and fairly non-gender-specific. In a social context that treats fierce and unabashed love as weak and juvenile, it is easy to see strong emotion as kitsch and embarrassing. hooks offers readers an important counter-perspective, reminding us that love is one of the most important parts of our experience in this life. What first struck me about the work was the accessibility of hooks’ writing. Academic language has long been unintelligible to many, including myself. Its exclusivity is frightening, and is often unreachable to those without formal education. hooks makes sure that those who need her words most are able to read them. While the book is heavy with psychological and philosophical academia, personal anecdotes make All About Love hooks’ own love letter to the world, to humankind, to love itself. Its intellectual core is softened and filled out with an honesty and intimacy few writers can achieve in such a tasteful and authentic way. Like much media, All About Love is heavily American-centric. This is my only criticism, and even then, it is not one with much of a leg

to stand on. Firstly, because it would be unreasonable to expect a writer to achieve such a candid and affectionate perspective while writing about a social context that is unfamiliar to them. Secondly because, for the most part, love is so fundamental, and hooks’ understanding of the human experience is so finely tuned, that her observations are almost universally applicable. hooks is concerned intimately with the ethics and sociology of love. She analyses how a patriarchal, post-colonial world teaches men and women to approach, receive, and give love so differently. She teaches invaluable lessons about how to make sure love is fair, equal, and kind. hooks balances her approach to her pedagogy between delicate and insistent, appealing to her readers on a level that doesn’t require overly emphatic or aggressive means. She teaches, in this way, that love is not shameful, and should not have to be kept secret. She explains and commends the bravery shown by being unapologetic in your love. The languages of love, emotional communication, and consent are not taught to us by society, our peers, or our role-models, to the standards hooks sets. To challenge this, she gives readers the tools and vocabulary to verbalise what we need, both to others and to ourselves. We are encouraged to love ourselves, and it is explained that we cannot love others to our full potential if we don’t love ourselves first. The novel is fascinating, captivating, and beautifully worded, but also serves as a toolkit for healthy relationships and communication. Love is kind, sure, but love is also laborious and deeply flawed. Love, hooks tells us, is not work that must be done alone (as so many of us are taught). She prioritises community, openness, and mutual support. The proverbial pathway to love is not easy, but as hooks promises, it is by no means impossible.

M U S IC FIG H T N I GH T REV IEW: SO P H I A K ATS O U LI S

First rule about FIGHT NIGHT... we’re gonna talk about FIGHT NIGHT. Auckland’s infamous punk-pop punters Roidz returned earlier this year from an extended hiatus with more high-intensity bangers. Distinct improvements have been made in the production department since low-fidelity anthems like “DO YOU WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH ME” and “TYLER TERROR” graced our ears. Despite this, the band continues to stays true to its raw punk roots with an album that is aggressive, danceable fun. Though the album screams for headbangs and stage-dives, Roidz channels an attitude that is anti-toxic masculinity and pro-sentimentality. Vocalist Daniel Smith describes the band’s agenda in discussing both the emotion and the violence that is often goes unspoken amongst New Zealand’s male youth. The album opens with “POTLUCK” and a conversation sample of a guy saying “music sucks… i hate all music now… i really don’t like to listen to music anymore… nothing’s original”. Perhaps this is the actual attitude of the band, given their three-year absence from the scene, but the album sets itself a high bar for originality from the get-go. Unfortunately, in classic punk attitude, Smith’s lyrics are generally quite hard to decipher through all the yelling. I couldn’t find lyrics for the album anywhere but I’m trying my best here. Through punchy, distorted guitar and some chirpy synth motifs, Smith sings about the age-old tale of being unable to confess your feelings to your lover in “IT’S SO EASY”. Lo and behold, boys feel unrequited in love too. “Do you miss him? I don’t know… It’s so stupid, it’s so dumb how much you mean to me” he yells. The lyrics are nothing profound, but the emotion is there, and it’s a song to chant to. Let the boys be sad boys. This whole concept of the fight prevails throughout the album. The short title track “FIGHT NIGHT” lives up to its name with its knock-out impact. It leads into the

crunchy bassline in “EYESORE”, which has the groove of a chiptune boss fight theme. There’s moments of screaming, accompanied with Rocky Horror vocals preaching against “lying and cheating to stay one above”. “FANTA”, a track that has a somewhat shoegazey flair to me, feels closest to home and is a favourite. It has some really beautiful softer moments, between warbled vocals and an energy that rises and falls. From a production perspective, I admire the fact that the band has managed to balance the vocals harmoniously with the grittiness of the instrumentals. It doesn’t fall into a category of being completely unlistenable mud, that can sometimes be the weakness (or glory) of punk. The album finishes fittingly with another deep observation on music—“I think it’s probably a good thing that computers take over music, because computers are more messed up than people… the more messed up and farther away music gets from music the better, the healthier it’s going to be for music… people are the worst!”. Clearly an ironic statement here; Roidz are messed up, we’re all messed up. FIGHT NIGHT tells it how it is, and allows you to experience those seemingly trivial emotions in a way that is relevant and relatable to us all. It’s not the most unique album out there per se, but it’s human music that makes you feel stuff, and that’s pretty okay in my books.

ART YOKO ONO—TH E MO ST TAL E N T E D M E M BE R O F T HE BEATL ES REV IEW: M AYA NE UPAN E

Yoko came up on my Spotify Discover Weekly, and my automatic first response was to laugh. It’s always been so trendy to laugh at Yoko Ono. Oh, Yoko. She’s the one that can’t sing. She’s the one that split up the Beatles. She’s the weird one. The freaky one. The one that is only famous because she dated John Lennon. The one that’s fake deep and makes fake deep bad art.

All of Yoko’s art is carefree and raw. It takes a feeling, and allows the audience to step into it. Grapefruit (1964) is a book of hers that consists of small instructions to create art. She doesn’t perform the art—she thinks about how the audience could. For example, PAINTING TO BE STEPPED ON is a piece that was both performed by Ono and written down as instructions:

Yoko? Oh no!

“Leave a piece of canvas or finished painting on the floor or in the street. 1960 Winter”

But hold up, why do we call experimental art made by Women of Colour “weird” and “freaky” and “lacking talent”, yet not hold men to the same standards? Why is Yoko still most famous for breaking up the Beatles? For being nothing more than “John the Beatle’s wife”? For being ugly and weird and leeching off Lennon? Why do we still treat Yoko Ono’s art as a joke? God, do I love her. The “Oriental” that will “slit your throat while you're sleeping”. The “Eastern demon” that “seized the Western hero”. Those are two actual statements that were made about Yoko by Beatles fans. One article from that time was titled “John Rennon's Excrusive Gloupie”. The world was not kind to her. Even today, she does not receive the respect she deserves. Yoko Ono was one of the founding artists in the Fluxus movement. One of her most powerful performance pieces is called Cut Piece. In this 1964 performance, Yoko sits in a room and allows the audience to cut portions of her clothing away. Keep in mind that this was performed a decade before Marina Abramović’s Rhythm Zero. Yoko knew the way Americans thought of the Japanese women. The fetishing of the asian body. The “sideways vagina” jokes. The stereotypes of submission. The gravity of this action—to place herself in this vulnerable situation as a woman in the 60's (and an Asian woman at that) is incomprehensible to an audience of today.

It would have been incredible to view; a canvas upon which gallery attendees were invited to step upon. So many questions are created from this performance: What is the role of the audience? What is the role of the artist? What is and isn’t art? How should we view it? How should we best honour and respect it... Should we respect it at all? There’s a self-awareness around Ono’s work that examines her role in society as a woman, as a sexual being, as an artist, and as an Asian woman in a country where she is an outsider. In response to the hate that she received Ono released “Yes, I’m a Witch. On this track she doesn’t hold back—“Yes, I'm a witch / I'm a bitch / I don't care what you say / My voice is real / My voice speaks truth / I don't fit in your ways.” Ono expertly crafts emotionally vulnerable, raw music that lingers far longer than the length of the track. Dismissing her art and reducing her to “the weird untalented gold-digger that broke up the Beatles” is just wrong. Sorry, Spotify, but I don’t think I’m going to get hooked on lo-fi-all-white-male-garage-rock-band-withmembers-rumoured-to-grope-younger-women. Shit don’t hit. Yoko Ono, on the other hand?. She’s the best member of the Beatles that never was. The world just hasn’t realised that.

TE LEVIS IO N THE M A L E GAY Z REV IEW: E M M A M AG U I R E

Brian Tamaki, church leader and noted homophobe, has created a political party called the Coalition Party. NZ comedian Tim Batt subsequently bought the URL of the party and made it redirect to the first episode of The Male Gayz, a TVNZ podcasty talk show, featuring comedians Chris Parker and Eli Matthewson. This move probably (hopefully) has pissed off Tamaki. Try the link for yourself: www.coalitionparty.co.nz Initially a podcast, The Male Gayz is a shortform queer talkshow hosted on Youtube. It features Parker and Mathewson as the hosts, as well as a bunch of experts and personalities from within the queer community, alongside little segments, Fact of the Gay, and “on the street”-type moments. Chris and Eli have a fantastic rapport and very good chemistry, so the whole thing feels very genuine and a lot like you’re just watching two mates have a quality chat, except there’s a camera involved. It’s a show about the queer experience in New Zealand, and the hosts have a large variety of experts and guests on who provide a wider view of New Zealand’s queer community. A favourite episode of mine is the third episode, Sealed Section. While the show is a little raunchy usually, this episode takes it up a notch. It’s predominantly about the sexier side of the queer life in NZ, through gay saunas, dirty bars, and stories about the worst places the hosts have had sex.

Chris and Eli visit Centurian, reportedly New Zealand’s cleanest and most premium gay sauna. They’re led around a place that reminds me a lot of the backstage of a theatre, a lot of black paint, shiny surfaces, and weird props. There’s a maze, a sauna room, and plenty of sex swings, as well as a ton of condoms scattered about the place. It’s interesting to look at a place like this from the point of view of a bi woman, as this sort of place isn’t available to us. Although strange and a little alienating, it’s a fascinating trip around a place that’s clearly very well established. The Male Gayz is an important part of Kiwi queer media. Although it is a comedy show (and believe me, it is definitely a comedy show), it’s also a place where younger queer people can learn about our history and look towards the future. It’s easy to remember things when they’re in an easily digestible format—displayed in an interesting way, rather than finding them amid a sea of verbose history texts while studying for an exam. It also acts a little bit like a refuge. One of the guests in episode three says something along the lines of, “Gay people need a space where they can be truly themselves,” and although he was talking about a now-defunct K-Road gay bar, he’s not wrong. There’s not a lot of queer media that’s just unashamedly gay, with no agenda, and no cynical desire to scrabble for a Rainbow Tick. The Male Gayz is just gay, for the sake of being gay, and it’s fantastic that something like that exists. That being said, the last five minutes of the fifth episode are just Eli and Chris riffing about the pronunciation of ‘lozenge’, so I’m not sure if the show is really as profound as I’ve made it out to be. It’s fun though. Watch it.

F OOD D OMINO' S H AWA I I A N S PAG H E T T I P I ZZA REV IEW: SASH A B E AT T I E

I never thought I’d say it, but here it is: Thank you, Bill English. Arguably the best thing to come out of his 15 minutes on the ninth floor: For a limited time only at Domino’s, you can get the Bill English special for $7.99. A classic Hawaiian pizza built on a can of Wattie’s spaghetti and topped with childhood nostalgia, this controversial special is best paired with derogatory speculations about Helen Clark’s sexuality and flashbacks to your deep-blue provincial upbringing. The Domino’s Hawaiian spaghetti pizza tastes like waking up early on a Sunday to watch Tamati Coffey get covered in gunge on What Now.

Like reading Meg Cabot novels by torchlight until you hear the kitchen door slide open as Mum comes to check on you, and quickly pulling the covers over your head to pretend you’re asleep. Like plugging your walkman into the cassette converter in your parents car; like S Club 7, like Fergie, like Gwen Stefani. Like making rowboats out of the box your Dad’s new Dell desktop computer came in, and using your Grandad’s walking sticks for oars. Like trading your CC chips for a mate’s roll-up at lunch.

Like waiting for the tape to rewind so you can rewatch Pirates of the Caribbean on VHS; like fast-forwarding through the ads because you didn’t pause the recording as you taped it.

Like Mum yelling at you to get off the internet so she can call the neighbours; like Mum yelling at you to put the Polly Pockets away and feed the chooks; like Mum yelling at you to come and try on the costume she’s making for next weekend’s dance competition.

Like getting ill-fitting Warehouse board shorts with flames on them for your birthday.

Like weeks of training Bam Bam the Big Fat Ram Lamb to run an obstacle course for the school’s annual Lamb and Calf Day.

Like dressing up as Pippi Longstocking for Book Day, complete with wire in your hair to twist your pigtails upward.

Like topping up your Mum’s old Nokia to text the boy you met at the Year 7 Social who wears too much hair gel and not enough deodorant.

Like matching homemade jumpers your Mum made you and your brother wear.

Like Vitamin C’s “Graduation (Friends Forever)” playing at your Year 8 leavers’ dinner.

Like the excitement of entering Harold the Giraffe’s RV of mysteries. Like those material belts from Supré; like stacks of jelly bracelets; like low-rider jeans with the frayed hem that your Mum insisted on mending and you never wore again.

Domino’s Hawaiian spaghetti pizza tastes like the early 2000s: Forget about mouth-feel, this limited edition delicacy is catered to the soul. A polarising potluck choice to be sure, but a hill of carbs on carbs on reminiscence of a time I didn’t have to pay rent is a hill I am willing to die on.

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SOR RY NOT SORRY F OR LEAV ING O UT CLUES LAS T WEEK

CROSSWORD: HEAVY METAL

LAST WEEK'S SOLUTION

GOOD NEWS POP QUIZ 1. The Auckland War Memorial Museum was awarded with what, in recognition for its commitment towards inclusivity and celebration of the LGBTQI community? 2. During his graduation speech at Morehouse College in Atlanta, a historically black college, billionaire Robert F Smith did what for the graduating class?

DOWN

3. Breakfast at Tiffany's star (6,7) * 9. Many a character in Doctor Who or Star Trek (5) 10. Mathematical chart (5) 11. Online file-sharing service which almost nobody seems to actually use (7) * 12. Starring role, on a movie poster (3,7) * 15. Timothy who played James Bond (6) 18. Place where some lab techs might keep their notes (9) * 20. Place to keep newspaper clippings with sentimental value, maybe (9) * 21. Rationality; motive (6) 24. Like most petrol these days, and a hint on how to remove two letters from the starred entries (8) 29. Soothing application for chaps? (3,4) * 30. Release; get over (3,2) 31. Iconic Mexican artist Frida (5) 32. Sea creature known for spectacular breaching displays (8,5) *

1. Leap over; safe (5) 2. Florida home of a CSI spinoff (5) 3. Religious foe of a 27-Down (5) 4. Sapped or emptied of energy (7) 5. Canyon sound effect (4) 6. Enemy faction in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (5) 7. WWII submarine (1-4) 8. Former President who formed the EPA, so at least he did one thing right (5) 13. Basic skateboarding flip (5) 14. Beyoncé and Donald Glover are voicing them this year (5) 15. The shortest-named of Snow White's dwarves (3) 16. Fleecy Peruvian creature (5) 17. Layer in the atmosphere that is slowly reforming (5) 19. Song title for Shihad, Snow Patrol, or Hozier (3) 20. Famous 50’s crooner Frank (7) 21. ”____ Breaks the Internet” (2018 sequel) (5) 22. Smoke detector, or the feeling it creates (5) 23. Central American culture that might have invented zero, although they're mostly known for giant stone heads (5) 25. Bring to mind (5) 26. Indian city where you could visit the UNESCO Heritage Red Fort (5) 27. Religious foe of a 3-Down (5) 28. Talon (4)

3. After Floyd Martin, a mail carrier in the USA, retired, what did his community do for him as a retirement present? 1. The Supreme Award at the Rainbow Excellence Awards. 2. Pay off their student loans. 3. Threw him a block party and sent him on his dream holiday to Hawaii.

ACROSS

WORD OF THE WEEK: "FRIEND" TE REO MĀORI

hoa NEW ZEALAND SIGN LANGUAGE

EASY PEASY

F*CK YA LIFE UP

Puzzle 1 (Easy, difficulty rating 0.42)

Puzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.77)

1 8

3 1

6 8 5

2 9

7 4

1 4

9 3

3 5

8 7

2 6

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Tue May 28 03:44:35 2019 GMT. Enjoy!

1 6

8 7

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Tue May 28 03:44:53 2019 GMT. Enjoy!

PEOPLE GETTTING WHAT THEY WANT

BY JACK MCGEE

L O O K AT THE STARS L OO K HO W T HEY S HIN E FO R YO U

ARIES

LIBRA

Your friends are there to support, not serve you. Learn to listen better. There are people in your sexual history who will make better friends than you’d expect. Make friends with people who look nothing like you. Pay more attention to the values of others.

Some of your friends don’t like your other friends and that’s okay. Stop overlooking red flags. Avoid people with dramatic romantic histories; their friendships will only follow the same path. Consider what support looks like to you. What does it smell like?

SCORPIO TAURUS

You’re lucky your friends are still putting up with you. Food is a practical and genuine way to show love. Co-ordinate outfits with your enemy. Think about how you made friends before you learned what it felt like to be unwanted.

Make sure not to limit your pool of friends. Don’t always trust those closest to you. Many of the people you feel most comfortable around have betrayed others. You might be next. People you have cut off miss you. Learn to be alone.

SAGITTARIUS

GEMINI

Your friends aren’t necessarily going to be able to support you like you support them, stop holding it against them. Expand your friendships to people of different genders to you. Challenge your own understanding of vulnerability.

Hold your friends accountable, they value your input more than you think. There are people in your life who wish they were closer to you. There are people you can’t contact who miss you more than you know, they’re leaving signs for you everywhere.

CANCER

CAPRICORN

You are a bad influence on your friends but one day they will be grateful for it. Find friends that you feel comfortable being silent with. Much like Gemini, there are people leaving clues all around to let you know you’re loved.

You surround yourself with people that will make you seem more interesting, stop treating your friends like cute scarves. You are more like your mother than either of you would like to admit. Quit it with your god complex.

LEO

AQUARIUS

The friends you made on Tumblr during your teenhood are onto you. Jealous friends are not worth your energy, and are surprisingly replaceable. It may feel like your past friendship units are fragmenting, but you will drift back together eventually.

Stop yourself from developing romantic feelings for your friends before it’s too late (it’s too late). Talk about yourself less. Pay attention to how people react to you. Intellectual connection is not the same as friendship, though it is nonetheless valuable.

PISCES

VIRGO

Your friends love you more than you’ll ever know. Your ability to maintain eye contact is compelling. Sometimes you need to let your friends breathe. The world is full of suffering, try not to take that burden on as your own.

It’s very likely that any friend who has cut you off secretly misses you dreadfully. Don’t compete with your friends so much; they find it tiring. Practice patience. If you’re thinking of someone, let them know. Hold your friends to standards different to the ones you hold yourself to.

Editors Kii Small & Taylor Galmiche Design & Illustration Rachel Salazar News Editor Johnny O’Hagan Brebner Sub Editor Janne Song Distributor Danica Soich Feature Writers CKW Shanti Mathias Preya Gothanayagi Aasha Parle Comic Jack Mcgee Centrefold Steffie Padmos steffiepadmos.com @steffiepadmos_illustrator Sponsored by

News Section Finn Blackwell, Sophie Dixon, Liam Powell, (not) Johnny O’Hagan Brebner, Reid Wicks, Emma Maguire, Grace Carr, Poppy Carter, Georgia Kahan, Celina Monkhouse Section Editors Sophia Katsoulis (Music), Maya Neupane (Art), Eva Lockhart (Film), Emma Maguire (TV), Nina Weir (Fashion), Sally Ward (Food), Hannah Patterson (Books), Riah Dawson (Books), Lisa Louw (Poetry) FM Station Managers Jazz Kane Navneeth Nair

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TV Producers Monique Thorp Joseph Coughlan Contributors Lily McElhone, Puck, Sasha Beattie, Caitlin Hicks, Jade Gifford, Alex Walker, Jessica La, Delia Fu, Tara O Suilleabhain, Alice Mander, Grace Lindsay

About Us Salient is published by—but remains editorially independant from—Victoria Univeristy of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA). Salient is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) and the New Zealand Press Council. Salient is funded in part by Victoria University of Wellington students through the Student Services Levy. The views expressed in Salient do not neceassarily reflect those of the Editor, VUWSA, or the University. Complaints People with complaints against the magazine should complain in writing to the Editors.

From Giant Wind Turbines to Electric Planes

In what’s been termed the “three-third world”, one third of global electricity in 2040 will be generated by wind and solar, one third of the vehicles on the road will be electric and the world’s economy will be one third more energy efficient.

Public Lecture

But how do we transition to this future? What sort of policy settings will be required? And how will new initiatives like the Zero Carbon Bill help New Zealand’s contribution towards these goals?

Where:

International renewable energy and green finance expert Michael Liebreich will address these questions - and many more - in a public lecture at Victoria University of Wellington. He will then be joined by the University’s Chair in Sustainable Energy Systems Professor Alan Brent for a question-and-answer session. Hosted by Victoria University of Wellington and sponsored by Z Energy.

Michael Liebreich is Chairman and CEO of Liebreich Associates, providing advisory services on clean energy and transportation, smart infrastructure, technology, climate finance and sustainable development. He is the Founder and Senior Contributor at Bloomberg New Energy Finance. Michael sits on a number of advisory boards including the OECD Centre on Green Finance. He is also a former Board Member of Transport for London and a former member of the high-level advisory group for the UN Secretary General’s Sustainable Energy for All initiative, and the advisory board of the Clinton Global Initiative Energy and Climate Change Working Group.

When: 5pm – 6pm Thursday 20 June Lecture Theatre 1 Victoria Business School Rutherford House, 23 Lambton Quay Spaces are limited, please register http://bit.ly/MLiebreich

Professor Alan Brent holds the Chair in Sustainable Energy Systems at Victoria University of Wellington. The Chair was established in July 2017. It is aligned with the strategic sustainability focus at Victoria, to meet current and future challenges, by taking an inter-disciplinary approach, and engaging with partners across society in trans-disciplinary ways.

This function is organised by the Engagement and Alumni Office. If you have queries please contact us at rsvp@victoria.ac.nz Victoria University of Wellington +64 (4) 463 7458 victoria.ac.nz