Issue 19 - Glass by Salient

EDITORIAL

LIQUID KNOWLEDGE

LETTERS & NOTICES

TOKEN CRIPPLE

NEWS

TALKING WITH MY DAD ABOUT SEX

YOON HONG: ON PATRICK GOWER: ON WEED

NGĀI TAUIRA

TWEETS OF THE WEEK

ASK SISSY

BY THE NUMBERS

SWAT

LET'S TALK ABOUT HILLARY CLINTON PUPPY LOVE

POEM

FOOD

SHINE THROUGH SHARDS

ART

CENTREFOLD

TELEVISION

WOAP VS REALITY

PROCRASTINATION

GALAXY BARBECUE

HOROSCOPES

Editor Kii Small editor@salient.org.nz

Advertising Josephine Dawson advertising@vuwsa.org.nz

Designer & Illustrator Rachel Salazar designer@salient.org.nz

Feature Writers Preya Gothanayagi Janhavi Gosavi Felicia Evangelista Long Meat Marcus

News Section Johnny O'Hagan Brebner, Shanti Mathias, Jamie Kerrigan, Annabel McCarthy, Yoon Hong

News Editor Johnny O’Hagan Brebner news@salient.org.nz Sub Editor Janne Song subeditor@salient.org.nz Social Media Callum Turnbull socialmedia@salient.org.nz

FM Station Managers Jazz Kane Navneeth Nair TV Producers Monique Thorp Joseph Coughlan Centrefold Edward Smith edwardsmith.work

Contributors Leteicha Lowry, Elena Beets, Mandeno Martin, Kelsey Lee, Caitlin Hicks, Kayli Radofcic, Helen Nia-Blake, Tabitha Lorck, Emma Maguire, Puck, Maya Neupane, Sophie Dixon, Joanna Li, Alice Mander, Savignon Papi

YOUR BUS IS LATE. PEOPLE DIE EVERY DAY. It was my round, so I went to the bar to get some drinks. Muscling my way through people ‘trying’ to dance to Burna Boy, I slid behind a couple at the bar who were waiting to order drinks. He was dressed in a matching suit, head to toe, and slicked back hair, while his date was in an elegant jumpsuit. A dashing combination⁠—how could this go wrong? The space between them wasn’t much, but you could assume they came together. If not, he was spitting so much game that it was clear he was trying to leave together. The flex type of game— you can tell by the way people move their jaw. If someone’s resting one whole arm on the bar as if their wallet has got so much money weighing them down, it’s a subtle flex. Either way, she was having a giggle and giving him her attention. The bartender finishes up his last order and directs his attention to them, with a simple, “How may I help you?” This guy—I shit you not—takes a bill out and throws it at the bartender. Before he can get his order out of his mouth, the bartender picks up the bill, and tells him to get the fuck out. As he was dragged out by the bouncer, the woman he was with was left at the bar. She appeared disenchanted, but not lost, as she went back to her table. In that moment, the only thing I could think about was transparency. I felt bad for her, and the time she wasted talking to him. He wasn’t transparent about being an asshole.

Salient works very hard at being transparent. If you couldn’t tell, check out the 12 pages VUWSA inserted into this magazine to plug their own elections. It’s not paid content if they underpaid you and force you to include their nearilliterate blurbs. To be as transparent as possible, we’re terribly worried. The last four features we have received in August all have something in common: There’s nothing similar about the authors, or the places they come from⁠—one’s from Massey for fuck sakes. They all reference some form of abuse. Two of these reference men who have emotionally abused them. One references a close girlfriend (near fiancée) that had physically abused them and used them for financial security. The other questions the laws around consent and physical abuse in the bedroom. These are pieces people tear out of their diaries and want us to publish, for other people to read and learn from. We struggle reading through some of them because they’re jarring and triggering. I hate to be this guy, but could you please look for plenty of signs of consent, not just one. Mutual, enthusiastic, voluntary, informed, ongoing, free and full, is the only way you should be truckin’. This week, stay healthy. Be transparent with yourself. And if you want to order a drink, use a card. What asshole uses cash?

Kii Small

UNIQ AGM UniQ Victoria will be hosting its AGM on Tuesday, September 24th in AM101, starting at 5 p.m. We will be recapping the year, proposing some constitutional changes, electing our executive team for 2020 and having some pizza! So if you wanna get involved, come on down.

Send your notices to designer@salient.org.nz

You can find more details on our Facebook: @UniQVUW

Dearest Salient, My favourite colour is vermillion and I am greviously saddened by the fact that you have not yet used this hue in any Salient issues this year. I suggest you endeavour to season your magazine with this specific colour from now on in order to raise the pretension of an already pretentious publication. Mustard is also in this year. Sincerely warm regards, P. Al Ette

Send your letters to editor@salient.org.nz

Dear Salient, I have thought long and hard about this and I have heard all the talk about how we can slow down climate change, but I have not heard one word about the real problem, which to me is the fact we are now close to 8 billion people living on the planet.

Here's your goddamn letter, I take great offence to a recent review published in your last issue. The fact that at no point in your review of Spy Kids 3D: Game Over did you mention the best film Taylor Lautner has starred in to date seriously puts into question the editorial credibility of this magazine. Everybody knows that Shark Boy and Lava Girl's endless box office rivalry with SK3D was the single inspiration for the creation of this century's greatest album; The Black Eyed Pea's 2008 album, The E.N.D

They talk about fisheries, farming, and horticulture being a big contributor, due to climate change, due to too much food production. They talk about too many cars polluting the environment. Their solution, electric cars, (Not I great idea really. What happens to all those batteries)? They talk about people travelling around the world in planes and Cruise ships, causing too much pollution in the seas and skies, (Are you really going to stop people seeing the world)?

Please attach to this letter a sincere notice of apology from the original reviewer categorically undoing this mistake.

They talk about too much waste from consumers of goods and food. They talk about people cutting down rain forests and trees around the world, to make way for more people to live and work in.

Splash City, Ja Rule

Yet really, all I see is 8 billion people on a little blue planet called earth, that cannot sustain the ever-increasing number of humans inhabiting this planet. So, how do you fix the problem. Many college students have gone to college and gotten hooked on drugs, marijuana, and alcohol. Listen, stop trying to be somebody else. Don't try to be someone else.

Easy, you reduce the number of humans. Thanks, Baby Boomer

- Mom

ISSUE 19

SALIENT

News. MONDAY, 2 SEPTEMBER 2019

Victoria Bottle Drive Raises Questions About University’s Sustainability SHANTI MATHIAS (SHE/HER) A recent bottle drive on campus has raised questions about waste production and management at Victoria University. The bottle drive was held on August 4, the product of a collaboration between the Anglican Chaplaincy and Plastic Diet, a plastic reduction club.

The bottle drive is part of wider conversations about waste on campus. Plastic Diet has suspended its previous “waste watchers” events, where they washed dishes in the Hub to support people buying food in non-sustainable packaging.

Each clean bottle delivered to volunteers returned twenty cents to the deliverer.

However, it will provide the same service for club events.

According to Chaplaincy and Plastic Diet organisers, the drive demonstrated the viability of incentivising recycling at Vic. Over 1000 items were received, including one flat who had 240 bottles and received $48, according to Plastic Diet. Kate de Boer, secretary of Plastic Diet, described the bottle drive as a simple way to “start a conversation” about what is and isn’t recyclable. Jessie Black, associate chaplain, said, “This seems like an easy thing to put together [and] a good way to connect groups at campus.” Michael Turnbull, VUWSA's Acting Welfare Vice President and convener of the Sustainability Committee, said, “We don’t want [bottle drives] to be a one-off thing that is done by clubs…[Waste reduction] needs to be tangible things that can be sustained over a long period of time.”

As part of Sustainability Week 2019, Plastic Diet also conducted a waste audit in the Hub on August 14, collecting all the rubbish between 9:30 a.m. to 2 p.m., then sorting and weighing it. Based on the results, Plastic Diet will conduct a “waste minimisation scheme” in the Hub on September 11. They will also be conducting another bottle drive, funded by the Sustainability Week budget, on September 13. Turnbull said that “there can be a lot of improvement on the current [waste] system and bottle drives are a good start.” VUWSA tries to reduce waste in general, but has no “tangible policy” around waste or carbon emissions.

The Victoria Sustainability Committee during a beach clean-up in May. Clean-ups occur regularly, keep an eye on the VUWSA Facebook page and notice boards for the next one. Photo supplied.

ISSUE 19

SALIENT

Progress: Tamatha Paul is Running for Council JOHNNY O’HAGAN BREBNER (HE/HIM)

Tamatha Paul: Wellington City Council Lambton Ward Tamatha’s passion for the communities she belongs to is a key part of her campaign for council. Coming up throughout her interview, access to council and community engagement were frequent. Unsurprising, given her work on VUWSA during her time at Vic. During her time on the VUWSA exec, she worked alongside a number of community organisations on issues like renting, city safety, and mental health. As such, she thinks running for council is a natural fit. She told Salient that, although she thinks the council has been making progress on student issues, “some of the critical decisionmaking layers, our voice is missing.” “My passion really is connecting up different groups and different people; trying to achieve goals together,” she said. Council Accessibility When asked about poor youth engagement with local politics, councillors have laid the blame on young people themselves for a lack of interest. Tamatha sees it differently. To her, it is the responsibility of councillors to engage their wards, rather than just saying, “This is what we’re doing, you come to us.”

Two important aspects of Tamatha’s position on climate change action were addressing it in as many capacities as possible, and “finding compelling ways to make [people] care about the environment”. These principles came up in Tamatha’s recycling and food waste policy for the central city. With around 2000 households in Lambton Ward “blacklisted” for recycling, Tam has particular concerns about landfill being produced by the area. Recycling for blacklisted properties can be inaccessible for a number of reasons. Working on this by educating and supporting those households into better recycling practices is a “straightforward but significant way” to empower individuals into action. However, she acknowledges individual action is insufficient, and the councillors and their communities need to work on pushing climate change to the front of all decisionmaking. “We have to stop thinking of ourselves as just Wellington. We’re global citizens […] it affects everywhere.” Housing and Transport Tamatha, like most people, is concerned about the state of public transport in Wellington. Transport is closely tied to housing for her as well.

She told Salient that although the current system Tamatha Paul and her campaign mascot, Biggie Paul Although acknowledging was not working for many improvements in council social media, which she considers key for people, it affects students, low earners, and young people in particular. youth engagement, she considers having a young councillor is more These groups are reliant on cheap public transport, particularly if they important than mere “tokenistic, advisory” involvement. have to travel long distances for study or work. Unfortunately, to Tam, the current public transport system works directly against this. With Tam considers herself a good fit for that role, with established unreliable service and high prices compared to other university cities, relationships with student groups, youth organisations, and other she wants to see more work done, including with better discounts for important actors in the city from her time at VUWSA. students. These issues, as well as collaborative decision-making, all came up consistently throughout her interview. Climate Change Tamatha wasn’t surprised at the cynicism of Wellingtonians when Salient told her 44% of submitters on the WCC climate change plan doubted the council would take any action on the issue; “It certainly doesn’t look like it’s at the forefront of their minds.”

Tamatha anticipates more and more students and lower wage residents moving out of the city centre as rents rise, and more people enter a city better suited for outward, rather than upward, growth (see: earthquakes). This anticipated migration further out from the centre could compound the transport problem, similar to those already seen with existing issues around public transport in the Eastern suburbs. As a result, action on transport is essential to Tamatha.

News.

“[People are] fed up. Fed up to the point where they’re willing to give something new a try,” she said.

She proposed a number of additional policies, such as minimum room sizes, light rail, shifting focus away from cars for transport, and better utilising the 14% of empty rooms in the centre city for those homeless or couchsurfing.

She also suspects that people who have previously expressed frustration with students and young people’s behaviour in the area, such as around the Fountown saga, realised little would happen without an appropriate decision-maker at the council level.

Mental Health Given the issues already discussed, Tam described life in Wellington as a “rat race,” severely affecting wellbeing as people become isolated from the people they live with and the communities they inhabit. She said it was important to point out that this is an issue “not just for young people,” but for many around the country.

Tamatha is running as an independent for the ward. When asked if she thought this was fair, given her values, policies, and friends and supporters who are party affiliated—after contemplating the issue, she said she thought it was fair.

The main solution Tamatha discussed is promoting “collective and communal responsibility for mental health”. To do this, she proposed encouraging people to engage in community events and organisations. Helpfully, she says, these things already exist but just need more council support to extend and strengthen their reach in the community. One way of doing this is working on connecting up disparate organisations, something she said she found a passion for this year.

She accepts that if people think she’s effectively aligned with certain parties, there’s little she can do about it. However, she added that running as an independent went beyond values or policies. “Being an independent isn’t necessarily about the views, it’s about rejecting the idea that any of those political parties are tied to ideas,” she said.

The Campaign Tamatha said she was surprised at some of the people supporting her and her campaign. In particular, people of ages or backgrounds she didn’t initially expect to get behind her. She puts the support down to cynicism with the current council and its systems.

She elaborated, saying that she would be concerned any party responsibilities could come into conflict with responsibilities to her ward, and issue she would rather avoid. To The Haters To none of our surprise, Tamatha said she would continue to work on the issues she has been working on for the last few years, “because that’s my job”. She says she’ll continue on fighting for the issues important to her communities, as well as supporting other voices and change makers. From her experience as the VUWSA president, she knows that you “don’t have to be on council to have an impact on your community”.

More Stuff: Full interviews available online. Keep an eye on the Salient website and Facebook page. Look up Tamatha Paul - Pukehīnau x Lambton Ward 2019 on Facebook for updates and more info. Young Matt Show: Discussing the candidate of the week every Monday, 6–8 p.m. http://salient.org.nz/fm/ Salient TV: Promo-ing the candidate of the week every Thursday. www.facebook.com/ salientmagazine/ Enrol for elections at https://vote.nz/ or at the VUWSA offices. It’s literally the same map as last time.

ISSUE 19

SALIENT

Wellington Health Centres Working Hard on Research and Services for Women and Wāhine JAMI KERRIGAN (SHE/HER) For Salient’s feminist issue we briefly profiled some of the work the Centre for Women’s Health at VUW is doing to research women’s health issues and turn them into policy. Here’s a closer look at what they, and others in Wellington, are doing.

The study concluded that “three out of four study participants would be likely or very likely to do a self-test for HPV”. However, the trial can only be implemented nationally once funding has been accepted by the government.

The Centre for Women’s Health–Te Tātai Hauora o Hine, at Victoria University, has the health of New Zealand women at the forefront of its mind.

MacDonald urges those who believe all wāhine should have access to self-screening should ask their local MP why a new program with inclusion of self-taken swabs is not being introduced soon.

Salient spoke to Jane MacDonald, Senior Research Fellow, about the centre’s work.

The Centre for Women’s Health is not alone in believing our healthcare system needs to be more inclusive.

“The Centre for Women's Health Research has a vision to eliminate preventable harm and death for women and children and reduce health disparities for Māori. Putting wāhine, tamariki and whānau at the centre of our research, being guided by our kaumātua,” says MacDonald.

Salient spoke to Robyn Goldsmith from the Wellington Women’s Health Collective (WWHC) who are “committed to actively creating a healthier society by empowering and supporting women to make informed choices about their physical, mental and emotional health.”

Being unable to dismantle thebarriers that Māori women face in order to receive health care can be fatal, especially when it comes to cervical cancer. MacDonald explains that the current cervical screening programme “has failed Māori women... Twice as many Māori women die and suffer from cervical cancer than Pākehā women.”

“Women are often involved in supporting other people: children, partners, other family members; so empowering women to make choices that work for them can benefit a wider population.” - Robyn Goldsmith, Wellington Women's Health Collective

Only 61 percent of all eligible Māori women in Wellington attended their screening, according to the last National Cervical Screening Programme Health Board Coverage Report, published in 2018. The centre is working on a solution: a self-taken swab for the virus that causes cervical cancer (HPV). However, “The National Screening Unit, who runs the cervical screening program in Aotearoa, has missed the funding two years running to change the program to include self-taken swabs.” MacDonald continued, “It is not an exaggeration to say that New Zealand had the opportunity to eliminate cervical cancer, with vaccination and screening, and we have failed.” The study MacDonald refers to found that one of the biggest barriers for Māori women to attend their screening was whakamā—embarrassment or shyness. Fearing discomfort or pain, and having a lack of time.

Like the Centre for Women’s Health, WWHC deals with a range of issues affecting women. Counselling, pregnancy tests, and general support are just some of the free services available at WWHC. Goldsmith explains that at WWHC, “lack of money is the biggest [barrier] we deal with here… Women often regard taking care of their own needs as an afterthought.”

She recognises that “women are often involved in supporting other people: children, partners, other family members; so empowering women to make choices that work for them can benefit a wider population.” Goldsmith confirms that plenty of students visit WWHC and are always welcome if they need advice and support putting their health first. Both WWHC and the Centre for Women’s Health require funding, trusts, and donations to keep all services for women free of charge. For more information about WWHC, the services they provide, or to donate, visit them on Victoria Street or visit www.wwhc.org. nz More information about the Centre For Women’s Health Research and what they do is available on the VUW website, along with their donation details.

News.

Abortion Reform Bill Passes First Reading, May Get Challenged In Later Votes ANNABEL MCCARTHY (SHE/HER) second thoughts, but plenty of guilt and a lot of shame,” the letter continued.

The Abortion Legislation Bill passed its first reading in parliament by 94 to 23 votes earlier this month. The bill was introduced to Parliament by Justice Minister Andrew Little after months of Government deliberation.

Paula Bennett and Judith Collins, with other National Party MPs, also spoke in favour of the bill.

The proposed changes include taking abortion out of the Crimes Act, removing statutory testing for women not over 20 weeks pregnant, and establishing safe zones outside abortion clinics which prohibits protesting within 150 m.

Collins supported the bill because she “would want to know that [she] had options in life”. She acknowledged her position of privilege having never found herself unexpectedly pregnant.

The bill is being treated as a conscience issue, meaning MPs are not required to vote along party lines and can instead cast their votes independently.

National Party Deputy Leader Paula Bennett said her support stemmed from her belief that those wanting an abortion should not be criminalised.

MPs from all political parties voted in favour during the first reading. However, some said they would reconsider their position in later stages.

She also said illegal and back-street abortions would continue to occur if the law was too restrictive, “no matter what this House does, it will not stop abortions happening”.

Jan Logie MP spoke on behalf of the Green Party during the bill’s first reading, offering unanimous support from all Green MPs. She pointed out the current abortion laws hadn’t been updated since the 1970s when “the law supported a man's right to have sex with his wife regardless of whether she wanted it or not”.

“All I wanted was for it to be over, but I had to go through multiple appointments, rounds of judgment and justifications from strangers” - Letter sent to Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern

New Zealand First MP Tracey Martin confirmed all nine NZF MPs would vote for the bill during its first and second readings. She also said the Party would put forward a referendum amendment during the final reading, which would require the public to have the final say on the bill.

Martin said this decision was in line with the party’s “historical position on the issue” but revealed not everyone in the caucus was happy with the choice.

Logie also said the reforms didn’t go far enough to support pregnant people. She said people should be allowed to access abortions without requiring statutory testing regardless of how many weeks pregnant they were.

One MP who opposed the reforms was National MP Maureen Pugh, who hoped the Bill wouldn’t result in abortion becoming “quasi-contraceptive on demand”.

“It is an odd proposition to suggest that Parliament has a better idea of what's right for anybody in this context than they know themselves,” Logie said.

Pugh said she struggled to understand the issues this bill was trying to fix as she considers the current laws provide sufficient “safeguards” for women receiving abortions.

Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern highlighted the long wait times and numerous hurdles pregnant people face when accessing abortions under the current laws. She quoted a letter she received, which she described as “completely compelling”.

The bill uses the term 'woman' when referring to those who can receive abortions. Many have criticised this, saying gender-neutral terminology should be used to make the bill more inclusive.

“All I wanted was for it to be over, but I had to go through multiple appointments, rounds of judgment and justifications from strangers,” Ardern quoted.

The bill has been referred to the Abortion Legislation Committee to hear submissions from the public.

“It made a hard time considerably harder. I had no doubts, no

Submissions can be made online or in person and are open until Thursday, 19 September.

ISSUE 19

SALIENT

YOON HONG : ON PATRICK GOWER: ON WEED A HEAVILY ABRIDGED INTERVIEW BY YOON HONG FOR ASPA

National treasure, meme queen, and all-round legend Patrick Gower graced us with his presence on Tuesday to talk about his upcoming two-part TV doco on marijuana legalisation.

Samantha Hayes, Hilary Barry, and David Farrier. lf you could smoke weed with any one of those three people, who would you pick?

Broadcasting this September, the documentary sees Paddy travelling around New Zealand and the US to hear stories about marijuana, and the possible consequences for the country after next yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Reeferendum.

Farrier, but being stoned around Farrier would be a challenge as well. Because he comes out with some pretty wacky shit.

So sit back, rip a cone, and join us as Yoon yarns with Paddy about memes, marijuana, and Mike McRoberts.

I would undoubtedly smoke weed with Farrier. Just because I like being around him. Wicked music taste, he'd put on some good tunes. If I could get stoned with anyone in the world it would probably be Farrier. Not just those three.

So Mike McRoberts loves to drop onto live television that he just ran a marathon. Will you be doing Round the Bays 2020 just to get him to cool it? I'm not going to run any marathons. McRoberts can run the marathons, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m the guy that makes weed docos. It's my way of chillin out. No fucking marathons for me bro. You studied a BA with honours at Victoria University and now you live in Wellington. When can we expect you to publish a book of anti-establishment Roman fusion poetry? What the fuck is that?

David Farrier: the best person on Earth to get stoned with. He can have that title.

Why did you feel a need to make this documentary and show it to the world? Yeah well weed is part of Kiwi life, right? When I was here, at Vic uni, we'd get on the bongs every flat you went to. Everyone had the spotty knives and had to hide them up above the oven or whatnot. We'd be doing Bucky bongs

News.

Friday, Saturday nights. A lot of my mates were stoners, I wasn't really a stoner. But I mean from time to time I'd have a suck on a Bucky bong as well.

So historically people of colour have been, and still are, the ones most affected by current drug laws. Would the drug reforms change any of that do you think?

And I think for lots of people, weed in New Zealand is part of their life. It might be major part they might carry on smoking or they might use a little bit but their friends use or whatever. And it's here, right? People are using it for fun, people using it for medicine. It's part of us.

The majority of people convicted of cannabis offences in this country are Māori. When, or if, we legalise medical cannabis and if we legalise recreational cannabis, we need to let these people that have suffered from all of the criminalisation around it back into the industry.

The other thing that's having this country—cancer and other diseases are sweeping through older people, in particular, like a fucking bushfire right now. So weed’s come in with that, and so it's even more part of life than the days of the Bucky bong back at uni. Or currently, for you guys. They still have Bucky bongs?

One of the heartbreaking parts of the documentary was when we went to visit Blaqstar, which is a African-American cannabis company that's that's gone straight. They said, “Hey as soon as this got legalised, it was run 90 percent by white men.” That is not fair, and that could happen in New Zealand. The only thing that's gonna save us from that is companies like Hikurangi over on the East Coast that is setting up their own business and aim to employ their own local whānau. The law change [should] allow the growers, the people who have been criminalised, to have their slates wiped clean and come and work in the industry that they've been in for 20 or 30 years.

What do you hope to achieve with this documentary? I don't care if people vote yes or no in 2020. What I do want to achieve is that people are more informed about cannabis. First thing that I want to achieve is that people are more informed about the medical powers of the plant. We've legalised medical marijuana in New Zealand but we're still waiting to actually bring it in so people can use it. And, every day that we wait, every day after making this documentary, I know that we're leaving people in pain because there are people out there that could use medical cannabis right now and would use it and it would help them. It works. It does work. Anecdotally you can see that it works. Other than that, it doesn't harm people.

I'm worried the government doesn't have a plan to deal with these kinds of questions that you've got here, because I think 100% there's an obligation not just to wipe the convictions of these people, but to give them some sort of leg up into the industry. This is an Aotearoa Student Press Association interview. If you had the opportunity to write for any student magazine again, which would it be?

The second thing is when it comes to 2020 I want New Zealanders to be informed. I have found it really hard while making the documentary to sit on the sidelines and see people pro and con just yell at each other. And the debate goes nowhere. Kiwis are brighter than that. I just want people to have good conversations and good thoughts in their own minds about cannabis. It's a plant that deserves respect.

Salient all the way forever and ever, is the best student magazine not just in New Zealand but actually right around the world, okay. Salient, love you.

Check out Salient on FB for the full interview, and the other student mags for more extracts. Interviewer: Yoon Hong (he/him) Techie: Navneeth Nair (he/him) Guy hanging around trying to get a look: Johnny O’Hagan Brebner (he/him) Special thanks to Vita Molyneux for sussing.

That's not saying I'm pro-cannabis. That's not saying I want to legalise it. But there's a lot to it and it deserves respect. I learnt respect for the plant in the documentary and it deserves to have a good debate. Just, let's have a decent bloody kōrero about it.

“Let it be known, any videos you see of me dry humping Quasi (the Hand) are deepfakes.” - @spat106

“Quasi is our protector now, no one disrespect him” - @restless_dana

“another topic of rehearsal banter is whether or not Quasi should be considered an erotic symbol. all signs point to yes” - @em_ma_maguire

“Wellington Twitter: lol that hand is creepy and wtf.

M IS T ER HA N D M AN, B R I NG ME A HA N D, M A K E H I M T H E H AN D I E S T HA N D HA N D H AND H AND H AND

Taxpayers’ Union: The hand cost 74,000 of ratepayers money to install what do you think? Wellington Twitter: I FOR ONE WELCOME OUR NEW HANDY OVERLORD” - @lukeurmyson

CRAZED RAVINGS BY @em_ma_maguire

"excuse me wellington WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THIS NIGHTMARE” - @callioperyder

“Everyone has boring opinion about the hand. I'm the only one with an interesting opinion. My opinion is that the hand is sexy.” - @eamonnmarra

“BOYfriend???” - @TimesNTroubles “give him back he was ours the gross hand belongs to christchurch” - @beesechunger

“wellington not liking face hand is bourgeois ideology send tweet” - @cannibality

“The yellow pages has evolved into something very dark and dangerous while no one was paying attention” - @theGraemeWhite

“I love the hand :’)” - @applecarcass “the venn diagram of people who hate the hand and love burger wellington is a circle” - @imakeokaytacos

“mister hand man, bring me a scream, this is the creepiest shit i've ever seen” - @NinNons

“this is the keeper of the bucket fountain” - @bonerman_inc

“Nothin makes me smile more than imagining all these Wellington people looking at that big hand and thinking "no, I will not smile, that is not where a face goes, this is the art capitol, only WOW not big hand"” - @hungrypeachboy

“when you are not watching, he walks” - @gigahorsedeluxe

HOT: • Zealandia featured in Time magazine's "World's Greatest Places 2019". • Piki youth mental health programme, which currently services the Wellington DHB area, is being rolled out in the Wairarapa DHB area. • Youtubers PewDiePie and Marzia were married. • VUW's cheer team rebranded as the Vipers and have a new uniform. • A metal Ned Flanders-themed band, named Okilly Dokilly, will perform in NZ in February.

LETEICHA LOWRY

4931

people attended the Downtown City Ministry Bookfair, which raised over $90,000.

NOT:

candidates are running for a spot on the VUWSA 2020 Exec.

• Quasi, the new sculpture atop the Wellington City Gallery, cost Wellington $74,000.

• New Zealand actor Ray Henwood passed away at age 82.

years remain until the Southern Landﬁll is full.

210,000

• Trump apparently wants purchase Greenland.

recyclable plastic tabs form the 'Finale: Bouquet' art exhibit at Te Papa.

• The Amazon is being burned at the highest rates seen since 2013.

• New Zealand is currently having the worst measles outbreak since 1997.

tracks make up Missy Elliot's new album– Her last album was released 14 years ago.

Be inspired TAKE A CREATIVE WRITING WORKSHOP AS PART OF YOUR DEGREE OR TO DEVELOP YOUR WRITING TRIMESTER 1 COURSES 2020

CREW 255 CHILDREN’S WRITING

CREW 254 SHORT FICTION WORKSHOP

Renowned children’s author Whiti Hereaka will allow you to explore different forms of writing for the pre-adolescent child and begin to develop your own clear voice.

(Fridays 2–5 pm)

Award-winning short fiction writer, Pip Adam, will offer ways to advance your short stories through writing exercises and intensive workshopping.

(Mondays 4–7 pm)

CREW 350 WORLD-BUILDING WORKSHOP (Fridays 2–5 pm)

Elizabeth Knox, internationally acclaimed author of many novels, will convene this advanced creative writing workshop for writers interested in long-form narrative (especially speculative fiction and fantasy).

CREW 351 TELEVISION SCRIPTWRITING (Thursdays 4–7 pm)

Dave Armstrong is an experienced and award-winning television writer. He will convene this workshop involving the study and writing of television and web series scripts, including series drama, sitcom, soap, animation, and web series

CREW 354 LONG-FORM FICTION (Mondays 10 am–1 pm)

This advanced creative writing workshop, convened by Pip Adam, is a practical course for committed writers who wish to produce long-form fiction (10,000+ word stories).

APPLY NOW FOR TRIMESTER 1, 2020 Applications close 1 December 2019

To find out more about the creative writing courses offered by the International Institute of Modern Letters at Victoria University, go to www.victoria.ac.nz/modernletters or email modernletters@vuw.ac.nz

Pip Adam to convene new Long-form Fiction Creative Writing Workshop (CREW 354) Acclaimed writer Pip Adam will convene the new Long-form Fiction workshop (CREW 354) in Trimester 1, 2020. Pip has a book of short stories that won the 2011 NZSA Hubert Church Best First Book Award for Fiction, she was an Arts Foundation new Generation Award recipient in 2012, and her second novel, The New Animals, won the Acorn Foundation Fiction Prize at the 2018 Ockham New Zealand Book Awards.

CREW 354 is an advanced creative writing workshop. It is a practical course for committed writers who wish to produce long-form fiction (10,000+ word stories). Through the workshopping of each other’s fiction and the close reading of published literary texts, students will explore aspects of craft and writing practice for longer-form fiction or sustained pieces of work. Readings by Ursula LeGuin and Will Storr are touchstones to investigate aspects such as point of view, and how to sustain a narrative.

Whiti Hereaka to convene writing for the Young Creative Writing Workshp (CREW 255) Whiti Hereaka is a graduate of the International Institute of Modern Letters Master of Arts in Creative Writing (Scriptwriting, 2002) and writes for children and adults across media. Her adult fiction includes a novel, The Graphologist’s Apprentice, and she is the co-editor of Pūrākau an anthology of Māori myths retold by contemporary Māori writers. Her books for young adults include the time-slip novel Legacy, a novel about the Māori contingent in WWI, and the acclaimed novel Bugs. She has also written stories for the School Journal, and is a script writer for Pukeko Pictures’ animated TV series The Kiddets. She has mentored emerging Māori writers for Te Papa Tupu—an incubator programme run by the Māori Literature Trust.

Whiti Hereaka writes: ‘Writing for the young is a great challenge for the writer—young readers are among the most discerning; they see right through pretence. Writing for the young is also rewarding for the writer—young readers are passionate about the works that they love. “This course encourages you to write engaging work for young readers— work rooted in their life experiences, not from the misty nostalgia about that time in our own lives.”

Preya Gothanayagi

LET'S TALK ABOUT HILLARY CLINTON

Let's talk about Hillary Clinton. It’s probably true that the world has done enough talking about Hillary Clinton, but let’s talk about her anyway. She’s important. She was the first major party presidential nominee that has happened to have a uterus, and that’s not nothing. But I don’t want to focus on her presidential campaign. Or, for those of you hoping I’ll take a different tone from the lying mainstream media—the scandals that have plagued her across the years. Let’s also put aside the fact that her most recent opponent is a narcissistic orange fun-bag she should have annihilated in the last election. I’m also going to do my best not to go off on a tangent about the electoral college-abusing, bipartisan, gerrymandered shitstorm that is American politics because I’m not a political analyst, and I do not have the mental fortitude to handle it without my biases seeping all over the page like wine from the bottle I threw against the wall on November 6, 2016. No. I want to talk about cookies. In 1992, a probably well-meaning domestic magazine started the “Presidential Cookie Bake-off”, where the wives of the presidential nominee of each major party would submit their favourite cookie recipe, and the American public would vote on which one they liked best. The magazine, Family Circle, claims it’s all a bit of fun—but no, seriously, their competition can predict the outcome of the real competition, the presidential bid: the cookie winner’s spouse has won the presidency every year but one, when Cindy McCain’s Butterscotch Oatmeals trounced Michelle Obama’s 17

Shortbreads. The cookie bake off has run every election cycle up till 2016, and will probably make its next appearance during the 2020 showdown for the fate of democracy—but it probably shouldn’t. Despite their fun-and-games attitude, the heart of this contest is about shaming Hillary Clinton for a throwaway statement she made defending her career. And this is why we need to talk about it: As young adults, growing up in the relatively isolated safe haven of New Zealand, we tend to forget how difficult it’s been for the women all over the world who came before us—perhaps especially for those living in the ironically titled ‘land of the free, home of the brave’. Hillary Clinton is a prime example of this. Depending on who you are, you might see her as Queen of the Boss Ladies, or that shady politician who lost perhaps the most important election of our lifetimes, plunging us all into a right-wing fever dream that legitimises xenophobia and, for some odd reason, Nazis. To get to the point where she could lose such an important election, Hillary Clinton has had to push through an endless series of glass ceilings that we have all forgotten about. Let me give you a synopsis, my friends, because it is quite the ride. After graduating in 1973 from Yale Law School, as one of only 27 women in a class of approximately 200, Hillary Clinton decided she wanted to be a bad-ass lawyer lady, and she set about doing just that. Enter Bill Clinton. He and Hillary were very much in love, but he wanted to go off and be Governor in the wonderful world of Arkansas. This left Hillary with a decision to make: Would she follow her man?

Let's Talk About Hillary Clinton Or did she want to continue to pursue a legal career in DC? Unfortunately, fate made the decision for her—upon realising that she'd passed the bar exam in Arkansas, but failed in Washington, she took it as a cosmic sign. Off she went to be wifey to Bill, but like all feminist battleaxes everywhere, she insisted on keeping her own last name after marriage.

Times, making Hillary the failure, instead of Can’t-Keep-It-InMy-Pants Bill. Which was why, when Hillary made her next gaffe, society at large was ready to pounce: When questioned about her husband potentially funnelling money to her law firm as Governor of Arkansas, Hillary’s reply was pure exasperation. “I suppose I could have stayed home, baked cookies and had teas,” she said, blissfully unaware of the mud she had just slung at the housewives of America. When an aide pulled her aside to explain her unforgivable blunder, she expressed surprise, before hurrying out to the media to explain that her personal choice had been to work for her family, and indeed all families everywhere, and that she had nothing against stay-at-home mothers. But the damage had already been done. The New York Times published letters from women the country over, saying that they “resent the implication” that all they did was bake cookies, and wouldn’t vote for Bill because of his wife’s “smug bitchiness” (yes, that is an actual quote).

Enter the Arkansas public, who were incredibly confused about a woman who wanted to be a wife and a mother AND a professional. "That's not possible," they murmured, "How can a woman get dinner on the table on time if she’s too busy thinking about things too complicated for a wee female brain?" And so, the well-meaning populace started telling Hillary Rodham that she was hurting her husband's bid for election by being herself. Her oversized glasses and flyaway brown hair, her legal career and outspoken nature made her very much not a lady—and what kind of wife was that for Arkansas' governor? After one term in office, Bill Clinton lost his re-election bid and, for some odd reason, Hillary copped much of the blame. So—and this is important to understand—she gave in. She stopped trying to be who she was and became Someone’s Wife. The reinvention of Hillary Rodham began, and it was a doozy: She changed her clothes, dyed her hair blonde (WOW, blondes really DO have more fun!), took Clinton’s last name. Clinton won his next election. Looking at the new-and-improved Mrs Clinton, Arkansas breathed a sigh of relief. "Ah," they said, "NOW we have a First Lady."

And then Family Circle, a magazine all about domesticity, capitalised on the uproar by challenging Hillary Clinton and Barbara Bush, the spouse of Republican presidential nominee George H W Bush (no, not that George Bush, his dad) to a bake-off. And this is the best metaphor for American attitudes to powerful women of the time I can find: while their husbands were out trying to win the presidency, the highly competent First Ladies were reduced to a cookie competition.

But that wasn't the end of Hillary Rodham's missteps in her husband's political career. In 1992, while Bill was busy trying to become president, a cabaret singer named Gennifer Flowers revealed that she and Bill had engaged in an extramarital affair. In perhaps the most heartless move I have ever heard of, Bill’s campaign staff sent Hillary out to deny the affair and defend her husband.* And she did her job with her usual aplomb, carefully toeing the line between feisty and docile, independent yet domestic—but couldn’t contain her frustration by the end, when she finished off by saying, "I'm not sitting here—some little woman standing by my man like Tammy Wynette.”** And the public went wild. Despite Bill being the one who had wronged his wife and deceived the American people, despite the fact that political pundits all later agreed that Hillary had saved her husband’s presidential bid, Hillary ended up being the one who was forced by bad publicity to apologise—to, of all people, Tammy Wynette.

I wish that were a joke. Whatever Family Circle says, the competition began as a way to throw shade at Hillary Clinton; this should not have happened at all. But Hillary being Hillary, she accepted the challenge and, in true Hillary fashion, went all out. She hosted teas and baked cookies and handed them out and paid the price for the worst crime imaginable: being a woman with a mind of her own. And she won—her oatmeal chocolate chip cookie recipe beat Barbara Bush’s chocolate chip cookies with no oatmeal (which I’m personally a bit surprised about, because who likes chocolate chips with oatmeal?). Bill Clinton went on to win the presidency. Was the competition sexist? Was it well-deserved criticism of smug bitchiness? It’s possible to make an argument either way, although I’d argue that no, it was definitely sexist right down to its cookie-dough heart. As one political pundit put it: "What I think is fascinating is, in the year of the women where you have all these candidates up onstage, and we're all so proud of the fact that we've got women running for the senate and for the house, they've assigned Hillary Clinton to bake cookies for the duration."

This was not the end of her troubles. Despite being an impressive force in her own right, Hillary Clinton was expected to dim her own light in order to let her husband’s political ambition shine. Despite the fact that he was the one campaigning for high office, everyone had an opinion on her as potential First Lady—even Richard Nixon. “If the wife comes through as being too strong and too intelligent, it makes the husband look like a wimp,” he told the New York

Exactly. 18

Features But even though I take strong issue with all of the above, it’s not why I brought it up. Yes, the competition felt like it was designed to rub Hillary Rodham’s nose in cookie dough, but she accepted it, and went on to make it work for her. I admire her for that. If she can let it rest, so can we. But—wait for it—in 2016, when Hillary was running for president and the Family Circle Bake-Off reared its ugly head once more, Bill Clinton did not bake cookies. It would have been the perfect poetic justice. Clinton, having sabotaged his marriage and his wife’s career by messing up on the world stage, supports his wife’s election bid by participating in the very challenge designed to bring her down: the perfect end to a saga that we all now know ends imperfectly. However, this is not what happened. Instead, the original cookie recipe Hillary used in the first bake-off was dusted off and brought back, retitled “The Clinton Family’s Cookie Recipe”. This is some bullshit. Is it emasculating to participate in a cookie competition? I don’t know. Is it humiliating to put aside your ambitions in order to pick out china patterns, host teas, and give tours of a grandiose mansion in which your husband committed adultery, as Hillary Clinton did as First Lady? All I’m looking for is some equality here, if not between the sexes, then between a single married couple who are both equally capable of being in the kitchen and the White House. I’m not saying Hillary would have won the presidency if Bill had baked some shortbread, but dear lord was she saddled with his shortcomings, mind the damn pun. Maybe I’m being too hard on Bill Clinton. Maybe he didn’t think he could do better than Hillary’s original recipe. Maybe every kitchen he enters explodes in fear of being part of a political sex scandal. Maybe the bar for supportive spouses should have never been a cookie competition, no matter their gender. But times are certainly changing, and Hillary Clinton helped change them. The Democratic Party is chock-full of impressive women, and although Joe Biden is the favourite to win the nomination, it is not because he is the most impressive candidate. He so far has not come across as tough as Kamala Harris, as well-prepared as Elizabeth Warren, or even as holistically determined as Marianne Williamson, but people support him because he is a man, and men get elected. As his own wife puts it: “... You've got to look at who's going to win this election. And maybe you have to swallow a little bit and say, 'OK, I personally like so and so better,' but your bottom

line has to be that we have to beat Trump.” But that hasn’t stopped more husbands than ever before from eyeing the position of White House Spouse. From social media-savvy Hufflepuff Chasten Buttigieg, to sexylegs lawyer Bruce H Mann***, the race to be the first First Gentleman is on. And maybe America will decide that cookies are no longer relevant, and we need to let gendered expectations go. But I hope they won’t, and that we all get the dough we deserve. In the meantime, we here in New Zealand can feel privately smug about the fact that we perhaps have fewer glass ceilings left to shatter. We know from experience that a woman can be a Prime Minister, because we’ve had three. Our first lady leader, Jenny Shipley, was elected in 1999, twenty years ago, which doesn’t feel like long enough in my opinion, but progress of any kind is not to be sniffed at. While America squabbles about whether or not women are ‘electable’, we’ve been busy electing them. Jacinda Ardern helped shatter one of the highest glass ceilings of all, by having a baby while running a country, and if that doesn’t give you hope as a woman for your professional future, I don’t know what will. And if, for whatever reason, we’d held our own sexist First-Family Bake-off, you know Clarke Gayford would throw down. For all their talk about being the best country in the world, the US wouldn’t be able to touch our First Man’s cookies, or his fish, or whatever it is that Clarke Gayford does, bless his soul. Perhaps in light of all this, we should steal their title of ‘land of the free, home of the brave’. Your move, America. Your move. * By the way, he later admitted to the affair, stating they’d had sex on one occassion in 1977, just two years after he’d married Hillary. Dear lord Mr Clinton, for the love of all that is good in the world, could you not keep it in your pants?? ** A reference to “Stand By Your Man”, an eternal anthem of the feminist movement which instructs ladies to forgive marital infidelity because “you love him”, and he’s “just a man”. Ah, bless. *** Both well worth a Google. I promise. All certifiable Good People™

Janhavi Gosavi

PUPPY LOVE

For someone who has never been in love, I’ve been in love a lot. There’s a term for this sort of pitiful tragedy—“puppy love”. My earliest memory of puppy love was when I was six. He was a couple years older than me, and he and his friends would throw around paper planes during break time. I remember sticking around the abandoned playground after the lunch bell rang one day, picking up a crumpled plane, and stashing it away in my tote tray for safekeeping. And there it was: The seed had been planted for this obsessive lunacy I branded as romance. This seed, which bloomed in high school, became one of my defining personality traits: There she goes, the emotional trainwreck of a woman who writes poems to boys that probably can’t read. With one-sided love, the stakes are lower but the tea is hotter, so allow me to take you through a chronology of my past mishaps. This is for everyone who glazes over the topic of high school for fear of scrutiny, who carries around their past like it’s dead weight. Life’s too short to sweat the small stuff. If you were honest enough to wear your heart on your sleeve, you should be brave enough to take ownership of the consequences. To All The Boys I’ve (Chased) Before—here’s the shout out you never asked for. ______________________________________________

I am rocking up to the first day of this new year with a newfound swing in my step to mask my flickering gaze. Having become friends over the summer, Mitchell and I had been spending every night up at 2 a.m., dissecting the meaning of life on Facebook Messenger. But summer isn’t forever. At school, a dooming realisation hits—you don’t want anything to do with me. You and your cronies hang outside the canteen like a knock-off biker gang, and your friends make crude jokes at me when I walk past. Some days, if I have the audacity, I’ll look up and catch a glimpse of your face hiding behind the frontliners. Never the perpetrator, always the bystander, you are spineless and apathetic. It’s not doing much for my self-esteem to realise the man I’m baring my soul to online is really just an oversized boy using a phone screen as his crutch. I’ll spend the rest of the year with my head down as word gets around that I’m an attention-seeking tryhard attempting to climb the social ladder by chatting up an older guy. You ask me what my favourite Biggie Smalls song is, and I falter. It seems I have too much melanin on the outside, and not enough on the inside. So I’ve temporarily changed my entire music taste—if that doesn’t work, I’ll move on to switching my skin colour next. I’ve been learning the words to every one of J Cole’s top hits for you. The lyrics will stay with me. You won't.

Features ______________________________________________

what’s more pathetic: turning 18 without having been kissed, or wanting my first kiss to be a boy who only looks me in the eyes when he’s wasted.

Nicholas is simply a golden boy who deserves better. We have mutual friends who only say the nicest things about him—that combined with the fact that he is a chiseled god is enough to send me spiraling. Since he isn’t at my school, I can’t get my regular fix of his face. Being the out-of-the-box innovator I am, I have convinced his mates to send me daily Snapchats of him, saving them for a rainy day in an album on my phone. I have got to the 200th photo mark and he’s just found out. It’s not pretty.

That’s a lie. I know what’s more pathetic. It’s that even after you reject me like a broken record, I send you a PowerPoint presentation titled “Why you should date me”, complete with curated photos and a heavy dose of sarcasm. I like to think we’ll never go out due to artistic differences. ______________________________________________

The first time we meet in person is when we bump into each other at a street fair, a month after the finding-out-I-stalk-himthrough-pictures ordeal. I’m shoving waffles down my throat when I see him walking over from the burger stall, promptly regurgitating them back onto my plate and offering him a pathetic smile. I still don’t know how he has managed to not only forgive me for this gross violation of privacy, but eventually become a friend of mine. We’ve hung out, gone to parties, and he’s let me walk his dog—the latter being the truest sign of redemption.

Now I’m sitting pretty in the sociopolitical climate of 2019, realising I used to feel entitled to someone’s affection because I worked for it. That kind of mentality creates monsters. I need to check my my privilege. If I wasn't a 14-year-oldlooking, 5-foot-nothing Asian girl, there would be a hefty pile of restraining orders with my name on them. Privilege is subconsciously granted depending on where you stand in society, and for once, not being a ‘stale, pale male’ has proven advantageous. It’s easier to look back and dismiss my actions by romanticising my intentions; admitting what I did was problematic is a harder pill to swallow. You can earn someone’s respect, gain their trust, and become worthy of their time. If you’re lucky, they might even grow to love you. But you can’t make someone fall in love with you. That’s called pushing, and it’s far from romantic.

______________________________________________ II almost don’t resent the thought that I may be peaking in high school. But I’m incapable of having too much of a good thing, so in the midst of the accolades and accomplishments is Hamish. He wears button-up shirts that flatters his ribcage in ways he’d rather they didn’t. He announces plans to get into med school while smoking his way through packs of Marlboros. Pale, unremarkable, and unkind, he is the perfect target for my relentless affection.

I also realised the only way I could respectfully namedrop in this article was if I asked for permission from the aforementioned gentlemen. Writing about your puppy loves to a university audience is one thing; letting the guys involved know is a whole other. I sent messages explaining the situation and mentally prepared myself for replies of ‘fuck no’. Hamish thought I was making a fuss over nothing and said of course I could use his name, demanding he get sent a copy to read himself. Nick replied with a concise “go for it”.

It’s the ball afterparty and I have been anticipating this more than the event itself. You tell me you’re coming but the hours are ticking by, my curls are starting to unravel, and there's no sign of you. Leaving the party half-hearted and fully disappointed at 3 a.m., I climb into the car of the friend who volunteered to be my Uber for the night. Just as I get dropped home, I hear a ‘ping!’ from my phone. I am not one for physical excursion yet all it takes is a blurry Snapchat reading “where you at?” to send me running after the car in my skyscraper heels, insisting I be driven back.

And our old spineless friend Mitchell? His initial reaction was “damn I was skux”, followed by the first real conversation we’d had in years, followed by a farewell of “all the best for your assessments, you’ve got your ex-crush’s luck”. What stuck with me the most was when he mused that despite all of my crazy, he “respected my hustle”. As time passed, we evolved into adults who could see past the childish fantasies and obsessive tendencies—adults who shed their egos and learned to laugh instead of cringe.

As a last-ditch effort, I try the park down the street from the party, where durry lovers and projectile vomiters unite. Since lady luck is never on my side, you happen to be both. Steering me away from the swamp where you threw up half your body weight, you drag me to the stoners’ circle and I promptly begin to question my priorities in life.

So to all the boys I loved before: I pray that your romantic endeavours turned out better than mine. Whether you were The Shit, or just shitty, you made for good content and for that I am grateful.

If I’m being honest, I came back so I could kiss you. The scene plays out in my head like a coming-of-age film. I’m not sure

(In) Love always, a hopeless romantic

Felicia Evangelista

SHINE THROUGH SHARDS I have a slight preoccupation with permanency, with a side of ‘tendency to overthink’. Much like Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian, these two qualities don’t couple very well together at all. Something I’ve contemplated over the years is the question: What do we know to be true? The answer will definitely vary from person to person, and yes, it could be the simplest thing in the world. But what if your perception of truth, your perception of reality changes? Like finding out that Santa Claus isn’t real. Or realising the person you thought was hot is just tall, and/or is just really good with words. We’ve all had moments when we realise that what we know to be true isn’t as secure as we thought. We then note things as different from that moment on. We’re changed either for the better or for the worse. For a significant portion of my life, that moment occurred every few years. Murmurs, hushed conversations, and vague remarks all culminated into the inevitable: My parents sat me and my brother down and explained that my dad had been offered a job overseas and that we would be moving. I don’t remember much from the first three moves—mainly just cardboard boxes, bubble wrap, and empty houses—but as I grew up, the process became so familiar to me that I learned to expect it. Telling my friends and teachers was always the worst part. The reality I had perceived was unravelling right in front of me, and it was fucking terrifying. Everything I had known to be true was packed away for later, neatly wrapped with promises of, “We’ll keep in touch for sure!” The things that I had held dear were compartmentalised and sent off to wherever we were moving next. Seeing all of our possessions loaded into boxes, looking so small in the space of a moving van, has always blown my mind. On the other hand, what we know to be true doesn’t have to deal with the facts at all. The opinions we perceive as the truth could be different to the truths held by the person next to you. Not only do we question everything we know, we also question who we are; how we act in accordance to this also changes who we become. In 2016, I moved overseas twice. From Auckland to Abu Dhabi and back again. I’ve been The New Girl, time and time again, and you know

what? It’s fun being The New Girl. I’m not gonna lie—you have the ability to transform yourself into someone who you never were before. As The New Girl, you become somewhat of a novelty item. People ask all sorts of stuff about you. They’re interested in your hobbies and what food you like, because they know a place that does good pasta. They ask if you think Sam Claflin is cute because they’re all going to watch a movie, and do you want to come along? The one thing they never really genuinely ask you about is the life you left behind. My friends would ask about life in New Zealand, but they’d never ask about the move itself and I never told them either. Our move back to Auckland was so last-minute that I had to tell them over an Instagram group chat, and my teachers over an email. They never really asked me about moving back then too. Through all of this, my perception of reality changed who I became. Moving once was hard to deal with, but with moving twice, I became so consumed in the friendships, experiences, and opportunities I had lost. It’s safe to say that my mood erratically fluctuated between angry, sad, hopeful, optimistic, and resentful—to name a few. To put it bluntly, I became a total bitch. My reality had been shattered and I lost perception of myself. I certainly didn’t perceive myself as becoming the worst version of me, but I had. I became cold, rude, and ungrateful. It took my mild-mannered and kind-hearted father to lose his composure for me to realise who I’d become. These moments in life can either make you better or worse. What if you have no idea who you are though? I’d like to believe I’ve changed since then. I’m less cynical and more trusting. A part of me still hesitates though, and I low-key always believe things are way too good to be true. I may never understand why some things change and some don’t, why people leave or stay, but over my 19 years of living what I know to be true is this: It took nineteen years, four countries, nine houses, and seven moves to get me where I am now. And you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing. It can be really fucking easy to play the “what if” game, but believe me, I’ve lost against myself time and time again. When our realities change, it’s incredibly tough to confront what’s left behind. It’s even worse to see yourself reflected in it all and to realise you’re not the person you wanted to be. Picking up the pieces is never easy.

Edward Smith, Lens, Digital

l Render, 297 x 420mm, 2019

Sauvignon Papi

DILLINGERS BRASSERIE

8.6/10

Just dusted off my first WOAP burger from Dillinger’s and fuck, it was mean. Vape pairing was Numb Skull Menthol Lime™ flavour, stimulate your senses. The brisket was tender like legal currency and paired with the pickle for an unequivocal combo. The mac ‘n cheese was creamy and really added to the tender flavour profile, and the chips were parmesan coated and fucking delectable with the marrownaise, yol fuck. The only detractor was the beer pairing, which was stock as fuck and that the atmosphere was pretty mid. All in all, however, this burger was fucking delicious 8.6/10, geddit in ya.

EGMONT STREET EATERY

7.6/10

2nd was the Fatty Melt from Egmont Street Eatery and it was fucking good. The chips were standard like a Sunday evening, but the burger was a right tasty mess, more like 3:30 a.m. on a beig nioght out moite. This thing was all the right type of cheesy and had a good sauce/pickle deal that hit my sweet spot, real hardy burger taste to the patty too. The cherry cola beer was a gosh darn treat, if you like cherry coke you'll be frothing. I'd rate this 7.6/10. Take a date here and drawl on about your meticulously curated VHS collection and you'll have nailed the perfect night in. Vape pair was menthol lime, not because I don't have other flavours, but because the ice blast is the perfect fucking finisher.

5/10

LAUNDRY CUBA STREET Numero tres is the MacBurglar from Laundry Cuba Street. Kinda looks like a Big Mac's older sibling that was dropped as a kid. The burger was by no means bad, but didn't taste a thing like a Big Mac so the only thing getting burgled was my fucking dreams of a boujee Big Mac, apparently. Chips were aight nothing special, the beer was matched because it looks like a coke which was kinda dope. I give them a ⁠10/10 for aesthetics, but a fat 5/10 for the meal; you'd be better off getting an actual Big Mac. Durry pairing was a Camel Berry Menthol switcher, cause I needed an actual smoke after this disappointment.

Features

7.5/10

CARRELLO DEL GELATO 4th WOAP burger was from Carrello del Gelato and it was fucking mean. This messy little heart attack was on my radar from the getgo and didn't disappoint. The flavour profile was fucking intense though, like an orgy of sweetness with just as much white substance everywhere. Chips were buzzy, little pastries but the thickshake was average :-( All in, I'd rate it a 7.5/10 even though it left my stomach violated. Didn't pair it with any vape or dart; I've decided to change my ways.

EKIM BURGERS

8.8/10

Burger five put to rest eternally by Ekim Burgers. Leroy's Blue Chicken was fucking tasty, and cheap too at $12. This dusty chook was spectacular, nice ‘n juicy with no signs of salmonella. The blue cheese and bacon jam not only heightened the flavour profile, but allowed a shitty vegetable like beetroot to not taste like the devil's dick! And their fries are fucking fuego now that they're not fucking huge, especially with dat homemade tomato relish. Ekim's entry was fucking mean, and since everywhere else seems to be fucking booked, why not grab this bad bitch for tea? It's an 8.8/10 don't @ me. Paired it with PB & Jam Monster vape flavour, dusty desert for a true cretin.

3.4/10

THE FEATHERSTON My sixth WOAP burger from The Festherston was fucking mid. What started off as a blissful experience, with some cash money coleslaw and magnificent mashed spuds ‘n gravy quickly deteriorated into a shithouse meal. The chicken was dry, and the bun was drier than a nun's mum tunnel for fuck’s sake. It barely had any sauce on it, so we had to drown it in gravy like a prisoner of war. The bacon was wavy NGL but his burger was hot trash. I got the beer pairing but decided it'd be best to neck it and gap back to mahi with a heart full of sorrow. This was plan B too, we wanted to go to Leroy's but they were fully booked lel. It's a 3.4/10 from me dawg, step it up. Vape pairing was Grape that was about 7 months old, somehow still hit better than the burger.

For the 2020 student executive

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Meet your Candidates...

President

Geo Robrigado 14 years at the forefront of student issues. 14 years advocating for students. One goal: all aboard a VUWSA for all. Tēnā koutou katoa, ko Geo tōku ingoa. Since 2005, I have been at the forefront of the student movement advocating for students. As part of the student movement of the University of the Philippines, I fought against unjust 300% fee increases, ‘red-tagging’, campus militarisation, and blatant government corruption. My experiences led me to continue student advocacy, this time for the students of Vic, starting with the VUW International Students Association (V-ISA) in 2014, and then with VUWSA as Campaigns Officer in 2018, and currently as your Academic VP. Now, I want to continue the mahi that we started and become your next VUWSA President. If there’s one thing that I learned in the past fourteen years as a student leader, it is that collective action leads to big wins. And looking back at VUWSA, our biggest wins were not just the results of the work of the executive, but the mahi and dedication of every student of this university. And that’s why as your President, we will work towards: • A more accessible education by continuing to empower our student representatives and pushing for student-focused and equitable academic policies and programmes; • A university focused on student rights and welfare by ensuring that the university is a safe learning environment free from discrimination, and where the student voice is amplified; • An engaged and civic-oriented student body by strengthening our clubs, groups, and initiatives, ensuring that there’s something for everyone and that no one gets left behind. And as we head towards the General Elections next year, we will fight to ensure that the student agenda becomes a policy point of all contesting political parties and that VUWSA is the strongest advocate for student issues. We have seen how the students of Vic have started to take ownership of their education and their university. As your President, I would want everyone to continue to own our university. That is why we are getting all aboard a VUWSA for all. Maraming salamat po!

Richard Beere Kia ora tatou, my name is Richard Beere; this year I’m running for VUWSA President. My journey here started on a Tuesday in September 2018. That was the day that I stood up at the VicLabour AGM and urged all my friends that it was time to stand up to the university leadership. We were in the midst of the Vice-Chancellor’s name change campaign and I had read about the story of a young woman evicted from Cumberland Hall. Since then, I have devoted my time fighting for what’s right at this university. I’ve been the VicLabour Rainbow Officer; I’m the Living Wage Club President, and I’m taking charge on the VUWSA ‘Take Back the City’ campaign. In these roles, I’ve been honing and building our power as students to fight for a Living Wage for all university staff, build safe rainbow spaces and enrolling students to vote. To continue this work, I have 3 major goals for when I’m VUWSA president next year. Sexual Assault Support and Prevention It’s time that recognise the sexual violence crisis at this university. 1 in 3 people experience sexual violence while at university. That needs to change. I want to increase funding to specifically target support for sexual violence survivors, comprehensive consent and alcohol education program in the halls. We need to take aim at rape culture and make university safer for everyone. Standing Together as Students Students are the biggest and most important stakeholder at this university. Together, our money pays for the services, we make it a vibrant place to be, we are the university. We need to start acting like it. We need to stand up to the university leadership and for our own voice. Student Power in Politics Students have real power in this country but we need to harness it. The best way to do that is engage with politics. 2020 will be an election year and I want to build students as a powerful force through voter enrolments and a pressure campaign to address the structural issues we face.

Academic Vice President Max Salmon Hi, I’m Max, a second-year student here at Vic, and throughout my time at the University I have seen inspiring positive reform come from our academic representatives. However, I believe there is room for much greater change which can directly and positively affect you as students. The first such change I will enact when in office will be reforming the current broken exam system. Like the rest of my campaign, this reform rests on the idea that University has its challenges and that these shouldn’t be added to by a poorly managed academic system. Fortunately, throughout my time involved in the University I have also seen that staff are open and willing to help student-driven change occur. What I want is to be able to use that goodwill and put my skills and experience at your disposal to create a University that provides only the best for you, its students. Vote Max for Academic Vice-President to see positive change for you!

Sydney Dean

& Education Officer

Kia Ora, My name is Sydney Dean and I am an international postgraduate in the School of Biological Sciences. I aspire to receive my Ph.D. and continue on as a professor, therefore I was most drawn to the Academic Vice President/ Education Officer roles. I chose to do my postgraduate work at Victoria because of its esteemed reputation in education and research. I want to be an active member in this university and represent the student body to create an optimal learning environment for all levels. I am the right candidate for this position as I have 4 years’ experience working with students living both on and off-campus with accommodation, educational, financial, and personal problems. I am an experienced leader and I believe in strong teamwork and supportive connections within the university. As a student I experienced first – hand how difficult study at university can be, and feel that it is my responsibility to learn from that time and improve the educational support system for students at Victoria however I can.

Rinaldo Strydom This year I’ve had a blast on the VUWSA Executive, working on the issues that make a real difference in our community. As Education Officer, I started the Check the Rec campaign to get lecture recordings for all of our classes. I helped create a comprehensive report with the voices of students from all over our university to support the campaign, and I’m stoked to say we’re working with university leadership and making real progress. After a year of this mahi and much more, I’m keen to keep getting W’s for students in the academic space, and that’s why I’m ready to be Academic Vice-President. Students deserve access to every tool available that can help us make the most out of our here. Here’s how I’m going to make that happen as your AVP. First, we’re going to keep the ball rolling on a lecture recording policy for everyone. Second, we’re going to ensure a strong student voice through a Student Assembly where Student Faculty Associations are always contributing. Finally, VUWSA will continue serving the student community through compassion and connection. This means getting out onto campus and talking to people from all over our student community, on every campus.

Hassan Tariq

& Education Officer

In my role as Academic Vice President, I will work closely with the Education Officer and the Student Representation Coordinator to ensure that there is student representation and voice at all levels of the university. I have plenty of experience in working for these kinds of roles as I believe I can help engage students in long-term and sustainable academic activities. My preference will be the ensuring the quality of education provided to compete in national and international arenas. This will include the provision of necessary research and training opportunities to all students. This will also ensure the promotion of equal and justified teaching and assessment standards for all students regardless of their sex, age, color or religion. I think VUW academic policies should make it a place where everyone should feel welcomed and included. Yes, we are ONE

Welfare Vice President Alexis Mundy

& Engagement Vice President

Hi everyone. A little about me: I am originally from the UK; I have been in New Zealand for 6 years. I have campaigned to help children with Autism Spectrum Disorders in Education alongside campaigning for those with disabilities this is something i am passionate about. l see it that its everyone’s right to a good education, and this can be achieved by access to support services to help students get the best outcome for their future! I am running for Welfare Vice President because I want to advocate for all students, 2020 will be an exciting year with the general election coming up, which will provide many opportunities for advocacy. I will do this by advocating for financial, income and welfare supports for students in order to remove the barriers to education whatever the need may be. Being a student is hard enough, so the more I can help to make it the best experience possible the more students can concentrate on their studies! I am happy to talk to anyone; I would love to know what issues you have faced or are facing whilst studying and where best I can help! Alexis Mundy mundyalex@myvuv.ac.nz

Brock Stobbs This year, I have been involved with UniQ as its Communications Officer and VUWSA through sitting on various committees. In these roles, I have worked with staff towards creating a more equitable and accessible university, work I want to continue as your Welfare VP. Mental Health So many of us have experienced mental health problems, but few of us can address these effectively. I want to work with various communities to develop actions plans that will prioritise what you know needs to happen. I will implement them while you can use them to hold me accountable. Sexual Violence This year, the university developed a Sexual Harassment Prevention Policy and Procedures, but you probably didn’t hear about it. Student consultation was inadequate while the policy wasn’t preventative. I was to establish a bystander intervention culture and promote the training of tutors and RAs in handling disclosures. Financial Insecurity The cost of living increases, yet we see no improvement in its standard. I want to improve accessibility to VUWSA’s assistance initiatives like the Community Pantry and university schemes like the Hardship Fund Equity Grants. I also hope to campaign for the reestablishment of postgraduate allowances. If you wanna chat, hit me up!

Michael Turnbull Kia Ora Whanau! My name is Michael Turnbull and I’m having a punt at being YOUR Welfare VP for 2020! A 2nd year hailing from the mighty South Auckland, I am another LLB/BA student running for VUWSA, and my three areas of passion are mental health, sexual harm awareness and reduction, and student service accessibility. Over the last year I’ve worked as both WSO and Acting WVP for VUWSA. I understand the job and have the experience and passion needed to smash this role right out of the (alcohol inclusive) Kelburn Park. I also have three achievable goals: 1. Staff Training I will push for academic staff to have compulsory training in major student issues, such as mental health and sexual harm, so we can foster an empathetic learning culture throughout university. 2. Student Services Not everyone studies politics. I seek to boost VUWSA run student services in Pipitea and Te Aro, such as the community pantry and free menstrual products, so all students have access. 3. Hall Engagement By working with the halls to ensure first years have a greater understanding of student relevant issues, we can lay the foundations for a positive university experience. Remember folks, Vote Michael T for WVP

Engagement Vice President Joanna Li Kia ora e te whānau! I’m Joanna and I’m running to be your 2020 Engagement VP! I’m a second year LLB/BA student, and an RA! I’m also a big fan of cheeky midnight Maccas (or Noodle Canteen) runs. As your EVP, I will focus on: ELECTION: Empowering students for the 2020 general election. • Acknowledging students aren’t one group that can be boxed into a single line of politics. • Working together with all clubs and rep groups (including traditionally non-political ones) to increase voter turnout. • Supporting first time voters, particularly in halls of residence. EDUCATION: Raising awareness as to what is actually available. • Promoting our safe spaces, community pantry, free bus passes, advocacy services, free menstrual products, and other academic services (VUWSA is more than just O-Week!). • Clarifying the process for clubs funding applications. • Bringing attention to initiatives already run by other organisations on campus, and providing support (volunteers, admin) when needed. ACTION: Developing a comprehensive resource on the how-tos of mobilisation. • Producing a series of workshops and pamphlets outlining how to organise and participate in a protest, occupation, or march. Check out my Facebook event for more - search “Vote Joanna for VUWSA Engagement VP 2020!”.

Millie Osborne Kia ora e te whānau, For those of you who don’t know me/haven’t seen me at a club event, I’m Millie and I’m your current Clubs and Activities Officer, a role I cherish. In 2020 I’m stepping up and running to be YOUR Engagement Vice President! So about me, I’m a massive fan of The Office, meowing at cats and a cheeky bit of D&D! I’m also a fourth year, doing an LLB/BA majoring in ANTH yay! Being a on VUWSA this year in my role I’ve achieved lots, including: • Promoting VUWSA’s campaigns, making clubs more accessible, clubs collaboration (e.g. international food festival) plus heaps more! Next year I’ll build the Engagement portfolio in three ways: 1. Getting YOUR opinion • The university can struggle engaging with students. I’ll facilitate communication so uni is a place where our perspective is treasured.

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2. Hella Cool Campaigns • Let’s do exec video updates, club collab opportunities and promotion of VUWSA/UNI services so you’re up to date. 3. Election Action • 2020 = election year! I’ll lead a campaign so everyone from first years to Phd students is engaged in the election process! Any questions, message me! DON’T BE SILLY, VOTE FOR MILLIE

Treasurer - Secretary

Luke Wiremu Redward Kia ora, my name’s Luke and I’m running to be your Treasurer/Secretary for 2020. I have experience in finance, I have taken an active involvement in my iwi’s finances, I am the Treasurer for PolSoc and my experience as a former Parliamentary Staffer has seen me work with a large budget. Last year the VUWSA exec set some fantastic frameworks down in terms of mental health. This year, I want to expand on the foundations with my well-being plan. I will continue the hard work last year’s executive has done. On top of that I have four policy ideas. I will look into introducing free breakfasts every weekday morning; I will expand on and work with last year’s mental health framework alongside Victoria; I will get into talks with Victoria to introduce a VUWSA Hardship Fund in conjunction with the University; I will ensure that every VUWSA employee is paid living wage. So vote for me. Now is not the time to be fiscally conservative. I’m putting our well-being first.

Ralph Zambrano I’m Ralph and I’m fighting for change. I’ve served as the first Filipino Youth Ambassador of NZ and worked as a Parliamentary Youth Engagement Advisor. I’m proud to be a student at Vic but we can do better. We deserve a VUWSA that cares about our wellbeing and does everything it can to make students belong. A VUWSA For All needs to be SMART: • Sustainable - I will push for a paperless administration, reducing spending and wastage. • Money-Wise - I will maintain and expand crucial services, pushing for subsidised printing and replacement fees, and the delivery of morning-after pills. I will also look at establishing a VUWSA “What’s Up?” hotline, linking you with student support. • Accountable - I will conduct regular reporting on VUWSA’s progress on delivering for you and push for a cut back on unnecessary outsourcing and executive spending. • Responsible – I will review VUWSA actions, investments, and assets use and make sure that they are maximised sensibly. • Transparent – I will revamp the VUWSA website to be easier to access, understand, and navigate. Everything will be at the palm of your hands. It’s about doing the mahi so you can reap the treats. Together, let’s make a difference!

Grace Carr

Campaigns Officer

I’m Grace Carr, a second year student, studying Economics, Environmental Studies, and Philosophy. I’m a grassroots moment whiz who is passionate about action on what affects students’ lives and experiences. Through ActionStation and Generation Zero, I have training and experience in running effective, exhilarating campaigns, such as the Zero Carbon Bill campaign! Now I’m ready to spice up Victoria University with fiery campaigns, and rise up together to address student concerns. If elected, I will act on: Student issues • Empower and equip students to run their own campaigns • Advocacy and education on cannabis referendum, housing, student safety and support with sexual assault, student loans, and education • Accessible information, events, participation More than an education • Take the charge on addressing sexual assault, racism, and mental health • Collaborate to have Victoria University implement a core first year course on Te Tiriti o Waitangi, Te Ao Māori, race, consent and gender • Put student rights and voices at the forefront of the university A vote for Grace is a vote for accessible action and vigorous advocacy. Now is the time to ignite a fire of engagement and exciting campaigns. Let’s create a strong, empowered and thriving student community together.

Regan Gilmour Kia ora e hoa mā! My name is Regan. My campaign experience starts in 2016 when I embarked on a life-changing exchange to Brazil. When faced with proposed budget cuts to public schools and hospitals by the corrupt and tyrannical former president my classmates and I decided to act. Our campaigns had us face-to-face with armed militia and forceful government resistance. Before my exchange, I had only a passing interest in politics but, my experience in Brazil invigorated my passion for fighting for students’ rights and welfare. It is this experience that has inspired me to run for Campaigns Officer and bring my activism to VUWSA. I will continue to fight for student welfare and a quality education no matter the adversity. Amongst many other things, you can expect to see me working on the following as your Campaigns Officer: • Collaborating with the VUWSA exec and the university to bring about positive change in Sexual Wellbeing and Consent Education • Fighting for a more equitable and transparent fees setting process • Improving mental health education at Vic I will ensure that our education is not up for negotiation by standing firm and fighting for important student issues!

Seth Kirk Hey all, I’m Seth, keen to be your VUWSA campaigns officer for the coming year. Here’s what I’ll be bringing to the table. First, the obvious part: the Campaigns Officer is in charge of ensuring the various VUWSA events that occur both on and off vic campus go off smoothly; things like stress free study week and OWeek, as well also student marches or outreaches into the community at large. Trust me when I say I really do have a passion for giving students at vic the best possible experience and opportunities when it comes to events like these as well as the communication skills and confidence to pull them off. Everyone should be getting the most out of uni, whether that’s an awesome OWeek, a new study group or a march for the issues that matter to them. The other side of the role, closely linked to the first, is ensuring that our voices are heard and known when it comes to important student issues for us and the world. What do vic students have to say about an increase in fees? On living conditions in flats and halls? Or, dare I ask, changing the name of the Uni?

Clubs and Activities Officer Jackson Graham Kia Ora. My name is Jackson, second-year BA student and President of The Politics Society. I’d like to be your next Clubs And Activities Officer and the reason I’m standing is because we have some serious work to do in order to create a more inclusive space for clubs and students on campus. My campaign is all about accessibility. We need to be creating a space where every student can feel like they have equal access to our clubs and their resources. Some people can’t get up to Kelburn, because it’s out of the way or their disability prohibits them from easily getting up the hill. More events at our other campuses is paramount in changing this, so our entire student body can feel engaged. VUWSA also needs to be consulting more with clubs that speak for underrepresented groups, to ensure future policy is influenced by the communities it will be impacting. We also need to be providing support for our political clubs in the 2020 election year, giving them the platforms they need to help get students out to vote. We all deserve more from VUWSA. More accessibility, more consultation and more engagement.

Sully (Tara O’Sullivan) I’m a second year BCom student, and while I enjoy my studies, it’s clubs that I’m truly passionate about. I’m the Co-President for the VicUFO, Treasurer for TIBVUW, and Secretary for VegVUW. I have a seat on the clubs council, attend the monthly SEDC meetings, host the sharing circle for women and gender minorities, and the FemFM radio show on SalientFM. I’m a clubs geek, and I want to see clubs do their best. I run for this role with the belief that clubs know what’s right for them. I won’t pretend to know your club better than you, so I’ll be taking a collaborative approach to advocacy and decision making throughout my term. My three core policy initiatives are; 1. Facilitate two inter-club social/networking events every trimester to discuss club related issues, and build a clubs community. 2. Advocate for appropriate club/rep group spaces at all three campuses, Victoria has no queer space, and the women’s space is inaccessible. 3. Collaborate with clubs from Pipitea and Te Aro, to design and implement a student engagement plan. Each club is important to its members, and I want to honor that. Please feel free to get in touch with any questions.

Tara O’Connor Helloo, my name is Tara O’Connor and I’m running to be your VUWSA clubs and activities officer for 2020. I’m in my second year of law and commerce. I can guarantee to bring dedication and a big smile to the role. I see clubs and activities as being a vital part of our university’s culture. They have the power to bring people from all walks of life together and offer a sense of community in what can at times be an isolating environment. My approach to this role would aim to increase three things, inclusion, involvement and integration. Inclusion of all campuses in the promotion of clubs and activities. Increased involvement, with a particular focus on first year students and students feeling as though clubs are accessible beyond just club’s week. Increased integration not only of clubs into university culture, but also integration between clubs, increasing the already present collaboration between execs. I have a huge appreciation for the value and experiences clubs offer to students. I am passionate, dedicated, committed and would be honoured to have your vote to be clubs and activities officer for VUWSA in 2020.

Océon Grady Kia Ora, Talofa, and G’day, I’m Océon and one thing I’ve learnt from life is that it clearly doesn’t matter about the wickets you take, but the boundaries that you push, which is why I want to be your Clubs & Activities Officer for 2020! I have always enjoyed actively learning and engaging in different sports, activities, and cultures. This has allowed me to play sport at a national level, make life-long friendships, appreciate diverse cultures, and see the positive impact that communities have on people’s lives. With my passion and willingness to get everyone involved, I will make sure that students will have greater Awareness, Anticipation, and Accessibility to what’s going on in and around Uni by: • Pushing for more workshops, hall visits, competitions, cultural performances, and weekly videos on the activities happening around Uni. • Increasing the accessibility and visibility around ALL campuses for events and activities. • Ensuring that any individual and collective achievements are recognised. • Making sure that all clubs have the appropriate resources they need. Overall, no matter how wacky or wonderful your interests are, I’ll make sure that every student will be a part of a community where they feel safe, included and excited about!

Education Officer Taylah Shuker Kia ora koutou! Education is a key part of our lives; ultimately, it’s why we’re at uni. For some, this journey may be a walk in the park, but for the majority, education is full of continual self-sacrifice, trials, tribulations … and the overconsumption of coffee! As your Education Officer, I want to improve education at VUW; I hope to “reflect your values” by advocating for services, creating a positive community, and empowering a student voice. To achieve this, education should be: MULTICULTURAL - Empowering the use of Te Reo Māori and NZSL in and outside the classroom to encourage important holistic learning. - Supporting diversity in learning. INCLUSIVE - Encouraging and ensuring equal opportunities at VUW by promoting and developing student learning services. - Continuing the ‘Check the Rec’ campaign to record lectures. RANGATIRA - Each of you have something to offer, wisdom to share. This policy aims to empower you by providing a platform for diversity in voices and solutions on educational issues. REPRESENTATIVE - Ensuring every student’s voice is heard and advocated for. - Increasing collaboration between different campuses and representative groups including VUWLSS and Class Reps. Most importantly, education should be FOR EVERYONE. Let’s chat! @taylahshuker

Equity Officer Adrianne Ramirez Kia ora / As-saalamu aalaikum / Mabuhay! I’m Adrianne Ramirez. I’m a Filipina who grew up in Abu Dhabi before coming to Wellington to study Music and International Relations. Why am I running for Equity Officer? Our reality overflows with discrimination, racism, and inequity. Many have been and still are forced to bear it in silence. This does not exclude us students. This is a reality that needs to change - and I believe that we as a community can work towards it. We can choose to heal and fix - to embrace awareness and grow with each other. We may all have different voices, but it is within our power to make it so that each and every one is heard. Together, we can make Vic a university whose policies and practices are powered by equity. If elected, my main focuses of campaign will be: - Bolstering educational and financial support for international, Maori, Pasifika, LGBTQIA+ students and students with disabilities/affected by mental health with a focus on scholarships/grants - Consistent advocacy for increased budget allocation to Maori/Pasifika/International/ other minority group facilities, for both students and staff - Consistent advocacy for more courses incorporating diverse cultural, ethnic and sociological perspectives

Parminder Kaur Hello! I’m Parminder, a second year studying Politics, International Relations and Chinese. I’m running for Equity Officer because I want to help everyone have an amazing university experience! If elected, I will aim to make campuses and learning more accessible and inclusive for everyone by advocating for more accessible spaces, and resources and materials that are easily available in different formats- whether that be through recorded lectures, translations or more online resources. I will also advocate for easily accessible support services. No one should be deprived of much needed support due to it being inaccessible. I will commit to ensuring everyone can easily access health and support services needed to make their university experience safer and more positive Another focus is improving communication across university. Having worked with rep groups at uni, I recognize the importance of a strong communication platform for students and rep groups to share their input. I want to build upon previous platforms to develop an active consultation forum between students, groups and the university. I also want to increase communication across campuses to ensure everyone’s voices are heard and amplified, so everyone can have a great time! For Accessibility, For Inclusion, For Equity, Vote Parminder!

Wellbeing and Sustainability Officer Sophie Simons Vote Sophie Simons for VUWSA Wellbeing and Sustainability Officer; putting the WELL in wellbeing and the SUSTAIN in sustainability. I want an increased student health approach to student concerns and awareness surrounding significant environmental challenges that plagues the university. I want the university to hear our concerns and be forced to act on issues of mental and physical health and sustaining a healthy, natural environment. I plan to create student forums for feedback surrounding student health experiences to take this to the university, to create positive change around our student health system. I want more sustainable packaging from campus food places through petitions and campaigns - the university to maximise the potential of the environment and provide safer, more eco-friendly alternatives. As an aware, politically active, first year, queer Bachelor of Arts student I want to make a positive difference to the lives of all students with the VUWSA Wellbeing and Sustainability role. We need more spaces for minorities to feel safe and have a voice within campus. We need to make change to the world we live in to create an enhanced student experience for all. So vote for Sophie Simons for Change, making an impact for all!

Leteicha Lowry Hey, I’m Leteicha. You may have seen me bouncing around campus in a cheer uniform, or on my 3rd coffee, studying in the library. If this is our first meeting, I’m happy to make your acquaintance. I’m even happier to tell you why I would love your vote in the upcoming VUWSA elections. The Wellbeing and Sustainability Officer role encompasses two of the things I care for most: people’s wellbeing, and the environment. I consider wellbeing of the utmost importance. My own mental health and ability to study were compromised last year, and so I know just how important wellbeing at university is. My goals are to ensure the emotional and physical needs of students are met so they can successfully complete their studies. Students require effective health services, adequate financial support, and quality accommodation, and I will advocate for these. Studying physical geography and science in society, sustainability is also extremely important to me, and I will work to increase student awareness of and engagement in sustainable initiatives on and off-campus. I will introduce more compost bins for disposal of compostable coffee cups, and increase the number of mugs in the Boomerang scheme. I hope I have your vote!

Maddison Rowe I am a tenacious and passionate Law and Environmental Studies student who is campaigning to facilitate mental illness awareness, sexual assault prevention and kaitiakitanga at VUW. One significant problem that affects the VUW student population is the inaccessibility of mental health services. I know that a wait-time can be a matter of life and death. If elected, I’d aim to abolish a wait-time and create supportive networks students can use if they cannot be seen by Student Wellbeing immediately. I aim to focus on sexual assault prevention through continually emphasising sexual health education around campus. An important subset of this education should be an intensified focus on first-year students living in halls of residence. I will enact networks at VUW for victims of sexual assault where they feel there is a welcoming environment for them to speak to their experience. Environmentalism and sustainability at VUW should be based on tikanga Maaori. One facet of my campaign that sets me apart from my opponents is that my campaign is cognizant of indigenous environmental protection. If elected, I will not only continue the work of VUWSA sustainability campaigns, but I’ll also uplift the voices of indigenous representatives within these initiatives.

Sophie Dixon Kia Ora, I’m Sophie Dixon, your best choice for Wellbeing and Sustainability Officer. My campaign is about Breaking out of the Bubble. This means a focus on community, collective action, and connection. If elected, I would organise a climate crisis conference. This would harness our collective power and ideas ahead of the 2020 Election, and develop my plan for concrete actions by the student body and university. I believe that connection and community will strengthen physical and mental wellbeing. I will campaign to increase access to Mauri Ora and the Fitness Centre, as well as working with local council to advocate for better public transport and renting conditions. I want the health of the university body to be a key focus in any interaction with the wider Wellington community. I am the ideal person to action these policies. I have strong communication skills and experience, having written on the climate strikes and mental wellbeing for RNZ and Salient, ran an environmental conference, and researched for Lawyers for Climate Action. I’m always keen for a chat, so message me to learn more or to join the campaign. Vote Dixon for a determined, dynamic and dependable voice.

Sophie Brooker Priorities: People + Planet In 2020, I’ll be in my final year of an Architecture degree. I’m super creative, adventurous, and live for the outdoors. This role would allow me to continue doing what I love while also giving me the chance to make a real change. I am currently the interim WSO, so I’m already learning the ropes, but more than that I am immersed in the world of sustainable clubs including: • President of OpShop Society • Executive on Plastic Diet • Te Aro Representative on Sustainability Committee I’ll be the first to say it, I don’t have a lot of experience in wellbeing advocacy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t fight for it every chance I get. Student Finance, Mauri Ora, The Bubble, you name it, I’m amongst it. I know the wellbeing services inside and out, so I already have some ideas on what needs to be improved. This is my dream job! The people and the planet have always been my priorities. It’s been too long since we’ve had a Te Aro representative at VUWSA, and I’m so excited to bring our three campuses together! Vote for me because I’m driven, experienced, and I’m ready to kill this!

Anthony Servuts-Harrison Life as a modern student is tough. Many of us have trouble with bills, and balancing work and study along with our physical and mental wellbeing. And that’s all before dreading the cheery thought of the environmental future ahead of us. I have a proven track record with wellbeing, having worked and trained as part of the Vic Red [Cross] and helping students to access support and health services. As a public policy student, I also know the value of community outreach and will make events and services that are as inclusive and effective as possible. My top priorities will be: • The creation of a holistic sustainability programme, with support from VUW groups, sustainability organisations, and local government to create an initiative the extends beyond the grounds of the university; • Solving issues of wellbeing alongside Māori, Pasifika, LGBTQIA+, and other minority groups to craft informed, effective programmes that will impact the lives of all at VUW; • Creating more legal resources to help students defend their wellbeing while outside university, including translations of the existing flatting handbook for international students and the creation of a new handbook focusing on employment. Cheers, and thanks for voting! Kia ora rawa atu!

Long Meat Marcus

GALAXY BARBECUE

I wanted the new Jordans and I didn't even play basketball. I wonder whatever happened to my Total 90s. I remember pleading and begging my dad for the new boots. Maroon with a touch of white, worn by Thierry Henry and Samuel Eto’o; the slickest things on the field. The Total 90s to be one of the cool kids on the field. My mum and dad bought me a Nokia when I started to take the bus to school. I begged and pleaded with them for a Motorola Razr, but their only concern was that I let them know when I reached school and home. Although all I did on that phone was play Snake, txt my mum, and speed-dial my dad, it wasn’t the phone that you needed to be one of the cool kids. The one at the back of the bus that could blast Akon’s “Don’t Matter” so often that we would never listen to him again before 2015. We grew out of this during puberty, according to Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development. Around 12 or 13 years old, it’s weird to like the hottest girl in the school, awful to have the same haircut as everyone else—and you definitely didn’t want the same backpack as the others in your class. We let go of the aspirations to look like everyone else. We craved being the odd one out, with their own self-righteous flair. Whether it be sneakers from Pakistan that you’ve never seen yet, or a limited edition iPhone that only has Frank Ocean songs as ringtone options.

Where I’m from, everyone knows where to get weed. The tinnie house, T’s mum’s garage, or hit up Juddy if you’re really about it. I didn’t want to wear the same shit as everyone else, so why would I want to get fucked up on the same shit? The novelty of getting our weed off the same dealer wore off quickly. We were placed on the same scale, inside the same papers, and smoking the same shit separately. My dealer gets me something different every time I go home. I always look forward to travelling back home and getting that sticky. I try to smoke in Wellington with the girls from Christchurch and Hawkes Bay who won’t shut the fuck up about it. “This weed strain was grown in the outback of Gisborne for four weeks and it’s called Winston Peters because it hits you pretty rough.” Shut the fuck up and grind my weed, Kate. I get off my InterCity nightmare to Rawiri’s 1996 Honda Civic that smells like stale weed and teenage angst. Requesting further information may make this trip home more illegal than it should be, so I get in the back seat and shut the fuck up. We take a ride through our old stomping ground and catch up on gossip that I’ve missed while I’ve been gone. We pull up to Juddy’s for the usual. The yarns are too strong to not have our green friend as fuel for the laughs we are about to endure.

Features

We pull up in a cul-de-sac near his mum’s. He comes out and yarns for a bit, talking about his new girlfriend, his mum, and how she's “being a bitch”, along with other issues that could be clear signals for mental stress and anxiety—but it’s not my place to have that conversation at the moment. I don’t want to come off as the big brother that ran off to Wellington and got more woke, so once again, I’ll shut the fuck up. “I haven’t got any weed bro. But I can get you some ice.” Ra didn’t flinch. But my heart dropped into my stomach, and my eyes batted holding back tears. What the fuck? “It’s not that different. The bro took it for four months to lose weight.” Looking at the before and after photos of "the bro", we were terrified. He always felt guilty about his weight, but the ice turned him into the guy he always wanted to look like. On the drive home, we scrolled through Instagram and found out there had been more people smoking it. If we didn’t believe it through the glass, all we had to do was park up in one spot and watch the foot traffic. The worn-out faces and shaking legs in the local PAK’nSAVE said it all.

dude and you see them as more than a bag of weed. He said he’s got some new shit. It’ll be a bit extra, but because I was a good friend he’d let me have it for a reduced price. In a glittery, vacuum-sealed bag that looks like an empty juice pouch is the package. He calls it the ‘Galaxy Pack’. The overhead light that shines through the vapour in the air makes the pack blinding to look at. Grown indoors, from Christchurch. Split by the oz. Sticky, and the smell takes you from outer space. People get it once and immediately request ‘that Galaxy Pack’. That gleamy shit. Nobody was ordering the regular foil, instead the luminescent shit that sent you to outer space. It was regular shit, repackaged in a glittery bag. It came from somewhere else, but none of us could confirm if it was all true. I’m not saying it was shit covered in glitter, but all that glitters is not gold. But did we care? We got what we wanted. It sent us to another universe for sure. No matter what, we would turn up to the party with the utmost confidence that we were on some other-worldly shit.

Meth isn’t in the same ballpark as weed, and neither is MDMA. So why is my dealer making the claim he can get it easier? He explains that after all the police raided houses, sprayed fields, and arrested a few of our mates for possession, ice was easier. Odourless, disguisable, and drug-test proof, meth was the new friend of my hometown. Broken homes and abusive families were already the norm, so why would meth change it? The new referendum that would decriminalise weed would save this epidemic, but it was too late.

From children, we have wanted the things other people weren’t getting. Our idea of hierarchy came from the things we wore and ingested. Eating oysters in my Champion hoodie meant I was way better than the kid scoffing a mince and cheese pie in the Ridgeline.

People wanted to get high. They were going to get high, regardless of what.

The reason they chose ice was the same reason I was addicted to the Galaxy Pack. It was an attempt to climb the social ladder, while still escaping the emergence of adulthood. More responsibilities, less financial security, and the mental health issues we could only numb through getting high.

I travel back to Wellington, disenchanted and confused. More reliable, faster supply, quicker movement, and a higher price. For someone trying to feed their family, I can’t blame him. I hate his decision, but he doesn’t want to see anyone starve, and we never want to see him starve. My dealer in Wellington becomes my quick fix therapist and I share my issues with the criminalisation of drugs— the politics behind it and what it meant for us. I also wanted some kush, but you know when you gotta act like you’re friends with your dealer because you a nice

The Galaxy Pack was what we were missing. I look back at the photos of my mates, slowly deteriorating and breaking their bodies just to get high. Just to escape from the static life that is rural New Zealand.

Once I kicked my addiction, the playground we ran around in for drugs was the same one we sat through in the bus to school. Motorola Razr and MDMA were the things that set us apart from everyone else. My hometown has no service, or nightlife. Regardless of that, we craved both for reasons only known to us at 20.

CAITLIN HICKS (SHE/HER)

LOVE WILL TEAR US APART Somehow, I have made it nearly 23 years on this earth without breaking a bone. I’ve managed to swerve most serious illnesses and, on account of me being an unathletic and cripplingly risk-averse child, I’m mostly lump-bump’n-scrape free. One pain I have not managed to avoid, however, is the exhausting, consuming, morbid ache of a broken heart. In fact, the last nine months of my existence have been marred by a rapidly-worsening case of heartache, the primary symptom being—against all rationality and logic—attraction to men. Unfortunately, heartbreak is a relatively universal feature of the human experience. It’s the pits. More than just a matter of melancholy, there’s a reason why an Instagram post can incapacitate and a Sufjan Stevens song can trigger acid reflux—heartache is actually capable of causing physical hurt. There is truly no purer Pub Chat than the achy-breaky-heart narrative parsed between stranger-friends in the El Horno bathrooms, so here’s some science to whip out over sangria.

or-flight anxiety, nausea, and acne. Cortisol swells your muscles with too much blood—cue a stiff neck and chestsqueeze. The area of your brain that lights up when you’re hurt physically is the same one triggered by “social rejection”, especially of the romantic variety.

Scientific research has equated the effects of love with a hit of cocaine. While romance might be a slightly cheaper addiction, in the long-term it can be harder to kick than the illicit option, and might lead to equally impaired decisions. Love reportedly results in “an almost complete paralysis of the decision-making system”. People do mad things when they’re in love: running-through-airports-boomboxes-onshoulders type things. Henry VIII invented an entire new religion so he could divorce his wife in favour of his new fling. Shah Jahan built the Taj Mahal as a final resting place for his great love Mumtaz Mahal—a rather pathetic romantic gesture that only took 20 years to realise.

Science is yet to discover a cure for a broken heart. Even in 1873, Tolstoy was calling for a vaccine for heartache when he wrote: “We should find some artificial inoculation against love, as with smallpox.” Some suggest that a healthy diet, regular exercise, and surrounding yourself with a solid support structure can rebalance your dopamine:cortisol levels and provide some armour for when you see your ex tagging someone else in the comments of Cool Dog Group. Personally, I have had little success with approaches including (but not limited to): spontaneous solo trips to Japan, a three-month stint with braces I did not need, repeated and erratic blocking on social media, and crying on every bench between Oriental Parade and Evans Bay.

When we become attached to something (or somebody), our brain amps up our dopamine and oxytocin levels. These hormones make us feel good, a high that we crave and hope to repeat. When heartbreak occurs, happy hormones are switcharoo-ed with cortisol, the one that induces fight-

Hormones aside, hearts can actually, medically, be broken. Takotsubo cardiomyopathy occurs when the left ventricle of the heart is paralysed, causing symptoms akin to those of a heart attack: sharp pains, dizziness, loss of consciousness, and nausea. These events are triggered by physical or emotional stress, including a relationship breakdown. The condition doesn’t typically cause permanent damage, but its incidence can be practically indistinguishable from an actual heart attack. More frighteningly, victims have few risk factors for heart disease and may suffer an attack despite a historically clean bill of heart health.

Level up your Pub Chat guys and gals, this weekend we’re crying in the club (sorry Lizzo).

ALICE MANDER

Okay, your girl is back, refreshed and better than ever. The number of people that messaged me after my last article to ask if I was okay was both embarrassing and touching. Embarrassing that I sounded very sad girl on piano-esque, but touching to find that people actually read Salient and do care about me. Anyway, no regrets—write your truth, babe. On September 16, CanDo is hosting a panel. If you didn’t know, CanDo is the university representative group for disabled students and I (along with some other amazing people) am on the exec. The panel is going to be fucking awesome and you are all cordially invited. We’ve organised it so that it coincides with Disability Pride Week in Aotearoa. As said on their website, Disability Pride Week provides us a chance “to focus on valuing, celebrating and being proud of us as disabled people and what we have to offer. It’s also an opportunity for non-disabled allies to organise events and celebrate with us”. The theme for this year’s event is “Setting the Agenda”. So... what is our agenda? And what the hell is disability pride? Up until basically last year, the thought of hanging out with a group of disabled people made my stomach flip with nerves. I used to have this definitive sense that I was not like them (whoever ‘they’ were). I was a determined angsty teenager and I was determinedly going to handle this completely on my own. But here’s the dangerous thing with internalised hate: Every time you are disgusted by disability, and you are disabled, you are slowly chipping away at your own sense of self-worth. And, boy, does this come with a whole MYRIAD of problems that I still deal with today. What I needed was the kind of support that only other disabled people could give me—whether that be bitching about the world, or just knowing that the other person gets it. The first group to give me this support

has been disabled activists, and disabled writers. They taught me that disability is social—we are disabled by our environment, not ourselves. They taught me that I am not the only one upset by bad media representation. They taught me that I can be badass and disabled. They taught me that I can love and am worthy of love. They taught me that I wasn’t sad because being disabled inherently sucks, I was sad because the world kept telling me that it inherently sucks (mind = blown, man). Ultimately, they lit the passionate fire within me that has both basically eradicated that sadness, and brought me to writing Token Cripple. So how does this have anything to do with our panel? Well, you heard it here first, we’re bringing some of these badass disabled people to Victoria University! From disabled writers to academics, our panel will focus around the kaupapa of disability pride. We’ll be exploring the different ways we think about disability and highlighting that we are all on different stages of this journey. We’ll also be discussing general issues and experiences we have as disabled New Zealanders. Basically, it’s going to be really cool and really important and we REALLY want you ALL to come (disabled and non-disabled alike). I get that this kind of thing is scary when you don’t feel ready to identify with the “disabled” term. I can’t promise that you’ll have an epiphany and go home and start reading every piece of disabled theory that exists. But I can promise that it’s a good step to take. September 16. TTR106. 4:30 p.m. P.S. If you want to be involved in a more hands-on way, we have a little project we’re trying to get up and running also. Email us: can.do.at.vic@gmail.com

Hi I’m Elena. My dad is a sex therapist and I’m studying to be a sex educator—we’re here to talk relationships and sex, so send your queries and worries our way (sex@salient.org.nz) I’ve pretty much always been the more submissive person in the bedroom since I started having sex (I’m a woman who has sex with men) and enjoy playing with power. However, recently I’ve wanted to try and be more dominant, as well as having uncomfortable feelings about having always been submissive to my partner. How can I talk to my boyfriend about this, and hopefully ask for the opportunity to be more dominant in the bedroom?

Lena says: It might be helpful to spend some time working out what it is about your history of submission that is making you feel uncomfortable. Is it the lack of variety? Is it the fact that the people you’ve been submissive to are men? Could it be that the roles were kind of assumed from the start without an honest discussion? I think working this out will help you figure out what you want to say to your partner. I would encourage you to not shy away from what the reasons may be, even if they are challenging and require a broader conversation about the dynamics of your relationship and genders. If you are starting to feel a slight uneasiness in your dynamic, it’s a great time to have the tough conversations, as over time, that uneasiness can become resentment. Resentment like that not only makes having the conversation more difficult and tense, but is also unfair on your partner when you haven’t asked for what you want or need. I think framing this realisation as a way for you guys to explore new things is a good way to introduce it. However, if a shift towards more equal power dynamics in the bedroom is something that you feel is important for you to feel comfortable in the relationship, I think making this clear is valid also. Dad says: When talking about a change you’d like to make in your sex life, it’s often useful to stress that it’s not a complaint about your partner, but a request for something that you have

worked out you want (or would like to explore, to see if you want). Especially if it’s new territory for one or both of you, it’s important that you enter into it with an openness about how it goes. Changing things up sure can be fun, but it can also be awkward and even unpleasant. It can take time and effort to find a way to do things that works for both of you. How you talk about it will depend on the kinds of conversations you’ve already had with your partner. If power exchange is something you and your partner talk about, then hopefully, you already have a common frame of reference which acknowledges the dynamics of power and that treats “dominance” and “submission” as value-neutral. If not, then as Lena says, you may need to have a broader conversation about power dynamics and the meanings of certain actions. For example, some men who have grown up with traditional gender roles equate dominance with masculinity and can be threatened and confused by the notion of allowing their partner to take the lead, equating it with weakness. Trying to explain what your experience and journey has been around sex and gender roles may be important too—e.g. as a hetero woman, how much your sexuality is defined by men and their desires. It is okay for something you want to create pressure for your partner to move out of their “comfort zone”. However, if that’s what you’re doing, it’s appropriate to acknowledge (1) they don’t have to and (2) it’s a kind and generous thing if they open up to that change.

TIKA ME TE PONO ‘Opaque Politics’

‘Kanohi Kitea’

NĀ MANDENO MARTIN

NĀ KELSEY LEE

Māori politics is often seen as a grey area with little to no transparency; generally complex, and scarred by governments past who had no tolerance to indigenous title.

Our parliament is a Pākehā system. A system which has diminished our voices for too long. There are currently seven Māori seats in Parliament which were created to give Māori a voice within the system—but with no transparency, our Māori MPs appear voiceless.

However—like water—the ripple effects of social media reach further into the view of a wider nation. We are able to look into the lives of others, especially those who seek to lead Aotearoa.

Being a Māori MP should not mean entering the system to uphold a party line. It should not be a career where you are encouraged to care more about re-election than advocating for your communities. We need MPs who will be vocal on issues which affect us. We need more representatives who won’t back down no matter how much shit they face.

Those leaders have their world open to criticism and judgment for their words and actions. But like many politicians before, words don't always mean action. Jacinda Ardern in her words said, "Hold us (the Labour Party) to account" when referring to Māori rights. Waves of Jacinda Ardern tags and namedrops have come from all voices of Aotearoa in recent days. Calling her to action for the reclamation of whenua at Ihumātao.

When you think about Ihumātao, Oranga Tamariki, or any of the other current issues facing our people, we need MPs who will fight tooth and nail for us. Marama Davidson is the only MP we have seen willing to take a strong public stand on these kaupapa.

Ihumātao isn't a recent nor sole case of land confiscated by the Crown and sold to private owners. The government says they wished not to impede on the mana whenua and their dispute. Wishing to escape the gaze of culpability. Then, following the disappointment of masses to her statement, Jacinda said no development will happen in the meantime. The meantime of what? Of perhaps Winston Peters and his gang of boomers? To accept that young people want to fix the problems created by colonisation?

While the other Māori MPs are probably working hard advocating for us behind the scenes, we are out there on the front lines at Ihumātao, we are rallying in the streets, we are still fighting that same fight that many have fought before us. Where are they? The parliamentary culture of towing the party line and not calling out colleagues needs to be challenged, because while we sit here waiting for them to change, our earth is on fire, our babies are being taken, and we are still having to fight for the land which is rightfully ours. These issues are bigger than party loyalty and it’s time start to break down those barriers.

Politics is clearly a tough game to play. Generally cloudy, and sometimes unforeseen. Yet when the likes of BNZ and other private banks needed to be bailed out of debt, the government swooped in with over a billion dollars to drag them out. There is a need for eyes to watch and the hand of the people to keep politicians in check. Especially when talking about transparency of why they have taken so long to provide action.

A S K S IS SY

SWAT

ANONYMOUS

KAYLI RADOVCIC

Hi Sissy, Asking for help. My boss really sucks and is really annoying but I really need the money because I'm planning on flatting next year. I can't go another three months without killing them but I need those three months to pay my bond for next year. help x

“I think I’ll go to therapy.” So many times, I have thought that to myself over the past few years. Each time though, I convince myself not to. Why is it that asking for help is something that I, and so many others, struggle with?

Thanks for your message. I have been in your situation and I’ve found that taking the time to think long and rationally about this is most helpful with coming up with the right solution for you; you have so many options you can take:

I know that it is okay to not be okay. I know that it is okay to be okay with not being okay. I know that it is okay to want to feel more than not okay, in fact it's more than okay to want to feel more than okay.

OPTION 1: You can suck it up and work for the next three months and nothing will change until you find a new job. This will ultimately end in your mental/ emotional wellbeing being affected in a negative way. If your boss is a dick to you, he probably hates you too.

So why do I hold myself back? Perhaps I don't like the idea that I'm not okay, because I do get by okay—mostly. Why should I settle for feeling merely okay though?

OPTION 1B: This is just a slight iteration of OPTION 1— look for a new job while still working. HOPEFULLY you will find a new job with a better boss. This is boring and what the system promotes. Stuck in the cyclical nature of the rat race; constant waves of new jobs. Are you a sheep?

Some days are silent struggles, but others are rays of sunshine—is that okay? How many rays of sunshine does it take to be considered okay? How few does it take to justify taking the time and resources from those who have fewer? Where is the line between asking for help when it's dim enough that you struggle to see, and when it becomes so dark that you fall?

OPTION 2: You can do your best to get fired and get your holiday payout. I suggest jumping up on his desk and taking a big dookie just to show who’s really the boss of the place. This option is my favourite as you will be able to pay your bond AND you will have the satisfaction of being able to have a great party yarn and you will also be enabling your boss to actually fire you.

Should I even have to ask these questions? Perhaps this is exactly what therapy is for. Perhaps someone else can help me ask these questions. Perhaps someone else can help me to answer them. Perhaps someone else can remind me that I will be okay, and help me to get there.

If we were to analyse this in a philosophical way, OPTION 2 is the most utilitarian option. Everyone goes home happy.

I think today, I'll make the call. I'll be brave; I'll go to therapy.

Supreme Club & Gold Awards Recognising outstanding contributions across cultural activities & clubs

If you, your club or someone you know has had some great achievement, nominate them for an award! The Supreme Club & Gold Awards will be held 3 October at The Hunter Lounge, Student Union Building, Kelburn Apply at vuwsa.org.nz/gold-awards by 5pm, 6 September. For more information email events@vuwsa.org.nz

Milkwhite When we arrived, it was hot. Now it is raining. “Hot,” said the preacher as he wiped his brow with the back of his hand, his milkwhite shirt billowing in the breeze. Our father is wearing a feather crown. He lies facing the sky. We look up to the sky too. Slowly, slowly people dressed in lace and shells gathered around on the soft grass, bare feet kneading the dirt and the crowd murmured “Hot,” as the procession began. Helen Nia-Blake

Send your limericks, elegies, and odes to poetry@salient.org.nz

F OOD R EVIEW: FAT TA B

TOP FI VE B E ST FOO D I E F R I D AY D E A LS

My favourite thing about Fridays is that people are generally in a better mood purely since it is Friday. Everyone is keen to go and celebrate the end of the week with a drink or a nibble, so here are some of my top recs that won’t break the bank! BLACK FRIDAYS at Maranui Café means $2.50 black coffee! Lvl1, 7A Lyall Parade, Lyall Bay. Start your day right with a trip out to Maranui for some of the best breakfast in town. Miss the weekend hustle bustle and be rewarded with a cheap as chips black coffee. Makes a nice change from a $4 black coffee from Vic Books (grrr) and also a gorgy way to start your Friyay—by the beach, oh the serenity. Very laid-back surfer vibes, making it the perfect place to cruise into your morning. Food is excellent, in fact it’s so good that even the Duke and Duchess of Sussex had to make a royal stop there on their NZ visit earlier in the year. Fantastic Four Fridays at the Crab Shack Wellington! 5 Queens Wharf, Wellington. Continue on with the sea views and head to the Crab Shack for a lazy snack in the arvo. From 3–6 p.m., for $20 you can get the shack platter. It’s four of their most popular dishes to share: usually some mussels, house-made chips with dip, some fried chicken, and calamari—ohhhh yeah! Great to share with friends as you get a lil bit of everything. Note that to get this deal, dining must be complete and the bill must be paid for by 6 p.m. Free Nibble at Dockside! 3 Queens Wharf, Wellington. As a member of society, I thought I would keep it real easy for you guys… The next deal is approximately 50 metres away from Crab Shack so you can roll (literally, if you’re in a food coma) on

over to Dockside after your shack platter. At 6 p.m., for people drinking in the main bar, the very friendly (like some of the most friendly service in Welly) staff will pass round a free nibble. This snack is different every week, but guaranteed to be good since it’s coming from the chefs at Dockside (and free lol). Some examples are a battered fish bite or beef in a slider. Defs worth checking out and honestly one of the most gorgeous views, especially if the sun is setting! The Old Bailey’s Happy Hour drink specials from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. (+ free BBQ in the summer!) 101 Lambton Quay, Wellington. Pub vibes with a buzzing atmosphere at The Old Bailey, especially on a Friday! So many people flock here after uni and work to end the week. Very cheap drinks and keep a mental note that in summer you can get a free sausage sizzle! The smell when walking along Lambton Quay really lures you in. Have also spotted good old Winston Peters here a few times so keep your eyes peeled! Drink specials at Dragonfly! 70 Courtenay Place, Te Aro Feeling a little boujee? Head on down to Dragonfly for an $88 bottle of Veuve Clicquot! It’s not often you find that baby at that price from a bar/restaurant, let alone sometimes at the supermarket! So if you’re in the mood to celebrate then here is your go-to for some real FRIYAY feels! They also do $10 cocktail specials and $7 tap Pilsners so really there is something for everyone! Fricken’ good food, a little on the expenny side, but their fried rice is very student-friendly (ahem $10.90 and goes down a treat with a China Girl in hand!)

ART R EVIEW: MAYA NE U PA NE

Q UASI - TH E A RT O F CO M P L A I N I N G

The public reaction to Quasi is making me think that no-one else in this city watched E.T. as many times as I did. C’mon guys, have fleshy alien structures really dropped in popularity so swiftly over the years? If you told seven-year-old me that there’s a big face-hand standing on the City Gallery roof I’d probably start drooling—it would be a returning figure in my primary school creative writing for years to follow. Instead, however, Quasi appears to be a returning subject for hate everywhere. Art is meant to make you feel, to disrupt the equilibrium, to make good chat. That’s three ticks—therefore, Quasi is good art. Good work Quasi. There’s something a bit funny about a massive hand overlooking our city—guarding us from attacks from other hypothetically dangerous face-limbs. It’s refreshing too. Especially contrasting against the experience of watching Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time In Hollywood—I’m glad that our city got Quasi—leaving no space for City Gallery Wellington to be visited by a massive photo-realistic foot. Yes, Quasi is objectively whack. A face upon a hand upon a roof. Every layer of Quasi is more and more absurd. But who are we to hate upon the absurd? We have a night-time cafe populated primarily by tattooed vegans, a tunnel to university reminiscent of that scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and a cat that patrols the city stealing hugs and hearts. Doesn’t it just makes so much sense to plop a massive realistic hand into this nonsensical city too? The quality of the “Quasi discourse” I’ve been hearing and reading about lately has not been good. There’s things to say that open up discussions that need to be had. What’s up with City Gallery’s apparent avoidance of Māori artists? Does an artist need to be already well-established to be considered legitimate? What came first—the face or the hand? Honestly, the current

conversations around Quasi seem to follow the same pattern and it’s getting a bit too repetitive for me too. “Quasi isn’t real art.” That’s what they said about Marcel Duchamp’s “Fountain”—his urinal is still being referenced today in almost every discussion about art history so perhaps that’s not a bad thing. “Quasi is scary.” Global warming, exploitative hospo employers, salmonella— there’s so much to be scared of—isn’t it kind of comforting to be afraid of something as corny as a massive passive hand instead? “Why isn’t the government/council doing their job instead of putting up Quasi?” Yes, there’s a lot wrong with Wellington and New Zealand. But seriously, complaining about a public sculpture instead of taking concrete action to change things… doesn’t really do anything at all? Hating on Quasi is as useless as talking smack about the Amish online. It doesn’t achieve anything and there’s no way that Quasi can react. Quasi is grand because Quasi allows people to complain. Through Quasi we realise what we really want from our taxes. What issues we really want to solve. However, moaning about what could have been in Quasi’s place is directionless. Let’s take these ideas that we have and work to implement them into the future. Ronnie van Hout, Quasi’s maker, describes his creation as “the outsider, the freak, the artist… not a real monster, but a misunderstood abject self who is denied a name”. Wellington, let’s choose to welcome him rather than shun him. Let’s be like young Elliott from E.T. and tell Quasi he could be happy here, we can take care of him. We could grow up together, Quasi -T.

TELEVI S I ON R EVIEW: EMMA MAGU IRE

D IRK GE NTLY ’S H O LI ST I C D E T E C T I V E AG E N CY

Has there been a sudden lack of dragons in your life, recently? (I think there’s a dragon in this show.) A lack of swordfighting? Actors that were in The Lord of the Rings? And badass women?

Along for the ride are bodyguard Farah (Jade Eshete), who feels responsible for Lydia’s disappearance, holistic assassin Bart (Fiona Dourif) who kills at the whim of the universe and has it out for Dirk, and computer programmer Ken (Mpho Koaho) who just tries to keep Bart in line.

Do you miss them?

Dirk Gently is full of many hard-hitting, omph emotional moments. Todd and Amanda have a genuine-feeling sibling relationship, with all the ups and downs that that brings, but Amanda’s illness is a constant threat hanging over them. She frequently hallucinates, seeing fire licking up her arms and feeling the pain that it brings. Todd recovered from the same rare illness sometime before the beginning of the show, but he’s got a hidden guilt over the whole thing, and it colours his interactions with his sister with almost a piteous edge. However, the pair seem to genuinely care for each other, despite their constant arguments.

If so, this show’s for you. No, I’m not talking about Game of Thrones, which I know less than fuck-all about. I’m talking about Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, which is the perfect combination of Douglas Adams-y wit (the original novel was written by him, actually) and existentialist ennui to brighten up those cold winter nights. The layman of the show is Todd (Elijah Wood) whose life is abruptly uprooted when Dirk Gently (Samuel Barnett), holistic detective, shows up in his life. Dirk isn’t a detective in a traditional sense: He follows the whims of the universe to his mysteries, and has never actually solved a case, but he’s got the enthusiasm to make up for it. Todd just wants to keep his job, pay his rent, and look after his sister Amanda (Hannah Marks), whose rare disease gives her painful hallucinations. However, Dirk has other ideas. There’s been a theft of a dog, and the kidnapping of a girl named Lydia Spring. Somehow, they’re linked to a secret steampunk maze hidden under Todd’s apartment building, and the murder of Lydia’s father Patrick by something with teeth. Dirk’s sure that the universe wants Todd to be his sidekick, and Todd’s dragged along into the case almost completely against his will. (They become friends later, don’t worry.)

Todd and Dirk grow to care for each other quite a lot over the course of the show, too, despite Todd openly loathing Dirk and his universe-led machinations for most of the first season. If we’d been lucky enough to get a third season, their bromance was getting to the point where it would have easily crossed over to a full-on romance, and I don’t think anyone would have minded. Dirk Gently is just one of those shows where queer rep is immediate and obvious and never feels like it’s been thrown in because the showrunners feel obliged to. Dirk Gently is a bloody bizarre show. It does not feel it necessary to adhere to the petty rules of our world, with magic and technology combining to seem commonplace. It’s quirky, and strange, but feels utterly human amongst all the chaos of right now, and that’s what I love about it.

TELEVIS IO N G OO D OM E NS

R EVIEW: EMMA MAGU IRE

“The book was better” usually holds true, but for once, I’m happy to be proven wrong. Good Omens is a joy on our screens—a brilliant conception of a well-loved book, and just bloody brilliant to boot. I know Amazon is evil and we shouldn’t be supporting Amazon Prime, but this show is just… fantastic. Cheeky angel Aziraphale (Michael Sheen) and bad, but not to the bone, demon Crowley (David Tennant) have been best friends* since the beginning of creation. Crowley did not fall from heaven, so much as “saunter vaguely downwards”, and Aziraphale has had his moments of defiance in the past. They’ve been living on Earth since the days of Eve and the Apple, and have fallen a little in love with the place. They also have just a few days to cancel the Apocalypse. There’s a prophecy, made by a witch called Agnes Nutter. She’s predicted that the end of the world will come about once the Antichrist, Adam, comes of age—roughly around the year 2019 or thereabouts. Aziraphale and Crowley, alongside a bunch of other characters, feel obliged to try and stop it. I love Good Omens because it’s whimsical. It’s weird and wondrous and doesn’t take itself too seriously. Showrunner Neil Gaiman, who wrote the original book alongside Terry Pratchett, has ensured that the series has the heart of the book, and some quality acting talent to boot.

I also love it because Crowley and Aziraphale are total idiots. Good Omens is a fine example of an idiot plot—a story where the main conflict would be solved in twenty minutes or so if all the characters weren’t idiots—and does it very well. Crowley and Aziraphale only try to stop the end of the world because they don’t want to be sent back to their relative realms once the Apocalypse happens. They’re more content to drink together, read books, and enjoy the whims of planet Earth, and don’t particularly want to return back above and below. It’s delightful to see the answer to such a profound question end up in the mouths of idiots. What’s life after death like? Apparently, pretty average. With a stellar cast: David Tennant, Michael Sheen, Josie Lawrence, Jack Whitehall, Adria Arjona, and many more, this show is a great relief from the nonsense of our world. It’s incredibly funny, but has a slow-burn friendship that’s better than a lot of what I’ve seen on television these days. It’s a good time. * Truly a case of death to the author—“best friends” is a lampshade around the clear romantic love they feel for each other—though that’ll never be confirmed by the Powers That Be because of how the world works.

TA K E L OTS O F BREAKS , KIDDO S

VERY VERY FRIGHTENING GRID

FREEBIRD SOLUTION

GOOD NEWS POP QUIZ 1. Which New Zealand singer helped a primary school in Tuturau Bay with their Polyfest performance? 2. Which Northland organisation can now afford to stay open after receiving a donation of $10,000 and then $900 more from the public?

DOWN

1. Former Prime Minister at the Knesset who is the most decorated soldier in his country's history (4,5) * 6. Kitchen herb; John's Fawlty Towers character (5) 9. Pays no attention to (7) 10. Highlights; indicators of time spent overseas (7) 11. Patisserie product flavoured with bean extract (7,6) * 12. Baby swans (7) 14. Someone whose job involves a lot of fleecing? (7) 15. The Sweet song referring to 'the man at the back' and 'the girl in the corner' (8,5) * 18. Crack of dawn (7) 19. Nationality of 1-Across and Gal Gadot (7) 21. Gown; tend to a wound (5) 22. Storm phenomenon... or the last words of the answers to the starred clues, translated from Hebrew, French, and German (9)

1. Like scientifically-tested forms of medicine (8-5) 2. Container for coffee or ashes, but hopefully not both at once (3) 3. It comes immediately after beryllium on the periodic table (5) 4. Fixes some shoes (7) 5. Creature that inspired the legend of the dropbear (5) 6. Vehicle that you supposedly never forget how to use (7) 7. California city where the actor Adam Scott, the musician Tom Lehrer, and the poet Adrienne Rich were all born (5,4) 8. Successor method to the inkjet (5,8) 11. One who enforces the law without the authority to do so (9) 13. Insects named for their supposed tendency to crawl into orifices (7) 14. Term that can't be applied to an only child (7) 16. Basketball star Shaquille (5) 17. Fiery jinn encountered by Salim in American Gods (5) 20. Horror director Roth (3)

3. What kind of astronomical matter was recently found in Antarctica? 1. Dave Dobbyn. After the school couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t find a backing track of one of his songs, he sent it to them instead. 2. The Brain Injury Association, which supports individuals and families who have been affected by brain injury. 3. Space dust from a supernova (an exploding star), which could be 20 million years old.

ACROSS

WORD OF THE WEEK: "OPAQUE" TE REO MÄ&#x20AC;ORI

puata-kore NEW ZEALAND SIGN LANGUAGE

PICK YOUR POISON, SUDOKU LOVERS

EASY PEASY

F*CK YA LIFE UP

Puzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.81)

Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.57)

9 6

8 4 3

7 1

9 7

7 4

7 9

7 1

2 8

1 7

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Wed Aug 28 00:28:55 2019 GMT. Enjoy!

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Wed Aug 28 00:28:50 2019 GMT. Enjoy!

S L I GHTLY L ESS SAVAGE T HAN YO UR CO -S TAR APP

ARIES

LIBRA

What matters isn’t what you think matters. Things will become clearer soon. Hang in there like a sloth and let yourself relax. Try meditation and breathing exercises, they will allow you to crystallise your dreams.

Life can only be understood backwards, and lived forwards. Nobody but you understands how you feel, so try to communicate and connect better this week. Plan for the future, and look for big opportunities; they are coming your way.

TAURUS

SCORPIO

A lot of people will tell you what to think. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Make sure you know why you hold your values and beliefs.

Material possessions are slowing you down. How can you reduce your waste and your stuff? Be content with less, because it will bring more into your life. Seek out chances to learn from others. Your contributions are valued.

GEMINI SAGITTARIUS If you are buried, you are planted. If you reduce your workload, you release your potential. Being super busy and super content is an illusion that shatters under pressure. This week will help you decide what you really want. Do or do not, there is no try.

To die of love is to live by it. If you are feeling as melodramatic as Victor Hugo this week, remember that heartbreak passes, new people appear in your life, and they will become a bittersweet memory. If you are in love, or a cute crush phase, embrace it. The stars favour you.

CANCER

CAPRICORN

Do what you feel in your heart to be right, because you will be criticised for it anyway. Push beyond your self-doubt and chase your crazy dreams; cancel culture will move on. Become a circus clown, a self-published author, the youngest person to study in Antarctica.

Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you will look back and see they were the big things. Sunday morning light through the window. Latte art on your morning coffee. Perfect handwriting in your lecture notes. Slow down, and look around.

LEO

AQUARIUS

Happiness doesn’t have to be fleeting, if you can find happiness in everything. People will shower you in random acts of kindness this week, and you will find joy in doing the same thing.

I rebel, therefore I exist. Break down your views, your bias, your perspectives. Look into the mirror, and look beyond. Where can you change to create a more positive change? The answer will come from the most unexpected place.

VIRGO

PISCES

Comparison is the thief of joy. Avoid trying to be someone you are not. Who you are is perfect. Look up at the stars, not down at the floor. While you are stargazing, try to go somewhere new in Wellington—it may surprise you.

The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear. What is there to be said that hasn’t already been said? Be guided by your heart this week, not your head. Stay off social media and away from loud people to give yourself a chance to reflect.

GEORG E L ET US DOWN, HERE ARE S O M E DO T S

THAT'S A WHOLE LOTTA DOTS

THI S I S A WO RD S EARCH

GLASS GLASS GLASS GLASS GLASS

MIRRO R

M O LTEN

H O UR G L ASS

SH ATTER

BRITTLE

CRY STAL

R EFL ECT

CH I PPED

SHA RD

VITRICS

FUL L

B I N O CUL AR S

SA ND

LENS

EMPTY

CL EAR

BL OW

LOOKING

EN CL O SE

FO G G Y

Communication Management Expressive Arts (theatre, creative writing, making films) Journalism Linguistics Marketing Media Studies Public Relations.

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