Issue 23 - Mandem ♂ by Salient

FROM THE ARCHIVES

EDITORIAL

3 LIQUID KNOWLEDGE

THIS WEEK IN NUMBERS

5 TOKEN CRIPPLE

LETTERS & NOTICES

6 CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE

LOCAL ELECTIONS 7

36 UNIQ

LOVE IN THE TIME OF FACE TATTOOS

18 ASK SISSY

ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

21 POEM

CENTREFOLD

24 THEATRE

A NEW NORMAL

26 MUSIC

COME IN, THE DOORS OPEN

29 FOOD

NGĀI TAUIRA

31 FASHION

SIMPLY SUSTAINABLE 32

42 ART

SWAT 32

Editor Kii Small editor@salient.org.nz

Advertising Josephine Dawson advertising@vuwsa.org.nz

Designer & Illustrator Rachel Salazar designer@salient.org.nz

Feature Writers CKW KII Finn Blackwell Jamie Dobbs

News Section Reid Wicks, Annabel McCarthy, Johnny O'Hagan Brebner, Finn Blackwell, Zara Olifent, Emma Maguire

FM Station Managers Jazz Kane Navneeth Nair

Contributors Teaonui McKenzie, Alex Walker, Max Nichol, Caitlin Hicks, Alice Mander, Brock Stobbs, Yoon, Finn Blackwell, Sally Ward, Niva Chittock, Victoria Whisker, Maya Neupane, Puck, Madison Rowe, Kirsty Frame

News Editor Johnny O’Hagan Brebner news@salient.org.nz Sub Editor Janne Song subeditor@salient.org.nz Social Media Callum Turnbull socialmedia@salient.org.nz

TV Producers Monique Thorp Joseph Coughlan Centrefold Johann Andreu johannandreu.com/

FANTA WITH NO ICE CW: Mental Illness, Suicide Before I get into anything, I would like to apologise. A few weeks ago, I published an article that depicted sex work in the wrong light. The language used wasn’t flattering, and on an overall level, it wasn’t a good article. It was rushed, and I’d like to personally apologise to anyone who read it.

in the streams of friendship you’ve created, falling from social ladders you’ve climbed, through substance abuse and silent emotional moments. I know it’s a hard conversation to have— no matter how many of those who have never faced it claim how easy it is.

Please read the last twelve years of articles that have depicted the occupation better.

I know it’s confusing. The subtle undertones of you leading the pack when the thunder hits. When someone knocks on the door. You’re supposed to have your shit together, provide for your brothers. Giving more than food on the table, but peace of mind when the darkest clouds arrive. The comments about you being trash, not being needed, and needing to do better didn’t age well.

It’s difficult to feel humility. Most of the time in my life, I’m told to stand by my decisions as a boy. What I print as an editor. Unapologetically a black man, but know when you need to apologise. This is Salients men’s issue. The topic came up in the office with the idea of an issue for men, focusing on signalling and mental health. Creating the spaces for men to read about other men’s issues. I scoffed, but Janne and Rachel thought it was a good idea. The fact I scoffed made me realise that it was necessary, even for me. To you: I know that when she tells you to “do better”, you hear it in your dad’s voice. It stings in your head and bounces around more than you know. Maybe you’ll turn to bad beer and cheap jugs. Maybe you’ll turn to high reps and low sets. Knowing that our women have not had enough time to speak in the past, and understanding that while your confidence is beaming, your voice is not welcomed at this time. It’s hard to understand, but once you do, your mother will be proud. Your sisters will feel heard and your daughter will have fewer obstacles to her freedom.

They’re the reasons why you don’t reach out. Why you feel like you can't. Why you don’t talk about mental health. Why your demographic is on top of suicides stats every year. Even writing this makes me feel vulnerable—risking the idea that I’m creating some sort of barrier shielding those who don’t need it. Throwing shots behind the wall as if they’re perfect. Those who have the social skills of a tomato and have educated themselves online for the last decade. Twitter fights and “source?” arguments. I’m sorry we couldn’t show you the love we had before that hate consumed you. This issue means more to me than you’ll know and I hope it will shed some light on the problems that we are facing right now. Standing on a platform, without the fear of miscommunication or appearing overconfident. Unapologetically sharing. For some of us, for the first time ever. RIP. Winston S. Kereta. Beau Henry. Rapata. Finn. Michael. Winston B.

Understand it’s not all men. Knowing who those men are, you let it be known they are outcasted. I know you risk drowning

Kii Small

Apply now for summer study Applications are due by 29 October to study in Trimester 3

victoria.ac.nz/trimester-three

HOT: • The government has begun work on a beverage container return scheme. • Zendaya at the Emmys. • Greta Thunberg's powerful speech at the United Nations General Assembly. • Last Friday's Strike for Climate march. • An impeachment enquiry into Donald Trump will be opened. LETEICHA LOWRY

875,000 Dollars’ worth of cocaine was confiscated after a woman tried to smuggle the drug into NZ in puffer jackets.

NOT: • Mike Hosking.

12 Kākā were released into the Abel Tasman National Park.

• It took nearly two months for the body of a student to be found at a University of Canterbury hall.

• Jetstar will be cancelling a number of regional services after November 30.

Current or recently graduated VUW students are running in local elections.

Dollars was the winning bid on the Big Fresh animatronic characters.

• Vodafone had a temporary privacy breach that allowed some users to see others’ personal details.

• Climate change deniers.

4,520

Month until the new Wonderland exhibition opens at Te Papa.

TWO BROS ( A RAINBOW-THEMED PLAY) This show will run between 16–19 October at S&M Cocktail and Lounge Bar on Cuba Street. The play's production company, Wellington-based Tempest Theatre, is collaborating with the Victoria University Italian Society to make this happen, and the cast and crew are currently working very hard.

Send your notices to designer@salient.org.nz

We're very excited to showcase local talent, but we still need your help in order to succeed. We want to maximise our target audience, and we do think Victoria University is a great place to start.

CLARIFICATION Last week, on page 6 we published a letter written to us in Issue 21 (DEFAULT). This letter was written in response to the Audit covering the Law Revue, not a letter addressed to the editor.

CORRECTIONS TO “VUWSA AGM: ELECTION RESULTS, A CHEEKY DEFICIT, AND CONSTITUTIONAL STUFF”: It was brought to our attention that this article form Issue 22 needs some corrections.

TE PUNA HIPI - BEYOND THE WELL THEATRE CO. Mind the 'tumbleweed' as you make your way into the village of Te Puna Hipi... An adaptation of Lope De Vega’s Fuenteovejuna, this classic from the Spanish Golden Age is reimagined as a colonial New Zealand Western.

Sophie Dixon is 2020 Wellbeing & Sustainability Officer, not Sophie Brooker.

Get tickets to Te Puna Hipi for the unwaged price of $8.20 if you are a student!

To clarify, credit card figures are outstanding payments (liabilities), not full spending on them.

The production contains mature content and is recommended for those over the age of 16.

My apologies – Johnny O’Hagan Brebner Salient News Editor

Geo Robrigado’s name was spelled incorrectly as “Rorbrigado”.

77 Fairlie Terrace, Kelburn Oct 1–5, 7 p.m.

Heyo, Just want to let you know that the Aries symbol has been wrong for a few issues. I’m not an aries, just wanting to help them out!

Send your letters to editor@salient.org.nz

Cheers, Needhee To the kindly folk at Salient Mag, Much love to you all, keep doing you boo. Love your work (especially the KJ food articles). Don’t stop never stopping, y’all are doing great things. Designs are great, edits are sublime, and the insta is popping off.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Salient Mag comes to me,

Rock on and on and on and on.

Speaking words of wisdom:

With love, respect, kindness and admiration, Long-time listener, first time caller

GET OFF MY DICK

LOCAL ELECTIONS: Who’s Running, What They Want, Who’s Best For You A Policy Local x Salient Collab WORDS BY REID WICKS (HE/HIM), ANNABEL MCCARTHY (SHE/HER), DESIGN BY ZARA OLIFENT (SHE/HER) @ZARA_MILICA_DESIGN

Earlier this week, I was going to write a whiny editorial about how much the world sucks and how being a journalist makes it suckier because you have to look at the suckiest part of it. Fortunately for you and for my career, that’s not being published. Have a look at Young Matt’s MMP or WWE column from the Default issue instead. In place of an extended whinge, you’re getting an absolutely outstanding collaboration between Salient and Policy Local. We’re here to get you gud (at understanding who you’re voting for). Policy Local is a tool that I’ve always dreamed of making, but I studied history instead of computer science. The idea behind it is to give voters an easy way of staying informed, without biasing results with things like questionnaires or rankings. I’ll be honest, it turns me on a bit. Policy Local includes a bunch of information on most of the candidates running for local elections in 2019: experience, priorities, motivations, policies, and more. We wanted to bring some of that tasty tasty information straight to your brain, so we asked Policy Local if we could use the tool for some Salient content. They agreed, and are going to regret it. We took information from the Policy Local profiles from all the candidates in Pukehīnau/Lambton and Paekawakawa/ Southern Wards, and compiled them into the following five pages. Of the range of topics Policy Local asked about, we decided to include some of the most important to students: climate change and resilience, housing and planning, transport, and governance and engagement.

We’ve condensed some of the candidates’ responses down for length and readability. We’ve also included the three key priorities the candidates included in their Policy Local profiles. To help guide your reading, we’ve left space to make notes AND a way for you to rate the candidates yourself. Each topic summary comes with five blue circles. As you look through, tick/shade/puncture/burn those holes based on how you think the candidate stacks up. You can then sum them up for an overall rating out of 20, just below the candidate’s photo.

OOOOO However, here’s an important note: Not every detail, topic, ward, or even every local authority is represented here. We covered Lambton and Southern Wards because they’re the most student-dense in the city. But chances are, you don’t live there. Additionally, you need to make sure you vote for the District Health Board (DHB) and Greater Wellington Regional Council (GWRC). So to fill in the gaps, check out Policy Local (www.policylocal. nz) for a bunch more stuff. But even with that, it’s super important you check out some of the big issues surrounding this election. Google up on Let’s Get Wellington Moving (LGWM), Shelly Bay, public transport (PT) solutions, mental health policies, and anything else you see here but don’t understand. It’s always worth. My personal advice? Love yourselves, love each other, and vote accordingly. Johnny O’Hagan Brebner, Salient News Editor

Candidate photos from the Wellington City Council website.

PUKEHĪNAU/LAMBTON WARD

Lee Orchard, 35 Priorities

1) Mitigate climate change 2) Infrastructure 3) Governance and funding Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Confirm funding for climate change and Te Atakura–First to Zero in long-term plan; develop climate resilience fund; develop framework to measure council emissions. Housing and Planning OOOOO Work to solve homelessness and provide social housing; focus on tenant welfare; find new solutions to affordable and social housing with developers, central govt, others; prioritise infrastructure improvement. Transport OOOOO Structure LGWM for proper council partnerships and use of powers; also to LGWM to prevent higher costs and delays; evidence-informed/collaborative decision-making around additional funding. Governance and Engagement OOOOO Re-prioritise council's work programme; improve council engagement with community, including iwi, ethnic groups, businesses, and central govt; support community leadership and advocacy for resilience/safety.

Iona Pannett, 45 Priorities

1) Deal with climate change 2) Higher wages and more affordable housing 3) Making Wellington a sustainability leader, especially in water, waste and biodiversity Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Carbon Zero 2050 through greening buildings, no tunnels, light rail, easier walking/cycling; restrict building in areas highly vulnerable to sea level rise; earthquake-strengthen council buildings and support others to do the same. Housing and Planning OOOOO Build more social and affordable housing with govt and developers; continue Housing First model rollout; encourage densification whilst protecting heritage areas. Transport OOOOO Drop speed limits through the CBD and suburbs to prioritise walking; light rail rather than a CBD motorway; bus lanes as a priority and more cycling lanes. Governance and Engagement OOOOO Honour Te Tiriti o Waitangi through closer relationships and cooperation on projects/policies with mana whenua; establish citizens’ assembly to advise on climate adaptation/mitigation; promote Living Wage Wellington orgs and businesses.

Tamatha Paul, 22 Priorities

1) A Zero Waste City 2) Connecting communities from all backgrounds 3) A Living Wage City Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Zero Waste City to curb emissions; support local orgs to foster community resilience; factor climate change into every decision. Housing and Planning OOOOO Invest in quality, affordable, medium-to-high density housing; plan green spaces to be maintained and introduced around Wellington Central. Transport OOOOO Connect railway station to the airport as part of a light rail system; lower speed limits in Central to make walking and cycling safer and easier; clear communication and contingency plans around infrastructure developments. Governance and Engagement OOOOO Authentic representation for young people/students; bring tikanga MÄ ori to the council table; proper communication around big issues like Central Library and Shelly Bay; work with Living Wage businesses.

Shan Ng, 44 Priorities

1) Ease traffic congestion 2) Improve bus journey times 3) Build Wellington to support commerce Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Establish same carbon tax as our five major trading partners; establish science-based targets to reduce emissions; mobilise businesses and govt to pursue low carbon technologies. Housing and Planning OOOOO Councils out of building consent and inspection business; introduce mandatory private insurance for new housing; replace RMA to reduce restrictive zoning; make govt give half of GST from new builds to councils for infrastructure investment. Transport OOOOO Establish a congestion mitigation action plan; establish parking control policies for revenue or complementary transport improvements; mobility management strategies to reduce car use. Governance and Engagement OOOOO Establish community engagement strategy to gain data and insight; use social media to interact and engage; online 'how-to' guide to encourage public participation, keep the community informed.

Nicola Young, 64 Priorities

1) Affordable rates 2) Focus on core infrastructure 3) Continue advocacy for creative sector Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Stop hypocrisy around climate emergency declaration; end plastic bag use for rubbish/recycling collection; invest in stormwater and drainage infrastructure for extreme weather events. Housing and Planning OOOOO Encourage higher density, well-designed housing in suburbs; develop more inner city parks. Transport OOOOO Get the balance right on LGWM; improve PT and traffic congestion at the Basin; prioritise pedestrians with faster traffic signals and less footpath clutter; fix broken bus service and deliver Bus Rapid Transit (rather than light rail). Governance and Engagement OOOOO Work collaboratively with residents' associations; listen to community views; respond promptly to contact; work across the political spectrum.

Harrry Smith, 20 Priorities

1) Zero homelessness within three years 2) Shift rates burden from homeowners to landbankers 3) Reliable, free PT Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Congestion charging; improve PT; implement a Carbon Neutral 2035 plan; create a climate change adaptation fund for coastal areas. Housing and Planning OOOOO Zero homelessness within three years through wrap-around services and unconditional housing; tax vacant land for supply and fairer rates; simplify consent process to encourage affordable, medium-to-high density development. Transport OOOOO Congestion charge to pay for more peak PT services and for free PT within Wellington; charge southbound non-resident vehicles. Governance and Engagement OOOOO Release all council documents, minutes, and financial information within 30 days of creation; community engagement through more public meetings outside of business hours, in different areas; Living Wage for council subcontractors.

Brian Dawson, 55 Priorities

1) Social, affordable, rental housing 2) End homelessness 3) Pedestrianisation, better PT, more green space Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Carbon Neutral before 2050 through WCC Zero Carbon Plan and emissions reductions; advocate for EQprone apartment owners; remove private vehicles from Golden Mile. Housing and Planning OOOOO Develop apartment conversion project; find further ways to ensure council actively intercedes in rental market; review social housing policies; implement income-related rental system; fast-track remaining housing upgrades; end street homelessness in three years with central govt, social services, and the private sector. Transport OOOOO Build relationship with GWRC; deliver LGWM with mass transit from CBD to Airport; bussing improvements at Basin and Mt Vic; city-wide cycling network. Governance and Engagement OOOOO Engage with community and residentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; groups; work with mana whenua on better engagement and representation for MÄ ori; maintain WCC as a Living Wage employer.

NOTES:

PAEKAWAKAWA/SOUTHERN WARD

Fleur Fitzsimons, 40 Priorities

1) Re-open Central Library 2) Warm, dry housing 3) Fixing the bus network Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Make reducing emissions central to all decision-making; reduce transport and energy emissions; ensure local communities are equipped for climate change adaptation. Housing and Planning OOOOO End homelessness; increase warm and dry, social and affordable housing; support compact urban housing growth. Transport OOOOO Deliver LGWM to improve the transport system; remove private vehicles from the Golden Mile. Governance and Engagement OOOOO Develop a new Memorandum of Understanding with mana whenua; improve internal resources for Te Tiriti partnerships; engage with communities in creative ways.

Humphrey Hanley, 37 Priorities

1) A sustainable transport system 2) Accessible public buildings 3) Supporting community volunteers Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Promote cycling and walking; hold Council to Carbon Zero 2050 promise; zero-waste festivals and events. Housing and Planning OOOOO Ensure the disabled and mobility-impaired are able to get around; give local artists opportunities to showcase their work in public spaces. Transport OOOOO Ensure accessibility and safety at the forefront of any changes; promote sustainable, accessible and people-first solutions to transport. Governance and Engagement OOOOO Ensure consultation involves proactively engaging with community; provide access to services from within communities.

Laurie Foon, no age given Priorities

1) Zero-carbon transport, infrastructure 2) Turn organic waste into food 3) Support local, sustainable business Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Work with mana whenua to implement kaitiakitanga principles for waterways; drive low carbon economy by encouraging council and its suppliers to go zero-carbon; become a single-use plastic free city. Housing and Planning OOOOO All new builds integrate water sensitive design, green roofs and energy efficiency; protect and regenerate green spaces that support community wellbeing. Transport OOOOO Advocate for electrification of PT fleet, approve light rail; prioritise safer cycling for all ages; infrastructure for electric bikes, vehicles. Governance and Engagement OOOOO Work as a genuine treaty partner with mana whenua; Te Tiriti as a foundation for all decisions; make Wellington a Living Wage city.

Thomas Morgan, 55 Priorities

1) Governance, not management 2) A limited council role 3) Keep the city functioning Climate Change and Resilience OOOOO Assess the full impacts of climate change; implement policies to mitigate climate change risks; set waste reduction targets. Housing and Planning OOOOO Re-zone certain suburbs to encourage higher density housing; reduce rates for those working from home; rehouse the homeless with relevant agencies. Transport OOOOO Create bus expressways; encourage non-private vehicle transport options; investigate a ferry service from Petone. Governance and Engagement OOOOO Limit public engagement; treat all sub-sectors of the community as one, while acknowledging the heritage position of Maori; have council staff chant â&#x20AC;&#x153;we are happyâ&#x20AC;? at the start of every day.

NOTES:

News.

Rostra's Hot Takes: Local Body Elections THE OPINIONS YOU DIDN'T THINK YOU NEEDED Hot Takes is a section where, every two weeks, Rostra (PolSoc’s very own publication) sends out a question to the masses for their takes on them. Rostra gives us three to publish and keeps the rest for their own website. This week, the question was, “What is the main issue you are voting for in the upcoming local body elections?” Keep an eye out for Rostra’s fortnightly Hot Take question on the PolSoc Facebook page. If you’re interested in writing for Rostra, contact them through rostra@vuwpolsoc.com

GETTING A’S-INTO-G AROUND TRANSPORT AND HOUSING HUGO BEALE I hate to cheat but there are actually two main issues that I'm looking at when I'm voting this year.

modern mass-transit that will attract people away from their cars and into more sustainable transportation.

1. Transport - I want the regional and city councils to get their a-into-g and sort out the broken public transport system. If I live in an area where buses come infrequently, a cancelled service becomes the difference between class and no class. I also want to see both forward-thinking and investment into

2. Housing - I want to see a modern approach to housing, which means advocating for increased density where it has the least impact. A lot of people and/or councillors don't like the idea of density, but Wellington is growing every day and is in desperate need of affordable housing for students, workers, and families alike.

A SEAT ON THE BUS, A SEAT AT THE TABLE LARS THOMPSON (ROSTRA EDITOR) As students, we are often told how important it is for us to vote and have our say. There is no shortage of candidates who desperately want to hear from us on issues ranging from mental health, to rental standards, to public transport etc. Every candidate will tell us they have our best interests at heart and will be taking our views into consideration. They will aim for the best outcomes they can possibly get without jeopardising their other voter bases, and without having truly walked a day in our shoes. That’s the truth.

Tertiary discounts on public transport was a major win for us, but it took years and years of advocacy. Only once a majority of elected candidates had publicly committed to endorsing Fairer Fares was there even the possibility it would actually occur. Even then, there were no certainties, and debate over the issue continued well past the election. We were on the outside, beating on the windows of the regional council, hoping our concerns would be still taken seriously now the vote was in. I don’t want young people on the outside looking in, forever hoping to gain the favour of powerful old men. I want us students at the table.

HUNGRY FOR DEMOCRACY NATHAN HOLMES I’m going to vote on the likelihood of the candidate doing a Macca’s run with me at 1 a.m. I’m going to vote based on who my parents would find most annoying and who my flatmate reckons will be the biggest meme. I will vote on whether their billboards show them in the city centre or lost in the hills somewhere pretending they don’t need to ask for directions. I’m going to use single transferable voting to rank the candidates

on hotness. They will lose points if I find any of them were using an old pic in their profiles or clearly been out on a Macca’s run the night before. Most of all, I’ll be voting on our screwed-up public transport system, how the council never picks up our recycling, and all the other issues that actually matter, DUH.

ISSUE 23

SALIENT

More People Who Want To Be Your Mayor, Nice FINN BLACKWELL (HE/HIM) Wellington general elections are here, and Salient has taken the time to get to know the candidates so you don’t have to! This week, we talk to candidates Don “Newton” McDonald, Diane Calvert, Jenny Condie, Andy Foster, and Norbert Hausberg. Our interview with Justin Lester and Conor Hill can be found in last week’s issue. Unfortunately, we were unable to reach candidates Ajay Rathod and Andrew Graham Cox in time for publication. What are your areas of focus?

library here at Newtown. It's very warm here. You’ve got a shirt on; I've got my jacket. Wellington has a moderate climate. So warm and dry—how dry?” Hausberg: “My idea was this: you run the property where you're prepared to live in, full stop. So landlords have to do more. And I live in an area with some seriously shonky, slum landlording going on and I'm always amazed that people even rent these things. But let's look at the price, too, because the rental properties are just out of this world.”

McDonald: “Growth is bad. All resources are limited. So my immediate plan, if I’m elected, is to sharply halve world population, cars, kilometres, flights, and runways.”

Calvert: “Well, some of these ideas are great, but we only had about two, three people register—so something wasn't working. There’s a big, big fanfare but is it actually making a difference?”

Hausberg: “Well, the platform I'm standing on is Wellington carbon-neutral by 2022. Because we have to do much more, much faster to get anything done. The way the council is moving at the moment, we’ll still be discussing things by 2050, and then it'll be certainly too late.”

Condie: “I think the biggest thing around a warrant of fitness has to be inspection enforcement. It's all well and good to write a warrant of fitness, but if you can't actually inspect and enforce them on the properties, then it doesn't really do much good.”

Calvert: “I've been really active in advocating for the city about the bus situation. Also for me. it’s about building connected communities. So it's not all about the CBD. It's about making our suburban communities strong, not forgotten about. And we need more housing.”

Foster: “Every house should be a healthy house, and to put people into houses which are cold, damp, poorly ventilated, have mould—that's just not on. The standard has to rise. That does come with some cost, but fundamentally, people have the right to live in a home that's healthy.

Condie: “My biggest priority is climate action. I've got two little boys who are six and three. And so by 2100, they will be 88 and 85. And the UN talks about there being up to a metre of sea level rise by 2100. And it's easy to think that it's science fiction, but when I think about it in the context of my children, it's when they will be grandparents. So it suddenly feels more concrete and emotional and immediate.

What’s your advice for VUW students running for Wellington Regional Council?

Foster: “One is a more livable city, a city where people are housed. We've got a bit of a housing deficit at the moment, about 3800 homes. The second part of that is that we actually actively get involved in the development of housing. So I'm a fan of having what we call an urban development agency— that would allow us to buy land; plan for how that land would be developed.”

Hausberg: “If you have some multimillionaire at hand or some movie magnate—very handy, very handy. Because in the end, it all costs money.”

Would you work to improve Justin Lester’s Rental Flat WOFs? McDonald: “There's been a saying for five or seven years— ‘warm dry houses’. So I say, how warm? Now, we're in the

McDonald: “Have your say. They’re going to squeeze [all the candidates] in and I skipped some meetings because I wasn't gonna get a fair opportunity. So I skipped some meetings. Yeah definitely, go for it.”

Condie: “I've been so impressed with them in debates and on the campaign trail. Tamatha Paul has rolled out a massive volunteer network of door-knocking. They are running really good campaigns. I don't think they need me to tell them what to do.” Foster: “I think the first thing is knowing why you're standing, what it is you want to achieve. Try to make sure that those the messages you've got are coherent and that it all fits together.”

News.

Mayoral candidates interviewed, clockwise from top: Andy Foster, Diane Calvert, Don â&#x20AC;&#x153;Newtonâ&#x20AC;? McDonald, Norbert Hausberg, and Jenny Condie. Absent: Justin Lester, Conor Hill, Andrew Cox, Ajay Rathod.

“UH OH, SWEETIES”: TOM SAINSBURY EXPOSED AS EVERY WELLINGTON CITY COUNCIL CANDIDATE

I R E F USE TO P UT M Y N AM E ON TH IS TR ASH

Tom Sainsbury’s appearance in Auckland council voting papers was a shining light of hope, buried in a campaign period marred by underwhelming frontrunners, outright racism, and bizzare policy proposals. However, what may have been considered wholesome, has become a scandal. In documents leaked to Salient last week, it was revealed that the comedian is, in fact, all of the candidates running for Wellington City Council.

THE EYES HAVE IT: LOCAL TEEN VANDALISES COUNCILLOR’S BILLBOARDS TO REIGNITE ROMANCE

Sainsbury has been impersonating every council candidate in the city, with nobody the wiser. Sainsbury’s impersonations were a staple of his online presence, with satirical videos of him posing as Simon Bridges, Judith Collins, and many more.

RICHARD BEERE

This election cycle, local councillor Chris Calvi-Freeman has found many of his billboards across the Eastern Ward vandalised in an especially disturbing way.

However, it appears those skills have been put to more sinister means. The documents were also leaked to the Electoral Commission, which released a statement soon after, alongside a warrant for Sainsbury’s arrest. Police entered Sainsbury’s home last Thursday.

“I found a few hoardings with eyes carved out, it’s really weird. You know, it’s normal to have a few with the odd swastika or graffitti but someone put real effort in this year; it looks a bit munted, to be honest.”

Initially, police thought prominent National Party MP Paula Bennett was the only person present, but Sainsbury was exposed and detained after police noticed the impersonator’s clip-on earrings were plastic, rather than Bennett’s standard solid gold ones.

It turns out there’s more to this story than the councillor’s lack of vision. Police have apprehended a young man who admitted the crime to his mother. She came to the police in a desperate attempt to stop her son.

However, Sainsbury spent only a short period detained, as a video depicting Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern called for his immediate release.

“He’s become obsessed with the councillor. I found a shrine in his wardrobe to Chris Calvi-Freeman whom he affectionately calls ‘Daddy’ in private. He says he met the councillor a few months ago and began a relationship with him. I was hoping it was just a normal teenage crush, but it didn’t pass.”

Ardern assured the public that her appearance in the back of a police car, with accompanying five o’clock shadow and ruffled hair, were just a consequence of “an absolute whirlwind of a time in New York”.

Salient talked with the young man, who asked not to be named but said that Chris would know the vandalism was a gift from him.

Opposition Leader Simon Bridges supported Ardern’s statement in a video from a police cell he “just happened to be visiting”.

“I just couldn’t help but fall in love with him. His eyes are mesmerising. We haven’t spoken in person since we first met, but if you listen closely, you can see all his speeches are coded love letters.”

Salient contacted Sainsbury to ask how he had managed to fool the Wellington public.

“It was a whirlwind of romance.”

“Well it was pretty easy really,” he said.

“But then, tragedy struck. In a recent debate I saw him wink at someone else. I was heartbroken. After a while, I decided that I would do my best to get him back. I thought this would be the best way to get his attention.”

“I just needed to rotate my wig a bit to change characters, and when it came to panel discussions, I just set up mannequins with smiley faces on them. Nobody could tell.” “The most I ever had to do was close-ups as Justin Lester. I just had to suck my cheeks in a bit and stand on my tippy toes.”

Police have offered to drop the charge if the young man goes to counselling. He’s currently on the Student Health waiting list but doubts it will help.

“The easiest part was policies. I mostly just copied and pasted them from each other. People just expect that nowadays.”

“I’m in love and this is how I’m expressing that. It’s my art and I think Chris gets that.”

Sainsbury declined to comment on how far the conspiracy ran, but said he “couldn’t wait to represent the people of Wellington”. Videos since released by every member of Parliament and all senior members of the public service have confirmed this.

When Salient confronted the councillor he denied the affair, saying “what”.

Trump impeachment announced. Johnson prorogation nullified. Millions march for climate. If you still have your virginity, I think this might just be your week. @Tim_Batt

When the Watchmen movie came out I went to either a sold out opening day or midnight showing of it, and when the sex scene set to Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah was happening I laughed uncontrollably. everyone in the theater was dead silent, and the guy in front of me got really mad. - @whooping_jane

TWITTER IS THE BEST AND ONLY PLACE TO TALK ABOUT POLITICS

Every time I read some weekend column about a boomer struggling to retire on $100,000 a year and a multi-million dollar home, I'm reminded that my retirement plan is to die in the climate wars. - @David_Moscrop

SHI T TAK ES ABOU T WCC AND T HEN M O S T LY FILLER, CURATED BY EM M A M AGUIRE

@em_ma_maguire Oh, fuck. Trump has noticed us. - @buzzandhum

News Corp was falling over itself to pay 16-year-old Caleb Bond to have opinions on things like gambling and the housing market and now every columnist and Sky after-dark host is one pre-show rum and coke away from calling Greta Thunberg an "arrogant little bitch" - @thomasviolence

I really don’t see Trump’s impeachment going anywhere. What’s the white nationalist nation gonna do? Stop white nationalism? - @xochicitlalli My favourite insult this election was that someone called me a cunt in the first 24 hours of announcing, but now it's being called neoliberal scum - @saycheeselouise

16 year old: what if we improved the planet somewhat How are we (the people) supposed to get active and engage in climate activism (and politics in general) when our own lives are on fire and in need of care? When we are sick, poor, homeless, barely getting by. Tired of all these calls to action leaving so many people behind. - @kate_aschoff

Grown adults: I must attack this child - @BenedictTown

three likes and I'll get "relax, white boy" tattoo'd across my face @johaganbrebner

iPhone 11 is gonna revolutionize dick pics - @marcellacomedy

CKW

CW: Mental Illness, Suicide, ECT, Sexual/Physical Abuse

Nearly 90% of our adult gang population was birthed in state care. Taken from family, whānau, aiga, to return as monsters of men. Nightmarish places where sexual and physical abuse were common. Where boys as young as twelve would start to scream and cry when they saw the electroconvulsive therapist arrive.

My girlfriend gets frustrated with me because I don’t open up. There’s heaps to unpack here: One; I don’t want to put my baggage on someone else. Two; for so long I’ve known that I can’t change anything, so the best I can do is get over it, which is hard but I’ve been able to do that. Three; I think I can’t afford to show any weakness. This attitude is toxic, it is harmful, but it is 100% true and a tool I’ve always relied on. Not just me, but a multitude of Kiwi men.

These boys, now men, bear the psychological scars of a lifetime spent resisting our efforts to transfigure them. And yet in 2019, we have returned to the same “out of sight, out of mind attitude” in placing children in woefully inadequate state care. Day broke with the Puao-te-Ata-tu report, yet we’ve chosen to return to darkness.

Stoicism, bottling up, “boys don’t cry”, resorting to violence before talking—these pillars of masculinity, in all its maligned glory, have come from a place of necessity. The way that a lot of us live makes opening up almost impossible. These harmful behaviours shouldn’t be condoned or encouraged, but they have been useful tools, and it’s unfair to suddenly expect men—and boys—to put things down that they rely on.

The point is: Farming our children out, be it through borstals or state care, was and is our way of ignoring the issue. As a country, we are so busy hiding our vulnerabilities that we create them anew. Maybe if we raised our boys—especially those who are already vulnerable due to socioeconomic factors—as boys, and not brokenmen-in-waiting, we wouldn’t have to harangue them to abandon their toxic masculinity.

In 2018, Māori males were twice as likely as non-Māori males to report an anxiety or depressive disorder. But we’ve known for a long time that Māori mental health is much worse than that of Pākehā. Similarly, Pasifika adults are much less likely to access mental health services even if their disorder is serious (25% compared to 58% of New Zealanders overall). In addition, Pacific people, particularly those aged 16–24 years, have the highest rates of suicide planning and attempts. This isn’t reflected in mortality rates, however, with rates for Pasifika being lower or equal to that of other ethnicities.

If your environment demands you make your emotions unavailable, why would you show vulnerability? Because what if your depression or anxiety comes from a very tangible threat? You’re anxious, because of gang tensions; the opps certainly aren’t going to sit down and talk about how you’re feeling, and talking about that won’t solve anything. It will draw you into entirely more trouble, yes; it won’t make the problem go away. No, they’re going to kill you, and cut your face tattoo out. That’s what they’ll do.

The stats make the rhetoric around “toxic masculinity” somewhat hollow. How do you suddenly start talking openly and honestly about what troubles you, if you’ve never done it before? If it’s literally been counterintuitive to your survival, up until this point?

It’s a bit like riding a motorbike, really: You can wear all the safety gear, observe all the road rules and ride defensively, but it all means nothing if someone in a car doesn’t give a shit.

Letting go of these defence mechanisms might be one of the hardest things you have to do as a man. And they are defence mechanisms, because at the root of it all—buried under the rhetoric of the “she’ll be right” attitude of the Kiwi bloke, the calls for a return to the times of “when men were men”, or a stubbornness to talk about your problems (because talking about them is as good as admitting there’s a problem in the first place)—there are vulnerable men who were once vulnerable boys influenced by vulnerable men.

And that’s how it is: Lots of people in cars, not giving a shit. Expecting us to magically have a level of emotional openness that is literally counterintuitive to what we see everyday, and what some of us have to do to see another day. For myself, I know that only I lose when I hold my emotions in check. And that I’m bitter about bottling up, dealing with it on my own, learning the hard way. But that is no one’s fault but my own. I don’t expect anyone to help me deal with it, and I don’t want to put it on someone else. What’s done is done.

What were we to do? What can we do? We were boys, we are men, living in an era when emotional openness isn’t encouraged—it is demanded—in the full knowledge that our society simply isn’t ready for a multitude of damaged men to open their hearts up. We are collectively terrified of admitting that we’re scared.

Besides, many of our men literally can't afford to open up. Changing harmful masculine behaviours often relies on women for emotional labour, or depends on access to socially progressive resources such as further education, stable and sufficient income—all the trappings of the middle class, and the exposure to the world that comes with it.

There is something about full and frank emotional disclosure that doesn’t sit well with the innately understated nature of New Zealand. Maybe in another country, where dramatics are more suited to their national identity. But not New Zealand, where our muted horrors are just that—muted.

Attacking vulnerability never addresses the root cause of the hurt. It only makes defence mechanisms stronger, draws the guards higher. Let’s remember why we want our men to talk—because we love them. Let them know they deserve to be loved.

KII

CW: Mental Illness, Sexual Abuse

bring myself to imagine it all in my head. The scene itself, the aftermath, each of our locations at the time it would have happened; they're burned into my mind. They may as well be branded onto my eyelids.

There’s an elephant in the room, and we’re not sure how long he’s been there. For most of our lives, we have associated the elephant with depression, alcoholism, addictions, and racist remarks. As a group of boys, we’ve progressed so far that we can actually say we need a mental health day. I can hit up the group chat and let them know it’s ‘sad boi hours’. There’s five of us, and we’re honestly completely average at realising each others’ signs for depression, but we’re on the way up. We were boys whose skin once crawled at periods. That’s not a laughing matter; that’s just factual. We are now in a space where we can openly talk about our sexual orientation, differing political opinions, and subtle/overt racism. It took a while, but we’ve mustered up enough strength to talk about this. I’m totally proud of us, as I reflect on how we used to deal with problems.

We will never understand what she has gone through; I could never articulate it on her behalf. I cower every day since, knowing that she suffered in this. I can’t even begin to apologise for his actions, but I hope this gives breath to the conversation we all needed to have.

There are still some things we choose not to talk about, however, sometimes a topic will thrust itself onto us: This month, we found out that one of our best friends sexually abused one of our mutual friends. My coffee turned sour and my eyes began to water as I received news at my local café. My mornings watching Lil’ Bill had already been ruined by Bill Cosby; my obsessive, hip-hop influenced dream of cornrows by R Kelly. The greatest memories that remind me of the very worst of people. Now this.

None of us have the appetite anymore.

We heard the full story and the facts from all parties, and it hurt us in many different ways. How do we respond as a group of ‘lads’ who have now outcasted one of our own, the elephant? The group chat is quiet; the one-on-one whisperings are happening in DMs. The staff at our go-to café banter that they don’t see us often enough now. We shrug them off with a gentle laugh; we have nothing to say about our absence.

It’s been more than a year since it occurred, but only a few weeks since we’ve become aware. I think about the elephant— we’ve shared drinks, prayers, and meals. We made you family and you allowed us into your world. We’d all shared our ideas and aspirations; there had always been healthy support and discourse. Now I think back to our handshakes and feel sticky. Any recollection of the handshakes are now as visceral in my mind as if we had been covered in syrup. Sticky, uncomfortable—wanting to let go but not being able to. We can only imagine that is a snippet of how she felt when she saw us all in a herd. Some of the boys are worried, because they had been shaking hands with him in public. Sharing jugs and laughs. At parties, BYOs, university classes. As if we were

There had been an elephant in the room for a year, and we only just realised. My train ride back into the city was cold. Dark blue sky, and a racing mind. Head numb as it leaned against the cold glass of the rattling window. I don’t have all the details, but I can’t 21

Elephant In The Room

This is incomparable. This horror film never ends, and I can’t shake the shivers it gives me. It feels like it rains every day; the sunlight feels unwelcoming. My pink and white feelings turn to grey and white. Water tastes like TV static. Advice is unwelcome, and I think of the her more often than not. I can’t shake the images out of my head, the ones I never saw. The signs we missed are clear as day now. My fuse is shorter and my patience is miniscule. The world we built together is scorched.

in support of all he did, publicly so—the herd that supported each other through everything. Not this. If only we’d known sooner. Not this. I was luckier than some of us, having been educated about boundaries and consent from a young age. I’m learning more and more every day, because there is still so much to learn, but it’s a journey that we are all openly doing together as a friend group. Whether it’s the conversations we have in our long-term relationships or with one-time flings, we are slowly getting better and having that discourse. But this—it made us angry.

We are told by our peers that we need to talk about our feelings. It’s taken us a while to realise that this hell isn’t going to get any better.

We hate cancel culture and it’s something we’ve always debated about. Disgusting things happen in the past. I am not proud of some of the things I’ve done in the past, and neither are you. We can learn to accept them, apologise, feel humility, and move on—or not. (The latter is not recommended.)

But that’s okay. Not everything has a silver lining. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel; there’s no happy ending. The sequel will never come and the elephant’s footprints will fossilise in the carpet. There are some things we can never forgive, and that’s okay.

However, we aren’t coping. I can see our mental health deteriorating as a group. I feel selfish for thinking about us, as brothers, and not her. Recommending that we don’t reach out to her, but allow ourselves to be contactable if she ever chooses to do so. But how do we deal with this?

When I started primary school, my mother gave me a fiveminute speech at the gate. I can’t remember most of what she said, but one sentence has stuck with me—“Remember, not everyone is nice.” My mother predicted that I would run into racism at some point. Unfairness, people with ulterior motives, thieves, and energy vampires, too. But I couldn’t tell you if she had the foresight for this.

I cried. We cried. The thought of what we had to overcome mentally was horrifying. Living with what he did, understanding that we were the dust beneath his feet. We were the fruit and twigs that he used to nourish himself. The river he used to quench his thirst. The first thing we did was blame ourselves for creating an environment where the elephant felt safe; a jungle in which it felt at home. The blame felt strong and emotions were high.

This path is dark. It’s treacherous and filled with obstacles. Paying your respects to her from afar, understanding that she is combatting this in her own way, in their own support circles. All I have is memories of a friend group that gave me life, support, and energy to pursue my dreams. These memories aren’t ruined, and I will be forever grateful to the boys I have around me. I know we don’t have the energy to keep going, and I know sometimes we call each other at 2 a.m. because we can’t get to sleep. This will haunt us for a while.

Had we created an environment where we let our best friend feel hidden? Never allowing jokes about abuse of any form, and openly dismissing any support of such. The feeling that all we had done was in vain—taken for granted—hurt. Had we done enough?

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write, but I did for all of the group chats out there going through what we are—the boys who are finding it hard to hold each other accountable.

We sought support. Some of us individually, with professionals, and well-known counsellors in the area. Looking for role models who could offer a way out. A pathway that would offer a shining light at the end. Preferably male. Our mothers had no answer for us, because they’d never handled something like this from a male perspective. Some of us sought support at a bar through rum, coke, and lemon. Neither avenue was leading us to the pathway we wanted.

To my friend: There is nothing I can do. I refuse to allow us to be the leaves of your jungle. I refuse to let us be the river you drink out of, the plants you eat. The dust that rises above your shoulders when you dance for joy. We cannot make the elephant in the room feel at home. To my boys: We go again. We rebuild each other and come out of this with the scars on our mentals. We don’t push each other to share, just ensure we are all creating spaces where that conversation can happen. I love each and every one of you.

Most horror films end by disposing of its villian. They are held accountable and dissolve in their own evil, or disappear into the night, banished into self imposed solitary confinement. The black guy dies first and love saves the day. The hero is left alive; spared at the expense of the others, most likely their loved ones. Lucky enough to see another bright sunny day.

And thanks Mum.

Johann Andreu, The View, Digital

l Illustration, 297 x 420mm, 2018

Finn Blackwell

There is nothing ‘normal’ about normality. To quote the Addams family, “What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” A seemingly normal life can be thrown out of order in a split second, as was the case for Edmund Huang in June of 2008.

The assailant then hijacked a four-wheel drive and proceeded to hit Joanne, who later died as a result of sustained wounds. “It wasn’t until afterward when the damage was done that the seatbelt just flung open,” recalled Edmund. “It was crazy, standing in a pool of blood.” It was later revealed that this was no random attack, but an organised assault orchestrated by South Auckland gang, The Killer Beez, who had targeted Joanne Wang specifically.

After a brief outing at the Manukau Mall with his mother, Joanne Wang, Edmund noticed a man in a balaclava running towards their car. As they attempted to get in, the man reached in and grabbed Joanne’s handbag and ran, with Joanne giving chase. “I tried getting out but my seatbelt was jammed so I was completely stuck. I was able to turn around and see what was going on,” Edmund recounted.

“The aftermath was horrible. It was sort of like losing a part of yourself. Growing up, I was closer to my mum more than my dad. I missed her a lot,” Edmund told me. “Things were a bit 26

A New Normal I posed the question of how he thought the police could monitor Masters better, now that he was released, and further asked what he thought the police could do to prevent further instances like this. His response was refreshingly positive.

bleaker and monotonous, but at the same time, Dad taught me how to grow up and to develop something new from that.” This was unfathomable for someone like me, who has taken growing up with both parents for granted. I asked Edmund how he thought this extremely painful experience had shaped him into who he is today. “I think it has made me more workorientated,” said Edmund.

“In the end, I think these things are really hard to know. I do think that [his time in prison] may have shaped his perception and thoughts of what’s good and what’s bad, but obviously there’s still the chance that he’ll go back to his old ways.” He truly believed that Masters had the potential to reform. “In terms of changing that,” he continued, “I’d say [we need] the government increasing investment in policing, in the law and order sector.”

“It’s really interesting because, to fully integrate into society, you sort of need to learn things from both your mother and your father, and because I lost my mother at such an early age, I was kind of taught to just pull up my sleeves and get to work and it was hard—it took me a while to understand my emotions.”

He raises a good point. In 2017, there were 228 reported cases of violent offences involving a gang member in Wellington alone. That—if compared to 2014, when there were 285 gang-related offences—is indeed a very positive development; a 20% decrease over the past four years. It shows that the initiatives to decrease gang-related violent crimes are in fact working.

This was dark subject matter for a conversation over coffee. As each word left his mouth, it felt as though the café grew more and more silent, so much so that it felt eerie. The warmth and welcome of the café changed into a chilling recount of gruesome murder. From an outside perspective, it seemed that Edmund had used this incredible hardship to focus himself, working harder and more efficiently than ever before.

New Zealand has a prevalent gang presence throughout the country. Gangs like the Mongrel Mob, Headhunters, and the Killer Beez all have a large presence in various towns and cities throughout New Zealand, going so far as to publicly display their chapter houses and gang meetings.

He told me of how he played badminton and how “pulling up his sleeves”, so to speak, allowed him to push past the struggle of losing his mother and move forward with his life. The idea of putting all else from your mind in order to focus on the job at hand seems to be a skill that Edmund has relied on heavily, and continues to use in daily life.

But are we right to view gangs the way that we do? The image of a rough-and-tumble gang member is so ingrained in our minds by pop culture and the media that it can sometimes be hard to see the forest for the trees. Take, for example, Te Kai Po Ahuriri, a member of the Stormtroopers gang in Palmerston North. After serving jail time for drug-related offenses, Ahuriri reflected on his own upbringing in the foster care system and decided he wanted to make a difference.

Did he still harbour resentment for the gang that took his mother away from him—or for the man who had taken her handbag and driven the car? Edmund’s answer spoke volumes of his character: “No, no, I remember, at the start, I held a lot of hate for that person,” he remarked. “I’m not going to lie, I did have some dangerous thoughts, like ‘What would I do if I was in the same room as him? Would I want to do some violent things or say some violent things?’—but over time I forgave, and it’s sad because afterward, I felt bad for him.”

He now delivers meals to the homeless population of Palmerston North, while still being an active member of the Stormtrooper gang. In cases such as this, are we right to maintain our prejudices towards gangs? Or does Ahuriri serve as a reminder to never judge a book by its cover, a gang by its patch?

Edmund explained further—“I felt like maybe it wasn’t his fault, maybe it was built on something else? Maybe peer pressure or something, but in the end, I came to forgive him.” However, Edmund’s forgiveness was met with shocking news. “I wanted to meet him afterward,” Edmund commented, “but it was too late. I heard the news that he had committed suicide in prison.” I had to know more. However, there was another pressing question that needed answering.

In any case, the gang culture in New Zealand is by no means a clear-cut issue. Gangs have been responsible for instances of both violence and benefit, so judging them solely on any preconceived notions that we might have will do us no good. Whether personally you believe that all gang members are ruthless cut-throats, clad in leather—or that, when it comes to gangs, there’s more than meets the eye, it is important to keep in mind that there are people like Edmund who have experienced just what gangs are capable of, yet can see the good in them—something that the majority of us are unaccustomed to.

While researching for this article, I discovered that the leader of the Killer Beez gang, a man named Josh Masters, was released from prison in late 2018, after serving a ten-year sentence for dealing P. I was unsure whether Edmund knew that the leader of the gang responsible for killing his mother was once again a free man.

Jamie Dobbs

Imagine having two front doors to your house.

to stay focussed on the task at hand, but where we need to be in the next two or 24 hours, what's left in the pantry, did I download that podcast for my walk to work tomorrow, and should I put up that gram of me on holiday in three days or five. I mean, just now, I stopped mid-paragraph for about 30 seconds wondering whether Kanye really will drop his new album on September 27. Focus, Jamie!

The first front door operates like normal. You control when to leave it open or closed, and who or what comes in. The second door, well, not so much. The second door is a door which you don't have any control over; it stays open perpetually. You're not aware it even exists, meaning that what comes in and out of that door is blind to your consciousness—but not to your subconscious.

Thanks to psychologist Anne Treisman, we know that we still take on board new information subconsciously. Treisman’s ‘attenuation theory’ shows us that when we have multiple sources of information competing for our attention, we can effectively turn the volume down on any one source to focus more narrowly on the others. It's like each has a volume button. Mute one, maybe turn another down, crank another up. This model supports the notion that—rather than not taking on board information that we aren't giving our attention to—we simply attenuate the source, which can result in some subconscious consumption.

Bit of a rattling thought, isn’t it? I mean, anything could be jiggying its way through that second door, perusing its way through your living room, maybe spooning your pet, fiddling with your pick ‘n’ mix almonds, or even abusing your Netflix account. Now, this weird analogy you very kindly dragged yourself through for me has a purpose. I've used it to illustrate how we consume information. Our brain is like the house: The first door represents our conscious attention. The second door represents our subconscious attention. We know what's coming in the first door, because we’re aware of it. We don’t know what's coming through the second door because, simply, we aren't aware of it.

There’s a social narrative playing out in our culture at the moment that’s so broken. It tells us we must always be on— hustling, grinding, learning, listening to this podcast, reading that book, taking in as much information as we can. I call bullshit—partly. By all means, do these things: Work your ass off, read some cool shit, and learn whatever you can. But in moderation. None of us are superhuman; we all need sleep, space, and down-time. Often, that’s when our most creative ideas wriggle to the surface.

Thanks to the abundance of information surrounding us nowadays, there’s a constant breeze whistling through that second door. Many believe we’re in an 'information era'. In the Western world in particular, we are inundated with information left, right, and centre. Whether you're on the internet, doing your weekly shop at the supermarket, playing sport, or constructing that message you really can't be arsed sending— we are constantly consuming and processing information.

The world out there is going to throw information at you any which way it wants, like Tyson in the late 80’s. But there are ways to keep your gloves up: Be a bit more aware of what’s worthwhile giving your attention to. Be conscious of who, and what, you surround yourself with. Take into account that every product, marketing campaign, and piece of content, in the currency of attention. They're competing for it, and they know how to manipulate it to serve their purpose.

The problem is that we're making ourselves obese, and I don’t mean the kind we can measure on a set of scales. We're eating too much information. We're overloading our plates both with what we're aware of, and what we aren't. We're not designed to have this much on our plate of 'attentional capacity'. We just can’t digest it all properly.

It wouldn’t be right if I didn't finish with one of my favourite Kanye lyrics. I think Ye sums it all up quite nicely—“I just need time with my own thoughts / Got treasures in my mind but couldn't open up my own vault.”

Thousands of years ago, the most we had to be aware of at any one time was where to find food without being mugged by a sabre-toothed tiger. Now, many of us are not only trying

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NĀ TEAONUI MCKENZIE

HE TOHU Symbols are all around us and we all have our own ideas about what some symbols mean. Ultimately, they are signposts that tell the world this is me, and this is the image that represents my ideas or qualities. Masculine, patriarchal, male-dominant—a few of the words used to describe my tikanga and cultural practices. And the reality, as an outsider looking in at least, is that my culture is filled with symbols and signs that demonstrate male power. Take the carvings of erect penises in our ancestral buildings—great masculine figures of vicious warriors who had obscure, bent, bodies. This is, however, if you’re an outsider. Yes, our culture is filled with symbols: If you walk into my wharenui you will see an entire thesis on the walls telling many stories about the triumphs of great men and women. But unless you have the eye to read these stories, you might find yourself just staring at my ancestor’s staff in all its glory. It’s the same on a marae—it’s not just a courtyard for men to strut about on, making a big noise and a fuss, although sometimes that may be the case. Everybody has a role. some were born into their roles, some show qualities at a young age that would determine their place on a marae. One thing’s for sure, your genetic make-up doesn’t mean a thing. My role was once in the great dining halls and if you shared the same experience of serving hot cups of tea and taking up stacks of plates, I could pick you out of a crowd with a single look. There are symbols written all over your face and body. Sometimes, though, I’m not sure whether I’m looking through my Pākehā eye or my Māori one, and

the influences of society start telling me what I should be looking at. But so what? I like to bake, and prefer to knead my bread to the beat of Yoncé’s “Partition”— manaakitanga is manaakitanga, no matter how you get there. That is the beautiful thing about my culture. Despite what your untrained eye sees, and despite the influence of today's society, you don’t have to look or identify yourself a certain way to fit in. We live in Pōneke, the diversity capital of New Zealand. There are more symbols in this city then I can wrap my head around, and I am beginning to think that it's partially because I wasn’t programmed to think that way; to subscribe to the Pākehā idea of symbolism. The words “masculine” and “feminine” are almost irrelevant to me. I exist in my own little bubble, surrounded by the fierce and beautiful carvings on my walls who tell me their stories. One day, my uri will see my figure on a wall somewhere— either carved, in a virtual marae, or just in a whakaahua— I wonder about thousand stories I’ll be able to tell them without saying a single word. Kia uia te pātai, ko wai koe, māu e whakahoki, he uri au nā te autaia i here ai i ngā waka ki te pou here tini, ki te pou here mano, ki te pou herenga waka. Should they ever ask who you are, tell them that you are descended from the strange being—obscure in shape perhaps, but it was he who tied a thousand canoes to the same hitching post. It was he who became a symbol, a tohu for our future descendants to look towards.

S I MPLY S US TA IN A B LE

SWAT

KIRSTY FRAME

ALEX WALKER

Research in the States suggests that some men avoid environmentally conscious acts to reassert their masculine and heterosexual image. Apparently, the humble reusable bag crosses too far into femininehomosexuality for some.

There are many symbols and signs associated with what it means to be a man. They’re so embedded within our society that it’s hard to remember that they’re only symbols, not objective facts. I often think about the ways I’ve seen masculinity portrayed throughout my life, and how I’ve been impacted.

New Zealand’s response to this? The self-proclaimed ‘Dad Bag’, in special Swanndri edition. Yep, the hideously rural pattern has leached itself onto our reusable totes in a bid to restore order in our Trelise Cooper-print world. Is this innovation? Or another bandaid slapped onto toxic masculinity?

I think about how I almost never saw men crying in movies. How I never saw enthusiastic, excitable men.

Firstly, the concept that gender influences environmental behavior is no new thing. Studies have confirmed that women recycle more, litter less, and ultimately leave a smaller carbon footprint than men. I’m sure you can guess why this is bad, because literally half the global population are men.

How I never saw men express themselves through vibrant colours. I then think about myself six years ago. I tried not to cry, I tried not to be too excited, and I tried to dress only in grey and black.

So why does this bag not sit right with me? If these Dad Bags are filling some void that some men had in their journey, then I’m glad Swanndri could help—right? If a bag brings some men into this gay, girly conversation about how we engage with our environment, then that’s good, isn’t it? Sort of. On one hand yes, inclusiveness is key. But on the other, why do we need to accommodate to a societal trait that lashes down on both men and women, time and time again? It also shouldn’t take a fucking bag to make some men want to be good to the environment.

The way we as a society perceives masculinity has a lot of power. It shapes how we live our lives and it shapes every inch of how we express ourselves. If I had continued to follow the traditional trajectory of masculinity, I would not be who I am today. And I definitely wouldn’t be as happy. If I ever have sons, I want them to grow up feeling like they can explode with excitement at seeing a cat on the street. I want them to wear whatever the heck they want to wear. I want them to cry when they’re sad because that’s what we’re supposed to do, and it always helps.

Another chip on my shoulder is that sustainability and consumerism don’t intertwine well. A new bag doesn’t address our unhealthy resource dependencies—bags take a lot of things, time, energy to make. Bottom line for this chip is that we don’t need new things, so why do we keep making them?

But I think it might be an uphill battle, if the symbols and signs of masculinity haven’t changed. That’s why there’s one thing I want us all to do: question. Question the gendered boys’ and girls’ aisles in toy shops.

Basically, profiting off toxic societal behaviors is shit but unsurprising. While it’s cool that some guys will more comfortably reach for the man bag at supermarkets, the disconnect is not getting us anywhere. Healthy masculinity requires a healthy environment. If we continue this game then our society will be as toxic as our rivers.

Question the lack of intimate male friendships in media. Most important of all: Question how signs and symbols have shaped your own lives. Because questioning is always the first step to setting yourself free.

MAX NICHOL

Cartoons and comics are, by now, a well-established part of political and social discourse and the English literary canon. As a visual medium, cartoons often convey more in a moment than words ever could on their own. They are layered with a self-referential visual language and symbols which are imagined, subverted, re-instated, and parodied within the genre. They are a medium which has a long history in New Zealand. Editorial cartoons, in particular, are invaluable sources for historians, conveying striking insights into the zeitgeist of a particular time.

Salient has also been a breeding ground for homespun illustrating talent. Well-regarded cartoonist Tim Bollinger was Salient’s designer in the early 1980s. He also produced a long-running series of original comics, with a unique and sharply rendered visual identity. For Salient’s 50th anniversary, he produced a centrefold depicting an embodied copy of Salient reflecting on its own history and purpose:

Comics have long been a feature in the pages of Salient. In some instances, these have reprinted from elsewhere. Part and parcel to Salient’s radical bent at the time, it regularly printed a strip called “The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers” in the 1970s:

It was an American cartoon, part of the subversive underground “Comix” movement which arose in San Francisco around 1967. These publications were notable for their x-rated content and disregard for good taste, splashing gratuitous violence and sex across their pages. In the US and New Zealand, these symbols of counter-culture were the cause of much consternation from conservative quarters. It was popular with Salient’s readers. In 1974, one student wrote to the editor to complain about the level of political coverage in Salient: “Who the hell is interested in a workers’ march on Parliament? We want the Furry Freak Brothers and not bullshit personal opinions of the irrelevant gabblings of the political minded minority.”

One of New Zealand’s most well-known current illustrators, Toby Morris, had his start at Salient as well, as a cartoonist for Salient from 1999 to 2002. He gained initial experience with a regular published comic, then became designer in that final year. Nowadays, he is known for using comics as a non-fiction medium to tackle current affairs, first with “The Pencilsword” at RNZ and now with “The Side-Eye” at The Spinoff. His first offering for Salient, “The Droid You Are Looking For", was more whimsical than the non-fiction pieces he has become known for. But the art style and attention to craft is instantly recognisable:

CAITLIN HICKS

If a picture is worth a thousand words, how many in an emoji? In 1602, Shakespeare’s Lord Polonius opined "brevity is the soul of wit". In 2019, we’re vaping away all our brain cells and taking this communicative approach to the extreme. In mid-2018, Facebook revealed that over 900 million emojis were sent on Messenger daily. Reports indicate that annual emoji use exceeds six billion icons; they're used by 92% of the world's online population. In 2015, the "Tears of Joy" emoji was crowned Oxford Dictionary's “Word” of the Year, evidencing mainstream acceptance of them. Inevitably, emojis have entered courtrooms too, and are starting to be presented as evidence of intent—especially in criminal cases. These funny lil characters can have very serious legal implications. Emojis—a background Unicode-defined emojis are the norm and owe their creation to the Unicode Consortium, which provides each character with a unique numerical value. There are over 3019 emojis currently defined, with more continually added. Additions for 2019 include a guide dog and a Hindu temple. Unicode is the underlying infrastructure for text across all modern software and outlines how all mobile phones and computers represent text. Any device honouring the Unicode standard can recognise the characters. Legal consequences and issues Emojis can have legal consequences and have even been considered by the United States Supreme Court. In one of our own District Courts, a judge was "bewildered" by the use of an airplane emoji, eventually holding that it constituted a threat, issuing a stalking conviction. Judges currently approach emojis with some hesitance, as they present many unique legal challenges, particularly the ability for misinterpretation. The Unicode Consortium sought to standardise keyboard characters across platforms, but a Unicode emoji is merely a "representative glyph" in black and white, with a definition that vaguely describes the shape intended. Consequently, each platform (Apple IOS, Android, etc)

implements the binary as they see fit, including its form, colour, and shape. Most platforms have differing and distinctive emoji offerings, therefore, what a sender and receiver perceive could be vastly different. This "crossplatform differentiation" explains why an emoji on an iPhone presents differently on a Samsung. Apple, for example, has chosen to differentiate from the common design of the "firearm" emoji, substituting it with a water pistol. This heightens the risk of miscommunication. For any given Unicode character, there may be up to 17 different renderings, creating almost endless opportunity for misinterpretation. The interpretation of emojis is also affected by "culture coding", where they take on unique cultural meanings that differ across communities. Americans use the gun, pizza, and drumstick emojis more than anyone else; Australians use more referring to drugs, alcohol, junk food, and holidays. The ‘thumbs-up’ emoji, viewed as a placeholder for ‘OK’ in the Western world, is equivalent to the middle finger in parts of the Middle East, West Africa, Russia, and South America. The ‘See No Evil’ monkey has been interpreted by a United Kingdom court to represent the concept of wilful blindness. In Ohio, a court accepted that a gang identified themselves with a particular emoji on Twitter: the ‘hundred points symbol’. In California, a conviction relied on expert testimony that the ‘crown' emoji had specific meanings in the sex trafficking context. In my (expert) opinion, the ‘laughing crying’ emoji absolutely reeks of insane crackhead energy and even I, a chaotic-evil Scorpio, fear its power. Patrick Bateman uses the laughing crying emoji. The default smiley face is borderline a smirk and I will never not perceive it as a threat. Heart emojis that are not red are platonic and unromantic and an eggplant is not ever just an eggplant. Apple's peach emoji is mad thicc and Samsung's goofyass people emojis need to chill. But who knows what a court would think? Next time you're engaging in criminal activity over text, it's probably best to just leave them out.

ALICE MANDER

CW: Suicide, Euthanasia A while ago, David Seymour posted a video of himself using a wheelchair, stating that on September 20, he would be using a wheelchair to get around Auckland in order to highlight the everyday difficulties of accessibility around the city, and to support the Independent Living Charitable Trust. When I saw this, I had two initial reactions. The first was a flashback to when Carmel Sepuloni and Iain Lees-Galloway used wheelchairs to “highlight” the inaccessibility of Parliament. This was despite the fact that Carmel Sepuloni is literally the Minister for Disability Issues, and should already know these things. That’s just what happens when we don’t let minorities represent themselves. The second was anger—at yet another politician claiming to care or want to raise awareness about issues surrounding disability while completely ignoring, quietening, and being ignorant to the actual voices of disabled activists when it comes to policy changes. Yep, this is going to be a serious one. I wasn’t going to write about the End of Life Choice Bill. Because not only is it extremely controversial for the entire New Zealand community—it is also controversial in the disability community. The main reason I hate any group discussion about euthanasia is that it always, always, ends up as an insensitive discussion about quality of life. Whether it’s a lecture discussion about the moral culpability of a man who kills his disabled son, or a discussion with friends about “choice”—it is a discussion about the death of a group of people in a political, debatable, and argumentative tone. And David’s post was the last straw (plz don’t sue me for defamation, Dave).

Originally, the Bill wasn’t limited to adults with a terminal illness , and included adults with “grievous and irremediable” medical conditions to be eligible for euthanasia. A grievous and irremediable medical condition is basically any progressive disability. Under that Bill, I would have had the “choice” to commit suicide legally. What saddens me the most is that this is not an implication that many people piece together. It’s easy enough for supposedly “liberal” youth to support euthanasia and the “choice” to die—until they realise that their good friend, child, sibling, or partner is one of those people who can legally make that “choice” with little to no reaction from society. I agree that we shouldn’t take that choice away from people who are months away from an inevitable and painful death, but that’s not what the bill was initially proposing. I do believe, however, we should take that choice away from disabled people. The issue with choice-based politics is that it ignores the facts that our choices do not live in a vacuum. Our “choices” are so heavily influenced by the world around us that it’s questionable whether they are in fact choices at all. The Bill has now been changed so that only those with terminal illnesses can end their lives, but the issue remains that the initial Bill still got through readings in Parliament and received a lot of support from New Zealanders. It didn’t, however, get support from the disability community or the Disability Rights Commissioner, Paula Tesoriero, who has since been labelled by Seymour as “disingenuous”. It’s a classic example of the disabled community being labelled as “vulnerable” while being denied autonomy and a voice when they organise and speak out. Of people other than the disabled community deciding what is “best” for us—all while saying that coercion would never be an issue with assisted suicide anyway. And now? David Seymour is using a wheelchair to champion disability rights. Sorry mate, but it’s not enough.

AFEENA DART G

Donald Trump could be banning vapes in the US. You heard it here first, people. He’s a fucking idiot.

the ozone layer is starting to return… around the same time that e-cigarettes have come into fashion.

We know what you’re thinking: If the ban happens in NZ, how are you, a loser, going to keep up the flimsy pretence that you’re edgy? If you are broke and uncool—which, let’s face it, is likely—your chances may be dire. It could be time to ditch the trench coat and Doc Martins and try out another look. Striped Guess t-shirts, maybe, or colourful harem pants.

“The facts are all there…There’s just no way this is mere coincidence,” he told us animatedly, pupils dilated with passion.

However, if you are one of the (very) few that don’t care about the way you look in Wellington, we may have other reasons to fight for the right to vape: For one, vaping has now become a vital part of Wellington culture, holding us together as solidly as Russell Crowe or the Len Lye waterfront sculpture. The whiff of peach-mango-sunrise outside 121 has become more iconic than Mittens, or firstyears in Dakota hats. Vaping also brings people together. With a ban, students will no longer have a way to break up awkward conversation, forcing them to ask each other about their majors and what they got up to in the weekend. Yikes. They also won’t be able to mention how many nics their Juul has, or what a feen their friend is—slang that has been proven to boost social status by about 60%. And if you thought it couldn’t get any worse—our very own BP stations, whose vape pods have recently been fuelling their business, will suffer. “We’re just not sure what else we can sell,” one owner reported to Salient sorrowfully. There may also be evidence that vaping is helping the climate crisis. Cigarettes contribute to CO2 release; vapes do not. One member of our team made the connection that

To back up our claims, we wandered down to the Science block and asked a guy what he thought. “Yeah nah yeah, sounds legit,” he said, taking a speedy puff on his Haiz. We were convinced. Climate activists are always talking about “little sacrifices” we can make, like getting rid of plastic or meat. Why not our lungs? If you are a lazy idiot who likes bubble wrap and eating burgers, this could be your chance to do something helpful for once in your life. In a recent poll where students asked if they’d rather the end of the world or a dab of lung disease, quite a few (89%) picked the second. It is likely that many of the deaths have come from people making their own e-liquids, not the vapes themselves. To test out the difference, a group of us mixed together some Smirnoff ice, a dart, and some vanilla essence in a mop bucket to give a quick puff. One of us was sick. Another started vomiting blood and was transported to A&E. I had a pretty bad aftertaste in my mouth for about fifteen minutes. After a bit of research, we concluded that this probably wouldn’t have happened with normal juice. As someone famously said in a comment on Vic Deals that got five likes, “vape is life, g.” Whether you’re an exsmoker, an edge-lord pretending to care about culture, or an irrelevant loser—e-cigarettes offer something for everyone. Get Greta Thunberg on the phone. Vaping is as vital as the air we breathe.

UN I Q

ASK SISSY

BROCK STOBBS

ANONYMOUS

So, there’s this photo. It’s of me and my friend group at the time—my squad, so to speak—at our high school formal. And the nine of us are in a line with me in the centre (don’t try to find this photo and prove me wrong). Why am I in the centre, you ask? Because you’re too damn tall! No. Well, yes, but no. It’s because I’m the only guy. (“Let’s have the fella in the middle aye.”)

Hey Sissy, My very close friend is clearly going through some things. I’m trying to reach out but he keeps flaking on me. How do I support him without invading his personal space? This may seem like a toughie as there are so many different things that could be going on; ultimately, I think you may have answered your own question. He may just need some time alone, hence why he is flaking on you so frequently. Don’t take this personally—we all have been at that stage in our lives.

A comment underneath the version of the photo a friend posted—that surely wins the award for not aging well— says, “Bet that guy feels skux.” Oh, you sweet summer child, if only you knew. She clearly didn’t watch any television show ever growing up. If she did, she would know the one of the truths we hold to be self-evident: When a female friend group has one male member, man’s a queer, you know?

Your friend may be dealing with whatever he has going on at his own pace, OR, he might be an underground mole-man who is undergoing a series of transformations; I suspect that he is shedding his old skin and moulting into his new mole-exoskeleton so he DEFINITELY needs space, and maybe a nice bath.

The amount of times people would ask me if I was gay during high school was far too many. They had no real basis for it. They just saw one lad surrounded by a bunch of girls, being actual friends and were like, “Whelp, that’s gotta be a homo.” And to be honest with you, I don’t really mind them coming to that conclusion.

Regardless of what’s going on with him, you just need to make sure that you will be there for him—don’t try to figure out what is going on in his life; he will let you in when he is comfortable. Send him a text every now and then letting him know that you think about him. We are all victims and villains of circumstances; be on the right side of whatever he is going through. I mean, I know that when I moult, I DEFINITELY need some time to air out without smelling like thrice-used condom marinating in diaper stew.

Back then, I definitely did, but now? We gucci. In fact, it’s probably preferable. Who needs to come out when you can just surround yourself with female friends and flick your wrists when you speak? People will clock you eventually with their totally accurate gaydar. I’m mostly kidding, if that wasn’t obvious. I mean it when I say I don’t mind, but I don’t like giving straight people the satisfaction. Anyway, I’m just me, a cis white gay, so maybe don’t take my word as gospel. You shouldn’t be relying on outdated stereotypes derived from negative portrayals of queer people to guide your understanding of us anyway.

You’re a good friend for caring and thinking about him. People love you when they’re on your mind; that is love’s currency. xoxo Sissy

hierarchical flesh He grits his teeth, a huntsman devoted to his loot; exposed upper abdomen stained sanguine, scratches penetrate the rubber of his middle. I see the desperation (where she tried to get away, the shoulders that wept and refused to hold themselves) linear like the gradient of his manhood, trouser leg, and golden girl(s). An ego thicker than his left bicep, he will melt in his own pride, spitting bullets at the bosom of a walking apology. â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Amy Marguerite Crerar

Send your limericks, elegies, and odes to poetry@salient.org.nz

TH EATR E EVERY TH I NG B U T T H E K I TC H E N S I N K

R EVIEW: FINN B L AC KW ELL

“Wasted” - Directed by Tyler Clarke The opening act was a deep dive into the party/drug culture that most (if not all) students are all too familiar with. As a couple delves into what will happen after one of them take an extended trip overseas, the themes of existential dread and unrequited love come bubbling to the surface. With a high-energy introduction to the scene, “Wasted” carried this intensity throughout their entire performance and expertly blended comedic elements into a narrative with very real and relevant themes. “The Wedding Story” - Directed by Tristan Woods Twisting the narrative trope of the omniscient narrator on its head, “The Wedding Story” gave the audience a wonderfully silly, fourth wall-breaking experience not to be forgotten. Complex humour aplenty, this scene delivered the laughs and kept the audience on the edge of their seats, wondering which fairytale cliché the director would morph and turn on its head next. The twist that comes midway through this performance was excellent in keeping the audience engaged and guessing. “Metamorphoses” - Directed by Kaylee Andrews Adapting the traditional story of Orpheus and Eurydice, this performance brought modern theatre conventions to a story that has been told and retold time and time again. While the character of Orpheus brought a unique take on the story and their arch, there were moments within this scene that left me unfulfilled (to be fair, there was a great deal of Greek legend to fit into a ten-minute scene). With good use of space and interesting use of movement and symbolism, “Metamorphoses” provided the audience with a unique take on the classic Greek tragedy. “Lt of Inishmore” - Directed by Monty Sansom This delightfully black comedy gave the audience a glimpse of 1990s Ireland, during the time of the IRA. The chemistry between both actors onstage oozed with witty repartee and snappy dialogue that often left the audience in stitches. The accents maintained by both actors throughout the scene were impeccable and drove the story to new heights. The audience was left with tears of laughter and a thoroughly enjoyable performance.

“Skin Tight” - Directed by Zoe Christall One of the more technically impressive performances, “Skin Tight” gave the audience dazzling dance sequences merged with excellent use of lighting and paint. The two actors worked seamlessly together to portray the story of two lovers reminiscing on their romance, presenting the audience with new ideas and themes of love and longing, while also displaying stunning choreography and technical understanding. “Top Girls” - Directed by Olivia Flanagan We were moved from the familiarity of the black box to a small red-lit room under the theatre for our next piece. “Top Girls” gave the audience a glimpse into the surreal, with a nice helping of audience interaction. Each actor brought their unique character to life in front of a stunned audience and crafted a scene that was equal parts funny and eerie. “The Events” - Directed by Campbell Wright Delving into darker territory, “The Events” took the audience on a mind-bending journey that shocked and mystified. Both actors portrayed their characters with gruelling realism, making for a very emotional performance that left audiences on the edge of their seats, both physically and mentally. “First Asian AB” - Directed by Dennis Lim Topical and meaningful are the first words that spring to mind when describing “First Asian AB”. The blend of comedy and heart that the actors brought on stage resonated with the audience, drawing them deeper into the story and allowing them to connect to the characters on a new level. After all, we’ve all been the new kid at one stage. “The Goons” - Directed by Dylan Chetwin The closing piece for the night was an incredibly funny take on society’s current obsession with superheroes. Twisting this genre on its head, this scene made us laugh and empathise with the action on stage. The meta-humour and subtext of the scene elevated the performance and gave the audience a thrilling conclusion to their night of theatre.

MUS I C JOY AS A N AC T O F R E S I STAN C E R EVIEW: NIVA C HIT TO C K

CW: STI L L B OR N B IRT H

Rock. Punk rock—but not as you know it. That’s IDLES' Joy as an Act of Resistance in a nutshell. I nearly wrote it off. But I stuck it out. And so should you. This album truly boggled my brain. I’m used to hearing this sound as the outpouring of off-the-rails bad boys. You know, those classic characters in the teen movies who everyone fell over trying to talk to. They're the Lucifers who can do no wrong, until you get to know them and realise their morals are about as great as dog shit. But this isn’t that sound. At least, not quite. I like to be moved by music, but not when that’s jumping headfirst into an ocean of tears. But this album is happy sadness. It is the sun’s rays through the rain; the laugh that splits your ugly cry in half; the-lost-in-the-moment gloom that passes only with buckets of time spilling over. Anyway, the album. “Colossus” jumps straight into the thick of things. Straight away, the punk rock sound comes crashing in with charged-up guitars, some rough throaty singing, and slapping drums. Unless you enjoy waking up in a mild sweat, I wouldn’t recommend listening to this in the morning. There’s a definitive nod to traditional rock—through sound, and to a lesser extent, lyrics. In “Never Fight A Man With A Perm”, a monologue comes in with: “These boots are gonna stomp all over you.” I feel like I’ve time-travelled back to a warped version of the weird and wonderful fringes of emerging Britpop. Three songs in, and I’m furiously Googling lyrics, suddenly less sceptical. “I’m Scum” comes with the full blue mist. Crying is a central theme, and your dominant hegemonic side will begin telling you that this is all wrong. That a screaming metal voice shouldn’t be advocating for men crying and not wanting sex. Saying it’s okay for wanting friendship over a sexual relationship.

It’s alluring. Most importantly, it’s wholly accepting. There’s no denying that IDLES know how to write. Certain lyrics continue to jump out: “This snowflake is an avalanche” includes an interesting oxymoron. The collection hurtles along at dizzying pace—the unique energy of a crazed music addict that I didn’t realise was still around today. “June” brings a big down buzz, though the messages don’t go anywhere different. It’s a rough ride—openly explicit about a stillborn experience that happened to lead singer, Joe Talbot. He takes lines from Ernest Hemmingway but still manages to make the track somewhat upbeat. It’s followed up by “Samaritans”, the crowd favourite. “The mask/the mask of masculinity/is a mask/is a mask/that’s wearing me.” Probably the most explicit of the songs, there’s a certain affinity to it, as if at this point Talbot wants to really make sure you’ve got their message. Then there’s “I kissed a boy and I liked it,” and Avril Lavigne with her days of pink streaks spring to mind. But this is less sexual and far more accepting. It literally rages at you to “LOVE YOURSELF”—something that Avril Lavigne’s 2000s hit didn’t have. Towards the end, the sound is ever so slightly softer. It’s a decent wind-down, maintained by the strong theme of open emotions with “Cry To Me”. “Gram Rock” was just plain fun with a line cheekily snuck in about giving "points to Gryffindor". So, think of a politically active, mildly hippie, modern-day, slightly femme Wellington soft boi. Now take that character and have him screaming into a mike, competing with some punky guitars and heavy drums. That’s essentially IDLES. Soft punk, strong morals.

F OOD G IPSY K I TC H E N

R EVIEW: S A LLY WA RD

Do you live in a radius?

the speakers. Look down, and you’re standing on a worn Turkish rug. I’d happily wear my slippers here.

I was drawn to Wellington for its distinctive accessibility; everything I could want, in a city no bigger than a hand basin. Put a pin in the middle of the map, somewhere around Cuba Street—uni, home, and the part-time job will sit in a circle with a 5 km diameter. Most of my living, thinking, dancing, and crying happens here.

Gipsy does coffee and cabinet food. Cabinet food, the uncool cousin of paper menu food—you don’t see smashed avocado in a cabinet because cabinet food is hard to keep fresh. Not all cabinets are made equal. At VicBooks, you’re choosing between overpriced sandwiches and overpriced scones. The Gipsy cabinet is a cornucopia: cherry pie, bacon-and-egg filled muffin splits, rhubarb and caramel scones, marinated salmon steaks (get your omega), lasagna, salads, potato gratin, burritos, pies, almond croissants… It’s beyond irrationality; go see for yourself. The items are served on terracotta or on those dainty blue-andwhite plates you’ll recognise from your nana’s house.

Taking physical space from your everyday tricks you into forgetting whatever is top of mind. When I need to get out, I go to Gipsy Kitchen. It’s a 20-minute bus ride from Wellington, or 15 minutes in your friend’s car. Leave the radius. I know about Strathmore for two things: 1. Gipsy Kitchen 2. The ‘Strathmore Tire Slasher’, who damaged over 100 cars with a screwdriver in protest of people trying to secure free parking close to the airport. He went to jail but they did change the parking regulations.

I’m there for the cookie. I talked to the chef about his chocolate chip cookie, and as soon I brought it up, he said, “best cookie in the world”. I don’t like to indulge in that kind of praise, but I actually have a hard time finding a café cookie to second it. It is sweet, in every sense of the word. It puts you on the kind of sugar high that either sets you up for a beach frolic, or renegades you to the couch. I eat it with a long black to cut through the sugar. It’s made with condensed milk and tons of milk chocolate. It’s tall for a cookie, golden around the edges; doughy in the middle and warmed up before it’s put in front of you. It’s the best $4 you’ll spend on yourself. You can’t make it at home.

Glamis Ave could be any given street in New Zealand. You don’t need to pay for parking, the houses are of the weatherboard, quarter-acre dream family variety, and there’s very little thoroughfare. It’s a different pace. Where recent café design has tended toward clean simplicity, Gipsy Kitchen (opened in 2008) is cosy. It’s bigger than it looks on the outside. A maze of wooden tables leads to a greenhouselike seating area, complete with a water feature. Thick wooden shelves are decorated with bulk ingredients; that’s the kind of transparency that lets you know you can trust the kitchen. On my last visit, Jorja Smith, Daniel Caesar, and SZA were spilling out of

There is an inner-city Gipsy Kitchen on Jessie Street, but the cookie tastes better 10 km from your assignments. The point of the adventure is to stare down at the cookie (and your feelings), knowing that if someone called you—you’re out of reach. Too far out of the radius to do anything except enjoy the moment.

FAS HIO N WEA RI NG B L AC K : A D E FAU LT O R FAS H I O N C H OICE

R EVIEW: VICTOR IA W HISK E R

Straight off the pages of a science fiction novel, the age-old question of “What do I wear today” has taken on a viral quality. An influenza of indecision, if you will. Students flock around Student Health, standing anxiously in their undergarments, unable to pick an outfit. Scientists figure that this paralysis begins its infection during our first year at uni when our care levels are still at their highest. As the years progress, our efforts slowly taper off. The symptoms present themselves in second- and third-years as they reach for their trackies. Don't even get me started on postgrad or Masters students, especially in the Engineering department, where wearing shoes is no longer a necessity. Graduation gowns merging into formal black attire, reflecting the dark abyss inside. Imagine the issue reaching crisis point with a Parliamentary address on the issue: Jacinda Ardern, an alumnus of the University of Waikato, wearing a PJ top and joggers in clashing patterns to address the media. She warns of symptoms varying from region to region. In Jacinda's case, the infection was evidenced by clashing and confusing colours (typical and characteristics of a Tron-tonian), but in our dear capital Wellington, the indecision manifests through hues of black and grey. The first cases seen on this issue began to spread as washing day hit across the country, the uncertainty amplified by a lack of clean clothes. A sure sign the contagion was getting worse were the women at Vic, seen for the first time without their denim jackets, their one colourful item of clothing having been dumped into the washing pile. The default combo of black jeans and a denim jacket becomes blander. The default all-black ensemble becomes so prevalent that even previously colourful friends are

now unrecognisable. At Pipitea, all signs of personality dwindle in a mass of colourless grey hues. The Arts hub Kelburn still hopes to resist this outbreak, but is threatened by the same anxieties about appearing ‘professional’ which infected Pipitea. Perhaps it’s systematic, where the colour gets beaten out of innocent students as they desire to enter into the workforce. The emotional strain of the 'real world' seems too much to wear colour. But, like the end of any medical outbreak movie, patches of resistance have begun to grow over the city. The immune population begins to emerge, spreading the cure. There have been sightings of colour, reports flow in from the corners of the city… A brown belt on a man in Pip is causing quite a stir. In Te Aro, tasselled purple earrings appear alongside other design students who reclaim the stylishness of the colour black. Other sightings of colour come from Kelburn, from the wearing of colourful scrunchies to bright orange pun shirts sported amongst the science students. Too often, fashion is a default. Pulling on black jeans is comfortable, and the temptation of pairing black with black is sometimes too irresistible. Is this a fashion default or a conscious choice? It could go either way. Personally, I think life could do with a little bit of colour.

ART LEN LY E : TH E A RT O F AT T E N T I O N R EVIEW: MAYA N EU PA NE

CW: VI OL E NC E

You ever think about how e x h a u s t i n g it must be to be the Mona Lisa ? I mean, we’re out here complaining about the beauty standards forced upon us whilst this lady has gotta be on her A-game for eternity. Man, immortality is cool and all but I think it’s time to put some art to rest. Here are some even more controversial opinions: The Notre Dame burning? No real biggie. Ecce Homo’s new makeover ? Pretty funny in my opinion. Len Lye’s Water Whirler—? Let’s stop there because you know what I’m about to say. I’m not tryna get anyone’s pitchforks out—that image is old to me, having seen Grant Wood’s American Gothic way too many times already. The fact that I know American Gothic so well is part of the problem—how come this old couple that look straight outta Jordan Peele’s Get Out are so ingrained in my mind, when there’s a whole world of art out there waiting for me? Technology and increased opportunity has meant that so much more creativity is able to be found, yet we still froth over Van Gogh and Picasso without looking at the artists living alongside us. The arts are undervalued. Art gets sold for KFC prices. Or worse, artists are paid in “exposure”. How many recently engaged couples in Vic Deals have you seen looking to exploit a student photographer? This culture of underappreciation is killing the creative industries. Contrary to popular belief, artists can’t just live off the spirit of bohemia and the appreciation of life’s beauty. Artists need their 5+ a day and a bowl of weetbix too. “Beauty dies: that is the source of creation,” writes Louise Gluck in her 1968 poem “Hyacinth”. For some falsely nostalgic reason; art, poetry, and music are three mediums in which we find it really difficult to appreciate the living. In 2016 Nielson SoundScans

found that, for the first time ever, old albums were outselling new releases. Are we so unwilling to explore music that isn’t “safely enjoyable”? It feels so much more comfortable and cool to crash a party with Fleetwood Mac than it does with Little Mix—even though I personally feel that 2015’s Get Weird is so much better than 1977’s Rumours. I myself am guilty of this hero worship of the ancient and deceased. There’s nothing more intriguing than artists who are no longer alive to soil their own reputation or (shock horror) explain their work. Sylvia Plath poems stay mysterious partially due to the unanswerable questions attached to them. Kurt Cobain’s work marinates in his death. It is so much easier to separate the art and the questionable artist when the artist is buried six feet deep, rather than being problematic or weird on Twitter. I could not read The Great Gatsby the same way if Fitzgerald ever tweeted Shaq style, “im at knots berry farms n my butts 2 big 2 fit in da seats on ride. ahhhhhh (dats me yellin)”. Our immortalisation of what we see as beautiful in the past is destructive and detrimental to our present and our future. In Where the Wild Roses Grow, Cave (playing the part of the murderer) says, “All beauty must die,” before he bashes Kylie Minogue (aka The Wild Rose)’s beautiful head in with a rock. But hey, at least he places a rose between her lips, right? Let’s allow The Wild Rose to grow and outlive her time of beauty. Even if she does wilt, we can always plant something else in her place. The soil is rich and our artists are not. Let’s stop pressing flowers between heavy book pages and tend to what’s growing in our own backyards first. See ya later Water Whirler, you were cool and all, but it’s only fair that you pass on like the rest of us.

I P UT MY CA R I N REVERS E, IT REALLY T O O K M E BACK

INNER MONOLOGUE GRID

LAST WEEKS SOLUTION

GOOD NEWS POP QUIZ 1. What two animals on a farm in Thames have become best friends? 2. How did Billy Porter make history at the Emmys? 3. What sight during the weekend inspired references to “Old Town Road”?

DOWN

1. Old-timey bicycle that shares its prefix with a dinosaur (10) 6. Corvid species; chess piece (4) 8. Fruit that only ripens once it's picked (7) 9. Site that has finally moved 'multiple timelines' to its main page (7) 11. Red-caped cartoon rodent whose antagonist was a cat named Oil Can Harry (6,5) 14. The 'A' in SATB (4) 17. Events a character experienced before the plot began... or a hint to the letters in the grey squares (9) 18. Dynasty famous for its vases (4) 21. Stephen Colbert's current hosting project (3,4,4) 24. Coastal, like some Pacific resorts (7) 26. Makeup of some coastal Pacific resorts (7) 27. Egyptian goddess often shown wearing a throne on her head (4) 28. Its capital is Antananarivo (10)

1. 'Little blue pill' that is often used recreationally, despite it having no added effects (6) 2. Inspect (4,2) 3. Charisma; amulet (5) 4. Pitchfork protrusion (5) 5. One of three seen in this clue (3) 6. 'Acoustic guitar', 'film camera', or 'bar soap', say (8) 7. Managed (8) 10. "Nice job!" (3,2,2) 12. Spurred on, like a riot (7) 13. Irrigation tools (5) 15. Alleviates a load; improves a mood (8) 16. Monuments like the one on One Tree Hill (8) 19. It's like rai-ee-ainnnn, on your wedding day (to the Egyptian sun god Ra) (6) 20. Icelandic hydrothermal attraction (6) 22. Israeli city built around Mount Carmel (5) 23. Fred Flintstone's wife (5) 25. Paleozoic, Elizabethan, or Obama, perhaps (3)

1. A wild piglet and an ex-hunting dog. 2. He became the first openly black gay man to win for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series. 3. A man riding a horse around the Wellington CBD.

ACROSS

WORD OF THE WEEK: "MALE" TE REO MĀORI

tāne NEW ZEALAND SIGN LANGUAGE

SUDOKU MEANS ONLY SINGLE DIGITS

EASY PEASY

F*CK YA LIFE UP

Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.53)

Puzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.76)

1 2

2 8

9 1

3 8 3

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Wed Sep 25 04:21:53 2019 GMT. Enjoy!

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Wed Sep 25 04:21:57 2019 GMT. Enjoy!

A GAME OF DOTS

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7 6

9 3

WA NT TO BE ROA S T ED? N O ? T O O F*C KIN ’ BAD

ARIES

LIBRA High-key surprised you stopped looking in the mirror for a hot minute to read this horoscope. Your hair looks fine. You know who aren’t fine? Your loved ones that you haven’t paid attention to for the past 46 hours because shop windows have been stealing your gaze. Magpie-looking ass.

You have some suppressed feelings. Like, you need to stop ranting ABOUT people and start ranting TO people. Kinda like Mike Hosking. Like you’re good to talk mad shit about Chlöe Swarbrick til she wants to debate with you about weed and then you’re AAALLLL talk. TL;DR: Don’t be a pussy.

TAURUS

SCORPIO

You have the unassuming and simple aura of a chocolate cake. You need a good chilli flake thrown in the mix so you’re not a mindlessly boring person to listen to. Your prescribed anthem: “Fergalicious” by FERGIE, BITCH. Once you do this, people will stop absentmindedly staring out the window as if waiting for their husbands to return from war while you are talking.

THIS IS A SIGN THAT YOU NEED TO STOP INVESTIGATING YOUR ENEMIES’ PINTEREST BOARDS!!

SAGITTARIUS

GEMINI

Take a big, deep breath. In through your nose, out through your mouth. You NEED TO CALM DOWN. 2 a.m. trips to the kebab shop are fun, yeah, but is that mixed iskender really worth the fuck off bags under your eyes? (I could go off more but my Mum is a Sagittarius and I love her.)

Gemini! Both of your faces need a good exfoliating. Coconut sugar and aloe vera. After that, text your friends and apologise for cancelling 30 times in the past week.

CANCER

CAPRICORN

Shit’s gonna get better, I promise. Eat some Oreos, get some 3-ply, and SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Hey, did you know that not everyone wants to hear about the investment risk you chose for contents insurance and the way you budgeted this week? Babe. Being fiscally responsible is so not fetch.

LEO

AQUARIUS

The less you worry about what people think, the less insufferable you will be to be around. Bitch, get off social media. For all my Leo guys, gals, and non-binary pals: It’s time for you to yeet your phone across the Pacific Ocean.

A Thing for You to Reflect On: Sometimes things happen because they just do. Yeah. Your bus was late for a reason. Stop being a damn control freak. Also: everyone knows that Kendrick Lamar song you’re bumping on the aux. You’re not special for pulling out deep-cut Kendrick tracks. Everyone does it.

VIRGO

PISCES

Hey. You. Stop fucking colour coding everything. Your bed does not need to be so tightly made, how are you gonna get into it if the top sheet is like a slab of fucking concrete? HOW DO YOU MOVE AROUND WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING? Live ur life, lil Virgo.

Do you hear that? That’s the sound of a Pisces somewhere, writing a sonnet to someone, asking them to send nudes. I swear to fuck, stop referring to their skin as “flesh”. And log off. Just because your symbol is two fish 69ing, doesn’t mean you have to be perpetually horny.

Communication Management Expressive Arts (theatre, creative writing, making films) Journalism Linguistics Marketing Media Studies Public Relations.

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