September 2013

September 2013

Afroshalypse Now

Meet The New Boss

Shakespeare in the Quad

BSJ and TGD return, overaged, over the limit, and embedded in Frosh Week

An interview with Dean Ratcliffe, the interim Provost

Talking theatrics with the thespians of SITQ

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Content

APRIL 2013

NO ONE PUTS SANA ALI IN A CORNER

September 2013 WALLBALL

21ST CENTURY RUSH PUB Can this tradition align with modern progressive values?

The brutal odyssey of Trinity’s blood sport P.

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Our exclusive interview on her public departure from Team Renew

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Features

A Letter from the Editors p. 2 Chronicles of A Graduate Victoria Hoffman p.3

Issues around Campus by:

Mine to Discover Kirsten Yeung p.4

Zane Schwartz

Look out for these issues around Trinity College and the U of T community.

Je me Souviens Emma Smith p.5

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The Culture Club Iris Robin p.6

The TCDS Presents: Richard III

Sundial Saga Kate Motluck p.7 Toad Equals Success Alexander Saxton p.12

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by:

Anya Brotyman

A look behind the scenes of this year’s Shakespeare in the Quad production.

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The Honey Boo Boo Diet Amanada Greer p.13 Bookshelves of College Rebecca Zhu p.14

Meet The New Boss

Swtiching Up Seaman Kate Motluck p.19 Sexual Healing Sonia Liang p.20

by:

Kaleem Hawa sits down with interim Provost Michael Ratcliffe to get to know more about our new boss.

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Black is Back Calvin Mitchell p.22 This Fall’s Must See Movies Dryden Storm Bailey p.24 How Prepared are We When We Graduate?

Sonia Liang p.25 Duranswers Lucas Durand p.26 Frosh Week Mashup Veronica Stewart p.27 Things to Do Around Town Simone Garcia p.28

Kaleem Hawa

by:

Afroshalypse Now

Bartholomew St James, and his associate The Good Doctor

Bartholomew St. James and the Good doctor are back, reporting behind enemy lines to bring you coverage of this year’s Frosh Week.

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Salterrae • September 2013

APRIL 2013

Masthead

21ST CENTURY RUSH PUB

WALLBALL

Can this tradition align with modern progressive values?

Editor-in-Chief Hayden Rodenkirchen

Senior Copy Editor Emily Jennings

Senior Design Editor

NO ONE PUTS SANA ALI IN A CORNER

The brutal odyssey of Trinity’s blood sport P.

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P.

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Senior Photographer Donald Belfon

Director of Public Relations Allison Spiegel

Guy Taylor

Treasurer Zane Schwartz

Salterrae Executive

Salterrae Contributors

Copy Editors

Columnists

Simone Garcia Sonia Liang Madeline Stewart

Design Editors Andrew Bryan Helen Picard Josh Oliver

Our exclusive interview on her public departure from Team Renew

Lucas Durand Simone Garcia Amanda Greer Victoria Hoffman Sonia Liang Calvin Mitchell Rebecca Zhu

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Writers Dryden Storm Bailey Anya Broytman Kaleem Hawa Iris Robin Alexander Saxton Zane Schwartz Guy Taylor Kirsten Yeung

Photographers and Illustrators Donald Belfon Alyssa Stokvis-Hauer Rebecca Fallowfield Nirupan Sivakumaran

Staff Writers Kate Motluck Emma Smith Veronica Stewart Letter From The Editors

Men and Women of College and First Years, September is over. March’s newly minted alumni have crumbled to dust. The jagged edges of returning Third and Fourth Years have softened some, and the Second Years have moved from denying to accepting the fact that they used to be like 1T7. First Year Frosh Week euphoria, which once seemed limitless, is now being trampled beneath the unrelenting onward march of Trinity One readings.

Your editors saw none of this drama, enthusiasm, or heartbreak unfold. Instead, they toiled in the College’s windowless bowels to bring you this issue of the Salterrae, a light to split the encroaching and sinister darkness of assignment deadlines.

Theatrics aside, we hope you will find time to put your feet up and enjoy this issue. As an editorial board, it is our goal to solidify the Salterrae as a consistent fixture of Trinity College life, with much thanks to the editors of last year’s One Issue to Rule Them All. This fall, we have been lucky to work with a wide and talented base of contributors whose writing we are confident you will find entertaining, eye-opening, and informative.

The Salterrae is a unique publication, as any publication representative of Trinity College must be. We are always looking to expand the breadth of College involvement with the paper, and, as such, would encourage you to send your articles or letters to the editors to salterrae@trinlife.com.

Stay salty, Hayden Rodenkirchen, Emily Jennings, and Guy Taylor

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Victoria Hoffman • Chronicles Of A Graduate

Chronicles Of A Graduate: Convocation And The Real World By: Victoria Hoffman Graduating university is a bit like falling from Narnia back into the real world, where there are no talking animals (TAs), no White Witch (ROSI), and no etchings on the stone table (required readings).

In fact, little is set in stone post-undergrad. It dawned on me just how little during the 1T3 convocation ceremony. After quoting a Lululemon bag, our esteemed speaker went on to discuss how we had the most important decision of our lives before us, and we had two options: teach English, or get another degree.

I remember shifting uncomfortably in my seat, and not just because my legs were sweaty and the Con Hall chairs were giving me a butt cramp.

First, neither option sounded interesting, though this may have been due to the mimosas I had with breakfast. Second, how could anyone in my graduating class find the post-undergraduate decision making process that simple? Even the most motivated classmates who surrounded me at Trinity College found it difficult to decide between this and that law school. What boggled my mind was the speaker’s underlying message: “choose the right thing or else.” Was the same mentality of finality that permeated my undergraduate career going to follow me into the “real world”?

‘The awful day I received my first graded assignment’ is a university anecdote that all students hear at some point to make them feel better about first-year failures. As a straight-A kid in high school, I too was devastated when I received a C on my first university paper. Enraged and confused, I stormed into my TA’s office hours and demanded an explanation for the unjust misapprehension of my intellect. Instead of telling me what I wanted to hear, she told me that my thesis was “stupid” and that I did not work hard enough.

“So there is no way I can revise my paper into something less ‘stupid’?”

“Nope.”

What was most difficult to accept was that I could not correct where I had gone wrong and, consequently, improve. Yes, the TA spewed off a list of ways to revise an essay draft, including writing centres, cool professors, TAs, and drunken friends. She also assured me that after writing a trillion and one papers, you’re bound to improve, which is true. In university, however, one rarely has the opportunity to move forward with a “finished” product – kind of like [spoiler alert] how Draco Malfoy is never able to realize that he was briefly the master of the Elder Wand.

The opposite has been true in my first “real world” endeavours. And no, I am not counting summer camp counselling among those. Having been fortunate enough, or, depending on how you felt about The Social Network, unfortunate enough to be hired by a couple of media start up companies after graduation, it was jarring to see how much my reports, assignments and recommendations directly impacted the company. More importantly, the revision process of any business plan or marketing strategy or client contract is endless. Of course, there are always deadlines, but these deadlines are more like speed bumps than hard stops.

Getting over the fact that there’s no right way to exit university and enter the real world would be a lot easier if there was a guide book, or even a semester break to look forward to. Maybe that’s what our convocation speaker was trying to provide us. In my experience thus far choosing a career path is both frightening and exhilarating nothing like a day off.

It is easy to look back on your undergrad experience and define it through milestones: first essay, third year internship, convocation, etc. Looking forward and attempting to do the same thing, however, is a different experience entirely. Here’s hoping I make it to the end.

After writing a trillion and one papers, you’re bound to improve 3

Salterrae • September 2013

Frosh Week 2013 Mine to Discover

By: Kirsten Yeung Photography: Donald Belfon

for will not receive a reply.

The Provost’s Dinner, Matriculation, and the Dean’s Dinner showed me the vibrant culture of Trinity College. It was great relaxing and chatting with fellow first-years, hopefully putting names and faces to memory. Plus, the pesto on the salmon was delicious.

Somewhere along the line from Underclassmen to Seniors, a new term appeared to designate the Freshman: Frosh. And fresh we are, newbies to the university scene.

I arrived to Frosh Week an hour before activities officially began. I checked the Frosh week schedule that I had dutifully printed out Monday morning before I left my home in Scarborough. The schedule said all non-residence students should meet in the George Ignatieff Theatre, so off to the GIT I went.

I stood dazed in the Buttery with my two suitcases stuffed and bulging with 3 weeks of clothes.

I did not know whether semi-formal meant “semi-formal” or “semi-formal”. I registered my name, and at that moment began a 7 day, 6 night journey, with all inclusive meals, generic conversations, and inconsistent weather in the heart of Toronto.

It was daunting at first, but I enjoyed my “Week of Noobs”. The first night Carnival was a fantastic experience. If the barbeque beforehand was a pie, this midway fair representation was the whipped cream--which I oh-so-carefully threw into a friendly Upper Year’s face in one of the game booths. From being “trolled” by a knocka-troll-down game to having my fortune read, this event was a perfect beginning to a successful week.

The parade was brimming with vocalcord-ripping enthusiasm

We chanted with the Bishop, learning lines of comedic malice and showed our love for Music in preparation for war. The Parade was brimming with vocal-cord-ripping enthusiasm, as we marched through Downtown Toronto cheering the Salterrae. I was pleasantly surprised that I did not lose my voice the next day. In retrospect, I could have screamed louder.

The parties outside of regular programming provided more fun than anticipated. From Whit parties, to ne me touchez pas at Guvernment – I am so thankful to everyone who made sure the frosh were safe by the early morning. Among these activities were peppered others not on the Frosh Week schedule. The Argos game is said to have been a ball -no pun intended- and the bed races were fun to watch. Congratulations to New College on winning a Stanley Cup look-alike.

Frosh Week was 7 days of incredible memories.

It was a time to be both reckless and safe, comedic and serious, and make long lasting friendships. Sitting here and writing in the Buttery, which some upper years have perhaps erroneously assured me is named for one of the students of Old Trinity College, I cannot help but think This is where it all comes together. Soon, my new adventures, and those of all the other frosh will be tied in with the revered and frequently fabricated traditions of Trinity College.

The next few days brought several important events regarding university life, such as Academic Orientation, the Trin101 seminar, and the Club Fair. Although I am a first year keener, I have realized that almost all of the 40 clubs I signed up

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Emma Smith • Je Me Souviens

Je Me Souviens By: Emma Smith

Photography: Nirupan Sivakumaran Just over one year ago, I was a 1T6 frosh with a brand new gown and wide eyes. Frosh week was a dizzying and overwhelming blur. I bounced from icebreakers to matriculation to the parade to toga party and everywhere in between as if it were all a fantastic dream.

When I sat down to watch the fireworks on my first day at Trinity College, I committed everything to memory. I remember watching colourful lights flashing against the unfamiliar faces of my peers while fireworks crackled overhead.

I remember pulling at the grass beneath my

pride, promise, and apprehension.

The second wave of thought was all about promise. I chose to come to Trinity because I knew that it would give me opportunities to enrich myself. I had read about every Trinity College organization and club and I wanted to join them all. I couldn’t wait to be as well-read, intellectual, and put-together as the upper years seemed to be.

I possessed a breed of bright-eyed optimism unique to first year students. I did not know exactly what I was looking forward to, but I was

This year, things were different. I am a 1T6 second year with a brand new frosh leader t-shirt and bright eyes. I was proud to call myself a Trinity College frosh, but I am even prouder now that I am a Woman of College. I still love that Strachan Hall looks like the Great Hall, but now I know that there is more to love about Trinity than what is on the surface.

Better still, this Frosh Week, I had the opportu-

I was proud to call myself a Trinity College frosh, but I am even prouder now that I am a Woman of College fingers, and I remember taking a deep breath of the new and foreign city air.

At that moment, there were three things on my mind. I believe they may cross the mind of every new Trinity College student.

First, there was pride. Everyone here is accomplished, and the college looks like Hogwarts. We have fireworks, hurrah for old Trinity, and all that tradition. I could feel my heart swelling as I realized how lucky I was in that moment. The thought that upper years and staff had put so much effort into welcoming us frosh made me giddy. I was ecstatic about becoming a part of such a strong community. All I wanted to do was shout the cheers that I had just learned.

eager all the same.

As I reveled in this newfound sense of promise, however, I also felt a nagging fear. I was uncertain, and uncertainty can be dangerous.

This brought a final wave of thought: apprehension. First years have to grapple with many scary questions. “Will I make friends?”,“Will I adapt to being more independent?”, “Will I be able to handle the academic demands of university?”

Post-secondary education provides the chance to start again, tabula rasa. I was afraid of making a mistake because I did not want to tarnish my clean slate. And so, as fireworks filled the sky, my head was filled with

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nity to share my Trinity College pride. The breed of promise that I feel as a second year feels more substantial than my own Frosh Week giddiness.

After getting involved and taking interesting classes, I have a clearer idea of what I enjoy and can look forward to in years to come. I have an informed sense of promise because I have a better idea of where I am going.

The apprehension I felt watching the sky light up from the backfield gate has been quelled, because I have made mistakes and lived to tell the tale.

Although I still have fears, I set a precedent that reassures me that I can persevere. Catastrophe is no longer imminent.

Salterrae • September 2013

The Culture Club: Trinity’s Student Societies

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emystified

From a gambling perspective, clubs are distinct from diamonds, hearts, and spades. From a golfing perspective, clubs are sporting equipment, as opposed to weapons.

From a financial perspective, clubs are categorised according to the source of their budget levied, or non levied.

Levied clubs are funded by the student society fees paid by every member of Trinity College.

These associations are recognised by the Trinity

By: Iris Robin Photography: Donald Belfon and Nirupan Sivakumaran ing sustainable living, a cause that impressed voters at the TCM last year, who voted to levy the TEC for the 2013-14 academic year.

In contrast, the majority of clubs at Trinity are non-levied. These are bodies that have been deemed eligible for funding, but are not funded through regular student society fees. Instead, the TCM allocates money for use by these organisations, based on approval by the electorate. Although these clubs usually have fewer members and lower budgets, their membership is often no

means that even the frosh have the power to found a club that promotes your interests. To start out, simply collect the signatures of at least ten other Men and Women of College - and first years - in order to demonstrate that there is sufficient demand for the club you wish to set up. Next, write a mandate that states the purpose of your club, accompanied by a budget and a Trinity College Clubs Recognition form, which will detail your executive members, consisting of at least a President, Secretary and Treasurer. Your mandate will then be discussed at the Trinity College Board of Stewards and your budget will be inspected by the Finance Committee. After this, both mandate and budget will be presented before the TCM and a vote will take place. If the vote is favourable, congratulations; you have formed a club.

The array of choices and the protocol of college governance can sometimes prove confusing, but

Even frosh have the power to found a club College Meeting (TCM) as being integral to the lives of Trinity students, and are financed by fixed student society fees, with the expectation that their services will benefit an extensive membership. For example, the Trinity College Literary Institute (TCLI; read: ‘Lit’) and the Trinity College Dramatic Society (TCDS) are levied clubs. Your student society fees facilitate the Lit’s weekly debate and provide money for props, staging, and costumes for TCDS productions.

The Trinity Environment Club (TEC) strives to improve the quality of student life by popularis-

less enthusiastic than that of levied counterparts.

Among these non-levied societies are the James Bond Appreciation Society and Trin N’ Tea. The former aims to bring James Bond fans together and host 007-style revels, while the latter seeks to connect students over scones and tea. As you can see, our college encompasses an eclectic mix of societies that cater to a wide range of hobbies and activities.

Despite the existing range of societies, there is always room for more. Last year saw the creation of clubs devoted to everything from historical films, to interlocution, to fencing, all of which were established by first year students. This

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it is worth it to familiarise yourself with both.

Student societies help to foster community within the college, and involvement in such clubs can improve your university experience. You are always free to come to as many or as few events as you like; going to a club meeting is not tantamount to signing away your soul. Whether you decide to start your own club or become a casual participant in student-run events, one thing is certain. Criticism for lack of diversity of clubs shall never be justly levied against Trinity College.

Kate Motluck • A Sundial Saga

A Sundial Saga: The History and Mystery of Trinity College’s Crypto Clock By: Kate Motluck

Illustrations: Alyssa Stokvis-Hauer

Though reeling from the day’s 32 degree heat, I could not falter. Upon entering the quad, I located my target: the one, the only, the bursar.

“Geoff !” I cried, hoping not to be passed over by his evasive glance - he knew why I was coming. Pleasantries were exchanged, but we did not waste much time. “Where is the sundial?” I demanded abruptly. A smirk crept across Geoff ’s sly, fiscally responsible face,

meeting, the Deputy Speaker of the Lit must stand at each Trinity College Meeting to demand that a strongly worded letter requesting the sundial’s return be written by Trinity College Meeting officers and delivered in turn to the Trinity College administration. While some question whether proper voting techniques were followed at the amendment’s passage - I’m lookin’ at you, Chris Hogendoorn - it was passed and taken up with the utmost seriousness by then incumbent Deputy Speaker of the Lit, Patrick Treacy.

“Sundial? What sundial?”

Such is the mystery of Trinity College’s once great sundial, a forgotten monument, whose history has been almost erased from our institutional memory. Erected in honour of C. A. Ashley, a beloved professor - not, as has never been suggested, Ashley C. Williams, B-level American actress - it was once a familiar sight on the college green. The Trinity College archives contain only a handful of photographs, each of which show the sundial standing proudly in a less sculpted quadrangle.

The sundial first disappeared when most of the quadrangle’s fixtures were removed for the it’s 2007 renovation. While others found their way back when the work was completed, the sundial remains missing. Students have speculated as to its location and politely inquired as to its whereabouts, but a clear answer has never been provided by college authorities.

Some believe the sundial was removed due to its unfortunate historical status as a target for public urination, much like December’s Quadrangle Christmas Tree. Another theory holds it was removed after the college received complaints from residents of Henderson Tower, who tired of the smell resulting from the sundial’s designation as base point for the annual cake fight, and pedestal upon which the ‘cake’ was to be placed on hot afternoons prior to the festivities.

Perhaps its disappearance was merely practical, for example to fix some part of the dial, and gum in the works of the college administration is to blame for its absence. Indeed, the pervading theory holds that it is lost in the bowels of the Provost Lodge’s storage facility, like a feckless basilisk.

These letters necessitated the creation of a repository of convincing arguments for the sundial’s restoration. Suggestions included valid and emphatic justifications such as: “Without it, how will we know when there is an eclipse of the sun? Without it, how will we know when there is an eclipse of the heart?”

Failing these theories, the sundial may have been taken by a bumbling but well liked group of local freemasons. The truth may never be fully revealed.

For most of the six years following its disappearance, what little mention was made of the sundial came from Trin Life Handbooks, usually pleading for its safe return with the incentive of a non-existent cash reward. Unfortunately, such efforts came to nothing.

Some believe the sundial was removed due to its ... status as a target for public urination Recently, however, a resurgence of interest has taken place, and the sundial has again found a place in the life of Trinity College students. A motion was brought before the Trinity College Meeting in the 2012-13 academic year, which requested an amendment to the constitution of the Trinity College Literary Institute (Lit), outlining a new responsibility for its Deputy Speaker.

Pursuant to the resolution, which passed at the

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Incoming Deputy Speaker of the Lit, Arun Radhakrishnan, is eager to undertake this task.

He has claimed that, “My name in fact literally translates to “The Sun”. This pursuit is undoubtedly my prophecy; this quest, my calling.”

While TCM motions for a strongly worded letter met with only a smattering of resistance, there are some who contest the sundial’s return. Some students feel the sundial’s permanent removal was justified as a result of the abuse it suffered.

Incoming Prime Minister of the Trinity College Literary Institute, Christopher Hogendoorn, has suggested the sundial would be a welcome addition to the Green Roof over St. Hilda’s, where it would be better treated. It is the opinion of Mr. Hogendoorn that were the sundial strategically placed, there are several spots at which it could rest safely beyond the reach of an average “pee arc”.

While the phantom sundial of Trinity College may not be the world’s most impressive timepiece, it does appear as bullet point number five on Sundials On The Internet’s “My favourite sundials in Toronto, Canada”, webpage.

As a college, we must ask ourselves who we are to deny such a kindred people their joy, and hope that the sun will someday shine once more on this piece of Trinity College history.

Salterrae • September 2013

From Hard Politics to Generous Donations Issues To Look Out For At Trinity College This Semester By: Zane Schwartz

Photography: Donald Belfon

The University Affairs Board, the administration body which has to approve fee changes, refused to consider the requests of Trinity

Fee Diversion

Last year, Trinity College students voted overwhelmingly to sever financial ties with the University of Toronto Students’ Union (UTSU). With thirty-three per cent voter turn out, seventy-two per cent of Trinity College students expressed their desire to stop paying fees to the central union. Over the summer, efforts to finalize the separation hit several snags. Most significantly, the University Affairs Board, the administration body which has to approve fee changes, refused to consider the requests of Trinity College or the Engineering Society which held a similar referendum. Following a last minute appeal by student governor and Trinity College student Aidan Fishman at the University of Toronto’s Governing Council, then Provost Cheryl Misak called for a mediation session. The June 6 mediation session did not result in a compromise between Trinity College and the University of Toronto Students’ Union. A follow up mediation session was scheduled for late summer, however no details about when and where it will happen have yet been released by the Provost’s office. The conflict took on a new dimension in July, when the Governing Council postponed approval of the student commons, a multi-million dollar student space that was scheduled to open at 230 College Ave. The administration has stated it will not release the money, or permit the building to be used as a student-run space until the fee diversion conflict between UTSU and individual faculties and colleges is resolved.

New Alcohol Policy

From Bubbly, to Wednesdays at the Lit, to Quad Party, alcohol is an integral part of many Trinity events. Following years of community consultation and work by the Community Affairs Committee of the Trinity College Senate, a new alcohol policy recently received approval. The policy is significantly more comprehensive then its predecessor, and it remains to be seen how its implementation will affect college life this fall and in years to come. Highlights of the new policy include the introduction of the position of Sober Patrol Team Captains, who will head up a new system under which sober patrol officers are intended to receive better training, including basics surrounding first aid. The new policy is designed to establish a system where those on sober patrol are, in fact, sober. While the policy was officially supported by the Trinity College Meeting last year, and has generally been welcomed by students, some remain concerned about how a more rigorously outlined set of rules around alcohol consumption will alter college life.

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The new policy is designed to establish a system where those on sober patrol are, in fact, sober

Zane Schwartz • From Hard Politics To Generous Donations

It is also possible to negotiate a new contract with the company, potentially taking into account consistent student complaints

Sodexo’s Contact Is Up For Renewal

Sodexo, the company that provides food services in Strachan Hall, Melinda Seaman and the Buttery, has their contract up for renewal late this year. They are currently operating under a one year agreement with Trinity College, negotiated to allow more time to consider whether the College will continue contracting Sodexo’s services in years to come. Complaints about the food provided by Sodexo range from the excessive number of pizza-like dishes they serve, to the high cost of meal plans, and the inability to use meal plan money at the Buttery. Sodexo is also acknowledged to do certain things well, however, such as accommodating those with specific dietary restrictions to the point that they will make individual meals. The potential of having a different food company next year is further complicated by the fact that Sodexo invested millions in the Strachan renovation that took place over the course of last summer. While renewing the existing contract with Sodexo is possible, it is also possible to negotiate a new contract with the company, potentially taking into account consistent student complaints. The Community Affairs Committee of the Senate held a town hall meeting to discuss the topic last year, and will be exploring various options starting this fall. One of the long-time complaints of Trinity students, of residence students not being able to bring friends as guests, has been rectified for this fall, with all residence students receiving a limited number of meals at which they can “double swipe”.

[The gift is] the largest in Trinity’s history

$5 Million Gift from Trinity Chancellor

Bill Graham, former Canadian Minister of Foreign Affairs under Jean Chretien and current Chancellor of Trinity College donated $5 million to the Centre for Contemporary International History last April. The Centre is a joint venture of Trinity and the Munk School, designed to complement Trinity’s robust International Relations programme. The scale of the gift, the largest in Trinity’s history, will allow the college to expand international partnerships and research, and the number of classes offered in international history. The gift will undoubtedly lead to more internships and research assistant positions for students. It is worth noting that the University of Toronto has an imperfect past when it comes to giving donors control over the schools to which they give large gifts. Initial agreements with Nortel in 1997 over the establishment of the NorTel Institue of Telecommunications, the pharmaceutical company Shering Canada in 2000 over their donations, and Joseph Rotman over his donations to found the Rotman School of Commerce, all contained clauses granting significant control to the corporations over the schools to which they donated.

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Salterrae • September 2013

Shakespeare in the Quad: An Interview With Kevin Wong And Jane Smythe By: Anya Brotyman Photos: Donald Belfon

The Trinity College Dramatic Society proudly presents this year’s Shakespeare in the Quad: Richard III. Directed by Travis DeWolf, a 3rd year student at the UofT Centre for Drama, Theatre, and Performance Studies, the production promises to be a powerful rendering of the timeless history.

The performances will take place on October 3 and 4 at 8 pm in the beautiful Trinity College Quadrangle. I have asked two members of the cast, Jane Smythe and Kevin Wong, for a backstage scoop.

Shakespeare in the Quad is a cherished Trinity tradition. Could you tell me more about its history?

Kevin: Shakespeare in the Quad is wonderful: it is the oldest outdoor Shakespeare festival in Canada! We’ve got a great space here compared to the other colleges: the ambiance and acoustics of our quad are far better. Shakespeare in the Quad first started in the mid-20th century, was abandoned and then revived not long ago. It used to take place at Trinity Bellwoods Park, but then it moved to this location. It is a college tradi-

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tion that we cherish, and also a good way to reach out beyond the Trinity College bubble.

Shakespeare in the Quad show is free and accessible for everyone. We try to attract a broad University of Toronto audience and show them that Trinity College is not that scary. (laughs). Many alumni come, too. This is something they enjoy because it is a tradition from their time at Trinity College.

Are you putting a contemporary twist on Richard III or going classic?

Jane: Travis has a very clear vision of what she wants the play to look like technically.

K: The stage set-up will be quite modern and different from last year. The stage will be a thrust stage raised one to two feet, almost like a fashion show runway, and the audience will be able to sit all around it. This allows us to arrange actors in interesting ways. For example, we do not all have to be looking in the

Anya Brotyman • Shakespeare in the Quad same direction all the time, so, the stage will be less confined than it usually is. The show its self, however, will be fairly traditional in terms of interpretation.

Well, you do have a girl playing Richard...

J: Oh yes! I had to work on the walk and the voice a great deal. I have been doing my best to fulfill the role of Richard III so that nobody gets disappointed. (smiles) But it is not the first time this has been done. The Stratford Festival had a version of Richard III with a female lead, Seana McKenna.

Her performance received excellent reviews.

K: We have other gender-bent roles, too. For example, some of the messengers, soldiers, and murderers are played by females in the cast. They are great! We have an interesting breakdown of roles: there are three girls and three guys, each of them playing two secondary characters and one major character.

And then there is Richard played by Jane.

J: I’m happy that I only have one character to deal with; I would have gone crazy otherwise. Richard himself is twenty characters all in one. In each scene he is a different person. It all depends on what he is trying to get and who he is trying to get it from.

And you, Kevin?

K: I am playing three characters: Buckingham, Tyrrell, and Brakenbury. All three have wonky morals. (laughs) Buckingham is Richard’s right-hand man… until he falls out of favour with Richard for refusing to kill two young princes. That is when I come in as another character, Tyrrell, who is completely vile. He has few compunctions about the task, and simply kills the young kids. It is an interesting transformation for me as an actor: I leave the stage as Buckingham and immediately come back as Tyrrell. This is what makes Travis’ direction gripping. She gives us as a cast a number of interesting moments because each actor plays contrasting roles. The third, smaller role that I play at the beginning is that of Brakenbury, the keeper of the Tower. (laughs, pointing at Trinity’s iconic tower) He is the keeper of the jail and does exactly what he is told.

For example, when murderers come to kill Clarence, he understands what is going on

but gives them the keys and doesn’t interfere.

A lot of the action is driven by characters blindly submitting to orders without questioning them. This is part of Shakespeare’s message in the play. In order to prevent the triumph of evil, people should think, and not be manipulated.

[Travis] gives us as a cast a number of interesting moments because each actor plays contrasting roles What are the challenges of performing in a classic Shakespearean play and knowing that thousands of actors went before you? How do you tackle the question of originality?

J: When you are working with the writing of such an iconic playwright, it is difficult not to play towards the stereotypes. Take Richard III, who has some kind of physical deformity on every single painting or depiction of him. It is not enough just to walk around with a limp and a humpback; it has to be a

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lot deeper than that. Exaggerated physical disability suggests weakness, but Richard is strong of mind. He is like a viper. He might be playing dead one minute and stabbing you in the back the next, or biting you in the ankle like a snake. He has his crafty ways, and even though he might be physically deformed, his mind and spirit remain sharp.

That’s very important to portray.

K: Someone once said to me a brilliant thing, “You can’t be an actor who is just an actor; you need to be a person first.” You keep thinking about your own individuality, how you would respond to your character’s situation. This is the primary mission: bringing your own sense of truth to the part. Of course, your job is also to work towards your director’s vision, but it is the fusion of their concept and your personality that really makes a character.

How would you encourage Trinity to come out to the show?

K: Heads will roll! We have hired a professional fight choreographer to stage the final battle scene, and we will be using authentic weapons. There will also be coloured lighting and a fog machine. You will see the quad as never before.

J: It is also a great opportunity to spend an evening in this beautiful space with your friends. Bring blankets and a picnic... and prepare for a night in Tudor England!

Salterrae • September 2013

Toad Equals Success

Hot Tips To Be Socially Relevant By: Alexander Saxton Illustrations: Alyssa Stokvis-Hauer

Women and Men of College and First Years, Trinity College is a social minefield, in literally the most metaphorical way that I can possibly mean that. Sure, you may have been a lion in the social jungle that was high school, but what happens when a lion walks into a minefield? I’m not going to answer that question for you, because you’ve already answered it in your mind, probably to the tune of the 1812 overture.

Ba bappa bappa bappa ba ba buhhh ba bappa bappa bappa ba ba buhhh DUMMM DUM DUM DUMMMM DUM DUMMMM! Sorry Lion, your animal violence is nothing compared to the calculated brutality of the 20th century.

These hot tips are unlike anything experienced by anyone since King Edward II. HOT TIP #1: Refer, on as many occasions as possible, to the grisly murder of mediaeval kings.

This will cause people to think that you read books, which you will find to be a convenient fiction. It will also cause people to wonder why you insist on bringing political murder into the conversation. Are you interested in that sort of thing? Are there no depths to which you will not stoop in your deranged pursuit of power? Would somebody be a fool to stand in your way? They will be uncertain; remember that uncertainty gives way to fear, and fear is the oil that keeps clean the engine of Trinity College. You will need plenty of oil if you ever hope to seize control of the Trinity College Volunteer Society.

Fear is the Oil that keeps clean the engine of Trinity College But fear not, newcomer! The following hot tips will solder titano-plating on to your feeble bones and sinews, molding you into a mecha-lion of high society. After all, what does the calculated brutality of the 20th century mean when compared to the psychopathic excess of the 36th Century?

HOT TIP #2: Conan O’Brien once said, “If you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.” This is the kind of positive, heartwarming and human advice that you really must be discouraged from taking. Instead, be utterly lazy and contemptuous of all things, people and pursuits..

Feel free to join clubs and associations, make yourself integral to their functioning, and then allow them to

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fall apart around you with your toxic apathy. People will consider this very glamorous!

HOT TIP #3: As soon as possible, find somebody to teach you how to “Dougie”. For my own part, I have never learned what this dance is or how to do it, and the deficit has made me into the greatest laughingstock Trinity College has ever seen HOT TIP #4: Money! Have lots of it. Let it infest you. Grow ancient and wicked, like a toad with gold pellets in its skin. At night, before you go to sleep, mutter the words “toad equals success” to yourself a bunch of times HOT TIP #5: Get involved. If you see two people arguing with each other, just get in there.

Call both of them names, and invade their personal space. They say that it is not your grades, but your level of involvement that future employers look for. Try and get involved with future employers, too. Wait outside their houses and, when you finally hear raised voices, burst in and start insulting the décor. I have never done this personally, but it seems to follow logically from the premise of involvement, which I am partially certain I have interpreted correctly?

HOT TIP #6: If you don’t know the names of any Mediaeval kings who were the victims ‘Murder Most Foul’, then make them up. Who is to say that there was not somebody named ‘Stanislaus the Magyar’ who got boiled in a kettle, or that John II of Bolivia wasn’t blinded in 1142?

Nobody else knows anything. Remember: Lies are the oil that keep clean the engine of Trinity College. You will need plenty of oil if you want to become that person on the finance committee who does all of that stuff.

There you have it, six of the hottest tips for social relevance at Trinity College, from a bona fide member of the class of 1T3, the class that continues to be the most relevant and respected year at college.

Salterrae • September 2013

The Honey Boo Boo Diet Fast Ways To Hit The Freshman Fifty By: Amanda Greer Photography: Donald Belfon Starting university for the first time is a struggle, especially when you have countless relatives berating you with pieces of advice.These can range from, “if it is called a literary society, it is still a frat,” to, “if they ask for a threesome, they don’t mean it like Harry, Ron, and Hermione.”

The most popular guidance offered by wellmeaning families, however, seems to be about the dreaded “Freshman Fifteen”.

Parents will warn you again and again how easy it is to add junk to your trunk, simply by indulging in a few dozen trips to the sundae bar, or an unbelievably caloric spoonful of Nutella.

And they’re probably right—but should you care? You’re still young as a fresh picked daisy, and your Red Bull-infused metabolism is still in its prime. So take the next few months to enjoy yourselves, and find your guilty pleasures in the big bad city.

There are a many places near Trinity College where you can indulge the Fat Bastard inside of you. When you’re stumbling around Toronto after a dignity-crushing Trinity College event, verbally abusing Salvation Army Santa Clauses, and all you want is a plate of greasy food, these are the places you’ll want to check out.

Smoke’s Poutinerie Address: 490 Bloor St. W. Specialty: Authentic, Quebec-approved, gravycovered, cheese curd-speckled poutine.

Why it’s great: You can customize your poutine to suit your taste buds. Even vegetarians can grab a bucket o’ fries covered in vegetarian gravy, courtesy of Smoke’s. From the Veggie Nacho Poutine to the Chili Cheese Bacon Poutine, Smoke’s has a heart-stopping creation for you.

416 Snack Bar Address: 181 Bathurst Street.

Specialty: Cheap drinks and delicious finger foods.

Why it’s great: 416 Snack Bar boasts a cutleryfree facility, giving it a carefree and non-judgmental atmosphere. No one will stare too closely when you shove a handful of guacamole-sodden nachos into your mouth, or bite a juicy piece of chicken off a wooden skewer – the other patrons are doing the exact same thing (or worse). The restaurant’s menu is dirt cheap, with nothing priced much past $6, and offers delicious snack foods, from sushi rolls to barbecued chicken. 416 Snack Bar is open till 2 am, and is perfect for satisfying late night post-party snack attacks.

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Fancy Franks Gourmet Hot Dogs Address: 326 College St. Specialty: The pizza hot dog… or the PB&J hot dog. Just… all the hot dogs.

Why it’s great: Have you ever had a hot dog slathered in peanut butter? Neither have I – but the option is there at Fancy Franks. This new Toronto restaurant has a menu of gourmet franks and every topping imaginable. If you’re into Indian food, Franks has you covered with its ‘Fancy Masala’ hot dog, featuring chickpeas, carrots, sweet potatoes, and coconut curry. Do you enjoy breakfast at unorthodox times? Try out the ‘Fancy Francine,’ with fried eggs and bacon topping your juicy wiener. Just like Smoke’s, Fancy Franks provides a customizable experience, satisfying both your taste buds and your irrepressible need to feel special.

Your Red Bull infused metabolism is still in its prime The 7-Eleven Address: 334 Bloor St. W, AND 260 College St. Specialty: Anything you want it to be.

Why it’s great: It’s close by. There is a slushie bar and there are churros roasting on an open fire.

These four eateries provide the best hit-the-spot food to satisfy the worst cravings, whether you’re looking for a quick meal, a late-night indulgence, or a hangover cure. Now go forth, go wild, and experience some of the best worst food Toronto has to offer.

O

Salterrae • September 2013

n the Bookshelves

of Men and Woman of College

Do you men and women of college ever feel excited when the frosh post summer reading lists on Facebook? Do you feel ashamed of that excitement because your friends were mocking those reading lists? Did you want to know what other Men and Women of College were reading, but felt too nerdy to ask? Well, worry no more, because the Salterrae is investigating the bookshelves of Men and Women of College – starting with your Heads.

By: Rebecca Zhu Photography: Emily Jennings reading…Persuasion by Jane Austen

While the rest of Trinity College shamelessly gobbles up turkey, candy or brownies, Rebecca is busy indulging her own guilty pleasure: Jane Austen novels. If only all our guilty pleasures were as innocent as Rebecca’s.

Even E.L. James bashed Persuasion - and she wrote 50 Shades of Grey, come on. - Despite criticism of a simple plot, this Jane Austen novel is one of Rebecca’s favourites. The main character, Anne Elliot, is gentle and kind. While the rest of us indulge in chocolate, Rebecca prefers the “sweet justice” of Persuasion’s plotline. If you’re looking for a romantic, feel-good, Victorian, you can’t go wrong with this Austen novel.

Ben Crase (Head of College) is reading…The Light: Brazilian Traction, Light and Power Company Limited by Duncan McDowall For those interested in business history, Carleton University professor Duncan McDowall explores the history of Brazilian Traction, Light and Power Ltd., a Canadian-owned power company that provided electricity to millions of Brazilians in the early 1900’s. As Ben explains, this Canadian company, “almost single-handedly pulled [Brazil] into the 20th century.” Ben also comments that, “This is not a story of corporate conspiracy, but the story of a Canadian company that achieved great success overseas.”

Pujan Modi (Head of Non-Res) is reading…The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie The Satanic Verses caused a worldwide stir when it’s portrayal of the prophet Muhammad prompted Iran’s Ayatollah Khomeini to issue a public fatwa against author Salman Rushdie. The book also parallels Pujan’s summer, as it tells the story of two Indian expatriates in Britain. There differences being that Pujan is not a Bollywood actor who specializes in playing Hindu deities, and Rushdie’s characters do not drink anywhere as much as your beloved Head of NRAC. This said, if you like magical realism, émigré novels, and want to experience the Bombay slang that Pujan loves, The Satanic Verses is an excellent place to start.

Rebecca Fallowfield (Head of Non-Res) is

Rumour has it from a Salterrae insider that Ben’s bookshelf is also fraught with Nazi histories.

Although this is unconfirmed, it may serve as yet another warning for first-year girls to tread carefully through the beer-stained, regret-filled halls of Second Massey.

Maha Naqi (Head of College) is reading…Poet in New York by Federico Garcia Lorca Like many overachieving Trinity College students, Maha feels a need to multi-task. She likes reading many books at once, and through a single summer, she has covered everything from Dostoyevsky to Ondaatje to Neruda. At the moment, Maha has an especial soft spot for Latin American poetry and is relishing Garcia Lorca’s Poet in New York, which details the author’s experience as a student at Columbia University.

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Heads Edition Patrick Andison (Head of Arts) is reading…The DK Eyewitness Travel Guide: Italy

There are few more exciting ways to experience foreign lands than through travel guides.

Although Trinity College expected Pat to go to Ireland this summer and win another dancing competition, your Head of Arts actually opted to go to Siena, Italy for a study abroad experience.

The only other notable thing on his bookshelf is an empty can of Guinness, but that speaks more to his fondness for draught beer than his literary tastes.

Like many overachieving Trinity College students, Maha feels a need to multi-task Kate Motluck (Head of Arts) is reading…Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides It is no exaggeration to say that Eugenides is one of the world’s leading contemporary writers, and his Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, Middlesex, proves it. The novel explores gender identity and the American dream through an intersex character, Cal/Calliope. For the many classics buffs around Trinity College, Eugenides throws in many allusions to Greek mythology. As Kate describes it, the book is,“Like Freaks and Geeks, but less 1980s and more Ancient Greek, and with less James Franco and more hermaphrodites.”

Kaleem Hawa • Meet The New Boss

Meet The New Boss An Interview With Interim Provost Dr. Michael Ratcliffe By: Kaleem Hawa

Photos: Donald Belfon

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Salterrae • September 2013

As the afternoon sun filters into his office atop the Larkin Building, Trinity’s new Interim Provost, Dr. Michael Ratcliffe, sits comfortably dressed in slacks and a blue button-down.

Upon mention of his predecessor, Dr. Ratcliffe’s face lights up. “It’s been a blast,” he says. “In many ways, we think the same way and share the same outlooks on traditions at this college.”

While Dr. Ratcliffe will be occupying the Provost’s Office this year to assume his new responsibilities, the residence will remain inhabited

by Clare, Ellen, and Oscar Orchard – wife and children of Dr. Andy Orchard, whose tenure as College Provost ended with his appointment as the new Rawlinson and Bosworth Chair of AngloSaxon at Oxford University.

Upon further exploring this point, it becomes clear that Dr. Ratcliffe has developed an intriguing outlook on tradition. The 59-year old has a “thousand-album iTunes library featuring the very best rock albums of the 60s, 70s and 80s.” His love of music from Zeppelin to Dylan fits into his overarching perception of tradition and history.

“I am a firm believer in the value of traditions, as

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opposed to automatically doing things the traditional way.”

When pressed, he continues, saying that, “there’s a real difference between the two. Trinity is full of traditions and that is part of the magic of this college. The remarkable thing is that so many of these traditions are actively maintained by the students themselves. Traditions are good, but being wedded to the past just because it is the usual way of things being done is not.”

This notion that tradition need not exist in a

Kaleem Hawa • Meet The New Boss

I am a firm believer in the value of traditions

Trinity is full of traditions and that is part of the magic of this college

I’ve never been to the Lit. But I have to say, I’ve heard a lot about it bubble, and should have room to evolve alongside its practitioners in the context of generational change, is fascinating given Trinity’s history.

The debate surrounding Trinity’s same-sex residencies culminated in 2004 when the Board of Trustees voted to allow women to reside in Trinity proper and men to reside in St. Hilda’s. This is one such example of progressive deviance from the, “traditional way of doing things” that Dr. Ratcliffe feels was merited given the changing times.

That being said, as a new conversation about the

structure, status, and implementation of High Table Dinners is being held in the Community Affairs Committee of the Senate by Dean of Students, Dr. Jonathan Steels, Dr. Ratcliffe is clear about his love for the “admittedly anachronistic” tradition.

“I think [high table dinners] are great. It is certainly a tradition that I would strongly maintain, encourage and enhance because, as academics, I find that we spend all our lives talking to people who are doing basically the same things we are doing. This is a stellar way of interacting with very smart people who you would otherwise never get

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the chance to meet.”

When asked about the Trinity College Literary Institute (the Lit), Ratcliffe gets excited: “I’ve never been to the Lit. But I have to say, I’ve heard a lot about it, I think it is absolutely fantastic and I would be a huge supporter.”

When told about Provost Orchard’s notoriously raucous Lit speeches, Dr. Ratcliffe becomes decidedly more coy: “I would certainly be open to considering giving a Lit speech,” he says.

On this point, the conversation turns to a more sobering reality – Dr. Ratcliffe will be serving in the capacity of Interim Provost only until July 1st 2014, when the Provost Search Committee is expected to announce the new Provost. At that point, he will take a yearlong sabbatical before returning to Trinity College in his previous role as Dean of Arts, which he began in 2012.

“When the news came that Andy [Orchard] was going to be stepping down not even a year into my term, the Board of Trustees asked me if I would be prepared to defer my planned sabbatical for a year in order to give them time to search for a new Provost while I served in the interim. A Search Committee was struck and, as far as I know, it has already met a few times to define the characteristics they are looking for in a new Provost.”

The Search Committee is being chaired by Trinity College Chancellor and former Canadian Minister of Foreign Affairs Bill Graham, and includes two student representatives from Trinity’s undergraduate body – past Head of College, Paulina Bogdanova, and past Head of Arts, Melissa Beauregard.

The conversation now moves to Dr. Ratcliffe’s mandate as Interim Provost: “I think it would be inappropriate for me to push through any sweeping changes. That said, there are a number of things in my capacity as Dean of Arts that I would like to move along and will continue to work on while I am Interim Provost. For example,” he continues, “I would like the Trinity Fellowship to be more involved with the student body and I’m looking forward to helping implement a new Trinity One Program for Life Science students.”

“A large proportion of Trinity students are actually life science students. I feel like we do not spend enough time catering to them at the College. I think it would be great to have a Trinity One program that addresses issues like medical policy, health care ethics and global health and we are working towards having it in place in the near future.”

As a prominent scientist and researcher himself, it is no surprise Dr. Ratcliffe is seeking to raise the profile of life science at Trinity.

Dr. Ratcliffe’s passion for research began at a

Salterrae • September 2013

A large proportion of Trinity students are actually life science students. I feel like we do not spend enough time catering to them at the College Department of Immunology within the University of Toronto Faculty of Medicine.

The Immunology Department has long enjoyed a very close relationship with Trinity College, “dating back to the era of Provost Robert Painter – himself an immunologist – who sought to make the two closely linked: my relationship with Trinity was a natural one.”

Dr. Ratcliffe reflects upon this history, whose culmination was his appointment as Dean of Arts and now Interim Provost, replacing Dr. Orchard. young age. Born in London in 1954, he studied biochemistry at Glasgow University, “at a time when most of the exciting stuff in biochemistry was happening at the fringes.” On his early aptitude for science, Dr. Ratcliffe recalls: “in Britain when I was growing up, there was an old TV equivalent to CSI about forensic science. I loved that program and I think it was what got me interested in science at an early age.”

“The biochemistry department in Glasgow at that point had actually recruited a new professor who specialized in immunology, although I didn’t know it at the time. The department had an annual staff-student soccer match. We spent an hour-and-a-half kicking lumps out of each other and then went to the pub for a drink. There, I got talking to him about what he did.

It sounded very interesting and that got me thinking

about immunology as a graduate student.”

He would then go on to receive a PhD in immunology from University College in London and then go to work at the prestigious Basel Institute in Switzerland, which “in those days, was probably the best place in the world to do immunology.”

The Institute, which presented itself as, “a total sandbox where money was no object,” allowed Dr. Ratcliffe to experiment at a very high level a with his immunology research interests.

Upon finishing his work in Switzerland, he spent several years at University College in London before receiving a phone call from McGill University to be an Assistant Professor in their Microbiology and Immunology Department.

From there, he was recruited to head up the

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“There’s always the worry when you go into an organization which has the reputation for tradition that Trinity has, to end up finding that it’s impossible to make changes because there exists a mindset of ‘we can’t do that because we never do things that way’. Andy has been the opposite of that. If it’s a good idea, he says ‘go for it’. It was very clear to me that he was actively engaged in supporting good ideas wherever they come from.”

In a way, this interview represents a decidedly progressive viewpoint from a decorated academic and researcher unafraid to fiercely defend the traditions of this College. As it came to a close, Dr. Ratcliffe leant back, content with the trappings of the day and, no doubt, prepared for the tumultuous year to come.

Kate Motluck • Switching Up Seaman

Switching Up Seaman: The Summer Transformation By: Kate Motluck Photography: Donald Belfon For Trinity College, summertime is no repose.

Indeed, when the students are off providing informative tours of Toronto to heat-stricken tourists or playing tourist themselves, Trinity College often undergoes major renovations and maintenance. This summer’s major project was the transformation of Melinda Seaman in St. Hilda’s from a dining hall to a student lounge.

Once the only place to go for weekday breakfast, and hailed as home to the superior salad bar, Melinda Seaman now contains several plump couches and new vending machines. The Trinity College website advertises that Seaman will continue to provide breakfast in the form of “enhanced continental”. Lunch and dinner will no longer be served, however. After breakfast, the

space similar to the JCR, accessible during the daytime without a security key, and available for varied purposes.

For Trinity College’s administration, a change for Melinda Seaman was inevitable. Preparing food for the small number of students who regularly ate there proved unsustainable from a business perspective, and Assistant Dean Adam Hogan believes the renovations have converted the space to its best possible usage.

“I would come here for lunch and only see a few groups.”, he lamented, also commenting that student groups were already getting together in Melinda Seaman without the intent to eat, but rather to study or hang out. Given this, “Making

Supporters of the renovation make the case that St. Hilda’s has historically lacked adequate and accessible student space. It has previously been argued that the Rigby Room served this purpose, but key policies regarding this room have been vague, and it is often unavailable, a result of efforts to protect the valuable paintings inside.

Some students see the closure as patently unnecessary, arguing that student space is in fact widely available in St. Hilda’s, but suffers from access issues as a result of stringent key policies, such as those of the Sub Main and Abbot rooms, as well as a desire on the part of Trinity College administration to protect artwork and furniture.

Christopher Hogendoorn argues that that while

The space will mirror what Trin Proper has in the Junior Common Room space will mirror what Trin Proper has in the Junior Common Room: a comfortable space where students can study, meet, or play the-floor-is-lava.

The conversation regarding insufficient student space is familiar at Trinity College. Such a conversation prompted the 2012 transformation of the Welch common room, which expanded its size considerably.

It is the same discussion that spurred Melinda Seaman’s transformation. Many believed that the space was underutilized as a dining hall. When Strachan hall was open, Melinda Seaman was rarely busy or near capacity.

Former Head Melissa Beauregard believes, “the transformation was so necessary, and now the space is really being used. Plus it will be a great space to study.”

This renovation will provide St. Hilda’s with a

it into a student lounge just made sense.”

While some see this expansion of student space as a plus, others lament the loss of a dining hall in St. Hilda’s, claiming it will only further the divide that exists between the Trinity College proper and St. Hilda’s residences. Trinity College is often seen as the superior space, with the grandiose Strachan Hall, Junior Common Room, and majestic exterior. In the opinion of one student who preferred not to be quoted, to close the dining hall is another nail in St. Hilda’s coffin.

Conversely, of course, the opening of a student space may prompt more visitors.

Another concern regarding the closure is one of dining hall capacity. Even when the St. Hilda’s dining hall remained open, it was not uncommon to meet an impressive lineup at the beginning of early dinners at Strachan Hall. Dining hours have been elongated to combat this, but some fear it will not be enough to compensate for Melinda Seaman’s closure.

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the Group of Seven paintings in Rigby are both beautiful and impressive, they have no reason to be in a student common space if they restrict the space’s availability. He suggests the paintings be dispersed amongst administrative offices, where they would be better protected. This is the view of certain St. Hilda’s residents, who, rather than see Melinda Seaman renovated, would have preferred to see work done on the existing spaces in an effort to increase their use.

While this change is a major one, it is clear that Melinda Seaman will keep its history and remain the same in many respects. It will, for example, forever incite snickers and smiles from new students. The portraits will continue to look on apprehensively while frosh ‘dance’ during the annual Melinda Seaman party, and the floor will recall the slips and spills of each year’s Saints Ball. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Sonia • Sexual Healing

Sexual Healing So How Do Long Distance Relationships Really Work?

By: Sonia Liang Illustrations: Alyssa Stokvis-Hauer We have all seen the cliched movies in which boy meets girl, boy moves away, boy and girl are both sad and ache for their true love, and then, accompanied by a heartfelt swell of background music - “My Heart Will Go On,” for example - boy and girl fly across the world to be in each others arms and live happily ever after.

Most of us know things do not usually go down this way, so how do they?

Well, that is the problem with long-distance relationships. Nothing goes down, because long-distance sex of the non-cyber variety has yet to be invented. Luckily, things are not all bad. Couples nowadays have more opportunities to keep the romance alive than a letter in the post every other month.

To find out the real deal, your salty columnist investigated the matter with a handful of Trinity College students, who prefer to remain anonymous. The consensus seems to be that, functional or dysfunctional, epic

or slowly fizzling, long distance love is kept alive with a bit of experimentation, which can lead to bloopers along the way.

“Miss J”, for example, spoke to me about her highschool sweetheart on the other side of the country, counting down the days until winter break: “Despite the distance, we find it pretty easy to keep things interesting. We mostly Skype, and I admit that once in a while, things get dirty. The only downside is that [Mr. J] still lives at home. Unfortunately, his door was not locked properly during one of these conversations. When his mom walked in, I’m pretty sure she got an eyeful of me halfnaked on his screen.”

That is one way to make Christmas dinner awkward in the future.

Another long distance lover, “K”, had a similar incident with his co-workers this summer. Upon hearing of the Salterrae’s search for the scoop, he agreed to spill the beans.

He has some words of warning for us, if we choose to get raunchy online: “Beware of photo history on gmail. Once I was showing one of my work buddies something on my computer, and then, on the right side of the screen, some small tabs came up of my most recent photos. Minisized pictures of my rather scantily clad girlfriend were not what I needed to keep things professional at my summer internship.”

I promise, your co-workers do not need to see those photos under any circumstances. If they do, it is

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likely that you and your job are never, ever, getting back together. Like, Ever.

Lastly, “Mr. D” offered some simple words of advice: “You have to get creative. Now that we are far away and I cannot make him [D’s longstanding guitar-playing boyfriend] horny just being there, I have to work on my phone sex skills.”

“D”, in my opinion, has found a nugget of wisdom. If anything can be said about long distance relationships, it is that creativity is key.

I would finally like to leave you, new and old Trinity College students alike, with a few tips to spice up your long distance romance: Get really good at phone sex. Just make sure your floormates can’t hear you next door!

Find a good Skype connection. Life is so much easier with good Skype connections.

Do hot yoga.

Work out a lot: you have to channel your frustration somehow.

Get one of the kissing simulators from The Big Bang Theory. Howard Wolowitz enjoyed that to the max.

That’s all for now, fellow Trinitrons.

Stay salty, Sonia

ow N e s p y l sha o r f A Salterrae • September 2013

By: Bartholomew St. James and his associate, The Good Doctor

Photography: Rebecca Fallowfield

Our author is now 1 phat joint, 1 brisk stroll around the Oxford canal, and 1 chicken kebab, no peppers, in.

My god we were in the shit. Charlie to my left, Charlie to my right, and all I could see were stars. I called out for my trusted comrade in arms, The Good Doctor: “MEDIC!!! MEDICCCCC!!!!” The Good Doctor came running, tripping over his own shot-off stump of a leg.

Doctor and I were deep up river. This shit was real. Here we had heard there were great mangoes, yet all we saw were the Reds - they were silent in this place. They all crowded together in great groupings to watch some chaotic and terrifying spectacle unfold just feet in front of them.

They were screaming, rambling nothings as we passed them by in the shadows, our eyes burning those vile images deep into our minds, and our ears powerless to stop the noise, noise, NOISE.

What was this Gomorrah anew?

My god, a true hero that man. But why had we ended up in this hellhole of a jungle in back-**** Pearl River Triangle? What forces had driven this good heart and mild mannered writer to the very brink of hell, and then forward some? How had they allowed that girl to fire the RPG that had blown off the Good Doctor’s leg? This was not a war I could fight. This was not a war I could win.

This was Frosh Week.

Here we were, balls deep in Red Shirts, with not a single friendly in sight. What was this Gomorrah anew? There was a banquet table. It had sandwiches. There were the Reds. They were awkward. The sun was as high as I was, up in the big ole blue. I didn’t like this, not one bit. A luncheon so despised by all. So many people, so few voices. We averted our eyes and carried on, farther up river.

Dawn on the second day: The Good

Sun up, sun down. Where were we?

Where is back up? Where is the retreat? Where is the CO? Who’s in charge here? AIN’T YOU???

Darkness across the land. Passing the last known Army outpost in the Pearl River. We build it every night, Charlie blows it right back up again, just so the Generals can say the road is open. Same cycle, rinse and repeat. The troops stationed here say you’re either a lifer or a 12.

The lifers have been here since God knows when. They sure as hell don’t remember. They don’t have anything to go back to. The 12s? Lets just say this place shaves years off your life if you fight back. The 12s aren’t ever leaving. What is this place? Some up river jungle camp? Some bombed out wasteland? When we go there, we call it the Ulu. The native name is Massey.

The drugs kicked in on the morning of

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the fourth day. We were up, down, diagonal, and even backstage at one point. Where was this cacophony of barbarian tongues? They screeched in their stone floored temple to their heathen gods. Were their prayers answered? We could never tell. The Reds were there, hundreds of the bastards. They were chattering on in their backwards tongue, jabbering at one another as they pointed at the grotesque spectacle on stage. What was this ancient garden? What was that scene of twisted civilisation that we had witnessed? We didn’t know. The boat drifted gently upstream.

What had gone wrong? When had our lives been torn out from under us? They say the difference between being deemed lovably eccentric and episodically psychotic is living in a castle. Well, we had that castle. We called it The Duchess and it took us up river with hardly a scratch.

I have seen the dark side. Watching the Reds prance around in tattered sheets, all sense of humanity gone, as their primitive music beat loudly on. Wheeling and ducking like the ghostly apparitions they seemed to be, we didn’t know who had lost more on this adventure; us, or them. The Good Doctor had taken his last tab, and as he watched the yellow flowers go by, he smiled. What was this place up the Pearl River?

High in the mountains, looking out over the carnage that bloomed in every direction. Where the white powder didn’t fall from the stars, but grew up from the ground. I can’t speak its name. The horror... the horror.

Salterrae • September 2013

Back to Black By: Calvin Mitchell Photograpahy: Donald Belfon

For decades designers have used and misused black to create bold statements and elegant looks, as well as push what few conventions fashion has ever held. To suggest that black has fallen away from the spotlight would be a mistake. It never went away.

This season, black has risen to new heights of both popularity and distinction, making appearances within designer collections and on store shelves. Some of the best collections this season—from Céline & Lanvin to my personal favorite Alexander Wang & Narciso Rodriguez—were almost singularly limited to a black and white palette. Fashion is by nature a cyclical beast, and so it makes sense that after several seasons featuring an abundance of color and print, the palate is being cleansed by the rebirth of black in high fashion.

Black, however, is more than a refreshing break from florals. It goes with everything, is flattering to wear, hides a multitude of sins, and makes us look slim.

true to its original purposes for almost a century.

For decades, black has been used both to evoke an air of class and high society, and to challenge the social norms of dress. The 1950s street gangs in the northeastern and southern United States, known famously as the Greasers, sported tight black t’s with branded leather jackets as a way to distance themselves from the candy-coloredsweater wearing prep boys. In the 1970s the symbols of the punk movements were centered around glam rockers dressed in black with color drenched mohawks. The torn black garments would be decked with chains and studs, and lend the wearer a sense of power and self-control by standing out from the mainstream. This mod punk style became so prevalent that it quickly became a staple inspiration for the work of Vivienne Westwood and Jean Paul Gaultier over the years.

Reflecting on his F/W 2013 Runway Collection, Joe Mimran discussed the love for black and the powerful ways in which the design house used it.

It all went back to Coco and the idea of the

No wardrobe was considered complete without a perfect little black dress Fashion’s love affair with black is thanks to one prolific designer, who, sitting in her small Parisian Atelier in the late 1920’s, envisioned what would become a staple piece in women’s clothing.

Her name: Coco Chanel. Her vision: a tailored knee-length shift dress, perfect for cocktail hour.

Soon after its release, no wardrobe was considered complete without a perfect little black dress.

Perhaps Chanel’s greatest contribution to the fashion lexicon, it is a piece that has stayed

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quintessential French girl: sexy, charming, innocent, tough, and feminine as can be. Although popularized by design houses, the use of black in fashion has never been more true to its roots then now, evoking elegance, power, sophistication and a little edge.

It doesn’t matter if you plan to wear your perfect black dress with a strand of costume pearls, the same way Givenchy dressed Audrey Hepburn

Calvin Mitchell • Back to Black for the 60s film Breakfast at Tiffany’s, or if you want to channel the punk of The Ramones with a studded black leather jacket and wild hair. Black is back and its up for grabs.

The Trends: Fall 2013 The Men 1. Top Coats 2. Bold Plaids and Tweed 3. Black Leather 4. Classic Cuffed Pant 5. Camo (although branching away from greens to grey’s, blues and shades of black)

The Trends: Fall 2013 The Ladies 1. Emerald Green 2. Cropped Hair 3. Oversized Top Coats 4. Thigh High Boots 5. The Punk Look - “Arnarchic” (faux fur, studding, and everything else that grandmother wouldn’t approve)

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Salterrae • September 2013

This Fall’s Must See Movies By: Dryden Storm Bailey Illustrations: Alyssa Stokvis-Hauer While many spent the summer tanning at the beach, travelling Europe or getting a head start on their fall reading lists, I was watching movies.

I could be found at the theater elbowing 12 yearold boys out of the way on the opening night of Pacific Rim, counting down the days to the release of The Spectacular Now (convinced it would change my life), and celebrating the new Hunger Games: Catching Fire trailer. For those Trin students like me, looking for a way to pass the time between Saints, Pub Nights, and essays, here is a list of movies worth checking out this fall.

Don Jon: Joseph Gordon-Levitt is taking a crack at directing, and I could not be more excited about it. This might be another film about a man who falls in love with a girl, but this is not going to be your average romantic comedy.

Bonus: Scarlett Johansson rocking a New Jersey accent.

Release date: September 27 The Fifth Estate: If you are anything like me, you may have forgotten about Wikileaks. Well, be prepared to be reminded. The Fifth Estate stars Benedict Cumberbatch as Julian Assange, the website’s editor-in-chief and founder. The film has already initiated a hail storm of controversy the likes of Zero Dark Thirty and The Social Network.

Release date: October 11 Gravity: Film heavyweights Sandra Bullock and George Clooney star in this science fiction thriller set in space. That’s pretty much the only thing I know about this film, but it’s enough to get me on board.

Release date: October 4 Carrie: You might already know of Stephen King’s high school angst horror classic Carrie, but this contemporary adaptation has me excited for more than a great story. What else, you may ask? It was filmed in my backyard. In fact, the school featured in the film is the Toronto Annex’s very own Central Tech, located at Harbord and Bathurst.

Release date: October 18 Ender’s Game: If you have not read Orson Scott Card’s novel then - 1) Put down the Salterrae 2) Buy the book 3) Read it. For those who have read the famous novel, don’t be afraid to see the

movie adaptation. Many of us have had our favorite books ruined by the big screen, but I have a feeling this film’s amazing cast will do the book justice.

Release date: November 11

I could be found at the theatre elbowing 12 year-old boys out of the way on the opening night of Pacific Rim Thor: The Dark World: I have committed to the Avengers franchise mostly because I am a sucker for big budget action flicks. While you do have to see each film in order to understand the sequel, they also happen to be pretty great films.

Release date: November 8 August: Osage County: This film has Oscar bait written all over it. It features an amazing ensemble cast - Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Benedict Cumberbatch, Abigail Breslin, and Ewan McGregor to name a few - and follows a family dealing with death and regret. If you, like many of us have ever felt like a member of s dysfunctional family, check this one out - trust me, it will make you feel better.

Release date: November 8 The Wolf of Wall Street: Leonardo Dicaprio deserves an Oscar. I am going to write a strongly worded letter to the Academy if this film fails to at least secure him a nomination. With Martin Scorsese directing, I think it might be Leo’s year.

Bonus: Leo dancing in the trailer is maybe the best thing that has happened since -- well maybe just the last best thing ever.

Release date: November 8 The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: If there is

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one movie that all of Trinity College will be talking about in Strachan Hall, it will be the sequel to last year’s hugely successful Hunger Games.

FIlm executives are cashing in on the huge profits to be made in adapting Teen Fiction, but for every Harry Potter or Twilight success story there is a Beautiful Creatures or Eragon lying in the dust. The Hunger Games series seems to be on the winning side of the equation, and I doubt Catching Fire will disappoint.

Release date: November 22 Like movies but are on a budget?

Check out the Movie Club (there is no Dana, only Zuul) in the No Name Common Room every Sunday Night or Free Friday Films at Innis Town Hall.

Enjoy your movie watching.

Salterrae • September 2013

The Big Leagues: How Prepared Are We When We Graduate?

ondary degrees is one of the highest in the world. Over half of the Canadian population possesses a post-secondary degree. For those under 30 years old, that proportion is over 75%. Ontario high-school grades are also remarkably high. Despite the large number of highly-educated and ambitious graduates, youth unemployment in 2013 is at approximately 13%, which represents a lot of graduates without jobs.

With good high school results and a commitment to post-secondary education, why is it difficult for recent graduates to find jobs and succeed in the workplace?

Clearly, there exists a difference in attitude between school and the workplace, even though the former is supposed to equip peo-

By: Sonia Liang

“How much do universities facilitate skillbuilding and change, and what does that mean for Trinity College students between high school and the workplace?”

Some institutions and businesses are founded on innovation and would fall apart without it. In hospitals, for example, new methods and treatments are both developed and implemented daily. Other workplaces have entire departments focusing on business transformation. By contrast, a number of environments, such as schools or religious institutions, greet change with hesitation.

In schools, both written and unwritten laws govern customs, traditions, and internal structures. The unwritten rules can extend from the nature of student-teacher relationships to physical classroom setup, and are often the hardest to alter. Strategies requiring steps away from normalcy are considered skeptically when the guinea pigs in question are your kids (school) or your soul (religion). As a result, institutional traditions like the multiple choice test are often fiercely guarded. There are clear expectations of what constitutes an acceptable learning environment, and students at Trinity College will always wear gowns.

The proportion of Canadians with post-sec-

With good high school results and a commitment to post-secondary education, why is it difficult for recent graduates to find jobs and succeed in the workplace?

ple for the latter. Students who pass through school environments which emphasize skills like memorization are the same students who go on to workplaces which demand managerial capacity and critical thinking. The result is that many graduates are described by employers as lacking skills in “oral and written communications, problem solving, and organizational and project management”, according to the New York Times.

One contributor to this dearth of technical skill may be the Canadian emphasis on academic rather than practical degrees. Trade school is rarely anyone’s first choice, and is often not regarded by Canadian parents or peers as a positive and successful career path.

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This is in contrast to countries like Germany or Finland, where many opportunities exist for vocational and technical training. In Canada, where the focus is more rigidly academic, there are fewer internship placements to be found directly through school, and even fewer of them are paid. The result is a lack of employable, high-skill students to fill specialized jobs.

Of course, good grades can pave the path to a successful career, but only as long as everyone doesn’t get them. The high-school average for incoming students at U of T is 83.7%, and at Trinity it is as high as 93%.

The U of T average in Arts and Sciences, rather than being in the 80s, is in the mid to high 60s. That is over a 10% drop between Ontario high school grades and university grades.

Why is there a sudden grade slump between the end of high school and the first year of university? Perhaps the wild over-consumption of beverages during Frosh Week kills off a steadily increasing number of brain cells amongst students each year.. more realistically, however, it is that students are graded at a much higher level once they reach university.

It’s not a bad thing that students are graded more comprehensively in university. On the contrary, it pushes us to better prepare ourselves to work and learn. Critical grading is not meant to discourage students, but reassert the fact that we live in a time of increasing competitiveness and challenge us to better ourselves.

For all you first-years: don’t be discouraged if your grades take a hit. That’s normal. Focus on the subjects you are passionate about, the skills you can derive from them, and how you can use those skills in the future - if you apply yourselves to these goals, the grades will come. Then, if you find you have time between your classes, or during the summer, get some hands-on experience and learn the skills employers are looking for. Many organizations who hire people full-time after they finish university hire those who have had previous contact with the organization through a part-time job or internship. Finally, remember to enjoy your year and all the amazing people you will meet. They’re hands down the best part about starting at Trin.

Salterrae • September 2013

Duranswers

By: Lucas Durand Illustrations: Alyssa Stokvis-Hauer

Welcome back, loyal readers whom have become all but completely reliant on my guidance in order to function with even a semblance of normalcy, much like a crack addicted baby beaver needs to suckle at the cracky teat of the nearby weasel’s den of crack from time to time. I won’t judge you.

Situate yourself in a dark room. Yes, that one will do. Take off your clothes – don’t argue, this is all part of the process – good. Now, ball them up on the floor and light that cinnamon scented candle. Perfect. Breathe deep in the scent of truth. Oh, and please unwrap any candies now to avoid a noisy distraction later. You are now in the ideal environment to attempt to comprehend the vast, far-reaching, really really big bits of my wisdom. Good for you.

Dear Lucas, wise Lucas, trim, tidy, perfect Lucas, Sometimes I lay awake at night, just thinking ... of the stars ... of the moon ... of you ... but also, what’s the best way to peel a banana? Help me Lucas, you’re my only hope, In desperation, Sleepless in banana Dear Sleepless in banana,

That was not a very creative or sensible moniker.

I know you can do better. Luckily for you, I am willing to overlook your black-and-white worldview and allow you special access to the many secrets I have garnered from my worldly travels.

I believe it was the summer of 2006, I was taking a moonlit gondola ride through the mountains of Belarus, when I stumbled into a young crone who bequeathed unto me her most potent of secrets: Take the banana. Wrap the banana in tissue paper. Any colour will do. Now, find a cold dark space, perhaps a cellar or under a patio, and store away that banana for 2-3 weeks. When you return to it, Voila! The banana will have peeled itself. Sleep tight.

new socks. Or maybe – gah – you know what, it’s not worth my time. Pull yourself together.

Ever aiding those lesser human, Life Coach Lucas

Yours in sagacity, Lucas

Ok, so, Pungent perendination,

Did you leave a ham on your radiator?

You, who answers my questions so vigilantly, It’s been a busy first few weeks of school and I haven’t yet had an opportunity to do my laundry. Normally this wouldn’t be a big issue, but it turns out that I didn’t bring enough pairs of socks to keep wearing proper matching pairs for much longer. What do I do? Please, Lucas, gush your hot wisdom on me!

Feeling hopeless, Sockless in banana Dear, hopeless Sockless in banana, Wear mismatched socks. It’s not a big deal. Or just go do your laundry, it takes all of five minutes to set up and you can just leave it there. Is that so hard? Are you so useless? Or, if all of that won’t work, don’t wear socks at all, it’s not that cold out. Or buy some

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Great and powerful Lucat!

I find myself in a bit of a conundrum ... my res room has this ... weird smell ... like not a smell I’ve ever encountered before. Can you return my room to its former untainted glory?

You are my saviour, Pungent perendination

Do you really – how am I supposed to ... what ... in your mind do you really think that I will be able to help you with your vaguely worded issue?

I mean ... I can take some guesses; sure, let’s do that. Did you leave a ham on your radiator?

Have you been using your closet as a terrarium for a clutch of geckos? Are you this same person who never does their laundry? I mean, come on.

Give me something to work with.

Grumble grumble, Lucas Lucas Knowledge personified, I am deeply and vastly and profoundly in need of guidance. I think that I like this, well ... for anonymity let’s say this person in my Soc class and like, I’m like do I like ... this person, or like ... do I like like them? Or what if ... I dunno, what if I’m just getting ahead of myself cause like sometimes I do that, ‘cause I ... well I wear my heart on my sleeve and that’s definitely a plus and it makes me a better person but also it is a problem sometimes like now. What do I do?

Save me with your words!

Unrequited like like

Dear Unrequited like like, Be yourself. That’s it. No more advice for you. I don’t know why I deal with you people. Have you not even read my other publications? I’m almost certain I’ve already answered a question identical to this one. I am a celebrated author. I am a big deal. So feel bad. Or not. Whatever. I’m cool.

Forever your most trusted confidant, Lucas “Wizard of Wisdom” Durand

Veronica Stewart • Frosh Week Event Mashup

Frosh Week Event Mashup By: Veronica Stewart Every first year Trinity College student expects something different from Frosh week. Many are thrilled at the opportunity to bond with likeminded peers and prepare for the upcoming semester by attending academic seminars. Still others are excited to drink a lot of soda pop, forget what it feels like to be well rested, and make fantastic memories to cherish during exam period, when everyone is dreaming of the time before classes started.

With such high expectations, did Frosh Week 2013 live up to the hype? After months of inundation with orientation propaganda, it is time to discover whether Frosh Week actually has two Fendi purses and a silver Lexus.

Monday: Moving Day Alternatively, Frosh Leaders vs. Mini Fridges Lunch in Kirkwood Meadows Expectation: The sun is shining, the birds are singing and your parents have finally driven away. You proudly show up to grab a bite to eat in your brand new Frosh shirt and before you know it you are ready to tackle Frosh Week with your new group of best friends.

Reality: It was not christened the “Awkward Lunch” for nothing. That is, unless you are one of the lucky few that happens to have high school friends to pass the time with in Strachan Hall away from the rain.

Carnival Expectation: You will make all the friends! You will win all the games! You will stay up all the night!

Reality: You threw pies at uppers years until the whipped cream became shaving cream while fireworks crackle overhead. Need I say more?

Tuesday: On the Road

Melinda Seaman “On the Road” Party Expectation: You will hit the dance floor and wow the other newcomers with moves that you may or may not have practiced in your basement while blasting Katy Perry.

Reality: Spending less time at the actual party than you thought and more time in a St. Hilda’s hallway enjoying what may or may not be something alcoholic, depending on who is asking. For

those frosh who find this exhilarating, be sure not to miss the Fall formal, Saints Ball.

Wednesday: More than just Clubs Fest The Quad Debate (presented by the Trinity College Literary Institute)

It is a bad idea to touch libations until you know how to assemble a toga

Reality: How did you get paint there? How are we going to get rid of all these Innis kids so that the real party can start? When is Bubbly? I need to start attending classier events.

Friday: College Spirit U of T Parade (and Cheer-off) Expectation: Screaming cheers at the other colleges, faculties and campuses to assert your dominance as part of the Trinity College elite while marching through the streets of Toronto.

Reality: Screaming profanities, because you have already forgotten the cheers, at the other colleges, faculties, and campuses to assert your dominance as part of the Trinity College elite while marching behind the bishop through the streets of Toronto.

Saturday: Toga! Toga! Toga!

Toga Party Expectation: With naught but a bed sheet and some dollar store accessories, I will be transformed upon entering the moonlit Quad into a Grecian god or goddess.

Reality: It is a bad idea to touch libations until you know how to assemble a toga. That is, unless you are okay with being less than suitably clothed. Hopefully by Quad Party everyone will have learned that no matter how drunk you are, being outdoors is always uncomfortable unless properly dressed.

Expectation: Trinity College’s prestigious debating society will keep you riveted, discussing dire issues of the day, such as whether an American intervention in the Syrian crisis could be the catalyst for global conflict.

Sunday: Life outside of the Trin Bubble Campus Tours Expectation: You will go because because everyone else is going. There is nothing about this campus that I do not already know.

Reality: You witnessed Daenerys Targaryen lead the opposition in outing the Prime Minister’s wig as both unfashionable and unsanitary. You learn that things far more ridiculous than this occur each Wednesday in the Junior Common Room at the weekly Lit debates.

Thursday: Take chances, make mistakes and

Reality: I’m going to be late for my first class.

I’m going to be late because I’m going to get lost.

I’m going to get lost because someone had the bright idea to put buildings inside buildings. Why aren’t all of my lectures in Con Hall?

get messy

Trinnis Party Expectation: I can’t wait to meet all of the Innis Frosh, so that I can splatter them in enough paint to make a rainbow jealous.

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Whether orientation met your expectations or not, the reality is, this is one week you are never going to forget.

Salterrae • September 2013 Art and Literature What: David Bowie Is - “Space Oddity,” “Changes,” “Life on Mars,” “Heroes”…for nearly 45 years the songs and images of David Bowie have stood the test of time and redefined how we view rock stars. David Bowie Is, the international touring exhibition, now brings the man who shaped a generation to the Art Gallery of Ontario. Originating in London’s Victoria and Albert Museum, David Bowie Is displays a myriad of artifacts from Bowie’s unparalleled career, including more than 50 stage costumes, set designs from his 1974 tour, photos, album artwork and video excerpts. All objects in this multimedia show have been hand-picked from the David Bowie Archive.

Where: The Art Gallery of Ontario, 317 Dundas St. West.

When: September 25 – November 27, 2013 Cost: $30.00 and up.

Hoskin Avenue.

Where: Phoenix Concert Theatre, 410 Sherbourne St. When: September 25, 2013.

Cost: $17 and up.

This is a 19+ event.

What: Kid Cudi – Lighting up the Toronto stage once again with his latest album, Indicud, Kid Cudi is once again proving his musical finesse with his rhythmic beats and witty lyrics. With his debut album, Man on the Moon, achieving commercial success in both the United States and Europe, Kid Cudi has amassed a following of young and old alike.

Where: The Air Canada Centre, 40 Bay St. When: October 3, 2013 Cost: $39.90 and up.

What: Lorde – You may have listened to Lorde’s

Culture What: Toronto Beer Week 2013 – No, this is no joke. Toronto Beer Week is back this year, with an even bigger celebration of the brew. This week-long event features some of the city’s experts in the industry, from dark draughts to warm honey malts. Join in on the festivities just to learn what those words mean. Attendees have the opportunity to visit top restaurants, bars, breweries, markets, and more to learn and appreciate the amber brew. In addition, there will be a pub crawl on September 21st, to further celebrate the best of Toronto’s beer.

Where: Various locations. Participating venues include Mill St. Brew Pub, the Monarch Tavern, Beer Bistro, Bar Hop, The Painted Lady. and more. The Homebrew Competition is back as well, and features the best in homemade beers.

When: September 13 – 22, 2013 Cost: The beer costs money, but the event is free to those who are legal.

Things To Do Around Town

What: Nuit Blanche – Watch the city light up at night with art installations ranging from the classically beautiful to the fantastically abstract.

With a myriad of displays featuring performance art, music, sculpture, and interactive exhibits, this is one night you do not want to sleep away. This year’s collection includes an homage to everyday artifacts -– urinals, bicycles, shovels, glass containers – as museumworthy objects. gua de Niebla, a giant hammock, measuring 4,100 centimetres by 645 cm, made

by Mexican craftspersons, stretched above the city’s streets; and Air of Paris, a “scent installation” by Canada’s Faith La Rocque, named after a Duchamp readymade, “that invites visitors to take an olfactory journey to Paris, 1919.” This is NOT an event to miss. Trust us.

Where: All over the city. You can download a map at www.scotiabanknuitblanche.ca When: October 5, 2013, Sundown to sunrise.

Cost: Free.

What: First Thursdays at the AGO – On the first Thursday of every month, the party begins after the gallery closes. We’ll let you decide for yourself what that means.

Where: The Art Gallery of Ontario, 317 Dundas St. West.

When: October 4, 2013 Cost: $12 in advance, $15 at the door. This is a 19+ event.

Music and Theatre What: Bastille – The British indie rock band that shook certain social circles with their hit, Pompeii, is back in Toronto with their unique electro-pop style, bringing a beat that refuses to leave the mind, and lyrics that will leave you thinking about life beyond the confines of

By: Simone Garcia haunting song, Royals, before it hit the mainstream radio waves, and you may be gloating about the fact that you knew the song before it was cool. On the other hand, you may have had no idea about the talent that this 16 year old singer-songwriter from New Zealand possesses.

Whatever the case may be, you should definitely consider seeing her live, in a pretty cool venue to boot.

Where: The Danforth Music Hall, 147 Danforth Ave. When: October 6, 2013 Cost: $28.00 and up.

What: La Bohème - Puccini’s operatic masterpiece of youthful flirtation, passionate love, and heartbreaking tragedy springs to life in this beautiful new Canadian Opera Company production, capturing the romance and artistic brilliance of France’s Belle Époque. This is no Midnight in Paris, though, so consider yourself warned.

Where: The Four Seasons Centre, 145 Queen St. West.

When: October 3 – 30, 2013 Cost: $22 and up if you’re a patron under 30 years of age.

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What: ROM Walks 2013 - guided tours put on by Royal Ontario Museum volunteers, highlighting the historic details and architectural gems of Toronto with guided walking tours of the city. Sights include the Toronto waterfront, St. James Cemetery, and Toronto’s many landmark religious buildings. Great if you’re new to Toronto, or you want to revisit what made you fall in love with this city in the first place.

Where: 100 Queens Park.

When: Until October 20 Cost: Free.

What: Toronto Chocolate Festival - The root of so many addictions is celebrated once again in the Toronto Chocolate Festival. Featuring chocolate in all its delicious forms, this festival highlights chocolate tastings, chocolate making exhibitions, and chocolate eating contests for chocoholics of all ages. Also! A death by chocolate murder mystery dinner. Exciting.

Where: The King Edward Hotel, 37 King St. East.

When: October 18 – November 3, 2013 Cost: Most events are free, but some things, like the death by chocolate dinner, have prices which vary.

What: Massage Mondays – The name says it all.

Where: Hart House, 7 Hart House Circle.

Located on the main level of the Hart House Chapel.

When: Every Monday from 12-3pm. Just a note, book early in the morning to ensure you get a massage – booking late can result in waiting in line to get nothing.

Cost: Free.