Fed is Best What I learned from breastfeeding

Once upon a time, women had magical pregnancies. They danced through meadows in flowing Grecian gowns with a crown of wildflowers until their exact due date. When they went into labor, they were lifted by a flock of doves and laid onto a fresh bed of lavender. Surrounded by loved ones, they smiled through childbirth and delivered a beautiful baby who was placed on their breast, only to immediately latch and feed on ample mother’s milk. Two rainbows appeared and there were never any wars or famine again.

Oh, if it were only that simple. Between social media and my own expectations, it was hard not to think my breastfeeding experience would be this easy. What a surprise to discover that, like so many other moms, breastfeeding would be one of the more difficult and stressful parts of my postpartum journey. My baby didn’t latch, my supply was low, pumping was miserable, and I pushed through months and months of a joyless feeding plan that was rooted in an obsessive desire to maximize the amount of breast milk my daughter got.

It took far too long to let nuance, science, compassion and common sense redirect my breastfeeding path. Looking back, I wish I had given myself permission to stop pumping earlier and focus on the parts of bonding and feeding that were going well and that I enjoyed. I didn’t know how to balance the benefits of breastfeeding with the harm of obsessively striving to produce as many drops of breast milk as possible.

I didn’t know that it’s possible to create an individualized, dynamic feeding plan that includes working in earnest to breastfeed without needless suffering.

My Experience

Between the births of my two daughters, I spent time filling the gap with knowledge. I looked at the science, talked to experts, worked with tons of new moms, and created a new and nuanced approach. My own counseling with families transitioned from an all-or-none “breast is best” approach to open, personalized discussions that prioritize the health of each motherbaby pair. As a result, I’ve seen how it is possible to embrace an individualized, flexible approach to breastfeeding and still have it be a “success,” no matter how much breast milk your infant consumes. I’m honored to have been part of this success with mothers I’ve counseled, and fortunate to have shared my framework with readers of my first book, Parent Like a Pediatrician I was even luckier to be able to use my new model and methods when my second daughter was born. It was a completely different and healing experience that included storing colostrum when pregnant, avoiding electric pumps for the first few weeks, on-demand feeding postpartum, working hard to get baby to latch, and perhaps most importantly, a willingness to supplement with formula if needed. I breastfed exclusively for six months (until introducing solids) and have continued a mix of breastfeeding and table foods—still going strong and enjoying the experience at 9 months. While it’s been a complex, challenging journey, meeting my personal goals has been a source of bonding, healing and pride. It’s provided a sense of fulfillment I hope every mom can experience. Society has a long way to go to support breastfeeding mothers. For now, take time to prepare logistically and emotionally to have the most joyful experience possible.

It’s true that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding during baby’s first six months, but don’t let this goal be a set up for perceived “failure.” Any amount of breastfeeding is great, as long as your circumstances support it—and it’s what you really want to do. When mothers start by focusing on effort (versus quantity, frequency or longevity), it makes sustainable breastfeeding more attainable.

Be Informed

“Breast is best” pressure is not the answer, but neither is depriving mothers the chance to have their own version of breastfeeding success. It is possible to support and encourage breastfeeding, highlight the potential benefits, and be honest about the science of breast milk without placing undue pressure on moms.

Well-intentioned, formulanormalizing advocates may make it seem like there is zero upside to breastfeeding, but that isn’t true. There are many health benefits for mother and baby, and breastfeeding may very well be a positive experience. While the picture-perfect breastfeeding scenario (with those doves and flowering fields I mentioned earlier) may not exist, I have spoken to countless mothers who genuinely enjoyed a year or more of breastfeeding. Every mom deserves the chance for this to be her story, or to create whatever breastfeeding narrative is best for her circumstances.

What is often overlooked (or not talked about) is whether or not health benefits of breastfeeding far outweigh the breastfeeding experience for mother and baby. That can only be determined on a case-by-case basis. The barriers to breastfeeding are real and challenging: supply issues, difficulty latching, workplaces that don’t support pumping, inadequate parental leave, and insufficient long-term lactation support make it hard for even the most determined moms to exclusively breastfeed. If it doesn’t work out, it really will be fine. Keep in mind that there are mothers who are biologically or emotionally unable to even try. Decisions about how much effort to put in, how often to breastfeed and for how long should be yours and yours alone.

Do Your Best

There’s no magical amount of breast milk or formula that guarantees health and happiness for mother and baby. The most important thing is to make healthy, informed and appropriate feeding decisions. For most, this means embracing simple advice: Try breastfeeding as much as you can, and use as much formula as needed to keep excess stress and aggravation at bay. If baby’s belly is full and your milk supply is active, you are a successful breast-feeder. When breastfeeding is no longer possible (even with formula in the mix), stop.

Breastfeeding is worth trying in earnest, and something moms should continue for as long as it works. v

Dr. Rebekah Diamond is a boardcertified pediatrician and the author of “Eat Sleep Tantrum Repeat.” Follow her on IG at @parentlikeapediatrician.