Pearls of Wisdom for New Parents

Being a mom is by far the greatest joy of my life, but also the most challenging.

Going into parenthood, I completely underestimated how hard the beautiful journey would be, which is why I’m offering advice for new parents—things I wish I’d known sooner. I only have seven years of parenting experience, but am learning every day. Here are pearls of wisdom to help new parents thrive on this wild ride.

Ask for (and Accept) Help

I really struggled with this when I became a mom. It felt unnatural to ask for or accept help. But if I could do it over again, I would accept all the support offered!

Your circle of people wants to help, so don’t be afraid to ask. Whether it’s providing a meal, folding clothes, taking older siblings out of the house, holding baby so you can shower, nap or eat, people feel good taking something off your plate. A win-win if you ask me.

Trust Your Instincts

When something doesn’t feel right, speak up. If the answer isn’t satisfactory, be persistent and ask more questions. Some mamas feel intimidated to advocate for themselves or a loved one—this is especially true if it requires questioning a medical professional or an “expert” in a particular field. You are your little one’s advocate, and he is counting on you. Don’t let someone’s title, degree, expertise or perceived knowledge squash your mama instincts. If you don’t feel heard or supported, seek another opinion. Your instincts exist for a reason—tune in, listen and trust them.

Practice Patience

And no, I don’t just mean with your baby. Practice patience with yourself and your partner as well. You are new at this, your partner is new at this, your baby is new at this—you are all learning together. Give yourself grace and time to figure out your new role as a mama and new roles as parents.

Remember, it’s a

Phase

When my boys were babies, I begged for time to speed up when they were sick or in a particularly trying phase. It seems like difficult moments will never end. Here’s a reminder that eventually baby will sleep through the night, that illness will pass, that the tooth will pop through, and that there will come a day you don’t feel so tired.

On the flipside, “babies don’t keep.” I despised when people said this to me, especially when I had a tough day or week. But it’s true—time is a thief and babies grow fast, so enjoy the present as much as possible.

Stay Flexible

This is one of my biggest pieces of advice for labor and birth (flip to my birth plan article on page 8 for details), but flexibility is fitting (and advised) for parenthood in general. There will be unexpected changes and disruptions in plans: sickness strikes, naps end early and schedules get derailed, but life goes on. It took me a while to come to terms with this as a new mom. Once I accepted that some things are out of my control, life got easier.

Make Time for Yourself

Finding time for yourself is one of the hardest things to do as new parents. Those first few months feel like “feed, change, soothe, repeat.” It’s near impossible to find time for anyone else, including yourself.

Take note: Prioritizing self-care is not selfish; it makes a huge impact on mental health. A healthier, happier mama typically leads to a happier baby, so think of it as an investment for the whole family. Self-care may be grabbing a cup of coffee with a friend, taking a warm bath, going for a walk or listening to a podcast. Find your “me” thing and carve out time to make it happen.

Prep for Postpartum

I was so focused on labor and birth during both of my pregnancies that I completely neglected postpartum. Truth be told, my lack of preparation negatively impacted my experiences.

Even though many of my postpartum struggles involved breastfeeding (something else I was unprepared for), there were steps I could have taken during pregnancy to be more prepared. Set yourself up for success. Read some of my tips at www.mommylabornurse.com/ preparing-for-postpartum.

Ask Questions

This goes along with “trust your instincts” mentioned previously. If this is your first baby, everything is new. If it’s not your first, each baby experience is different and unique. Ask your questions loud and proud.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Other Moms

This one is hard! There’s a natural instinct to compare ourselves to others, which unfortunately, starts at a young age. Fast forward to parenthood and there is perceived pressure regarding every parenting decision at every baby stage. We put enough pressure on ourselves as new parents; we don’t need added pressure from society, peers, family, etc. It can be really difficult, but try not to compare yourself to others. Guard yourself from what is posted on social media. You never know what’s really going on with people or how different their reality may be.

Adjust Expectations

Parenting is unlike any other life journey. You can read all the books, listen to all the podcasts, and take all the advice, but nothing fully prepares someone for the realities of being a mother. It’s better to set the bar low, take things in stride and be pleasantly surprised than the other way around.

Parenthood can be messy, exhausting and challenging, but it is beautiful. There is nothing else that compares to looking into the eyes of your new baby for the first time! v

Liesel Teen, BSN, RN, is a labor and delivery nurse, founder of Mommy Labor Nurse and a mother of two kids. Follow her on IG at @mommy. labornurse for education, tips and solidarity on all things pregnancy, birth and postpartum.