Dr Peake Issue

Woman San Diego

Informing, Entertaining, and Featuring the Women of San Diego

www.sandiegowoman.com

How to Avoid being a Victim

Issue 2, 2009

Dr. Pamela Peeke Redefining Fitness

Surprising Wines of South Africa Are Men the New Women?

Find Where Kids Basics of Internet Marketing Eat Free

Feathering a New Nest

Dear Readers,

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It is our pleasure to have Dr. Pamela Peeke grace our cover this issue. Her list of accomplishments is amazing. She has helped women across the country learn the secrets of staying fit and handling the stresses of everyday life. Learn the secrets that can help you improve the quality of your life.

Our Ask an Angel column answers some tough questions for those of us dealing with elderly family members.

At a time when our parents are trying so hard to retain their independence, how do we make sure we can keep them safe without making them feel restricted?

A former San Diego Police Woman provides some eye opening tips to prevent San Diego women from becoming the victims of violent crimes.

Are you finding it hard to have a day out with your family with the current economic crisis? It doesn’t have to be, learn about those special restaurants in San Diego that offer free meals for kids. Perhaps a night out on the town is what you crave. Jazz comes alive in our town. Read about some of the rising stars in San Diego and find out where you can see them perform.

Have you a special needs child in your family? Are you concerned for their welfare when you are not around to take care of them? Read about a financial instrument that can make certain that all of their needs will be met. San Diegans take great pride in their desire to reach out to help those less fortunate and those with special needs. Read about one of the oldest charities in San Diego.

Is there some topic that just makes you crazy? In my case it is Sign Twirlers. I can’t help but wonder who came up with this idea. If you also contemplate this phenomenon take a few moments to read my Bitchin’ & Moaning column in this issue.

This issue is chuck full of a variety of topics that are all pertinent to the women of San Diego. Thank you to all of our wonderful writers who have shared their tips, stories and lives in this issue. We love you all. Please remember if you have a topic or story idea we would love to hear from you. Email me at editor@sandiegowoman.com I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Judith A. Habert

Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

Subscription Information

Annual subscriptions available on request Please send name, mailing address and check for $20 payable to San Diego Woman.

Cover : Dr. Pamela Peeke Photograph: From the office of Dr. Pamela Peeke

San Diego Woman 254 E Grand Avenue, Suite 201 Escondido, CA 92025 La Jolla: 858.454.1999 Escondido: 760.738.8700 Fax: 760.738.8866 Disclaimer: Products, services, websites or informational packets mentioned within our pages are in no way an endorsement by San Diego Woman, but are provided to our readers for informational purposes only.

Privacy Advisory: Personal information provided by our readers will be used solely for the purposes of providing requested information and will not be shared.

Issue 2, 2009

Graphics/Magazine Layout: Sonali Soni www.sonalidesignstudio.com

Inside

Issue 2, 2009

Dr. Pamela Peeke ..........................................................................................................page 12 Best selling NY Times author and reality show host shares her secrets.

Stress: It’s Not Just In Your Mind ................................................................................page 15 Secrets to keep stress from making you ill.

Feathering A New Nest .................................................................................................page 18 Decorating a new home post divorce can be enlightening.

Endometriosis: Act Early .............................................................................................page 20 Learn the symptoms before it’s too late.

Family Life Planning for the Special Needs Child ......................................................page 24 Protect that special child in your life.

Kids Eat Free .................................................................................................................page 26 Find out where and when your kids get to eat for free.

Parents are Role Models, Children are Copycats ......................................................page 28 Do you see yourself in your child?

The Latest in San Diego Jazz .......................................................................................page 29 Learn who is new on the Jazz scene and where can you hear them.

Did You Know ?..............................................................................................................page 31 Victim: To Be or Not to Be? ..........................................................................................page 33 Former SD Policewoman tells you how to avoid being a victim.

Dreams Rebuilt ..............................................................................................................page 42 RB Resident keeps a promise.

Five Letter Words ..........................................................................................................page 47 Growing old gracefully

In every Issue Letters to the Editor.......................................................................................................page 6 Read what San Diego Women have to say.

Women of Distinction ...................................................................................................page 7 Read about two Amazing women who make a difference.

Does Marketing Help a Business Grow? .. page 11 To increase your business presence in tough times Ask an Angel ...................................................... page 22 Answers the tough questions about our aging family members Bitchin’ & Moaning ............................................ page 25 Do sign twirlers make you crazy too?

Book Review Read about a new mystery by a local writer.....page27 He Said, She Said ...............................................page 30 Are Men the new Women?

The Wine Connoisseur........................................page 34 The Aromatics and White Wine.

San Diego Center for Women.............................page 36 Healing Hearts and Minds.

Fabulous Finds....................................................page 41 Top picks from San Diego Woman.

Cooking with Busalacchi....................................page 43 A delicious dish you can make at home.

Spotlight: Jane Monheit ....................................page 48 Jazz songstress visits San Diego Events Around Town .......................................... page 49 Looking for something new to do?

Issue 2, 2009

San Diego

Crossing out th EX ........................................................................................................ page 50 Learn how to end a toxic relaionship

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Publisher/Editor-in-Chief editor@sandiegowoman.com

4 Sonali Soni

Creative Director

creativedirector@sandiegowoman.com

Woman San Diego

San Diego

Judith A. Habert

Woman

Behind the Pages

www.sandiegowoman.com 254 E Grand Avenue, Suite 201 Escondido, CA 92025 La Jolla: 858.454.1999 Escondido: 760.738.8700 Fax: 760.738.8866 Graphics/Magazine Layout: Sonali Soni www.sonalidesignstudio.com

Issue 2, 2009

Judith A. Habert Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

Sonali Soni Creative Director

Robert Tussey Copy Editing

Lisa K. Miller Photographer

Jamie V. Habert Entertainment Editor

Robert has been a published writer for over thirty years and has been providing editing services for the past twenty-five. As a musician he has written scores of songs. His life has revolved around his music and writing, often melding the two into articles and interviews.

Author and teacher of wine studies for over 15 years, Deborah’s background and her Certified Specialist of Wine designation, makes her more than just a “foodie” who loves wine! Having taught wine appreciation, wine and food pairing, and written curriculum for San Diego State U. Business of Wine certificate program, she is no stranger to piquing people’s interest in exploring wine.

Sara Holliday

Cara Krenn

Sara of Fit by Sara is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified personal trainer, yoga instructor, speaker,workshop presenter, and mom of two. She strongly believes in the mind-body connection and has worked with hundreds of women to help them feel and look their best.

Sara has been on numerous radio and TV shows including Oprah Radio, Martha Stewart radio, PBS, KABC, KTLA, and FOX.

Cara is a Communications Specialist at Altus-The Charter School of San Diego. She is a graduate of the University of Notre Dame with a background in publishing. When not reading historical fiction or travel writing, she can be found running at the beach.

Lisa K Miller

Photography by Lisa K Lisa is the owner of Photography by Lisa K, a custom portrait studio located in Rancho Penasquitos, specializing in the highest quality portraiture.

As the mother of twins, Lisa shines at capturing moments in pregnancy and early life. She shares her talents with many local charities by volunteering her photographic services.

San Diego

Robert Tussey

Deborah D. Lazear

P HOTOGRAPHER

W R I T E R S

Rachel L. Karp Rob Weinberg

Rob is president of The MarketBuilding Team, has written two books on marketing, and authors a free marketing advice column called Ask Mr. Marketing.

You can subscribe to his free marketing newsletter at www.marketbuilding.com.

Joanna Pompilio Joanna is a freelance writer based in New York City. She writes for local regional women's publications across the US about fashion, beauty and women's health.

Jaime V. Habert

Jaime is a music enthusiast whose favorite genres include jazz vocals, and classical crossover. She has plans to pursue a degree in journalism and media. She is a freelance writer, who takes every opportunity to write about the subject she loves.

Jaime resides with her family in Rancho Bernardo, California.

Rachel is a freelance writer who has been published in various San Diego publications such as The San Diego Union-Tribune and The San Diego Family Magazine. Rachel has had numerous blogs and articles presented in on-line publications. Currently she is a student at Cuyamca College in Rancho San Diego majoring in English. In her spare time when she is not writing or going to school, Rachel enjoys hiking, camping, reading, and baking.

5 Now find us on:

sandiegowoman101.blogspot.com

Jennifer Johnson Doug Jensen

Doug is a certified Tai Chi and Qigong instructor living in the mountains north of Redding, California. He received his Bachelor’s degree from Northern Illinois University, majoring in Computer Science and Philosophy. He splits his time free-lance writing and teaching Tai Chi

Ms. Johnson has close to a decade of law enforcement experience, having served as a police officer in Sacramento and Carlsbad, California. Ms. Johnson is a certified self defense instructor and in addition to her self defense company, she works in non lethal weapons manufacturing for consumers and law enforcement. Ms. Johnson is very active in her community and was recently appointed as a Commissioner on the San Diego Commission on the Status of women

Ginny Priest Cynthia Burton

Cynthia is a freelance writer and entrepreneur. She is a wife, mother, grandmother and sister. She is a maverick in the building industry, noting many years ago, the lack of estrogen on job sites. She founded Create and Build, a full service remodeling coordination and construction company. Laughing makes us feel better; it is free and best when shared.

Issue 2, 2009

Ginny is the author of Facebook.com/SanDiegoWoman the phonics program Alphabetology: The Study of the Alphabet Through Exploration and Fun! She is a CA credentialed teacher who teaches parent education, math, myspace.com/sandiegowomanmagazine and computers classes.

Ginny enjoys geocaching, biking, and beach camping with her husband and three young children. twitter.com/SanDiegoWoman Learn more about Alphabetology at www. twitter.com/sdwomanconcerts abcbook.us.

Letters Editor to the

I loved your article on Kimberly Hunt and her family. I remember when Savannah was born. I can’t believe how grown up she is.

Judging from the article she sure has turned out special. Kimberly & Billy Ray, you did an amazing job!

Julie from Point Loma Your story about Anne Cleveland was inspiring. It makes me feel awfully lazy when I complain that I am tired after a trip to the mall. She is amazing.

Colleen from Leucadia

Way to go! For years older men have dated younger women. It is nice to see that it is our turn. I loved your article. Keep them coming.

Patricia from Del Mar How funny and inspirational to see men in high heels for such a great cause. It was nice to see our community leaders joining in to help spread the word.

Terri from Oceanside For years I dealt with a woman at work who bullied me. It took me three years to get up

the courage to tell her off and stand up for myself. Life actually got a lot better after I did. I am no longer at the same job, but I learned a valuable lesson and will never let anyone do that to me again. Thanks for talking about a tough subject in your magazine.

What a great publication.

Leonora from San Diego Your article “Does My Butt look Big” was so funny. I did feel bad for the “He” since women don’t make it easy by asking the tough questions. This is my favorite part of your magazine because we get to hear the male point of view along with the female side. It is the first article I read in each issue.

Lily from El Cajon A co-worker is getting married in two months so I couldn’t help but share with her your article about things to ask before getting married. Dr. Penny made some great points in her column. I am not engaged, but I am saving this article so I can be prepared when the time comes.

Susie from La Mesa

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Every issue I read the wine connoisseur column and learn something new. I thought I knew a lot about wine, but I have realized how much I have to learn. I love to see the expression on my husband’s face when I sip my favorite wine while giving him the latest fact that I just learned. He used to be the expert about wine in our house, but I can now keep up. Thanks Deborah.

Debbie from La Jolla I love San Diego Woman Magazine. It gives me a reason to take a break, grab a cup of tea and relax. Thanks for a great publication.

Mary from Pacific Beach I am always amazed at how much women can achieve if they put their minds to it. It is great to read about these women in your magazine.

Kathy from Rancho Bernardo

Issue 2, 2009

Woman of Distinction

Mary Searcy Bixby President, and CEO of The Charter School of San Diego,

Charter School Visionary Impacts San Diego’s Kids When you walk into the Altus Institute headquarters, housed in an impeccably tidy and polished corporate building, you may ask yourself, is this really a public school? Upon entering the lobby, your eye settles on a glass atrium filled to capacity with rows of books, then a large flat-screen television announcing school data, vision, and mission, and on a wall of honor a portrait of the Founder, President, and CEO of The Charter School of San Diego, Mary Searcy Bixby.

As the school’s leader, Bixby wears many hats—trailblazer, visionary, mentor, advocate. No matter which hat she is wearing, Bixby lives her motto “kids come first.” Teachers at her schools provide personal, individualized, high quality education to local students who need something different.

advocates, governors, bishops, legislators, CEOs, or the guy on the street, she is friendly, outgoing, and clear in no uncertain terms that she means business.

Bixby is passionate about cultivating the core values of commitment, leadership, and accountability amongst her faculty and staff.

At its heart CSSD is almost spiritual in its commitment to positively impacting students and their family’s lives. A recent parent of a CSSD graduate stated: “My child was challenged with medical problems that the traditional school system could not and would not try to understand. After meeting with CSSD teachers, we both felt that angels had finally entered our lives. My daughter’s teachers were the two most caring, considerate, compassionate, and helpful and loving individuals that my child and I have met in a very long time.”

San Diego

Woman

The Charter School of San Diego was established by Bixby in 1994. Its charter was granted in 1993 and became the first charter approved by the San Diego Unified School District.

Founded in response to the public’s interest in educational reform, CSSD offers a hybrid, independentstudy program that allows students who don’t fit the “one size fits all” traditional model of education an option for reaching their fullest potential.

By: Cara Krenn

This intervention program often captures at-risk students before they drop out. It gives them an opportunity not just to catch up, but to gain confidence, motivation, and direction in their lives. “We have a deep commitment to the academically neediest students. Whether they’ve missed skills in the early grades and need to catch-up or whether they’re a highly gifted student that lacks motivation, our program addresses their needs,” Bixby says.

Bixby is a high energy individual with a quick smile and enough charisma to fill a room. She is intuitive, thoughtful, and direct— always remaining centered on that which is positive and productive.

An angel or a minx, it’s hard to know, but it’s certain that she knows her stuff and that what some consider major constraints, Bixby calls “temporary inconveniences.”

Her life motto is “Daring to Make a Difference.” She knows no fear and whether she is speaking with students, parents, community

The Charter School of San Diego now serves approximately 2000 students in grades 7-12 in twenty locations throughout San Diego. In just the last fifteen years Bixby has influenced over 12,000 student lives in a very special way.

Under Bixby’s dynamic guidance, the school continues to expand. CSSD’s success has been replicated in other charter schools she has founded, including Audeo Charter School in San Diego and Mirus Secondary School in San Bernardino. Bixby’s team is looking into the feasibility of opening charter schools in Hawaii, Arizona, and additional areas of California.

The Charter School of San Diego is unusual in many regards, one being its commitment to using business principles to guide the school’s operation. Specifically, Bixby uses the Malcolm Baldrige criteria to inspire the management and values of the school. Malcolm Baldrige, Secretary of Commerce under President Reagan, was a proponent of quality management as a key to the country’s long-term prosperity and strength. Following Congress’ establishment of the Baldrige program in 1987, the award is widely recognized as the gold standard for quality and performance excellence.

Since applying these principles, CSSD has been a two-time recipient of the California Award for Performance Excellence (CAPE) prestigious Eureka Award, a state-level Baldrige recognition.

Issue 2, 2009

Woman of Distinction

Mary Searcy Bixby The school focuses on preparing its students for success in the real world.

Students are encouraged to explore career interests and to fully prepare to enter either college, the military, or the work force. Bixby takes pride in nurturing responsible citizens who possess a clear idea of what goals they hold for the future.

What’s the most rewarding aspect of Mrs. Bixby’s work? “Interfacing with wonderful people who care about kids.

Every day is guaranteed to be different—and that’s what’s exciting.”

The Charter School of San Diego continues to exceed expectations, often creating success stories where success was not believed possible. Bixby is a believer, and one of San Diego’s truly remarkable women leaders.

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For more information on the school and Bixby’s work, please visit

www.charterschool-sandiego.net.

Issue 2, 2009

Woman of Distinction

LYNELLE LYNCH

By Robert Tussey Photos By Lisa K Miller

CEO Bellus School of Beauty Poway

San Diego

Beauty schools are now colleges. And the cliché of gumand others, Bellus and her sister schools, Bay Vista College in popping bubble-haired Rizzo’s is long gone. I visited the Bellus National City and Je Boutique College in El Cajon, offer world School of Beauty on Poway Road and had the pleasure of class training and services. interviewing Lynelle Lynch, CEO, and having a guided tour of The focus here is not only on training and professionalism, she the facility. This is serious business. also educates on the business fundamentals side of cosmeVisits to the hairdresser are now appointments with our stylist. tology. “2005 was probably when some of the first textbooks We gossip, catch up, compare movie and music interests while were written for cosmetologists that specifically talked about our hair is tended to, gleefully unaware of the training and dedi- how to build your marketing skills. Industry experts will tell you cation it took to get to the back of my chair. What I found on that 85% of your success will be your business and marketing the day of my visit are dedicated, caring trainers and a focused skills.” Her classes show how important it is to market themcoterie of students striving for selves and create their own perfection in their craft. level of success. “We do The training facility at the job-interviewing, role-playacademy is laid out specifiing, we do resume writing cally for function: Cosmewith the students, and by the tology, Esthetics, Holistic time they get done they have Health, Spa Nail Technician, had a lot of expertise and and Make-up Artistry. The hopefully the students take front end of the academy is advantage of our ex-tern the salon and is sleek and program. That’s where one busy as the students and day for eight weeks they go trainers ply their trade. What work in a professional salon strikes you most upon enterso they get to see and feel ing is the energy and eagerwhat it looks like in the real ness, from the front desk/ world.” receptionist to the stylists.

Their Holistic Health PracLynelle was contagious in titioner course is over 1000 her vigor and enthusiasm. hours. “Becoming a top Lynelle graduated from Colprofessional takes literally orado State University with hundreds, if not thousands, a major in chemistry and miof hours. Yet the Bellus nor in fashion merchandisAcademy, with their ading. She has been the COO vanced training allows the of the Greater San Diego students to gain the required Chamber of Commerce and advanced training (and busiwas on the boards of twelve ness skills) to be successful charities and chaired or right after graduation. The coordinated many small and advanced training takes the large charity events. She is place of years of advanced a former Miss Colorado and education and experience. spent her first sixteen years The HHP Program is one after graduating with Saks thousand hours and can be Fifth Avenue. Her resume is completed in ten months.” filled with many prestigious The Holistic Health Practitioaccomplishments but she ner is the premier certificastates simply, “My passion is tion. in marketing and making a While the changes in the spa difference.” Her passion led them to win the School of the Year and salon industries have been remarkable in the last decade, award from Modern Salons First Chair. the demand for qualified technicians has never been greater.

The school is a multi-faceted amalgam of training and certificaHowever, those demands are broader and require more of the tion in all elements of the cosmetology arena. The students argraduate. To market yourself today the industry demands that rive en masse and work long hours learning and applying their technicians must have multiple licenses or advanced traintrade. The goal here is to graduate world class technicians and ing. To market oneself successfully the student of today needs grow the business: San Diego ranked third (in a recent surexpanded skillsets and business acumen. vey) for number of spas in a city. In the company of La Costa Issue 2, 2009

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Woman of Distinction

LYNELLE LYNCH Lynelle states: “…We want to help people be well, live longer, look better and feel happy.” By design, this is the school and salon of the future. “Our future is going to be the constant evolution of beauty and spa education.”

Lynelle has partnered with Diego Raviglione, her Creative Artistic Director (for all three schools), to further focus on keeping an aggressive frame to the school while continuing their quest to be the cutting edge of spa and beauty salons. She states: “I’ve surrounded myself with internationally acclaimed spa and beauty experts like Diego, who’s on our staff. For nine years he was an international trainer with Graham Webb.”

But this is more than a school of beauty where students and trainers work tirelessly to perfect their craft; it is also a place

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where part of their training involves recognition and education in domestic violence against women. Lynelle has become passionate about a program named ‘Cut It Out.’ This is a program that teaches salon professionals to recognize signs of domestic abuse and safely refer those clients to people and resources that can help them. Lynelle has worked with the U.S. Department of Justice, the U.S. Attorney’s office and the Office on Violence Against Women, launching a comprehensive program which includes enhanced student training, public awareness and education efforts, fundraising, victim support and public service announcements. The following is one of thousands of websites that can help and guide women in abusive relationships get the guidance they need to escape the cycle: http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence/types/domestic.cfm Violence against women is epidemic in this country and around the world.

What is Domestic and Intimate Partner Violence?

Domestic violence and abuse, also called intimate partner violence, is when one person purposely causes either physical or mental harm to another, including:

• physical abuse • psychological or emotional abuse • sexual assault • isolation • controlling all of the victim's money, shelter, time, food, etc.

Often, the violent person is a husband, former husband, boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, but sometimes the abuser is female.

Domestic violence and abuse are common and must be taken very seriously.

One in four women report that they have been physically assaulted or raped by an intimate partner. These crimes occur in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. Physical and emotional trauma can lead to increased stress, depression, lowered self-esteem, and post-traumatic stress disorder (an emotional state of discomfort and stress connected to the memories of a disturbing event).

As the interview wound down I asked Lynelle if she had any words of encouragement for women already in business or thinking about starting their own business.

“The strength is in building your confidence… for women to, number one, find their passion. And then believe in themselves and have the confidence and network and gain a support group of mentors. I didn’t just drop into this business and figure it out all by myself. I have surrounded myself with the leaders in the industry whether it’s internationally, nationally, professionally or on the school side.

When you are passionate about what you do and you care about making a difference, others will help you.”

The academy salon is open to the public and offers a vast array of services. Their website is http://www.sandiegobeautyacademy.com/ourschools_PA.html

Business Helping People Cullys Restaurant is in the same center as the academy.

Owner Mark Vattimo and his wife, Christine, offer a menu specifically for the students with special pricing on selected items. “Most of these students are struggling to make ends meet. This gives them a little help along the way.” Thanks to Christine and Mark. This is business helping people.

Issue 2, 2009

Does Marketing Really Help A Business Grow?

By Rob Weinberg

Once there was a couple struggling to make a living with their hot dog stand by the side of the road. Trucks and cars would whiz by without even a glance despite the fact that their hot dogs were fresh and tasty and their coffee was the best in the entire area. It was very difficult to support themselves and their young son.

One day the wife got a bright idea. "Why not market ourselves? We can put up a big sign and also put our message on billboards. We can even spend some money on the local radio stations extolling the virtues of our great food."

Before they knew it, trucks and cars were stopping by and business was booming. They enlarged the stand and hired many people to accommodate the traffic. They stayed open seven days a week, 24 hours a day and made more money than they ever thought possible. It was the American Dream come true.

Business stayed good and the single stand became a chain.

The young son grew up, went to college, studied hard and earned an economics degree. His delighted parents took him into the business with a fancy title and office to match.

The son studied the general business conditions and surveys of the future by the most reputable people in the nation. His

Issue 2, 2009

conclusion: “We’re heading for a recession, and possibly a depression.”

He discussed this with his parents and convinced them that his training would now pay off. “Let’s stop advertising and save the money. When the economy improves we’ll be in good shape again.”

The signs came down, radio commercials stopped and trucks and cars whizzed by as they did before the company started promoting.

Business worsened, with the chain dwindling to one stand.

Finally, bankrupt, the last stand was also shut down.

The father sat with his wife one hour before closing the doors for the last time and thought: "My son was right on target; we are in a depression."

Moral: YOU CAN’T SELL IT IF YOU DON’T TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT. It’s been proven again and again that those who market when business conditions are slow are way ahead when it gets better.

To my mind this story makes a very legitimate point: Tell your story well, or risk having your business fall apart. Whether you get sales leads with a web site, direct mail, promotion, print, publicity or networking, you must quickly and effectively impart the value your business provides or you’re dead in the water.

Remember: If you don’t bring in leads and close the sale, there’s no need to buy coffee cups or empty the trash. Every annoying aspect of your business will disappear if the company doesn’t grow. And the only way it can grow is with some form of marketing.

So here we are in another recession. Some business owners are marketing their wares, positioning themselves to steal market share from competitors. Those who aren’t should consider brushing off their resumes.

--------------------

San Diego

Tough times call for tough choices. Less customer service or more debt? More retail outlets or greater web presence? And the ultimate question – should I market my business at all?

Arguments in favor of marketing include controlling the message, increasing visibility and bigger profits. Arguments against include lack of time and controlling the budget.

Yet consistent marketing should be a no-brainer. Examine any business growing in this economic environment and you’ll discover a solidly built, ongoing communications effort.

Companies that beat the drum get attention - especially when the competition is keeping quiet. Those who draw attention to themselves are more likely to get a sale in slow times and to retain greater mindshare when things pick up.

Still, marketing dollars make a tempting target. One area firm recently slashed its marketing budget by 65% because management preferred applying these critical communications dollars to the bottom line. Funds already budgeted were seen as unnecessary expenses rather than investments to attract more customers.

To nobody’s surprise, cutting the lifeblood needed to expand the company is guaranteed to have the opposite result. This simple story from my youth makes the argument more eloquently than I ever could.

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Rob Weinberg is president of the MarketBuilding Team, has written two books on marketing, and authors a free marketing advice column called Ask Mr. Marketing. You can subscribe to his free marketing newsletter at www.marketbuilding.com.

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Dr Pamela Peeke Redefining Fitness

She has two New York Times Bestsellers, “Fight Fat after Forty” and “Body for Life for Women,” is the Chief Medial Correspondent for the Discovery Health Channel, the host of the reality TV show “Could you Survive?” Radio Show

By Judith A. Habert

many of us, author included, often forget and the message is that we need to stop and smell the roses and take care of ourselves. As women and caregivers we often neglect to take our needs and concerns into consideration, or at best, we take a backseat to all of those around us. Dr. Peeke is helping women across the country stand up and take notice of their own needs and realize that if they are not healthy they cannot provide the care to those around them.

Dr. Peeke was born and raised in San Francisco, California, and spent summers at her family home in Santa Cruz. She attended Lowell High School, a leading “geek” academy as proclaimed by Dr. Peeke. Lowell is similar to The Bronx School of Science in New York which is a well known breeding ground of the nations intellectually gifted. Although, obviously educationally elite, Dr. Peeke only decided to go into the medical field when she was approached by a member of the yearbook committee who needed to know what he should put under her picture. He told her she had to be “pre” something, so what would she like the caption to read? She had no idea. He looked at her and posed the question as to what it was she liked. She responded that she liked people, math, and science. He said “It sounds like a doctor to me.”

So she acquiesced and her yearbook picture was captioned Pre-med. After high school she attended Berkley and decided that since she had committed to pre-med in her yearbook she should follow through and find out if it was truly the career for which she was destined. “I play the authentic game.” Dr. Peeke said, “I always have to be authentic in what I decide to do, so I figured what better way than to volunteer at local clinics and hospitals. Dr. Peeke volunteered at the Berkley Free clinic, the Haight-Ashbury Free clinic and Highland Hospital in Oakland where the Black Panthers hung out (while there she took care of Angela Davis). She realized that this was meant to be. “I said to myself, self, if you like this stuff and don’t mind giving gonorrhea shots to wayward teenagers who didn’t get the memo, I could do all aspects of medicine. I loved it.” Dr. Peeke loved the research field but realized that she loved being around people even more, so she decided that she couldn’t spend all of her time in the lab.

Dr. Peeke suggests the same process to all of her students: If you want to be a doctor the best way to see what it truly is all about is to hang out with doctors. If you want to be a lawyer go hang out with lawyers. You can’t just sit at home on the couch and watch Grey’s Anatomy and Law and Order.

As Dr. Peeke laughingly notes, those shows are not true representations of the profession, “They have more sex on those shows then I have had in my lifetime. The reality is that when I was an intern I found little time to even change out of nasty dirty scrubs after having them on for 36 hours. I can’t imagine saying let’s have sex in the laundry closet. “

Host and National spokesperson for the American College of Sport’s Medicine’s new Exercise is Medicine™ campaign, but you will never meet anyone more down to earth and friendly. I was lucky enough to have the pleasure of hearing Dr. Pamela Peeke speak at Sharp’s ‘Speaking of Women’s Health’ event last year. I can honestly say she moved me.

Not only with her upbeat personality, but with the message she was conveying to San Diego Women. A message that Issue 2, 2009

Dr Pamela Peeke Redefining Fitness

Issue 2, 2009

does it feel?’ I looked at them and said I am going to give you the one thing that you never get in life, a second chance.

Then for four weeks I have the trainers from hell show up and during this time we found all types of problems, many of which the contestants had no idea. We found one with diabetes and another with extremely high cholesterol. After four weeks they came back and were put back in the same burning building scenario and this time they survived.” This truly shows that even a small change over a short period of

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What is it that Dr. Peeke loves most about her field? “Teaching, I love to teach.” You can tell how much she loves it when she stands in front of a crowd and has them on their feet chanting her many mantras. Dr. Peeke has so much to teach. Her groundbreaking concepts fill the pages of her books the pages of her books and teach women across the country how to be fit. Her book “Fit to Live” is a redefinition of what it takes to be fit enough mentally, physically, and spiritually, to literally survive 21st century global living. In her book Dr. Peeke has redefined fitness as integrative fitness. “It’s not about bulging biceps… but about bulging brains, biceps, and spirit.”

Dr. Peeke not only wants women to put their bodies through physical workouts, she also wants women to put their spirit through some pushups too. “We can’t treat ourselves like science faire projects anymore. We can’t have scrambled minds with bulging biceps; it has to be a package deal.”

One of Dr. Peeke’s latest endeavors is her reality show “Could You Survive?” The concept is an amazing one and is a true reality show. It takes normal everyday people and puts them through real life threatening scenarios. One episode involved a group of people placed in a burning building. They were faced with all sorts of challenges. Dr. Peeke was waiting on the roof near the helipad. “The participants had to climb up 25 floors to find their way to freedom. In the midst of it they had additional challenges thrown in their path.

Perhaps your mom was with you and suddenly succumbed to the smoke, so you had to drag her up the stairs along with you.” Many of those in the group appeared healthy and fit to the outside world, they are sometimes referred to as “skinny fat people;” they appear skinny, but have more fat and less muscle. The amazing result was that not one of them survived the challenge. “I waited at the top and not a single one of them survived and so I said ‘You’re Dead, how

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time can make the difference between life and death.

“Our show is a true reality series using real live people and putting them in extreme situations. It is a combination of survivor and extreme makeover. What we are doing is redefining fitness and showing what is truly necessary is mental, physical and spiritual fitness. Are you fit enough to run to the airport gate and make the plane, because the ramifications of not doing so mean you just missed the opportunity of an interview for your ideal job? It is a call to arms and legs. It’s all about adapting and adjusting to life’s ever changing environment I am teaching people mental, spiritual, and physical flexibility.”

Dr. Peeke admits that teaching women to change how they think is often the hardest job that she must tackle.

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“I often ask women what gives them joy. Ironically, they can answer the questions for their kids, their husbands and even their dog, but most women don’t even think about their own joy. I get a blank stare sometimes when I ask that question. That is the first thing that scares me. The second thing that scares me is when I ask about the joy issue and it involves pulling away or making some substantial difference in their lives. Many women are too afraid; they are just filled with fear. Sometimes it involves a divorce or a job change, often concepts which terrify them. It requires they do something which I call ‘taking yourself on’.” Dr. Peeke finds it necessary to ask that one central question: “What is the worst thing that can happen? There is a one liner that I use all the time. I ask women to consider one thing; before you do whatever you are going to do consider if what you are choosing to do is going to help you achieve your dream? If the answer is yes, do it appropriately. So for instance if it is taking a walk, then do it appropriately, don’t walk 28 miles. If the answer is no and it doesn’t contribute to that dream, then you have two choices. You either run like hell or you do it, but you own it. For instance, having half of a Crème Brûlée may not help you achieve your goal of getting into those jeans, however, you worked out like hell that day and you will work out hard tomorrow, so nobody died and you most likely didn’t lose or gain weight.

There is nothing horrible about being temporarily self destructive… but own it, crawl under the covers and eat the Ben and Jerry’s, the key is not to continue doing it day in and day out.”

Dr. Peeke admits, “The Biggest challenge with teaching women about health and fitness is to keep it simple. Women are overloaded. Don’t approach the change in a big way. If you have to drop 30 pounds, don’t think of it like that. Start your journey by getting up and taking a walk. Go into your kitchen and clean out the cabinets.

Get rid of clutter. If you can’t find your sneakers, you know you are not going to take a walk. Keep it simple, doable, credible, and break it up into small little bites and be patient with each of those.”

One of the first steps that Dr. Peeke suggests is to write down your strategy. “Write down what you want to do. Look at your calendar and schedule time for what you want and need to do. Put a physical activity appointment into your calendar, as well as an appointment to chill. By doing this you can honestly say sorry, I have a previous engagement when someone tries to sabotage your good intentions. They don’t have to know that the engagement is to chill.”

Dr. Peeke also suggests that you don’t have to write down every calorie you eat. “Let’s face it; most of us know the high calorie or high ticket items. It is similar to what happens when you go to Saks, Neimans, or Nordstroms: You know what the high ticket items are. You don’t have to know that the sweater you like is exactly $340 dollars but you know it is pricey. It is the same when it comes to calories….you know what the high calorie items are. Go to that awareness place and stop counting every single calorie.”

Of course one of the key questions I had to ask Dr. Peeke was about exercise. How much exercise should women over forty be getting on a weekly basis? In her book “Body for Life for Women” she wrote about Vitamin “I” which is intensity. Not enough women have vitamin I. “What that means is you shouldn’t look like night of the living dead when you are on the treadmill. If you don’t have disabilities and are capable of exercise but you’re only going 2.3 miles an hour, why bother? Come on, a corpse moves faster than that!

You might as well be sitting on the couch for the amount of workout you are getting. The key is to add intensity in intervals.

Issue 2, 2009

If you do intense interval training for 30 minutes, it’s much better than if you did steady slow paced exercise for the same time period.” As for frequency, Dr. Peek suggests that the best of all worlds is to stay active every day of the week. “Your activities of daily living should be amped up. If you are in a sedentary job use that five minute per hour rule: Which means I don’t care what you do, but for five minutes get up and move…take a walk, go to bathroom, see a friend, or just walk around the building. Do the math, if you did that for 5 minutes during an 8 hour workday you now did 40 minutes of physical activity.”

One of the biggest health concerns for all women is handling stress. As Dr. Peeke states, “ Women have an undercurrent of stress almost all the time. You need to do whatever works to bring you comfort.” In her book “Fight Fat after Forty”, she helps women understand why women overeat under stress, coining the phrase “stressed spelled backwards is desserts”. I couldn’t help but ask how we can de-stress our lives? “You are not distressing your life, you are managing stress. There is a big difference. That goes back to those two wonderful “A” words; adapt and adjust. What I love for women to learn to do is become masters at adapting and adjusting to life’s ever changing environment.” What Dr. Peeke reminds us is that there is no way to live a totally stress free day.

Stress, as it were, is an integral and essential part of life. It keeps us on our toes, it allows us to hone and refine our skills of living. Without some level of stress we do not know how to maintain mental flexibility. Like a great athlete playing tennis…back and forth back and forth, because you never know where that ball will be hit.

When you do that you actually lower the levels of stress because your comfort comes in knowing you can handle stress if it comes your way.“ But what happens when the stress takes over? There are some obvious warning signs that there is too much stress in your life, “Sleep disappears or it becomes grossly abnormal, either too short or too long, which is often a sign of depression. Another sign is an apparent change in appetite with gains or losses of weight, changes in attitude including increased irritability, or emotional levels so tenuous that you break out in tears in a heartbeat. Then of course there are the physical signs of stress such as high blood pressure and rapid pulse rate and the appearance of the “itis” diseases, arthritis, colitis, dermatitis. Chronic elevation of stress hormones is a pro inflammatory state, so you end up exacerbating things that were just percolating along. Often these are genetic tendencies; headaches, diarrhea. symptoms will often show up in whatever part of your body that normally takes the stress. In the long term stress even suppresses immune function so more infections can occur.”

What women have to keep in mind is that “The best caregiver is a healthy caregiver.” They don’t have to be number one. But there has to be a balance. The balance doesn’t have to be 50/50, sometimes 70/30 will work out just fine.

With all that Dr. Peeke has going on I wonder how she manages it all. She does so by taking her own advice. “I am really good at multitasking,” she laughs, “And I have learned to take some time to chill” Well, hopefully our readers will do the same. I know as soon as this issue goes to press I plan to practice my “chilling” skills thanks to those wise words from Dr. Peeke.

Stress: It's Not Just In Your Mind By: Doug Jensen

How stress affects the body Our bodies are beautifully equipped to automatically react to emergency situations. Once a threat is recognized, the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) immediately prepares the body for increased physical activity. Some of the changes in the body include a quickened heart rate and increased blood pressure.

This preparation for physical action is called the fight or flight response, and the ANS invokes this response in the presence of stress. Its intent is to rally our physical strength so that we can fight off an adversary or flee quickly.

Historically this response served man well; when hunting and protection from wild animals was a central concern. Although today's threats are more psychological than physical, we still react to stress in the same way.

A delicate balance The ANS has a second and equally important role: to calm the body so that it can rest, heal, and perform sedentary activities like digesting food. This is called the rest and digest response. The rest and digest response works in opposition to the fight or flight response, which stimulates the body for action. That is why it isn’t a good idea to eat a big meal and then immediately begin a strenuous workout. Our bodies are simply not equipped to invoke two opposing responses at the same time.

So it is essential that we make time to balance this with sedentary periods for rest and recovery. When stressful situations are prolonged to the point where the rest and digest response is inhibited, the following symptoms often appear: • insomnia • indigestion • inability to relax • irritability • reduced mental functioning (listening, remembering, and thinking clearly).

While these symptoms are usually not treated, they should be taken as warning signs of potentially more severe problems. If the stress that brought about those symptoms becomes chronic, it can lead to: • high blood pressure • headaches • dependencies on alcohol, cigarettes or drugs • heart disease • neurosis (e.g., depression, anxiety, phobias) • compromised immune system • premature aging.

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According to most estimates, between 60 and 90% of all illnesses are stress related. Stress robs us of our energy and reduces the quality of our lives. The benefits of stress management are obvious, but dealing effectively with stress takes more than just a shift in our attitudes. It involves understanding how stress affects the body and finding ways to naturally reverse its effects.

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Each of us reacts differently to stress, but in general, when we push ourselves too hard for too long, there can be serious consequences.

Life-style routines that reduce stress Our body's ANS can quickly and efficiently invoke either the fight or flight response or the rest and digest response without any conscious direction on our part. However, since these responses are automatic, we can't simply tell our bodies how we want them to respond. When stress is encountered, chemicals are released into the body – such as adrenaline - which inhibits our ability to relax.

Fortunately, we can reduce the negative effects of stress by maintaining a healthy life-style and approaching our hectic lives in a constructive way. A strong body is less likely to succumb to stress-related illnesses. Further, when we find ways to approach life constructively, our stress levels natuWe live in a time where stress is a normal part of our lives. rally remain lower.

Issue 2, 2009

Here are some routines that can help balance a stressful life:

1. Exercise regularly. Create a well-rounded program that includes strength, flexibility and cardiovascular training. Consult your physician.

2. Eat nutritious meals. Avoid junk foods. Maintain a balanced diet with ample fresh fruits and vegetables (choose organic when possible).

3. Make time for relaxation. Build time for fun and restful activities into your schedule. This isn't merely a reward for working hard, it's a way to allow your body to recover and revitalize.

4. Learn how to calm your mind and body. Discover which habits and practices help you calm down. Mind/body practices such as yoga, meditation or Tai Chi are often effective.

Some people find regular massages or soaking in a hot tub relaxing, too.

5. Get organized. Plan ahead so that you avoid stressful situations. If you find yourself continuously worrying about things you need to do, keep a notepad or voice recorder handy so you can record them as you think of them.

6. Keep a positive attitude. Approach challenges as opportunities to learn. Don't dwell on things that bother you.

Instead, make it a regular practice to find things to appreciate in your life.

7. Develop a support network. Find friends, family members, clergy, or professional counselors that you can turn to.

Dealing with stressful situations Even though life-style changes can help keep our stress lev-

16 els down, all of us are likely to experience stressful situations at one time or another. Here are some strategies for dealing constructively with stressful events as they arise:

1. Take a few calming breaths. Breathe a little slower and deeper than normal. When you breathe in, visualize your breath going all the way down into your stomach, and on the exhale relax as completely as you can.

2. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this situation?” Focus first on what you can do to make the most of the current situation, and then what you can do to avoid this situation in the future.

3. Share your thoughts and feelings. Within our society is a common, but misguided, belief that succumbing to stress is a sign of weakness. This can make us reluctant to admit to others that we are struggling. But talking with a supportive friend or mentor is one of the most effective ways of reducing stress.

4. Turn stress into motivation. In some cases you can turn your frustrations into motivation for bringing about constructive change. This might mean resolving to do something, or it could mean standing up for yourself and “speaking your truth”. However, make sure you are acting out of resolve to improve the situation and not simply venting your anger.

5. Refocus your mind. When you find you are constantly thinking about a stressful situation, refocus your mind on something else. You might turn to a hobby or game, or listen to music that you enjoy.

Because stress has become an integral part of our lives, it is important to find ways to allow our bodies to rest and recover. A comprehensive approach includes doing what we can to live a low stress life-style, and dealing effectively with stressful situations as they arise. Stress reduction strategies are not a substitute for medical care. If you have physical or emotional symptoms, you should consult your healthcare provider. But we all can take steps to reduce our stress levels. This improves the quality of our lives as well as our health and vitality.

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Issue 2, 2009

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Issue 2, 2009

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Feathering A New Nest

Decorating a new abode post-divorce is a recipe for self-discovery

By Joanna Pompilio To say that life post-divorce is full of complexities is an understatement. Decorating a new abode shouldn’t be one of them. What is commonly referred to as “divorce design” can be liberating and ultimately, a healing process. Think of this as a fresh start to create a personal sanctuary.

Make a game plan It is tempting to give an entire house or apartment a makeover.

Instead of dealing with the entire home, plan from room to room to keep your sanity and budget intact. When first looking at an area, try to visualize how it should look when it is completed. Consider what the space is used for and how much foot traffic it regularly sees. For a new place to fit with any lifestyle, all these things must be considered to ensure maximum usability for every room.

Are there any collections that could be displayed prominently? Is there a favorite fabric, painting, or piece of furniture? Oftentimes, small but precious items serve as a catalyst for the rest of the home’s design. An entire theme can be built around those little somethings that are so special, utilizing similar colors, themes and styles.

Work with what you have Start with the pieces of furniture and the accessories that remain from the previous home. Just one piece can be the starting block to create a new color scheme or particular look and is often easier than starting completely from scratch.

Try using existing furniture in a new way to give it a fresh look. A small sideboard makes an ideal large bedside table or hall piece. A bench from the end of a bed could be the perfect coffee table. This is the time to reinvision the function of your favorite pieces.

Decorate the room that is the heart of the house first. Whether most of the action happens in the living room, kitchen or a bedroom – the furnishings in the room most lived in become the building blocks for decorating the rest of the home. Focus on how every day is spent in that beloved space.

Maximize Space For some, moving into a smaller space means facing new decorating challenges.

When choosing furniture, keep the scale small to prevent overpowering the room.

An empty room with no focus can be overwhelming unless there is a strong sense of style and direction. This is a time when browsing through books by a favorite architect, picking up magazines on interior design, and perusing those favorite stores will come in handy.

Start by keeping a picture file of all unique pieces discovered by happenstance.

Hit the high-end furniture stores for ideas and motivation. Don’t feel pressured to buy at this stage, although one exquisite piece of furniture is often all that is needed to turn a room around. If the budget is tight, check out flea markets, antique stores and garage sales.

Take a camera along and be sure to write down store names, prices and dimensions (all of which usually happen to be on price tags, so snap away!).

Issue 2, 2009

Remember, small spaces should be bright, and clutterfree. Folks in small spaces often try to get the room they want by moving furniture to the edges, but this kills warmth. Furniture should float in the room, so gradually move it from the walls. Start by moving it at least a foot away, then take a step back and examine if it needs to be moved another few inches or feet depending on the look desired.

Light gives life to rooms, when windows are obscured by plants and furniture it darkens the entire mood of the area. When the curtain rods extend beyond the window frames, the curtains allow in more light and draw the eye outward. Windows are the eyes of the room, and when they are covered your place will seem smaller.

Storage! Storage! Storage!

It seems that during a time of change, there is a reluctance to throw things out – use storage until final decisions are made about what stays and what goes.

Keep the accessories of daily life handy by creating storage for items in the rooms where they will be used. Be resourceful and use furniture with storage compartments, displayable boxes or trunks to hold the odds and ends that do not need to be displayed. Camouflaging the storage aspect and playing up the fun, innovative accessory side that the storage container has taken on gives character to a room.

when adding an aqua throw, pale blue pillows and baby blue lamp shades or drapes.

Reupholstering also breathes new life into chairs and sofas, while adding the pops of color or balancing out the shades that are already present in the room. When selecting fabrics, choose wisely and think about where the fabric is being placed. Will it fade because of sunlight? Is it kid and dog friendly?

When the home makeover is complete, throw a housewarming party. Invite close friends and family over to check out the new digs and see all the hard work you put into feathering the new nest.

Incorporate Color

At a time when soothing and calming colors can help, there is nothing like painting a wall quickly and easily to boost spirits.

Blues are wonderful to create calm, greens can be energizing, but again, shade and hue can matter. Pale colors can be used as neutrals – pale greens, lavenders and blues are all non-jarring tones that help ease into color rather than jumping feet first.

Don’t have time to paint? Use color in the accessories of a room, like pillows, artwork, throws and small vases to ease into a color before committing to painting.

Think of how chic a neutral colored room becomes with injections of the color blue

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Issue 2, 2009

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Color has the potential to evoke mood and add accents throughout the house or a particular room. Whether infusing a shot of bright color on an accent wall to act as a focal point or coloring the room in a particular hue; colors can add dimension and flair to sparse surroundings.

The perceived proportion of a room can be altered with paint since lighter colors make spaces seem larger and darker colors give a cozier effect.

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Endometriosis: Act Early

By Jamie Lober

As a woman, building an honest relationship with your gynecologist can be good for your health - even lifesaving. If you experience extreme discomfort at the onset of your period, or any time during your cycle, you should talk about it during your visit. It may just be a painful period, but it can also be endometriosis. “Endometriosis is a benign condition. It is an inflammation but is not caused by infection. It could be mild, moderate or severe depending upon which part of the reproductive organ is affected,” explains Dr. Joshua Cohen.

Symptoms of endometriosis in a menstruating woman may include cramping, bloating, fatigue, nausea, abdominal, lower back or vaginal pain or pain during intercourse. This discomfort can occur at any time during the cycle. It is important to be proactive because endometriosis can worsen

over time. In other cases, endometriosis is asymptomatic: Ironically, the symptoms do not always equate to the degree of the disease. “People with the worst endometriosis can have the fewest symptoms,” informs Dr. Rovena Reagan of Women’s Health Care. Do not jump to conclusions without consulting with your gynecologist.

If you think you may have endometriosis, you are not alone.

“There appear to be about eight million with endometriosis in the United States and many of them go for up to ten years before they get an accurate diagnosis,” tells Dr. Christopher O’Brien, chief medical officer of Neurocrine Biosciences.

Other times, women may have trouble becoming pregnant and then be diagnosed with endometriosis by a fertility specialist.

The etiology (or cause) is controversial. It can be explained by retrograde menstruation; menstrual flow entering the fallopian tubes, abdominal cavity or pelvic area.

However, there are other theories. “When the woman is at the early fetal age and the pelvic structure started to be designed by nature, some of the endometrial glands get abnormally implanted outside of the uterine lining and fall anywhere outside of the uterus, around the ovaries or pelvic side walls or even further distance especially the bowel, bladder or diaphragm,” Cohen informs. Others believe it is genetic. “It is slightly more common running in families,” says O’Brien. There are several options for relief.

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Treatment is individualized. “Women should tailor it based on symptoms. If you are doing fine taking Motrin or Aleve, then you are probably fine. When it gets to the point that it is interfering with daily function or ability to have sex, it should be treated,” Reagan advises. Birth control pills are usually the next step. “There are other more powerful drugs which completely shut down your system and put you into menopause, have more side effects and are more costly,” Reagan says. Lupron is one example. “There are vaginal rings to treat endometriosis and an old treatment that is coming back into favor is the drug Danazol,” Reagan adds. You are sure to find an option that will help manage your symptoms.

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The only way to formally diagnose endometriosis is surgery.

“In more severe cases that do not respond to hormones, you should undergo a procedure called laparoscopy. It is a minor procedure that lasts between thirty and sixty minutes that can make a diagnosis of the degree of endometriosis and treat it at the same time,” Cohen says. Surgery should be a last resort: As long as you are of childbearing age, endometriosis can reoccur.

The possibility of new diagnostic tools also gives women hope. “Many people are trying to find a test (like a blood or urine test, or a scan that can help with earlier diagnosis so women do not have to suffer so long,” O’Brien adds. It is very important to act early when you feel you may have endometriosis. “There is no way of preventing it,” Reagan says. Heightening awareness is the key. You can make a difference even if you just share this article with one friend.

It is your job to take control of your gynecological health.

Jamie Lober is dedicated to providing information on women’s health topics.

Her special interests include disease prevention, preventative care, high risk pregnancy and infertility. Lober aspires to open to her own ob/gyn practice.

She can be reached at jamie@getpinkpower.com

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There is a new prospective drug in phase two of development called Elagolix. “It is posted on clinicaltrials.gov and there is increasing attention being paid to this program because it is one of the most advanced of the new therapies for endometriosis,” tells O’Brien. It is easy. “It is a once a day oral medication and appears to be very well-tolerated and generally quite safe.”. There are so many research studies going on for endometriosis. “There are some anti-progester-

one drugs that have fewer side effects that are in the development stage,” Reagan shares. Undoubtedly, progress is being made in women’s health.

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Issue 2, 2009

A guide for family, friends and loved ones in preparing for the effects of the growing elder population …a Public Service from “Those Who Care” Provided by Visiting Angels America’s Choice in Homecare!™ Long distance protection…well worth the effort…

Question: My mom is 82 years old, in great shape mentally and physically, but lives alone. My challenge is that I’m in another city… hours away…what can I do to help her feel less vulnerable and relieve some of the guilt I’m feeling?

Answer: Tough economic times do not exclude our elderly, who often live alone on fixed budgets. We may not be able to positively affect their budget matters, but we certainly can help our elderly better protect their valuables at home.

Crimes against our elderly are clearly on the rise. The elderly are vulnerable. They tend to be trusting and often physically weaker than their attackers. To combat this troubling trend, we need to focus our attention on how we can help protect our elderly. One area where small changes can make a big impact is improving security around the home. In fact, all of us need to be reminded from time to time about certain, basic procedures that can quickly and easily protect our homes from thefts. For example:

22 • Try and make your routine for being in the home and away less

predictable. Vary the times and duration that inside and outside lights are placed on and off. Use timers or manually complete this task. The unpredictability of this simple idea will make your home a riskier target to criminals. They are looking for easy victims.

• Check all doors and windows to be sure they are locked on a daily basis. Far too many robberies happen because car doors or windows and doors in our home were left unlocked. Don't make it easy for criminals to get into your car or home.

• If you are away, have newspapers and mail picked up by neighbors.

• Consider a security system for the home. Use deadbolts, not just door knob locks. Install "peep holes" in the main doors of the house, so you can see who is at the door.

• Look into a personal emergency response system – a push-button emergency help that typically gives you trained response teams ready to assist 24/7 In addition to the above, the following specific actions will help to protect you and those you love: • Place all valuable papers (insurance documents, wills, trusts, bank books, etc.) in a locked file cabinet or in a safe deposit box at the care recipient's bank.

• Check telephone bills for unauthorized calls (i.e., 900 numbers, collect calls, etc.).

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• Place checkbooks and bank statements in a file cabinet or drawer that locks.

• Never leave opened mail out where it may be read by anyone walking in the house (especially bank statements and credit card statements).

• Have someone in your family review credit card statements monthly for any unauthorized purchases. If there is no one in the family to perform this, ask an attorney or bank professional to help perform this review.

• Have a credit report done at least quarterly.

• Make an inventory of valuables in the home. Take photos of the items, and, if possible, permanently affix identifying numbers to those items (either through engraving or permanent marking).

Place this inventory information in the safe deposit box.

• If you have a personal caregiver with your mother, father or relative, keep all communication between your caregiver, the care recipient, and family open and flowing.

It may not be possible to prevent all crime against our elderly population. It is certainly possible, though, to eliminate much of it through simple, logical steps, as outlined above. It takes coordination among all the parties involved, but reducing crime against the elderly in our care is well worth the effort.

Can you hear us now?

Question: I’m a 58 year old male, and maybe I'm unique when it comes to my hearing, but I doubt it. There was a time when I could easily listen to the television/radio, focus on what I was reading, and still clearly hear the numerous conversations going on around me.

Well, that time has come and gone. Now, I find myself only able to focus on one or maybe two "happenings." It doesn't seem to be a problem, as I get more enjoyment from the singular nature of my attention limitations. However, is it a sign of things to come?

Answer: Hearing loss simply sneaks up on you. A small loss, nearly imperceptible at first, becomes a major impediment if left untreated. This is exactly what happens as we age. We often leave the symptoms of hearing loss untreated. Instead, as we age, we begin to compensate for the loss or avoid the situations that seem the most frustrating. For example, if your hearing loss is apparent when you are in a group of people, you tend to avoid parties or gatherings of your friends or colleagues. This can lead to social isolation, irritability, and possibly depression.

Below are listed several facts about hearing loss in our aging population: - Hearing impairment diminishes the quality of life for older individuals.

- Uncorrected hearing loss can lead to social isolation, cognitive decline, and decreased mobility.

- Early detection and treatment can prevent or at least postpone some serious impairment.

- Elderly men are more likely than women to be hearing impaired.

- One quarter of the population over the age of 65 in most industrialized nations, and perhaps more in the rest of the world, suffer from hearing loss.

- Over age 75 years, half of us suffer from hearing loss.

- Over age 85, four out of five of us have trouble hearing.

Now, if we can get families and physicians to up their commitment to prevention and treatment of hearing loss, maybe we can all get along a bit better without having to shout at each other. This may not be as distant a goal as it seems. The baby-boomers are aging and taking the place of our parents as the next aging population. It is well known that the baby-boomers are an active generation who are not going to sit around and let themselves age, at least not without a fight.

So, we may see more and more "boomers" buying into the idea of using hearing aids to maintain their level of normal activity for as long as possible. This, coupled with technology that continues to improve the size and effectiveness of hearing aids, may just be the trick that gets the impact of hearing loss to reverse itself. We may not be able to stop the hearing loss itself, but we do have a chance to negate the effects of hearing loss through technology, personal involvement, and acceptance.

Do what you can to have an elder in your life screened for hearing loss - it could change everyone's world.

Think of going to a rock concert (many of us did that over the years). Can you remember the numbing effect the loud music had on your hearing, even a day or so after the concert? Consider that concert playing in your ears every day, yet this time it is with overwhelmingly approved instruments: iPods, cell phones, MP3 players, etc.

And, hearing loss can have a significant negative effect on an individual's health: their emotional health, their psychological health, and their social health. The fact that most doctors don't even routinely screen for hearing loss is simply compounding this problem.

There is some hope, though. Recently, at the University of Florida, professor of Communication Sciences and Disorders, Dr. Patricia Kricos, led a research study that looked at 91 participants from North Central Florida retirement communities. In her findings, she discovered that a majority of the participants (62) admitted to having some form of hearing loss. One of her conclusions was that it may be (more and more) that the elderly are willing to admit to their hearing loss: Although, they still deny the impact of those losses on themselves and their families. This leads us to the tentative assumption that more of the elderly may be willing to receive some assistance with reducing the impact of their hearing loss through medical intervention (or in other words, the use of hearing aids). Of course, there are still major stumbling blocks to following through with this assumption; specifically money and the use of the hearing aid once purchased. However, it is promising to know that elderly people are willing to admit their hearing loss and to seek treatment.

Issue 2, 2009

Can your Son Become a Professional Baseball Player?

A local Independent Scouting Bureau, SoCal Gold Scouting, can help your high school or college player get noticed.

Visit Socal gold’s website for more information, and to find out how you can help your son live out his dream of becoming a major league baseball player.

Go to the website at www.socalgoldscouting.com and while there enter to win a free t-shirt.

For a listing of upcoming clinics and showcases in your area visit our site at www.socalgoldscouting.com

San Diego

Hearing loss is the third most common chronic condition in elderly Americans, preceded only by high blood pressure and arthritis. It will only get worse as we move more and more towards a noisy lifestyle. Just walk down any street in America and it would be nearly impossible not to notice people either talking on their cell phones or listening to their iPods. Having conversations with each other is being replaced with direct sound injection into our ears - sounds that are many times more concentrated than the sound of a human voice in general conversation.

Woman

- Fewer than 10 percent of American family doctors screen elderly patients for hearing loss. (Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention: Trends in Vision and Hearing Among Older Americans, March 2001 and Journal of American Medical Association, April 2003).

23

Family Life Planning for the Special-Needs Child

By Joseph M. Marcarelli II Attorney-at-Law Parents who are raising children with special-needs face extraordinary financial challenges.

So daunting are the challenges, that according to studies, 74% of parents of children with autism fear that there won’t be enough money to meet their children's financial needs after the parents die. About 2.8 million children have disabilities in the USA. In addition to handling high medical expenses, parents of special-needs children also must juggle medical appointments, therapy, and special care, which often demands one spouse, has to leave the work force.

With retirement plans devastated by recent market declines, the situation can appear hopeless to many.

However, there is help available. Financial and legal advisors now view families with special-needs children as an underserved part of our society. Special-needs planning is an emerging area of expertise. Some have personal situations that give them the desire to provide prudent planning. For example one financial planner, who specializes in special-needs planning, has a 5-year-old son with Down Syndrome and Type 1 Diabetes. Like many parents of special-needs children, his wife stays home to care for their child, who has two to three therapy appointments a week.

24

Advisors can indeed help. A team approach is the best solution for getting the most mileage out of specialneeds trust planning and asset preservation. Tax planning is also an important part of the process.

One strategy involves creating a special-needs trust that holds assets for a child's future so that Medical and Social Security benefits aren't affected. Funding the trust with assets conservatively invested or with life insurance, are common strategies. There are many variables in this type of planning. A skilled financial planner can be of great help in seeing that all the family’s needs are met to the extent possible.

Planning is an ongoing process. Things change.

Special-needs planning by professionals is absolutely a necessity because of the complexities involved. For the most part only the private sector has provided for special circumstance planning. So choose your advisor carefully, for you will need them for a long time.

You can contact Mr. Marcarelli and his team if you have questions. He can be reached at 858-764 2429, or via email at joemarcarelli@gmail.com Issue 2, 2009

Bitchin’ & Moaning

By Judith A. Habert

San Diego

There are some things that are just so “San Diego” that most cept start? Were there a bunch of local business men and women sitting around a chamber of commerce meeting disof us who were originally from other parts of the country are sometimes flabbergasted at the phenomenon we find around cussing ways to improve their businesses? Was it one person who looked that group of impressive business people in us. The one that comes to mind first is the entire concept of the eye and said, “Hey, I have the perfect solution. Let’s hire “Sign Twirlers.” In every other part of the world if a store or a 16 year old kid or an elderly person with no other job oprestaurant wants to advertise their services they do one (or portunities to hold a huge replica of our company name and more) of several things. Perhaps an ad in a great publicathrow it up in the air, catch it, twirl around and play air guitar tion such as San Diego Woman, or a radio or TV spot, or with it and I guarantee more people will eat at our pizzeria, maybe even a mobile billboard. It wasn’t until I set foot in or buy a mattress from us.” Of course that met with more San Diego that I came across the concept of Sign Twirlers.

Not to say that I am not amazed at the abilities of these young - and sometimes not so young professional twirlers, but I have to ask one major question; why not just add a post to the sign and leave it in a stationary position? Perhaps, place it in a pail full of concrete, or even more unique - affix it to your place of business? How does the addition of a person playing air guitar with a sign, twirling it around, throwing it up in the air, or mindlessly dancing around it while engrossed in the song playing on their iPod improve business to a local enterprise. First of all, as my daughter recently informed me, these sign twirlers are paid pretty well; usually making $12-$15 per hour! And if they are lucky enough to be working for a food establishment, lunch is usually part of the deal.

The kids behind the counter at McDonald’s don’t see anywhere near that much money per hour for enduring annoying customers and greasy environments that cause more problems for their already problematic acne prone skin. Okay, don’t get me wrong, the job of Sign Twirler is not easy. After all there is a course they must take. I believe it is entitled Sign Twirling 101 in which they learn how excitement than the thought of a direct mail campaign or a to properly twirl the sign, throw the sign in the air, and play print advertisement, or maybe even reducing prices to draw air guitar with the sign. They must endure the possibility of sun stroke if not properly oiled with sun screen, and on those customers in. I often wonder what happens to those who don’t make the grade and don’t end up graduating from Sign rare occasions, okay maybe not so rare during May Gray Twirling 101. Perhaps they become roulette wheel spinners, and June Gloom, the cold and rain. They must also learn or are anxiously awaiting Vana White’s retirement so they how to stare down passing motorists, (how do they manage can turn the letters on Wheel of Fortune. My other concern to look you in the eye while not losing a twirling beat?) and they are not allowed under any circumstances to sit down on involves whether or not there is a test for prospective candidates of the Sign Twirler academy. I have known (in my the job. Personally, possibly due to my advancing age and lifetime) some pretty uncoordinated individuals who might deteriorating eyesight, I find it difficult to read what the signs be a danger to society if given a sign to twirl. Well actually say. Okay, I do admit that if it seems an intriguing message they might hurt themselves. Hopefully there is a screening I may find the need to circle the block a second time to read method to help minimize self injury. In any event, I suppose what it says. If you think about it,Sign Twirlers can therefore be at fault for increased traffic flow, as I find it hard to believe sign twirling is a noble profession…It could be worse, they could be one of those annoying people in the kiosks at the that I am the only one who feels compelled to circle to read mall trying to upgrade you to a new cell phone plan. the message. What I truly want to know is how did the conIssue 2, 2009

Woman

Sign Twirlers

25

Kids Eat Free Save money while eating out with this guide to local eateries offering "Kids Eat Free" promotions.

By Ginny Priest Have you felt the uneven planks of the Oceanside Pier under your feet at sunset as you stroll to Ruby’s Diner? Visit this local treasure on a Tuesday evening and you’ll save some of your riches because that’s when kids eat free! Many local eateries and chain restaurants are stepping up to offer “Kids Eat Free” promotions. These specials are rarely advertised so here is your insider’s guide to local savings. Call the restaurant beforehand because there are restrictions, but with a little planning you can enjoy great local deals.

armed with options when caught with a car full of hungry natives.

We stumbled upon the kids eat free deal at Ruby’s Diner by chance one Tuesday evening last summer. As we walked

Farmer Boys has one of the best promotions. Kids eat free ANY day of the week after 4 pm with the purchase of an adult combo meal. This casual country setting satisfies our starving nine year old heading for a growth spurt and our hard to please younger family members.

It’s an easy and economical solution any night of the week for a hungry family.

26

down the Oceanside Pier, we watched the fiery yellow red disc of sun sink into the water. Anglers lined the wooden peninsula and we peered into their buckets to examine the fish they’d reeled in. It was a perfect California summer night, the reason we love living here. We were taking Uncle Johnny out to eat before he headed back to college in the frigid northwest. When eating out, I often have the youngest two split a meal. With our meal deal and Uncle Johnny as a third adult, each child ordered a kid’s meal for FREE! For an economical mom like me, this winning combination makes a meal out even sweeter.

Tuesday night is your best bet for scoring a dining deal. Pat and Oscar’s, Chick-fil-A, and Tony Roma’s are a few of the local restaurants to consider when you need a break in the kitchen. Check out the “Kids Eat Free” dining guide and you’ll be saving some dough while eating Pat and Oscar’s buttery breadsticks. Store the guide in the car so you are Issue 2, 2009

Promotions come and go so calling ahead is a must. When calling the restaurant, verify the day and window of time that kids eat free. Is it all day or between 4pm and 10 pm? Is the offer one per family or one free kids meal per adult? Is it for kids 10 and under? It would be a letdown to order and eat only to find the promotion had been discontinued or changed.

Whether it’s a night on the town or a cross country trip, eating out with kids can get expensive. Holiday Inn Hotels and Resorts throughout the U.S. and Canada is offering free kids meals to registered guests. This offer is available for up to four kids per family, every meal, every day. Learn more by calling 1-800-290-0002. Finding a hotel offering a free continental breakfast to guests is a great way to stretch vacation dollars. Browse sites like www.kidseat4free.com and www. mykidseatfree.com to find kids eat free restaurants around the country. Escape the everyday while saving some serious money. Family fun in San Diego really can be affordable, oh and remember to bring the crayons.

I would love to hear how you make family fun affordable.

E-mail me at ginny@abcbook.us.

With adult purchase *Tip: Call ahead to verify*

Bennigan’s

Tuesday from 4-10 pm San Diego 619-291-8853 1760 Camino Del Rio N. www.bennigans.com

Carrow’s Restaurants

Wednesday and Thursday after 4pm 10 years and under Chula Vista 619-426-1849 598 H Street Escondido 760-738-9583 510 W. Valley Pkwy Oceanside 760-722-9435 936 North Coast San Diego 619-424-6881 615 Saturn Blvd. www.carrows.com

Chick-fil-A

Tuesday 5-8pm Chula Vista 619-482-6719 2089 Olympic Parkway Oceanside 760-7209199 3475 Marron Rd. San Marcos 760-736-8105 587 Grand Ave. Sports Arena 619-758-1555 3570 Sports Arena Blvd. www.chick-fil-a.com

Coco’s Bakery Restaurants

Tuesday and Wednesday after 4 pm 10 and under 15 restaurants in the San Diego County www.cocosbakery.com

Denny’s

Tues. 4-10 (some on Sat. too) 39 restaurants in the San Diego County www.dennys.com

El Torito

Wednesday kids 12 and

under eat free 9 Restaurants in San Diego County www.eltorito.com

Farmer Boys

Every day after 4 pm Escondido 760-738-6188 925 W. Mission Ave. Escondido 760-0700 1333 E. Valley Pkwy www.farmerboys.com

Book Review Local Author Ona Russell Dazzles Readers with Second Sarah Kaufman Historical Mystery

Fusion Bar and Grill Tuesdays San Marcos 760-736-4343 1020 W. San Marcos Blvd.

Oggi’s

Call your local Oggi’s because date and promotion vary by store www.oggis.com

Pat & Oscar’s

Tuesday all day 10 restaurants in San Diego County www.patandoscars.com

Roadhouse Grill

Tuesdays San Marcos 760-510-3805 110 Knoll Road Santee 619-562-1554 9816 Mission Gorge Road Kids and their imaginary friends eat free from Roadie's Rangers Menu on Tuesdays. Imaginary friends over 10 pay full price. www.originalroadhousegrill. com

Ruby’s Diner

Tuesdays after 4 pm Carlsbad 760-931-7829 5630 Paseo Del Norte #130D Oceanside 760-433-7829 1 Oceanside Pier www.rubys.com

The Natural Selection finds heroine Sarah Kaufman involved in another life-threatening mystery, this time while visiting her cousin Lena, an English professor at Tennessee’s Edenville College. When one of Lena’s colleagues is murdered, Sarah is drawn into an investigation that involves issues of racism, Southern pride, plagiarism, and the dispute over creationism vs. evolution. Set against the backdrop of the Scopes “Monkey” trial, Sarah discovers evidence that takes her to Dayton, Tennessee, where the showdown between the legendary lawyers William Jennings Bryan and Clarence Darrow takes place. There she reacquaints herself with Darrow, and meets journalist H.L. Mencken, who provides her with information that brings about a tragic result in the Edenville murder case. While the Edenville investigation grows more dangerous, Sarah struggles with her newly discovered feelings for reporter Mitchell Dobrinski and seeks to set right the escalating sequence of events triggered by her own actions.

Like the highly-praised O’Brien’s Desk, The Natural Selection is a must-read for historical mystery lovers who crave rich, evocative details, engaging characters, and sociological themes that are still relevant today. Masterfully written and researched, The Natural Selection introduces readers to the individuals behind the “Trial of the Century,” while drawing us back into the world of Sarah Kaufman and her unending search for justice. Although spirited and intelligent, Sarah is also deliciously human, and her struggle to solve this latest murder delivers the same page-turning suspense and ultimate satisfaction that readers came to know in O’Brien’s Desk.

"I’ve always been fascinated with the 1920s, and historical mystery is a perfect genre to represent the political and social complexity of that period," said Russell. “In The Natural Selection specifically, I invented what I believe to be a plausible mystery related to Charles Darwin, a still controversial historical figure whose bicentennial is being celebrated coincidentally this year.”

Like her heroine, Russell delights in all things intellectual. She holds an M.A. in English from Clark University and a Ph.D. in literature from the University of California, San Diego. Teaching for years in various colleges and universities, she developed courses that combined her interdisciplinary interests, including “Poetry and the Workplace,” “The Truth of Historical Fiction,” and “Literature and the Law,” a topic on which she also writes and speaks extensively. A regular contributor to Orange County Lawyer Magazine, she also has been published in newspapers, scholarly journals, and anthologies. She is currently at work on her third Sarah Kaufman mystery, set against the backdrop of the 1920s Los Angeles oil boom.

For more information on the author or The Natural Selection, please visit www. onarussell.com.

Tony Roma’s

Tuesdays Pacific Beach 858-272-7427

4110 Mission Blvd. www.tonyromas.com

When Solana Beach author, Ona Russell, sat down to write her second historical mystery, The Natural Selection, she wasn’t sure what to expect.

“Although my first novel was inspired by a family member, my second has been much more a project of my own passions and sensibility," said Russell. Her first novel, O’Brien’s Desk, was nominated for a Pen/Faulkner award, and debuted to much critical and popular acclaim. But Russell needn’t have worried; her sequel, The Natural Selection, has developed its own following and was nominated for the New Mexico Book Awards 2008 Best New Paperback.

San Diego

Kids Eat Free Dining Guide

The Natural Selection (ISBN 978-0-86534-628-4) $21.95 O’Brien’s Desk (ISBN 0-86534-416-7) $28.95 Sunstone Press www.sunstone.com

Issue 2, 2009

27

Parents are Role Models, Children are Copycats

By Sara Holliday

involved. Working out together gives rewards to both you and your child, including improved health and connection with each other. For example, the other day I did a half hour of yoga with my older son. It was very exciting to see how much he loved it. At the end we sat facing each other. We placed one hand on one another’s heart and focused on the love we had for each other. When the session was over he said he felt so relaxed he actually wanted to go to bed!

You can encourage healthy food choices by associating positive effects with a good choice. For example, my husband tells our boys that fruit and veggies are “power foods” that will make them grow strong and tall. I always chuckle to myself when my son exclaims, “I’m having a power grape!”

I’ve found the key to being a good role model is to be conscious of how my behavior influences my children’s future.

As much as possible I vow to respect my children, eat healthy, exercise consistently and do yoga, and most importantly give lots and lots of love!

28

Ever noticed when your child is upset that he or she says something in the same tone that you did when you’re angry?

Ever noticed your child imitating you? Children are copycats, and we are their role models. So it’s important that we engage in positive behaviors so our children grow up as healthy, well adjusted adults.

I learned the lesson well a couple of days ago when I heard my 5 year old son, telling his two year old brother, not to do something in a stern and unforgiving voice. I said to myself, “Wow, is that what I sound like when I’m upset?” Just as I tell my son to take deep breaths before he reacts, I need to heed my advice and take deep breaths before reacting too!

Children are copycats and good reminders too.

If you’re having challenges getting motivated to lead a healthy and active lifestyle, remember that you are your child’s role model. They watch everything you do, including how you eat, and are likely to follow your example. Parents want their children to grow up healthy as opposed to dealing. with body image issues and weight problems. Now is the time to get up and get moving!

Making exercise fun will encourage your children to get Issue 2, 2009

Congratulations to the NAWBO San Diego 2009 BRAVO! Award winners: Women’s Advocate of the Year Lorraine Fisher, Off Ramp Publishing Trailblazer Award Katherine Nelson, San Diego Natural Soap Company Signature Award Colleen Connery, CoCo & Associates Green Community Award Judith Seid, Blue Summit Financial Group Woman Business Owner of the Year Dr. Helen Eckmann, James L. Consulting Special thanks go out to the 2009 BRAVO! sponsors:

To learn more about NAWBO San Diego, the premier organization for women business owners, visit www.nawbo-sd.org or call 877-866-2926.

July 5 Harrah's Rincon - Valley Center www.harrahsrincon.com 10am - 2pm

July 17 Rodrigo's Mexican Grill Temecula www.rodrigos.com 7pm - 10pm

July 9th, 16th, 30th Wine Company - Temecula www.tvwineco.com 5pm - 8pm

July 18 Alley Cat Summer Fest - El Cajon Featured performer www.stmsc.org/events 7pm - 10pm

Instrument: Vocals Style: Jazz, Soul, Bossa Nova, Blues, & Latin Tunes Bio: With ties as far back as Vaudeville it’s no surprise that Karla Irish became an entertainer. At the age of 4, she began playing piano and by 12, was writing her own songs. Music was the family business and Audrey Irish, Karla’s mother, was well aware of her daughter’s gift. Audrey became not only a musical mentor to young Karla, but her personal promoter. Karla concentrated on her talent and used singing as a way to express herself.

After high school, Karla attended Southwestern College and soon began enriching herself in all the available music classes, dropping any class that didn’t allow her to better her vocal abilities. She found a love for jazz through her classes, discovering a talent for scatting. It was obvious that this was her niche. Soon after, fueled by her passion and drive to succeed, Karla applied to Berklee College of Music. She was accepted and after auditioning was presented with a scholarship. Impressed by her success, Southwestern inducted Karla into their Music Hall of Fame.

After a year at Berklee, Karla made the move home to San Diego to implement all that she had learned and further her career through recording, composing, and networking.

Forming a group called K.I.T, Karla Irish Trio, which includes Ed Kornhauser on piano and Fernando Gomez on drums, Karla began performing at local hotspots. Fernando, who Irish met through a mutual friend, is known to her as a “prodigy of the drums”. Ed, a fellow student at Southwestern, completed the musical family. K.I.T has made a name for itself, entertaining weekly at Frida’s Restaurant in Chula Vista (from 8 to 11 pm) and performing at Celadon downtown as well as Via Lago in East Lake. As for the future, Karla wants to stay close to her fellow trio musicians (no matter where her talent takes her) and looks forward to carrying on the "family business" of entertainment.

Karla will also be appearing at GIO'S in La mesa on August 21st

July 23rd & 30th Wine Company - Temecula www.tvwineco.com 5pm - 8pm

To learn more & sample some of Karla's music visit: www. myspace.com/karlairish For CD Requests email: karlairishtrio@gmail.com To book Karla for your special event call: 619-948-6204

Jason Weber, an award-winning jazz saxophonist, has just released his latest album, “Five”. This compilation features legendary drummer Steve Ferrone, in addition to drummer Duncan Moore, guitarist Mike DeRose, bassists Nathan Brown & Chris Kringel & keyboardists Michael Leroy & Tad Sisler. In addition to new original compositions by Jason Weber & producer Marcel East, "Five" includes instrumental covers of "La Isla Bonita" (Madonna) & "You Gotta Be" (Des're) & the timeless classic "Europa" (Santana). This is a fantastic album with quality jazz pieces that will be sure to earn Weber the attention he deserves!

You can download “Five” at: www.cdbaby.com/cd/jasonweber5 or www.digstation.com/JasonWeber Purchase “Five” and other works by Jason Weber at: www.amazon.com

July 11th & 24th D'Canters Wine Bar & Grill Wildomar www.d-canters.com 7pm - 10pm

Issue 2, 2009

San Diego

“…the man still “has it” and simply lays on the line all of his smooth, funk, and bluesy touches…”

–Ronald Jackson, www. smoothvibes. com

29

He Said, She Said "Men are the new women"

By Robert Tussey & Judith A. Habert Photo by Lisa K. Miller

Are men really from Mars and Women from Venus, as author Dr. John Gray states in his bestselling book? Do men and women really see things that differently? If given the same question could their answers really be so different? At San Diego Woman we wanted to explore the differences between "them" and "us". Read this month's installment and find out how the sexes differ when it comes to communicating with each other. What topics would you like to see us duke it out over in upcoming issues? No topic is off limits, so write me at editor@sandiegowoman.com. I can't wait to hear from you!

30 He Said...

The old maxim, men are visual and women are emotional, seems to be on the way out – mostly.

I recently heard a new phrase: Men are the new women.

By extension that seems to mean that women are getting tougher and men are getting…softer. If that’s the case then why do you women still get upset when we look at, well, you?

The word ‘cleavage’ has new meaning today and if you’re going to put it out there you must expect we’re gonna look! But it’s not just the cleavage, truthfully, it’s the whole package.

Women of all ages are dressing sexier than ever and I can tell you we have noticed.

Oh, I know, the whistles and catcalls and ‘hey baby’ stuff has always annoyed you – in public. And a lot of that is inappropriate. Let’s just deal with the day to day show you put on. We like it and we like to look. Why on earth you get upset when you parade around with most of your breasts in plain view is beyond explanation. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s just for your husband, boyfriend, partner, yadda yadda. BS. Not when you are in public. We will look (gawking and drooling are wrong, we get that) and you need to adjust.

The last ten years have seen so many women portrayed as the aggressors with comments about our anatomies: Nice butt, nice package. I could go on. Do WE mind? Not a bit.

MEN ARE VISUAL. We accept that you are too, but you can’t have it both ways!

Quite simply, if you don’t want the attention, don’t dress like you do (and that is the point, you do). I was in the mall recently and a twenty- something young lady with a two year old child had exposed enough cleavage that even the

women were looking. AND, she had a (clearly visible) tattoo.

I looked. You have seen my picture; I am middle aged and grey. And boy, did I get the ugly stare from her. I just smiled and walked on, but the damage was done. Salt on the tail.

Just for a two second look I was damned for viewing. Her husband simply smiled and shrugged his shoulders. He knew.

The idea here is that how you dress will be noticed. YOU make the choices, deal with the consequences. I do not condone men getting verbal and aggressive. Not right. But to be condemned for merely looking, sans the catcalls and ogling, no, won’t fly. A friend of mine recently said, “It’s gravitational, the pull of larger planets.”

An article recently published on older women dating younger men in this magazine brought forward a truth about something that happens every day. I say, go for it. It’s not a new concept. Again, you can’t have it both ways. To date younger men you have to put yourselves in positions to be noticed and (often) be the aggressor. You have to dress for success.

Older men have always been the target of ridicule for the younger lady syndrome. Time to stop. New world order.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

You dress well and show the pride in your bodies – we will look. The reverse is also true. Look. Have a ball. But leave your double standard at home.

Issue 2, 2009

Yes we do like to show off our attributes. Should we apologize for it? No, I think not. Since I am certain that you like that we want to show it off. However, there is a difference between men who look and men who ogle.

Cat calls aside, we like being noticed. And yes, you are right; if we didn’t want you to look we wouldn’t dress as we do. I recently viewed a Dave Chapelle stand up routine which made a point that I find hard to dispute. He mentions a girl walking into a bar with a dress so short that nothing was left to the imagination and a push up bra so prominent that her boobs were poking out of her turtleneck. He made a somewhat rude comment about what he would like to do to her. She turned around and told him in no uncertain terms to get lost. He claimed it was false advertising. He said it would be no different than if he was standing at the corner in a police officer’s uniform and suddenly someone came to him for assistance and he said…no I’m not really a cop…I just look like one. So he says if you’re not a cop don’t dress like one and if you’re not a slut don’t dress like one either.

Maybe if men could take the time to notice us for us and not for what is popping out of our turtlenecks we wouldn’t be forced to dress provocatively. Put us in a local venue sitting at the bar, hoping to meet Mr. Right, and one small problem can occur: a little thing called “competition.”

Women can be brutal. Yes, I said it. When a bunch of single women head out for a night on the town and they know that there will be a bunch of other single women all vying for the attention of the few acceptable men who wouldn’t embarrass us in front of our friends and family, we have to pull out all the stops. Lower the neckline and raise the hemline and we can finally get you to say hello to us. So maybe you might just find out that behind the push up bra and Spanx is a woman with a brain. Yes – a Brain. Not just breasts…We don’t actually mind you looking, we would just like to have you listen once in a while. I suppose what most women don’t get is that not only is the cute guy at the bar with the nice butt gonna look, but so is the elderly janitor sitting in the corner, or the friend of our father who we run into on our way to the latest trendy spot. So can we control who looks? No, but it doesn’t mean we have to like it. There are times and places for the skimpy outfits, perhaps a trip to the mall with our two-year old isn’t it. But, then you do know that Mr. Right might just be cruising through the mall at the exact same time we are. If we were frumpy Mr. Right might walk right past us, but not if the cleavage was low and the hemline was high. So do you really want to play the odds? Oh, and the younger man thing…Yes who wouldn’t be flattered to have a younger man interested in us? And if that is the fish we are looking to attract we are forced to use the necessary bait. Does that make us evil? I think not. Men use what they think they have to attract younger women…enter the mid life crisis cars and the Rolex watches, and let’s not forget the Toupees which make us all giggle just a little. Men think it is money that attracts younger women, and maybe it is, women know it is breasts that attract not only the young men but any man with a heartbeat. So you use your weapons and we will use ours.

Issue 2, 2009

She Said...

Did You Know?

In these tough economic times you can still get some things for free. How about some free makeup? Visit www.Eveorganics.net and sign up to receive a free makeup sample per month, or visit www.bionic-beauty. com which also offers various makeup samples free for the asking. Another sure fire way to obtain some makeup freebies is to pay a visit to the high priced cosmetic counters at your local department store and mention your interest in their latest makeup line. Your purse will surely be filled with sample sizes of their latest products.

You Can Help Others While Being Trendy Are you thinking of cutting your hair in favor of one of the new cooler shorter summer hairstyles? If so you can turn your fashion decision into a good cause by donating your chopped off locks of hair to Locks of Love, a charity that collects human hair donations to make wigs for underprivileged sick children undergoing chemotherapy that results in hair loss. Visit their site at http://www.locksoflove.org/ to learn more.

You Can Protect Your Vacation with Insurance In light of current economic conditions insurance agencies and travel companies are now offering “lay off insurance” In the event you lose your job after booking an expensive summer getaway they will refund prepaid deposits if you need to cancel your trip. Visit www.insuremytrip.com for a comparison of available plans offered by various insurance companies or ask your tour operator if they offer this option when booking your trip. Some companies like Disney and Norwegian Cruise Line do.

San Diego

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Issue 2, 2009

VICTIM…To Be or Not to Be?

By Jennifer Johnson

We make judgments everyday about people we encounter in our daily lives; our friends, co-workers, business associates, and importantly, complete strangers. Our impressions are made in a matter of seconds. We notice the way someone dresses, how they carry themselves, how they speak and what they say. The same judgments are made by someone who is looking for a potential victim.

The way a woman walks and carries herself can say a lot to an attacker. The woman who walks with her head down, shoulders slumped and without purpose appears very meek and timid. This appearance leads the attacker to assume she is less likely to resist. It is important to carry yourself with purpose and in a manner that exudes confidence. Walk with your head up and be observant of your surroundings. The first and best defense is not appearing to be a potential victim.

Being aware of your surroundings at all times is crucial to prevent an attack. Too often I see women walking to their car while talking on their cell phone and rifling through their purse for car keys. They are unaware of any activity going on around them. This is the best time for an attacker to make his move because the intended victim is preoccupied and can be easily caught off guard.

Make a habit of having your keys in your hand before walking to your car. You can be on your cell phone, but do have your head up and keep your eyes scanning for anything or anyone that looks out of place. If you are talking with a friend or family member on your cell phone, it is always a good idea to let them know where you are. In the event that you are attacked, someone will know your location and help can reach you sooner.

What if you do observe someone hiding in the bushes or lurking around a vehicle in the parking lot? What if you feel like you are being followed on the street or in your vehicle?

Your initial reaction may be to look away or avoid them by ignoring their presence. This gives the impression that you are

intimidated or unaware. Do make eye contact with people and let them know you see them. Acknowledge them with your voice by saying,” Can I help you with something?” or “Back off!” if appropriate. Your assertiveness makes you an unappealing target for an assault.

If you feel you are being followed in your vehicle, drive to a well lit public place like a supermarket or your nearest police station. DO NOT drive home! You do not want a dangerous person knowing where you live. Call someone and let them know where you are or call the police. Technology can be your best friend in an emergency-use cell phone or GPS (Global Positioning System). Current technology allows for the police dispatchers to track the location of cell phones so you can be found-even if you don’t know where you are.

Another good habit is to always lock your doors both when you are at home and when you leave your house. Even if you only go down the street to get the mail, over to a neighbor’s house, or to take a short walk, remember to lock your doors. It takes less than a minute for someone to enter your home. It may seem like the chances of it happening are slim, but it does happen.

You don’t need to be paranoid, but don’t be careless either.

Awareness and avoidance is 90 percent of self defense. The other ten percent is physical self defense technique. Having been a police officer, I saw firsthand the violence that women encounter; I have become an advocate for women empowering themselves through physical and mental self defense training.

I recently started a women’s self defense business called H.E.A.T. (Health, Empowerment, Awareness, and Tactical self defense). I believe these are all fundamental elements to women’s self defense. I encourage everyone to find a self defense course in their area that best suits them and get involved. You will be amazed at the power and confidence you feel just by taking your protection into your own hands.

Visit Jennifer’s website at www.heatselfdefense.com or email her at info@heatselfdefense.com for more information

Issue 2, 2009

San Diego

Who makes a good victim to an attacker? Why are some women targeted over others? How can a woman protect herself from becoming a target? The answer is more basic than you might imagine.

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The Wine Connoisseur

The Aromatics and White Wine

By Deborah Damery Lazear, CSW

The nose knows… aromatics, those wonderful smells that titillate the senses and can leave you dreaming of far off places and exotic locations.

Well, it’s about that time of year when the flowers are blooming and the jasmine reaches out and grabs my heart as I walk by. I moved to San Diego in 1997 to marry the man of my dreams. He had a jasmine vine growing on the garden wall. Every time I smell that scent, I am taken back to that location and those emotions.

Scent can conjure up all kinds of memories. I remember my first stay in a famous hotel in Bangkok over 25 years ago, it was the soap! Whenever I smell sandalwood, I am transported to the Oriental Hotel and my first sight of a real orchid. I practically swoon!

Doesn’t sound like any wine you have consumed recently?

Well, maybe it is time to reexamine the world of aromatic wines.

A couple of weeks ago I was teaching an all day Wine & Food Pairing Advanced Level class for SDSU, College of Extended Studies. The host winery provided most of the wines and my job was to find foods that went with them as part of the classroom experience. One of the wines was Muscat Canelli.

The aroma of peaches danced under my nose so I followed the trail to Peach Cobbler. Remember that one can match the aroma (or taste) of a wine or contrast it for a bold expression. In this case, I chose to match - and match it did. I can’t take credit for making the cobbler; my partner and sous chef Sue did that piece of magic.

Recall that if the wine is a dessert wine, I always recommend the wine be sweeter than the dessert. Sue used a little lemon juice to

tone down the sugar syrup in the peach cobbler and that did the trick.

Another delightful dessert wine that is having a big revival in dinner party circles is Sauternes. Sometimes prohibitively expensive, good values can be found from the southern Bordeaux region of Graves. Any fruit tart, pastry, or foie gras (not a dessert!) will be enhanced with Sauternes, made from the Semillon and Sauvignon Blanc grapes. In the original Bordeaux classification of 1855, the chateaux of Sauternes and Barsac were included. The best of the lot was Château d’Yquem. I have a bottle in our cellar, a 1965, and no fruit tart in the world could get me to open it. It has grown deep golden, almost amber in color, over the years. And who says white wines have no aging power!

My first experience with a dessert wine was from Hungary. Tokay (pronounced tok eye), is made from the furmint grape. Its appellation is the oldest in the wine world, dating back to 1737. The region is near the Ukrainian and Slovenian borders and its sweetness is measured in puttonyos (aka baskets). The more baskets of shriveled grapes needed to produce a bottle of Tokay, the sweeter the wine. 6 puttonyos is the sweetest.

What Sauternes and Tokay have in common is the incredible balance of sweet and acid.

This is no sugar bomb. Think stone fruit like apricots touched by the wings of an angel and you get the idea. Ice wines from Canada and Germany also fall into the heavenly category in my opinion. As do the Trockenbeerenauslese (TBA) dessert wines made from the Riesling grape in Germany.

Issue 2, 2009

You will smell passion fruit, mango, guava, and tangerine. Doesn’t that sound like a delightful summer pairing? Viognier, the grape, is grown in many places but rises to its peak in Condrieu, France.

Look also for bottles from the Cote Rotie in the Rhone Valley. California has some delicious ones also and very well priced. Viognier is frequently fermented oak free so if you don’t like a buttery Chardonnay then try the Viognier; just remember to read the back label for clues as to whether it has been fermented in oak barrels or not.

I believe Riesling falls into the aromatic world. This grape had been getting a bad rap in recent years, perhaps due to some strong, old memories of Blue Nun and her sisters. To make matters worse, there are white wines out there masquerading as Riesling when they are not. They hide behind names such as Grauer Riesling which is really Pinot Gris; emerald Riesling which is a Muscadelle – Riesling cross; Cape Riesling, Paarl Riesling, Clare Rieslings which are really Crouchen Blanc. There are even more but you get my point. True Riesling has only two synonyms: White Riesling or Johannisberg Riesling. The aromas to look for are citrus, apples, and fruits if grown in a cool climate like Germany. Warm climates change the aromas to Juicy Fruit gum and tropical fruits. Many people do not buy Riesling from Germany because they can’t read the label. Knowing what you are picking up is very important as Riesling can run the full gamut of sweet to dry. Here is a hint. If you like a dry Riesling, look for the word Kabinett. If you like a little residual sugar (excellent choice for spicy food such as Thai) then look for Spatlese. Thinking dessert, consider the word Auslese. If you have a big wallet and want a terrific dessert Riesling, go for the TBA mentioned above.

Gewurztraminer needs to be added to the list of lovely smelling wines. I think first of a sweet spice like litchi nuts (you know, those white globes of dessert fruit found in Chinese restaurants), then the aroma develops into roses, ginger, sandalwood, and allspice.

Do not be confused with the spicy nose and think “I bet that will pair well with spicy food such as curry and Thai dishes.” That might be a mistake. It would be a case of over matching and neither the wine nor the food would benefit. Instead choose Riesling. When shopping for Gewurztraminer, go to the Alsace section (France) to start your search; then move on to Germany and Austria. Gewurztraminer is a turn-to wine when you are eating meats such as sausages, schnitzel, pork, or ham and want a white wine instead of a red. The acidity will hold up well to the fat in the meats. We have all had applesauce spiked with cinnamon or nutmeg with our pork chops and it works great.

Here is a test for your nose. Buy one bottle of Viognier or Gewurztraminer. Open it.

Pour 2 ounces into a wine glass. Cover

tightly with plastic wrap. Set the glass aside. Put the bottle in an ice and water bath and chill for one hour or more. Pick a test time, say 5:00 pm. At 4:40 precisely, take the bottle out of the ice bath and pour 2 ounces into a second wine glass. Do not cover this glass. Return the bottle to the ice bath. At 5:00, remove the bottle from the ice bath and pour 2 ounces into the third glass. Now, for the test. Arrange all three glasses side my side. On the left is the warm wine (take the plastic wrap off now); in the middle is the glass that has been poured for 20 minutes. On the right is the glass freshly poured from the chilly ice bath. Now, pick up each glass, one at a time, swirl the liquid around as you cover the top of the glass with your hand. Remove your hand and immediately stick your nose deep into the glass and breathe in. Repeat with the other two glasses. If you are experimenting with friends, ask everyone to remain silent. Do not share your comments until everyone has “nosed” all three wines. It is amazing how your opinion can be swayed by the comments of others. If you are alone, you can talk to yourself! Which wine has the most pleasant and ethereal aroma? Repeat this test but this time you get to taste the wine.

Which one has the most pleasant flavor? Can you feel the acid nicely balanced with the fruit? Which glass seems heavy and a little overpowering? Which glass has very little aroma and flavor compared to the other two?

All these questions lead us to the conclusion that serving temperature is very important to experience a wine at its best. Served too cold, as in straight out of the fridge or ice bath, you taste and smell little. Served too warm, it may become flabby and unbalanced on the nose. I like to take my white wines out of the wine cellar where they have been held at 55 degrees F. and place them in the fridge or ice and water bucket for just 20 minutes. That seems to do the trick. If you have brought the wine home from the store that afternoon, place it in the fridge until serving time. 20 minutes before you plan to serve the wine, remove it from the fridge and let it stand, it will be just about right.

One last note on serving white wines at the correct temperature: Never top up someone’s glass until it is empty. Mixing two temperatures together is risky business. I like to keep the pours at around 4 ounces and never more than 5. This allows enough room in the glass for the aromas to dance and swirl around your nose. After all, isn’t that what aromatics are all about?

Issue 2, 2009

San Diego

Aromatic wines are not only dessert wines. I am particularly blown away by a whiff of Viognier (v on yay). Many people don’t order this wine because they can’t pronounce it. I admit it is not an intuitive one! I am Canadian and speak French and that is a big help with all these French words! The Society of Wine Educators describes the difference between Riesling, Gewurztraminer and Viognier as “the first two have high notes and Viognier has low, rich notes”.

Viognier is low in acid so be careful not to pair it with dishes that need a squish of lemon; it won’t be there. If you like a shrimp salad with tropical fruits then this is the wine.

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By Judith A. Habert

Vivi Cortez can honestly say that she owes her life and survival to the San Diego Center for Children. In particular,

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first time in her life that anyone had paid her a compliment.

It was then that the music began healing her heart. Vivi has remembered one very important lesson that she learned at SDCC from Sundiata. “He told me to ‘Reach for Excellence,’ because anything else is just a waste of time.” Today Vivi is a grown woman with three young daughters of her own.

It has been over 15 years since she left the center, but she has continued to follow those wise words from Sundiata and today she has gone through some tough times a lot stronger thanks to SDCC and Sundiata.

This is just one of the many stories that have come out of this incredible facility located on 8 acres in Kearny Mesa.

We often hear about the many “walks” and charity functions going on in and around San Diego every weekend, but this is one charity that is rarely mentioned yet has been responsible for turning around the lives of so many children and families in San Diego. Founded in 1887, SDCC is San Diego’s oldest accredited non-profit organization. Today, SDCC has become a leader in providing mental health services to children and families within our community. They offer a variety of programs for children facing behavioral, emotional, social, and educational challenges.

SDCC programs support Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) and re-establishes the learning process while meeting the specific mental health needs of the children and adolescents of San Diego

the music program which has been run for the past 40 years

by Sundiata Kata, the dedicated music program director.

Before coming to SDCC Vivi was a sexually abused child who went from program to program always knowing how to “work the system” and tell the counselors whatever (she knew) they wanted to hear, until they let her go home and back to her world - full of fear and anger. Sundiata reached through the barriers Vivi had constructed to keep herself safe. The first time Sundiata told her she had a beautiful singing voice Vivi broke into tears, realizing that this was the

Aside from their main facility in Kearny Mesa, there are satellite facilities throughout San Diego County. Other sites include five day treatment programs serving both children and adolescents, an outpatient program in two separate East County Locations, a school readiness program that serves children ages 0-5, a Foster Family Agency, a counseling center, one non-public school serving children and adolescents, two residential treatment programs for children ages 6-13, one residential treatment programs for Adolescents ages 1317 located on the Kearny Mesa campus, and a wraparound program to assure that a child’s return to their community is successful and that families have the tools needed to help their children to succeed

Issue 2, 2009

San Diego

Rana Sampson, wife of San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders, has been one of the biggest supporters of San Diego Center for Children.

Rana was gracious enough to take time out of her busy schedule to show me around the facility and tell me about some of the wonderful accomplishments of their program.

Rana has been involved with SDCC for about three years as a volunteer and recently accepted the position of Director of Development for the Center over this time period has witnessed some of the miracles that have occurred due to the hard work and dedication of the staff and volunteers. It is the hard work and financial support from many dedicated volunteers and patrons in the community that has allowed San Diego Center for Children to survive and flourish. Anne Newbury, a close friend of San Diego Woman Magazine, is one of these gracious supporters who introduced me to the wonderful work done through this charity. The San Diego Center for Children offers hope to children and adolescents who are suffering from mental health problems and emotional or behavioral problems that are often hard to see, let alone understand. These are children who were either born with problems or have been through traumatic events that have significantly affected their lives. The children at SDCC know what it feels like to confront such challenges, and with the help of the dedicated and caring professionals, how to triumph over them. These are children who have lived without having even their basic needs met, many are without families. Rana relayed a story to me of being in the administration office awaiting an appointment with an administrator and overhearing a conversation between a teenage girl and a woman who (she supposed) was her mother. As the conversation progressed it became apparent that the woman was not her mom. In the midst of the conversation she asked the older woman if she would take a picture of her since her mom had asked for a picture to see how she had grown since she had not seen her for over ten years. Rana admits that she was

37

startled and saddened imagining the tough life this young girl must have endured not having any contact with her mom for 10 years: A thought that truly touches the hearts and minds of all Moms out there.

The highly-skilled team of dedicated professionals at SDCC knows how to reverse destructive behavior and restore a child or adolescents greatest hope – to regain a healthy and normal life complete with family, friends, school, and routine.

When these children don’t get the help they need at the earliest possible opportunity in their development, they are at greater risk of becoming just another long-term statistic in the social services or the juvenile court system or even worse, a casualty of the streets. At SDCC their main focus is to heal the hearts and minds of children, adolescents, their families and care givers.

Issue 2, 2009

Vivi Cortez’s story is poignant but not that unique among the residents of SDCC. The specially trained staff has helped thousands of children whose lives would have turned out tragically if not for San Diego Center for Children.

If you know a child or family in need of the type of services provided by San Diego Center for Children Call 858-277-9550 for immediate assistance, or visit their website at http://www.centerforchildren.org for more information on the center and to find out how you can donate time and resources to help keep the center going strong

Please help SDCC meet the needs in our community:

Donate Now—Secure online donation. Please join our network of supporters with a one-time or recurring donation! You have the ability to make a donation as a gift or in memory of a loved one.

Make a Major or Planned Gift—Every donation, regardless of its size, made to the San Diego Center for Children is greatly appreciated! A major or planned gift contribution can make an incredible difference to the lives of children and adolescents in our care. Please call our Vice President of Development for major or planned gift opportunities at 858-569-2124.

Corporate Giving—We very much value our corporate and community sponsors as they help us to raise awareness of our mission, and funds that directly impact our programs and services. Learn More In-Kind Donations—In-kind donations are critical to the children and adolescents at the San Diego Center for Children. Throughout the year, we seek in-kind donations for birthdays, holidays, and special events. Please help us support these special days.

Car Donations— Cars 4 Causes ® — If you have a car to donate, please go to carsforcauses.com. Please designate part of your vehicle donation to the San Diego Center for Children.

Volunteer Opportunities—Each person has the ability to help others. There are many ways you can help. Serving others is one special way to contribute. Will you consider becoming a volunteer? Please call 858.569.2124 for more details.

Tee it up for Kids Golf Tournament October 5th Santa Luz Club.

Contact Kevin Robertson at 858.569.2145 or kroberts@centerforchildren.org

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Issue 2, 2009

San Diego

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Issue 2, 2009

Realtor Marketplace

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Debi

Issue 2, 2009

Fabulous Finds

venue is laid out in such a way that it accommodates those searching for a romantic dinner for two as well as a group of friends looking to party the night away. Check out their site for upcoming shows and events www.anthologysd.com

An international, non-profit organization, Breaking the Silence Together, works to provide survivors safe, supportive platforms and opportunities for speaking out and sharing their stories. Starting from the courage of one woman to break her silence after 37 years, Breaking the Silence Together has enabled thousands of voices around the world.

The main focus of this organization is to raise awareness of under-reported, pervasive problem of sexual violence , align survivors with resources for their physical, emotional, medical and practical needs and to educate at-risk populations as well as high-risk, potential abusers to eradicate sexual violence.

Breaking the Silence Together works in tandem with many organizations and governments toward the ultimate collective goal of ending sexual violence against our most vulnerable population.

Breaking the Silence Together moved its headquarters to San Diego, California in 2008 to begin a new national campaign across the United States. A national ride to raise awareness ‘A Light Across America Ride” is being planned for 2010.

San Diego

Anthology is a premier dinner/Jazz club in little Italy.

The venue has a 3-floor seating layout accommodating up to 300 guests. Aside from a delicious menu, you can see some of the top entertainers performing on their stage.

The

For more information visit their website at www.btstogether.com

Joe Manganiello JOE MANGANIELLO COMES TO THE LA JOLLA PLAYHOUSE

Actor Joe Manganiello stars in Unusual Acts of Devotion running June 7th-28th at the La Jolla Playhouse. Since earning a BFA in acting from The Carnegie Mellon University School of Drama, actor Joe Manganiello has excelled in television, film and theatre. He has had parts in Behind Enemy Lines, Spider-Man and SpiderMan 3, One Tree Hill, Til Death, How I Met Your Mother, ER, CSI:Miami, Las Vegas, and Scrubs, just to name a few. Beginning June 7, 2009, actor Joe Manganiello is set to star along sideTony award winner Harriet Harris, Emmy award winners Doris Roberts (Everybody Loves Raymond) and Richard Thomas (The Waltons) and Maria Dizzia in the west coast premiere of multiple Tony award winner, Pulitzer Prize Finalist, and legendary American playwright Terrence McNally’s new play, Unusual Acts of Devotion. Manganiello stars as "Leo," a native New York jazz musician celebrating his fifth wedding anniversary with his wife "Nadine."

Under inspired leadership, La Jolla Playhouse has earned its place in the international theatre scene. The Playhouses brilliant and innovative productions of classics, new plays and musicals, including 41 world premieres, 24 West Coast premieres and seven American premieres, have merited over 300 major honors including the 1993 Tony Award as America's Outstanding Regional Theatre.

For more information visit their website at www.lajollaplayhouse.org

Issue 2, 2009

Woman

Anthology

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Dreams Rebuilt There are those individuals who talk about doing good for their community and giving back, and then there are those who actually make it part of their life’s mission to do so. This is the case with Jay Riordan and his firm Dream Design Builders.

It was during the October wildfires back in 2007 that dreams turned into nightmares for many residents of San Diego, particularly in Rancho Bernardo, Jay’s home town. On October 22 of 2007 Jay, his wife and two sons faced the worst nightmare imaginable as they were forced to leave

Magazine, Jay’s firm has always lived up to a level of excellence exceeding industry standards and expectations. Jay’s list of memberships and civic organizations is extensive serving as Chairman of the Board of the San Diego Chapter of the National Association of the Remodeling Industry (NARI), President of the Rancho Bernardo Community Council, member of Community Response Team (CERT), member of the Sunrise Rotary of Rancho Bernardo, Board member of the Poway Center for the Performing Arts and Member of the San Diego North Chamber of Commerce. Just one day be-

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their home with only the clothes on their back and a few fore his own home burned to the ground Jay was in Tijuana prized scrapbooks. The fast moving firestorm hit their home building a home for the needy with his Rancho Bernardo so quickly that there was no time for them to grab all of their Rotary. precious memories before fleeing. It was actually the family In the midst of tragedy Jay stepped up to the plate helping cat, who was responsible for awakening them to the fact that to rebuild many neighboring homes in Rancho Bernardo. their neighborhood was in flames. In the midst of chaos, Knowing personally the process involved for these families Jay managed to run from house to house pounding on who suffered the same loss as Jay, he had made it part of doors, in the hopes of awakening sleeping neighbors. A fact his mission to make the rebuild as painless as possible for in itself that makes Jay one of the many unsung heroes that neighbors who dealt with of emotions including grief, and surfaced in the light of such tragedy. anger at their lot in life. Jay also had a few surprises along Jay’s firm, Dream Design Builders has been a landmark cus- the way while going through the process, he was lucky tom design and remodeling firm since 1987. Named one of enough to find his wedding band among the ashes. the top 2007 big 50 Remodelers in the U.S. by Remodeling Issue 2, 2009

Friends and family also provided help in bringing the family spirits up by recreating Jay and Brenda’s wedding album as an anniversary gift.

Jay made a promise to his wife that for her upcoming birthday; he vowed that they would be back in a new home that he would build on the site of the devastation.

No small task under the circumstances. Jay is not the kind of man to make promises he can’t keep and he has proven this over the years, not only with promises to his wife and family, but also with his dedication to causes in which he strongly believes. Thanks to a network of friends and colleagues, a family photo proudly displayed in their home shows Jay’s wife Brenda standing in front of their new home with Birthday cake in hand.

Woman San Diego

Spaghetti a Picchio Pacchio (spaghetti with tomatoes)

Contact us today at 254 E Grand Avenue, Suite 201 Escondido, CA 92025 La Jolla: 858.454.1999 Escondido: 760.738.8700 Fax: 760.738.8866

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Issue 2, 2009

1 lb. spaghetti 1 ½ lb. peeled and chopped Roma tomatoes 4 oz. grated Parmesan cheese 3 cloves chopped garlic 5 chopped fresh basil leaves ¼ cup extra virgin olive oil Pinch of salt Pinch of pepper Pinch of chili powder or red chili flakes Saute garlic in olive oil until light brown. Add tomatoes, salt, pepper and chili. Cook approximately 10 minutes.

Let sit for one hour. Boil the pasta in salted water.

Drain, add to sauce and mix top. Top with basil and parmesan cheese

This recipe is from the upcoming Busalacchi Cookbook available soon at all booksellers.

San Diego

With 91% of all purchasing decisions made by women, why not go right to the source. Advertise in San Diego Women.

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This is a recipe from the renowned Busalacchi Restaurants.... you will love it!

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Pamela M. Peeke, MD, MPH, FACP Known as the “doc who walks the talk”, Dr. Pamela Peeke is an internationally renowned expert and speaker in women’s health, fitness and nutrition. Dr. Peeke is a Pew Foundation Scholar in Nutrition and Metabolism, and one of the only physicians in America formally trained in nutrition science. Dr. Peeke is Assistant Professor of Medicine at the University of Maryland, and is a Fellow of the American College of Physicians. She has been recognized as one of the leading physicians in America by the Consumers Research Council of America. Dr. Peeke is featured as one of America’s leading women physicians in the National Institutes of Health Changing Face of Medicine exhibit at the National Library of Medicine.

San Diego Woman

The Chief Medical Correspondent for Discovery Health TV, she is featured in the award winning National Body Challenge series, as well as her Could You Survive? miniseries. Her book, The National Body Challenge Success Program for the Whole Family, is the best selling companion guide to her television and web-based program which is presently followed by over a million American families. Dr. Peeke is the New York Times bestselling author of Fight Fat after Forty, Body for Life for Women, and Fit to Live. Fit to Live is the basis for her Discovery miniseries Could You Survive? In 2008, Dr. Peeke won the Audie Award, the highest distinction for her narration of Fit to Live. Her original show pilot was a finalist for the coveted International Health and Medical Media Freddie Award, considered the highest award for excellence in medical film production.

Dr. Peeke is a member of the Maryland Governor’s Council on Fitness, and spokesperson for the American College of Sports Medicine’s Exercise is Medicine national campaign.

Dr. Peeke broadcasts weekly as health and fitness expert on WTOP FM, the highest rated news show in the Washington DC metro area. Dr. Peeke is a member of Oprah’s O team of medical experts and is a regular commentator and expert for the Today Show, CNN and the networks, as well as online including WebMD. Dr. Peeke is an author, contributing editor and celebrity blogger to numerous magazines including O magazine, Prevention, Parade, More, Fitness, and Men’s Health. Dr. Peeke’s wit and passion along with a mastery of science and medicine have led to her become one of the most requested physician speakers in America. Dr. Peeke works with corporate and professional audiences, ranging from Microsoft, Bath and Body Works, the Young Presidents Organization, to the Cleveland Clinic and the Library of Congress.

Dr. Peeke is founder of the Peeke Performance™ Center, which offers her Lifestyle Management Program guiding clients through the mental and physical transformations of their life journeys. A marathoner and mountain climber, Dr. Peeke founded the Peeke Week Retreats where she provides her Peeke Performers with the opportunity to mentally and physically challenge themselves in magnificent outdoor destinations including Red Mountain Spa, Miraval, Golden Door and Canyon Ranch. Her retreats have been featured in Fitness, Prevention and More magazines.

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Woman San Diego

www.sandiegowoman.com 254 E Grand Avenue, Suite 201 Escondido, CA 92025 La Jolla: 858.454.1999 Escondido: 760.738.8700 Fax: 760.738.8866 Issue 2, 2009

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254 E Grand Avenue, Suite 201 Escondido, CA 92025 Phone: 858.454.1999 or 760.738.8700 Fax: 760.738.8866

www.sandiegowoman.com

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San Diego

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46

Woman

San Diego

Women are the ultimate customer… read the secret to attracting this profitable market to your business!

We know you want and need women customers. National and local research indicates that 91% of all purchasing decisions are made by women. Whether you provide medical, dental or other health services you need to reach women with your message. If you sell automobiles, financial, real estate, clothing and beauty products there is no doubt you need to reach the women of San Diego. And we are the definitive voice of San Diego women!

We are the only Women’s magazine in San Diego! We have won prestigious national awards for our publication.

Approximately 60,000 women read each issue of our publication.

Read what some of our prominent women and advertisers of San Diego say about us: Carol Lebeau News 10 Anchor says: “Judith Habert has taken “San Diego Woman” to a new level. The features are fascinating and informative.

The magazine highlights women from all walks of life doing wonderful things in San Diego. The photography is first-rate…the layout creative and eye-catching. It’s simply beautiful… a “must read” in San Diego.”

Advertiser The Upward Spiral says: Thanks for the great job on my advertisement! The response has been amazing!

Advertiser Azimuth Realty Advisors says: Advertising in your magazine has made a definite impact on our business. The calls keep coming in! It proved to be the best return on our advertising dollar.

In times of uncertainty, people mistakenly cut back on advertising. It is the one thing that can help your business become dominate. No matter what business or service you provide, this is the time to raise your profile among women consumers. Now is the time to brand your name before millions of women in San Diego. Look at the covers of our magazines and the one you have in your hand. What a class publication!

Issue 2, 2009

"Five Letter Words" Twenty Five / Twenty Five 25 years old with 25 years of experience

By: Cynthia Burton

When did I go from worrying about four letter words to five letter words? Raising my children I was always conscious of their fascination with their body parts and how they worked; now I face the responsibility of making sure my body parts continue to work. We all know the childish laughter produced by a bout of flatulence or its four letter equivalent. Now at twenty-five years old with twenty-five years of experience, I need to worry about five letter words.

Fifty is a new five letter word for me. So is aging, teeth (keeping them), flash (as in hot flash), heart (not the proverbial broken heart but now heart health and the blood supply pumping to it), cream (moisturizing, eye, wrinkle, antiaging, dry skin, foot, SPF), fiber and colon.

And should I dare to mention hemorrhoid: A double whammy five letter word.

Heels, my beautiful sexy stilettos, no longer practical (my health insurance is already more expensive than my car payment), are replaced by new, leather walking shoes.

start my metabolism and help in the dreaded weight loss battle.

Marilyn Monroe was a size 14; thank you Norma Jean for providing those of us who are curvy (and were at birth a size 14) with realistic expectations of womanhood, although Barbie is also fifty.

It is good to be Queen, but when did I go from princess status to Queen? Princess implies youthfulness; having time to worry about the tiara staying in position. Questioning, which ensemble should be worn with the brightly colored, patterned, two piece bathing suit that so delicately outlines a perky body, and the flawless, waxed, shaved, skin as it glistens in the sunlight. The appropriate hairstyle, nail color and makeup for an outdoor activity, and, of course, which bracelet, shoes and handbag should be worn. Queen denotes age, sleep deprivation, corsets or Spanx, not the kind given as a punishment, but the kind older women use as undergarments to reposition all the cellulite so they can wear the dress they wore last summer.

Queen of my castle does come with its privileges; I am honored with overseeing the cleanliness of my throne, the pressing duty of laundering the fine linens and of course designing the nightly menu. After a difficult day of struggling with the state of my family’s economy, Jenny Craig is an expected dinner guest. The politically correct Queen that I am, Jenny and my lean husband have nothing in common, so the menu will have cuisine for Jenny and me and meat and potatoes for my King.

San Diego

When I saw the return address, I cringed. It was my reminder to make an appointment for my annual well woman examination, this year was going to be different.

47

If fifty is the new forty, so be it.

I will grow my red locks long to please my husband although my hairdresser informs me she is monitoring my hair loss each visit.

Maturity can be beneficial. Mother Nature now bequeaths her gift on the young ones. Father Time does provide wisdom. Experience is a gift money cannot buy. The lessons I have learned have been expensive; how thankful I am to not be twentyfive again. I could not afford them.

If I experience a flash and happen to wipe my face with a napkin that leaves particles of its recycled paper in the wrinkles of my face, I will handle it with grace and dignity.

I will stand erect (another five letter word) during my annual mammogram. I will lovingly, gently, and apologetically hoist my older bosom on to that cold slab, although mildly irked at the thought of becoming breakfast food at the local pancake house. Though they are non-milk producing, they are not yet candidates for filet mignon. I am appreciating my new walking shoes and how many miles women have walked in those types of leather walking shoes, to give me the opportunity to still be a combo menu item.

I will lie quietly while I undergo that dreaded colonoscopy and hope I remember not to use the glitter soap that morning during my shower. On the bright side, void of excess body fluid, maybe it will jump-

Issue 2, 2009

The day following my first, big screen debut, I plan to pick up my four-yearold granddaughter. We will have our mani-pedis done, prepare a menu using recipes from her ingredient book, look for bugs in the yard, dress up my poor Pugs in ridiculous outfits, who lovingly and instinctively know the laughter produced by this little jewel is a gift from heaven and whose innocence and wonderful whimsical talent is to make bubbles in the bathtub without the aid of Mr. Bubble. Finally we will do my favorite five letter word - laugh.

It is good to be twenty-five with twenty-five years of experience.

48

Spotlight

with Jazz songstress Jane Monheit

By Jaime V. Habert Jane Monheit always stayed true to her roots as a jazz artist, but in her new album, "The Lovers, The Dreamers, and Me," she successfully blends contemporary tracks, classic ballads, and Bossa Nova. After seeing Jane in concert at downtown San Diego's live music and fine dining venue, Anthology. It is without a doubt reason to spotlight this one-of-a-kind musician. Now, Jane opens up to San Diego Woman aout her 9 month old son, Jack, and musical inspiration, Ivan Lins.

SDW: Hey Jane! Congrats on your son, Jack, and the release of your fabulous new CD, “The Lovers, The Dreamers, and Me”. What inspired you to create such an interesting mix of contemporary hits and jazz standards?

Jane: Actually, the whole thing happened by accident....we made the first half of the album when I was nine months pregnant, and so we had to take a few months off before we finished the project. The first session was all very traditional and swinging, with a couple of Brazilian tunes. I had intended for the entire album to be that way....a "back to my roots" sort of thing, but Concord expressed interest in some more contemporary material, so the whole thing changed in midstream. The tunes on the record ended up spanning nearly a century of songwriting!

SDW: You have spoken about your admiration for Brazilian musician, Ivan Lins. What do you feel makes him such an icon?

Jane: I truly feel that he's one of the greatest songwriters of our time..... his melodies are incredibly beautiful, and his use of harmony is exquisite.

Anyone can sing one of his songs....and everyone has. His own recordings are the most special, though....Ivan has a way of singing that is so heartfelt and sincere. I absolutely idolize him.

SDW:You have collaborated with many prominent artists. Who is the most memorable?

Jane: Definitely Ivan!!!!!!!!

SDW:After playing so many venues, do you have any favorites?

Jane: My two absolute favorites, hands down, are the Blue Note Tokyo and the old Mistura Fina in Rio, which no longer exists. I'll be playing the new location next month, though, so hopefully it will be just as amazing! I don't see how it couldn't be...it was the audience that made it special.

SDW: You mention Bonnie Raitt as a major influence on you, which prompted the addition of “I Ain’t Gonna Let You Break My Heart.” What about this popular Bonnie Raitt anthem spoke to you?

Jane: I remember being really excited as a kid to discover that she had recorded that duet with Herbie Hancock.....my musical worlds collided, you know. Maybe that was the beginning of my love for blending genres.

Bonnie could certainly sing any song ever written and have it work, just because she's so truly herself.

SDW: The album is dedicated to your son and your former producer Joel Dorn. How do you think Joel would feel about this great mix of classic and current titles?

Jane: He would have liked some of it, and disliked some of it, I think. I think some of the tunes we left off would have been his favorites!!! This was

Issue 2, 2009

a difficult album to sequence, so we unfortunately had to leave out some gems.

SDW: You and your husband, Rick Montalbano, have worked together for most of your career. How is it working alongside him?

Jane: It's pretty much the best thing ever. We met playing music together, so it seems like the most natural thing in the world. We value each other's opinions very highly, and make all of our musical decisions together....it just feels right to do things this way, and it truly works for us.

SDW: There are so many ways for bands to get their music heard these days (Myspace, Facebook, etc.) Any new artists that have caught your eye?

Jane: I have a ten month old, so it's pretty much Sesame Street and Spongebob these days......I really like Adele, though. And The Bird and the Bee, although they've been around a while.

SDW: Venturing out into uncharted territory, you have chosen some titles that don’t necessarily relate to your own experiences. Is it more difficult to sing an emotionally identifiable track or one that requires some character association?

Jane: If it isn't easy, or doesn't feel right, I don't sing it.....it's that simple.

SDW: We at San Diego Woman love your new album, but it requires some intense traveling. What’s it like caring for a child and performing around the globe?

Jane: It's great; actually, because our whole family is together.....I have a lot of help from my husband and a good friend that travels with us. I have so much respect and awe for single mothers who make it all work! It makes being on the road so much more fun, though.....a happy child makes the whole world seem better.

1-5 Jul—San Diego County Fair

31 Jul—SummerFest

San Diego's largest annual event draws more than 1.2 million visitors with

SummerFest is an annual music celebration with

livestock and agricultural exhibits, carnival rides,

renowned orchestras, soloists and chamber music

concerts, film screenings, dance contests, and flower and garden shows.

ensambles. Various venues throughout La Jolla.

Del Mar Fairgrounds, 2260 Jimmy Durante Blvd.,

For information, call 858-459-3724. For tickets, call 858-459-3728. http://

Del Mar (20 mi/32 km north of San Diego). For information and tickets, call

www.lajollamusicsociety.org Continues through 23 Aug

July

858-755-1161 or 858-793-5555. http://www.sdfair.com. Concludes 5 Jul Throughout July—Major-League Baseball 4 Jul—Independence Day Public holiday

The San Diego Padres play regular-season home games at PETCO Park, downtown. For information, call 619-795-5000. For tickets, call toll-free

4 Jul—Coronado Independence Day Celebration

877-374-2784. http://www.padres.mlb.com. Season continues through late

Coronado celebrates the holiday with a 15K run, parade, Navy SEALs

September

demonstrations and fireworks over Glorietta Bay. For information, call 619Throughout July—Musical Broadway

437-8788.

San Diego presents award-winning popular Broadway musicals at the Civic 18, 19 Jul—San Diego Pride

Theatre, Third Avenue and B Street. For information, call 619-564-3000.

A political rally commemorates the 1969 Stonewall Uprising, and a pride

For tickets, call 619-570-1100, or Ticketmaster at 619-220-8497. http://www.

parade with more than 200 entries travels down University Avenue. There's

broadwaysd.com. Continues through mid March 2010

also a two-day festival in Balboa Park, 5K run and a commitment ceremony.

Throughout July—Theater The Old Globe Theatre is home to many clas-

For information, call 619-297-7683. http://www.sdpride.org.

sic and contemporary theatrical productions. Balboa Park, 1363 Old Globe 18, 19 Jul—U.S. Open Sandcastle Competition

Way. For information, call 619-231-1941. For tickets, call 619-234-5623.

Professional and amateur teams from around the world create more than

http://www.oldglobe.org. Continues through mid August

40 giant sand sculptures. Seacoast Drive closes for a parade and street fair that attracts more than 300,000 visitors with live entertainment, children's

Throughout July—Old Globe Shakespeare Festival The Lowell Davies

rides, arts-and-crafts exhibits and nearly 150 vendors. Imperial Beach Pier.

Festival Theatre, one of the Globe Theatres, presents a program of works

For information, call 619-424-6663. http://www.usopensandcastle.com.

by Shakespeare. 1363 Old Globe Way, Balboa Park. For information, call

San Diego

Events Around Town Continues through 27 Sep

Early-Mid August—Theater The Old Globe

Theatre is home to many classic and contemporary theatrical productions.

August

Balboa Park, 1363 Old Globe Way. For information, call 619-231-1941. For tickets, call 619-234-5623. http://www.oldglobe.org. Concludes mid August 1-23 Aug—SummerFest

Throughout August—Major-League Baseball

SummerFest is an annual music celebration with renowned orchestras, solo-

The San Diego Padres play regular-season home games at PETCO Park,

ists and chamber music ensambles. Various venues throughout La Jolla.

downtown. For information, call 619-795-5000. For tickets, call toll-free

For information, call 858-459-3724. For tickets, call 858-459-3728. http://

877-374-2784. http://www.padres.mlb.com. Season continues through late

www.lajollamusicsociety.org Concludes 23 Aug

September .

15-31 Aug—Fleet Week Celebrates the U.S. Armed Forces with an air

Throughout August—Old Globe Shakespeare Festival The Lowell

show, ship parades, golf tournaments, concerts, car racing, fireworks and

Davies Festival Theatre, one of the Globe Theatres, presents a program of

more at the Port of San Diego and other venues throughout the city. For

works by Shakespeare. 1363 Old Globe Way, Balboa Park. For information,

information, call 619-858-1546, or toll-free 800-353-3893. http://www.fleet-

call 619-231-1941. For tickets, call 619-234-5623. http://www.theoldglobe.

weeksandiego.org. Continues through 21 Oct

org. Continues through 27 Sep

28, 29 Aug—San Diego Street Scene

Throughout August—Musical Broadway

More than 40 rock, rap, funk, hip-hop, indie rock, acid jazz and other musical

San Diego presents award-winning popular Broadway musicals at the Civic

groups perform on five stages during one of the country's leading urban-

Theatre, Third Avenue and B Street. For information, call 619-564-3000.

music festivals. Takes place in the streets of East Village (adjacent to Petco

For tickets, call 619-570-1100, or Ticketmaster at 619-220-8497. http://www.

Park) on 13th and 14th avenues and J, K and L streets. For information, call

broadwaysd.com. Continues through mid March 2010

619-233-5008. http://www.street-scene.com.

Issue 2, 2009

Woman

619-231-1941. For tickets, call 619-234-5623. http://www.theoldglobe.org.

49

50

Crossing out the Ex

By Rachel L. Karp I have never considered myself an all out feminist, but I am a strong advocate for women’s rights. I believe that women should be treated the same as men and deserve the same wages, the same work benefits, and the same admiration. I also believe that women should be respected, not only by their peers, but by themselves as well.

So, when I see a woman degrading herself by continuously returning into the arms of a man who has emotionally or physically abused her, my invisible furnace of rage starts to overheat.

Getting back together with an ex is not always a bad thing. Sometimes couples break up over a misunderstanding.

If they apologize to each other and get back together, perhaps they can work things out and live happily ever after. However, if a couple breaks up numerous times and still finds themselves crawling back to each other, they need to rethink their relationship.

There are hundreds of reasons why women get back with their exes. Some of them are legitimate, but most of the time they are just poorly formulated excuses. One of the main reasons women return to their exes is that they feel that they can “fix” their partner. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this never works. No matter how hard she tries, a woman cannot change her ex. Once adults make up their minds about how they want to live their lives, they (normally) do not change; not even for people they love.

It grieves me to hear women say “when we get married, he will be different,” or “If I can just have some more time, I can change him.”

First of all, getting married changes nothing but financial dependency and living arrangements. It’s not like stepping through a magical portal where all of a sudden everything in a relationship is hunky dory. Couples must work hard to ensure that their marriages last.

They must come to compromises, work together as a team, and in many cases, see the other’s point of view. Happiness does not automatically spring into life once a couple is joined in holy matrimony; arguments will still be abundant, annoying habits will still be present, and vindictive attitudes will still be floating around in the air.

In order to minimize these problems (they occur in almost every marriage), a couple has to be willing to try and get rid of them. This means they can’t just hope for them to go away. Wishing and hoping never helped the Chargers last year when they lost their ride to the Super Bowl and these same tactics will not aid a woman in bettering her relationship.

Now, about the “In time, I can change him” statement: it should be changed to “In time, he can change him.” Only a man can change himself. And he has to want to change. He won’t just do it because his girlfriend or wife would like him to. In fact, that would probably want to make him change less. In the book, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, Dr. John Gray mentions that when pressured to change, men recoil from women because they feel incompetent. This creates a very negative effect between husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend.

In order to truly love someone, a person has to like the way their partner is in the present, not how they could be in the future. If a woman says she loves a man for who he is but still wants to change him, she doesn’t have her feelings straight.

Another reason why women often return to their exes is because they feel sorry for them. To be frank, in a relationship that has

ended or is falling apart, a woman has to think of what will benefit her in the future, not what will benefit her partner. Will she be happy with this man in marriage? Will this man make a good father?

Does this man share the same goals as she does? These are the thoughts a woman needs to think before returning to a relationship with an ex. If she dwells on the problems and needs of her partner and sacrifices her own, she will lead a life of misery and regret.

Completely opposite to the above situation, a further reason why women get back with their exes is because they feel sorry for themselves. Sometimes they do not want to put forth the effort to start over with a new relationship. Other times they feel no one will love and care about them besides their ex.

Both of these concepts are terrible ways of thinking. If a woman doesn’t want to spend time building a new relationship, then she should take a break from the world of dating. She shouldn’t stay with her ex to avoid mapping out new relationships. As for thinking that they will not be loved by anyone but their ex – they have to realize that there are many more people out in the world who will love them just as much, if not more than their ex.

Sometimes men will tell their girlfriends or wives (who plan on leaving them) that they will never be loved again because they are angry, sad, or jealous. In this situation, the woman must tune out what her (potential) ex is saying. They must then tell themselves that if they are willing to put forth love into a new relationship, most likely love will be returned to them.

One of the last main reasons women return to life with their exes is the need for financial security. Maybe breaking up with their partner means leaving behind a world of substantial income and a decent place to live. Women who do not make a lot of money may find it hard to live on their own, so getting back with an ex in order to make ends meet sometimes sounds like a decent trade off.

Women who are going through this sort of situation need to know that money won’t make them happy. It may make life easier for her, but in the long run it may destroy her personal well being by staying with someone she does not enjoy being around.

I know a woman who was with a man for two years. She said she loved him and cared about him above all else. Yet, during that period, they got into numerous fights; breaking up and getting back together about five times. Even now, after she said she was leaving him forever, the woman still finds the compulsion to get back together with her ex.

It upsets me to see this woman who is so smart, beautiful, and kind, return to a man who has given her nothing but heartache for the past year. Whether she clings to him because she is lonely, thinks she can change him, or is scared to move on, is a mystery. All I can see is that she is in the same destructive rut of not leaving her ex for good and doesn’t even realize that she is hurting herself.

There are millions of other women in similar predicaments out in the world today who are attached to their exes for reasons they cannot see for themselves. What needs to be done in order to break this chain of restraintive events is a female realization: Women around the world need to appreciate themselves for what they are , not what they are shaped into being by past partners and flings. They need to know that they can overcome heartache and move on; usually to happier, more promising horizons.

Issue 2, 2009

San Diego

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Issue 2, 2009