3!.$Ä’JOURNALÄ’IS Ä’ $EARÄ’2EADER
"ECKYÄ’#ROOKÄ’\Ä’EDITOR #HRISTINAÄ’7EGENERÄ’\Ä’SPANISHÄ“ Ä“MANAGINGÄ“EDITOR #HRISÄ’$AVISÄ’\Ä’PROSEÄ“EDITOR *ULIANÄ’3MITH .EWMANÄ’\Ä’POETRYÄ“EDITOR 9VONNEÄ’!NDREASÄ’\Ä’ARTÄ“EDITOR %VELYNÄ’3ELTIERÄ’\Ä’GERMANÄ“EDITOR +ATJAÄ’7INSMANNÄ’\Ä’DESIGN *OHANNESÄ’+RIJAÄ’\Ä’INTERN ,ORNAÄ’2ICHERBYÄ’\Ä’COPYÄ“EDITORÄ’ 3USANÄ’3CHULZÄ’\Ä’MARKETINGÄ“ Ä“DISTRIBUTION )33.Ä’ 8 0UBLISHEDÄ’INÄ’"ERLIN 0RINTING Ä’3OLIDÄ’%ARTH #OPYRIGHTÄ’3PRINGÄ’ 3!.$Ä’*OURNAL 2iDELSTR Ä’ Ä’"ERLIN INFO SANDJOURNAL COM WWW SANDJOURNAL COM
)NĒPAUSINGĒTOĒCONSIDERĒTHATĒTHISĒISĒNOWĒTHEĒTHIRDĒISSUEĒOFĒ3!.$„ANĒOFTEN DECISIVEĒNUMBERĒFORĒLITERARYĒ JOURNALS„)ĒDECIDEDĒTOĒGOOGLEĒTHEĒPHRASEĒ…GOODĒTHINGSĒCOMEĒINĒTHREES†ĒANDĒFOUNDĒAĒLISTĒOFĒOBJECTSĒINĒ TRIPLICATE Ē4HISĒLISTĒINCLUDED ĒĒBLINDĒMICE ĒMENĒINĒAĒTUB ĒTHEĒNUMBERĒOFĒPOINTSĒONĒMANYĒTYPESĒOFĒLEAVES ĒTHEĒ 0OWERĒ0UFFĒ'IRLS ĒTHEĒTHREEĒ2ˆSĒ 2EADING Ē2ITINGĒANDĒ2ITHMETIC ĒANDĒTHEĒFLOATINGĒCHORDSĒUSEDĒTOĒPLAYĒEVERYĒ !# $#ĒSONG Ē)ĒDONˆTĒKNOWĒWHETHERĒTHESEĒCANĒALLĒBEĒCONSIDEREDĒĒ…GOODĒTHINGS†ĒORĒWHAT ĒIFĒANYTHING ĒTHEYĒ HAVEĒTOĒDOĒWITHĒ3!.$Ē*OURNAL Ē"UTĒEACHĒONEĒMADEĒMEĒSTOPĒANDĒTHINKĒFORĒAĒMOMENT Ē )NĒTHEĒLASTĒSEVERALĒMONTHS ĒOURĒGROWINGĒTEAMĒOFĒ3!.$ĒEDITORSĒHASĒRECEIVEDĒWORKSĒFROMĒHUNDREDSĒOFĒ WRITERSĒANDĒARTISTS ĒEACHĒONEĒINĒTHEIRĒOWNĒWAYĒPAUSINGĒTOĒREFLECTĒONĒAĒVIEW ĒAĒTOPIC ĒAĒMANNERĒOFĒSEEINGĒ THEĒWORLD Ē!NDĒSINCEĒTHISĒWASĒ4HEĒ+IEZĒ)SSUE ĒAĒSPECIALĒEDITION ĒWEĒALSOĒHAVEĒSEVERALĒARTISTSĒANDĒWRITERSĒ WHOĒREFLECTĒONĒTHEIRĒPARTICULARĒGEOGRAPHICALĒLOCATION Ē 7EĒHOPEĒTHATĒOURĒCHOSENĒCOLLECTIONĒOFĒWRITINGĒANDĒARTĒFORĒTHISĒISSUEĒPROVIDESĒYOUĒTHEĒOPPORTUNITYĒTOĒSTOPĒ ANDĒCONSIDER ĒTOĒHANGĒYOURĒTHOUGHTSĒOUTĒTOĒDRY ĒANDĒPERHAPSĒEVENĒTOĒSEEĒYOURĒOWNĒ+IEZĒINĒAĒNEWĒWAY Ē 3INCERELY
"ECKYÄ’#ROOK
EDITOR
$ONATIONSÄ’AREÄ’GRATEFULLYÄ’ACCEPTEDÄ’AT Ä’ 3!.$Ä’*OURNAL !TTN Ä’"ECKYÄ’#ROOK !CCOUNTÄ’.O Ä’ ",: Ä’ ',3Ä’'EMEINSCHAFTSBANKÄ’%' #ONNECTÄ’WITHÄ’USÄ’ONÄ’FACEBOOKÄ’FORÄ’EVENTS WWW FACEBOOK COM SANDJOURNAL
Ē3!.$ĒWISHESĒTOĒTHANK Ē %TSYĒLABSĒ"ERLINĒFORĒHOSTINGĒUSĒWITHĒTHEIRĒSPACE ĒTHEĒ)NTERNATIONALĒ,ITERATUREĒĒ &ESTIVALĒ"ERLINĒFORĒCOOPERATIONĒANDĒCONTACTS Ē4EMPORdRITYĒFORĒHOSTINGĒUS ĒTHEĒ3OFAĒ 3ALONĒORGANIZERS ĒTHEĒ%X"ERLINERĒFORĒCONTINUEDĒCOLLABORATION Ē*ONATHANĒ/ˆ2EILLYĒFORĒ ARTĒANDĒPHOTOGRAPHY Ē)RENEĒ3ACKMANNĒFORĒTHEĒILLUSTRATION Ē3OLIDĒ%ARTHĒPRINTING Ē2OBERTĒ 'RANTĒFORĒHOSTINGĒANDĒPRODUCINGĒTHEĒ3!.$Ē*OURNALĒ"EAT3TREETĒDVD ĒANDĒEVERYONEĒWHOĒ SUPPORTSĒLITERARYĒANDĒARTISTICĒEVENTSĒINĒ"ERLIN
#/.4%.43
!24 -IKAรฐLฤ &ALKEฤ "NUDQย OGNSNFQ@OGX ?(OLOCAUSTฤ -AHNMALฤ \ฤ ?/LYMPIASTADION ฤ #HARLOTTENBURGฤ \ฤ ฤ ?)NVALIDENFRIEDHOF ฤ -ITTEฤ \ฤ (EIZKRAFTWERKฤ +LINGENBERG ฤ ,ICHTENBERGฤ \ฤ ฤ ?"ERLINฤ \ฤ 'iRLITZERฤ 0ARK ฤ +REUZBERGฤ \ฤ ฤ ?"ERLIN ฤ &LUGHAFENฤ 4EMPELHOFฤ \ฤ ?0AUL ,iBE (AUS ฤ -ITTEฤ \ฤ ฤ ?$ENKMALฤ "ERNAUER 3TRELITZERฤ STRASSE ฤ 0RENZLAUERฤ "ERGฤ \ฤ ฤ ? *ACOB UND 7ILHELM 'RIMM :ENTRUM ฤ -ITTE 2AkLฤ !GUAYO +RAUTHAUSEN "LICKWINKEL ?-EINEฤ "EINEฤ \ฤ !UFฤ !UGENHiHEฤ \ฤ ฤ
?3UPERMARKTEINGANGฤ \ฤ ?(AUSEINGANGฤ \ฤ ?3CHILD 3AMUELฤ 'IEBEN ?2AINฤ \ฤ ?(OOD )RENEฤ 3ACKMANN ?3!.$ฤ RECOMMENDSฤ THEฤ BESTฤ DiNERฤ ฤ FALAFELฤ INฤ "ERLINฤ )LLUSTRATION
?:WANGLOSฤ )))ฤ .ATHANIELฤ "ARRONฤ \ฤ ฤ ?%TERNALฤ 2ECURRENCEฤ OFฤ THEฤ 3AMEฤ (OWIEฤ 'OODฤ \ฤ ฤ ฤ ?(UDSONฤ ,INEฤ $AVIDฤ .EEฤ \ฤ ?-ADRASฤ -ORNINGฤ 4ISHANIฤ $OSHIฤ \ฤ ฤ ?4HEฤ 0HOTOGRAPHERฤ 2ESPONDSฤ TOฤ THEฤ 0OETฤ $AVIDฤ .EEฤ \ฤ ?!MONGฤ !SCHENBACH Sฤ ฤ ,ASTฤ 4HOUGHTSฤ -ICHAELฤ /ย 3ULLIVANฤ \ฤ ?!ฤ ,ITTLEฤ #HATฤ "ETWEENฤ &RIENDSฤ +IMฤ &ARLEIGHฤ \ฤ ฤ ?3OLAฤ ENฤ ELฤ CENTROฤ DELฤ LENGUAJEฤ !NAฤ 'ORRfAฤ \ฤ ?!Mฤ -AUERPARKฤ 7LADIMIRฤ +AMINERฤ \ฤ ฤ ?!FTERฤ THEฤ 4HAWฤ .EILฤ -C#ARTHYฤ \ฤ ?%XPERIMENTฤ ฤ 4HEฤ ROUTEฤ OFฤ ANฤ ATOMฤ THROUGHฤ THEฤ BODYฤ 2EBECCAฤ %LLIOTTฤ \ฤ ?"E,OVEDฤ %LIZAฤ "ISHOPฤ \ฤ ?!ฤ QUICKฤ DINฤ OFฤ DIMMEDฤ WINGSฤ ฤ !MELIAฤ 2OSSELLIฤ 4RANSLATION ฤ $IANAฤ 4HOW ฤ \ฤ ?(ANGINGฤ FACES ฤ BRONZESฤ ONฤ THEฤ WALL ฤ BRONZEฤ FACES ฤ SAINTSฤ HANGINGฤ !MELIAฤ 2OSSELLIฤ 4RANSLATION ฤ $IANAฤ 4HOW
+!&&%%ฤ 0!53% ?4EQUILAฤ "ARฤ (AIKUฤ #ERAฤ )MPALAฤ \ฤ ?+OFIฤ ,UISAฤ "RENTAฤ \ฤ ?(IPSTERSฤ DIDN Tฤ ฤ )NVENTฤ THEฤ +IEZฤ &IONAฤ -IZANIฤ \ฤ ?)NTERVIEWฤ WITHฤ 7ILLฤ #ARRUTHERSฤ *OHANNESฤ +RIJAฤ \ฤ ฤ ?4HISESฤ ฤ 4HATSESฤ \ฤ ?2EVIEWฤ OFฤ !NIMALSฤ ANDฤ 0LACESฤ -ADHVIฤ 2AMANIฤ ฤ ?"Yฤ THEฤ "ORNHOLMERฤ "RIDGEฤ !LISTAIRฤ .OONฤ \ฤ ?SCHLACHTENSEEฤ &LORIANฤ 7ESSELSฤ \ฤ ฤ ?#APEฤ #LEARฤ )SLANDฤ -ICHAELฤ /ย 3ULLIVANฤ \ฤ ?4HEREฤ 7EREฤ .Oฤ /THERฤ ,IGHTSฤ %WANฤ &ORBESฤ \ฤ ฤ ?#ONSTRUCTIONฤ $ORTMUNDฤ )NNENSTADT ฤ #ITYฤ #ENTER ฤ +ATEฤ 4HORPEฤ \ฤ ?/VILLOฤ !NAฤ 'ORRfAฤ \ฤ ?-cSฤ ESCARCHAฤ ENฤ LAฤ NOCHEฤ !NAฤ 'ORRfAฤ \ฤ ?%SCOMBRADAฤ !NAฤ 'ORRfAฤ \ฤ ?/DEฤ ANฤ " ฤ # ฤ - ฤ 3CHOLLERERฤ \ฤ ?&ROMฤ Aฤ DISTANCEฤ 0AOLAฤ $Iฤ 'ENNAROฤ \ฤ ?!ฤ 6IEWฤ &ROMฤ #ORTONAฤ *ULIANฤ 3MITH .EWMANฤ \ฤ ?!UTORRETRATOฤ -ARIANOฤ 0EYROUฤ \ฤ ?!LEXIS ฤ 0AINTEDฤ 7OMANฤ %LENAฤ -EGALOSฤ \ฤ ?&ORฤ THEฤ WIFEฤ OFฤ MYฤ LOVER ฤ ONCEฤ ฤ (ANNAHฤ , ฤ !SSADIฤ \ฤ ?/URฤ PRECIOUSฤ MEASUREDฤ DAYSฤ .EILฤ -C#ARTHY
(OLOCAUSTē-AHNMAL
-IKAEL &ALKE
/LYMPIASTADION ē#HARLOTTENBURG
(OWIE 'OOD
$AVID .EE
%TERNALÄ“2ECURRENCEÄ“OFÄ“THEÄ“3AME
/NEĒWEEKĒITˆSĒANĒUNCLEĒINĒ*ERUSALEMĒWHOĒ SHATTERS Ē4HEĒNEXTĒWEEKĒITˆSĒMYĒFATHERĒWHOĒCALLS Ē 7HATĒCANĒCAUSEĒMOREĒHARMĒIFĒMISUSED ĒLOVEĒORĒ HATE Ē4HEĒQUESTIONĒCONFUSESĒME Ē3OMEĒNIGHTSĒ )ĒNEEDĒTOĒTAKEĒAĒPILLĒTOĒFALLĒASLEEP Ē!ĒMOTELĒSIGNĒ ADVERTISESĒCABLEĒ46ĒANDĒNOĒVACANCIES Ē)ĒGOĒTOĒ BEDĒSTILLĒBLEEDINGĒAĒLITTLE ĒLIKEĒAĒMANĒFROMĒAĒ COUNTRYĒWHEREĒNOĒONEĒELSEĒLIVES
(UDSONÄ’,INE
THATÄ“DAYÄ“WEÄ“TOOKÄ“THEÄ“TRAINÄ“UPÄ“NORTHÄ“ITÄ“RAINED GLIDINGÄ“ALONGÄ“THEÄ“TRACKSÄ“NEXTÄ“TOÄ“THEÄ“RIVER
THEÄ“TARNISHEDÄ“SILVERÄ“CARRIAGESÄ“SLOWLYÄ“TURNED BENEATHÄ“THEÄ“CLOUDSÄ“THATÄ“SHADOWEDÄ“OURÄ“ARRIVAL
(EĒWOULDNˆTĒTAKEĒOFFĒHISĒHAT Ē4OĒLIVEĒWELL ĒHEĒ SAID ĒYOUĒMUSTĒLIVEĒUNSEEN Ē(EĒHADĒAĒROPEĒ AROUNDĒHISĒNECKĒANDĒONEĒLEGĒOVERĒTHEĒRAILING Ē !ĒPASSERBYĒHAPPENEDĒTOĒNOTICEĒTHEĒBANKĒCLOCKĒ SAIDĒ Ē4HEĒMOSTĒMYSTERIOUSĒTHINGĒISĒAĒFACTĒ CLEARLYĒSTATED Ē)ĒINQUIREDĒATĒTHEĒDESK Ē4HEĒSUNĒ WILLĒSHINEĒFORĒANOTHERĒSIXĒBILLIONĒYEARS Ē!TĒLEAST
WHENÄ“WEÄ“STEPPEDÄ“OUTÄ“ONTOÄ“THEÄ“PLATFORM Ä“ONLY AÄ“CLUMPÄ“OFÄ“TREESÄ“ONÄ“GREENISHÄ“TURF Ä“AÄ“STEEP SHORTÄ“BANKÄ“AND Ä“BEFOREÄ“IT Ä“AÄ“FENCE Ä“DIVIDED USÄ“FROMÄ“THEÄ“DARKÄ“ANDÄ“PULSINGÄ“RIVERÄ“DEEPS
)Ä’STOODÄ’THEREÄ’WITHÄ’ANÄ’UMBRELLAÄ’UNDERÄ’MYÄ’ARM Ä’ AÄ’MOURNFULÄ’OBSERVER Ä’/THERSÄ’RAN Ä’)TÄ’WASÄ’WHATÄ’ MACHINESÄ’DREAMÄ’ABOUT Ä’BUTÄ’COVEREDÄ’INÄ’FLAMESÄ’ ANDÄ’THEÄ’MAPSÄ’OFÄ’MISSINGÄ’COUNTRIES
$URINGÄ’DINNER Ä’THEÄ’TREESÄ’DROPPEDÄ’LEAVESÄ’INÄ’THEÄ’ POND Ä’3HEÄ’SAIDÄ’SOMETHINGÄ’ABOUTÄ’GUILTÄ’ANDÄ’ FORGIVENESS Ä’4HEÄ’ORANGEÄ’CATÄ’THATÄ’HADÄ’ADOPTEDÄ’ USÄ’WASÄ’LICKINGÄ’ITSELFÄ’UNDERÄ’THEÄ’TABLE Ä’)Ä’NODDEDÄ’ ASÄ’IFÄ’)Ä’UNDERSTOOD Ä’.IGHTÄ’FROSTÄ’LITÄ’UPÄ’THEÄ’FIELDS Ä’AÄ’ LANGUAGEÄ’THATÄ’HASÄ’NOÄ’WORDÄ’FORÄ’THEÄ’PAST
THEÄ“RAINÄ“CAMEÄ“DOWNÄ“ASÄ“THEÄ“TRAINÄ“PULLEDÄ“AWAY INÄ“HEAVY Ä“FRAGRANTÄ“DROPS Ä“SPATTERINGÄ“OURÄ“SWEATERS ANDÄ“OURÄ“COATS Ä“DAFTÄ“ANDÄ“GIDDY Ä“WEÄ“CURSEDÄ“THEÄ“WEATHER{ BUTÄ“ASÄ“WEÄ“WALKEDÄ“BYÄ“THEÄ“ROADSIDEÄ“HONEYSUCKLE ONÄ“THEÄ“SMALLÄ“SHOULDERÄ“OFÄ“THEÄ“ROAD Ä“THEÄ“CLOUDS CLEAREDÄ“NORTHWARD Ä“ROLLINGÄ“ONÄ“ALONGÄ“THEÄ“TWINNING DISTANTÄ“TRACKS Ä“ANDÄ“WEÄ“CROSSEDÄ“AÄ“PARKINGÄ“LOT SHIMMERINGÄ“WITHÄ“TREES Ä“WHEREÄ“THEÄ“NEWÄ“SUNÄ“WASÄ“SHINING
.EIL -C#ARTHY
2EBECCA %LLIOTT
%XPERIMENTÄ’ Ä’Ä’ 4HEÄ’ROUTEÄ’OFÄ’ANÄ’ATOMÄ’THROUGHÄ’THEÄ’BODY
After the Thaw
You will learn not to be disappointed now that you have weathered the stares. You have mapped footprints to floorboards, followed them to the door, and now imagine two more, tiny and awkward as the final fall of snow regaled by restless earth. I can see you tonight, your smile aglow, your belt made of shells; the opacity of five rabid years becoming clearer in the winelight. You are musing over some intricate detail of your latest sketch: the shading, the contrast; perhaps fearful of its completion. I imagine instead that you are enamoured by the stock doves returning to the sky and its forthcoming light of transparent depths. And you are walking now, beneath fidgety birches, through grass wet with vernal dew. You stop by the lake at the edge of the wood and draw comfort from the thaw.
WEēCANNOTēTELLēWHATēEXACTLYēBECOMESēOFēTHEēATOMSēANDē MOLECULESēWHICHēPASSēINTOēTHEēBODYēzēHOWēFAR ēē ORēINēWHATēSENSE ēTHEYēAREēBUILTēUPēINTOēTHEēLIVINGēTISSUE ē ORēINēWHATēWAYēTHEIRēPOTENTIALēENERGYēISēIMMEDIATELYēēēēēēēē UTILIZED ē* 3 ē(ALDANE ē -ECHANISM ē,IFEēANDē0ERSONALITY ē AēCARBONēATOMēONCEēINēAēSANDWICHēISēFOREVERēMARKEDē SANDWICH ēAē WATERēMOLECULEēFROMēAēGRAPEFRUITēISēMARKEDē GRAPEFRUITēJUICE ē AēMUSCLEēINēYOURēLEFTēHANDēSAYSē BACK YARDēBARBEQUE ēēTHEēSKINēTHATē COVERSēITēSAYSē EVERYēLEMONADEēOFēSUMMER HOWēLONGēAGOēWASēTHATēBARBEQUE ēTHISēMAYēBEēDIFFICULTēTOēDETECT ēē BUTēITēISēNOēLONGERēIMPOSSIBLE ēWITHēGREATēDILIGENCE ēTRACEēTHEēPATHSēOFē THEēTHINGSēTHATēENTERēYOURēBODY ēATOMēBYēATOM ē ITēMAYēBEēHELPFULēTOēDRAWēAēMAP THEēLINESēONēTHEēMAPēWILLēTAKEēONēDIFFERENTēCOLORS ēATēSOMEēPOINTēTHEYē WILLēEXTENDēPASTēTHEēOUTLINEēTHATēREPRESENTSēYOURēBODY ē WHEREēTHEYēMEETēAGAINēTHEYēWILLēFORMēSTRANGEēPICTURES ēAēBIRD ēANēEYE ē AēTELEPHONE FEEDēTHEēBIRD ē#LOSEēTHEēEYE ēANSWERēTHEēTELEPHONE
/VILLO
!NA 'ORRqA
-cSÄ’ESCARCHAÄ’ENÄ’LAÄ’NOCHE 0ARAÄ’*ORDI
#OMOÄ’UNAÄ’CUCARACHAÄ’BOCAÄ’ARRIBA Ä’ROZAÄ’LAÄ’VOZÄ’LASÄ’COSAS
TOCcNDOLASÄ’ENÄ’VANO
$fASÄ’ENÄ’QUEÄ’LAÄ’VASTAÄ’DESAPARICIgN VUELVEÄ’COMOÄ’LAÄ’NOCHEÄ’ALÄ’MEDIODfA
#OMOÄ’MADEJAÄ’SUCIAÄ’DEÄ’HILOÄ’NEGRO Ä’LAÄ’VOLUNTADÄ’BALDfA 3ONARÄ’YÄ’DESHACERSE
4EMBLOR
9Ä’LEJOS Ä’ELÄ’FANTASMAÄ’QUEÄ’CONDENA Ä’%LÄ’LcTIGOÄ’APAGADO ,OSÄ’NAUFRAGIOS
DEÄ’LOÄ’NOÄ’SUCEDIDO !LGOÄ’DESLIZAÄ’SUÄ’JARDfNÄ’ENÄ’CIERNES LENGUAÄ’ADENTRO Ä’LAÄ’PIELÄ’YÄ’ELÄ’CORAZgN
ELÄ’cNGULO Ä’LAÄ’SOMBRA &ORMASÄ’DEÄ’HACERSEÄ’ENÄ’LAÄ’MELANCOLfA
"ALL
+HJD”@”BNBJQN@BG”NM”HSR”A@BJ ”SGD”UNHBD”FQ@YDR”SGHMFR SNTBGHMF”SGDL”HM”U@HM +HJD”@”CHQSX”RJDHM”NE”AK@BJ”SGQD@C ”SGD”HCKD”VHKK 3N”CQD@L”@MC”SN”BNLD”TMCNMD MC”E@Q”NEE ”SGD”OG@MSNL”SG@S”BNMCDLMR ”3GD”KHEDKDRR”VGHO 3GD”RGHOVQDBJR
-OREĒFROSTĒINĒTHEĒNIGHT %NQ”)NQCH
#@XR”HM”VGHBG”@”U@RS”DWSHMBSHNM QDSTQMR”KHJD”MHFGS”@S”LHCC@X ”SQDLNQ NE”SG@S”VGHBG”CHCM‡S”G@OODM ” 2NLDSGHMF”RJHLR”HSR”DLDQFHMF”@TQ@ SNMFTD”VHSGHM ”SGD”RJHM”@MC”SGD”GD@QS SGD”@MFKD ”SGD”RG@CNV %NQLR”NE”ADBNLHMF”HM”LDK@MBGNKX
3Q@MRK@SHNMR”AX”)TKH@M”2LHSG -DVL@M”@MC”3XKDQ”8NTMFAKNNC
%SCOMBRADA
%SÄ’LAÄ’CORNISAÄ’ROTAÄ’YÄ’ELÄ’MUNDOÄ’QUEÄ’SEÄ’CAE )GUALÄ’QUEÄ’ELÄ’SUENO Ä’VUELVE LAÄ’TARDEÄ’AÄ’SERÄ’CARNEÄ’APAGADA
CcNCERÄ’ENÄ’LASÄ’PAREDESÄ’DEÄ’LAÄ’LUZ /SCURIDADÄ’QUEÄ’TIEMBLAÄ’ENÄ’UNÄ’ALAMBRE
2UBBLE
(S”HR”SGD”AQNJDM”BNQMHBD”@MC”SGD”VNQKC”SG@S”E@KKR )TRS”KHJD”SGD”CQD@L ”SGD”@ESDQMNNM QDSTQMR”SN”ADHMF”KHEDKDRR”EKDRG B@MBDQ”HM”SGD”V@KKR”NE”KHFGS #@QJMDRR”SG@S”SQDLAKDR”NM”@”VHQD
3Q@MRK@SDC”AX”)TKH@M”2LHSG -DVL@M”@MC”3XKDQ”8NTMFAKNNC
!NA 'ORRqA
-IKAEL &ALKE
0AUL ,iBE (AUS Ä“-ITTE
!LEXIS Ä“0RINTEDÄ“7OMAN
%LENA -EGALOS
4WO MONTHS AFTER PROPOSING IN -AY MY FIANCm *AY ANNOUNCED THAT HE WAS TREATING ME TO AN AFTERNOON OF BOARDWALK FREAKS AND FUNNEL CAKE (E PENNED THIS ON A BLACK AND WHITE POST CARD OF THE #ONEY )SLAND #YCLONE (E SLIPPED IT TO ME ONE NIGHT WHEN HE CAME TO VISIT ME AT WORK ° A 3OUTHEAST !SIAN RESTAURANT IN THE -EAT 0ACKING $ISTRICT )´D WORKED A DOUBLE SHIFT ) WAS TRYING TO SAVE MONEY 3O WAS *AY HE´D TAKEN ON A SUMMER SESSION AT THE "ROWNSVILLE MIDDLE SCHOOL WHERE HE TAUGHT SEVENTH GRADE HUMANITIES 4HE NIGHT OF *AY´S INVITATION MY MOUTH ACHED FROM FAKING TOO MANY SMILES STRUGGLING TO PLACATE AN ELDERLY &RENCH PARTY WHO HAD SENT BACK TWO ENTRmES AND TIPPED ME LESS THAN TEN PERCENT )T WAS A BUSY NIGHT SO *AY SAT AT THE BAR AND WAVED OFF MY APOLOGIES FOR IGNORING HIM 7HEN HE´D FINISHED HIS -ALAYSIAN &ISH &RY HE TUCKED THE POSTCARD IN THE CHECK WHICH )´D REDUCED LYING TO MY BOSS THAT WE WERE ALREADY MARRIED 4HE FAMILY DISCOUNT WAS NICE BECAUSE WE RARELY GOT TO EAT AT RESTAURANTS THIS NICE 7E´D BEEN A COUPLE FOR JUST OVER A YEAR -OVING IN TOGETHER SEVEN MONTHS AGO HAD SIGNALED A NEW CHALLENGE THE CHANCE TO PROVE WE COULD BE SUCCESSFUL GROWN UPS 4HIS POSSIBILITY RESONATED FOR ME IN PARTICULAR ) NEVER FINISHED ANYTHING ) STARTED *AY CALLED IN SICK THE FOLLOWING &RIDAY AND ) CONVINCED ANOTHER WAITRESS TO COVER MY SHIFT 7E TOOK THE TRAIN AN HOUR AND A HALF FROM OUR APARTMENT TRANSFERRING TWICE !S WE PASSED OVER THE CEMETERY ) TRIED TO RELAX ,ATELY )´D BEEN WORRYING ABOUT TOO MANY THINGS 4HERE WERE SHARED CONCERNS FINDING A BIGGER APARTMENT THAN THE STUDIO WE´D SHARED SINCE *ANUARY
LOOKING INTO A CONTINUING EDUCATION PROGRAM THAT ) COULD BEGIN IN 3EPTEMBER BUYING PLANE TICKETS FOR AN AFFORDABLE HONEYMOON ONCE WE COULD TAKE THE TIME OFF ) HAD OTHER CONCERNS AS WELL ONES *AY KNEW NOTHING ABOUT
PARTIES AND CLUBS WITH NAMES LIKE 7ET 3HE WAS ALSO AN INTERNET CERTIFIED MINISTER 4HERE WAS A SPREAD OF PHOTOGRAPHS FROM CEREMONIES SHE´D PRESIDED OVER )N THE FAR LEFT CORNER WAS A PICTURE FROM HER OWN WEDDING 3HE STILL WORE A MERMAID TAIL BUT THIS ONE WAS MADE OF WHITE SATIN *UDY AND HER GROOM A MAN WITH STRINGY BLACK HAIR THAT FELL PAST HIS SHOULDERS
WERE GIVING THE CAMERA A THUMBS UP FROM THE FIRST CAR IN THE WOODEN ROLLERCOASTER ,OOKS LIKE WE FIGURED OUT ONE DETAIL FOR .OVEMBER SAID *AY 4HAT´S NOT FUNNY ) WAS MOSTLY REFERRING TO *UDY WHOSE ADHESIVE SEASHELLS REMINDED ME OF THE BEIGE PASTIES ) WORE UNDER MY JUNIOR PROM DRESS "UT IT WAS ALSO HEARING HIM DROP THE WORD .OVEMBER 2EFERENCES TO THE IMPENDING EVENT STILL INTERRUPTED MY BREATHING LIKE A TOO TIGHT SHIRT COLLAR "Y THREE THIRTY *AY AND ) HAD WATCHED ONE MAN EAT FIRE AND ANOTHER JUGGLE CHAINSAWS 7E SAW THE SIGN FOR !LEXIS 0RINTED 7OMAN NEAR THE EDGE OF THE BOARDWALK 4HERE WAS NO ILLUSTRATION 3HE SOUNDS BETTER THAN THE BUG EATER *AY WIPED AWAY THE SWEAT THAT HAD COLLECTED UNDER HIS GLASSES &IVE A PIECE SAID THE MAN AT THE DOOR (E STOOD SIX FEET IN A RED DRESS SHIRT (IS SUSPEN DERS TUGGED UP HIS TROUSERS AND ) COULD SEE AN UNCOMFORTABLE BULGE TO THE LEFT OF HIS FLY *AY GAVE MY HAND A LITTLE SQUEEZE BEFORE RELEASING (E SMILED AS HE PULLED OUT A CRISP TWENTY ASSURING ME ) WAS CARED FOR )T TOOK A MOMENT TO ADJUST TO THE DIM LIGHT INSIDE THE TENT !LEXIS 0RINTED 7OMAN SAT ON A STOOL IN THE MIDDLE 3HE WORE BLACK LINGERIE THAT MATCHED HER WAIST LENGTH BLACK HAIR 3HE MUST HAVE BEEN FIFTY HER COSTUME WAS MORE CRUEL THAN SEXY (ER SKIN LOOKED FUZZY
MARKED UP HEAVILY IN NO DETERMINATE PATTERN ) TURNED TO THE MAN IN SUSPENDERS WHO WAS STILL HOLDING THE CURTAIN OPEN ALLOWING A THIN TRIANGLE OF SUNLIGHT TO CUT ACROSS THE FLOOR #AN WE STEP CLOSER 3TAY OUTSIDE THE LINE (E MOTIONED TO A FAINT CIRCLE AROUND !LEXIS´ STOOL )T LOOKED LIKE PLAYGROUND CHALK ) WONDERED IF SHE HAD DRAWN THE THRESHOLD HERSELF )T WAS A HUMILIATING THING TO IMAGINE ° !LEXIS BENT OVER IN HER BLACK PANTIES PALE FLANKS EXPOSED .O TOUCHING HE ADDED .O WE WOULDN´T *AY AND ) NODDED IN UNISON 7E STEPPED CLOSER TO !LEXIS *AY WALKED UP TO THE EDGE OF HER CHALK CIRCLE ) HUNG BACK A FEW STEPS 3HE WAS COVERED IN TATTOOED WRITING 3OME MARKINGS LOOKED LIKE SINGLE WORDS -OST SEEMED TO BE ENTIRE SENTENCES SOMETIMES TWO OR THREE CLUSTERED TOGETHER 4HEY CRISS CROSSED HER CHEST AND STOMACH IN HORIZONTAL RIBBONS 3OME PHRASES HAD BEEN INKED
7E EXITED THE TRAIN AT -ERMAID !VENUE 2OLLER COASTERS CHURNED MY STOMACH SO WE STARTED WITH THE SIDESHOW FREAKS 4HE FIRST POSTER WE PASSED ADVERTISED A MAN NAMED -ARVELLO ,UTHER WHOSE MENU OF SKILLS INCLUDED ±UNNATURAL ACTS WITH ANIMAL TRAPS ² AND SOMETHING CALLED HUMAN BLOCKHEAD *AY EXPLAINED THAT THE LATTER TALENT INVOLVED HAMMERING A NAIL INTO ONE´S NOSTRIL 4HE PLATINUM BLONDE WOMAN AT THE TICKET BOOTH OVERHEARD AND ASSURED US THAT -ARVELLO USED NAILS AND POWERDRILLS FOR THIS PARTICULAR TRICK ) MUST HAVE LOOKED VERY UPSET BECAUSE *AY LAUGHED AND HUGGED ME AND TOOK ME ASIDE TO EXPLAIN THAT THE HARDWARE DIDN´T ACTUALLY PENETRATE THE SKULL ° JUST THE NASAL CAVITY ) TOLD HIM ) COULD DO WITHOUT -ARVELLO ALL THE SAME WHO COST TEN DOLLARS FOR JUST A FIFTEEN MINUTE SHOW 7E WANTED TO SEE *UDY THE MERMAID BUT LEARNED FROM A SIGN ON HER TENT THAT SHE WAS OUT TODAY WORKING A PRIVATE EVENT *UDY´S PAMPHLET INFORMED US THAT SHE PERFORMED AT BACHELOR
PERPENDICULAR ONE BEGAN AT HER STERNUM AND ENDED BETWEEN HER HEAVY BREASTS 4HE TRAILS OF INK ENDED IN ALL VARIETIES OF PUNCTUATION EXCLAMATION POINTS QUESTION MARKS ELLIPSES !LBIE -ASLIN HAD BEEN HERE SO HAD 7ALLY ,OOM AND !NGELA +IM -OST OF THE WORDS HAD FADED TO THE COLOR OF DARK BLUE SMOKE 7E STARED *AY TOOK THREE SLOW WALKS AROUND THE CIRCLE (E ASKED POLITELY IF !LEXIS WOULD RAISE HER ARM SO HE COULD FOLLOW A SENTENCE INTO HER ARMPIT (E DIDN´T ASK HER TO SPREAD HER LEGS EVEN THOUGH A LOT OF THE WRITING DISAPPEARED INTO HER INNER THIGHS (E WAS BEING RESPECTFUL TO ME ) THINK ) FOLLOWED SUIT AND WALKED AROUND THE TENT TWO TIMES STILL REFUSING TO STEP AS CLOSE !LEXIS MADE ME UNEASY &ASCINATING *AY MURMURED AT LAST 9EAH ) AGREED ) DIDN´T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY ) SPOKE VERY SOFTLY IT FELT RUDE TO DISCUSS HER WHEN SHE WAS SEATED RIGHT IN FRONT OF US $O YOU WRITE THEM HE ASKED HER .O SHE SAID (ER VOICE WAS LOWER THAN )´D EXPECTED A LITTLE GRAVELLY -AYBE IT WAS SULTRY WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER .ONE OF THEM ARE MINE 4HEY´RE OTHER PEOPLE´S WORDS ASKED *AY !LEXIS NODDED (OW MANY PEOPLE 3CORES *AY WAS LOOKING AT HER FUNNY (OW MUCH SPACE DO YOU HAVE LEFT )´VE GOT SOME NECK SOME BACK 3OME OTHER PLACES TOO ) STARED AT HER PANTIES AND SQUEEZED MY OWN LEGS TOGETHER )T WAS COOLER IN THE TENT BUT ) COULD STILL FEEL MYSELF SWEATING BETWEEN THEM (OW MUCH DOES IT COST TO PRINT SOMETHING ON YOU $EPENDS /N LENGTH !ND DEPTH ) DON´T UNDERSTAND $EEPER WORDS ) DON´T READ THEM -Y INK ARTIST DOES (E DECIDES ON THE COMPLEXITY OF THE MESSAGE )F HE THINKS IT´S SOMETHING THAT NEEDS TO GET SAID HE´LL DISCOUNT THE SERVICE *AY LOOKED EVEN MORE EAGER THAN BEFORE (E WAS TUGGING AT HIS EARLOBE WHICH HE ALWAYS DID WHEN HE GOT EXCITED 5SUALLY ) FOUND THIS ENDEARING RIGHT NOW IT WAS UNNERVING ) STEPPED FORWARD AND SQUEEZED *AY´S ARM
7HAT ARE YOU DOING ) HISSED INTO HIS EAR WHEN HE WOULDN´T TURN TO ME !LEXIS MUST HAVE HEARD ME ,AUGHTER FILTERED IN FROM OUTSIDE BUT WE WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE TENT 3HE LOOKED AT ME AND BACK TO *AY WHO CONTINUED 7HAT DO PEOPLE USUALLY PRINT -ESSAGES TO EACH OTHER -ESSAGES ARE POPULAR )NITIALS ARE EASY !ND FAST 3HE PAUSED TO STARE AT ME AGAIN LONGER THIS TIME 4HE BRAVE ONES PRINT SECRETS THINGS THEY WISH THEY´D SAID SOONER (OW MUCH DO YOU CHARGE (OW MUCH DO YOU NEED TO SAY 3HE SMILED ) DUG MY THUMB INTO THE HINGE OF *AY´S ELBOW (E DIDN´T CATCH THE SIGNAL OR DIDN´T CARE (E MET !LEXIS´ EYE AND PULLED ME IN FRONT OF HIM (E HAD HIS HANDS ON MY SHOULDERS ) FELT LIKE ) WAS BLOCKING A BULLET 4HIS GIRL´S GONNA BE MY BRIDE (IS VOICE SWELLED WITH PRIDE ) FELT MY FACE GET HOT ) THOUGHT ABOUT HOW SILLY WE MUST HAVE LOOKED 9EAH )T CAME OUT AS A WHIMPER 3O YOU´RE SAYING ) COULD TELL HER SOMETHING ° WE COULD TELL EACH OTHER SOMETHING ° ON YOU 4HAT´S YOUR SERVICE !LEXIS NODDED /KAY HE SAID /KAY ) WHISPERED /KAY SAID !LEXIS 7E´LL DO THIS WHEN ) GET OFF WORK 4HAT´S TWO HOURS FROM NOW -Y STUDIO´S AT HOME THREE BLOCKS FROM HERE )´LL BE READY AT SIX 3HE MOTIONED TOWARDS THE TENT ENTRANCE WITH HER CHIN 'REGORY´S THE MAN OUTSIDE (E´LL GIVE YOU THE DETAILS !FTER GETTING DIRECTIONS TO !LEXIS´ APARTMENT *AY LED ME TO A NEARBY BENCH (E TRIED TO PULL ME ONTO HIS LAP BUT ) SLIPPED OFF AND LEANED ALL MY WEIGHT INTO THE METAL ARMREST INSTEAD ) DON´T LIKE THIS ) SAID ) THINK IT´S GREAT ) DON´T UNDERSTAND ) THOUGHT YOU HATED THIS KIND OF THING ) THOUGHT OF OUR FIRST DATES BACK WHEN ) STILL INTRODUCED HIM TO MY FRIENDS ) THOUGHT OF THE WAY HIS NOSE HAD PUGGED WHEN HE SAW 0AM AND THE FULL SLEEVES TATTOOED ON HER FRECKLED ARMS ) REMEMBERED HOW RELIEVED )´D BEEN THAT INK ART HAD NEVER INTERESTED ME )T WAS BAD ENOUGH THAT BECOMING LOVERS HAD REVEALED MY SCARS TO *AY ! TOUGH PALE KNOT OF SKIN WHERE )´D PIERCED MY OWN LIP AT TWELVE 4HREE PINK CIGARETTE SIZED CIRCLES THAT AN EX BOYFRIEND AND ) HAD CREATED BETWEEN US ONE AS PUNISHMENT HIM MY INNER THIGH TWO AS APOLOGY ME
BENEATH MY LEFT ARMPIT 4HE SIGHT OF THEM LEFT *AY VISIBLY UNHINGED )T WASN´T WHAT HAD
HAPPENED SO MUCH AS THE FACT THAT THESE DETAILS WERE PERMANENT°NO POSITIVE TRANSFORMA TION AT *AY´S HANDS WOULD EVER MAKE THEM GO AWAY ,INA 4HERE´S NOTHING WRONG WITH TAKING A RISK %MBRACING THE ALTERNATIVE (E WAS GET TING EXCITED AGAIN DOING THE THING WITH HIS EARLOBES )´M NOT ASKING YOU TO BRAND MY NAME ON YOUR SHOULDER !ND )´M NOT GETTING YOURS 4HIS IS DIFFERENT (E WAS GESTURING WITH HIS HANDS AS HE SPOKE ) SAW WHERE HE´D WRITTEN DOWN !LEXIS´ APARTMENT NUMBER AT THE BASE OF HIS THUMB (E CONTINUED *UST THREE HUNDRED BUCKS FOR US BOTH 4HINK ABOUT IT THIS WOMAN WILL CARRY OUR WORDS ON HER FOREVER (EARING HIM SPEAK THE NUMBER CHILLED ME 4HIS WOULD BE OUR SECOND THREE HUNDRED DOLLAR MISTAKE OF THE SUMMER *AY HAD NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE FIRST 7HAT WORDS DO YOU HAVE IN MIND ) ASKED 9OU KNOW ¯ VOWS PROMISES 7ORDS FOR OUR FUTURE 7E´LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN ) SAID *AY INSISTED THAT THIS WAS THE POINT (E SEEMED TO THINK THIS WAS AWFULLY ROMANTIC (E DIDN´T SAY SO BUT ) WONDERED IF HE HAD MORE THAN ROMANCE IN MIND )F THIS WAS HIS WAY OF OFFERING ME A BLANK SLATE ° THE CHANCE TO LEAVE DOUBTS AND MISTAKES BEHIND ME "EHIND US ) WALKED *AY TO THE NEAREST !4- )T WAS IN A SHOP THAT SOLD CANDY APPLES AND THE SURCHARGE WAS 7HEN HE PULLED THE STACK OF TWENTIES FROM THE TRAY ) BIT MY LIP AND TRIED TO DISTRACT MYSELF WITH THE RUBY BULBS IN THE CONFECTION DISPLAY *AY TOLD ME HE THOUGHT WE SHOULD SEPARATE AND DO SOME INDEPENDENT BRAINSTORMING UNTIL SIX 7E AGREED NOT TO TELL ONE ANOTHER THE WORDS WE DECIDED ON (E PEELED TWO BILLS FROM HIS GREEN WAD AND SLIPPED THEM INTO MY BACK POCKET TELLING ME TO BUY SOME FOOD IF ) GOT HUNGRY (E WAS GOING TO RIDE THE &ERRIS WHEEL FOR INSPIRATION HE ANNOUNCED KISSING ME GOOD BYE AND GIVING MY BUTT A FIRM PAT 7HEN HE WAS OUT OF SIGHT ) BOUGHT MYSELF SOME FUNNEL CAKE 7HEN ) SAT DOWN ) COULDN´T MUSTER THE HUNGER NOT EVEN AFTER ) SENT IT BACK PLAIN AND ASKED THEM TO SPOON SOME STRAW BERRY PRESERVES ON TOP ) SCANNED THE SWEATING CROWD AND ENDED UP GIVING IT TO A HOMELESS LOOKING TEENAGER (E TWISTED A GREEN DREDLOCK AROUND HIS POINTER FINGER AS HE THANKED ME ) WALKED ALONG AISLES OF OUTDOOR GAMES DRIFTING THROUGH THRONGS OF CHILD REN WITH STICKY FINGERS 4HE STALLS WERE PAINTED WITH PINK CONES OF ICE CREAM AND TURQUOISE FISH WITH FEMININE LEGS ) THOUGHT ABOUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED LAST MONTH 4HE MORNING SICKNESS ° FORGIVABLY ° HAD BEEN EASY ENOUGH TO CONCEAL *AY ALWAYS LEFT FOR
THE SUBWAY AT SIX A M AND ) WASN´T EXPECTED AT THE RESTAURANT UNTIL FIVE /N WEEKENDS
)´D FEIGNED FOOD SICKNESS BLAMING THE SEAFOOD AT WORK 4HE DEVELOPMENT SHOULDN´T HAVE SURPRISED ME *AY AND ) HAD BEEN FOOLISH WITH CONDOMS FROM THE START ) HADN´T EXPECTED IT OF HIM ° HE´D STRUCK ME AS SOMEONE WHO WOULD BE CLINICAL ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL 4HIS LAPSE IN RESPONSIBILITY HAD BEEN ATTRACTIVE TO ME %VERYTHING ELSE ABOUT HIM WAS SO PULLED TOGETHER IT HAD BEEN REFRESHING TO SEE HIM LOSE CONTROL ) TOOK THE TEST ON A 4UESDAY MORNING AND SECURED AN APPOINTMENT AT THE CLINIC FOR THE FOLLOWING WEEK ) NEVER EVEN MENTIONED IT TO HIM -AYBE ) WANTED TO PROVE ) COULD TAKE CARE OF SOMETHING ALL BY MYSELF -AYBE A PART OF ME DIDN´T WANT HIM TAKING CREDIT FOR SIT TING NEXT TO ME ON THE TRAIN TO 1UEENS FOR WAITING IN A MAUVE COLORED CLINIC SURROUNDED BY SHELL SHOCKED GIRLS RESEMBLING HIS STUDENTS FOR SPENDING A PORTION OF OUR SAVINGS ON THE PROCEDURE OR ON A HEATING PAD AND PAINKILLERS FOR THE AFTERMATH -AYBE WHAT REALLY SCARED ME WAS THE POSSIBILITY THAT HE´D EMBRACE THE NEWS ° THAT CREATING SOMETHING POSITIVE AND PERMANENT WITH ME WAS A PERFECT CONCLUSION TO OUR GROWN UP PLAN TOGETHER -AYBE ) DIDN´T ACTUALLY WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING LASTING WITH HIM ) WALKED TO A QUIETER STRETCH OF THE BOARDWALK AND STOPPED IN FRONT OF A STALL THAT SOLD VINTAGE TOYS ! BALDING MAN IN A PURPLE SHIRT TURNED TO ME FROM A STACK OF GARBAGE BAGS (E WIPED HIS HANDS ON THE SIDES OF HIS PANTS AND ASKED IF ) WANTED TO SEE ANYTHING IN THE DISPLAY CASE ) SHOOK MY HEAD AND TURNED TO A MANNEQUIN NEARBY 3HE WAS ALSO PROTECTED BY PLASTIC GOLD CURSIVE LETTERS ABOVE HER HEAD ANNOUNCED HER AS %SMERALDA THE #LAIRVOYANT (ER HAND HOVERED OVER A GLITTERY BALL )S SHE YOURS ) ASKED 9ES 3HE COSTS A DOLLAR %SMERALDA´S HEAD WAS SWATHED IN PURPLE FABRIC )T HAD BEEN TIED CLUMSILY AND LOOKED MORE LIKE A DOO RAG THAN A TURBAN ) PULLED OUT A BILL FROM MY REMAINING ALLOWANCE AND FED IT TO %SMERALDA´S MACHINE 3OME PINK LIGHTS CAME ON AND A SCRATCHY VERSION OF 4HE "EATLES´ )T 7ON´T "E ,ONG BEGAN TO PLAY OVER THE DIN OF THE ARCADE AND ITS PATRONS )T CUT OFF DURING ONE OF THE 9EAH S AND A SLIP OF PAPER CAME OUT OF A DIFFERENT SLOT %SMERALDA TOLD ME )N SPONGES ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE ) FROWNED AND STUFFED THE FORTUNE INTO THE POCKET OF MY DENIM SKIRT ) DECIDED TO HEAD TOWARDS !LEXIS´ APARTMENT TO CHOOSE THE WORDS THAT WOULD SHARE WHAT )´D DONE LAST MONTH *AY SAUNTERED UP AT TEN TO SIX AND WE WAITED SIDE BY SIDE ON THE SPECKLED CURB 7E DIDN´T SAY MUCH WE WERE BOTH NERVOUS ) THINK %VEN *AY WHO STOOD UP EAGERLY AT SIX AND VOLUNTEERED
HIMSELF TO GO FIRST (E EMERGED ONLY FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER 9OUR TURN 3HE´S ON THE THIRD FLOOR 9OU HAVE TO WALK UP 4HE APARTMENT SMELLED LIKE CAT URINE 4HERE WAS A LIVING ROOM AND A KITCHEN !LEXIS
0RINTED 7OMAN SAT AT THE TABLE IN A TEAL BATHROBE 3HE´D TAKEN OFF HER EYELINER SHE LOOKED TIRED 4HIS IS MY SON 3ETH SHE SAID GESTURING AT A MAN WHO LOOKED A LITTLE YOUNGER THAN ME (E´D SHAVED HIS BEARD TO A THIN LINE THAT STRETCHED FROM ONE EAR TO THE OTHER A BOXY SMILE ALONG HIS JAW 4HERE WAS A TOPLESS BLONDE MERMAID ON HIS T SHIRT 3HE WAS WINKING AND HER ARMS WERE MUSCULAR YOU COULD EVEN SEE MUSCLES THROUGH HER FINS 3ETH WILL DO THE PRINTING SAID !LEXIS (E´D ALREADY LAID OUT HIS EQUIPMENT 4HE TABLE CLOTH WAS PRINTED WITH POMEGRANATES )T´S STERILE 9OU SEE 3ETH HELD UP HIS POWER TOOL -Y HANDS BEGAN TO CLAM AND ) REMINDED MYSELF THAT ) WASN´T THE ONE GETTING INKED 9OU DO ALL YOUR MOM´S TATTOOS ) ASKED -Y DAD DID HER WORK IN THE ´S AND ´S (E TAUGHT ME (E´S DEAD NOW 3ETH TOOK A LATEX GLOVE FROM THE TABLE ) WINCED AT THE SNAPPING NOISE IT MADE WHEN HE TUGGED IT ON ) TURNED TO !LEXIS WHO WAS PULLING UP A TERRY CLOTH SLEEVE 7E WERE DOING THE LEFT ARM 7HERE IS HIS SENTENCE ) ASKED HER -Y BOYFRIEND´S ! WORD LIKE FIANCm FELT TOO FANCY IN A PLACE LIKE THIS 9OU DON´T HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT IT SAYS ) WONDERED IF HIS WORDS WERE STILL BLEEDING -IDDLE BACK SAID !LEXIS 3HE MUST HAVE BEEN TOPLESS WHEN SHE GOT IT 7HAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY TO HIM ) PULLED OUT THE ROLLER COASTER POSTCARD *AY HAD FIRST GIVEN ME )T WAS THE ONLY THING TO WRITE ON IN MY BAG -Y SECRET WOULD STAY HERE IT WAS WHAT *AY WOULD HAVE WANTED )T MADE SENSE TO LEAVE UGLY WORDS IN AN UGLY PLACE ¯ TO MOVE FORWARD CLEAN AND BETTER ) WATCHED 3ETH WIPE DOWN A PATCH OF HIS MOTHER´S SKIN WITH ALCOHOL ON A COTTON SQUARE (E CHUCKLED AS HE SNATCHED THE POSTCARD FROM MY SUSPENDED HAND (E WALKED TO A DESK IN THE CORNER AND TYPED THE SENTENCE ON A KEYBOARD 4HE COMPUTER MONITOR WAS BULKY AND BEIGE IT WAS PLUGGED INTO A PRINTER THAT LOOKED EQUALLY OUTDATED $ON´T WORRY -OM´S GOT OTHER CONFESSIONS ON HER (E TOOK THE PAGE FROM THE PRINTER TRAY AND FED IT INTO ANOTHER MACHINE NEARBY 4HIS ONE LOOKED MORE LIKE A SCANNER !LEXIS CONTINUED TO STARE AT THE REFRIGERATOR SEEMINGLY IGNORING BOTH OF US 7ORSE ONES THAN THIS HE CONTINUED 3HE´S GOT A CONFESSION OF MURDER EVEN ! DIFFERENT
KIND ANYWAY 4HE BLACK MACHINE MADE A STRAINED NOISE AND EJECTED A RIBBON 3ETH RETRIEVED IT AND PRESSED THE WORDS ONTO HIS MOTHER´S FOREARM 4HE TEXT APPEARED READY TO BE FILLED IN WITH HIS NEEDLEWORK )T BARELY FIT SQUEEZED BETWEEN TWO OTHER SENTENCES -Y HANDS WERE TOO SLIPPERY TO HOLD FISTS ) WONDERED IF *AY KNEW ABOUT THESE CONFESSIONS )F HE´D MADE ONE OF HIS OWN OR HAD FOOLISHLY PAID FOR A ROMANTIC PROMISE AFTER ALL 7AIT ) SAID WEAKLY ) PULLED OUT %SMERALDA´S FORTUNE ) STILL DIDN´T UNDERSTAND IT ) CHANGED MY MIND )´D LIKE THIS INSTEAD ) WANT THAT ONE BACK !LEXIS 0RINTED 7OMAN RELEASED A MOUTHFUL OF FRUSTRATED AIR 3HE GLANCED AT THE CHEAP PLASTIC CLOCK ON THE KITCHEN WALL )´LL PAY EXTRA ) REACHED BEHIND AND FELT THE FOLDED BILLS IN MY BACK POCKET ) KNOW THE WORDS AREN´T AS GOOD ) SAT ON !LEXIS´ YELLOW COUCH ) STARED AT AN OBLONG STAIN ON ONE OF THE CUSHIONS 7HEN THE BUZZING BEGAN ) CLUTCHED MY POSTCARD SOFTENING THE CORNERS ) DIDN´T WATCH HER GET PRINTED BUT ) CAN´T IMAGINE SHE FLINCHED AT ALL )T WAS OVER VERY QUICKLY (OW´D IT GO *AY STOOD UP FROM THE CURB VERY SPRY 7ELL ) SUMMONED A SMILE )T´S DONE (E WRAPPED AN ARM AROUND MY SHOULDER )T WAS FINALLY COOLING DOWN OUTSIDE ) FEEL GREAT HE SAID GRINNING $ON´T YOU ) DIDN´T LOOK AT HIM BECAUSE ) WAS THINKING CRUEL THINGS ABOUT HIM ) KNEW THAT IF ) LOOKED UP AT HIM AND SPOTTED A ZIT ON HIS NECK OR A CLUSTER OF DANDRUFF NEAR HIS HAIRLINE )´D START CRITICIZING HIS APPEARANCE TOO ) REACHED INTO MY BACK POCKET AND WITHDREW THE FOLDED POSTCARD 9OU NEED TO READ THIS ) SAID 4HE CORNERS OF HIS SMILE DROPPED .O (E TUGGED AT HIS EARLOBE NERVOUSLY .O 7E ALREADY AGREED ON THIS 0LEASE *AY )T´S DONE 7HATEVER YOU NEEDED TO SAY IS WITH HER NOW ) DON´T NEED TO READ IT 4HESE AREN´T THE WORDS ) LEFT ON HER (E DIDN´T LOOK SO CERTAIN *AY 9OU NEED TO KNOW THIS 4HE STALLS WERE CLOSING DOWN 7E WERE TOO FAR TO SEE %SMERALDA AND HER AGING CARETAKER 3TILL ) PICTURED HIM PULLING SHEET METAL DOWN OVER HER DISPLAY CASE LIKE BLINDS ) MOUTHED THE WORDS TO A "EATLES SONG ) REPEATED THEM IN MY HEAD AS *AY UNFOLDED THE POSTCARD AND BEGAN TO READ HIS JAW FALLING