The Art of Loving

COMPANION

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Konkan Salesian Bulletin Province of Panjim (INP)

Jan - Mar 2017 | Volume - 10 | Issue 01

the Art of Loving Matrimony: the Sacrament at the heart of the family

Stay Connected

Making Love Last

Editorial Editor Joaquim Lobo, sdb Editorial Team Francis Xavier, sdb Ralin De Souza, sdb Jason Pinto, sdb Layout & Cover Design Joaquim Lobo, sdb Consultants Fr Felix Fernandes, sdb (Provincial) Fr Avil Rodrigues, sdb (Vice Provincial) Fr Jose Sequeira, sdb (Economer) Distribution Lazar Vaz Printed at James Arts Crafts, Sivakasi Published by Boskon Communications Don Bosco Provincial House Odxel, Goa University P.O. Goa 403206 Ph : 0832 2451449

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The world always admires those who do well. It does not have a kind word for those who do not. In his later years, Sachin Tendulkar scored a century and they said, “he still has it in him”. For the next few matches he got out early, and they said, “it’s time for him to retire”. After few months he scored another one, and they said, “he is a class batsman, must play for the next world cup”.

Now it is the time for Virat Kohli and others in the cricket world!

Every parent wants their child to excel, to bring name and fame to the family. Hundreds of hours are spent in acquiring skills. Young are expert in spending their time on whatsapp and facebook. Going with the world is the password.

What world are we going with? The world that makes one believe that to fish you need to cast your net in the air (virtual world)? Or the world that claps for your achievements on occasions and forgets the real you? Do you also believe that you are your achievements?

Your family loved you when you were born - without skill; they still continue to love you. Amidst the world that admires your skill and you profit from it, do not forget your ‘humble beginnings’.

Loving the family - husband, wife, children, mother, father, brother, sister -, neighbour and the people of the world, is an art, a skill. If time is not spent on developing it earlier, all other skills and talents counts to nothing.

Loving one another and sharing love, brings happiness and satisfaction.

What does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul (Mk 8:36). Soul is the spiritual core of oneself capable of highest virtues and skills, topmost among them is LOVE. Joaquim Lobo, sdb

donboscopanjimprovince donboscoinp@gmail.com

This is a Salesian Panjim Province Bulletin, and is directed towards the Salesian works in the regions of Sindhudurg, Goa and Karnataka.

For private circulation only.

COVER STORY Charlene Farrell

The Art of Loving

Home is where the heart is, it is also where the art is, the art of loving that is. Love is the central, binding force that holds every family together. Love was taught by the greatest lover of all. When Jesus laid down his precious life for us he showed us first the art of loving.

Loving with His all and unconditionally, for He died for each one of us and laid down not a condition in doing so. And thus was born the family that consisted of humanity as a whole. Slowly, through the ages, families have been becoming smaller. From humanity we

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came down to nations, nations broke further into a number of sub categories and it has progressively got divided into smaller and smaller units till alas we have reached our current state.

Where our families have become tiny, consisting of two to four people and our time has become so little that even with four to spend it with it is too little.

Today, the family dynamic has gone through a drastic change. Not only structurally, but emotionally as well. With all the influences from afar, we have allowed ourselves to forget the truly important stuff. Things as simple as dinner time which would be a norm in years passed has gone extinct in many a household.

When resources were low, commodities would be rationed and all families had to

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give each other was time. Today, time is what we ration and love seems to now be bought materialistically. The entire world is currently moving at high speed. People are running from one place to the next, from one moment to the next, from one time zone to the next.

And in this great rush, we have lost the ability to really love.

New trends like online dating sites and social media have even changed the face of romance. Youngsters are facebooking, skyping, instagraming, snapchatting, and who knows what else, even face time is spent with the faces of all buried into some screen or the other. A typical evening in most homes now includes all furniture pointing towards a television set, the dining table either replaced by a giant screen or just kept in the corner of the room like a decorative item. All members of the family at various times during the day checking to see if their best friend has beeped, and by best friend, I wish I meant a human being. A dinner or lunch out has also turned into an event of utter boredom, for where there is a human being, not very far is a screen lighting up every few seconds.

We have turned into zombies following the little bright light that clicked on every t i m e w e

turn on a screen. As families, we have allowed into our homes a demon that takes over our lives. The screens that flicker on every now and then are bleeding out the only resource that matters in keeping the family together…

TIME. It’s become our excuse for everything.

We don’t want to attend a certain family function, we blame it on the lack of time, we can’t get to our kids performances; yes we had no time. Where are the 24 hours we have been given disappearing to? We spend it on things that can be replaced. It’s time we realise what we are doing. It’s time we learn to prioritise, there is nothing more precious that family and the faster we learn that, the better it will be.

There are so many instances when parents have come to me complaining about their adolescent children. These adolescent kids were babes a few years prior, not given the time they deserved. When we point a finger, we need to calculate our part in the process.

Loving is an art that comes from the heart and a family is the canvas on which we are allowed to practice. A beautiful canvas is one that is treated with care, concern, time and yes love.

Charlene is writes for

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a counsellor and a teacher; she ‘the Goan’.

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INFINITE LOVE Volney Fernandes SDB

Educating Youth to

Real Love

There are many youth today who are hungering for real love but all that they get is superficial love. There are many lonely hearts. How is it that the youth at such a young age say that they have fallen in love? Do they really know what true love is? Love is made into a concept without knowing what it really is. I feel that the youngsters at their young age are not sufficiently educated about the value of real love and all that they do is try experimenting it by themselves. They think that they have truly fallen for someone when in reality it’s just an attraction or infatuation. And this cycle goes on and on. They get carried away until one day they are hit hard onto the ground, not knowing what to do.

It goes without saying that they get hurt and their lives become miserable. Later on, some restrain from getting into such situations but some do try their luck. And it works; it may end at times, where the hurt

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person ends up getting more hurt than before and in future ends up hurting someone else.

This leads me to ask the question “What is it that the youth are really searching for?” One thing I’m sure of is that most of the youth are in search of true and real love. But what is true love in the first place?

True love is not entirely a human entity; it also has a divine aspect to it. It is God who in His love provides the grace for His creature to love one another. We are all made for love. There will always be love for the lovable, but there will never be love for the unlovable unless we begin to love them for God’s sake.

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True love is outgoing, service oriented and ever ready to selfsacrifice. Love is a feeling that one feels than one can never give enough of it to the other. By giving love no one has ever gone bankrupt. Love

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can’t be seen. It can only be experienced. Love doesn’t come with a price tag and neither can it be weighed. Love simply ‘IS’. True love never thinks how much it will receive in return, it simply gives its all.

True love is best put in the words of St. Augustine ‘Our hearts are made for you Lord, they will never find rest, until they find their rest in You.’ Love is simply that which find rest in someone who can be his/her comfort and that’s which gives him/her peace.

Every youth feels that each one should be complete but he/she doesn’t know how they will be complete and it’s this which gives meaning and purpose to one’s life. Each one wants to be happy, and to gain this happiness they are even ready to take up to different vices, only to feel accepted and loved. Later they feel attracted towards others which is not true in its essence; it’s just an unreal love, which last for a few days. But it’s only when one gets to the true essence of love, that time he/she feels complete. The true essence of love

is no other than God. He alone can satisfy all the aspirations of the heart. God is true love.

But in this world His love is manifested by His people. The people are substitutes of God who spread or give love to each other. We are happy that we love someone but we are much happier when someone else loves us. We need love because we are imperfect and that’s how many lovers consider each other as unworthy but at the same time they love each other deeply.

These thoughts seem to be vague but it’s sure that no one will ever find an absolute ideal of love because it can only be God. But it’s only later that the youth realize that, what he/she wanted was the love that doesn’t fall short of love. And that is the infinite love who is God. It’s only by the blessings of God there can be true and real love. And finally a relationship stands strong enough when the foundation is built on the Love of God who is the giver of all Love.

Volney is a student of Philosophy in formation to priesthood at Divyadaan, Nashik.

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Volney Fernandes SDB

AMORIS LAETITIA Anthony da Silva SJ

“The Joy of Love”

Pope Francis Reflects on the Family Pope Francis’ recent exhortation entitled Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love) is truly a font of love and life. Pope Francis covers a lot of ground in this exhortation but focuses in a special way on love in the family. In this brief article we shall highlight three aspects of family love, about which the Pope speaks with passion and compassion. These three aspects touch upon: firstly, love between wife and husband, secondly, love for children, and lastly, love and mercy to those facing difficulties in their marriage.

Love between wife and husband

In refreshingly different language from usual Church documents, the Pope presents marriage as a “friendship marked by passion” which brings husband and wife ever closer to each another.

We are r e m i n d e d f it t i ng ly that marriage was not instituted solely for procreation o f children but also for mutual love to

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be appropriately expressed, which in turn fosters growth and maturity. The sexual union in marriage strengthens this unique friendship, making it exclusive, faithful and open to new life. In no unclear words, the Pope states that “conjugal love is the greatest form of friendship” which possesses traits like intimacy, warmth and a shared life.

Husbands and wives, therefore, do not see their relationship as merely temporary. Those who marry do not expect their excitement to fade. Even children not only want their parents to love one another, but also to be faithful and remain together. Therefore, the lasting union expressed by the marriage vows is more than a formality or a traditional formula; it is also “a covenant before God that calls for fidelity”. As we know well from the many examples in the Bible, a covenant relationship is an enduring love relationship between God and His people.

Realistically, the Pope also

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reminds us that marital joy involves accepting that “marriage is an inevitable mixture of enjoyment and struggles, tensions and repose, pain and relief, satisfactions and longings, annoyances and pleasures, but always on the path of friendship, which inspires married couples to care for one another”. The Pope also makes us aware that as physical attractiveness alters and sexual desires undergo changes with ageing, the thirst for companionship, togetherness and mutual enrichment needs to be nurtured and strengthened. In his wisdom the Pope says, “There is no guarantee that we will feel the same way all through life. Yet if a couple can come up with a shared and lasting life project, they can love one another and live as one until death do them part, enjoying an enriching intimacy”.

Love of Children

Reflecting the teachings of St. John Paul II, the present Pope emphasizes that love always gives life. Conjugal love is not directed solely for the couple but has also to remain open to the reality of children, “who are a living reflection of their (couple’s) love, a permanent sign of their conjugal unity and a living and inseparable synthesis of their

being a father and mother”. Like God’s love for us, the love of parents for their children is completely gratuitous. In fact, children are

loved even before they arrive! This amazing experience of love reinforces the generosity and sacrifice on the part of parents for their children. For after all, children are a gift of God to all. We love them because they are children and “not because they are beautiful, or look or think as we do, or embody our dreams”.

The relationships between brothers and sisters in the family is a precious gift as it serves as a training ground for sharing life and love, for developing sensitivity to the needs of others; thus there is a diminishment of the risks of selfcenteredness and selfishness so widespread in our society today. The Pope says, “Having a brother or sister who loves you is a profound, precious and unique experience. Children do need to be patiently taught to treat one another as brothers and sisters”.

Love and mercy towards those facing challenges in Family life

Amoris Laetitia also addresses quite realistically the complexity of marriage and family life in the modern world. While it is in no hurry to provide ready-made answers to problems, it strongly counsels about rushing into judgement against those who fall short of the marriage ideals; rather an attitude of compassion and mercy is encouraged, in keeping with the example of Jesus in his encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:1-42), where His attitude of patience and forgiveness led to the conversion of the woman into a disciple of the

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Lord. Pope Francis says, “the way of the Church is not to condemn anyone forever; it is to pour out the balm of God’s mercy on all those who ask for it with a sincere heart… Consequently, there is need to avoid judgments which do not take into account the complexity of various situations, and to be attentive… to how people experience distress because of their condition”.

Given that priests and pastors accompany couples before and after marriage and in the process are forced to address many challenging pastoral situations, the Pope has some prudent words for them. He says, “the Church’s pastors, in proposing to the faithful the fullideal of the Gospel and the Church’s teaching, must also help them to treat the weak with compassion, avoiding aggravation or unduly harsh or hasty

judgements. The Gospel itself tells us not to condemn.” In this just concluded Year of Mercy there is no better message for all of us, than to cultivate such an attitude of tolerance and mercy towards those facing challenges in the home and family.

Conclusion

What better time than just after the season of Christmas to reflect deeply on the mystery of the human family. The Pope’s reflections challenge each of us to examine our own family life and come up with small projects on how to improve the quality of our relationships and service to one another.

The writer is a Jesuit priest and works at Xavier Centre, Porvorim, Goa.

Congrats Fr Santaremend Lopes!

Fr. Santaremend Lopes, SDB was presented the “Mother Teresa Shiksha Ratan Award” for his outstanding achievement in motivating and counselling of school dropouts in the districts of Belgaum and Hubli-Dharwad, Karnataka during the year 20102012 by the International Business Council on December 21, 2016 at the Indian Society of International Law, Krishna Menon Bhavan, New Delhi.

The Vijay Ratan Gold Medal was presented to him for presenting the Village Development plan based on Human Rights education and duties and, services in the villages of Hubli and Dharward district of Karnataka. This Award was presented by the International Institute of Education Management, New Delhi.

Around 400 youth have benefited from this project. Apart from these awards he is also complemented for his outstanding service that he is rendering at present as the Director of Don Bosco Karuna Welfare Society Hubli–Sutagatti, empowering village women, youth, and children of that area. Kudos Fr. Santaremend.

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APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION Fr Jason Pinto SDB

Amoris Laetitia

A Call to Accompany and Discern

“Mom, hurry up”, said little Johnny to his mother, “…granny has come”.

“Why, what happened?” ask his dad rather surprised.

“Are you not going to perform that trick which you always promise dad?”

“Which one?” she enquired.

“Next time your mother comes home, I’m going to jump out of the window”, answered the innocent lad.

Well friends, family life today is a matter of great concern. We constantly see and hear of disputes in families, be it in relationship with in-laws, between couples, siblings, relatives and the like. As a complex reality, with such complex relationships, as well as complexity of alternate ideals proposed by the media I would not be exaggerating if I say, “family life today in on the rocks”. Against such a background comes Pope Francis’ timely Apostolic Exhortation – Amoris Laetitia, the Joy of Love

addressed to all the faithful.

The main theme that Pope Francis deals in this apostolic exhortation is Family Life, with a special focus on Christian marriage.

This exhortation is a fruit of the two synods held in 2014 and 2015 on family. Through this exhortation the Holy Father wishes to strengthen marital bonds between couples, including those separated from each other, as well as the church for various reasons. Hence the Pope exhorts the faithful to accompany such cases. To be more pastoral rather than being judgemental. Accompaniment and discernment are the key attitudes that Church ministers are called to inculcate in themselves, while working in the field of marriage, sacramental ministry and pastoral care of the faithful.

Family is built on love. The Pope here does not talk about an ideal family. In his very

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down to heart approach he examines and sympathizes with different groups who strive to call themselves a family, reminding us to accompany and discern such cases. Further he abstains from words like “living in sin” for irregular situations in marriage as it can be hurtful to people who are already living in pain and hurt.

This stance should not be interpreted as his intention to change doctrine. His attempt is to examine matters of pastoral discipline. Hence when one reads this exhortation, one will realize that he ‘did not change’ any doctrine.

Previous Church teaching remains fully in force. What he changes is our approach. Let us consider his thoughts one by one on various groups as we find in Amoris Laetitia.

1. Catholic Married Couples The Pope reminds us that Christian marriage is permanent, monogamous (one man, one woman) and reproductive (open to life).

Marriage for us is a sacrament acknowledged by the Church, interpreting the mind of Christ through the power of the Spirit. In order to nurture this sacred union family prayer, reading of the Word of God, availing of the sacraments of Confession and Holy Communion are necessary. Each family thus becomes a domestic church.

2. Catholics who are separated, divorced and not remarried For such persons loneliness can be very painful. We need to befriend such people and show God’s tender mercy towards them. Their case needs to be examined as per their situation. There is no obstacle for them from receiving Communion or other sacraments. The

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underlying principle here is the extra-ordinary fidelity of Christ. Which means God is always faithful to them even if their spouses are not.

Apart from this they also need to seek help from a marriage tribunal of the Church.

3. Divorced Catholics and civilly remarried The Church as a loving mother welcomes such couples. At the same time priests are called to accompany them in understanding the teachings of the Church and the guidelines of the bishop. This needs to be done with patience, compassion and greater sensitivity.

Children from the first marriage if any, need to be raised. After making a good confession they can also avail of Holy Communion. Care should be taken that such an act does not pose any scandal to the Christian community. And vis-à-vis such persons may not be allowed to hold positions in a parish or carry out any of the liturgical ministries like a lector or extraordinary minister of Holy Communion, etc.

4. Catholics in live-in relations and unmarried Such unions are termed as ‘cohabitating couple’.

At times even children are born of such unions.

In this case an important consideration would

be to see if they are ready to permanently commit themselves in sacramental marriage.

Until sacramentally married they are called to practice chastity.

5. Persons of same-sex attraction All are called to a life of chastity. The Church avoids any unjust discrimination of people with same-sex orientation and calls to be respectful, compassionate and sensitive (CCC -2358). However this does not mean the Church allows such unions in marriage.

Thus in a very clear and concrete manner the Holy Father responds to these issues in Amoris Laetitia calling all the faithful to be merciful and respectful towards all.

What is my attitude to people in such situations?

Am I judgemental or sympathetic, ready to condemn or ready to accompany? The human

person is a great mystery. A closer look on our lives will reveal this. Not everything is black and white in our lives. There are a lot of grey areas. And to this someone may even add there are ‘thirty shades to this grey” as well. Our life is not always in bright colours of happiness and pale colours of sadness. Probably it is in different shades of grey, brighter grey and pastel grey.

Our Lord and master Jesus never judged. His magnetic personality and encounter with sinners led to their conversion. Our God is a God“ who is with us”, a God who accompanies us. Created in the image and likeness of such a God let us also make accompaniment and discernment our motto.

Fr Jason is a Salesian priest working at Don Bosco Mission Centre, Ghataprabha in Belgaum.

Be a Part of the Don Bosco Family!

As a Salesian (Priest/Brother/Sister) Contact: Fr Joel D’Souza, Don Bosco Panjim (North Goa & Maharashtra) Ph: 9421117819 joelmaxsdb@rediffmail.com Fr Austin Fernandes, Don Bosco Benaulim (South Goa) Ph: 9420906544 austinworld69@gmail.com

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GOD’S CALL Arun Mendonca SDB

Marriage As A Vocation Every human being born on this earth is called

by God to live a particular way of life. Some God calls to His service, some to be married and some to remain single. It doesn’t matter which calling one receives; what matters is ‘how’ I answer that call.

Vocation is a call from God that is offered freely and should be accepted freely – a personal, individual call. Any vocation calls for fidelity and commitment to live out the particular call to its fullest way possible. Marriage is a vocation. The term marriage means a legal relationship between a man and a woman.

It’s not simply a choice that’s made but an entry into the union of a relationship that remains forever. It is a call from God where the response is given freely and willingly by two individuals who

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choose to live out this call forever. In Marriage God blesses each man and woman with grace to live this call, together in love and patience.

They become one in soul and in heart. In the sacrament of marriage man and woman become the witnesses of the fulfillment of the plan of God. Living the plan of God in love and in sharing of each other’s life is what marriage as a vocation is.

Through this sacrament there forms a holy bond between man and woman. For what is united by God can never be separated by man” (Mk 10:9).

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When I speak of marriage here, I remember my parents.

A man and a woman who are living the call of God to the fullest, to the best of their ability.

A calling to any way of life begins when an individual decides to answer “YES” and willingly takes

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responsibility to nurture and develop this relationship. What begins as an attraction to life should now be lived as a personal commitment and conviction. Marriage becomes the visible sign of God’s love to the world. Married life is tied up with three important virtues or values, namely fidelity, chastity and trust. Tracing back to the roots of marriage, it is God himself who blesses man and woman in Genesis saying “be fruitful and multiply”. God made man and woman in His own image, yet He made them both unique so that one might feel the need of the other in life. Marriage is called a true union of love when one gives oneself freely to the other in mind and in heart. The spousal relationship is strengthened by the giving of oneself fully to the other, by creating a special bond between the husband and wife that remains lifelong. The free consent from the partners is what gives a foundation for unity and then procreation and raising a family.

The love between the partners is expressed strongly in the sexual union of the husband and wife. Sexual union is the fruit of a successful married life. A successful marriage is a happy blending of romance and friendship with a lot of humor, tolerance and a realistic approach to life and less of resentment. “Home

is the place in which the future of humanity is being shaped” said Mahatma Gandhi. It is the duty of the husband to put his wife above all and the same is asked from the wife. When a couple gets married it’s not only they who get united but the two families that form a union among them. Marriage gives a couple a new identity of its own. It provides the perfect setting for friendship, emotional warmth and protection throughout their life. Marriage is feeling important and special in someone else’s life.

It is family which gives society a firm base and children a stable environment to grow.

Children grow best when they have a mother and a father to love them and take care of them.

The home becomes a natural setting for growth.

Difficulties and trials are part and parcel of our life. Life will seem difficult when there is a clash of viewpoints, on difference of opinion.

This is the time to realize that the union of marriage is Trinitarian. It is man, woman and God that makes a marriage complete. Leaving God out of this sacred union is like having the corner stone of the foundation being removed.

God becomes the strong force who unites and keeps the married life intact enabling them to face any storms of difficulty and is able to cross any hurdle of life. It is God who unites and it is He who sustains marriage.

All this happens when a couple c o n s ide r s marriage as a vocation and not as a profession.

Arun is a Salesian student of Philosophy at Divyadaan, Nashik.

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MARRIAGE Valentine & Anna Coelho

Matrimony

the Sacrament at the heart of the family

Marriage is an age-old institution, as old as the beginning of time. This can be seen by the importance given to it by all cultures down the ages. However, Christ elevated marriage to a Sacrament: Matrimony. We all know that the couple themselves become the sacrament on their wedding day. Let us go deeper into this mystery.

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Wives, submit to your husbands St. Paul, in his much mis-quoted epistle to the Ephesians (5: 21-33), tries to explain the intimate relationship of a husband and wife. “Wives, submit to your h u s b a n d s �.

Whatever St. Paul says about the responsibility of the wife towards her husband is in the context of the husband taking the initiative in love. What he asks of the wife is in a context in which her husband treats her as Christ treats the Church. What did Christ do for his bride, the Church? He laid down his life to save her. That was his mission. And Paul is asking wives to put themselves under the mission (sub-mission) of their husbands. When it is

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understood like this, which wife would not want to submit to their husbands?

So, St. Paul is not a male chauvinist, trying to perpetuate the age-old domination of women by men. Rather he is trying to restore God’s original plan for marriage – a benevolent patriarchy based on sacrificial leadership. And Christ came to show us how to do it. As Gaudium et Spes puts it: “Christ came to reveal man to himself.” But towards the end of his passage quoted above, even St. Paul admits that this is beyond human comprehension. He says: “This mystery has many implications. But I am referring to Christ and His Church.” Paul is saying that we in the Church need our Sacramental couples in order to understand who the Lord has made us to be, to Him and one another. Furthermore, the Sacramental couple empowers the rest of us to live up to that vision.

So in a very real way, we can say that the Church

needs couples more than the couples need the Church. Of course, we need one another.

There is no Sacrament outside the Church.

But the couples reveal to us the communion we are called to achieve. They model the closeness and dedication to one another which we are called to as Catholics. We should not be merely a Church but a people. “From age to age you gather a people to yourself, so that from east towest a perfect offering can be made to the glory of your name.” (Third Eucharistic Prayer). Yet, most often it is people who are gathered in the Church on Sundays. We are not A people but individuals, worshipping in common. We develop little relationship with those with whom we worship.

A mirror of God’s love In Corinthians 7: 3-4, St. Paul takes us beyond that. The husband is to find his life’s purpose in making his wife happy. The wife is to come to her meaning by bringing joy to her husband.

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This is the death to self to which Jesus invites us. But in calling husband and wife to lose their private identities and merge into one another, there is no loss of personhood. St. Paul does not suggest that the man and the woman become less themselves but that they expand themselves and become more, in, with and through each other.

Jesus came to reveal to us the true nature of God. God is not simply three individual persons: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit but the three of them in relationship. Their “tri-unity” is what makes them God. As John says: God is Love. All love is modelled on God which again is a hierarchical order of love – a patriarchy. Marital love is the most intense and complete love humans can experience.

They are capable of an intimacy unique in this world. So St. Paul calls them to a full and Godly love relationship. To hand themselves over to one another, to find themselves and their meaning in life in that very self-donation. As the Second Vatican Council put it, “Man, who is the only creature on earth that God created for his own sake, cannot fully find himself except through the sincere gift of himself.”

(G.S. 24) Mission of the Couple When we put the 2 passages of Scripture together, Ephesians and Corinthians, we have revealed to us the powerful mission of the Sacrament of Matrimony. We, as husbands and wives, are called to reveal to the Church the very identity of God himself. Thus, a couple has been given a mission which only they can fulfil. When couples fail to live up to their sacrament the Church misses out on understanding its inner nature.

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The act of lovema k i ng b e t w e e n Sac ra ment a l couples has its parallel in the Eucharist. In lovema k i ng, the purpose is to bring the couple into rapturous com mu n ion with one another. The act itself is wonderful but incomplete without the unity of persons which is the main goal. Similarly in the Eucharist. It is wonderful in itself, a miracle, but the main purpose is to create intimacy. The unity the Eucharist calls us to, is with his Body – our fellow believers. When this does not happen, when we are private about Holy Communion, when it is just me and Jesus, we have missed the point just like couples who make love for the pleasure it gives them. We cannot separate Jesus from His Body. The Eucharist is not merely an act of eating, it is a bonding of Jesus to ourselves just as lovemaking is not merely an act but rather a sign of giving one’s whole self over to the beloved.

To conclude, when wives submit to their husbands and husbands love their wives in sacrificial love, Sacramental couples become a sign of Christ’s passionate, sacrificial love for the Church. Are we ready to love like that for the good of our beloved Church?

Valentine (Vally) & Anna Coelho is a Certified Natural Family Planning Teaching couple and co-directors of Couple to Couple League India Chapter.

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A PIECE OF HEAVEN Infancio J Pires SDB

Synonymy between Family and Heaven As soon as the word ‘heaven’ strikes our ears door the first thing that comes to mind is choirs of angels s i n g i n g , people with s p o t l e s s white clothes, flying shiny unicorns and other things alike.

But thinking about it seriously our image differs.

Heaven according to the Oxford Dictionary is “the place believed to be the home of God where good people go when they die: the Kingdom of God.” This can be one explanation; but what are the other things we hear about heaven?

Some say heaven is a state of being and not a physical place; some say it is a fantasy or imagination created by certain individuals to cozy themselves. Some others say heaven is a concept created by morally sound people to scare those who do not live a moral life. Many are of the opinion that heaven is participation in the life of the Trinity. These are all noble thoughts but there is also a big group of

people who believe that heaven can be present even on earth. These people believe that heaven is a place where everybody l i v e s p e a c e f u l l y, helping and loving each other. Heaven need not be some place out there. It can be right here but this requires love and sacrifice.

What is a family? A family according to Oxford Dictionary is a “group consisting of one or two parents and their children.” This is the formal meaning of the term family but what is family according to the common man or woman?

Family is a group of people living together, united in love and responsible for each other’s wellbeing. They may or may not be related by blood ties.

When we speak of “family”, a sociologist will say it is ‘the basic unit of society’, a psychologist

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would say it’s ‘the place where the child feels safest’, an educationist would say it’s ‘the first school of an individual’, a religious or a devout person would say ‘a cradle of love’, a person living on the peripheries would say it’s the ‘support system of a person’; the list goes on and on. Each person or group has a different opinion regarding family, but the fact remains that family is a necessity for a healthy and happy life. If given a chance to propagate my idea of family, I would compare it to a breath (the air we breathe).

We need it the most but we don’t realize its presence. We know or realize its importance only when it is taken away from us. We do not make any effort to take care or know about it, but unconsciously reap the benefits. Every person may have a different opinion or a perspective about family but it surely boils down to love, care and security.

A normal or a so called ideal family consists of father, mother and children, but there are also extended families with their own positive and negative points. The family is or will be peaceful if each member does what he or she ought to do. Nowadays we see people doing their aptitude tests to know the right job or field of studies they will be good at. There are some women who show very high potential in office work or business, will her family life be a disaster? This depends; there are some very understanding families where husband and wife complement each other. In the traditional sense, women ought to do household chores and men to work and earn for the family. But when a woman is more inclined to

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business there occurs a problem in an Indian family not because she is not a good mother but because she does not fit into the mould created by society for her. The movie Ki and Ka is a very good example of how there can be a happy family even after man and woman switch their roles in the family. The problem is not with who does what, but with what we think we/they ought to do. Sometimes it so happens in the family that a member insists on

certain practices so much, by showing hope of heavenly life that the family becomes a hell on earth.

Heaven is not just a bi-product of living a good life on earth. If instead of living for ourselves we begin living, keeping in mind the good of our family we can surely bring a change and there won’t be need to wait to die to enjoy heaven. Heaven can be here on earth. And the family is the closest and the most possible place that can be a heaven on earth.

Infancio is a Salesian studying Philosophy at Divyadaan, Nashik.

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MY EXPERIENCE Kaitan Lobo

Ingredients of a Happy Family

F.A.M.I.L.Y – Father And Mother I Love You. This is the simplest way to explain what a family is. Nevertheless the Holy Bible gives us insights into what the attitude of parents and children should be. To parents it says, “Children are indeed a heritage from God, the fruit of the womb.” (Ps 127:3) and to children, “Children, obey your parents in everything.” (Col 3:21) Our families play a significant role in our lives, a foundation for who we are and what we become. Therefore based on my experience in the family, I have expressed my thoughts about it under three points.

A place where you are ‘Loved’ The famous maxim, “What you get is what you give” is so true with regard to the family.

Every family member must feel that he/she is loved personally. For us Christians, this aspect of love is central, for we know, “Where there is love there is God.” There is a lot of difference when a child respects out of fear and when he/she does it out of love. Though both the conditions earn respect, what leads the child to do so is what matters. Love is the most basic and primary requirement to build a family.

Process of ‘Learning, Unlearning and Relearning’ Much of what we are is what we have seen and learned from our parents (elders). Learning happens most naturally and easily to all

of us. We see, hear and learn. But, the next two steps are challenging. We know that we have to unlearn certain things, accepting the fact that all that we learn need not be good and acceptable. This requires reflection and firmness to change our set ways. We also need to relearn some aspects of our life that are generally forgotten as we grow up. For example: simplicity, humility, frankness, etc., are important and need to be cultivated if forgotten or lost.

Journey towards ‘Responsible and Mature living’ Though we were born as babies we know we shall not remain babies all our life. As time passes there is growth and with growth there has to be responsibility and maturity in our lives. Proverbs 22:6 says it very clearly, “Train children in the right way, and when old they will not stray.” This might sometimes challenge both parents and children in today’s society.

It needs consent of parents who are ready to ‘educate’ and children who are willing to be ‘educated!’

Let me conclude with the words of Bernie Siegel that encapsulates best of all that I have said, “I was lucky to be brought up loved. Not everything I did was liked, but I knew that I was loved - and knowing this gave me the ability and freedom to be who I wanted to be.”

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Kaitan is a novice at Salesian Training Institute, Nashik.

January - March 2017

HAPPY FAMILY Banzelão Teixeira SDB

“STAY CONNECTED!”

5 Keys to Successful Family Communication Is Communication a Perennial Problem?

Anthony and Maria have been married for several years. They have two children, aged 9 and 7.

Maria works as a secretary to the manager of a small company and Anthony is an accountant in a multinational firm. In the recent past there have been some problems in their relationship. While the functional conversations continue, “quality” time together has become less and less. They have also begun to doubt each other’s movements. One evening this is what happens at the dinner table.

Anthony: Oh! The food in this house is never warm.

Maria: Do you know what time it is? Don’t expect the food to remain warm at this late hour.

Anthony: What do you mean?

Maria: Well, where have you been? You can’t be working so late!

Anthony: You really make me sick. I come home after working for long hours to find you with a sour face. This is one of the reasons I avoid returning home early.

Maria: I too work for long hours…come home, cook the food, attend to the needs of the kids, ... You have never given a hand.

Anthony: Who does the purchases, the paying of the bills and dropping the kids to school? If you needed more help, you should have asked

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me. Don’t expect me to get dreams about it!

(The argument continues…)

Such arguments are often heard in some homes. They could be about issues related to household chores, the upbringing of children, money, relationships, and the like. These are clear signs of failure in communication, besides other reasons. The chief problem, I believe, is our inability to listen and understand what the other is saying and not saying. Effective communication is an essential building block of strong and healthy families. Therefore, let us first seek to understand what we mean by “family communication”.

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Understanding Family Communication Family communication refers to the way verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between family members. It is our ability to pay attention to what the other is thinking and feeling. Besides speaking, listening is an important part of communication.

Communication among family members is extremely important because it enables individuals to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express not only their love and appreciation but also their differences. Only through communication families are able to tide over the difficulties that affect them.

Family members should take proactive measures to promote effective communication and in turn improve the quality of their relationships. Here I wish to consider the 5 keys that enhance family communication.

First Key - Active Listening The first and topmost indispensable key a person needs for effective communication is ‘Active listening.’ Listening to what others are saying and understanding their point of view is the most basic requirement. Our capacity to listen can be enhanced through the practice of 3 basic skills: concentration, openness, and rephrasing. Concentration implies that when one is listening to one’s spouse or child, it is important to pay close attention to their verbal and non-verbal messages. This also means setting aside one’s thoughts and preoccupations while the other person is

talking. Respect for the other person’s point of view is very essential. Being judgmental or defensive not only blocks communication but also discourages the other person from being frank in his/her communication with you.

Rephrasing is the best way to check if you have understood what the other person wants to communicate. Use of expressions such as, “Do you mean …” before rephrasing the message of your spouse or child. This provides the other person the possibility to ensure that he or she has been understood.

Second Key - Frequent Communication With busy work schedules most family members find it difficult to make time for each other. While the social media provides opportunities to remain connected with each other, spending quality time still remains a tall challenge. Each family should make it their top most priority to make time for each other and to discuss issues that affect the family. This ‘quality time’ should be besides the informal time for meals, outings, entertainment, prayer and relaxation.

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Third Key - Clear and Direct Communication Healthy families communicate their thoughts and feelings in a clear and direct manner.

This is important when attempting to resolve problems and clear misunderstandings that arise between family members (for example – conflicts between spouses or misunderstanding between parents and children). Indirect and vague communication will not only fail to resolve problems, but may lead to further misunderstanding and eventually to family breakdowns.

Fourth Key – Honesty and Openness For effective communication to take place individuals must be open and honest with one another. This openness and honesty will eventually lead to trusting relationships.

Parents have a special responsibility towards cultivating the virtue of honesty in their children by insisting on the value and by their own example. They must also create a conducive environment so that family members can openly express their thoughts and feelings. Self-disclosure is possible when family members are sincere.

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Fifth Key: Be Positive Unhappy families are a result of negative communication patterns, such as criticism, contempt, defensiveness and dishonesty.

Children brought up with negative feedback will view life negatively. Therefore, while it is necessary to address problems in the family, it should be done in a positive manner – through effective communication. Family members should verbally compliment and encourage one another whenever possible. Celebrating the successes and supporting the person in moments of failure are important ways to cultivate strong bonds in the family.

Communication takes time and effort. Besides developing communication skills and utilizing effective techniques, there are a number of simple, practical things one can do to facilitate communication in one’s family. Cultivating these skills does not need much learning. With a little bit of concern and availability, one will be able to give quality time to one’s loved ones at home.

Dr (Fr) Banzelão is the Principal of Divyadaan, a Salesian Philosophy Institute in Nashik.

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YOURS FOREVER Chris Valentino SDB

Making Love Last Long before he became Pope John Paul II, Fr Karol Wojtyla penned Love & Responsibility in 1960, which was translated into English only in 1981. In this wonderful book, he states what he believes about love – and he sure did know more than a thing or two, given his personal life experiences – and poses various considerations. “As a young priest I learned to love human love … this has been one of the fundamental themes of my priesthood — my ministry in the pulpit, in the confessional, and also in my writing,” he says. From his personal experience as an extremely popular university chaplain when he engaged with youngsters who came to seek his counsel on ‘how to love & how to live’, Fr Wojtyla also published a play “The Jeweller’s Shop” i n which he deals with the theme of genuine human love, and eventually as Pope John Paul II for over a span of five-years he delivered a series of We d ne s day audiences, now popularly referred to as the

Theology of the Body: Human Love in the Divine Plan.

Why is this pertinent to the article here? Well, considering the actual scenario of hooking up, speed-dating, break-ups, patch-ups, providing alimonies, contracting financial securities prior to tying the knot/walking down the aisle, etc. who in their right minds would not want to listen to the wisdom of the saintly Pope!

Are not the concerns of ‘attraction, desire, reciprocity, sentiment, sensuality, sexual urges, comradeship, tenderness, continence, procreation, responsibility, sacrifice and parenthood’ stirring up our insides and causing perplexing upheavals in our relationships?

“Love is a constant challenge, thrown to us by God, thrown, I think, so that we should challenge fate,” says Fr Wojtyla through the character of Christopher in “The Jeweller’s Shop,” What is the common/generic understanding of love amongst the young today, who have been irretractably bought hook, line and stinker to ape the itsy-bitsy-glitzy and glamorous reel icons, sucked into the cesspool of disastrous psycho-sexual labyrinths? Many a teen, a young adult and even knotted couples are decisively plummeting down confrontational alleyways not willing to transcend the ‘sensual/ sexual’ aspects of committed living and loving.

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Hansa, a lady w h o loved, lost and is afraid to trust another, is a social recluse and a certified p i l l popping mess, priding herself on having come out into the open. Roshan, who loved, decided to break-up and is now scouting for a new find is impressionist in his interactions. Maya, who had her tumultuous marriage ended despite having married a partner of her choice after years of courtship, now views people as either sexist or misogynist.

Pam entangled in a fatal love-relationship with a much-married man, is desperate that he accepts her. A group of adolescents in a coed school are experimenting with sleepovers, hoping to find someone to love! Hey, but what right does anyone have about anyone else’s living and loving? In our Bollywood cinematic preachers, such as Dedh Ishqiya, we discover that ‘a one-night stand or having sex is just that and the thought that this is a love-union is a mere delusion’! Stop and ponder.

What do we do as a society that seeks love, companionship and affective appreciation?

Disillusionments galore, chaotic schedule pressures, egotistic selfie promotions, narcissist obsessions and materialistic individualism are all seemingly sounding the death-knell for virtuous love. Yet, the spark of attraction, the desire to be part of, and the depressing agony of separation sears our hearts and persecutes our minds, colouring our vision and permeating our impoverished souls. In what many upbeat, ultra-futuristic, fire-in-the-belly young of today are calling experimental escapades to bond, we

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are increasingly witnessing an entirely segregated and totally detached search for love-solutions in a lifemate, a soulmate, a roommate, a bedmate, agony-aunts and sugar-daddies – how then do we achieve lasting love, i f at all!?

So many abuses of this endearing quality of human uniqueness, that it is contorted and grossly misunderstood. We have been, are and will ever be a society of confused children, infatuated adolescents, yearning youngsters, rebuked/jilted lovers and destitute elders constantly confronted with ‘love and making love last’ agonies.

In an ultra-progressive ‘throw all caution to the winds’ and express yourself ‘as you will, and how you will and when and wherever you will’ society the concept of fidelity and loyal love has nothing but seemingly evaporated.

Faster information, quicker communication, advanced technology, but the distances between humans keeps getting wider and farther. Yet, we do find amongst us couples that exemplify loving unions ‘through poverty and wealth, joys and sorrows, sickness and death’. The Britannica World Language Encyclopedia defines love as “more intense, absorbing and tender than friendship, more intense, impulsive and perhaps passionate than affection.” We celebrate fervent love. We also realise that love is a many splendored thing which demolishes distance, space and time, which seeks personal affection between the sexes, denoting more than mere animal passion and going way beyond appetite, desire and lust!

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From what we gather, thanks to wonderful exemplary couples who provide us delightful glimpses of lasting love, we could perceive love as ‘hopes all things, nonjudgmental, forgiving, supportive, encouraging, appreciative and accepting of the other’. Love when understood and lived as a relationship with sharing of life in sincerity and openness arguably builds up, upholds, sustains and gives meaning to lasting and harmonious interaction that seeks to downplay domination/control, choosing instead to dialogue, reciprocate and communicate. This love that is expressed in sharing, caring, giving of each other, consisting of solidarity or realism, spurs us on with zeal, ardour and fervour. Such a love means patience, perseverance, creating of priorities, compromising, respecting, and affirming the other as part and parcel of one’s own being! Will it not be wonderful to experience this lasting fragrance of love in closeness, warmth, non-separated in understanding, in togetherness and in oneness? Loving couples who have not only endured but relished lasting love seemingly overcome their difficulties and obstacles thanks to the adventurous and emotional gaiety in relationships. Love that helps one cultivate a sense of esteem, motivates and uplifts, allows for a particular type of inner peace, which matures the bond.

This type of noble and sacrificial love as Henry Ford was wont to say “always stick to one model”, is an embrace that is a nest of tenderness, a jail for the heart and a nursery for the soul, allowing love to ever bloom and grow. This brings about a ‘fidelity’ which Erikson in Insight and Responsibility terms as “the ability to sustain loyalties freely pledged inspite of the inevitable contradictions of value systems,” setting in motion an unfreezing plane of fidelity allowing great miracles to

unfold in this marvelous process. With fidelity, understanding and compassion envelop the love-union, healthier and positive interactions develop and slowly but surely love ignited with a spark sparkles on in a manner that is everlasting. Sounds stupendous? Well, looking at the scores of women and men who have found the secret to lasting love, it doesn’t really seem impossible to desire and attain.

However convinced or unconvinced one may be, regards the lasting nature of love and loving relationships, we need only to open our eyes and hearts to the daily miracles of love within families, neighbourhoods, among our dear ones and experience the positivity of a process that makes love last, come what may. Recently, Pope Francis, in one of his remarks about lasting love within the context of marital cohabitation expressed, “What do we mean by ‘love?’ Just a feeling, a psycho-physical condition? If so, you cannot build anything solid (…) Marriage is a jewelry business that is built every day throughout life, (…) a husband helps his wife to mature as a woman, and the wife helps her husband to mature as a man. The two grow in humanity, and this is the main legacy they leave the children (…) living together is an art, a patient, beautiful and fascinating way, that has rules which can be summarized in three phrases: ‘please,’ ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’.” In the final analysis, lasting love can be achieved if we understood true love as something that knows no distance, beauty, face and body size, rather, about what we feel inside our heart and accept someone for who they are. Lasting love could thus be accurately summed as ‘connect – commit – celebrate’ the other daily!

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Chris is a Salesian priest, passionate about Christ, Peace, Youth and Media.

January - March 2017

INTERVIEW Joaquim Lobo

Fr Alex D’Mello is a dynamic priest having many tasks on his sleeves working tirelessly in the diocese of Sindhudurg. He is a Judicial vicar who deals with marriage cases and the director of the Family Commission. Here he talks about the problems of the people and the youth of Sindhudurg while revealing his intentions, plans and works for them.

1. What is the essence of a family?

LOVE; between the husband and the wife which is transmitted to their children. Love brings the family together. Every member of the family feels drawn to their family because it gives them a sense of security. It is the love that makes any family member sure of being accepted in spite of their failings because there is no one else in the world who can understand them but their very own family.

2015 to Oct 2016) to the families. The family apostolate organized number of activities during this year. The people were made aware of the importance of the family in ones life.

The core group was formed to provide proper direction to the family apostolate. The Diocese along with our Holy Father Pope Francis has expressed its deep concern towards the families. It will plan its activities in future under the guidance of Amoris Laetitia.

2. What is your role in the diocese? How do you assist families?

I work as a judicial vicar and deal with marriage cases. Since there are few priests in the diocese, the bishop of Sindhudurg has given me additional portfolio of the family apostolate. I have made myself available to the families which are experiencing marital problems or some other family issues. I teach and conduct programs, give periodical talks on the family issues and parenting.

4. What are the major difficulties/challenges to a modern family?

Our families are under tremendous pressure.

The biggest problem is poverty.

Poverty has its own effects on the family such as migration to bigger towns. Migration leads to loneliness for those who have migrated and those who remain in the villages especially the aged parents. Our families are experiencing conflicts within themselves but their voices are subdued in our cultural settings. Some families are battling with misunderstanding between the spouses. There are many families with single parents. Often the women folk look after their children singledhandedly because their spouses are

3. What efforts does the diocese make to assist families?

In line with the Universal Church, the diocese had dedicated the year (Oct

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either working abroad or have passed away. Our illiterate elders look after the children while the parents are at work in the cities; hence they are not able to guide our youth and children who are social media crazy. The widows are left to fight their own battle. There are a large number of families missing the church services and faith formation programs. A good number of Christian families are living under the influence of superstition and surrounding cultures. Though, the Catholic Church is known for her morality, many couples do not follow Church’s teaching on the moral issues such as abortion, contraceptives, etc.

The list is endless.

5. How do you see the future of the families in your diocese?

There are great opportunities that await for the people of Sindhudurg. The area is developing as a tourist destination. The children are getting education in the English medium and they are doing well as compared to older generations.

The economic status of our families is bound to improve but what about the spiritual upliftment? The Church of Sindhudurg will have an uphill task to guide its faithful in right direction because economic development is not everything.

6. Do you see any specific problems for the youth?

The youth are generally God fearing and church – priests friendly. However, there is another side to the youth. There are quite a good number of youth who are heading in the wrong direction and are often addicted to alcohol and other vices such as fast money making rackets. Some youth do not have motivation and a vision for the future. They

have become stereo typed. They are frustrated due to unemployment. They often do not select a proper partner. Inter-faith marriages are failing because challenges in these marriages were not seen earlier. Our children are exposed and addicted to modern means of communication but they have no motivation to excel in studies. They do not respect their parents and elders. Female youth are excelling in academics but eventually do not find the suitable partner among the Catholics.

7. What are your views on Amoris Laetitia of Pope Francis?

I personally liked the document. I have done a rapid reading once and as per the guidance of Pope Francis; I am reading it slowly chapter by chapter. Pope Francis in his unique style looks at the families from different perspectives.

He offers some practical tips to the pastors, spouses, children, etc. Pope Francis has given us the direction; we must try to follow him.

This document has come after much discussion and dialogue. The process of dialogue was solemn and laborious. We had two synods and a wider consultation from all over the world.

If you take it in consideration, we begin to appreciate our Holy Father who wants to listen

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young couples who are living under the tremendous pressure. I want these couples to feel that the Church accompanies them in their struggle.

to each and every one of us. We can learn from him at least to listen. As priests or parents or persons assigned to look after the families we must listen to the needs of our subjects.

8. What will you choose as a priority for the diocese?

I have set two priorities this year for the family apostolate apart from the programs that are regularly organized every year. Firstly, I want each and every family to become aware of the catechesis of Amoris Laetitia in the diocese.

Secondly, I want to provide guidance to our

Announcing

9. Your message to the youth and the families.

I would like to tell the youth and the families that there are enormous challenges and difficulties in the world. They are bound to be there. No matter what you do, they will continue to follow you. What is important is to change your attitude towards life.

Look at the problems and learn to convert difficulties into opportunity. Give your best and God will take care of the rest. This selfbelief will come into your life only when you trust in God. Many of our problems are related to lack of faith in God. Our God is awesome God, He walks the talk. He himself has shown us the importance of the family. He was born in a family. He reached out to the needy families.

Our God, cares for family life because He lives in a triune family. Trust in Him and you will be rejuvenated to face the challenges of life.

Salesian Panjim Province Contact: Rector of any Don Bosco Institution

April 24 - 26

Summer Thrill Camp Canagal, Quepem

Std VI - VIII

May 8 - 11

Vocation cum Aspirantate Selection Panjim

Vocation boys

May 15 - 18

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College & Working Youth

January - March 2017

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A HAPPIER YOU Diana Charles

IQ Gets You Hired...…

EQ Gets You Promoted...…

‘Intelligence Quotient’ (IQ) is a term most of us have heard of. A high IQ was always equated with success in life. Then along came Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer who coined the term ‘Emotional Intelligence’ (EQ) describing it as “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action”. It however gained popularity only in 1995 with a book by that title, written by the author, psychologist, and science journalist Daniel Goleman. Today one finds the term bandied about quite loosely.

So why is it important to understand what EI is?

According to Talent Smart, 90% of high performers at the work place possess high EQ, while 80% of low performers have low EQ. Emotional Intelligence is absolutely essential in the formation, development, maintenance, and enhancement of close personal relationships.

Unlike IQ, which does not change significantly over a lifetime, our EQ can evolve and increase with our desire to learn and grow. Since there is a direct link between success and EQ, it makes sense to try to develop it over the years.

Let us understand where we go wrong.

1. How difficult is it for you to say, NO ?

There are times in our lives when it is important for us to draw boundaries, so that people know exactly where we stand and don’t try to cross the lines we have drawn. Are we able to say No without feeling guilty? Are we able to exercise our right to disagree without being disagreeable? Some of us when faced with a difficult situation tend to become reactive rather than being proactive. Stepping into the other person’s shoes or backing off for a little while we breathe deep and count down are some techniques we can learn to reduce our own stress levels and how to assert our own selves, tactfully. Diplomacy is the art of putting one’s foot down without stepping on anyone’s toes.

2. Do others see us as Pessimistic or Optimistic?

Life is not a cakewalk, we all know that. But how we act when faced with life’s challenges is what separates the men from the boys. Are we positive as compared to being negative? Do we never see the silver lining in the dark cloud?

Do we ask ourselves with each situation, what have I learnt from this? Or is our nature to moan and groan when going through a crisis and have the calamity repeat itself because we never tried to learn from the previous

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experience. When we learn to ask questions, better questions, constructive questions, we gain the right perspective and are able to tackle problems with equanimity before they become too acute.

Our entire perception of the person changes once we have this information. Widening our perspective always helps us to avoid biased judgments. It is better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

3. Do we jump the gun to assume flawed, misconceived notions?

One of the most important aspects of EI is our ability to effectively manage our own negative emotions, so they don’t overwhelm us and affect our judgment. This comes from the way we perceive the situation. Say for example, you see a person coming late frequently for work.

4. A boo sounds much louder to you than a cheer Most people have a fear of rejection and as a result, do not even take the first step. If you turn your mind back into your past, you may remember some incidents where you didn’t come forward to take part in a debate or to meet someone you secretly liked, because you were worried about being rejected by the person or worse, laughed at.

One effective way to manage our fear of rejection is to provide ourselves with numerous alternatives in important situations, so that no matter what happens, we have other options of going forward. Let us take the example of asking that girl out who we secretly like. If I don’t ask her what will happen? I will never know that she may have said, Yes. What would be my options then? To move on and find someone else, but I am at least sure that I didn’t have a chance with the first girl, rather than always wondering, what might have been. So remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained. “When you’re following your inner voice, doors tend to eventually open for

You may assume that it is because the person is lazy and you develop a poor opinion of him and make fun of him behind his back. Later on you come to know that he is forced to work a second job because he has a sick wife at home and as a result, he gets to go home very late. He comes to work late because he has to see off his children and cook their meals before he leaves.

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you, even if they mostly slam at first.” Kelly Cutrone.

5. Connected but distant Speaking of building a relationship with someone, many people find this very difficult.

Today especially young people connect very quickly on social media with others…on chat and mail but find it difficult to maintain those relationships in real life. The ability to effectively express and validate tender, loving emotions is essential to maintaining close personal relationships and a very large part of EI. On a constant basis our body language says a lot about us. Engaging in shared activities creates bonds. Empathetic listening, all the words and gestures we use, speak volumes.

With the rising graph of separation and divorce, something is obviously going very wrong in this particular area. We need to be able to say, I love you, I care about you, I want to be connected with you, you’re important in my life. These are the building blocks of any strong relationship and need constant maintenance or they wither and die.

Build on your self-awareness and selfregulation of your moods; understand your motivations and passions in life; develop your empathetic and social skills and watch your life become a happier more fulfilled one.

Diana ia an ex-principal and a freelance journalist.

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EXPRESS YOURSELF Nirmala Rebello

Developing

Emotional Intelligence “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.” “I don’t much care where…” “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.” - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland Most people want to be told where to go and who to be. They don’t really care where it is – so long as it seems awesome to everyone else.

This kind of attitude sidetracks people all the time. Rather than doing what they genuinely love, they take the job that offers the most money, prestige, or accolades. They spend decades of their lives on the wrong path.

At some point or another, they have their identity crisis and realize they have no idea what they really want in life. They have no idea where they are going. Perhaps this is because the development of Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient (EI or EQ) has been neglected in favour of the race to be on top intellectually (IQ), to compete with the best, to take home a whopping pay check, to be considered “awesome.”

EI is a cultivated skill. It is a skill that can be learned, to a certain extent, by very young children. As they become more aware of their

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emotions and more aware of the emotions of people around them, their emotional intelligence takes shape and gains maturity.

Positive emotional development has important benefits. Young children who are emotionally stable and healthy benefit from being more attentive to learning, feeling good about themselves, having more friends and being able to better control their behaviour. All these relate to long-term happiness and success in life as children grow older.

A good example of emotional intelligence in a young child is being able to say “I’m upset”, as well as “I’m happy,” to recognize the feeling, and separate their behaviour from the feeling: to be able to take control of their emotional reactions.

Intelligent and sensitive parenting

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and teaching play a significant role in nurturing EI among children, from an early age. Young children are mimics and manipulators: they echo adult behaviour and use emotional tools to get their way. To parents and teachers who wonder why they are unable to discipline their children, I would ask, “Are you a positive Role Model? Are you capable of giving your child judicious doses of Tough Love? Do you know when and how to say No? Are you a sensitive negotiator? ” Much depends on honest answers to these questions and the ability to change tracks if we find ourselves lacking.

All of us, including young children, are “wired” to experience and express emotion.

Emotional development relates to a child cultivating the ability to recognize feelings, react to them, manage emotions and be aware of and respond to the feelings of others. The development of such abilities through time results in a person’s degree of “Emotional Intelligence,” an important concept that suggests people can become competent in how they handle and express their own emotions and respond to others’ emotions.

Even as early as 1 month of age, infants demonstrate emotions (distress, pleasure) that show understanding of what is happening around them.

By 4 months, a baby naturally recognizes differences in faces

expressing happiness, anger or sadness, and will react to try to the change in the expression on a parent’s face. In the first two years of life, children learn to laugh not only when they are pleased, but in response to their own behaviors that get an emotional reaction from others (delight from parents, other children).

Emotional development shapes our understanding of and our interactions with others, i.e. family, friends, groups, communities. It often defines what we value, and how and what we learn, as well as how we prioritize things in our daily lives. Our feelings provide us with insight and energy, and are involved with almost every decision we make. Emotional development affects a child’s capacity to relate to others, interact and communicate, and also his or her ability to express feelings, such as love, anger and trust.

Developing abilities associated with emotions are important “life skills,” meaning abilities that help us relate well to others and succeed in life. Some of these important skills include: Being aware of your own feelings Monitoring your moods and regulating expressions of emotion Handling anger Using emotions positively to help reach your goals Sensing how others feel Using emotions positively in making decisions Monitoring others’ emotions to manage personal relationships As with other areas of development, learning

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the abilities associated with emotional development takes time and experience.

Caring adults are most important in aiding a young child’s emotional development. Some of the best ways to develop emotional intelligence in young children include modelling and creating awareness of their emotions.

Every relationship, profession or situation requires a person to have adequate EI in addition to technical, cognitive and aesthetic skills. Whether you are a spouse, a parent, a nurse, a teacher, a sales person, an executive or a manager, your degree of success in your personal and professional life will hinge on

your ability to empathize with yourself and your team for best results in all kinds of real life situations.

As Parents and Teachers, let us strive to equip our children with the tools to develop their EQ. I was touched by this little anecdote: A Father lovingly said to his son, “Be careful where you walk”… The son responded, ”You must be careful Dad, remember that I follow in your footsteps”.

Nirmala is an ex-principal, presently a staff member of Don Bosco Konkan Development Society.

ST JOSE VAZ Neil Fernandes

A Saint from Our Family For many years it was believed that the Indian Religious were mediocre. They lacked the zeal and the desire, to do God’s will, that the foreign missionaries possessed. It was believed that they had no gusto for missionary work.

But, all these beliefs changed with one man – Jose Vaz. He braved the criticism and the storms to go and revive the catholic faith in Sri Lanka (Ceylon). But, in the thick of all these obstacles, what was it that spurred him to go and perform marvelous works?

They say that a good Catholic family is a nursery for vocations. Jose Vaz’s family was

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nothing less. They practiced daily the popular acts of piety, did some spiritual reading and lived a life that would be pleasing in God’s sight. Still a child, Jose imbibed the spiritual aspects of his family and practiced them diligently. He was known in his village for his piety, his mannerism, earnestness and practice of Christian virtues that encouraged others to venture into the spiritual realm of their lives. Right from a young age, he developed an affinity towards long prayers and also for the poor. He would help the poor by providing them with food from his own repast.

(Contd. on Pg. 41)

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AWARENESS Nandini Cardoso

“I am a Child of God” A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew pictures. Occasionally, she would walk around the room to see each child’s work.

“What are you drawing?” she asked one little boy who was working diligently at his desk.

The boy replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”

The little boy replied, “They will know now.”

Faith comes naturally to a child and the best time to teach him about God is in his early days. And one of the best prayers to teach a child that he/ she is a child of God, is the Our Father or the Lord’s prayer. Teach a child that there is a God and that God loves him. Let the child experience God’s love by knowing God through the stories and parables from the Bible.

Over

the

children tend to lose trust as they grow older. Disappointments, white lies, or even just finding out a fairy tale is not real takes that trust away piece by piece. It is almost impossible for this to not happen. No child is isolated from life’s realities forever and no matter how hard we try we cannot shield them from disenchantment.

It is sad when they lose a piece of their innocence and trust. Last year, a little girl realized her favorite movie character was just a character. She gave up on him as quickly as she found out he was make believe. Suddenly,

years,

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she began to question everything she saw and seemed to be almost angered by the truth.

In today’s media, there are more man-created heroes than ever. And of course, these heroes will fail our children at some point. So in a world full of let downs and constant change, how can we teach our children to rely on God, who will never let us down, leave us, or break a promise? We have been taught to believe that God is always with us, always. He will never leave us, he will never forsake us.

Sometimes children have a hard time with this concept. It can be difficult for them to understand that they can count on God to be with them no matter what.

Some key points to consider when teaching children that they can always rely on God are: Teach and show them honesty.

Teach them that God commands honesty from us. Showing them this will help them associate God with truth. We can start by being upfront and honest with our children.

This of course is not always possible.

Sometimes, as educators, t h e r e are things we shouldn’t tell our children or that we cannot tell them because it may not be age appropriate. Yet, when it comes to how we conduct ourselves in life, we should let children know that we strive to be honest.

is to teach them F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely On God).

Teaching them this acronym is a fun way to remind them that in their time of need, they can always rely on the Lord. Encourage children to take a leap of faith; or Leap F.R.O.G. Always pray.

Remind children that even when they feel alone, God is with them. Explain that He never will leave them. Teaching children to pray whenever they are frustrated, angry, and nervous or even when they are happy, is a great way to show them they have a direct line to God and that He is always listening.

Demonstrate.

The final and most important point you must remember when teaching children to fully rely on God is to do so yourself. I cannot teach great faith if I do not show great faith in all circumstances. Let children see us lean on the Lord and they will imitate this behavior.

As children learn their favorite characters, childhood heroes and fairy tales are make believe, show them they will never be let down by God. Teach them that God is the true hero and He will always be the one to save the day. And that God cares for us even when we make mistakes and turn away from him.

Use F.R.O.G. Another great way to teach children about God’s consistency in our lives

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Nandini is a school counsellor. She loves working with young people and strives to make a difference in their lives.

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THE ART OF LIVING Valentine D’Souza

Forgiveness & Mercy

A Part and Parcel of Family Life Antony was young, handsome and confident.

I use the word ‘confident’ deliberately even though it bordered on brashness, a quality appealing to young, impressionable girls and so it was with Janis.

Janis was fair, beautiful and talented. They soon got along very well and it was only a matter of time when they decided to get married. The first few years were blissful and also fruitful since they were now a family of four children.

But as the years rolled by, stresses appeared in the relationship.

Antony spent more time at the office and then went on to party with office friends, coming home late into the night. He was often in debt due to his extravagant life style. So Janis was forced to supplement the income, working from home, using her talent in sewing, embroidery and cooking delicacies. With the added burden of looking after four children, Janis was left with little time for herself.

Despite his faults, Antony was good at heart, a caring, loving father to the children and also devout. Janis always spoke well of Antony to the children and they learnt to respect him and think kindly of him.

For some time Antony managed to keep off his partying ways and he seemed a changed person. But declining fortunes of the company caused stress and turmoil in the office. Antony found himself in trouble with the management and life in the office became unbearable for him. He went back to his drinking and partying ways. He lost his job and ruined his health. He was not employable anymore.

Janis became the principal breadwinner of the family. To her credit, she still treated Antony as ‘the man of the house’ giving him his due place in the family. The children grew up with good values, later on found good jobs and also spouses. They built strong, stable families of their own.

Antony died early, a victim of his alcoholism leaving Janis a widow with a mortgage on the only house they owned and no savings. She was forced to vacate the house and move in with one of the children.

She continued to work to support herself.

Does she have any regrets ? No ! She always maintained that in spite of his weaknesses, Antony was a wonderful person and she would always miss him.

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But this was not the case in another love story of Simon and Selena. Simon was good with his hands, a dependable multi skilled tradesman.

He found steady employment with a leading automobile manufacturing company which provided him with a good salary. He also won the heart of a pretty girl who worked in a nearby office. The girl eventually became his wife.

They had three children and for some time, life looked good. Selena was competent at her work and rewarded with quick promotions.

She rose rapidly in rank, respect and esteem.

Sadly, it was not so with Simon.

His colleagues received plumb assignments and positions and he was neglected by his superiors. He grew increasingly despondent and turned to drink to drown his misery.

He became an alcoholic. They were frequent verbal duels between Simon and Selena which took a heavy toll on the children. Selena was afraid that Simon’s erratic behaviour would affect her career and reputation which was on the ascendant in the office. They eventually separated and Selena moved out with the children. This had a disastrous effect on their lives.

Simon’s life spiralled downwards. He missed his children and his wife because he loved them a lot. He would always go and visit Selena on her birthday with a gift. He died prematurely.

Selena quit her job and stayed at home. The children went their separate ways and had no time for her. She became bitter and desolate.

It would not be appropriate to sit in judgement on the lives of these two couples since that belongs to God alone, who knows the heart and mind of every human being. It is a question of mercy and forgiveness which must be a part and parcel of every family.

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This brings me to Pope Francis and his interview with Andrea Tornielli in the book, The name of God is mercy.

When he was asked the question “When you think of merciful priests whom you have met or who inspired you, who comes to mind?”

Pope Francis: “There are many. I mentioned Father Duarte. I can also mention Enrico Pozzoli, the Salesian, who baptized me and married my parents. He was the confessor, the merciful confessor and everyone went to him. I recall another great confessor, a Capuchin priest. One day he came to see me and he wanted to talk.” He said “I need your help. I always have so many people at the confessional, people of all walks of life, some humble and some less humble, many priests too... I forgive a lot and sometimes I have doubts, I wonder if I have forgiven too much.” I asked him what he did when he had such doubts.

This is what he said “I go to the chapel and stand before the tabernacle and say to Jesus, Lord, forgive me if I have forgiven too much. But you are the one who gave me the bad example !”

We can never forgive too much because God always forgives and quoting the refrain of the Song of praise Psalm 136, the Great Hallel,...

His mercy endures forever.

Valentine is the President of the ADMA in the Salesian Province of Panjim.

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SIMPLE JOYS Joanne D’Souza

Make Life Clearer, Less Puzzling & More Enjoyable Recently one of my friend happened to mention to me how she wished her life was more sorted and less complicated in comparison to others who knew what they wanted from their lives and it seemed to be going somewhere. This got me thinking about how often we consider that everyone else seem to lead better lives compared to our own life where we seem to be grappling in the dark going nowhere. I am sure that this is merely our own misconception about life. We seem to spend much of our time and energy struggling to lead a life that is in accordance with what is expected of us from our families, peer groups and the society at large. Having said this I am not asking that we become rebels in society but merely take control of our life and be responsible of our actions.

In my opinion it is our choices that make the difference.

Many times we try to make everyone happy by listening to every opinion and decision that is given, varying from choice of career to choice of life partner. We feel the

pressure of meeting the expectations of our near and dear ones weigh on us to an extent that it is just simpler to live according to their norms and yardsticks. Of course we need to take advice and help when required but our decisions should be something that we want to do. As the famous author J.K. Rowling said in her graduation speech at Harvard “There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you”.

In my own experience there have been several occasions in my life that I feel I have ‘screwed up’. The choices that I made at that time complicated my life much more than it needed to be just because I felt that I knew what I wanted from my life and didn’t need the advice or help from my family and friends. That definitely did not end very well and in retrospect when I look back at my life I feel I could have done things very differently and saved myself from a lot of

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hurt and unnecessary pain. I know that my mistakes and experiences have made me the person I am today and even though they may not all be good choices they are definitely a part of my journey. But I regret the consequences that my actions had in my life and the manner in which it has affected my family.

The simple and effective solution to this is to strike a right balance between making our decisions and yet also take advice from our parents and guardians who will definitely help us make more mature choices. Some form of (Contd. from Pg. 35) A Saint from Our Family

The Gospel tells us that, Jesus increased in wisdom and in years, in divine and human nature (Lk2:52). Jose, too, advanced in age and grace, before God and man. Wherever he went, people could feel an aura of holiness around him. It is no secret that Goa was, and still is to some extent, a place of much worldly frivolity and idle amusements. But, all these had no effect on Jose’s heart, as it was already brimming with love for Christ and His mission on earth.

Right from his youth and his days in the seminary of St. Thomas Aquinas at Old Goa, Jose Vaz heard about the plight of the Catholics in Sri Lanka. His heart was filled with pity for them and it was this pity which brought about, in him, a desire to go and help them. But, even after being ordained to the Priesthood, Jose was not given any parochial duties. He retired to his village, in Sancoale, where he taught some boys who wanted education and had the desire to become priests.

At the Chapter of Goa, Jose Vaz plucked up some courage and placed his plea of becoming a missionary. They gave him a plethora of

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failure is inevitable in life and it is impossible to live life without failing at something unless you live life so cautiously that you may not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Failure teaches you things about yourself that you may not have learnt otherwise and it is not something to be afraid of. Nothing is perfect in life and we still take risks, make many mistakes and fumble on our journey yet life can certainly be more enjoyable.

Joanne is a Physiotherapist and an ADMA member.

excuses, one being that he did not have the zeal to be a missionary. Instead, as a test, they sent him to Kanara where Jose worked wonders. But this was not what he wanted, his heart desired to help the people of Ceylon. So, he travelled to Ceylon, disguised as a coolie.

He went on his own accord, unsent, uninvited and unknown. He was ready for anything and lived in obscurity and discomfort, finding happiness in ministering to the spiritual needs of the Catholics and others. He was very lavish when it came to charity. He didn’t mind who he was helping, as long as the needs of the people were catered. This could be seen very evidently during the small pox epidemic in Kandy. He and his nephew cared for hundreds of people who were left to die on the streets and in the jungles. He buried the dead all by himself. Even on his deathbed, he exhorted others to live in the love and fear of God. Such acts of charity and holiness led to the conversion of the people and the flourishing catholic community in Sri Lanka is a testimony of the work of this Great missionary.

Neil is a novice at the Salesian Training Institute, Nashik

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PASTORAL Joel D’Souza SDB

Lessons Priests & Religious

Can Learn from Families This article is not a judgment being passed on Priests and Religious.

There are many priests and religious who have made the sharing of God’s word as their focus in life. The sacrifices and hardships endured by these holy men and women cannot be forgotten. I am sure many of our esteemed readers have had an encounter and have been enriched by the priests and religious who have been epitomes of God’s love and mercy.

But, we ask this question: Can priests and religious learn something from families? Well the answer is, “Yes, surely we can learn may things from (our) families!” When we recollect our vocation stories we become aware of the important role played by our families in nurturing our vocations. The seed of a vocation which was sown by God was nurtured and taken care, in the initial stages, by our families.

In his Regina Caeli message, given on the fourth Sunday of Easter (April 21, 2013) a few months after his election as the successor of St Peter, Pope Francis stressed, “Behind and before every vocation to the priesthood or to the consecrated life there is always the strong and intense prayer of someone: a grandmother, a grandfather, a mother, a father, a community….” Realizing the important role played by our families in our vocations, we look towards (our) families to learn or to remind ourselves of the virtues and qualities practiced by our grandparents, parents, siblings and the little members of our families.

As a priest I have had the fortune of interacting with many families and sharing in their joys and sorrows. Incidents and stories narrated by these families have at times set me thinking and reflecting about my own life and commitment

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as a priest. And this article has given me an opportunity to put down my reflections to paper. It is wonderful to see parents (especially mothers) who take up the added responsibility of the other spouse in bringing up children and taking care of their in-laws, when the other spouse is working far away from home in order to feed his/her family. On numerous occasions mothers stay awake the entire night taking care of the sick child and still report for work the next day. One cannot overlook the fact that parents (many a times fathers) have to make innumerable sacrifices of staying away for years from their loved ones in order to provide for their families. What a great sight it is to see grandparents caring for their grandchildren when the parents of these little ones are at work. There have been examples of parents whom we may call as modern day St Monicas who storm heaven and earth praying for the conversion of their child. Children and youngsters do their bit in their families by their sheer grit and determination in order to

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achieve success in their exams which in turn will make their parents and families proud.

On July 6, 2016 in his homily in Ecuador, Pope Francis praised families as bedrock of society and said miracles are performed everyday inside a family out of love. As priests and religious there is a lot we can learn from our families and the families that we interact with in our ministry. We can imitate families in their qualities and virtues of dedication and love, in the determination and concern that family members share with each other. May our years of ongoing formation as Priests and Religious enable us to get deeper into ourselves in order to admire the beauty around us especially in families. God, bless these selfless and dedicated families.

Fr Joel is a Vocation Animator and in-charge of the aspirants at Don Bosco Panjim.

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PLEASANT SOUND Sr Melissa D’Souza FMA

Some Words A Balm for the Soul Recently, along with another sister I went to visit the family of one of our students. The sister who came along with me had a swollen foot. She was in pain and was limping. I tried to discourage her from going out, but since she insisted, we went. I was not only surprised but shocked, because as soon as we reached the house, the student noticed the swollen foot.

Without a second thought, she brought a bottle of balm, sat down at the feet of the sister and began applying the balm and massaging her foot. The sister felt embarrassed at first, but then yielded to the student as the relief she felt was far greater than the embarrassment. She felt a great respite from her pain.

This is the effect of any balm...it soothes and relieves. It has the power to create a positive effect. We can very well apply this to certain words that have the power to ‘soothe’ and ‘heal’. Words like ‘Thank you’, ‘Sorry’, ‘Forgive me’, ‘I love you’ etc., create the same effect as a balm would. It can patch up and heal broken relationships, it can restore lost friendships, it can bind broken hearts, it can give a new reason to rejoice and live.

Pope Francis in his apostolic exhortation, Amoris Laetitia, or ‘The Joy of Love’ focuses on ‘Strengthening Relationships’. In it, the Pontiff quotes a speech he gave in 2013: “Three

words need to be used. I want to repeat this!

Three words: ‘Please’, ‘Thank you’, ‘Sorry’.

Three essential words!” He then continues, “Let us not be stingy about using these words, but keep repeating them, day after day.” The Salesian Rector Major Ángel Fernández Artime too in his Strenna entitled ‘Home – A School of life and love’, stresses on building caring and loving relationships in the home first.

A few days ago, I read the story of couple who lost their only son out of sheer carelessness. A medicine bottle was kept uncorked by mistake.

The boy in all his innocence consumed the tonic only to lose his life. Imagine the state of the mother who witnessed this tragedy. But a greater tragedy was to disclose this news to her husband. Grieved and heartbroken was he, but the only words he said to his wife when he returned were, “I love you”. These words created the needed effect. It served as ‘comfort and balm’ for the wounded heart of the distressed mother. Before we began the year of mercy, our Holy Father Pope Francis expressed, “How much I desire that the year to come will be steeped in mercy, so that we can go out to every man and woman, bringing the goodness and tenderness of God! May the balm of mercy reach everyone, both believers and those far away, as a sign that the Kingdom of God is already present in our midst!”

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All of us have the possibility and the power to create the soothing and healing effect of a balm on a wounded soul. We only need to keep a check on our words. St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians beautifully says, “Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you” (Eph 4:29). Our words make a big difference. They can make others or break others. I am sure all of us can easily recollect words that have been said to us in the past that have discouraged us and also words that have uplifted us. Poet Barrie Wade in his poem ‘Truth’ puts it this way: Stones and sticks break only skin, while words are ghosts that haunt me. Pain from words have left its scar on mind and heart that’s tender.

Cuts and bruises now have healed; it’s words that I remember. Jesus too on many occasions speaks about the significance of such words.

Recalling the story of the ten lepers, He reminds us of the importance of saying ‘Thank You’. When He narrated the incident of the unforgiving servant, He spoke about the need of ‘Repentance’ and ‘Forgiveness’. Regarding ‘Love’, ALL His teachings are focussed on it.

Someone narrated this beautiful incident: “One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, “Why did you just do that?

This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!” This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck’. He explained, “Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life.” Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets.”

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

They fill their day with positive and uplifting words...words that build up, boost others, encourage and uplift people, thus proving to be a balm that soothes, comforts and heals. As we step into the New Year may this be our resolution...to be a ‘BALM’ for others, first in our own families and then in our neighbourhood... and thus cause the much required ‘Healing effect.’

Sr Melissa is in-charge of the Salesian Communications Commission of the FMA Province of Mumbai.

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A PILGRIM Bro. Aliester D’Souza SDB

Home Is Where the Heart Is The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head. (Matthew 8:20) (In contemporary time, this accounts as poor advertising for consecrated life.)

To follow Christ is to take the road less travelled: the one that is uneven, unclear and uncertain. And that’s when I realize that as religious, we cannot designate a fixed place as home.

Home for a religious is as uncertain as the weat her.

T h e a dve nt u r e of religious life takes us to unexpected places: away from one’s language, culture and family.

I have had the opportunity of spending the

few years of my formation in diverse settings.

From the hilly Lonavla to the coastal Kudal to the arid Telangana, from the populous and urban Nashik to the sparsely-populated rural Alirajpur, from bread to poha to dosa for breakfast – I should say that life has been amply generous in subjecting me to the diversity of India.

Each new place presents varied demands on one’s being. The physique needs to adapt to the weather and food, the mind to language and culture, and the spirit to amity and purpose.

But he who owes twothirds of his existence to the city of Mumbai develops a very high degree of adjustability (the kind that qualifies one to walk a tightrope on toe-nails!) Personally,

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adjusting was at no time very difficult: only that it took a little longer at some places.

But then it is not the atmosphere without but the atmosphere within that makes us comfortable wherever we are sent. To be comfortable would mean to feel ‘at home’: to feel loved, respected and appreciated for who one is. It is to belong to a common dream, hope and purpose. Well said in the words of William Arthur Ward: A house is made of walls and beams whereas a home is made of love and dreams. Home is what breathes life into the house, fills it completely and gives meaning to its form. It’s a fusion of hearts affiliated to a common purpose in mutual love. Therefore in an alien place, only when we align our hearts to the ‘heart’ of the community, we will feel at home.

The word ‘heart’ is derived from the Latin ‘cor’ meaning centre or core or essence. Therefore ‘Home is where your heart is’ only translates as home being the place where the core of one’s being – consciousness, emotions and activities – rests. Like said before, it need not (and in case of religious, should not) be a cozy niche in one’s room. Don Bosco, was at home amidst the boisterousness and prattle of his boys. Mother Theresa felt at home amidst sores, smell and sickness. Francis of Assisi felt at home with homeless beneath the starry skies. The Pope, who was then a certain Bishop Jorge Mario Bergoglio felt at home travelling by bus, cooking his own meals and staying in a rented apartment among his people.

each of us. They prove that for a person of God, home is not a closed secluded place but somewhere out in the open. Rationally social as we are, we find our home amidst people and not away from them. And finally, yet more significantly, it is through the people we set our heart upon that we encounter God. Finding God in the market place! Don Bosco conversed with Christ when he toiled for his boys and thus concludes ‘Work is Prayer’ while Mother Teresa believed to have seen the face of Jesus among the ostracized.

Imitating Yahweh, who pitched His tent among His people (Ex 40:34-38) and following the examples of the saints (both canonized and not) who found home among people, may we, as religious, set our heart onto the sheepfold so that it may be our home and our altar, and the smell of the sheep, scent the sanctuary of our being.

Bro. Aliester is of formation his practical Prenovitiate, Sindhudurg.

a Salesian in period presently doing training at the Pinguli,

These holy people have something important to tell

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SALESIAN ASSISTANCE Ethan Fortes

The Global Mission

To Journey with the Young

“As with any journey, who you travel with can be more important than your destination.”

The mission entrusted to the Salesians is depicted very well through their logo. ‘To journey with the young’ is what the Salesians believe is the duty they are entrusted as religious.

At first sight, one would think that the Salesian logo depicts a house with three circles on top. But, what the logo actually shows is Don Bosco guiding two youngsters on their journey of life. Don Bosco had dedicated his entire life to the young. By doing so, he could guide them and lead them on the right path. He later formed the Salesian family to carry on his work and spread it worldwide. The logo tells us to be like Don Bosco, the sign and bearer of Christ and guide youngsters on their journey of life.

The youngsters need guidance during their youth as it is the most crucial phase in their life. They get tempted with the things that are evil and attractive very easily. This is because the mind of a youngster is always open to

adventure. He seeks to find things that are interesting to the eye and usually follows these things without thinking much about his decision. Don Bosco also had to handle this crucial phase of life, practically on his own.

Though he handled it on his own he never went on the wrong path because he had many people in his life who guided him to choose the right friends and to do the right things.

But, not all youngsters are privileged to have people to guide them. It is our responsibility to show them the right way of living. This can be done by following the Salesian system of ‘assistance’. Assistance would mean to be with the youngsters all the time and journey with them. It would also mean to be exactly like Christ who in many ways represented the spirituality of assistance. But, it is not the mere physical presence but an active and fraternal presence filled with love and concern for youth.

The Salesian Assistance calls us to accompany the youth as educators. To be an educator would mean to educate the youth as to what is right and wrong rather than just teaching. It would mean to use the ‘Preventive System’. The Preventive System helps prevent a youngster from committing wrong. This would mean that

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we have to advise the youngster beforehand so that he doesn’t do wrong in the future. To be of ‘assistance’ would mean to show the love and concern of a brother that cares while also advising like a father who disciplines a child.

By accomplishing both at the same time, a family spirit can be created for a youngster.

Once that is created, a youngster will be more open to advise and will be determined to lead a virtuous life.

Don Bosco too showed this by example. His active presence in the Oratory at Valdocco created a family spirit between the boys and him. This inspired many of them to give up their bad habits and live upright lives. Recently, the Rector Major, Fr. Ángel Fernández Artime had urged people all around the world to be living Don Bosco’s and create a ‘global Valdocco’.

the world we have to create an environment in which there is impossibility of doing any wrong. This cannot be achieved by mere laws and regulations but rather by living by example. “Not with blow, but with patience and assistance.” These words spoken to John Bosco at the age of nine should be our method of journeying with the youth. By showing them love and care we can be a homely to them.

In our present world, each of us are called to be educators for the younger generation. We should instill the spirituality of assistance in our hearts and become ‘signs and bearers of Christ’ in the world. Let us create a world where there is an impossibility of committing a fault and so journey with the young.

Ethan is a pre novice at the Salesian Institute in Sindhudurg, Maharashtra.

At Valdocco, Don Bosco had created an environment where the boys did not have the possibility of doing any wrong.

B y c r e a t i n g a global Valdocco w e have to create a world where the youngsters do not have the possibility of committing a fault. Just as the world is trying to create an environment with internet in every corner of

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SALESIAN BLESSED Vivian Andrews SDB

Sweet

The ^

Wine in the Chalice

Exploring the flip side of Don Rua’s Personality Characteristics of personality are both inherent as well developed in time according to context and need. Bl. Michael Rua, Don Bosco’s first successor, so often called the Living Rule, was no exception. So much did he live in the shadow of Don Bosco that his goodness and tremendous commitment to the Salesian mission may sometimes remain marginalized in history.

Going through a few years of formation I painted for myself a somewhat one-sided image of Bl. Micheal Rua. Whenever the thought of Don Rua crossed my mind, I couldn’t help but think of a severe, austere, exacting, demanding and no nonsense priest, the so called Living Rule. Although these may have been his personality traits, he also had another side to him, one that is much less known and spoken of. Doing a bit of reading in spare moments, I began to shed my earlier views and gain a somewhat holistic picture of the person of Don Rua. In the year 1854, during the cholera outbreak in Turin, we find the young Michael Rua heroically nursing patients with motherly care and compassion under

the direction of Don Bosco. As a cleric he was committed and systematic in his work and study. The Guardian Angel oratory flourished under him and youngsters benefitted from his apostolic creativity and friendliness. His theological notes and schemas present a person desirous of clarity and coherence. As a priest, his style of preaching was not heavy but was rather light and very practical with generous doses of humour. He was particularly encouraging and optimistic especially when preaching to youngsters. Like Don Bosco, he too had a special love for the young and always wanted to be of service to them. He would patiently hear the confessions of boys standing in serpentine queues. With the help of a tailor and a cobbler, he would take periodic rounds of the dormitory to personally check the clothes and shoes of the boys to see if they needed any mending. He also took great care to see to it that the poorer boys had a decent pair of clothes for Sundays and feast days.

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Don Rua had a quiet and January - March 2017

a rather unassuming style of working. He was impeccable in his duties and those who approached him admired his kindness and direction. When appointed as Superior of the new house of Mirabello, aged barely twenty six, he tried to replicate the family atmosphere as at Turin. He would actively take part in the boys’ games and was often seen walking on the playgrounds with cheerful young boys holding on to his long fingers. Such was his fatherliness and love that it was often heard being said, “Don Rua at Mirabello acts just like Don Bosco at Valdocco”. So much was he loved at Mirabello and such was his influence over the boys, Salesians, workers, well-wishers and officials that when Don Bosco called him back to Turin there was a cloud of gloom over Mirabello.

Playing second fiddle is never a cakewalk and after being named prefect general, he had to oversee the discipline and finances of the Oratory as well as those of the congregation.

It was the nature of this job that would have actually rendered him disliked but instead he was must esteemed and loved. Many thankless tasks were assigned to him such as the discipline of the boys as well as Salesians, meetings with outsiders and government officials etc. His long hours of labour and few hours of rest never disturbed his calm demeanor.

He was known never

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to correct anyone out of righteous anger or inflated ego and never once did he raise his voice in outburst but settled differences with a certain calmness that was characteristic to him. He made offenders see the reality of things as they are and never offended anyone.

After the death of Don Bosco in 1888, everyone was waiting for Don Rua to take over the reins of the congregation but he insisted that Don Bosco appointed him only as Vicar and not Successor and shrugged off any coaxing from confreres to take over as Superior General.

The members of the Superior Chapter and the whole congregation then rallied together and wrote to the Holy Father – “It would be a cause of heartfelt joy for all of us, if Fr. Rua is appointed and confirmed as Rector Major…” The Holy See consented to this request and Don Rua was officially appointed Rector Major. It would therefore not be wrong to assert that Don Rua was not named Rector Major by Don Bosco but became Rector Major by popular choice! So much was he loved and looked up to by the confreres. The words of a dying Don Bosco, “make yourself loved” became his rule of life.

Francis Desramaut observes that as Prefect General there was in Don Rua an air of severity, however as Rector Major he changed a great deal and everyone experienced his fatherly love.

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As Rector Major he made tremendous efforts to build

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personal contact with every single Salesian, through thousands of personal letters.

Everyone felt free to write to him and he replied to all. He had an unadorned style of writing, one which was unpretentious, simple, kind and thought provoking, characterized by an openness of heart and frankness. He wrote in the language of the heart and his replies to letters reveal a deep level understanding for each one. Talking about his personal letters to confreres, Fr. Ceria says, “To anyone who knew him, they reveal the qualities and virtues that were his”.

He took special care of the missions and missionaries. While sending batches of missionaries from Turin, he would warmly embrace each one as a father and personally advised each confrere. Here is a gem of his fatherly care - Fr. Michael Borghino a Rector in Uruguay, had a reputation for being rather harsh in his ways. One day he received a small parcel from Italy. He opened it and found a small pot of honey with a short note which read: “Here you are, Fr. Borghino, take a spoonful of honey every morning. Fr. Rua”. Fr. Borghino touched by this gesture moved on to become an enterprising and a good Salesian.

Another of his qualities was the gift of counsel and was a much sought after spiritual director and made himself available to anyone who need help in this area. Even as Rector Major, he would receive visitors and advised confreres, sisters, couples and youngsters. His secretaries tell us that those who entered his office looking downcast and passive left with a certain joy and purposefulness.

Don Rua also had the gift of picking up languages quickly. While visiting the houses in

Spain he made it a point to preach in Spanish so as to break the ice of formality. He was received triumphantly at Braga and Vigo with loud cheers at railway stations and market places.

‘Viva Don Rua, Viva Don Rua!’ cheered the multitudes embarrassing the unassuming Fr. Rua who preferred ‘Viva Don Bosco’ instead.

While in Lisbon, he made a deep impression on the youngsters, Salesians and well-wishers and such was the affection he received that before leaving he declared, “I am leaving a part of my heart in Lisbon”.

Fr. Francis Desramaut puts in a nutshell, “….with those around him, with the many strangers who came to visit him, and for the young people in the school, the austere, saintly Fr. Rua was always the kindest of fathers, totally forgetful of himself, all things to all men, as his master Don Bosco would have wanted to see him, were he still alive”.

Another Salesian priest gave the following testimony, “My pen can’t truly express, as I would dearly wish, the delicate attention I received from this holy and faithful Servant of God, in order to tell with that exquisite and sensitive love his heart was filled in reaching out to the least of his sons”.

At his funeral, there were thousands of faithful, past pupils and young people. His intensity of life, commitment, fatherliness and personal care brought tears, as everyone felt they had lost a loving father, a true son of Don Bosco.

Beneath his somewhat deceptive stern exterior we find a loving father - gentle and firm, kind and frank, hardworking and prayerful, a lover of youngsters and the missions. May we soon see him be raised to the honours of the altar.

Vivian is a Salesian in formation to priesthood. Presently he is doing his practical training at Sulcorna, Goa.

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Write to the Editor on sangatidonbosco@gmail.com

Letters to the Editor...

October - December 2016 | Vol 09 Issue - 04

The latest issue of Sangati is of formidable stature! 60 pages of excellent matter is not a joke, even if the publication is only a quarterly. The dossier you put together on leadership could even be published as a book by itself and thus given a longer life expectancy than a magazine has.

- George Menamparampil, Rome

As expected all the articles are well presented and I am sure they will evoke much interest in your readers. Hopefully the readership will gradually increase among the lay people as the articles are written in a simple yet informative manner. You do a super job of editing this magazine and touching on topics that are current and would be of value to the average Christian readers, lay or religious.

Tony da Silva, sj

Congratulations once again for a very solid and substantial issue of the Sangati, dedicated to Leadership. Thanks for bringing the province magazine to such a good standard. I always look forward to reading the Sangati because of its content.

May this issue bring about a change in the way we perceive leadership.

- Banzelao Teixeira, sdb

I browsed through it last night; the theme is very relevant; the articles are well written; the layout and the editorial are excellent. I appreciate the effort to contact authors from different walks of life and phases of formation!

- Vinod Mascarenhas, sdb

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SALESIAN

BENAULIM FATORDA LOUTULIM KAKATI ODXEL DABOLIM OROS KUDAL PARRA PALIEM PANJIM SIRSI

PROVINCE NEWS

DB College, Panjim Wins Bravolia 2017

Bravolia 2017, an event hosted by Sant Rawool Maharaj Mahavidyalaya, Kudal, Sindhudurg on January 14-15 which had 14 participating colleges from Sindhudurg, Ratnagiri, Kolhapur, Mumbai, Belgaum and Goa that tested the participants with activities like Public Relations, Extempore, Quizzeria, Ad-mad, Best Persona, Brand Ambassador, Balance Sheet and Rectification of Errors was won by Don Bosco College, Panjim.

Province Day Celebrations at Parra

The Panjim Province thanked God for the gift of one another along with their patron St Jose Vaz as they celebrated their Province Day at Don Bosco Parra on January 13, 2017.

During the celebration of the Holy Eucharist Fr Felix Fernandes, Provincial appreciated the dynamism and enthusiasm of the every Salesian in the province. He spoke of the power of one. It takes a single person to bring about a big change, he said. He also asked the confreres to make “dare and hope” as their motto and continue to be bearers of God’s love to all, especially the young.

The newly ordained priests Fr Roshan D’Souza and Fr Sandesh Fernandes were felicitated, and the awardees Fr Santaremend Lopes, Fr George Quadros and Fr Dominic Savio Fernandes were acknowledged and honoured by the province. The Don Bosco Open School Children and the Devotees of Mary Help of Christians (ADMA) presented a variety of cultural items. Salesians put up the band pieces.

Leadership Training for DB Lay Groups

Sr Caroline D’Souza, FMA and Fr Joel D’Souza, SDB animated the Coooperators and the Association of Mary Help of Christians (ADMA), the lay Salesian Family groups of the province for Leadership on November 6, 2016.

Two New Priests for Panjim Province

Deacons Sandesh Fernandes and Roshan D’Souza were ordained priests by Dr. Gerald Isaac Lobo, bishop of Udupi diocese at Rosary Church, Kundapur on December 27, 2016.

The bishop in his homily emphasized the fact that a priest is a person chosen by God to serve his people.

Hence a priest should be a man of prayer. Only a holy priest can be a good Christian leader.

The ordination motto chosen by Fr Roshan is from Micah 6: 8 – “…to do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with your God”. While Fr. Sandesh has chosen as his ordination motto – Called to imitate God’s mercy. Fr. Roshan asked the congregation to pray that he may be a holy priest and inculcate his motto in his Salesian priestly life.

After having celebrated a year long Jubilee based on God’s Mercy Fr Sandesh’s commitment to imitate God’s mercy is very much relevant, especially among the young.

Don Bosco Oros Overall Champions A three day District level Camp for Scouts and Guides (Camporee) was held at Don Bosco Oros from November 18-20, 2016. 8 English Medium Schools from Sindhudurg District participated in the Camporee.

The camp included sessions on principles of Scouting and Guiding, multifarious activities, games as well as creative sessions. The highlights of the camp were the adventure games and the fun filled camp fire session. Don Bosco School, Oros won most of the medals.

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PINGULI QUEPEM SHIRVA KELMBET SULCORNA SUTGATTI TRASI TUEM CORTALIM GHATAPRABHA TIVIM

Don Bosco Youth Film Festival of India Organized at Oros, Panjim, Parra, Fatorda, Quepem, Sirsi, Sutgatti

Study Tour to Pune

Aspirants Visit South Brothers Day Goa Celebrated at Pinguli

The aspirants of Don Bosco Panjim made ‘know-Salesian-mission’ visit to South Goa Salesian instittutions.

They visited institutions at Loutulim, Fatorda, Benaulim, Quepem and Sulcorna.

Salesian Brothers (ones without the cassock) of the province of Panjim were felicitated on November 12, 2016 at Pinguli. They work silently in the province all the time.

A study tour for the final year civil engineering students was organised

by CESA (Civil Engineering Students Association) of Don Bosco College of EngineeringFatorda from January 10-13, 2017.

They visited Central Water and Power Research Station, Jigaon Dam Project, the Reinforced Cement Concrete Laboratory, the Environmental Laboratory, the College Of Military Engineering, Ruby Hall Clinic and the Suzlon One Earth campus.

Konkani Christian Glossary Released Cosmocrat 4.0 at DB College Panjim The BBA department of Don Bosco College, Panaji, organized the 4th edition ‘Cosmocrat’ on January 27, 2017. M.E.S. College from Vasco emerged overall winners.

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This handy booklet has been compiled by Fr Jason Pinto, sdb and published by Boskon Communications, Goa 2016. It contains the list of Christian English words translated into Romi and Devnagari Konkani. It is priced at Rs 50/-. For copies contact jasonpintosdb@gmail.com/ 9011544269.

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SALESIAN

SOUTH ASIA NEWS First Salesian from Sikkim ordained priest

New Provincials for the Provinces of Chennai and Tiruchy

The first Salesian priest from northeastern Indian Himalayan state of Sikkim concluded the season of priestly ordinations of the Salesians of Don Bosco in south Asia becoming 61st deacon to be ordained.

Fr Jose Kochamkunnel SDB was installed as the Provincial of the Salesian Province of Chennai on February 2, and Fr Anthony Joseph of Tiruchy on February 4, during the Eucharistic celebrations presided over by Father Maria Arokiam Kanaga, the General Councillor for the region of South Asia. Fr Jose succeeds Fr Jayapalan Raphael and Fr Anthony, Fr Albert Johnson who successfully completed their six year terms as provincials.

Bishop Stephen Lepcha of Darjeeling-Sikkim ordained priest Deacon Stephen Biswakarma at a solemn ceremony at Christ the King Church Pakyong, East Sikkim district, 11 February 2017.

Don Bosco Film Festival in 100 Venues

Cardinal Foley Scholarship Fund Call for Applications CAMECO is accepting applications for Cardinal Foley Fund scholarships in graduate and postgraduate studies in (pastoral) communications. It aims to strengthen capacities of communicators in the ministry of the local churches. Applications for the 2017-2018 academic year must be submitted by April 3, 2017.

Learn more about the guidelines and the application form here: Cardinal Foley Scholarship Fund - Fondo de Becas Cardenal Foley - Fonds de Bourses Cardinal Foley

Don Bosco Youth Film Festival of India (DBYFFI) was successfully simultaneously hosted in 100 Venues of 19 states of India on January 28 & 29, 2017.

24 short films made it to the final selected list for the theme ‘Celebrating the Spirit of Youth and Nation Building’. DBYFFI is an opportunity for the film makers to reach the widest audience possible in two days.

In a unique way DBYFFI educates and influences the young through the medium they like the most.

Festival is a tribute to Don Bosco, the patron and friend of youth.

Short film Saavat directed by Swapnil Rajshekhar bagged the first prize; while Paywat directed by Mithunchandra Choudhari and Backbone by Karunakaran. C won the second and the third respectively. The other awards are as follows: Best Story - Ramachandra Gaonkar for Selfie, Best Music - Shasshi for Samira, Best Acting (Male) “Poo” Ramu for Backbone, Best Acting (Female) - Tanuja Kadam for Baluta, Best Child Artist (Male) - Chandra Kiran for I Did It, Best Child Artist (Female) - Vaishnavi Tangade for Paywat, Best Cinematography - Kutub Inamdar for Paywat, Best Young Director - Vickie for Chillara Illappa, and Jury Choice Award for I Wonder Why? directed by Jay Jithin Prakash. The awards will be presented by Fr Ángel Fernández Artime, Salesian Rector Major at a function in Chennai in March 2017.

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SALESIAN

WORLD NEWS Logo for SYM Gathering 2017

In preparation for the European gathering of the Salesian Youth Movement (SYM), scheduled to take place from 11 to 16 August 2017, the coordinators from the so-called “Small Team SYM Europe” have unveiled the logo for the event. The logo is in three parts representing a set of arrows - blue representing vision, red for passion and yellow for mission. The three parts can also be seen as referring to the Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Mr Jan Tyranowski is Venerable Pope declared Mr Jan Ty r a n o w s k i , a lay person, (February 9, 1901 - March 15, 1947), the Servant of God. He was a tailor by profession and a spiritual guide of Karol Wojtiła when the future Pope and saint was discerning his vocation to the priesthood, at the Salesian parish of Cracow-Debniki.

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Catholic Indians, Children to Prime Minister: Use Your Influence to Release Fr Tom

The “All India Catholic Union” (AICU), the largest lay Catholic organization in India, is calling on Prime Minister Narendra Modi to use his influence and that of his government to negotiate with the countries of the Middle East free Fr Tom Uzhunnalil, kidnapped in Yemen on March 4, 2016.

Meanwhile, in Kochi, also sixty tiny tots from Kochi, dressed as Infant Jesus, have written to prime minister Narendra Modi and sought his intervention for the early release of Fr Tom.

Italian Missionary to India declared Venerable

The Venerability of Fr Francesco Convertini, a Salesian missionary in Bengal, India (1898-1976) was enthusiastically celebrated from February 5-12 in the towns of Locorotondo (Bari) and Cisternino (Brindisi). He had a huge number of friends and spiritual children, both ignorant and learned, both rich and poor. He was the only missionary who could enter a house of Hindus or Muslims. He went continually from village to village, on horseback, by bicycle or better on foot with nothing but his backpack. In this way, he could meet many people and talk to them about Christ. He died in Krishnagar, India, on February 11, 1976.

New Energy and Enthusiasm for the Catholic community in Japan The beatification ceremony of Blessed Justo Takayama Ukon (1552-1615), a Japanese Catholic noble man (daimyo) who died in exile (Manila, Philippines) about 400 years ago, was held in Osaka on February 7. The Beatification was presided over

by Cardinal Angelo Amato, SDB, Prefect of the Congregation for Saints. More than 20 Cardinals and Bishops from different countries attended.

Many members of the Salesian Family of Japan, SYM members, and SDB Aspirants accompanied by their formators, were present in the Osaka-Jo Sports Hall.

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CHURCH

WORLD NEWS Search for kidnapped Colombian Nun

The Colombian Foreign Ministry confirmed in Bogotá that Sister Gloria Cecilia Narváez Argoti was kidnapped on February 7 evening while she was going about her charitable duties at the Catholic parish in the village of Karangasso, Mali.

The Colombian Embassy in the West African capital of Accra, Ghana, is coordinating with Mali military and police the safe release of the 56-yearold Franciscan nun who is believed to have been captured by four armed men who turned up in the remote village of the Sahel region, close to the border with Burkina Faso.

Donating Organs is a Service to God and Humanity The 77-year old Bishop Agnelo Gracias, auxiliary Bishop of Mumbai, has decided to donate his organs after death. This trend has grown tremendously in the Christian community: an increasing number of priests, religious and faithful are willing to donate their organs in the event of brain death. “If someone can see through my eyes, or use my kidney to live longer, I think this would be a service to God”, bishop said.

The Demand for Christian Literature Increases

There is demand for Christian literature in India and the market is expanding: says to Fides, Fr Saju Chackalackal, Carmelite of Mary Immaculate (CMI) and director for the evangelization and pastoral care of his congregation.

“Many, both educated people, and the people of villages and cities, express their desire to obtain and own a copy of the Bible and in particular the New Testament.

There is a widespread desire to have access to Christian literature that helps the faithful to have a clear and thorough idea about the contents of faith of Christianity and the Catholic Church in particular”, notes Fr Chackalackal.

Church’s Solidarity with Leprosy Sufferers The Church has always been with the leprosy sufferers. St Jozef De Veuster Daamian, St Marianne Cope, Fr. Damiano, St Teresa of Calcutta... has been shining examples. According to the latest “Statistical Yearbook of the Church”, the Catholic Church runs 612 centers for leprosy patients in the world: 174 in Africa, 43 in America, 313 in Asia, 81 in Europe and one in Oceania.

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Water Crisis, a Risk to Public Health

The water crisis and the lack of safe drinking water causes a high risk to public health in Sri Lanka. Many situations of poverty, suffering, disease of the population are linked to the issue of water scarcity and pollution is the alarm raised, in an interview with Fides, by Fr Nayagam Roy Clarence, Director of the National Commission for the Laity, within the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of Sri Lanka.

Social Justice for 120,000 Farm Workers in the State of New York During a press conference held at the Legislative Office Building in Albany, the capital of New York state, the Catholic Bishop of the Diocese of Albany, His Exc. Mgr. Edward B. Scharfenberger, joined many lawmakers and farmworkers to ask for the approval of the law on “the right job practices for farmers”, a bill which guarantees farmworkers the basic rights and protections that other workers in American society have. Mgr. Scharfenberger introduced himself as the son and grandson of immigrants, and explained that he captures both sides of the issue: his father had a small shop and his uncle was a farmer.

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OUR MISSION Ángel Fernández Artime, Rector Major

Families Never Go Out of Style

My dear friends, readers, friends of Don Bosco and his works throughout the world, and my dear Salesian Family: I greet you with all cordiality, wishing you the best in 2017, the new year that the Lord have given us as a gift.

This year’s theme, in keeping with Pope Francis’s apostolic exhortation Amoris Laetitia, is on the families of the world with a slogan: “We Are a Family: Every Home, a School of Life and Love.”

Families never go out of style: they are always “in fashion” in every age, for they are vital and essential in the lives of all people, in all ages, and in all cultures.

Far beyond limitations and imperfections, our families have been a cradle of life in which we felt loved, cared for, protected, and accompanied so that we can manage on our own in life. It still continues to replenish our energies and be our “life space”.

Jesus in his own family of Nazareth “learned how to be human.” Don Bosco, Mary Mazzarello and each of us do the same. Our families are the first and common school of humanity. Therefore, we must take ministry to the families very seriously.

It is here that one learns the fundamental value of love and of the affection that upholds and which parents give to their children. It is in

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the family that one teaches and learns the arts of dialogue, communication, and understanding, in living together day by day, with encounters and disagreements, and what life itself is like. It is also in the family that one experiences limitations, but also the most precious and essential of values: love, faith, freedom, respect, justice, work, honesty, etc., putting their roots into everyone’s life.

There are yet other things that are not so much in fashion these days but which, with great reason, ought to exist in families, for they are significant. It should be the family that educates to temperance and moderation and that teaches that a word pledged has great value, and that committing oneself to something or someone shows the quality and dignity of the person. It is the family – or it ought to be the family – that offers the great gift of passing on the Faith.

In answer to Pope Francis’s strong appeal, we can do everything to support the families and their children whom we meet on a daily basis in our educational presences around the world.

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Congratulations!

The Newly Ordained Salesian Priests

Fr Roshan D’Souza and Fr Sandesh Fernandes To follow Don Bosco, Contact: Fr Joel D’Souza 9421117819 | Fr Austin Fernandes 9420906544 | Fr Kiran Nazareth 9765958832