The Brick Magazine - July 2020

BRICK

THE

JULY 2020

MAGAZINE

YOUR COMMUNITY NEEDS YOU THE HEALING POWER OF BELONGING

PLUS! HOPE IS CONTAGIOUS

Barbara Niess-May SAFETY, HEALING AND HOPE

ANN ARBOR

S P IN N IN G T H READS I NTO

The fabric of our old lives is unraveling.

Yet, somewhere deep inside, hope whispers of new possibilities.

We’re being called upon to weave a new normal out of our old threads.

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THE

BRICK MAGAZINE

JULY 2020

Publisher • Sarah Whitsett

Managing Editor • Tanja MacKenzie

Art Director • Jennifer Knutson

Copy Editor • Angelina Bielby

Marketing Director • Steve DeBruler

CONTENTS

Cover Photographer • John Sobczak

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Contributors >>

Liz Crowe Morella Devost Amy Jo Goddard

Catherine Houlihan Kellie Mox

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Marilyn Pellini Maria Sylvester Marji Wisniewski

Contact Us >>

The Brick Magazine, LLC 734.221.5767 Email: office@thebrickmagazine.com Visit us on the web at thebrickmagazine.com

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Advertising Inquires >> email office@thebrickmagazine.com or call 734.221.5767

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It's Not a Quarantini, It's a Classic

11

Safety, Healing, and Hope with Barbara Niess-May

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COVID, Sex, and Business: The Common Thread

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For Personal & Planetary Thriving The Healing Power of Belonging

20

Cohousing & COVID-19: Finding Community and Comfort

23

Free-Thinking for Health and Healing

26

Your Community Needs You

28

Hope is Contagious

Find Us ... >>

Visit us on the web at thebrickmagazine.com to view our online digital edition, locations on where to find us, or subscribe to have THE BRICK MAGAZINE delivered directly to your home.

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THE BRICK MAGAZINE makes every effort to provide accurate information in advertising, editorial content and placement; however, we cannot make any claims as to the accuracy of information provided by advertisers or editorial contributors and will accept no responsibility or liability for inaccurate information or placement. No content can be duplicated without the permission of The Brick Magazine, LLC

6 | The Brick Magazine

248.568.1388 / PO Box 250337 / Franklin, MI 48025 July 2020 | 7 Lorienstudio.com

Welcome to Booze 101 with

Liz

It’s Not a Quarantini, It’s a Classic

by Liz Crowe 8 | The Brick Magazine

A

h, summer. But yet…not,

somehow.

We’ve all heard the phrase “the new normal” so many times by now, I won’t beat you over the head with it. But yeah.

It’s new, alright. And whether we like it or not, it’s definitely going to be our normal going forward.

Right around mid-March of this year, my resolutions to not drink alcohol during the week went sailing right out the window along with basketball tournament season and my daughter’s college graduation ceremony. I have little to complain about as my household remains supported by a good salary, thank heavens, and no one in my immediate or extended family or friend circle has been sickened, other than by extreme ennui and frustration.

But yeah. When all that went down and I was staring down the barrel of terror at getting sick combined with the reality of being shut in for goodness knows how long, I decided to have an impromptu clean-out-the-wine-cellar and/or liquor cabinet party. It lasted a few weeks. And I become intimately reacquainted with how it feels to suffer from hangovers.

I can’t recommend it (the hangover part), but between trying to arrange a relocation to a new state, closing on a house, getting my current abode showing-ready, managing the expectations of everyone around me as well as making three meals a day for people who were not supposed to be in my house 24/7 — well, I turned to booze like a lot of folks did. And the smart-alec leaving AA flyers on my glasschoked recycling bin didn’t help.

In uncertain times, like the ones we currently inhabit, alcohol can sometimes soothe the nerves. As a professional, I’ll point out one of our earlier discussions about avoiding hangovers (hydrating, not mixing certain types of booze in

one session). I will also remind you that I am in no way disparaging or poking fun at anyone who has a serious alcohol problem. I lost a family member to alcoholism. It’s not a joke. However, circling back to “these uncertain times,” I’m going to take the liberty of making a few about how we are all going to emerge from quarantine (safely), blinking like moles in the bright light, bloated from booze and carbs, and headed straight for divorce court. Again, please don’t take offense. I’m kidding. But only sorta.

So back to these “uncertain times.” I’m going to recommend that you fill your “quarantini” glass this summer with a classic. Me? I’m doing gin and tonics with plenty of fresh lime. But let’s explore some of the other delicious options for that cruise you might take around your backyard, shall we?

Firstly, I’ll recommend the classic Pimm’s Cup. “Pimm’s” is a gin-based liqueur first produced in 1823 by (who else?) James Pimm and served at his oyster bar in London. At 25% ABV, it’s not as strong as some liquor, but it’s a summer classic, ergo you tend to drink it outdoors in the sun, where you might dehydrate faster, therefore it feels like it gets you pretty plastered. I mean, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it anyway.

I discovered this delicious concoction while living in Essex, England and have converted many skeptics into new fans as I tend to bring it to almost every summer cookout. It’s gin-based, but light brown/auburn in color thanks to the super-secret combination of warm spices and caramelized oranges added to it. These ingredients give bitter liquor a smoothness and sweetness you don’t normally associate with a gin drink. It’s also reminiscent of sweet tea with a kick, when served properly. And you know I’m a stickler for these classic drinks being served the right way.

Rum is not on my top five list of favorite liquors, I’ll admit. It’s down around the bottom with the tequila.

But as with tequila, there is one drink with rum I do enjoy — the mojito, or as I like to call it, the “Rum Mint Julep.” They are labor-intensive but it’s a labor of love, so why not?

Ingredients: • 12 fresh mint sprigs, each about 8 inches long, plus 1/2 cup fresh mint leaves • 1/2 cup sugar • 1/2 cup fresh lime juice • 1 cup light rum • Sugar and 1 or 2 lime wedges for coating rims • Ice cubes as needed • 2 cups club soda For the garnish: • 1 lime, cut into 4 wedges • 4 small fresh mint sprigs Directions: • In a bowl, using the back of a wooden spoon, crush together the mint sprigs, sugar, and lime juice. Pour in the rum, cover with plastic wrap, and let stand at room temperature for at least 2 hours or even overnight.

Spread a layer of sugar on a small, flat plate. Working with 1 glass at a time, run a lime wedge around the edge of the glass to moisten it, then dip the rim into the sugar to coat it evenly. Put the glasses in the freezer to chill for at least 15 minutes.

When ready to make the mojitos, fill a blender halfway with ice cubes.

Pour the rum mixture through a fine-mesh sieve into the blender.

Add the club soda and the 1/2 cup mint leaves and puree until well blended.

Divide the mixture evenly among the chilled glasses. Garnish each glass with a lime wedge and a mint sprig.

It’s keeping with a summer drink theme in that it includes sugar water as an ingredient. Plus, it has its very own glassware, similar to a highball but a bit taller, sometimes with rounded sides.

Ingredients: • 1 1/2 ounces gin • 1 ounce lemon juice (fresh is best) • 1/2 ounce simple syrup (sugar water) • 3 ounces club soda (or enough to fill) For the garnish: • 1 maraschino cherry • 1 lemon or orange slice Directions: • In a collins glass filled with ice cubes, pour the gin, lemon juice, and simple syrup. Stir thoroughly. Top with club soda. Garnish with a cherry and an orange or lemon slice.

You can pin the cherry to the citrus fruit using a cocktail pick and create a garnish known as a "flag" as well.

You can find it in almost any liquor store or grocery liquor aisle. If it’s being displayed the right way it’s in the gin section, but you’re just as likely to see it with the other liqueurs. Making a Pimm’s Cup is easy, if a little laborintensive. Get yourself a highball glass (the tall, slender one) and fill with ice. Pour in two ounces of Pimm’s, then three ounces of “lemonade” (which is British for “lemon-lime soda” like Sprite, 7Up, Sierra Mist, whatever). You can also give it a bit of a different flavor by using ginger ale. Stir. Then you shove one slice each of orange, cucumber, strawberry, and a sprig of mint into the glass. Voilà! One of the best summer cocktails you’ll ever encounter! Some recipes call for other fruit, like apples, lemons, and limes. Go for it. But it’s even prettier if you make a batch in a big glass pitcher and use a lot of fruit.

One of the best classics around is a Tom Collins — but NOT the kind you get with the commercial Tom Collins Mix, which makes you think that this delicious summer drink is made with a lot of chemicals. But first, a bit of history. Did you know this drink was originally called a “John Collins” when it was invented in London in the 1860s and was named after the restaurant where it was first concocted?

Back in 1874, there was a joke in New York that involved telling someone that a man named Tom Collins was saying bad things about them. The conversation would start by someone asking, “Have you seen Tom Collins?” and go on to tell the person that he was in a nearby bar or other business talking badly about

10 | The Brick Magazine

them, which would presumably upset the person who’d then go try and find this Tom Collins jerk. The joke gained notoriety and became known as the Tom Collins Hoax of 1874. The first Tom Collins cocktail recipe was printed in the 1876 book The Bartenders’ Guide by Jerry Thomas, known as the father of American mixology, who changed the name to “Tom” to honor this hoax.

I hope that this version of Booze 101 with Liz finds you and yours well, managing your way through these challenging times, and ready for your next drink, be it in a glass that includes alcohol or not.

Cheers, Liz Amazon best-selling author, mom of three, brewery founder, craft beer marketing consultant, and avid sports fan, Liz Crowe is a Kentucky native and graduate of the University of Louisville currently living in Ann Arbor.

She has decades of experience in sales, public relations, and fundraising, plus an eight-year stint as a three-continent, ex-pat trailing spouse, all of which provide ongoing idea fodder for novels and other projects. www.facebook.com/lizcroweauthor (fan page) www.twitter.com/ETLizCrowe

Safety, Healing, and Hope with Barbara Niess-May

by Marji Wisniewski

July 2020 | 11

In my pre-interview research of Barbara NiessMay, I visited the SafeHouse Center website.

After looking around a bit, I noticed a bar at the top of the page that read, “Click this bar to quickly exit.” I knew at that moment that I had to do my absolute best to tell the story of SafeHouse Center for our community and the survivors.

Through my time spent with Barbara, a lifelong supporter to the community of survivors, I learned that SafeHouse Center equals Hope. survivors, the economic impact of the pandemic may also be a reason not to leave as they may wonder how they will find housing or work during a downturn.

The simple act of calling for help or reaching out to an advocate over Zoom might not be possible right now because of the ever-watchful abuser. And although we continue our stringent cleaning protocols and have adopted increased safety standards for the health of our survivors, many are wary of coming to a shelter during a pandemic.

By late May, many parts of the state began to reopen, and throughout June we’ve been seeing a slight uptick in our survivors reaching out. That’s a pattern I expect will continue as survivors have more privacy to reach out. We stand ready for whatever else 2020 has planned.

Hope in Tomorrow The Silence It’s kept me up most nights during the Stay Home, Stay Safe order here in Michigan due to the COVID-19 pandemic: the quiet. It’s been too quiet. Looking over our shelter and helpline intake numbers for April and May, they’re down about 30% from this time last year. It has been the same across the state since the COVID-19 pandemic began (every county in Michigan has a support center for survivors of sexual assault and/or domestic violence; SafeHouse Center is one of the largest). You would think I would be pleased with this reduction; however, it doesn’t mean what you think.

SafeHouse Center is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization whose mission is to provide safety, support, advocacy, and resources for survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence and their children, and to work relentlessly to change the systems and attitudes that allow this abuse to continue.

SafeHouse Center provides free and confidential services for any victimized person that lives or works in Washtenaw County.

Last year we served over 5,000 survivors in Washtenaw County alone. Our services include emergency shelter for those in danger of being hurt or killed, counseling, legal advocacy, and support groups.

Our numbers are not down because assailants are behaving better.

Our numbers are down because survivors and their children can’t get away. It’s not that domestic violence or sexual assault is waning; it’s more likely that it’s happening more frequently.

Unemployment is a factor in a standard lethality assessment — a measure of the likelihood that an abuser will kill his partner.

We provide services to people of all backgrounds, gender identities, and sexual orientations. The people who come to see us are the ones who have run out of resources. Many times, like all of us, they try to first solve the problem by themselves, but eventually it can get to a point where they are unable to help themselves anymore. That’s where we come in.

Survivors are often isolated by their abusers financially, socially, and emotionally. It’s isolation on top of isolation. And for some

Established in 1987, the Response Team at SafeHouse Center provides immediate response to survivors of domestic violence

12 | The Brick Magazine

Domestic Violence Intimate partner domestic violence is a pattern of coercive behavior used to control one’s intimate partner. It encompasses abusive tactics including, but not limited to: physical and sexual violence; threats of violence; economic, emotional, and psychological abuse; and/or the use of privilege.

Sexual Assault

and/or sexual assault. Washtenaw County law enforcement agencies contact the Response Team after receiving a report of domestic violence and/or sexual assault. Local area hospitals also contact them when a patient discloses that they have experienced domestic violence and/or a sexual assault.

SafeHouse Center staff or volunteers then make contact with the survivor, either in person or by phone to offer support and information and to help plan for their safety.

The Response Team contact is often the first time that a survivor learns of SafeHouse Center and our services, and of the resources that are available to help and support them. This is also often the first time that the survivor may be able to talk with someone about their situation without being blamed for the abuse and/or assault or judged for staying with their partner.

Sexual assault includes attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats.

Usually, a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person’s body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person’s consent. Some types of sexual acts that fall under the category of sexual assault include forced sexual intercourse (rape), sodomy (oral or anal sexual acts), child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape. Assailants can be strangers, but are far more likely acquaintances, friends, or relatives of the victim. Assailants commit sexual assault by way of violence, threats, coercion, manipulation, pressure, or tricks.

Facts About Assault: 1.

Sexual assault is the most underreported crime in the US, even though someone is assaulted every 73 seconds in America.

2. 1 in 4 women experience violence by a partner at some point in their life.

3. 1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted in college.

The Response Team provides emotional support, validation, information, advocacy, resources, and safety strategies. The goal is to ensure that survivors have the ability to make informed decisions and to streamline service provisions within our community. All services provided by the Response Team are free and completely confidential.

We hear from survivors that they think if they contact us, it’s because they want to leave. But we can help with other things as well. They can get the resources they need not just to leave, but to gain control of the situation in their lives. Survivors choose whether to participate with any or all of the services provided such as support groups, counseling, legal advocacy, youth support, and educational resources.

We can’t provide these services alone. We have partnerships with many other organizations throughout the county and state including law enforcement, hospitals, prosecution, human services, courts, social workers, lawyers, etc. Without these partners, change and hope would not be possible.

What does hope for these survivors look like? Hope is the belief that tomorrow can be better. We encourage survivors to hang in there and keep going because it will get better, but it’s not going to be easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. But at the same time, they can get to the other side, and we are there to walk with them and help them as much as we can.

4. 2 out of 3 children are exposed to trauma and violence, often associated with domestic violence or sexual assault.

A Life of Public Service I believe there’s hope because I have seen both sides of the coin.

I too am a survivor of sexual assault. But that’s not what led me to a job in this service all those years ago.

I knew in college that I wanted to be involved in public service work. I just didn’t know quite what that meant or in what direction I would go. I pursued a degree in print journalism with an additional degree in political science with the idea that maybe informing people of local issues would be a helpful service. My 18-year-old self thought that maybe I could help people through my writing.

The path that led me to getting involved with SafeHouse Center presented itself in a different way. I was working with Spanishspeaking immigrants as a VISTA volunteer (Volunteers in Service to America) in Arkansas, when a number of women started coming to me to share that they were experiencing violence and/or sexual assault, but they didn’t know where to go for help. So, I created a relationship with a local support program for these women, and after my VISTA service ended I started working for that program and came to the clear realization this is what I was meant to do.

July 2020 | 13

How Do I Help Survivors of Sexual Assault?

Start by believing.

Your first instinct may be to give advice, but it’s important to ask how to support survivors in their choices about what to do next. Be there to support them.

Listen without judgement It’s normal to feel reactions such as anger or shock, but sometimes expressing that can make a survivor feel like they are responsible for your reactions. Try your best to stay calm and listen. Don’t ask too many questions all at once; that might feel like victim-blaming.

Let your friend know that he or she is not alone.

Offer support, offer your time, and remind your friend of available resources.

Empower your friend.

Help your friend understand and consider options, let your friend make decisions, and offer to go along for support.

Ask if there’s anything you can do Just knowing that there’s someone around who they can trust, someone who loves and cares for them, means a tremendous amount. You can always ask how you can help, if there’s anything you can do.

Keep supporting Healing has no timeline; each journey is unique, so it will look different for each person. Provide ongoing support and make time to check in.

This job is so much of who I am as a person. I think that when you are a leader in a long-term leadership position, it’s just about impossible to separate who you are as a person from the work that you do. I operate as though I’m always representing SafeHouse Center. My Facebook page is open, not private. I’ve heard from survivors that they look me up on social media to learn more and see if I’m a legitimate leader. I want people to know that SafeHouse Center is as transparent as we can be (obviously there are things that need to remain confidential), but I’m very open to people knowing us and supporting us and being part of who we are in the community.

The View is Better on a Bike After serving the community as Executive Director at SafeHouse for almost 18 years, the question I’m often asked is, “How do you do stay so focused and so passionate about the mission?”

The answer is one people don’t always expect from a 50-yearold woman: I’m an endurance sports athlete! There aren’t a lot of women involved in these sports, but I find it keeps me out of trouble to be helpful in maintaining balance. I haven’t been a life-long athlete. I started when I was about 40 and lost about

14 | The Brick Magazine

100 pounds in the process. I had gone through an emotionally painful divorce and I couldn’t afford therapy; I read somewhere online one night that running was the best therapy. So, with a few YouTube videos and support from friends, I started to run. I heard about adventure racing and it just sounded fun. I used to love to ride my bike as a kid, so I thought I’d give it a try. Now I have more compasses than purses or shoes.

Long-distance mountain biking, gravel riding, ultra runs, adventure racing, and all navigation-based (GPS) sports are the ones I participate in. People who know me will see me riding my bike to work — it’s a 16-mile ride one way! That ride doesn’t faze me at all, but that’s where I get my break. When you’re involved in an endurance sport, it’s not like it’s 20 minutes and you’re done.

It can go hours, sometimes days, and it’s hard to think about work when you’re doing that.

Of course, due to the pandemic right now, all in-person racing has been put on hold. I’m still getting out and doing my rides, but I usually stay fresh in my sport by focusing on the next challenge, and right now I don’t know what that will be. I’m doing a couple of virtual races — one called The Lockdown and another called The Crusher, which is 250 miles through the wilds of the Upper Peninsula on my bike — but it’s a virtual ride and I miss the rush of competition.

The other day, my friend and I were on a ride and we had agreed to an easy pace. But as soon as I saw another rider, I sped up because it was somebody I could race. I know I’m a just a little competitive!

The last race I competed in was my favorite race so far. It was the Florida Sea to Sea race I did with my best friend to celebrate my 50th birthday. It started in Cedar Key and ended in St. Augustine. We spent three and a half days traversing on both foot and bike. It’s rare to have two women team up for a race like this, let alone two older women. We not only completed the race, but we came in second in our division and seventh overall.

Some people have other outlets, like gardening, but for me it’s this sport. I just attend to my life better after a ride because I have a new perspective on things. I feel that I’ve become a better leader because I have this outlet.

Leadership is Responsive There are those who say that we’re born leaders and others who say that leadership is learned; I say it’s both. I think some individuals have the capacity to be leaders, but sometimes you must figure out how to manifest it best. In my 18 years at SafeHouse Center, I can see how much I’ve grown as a leader, and that growth didn’t come without its challenges. I lead using different leadership styles in different situations. It’s a delicate balance of being responsive to the people around you and staying true to yourself.

We currently have 48 staff members and 200 volunteers. Some of the staff have been here as long as I have, if not longer. The

How Can I Support SafeHouse Center?

2020 Men’s Campaign

•

Financial donations are always welcome. Our 2020 Men’s Campaign is taking donations until August 1st. he men who donate to SafeHouse during this time get a listing in an ad in the Observer.

•

SafeHouse has a wish list on Amazon with items for the shelter.

SafeHouse Center and our 2020 Men’s Campaign cochairs are asking men across our community to become allies against domestic and sexual violence. Use your voice to promote healthy and respectful attitudes and behaviors, and speak up against systems that have allowed violence to continue. Violence knows no boundaries and change can only come when we work together.

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Volunteers are always needed.

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Become a good ambassador for SafeHouse. Learn more about how assault impacts people. Speaking highly of SafeHouse and survivors often helps others to come forward and seek support.

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Watch our website for upcoming fundraising events.

ability to retain great team members is giving us the autonomy to do what we do, expecting professionalism and recognizing that everyone operates differently. And for those teammates who only stayed a year or two, we learn from them. We have a captured wealth of experience that takes us beyond what we could do if we had stayed static.

As far as regrets go, there are some, but there are so few that I don’t really remember them. Yes, there are decisions I would’ve made differently, but I’ve learned from them to make better decisions in the future. Do I regret learning? No. Do I regret that someone else may have experienced discomfort or pain, or that I could’ve done something better as a leader? Yes. But as it is, I don’t really have a lot of regrets.

My best day is a day I feel like I’ve really helped someone, which is almost every day. How lucky am I to be able to say that? I still wake up each morning with a fire in my belly. I’ve done this work for so long and somehow, I still have passion every day. I’m proud of the organization that has been built by those before me and alongside me, and of the relationships that have buoyed my professional career dedicated to supporting survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence.

This Moment in Time Matters In this article and in life, I prefer sharing the mission and the work we do at SafeHouse over talking about myself. What’s most important for people to know is that violence and abuse isn’t just a women’s issue; it’s everyone’s issue. We need to continue to support resources to address violence in our community, or it will get worse. Assault and violence especially impact people with low income, people of color, and people with immigrant status — people who are already having a tougher time in our society. Right now, we’re feeling the heat of the violent history of Black people being unfairly targeted.

Widespread racial injustice and violence play directly into the domestic violence and sexual assault that Black and Latina women experience.

The Men’s Campaign is running now until the end of August.

The men who donate to SafeHouse during this time get a listing in an ad in the Observer. It’s our way of saying they stand with survivors and with what we do at SafeHouse.

To learn more, visit www.safehousecenter. org/2020menscampaign.

We have specific services at SafeHouse to help. We believe in equity at SafeHouse. We know that equity looks different for white or abled women. We dedicate more and/or different resources for women of all backgrounds and abilities.

From now until August, we’re running our 2020 Men’s Campaign. This is an initiative to get men more involved in our mission to help survivors and educate the community to prevent domestic violence and assault before it even happens.

(See the “2020 Men’s Campaign” information box.)

Through my service to this community, I’ve seen the shocking disparity between how people can be so incredibly cruel and others so incredibly generous. It’s unbelievable to me that humans can be on two totally different ends of the spectrum; I see this every day in my job. But I choose to focus on acts of generosity and love.

One day I was in our lobby and a survivor walked in and said, “I’m here because I have a little money left over after paying my bills.” It was clear that she worked as waitstaff as she handed me singles, fives, and change out of her pocket. She said, “You changed my life, and I felt like I needed to give back.”

Gestures like that give me the hope to come back tomorrow.

With a passion for marketing that started as a young girl, Marji Wisniewski created her own marketing and communications organization in 2017. As owner of Blue Zebra Marketing Solutions, she helps local and regional businesses and non-profits tell their story through branding, graphic design, content creation and PR; focusing on customized solutions for each client that are more unique than a zebra’s stripes.

A Michigan native, Marji received her undergrad from Western Michigan University and master’s from Wayne State University.

When not working you can find her gardening, doing Pilates, listening to podcasts, and spending time with her family and two dogs.

July 2020 | 15

COVID, Sex, and Business: The Common Thread

by Amy Jo Goddard

A

s the world experiences new health needs, boundaries, and ways of taking care of ourselves during COVID, we are being tasked to interact in ways that mirror how we show care in intimacy and sex. From how we obtain and respect consent and individual choice to establishing our agency over our own bodies and health, the skill sets needed in our human relationships right now are quite similar to how we create healthy intimacy and communication.

Most of us have been in some kind of sheltering-in-place for over two months now, and people are antsy. We want to release some of our restraint. We want to ask for more in our relationships. We want touch.

We can liken our negotiations around risk to a safer sex conversation. You may be a Level 3 (somewhat open) for COVID risk tolerance and you might have friends or family members who are a 1 (strict) or a 0 (very strict). If someone has strict

16 | The Brick Magazine

boundaries about their safer sex protocols, it’s not your job to convince them latex barriers aren’t that important or that you are a risk worth taking. The person with the highest protocols gets to be respected in a safer sex negotiation, and you get to make it work for both parties. If it can’t work, then there is no shame for either person, it’s just not a match.

What’s key is that you are able to talk openly about your needs, boundaries, and requests and respect the needs, boundaries, and requests of others. Shaming someone for having boundaries you don’t like won’t get you more sex. It will get you the boot.

Making someone wrong for having less of a boundary isn’t your place—you can choose to say “No thank you” and move on, and they get to do what feels right for them.

We don’t all share the same risk tolerance. Many factors go into our decisions about what risks we take—everything from

how well we know someone, how much we desire interaction with them, what our current level of need is, our past history, our health status, and personality factors that relate to risktaking. This list is the same whether it’s about safer sex or who we want to include in our COVID pod and at what level of interaction.

Risk-taking and calculating the risks we’re willing to take, and where our boundaries lie, is a part of daily life. We calculate risks in business and with our money. We calculate risks with collaborators and who to pay to do what.

Many of us are not great at setting these boundaries. We are used to doing what others want of us, whether at work, in intimate relationships, or right now, during COVID. All of us face decisions on a daily basis about when we will speak up to say, “You’re too close,” “I can’t work late on Friday,” or “Not without a condom.”

Our Two Greatest Fears The same fears come up across this spectrum consistently.

We are afraid of being judged for our need or boundary. What will they think of me? Will they think I’m a prude? Not a team player? Paranoid?

Secondly, we fear the rejection we might experience if we say what we need. Will they go away? Will they not want to date me anymore if I don’t do the sexual thing they want? Will they want to fire me for not doing what they want at work, no matter what? Will I lose the contract? Will I not be able to see my friends at all?

The fear of judgment and fear of rejection are interlinked and play into many of our decisions as humans, who are tender and want to be loved. They touch the core of who we are because the fear of judgment relates to whether we feel good enough for our self-worth and our self-acceptance. The more wobbly our own self-worth, the more we will be impacted by our fears that others will judge us; because at the end of the day, we are judging ourselves.

The fear of rejection touches an even more core place: Am I lovable? Am I worthy of love? Will people love me and stay? Or am I not worth it for someone to stay? Any of us who have navigated an early abandonment by a parent knows that fear, whether they physically left, were too drunk, high, sick, or checked out that they couldn’t be there, or were working three jobs and just couldn’t show up the way they wanted.

The major drivers for choices in our human interactions impact us daily. The more attuned we are to ourselves, the more self-awareness we have developed, the less we will be wobbly in our choices and boundaries. Obviously in our current world, information about safety and transmission changes almost daily, so we are in a constant state of evaluation and re-evaluation about the choices we are making.

How to Navigate Choices What will always carry us and support us in any of these negotiations remains the same: developing communication skills that allow us to bring ourselves forward and respect the voice and choices of those we are negotiating with. Assessing your own boundaries and needs requires that you know what you want and that you are self-aware enough to know when a boundary is crossed. Being able to address that boundary being crossed means you are empowered to use your voice and are willing to take a risk that could result in judgment or rejection.

We can all do well to practice right now in our COVID world without shaming or blaming others for having different needs.

We can get curious about where people we care about stand, and accept them where they are. We can up our capacity to negotiate with kindness, collaboration, and care. We can say how we feel about what is happening and not feel like we will be made wrong for our feelings.

I am making a documentary film called At Your Cervix, which will be about consent violations in medicine and the many ways women’s bodies in particular are disregarded and violated.

The pervasiveness of these consent violations in our culture is tremendous. We get to learn how to speak up with medical providers and other authorities. We get to set our boundaries in every scenario where our body is put at risk. We get to negotiate what is right for us, no matter who in the room has the greater pedigree or the biggest desire.

I can think of countless times when I raised my voice in my business about something that didn’t sit well with me and how a better outcome always emerged. I can think of times when I didn’t and wished I had spoken up. I can look back at my history of medical care and see similar patterns. These are moments that stick with us—when we made a choice or didn’t speak up for the choice we wanted to make, and the consequences of that.

If we could all learn to do this negotiation well, our relationships would be much stronger and our agency over our own bodies, health, and lives would shift dramatically, bending towards honoring the personhood of each one of us. The possibility that we could create a culture of emotionally intelligent, powerful communicators out of this mess we’re in is big a silver lining.

Let’s practice and get really good at this. Every negotiation is a step towards your own agency and honoring the consent of others. We use this skill every single day.

Amy Jo Goddard is a sexuality educator, author, and speaker. She is author of Woman On Fire: Nine Elements to Wake Up Your Erotic Energy, Personal Power & Sexual Intelligence and Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men and delivered her TEDx talk, “Owning Your Sexual Power” in Napa Valley. She is the director and producer of the forthcoming documentary, At Your Cervix. Find her writing and resources on healthy sexuality and relationships at www.AmyJoGoddard.com

July 2020 | 17

for personal

& planetary thriving

The Healing Power of Belonging

by Morella Devost, EdM, MA

A

sixth-grade field trip. I remember it clear as day. I was so excited! We got to wear street clothes instead of our uniform of pleated navy skirts, white buttoned shirts, and burgundy pullover sweaters. If you can’t tell already, I went to a private school for the daughters of wealthy families in Venezuela.

Except I wasn’t one of them. My very hard-working mixed-culture parents simply wanted me to attend the best bilingual school.

That day, I dressed in a super cute outfit of checkered pants and shirt (it was the ‘80s!). I loved it, but it took me all of five minutes to realize it stuck out like a sore thumb. All the other girls were wearing ankle-length jeans, oversized shirts with shoulder pads, and colored Reebok sneakers. WTF? “How do they ALL know what to wear? How do they all have the same sneakers?” My twelve-year old mind seemed to wonder. That day, I became hyper-aware that I felt like an outsider, while desperately wanting to fit in.

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But what’s the big deal? It’s such a common experience for so many kids, isn’t it? We survive it, don’t we?

The truth is that a deep sense of belonging to our community is at the core of resiliency and emotional well-being. This is not just true in middle school. It starts in our families of origin, it continues through our formative years, and it shapes our ability as adults to overcome adversity. In my personal story, my non-belonging ran much deeper than school. In my immediate family, I was the only child of my parents’ marriage; I had four half-siblings from Dad’s first marriage. They grew up in Vermont and had a very different upbringing from mine. I saw them only about once a year until I moved to the US, when it finally dawned on me that I felt like an outsider in my own family.

Non-belonging can also be ancestral. In my case, feeling like an outsider started with my grandmother’s tragic childhood. You

see, she was one of four children born out of wedlock in early20th-century Caracas. When my grandmother was three years old, her mom died of the Spanish Influenza, and her father was tortured and killed as a political prisoner of Gomez, the dictator at the time. Their four children, considered “illegitimate” back then, were also now orphans. Nobody from their immediate families stepped in. They were mercifully picked up by a notable dentist, who gave them a home while placing them up for adoption. The siblings were separated, and my grandmother was the last to be adopted when she was eight. This story of origin meant that throughout her life, she was constantly reminded that she should be ashamed of “her past.”

Why does my grandmother’s story matter? Why does your grandmother’s story matter? They matter because our community of origin matters. It shapes us for better and for worse. And we now know through the field of epigenetics that intense emotional experiences leave a blueprint on the proteins that surround DNA. They are then handed down from one generation to the next, along with the color of your eyes and the texture of your hair. Your ancestors’ and community’s adversities shape you.

All of it matters. And yet, even as our stories of origin can leave a painful legacy, our ability to find connection with a community can also drastically change the impact those experiences ultimately have in our lives and on future generations.

The research of Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, renowned psychiatrist and author of the book The Body Keeps the Score, is showing us how community can help heal trauma. Dr. van der Kolk has found that a strong sense of belonging to a group or family is a powerful predictor of resiliency and of the ability to overcome adversity. In other words, feeling that we belong, that we are valued and cared for, is a necessary ingredient for healing the heart. Without that sense of belonging, it’s much harder for an individual to recover from traumatic experiences.

In fact, it’s that sense of belonging that explains why people who live through natural disasters typically fare so well. After a disaster of epic proportions, communities often come together like never before. The pain is shared, and so are the resources that help everyone get back on their feet. The bonds strengthen.

Long-lasting, unhealed trauma is held in place by a deep feeling of being alone, forgotten, and forsaken. It is present in war trauma (i.e., a soldier experiences horror and terror while separated from his unit) and sexual assault (i.e., a victim’s safety is threatened if she were to speak of what happened). When people feel alone, unseen, unvalued, powerless, and forgotten, deep trauma can set in place.

Healing can come from finding community. Dr. van der Kolk has studied how indigenous communities respond to trauma. Many of their ancestral traditions involve dancing and singing together, surrounding the person who experienced a traumatic event. It’s the touch, the connectedness, and the movement that allow the

person to move out of the shock of the experience. He highlights how singing together naturally creates connectedness. Joining voices is a literal expression of being in tune and in harmony with others. In this way, it’s a natural balsam for those who were traumatized.

We’ve actually seen examples of this in stories emerging from Italy and New York City during the Coronavirus confinement.

In Sienna, a man set off a spontaneous balcony singalong in a visibly deserted street. In Manhattan, various neighborhoods erupted in a communal singing of New York, New York. Even with social distancing, the joining of voices reminds us of our shared humanity and brings comfort to our hearts.

At this time, when we’re experiencing monumental collective adversity, it’s important to find those moments of community where we come together to rise strong — exactly as it happens through natural disasters. And on a personal level, whatever may be the challenges or trauma that are yours to tackle, finding community support is fundamental for your long-term well-being.

The question to ask yourself is this: where do I feel that I truly, deeply belong? You can look for that sense of belonging in all sorts of places. It needn’t be your family or even your current group of friends — though those are fantastic, if you do have strong bonds there. You can also find deep belonging in a choir, church, bookclub, volunteer organization, amateur theater club, and even at work. Importantly, find spaces where you feel you are an integral part of the group — where you feel seen and valued for who you are. I personally found deep belonging with my cousins as kids, my college rugby team, and my tight-knit group of Vermont friends. And of course, my family is fantastic, and I increasingly feel that I belong with them.

We are in this shared human experience together. We all need each other to ensure everyone’s wellbeing: yours, mine, our communities’, and the planet’s.

Morella Devost is a counselor helping her clients turn their deepest challenges into their greatest source of strength. After receiving two masters degrees in counseling from Columbia University, she became a Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP facilitator, and Reiki Master. Morella is a VenezuelanVermonter working with people all over the world from her RVoffice as she travels the US with her family. She is the host of the Thrive With Morella TV-radio-podcast show. www.youtube.com/morelladevost thrivewithmorella.com www.facebook.com/ThriveWithMorella Instagram: @Morellad Facebook personal: @Morellad1 Twitter: @More_Joy

July 2020 | 19

Cohousing & COVID-19: Finding Community and Comfort

by Cathy Houlihan 20 | The Brick Magazine

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ohousing. No, it doesn’t mean a hippie commune or a kibbutz, and it doesn’t mean cohabitating with a roommate. The concept originated in the ‘60s in Denmark with the new idea of the bofaellesskab (“living community”), which was expanded upon by Jan Gudmand-Hoyer. In North America, the concept was introduced as “cohousing” by two American architects, Kathryn McCamant and Charles Durrett. It’s the idea of an organized community of private homes clustered around a shared space. The intent is to create a friendly, open neighborhood where children can run and play freely, and its residents can use common spaces to be shared for meals, meetings, and casual gatherings in the Common House.

Touchstone is one such community. Just west of Ann Arbor’s city limits off Jackson Road, it sits on acreage surrounded by open fields and wooded vistas. Touchstone Cohousing calls itself “an intergenerational community that helps break down the isolation that can be typical of suburban developments.” Its residents are young families, single professionals, retirees, and octogenarians.

There are almost 80 residents living in Touchstone. According to the community’s website (http://www.touchstonecohousing.org/), all Touchstone townhouse units have front porches and kitchens facing the community. Living rooms and most bedrooms have views of fields or natural landscapes. Some face a courtyard, so you can wave to your neighbor or watch your children play. It allows residents to balance the need for solitary time with the joy of group experiences. Great Oaks and Sunward are two other cohousing communities in the area as well. Ann Arbor is somewhat unique in having three communities all within the same zip code; there’s only one other place in Ithaca, NY that has a similar setup.

The communities evolve their own character and governance systems with a few common characteristics, and aren’t fully aware of how each may be similar or different. Touchstone and Great Oaks are 100% consensus-driven, but Sunward has a board with supermajority voting.

Cohousing has become an increasingly popular option for home buyers in Ann Arbor. There are 34 condos in the Touchstone community and twelve new units are under construction now.

They hope to be finished in late summer or early fall.

Pre-pandemic, the community encouraged new folks to learn about its unique lifestyle through its tours, meetings, and information sessions. This helped ensure the integration of likeminded people to support the community’s ideals and help foster social networks. Living in a cohousing community can relieve isolation and build friendships. Residents also find comfort in the additional safety provided by living in a dynamic, interactive setting that promotes social ties. During the coronavirus, you can visit the website and take virtual tours to find out more information about living in the community.

Lee, who has lived in three units in the Touchstone community, puts it this way: “As a single woman, it gives me a strong sense of security knowing that I have neighbors who know and care

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Robin lists things that make her happy in the Touchstone community.

“Spontaneous invitations for breakfast; a neighbor making me dinner and delivering it when I return home late from work; sitting around a bonfire roasting marshmallows; being able to say “Help, my computer’s down!” and my neighbor stops by. Or even just sending out a message asking for a walking buddy and receiving ten responses.”

The residents stay connected through a group email list.

Someone needs sugar, a few groceries, a prescription picked up, or help walking a pet? All you need to do is ask. Plenary meetings are held to keep people aware of what the community plans or what immediate needs have cropped up. There’s also a conflict resolution group to settle disputes between neighbors.

Everyone pitches in by donating 10-15 hours per month to serving the community. There are meals to be cooked and maintenance to be done and grass to cut. One group focuses on the safety and play spaces for the children.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, Touchstone has tried to step up its efforts in response to the outbreak. They have set up shopping plans for multi-family grocery buying, which limits the number of people going into stores and assists seniors or the more vulnerable. Touchstone Cares, a group that sends out birthday and anniversary greetings, started conducting twicedaily check-ins by email or a FaceTime buddy for those living alone during the stay-at-home order.

July 2020 | 21

Dee shared these thoughts: “I’m 76 years old and live alone with my cat (there’s a reason behind stereotypes!). Although I have lived in two different cohousing communities for 20 years, I’ve never experienced such togetherness here at Touchstone. We call it ‘physical distancing’ rather than social distancing, because there’s plenty of support socially.”

Even with the best of intentions, it’s not all an organic rose garden. Cohousing residents, like all Americans, have their own views on choosing their own level of risk or what freedoms are inalienable.

Lesli put it best: “Consensus takes time—lots of time. We tried to respond quickly when it was clear tensions were rising, but that earned some backlash from those who are more risktolerant and felt their voices weren’t being heard. But if there are two perspectives of status quo in these strange times—the ‘Way it’s always been’ view and the ‘strict alignment with the spirit of the Stay at Home, Stay Safe Executive Order’ view—it can fray relationships. Our kids share toys, the playground, and the basketball hoop. Adults share garden tools and outdoor seating. But COVID-19 has brought that lifestyle into conflict with what we call ‘physical distancing.’ We are working on it and hope to bring in an outside facilitator to help us navigate this challenge. Hopefully, we can develop an emergency response clause for our Bylaws.”

Touchstone had come to an agreement to decorate their internal roadways with bright outdoor paint and designs (all cars are parked on the periphery of the property). Markings separate pedestrian areas from the area for bicycles and scooters, and it includes exercise areas and a kid’s obstacle course. It also shows

22 | The Brick Magazine

examples of six-foot spacing to help visualize physical distancing.

A dedicated group at Green Oaks is sewing masks for healthcare workers, and the Touchstone community invested in Zoom Room so that games, like Scattergories, can keep people connected. There’s even a BYO wine meet-up (physically-distanced and weather permitting) for sharing stories in the courtyard. A group of folks are also working on a physical-distanced day camp for the kids.

Touchstone and other cohousing communities appear to be a good place to shelter and stay safe during the COVID-19 pandemic. So many people are looking outside themselves and trying to stay focused on what matters—their families and neighbors.

Cathy is a 65-year-old woman who has lived in the Ann Arbor area since 1963. She has three children and three grandchildren.

The majority of her career was in the healthcare field, but after returning to Ann Arbor in 2013, she now works as a marketing assistant for an engineering software firm. In her spare time, she's a freelance writer and enjoys working on varied projects.

Her love of writing began when she was in high school and continued through college and her early years as a mother.

She was published in Northern Spies, an anthology of short stories, and contributed to the centennial effort of the Oceana County Historical Society's book Oceana County History 1880-1990. She also used to work on the marketing team for the information technology department of the University of Michigan Health Services.

She has traveled extensively, but her favorite place is her cottage on Lake Michigan, a place that heals and inspires her.

Free-Thinking for Health and Healing

by Kellie Mox July 2020 | 23

M

y daughter is the “hippie” of her tween friend group.

While part of me cringed at their assignment of labels, part of me cheered inside. I suspect the hippie reference had nothing to do with long hair or drugs. I suspect, rather, that it had to do with the fact that my almost-twelve-year-old doesn’t always conform. This is a good thing.

What It Looks Like My daughter exemplifies non-conformity in ways that surprise and inspire me. Somehow, during this most challenging tween time, she’s often fine not doing what everyone else is doing.

If her friends do something she’s not into, like running a race, she doesn’t do it, and she doesn’t seem to fear missing out or being judged for it. She isn’t (yet) overly concerned about how she’s perceived by others — she doesn’t typically smile or agree just to please. She has a healthy level of skepticism for and a reliance on her internal compass that I did not have at twelve.

And my husband and I raise her with what some might consider an alternative lifestyle with respect to food, healthcare, and spirituality. This doesn’t go unnoticed by her friends.

Maybe our daughter has internalized our repeated messages to be true to herself and to carefully consider whether something she hears, sees, or is told by others is true for her. We often remind her that there are many possibilities, perspectives, and beliefs. While we provide boundaries on behavior, we want her to learn how to connect with and trust her intuition, cultivate her curious and critical mind, ask questions that expand thinking and open possibilities, and bring self-awareness to her inner and outer experiences.

This, I think, makes a free-thinker. If it sounds too good to be true, know that my husband and I don’t always live this in our parenting, as we’re still learning it ourselves.

It’s Not Easy When we practice free-thinking it’s possible, maybe even probable, that we’ll be perceived as non-conformists because we’re not following the crowd. Not conforming can feel scary.

Free-thinking hasn’t come easily for me. I’ve been on a long journey of reclaiming my inner compass; for much of my life, I couldn’t separate my experience from that of another. I struggled to accept my truth when it conflicted with someone else’s, especially someone with authority. People-pleasing kept me small, starving, and disconnected from myself. This was a product of nature, nurture, and a culture that teaches women in particular to ignore, or even vilify, our bodies and our intuition.

More and more, I’m learning to honor my intuition, to ask the hard questions, to think out of the proverbial box, and to stand in my truth and power. This is not without challenges, because part of me still believes that taking up space, or speaking a truth that’s not popular, is unsafe. But our collective health is too important.

Staying small won’t work.

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Why It’s Important Now more than ever, the world needs free-thinkers, especially when it comes to our individual and collective health. We must get to know our minds, hearts, and bodies and trust their innate intelligence. We must get curious, do our own research, and seek information beyond what’s handed to us. We must ask ourselves and others difficult questions. And we must bring self-awareness to our inner and outer worlds.

Free-thinking is essential for our individual and collective wellness.

In the United States, the rates of chronic physical and mental illness are remarkable and rising. Six in ten adults in the U.S. have a chronic disease, and four in ten have two or more. One in five adults lives with mental illness. Our children are increasingly plagued by chronic illness as well. Our healthcare system is, quite literally, a sick-care system that spends 3.3 trillion dollars annually on managing heart disease, cancer, autoimmune disease, diabetes, asthma, ADHD, and more. The numbers for our underprivileged populations are even more alarming. We’re seeing the disparities even more clearly as COVID-19 disproportionately impacts our African American communities. Coronavirus isn’t breaking our healthcare system, it’s showing us how broken it already is.

What If? It seems that our current approach to cultivating health in the U.S. may not actually be working. I’m not suggesting there’s one way to fix our challenges. I’m suggesting that we all, especially the privileged, step up our free-thinking so that we can create a healthier world for everyone. As we reconnect with our innate healing capacity and our intuition, as we explore and research below the surface, as we critically think for ourselves and open our minds, we may find ourselves reconsidering what we think we know, what we believe, and in whom we place our trust. We may find that our “what if’s” look very different than they do now.

I invite you to consider these questions. What if…

•

we no longer feared and ignored our bodies?

•

pharmaceutical companies couldn’t promote their drugs directly to the public?

•

we all (including our systems) honored the interdependence of our mental and physical health and safety?

•

fifteen minutes with your doctor a few times per year doesn’t render him or her the best authority on your health and wellness?

•

we trusted the wisdom of the body and stopped seeing it as something that needs to be fixed?

•

we don’t accept medications without informed consent and consideration of all the alternatives?

•

individualized medicine is good for public health?

•

the health of our internal and external environments is equally, if not more, important for our health than avoiding germs?

•

our bodies know how to heal themselves given the proper conditions?

•

a diagnosis is not forever?

•

we supported systems that make health-promoting behaviors, childcare, complementary and alternative medicine, whole foods, elder care, and mental health support more affordable and stopped supporting systems that make processed foods, pharmaceutical drugs, and alcohol the cheapest, most attractive options?

•

we can be our own best experts?

One Last Thing Don’t be surprised if you feel uncomfortable with these questions or even with the notion of free-thinking. We seek and crave information that confirms our current worldview, beliefs, and ideals. When we’re presented with information or research that contradicts our carefully constructed picture of reality, we find ways to discount or interpret it to support our desired conclusion.

This is called biased assimilation, and we all do it. Blame it on cognitive dissonance, which causes us to feel psychological distress when we try to hold two (or more) seemingly contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at once. Humans attempt to “fix” this inconsistency and minimize the discomfort. So, if the questions I’ve offered challenge your worldview, you might be inclined to disregard them. But I invite you to stay with the discomfort and open to all the possibilities, because that’s where magic happens. That’s where we connect with our internal compass, create empowered forward movement, and build new frameworks for health and healing.

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My daughter and I were talking and reflecting in the quiet moments before bed last week. “You’re like a Greek philosopher,” she said. “They were always questioning things.” I smiled and embraced this comparison. I guess free-thinking might look like being a philosopher. And it may look like being a hippie. Whatever it looks like, our individual and collective health depends on it.

Kellie Mox catalyzes revolutionary healing for women through powerful conversations and whole-health mentoring. She is passionate about authentic, meaningful connections—to the self, others, and the world—and believes that healing flourishes when we strengthen these connections and embrace our wholeness.

Kellie is a certified coach and a student of homeopathic medicine with a master’s in health behavior and health education. She works with women virtually and in-person from her home base in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Website: www.kelliemox.com Instagram: @kelliemox Facebook: www.facebook.com/kelliemoxcoachingandhealing

July 2020 | 25

Your Community Needs You

by Marilyn A. Pellini

I

have a theory that if we all gave a few hours per week to our immediate neighborhood and community, we would be living in a much happier, safer, and more perfect world. Pulling together and getting to know each other better would make us kinder and more responsive to those around us, their needs, and to our precious environment.

and even trimming small shrubs as they went along. All my group had to provide were big green garbage bags, and some people were thoughtful enough to bring their own. We chose a Saturday, with Sunday as a rain date. Within a three-hour time slot, there was a truly visible difference in that area and lots of pride to go around.

I used to head our Village Improvement Society, whose main focus was beautification. Every spring, we put a blurb in the local newspaper announcing Clean-up Day, one of our permanent projects. We would have at least 50 people attend, dressed in their blue jeans and wearing gardening gloves. The immediate downtown area had parents and children picking up papers and twigs, raking out last fall’s dried leaves, doing a bit of weeding,

We have well over 60 different organizations one can join and volunteer their time with in my town. Every year, the town supervisor sponsors a Community Day, and as many of these groups who want to participate can. Just bring your own table, information about your group, and people to sit and talk to those who might want to join. The town provides cold drinks and hot dogs. It’s a “fun” day full of town spirit and camaraderie.

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There’s a group that is especially interested in restoring old burial grounds. They have researched and unearthed neglected graves and cleaned and righted headstones. The shrubs, grounds, and grass have been brought back to life wherever they’ve worked.

Our town’s people are proud of their heritage, and many can even trace their ancestors back to when the town was first settled. They do not want to lose or erase their heritage.

The Town Tree Board is a very active group and strives to protect the big, beautiful trees in our area from the wrath of the bulldozer or unthinking property owners. A tree over 18 inches in diameter can’t be cut down without a permit.

Certainly they don’t want anyone’s home to be in danger of a falling tree. We did, however, have a noted celebrity who lived in our midst for a while and wanted a better view of the nearby reservoir, so they cut down countless trees. They were issued a fine and had to replace many of the trees that had been felled. Our pride and joy is a 400- to 500-year-old oak. One day the tree will most certainly die, but we want to preserve it for as long as possible. You would be amazed at the number of people who come from far and wide to view this magnificent specimen and take pictures with it. We’ve ensured that they can’t trample on its root system or climb up into the stately giant.

We have an area Rotary Club and a chapter of the Lions Club.

These worthy groups donate time, money, and most importantly man-hours to many local causes, and on a national and international level as well. Guiding Eyes for the Blind is one of their special causes.

Our town is served by a local volunteer fire department. When the whistle blows, they’re out there in a flash. My little family knows that from experience. Years ago, I shook my husband awake one night, saying that the house had a strange smoky smell. We had a fire plan, thank goodness, as you do not think clearly in the middle of the night when awoken from a sound sleep. “I’ll get the kids,” I said as he dialed 911. It was the middle of winter, so I grabbed their winter jackets and then ran to the front door where they had left their boots. At that moment, my doorbell rang insistently. It was our next-door neighbor, who as a volunteer had gotten the call. He ran to my house through two feet of snow and took my children to his house. By the time he got back, the fire company was there and discovered our stereo equipment had overheated and was smoldering. It was tossed out into the snow, and every window in the house opened. Needless to say none of us went to work or school the next day, having had no sleep, but you can bet our fire department got a lengthy thank-you note and a donation from us. The firefighters’ budget is made up of donations and the proceeds from the carnival and parade they hold once a year.

What a group of dedicated men and women!

Then there is our ambulance corps. Again, totally volunteers.

My friend was advised to go to a hospital in the nearest big city because her case was just too complicated for the local facility. The ambulance corps was glad to drive her well over an hour away.

here are those who over the many years have been dedicated to the Boy or Girl Scouts, Little League, soccer teams, youth football, etc. These men and women know that keeping kids off the street and out of trouble is well worth their time and energy.

The Farmers Club is dedicated to keeping our suburb of a large city as rural as possible; our town was a farming community when it was established. In good weather, the group holds a Farmers Market on Saturday mornings where you can purchase fresh fruits and vegetables home-grown on our soil.

In another one of my articles, I mentioned our local women’s clubs. Since our town is comprised of three hamlets, we actually have two women’s groups, each performing great services for the members of the community. One owns a thrift shop, which is staffed by its volunteer members five days a week. Among other philanthropic contributions, they give many scholarships every year to local kids to help defray college expenses.

Local garden clubs, of which there are a number, dedicate themselves to planting in public areas. Many of these club members have small greenhouses on their property and raise beautiful, unusual flowers from seedlings. When the weather permits, they prepare the local beds and plant flowers where we all can enjoy and view them.

Hospital volunteers abound at our local facility. They transport patients in wheelchairs to various tests they need while having an in-hospital stay, and endlessly fill pitchers with cold water. The NICU always needs people to hold and rock newborns until their hospital confinement is over.

The more I write, the more unusual and giving my little community seems. But, there’s so much more out there that needs to be done, and so many more people who could really contribute. You know the saying, “If you need something done, ask a busy woman.” That of course goes for men too.

I personally belong to five women’s clubs and do try to give each some of my time. I retired not too long ago, and have wondered ever since how I had time to work. Now, unfortunately, I am a widow, and can tell you with certainty that those alone, for any reason, could use some help and companionship. Make it your goal to get out there and give your time, friendship, and expertise to those in need. It will bring them, and you, untold joy and rewards.

Marilyn Pellini has recently published a grief book titled Dear Al, A Widow’s Struggles and Remembrances. Her other credits as a writer include recent articles in Brick Magazine titled “Memories in My Button Jar” and “Restructuring My World,” pieces in Westchester Parent Magazine, Bay State Parent Magazine, On The Water, Balanced Rock, and others.

In May 2018, she took the first place prize in the NY State Federation of Women’s Clubs writing contest.

July 2020 | 27

Hope Is Contagious

by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC

28 | The Brick Magazine

H

ope is contagious—extremely so. Beware, it seems to be spreading at alarming rates.

It presents us with daily unexpected surprises and challenges, especially in its capacity to ignite a fierce fire in our bodies, minds, and hearts. It’s a fire infused with determination and perseverance. And for some, the final stages of this condition may morph into something called the Indomitable Spirit Syndrome.

Hope symptoms, for many, come on quite slowly and are often barely detectable—a flicker of possibility, a hint of inspiration, a whisper of a hopeful thought. Along with these subtle increases in positive cellular energies, those experiencing Hope often evidence a mild-to-severe decrease in apprehension and disheartenment, as well as a rather abrupt lifting of despair and pessimism. Many carriers of Hope have also noted a sudden onset of heightened personal energy and overall sense of wellbeing.

As a life coach on a mission to help individuals live juicy, rich, dynamic lives, I’m intent on studying the key dynamics of the spread of Hope. I became curious due to rumors about how, if a person was infected, they supposedly experienced a greater sense of self-fulfillment and contentment. Interesting, huh?

After extensive gathering of data, here’s what I’ve determined.

Facts point strongly to a condition that can appear mere seconds after exposure to someone carrying hopeful thoughts, feelings, or attitudes. These energies don’t even need to be outwardly expressed. Contagion occurs regardless!

Hope’s possible symptom spectrum is vast. However, do note that not all of the symptoms I mention need be present to confirm a diagnosis. One might, for instance, appear otherwise asymptomatic but for a slight show of goosebumps. These goosebumps are indicative of excitement—a key emotion in the vast transmission of Hope. Typically, after the show of goosebumps, or even a slight upturn of the lips that could be the registering of a smile, the condition moves quickly inward.

There is an expanding of the heart muscle and an opening of the throat chakra. These two heightened body states are symptoms— indicators, really—of love and good will. Temperament shifts have also been observed in numerous individuals—including, but not limited to, states of massive calmness, peace, and tranquility. Sleep rhythms are said to also improve.

Test results on the extreme contagiousness of Hope have evidenced an exceptional hardiness in the cell structures of individuals harboring the state, fueling speculation that resilience and resourcefulness are born out of the condition. Another awe-inspiring finding is that when the infected individual can

attend to each and every hope-whisper or positive thought that surfaces (and truly align with those forces), they are greatly empowered and gently transformed.

Next comes a compulsion to reach out. Compassion and empathetic states accompany the impulse. This, then, is where the extreme community contagion factor comes into play.

Hope travels quickly from one individual to another. It’s highly transmittable, especially from those individuals who’ve been manifesting the spirit of it for extended periods. Under these conditions, Hope is a state almost impossible to contain.

Entire families, neighborhoods, and communities are seriously impacted.

Examples of the powerful spread can be seen, for instance, in the ways some extended families, previously detached and disconnected from each other, have gathered over video calls stay in touch. Such behavior, unheard of prior to contracting Hope, has additionally resulted in something that also helps boost immunity and strengthens overall wellbeing—it’s something referred to as Meaningful Engagement. For example, family puzzle and game nights, as well as creative cooking extravaganzas and long, leisurely walks in nature, have surfaced as secondary symptoms. Indeed, lives are greatly altered when under the spell of Hope. Some have even referred to it as a “portal of grace” and a “possibility opening.”

Unusual, to say the least.

The effects of extreme isolation, hardship, illness, and trauma have also been greatly mitigated when Hope, combined with heartfelt human connection, are present. Miraculously, this seems to be a statistic world-wide, with photo documentation to support this finding. Neighbors reaching out to neighbors—offering waves, kind words, grocery runs, or drive-by birthday greetings—

July 2020 | 29

have resulted in the rapid spread of similarly infectious love and care. Regardless of country or continent, people seem much more awake and aware of each other.

as the infected individual discovers that what felt previously insurmountable when struggling through tough times, tragedy, or personal adversity now seems manageable. This time around, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not temperatures that rise, but rather Hope.

Then there are times when entire communities have rallied toward the good of all, creating beautiful music together from their balconies, posting hope-infused messages of appreciation, offering emotional encouragement, and even financial support to its members. The optimism that such good deeds generate contributes to the explosion of the Hope condition we have witnessed. And when healthcare professionals, as well as all those courageous individuals on the front lines, are recognized and applauded for their life-risking service, Hope grows exponentially stronger.

So, dear reader, I invite you to begin preparing for how youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll take action should you catch this contagion. Perhaps you already have it. Stay alert; the condition may strike unexpectedly, forcing you to take immediate steps toward creating a brilliant, new masterpiece of your life. It will empower you to trust and believe in yourself, your relationships, and your ability to make amazing things happen, even in the midst of hard times.

Indeed, the contagiousness of Hope multiplies, spreading in the air like little droplets of magic with each and every outstretched hand, caring thought, act of kindness, or unconditional love. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s clearly a human condition that is here to stay, best not silenced or suppressed in any form. Carriers should give the symptoms immediate attention, honor, and respect, and not try to ride the condition out privately or in isolation.

Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world.

She has a special gift for helping women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence!

Most miraculously, we understand that for those infected, what also develops as symptoms intensify is a massive urge to directly communicate and live out a message of Hope. This occurs

30 | The Brick Magazine

www.lifeempowermentcoaching.com Instagram: @life_coach_maria Facebook: www.facebook.com/LifeEmpowermentCoaching

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32 | The Brick Magazine